Understanding the Impact of Parenting Traumatized Children

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Katie’s story
Every child’s story
has an impact on
others who love
them.
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A trauma-competent healing parent is a
compassionate parent ….
 Trauma – competent
Who
understands
the life altering
impact of
trauma
healing parent
 Compassionate parent
Who knows
when to ask for
help
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Who can view
life from the
lens of a
wounded child
Who prepares for
that
transformation
and the
challenges
Who
understands
their family
will be
transformed
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
Trauma
Competent
Trauma
Informed
Trauma
Aware
Numerous studies have examined predictors of
adoption disruption. It is estimated that adoption
disruption rates are highest among special needs
and older child adoptions and these range from
10% to 20%. “The following are predictors for
disruption among special needs adoptions related
to the adoptive family: unrealistic expectations,
rigidity of adoptive family functioning, low levels
of social support for the adoptive family, and the
adoption by new or “matched” families.
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Ten Common Parental
Expectations
Albeck, age 11 and
Maksat, age 13, two
brothers in an
orphanage in
Kyrgyzstan.
Ten Common Parental
Expectations
Ten Common Parental
Expectations
Our child will fit well into our extended
family and be welcomed by them.
7.
My friends and acquaintances will validate
my role as parent in our child’s life and
support us through the adoption process
and beyond.
8.
Our child will see us as his family and forget
about his birth family and his past.
9.
We/I can do for this child what was not
done for me, or I will not do to this child
what was done to me.
10. I will never feel any regrets or ambivalence
in adopting this child with a traumatic
past.
6.
Our love will be enough.
We (I) will feel love and connection
to this child quickly.
3. This child will step into our family
system and easily learn how to
function within our “rules,” goals,
and ambitions.
4. This child’s needs will be just like
those of our biological children
5. Our biological children will embrace
this new child as a sibling.
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Vania, age 9, living in an
orphanage in Tokmok,
Kyrgyzstan.
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There are three main elements in a
caregiver’s response to their child’s trauma:
▪Believing and validating their child’s
experiences
▪Tolerating the child’s affect
▪Managing their own emotional
reactions
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If you put a frog into a pot of
boiling water, it will leap out
right away to escape the
danger.
But, if you put a frog in a
kettle filled with cool, pleasant
water and gradually heat the
kettle, it will not become
aware of the threat until it is
too late.
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What does this story have to do with adoptive or foster
parents and traumatized children? Here’s the recipe:
+
+
One new child with
significant trauma
and survival
strategies
One loving and
potentially
unprepared
adoptive family
+
One “cool and
pleasant” home
An emotional
thermostat to which
no one is paying
attention
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 Early

 Chronic


 Maltreatment




Attachment
Biology
Affect Regulation
Dissociation
Behavioral control
Cognition
Self-concept
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I really will enjoy parenting this child.
This is a little more than I expected, but I
am doing okay.
I am getting overwhelmed,
angry, frustrated.
I can’t do this
anymore.

Vicarious traumatization–the cumulative
impact of a child’s trauma stories,
behaviors and reenactments on the
foster/adoptive parents. The Traumatized Child
• Vicarious traumatization is a
transformation of a parent’s inner self
resulting from an empathic,
compassionate connection to a child who
has experienced trauma. The Traumatized Child
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1.
Because a parent has
compassion for a child, he
is feeling with him. He is
entering his pain from his
point of view.
2.
3.
Entering into a child’s pain
comes at great emotional
cost to the foster or
adoptive parent.
Anyone who, by nature is empathetic is at risk for
vicarious traumatization.
Any adoptive parent who does not allow
himself/herself sufficient recovery time is at risk for
vicarious traumatization.
Any adoptive parent who has experienced his/her
own personal trauma and has not had the
opportunity for his or her own personal healing is
at risk for vicarious traumatization.
Sibara, age 8, living at an
orphanage in Kyrgyzstan
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4.
5.
6.
Any adoptive parent who finds himself/herself
isolated from family, friends, professional supports
is at risk for vicarious traumatization.
Any adoptive parent who struggles due to a lack of
systemic resources or who has an inability to ask
for help is a risk for vicarious traumatization
Any adoptive parent who has come to belief that
he/she has failed “the mission.”
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No time or
energy for
yourself
Disconnection
from loved ones
Diminished self
capacities
Social
withdrawal
Unclear thoughts
Cynicism,
negativity and
irritability
Nightmares
Despair/hopelessness
A short fuse
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





Frustration Due to Lack of Validation
Frustration Due to Lack of Understanding
Frustration Due to Lack of Support
The Personal Impact of Living with Uncertainty
The Personal Impact of One’s Own Extreme
Emotions and Mood Swings
The Personal Impact of Drained Emotional and
Social Energy
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1.
2.
3.
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Throughout the assessment process and
through every placement of a child, continue
to integrate trauma-informed language and
response with every family.
Create an agency trauma-informed
environment.
Open the conversation about post-adoption
emotions early. Identify the issue through preservice and post adoption services training
programs.
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Narrow the differences between parental
expectations during the adoption process and
what is actually experienced. How best can we do
reality checks?
5) Reevaluate the effectiveness of your postplacement visits with the family. Build your own
assessment skills by learning what questions to
ask and how to ask them. Learn the power of “tell
me more about that.” and “tell me how that
makes you feel.”
4)
6.
7.
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Examine how your agency responds to families
in crisis. Create a safe environment in your
agencies and support groups where parents
can be honest enough to express the real deep
pain they are feeling. Define key support issues
– what does this family need to continue.
Increase awareness and use of effective
coping strategies to help deal with the stress
and depression that may come.
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8. Create a mentoring program. Contact the
National Foster Parent Association for more
information.
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