Brothers`Page Here We Go! - The Noble NoZe Brotherhood

Brothers’Page Here We Go!
Broth
Keko Muckity Muck! Keko
Muckity Muck! Mene Mene
Teckel Upharsin Satch on
Brother Long NoZe! Satch!
BSSS! BMMC! HRGS! JLRC!
WFFF! DGDC! KSCIC!
Christmas is here so bring on the cheer, bring on the funny and bring on the beer. If
you don’t celebrate then cower in fear, ‘cause the most noble of NoZes are getting
near. Maybe this semester is when you disapear, if so when BAA asks you’de better
stay clear or risk being punished by Baylor for a year. But just to be clear we’re all
shedding a tear that our pranks and appearences were met with a jeer, except for ‘ole
Kenny. He loves us I hear. Hopefully we can put a stop to that.
Can I get a Satch? Satchel? Saaaaatchellllllllll!!!!!!!
The Cunning Linguist’s Farewell Address
Please, Please, get up. There’s no need to bow before me. Alright maybe just a little bit
of bowing. OK now you can get up. Yes it’s come to that time when I must pass down the
torch. Alas, my reign was short, but only because I am such a genius that Baylor’s walls
cannot hold me for a full four years. They say a general goes to war with the army he has,
well this general had nothing but a novelty giant foam hand, and one of those sticks with a
fake horse head on one end. I can only hope I forced a few smiles out of those dry chapped
lips of yours, revealing some poorly kept teeth. Even if the papers I slaved away for hours
putting together were some minor inconvenience for you to throw away I still see it as a
victory, because I hate you and want your life to be somehow measurably worse due to my
actions. So peace out. I hope you and all your stupid friends get the flu.
-Brother NoZe’s Ark, retiring Cunning Linguist
Venerable Exiles
Bro. KuntNoZe Kinte
Bro. AbstinoZe
Bro. NoZe Sequitor
Bro. TheNoZeous Monk
Bro. Ted KeNoZedy
Bro. Love Potion #NoZe
Bro. NoZey Loves Chachi
Faculty Hostage*
Bro. NoZe Better
Those Aweful Neos
Bro. Taco CabaNoZe.
the other one quit
Bored of Graft
Bro. NoZe’s Ark
Bro. Jesus Loves Me! This I NoZe
Bro. Tickle me ElmNoZe
Bro. Life Ain’t Easy for a Boy Named NoZe
Bro. Bear NoZecessities
Others
Bro. ThumbeliNoZe
Bro. NoZein on the Ritz
Bro. NoZesome Dove
Bro. MeNoZepause
Bro. Burlington NoZe Factory
Bro. Hunter NoZe Thompson
Bro. TelemundNoZe
Contact us:
[email protected]
[email protected]
TheNoZe.org
@NoZeBrotherhood (twitter)
and we have a NoZe Brotherhood Facebook page!
...We love to hear your complaints!
Holy Law #34: Regurgitating internet memes
does not make you funny.
Chamberpots Develop Sense of Humor
As many of you know, Lady and
Joy have become two of Waco’s most
sought after BBW, and while their fetish
chat rooms are hitting all time highs, they
may have bitten off more than they can
chew. Yes, these fine, ferocious, flirty fatties are, we hate to say it, too fat. While
there is a specialized audience for a good
plus sized model, none of that audience
works for the TBB (Texas Board of Beastiality), who govern and dictate human
risk management concerning our southern belles.
Fortunately, there is hope in
sight. Neither one of our bears are too big
alone, meaning; if one should. . . disap
pear. . . Baylor would be sitting pretty.
Surprisingly, and completely unexpected,
the chamberpots (a.k.a. Chamber of
Commerce), had a good, AND funny,
idea! Below is a letter we intercepted
from the chamberpots, on its way to the
TBB.
Dear TBB,
Thank you for pointing out the error
in our four legged ladies. After much debate,
we have come up with an answer to our BIG
problem. Effective immediately, our favorite
fatties, Lady and Joy, will begin a four week
fast, flanked on the tail end by a fight to the
death. 2 illegal bears-1 illegal bear = 1 legal
bear.
-CC 11/3/10
We are just as shocked as you.
Chamber doing something other than
littering campus with oversize
bumper stickers, who ever would
have guessed? Needless to say,
the Noble NoZe Brotherhood will
be selling tickets at $5 a pop, and
broadcasting the event live on
BUPPV for all your HD needs.
Broadcast begins December 23rd,
at 2 A.M. Rise Up!
Movie Reviews for Some Really Old Movies
Twilight
Basically this is what it boils down to, because Jacob is werewolf and Edward is a vampire, A: the girl is an advocate of bestiality, or B: the girl
is a necrophiliac. I support proposition 8, but we have to draw the line somewhere. As for me, I would never be caught dead with a necrophiliac
… zing!
Precious
I was going to critique this, but then I decided to walk a mile in her shoes. Now I am a mile away and have her shoes (Jordans).
The Other guys
Hang in there Mark Walhberg.
History of Antioch
I would rather Jack Kevorkian be my physician than to sit through this again.
Darrell was shocked when he came home from college and found a sewing machine in what
had always been his room. Gone were his comic books, his baseball cards, his Roy Rogers lunch box
collection and, worst of all, his 1937 John Wayne NHL rookie card. Years later he saw it listed on eBay for a zillion dollars.
BANKSTON’S
COMICS, COLLECTABLES
Somebody else’s old cool stuff that could be yours.
1321 S. Valley Mills Drive•755.0070
NAUGHTY? or Nice
How has your favorite
brother been this year?
Bro. Noze’s Ark
I’m pretty sure he’s not even American. They don’t even have Santa where he’s from just soccer and the Queen.
Wanker.
The Noble NoZe Brotherhood’s
Holiday Drink
Recipes
“Bro. Bear NoZessities’ Baylor Girl
Winter Warm-Up”
As the winter gets colder than a witches
tit, here’ the best way to
warm your sugar mama up and get her
coat off real fast.
Bro. NoZe’in on the Ritz
Santa has always been known for his prowess in beard growing. Therefore, this brother is a threat to Santa’s reputa1 part Vodka
tion, even Stonewall Jackson’s feels inadequate next to this guy Santa don’t need that.
6 parts Water
2 girls
Neos
Shit, the ones this year are still old enough to believe! Damn, they’re going to read this. We’ll have that talk in a
week or so. Glad they’re hearing it from me and not their parents or something. We’ll probably give them coal
regardless and their stockings are the argyle socks Bro. Jesus Loves Me has been wearing since October 24th.
1 cup
Mix everything into cup (except people)
and stir. Serve to two girls,
hopefully it’s not too potent for them.
“Bro. Hunter NoZe Thompson’s Awesome-Possom Holiday Cheer Beer”
1 Beer (cold, cheap)
Bro. Hunter NoZe Thompson
Hey man, why you gotta flex those muscles like that? I didn’t mean nuthin’ by it.
Bro. NoZesome Dove
You gave me a swirly last week. I haven’t been a neo for years. You put gum in NoZein on the Ritz’s beard hair.
Brother Burlington NoZe Factory cant even look you in the eye. But when you open your mouth and that smooth
Southern draw comes out I can’t help but giggle and forget the fact that that cigarette you’re smoking is going to
be put out on my upper arm.
Hold firmly in one hand and drink
quickly enough to avoid the taste and
repeat until family members become
bearable
“Bro. Tickle me ElmNoZe’s Zero to
Drunk in Under $10”
1 bottle MD 20/20
2 40oz bottle Malt Liquor
1 can Generic store-brand cola
I’m so lonely
Bro. ThumbeliNoZe
Back when I was a child we used to leave out a plate of milk and cookies and welcome them into our home, even
whilst asleep. After this brother, small children have installed window bars and sophisticated alarm systems. Santa
doesn’t like this much.
Why not whip up some of these classic
drinks at your next party? everyone loves
that suave guy who can mix up fancy
drinks. You might even get laid if you
make enough of them for that plain looking brunette in the corner pretending to
text her friends.
I don’t see what’s so funny about “Guerilla
Troupe”
Mr. Luke Haddat Fugginipster
I was going to Common Grounds one evening to get my usual Cowboy Coffee (you see, being the hipster that I am, I’m a regular there) and my
girlfriend, Miss. Rebeka Brown informed me that there was a minstrel show
out back that was sure to tickle all 19 of my fancies. So, excited to see what all
the hubbub was about, I headed outside. I did not laugh a single, solitary time.
Not even a chuckle. When they asked for suggestions for skits, I suggested they
go home and for characters, someone with talent. I’m pretty sure I got more
laughs than this “G-Troupe”. To your right I present photographic evidence of
me not laughing.
POINT
CounterPoint
I Don’t see what’s so funny about “Guerilla Troupe”. My parents
were killed by guerilla troops
By Gloria ConCarne
Do you know what it’s like to lose someone you love? how about veryone you have ever loved? Thats what these men took from me. they claimed to
fight for freedom but they were just vicious murderers, all of them! I can’t sleep
without being haunted by visions of my mother gunned down in my village, and
you think its funny to use the word guerilla in your laughless burlesque? Where
is your dignity? have you no heart!?
Counter-CounterPoint
I don’t see what’s so funny about “Guerilla Troupe”. My Parents
were killed by actual gorillas
It was the 8th day of the 3rd month and I, along with my family, was
aimlessly drifting around the… jungle. I don’t quite remember what jungle it
was… I was drunk. What’s new? Nonetheless, it was the biggest jungle. The
Amazon perhaps? But I digress. As we walked through this large tropical forest
we heard howls, yipes, and barks; to our surprise, a hoard of vicious primates
came rushing out of the bush. The alpha male headed straight toward my pops,
he wrapped his leathery mitts around his throat and proceeded to bite his fingers
off. I tried my hardest to fend the beast off my father but instead tried to save my
mum because I like her more. But after 2 hours of fisting the apes off my mother,
my father was already dead. I managed to fist the 32 apes off my mum and threw
her dismembered body across my shoulder and headed out of the deepest of the
Amazon(?) and to the small village of Machinguanua. But the villagers had no
idea how to save her life. I lost both of my parents that day and it was no thanks
Counter-Counter-CounterPoint
The Gorillaz are a terrible band.
Boop be doo boop booo booo. Boo be doo boop boo boooo hoo hoo.
fuck that noise. What happened to bands that weren’t cartoons? Or have they all
resorted to hiding behind animation because they produce tracks that only Bro.
Ted KenNoZedy can enjoy? Wait, I am mistaken. There still remains the great
lyricist and musician,K.J. Doug Grate! Buy his latest EP! It’s bitchin!
This Space for Rent
In this econemy you can’t afford not to
advertise with The Rope.
[email protected]
What you say
What She Hears
Since money is a little tight, maybe we shouldn’t give each other
Christmas gifts this year
You give the worst gifts ever. I’m embarrassed to wear that ‘World’s Greatest
Lover’ turtle neck fleece around my drinking buddies
(Bro. Burlington) I hate you sooo much. Why do you even come to
meetings anymore. No one likes you. Bitch.
(Bro. MeNoZepause) I’m still really into you, I just can’t admit it in front of everyone. I want you to make me burn like a little boy scout campfire. Call me, baby
Im going to go golfing today at noon.
Spending time with you is like being waterboarded with Ted Neugent’s piss. Also,
you’re behind on laundry.
I have no interest in signing a prenuptual agreement. Here’s my debit card. The
pin number is 684761.
Can you pass the salt?
Of course you can use my money to go Christmas shopping for yourself
This food tastes like ass, and I hate your parents
Whoever wrote that last article is incredibly
cynical. Also judging by the font, “you” are
apparently some kind of robot
-smartass reader
The Thinking Man’s Corner
Jokes for the scholar. Explanaitons for the diletant
I dedicate this couplet to my sister Clair Voyance; she never saw it coming!
*Annotation: clairvoyance- means the ability to foresee, thus by stating that she never saw
it coming I contradicted myself.
Socrates and an inquisitor play 21 questions; they never got past one!
*Annotation: Socrates was notorious for asking questions and providing no answers; an
inquisitor also seeks to only ask questions, thus because neither could answer a question
they never got past the first one!
Themistoclea and Max Weber = Match made in heaven.
*Annotation: Themistoclea was one of the first women philosophers; Max Weber is seen
as the main structuralist in formatting bureaucracy. A bureaucrat is very pragmatic, while a
philosopher is very theoretical, thus one would provide the answers and one the answers.
According to Thomas Carlyle, Helen Keller was the world’s best
sophist.
*Annotation: A sophist is one who studies in the field of oration; Thomas Carlyle was
famous for coining the phrase “silence is golden”… I refuse to explain the rest of this one.
Toms shoes = an angry African cobbler
* Annotation: When hipster Americans buy Toms shoes a free pair is given to a poor
African child; however, this really upsets an African shoemaker because he no longer has a
lucrative business.
Philosophizing just
ain’t the same with
clothes on
Dear Lorde Mayor
Dear Lorde Mayor
When I visited Baylor for the first time, a member of StuFu led my campus tour. Back then they walked
backwards, and it really seemed like they cared about me. Last semester, Art Briles came and asked StuFu
tour guides to start walking forward, and to always wear black spandex pants. Now I feel less intimate with
the tours I lead, what should I do?
-Second year StuFu tour guide
Dear StuFu tour guide,
Listen to Art, he knows best. Rise Up.
Dear Lorde Mayor,
I’m Catholic and have a girlfriend. . .
Featuring: The Lorde Mayor
Dear Catholic Kid,
The Pope drinks a barrel (31 gollons) of handcrafted beer every month, InExcess is his middle name. In
short; contraceptive = no child = degree. End of story.
Dear Lorde Mayor’
I hear the dome on top of Pat Neff is made of Gold, is that true?
Dear Inquisitor,
Holy Law # 2012: You have
Yes, and tuition is going up 9% next year.
Dear Lorde Mayor,
I have too much time on my hands, what should I do?
Dear Psychology or Sociology major,
Alcohol, weed, shrooms, numbness, and joining the NoZe are your only options. That is, unless you like
communal sweat baths, then intramurals and the SLC are right up your alley.
to accept that when
something is published once
a month, It isn’t exactly the
best source for topical
humor.
Dear Lorde Mayor,
I hit a small child with my motor bike.
(anonymous idiot)
Dear anonymous idiot,
You are a bad person, and you should crawl in a hole along with your entire fraternity.
Maybe Steve McQueen should have just called
Chapman’s
Bail Bonds
we can get you
out of any situation that doesnt
involve nazis
254 754 1603
700 E. Waco Dr.
The some-teenth annual
Millard Fillmore Ball
Are you one of the hottest girls at Baylor? Are you easy? then come
celebrate our nations most important figure, and have a damn good time
doing it. Invitations go out to a select few on December 9th.
1400 Speight
Avenue.
254 296-0095
“I wish I could make a customized shirt. But I have no langauge skills,
money, or thumbs. But you have at least one of those things right?”
Bear Cotton