As some of you may be aware, Sue-Ellen Robertson

Reflections
October 2010
As some of you may be aware, Sue-Ellen
Robertson is no longer employed by SIDS and Kids
we walk
Hunter Region. Sue-Ellen has been a part of this
the inner corridors organisation for 19 years, and has been an integral
of people’s lives
part of implementing the services we offer
bereaved families, community groups and health
Therefore
care organisations in the hunter. Sue-Ellen's
walk softly
presence at the Drop-in centre and as a part of
with wonder and awe
SIDS and Kids Hunter Region team will be greatly
for no greater
missed, and we wish her well in her new
privilege
endeavours.
Please know that our core services will not change
can they give
than to open their in any way, and we will continue to make a
difference through education, research and support
hearts
to those affected by the death of their beautiful
and let another in child.
In this place
Author unknown
Shellie, Robin, Kate, Phil, Col.
SIDS and Kids Hunter Region, 78 Stewart Ave Hamilton South NSW 2303. PO Box 64, The Junction NSW 2291.
Telephone 02 49693171 (24hour bereavement support. Facsimile: 02 49693170
Patrons: Mrs Margaret McNaughton AM, Mr Mark Richards OAM, Mrs Jenny Richards.
Sudden Infant Death Association Newcastle & District Inc. ABN 91 023 618 5000
Registered under the provisions of the NSW Charitable Fundraising Act 1999, No CFN 10715
All donations over $2 are tax deductible www.sidsandkids.org/hunter
email: [email protected]
Our thoughts are with the families who are experiencing an anniversary around this time.
We remember those precious children who are listed below, and those names who do not appear.
JULY
Peace Sillett
2
Jasmine Carys Kyte
Angus John Robert Baxter
Josiah Griffiths
Tayla Peterson
Elkan Jaymez Laws
Maxx William Albury
Luke James Morison
Amelia Ava Wilton
Kaiden Jack Allan Blakemore
Zane Graham Burgess
Cooper Mickle
James Smith
Rebecca Robinson
Brianna Grace Sharkey
Luke Scott Goodwin
Bryce Tyler Reynolds
Brent Jordan Londrigan
Ruby Ella Gover
Cooper John Lund
Fergus Oisin Quigley
Olivia Hoslin
5
5
5
9
11
12
12
14
14
15
15
18
20
20
22
24
26
27
30
31
31
AUGUST
Phillip Arthur Prowse
Archie Michael Valentine
Isaac Lewis Porter-Steele
Addison Olivia Kolk
Bailey John Hughes
Aroha Alexandra Tipene
Lucas Samuel McTaggart
Jesi Jane Lee
Nicholas Duncan MacKay
Caleb Peter Sly
Eden Miner
Alex Miner
Riley Owen Gay
Jye Hughes
Zarra Ann Hardy
Zac Graeme Taylor
Peter Michael Connors
Josephine Angel Payne
Malachi Caleb John Jimmieson
Matthew McLean
Jayden Tyler Brook
Lana Theresa Williams-Tayt
August Lally
Lachlan O'Connell
1
6
6
7
7
10
12
12
13
13
13
13
15
16
16
17
18
25
25
26
28
30
31
31
SEPTEMBER
Sally Jemimah Mayes
Freya Girvan Sheriff
Grace Martin
Nathan Barry Morris
Thomas McGlynn
Charlie Robert Gore-Hawkins
David Vassallo
Joshua Sutherland
Eligh Sarnelli-McDonald
5
7
8
8
10
13
13
13
15
Jessica Anne Bell
Matthew Murphy
Scott Andrew Heggie
Mathew Ian Jones
Ryan Stewart Pickles
Layla Joy Bowley
Joshua Howard
Kylar Ann Sippel
Kiyarna Marriott
Elijah Maynard Walters
15
15
17
18
22
23
24
26
28
29
Alicia Bartlett
Joshua Robert Cashin
Brodie William Hunt
Daniel Carles Robertson
29
30
30
30
OCTOBER
Bonnie Anne Copetti-Perret:
Chloe Peterson
Dainna Peterson
Elle-Mae Shelton
1
2
4
12
Charlotte Rose Harper
Emily Maria Niness
Samuel Turner
Hamish William Middleton
Maggie Joy Woolcott
Gabby Danovaro
16
17
19
23
27
29
Our thoughts are with the families who are experiencing an anniversary around this time.
We remember those precious children who are listed below, and those names who do not appear.
NOVEMBER
Benjamin Alexander Zachary
Young
Kurtis Martin Boys
Jarvis Terrence Boys
Darcy Martin Boys
Josh Blanch
Angus Jay Woolcott
Michael Argyvarkis
Jemima Louise Green
Tanner Young
Christopher Shaun Hector
Bradley John Hallinan
Graeme Richardson
Cooper Roy Jenkins
Sienna Mary Rees
Madalyn Grace McMahon
Jay Martin
Bethany Lee Kerr
Thomas Randall
Leah Fuge
Eileen Joyce Duce
Brendon James Clark
Baylee John Capes
Charlotte Lawrence
Danny Heard
1
4
4
4
4
5
7
7
12
12
16
16
17
17
18
19
23
24
25
27
27
28
30
30
DECEMBER
Miranda Nean
Jane Martin
Rabeh Zac Taylor Rifahi
Zane Adam Mitchell
Rebecca Robertson
Jonah Pete Owens
Maddison - Roze Etienne
Andre David Levene Drylie
Sara "Peanut" Smith
Lilliana Ryan
Joshua Brooker
Christopher Beckingham
1
2
4
4
1
12
19
19
20
22
25
25
JANUARY
Simon Glenn Burr
Bradley Stewart Buyers
Siarn Young
Bailey Mark Hoffman
Abbey Louise Margaret Ryan
Marona Naidoo
Mitchell Squires
Domonic Parsons
Alannah Belan
Kody Beavan
Jack William Berry
Abbey Ellen Darbin
Damien Mattson
Skytelle Ann Nebauer
Jesse Adam Cappellacci
Tyrone De Looze
David Paul Meredith
Sophie Grace Thompson
Ariana Bishop
Aaron Connor Stuckings
Caitlin Maree Brady
Jett Ritter
Jonis Bodhi Serafin
Charlotte Alexandra Brady
1
1
2
2
3
3
5
6
6
8
8
11
12
14
15
16
16
17
19
21
21
30
31
31
Bereavement Support Groups
for parents who have experienced the death of a
baby or young child during pregnancy, birth, infancy
or childhood
If you would like more information regarding SIDS and Kids
South Lakes Bereavement Support
Meets the 4th Wednesday of every second
services, please do not hesitate to call us.
LAST GROUPS FOR THE YEAR!
month
Venue: Doyalson RSL– Pacific Room,
Pacific Highway Doyalson
For parents who have experienced the death of
*Oct 27th
their baby during pregnancy or birth
1pm
( e g miscarriage, ectopic, stillbirth )
Venue: 78 Stewart Ave, Hamilton Sth
* Nov 3rd
10am
For parents who have experienced the death of
Maitland Bereavement Support
Meets the 1st Monday of every month
Venue: Meeting Room, Maitland City Motel,
258 New England Highway, Rutherford
their baby during infancy or childhood
Venue: 78 Stewart Ave, Hamilton Sth
* Oct 20th
10am
* Nov 17th
6pm ( rsvp 4pm 16th Nov )
Upper Hunter Bereavement Support
Meets the 2nd Wednesday of each month
Venue: Ron Adams Room, Muswellbrook
Workers Club
15—17 Sydney St Muswellbrook
*Nov 10th
*Dec 8th
1pm

Nov 1st ( rsvp 4pm 29th Oct )
7pm
Gloucester Bereavement Support
Meets last Wednesday of every second month
Venue: Gloucester Soldiers Club
32 Denison St Gloucester
*Nov 24th
1pm
Port Stephens Bereavement Support
Meets third Monday of every second month
Venue: Williamtown Hall, Nelson Bay Rd
Williamtown
*Nov 15th
1pm
I.F.F.A Support
Providing support for families that have
made the difficult decision to interrupt a
pregnancy after the diagnosis of foetal
abnormality.
IFFA meets at the SIDS and Kids Drop-inCentre, 78 Stewart Ave, Hamilton South
2303 on the FIRST WEDNESDAY OF EACH
MONTH
A Children’s Workshop was
recently held in the School
Holidays, at our Hamilton South
drop-in centre.
The theme for the day was Stars.
Meetings alternate each month from DAY
to NIGHT Meetings.
DAY MEETINGS
10 AM—12 NOON
June, August, October & December
NIGHT MEETINGS
7.30 PM—10PM
May, July, September & November
Some of the parents of the Upper Hunter Bereavement
Support group (Above) enjoying a beading workshop and
(Top) with the car generously donated by Kia to help us
improve our outreach services.
Perhaps they are not STARS in the sky, But
rather openings where our loved ones shine
down to let us know they are happy.
Stork News
Congratulations to Jill & Rob on the safe arrival of
Tahlia Summer
Born: 12th May 2010
A sister for “Lucas” (in heaven) and Amber
***
Congratulatiuon to Belinda & Ryan on the birth of
Eli Bodhi
Born: 29th May 2010
A little brother to “Ariana” (in heaven)
***
Congratulations to Jenny & Gianni
for the birth of
Charlie James
Born: 11th June 2010
A little brother to “Jesse” (in heaven) and Jake
***
Congratulations to Lurene & Jeremy for the wonderful arrival of
Rafe Patrick
Born: 2nd July 2010
Little brother to Harley & “Cody” (in heaven)
***
Congratulations to Lisa and Craig for the safe arrival of
Congratulations to Zabine & Curtis on the safe
arrival of
Aryana Safra
Born: 12th August 2010
A Little sister to “Safra” (in Heaven)
***
Congratulations to Renee & Gary on the birth of
Samuel Graham
Born: 16th September 2010
A little brother to
“Maggie Joy” & “Angus Jay”
(In heaven)
***
Congratulations to Jamie & Steve on the birth of
Zali Skye
Born: 30th September 2010
A little sister to Madison & “Sahara” (in heaven)
***
Congratulations Kristy & Adam on the birth of
Molly Ruby
Born: 1st June 2010
A Sister to Lilli, Ava, and “Ruby” (in heaven)
***
Jakayla
Born: 14th September 2010
Sister to Dekkard and “Elijah” (in heaven)
I am so glad that you
are here... It helps me
realise how
beautiful my world is.
-- Goethe
The Magic of Memories CD
By Dianne McKissock
Narrated by Henri Szeps
These stories are based on real experiences of bereaved children and their families who have
received support at ‘ A Friend ’ s Place ’ . They address common fears and needs of bereaved
children, no matter how the death occurred.
Children ’ s grief is often misunderstood or overlooked. At times, in our attempts to protect children we love from the harsh realities of life, we may avoid talking openly about painful subjects,
especially dying and death.
Children need access to truth, and they need to be included in whatever grief ( and joy ) important adults in their life are experiencing. They need opportunities to be involved in significant family rituals in ways that allow them to express valued aspects of themselves and their relationships.
They can handle truth, as long as it is delivered compassionately, in language they can understand. However, there is one important aspect of this process that we should be mindful of – ALWAYS ask first what the child understands about the event or situation. If we fail to do this, we
may answer questions they are not really asking, or patronise them by explaining something they
have known all along.
Profits from the sale of CDs will benefit The National Centre for Childhood Grief, also know as 'A
Friend's Place'.
For more information contact the Centre: phone/fax: 1300 654 556
OR
[email protected]
Coffee mornings for all bereaved families
Venue: 78 Stewart Ave, Hamilton South
When:
Time:
Last Friday of the month
10am to 12noon
Come along for an informal chat for morning tea to meet some people who have
experienced a similar journey to yourselves. Bring a plate to share if you can.
How Long will it take to get over it?
How long will it take me to get over the feeling of
sorrow?
A Lifetime
How long will I continue to feel guilty?
As long as it takes you to realise you did nothing
wrong.
How long will it take me to get over my anger?
As long as it will take you to stop
blaming yourself and others, and
realise it was the combination of
unpredictable happenings that occur once in a lifetime.
Why do friends give such horrid advice?
To cover up their own inability to handle the situation.
Will I ever be happy again and be able to laugh?
An empathetic yes.
How long is long?
As long as it takes for you to go through the process. Each individual has his or her own timetable,
but it is up to you to make the decision when to start
healing.
Do Not Stand at my Grave
Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.
- Mary Elizabeth Frye.
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish
I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do
not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad
they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might
make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must
walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never
take them off.
I now realize that I am not the other one
who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in the world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as
they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so
they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that
days will go by
before they think of how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of the shoes I am a stronger
woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to
face anything.
They have made me who I am.
"There is a sacredness in tears.
They are not the mark of weakness,
but of power. They speak more
eloquently than ten thousand tongues.
They are the messengers of
overwhelming grief... and unspeakable
love." -- Washington Irving


I wish you would not be afraid to speak my loved one's name. They
lived and are important and I need to hear their name.

If I cry or get emotional when we talk about my loved one, I wish you
new it isn't because you have hurt me; the fact that they have died has
caused my tears. If you allow me to cry, I thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing.

I wish you wouldn't let my loved one die again by removing from your
Memorial Service
Sunday 28th
November
Time: 6.30pm
Where: Northville
Lodge, Edgeworth
home his pictures, artwork or other remembrances.

I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish that you
wouldn't think that if I have a good day my grief is over, or that if I
have a bad day I need psychiatric counselling.

I wish you knew that the death of a child/sibling is different from other
losses and must be viewed separately. It is the ultimate tragedy and I
wish you wouldn't compare it to other losses.

Being a bereaved parent isn't contagious, so I wish you wouldn't stay
away from me.

I wish you knew all these 'crazy' grief reactions that I am having are in
fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness and the
questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected following a death.

I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. The first
Please feel free to
bring along a photo
or memento of your
precious child.
~
There will be room
for you to spread a
blanket or bring a
chair if you wish.
~
few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for us. As with alcoholics, I will never be 'cured' or a 'formally bereaved', but for evermore
be recovering from my bereavement.

I wish you understood the physical reaction to grief. I may gain weight
or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, develop a host of illnesses or be accident prone, all of which are related to my grief.

Our loved one's birthday, the anniversary of the death and the holidays are terrible times for us. I wish you could tell us that you are
thinking of them on these days. And if we get quiet and withdrawn, just
know that we are thinking about them and don't try to coerce us into
being cheerful.

I wish you wouldn't offer to take me out for a drink or to a party, this is
just a temporary crutch and the only way I can get through this grief is
to experience it. I have hurt before and I can heal.

I wish that grief changes people. I am not the same person I was before my loved one died and I never will be that person again. If you
keep waiting for me to 'get back to my old self', you will stay frustrated.
I am a new creature with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values
and beliefs. Please try to get to know the new me - maybe you'll still
like me.
Source Unknown
“Love is the fabric that
never fades, no matter how
often it is washed in the waters of adversity and grief”
-Anon
BOOK
REVIEW
A mother’s tears: a story
of stillbirth and life
- Nicole Wyborn
~Here is a very heartfelt letter
sent to the Chanel 10 Tv Show
The Circle. We hope that by sharing it
with you, you will
perhaps gain an insight into what this
book is about.
A mother’s tears was written by one of
our beautiful mums, whom we support
through SIDS and Kids Hunter Region~
I ordered a copy of her book which she sent me
hot off the press before it was even released and
I sat and read it cover to cover in a day, I honestly
couldn't put it down! After reading her words and
her story a sense of peace and understanding
came over me. Not peace with the fact my baby
boy was stolen from me before he had ever arrived and not understanding as to why he was,
but a peace and understanding of my pain and
grief. A comforting sense of being aloud to cry
and to long for him to be here with me and finally
I felt like I was not alone, someone else right now
is walking my path.
I recommended that book to everyone I knew
As you may or may not know Friday the 15th of October is International Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day.
It is a day I hold of great importance since loosing my
first baby Brock at 18 weeks gestation.
At 16 years old I gave birth to a beautiful little boy
who would never take a breath and who's voice I
would never hear whisper "I love you". I have always
felt very alone, like no one understood my pain, like
no one understood my tears and now 8 years on and
32 weeks pregnant with my 5th baby (including
Brock) I still felt alone and like no one understood my
fears, that was until a few weeks ago.
A few weeks ago I was sent request on Facebook out
of the blue and I honestly have no idea who sent it to
me but it was for a group called "A Mothers Tears".
After checking it out I joined in the hope of finding
someone like me and that I did! I found the most
beautiful woman named Nicole Wyborn who I later
learned was the author of "A Mothers Tears" which
had not yet been published. She shared with me
briefly the story of her Ben and allowed me to share
with her the story of my Brock. She understood all to
well my pain and the fears that consumed me with
every pregnancy and made me see I wasn't alone.
weather they had experienced that or any other
kind of loss, be it of a baby not yet been born or a
child who had been here for years, I recommended it to my family so that they too could understand my pain and to also heal there own and
amazingly it worked! I had friends who openly
said they didn’t understand how I could still be
grieving for my baby 8 yrs on, read Nicole's book
and then apologize and tell me they finally get it.
And I think it would be selfish of me and of everyone to not share her book with everyone we can!
Please ladies don’t let the chance to raise awareness and understanding of pregnancy loss pass
you by this October 15th. Please contact Nicole
Wyborn and get her on your show on behalf of all
women who have lost precious angels. Let her be
our voice!!
I thank you in advance for reading this ladies and
I beg you to please get this book out there, it will
change the lives of many angel
mummies :)
Kind regards,
Stef Lummas.
For Fathers—Help with Grieving
Keep these ideas in mind when you
consider your own grieving process...





You will grieve in your own way,
influenced by who you are, how
you ’ re made ,what you ’ve
experienced, and how you were
raised.
You ’re likely to seek a map to
understand grief ’s terrain.
You may use fewer words than those
around you.
You may be inclined to use your
strength to connect with and heal
your pain
You may choose to tap into your grief
by taking action more than through
interaction

You may place value on
independence, quiet and solitude as
you grieve

You ’re likely to find meaning in
caring for those around you as one
aspect of your grieving process.

You may wish to honour your loss
through action that impacts the future
more than talking about the pat

You can use your courage to stand in
the tension of grief.

You can build on this experience and
use it for your own growth.
(Miller & Golden, 1998)
For those who know a man is grieving,
please keep the following ideas in mind...





Our culture discourages men from
openly grieving
At the same time men have been
judged for not expressing their
grief and therefore find themselves
in a double bind.
A man has physical differences
which can impact on his way of
healing
A man’s way of healing may be less
visible and more subtle
A man’s grief is often connected
more with the future than with the
past

Just because a man is more silent
does not mean he isn’t grieving.

Every man is unique in the way he
approaches his own healing

A man’s healing can be influenced
by his tendency toward
independence.

Men may prefer time alone in order
to heal.

Men may respond to their loss
cognitively.

A man is likely to find ways to
connect with the pain he feels with
action he can take.
Remember these is a masculine style of
grieving that deserves to be validated.
(Miller & Golden, 1998)
Rhapsody in Red
Charity Ball
Thankyou to all those who
attended on the night, and a
very special thank you to our
fundraising committee who
A fun night was had by all at
this years ball. We were fortunate worked so very hard to make sure
enough to have Local identity Jim the night went off without a
Callinan as our Emcee, who did a hitch.
fantastic job at encouraging
Many thanks… to West’s for donating the
Starlight Room
people to dig deep to help raise
much needed funds. We managed Gen-R-8 for keeping the dance floor full
AND
to sell 800 prize balloons,
countless raffle tickets and silent Rehabilitation Concepts Pty Ltd
auction items to raise an awesome
for their wonderful donation,
without which, the decorations would not
$40000.
have been possible.
Many Thanks… to
All That Glitters AND Classic Chair
Covers
Plus all those who helped set up
the Starlight room at West’s for
the big night.
The room looked
Spectacular!!!!!!!
A BIG Thankyou
for allowing us to use
Her awesome photo’s
And
Meagen Palmer for
putting together a great
Program and
wonderful slide show for the night.
Thankyou……..
Our
Hero’s
Tony Davies for organising the
Capital Finance Golf Day.
Thankyou
Isabelle Facey
for raising money
and
donating these
wonderful books
to us, in
Memory of your
brother William.
Peter Kerr for getting sponsors to run in the
Blakemore Half City Marathon
Gavin Pickles for cutting his
hair for the first time in 15
years and asking for
donations
Brett Gleeson for raising money by
competing in the Sydney City to Surf
Warren Green for
collecting
donations from his work
colleagues
KIA Cars a BIG Thankyou
Rachael Blaxell for
organising a huge on-line
auction
Kate
Middleton
Alana Jack
Lucy Woodard Knight
Thankyou Xstrata Coal for
donating $10,000 to SIDS and Kids
Hunter Region, and Thankyou Phillip
Brooks for nominating us.
Emily Boorer
Kelly Wijnans
For some beautiful online fundraising pages
Erin Crowther for
organising a Craft Fair on
the Central Coast
Our Hero’s
Cont’d...
Thankyou to EVERYONE who
was involved this year, from the
people who purchased stock, to
those who held events, and all the
volunteers who helped...WELL
DONE!!!!!!
Jacaranda Grove Pre School
Clarence Town Public School
Sarah Berry organised a
Huge Red Nose Day raffle
with her employer Eraring
Energy
Blue Illusion at The Junction
Upper Hunter Family Day Care
Denman Primary School
133 Cupcakes, made by
St Josephs Catholic
School, Dungog
And from the Newcastle Knights... Daniel Tolar,
Junior Sa’u, Corey Patterson, Isaac De Gois and Kurt Gidley.
Russell
Richardson from the King
Street Hotel in
Newcastle held a Do-It-In
Red weekend
DO YOU HAVE AN EMAIL
ADDRESS??
SIDS and Kids Hunter Region are
currently putting
together a
support
database of emails, so we are able to
contact families more readily with relevant
information and
Resources, at a reduced cost.
Please email
[email protected]
if you are
interested in this idea.