Homework! Oh, Homework!

Homework! Oh, Homework!
Homework! Oh, Homework!
I hate you! You stink!
I wish I could wash you away in the sink,
if only a bomb
would explode you to bits.
Homework! Oh, homework!
You're giving me fits.
I'd rather take baths
with a man-eating shark,
or wrestle a lion
alone in the dark,
eat spinach and liver,
pet ten porcupines,
than tackle the homework,
my teacher assigns.
Homework! Oh, homework!
You're last on my list,
I simply can't see
why you even exist,
if you’d just disappeared
it would tickle me pink.
Homework! Oh, homework!
I hate you! You stink!
by Jack Prelutsky
The Homework Machine
The Homework Machine,
Oh, the Homework Machine,
Most perfect contraption that's ever been seen.
Just put in your homework, then drop in a dime,
Snap on the switch, and in ten seconds' time,
Your homework comes out, quick and clean as can be.
Here it is--"nine plus four?" and the answer is "three."
Three?
Oh me . . .
I guess it's not as perfect
As I thought it would be.
by Shel Silverstein
Discovered by: Nicholas
My Dog Does My Homework
My dog does my homework
at home every night.
He answers each question
and gets them all right.
There’s only one problem
with homework by Rover.
I can’t turn in work
That’s been slobbered all over
Kenn Nesbitt
Homework, I LOVE You
Homework, I love you. I think that you’re great.
It’s wonderful fun when you keep me up late.
I think you’re the best when I’m totally stressed
preparing and cramming all night for a test.
Homework, I love you. What more can I say?
I love to do hundreds of problems each day.
You boggle my mind and you make me go blind
but still I’m ecstatic that you were assigned.
Homework, I love you. I tell you, it’s true.
There’s nothing more fun or exciting to do.
You’re never a chore, for it’s you I adore.
I wish that our teacher would hand you out more.
Homework, I love you. You thrill me inside.
I’m filled with emotions. I’m fit to be tied.
I cannot complain when you frazzle my brain.
Of course, that’s because I’m completely insane.
Kenn Nesbitt
discovered by: Madison
Dog Ate My Homework
My dog ate my homework.
That mischievous pup
got hold of my homework
and gobbled it up.
My dog ate my homework.
It’s gonna be late.
I guess that the teacher
will just have to wait.
My dog ate my homework.
He swallowed it whole.
I shouldn’t have mixed it
with the food in his bowl.
Kenn Nesbitt
My Teacher Ate My Homework
My teacher ate my homework,
which I thought was rather odd.
He sniffed at it and smiled
with an approving sort of nod.
He took a little nibble –
it’s unusual, but true –
then he had a somewhat larger bite
and gave a thoughtful chew.
I think he must have liked it,
for he really went to town.
He gobbled it with gusto
and he wolfed the whole thing down.
He licked off all his fingers,
Gave a burp and said, “You pass.”
I guess that’s how they grade you
When you’re in cooking class.
Kenn Nesbitt
By Shel Silverstein
Today is not a Good Day
Today is not a good day.
I woke up sick in bed..
My stomach has a stabbing pain
that’s spreading to my head.
My knees are weak and achy.
My eyes are full of flu.
I fear I may contaminate;
I have a fever too.
I cannot see.
I cannot breathe.
I cannot read or write.
My eyes are shut.
My nose is blocked.
I’m not a pretty sight.
I cannot lift a finger
or move a tired toe.
My throat is hot and scratchy.
The answer’s simply NO…
I cannot go to school today;
I’m awfully sorry too,
this had to happen on the day
my book report was due.
Rebecca Kai Dotlich
My Lunch
A candy bar.
A piece of cake.
A lollipop.
A chocolate shake.
A jelly donut.
Chocolate chips.
Some gummy worms
and licorice whips.
A candy cane.
A lemon drop.
some bubblegum
and soda pop.
Vanilla wafers
Cherry punch.
Mom slept in
while I made my lunch.
Kenn Nessbitt
Discovered by: Milan
My New Pet
I asked for a pet.
He said, “I’ll take you shopping.”
My father took me to a store
where animals were hopping.
He asked me, “Which one would you like?”
So I picked out a puppy,
a parakeet, a rabbit,
plus a gerbil, and a guppy.
I also picked a monkey
and a yellow Siamese cat,
a turtle, snake, and lizard,
plus a very big rat.
My dad said, “If you want a pet,
then you will have to feed it.”
Instead, I picked a storybook.
I cannot wait to read it.
Bruce Lansky
Found by: Phoebe
Bear in There
There's a polar bear
In our Frigidaire—
He likes it 'cause it's cold in there.
With his seat in the meat
And his face in the fish
And his big hairy paws
In the buttery dish,
He's nibbling the noodles,
He's munching the rice,
He's slurping the soda,
He's licking the ice.
And he lets out a roar
If you open the door.
And it gives me a scare
To know he's in there—
That polary bear
In our Fridgitydaire.
Shel Silverstein
Nicknames
My aunt calls me “Elizabeth.”
My grandma calls me “Liz.”
My sister calls me “Lisa,.”
and the baby calls me “Wiz.”
My uncle calls me “Betty,”
While my grandpa calls me “Beth.”
My brother calls me “Dizzy Liz,”
or sometimes “Lizard Breath.”
My teacher calls me “Betsy,”
and my friends all call me “Bess.”
I find these nicknames more annoying
than you would ever guess.
I wish that they would call me
by my real name instead,
I simply HATE those nicknames
see my name is Fred.
Kenn Nesbitt
Found by: Edmond
Found by: Sydney H.
Shining Star
As the days go rolling by,
You have to keep reaching for the sky.
Let no one steer you away from your course
‘Cause you are your only energy source.
Keep on soaring both near and far;
Your light constantly shines,
You’re a shining star.
Natasha Niemi
Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me Too
Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too
Went for a ride in a flying shoe.
"Hooray!"
"What fun!"
"It's time we flew!"
Said Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too.
Ickle was captain, and Pickle was crew
And Tickle served coffee and mulligan stew
As higher
And higher
And higher they flew,
Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too.
Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too,
Over the sun and beyond the blue.
"Hold on!"
"Stay in!"
"I hope we do!"
Cried Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too.
Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle too
Never returned to the world they knew,
And nobody
Knows what's
Happened to
Dear Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too.
Shel Silverstein
Discovered by: Thomas
Last Night I Dreamed of Chickens
By Jack Prelutsky
Last night I dreamed of chickens,
there were chickens everywhere,
they were standing on my stomach,
they were nesting in my hair,
they were pecking at my pillow,
they were hopping on my head,
they were ruffling up their feathers
as they raced about my bed.
They were on the chairs and tables,
they were on the chandeliers,
they were roosting in the corners,
they were clucking in my ears,
there were chickens, chickens, chickens
for as far as I could see...
when I woke today, I noticed
there were eggs on top of me.
Discovered by: Maddis
Put Something In
By Shel Silverstein
Draw a crazy picture,
Write a nutty poem,
Sing a mumble-gumble song,
Whistle through your comb.
Do a loony-goony dance
‘Cross the kitchen floor,
Put something silly in the world
That ain’t been there before.
Discovered by: Zack W.
Flag
One star is for Alaska . . .
One star is for Nebraska . . .
One star is for North Dakota . . .
One star is for Minnesota . . .
There are lots of other stars,
But I forgot which ones they are.
~Shel Silverstein
Found by: Phoebe
Attack of the Vegetables
Clouted by sprouts,
And harassed by carrots!
Poked by the beans,
And screamed at by salad!
Poisoned by cabbage,
And pinched by the peas!
Tripped by the spinach,
And peppered with seeds!
Hair pulled by parsnip,
And bruised by tomato!
Glared at by swede,
And thumped by potato!
Battered by beetroot,
That pinch, punch and poke!
Slapped by the onions,
And Arti, who chokes!
Gareth Lancaster
Found by: Phoebe
I Love to do the Laundry
I love to do the laundry.
I mean it. I don't mind
because I get to keep
whatever money I might find.
I know it sounds ridiculous.
I'm sure it must seem strange.
But every time I wash the clothes
I find some pocket change.
I found a dollar yesterday.
Today I found a ten.
I'm certain that tomorrow
I'll find money once again.
You see, I have a strategy.
(I guess that's what you call it.)
And sometimes I just accidentally
wash my father's wallet.
--Kenn Nesbitt
Found by: Thomas
My Brother’s Invisible Dragon
My brother’s invisible dragon
Is practically always around
It’s roughly the size of a rhino,
and doesn’t make much of a sound.
My brother insists that his dragon
has scales of indelible green.
I wonder how he knows the color
of something that cannot be seen.
I’ve never been able to spy it,
It won’t show itself to my eyes,
So when I bump into that dragon,
It’s always an awkward surprise.
My brother’s invisible dragon
possesses a mischievous flair.
It burns my dessert every evening –
that’s why I’m convinced that it’s there.
Jack Prelutsky
Found by: Taylor
Because I don’t Like Lima Beans
Because I don’t like lima beans,
I dropped them in my juice.
My mother noticed what I did,
and so it was no use.
I slyly set my spinach,
on the floor beneath my chair.
My mother eyes are very sharp,
she saw it sitting there.
I tried to hide my broccoli
behind the window shade.
My mother gave it back to me,
I was a bit dismayed.
Whenever I hide vegetables,
She finds them in a blink.
It’s hard to fool my mother –
she knows the way I think.
Jack Prelusky
When I Grow Up
When I grow up, I think that I
may pilot rockets through the sky,
grow orchards full of apple tree,
or find a way to cure disease.
Perhaps I’ll run for President,
design a robot, or invent
unique computerized machines
or miniature submarines.
When I grow up, I’’d like to be
the captain of a ship at sea,
an architect, a clown or cook,
the writer of a famous book.
I just might be the one to teach
a chimpanzee the art of speech…
but what I’ll really be, I’ll bet
I’ve not begun to think of yet.
Jack Prelusky
The Loser
Mama said I’d lose my head
If it wasn’t fastened on.
Today I guess it wasn’t
‘Cause while playing with my cousin
It fell off and rolled away
And now it’s gone.
And I can’t look for it
‘Cause my eyes are in it,
And I can’t call to it
‘Cause my mouth is on it
(Couldn’t hear me anyway
‘Cause my ears are on it),
Can’t even think about it
‘Cause my brain is in it.
So I guess I’ll sit down
On this rock
And rest for just a minute….
~Shel Silverstein
Smart
By: Shel Silverstein
My dad gave me one dollar bill
‘Cause I’m his smartest son,
And I swapped it for two shiny quarters
‘Cause two is more than one!
And then I took the quarters
And traded them to Lou
For three dimes- I guess that he don’t know
That three is more than two!
Just then, along came old blind Bates
And just ‘cause he can’t see
He gave me four nickels for my three dimes,
And four is more than three!
And I took the nickels to Hiram Coombs
Down at the seed-feed store,
And the fool gave me five pennies for them,
And five is more than four!
And then I went and showed my dad,
And he got red in the cheeks
And closed his eyes and shook his headToo proud of me to speak!
Rock ‘N’ Roll Band
By Shel Silverstein
If we were a rock ‘n’ roll band,
We’d travel all over the land,
We’d play and we’d sing and wear spangly things,
If we were a rock ‘n’ roll band.
If we were a rock ‘n’ roll band,
And we were up there on the stand,
The people would hear us and love us and cheer us,
Hurray for that rock ‘n’ roll band,
If we were a rock ‘n’ roll band,
Then we’d have millions of fans.
We’d giggle and laugh and sign autographs,
If we were a rock ‘n’ roll band,
If we were a rock ‘n’ roll band,
The people would all kiss our hands.
We’d be millionaires and have extra long hair,
If we were a rock ‘n’ roll band,
But we ain’t no rock ‘n’ roll band,
We’re just seven kids in the sand
With homemade guitars and pails and jars
And drums of potato chip cans.
Just seven kids in the sand,
Talkin’ and wavin’ our hands,
And dreamin’ and thinkin’ oh wouldn’t it be grand
If we were a rock ‘n’ roll band.
Found by; Sagan
Please Don’t Read This Poem
Please don't read this poem.
It's only meant for me.
That's it. Just move along now.
There's nothing here to see.
Besides, I'm sure you'd rather
just go outside and play.
So put the poem down now
and slowly back away.
Hey, why are you still reading?
That isn't very nice.
I've asked you once politely.
Don't make me ask you twice.
I'm telling you, it's private.
Do not read one more line.
Hey! That's one more. Now stop it.
This isn't yours; it's mine.
You're not allowed to read this.
You really have to stop.
If you don't quit this instant,
I swear I'll call a cop.
He'll drag you off in handcuffs.
He'll lock you up in jail,
and leave you there forever
until you're old and frail.
Your friends will all forget you.
You won't be even missed.
Your family, too, will likely
forget that you exist.
And all because you read this
instead of having fun.
It's too late now, amigo;
the poem's nearly done.
There's only one solution.
Here's what you'll have to do:
Tell all your friends and family
they shouldn't read it too.
--Kenn Nesbitt
Needles and Pins
by Shel Silverstein
Needles and pins,
Needles and pins,
Sew me a sail
To catch me the wind.
Sew me a sail
Strong as the gale,
Carpenter, bring out your
Hammers and nails.
Hammers and nails,
Hammers and nails,
Build me a boat
To go chasing the whales.
Chasing the whales,
Sailing the blue
Find me a captain
And sign me a crew.
Captain and crew,
Captain and crew,
Take me, oh take me
To anywhere new.
My Teacher Took My iPod
My teacher took my iPod
She said they had a rule;
I couldn’t bring it into class
or even to the school.
She said she would return it;
I’d have to take it back that day.
But then she tried my headphones on
and gave a click on Play..
She looked a little startled,
but after just a while
she made sure we were occupied
and cracked a wicked smile.
Her body started swaying.
Her toes began to tap.
She started grooving in her seat
and rocking to the rap.
My teacher said she changed her mind.
She thinks it’s now okay
to bring my iPod into class.
She takes it every day.
- Kenn Nesbitt
My Mother’s
Chocolate Valentine
By Jack Prelutsky
I bought a box of chocolate hearts,
A present for my mother,
They looked so good I tasted one,
And then I tried another.
They both were so delicious
That I ate another four,
And then another couple,
And then half a dozen more.
I couldn’t seem to stop myself,
I nibbled on and on.
Before I knew what happened,
All the chocolate hearts were gone.
I felt a little guilty,
I was stuffed down to my socks.
I ate my mother’s valentine…
I hope she likes the box.
Jellyfish Stew
Jellyfish stew,
I’m loony for you,
I dearly adore you,
Oh, truly I do,
You’re creepy to see,
Revolting to chew,
You slide down inside
With a hullabaloo.
You’re soggy, you’re smelly,
You taste like shampoo,
You bog down my belly
With oodles of goo,
Yet I would glue noodles
And prunes to my shoe,
For one oozy spoonful
Of jellyfish stew.
Jack Prelutsky
I Never Sit on Scrambled Eggs
By Jack Prelutsky
I never sit on scrambled eggs,
I know it isn’t right.
I never swim in pudding,
it’s considered impolite.
I never mash bananas
in my sister’s curly hair,
and seldom stuff spaghetti
down my brother’s underwear.
I do not dance in oatmeal,
it makes messes on the floor.
I do not juggle gelatin,
at least not anymore.
I do not swing at watermelons
with my baseball batmy mother says the things I do
are worse than all of that!
Garlic Breath
Little Seth had garlic breathSaid hi to his sister and breathed her to death.
Breathed on the grass
And the grass all died.
Breathed on an egg and the egg got fried.
Breathed on the air and the air turned green
Breathed on the clock and it struck thirteen.
Breathed on the cat and the cat went moo.
Breathed on the cow and the cow gave glue.
Breathed on his brother,
His brother went blind.
Breathed on his mother
And she’s lost her mind.
Breathed on a top
And made it spin.
Breathed on the house
And the walls caved in.
Breathed on his feet and they ran from Seth.
Just to get away from his garlic breath.
By Shel Silverstein
One sister for sale!
One sister for sale!
One crying and spying young sister for sale!
I’m really not kidding,
So who’ll start the bidding?
Do I hear a dollar?
A nickel?
A penny?
Oh, isn’t there, isn’t there, isn’t there any
One kid who will buy this old sister for sale?
This crying and spying young sister for sale?
Shel Silverstein
Eletelephony
byLaura Richards
Once there was an elephant,
Who tried to use the telephantNo! No! I mean an elephone
Who tried to use the telephone(Dear me! I am not certain quite
That even now I've got it right.)
Howe'er it was, he got his trunk
Entangled in the telephunk;
The more he tried to get it free,
The louder buzzed the telephee(I fear I'd better drop the song
Of elephop and telephong!)
Digging for Diamonds
I’m digging for diamonds.
I’m digging for gold.
I’m digging for silver
that’s shiny and cold.
I’m digging all day and
I’m digging all night.
I’m digging for rubies
all sparkly and bright.
I plan to get famous.
I plan to get rich
by digging up gemstones
in ditch after ditch.
And yet, from these ditches
I’ve dug in the ground,
there weren’t any diamonds
or coins to be found.
I haven’t got silver
or rubies, you see…
I just have my mom and dad
yelling at me.
For though I found nothing
From digging from dawn,
my parents found holes
where we once had a lawn.
By Kenn Nesbitt
Boa Constrictor
Oh, I’m being eaten
By a boa constrictor,
A boa constrictor,
A boa constrictor,
I’m being eaten by a boa constrictor,
And I don’t like it – one bit.
Well, what do you know?
It’s nibblin’ my toe.
Oh, gee,
It’s up to my knee.
Oh my,
It’s up to my thigh.
Oh, fiddle,
It’s up to my middle.
Oh, heck,
It’s up to my neck.
Oh, dread,
It’s upmmmmmmmmmmmmmffffff…
By Shel Silverstein
Calendar Poem
Thirty days hath September,
April, June, and November;
All the rest have thirty-one,
Except for February alone,
Which has only twenty-eight days clear
And twenty-nine in a Leap Year.
Waiter, There's a Dog in My Soup
There's a doggy in my soup dish.
There's a canine in my cup.
The waiter brought a bowl out
and I found this grubby pup.
His fur is simply sopping.
He's wet from head to toes.
He's got some peas upon his paws
and noodles on his nose.
He doesn't look too happy.
His eyes are filled with tears.
Or maybe that's just chicken soup
that's dripping from his ears.
I'm sure I asked for noodles.
I got this dog instead.
I wonder how this happened.
Was it something that I said?
I guess I must have mumbled.
I'm such a nincompoop!
It seems the waiter heard me ask for
Chicken Poodle Soup.
--Kenn Nesbitt
My Kitten Won't Stop Talking
My kitten won't stop talking.
She just prattles night and day.
She walks around repeating
nearly everything I say.
My kitten never says, "Meow."
She never even purrs.
She mimics me instead
in that annoying voice of hers.
She waits for me to speak,
and then she copies every word,
or begs me for a cracker,
or says, "I'm a pretty bird."
I'm not sure what to do, and so
I simply grin and bear it.
She's been this way since yesterday;
that's when she ate my parrot.
--Kenn Nesbitt