RevenGe is biG news. LAwLess websites hAve mAde

b at t l e o f t h e e x e s
Revenge
is big news.
lawless
websites
have made
the battle
of the exes
hotterthan
ever – and
women are
hittingback
hard. are
all your
secrets
safe…
W
Words: andy jones
Getty, Alamy, Fotolia
hen it comes to the
internet, men have
always been miles in
front. Not just in
terms of media
moguls like Bill Gates
and Steve Jobs, but on the stuff that
really matters. That heavyweight stash
of free porn you have stored in that
unmarked folder on your desktop.
All those A-level assignments you
bluffed by cutting and pasting from
US essay sites. The hours of
satisfaction you’ve had pretending
you were first among your mates to
have watched ‘Two Girls, One Cup’.
For a long time all women seem to
have got to grips with was ASOS, eBay
and the Heat magazine website. While
they’ve been bawling at X-Factor or
shopping, we’ve been locked away in
our rooms, feverishly defiling their
existence by building a hidden online
empire built exclusively to get our
rocks off. Not only has man dominated
the internet, but he has bent it to
satisfy his every pervy peccadillo.
Forget just enjoying porn actresses
gobbling lengths of man flesh, now >
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June 2010
fhm.com
fhm.com
July 2010
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b at t l e o f t h e e x e s
howtoget
revengeon
facebook
1. Aim low
AUSteenagerwhose
sisterhadtoldonhimfor
keepingbeerinhisroom
exactedrevengeby
postingupanotehe
foundinherroom.It
detailedthetenboys
she’dliketoblow,“titty
bang”andgiveher
“V-card”to.Whatahero.
2.becreative
ActressJaneSlavinwas
convincedhercomposer
boyfriend,MichaelNyman
wasgoingoffher.To
provehewasnogood,
sheposedasanother
womanonFacebookand
seducedhim.Thenshe
wroteablogaboutit,
detailinghistight-fisted
natureandembarrassing
storiesabouthispenis.
Thenshetriedtoturnit
intoabook.Conclusion:
neverdateJaneSlavin.
we are swapping pics and vids of
each others’ girlfriends. And
regardless of morality, we have long
been swapping the latest must-see
web address in the pub –
Guessherbeaver.com,
Girlfriendrevenge.net or Revengesex.
net – to ogle at webcam footage of
random girls inflagrante.
The less choosy among us even
have Punternet.com to rate and slate
whichever car park prostitute or high
class escort girl we have picked up on
the last stag do. Dare we say it – we
have objectified women to the point
where we cannot only rate their
figures out of ten, but we can also
swap notes on their blow job
technique, trimness of lady garden
and what their undercarriage smelled
like. Even more surprisingly we’ve
totally gotten away with it. The poor
Swedish student you met backpacking
who you posted vids of doing doggy
style won’t ever know – and if she
ever did, what the hell is she going to
July 2010
do about it? Send you a nasty text?
We’ve cornered the market in
treating the opposite sex as meat to
be served up as we like and there isn’t
a thing they are going to do about it.
Wrong. Finally – fashionably late as
ever – women are fighting back.
They’ve had enough of us shagging
around behind their back on
Faceparty, texting filth to their mates
or “accidentally” giving them the clap.
They are naming and shaming us
online and – just like those poor birds
on our amateur muck sites – there’s
nothing us victims can do about it.
This isn’t just about some crackpot
US craze which isn’t going to affect
you. It’s already changing the lives of
party boys in Rotherham, Brentford
and Huddersfield. It’s reining in
shagarounds in Hornchurch, Bootle
and Truro. If you’ve had your pants
down in some girl’s house who wasn’t
your missus, you may want to give
your name a cursory google.
You see, websites such as
menarenamed
and shamed
online for
“notturning
up for dates”
or “having
poorhygiene”
Liarscheatsandbastards.com and
Dontdatehimgirl.com are taking down
our particulars and revealing our awful
behaviour to the world. They’re taking
our pictures – yep, the ones we sent
over MSN when we were drunk and
horned up – then putting them online,
rating our techniques and revealing
our sex habits, before clambering into
the warm bosom of sisterhood to
scream what absolute shits we are.
Trawl through the rogues galleries
3.lawyerup
DavidReynoldsgotback
atacheatinggirlfriendby
posting57nakedpictures
ofheronafakeaccount,
thenalertingherfriends.
Shesuedhimandwon
£350indamages,butby
thenshe’dspreadacross
theinternet,asitwere.
on Liarscheatsandbastards.com and
you may laugh – until you realise this
poor bloke could be you. Meet Jason,
21, from Brighton, who did the dirty
on his ex. She posts a picture of him
in women’s lingerie and claims he
only cares about “drinking, drugs,
smoking and sex”. She then claims –
without submitting any actual proof
– that he “advertises himself on the
net as a sex slave, into torture,
bondage and gang rape”.
It’s like some tawdry game show
and the ‘contestants’ keep coming.
There’s Danny of Sussex who
“abandoned his pregnant girlfriend for
beer, sex and weed”, and Ade from
London “who shags around and got
caught with sex vids of other girls on
his phone”. Some men have done their
woman serious wrong – others are
hardly worth such damnation. Men
are named and shamed for “not
turning up for dates”; “having poor
hygiene” and “saying he cared about
me then left”.
On Dontdatehimgirl.com, an
American-based site, we get more of
the same. One man, Andrew, “didn’t
care enough about his girlfriend’s
asthma attacks” and has a habit of
wetting the bed when drunk. “Not just
the bed, he’ll piss all over you” his
unnamed hater reveals. On both sites,
women are encouraged to post
comments underneath agreeing what
a scumbag each man is, whilst on
Liarscheatsandbastards.com they even
award a ‘Lying Cheating Bastard of the
Month’ for the man who has the most
user votes.
Men are allowed to post a rebuttal if
they wish – but this is simply a text
box next to each profile where it’s
your word against the baying mob.
Even the website owners admit there
is nothing they can do to make sure
content is true. “It’s not for me to say
what is free speech on the site,” says
Tasha Joseph of Dontdatehimgirl.com.
“I wasn’t there when these
relationships broke up and I don’t
know the women or men making the
posts. The great thing about the web is
it requires people to police themselves.”
A spokesperson for
Liarscheatsandbastards.com says
profiles which don’t contravene its
terms and conditions can only be
removed with a court order. “We
advocate freedom of speech and simply
ask our members to write profiles in
their own opinion and at all times to
state the truth as they see it. We
contact the member who posted the
profile and ask them if they wish to
edit or remove the profile because of
the complaint. If the profile is within
our terms and conditions we’ll leave it.”
The tide of men being in control
is turning. Over one million women
are now members of Dontdatehimgirl.
time for
vengeance
how she’ll pay
you back if you’re
caught cheating*
40.45%willblankyouforgood
40.45%willdonothing;it’sundignified
6.9%willthrowyourclothesout
4.64% will date your mates
3.32%willnotgiveyourstuffback
2.39%willspreadstoriesaboutyou
18
. 6%posctompromisingpicturesoyfouotnheinternet
com alone. Case studies from
both websites regularly appear
in magazines, newspapers and
TV, whilst both sell rafts of
merchandise – DDHG.com has
released a book called So The
Bastard Broke Your Heart,
Now What?. And both websites
regularly attract interest from
TV companies willing to make
them the subject of national
series – meaning the cheating chaps
listed within could go from being an
unwitting online stars to stars of
terrestrial TV overnight. Some men
already have, says Joseph. “The worst
story might be a guy in Florida who
was posted on the site by 11 different
women. We also have a swindler who
was outed on Dontdatehimgirl.com
by the women he ripped off. That
story actually made the TV news.”
If you discovered an ex had created
a profile about you – true or
otherwise – you might think you
could sue. Wrong. In fact, even if what
she writes is an outrageous lie you
might be clutching at straws to even
get such a site to remove it.
In 2006, Todd Hollis, 38, was a
successful lawyer and reasonably
considered a ‘decent guy’. Raised
the son of a preacher, he competed in
Iron Man challenges – even enrolling
in an infant swim class so he could
learn to swim – before completing
the 2.4-mile river section, 112-mile
bike ride and standard 26.2-mile
marathon. When he finished he made
the papers, as just two months earlier
he’d had his kidney removed so he
could donate it to his mother and
save her life. >
*source: MySingleFriend.com
TRUErevengetales
LISA‘LEFTEYE’
LOPES
Liarscheatsand
bastards.com has
come under fire
for not always
posting the
whole truth
TLC’s Lisa ‘Left
Eye’ Lopes set
fire to boyfriend
Andre Rison’s
tennis shoes
in 1994,
accidentally
burning down
their mansion.
They split, and
Lopes was
sentenced to
five years
probation for
what was an act
of revenge after
Rison hit her.
RADIOGAGA
After phoning a
radio station to
try to win Kanye
West tickets to
give her man for
Valentine’s Day,
a loving wife is
challenged to
make her hubby
believe their son
isn’t his. She
succeeds.
He wants
revenge, and
says: “I’ve
been sleeping
with your
sister for
the past year.”
Cue meltdown.
THE TRUNG
SISTERS
Trung Trac and
Trung Nhi lived
in a village in
first century
Vietnam. One
day, Trac’s
husband was
murdered by
the ruling Han
Chinese
warlords and
Trac was raped.
To avenge her
husband and
restore ’Nam’s
freedom, Trac
and Nhi raised
an army of
80,000 angry
women to fight
the Chinese.
They kicked shit
out of them, but
China still deny
it ever took
place.
b at t l e o f t h e e x e s
extreme
caution
Topsecretinfowe
“the posting
said iwas gay
and had
herpes. i was
devastated,
overcome
withanxiety”
[[1R]]
July 2010
47%
tell her their PIN
21%
revealtheiremail
password
18%
knowtheirboyfriend’s
bank log-in
9%
knowyourvoicemail
password
45%
haveconfessedtoher
howmanypeoplewe’ve
really slept with
of the night and she’d be checking
through my phone. After another row
last year I just got up, walked out with
my laptop, grabbed my football boots
and the clothes I was wearing and
walked out. I left about £6,000 worth
of gear at the flat and never looked
back. But she never got over it.”
Since they split Donovan’s ex has
made numerous attempts to wreck his
life, with his Liarscheatsandbastards
profile just the latest – it claims he is
bisexual, has STIs and sleeps around.
But Donovan says it’s lies; part of a
campaign by her to smash his
reputation to bits. “Okay, it’s horrible
to end a relationship badly, but so is
finding out someone who you felt
close to and thought would be your
friend for the rest of your life can be
so malicious. She has previously
created a false Facebook, hijacked a
Hotmail account of mine and started
messaging girls and my mates on
there. She’s put me on swingers’
websites and gay websites. There’s
nothing more scary and unnerving
than receiving a message saying, ‘Is
this you?’ and seeing a picture of
yourself that you haven’t put there.”
Donovan admits he hasn’t always
been faithful, but feels powerless
to stop this relentless character
assassination. “I know it’s her that’s
done it, but I’m beyond pissed
off that a website can just name
and shame someone in such a way
without claiming any responsibility
for it. There’s no checks and no regard
for truth. On that website is my
email, full name and picture. She
has even gone so far as to write
comments underneath it herself
agreeing with all her allegations. I have
a good reputation at work, have loads
of friends who’ll stick up for me, but
I feel helpless to stop people believing
this stuff.”
As in the States, UK ‘victims’ of
revenge sites can do pretty much
nothing to repair the damage, says
Liam McMonagle of Thorntons Law.
“Site owners are only obliged to take
material down if it is the subject of a
complaint – most do not routinely
review or monitor comments. In
practice, the problem is the material is
often posted up anonymously and the
harm is done before it can be taken
down. Plus if the person defaming you
has no money there’s not much to be
gained by suing them.”
Not only can revenge sites ruin
existing relationships but they are
likely to wreck any hope you have
with a new partner too, says Emily
fhm.com
Getty, Photoshot, Alamy, Corbis
Source:MaritalAffair.co.uk
*not his real name
Then a friend showed him a profile
several ex-girlfriends had written
about him on Dontdatehimgirl.com.
It had his picture, correct age,
profession and place of work. Only –
as Hollis was to later claim in court –
alongside that were some serious
untruths. “The posting said I was gay,
had herpes and made comments about
my practice,” he says. “I was devastated.
I was just overcome with anxiety.”
Comments written underneath the
profile went further. One wrote, “This
jerk gave me herpes too. He tried to
pay me to have sex after we broke up.
Beware, girlfriends: He is no chocolate
[Hollis is black], but rather poo poo.”
Another said, “I used to date this guy
and heard that he was gay, I’m quite
sure he is bi. I remember his father
even asking him if he was.”
Hollis asked Dontdatehimgirl.com
to remove the profile. They refused,
claiming they had no say in what was
written. The profile was finally
removed but re-appeared the following
week. Hollis took the site’s owner,
Tasha Joseph, to court, suing for
$50,000 in defamation. To stand his
case up, he had to prove allegations
against him weren’t true which meant
him having to undergo an STI test –
later read out in court – to prove he
didn’t actually have herpes.
But lawyers for Joseph successfully
argued her site and others like it were
protected by a legal statute – which
declares that a website where other
people post messages is not liable for
the message content – in the same
way social networking sites like
Facebook and Twitter aren’t liable for
content on theirs. “You would never
think of holding a coffee shop owner
liable because other people went in
there and defamed someone,” said
Lida Rodriguez-Taseff, one of the
lawyers representing Ms Joseph.
This means that, for now, these
websites are open forum for women
to abuse their male counterparts. Ian
Donovan*, 29, currently has a profile
about him on Liarscheatsandbastards.
com, created about him by his
ex-girlfriend of ten years.
“We were together since we were 17,
but I’d regularly wake up in the middle
foolishlytellourtotty
Dubberley, author of break-up book
The Ex Factor. “The women who post
this stuff might be a bit bonkers, but
it’s standard now for all girls to google
a new fella or at least check his
Facebook profile just out of innocent
curiosity. There is every chance whilst
doing that they’ll then stumble across
these sites by accident even if they
weren’t really looking for them.”
We haven’t even been able to
play them at their own game.
Dontdatehimgirl.com attempted to
launch a version of their site for men
– Dontdateherdude.com – but it
never got off the ground, whilst
Liarscheatsandbastards.com does
allow men to post profiles about
women, but they make up a tiny
percentage of their users.
Women are now clawing back
control of the internet and there’s
no stopping them, says Joseph of
Dontdatehimgirl.com. “It’s already
a common practice for women who
are dating to check out DDHG. My
goal is for it to become a mainstream
habit like brushing your teeth or
driving a car.”
Men beware – whilst we may have
started the trend for showing up the
opposite sex, we aren’t going to be the
ones who finish it.
fhm.com
THE BUNNY BOI L E R TEST
Is your bird mental?
this sure-fire test will assess her stability
When you say
you’re meeting up
with an old friend
from uni for a
drink, does she…
A. Tell you to have
fun and settle in for
a night of TV.
B. Go all good
cop/bad cop to
find out who it is.
C. Club you on the
headandchainyou
to a radiator like
Terry Waite.
You’re re-watching
Platoon in your
living room with a
mate when she
enters. Does she…
A. Join you to
watch a movie that
she thinks is good,
and on reflection,
far better than
Full Metal Jacket.
B. Sigh, then try to
get you to watch
Little People, Big
World on Living
instead.
C. Ask if Vietnam
was a film.
You go to a lap
dancing club on a
stag do, but the
WAGs find out.
Doesyourpartner…
A. Laugh and ask if
you’ve got any tips
for her.
B. Have a rant
about objectifying
women.
C. Go to Iran for a
cheap boob job.
On holiday with
your friends you
have a one-night
stand. Does she…
A. Weep but
eventually realise
that your love is
strong and you can
work your way
through this
indiscretion.
B. Tell your friends
that you got her
pregnant then
threatened to
leave her.
C. Slide a sharp
screwdriverthrough
your mum’s heart
while whispering
“Shhh!” a bit like
that scene with the
NaziandtheJewish
soldier in Saving
Private Ryan.
She catches your
eye wandering
towards a scorching
hot girl walking
past. Does she…
A. Lean over and
whisper into your
ear, “Wow, she’s
hot. Let’s take her
back with us…”
B. Wail hysterically
beforeslappingher
forehead with the
palm of her right
hand like those
upset women in
BBC news reports.
C. Insist you
swallow cyanide
withherinabunker
like Hitler and Eva
Braun so you both
be reunited in a
more forgiving
afterlife.
An interview on
GMTV with
foppish movie
vampire Robert
Pattinson…
A. Confuses her.
She doesn’t get all
the fuss. He looks
like a posh ferret.
B. Sees her unzip a
suitcase full of pink
jelly dildos, before
asking to be left
alonewith“BobbyP”.
C. Prompts her to
spend the entire
week talking like
Count Dracula from
Sesame Street and
sleep in an Ikea
wardrobe.
Toher,havingkidsis…
A. An inevitability,
but she’s too young
and wants to have
her fun first.
B. An excuse to
plaster the living
room with multiple
copies of that poster
of that black bloke
cuddling a baby.
C. Impossible.
Her cybernetic
endoskeleton
isn’t
compatible
with human
contraception.
“Your foster
parents are
dead.”
RESULTS
Mostly As:
You’re safe.
You have an
emotionally
grounded,
fun partner.
Mostly Bs: Not
the kind of girl
you want to mess
with. If you
wrong her, you’ll
hear about it.
Mostly Cs:
Congrats,
you’re dating a
stone-cold
psycho. You
might as well be
humping Ian
Huntley.
July 2010
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