`Un-Bourne` Identity: The Deep, Yet Unsorted

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Name of Play
__________________________
A full-length play
By Your Name here
Contact:
Your Name
Address
Phone
Email
<< OR >>
Represented by:
Mary Agent
The Mary Agency
123 Main Street
Anytown, USA 11111
ACT I
PROLOGUE
(July, 2006 Bryant Park,MidMorning.)
AT RISE: The stage is dark. There
is no curtain. A single steel
chair is DL. There is a loud
rumble of TRAFFIC.
"HANDS COVER
BRUISES" SOFTLY
PLAYS OVER THE
LOUDSPEAKER.
JUNE MCKINLEY (sixty-three,
Benny's Mother) enters with the
last few audience members. She
has on a black, pin-striped dress
and heels. She pauses to light a
cigarette at the edge of the
stage. She paces while looking
through her phone directory. She
walks to the chair flicking the
remains of the cigarette, and
speaks to the audience.)
MUSIC FADES
AWAY.
JUNE
No...I don't know how it happened. It was all a blur. All I
remember is one day I was married, then the next day my
husband was gone. He wasn't sane. Suddenly, I was signing
away his life. I had accidentally checked the box marked
committed. The 5150 designation, how could I have known the
difference... it meant involuntary commitment. No, The
doctors said that they would call me. They did, but I chose
not to answer.... No, I paid the bills. Sent his nurses a
batch of mini fruit cakes, on all the holidays.... I don't
know if they ate them or not... I kept calling them... But
the doctor never answered.
2.
(HOUSE LIGHTS begin to dim while
a She puts out the cigarette,
sits, and waits for her call to
be transmitted.)
O.S. VOICE IS
HEARD OF AN
OPERATOR.
OPERATOR
(off-stage)
Hello, Manhattan Psychiatric
Center. How may I help you?
OPERATOR
/I'm sorry about that... let
me see if I could help you.
Last name and first name.
OPERATOR
I am sorry but I don't see
his name in the computer. We
must have misplaced his
files. I see his name and the
fact that he's deceased but
access to the files are
denied.
OPERATOR
(Making an excuse) Well, when
there is a death, we move the
physical files into storage.
Then they are promptly burned
in the incinerator if no one
claims them. That's what we
do to old files.
OPERATOR
Ma'am, is there anything else
that I can help you with
today?
JUNE
Yes, I was wondering if you
can locate my husband's
files. I am his widow. I've
called Dr. Kressembaum, but
its been two weeks. I haven't
heard a thing from him.
JUNE
McKinley, William,I'm June
Mckinley.
JUNE
What do you mean?
JUNE
/I'm sorry but he was in
there for seventeen years.
JUNE
//You can call me back when
you find the physical flies
in storage, if you don't find
them, so help me god, I will
come down there and ring your
neck with...piano wire! Are
we clear? /
3.
(JUNE snaps the phone closed and
jams the phone in her pocket. She
addresses the audience.)
Stage lights
come up in the
theater.
JUNE'S SPOTLIGHT
GOES OUT.
JUNE
I told my son Benny that his father went to Rome. I lied.
What would you do if you were faced with telling your son
that truth. We moved to Boston to get Ben away from it all.
Benny grew up. He went to Boston University and majored in
English. He apparently met some girl there as well.... Never
introduced me to her. After the gradation party, he proceeded
to move back to New York. It didn't work out as I planned. I
tried to keep in contact with Benny. I'd call and leave a
message. He wouldn't call back. He hardly ever calls me. I
guess its a writer's thing.
(JUNE'S cellphone is heard
ringing over the loudspeaker in
the theater. JUNE continues
speaking to the audience.)
God this happens every time I'm here. You forgot to turn your
cell phone off, didn't you?... Turn your cellphone off.
(The RINGING continues. JUNE
realizes it's her phone.)
I forgot too put it on vibrate. It seems I do this every
time. I need to take this...(sheepishly) Sorry.
4.
HOUSE LIGHTS
DOWN. SPECIAL
FOLLOWS JUNE.
(The ringing ceases.)
OPERATOR
Hello, Mrs. McKinley?
OPERATOR
This is the admission's
office at the hospital. I
have found all of your
husband's....things!/
OPERATOR
(speaking very fast.)
They weren't in the
incinerator after all. They
were in another part of the
ward./
OPERATOR
Well, it's was quite an
ordeal. I had to go through
ward A and you know what
that's like! and then--/
JUNE
//Who is this.
JUNE
(trying to shut her up.)
Where were-JUNE
All right--please shut//
JUNE
Jesus H. Christ Out with it!
OPERATOR
Um, Mrs. Mckinley, we have found 9 boxes. Four of them are
William's personal items. You know, from his room. Another
four are his psychiatric reports and records. The last one
contains copies of all the letters from the doctor. Don't
worry I checked them all. Where would you like these files
sent?
(A wave of phone static
sounds. JUNE taps the
phone.)
5.
JUNE
(Irritably)
Thank You!! Please send them
to my son's apartment. Benny
Mckinley, his address is 217
Columbus Ave, New York, New
York, 10023. Oh, and just so
the boxes do not get lost in
transit, would you put a
different return address:
P.O. box 1429. 1300 6th
Avenue, Bay Ridge, Brooklyn,
New York 11209.
OPERATOR
I'll send them myself, right
now, don't worry about
postage. We're so sorry for
your--.//
(A wave of phone static sounds. A
dial tone. JUNE stands rooted to
the spot.)
JUNE
My what/My...Loss?
(JUNE puts her cell phone in her
pocket and shakes her head. JUNE
Exits.)
ALL LIGHTS OUT.
!"#$%&$'()*
#
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I Never Took The Picture of Her Drinking At The Fountain
Richard Relkin
Lucky broke her leg tonight. She’s 14 years old - about 101. She can hardly see, can’t hear,
can hardly walk, has lumps and cysts all over a surgically repaired knee. Aging isn’t pretty.
She came to me in tragedy. I was working at WLEX in Kentucky one weekend. There was a
huge thunderstorm and a tree fell on some campers in Somerset County, killing one young man.
A few days later, I was confirming the pick-up of my 6 week old golden retriever puppy - Hachi
- named for a loyal Japanese dog who met his master at the train station every day at the end of
work... and still went there for years after he passed away, living off the kindness of the townspeople. When I called, the breeder told me there were no females left from that group. She must
have been given away in the confusion. His son was the person who died in the storm.
He gave me pick of the next litter. I sat with all the newborns and met the mom - Betsy. I
saw her dad Flash later on. I chose Lucky because she wasn’t the runt, who sat in my lap and she
wasn’t the adventurous one who ran across the room. She was happy lying at my feet as I sat on
the floor.
A few weeks later, I picked her up, a seven week old mushball of fuzz. She sat in my lap on
the drive home, barely the size of my forearm. She looked up at me and I knew I was Lucky to
have her. Not exactly an original name but the truth.
We lived on a tobacco farm in Lexington, in a pillbox type house in a row of six, overlooking a creek and tucked away behind the tobacco curing shed and hay barn. She didn’t have a
leash; much less wear a collar for the first two years of her life. She completed a dream I had... sitting in a rocking chair, looking out over the field, rain coming down, singing, playing guitar with
my dog at my side. Of course, I’m not a very good singer, and could only play a handful of songs
on guitar at my peak, and never for an audience, but that’s beside the point. Those were moments
of pure happiness.
I’d come home from work and we’d sit on a futon on one of the porches and I’d hold her up
and say, “Did you grow today?” and she had.
When we got home the first day, it was raining. She went right outside and did her business, uncaring. Our family dog, Fluffy (original names run in the family) freaked out in the rain
and thunder. Lucky could care less. She had maybe one accident in the house, training her was a
snap. I taught her to sit, lie down and gimme your paw in one weekend. What I didn’t realize was
that I’d actually taught her sign language. We found that out when I took her to the vet one day,
to get spayed, I think, and the nurses told me that she kept doing these weird things whenever
they pointed to her. I realized that I made an L shape with my fingers for sit and pointed to the
floor for down and of course gimme your paw was obvious.
This dog was all energy, and with the strongest teeth and neck to match. We’d go into one
of the fields to play fetch, only she never dropped the sticks. So I’d have to get a pile of them and
I’d throw them in every direction. She always brought it back to me, but that was an invitation to
play tug of war, not to drop it. She never liked tennis balls, just sticks, the bigger the better, tree
sized if she could. Three feet, four feet, ten feet. So we’d go back and forth, I’d throw them left,
then right, then left, then right. She could keep two or three in her mouth at one time, but then,
only with her mouth full to overflowing was I able to get them away from her.
When she was still just a puppy, a bunch of my friends and I rented a minivan and drove
to my home in New York. She was still so small that she fit under the seat and spent a great deal
of the 14-hour drive there. The first pit stop was for her… in Flintstone, West Virginia on the
post office lawn. We all cheered wildly to encourage the behavior. She was still learning the ropes
of the whole potty training thing. As it turns out, she had a strict set of rules. She would only go
on grass and snow. I can count on my hand the number of times she broke this rule and two of
those were in the last six months. One time she even held it in for an entire weekend when she
stayed with a friend in the Village. No grass, no pee. I stopped at a snow pile on the way back up
to Riverdale and she let it all out.
I started running a little bit at night. I’d go from the house to the gate - 6/10ths of a mile
and back, several times. That’s when I heard her yelping. She missed me. I couldn’t stay home
and I couldn’t take her to work with me; except when we got 19 inches of snow and she slept
with me in the edit suite so I could do the overnight school closings and such.
We got stuck on the road back to the house the next morning, inside the gate. She had her
stuffed animal with her, but she kept dropping it. I’d pick it up and she’d bite it and take it from
me. All the while we trudged through the snow to try to get back to the house. It was very slow
going.
In any case, I got her a pet... a cat, Oscar. She loved him. They barked and hissed at each
other for a half hour when I first introduced him to the house. Then had a short fit later that
night, but beyond that it was love. They groomed each other. Oscar licked her fur. Lucky his ears
and butt. Nice.
Lucky was very upset when Oscar died and exuberant, whining wildly, when I came home
with Claude in the carrier. This was in Riverdale now. They had fight night. Every night about
8, Claude would stand on his back legs on the floor or on a chair or couch and he’d swing with a
left, right, a left or try to bite leg. Lucky would use her mouth to parry and counter attack. It was
loud, and great fun for all of us. Rachel got to see this more than a bunch of times.
The first time Lucky met Rachel, she knew we were meant to be together. She whined
wildly again, ran right up to her and was so excited, she bit Rachel on the nose and actually
broke the skin. It was Rachel and I’s third date, I think.
One afternoon in Kentucky a thunderstorm hit, the kind with raindrops so big they hurt
when they hit your skin. The usually quiet creek was racing, not overflowing its six feet deep
banks like it did one summer, but moving nicely. Lucky was nowhere to be found. I felt like I
was in one of those Disney wilderness movies. Thunder crashing, rain pouring down, “LUCKY!
LUUUUU-KKKKKKYYYYYY!” Then she comes prancing out of the creek, drenched, walking
side by side with Ruby, one of the golden’s who lived next door. Ruby had Rasta curls and with
the rain, she was a mess. Lucky was not looking too good either. Ruby was the troublemaker of
the pack. Lucky just went along for the ride. Or so I’d like to believe.
So what did Lucky eat?
The frame of my sister’s glasses, pieces of my friend Chris’ hair dryer, remote controls.
Books, in particular the one with all the common sense cures for dog and cat maladies, my first
set of Tefillin (leather straps are a delicacy I guess), the legs of the rocking chair, until I coated
the ends with hot sauce, a trick I learned from Beth, who’s dad was the McDonald’s King of the
Tri-state area (West Virginia, Kentucky and Ohio) - an aside, forget the crate of cookies and pies
or slabs of American cheese, the greatest thing I got from her was a box of McDonald’s garbage
bags. They came with me to Florida and Riverdale and lasted until movers stole them when we
moved Rachel into our first Riverdale home.
Walks with lucky.
In Orlando, we’d go to the Wekiwa Spring State Park near Apopka where I lived. There
were bears there so I had to keep her on a leash - retractable to 20 feet. I’d open the door to the
car and it was off to the races. We’d just run as fast and as long as we could down the trail, over
creeks, through the woods and all that. Then we’d walk back, the ride home was the only time
in her first 6 or 7 years that she was actually exhausted. She passed out. Lucky was a puppy for a
loooong time.
In Riverdale, it was more of the same. I think people knew me as the guy whose dog took
him for runs.
I remember watching Syracuse’s John Wallace, my sister’s alma mater, hit some clutch
shots in the NCAA tournament one year in Kentucky. I jumped up off the couch and screamed.
Lucky joined me, so excited because I was excited, barking and jumping. In Florida I got the new
Chemical Brothers album and we ran in circles, around the coffee table, on the couch, off the
couch dancing and singing (barking) to Block Rocking Beats.
At the Henry Hudson Park Upper, they had water fountains under the big statue of Henry.
Lucky would always jump up, brace herself and wait for me to turn the water on. I don’t know
if she was the first, but soon, other dogs would do it too. I always forgot to bring a camera and I
knew I would be missing that photo. I always took the picture in my mind.
Now we’re coming to the end. She’s a shell of her youthful self. The justifications, the
rationalizations. She did so much for me. A source of joy... as I told Rachel tonight, a psychic
sponge. “Please pet me, get your sadness out on me, that’s why I’m here.” Like the sacrificial lamb
sent out to the wilderness with everyone’s sins every year. In temple this weekend, she is who I
thought of when thinking about the book of life. I knew this was the last year. I just didn’t know
she wouldn’t even make it to Yom Kipper.
How do we tell Sydney? Will Adam miss her; will he understand? How will Claude react? I
can see him meowing around the house looking for her.
My sister is still away. I gave my parents the heads up. There were a few times this year
when I thought I was bringing her to my parents for the last goodbye. Now we are here and I’m
terribly upset. For some reason I didn’t think I would be this emotional but it’s hitting me like a
ton of bricks. Fourteen years - from post college to marriage and fatherhood. That’s an amazing
set of chapters in my life. She saw me through a lot. I will miss her dearly, her life force in the
house
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