TCF July 2015 - The Compassionate Friends

JULY 2015
V O L UME 2 4 , NO . 6
Gratitude.... The Key
To Happiness
I am convinced that the real key to happiness is
gratitude. I did not come upon this insight. I learned
it from Dennis Prager, a wonderful and gifted man
who is both author and talk show host for KNBC
radio in Los Angeles. I give him all the credit. But I
have thought a lot about this idea after my son,
Mark, died five years ago tomorrow.
At first I was offended by people who smiled or
even laughed during The Compassionate Friends
meetings. These were the people who seemed to
have somehow re-entered the land of the living.
How dare they greet each other with hugs? How
dare they laugh? How dare they appear normal
when their children have died? But over the last
seven years I have learned three valuable lessons:
Life goes on and we must too. Gradually the
pain eases and the warm memories replace the
sadness. Gradually we return to life. One day we
find that is 11:00 in the morning and we have not
thought about our child yet. At first we feel guilt. But
then we also realize we are going forward. We will
never forget. But we decide that the loss of our
child will not be the all-consuming factor in our life.
We choose to enjoy friends again. We choose to
go out to dinner again. We choose to laugh again. I
am convinced that this is what our children would
want for us. The pain does not bring our child back.
It only makes us miserable without end.
Become grateful for what we have, not focused
on what we have lost. I see people in our
chapter meetings who have gone through “every
parent’s nightmare” and want no part of life again.
But, I ask that these compassionate friends also
think about the ways they have been blessed, as
well as hurt. In my experience, most people have
more to be thankful for than they realize: health,
other children, a loving family, a career they enjoy,
financial security, life in a free country, a faith that
works for them, a true best friend, a spouse who
they love. Nobody has it all. But compared to most
of the world, we have a lot.
The life we now lead will be better than it would
have been. That does not make our child’s
death a good thing. It just means that our child’s life
mattered, and it has changed us forever. It means
that in some small way the world will be better
because our child lived, and we are the ones who
can make it so. We have a new sense of priorities.
We don’t “sweat the small stuff.” We know what
matters because we know what is irreplaceable.
And we know how deeply other people hurt
because we, too, have been there. We “know how
they feel.”
And when our life is different and better because
our child lived, then that child is never forgotten.
Each of us would do anything in the world to go
back in time, but we can’t. It is up to us now to go
forward, and we can.
~Richard Edler, TCF, South Bay/LA, CA
In Memory of my son Mark Edler
As published in We Need Not Walk Alone,
1999 Anniversary Issue
Inside this issue:
Calendar and Contacts
2
Arlington Chapter
3
Fairfax Chapter
4
Leesburg Chapter
5
Prince William Chapter
6
Reston Chapter
7
Washington, DC Chapter
8
Resources
9
Our Children Remembered
10
Page 2
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
Newsletter Team
July 2015
Meetings
Editor
Janet Keeports
[email protected]
July 2015
Database Manager
Brenda Sullivan
[email protected]
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
7:30 PM Fairfax
7:30 PM Leesburg
Treasurer
Wayne Hubbard
23230 Linden Ct.
Lexington Park, MD 20653
[email protected]
Thursday, July 9, 2015
7:30 PM Arlington
Saturday, July 11, 2015
2:00 PM Reston
Reporters:
Arlington
Ron Byrd
[email protected]
Wednesday, July 15, 2015
7:30 PM Prince William
7:00 PM Washington, DC
Fairfax
Katy Frank, [email protected]
Washington, DC
Veronica Stubbs, [email protected]
Leesburg
Bev Elero, [email protected]
Prince William
Selina Farmer-Williams
[email protected]
Reston
Ilona Lantos, [email protected]
Regional Coordinator
Kathy Collins
[email protected]
TCF National Headquarters
PO Box 3696
Oak Brook IL 60522-3696
www.compassionatefriends.org
(877) 969-0010
Arlington Website
www.tcfarlington.org
Webmaster: Lois Copeland
[email protected]
Fairfax Website
www.tcffairfax.org
Leesburg Website
www.tcfleesburg.org
[email protected]
Prince William Website
www.tcfprincewilliam.org
[email protected]
Washington, DC Website
www.tcfwashingtondc.org
Arlington Chapter
Contact: Lois Copeland
301-520-0225
[email protected]
Please send
“Love Gifts” to:
Wayne Hubbard
23230 Linden Ct.
Lexington Park, MD
20653
Trinity Presbyterian Church
5533 N.16th St
Arlington, VA
Second Thursdays 7:30 PM
Fairfax Chapter
Please send
Contact: Carol Marino
“Love Gifts” to:
[email protected] Monica Clark
5444 Ladue Lane
Chapter Phone:
Fairfax, VA 22030
(703) 622-3639
Attn: TCF
Old St. Mary’s Hall
next to St. Mary’s Historic
Church and Cemetery
Fairfax Station Rd
and Route 123
Fairfax, VA 22030
First Wednesdays 7:30 PM
Leesburg Chapter
Contact: Bev or Bernie
Elero
(540) 882-9707
Please send
“Love Gifts” to:
Mrs. Anne Shattuck
224 Walnut Ridge Ln.
Palmyra, VA 22963
St. James Episcopal Church
Janney Parlor
14 Cornwall St NW
Leesburg, VA
First Wednesdays 7:30 PM
Prince William
Chapter
Contact: Jennifer Malloch
[email protected]
(571) 229-0768
Please send
“Love Gifts” to:
Melody Ridgeway
9366 Dahlia Ct.
Manassas, VA 20110
Buckhall United Methodist
Church, White building to the
left of the church
10251 Moore Dr.
Manassas, VA 20111
Third Wednesdays 7:30 PM
TCF Reston
(for no surviving children)
Contact:
Nancy Vollmer (VA)
(703) 390-0589
Sharon Skarzynski (MD) (410) 757-5049
North Co. Government Center/
Reston District Police
1801 Cameron Glen Drive
Reston, VA 20190
Second Saturdays 2:00 PM
Washington, DC
Chapter
Contact:
Beverly Hill
Benita Nelson-Tutt
(202) 394-2851
[email protected]
The Howard University
Carnegie Bldg. Room B
2395 Sixth Street, NW
Washington, DC 20059
Third Wednesdays 7:00 PM
Please send
“Love Gifts” to:
Coralease Ruff
3314 Applegrove Ct.
Oak Hill, VA 20171
July 2015
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
The Beach
Page 3
Welcome
The cry of the gulls,
The roar of the surf,
The smell of salt air,
The wonder of the tides,
I’ll never share with you.
We are sorry you need us, but glad you found us.
Sandcastles emerging,
Buckets of sea creatures,
Little footprints along the shore,
You’ll never share with me.
Susan Green, mother of David
The ocean speaks eternity,
The sky holds promises of heaven,
The sun shines forever,
These we’ll share together.
~Penny Young, Powell River, BC
Colin & Colleen Allen, parents of Margaret
Angela Boggs, mother of Derek
As Long as Forever
I shall remember you as long… As there are fields of
snow….And there are flowers in the ground... That have the
strength to grow. As long as there are stars above….And
moonbeams on the sea….And just as long as there are songs…Of
love and memory….
I shall remember you today....And dream of you tonight....And
look for you tomorrow when....The sun begins to
light....Whatever season, month or year.. .This much will be the
same....The only sound of joy will be…The mention of your
name....
I shall remember you as long…As there are earth and sky... And
all the time eternity....May take to say good-byes.
~James J. Metcalfe
Summer Thoughts
Summer is a time when things naturally slow down. For those of
us in grief whose lives are already in limbo, it can seem endless.
Seeing children, babies and teenagers is not easy for us, and in
summer we see them everywhere from playgrounds, to pools to
beaches. Everyone is out living, loving, enjoying carefree
activities with their children and we want to scream. It’s been six
years, and I know I have a long way to go, but in the meantime I
know the greatest tribute to my child will be to enjoy this
summer as he would have.
~Lois Copeland, TCF, Arlington, VA
Love Gifts
Jay and Lois Copeland, for the recovery of Ron Byrd
Sandee and Jay Mervis, in loving memory
of their grandson, Raphael (Rafi) Martin
Eastern PA Regional Conference
October 9 - 11, 2015
Radisson Hotel Valley Forge
King of Prussia, PA
“From a Broken Heart…
Emerges Hope and Healing”
Please come and share the experience of the Eastern PA Regional
TCF Conference being held October 9-11, 2015. The committee
has been hard at work preparing a program that will hopefully
meet the needs of all attendees, starting with a dinner and guest
speaker Friday night, to be followed by sharing sessions. There
will be 24 adult workshops including a special workshop in
Spanish for the Latino community. Also scheduled are 8 sibling
workshops. On Saturday night there will be dinner, a guest
speaker, the candle lighting service, all followed by sharing
sessions. On Sunday morning we will host a butterfly release in
lieu of a walk, with breakfast and a special guest speaker to end
the conference. If you need further information, or would care to
volunteer, contact Bobbie Milne at [email protected]. For a
registration form go to the TCF website, click regional
conferences, click Eastern PA Regional TCF Conference.
If you plan on attending, please contact me.
~Lois Copeland, TCF, Arlington, VA
Page 4
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
Welcome to New Members
We are sorry you need us,
but we are glad you found us:
Erin TePaske of Fairfax, VA
mother of Beckett TePaske
Paula Johnson of Vienna, VA
Angie Boggs of Reston, VA
mother of Derek Boggs
Charlotte S. Hudak of Fairfax, VA
mother of Robert Hudak
The National TCF Website
Have you ever visited the National website? The
National Website contains information regarding
meetings, resources, support, an online support
community and much, much more. Regardless of
how many years you have been in your grief, the
website can give you information that can be very
helpful.
July 2015
When the newly bereaved come to a meeting of The
Compassionate Friends, you will be able to listen and
learn from others who are further down the grief road
than you. They will have made it through that first
birthday, first death anniversary, first holiday, and so
many other firsts that you have not yet reached. You will
learn coping skills from other bereaved parents who, like
you, never thought they’d survive. There are no strangers
at TCF meetings — only friends you have not yet met.
More than 18,000 people a month find the support they
are seeking through meetings of The Compassionate
Friends. Please check our Chapter Locator on our
national website for the nearest TCF chapter. Or call the
National Office at 877-969-0010 and we’ll be happy to
give you a referral to the closest chapter and send you a
customized bereavement packet at no charge. We have
many other ways of providing support including: our
national website and Online Support Community; We
Need Not Walk Alone, our national magazine available by
free online subscription; our monthly online e-newsletter
which talks about the organization and its events; our
Facebook Page with over 50,000 members; our
Worldwide Candle Lighting each December; our national
conference; and our Walk to Remember. We will be here
as long as you need us. Even though you are newly
bereaved and the road is long, we invite you to walk with
us for as long as the journey takes.
~From the TCF National Website
Please visit:
https://www.compassionatefriends.org/home.aspx
Finding the “New Me”
When you’re newly bereaved, you don’t see how
you can put one foot in front of the other, much less
survive this loss. You’ll never “recover” from your
loss nor will you ever find that elusive “closure” they
talk of on TV — but eventually you will find the “new
me.” You will never be the same person you were
before your child died. It may be hard to believe
now, but in time and with the hard work of grieving
(and there’s no way around it), you will one day
think about the good memories of when your child
lived rather than the bad memories of how your
child died. You will even smile and, yes, laugh again
someday — as hard to believe as that may seem.
If you would like to submit an entry for the TCF
Fairfax Page, please send it to the Fairfax editor by
the 10th of each month.
July 2015
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
Page 5
Butterflies Make Me Happy
Sometimes in our grief we truly believe we are going crazy. We
hurt so bad we don’t think we can manage to go on living
without our precious child here with us. Part of the grieving
process is learning how to do just that. Some parents need the
reassurance that their child is okay. I think the human mind can
only take so much pain and jumps at the chance to see signs
from their children, reassuring them that they are okay.
A Warm Welcome
Louin Beard, father of Sandra Mussman
Gus Blank & Mary O’Brien, parents of Eric Blank
Dani Barker & Lynn Blank, sisters of Eric Blank
The way I look at it, if you get comfort from a dream or a
sign...enjoy it. You’ve suffered enough, and believing in signs,
butterflies, dreams or what ever else gives you comfort and
hurts no one else, is your right as a bereaved person.
Are these signs real, or just in my imagination? Can I prove they
are messages from my son? Does it even need to be proven?
No, I can’t scientifically prove it. But I know that dreams,
butterflies, signs and enjoyment in nature makes me feel closer
to Eric and therefore I will continue to enjoy them.
It hurts no one, I’m not obsessive about it and anyone who
chooses to think I’m nuts for believing in such things, can think
I’m nuts.
We’ve all heard how the butterfly is a symbol of rebirth
whether it’s our child moving from this world onto a higher
plane, or a bereaved parent emerging from the cocoon of grief
into a world without our child here. With us, butterflies are a
comfort for many. When I’m missing my son and see a butterfly
flittering from flower to flower, I smile and feel better. When
I’m in a happy mood and see a butterfly, I enjoy the beauty of
such a delicate creature. Taking the time to slow down and
watch such a fragile creature going about its business is calming
and I don’t think anyone should discount the benefits from
having a calming moment. About four months after Eric died, I
had a dream about him. I woke myself up from tears of joy
running down my face, I knew he was okay...what a relief that
was. I still hurt terribly and missed him more than I thought I
could endure, but I felt comforted by the dream. Some could say
it was my subconscious trying to sort things out, but I choose to
believe it was his way of trying to comfort me. Either way, it
made me feel better. Maybe it’s because bereaved parents walk
around in such a fog and function on automatic pilot that we are
moving slow enough to notice the signs that are around us.
Maybe dreams are one way for us to accept messages we need
to hear and take them into our hearts without logically trying to
interpret them. Maybe faith is what we rely on when nothing
else makes sense and we instinctively know we need something
to hold on to.
Whatever it is, just give me a second helping; I like feeling
closer to my son!
~Lynn Vines, TCF, South Bay/L.A., CA
In Memory of my son, Eric
Flight of Hope
We find in the flight of butterfly wings,
A message of hope and more heavenly things,
Take time to be kind and take time to smile,
Life is fleeting, we may only be here for a little while.
~Beverly Elero, TCF, Leesburg, VA
The Butterfly
Butterfly, don’t pass me by. Stop and light for a little while.
Soothe me with your soft sensation;
give me hope and consolation.
Butterfly, don’t pass me by. Stop and light for a little while.
Help me to release my sorrow;
deed me strength to meet tomorrow.
Butterfly, don’t pass me by. Stop and light for a little while.
Oh, lift me up and let me feel the
peace and freedom you reveal.
Butterfly, don’t pass me by. Stop and light for a little while.
Remind me to thank God above
for cradling me in His great love.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted - Psalm 34:18
~Written by Connie Wade, for Lori Kern
in memory of Emily Elizabeth Ellis
Page 6
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
July 2015
Hope
My heart has been broken.
My soul has been crushed.
My mind has gone to depths I never knew existed.
Places where only God,
In his most infinite Love, could understand.
And even He could not console me at times.
But I am here on earth,
For whatever reason I still do not know;
And I have hope that, in time,
God will show me the way
And give rhyme to my reason.
So I wait in hope for a future
And a new beginning.
~Kathleen Leeper, TCF, Valley Forge, PA
News
A reminder that the memorial shirts are still available here:
http://teespring.com/stores/children-gone-too-soon
Remembering Cody Pollard on his angel date,
forever loved by his Mom Andrea Pollard, brother
Kyle and family
The Bitter Tears of Love Lost
Because of my status in society
I can look below to poverty
and realize no matter how frustrated I get,
I will always be very lucky to have a family
who loves and cares for me.
But still the tears roll down my face
and my cheeks are forever stained
because I know as long as I live
my heart will always be pained.
I was left in shock, pain, and fear,
left with your unspoken words which I will never
hear.
But in my days of sorrow when I feel that I will fall
I can only repeat the phrase to myself,
“It is better to have loved and lost than to never
have loved at all.”
~Peter Smith
In memory of my brother, Gregory Smith
Please join our Walk To Remember by visiting our site here:
http://www.kintera.org/faf/search/searchTeamPart.asp?
ievent=1136737&lis=1&kntae1136737=82FD356D69684DC2
B6B98ACF5758E4E4&supId=0&team=6336305&cj=Y
Comfort Crafts will take place J uly 11th at the Buck Hall
Church from 2-4pm We are currently working on our “Healing
Journals”. To see the supply list and project we are currently
working on please visit our event under our Prince William
TCF Page on Facebook. Please RSVP if you plan to attend by
emailing Selina Farmer at [email protected] or
joining the event on Facebook here: https://
www.facebook.com/TCFPrinceWilliam
July 2015
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
Page 7
looks insurmountable, but I can tell you that you will
survive.
One day a subtle shift occurs when you wake up. It
is a beautiful morning, birds are singing, the sun is
shining in the window and your spirits may soar. You
know it will be a good day and you go from there.
This process is slow. It can take you three months,
six months, even a year or two. But time will be your
friend and you will find that eventually you will feel a
little better. This doesn’t mean you are healed. You
will never heal from the loss of a child, nor will you
ever forget the child who brightened your life so
much.
When Will I Heal?
I often get asked after a parent has lost a child,
“When will I heal from this unspeakable loss?” I knew
I would never heal completely, but I searched for
reasons to move on with my life until I found
answers. No one has the same experience, not all
people heal the same way or at the same time. You
need to be patient with yourself and give yourself
time to grieve, no matter how long it takes.
You may feel better one day and the next feel worse.
You may begin to go through the five steps of grief
(shock, anger, withdrawal, acceptance and renewal)
and find yourself making progress and then
retreating backwards to the beginning. It may upset
you, but know that it is normal for this to happen. For
example, after getting over the initial shock and
anger, you get to the withdrawal stage, and then find
that one day you fall back to the beginning stage. It’s
like climbing a mountain, getting to a certain point
and then your foot slips on a rock and you fall down
to the starting area. But what you would do then, you
also do in grief. You start again up the mountain and
try to reach the top. Just because you start again still
doesn’t mean you will get to your goal, but don’t stop
trying. When you reach a level where you can look
back and say to yourself, “I’ve made it past that
original starting point,” keep going. It is not
uncommon to fall into the crevice many times and
your emotions may get the better of you then. It all
You don’t want to forget, and why should you?
People may say to you, “It’s been a year. You need
to get over this. Forget about what happened.” They
don’t understand; they have probably never had a
loss this great. Your feelings may be hurt, but you
need to tell them that you are doing the best you can
and that even though it is a very bumpy road, you
are slowly progressing and improving. Your
memories of your child will keep you going, and it’s
okay to carry those memories with you for the rest of
your life.
For myself, not a day goes by that I don’t think of my
daughter. When I am driving somewhere on a
beautiful day, I often have to pull over to the side of
the road because my grief overwhelms me. It has
been 19 years, and I still get teary-eyed thinking of
her and all the things she is missing and I am
missing by not being together. When I calm down, I
continue on.
You, too, will have overwhelming feelings at times,
probably for the rest of your life. It is something we
learn to live with and accept, for nothing will bring
them back. I do know, though, she is in my heart
now, and I will keep her there forever.
~by Sandy Fox
www.sandyfoxauthor.com
Used with permission.
About the Author: Sandy is the author of two books
on surviving grief: “Creating a New Normal…After
the death of a Child,” with 80 coping articles and a
huge resource section, and “I Have No Intention of
Saying Good-bye,” where parents share stories of
hope and moving on with their lives. You can get a
copy at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Centering
Corporation (centering.org)
Page 8
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
Love Gifts
The Washington, DC Chapter acknowledges with
gratitude the love gifts from:
Benita Nelson-Tutt, in loving memory
of her son, Herman Tutt, Jr.
Veronica C. Stubbs, in loving memory
of her son, Darrin, on the 12th anniversary
of his Entrance into New Life with Christ,
and nephews, Jay and Sean.
My Journey Continues
I was introduced to The Compassionate Friends in 2000
following the death of my nephew and god-son, Darnell.
My sister, Olivia, and I were leaving the hospital when I
picked up a brochure for an organization offering support
for parents who experienced the death of a child. After
contacting Dr. Coralease Ruff, the founder and Chapter
Leader of the newly formed DC Chapter of The
Compassionate Friends, my sister and I became members.
In 2007, Olivia became the Chapter Leader and remained
in that position until her health precluded her from
performing her duties, however, she stayed involved with
Chapter activities until her passing in May, 2014.
Olivia and I attended our first National Conference in
2000 in Chicago, Illinois. I am now preparing to attend the
2015 National Conference in Dallas, Texas, with my
sister, Vivian, Olivia’s son, Dyron and Eleanor’s son,
Kwasi. Much has occurred in the intervening 15 years.
Since that first conference, with the deaths of my sisters,
Olivia and Eleanor I have become a bereaved sibling as
well as a bereaved Aunt. In honor of Darnell, Eleanor, and
Olivia I have volunteered to join the Newsletter Team as
the DC Reporter. In this, my first issue, I want to share
with you our reflections on our first National Conference
in 2000.
~Stephanie Thompkins, TCF, Washington, DC
Darnell’s Aunt, Olivia and Eleanor’s Sister
Walk to Remember
The DC Chapter will be hosting its annual “Walk to
Remember” on Saturday, July 25, 2015. The new location
this year will be the National Arboretum in N.E.
Washington, D.C.
July 2015
Our Journey as Newcomers to the
Compassionate Friends’ 23rd Annual
National Conference
June 26 Through July 2, 2000
As newcomers to the Compassionate Friends,
Washington, DC Chapter, my sister and I headed to
Chicago to attend the conference with mixed
emotions. The only thing we were sure of was that
Darnell’s spirit accompanied us.
As we flew out, we thought, if we could only be going
anywhere else in the world instead of heading to the
Conference. When we picked up our registration
packages and noticed the heart beside Darnell’s
name on our name tags (a symbol used for newly
bereaved parents) and the reason was explained to
us, we knew then we were supposed to be there and
nowhere else. The workshops were so helpful and
healing. The Memory Board (where we placed a
picture of Darnell and wrote messages to him on blue
and gray butterflies (his favorite colors), the
Reflection Room (where you did not cry alone), the
Butterfly Boutique, Sharing Sessions, the Memorial
Walk, and the generosity of Bill Cosper (Tucson,
Arizona) in memory of his daughter, making buttons
for everyone using a picture of our loved one.
Everything was planned to offer a beacon of hope to
parents, siblings, and families who have experienced
the death of a child. The days were days of healing
along with others united together for the same
reason. People from all over and all walks of life cried
with us, laughed with us, and provided comfort and
strength. With Compassionate Friends, you are not
alone. The conference was a comfort zone where we
learned healing is through pain. We came back and
shared everything with our chapter and thanked
Coralease Ruff over and over again for starting the
DC Chapter, her caring, and suggesting we go to the
Conference. Our journey, we dedicate in Loving
Memory of Darnell Gregory Gunter. Darnell has only
left us physically; his spirit will always be with us.
Darnell was a jubilant spirit that touched so many
lives, and left behind a legacy of a beautiful, caring
and giving young man for his family and friends to
remember. Blessed are the pure in heart for they
shall see God. We don’t say goodbye, with all our
love for Darnell. Whatever else we may do, we don’t
say goodbye.
~Olivia Gunter and Stephanie Thompkins
TCF, Washington, DC
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
July 2015
Resources
Survivors of Suicide
www.survivorsofsuicide.com
Grief and the Single Parent
American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
www.afsp.org
888-333-2377
Parents of Murdered Children
www.pomc.com
888-818-7662
Haven of Northern Virginia
www.havenofnova.org
703-941-7000
CrisisLink
www.crisislink.org
703-527-4077
SHARE (pregnancy & infant loss support)
www.nationalshare.org
800-821-6819
MISS Foundation
(pregnancy/infant loss support)
www.missfoundation.org. (national)
www.dcmissfoundation.org (local chapter)
Washington Regional Transplant Community
www.beadonor.org
703-641-0100
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
800-273-8255 (TALK)
Other helpful websites:
www.griefnet.org
www.goodgrief.org
www.thebereavementjourney.com
www.griefwatch.com
www.journeyofhearts.org
www.bereavedparentsusa.org
www.healingheart.net
www.childrenofdome.com
www.spacebetweenbreaths.com
www.holdingontolove.com
www.griefhaven.com
 www.centerforloss.com
The death of a child is an unanticipated, shocking,
devastating event in any family. In the single parent
home, the death of a child or children can be more
difficult than in the two-parent home. Families have a
difficult enough time coping with this life passage
without the added burden of making arrangements and
paying expenses.
When adults have gone through a life crisis like
divorce, the stress of dealing with the necessary
arrangements presents another barrier on the long
road of restructuring the single’s life. We may be on
speaking terms with the ex-spouse and that is helpful
to a point. Those who are not on speaking terms are
faced with even greater stress.
The emotional ties that at one time connected us to
this lost child are no longer present, yet to many it
points to the hurt of the past. Survivors search for
something or someone to blame. Widows or widowers
are confronted with compounded grief. Unfortunately,
most of us do not get through life with only one crisis.
Dealing with the past rekindles the hurts of the past.
As parents, we would be well advised by the legal
system and counselors to make an effort to be
amicable and/or courteous to the ex-spouse; papers
must be signed.
Grandparents, siblings, relatives and friends are also
in grief. We must deal with them all. Who can our
remaining children turn to if not us for guidance
through these crises?
If you have a companion who has suffered this loss,
be patient. If you are the parent who has lost a child,
ask your companion to be patient with you. The grief
process is longer than we knew it would be. To the
non-bereaved parent, the grief process is longer than
you can know.
This life passage is not something we want for any of
you. The death of a marriage is not comparable to the
death of a child. Often the widow or widower or the
divorced person may remarry. The loss of a child is not
a void which can be filled. There are entirely different
emotions to be dealt with. Many of us survive but will
forever have emotional scars. Stand by us and we will
be forever grateful.
~Jacque Stockhausen, TCF, St. Louis, MO
Page 9
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
Page 10
Matthew Rand Robert Gaber
Jul 2
Cathy Gaber
Renard Anthony Harris
Jul 2
Pamela Williams-Walker
Adam Seymour
Jul 2
Beverly & Jim Seymour
Peter M. DeGrazia
Jul 3
John & Corrine DeGrazia
Brad Hampton
Jul 4
Beth Hampton
Elizabeth Gibson
Jul 4
Chloe Barger
July 2015
Jeffrey Firman
Andrew O’Brien
Jul 19
Jul 19
Joanne Gibson
Paige Mackenzie
Johnson
Jul 20
Jul 5
Kirsten & Jeff Barger
Christopher Buro
Jul 5
Kathy & Ronald Brandel
Shey Allen
Jul 21
Nicholas Freeman
Jul 5
Steve & Cecilia Freeman
Sean Campbell
Jul 21
Matthew Harrington Hale
Jul 6
Susanne Hale
Jul 22
Michael Santiago
Jul 6
Melinda & Carlos Santiago
Jul 22
Stuart & Sharon Schmid
Taft J. Sellers
Nancy Kathleen “Kate”
Hagopian
Jarrod Weston
Jul 7
Vickie Sellers
Jul 8
Dave & Mary Hagopian
Eirik Jon Jespersen
Patricia Lynn “Patti”
Schmid
Gabriel Lee Anderson
Jordan Basl
Douglas & Joann Firman
Missy O’Brien
Matt Johnson
Trish & David Stoskus
Kay & Roger Lavallee
Darcel & Josh Allen
Donald & Madelyn
Campbell
Nils & Beth Jespersen
Jul 23
Jul 23
Jul 10
Meggan Strasbaugh
Todd Coder
Jul 23
Ally & Patrick Anderson
Catherine Basl
Cheryl & Tony Coder
Courtney & Josh Coder
Samuel Jermaine Blanks
Jul 11
Samuel & Betty Blanks
Shannon Deely
Jul 11
Pamela & William Deely
Maverick Thompson Price
Jul 11
Mario & Nyree Price
John David Lindsay
Jul 12
Elizabeth Lindsay
Marc Gordon Thomas
Jul 12
Gordon & Barbel Thomas
Sarah Ann Kozushin
Jul 13
Michael Durgala
Jul 14
Anatoly & Margarita
Kozushin
Mary Durgala
Nikki Garlington
Jul 15
Lisa Hinson
Joshua Butler
Jul 16
David Butler
Megan Gruneisen
Jul 16
Beth Gruneisen
David Yoo
Jul 16
Karen Yoo
Janet Bassange
Jul 17
Iris Hermsmeier
Silecia Darlington
Jul 17
Jean Darlington
Janet Hermsmeir
Jul 17
Iris Hermsmeir
Daniel Joseph Pawlak
Jul 17
Debbie & Joe Pawlak
Dia Purnell
Jul 17
Linette Robinson
Ryan Lopynski
Jul 18
Jeremy Lopynski
Jennifer Rebecca Toler
Jul 18
Carol Brinegar
Sarah Renee Carter
Jul 19
Susan Carter
Adam Christopher
Smoot
Andrew Christopher
Hopkins
Christopher Michael
Diegelmann
Kylie Hurt
Neil Kelly
Will Foreman
Lauren Beverly Gover
Jul 23
Lynn Burwitz
Jul 25
Gary Hopkins
Jul 26
Denise & Mike Diegelmann
Jul 26
Jul 26
Jul 27
Jul 27
Mark & Elaine Hurt
Robin & Mike Kelly
Louise & Mark Foreman
Anne Marie Gover
Patrick Donoghue
Jul 28
Shannon Donoghue
Klara Morgan Knight
Korri Summer Duffield
David Gorman
Esther Madeleine
Sanders
Mario St. George
Boiardi
Jason Clover
Kelly Butler
David Evans Hobson
Brandon Perle
Jul 28
Jul 29
Jul 29
Ken Knight
Troy & Samantha Duffield
Joan Gorman
Jul 29
Valerie Sanders
Jul 30
Deborah & Mario Boiardi
Jul 30
Jul 31
Jul 31
Jul 31
Daniel Selmonosky
Jul 31
Cheryl Clover
Robin Sanford
Anne Shattuck
Patricia & Michael Perle
Sonia & Carlos
Selmonosky
Please contact your local chapter leadership about any errors or omissions.
The Compassionate friends • Northern Virginia and DC
July 2015
Ryan Marie Boykin
Jul 1
Alyssia Cage
Lynn Stephanie Denson
Matthew Trinkle
Douglas Wayne Hosier
Camarie Glover
Amanda Harpin
Bianca Hopkins
Brandon Perle
Rebecca Mebane
Renee Parkinson
Chloe Barger
Michael Dellegrazio
Stephen Agyin
Jul 1
Jul 1
Jul 1
Jul 2
Jul 3
Jul 3
Jul 3
Jul 3
Jul 4
Jul 4
Jul 5
Jul 5
Jul 6
Suhail “Sid” Chowdhury
Jul 6
Christopher Jonathan
Stroman
Matthew Coffelt
Danny Frank
Jame Kouissis
Eirik Jon Jespersen
Cody DuWayne Pollard
Matthew Sean Clem
Sevi Suerdem
Kenneth Huggins
Shannon Sullivan
Philip Bellis
Brian Cline
Eli Sachar
Eric Alexander Jones
Erin Stanfield
Julie & Bruce Boykin
June Barry
Carol Moran
Betty Denson
Laura Trinkle
Wayne & June Hosier
Sharonda Glover
Paul & Martha Harpin
Lisa Hopkins
Patricia & Michael Perle
Dorothy Mebane
Natalie Parkinson
Kirsten & Jeff Barger
Jennifer Dellegrazio
Samuel Agyin
Anwar & Patricia
Chowdhury
Jul 6
Rachel Stroman
Jul 7
Jul 7
Jul 7
Jul 8
Jul 9
Jul 9
Jul 10
Jul 11
Jul 11
Jul 12
Jul 12
Jul 12
Jul 13
Jul 14
Debbie Coffelt
Nancy & Mike Frank
Mary Ellen Kouissis
Nils & Beth Jespersen
Andrea Pollard
Suzann Clem
Demet & Taclan Suerdem
Robi Huggins
Victoria & Terrence Sullivan
Evelyn Bellis
Anne & Roger Cline
Rickey & Jennifer Sachar
Patty & Ralph Jones
Jack & Susan Stanfield
Page 11
Patrick Ryan Gay
Robert Whiddon
Maxwell Harmon
Kasey Haynes
Claire Alexis Sachse
Greg Snellings
David Gorman
Trevor Stokol
Jul 15
Jul 17
Jul 19
Jul 20
Jul 20
Jul 21
Jul 22
Jul 22
David Patricio Castro
Jul 23
Patrick Donoghue
Stone Weeks
Holt Weeks
Jul 23
Jul 23
Jul 23
Pam & Tom Gay
Donna & Robert St. Pierre
Rana & William Harmon
Elizabeth DiCristifaro
Kathleen & Brett Sachse
Kristen Snellings
Joan Gorman
C. Jodi Stokol
Patricio & Clementina
Castro
Shannon Donoghue
Linton & Jan Taylor Weeks
Linton & Jan Taylor Weeks
Jennifer Coyne
Angela Gardner
Ronnie Matthews
Eric Monday
Darnell Smith Jr.
Allen Coburn
Mark Robert Fracasso Jr.
Darius Trey Turner
Klara Morgan Knight
Noah Seidenberg
Nancy Kathleen “Kate”
Hagopian
Alex Leonard
Esther Madeleine Sanders
Marc Gordon Thomas
LaShaun Maria Parker
Lola Rapp
Andrea Katherine Sereno
Justin Clark Mallon
Jul 24
Jul 24
Jul 25
Jul 26
Jul 26
Jul 27
Jul 27
Jul 27
Jul 28
Jul 28
Julie & Burton Simonds
Liz & Gerry Gardner
Bob & Carol Matthews
Penny Rossi
Tanya Smith
Patricia Coburn
Michele & Mark Fracasso
Travina Salmond
Ken Knight
Karen Seidenberg
Jul 29
Dave & Mary Hagopian
Jul 29
Jul 29
Jul 29
Jul 30
Jul 31
Jul 31
Jun 27
Liz Kestler
Valerie Sanders
Gordon & Barbel Thomas
Lori & Barbara Parker
Bill & Layla Rapp
Mitzi & Ed Sereno
Joyce & Joseph Mallon
Please contact your local chapter leadership about any errors or omissions.
The Compassionate Friends
c/o Trinity Presbyterian Church
5533 North 16th Street
Arlington, VA 22205
Address Service Requested
“Dare to reach out your hand into the darkness,
to pull another hand into the light.”
~ Norman B. Rice
The Mission of The Compassionate Friends: When a child dies, at any
age, the family suffers intense pain and may feel hopeless and isolated. The
Compassionate Friends provides highly personal comfort, hope, and support to
every family experiencing the death of a son or a daughter, a brother or a
sister, or a grandchild, and helps others better assist the grieving family.
July 2015