poster

Ten Days
in Imaginary
Rome
“Tourist photos”, earning
people publicity points,
and just for fun
O NLY THE H OLY S EE
C HARAC TER S HEET
Meet it is I set it down, that one may smile and smile and
be a villain.
Hamlet, by William Shakespeare
They’re
to himself. You have explored each and every one of yours.
The dark corners of a man’s heart are rarely known, even
e redheads,
your preferences for each. You prefer to sleep with femal
delightful. You have engaged in every vice, and you know
in tears
r at small children, 5 to 7, gender irrelevant, and send them
18 to 20, with large breasts. You prefer to lose your tempe
ur
inferio
the
of
one
hour in bed, awake but not risen, with a servant of
to their parents. You prefer to be idle in the morning, an
has done
of your achievements to a middle-aged man, 45-55, who
races waiting patiently to dress you. You prefer to brag
no one
But
never will. Yes, you know all these things about yourself.
nothing with his life, and is only now dimly aware that he
else does.
well off,
gy at Cambridge and minister in the church. You are
To the outside world, you are Wellrock, professor of theolo
parties, a
1
if perhaps slightly too cutting, wit. You are a boon to dinner
charming, handsome if a bit rotund, with a sparkling,
in Paul’s
lists. You were a natural choice for the Anglican theologian
respected author, and perpetually on the favorite professor
Lord and Master, Satan, must find it all hilarious.
grand attempt to reconcile the diverse christian faith. Your
unately.
reconcilliation as you would like from that position, unfort
Not that you will be able to do as much damage to the
being
away
it
ed in your comfortable life and good reputation to throw
While you can hope for failure, you have too much invest
Quakers,
to do publicly is speak up for the disenfranchised — the
obviously disruptive. The most you are likely to be able
part of what
passed, to promote as much schism as possible. It is only
Mormons, etc. — and try to get one or two of their goals
for you when
will amuse you, and please your master. Things go better
you are here for, and not the most important part, but it
your Master is pleased.
to evil
of essdrawn
to be good, but you were never successful. YouPrwere
or Nor m
It took you a long time to realize that. As a child, you tried
you were
a n Wel
l roc k
and Caligula and Rasputin by the time you were ten. When
like a moth to a flame, studying the lives of Richard III
bad,
were
you
When
you.
on
shat
birds
or
colds,
e
terribl
got
Abi l i ty
you
Car d
good, and went to bed on time, and straightened your room,
on
note
pound
ten
a
found
or
goal,
ng
next door, you scored the winni
and stole the answers to the test, or blackmailed the girl
d why.
Yo
the street. It was not until you were fifteen that you realize
V ice sta
t geist,
i s stuc k
I gwrath
no re ful
a
Celia,
Mama
on
calling
were
You
a
ritual.
o
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at 7
voodo
a
at
pt
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first
e
your
during
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e
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w
ha t w ou , and y our V ir
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about
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l who’d been bragg
a c ha ng
tho se n e at 1.
aff eitcts
to destroy the new car of Lionel Paulson, a rival in schoo
e
doing
d
,
u
going
o
t
kept
m
h
You
ned.
a
ef f e t y
b er s.
pl ay ed
slaughtered the kitten. Nothing happe
ou. S o, t c om e a l ong
a “ f orc cwrong
beat the drums and took the drugs, burned the incense and
with su
f
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o
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r
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it.
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add on e n ce, if som eo
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all again, and again. Your hands were dripping with the
ne toBIG.
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r vi rtu e
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ab i l i ty
a nd
at o nr ed,
o
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t
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it
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u
l ust atta
l d be im
A
visions that come and
cks.
mune to
You don’t remember much more of that night, just hazy
the
that
first,
—
idea or insight. This first time, youlknew
kOtwo things
You remember no details, but you awaken with a new
e l roc nl y th e H ol y S
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or m
ssor N red wine, tomato soup, and a large bread pudding.
e
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1 You prefer your meals to be seven course, including at least one full roast chicken
ran sfer a
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ou c
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s that
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IAP,
BLUESHE
There are
http://web.mit.edu/boojum/vatican/Old-Paper/Day7/
Explosion
By WENDY DARLING
Darling Readers, Mr. Darjeeling's head
has exploded!!!! Today out of nowhere
Mr. Darjeeling dropped dead from an
explosion of the head.
Vote for this article as your favorite
Reporter Dead
By WENDY DARLING
Darling Readers, my fellow reporter,
Gene Kimbell has been killed!
An in-game newspaper,
with competing reporters
Vote for this article as your favorite
More crimes wash over Rome
By OLIVER GODWIN
There have been several more deaths
tonight. Mr. Kimble, my colleague, was
killed; his body was apparently dumped
in the sewers some time yesterday, so
there is little evidence as to what
happened. I mourn his passing, for the
world of journalism will be lessened
without him.
Vote for this article as your favorite
A Cooltastic Speech by James
Bond!
By OLIVER GODWIN
The British Ambassador, James Bond,
gave this speech today to a small
audience; because most people were not
able to attand, I have reproduced it here
in its entirety.
IAP, 2006
2006
O N LY T H
The Holy Rumor
See
Only the Holy
E
H O LY S E
E
ET
no secrets
better kep
t than the
secrets th
at everyb
o
dy guesse
s.
The powe
r of being
a mystery
Hand. Th
, an know
e New W
n unknow
George B
orld Orde
n, is incalc
ernard Sh
r. The An
ulable. Fo
aw
cient and
The mere
r centurie
Illuminate
mention o
s
,
th
e
d
y
S
f
h
e
th
a
e
v
rs
e word “Il
e spoken
Conspirac
of Bavari
in whispe
luminati”
a. For cen
y theorists
rs of the In
can cause
turies, the
never tire
in a movie
visible
la
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w
o
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f
a
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p
v
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forcemen
by your n
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the eye on
ame requ
control m
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upon a ha
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her expos
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pless gam
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ition. By
re
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years, yo
a
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the globe
, in Rome
First, it h
s have
s begun to
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take steps
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e first to is
ower, but
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te
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tr
a weapon
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e of the
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the power
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ike team
to do this
to thrive
to destroy
oil fields
is what ne
in the sew
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Second, th
f the majo
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ostage. T
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s
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is
ated. (See
fields . W
sue the S
They are
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the “Oleo
respected
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rved you
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well over
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• Ghawar
into
the “The
Oil Field,
H
id
• Ghawar
Saudia A
den Seal
rabia: 25 o
Oil Field,
o
f
the
35 N, 49 o
• East T
Saudia A
A “bluesheet”
describing a group
and its goals
Vote for this article as your favorite
Arthur Montcrief's Last Words
By OLIVER GODWIN
25 E
exas
rab
o
• Ferghan Oil Field, United ia: 25 35 N, 49 o 2
5E
States: 30 o
a Oil Field
21
s, Russia: o
36 43 N, o N, 97 o 33 W
41 19 E
The amnesiac known as Arthur
Montcrief has caused to be delivered to
me the following message; he left it
behind in such a way that I would
recieve it after his death. It is worth
noting for the last paragraph that Mr.
Kimble is dead, and appears to have
died somewhat before Mr. Montcrief.
Two sections have been redacted at the
request of the people mentioned in
them; there are notes indicating such.
There were some typos in the original,
which I have tried to maintain; there
may be additional transcription errors,
for which I apologize.
1
Vote for this article as your favorite
Local high-profile lawyer to
marry American actress
By DESIRAE VAN KIRK
O N LY
The wedding of local lawyer Mario
Cammarata and American film star
Desirae Van Kirk will occur on Friday
at 9 pm in the Sistine Chapel,
immediately following the conclusion
of the Vatican Collection Exhibition.
All are invited to attend this social event
of the season, with reception and
refreshments to follow in Cardullo's bar.
Father Nunzio Salerno will officiate,
1 of 2
4/5/2006 7:27 PM
The eyes of the world have turned to Rome, for the grandeur of the
Papal funeral and the tense moments of choosing a new Pope.
The hopes of the world have fixed upon Rome, as the Committee of
the Reconciliation continues to do the work of the late Pope Adam
Paul, in the hopes that the rifts between Protestant and Catholic and
Orthodox may finally be healed.
The original
advertisement
for the game
The spies of the world have come to Rome, as hints of missing nuclear
missiles, terrorists, and engineered viruses drive nations closer to
the brink of war.
And the mysteries of the world will be uncovered in Rome, by
historians and seers, by thieves and by saints.
This IAP, come to Rome for ten days of intrigue, sin, and betrayal in
the Eternal City.
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