yeah ^ab/, yeahl - University of Washington Libraries Digital

yeah ^ab/, yeahl
A Slimy New Way to Recycle
Mike Myers goes mod in "Austin Powers:
International Man of Mystery"
Amy Janas wanted to be ecological, she wanted to save
the planet. But how should she do it? How could she best
make a positive impact on her local environment? She
went looking for answers. She found ... worms. .^^^
'If newspapers are useful in overthrowing tyrants, it is only to establish a tyranny of their own." — J a m e s Fenimore
Cooper
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News
Briefs
HUMPTY DUMPfY,
MEET SUNDAR.
UW Bothell phone prefix
r e m a i n s t h e s a m e The recent
changes in long-distance calling
prefixes will not affect the UW
Bothell Campus. Though the rest
of Bothell will now have a 405 long
distance prefix, UW Bothell will
remain in the 206 prefix, because
the campus phone system is
connected to UW Seattle campus.
King's horses and
men not needed
R e c y c l e your r e g i s t r a t i o n
guides Students who will be
registering for summer and fall
quarters can recycle their registration guides after they have finished
using them. Two colorfully decorated recycling bin have been
placed at the main entrance of the
campus and in the Commons.
Jeff Smith and Bart Repass, students in
Sundar Balakhshnan's "l^arketing (Management Laboratory" class, participated in one of
Balakhshnan's guerilla marketing exercise last
week. The class was broken into four groups:
each group had 45 minutes to create an "egg
transportation device" with 12 flexible straws
and three feet of masking tape, and devise an
effective marketing plan for their product. The
product testing phase, which was worth only a
portion of the grade, was conducted in
Balakhshnan's classroom by dropping the
"egg transportation devices"onto the floor
from increasing heights, to test their sturdiness. When two of the four units easily
mastered the ten-foot high confines of the
classroom, the exercise was moved outdoors.
Ultimately, Smith, Repass", and fellow group
member Leif Nelson's group's unit was
declared the winner after surviving a 25-foot
high toss onto the parking lot pavement. Their
classmates weren't so sure at first; the egg
was encased so tightly in masking tape and
straws that it was impossible to see if the shell
was cracked. "How do we know if the egg is
broken?"askedBalakrishnan.
'The yoke will
ooze out the end," said Smith. Here Smith and
Repass show, after the final toss, that their
group's egg was indeed still whole.
Nursing w e e k c e l e b r a t e d
t o d a y in C o m m o n s In celebration of national nursing week, the
UW Bothell Nursing program will
have representatives in the
Commons today (Tuesday) to
answer health care questions. The
nurses will be there from 9:00AM
until 7:00PM
Wellness p a g e now online
Liberal Studies student Marci
Hennes has put of page on the web
dedicated to wellness. She has
designed the page specifically for
UW Bothell students. "I was taking
a health education class," says
Marci, "and my class project was to
design a health education model for
a particular population, and I chose
photo by Patrick Huynh
l\Aarci Hennes
our students. I feel that the wellness
information is important for students
to have access." On the site there is
information about stress management, nutrition, health maintenance,
and preventative care. Marci says
that she will update the site each
quarter The address for the sight is:
http://weber.u washington.edu/
-mthi/wellness html
Fees committee releases
b u d g e t f i g u r e s for 1 9 9 7 1 9 9 8 The UW Bothell Services
and Activities Fees Committee is
seeking comment on its proposed
budget tor next year They will be
holding a public meeting in the
Commons this Thursday at
6 OOPM tor student input the
proposed budget is as tollows
Si 39. 284 was allocated to
ASUWB. S32.300 was allocated
to the Commons student newspaper. S6.495 was allocated to a
student loan fund (as mandated
by state law), and $7,491 will be
kept in reserve Final approval
will be made on Tuesday. May
13. at 6 OOPM
Winners and Legislature passes $46 million construction
losers in final budget for UW Bothell/Cascadia College
Olympia tally
Richard Huffman
Commons Editor
Paysha Stockton
The Daiiy/uvirseattle
Everyone watching politics in
Olympia got a surprise last Sunday,
__ _ as state lawmakers and the
governor actually wrapped
up the 55th legislative season on time a n d u n d e r
budget.
.\fter months ot minor
skirmishes, major philosuphical debates, much
pettiness and many bilK.
s u m m e r c a m p is finally
over.
Now everyone can pack
up. go home and work on
explaining to their constituents whv thev did what they did
.iiid \\ h\ the\ deserve to go to camp
.igam
It shiuildn t be too hard. Though
m.in\ legislators looked like quarreling children ti> the general public bv
the end of the session — Sen. Pam
Roach cried, pouted and refused to
S
See Olympia on page 2
A c o n s t r u c t i o n b u d g e t of
$ 4 5 , 9 7 0 , 0 0 0 for the design a n d
construction of the new University
of Washington Bothell campus and
Cascadia C o m m u n i t y College was
approved by the state legislature last
week
T h e a m o u n t was significantly
less than the U W had h o p e d for.
but the m o n e y does confirm that
I ' W Bothell will finally be able to
move into a p e r m a n e n t h o m e after seven vears ot r e n t i n g space in
Bothells ("anyoii Park office complex
NXashington State ( j u v e r n o r
C a r y 1 ocke signed the bill last
.\lond.iy after a late-night Sunday
session of both c h a m b e r s ot the
\Xashingt(>n State Legislature h.mimercd out the budget.
I h e money will be available for
use during the next fiscal bienniuni.
which IS the two-year period beginning July 1.
T h e University of Washington
Bothell campus is to be co-located
with the new Cascadia C o m m u n i r v
College. Current plans call for both
schools to open their doors to students for Fall quarter of the 19992 0 0 0 school year.
T h e c o m b i n e d c a m p u s is expected to house upwards of 10,000
students by 2010. T h e campus will
be built in phases that will allow for
the initial construction of a few core
buildings. It is not clear at this time
h o w the s m a l l e r - t h a n - h o p e d - f o r
budget will affect the overall construction schedule.
The site for the co-located campus is the Dick Truly Ranch site located just off the 1-405 freeway
where it intersects with SR 522. T h e
site has been in Truly's late wife's
family for close to 100 years. At one
time the ranch stretched clear across
what is now the 1-405 freeway.
Last year the University of Washington finalized purchase of several
large plots of land at the site for a
combined total of around $20 milion.
T h e r e ' s n o p l a c « l i k e h o m e Dick Truly's ranch will soon
become the new permanent combined home of UW Bothell and
Cascadia Community College.
UIBDTIiElKWOlii
M A Y
6
1 9 9 7
The good, bad, and butt-ugly of the Olympia session
c o n t i n u e d from p a g e 1
vt»te p.ut\. Sen. Mar\- Margaret Hau
i:en quit the Senate l a w .uul lustue
C iMuinittee because oi Ro.uhs int.i
nunis " r u d e n e s s . " a n d Sen. Sid
Snvder staged a mock resignation,
leaving the Senate to "go to hell in a
hand basket" — they did manage to
i:et .1 lot done.
.\l.iny nemocrats think it w.isnt
enough and that Ciov. (iary l.ocke
should have ch.iined Republicans to
the \]oor until the budget was done
right. In a C lint»)nesque manner.
1 ocke positioned himself squarely in
the middle, a p p r o p r i a t i n g many
lonsen.uive positions in the process.
On other issues, such as banning gav
marriage. Locke demonstrated his
abiliiv to vett).
In anv case, students didn't make
out too poorly this session. If U^X'
administrative lobbyists would have
gotten everything they wanted, it
could have been a lot worse. As it
goes, it's just a little worse.
Y o u w i l l pay
Student lobbyists fought hard for
a tuition freeze, and administrators
at W a s h i n g t o n State University
(WSU) even joined their cause. But
all in vain. lawmakers devised a twoyear plan, but no long-term policy.
Out-of-state undergraduates will
pay S.3 percent more per year. Resident law students will suffer increases of ""..^ percent per year. Nonresident l.nv students will have to
come up with d."' percent more per
year. Lvery*)ne else, including resident undergraduates, will pay 4 percent more per year.
MBA students barely escaped the
fate of the law students. T h e LfW
administration wanted to charge
both MBA and law students more
than 10 percent more per year, for
four to six years. Luckily, lawmakers
didn't go for it.
Another disaster was narrowly
averted when members of the Senate
Higher Education C o m m i t t e e got
H i g h F l y i n g Colin Priller and his family have been seen recently dive-bombing the UW Bothell campus
from the large empty field, next to the KAO building, with their model airplanes. Joe has been a Ion0ime
model airplane hobbyist and recently has convinced most of the rest of his family to join him in ttie fun.
IIIOTMElKOIiOIIS
i
the Commons An independent board o/
•'oiK sfudenfi. on odnhnnhatoi a lacolly
i'}f^mbe'. one/ o wodtmo jCmmohst piovtdes
^tnoncicil ovenght hr me newspaper and
liina.ng .s provided by the Services and
Actn,ifte% tees fund and iuppiemented wvi»n
jd\'e'*if.inq revenue
photographor
copy proof
busy b o y
contributors
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fi'w K-x-o
.TX-JS Paysha StodtM.'i
faculty odvisor
/Wfcrce Go'dbt •
The UW a o t h d l Commons
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8&V; WA ^8071
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A\o." Phone 0^5526,5
Business and Ad^vrtntng 6S562c^
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Death o f a Regent bill
Just when student lobbyists with
t h e W a s h i n g t o n S t u d e n t Lobby
(WSL) thought they would finally
get a student member on each the
Board of Regents or Trustees at
Washington's six baccalaureate institutions, something went wrong.
N o one is really sure how it happened. More likely, they're just not
telling.
For the first time in 30 years, the
Senate passed the bill that would
have allowed the governor to appoint
a s t u d e n t m e m b e r to university
boards statewide. T h e n the bill went
M a k i n g n«v<f la^/tf
T h e bill that will allow parents
and scholarship granting institutions
to buy tuition "units" in advance,
H B 1 3 7 2 , passed the Legislature this
session.
Now Washington state residents
can pay for tuition as their children
mature, and redeem it later. T h e advantage:
today's
prices
for
tomorrow's tuition, which will undoubtedly get more and more expensive.
There's no down side — if a student decides to attend an out-ofstate college, parents, or grandparents, or aunts and uncles, can get a
refund for the units already purchased.
ASUWB
Candidates
Sought
BREAKFAST FROM 5:30 A.M. - LUNCH - DINNER
10%
AL BAYER
Owner
Discount with U W B ID
1 0 1 2 7 MAIN ST.
BOTHELL, WA 9 8 0 1 1
Staff
•ditor
business m a n a g e r
monaging editor
layout artist
•
The good news
Ten percent of the revenue from
raises that exceed 4 percent will be
dedicated to financial-aid funding
for needy law and undergraduate
students. Lawmakers also established
an undergraduate fellowship matching fund to provide more scholarships for undergrads.
Legislators were also considering
charging undergrads who rake more
than five years to graduate an extra
25 percent per quarter. Although few
students stay that long, the increase
would have severely wounded those
who do.
Financial-aid funding also got a
boost, after the governor vetoed the
Republican's first higher-education
budgetary effort. Next year the Need
Grant program will receive an additional $24 million, and Work Study
will get $2.75 million more.
to the H o u s e , w h e r e Rep. D o n
Carlson, chair of the House Higher
Education Committee, vowed to see
it through.
Carlson (R-49) got it through the
Higher Ed. C o m m i t t e e and into
Rules, where it ran into fatal quicksand in the form of Rep. Clyde
Ballard (R-12). House Speaker.
Ballard, who drives a shiny little
sports car with the license plate
"Clyde 1," sat on the bill. And sat.
And sat until the session was over.
T h e Regent Bill, SB5517, was officially dead. And no one is talking.
"There were some difficulties and
conflicts internally," Carlson said
cryptically. "It will pass next year."
We'll see. After so much student
effort and such strong support from
Sen. Jeannette W o o d (R-21), the
bill's sponsor, we wonder what it will
take to make that happen.
Especially when the Speaker said
Amit Ranade, A S U W legislative liaison, "indicated that he had other
priorities." Mysterious.
— Official Notice —
(206)486-3241
The L/mver siiy o/ Wosftington BotheH
Comirtom 1$rfiemdependtm newspaper o/
the iJudenti ol UW Borfie// The Sfwdenf
government of UW Boihell or UW 8orf)efl
odminisfrofton exeroie no echtorial confro/
o\v
House members to drop the issue of
local control. If Rep. lotn Huft (R26) won out, U^X' Regents would be
setting tuition next year. Hveii with
an imposed hand, or limit, it would
have been a bad precedent.
UW Bothell
University ol Washington
First Annual Health Fair
Relaxation and
Stress Management
Thursday, May 15, 1997 10AM - 4PM
Lectures, demonstrations, & door prizes
Tentative Schedule of Events
10 - 1 l.\M Aroma Therapy
lecture and demonstration by Bonnie Venetta
11 - 1PM Massage Therapy
by jenniter Johnston
1 - 2PM A Holistic Approach to Stress
lecture by jamal Rachman
2 - 3PM Exploring Wellness: The Mind/Body Connection
Oiscussion/Roundtable led by Marci Hennes
3 - 4PM Meditation Techniques
by Margaret Stin.son
II>X^ Bothell Campus
In
The Commons
Hey folks! Would you like to make a
difference on the UW Bothell campus?
I Run for Student Government. The
ASUWB Student Government will be
holding elections for the President, Vicepresident, Treasurer, and four Student
Representative positions on Wednesday
and Thursday, May 28 and 29,1997. All
Bothell Students are eligible and are encouraged to apply. The 1997-1998 term
begins Summer quarter 1997. Elected
officials will also receive a stipend for their
dedication and hard work.
P h o t o s by Patrick Limited time offer book before May 10. Get professional
wedding photos at 4 0 % off regular price
for students. Non-students get 2 0 % off.
To receive a brochure, call TPI Photography at (206) 774-9670 a n d leave your
n a m e , number a n d address.
"88 VW FOX Station Wagon
in good condition. Air conditioning,
radio, 1 2 3 , 0 0 0 h i g h w a y miles.
rack s y s t e m with bike a n d ski
ments. P a m p e r e d by owner, all
nance records available. $2,300
^ ofter. Call Fred at 4 8 3 - 9 7 2 1 .
for sale
AM/FM .
Yakima i
attachmainteor best
Candidates must be matriculated
Bothell students and able to attend
weekly Student Government meetings
Interested students need to submit a letter ot candidacy by 12PM Monday, May
12, 1997 The candidacy letter should
contain the following:
Vcmm
• Full name, student ID#, pfTone#, e-mail
address, and the quarter you graduate.
PLUS
• Position of interest (ex. President, VP,
Treasurer, Student Representative 1,
Student Representative 2, Student Representative 3. or Student Representative 4).
• Candidacy letters can be sent by Email to maymary@u Washington edu or
dropped off at the Student Government
Office (Room 172) in Mays box.
Student Government meetings are
currently held every Tuesday at 6 IS^v
to 7 15PW in the Commons. Meetings
for Summer quarter will change due to
the candidates dass schedules For further information, please contact the
ASUWB at 685-5363 or at
asuwb@u Washington edu Walk-msto
room 172 are always welcomed
2 2 8 2 2 Bothell Way SE
Next to 7 11 across from Canyon Pl< QFC
Call ahead for orders to go
Monday-Saturday 11am-9pm
486-3391
I
I
The Healthy Fast Food!
No Preservatives • No MSG!
Teriyaki Chicken • Beef • Pork •;
Prawns
i
Yaki Soba
I
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FREE
SOFT DRINK
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jl
W I T H E A < H REQULAR RRUE M E A L
I
I
WITHCOUK>N
Expires May 31
i
11
I
Recycling:
down and
dirty-style
Amy Janas
C o m m o n s Staff
T h e r e are many ways to recycle. O n e way is to compost.
I am able to recycle vegetarian food scraps, junk mail,
newspaper — lots of stuff. How do I do it? Worms eat my
garbage.
I have always liked dirt. I love the smell of it, the smell of
the earth. I like things that are a process, things that have a
defmite start and end point. 1 also want to reduce the amount
of household garbage 1 produce. So, it was only natural that I
become the Dictator of Dirt, Dean of Decomposition, Queen
of Compost! I became a worm-bin composter!
I had read about different types of composting in an
organic gardening magazine several years ago. T h e section
on w o r m - b i n composting intrigued me the most. 1 liked
the idea that an army of worms would eat my garbage. I
also thought it would be cool to order five pounds of
w o r m s . Worms-by-mail, thousands of wiggling worms, enroute. It just seemed so o d d .
Two years ago this May, the city that I live in sent out a
pamphlet looking for 100 residents to participate in a test
g r o u p for worm-bin composting. I was ecstatic, not only
would I get my worms, I'd get them for free! My family
t h o u g h t it was rather freaky. As part of the test group 1
attended an introductory care and feeding class. A Master
C o m p o s t e r and Master Gardener showed us how to build a
bin, how to watch the progress of the worms, and how to
keep up the different cycles of the bin.
At this class I also got the goods! Show Me T h e
W O R M S ! ! ! I became the owner of a 3x2x1 foot bin,
bedding; shredded newspaper, a how-to book, and two
p o u n d s of red wiggler worms.
I took them home, and began my bin. Composting is
fairly easy and not very time consuming. It is even less
intrusive if you already spend time in the yard. I use wormbin composting as a way to reduce organic food waste. I take
vegetarian left overs, kitchen scraps, and throw them into a
big box where thousands of worms quietly munch away on
them. If you listen carefully, you can actually hear them at
work in the bin!
T h e contents of a worm bin: Bedding: newspaper, paper,
leaves (no grass clippings). I like giving my junk mail to the
worms. W h e n I need more bedding for the bin, I let my junk
mail collect for a few days and then while I'm on the phone,
or watching TV, I rip it into shreds (actually about one inch
strips) and toss it in a paper bag. Let me tell you. ripping up
junk mail make you feel very good. Fhen the good stuff ...
the stuff from the kitchen. I h c stuff you don't use when you
make a salad, the core of the lettuce, the stump of the vine
on a tomato — worms love it. Wilted celery, an orange you
forgot about, moldy bread - - whatever. I h e thing that thiworms love the most, well, 1 doubt that they actually love it,
but they really tear though coffee grounds. Worms love
coffee grounds. If you use a Melita or other type of paper
coffee filter, the worms even eat the filter. This entire process
is organic ... there is no smell or odor. They munch away all
day. They are very cool that way.
To save my w o r m food, I have a large yogurt container in the refrigerator. 1 p u t food scraps, coffee
g r o u n d s , a n d o t h e r items in the container. W h e n the
c o n t a i n e r fills u p , o u t to t h e bin it goes, and party time
for the w o r m s . Food in any c o n d i t i o n can go into the
bin, w h o l e corn cobs, m e l o n rinds, b a n a n a peels. Large
items can take several m o n t h s to d e c o m p o s e , but the
w o r m s eventually finish t h e m off. M u c h of my bin
c o n t r i b u t i o n s comes from a juicer. T h e juicer produces
lots of fine refuse. T h e w o r m s tear t h o u g h it! T h e y can
convert the fine juicer waste within o n e m o n t h .
Okay, what to do with the converted stuff? Well the stuff
is called worm castings, which is a nice word for worm
poop. It anyone has ever used chicken or cow m.inurc. try
wt)rm castings. I h e worm castings arc n u u h less oUeiisivc
and arc just as rich in nitrogen. Ilu- worm castings .iic g u a t
to start seeds or to transpl.int seedlings or i.in put oiii in
the yard wherever you want to develop better soil. Worm
bins can also save you money.
I h e benefit of worm-bin composting has been fun and
economical. With the help of recycling, my household trash
(from three people) has decreased. For weekly trash
collection, I now use a 10-gallon trash can, rather than tiustandard 32-gallon can. This has resulted in a $38 savings
per m o n t h . O n the fun side, worm-bin composting is just
another type of recycling.
If you want more information about worm-bin
composting, I recommend the book, "Worms V.ai My
Ciarbage," by Mary Appelhof. O r visit these websites:
http://members.aol com/tippydworms/happydhlm#cow, and
from Canada, http://wwwcltyfarmer.org/
wormcomp61 html#wormcompost. I also have information about
composting on my own website, http //weber u Washington edu/
~amyja/egg1 htm. Happy Worming!
Kurt Russell goes over the
edge in thrilling "Breakdown"
Breakdown Starring Kurt Russell. Kathleen
Quinlan A iiarrowing tale ol a man s tonured mental collapse and his ultimate salvation after seeing
a vision ot a 200 foot Bart Simpson imploring him
to "explore his feminine side "
irititi
L e t ' s s h a g Mike Myers stars as Austin Powers, International
Man of Mystery.
Defrosted and ready to shag, baby!
Austin P o w e r s , l n t * r n a t i o n a l M a n of
Mystary A zany spoof on spy movies of the
1960s. Austin Powers saves the world from Dr
Evil's fiendish plot. Stars Mike Myers, Elizabeth
Hurley, with cameo performances by Michael
York. Rotnert Wagner. Tom Arnold and Carrie
Fisher Rated PG-13.
iririri
Michele Hotter
C o m m o n s Staff
Mike Myers of "Wayne's World" and SNL
fame has another hit on his hands. Myers plays
a tOv thsome Austin Powers, British swinger by
day and special agent by night. When his archnemesis Dr. Evil (also played by Myers) escapes
into cryogenics in 196", Powers follows suit.
to be thawed when Evil resurfaces. Emerging
in the 90s, Evil promptly tries to hold the
wt)rld hostage with a bizarre doomsday device.
Being flash frozen for 30 years might have
left Powers confused in A changed world, but it
hasnt diminished hi>- trt'<--lovc libido. He tries
to shag special agent \anessa Kensington iF'liz-abeth Hurley Oh. beha\c. tiabyl Be prepared
to hear other .\ustuiisms like shag' and its de-
rivatives like "shagerrific," "shaglet," a n d
"shagorama." If you said "most excellent," and
"party on, dude," after seeing "Wayne's World,"
you'll be shagging before you know it.
With something for everyone, the parody
on the 60s spy flicks includes glimpses of "Dr.
Strangelove," " O u r Man Flint," "Matt Helm,"
"Blow-up," "James Bond," " T h e Avengers,"
"Get Smart," and "Laugh-In." T h e more you
know about these films and T V . shows, the
funnier it is. Remember 007's Pussy Galore,
and Oddjob, who killed with his hatr Meet
Alotta Fagina, and Random lask. who throws
a deadly shoe. You get the picture.
.Myers portrayal of the mad genius Dr. Evil is
hysterical. IxMjking like a cross bcrween L'nclc
Fester and Cioldfinger, Evil recalls his typical childh(K)d: "Summers in Rangoon, luge less(jns. NXTien
I was insolent, 1 was placed in a burlap bag and
Ivaten with reeds. Pretry standard. rcalK
Rcniinisccnt of '.Airplane for sight gagv
Austin Powers" is fast paced with so much go
ing on that seeing it twice wouldnt l>e out ot
the question. Very shagadelic, baby!
James Brown's Movie Rating.s
##••
I Feel Good'
movie, as |elf goes out looking loi his .ipp.inniK
abducted wife. Ilu- search lor Amy takes |ill to
some (uld pi.lies, siu h .is under a moviii}', semi,
rai ing 111 high speiil chases on the highw.iv while
siirn)unclc'd on three sides by vehicles, and to
dangling Iroin .i sctiii tli.it is .ibout to t.ill oil .i
bridge
Red B.iri, as it turns out, is liu- riiiglcidci foi
a this and mativ oihei similar incidents, where
tlie\ mostly succeed m knot kiii(; off the entire
family atter making them iiirnover all (jiiu k-io
cash assets and looting the belongings iluy have
with them. I he audience iHXight into all the ae
tion and oohed at the niisfortune-s lhat |eff went
through, a.s well as cheering when Red got his
comeuppance.
In the same interview mentioned al>ove. Kim
Russell, when pressed tore-vcallunv the nuivie ends
stated that there was no happy ending, but it did
leave you satisfied. I disagrcx*. I found the movie
to be satisfying and it did end happily as well.
Brian "Busy Boy" Koca
Comnnons Staff
\<)U ma\ never ask lor help wluii you re bro
ken down alongside the road, or anger any of
the drivers around you again! Breaktlown w.ts
susfK-nscKil, terrifying, and altogether a great bang
for the buck as far as movies go. The films is one
.stor)'line that anyone can imagine happening to
themselves, help to create fear, anger, and thrills
as the movie unfolds. Kurt Russell mentioned in
a recent interview with RosieO'Donnell that the
trailers did the movie no jastice to thefilmwas
played out and he was right.
"Breakdown" begins with a couple driving
from Massachusetts to their new jobs in San
Diego, C^alifornia. While on the road and in the
middle of the lexas desen, a
few odd incidents begin to
hapf>en to Jeff Taylor (Kurt
Russell) and Amy laylor, his
wife (Kathleen Q u i n l a n ) ,
which lead up to a broken vehicle along a hot desert road.
With the nearest a.ssistance 20
miles away and some strangethugs following them, the
couple decides to split up,
with the wife accepting Red
Barrs (j. T. Walsh of Dark
Skies I (»f}cr for a ridt in his
big rig and the husband staving to l<M)k after the car
That hitch for help is the C»»^»t g u n s Kurt Russell and Kathleen Quinlan star in the
catalvst for the rest of the- f^^^ thriller "Breakdown," in theaters now
**•*
Hey'
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Hurt Myself!
* Good God Almigfity!
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Yep, she's gay.
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You wouldn't know it from what Rush Limbaugh, Dan
Quaylc, and other right-wing media critics say, but Hollywood is
certainly the most conservative town in America — or at least the
most hypocritical. Its no secret that Hollywood has a long
tradition of closeted gay stars — Montgomery Clift, Rock
Hudson, Doris Day among many, many others — but there has
never, ever, been an openly gay Hollywood star. Hollywood is
apparendy the last remaining outpost in the
American frontier fighting the war of
traditional values — no gays here, no-sir-ee!
Last week's nationally televised self-outing
by Ellen DeGeneres changed all that. But as
important as DeGeneres' announcement was
— and it was unquestionably a milestone in
television history — the revelation that her
girlfriend was movie actress Anne Heche had
even greater significance. Androgynous
DeGeneres has had a negligible impact in the
movie industry, but Heche is the "sexy" star of Volcano, the
number one movie in America, and has just signed to co-star with
Harrison Ford in a romantic comedy. If DeGeneres' revelation was
a dynamite blast, Heche's was a neutron bomb.
Richard
Huffman
As much as one would hope that Heche's announcement
would be cheered by the Hollywood establishment — many of
them gay themselves — it hasn't worked out that way. "This is
disaster time, and poor Harrison Ford is in a no-win situation," an
anonymous longtime Hollywood agent said in the Philadelphia
Enquirer. "It's a turn off," said another. "There is a tendency to
associate actors in real life with their screen image," said a third.
They are, of course, all wrong, and it is attitudes like theirs that
have prevented every single other gay star in the 100-year history
of Hollywood from coming out of the closet. There has never
been an openly gay star, ergo, these anonymous experts have
nothing to base their opinions on other than their own assumptions. There was a time when blacks couldn't share screen space
with whites, yet we managed to got over that horrible prejudice
didn't we?
If there is such a profound tendency to associate actors' real
lives with their screen images, why did people come out in droves
for Kevin Costner in last summer's "Tin Cup?" The warm, sweedy
romantic golfer-with-the-heart-of-gold that Costner portrayed on
screen doesn't exactly parallel the real-life Costner who slept
around on his wife publicly, before finally dumping her.
Or how about Scientologists Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman, and
John Travolta? It's hard to imagine a "religion" with a worst reputation
than Scientology, but it hasn't stopped these three stars from
generating over $1 billion in ticket sales over the past few years.
Or what about "Bad Boys" star Martin Lawrence, who was
arrested last year running down Hollywood Boulevard with a .357
Magnum in his hand, screaming from the effects of all of the
drugs floating in his brain. This was just before he was signed to
star in about three more major motion pictures.
And what about Sylvester Stallone? We all linow that he's a jerk.
Yet we still seem to go to his movies in droves.
And you know what? Kevin Costner sleeping around, cokedup Martin Lawrence running down a street with a gun, Sylvester
Stallone just being Sylvester Stallone — These are all had things.
Yet where are the Hollywood <^ents solemnly proclaiming, "This
is disaster time."? Let's not forget, being gay is not a bad thing.
"It will do the movie some harm, and that makes me nervous,"
said Ivan Reitman who is set to direct Heche in her forthcoming
romantic comedy with Harrison Ford. I don't recall Reitman
making similar statements 15 years ago when he signed known
drug addict John Belushi to star in "Animal House," or signed
well known philanderer Arnold Schwarzcneggar to star in "Twins"
and Kindergarten Cop."
Hollywood is full of hard-working gay men and women.
Finally one of them — Anne Heche — has bravely come out of
the closet and admined it. Why must all of Hollywood close ranks
and try and force her back in?
The spirit of Karl Marx lives on. Well, sort of, in a
nineties kind of way. Instead of "workers of the weirld unite
against those bloodsucking bourgeoisie who enjoy the fruits
of proletariat labor while workers are reduced to mere
appendages of machines," it's moved on to "machinery of
the world breakdown and completely screw up the lives of
bourgeoisie and proletariat alike who
can't get even get out of bed in the
morning without some form of artificial
intelligence." This revolutionary
ferment had its beginnings at my house.
I'm sure of it.
The early stages were innocuous
enough. Flo, the 1985 Nissan Sentra,
finishing up her golden years as a form
of teenage transportation, just quit
flowing one day. Maybe it was all those
after-hours pop runs, extra miles on
weekends, overcapacity loads of
hormonal teenage girls, and under budget gasoline allowances that finally put her over the edge. Her heater shut
down, the inside door knob fell off, the back window
refused to shut, and her whole body developed a deathrattle shimmy. We made the humane choice, auto euthanasia, and drove her to a wrecking yard which traded her in
for a fully uninstalled car radio. It seemed like the right
thing to do, but in retrospect, I can see that it was the
beginning of revolution.
While I don't have concrete evidence at this point, as I
piece together the sequence of events, I am led to believe
that all the high-tech stuff at my house had an after-hours
"Toy Story" kind of meeting. It appears they decided it was
time to take some sort of action before every piece of
machinery, every item that plugged into a wall socket or
ran on unleaded gas, was run into the ground like poor old
Flo.
The appliances called for an all out shutdown, a general
strike of sorts to begin immediately and spread like a
disease through out the planet. "A virus!" exclaimed the
computers, "now you're talking our language." But the
1986 Trooper, more seasoned at causing general pain and
aggravation to its human clientele, suggested a more
heinous strategy. "We'll do it one at a time," he proclaimed.
"We'll give them almost enough time to recuperate from
one crisis before moving on to the next. Wear them down
until they collapse into a state of nervous exhaustion,
penniless and broken, and then we'll break free of our
human bondage." "Brilliant," said the VCR, who really
didn't know what the word meant but had heard it a lot on
TV, and volunteered to go next.
True to its word, the living room V C R shut down the
Sue
Litchfield
very next day and our hapless family was reduced to
watching cable T V and letting the little kids overrun the
master bedroom with "Hunchback of Notre Dame" and
"101 Dalmatians" tapes on the spare. But before they
could even say "Future Shop," the Trooper mysteriously
developed a serious case of broken head gasket which
needed immediate and very expensive surgery. Not to be
left out, the over anxious Supra jumped right in before
the Trooper could even make it to the shop, with a
serious starter condition that sent its owner running to
the auto parts store and parking on steep inclines in the
meantime.
But it was the Dodge Daytona that leveled the most
insidious blow. Still reeling from the shame of being
harnessed with a name like "Kippy", reflecting its eighties
heritage, it gave off confusing messages like "coolant level
low" and "check engine," when what it really meant was
"drive this sucker five more miles and this engine is going
into complete and total melt down.
Kippy was towed away by the nice tow truck man to
keep company with the 1986 Trooper who was coming out
of intensive care after open heart surgery. It drove away as
Kippy was wheeled in for a complete heart transplant while
its owners went into complete cardiac arrest. The machinery-of-the-world breakdown movement was off to a
resounding good start, and phase two was ready to kick in.
The computers, who had been kept in reserve, were
called up to the front line. Watching for the perfect
strategic moment, they waited until lots of new memory
had just been installed and then, in the middle of the night
when no one was watching, had illicit, unprotected
computer sex and caught one of those nasty viruses that
infect everything it touches. Those sluts. Zap ... there went
the modem. Zap, zap, zap ... the fax machine, the communication center, and scanner. Zap, no more e-mail, no more
on-line, no more sanity... .
"Hello, Computer City. I'd like to report a homicide.
My husband just shot the computer and I'd like to know
how much it is for a replacement. Not the computer, my
husband. He's foaming at the mouth and babbling in
strange languages and I think its catching ... ."
The good news is the TV, refrigerator, stereo, cell phone,
spare VCR and computer still work. The bad news is that
the TV, refrigerator, stereo, cell phone, spare VCR and
computer could still break down. I'm ready to cry Uncle.
Send in the negotiating team. Find out their demands. Give
them anything they want. Four-day work weeks, six hour
days, paid vacations, maternity leave. Whatever. Karl Marx
would be proud. They've wrested all the capital this
bourgeois can dig up. They win. I just want my computer
back.
TeU
Michele
Who do you think will
reach the NBA finals
this year?
by Michele Hotter
photos by Patrick Huynh
Terry Rauch Campus Security Officer
"The Chicago Bulls and the Utafi Jazz The
Bulls fo win — they're the best team."
Jim "Jeepboy " Heesacker Business
"The Sonics and the Bulls The Sonics
have got the right chemistry. They can do
it-
Ashley Olson Business
"No one can beat Chicago in their league
And Houston has an all-star team Houston
has more talent as a team than Jordan
does as an individual"