Mod dule F Five:

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Mod dule F Five:
Mod
dule Five:
F
Stop
p Playiing Sm
mall in the
t Wo
orld and
d Embrace th
he
U
Unstop
ppable YOU
H
How
to Discov
D
ver and
d Meet Your Persona
P
al Need
ds
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The Stoppab
S
ble You vs. the Unstoppable You
Y
You’re aware of her
h and sh
he’s aware
e of you, but the tw
wo have probably
never had
h
a civil conversation, have
e they?
The uns
stoppable
e you is the one who
o isn’t afra
aid of anything. She
e
courage
eously ste
eps forwarrd in the world
w
and announce
es her presence. You
see it in
n the way
y she holds
s her body
y, in the way
w
she moves,
m
talk
ks, smiles
freely and
a
withou
ut holding
g back, say
ys dumb things
t
without a sec
cond thought
or mom
ment of self-judgme
ent, isn’t worried
w
ab
bout what other peo
ople think,,
and ope
enly receives compliments with
w
gratitu
ude and a belief in their
t
sinceritty. She says “YES!” to all of the
t
blessin
ngs that are making
g themselv
ves
known to her and
d she love
es herself in spite of any shorrtcomings
s she feels
s
she has
s.
The sto
oppable yo
ou is filled with doubt and fea
ar. She do
oesn’t trus
st herself or
o
others, and worrries that others are approaching her arre for selfiish and ev
ven
manipu
ulative rea
asons. You
u see it in her shoulders that roll forwa
ard and in her
inability
y to make
e eye contact for mo
ore than a few seco
onds at a time,
t
in he
er
constan
nt self-critticism and
d surety th
hat everyo
one in hea
aring dista
ance think
ks
that du
umb thing she just said
s
is the
e pinnacle of idiocy. She’s afrraid to act on
ideas th
hat come to her bec
cause she
e’s unsure of their correctness or validiity
and is always
a
asking otherrs for their opinion over her own.
o
She can’t take
e
complim
ments without disco
ounting th
hem (eithe
er to herse
elf, or righ
ht out loud
d)
and she
e hates he
erself for her
h shortc
comings.
Most offten you experience
e
e somethin
ng betwee
en the two
o and often experience
the feeling of a tug-of-war
t
r happenin
ng betwee
en them as you obs
serve and
judge both
b
sides.
Sadly, this
t
is a “normal” state of be
eing for the majority
y of people, most
commo
only wome
en. It’s happened be
ecause fro
om the mo
oment we
e could
understtand langu
uage we observed
o
i in those
it
e around us
u and the
en
experie
enced it as
s a judgment placed
d upon us
s that we adopted
a
as our own
n.
This is NOT our natural
n
sta
ate of bein
ng and mu
ust, must,, must com
me to an end
e
if you’re ever going to fully
y enjoy yo
our life an
nd all of th
he possibillities withiin it
e just waiting for yo
ou to step
p fully into
o your greatness and light.
that are
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Stopp
pable yo
ou, mee
et the un
nstoppa
able you
u and be
ecome one
o
The only way you’re going
g to move more fully
y into the unstoppa
able you, is
i to
introduce and inttegrate th
he two parrts of yourrself that clash.
c
You see
e, the uns
stoppable you is you
ur inner lig
ght; your true beau
uty; the
authentic you that was designed in the image
e of the crreator. We
e are noth
hing
short of perfect, yet we’ve
e been con
nditioned to
t believe
e otherwise.
oppable yo
ou is the product
p
off years and
d years off training and was
The sto
created
d long ago
o and far away
a
in orrder to kee
ep you safe. Keep you
y
safe from
f
what? From
F
feeling the sting of jealously and
d rejection
n for shinin
ng your lig
ght
too brig
ghtly for those who had alrea
ady decide
ed it wasn
n’t safe to shine their
own. Th
he unstop
ppable you
u is YOUR creation and
a
can only be “un
ndone” witth
love an
nd gratitud
de.
How ca
an you love the partt of you th
hat you’ve
e grown to
o hate? Ho
ow can you
find any
ything to be gratefu
ul for abou
ut this parrt of you that
t
feels like a
parasite
e, sucking
g the life out
o of you?
Introdu
uce them and
a
create
e an envirronment of
o trust, co
ommunica
ation, love
e
and forrgiveness and allow the healing to begin. And th
hat’s really
y what it’s
s
going to take to shake this
s persona you creatted. Are you
y
ready and willin
ng to
allow th
he healing
g? Are you
u ready an
nd willing to un-crea
ate her in order to
finally let
l her go so both of
o you can be at pea
ace? Yes? Great! Th
hen let’s
begin …
Here are
a
the gr
round rulles:
You’re going to begin
b
a dia
alogue between the
ese two op
pposing pa
arts of
yoursellf and plan
nt the see
ed of change. You’re
e willing to
o be open to whatever
comes up and allow yourself to BE with
w
whatever takes place. You
Y
promis
se
to be honest with
h yourselff and dig deep
d
for th
he feelings that call themselv
ves
eally only parts of th
he illusion
n you think
k of as “yo
ou”. You’rre
“you”, but are re
going to take wh
hatever tim
me it calls for to let the healin
ng take pllace and
you’re going
g
to infuse every though
ht and actiion you ha
ave regard
ding this
process
s with love
e and a de
eep honorring of ALL
L of the pa
arts of you
u, stoppab
ble
or not.
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Exercis
se One – Start the
t
Dialogue
Allow as
a many ba
ack and fo
orth respo
onses as are
a necess
sary over as
a much time
t
as you discover is
i needed (it could be a few days,
d
or a few months – it’s up
to you)). Today you’re
y
goin
ng to write
e a total of
o four lettters to gett the proce
ess
started
d.
Examplle letter to
o the Stop
ppable You
u:
Dear Sttoppable Me,
M
God I hate
h
you. You
Y
keep me from so many wonderful
w
things! You’re
Y
so
judgme
ental and critical and you alw
ways make
e me feel like
l
shit about myse
elf.
I can never seem
m to just le
eave you home and
d go out without
w
you. Why arre
you eve
en here? What
W
purp
pose could
d you poss
sibly serve
e? I wish you’d
y
justt go
away.
You stin
nk,
Unstopp
pable Me
Examplle letter to
o the Unsttoppable You:
Y
Dear Un
nstoppablle Me,
You are
e so amaz
zing and fu
un to be around.
a
I love your energy an
nd how yo
ou
are in the
t
world when you
u’re there. I wish yo
ou were he
ere more often.
o
Wh
hy
do you come and
d go? How
w can I gett you to stay with me
m all the time?
I need you,
Stoppable Me
Examplle respons
se to the Stoppable
S
You:
Dear Sttoppable Me,
M
I underrstand now
w that I crreated you
u long ago
o and far away
a
and when I did
you serrved a purrpose. I’m
m sorry I’ve been so
o hateful to
o you all these
t
yearrs
and tha
at I didn’t acknowle
edge there
e was a pu
urpose tha
at you serv
ved. You’v
ve
done a great job doing wh
hat you we
ere design
ned to do. It’s time now for you
y
to go. I bless you
u and let you
y
go in peace.
y
for be
eing there for me,
Thank you
Unstopp
pable Me
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Examplle respons
se to the Unstoppab
U
ble You:
Dear Un
nstoppablle Me,
It’s bee
en too long
g and too far betwe
een that I get to experience your
y
presenc
ce. I miss you when
n you’re not
n here. I want you
u to take over
o
and set
s
me free
e. I didn’t really want this job
b in the firrst place you
y
know.. I’d like to
o
finally step
s
aside
e and allow
w you to be
b the only
y one running the show.
s
Plea
ase
let me go now an
nd know that
t
you don’t need me anym
more. You’’re strong and
capable
e and you have the tools and
d the supp
port you ne
eed to do this alone
e.
Really, it’s been in you all along you
u just didn
n’t know itt until now
w.
I wish you
y
every
y good thin
ng. You arre amazing!
Stoppable Me
Now ta
ake some
e time to journal what’s
w
co
ome up fo
or you as
s you
opened
d the doo
or to crea
ate healin
ng betwe
een these
e fracture
ed parts of
o
yourse
elf.
Start by
y writing … “what I just expe
erienced was
w …”
Now pu
ut your pe
en down and close your
y
eyes.. Wrap you
ur arms around
yoursellf and SEE
E the two parts of yourself em
mbracing one
o
anoth
her. Feel
everyth
hing that comes
c
up.. Feel the hurt … the grief … the sadne
ess … the
perceiv
ved betray
yals … the hatred … the anger … the diminishme
ent of you by
outside
e influence
es. See tha
at dark clo
oud lifting
g and floatting away in a bubb
ble
of radia
ant white light. Keep your arm
ms around
d yourselff and feel the love …
the pea
ace … the forgiveness and the
e joy enve
eloping those parts of yourse
elf
who are
e still emb
bracing. See
S
the go
olden white
e light witth pink rib
bbons of lo
ove
swirling
g around you
y
both. See that light genttly and lov
vingly carrrying the
stoppab
ble you up
p into the stars whe
ere she ca
an be relea
ased and reformed as
the vibrant, brilliiant energ
gy she sho
ould alway
ys have be
een. See the
t
energy
y of
her now
w floating gently ba
ack down from
f
the starts
s
as golden
g
wh
hite light with
w
blue an
nd green ribbons
r
… see and fe
eel them now enterring your body as th
he
transformed energy which
h is and always has been the unstoppa
able you. See
S
eart chakrra expanding with jo
oy and gra
atitude for this tran
nsformatio
on
your he
and wa
atch it as it expands
s to encom
mpass you
ur entire physical bo
ody and
beyond
d.
Take so
ome time now to just BE with
h this expe
erience. When
W
you’’re ready,
gently return to the room you are in
n here and
d now to take
t
part in the nex
xt
exercise.
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D
Discover
ing your needs
s and lea
arning to
t honorr them
The nex
xt exercise will help
p you to determine the differe
ence betw
ween your
values (you know
w, those things you
u DO value
e, or think
k you’re su
upposed to)
and you
ur needs (those
(
things you must
m
have to be at your
y
best)). The
followin
ng exercise has bee
en adapted
d from Thomas Leonard of Co
oachU.
What are
a
perso
onal need
ds?
Persona
al needs (vs.
(
physic
cal needs such as water,
w
food
d, shelter and love))
are tho
ose things we must have in order to be
e our best. One can get throu
ugh
life fairly well not having these
t
need
ds met, bu
ut for an effortless,
e
rewarding
and suc
ccessful liffe, Person
nal Needs must be identified, addresse
ed and
handled
d or there
e is a possibility of them sabo
otaging ou
ur success in life.
Many of
o us spend
d our lives
s trying (c
consciously or not) to get the
ese needs
met. Att best, we
e treat the symptom
ms or get temporary
t
y relief fro
om them. This
T
is for tw
wo reason
ns: (1) Most of us assume the
ese needs
s will “alwa
ays be witth
us”, and (2) we assume
a
th
hat's "justt the way we are”. This
T
is nott true!
Instructions
Please read these instructions twice
e.
PHASE
E 1 - Select 10 Nee
eds
Read th
he list of 200
2
needs
s and tick approximately 10 which
w
reso
onate as a
need fo
or you. You are look
king for a NEED - no
ot a “wantt”, a “should”, a
“fantasy” or a “w
wish”. A ne
eed is a MUST
M
for you
y
to BE YOUR
Y
BES
ST. Part off
the first step is to
t TELL TH
HE TRUTH about wh
hat you AC
CTUALLY NEED.
N
This
s
may be
e the first time you have everr admitted
d this to yourself.
y
S
Some
of th
hese
you will know inn
nately. Others require some frank 'sou
ul-searchin
ng'.
PLEASE
E be willing to consider words
s you might normally skip ov
ver. These
may be
e hidden needs
n
and you may have one
e or more of the following
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reaction
ns to them
m:
•
You may - blush or shake
Y
s
whe
en reading
g the word
d find you
u can't gett to
th
he next word
w
quickly enough
h
•
You may th
Y
hink - "No
o, I don't want
w
THAT
T one to be
b a need"" or "If tha
at is
trrue, I'd ha
ave to cha
ange my liife a lot!"
Now tic
ck the 10 words, fro
om the listt on the la
ast page, which you
u believe to
t
be Pers
sonal Need
ds. Ask yo
ourself: "If I had this, would I be able to reach my
m
goals and vision without effort?"
e
(W
Work - yes, but a strruggle - no)
If you have
h
troub
ble keepin
ng to 10, highlight
h
e
every
need you thin
nk you hav
ve
then na
arrow it do
own.
PHASE
E 2 – Narr
row down your ne
eeds to 4 or 5
We all need a litttle of everrything listed at the
e end of th
his process but we
want yo
ou to pick
k the 4 mo
ost important Personal Needs
s from the 10 you
ticked. You may wish to co
ompare ea
ach of you
ur 10 with
h each other and ask
yoursellf "Do I ne
eed X or Y?
Y Which ones
o
could
d I live we
ell without? Which
ones, when
w
met,, make the
e other on
nes not too important?”
PHASE
E 3 – Rela
ate to you
ur needs
Choose
e a particu
ular Need and
a
see how you re
elate to it.. A good way
w
to do this
is to take a sheet of paperr and rule it down the middle
e. At the to
op write the
Need.
Step 1
Use the
e left hand
d column to
t answerr these questions, "Who am I when I get
g
this nee
ed met? How
H
do I act?
a
What do I think
k about? What
W
motiivates me?"
Aim forr 5 specific
c response
es.
Use the
e right han
nd column
n to answe
er these questions.
q
"Who am
m I when I
don't get this need met? How
H
do I behave?
b
H
How
do I feel about myself?
About others?
o
Ab
bout life?"" Aim for 5 specific response
es.
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My need
d:
Who am I when I get this need
n
met?
?
How do I act?
What do I think ab
bout?
What mo
otivates me?
m
1.
Who am
m I when I don’t ge
et these needs
met?
How do
o I behave
e?
How do
o I feel ab
bout myse
elf?
How do
o I feel ab
bout otherrs? About Life?
1.
2.
2.
3.
3.
4.
4.
5.
5.
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Write down
d
5 specific
s
w
ways
thatt you are satisfyin
ng this ne
eed
How well
w
am I getting this
t
need
d met?
What am
a I doin
ng in my life that permits this need
d to be sa
atisfied to
t
the point of dis
sappearin
ng?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
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Write down
d
5 specific
s
th
hings tha
at you are
e doing which
w
doe
esn't serrve
this ne
eed
Where
e am I no
ot getting
g this nee
ed met?
What am
a I doin
ng in my life that restricts,
s, dishono
ors, or do
oes not give
g
this ne
eed the ro
oom and
d nourishm
ment it re
equires and
a
deserrves?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
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Write down
d
the
e 3 speciffic (and probably
p
large) ch
hanges to you
identiffy need to
o be mad
de
What changes
c
am I willling to make in my
m life in order
o
to fully
f
mee
et
and sa
atisfy this
s need so
o I don’t sabotage
s
e myself?
?
1.
2.
3.
For example:
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
chang
ge jobs
face and
a
handle something difficu
ult
stop smoking
let go
o of duties
s
get special traiining
start fully communicatin
ng
let go
o of the fu
uture
let go
o of people
e who dra
ain me
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You
u can use
e the head
dings as a need or
o one of the distin
nctions
Be Ac
ccepted
To Accomplish
Be
e Acknow
wledged
Appro
oved
Includ
ded
Respe
ected
Permiitted
Popular
Sancttioned
Cool
Allowe
ed
Tolera
ated
Achieve
e
Fulfill
e
Realise
Reach
Profit
Attain
Yield
Consum
mmate
Victory
y
Be worthy
B
B praised
Be
d
H
Honoured
F
Flattered
C
Complime
nted
B prized
Be
A
Appreciate
ed
V
Valued
T
Thanked
Be Lo
oved
Be Rig
ght
B Cared For
Be
Liked
Cheris
shed
Esteemed
Held fondly
f
Desire
ed
Preferrred
Relish
hed
Adore
ed
Touch
hed
Correctt
Not mis
staken
Honestt
Morally
y right
Be defe
erred to
Be confirmed
ated
Advoca
Encourraged
Unders
stood
Get attenttion
G
B helped
Be
C
Cared
about
B saved
Be
A
Attended
t
to
T
Treasured
T
Tendernes
ss
R
Receive
gifts
B Embrac
Be
ced
Certa
ainty
Be Com
mfortable
e
T Comm
To
municate
Clarity
y
Accurracy
Assurrance
Obvio
ousness
Guara
antees
Promiises
Comm
mitments
Exactness
Precis
sion
Luxury
y
Opulen
nce
Excess
Prosperity
ence
Indulge
Abunda
ance
Not wo
ork
Taken care of
Served
d
Be heard
B
G
Gossip
T stories
Tell
s
M
Make
a po
oint
S
Share
T
Talk
B listened
Be
d to
C
Comment
I
Informed
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To Co
ontrol
Be Need
ded
D
Duty
Domin
nate
Comm
mand
Restra
ain
Manag
ge
Correct others
Be ob
beyed
Not ig
gnored
Keep status
quo
Restriict
Improve
e others
Be a crittical link
Be usefu
ul
Be crave
ed
Please others
o
Affect otthers
Need to give
Be impo
ortant
Be mate
erial
Obligated
O
D the right
Do
t
thing
F
Follow
O
Obey
H
Have
a tas
sk
S
Satisfy
oth
hers
P
Prove
self
B devoted
Be
H
Have
a cau
use
Be Frree
Honesty
y
O
Order
Unres
stricted
Privile
eged
Immu
une
Indep
pendent
Auton
nomous
Soverreign
Not Obligated
O
Self-rreliant
Libera
ated
Forthrightness
Uprightn
ness
No lying
Sincerity
y
Loyalty
Frankness
Nothing withheld
Tell all
Perfection
P
S
Symmetry
y
C
Consistenc
cy
S
Sequentia
l
C
Checklists
U
Unvarying
R
Rightness
L
Literalness
s
R
Regulate
Safetty
Peace
R
Recogniti
ion
Securrity
Protec
cted
Stable
e
Fully informed
Delibe
erate
Quiet
Calmne
ess
Unity
Reconc
ciliation
Stillnes
ss
Balance
e
Be noticed
B
d
B remem
Be
mbered
B known for
Be
R
Regarded
well
G credit
Get
S
Seen
C
Celebrated
d
A
Acclaim
V
Vocation
Work
k
Powerr
Caree
er
Perforrmance
Press,, push
Make it happen
n
Authorrity
Capacitty
Results
s
Omnipo
otence
14 | P a g e Contentt used underr license. © 2011 www
w.BeingsWith
houtBorders
s.com Modu
ule 5
A task
k
Respo
onsibility
Indus
striousness
s
Be bu
usy
Stead
diness
Respitte
Agree
ement
Strength
Might
Stamin
na
Preroga
ative
Cautiou
us
Alert
Guarde
ed
Vigilant
nce
Influen
Acknowle
edgement – Thomas Le
eonard – Co
oachU Inc.
15 | P a g e Contentt used underr license. © 2011 www
w.BeingsWith
houtBorders
s.com Modu
ule 5
Summ
mary rec
cap of th
his wee
ek’s less
son:
It’s time to recognize and acknow
wledge th
he stoppa
able you and the
reason she was brought
b
in
nto being in the first place. Honor
H
herr and the role
she played in your life up until now and allow
w yourse
elf the sp
pace to
make peace
p
with her an
nd let herr go.
It’s time to recognize and acknow
wledge th
he unstop
ppable yo
ou and that
she IS the true and
a
authentic YOU. Honor he
er and alllow yourrself the
mbrace the
e courageo
ous, dynam
mic,
space to step fully into her presence. Em
mit to lettiing her run the show from no
ow
brilliantt YOU thatt you are and comm
on.
Discov
ver and acknowled
dge the needs
n
you must have
h
in orrder to be
e
your best.
b
Admit to yours
self what your need
ds are and
d be willing
g to do wh
hat
you nee
ed to in orrder to ge
et them met. Love yourself
y
enough to
t honor
everytthing abo
out you!
16 | P a g e Contentt used underr license. © 2011 www
w.BeingsWith
houtBorders
s.com Modu
ule 5

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