SIR GALAHAD AUDITION PACKBT

SIR GALAHAD AUDITION PACKBT
Keyboard l/Conductor
Spamalot
Tour
THE SONG THAT GOES LIKE THIS
Once in ev'ryshow
There
comesasonglikethis It startsoffsoftandlow And
endsupwithakiss
Vln, K3: Stgs.
W'r
this?
Where is it? Where is it?
Where where where?
Vln, K3: Stgs.
K2: Oboe solo
+K3: Bsn/Stgs.
-49-
o
's
2.THE SONG TI-I.AT GOES LIKE THIS
sen-ti-men-tal song
K2: Oboe, Vln, K3: Stgs.
That
casts
a
ma-gic spell
They all will
hum a-lons
+Gtr. arp,s
F
yes
ll
!2d
F
eh
+Toms fill, Cyrn roll
3. THE SONG THAT GOES
LIKE THIS
Spamalot - Tour
18
Now we can go straight
to the mid-dle eight
In
Flute, Vln, K2
K3: Stss +
tsr- e
f" wlGv.
strum's
far for
e
'|-t-|-|
)t,rl
JlIJ
.Tamb.
on,4,
me.-
sing
c7
bridge
]
Gm7
it
in your face
While we both em-brace
ll
*-
"::
w/Tbn.
A
!illl
(Tamb.
^...\
J
+Toms fill, Cym. roll
- 67suE
C7
Kbd.t
|
^-
4. THE SONG THAT GOES
LIKE THIS
Spamalot - Tour
|
E:J
we',re
in to
That's aw-fully high for
E
?#,T:
:F-
me
e-very-one can see
)
nr
Em
Gqajz6
+ia.U..\',
should have stayed
in
D
like
J
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pl
CBmAm
,f
osus
c/D
A
A
+Toms fill. Cym.
D
roll
A. A
A
5.
feel-ing v+ry proud
\
You're
THE SONG THAT GOES LIKE THIS
sing-ing far too loud
w?y that this song
I
lr.
'l
goes
a
Hn, Tpt 2
w/Drums:
Homp I
nf
time "
I
-
G- mf
Em
w/K3
GMajTTO
gZ BOTH:
stand-ing
mP
on my toes
that goes
clD
Dr
,E
A
subf
g
(Tamb.
out)
6. THE SONC TFIAT GOES
can't bslieve there's more
K2, Vln 8va (Flt out)
LIKE THIS
far too long I'm sure
trou-ble with this song
J
Horn solo
on and on and
Spamalot - Tour
on
this
is
71p
song
G
Bs Cl,
Toms,
K3, Bs.
Picc, K2, K3, Vln. 8va
s4
Brass,
Timp,
Snare
I
'mp
Esus
+Bs Cl, K2: Tbn.
E
f
'u!,,.ff
r-#sus
'1r"""
dTimp.
trll
ff Tom fill
too
7. THE SONG THAT GOES
DENNIS:
sing-ing this
dGtr.
fe
till dawn
you,ll
LIKE THIS
so
wish that you weren't
bom
Let,s
strum's
(Timp. out)
tTa.
+Tbn. J's, w/Bs Cl,K2: Tbn.
stop this damn
re -
o
,s
frain
Be
fore we go-in
- sane
tJti!t4!
--
(Tpt I out)
-55-
8. THE SONG THAT GOES
song
al
-
LIKE THIS
Spamalot - Tour
ends
ways
like
WOMEN:
like
l
:>l
.l
.-'.------:
>
>>
Cf;mz
Ffsus
F#
=>>
564
o.
this
at-
1
sfz
Brass
FI
\7
K
t,ff =
B
F47sus
'fr i#
Segue
-56-
Dennis and his Mother look around to see who sang.
ARTHUR:
That is why I am your King.
DENNIS:
Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no
basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power
derives from a mandate from the rnasses. not from some farcical
I-5-16
aquatic ceremony.
ARTHUR:
It's not just an ordinary sword. How many swords have their own
names?
DENNIS:
You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because
some watery tart threw a sword at vou!
ARTHUR:
Be quiet!
DENNIS:
If I went around saying I was an emperor just because
some
moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd put me
away!
ARTHUR:
Do you think I could make that up?
DENNIS:
Soggy old blondes with their backsides in ponds can't replace
the electorate.
ARTHUR:
very well, since you don't believe me, if I prove to you that the
Lady of the Lake exists, will you join my army and enlist as a
knight?
DENNIS:
Oh sure, if she exists,
Tooth Fairy,
ARTHUR:
I'll join any bloody army. And for the
I'll join the Navy ...
Very well. Watch this.
2-4-7
Scene Four:
The Black Knight
King Arthur rides in with Patsy holding the shrubbery. The Black Knight bars his way.
ARTHUR:
Good Sir Knight. I am King Arthur looking for my men. Would you
care to
BLACK
KNIGHT:
ARTHUR:
join
us?
None shall pass.
I see. Well, good
sir knight
I have no quarrel with you, but I must pass
this way. +
BLACK
KNIGHT:
ARTHUR:
BLACK
Then vou shall die.
I command you
as King of the Britons to stand aside!
KNIGHT: I move for no man.
ARTHUR:
So be it!
King Arthur draws his sword and after a short battle chops the Black Knight's left arm off.
ARTHUR:
BLACK
KNIGHT: Tis but a scratch.
ARTHUR:
BLACK
KNIGHT:
ARTHUR:
BLACK
KNIGHT:
ARTHUR:
BLACK
The
Now yield, worthy adversary.
KNIGHT:
fight continues.
A scratch? Your arm's off!
No. it isn't.
Well. what's that then?
I've had worse.
You liar!
Come on you pansy!
Soon ARTHUR chops the Black Knight's right arm off.
He makes a triumphant gesture and then kneels in prayer.
ARTHUR:
Victory is mine! We thank thee Lord, that in thy mercy-
The armless Black Knight kicks Arthur in the buttocks while he is praying.
BLACK
KNIGHT:
ARTHUR:
BLACK
KNIGHT:
ARTHUR:
BLACK
KNIGHT:
ARTHUR:
BLACK
KNIGHT:
ARTHUR:
BLACK
KNIGHT:
Come on then.
2-4-8
What?
Have at vou!
You are indeed brave, good Sir knight, but the fight is mine.
Oh, had enough, eh?
[,ook, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left.
Yes I have.
Look!
It's just a flesh wound. You yellow bastard!
I'll bite your legs off!
You chickenshit lily-livered upper class twit.
The Black Knight backs up to the comparative darkness of the Gateway, where he hides the
lower part of his body behind a tick door while the Monk enters stage left with a large basket
distracting the attention of the audience.
MONK:
Alms for the poor! Alms for the poor!
The Monk picks up an arm and puts
it in the basket. Patsy gives him the other arm.
Arms for the poor! Arms for the poorl (exits)
BLACK
KNIGHT:
ARTHUR:
The Black Knight always triumphs! I'm invincible!
You're a loonv.
Arthur runs a sword through the Black Knight's chest pinning him to the castle door.
BLACK
KNIGHT:
Chicken chicken chicken chicken.
ARTHUR swipes at the Black Knight's legs.
BLACK
KNIGHT:
Ha! You missed me!
Both his legs flop on the stage.
ARTHUR:
Come on Patsv!
t'*rrHER:
How d'you do. I'm Mrs. Galahad, widowed mother of
r-5-14
Dennis, married to Nobby the Cretin, dropped dead last Tuesday, which
does leave me sadly available.
ARTHUR:
I am Arthur, King of the Britons.
MOTHER:
Kins of the who?
ARTHUR:
The Britons.
MOTHER:
Who are the Britons?
ARTHUR:
Well, we all are. We are all Britons and I am your king.
MOTHER:
I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous
collective.
DENNIS:
You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship. A selfperpetuating autocracy in which the working classes....
MOTHER:
Oh there you go, bringing class into it again.
DENNIS:
That's what it's all about. If only people would...
ARTHUR:
Please, please good people.
MOTHER:
We don't have a lord.
DENNIS:
We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act
as a sort of an executive
I am in haste. Who is your lord?
officer for the week....
ARTHUR:
Yes.
DENNIS:
...but each decision of that officer has to be ratified at a special
biweekly meeting....
ARTHUR:
Yes. I see.
DENNIS:
...by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs...
ARTHUR:
Be quiet!
DENNIS:
...but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more...
ARTHUR:
Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
I-5-15
MOTHER:
Oh! Order, eh? Who does he think he is?
ARTHUR:
I am your king!
MOTHER:
Well, I didn't vote for you.
ARTHUR:
You don't vote for kings.
MOTHER:
Well, how did you become king then?
ARTHUR:
Well
I'll tell you.
One day, as
I was riding forth from Camelot I
saw a lady in the lake!
DENNIS:
Dead?
ARTHUR:
No. Not dead. She was...the L,ady of the Lake! She lives in the
lake.
DENNIS:
What, underwater?
ARTHUR:
Yes.
Dennis indicates to his mother that Arthur has been drinking.
ARTHUR:
She appeared to me out of the bosom of the
water...Her arm
clad in the purest shimmering samite, holding aloft Excalibur
signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry
Excalibur.
He draws his sword. It shines mystically.
PATSY:
Excalibur!
CHORUS (Offstage): Excalibur! Ah
- Ah!
2-8-19
,/
FA
THER:
Stop that! You're not going to do a song while
I'm
here. In twenty
minutes you're getting married to a girl whose father owns the biggest
tracts of open land in Britain.
HERBERT:
But I don't want land.
FATHER:
Listen. Alice...
HERBERT:
Herbert.
FATHER:
Herbert. We live in a bloody swamp. We need land.
HERBERT:
But I don't like her.
FATHER:
Don't like her?! what's wrong with her? she's beautiful, she's
rich, she's got huge... tracts of land.
HERBERT:
I know, but I want the person I marry to
have... a certain...
special... (music)... something. ..
And another hundred people just contracted the plague
Orfell into the swamp...
k#
FATHER:
Cut that
out!
Look, you're marrying Princess Lucky, so you'd better
get used to the idea. Guards!
As he descends the stairs two Guards carrying Halberds enter.
FATHER:
GUARD
#l:
FATHER:
GUARD
#1:
FATHER:
Make sure the Prince doesn't leave this room until I come and get him.
Right! Not... to
leave the room... even
if you come and get him.
No, no. UntilI come and get him.
Until you come and get him, we're not to enter the room.
No...You stay in the room and make sure he doesnt leave.
GUARD
#1:
FATHER:
...and you'll come and get him.
That's right.
2-8-20
GUARD
#1:
We don't need to do anything, apart from just stop him entering the
room.
FATHER:
GUARD
#l:
FATHER:
GUARD
#1:
Leaving the room.
Leaving the room.... yes.
Got it?
Can he leave the roomwithus?
FATHER: (Carefully) No....it's simple... keep him in here.. and make sure....
GUARD
#l:
Oh, yes! We'll keep him in here, obviously. But if he had to
leave...and we were with him...
FATHER:
No... just keep him in here.
#1:
Until you, or anyone else...
GUARD
FATHER:
GUARD
#l:
FATHER:
GUARD
#1:
FATHER:
GUARD
#1:
FATHER:
GUARD
#l:
FATHER:
No. Not
anyone else, just me.
Just vou.
Get back.
Got
it. We'll remain here until
you get back.
And make sure he doesn't leave.
What?
Make sure he doesn't leave.
The Prince....?
Yes. make sure.....
GUARD
#1:
Oh, yes, of course! I thought you meant him...you know, it seemed a
bit daft, me having to guard himwhen he's a guard.
FATHER:
GUARD
#l:
Is that clear?
Oh, yes. That's quite clear. No problems.
Father turn and starts to leave through the Gateway and they follow him.
2-8-21
FATHER:
GUARD
#1:
FATHER:
Where are you going?
We're coming with you.
No, I want you to stay here and make sure he doesn't
leave the room until
GUARD
#1:
I get back.
Oh, I see, right.
HERBERT:
But. Father!
FATHER:
Shut your noise, you! And get that suit on! fmusicJAnd no singing!
Father exits, Shouts offstage. Screams. The Guards smile happily.
Lancelot rushes in, his sword drawn and bloody.
GUARD#I:
Ah. Now vou're not to leave the room until...
ktncelot stabs him
GUARD#2:
Hic.
Lancelot stabs him too and races up the stairs to kneel before the Prince.
LANCELOT:
-
Oh fair one. behold your humble servant Sir Lancelot from the
Court of Camelot, I have come to take you....away ...and oh ...I'm
terribly sorry..
HERBERT:
You got my note?
LANCELOT:
Well...l got a note.
HERBERT:
You've come to rescue me?
GUARD #1:
Oh, yes, of course! I thought you meant him...youknow,
it seemed a
bit daft, me having to guard him whenhe's a guard.
FATHER:
Is that clear?
GUARD #1:
Oh, yes. That's quite clear. No problems.
Father turn and starts to leave through the Gateway and they
follow him.
2-8-21
FATHER:
Where are you going?
GUARD #1:
We're coming with you.
FATHER:
No, I want you to stay here and make sure he doesn,t
leave the room until
I get back.
GUARD #1:
Oh, I see, right.
HERBERT:
But, Father!
FATHER:
Shut your noise, you! And get that suit on!
[musicJ And no singing!
Father exits. shouts offstage. screams. The Guards smile happily.
Lancelot rushes in, his sword drawn and bloody.
GUARD#I:
Ah. Now you're not to leave the room until...
Lancelot stabs him
GUARD#2:
Hic.
L::,sElglrgbs him too and races up the stairs to kneer before
LANCELOT:
the prince.
oh fair one, behold your humble servant Sir Lancerot from the
Court of Camelot, I have come to take you....away ...and oh ...1,m
temibly sorry..
HERBERT:
You got my note?
LANCELOT:
Well...I got a note.
HERBERT:
You've come to rescue me?
LANCELOT:
Well yes, but I hadn't realized...
HERBERT:
I knew
someone would come.
I knew that somewhere out there...there
must be...
Here are you
Here are you,
Here are you Sir Lancelot....
(MUSTC)
Father rushes in.
FATHER:
Stop
that! Who are you?
2-8-22
PRINCE:
I'm vour son.
FATHER:
Not yoz.
LANCELOT:
I'm Sir Lancelot from Camelot
PRINCE:
He's come to rescue me father.
LANCELOT:
Well, let's not jump to conclusions.... Say, these are
HERBERT:
Aren't thev?
LANCELOT:
Thev're wonderful! Wherever did vou find them?
HERBERT:
W.U,
FATHER:
Excuse
LANCELOT:
Yes.. I'm very sorry. But I can explain everything...
HERBERT:
Don't be afraid of him Sir Lancelot. I've got
sir.
,n.r.', a little chap with a stock of adorable
me!
nice
curtains.
fabrics...
Did you kill those guards?
a rope here
all ready.
He throws a rope made of knotted sheets, tied to the castle rampart, out of the window.
FATHER:
You killed eight wedding guests.
LANCELOT:
Er well the thing is ...I thought your son...was a lady.
FATHER:
I can understand that.
PRINCE:
(Half out of the window) Hurry brave Sir Lancelot.
FATHER:
You killed the Bride's father.
LANCELOT:
Oh no. Oh dear. I didn't really mean to...
FATHER:
Didn't mean to? You put your sword through his
LANCELOT:
Gosh, is he all right?
FATHER:
You kicked the Bride in the chest!
LANCELOT:
Oh well now she was asking for it sir. Wearing white and crying.
FATHER:
This is going to cost me a fortune.
PRINCE:
I am ready Sir Lancelot. I am ready...
head.
2-8-23
The Father nonchalantly slices the
rope. The Prince disappears.
There is a pause then a thump from below. Lancelot follows Father down stairs.
FATHER:
Would you like to come and have a drink?
LANCELOT:
I say sir.
Was that entirely necessary?
I do believe you just killed that
poor little fellow.
FATHER:
Oh, let's not bicker and argue about who killed who. After all I am a
recently bereaved father, who has just lost his son, my boy Herbert who
has
just fallen to his death.
Herbert is carried in, in the arms of Concorde.
HERBERT:
I'm not quite
FATHER:
Herbert.
HERBERT:
I'm feeling much
FATHER:
You fell from the Tall Tower, you creep!
HERBERT:
No, I was saved at the last minute.
FATHER:
How?!
HERBERT:
Well,
dead.
better.
I'll tell you...
Music cue. The two Guards pick up their halberds and standfor a song.
FATHER:
Not like that! Not like that!
HERBERT:
I'm going to telM'm going to telM'm going to tell!
GUARDS:
He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell!
FATHER:
No, stop
it!
Right
I'll
make you stop it.
Father grabs a halberd from one of the Guards (who exit) and menaces his son.
Lancelot interposes himself between the irate Father and the terrified Prince Herbert.
2-8-24
lrave him alone! This poor little
LANCELOT:
chap is your son
sir. All
he ever
wanted was a little love and affection, but did you ever give it to him?
No, no..
Becoming emotional
...I'll
wager you denied him. You try to kill him, and worse, far worse,
you try to marry him
has no feelings
offto
some girl, some female that he obviously
for whatsoever. Yes, yes I know a little bit about
bullying Fathers you bastard. Have you no heart? Have you no human
tenderness? Can't you see that all he's askine for is a little love and
understanding?
Almost overcome
Is that too much to
FATHER:
ask? Is it? Too Much! To Ask!
(beat) Oh my god! You're
gay.