The Committed Indian

$3
Elvis Was A Hero To Some But He Never Met To Shit To Us
The Committed
Indian
The REal Fan’s Program
secondcityhockey.com
Well, once again, a Hawks effort can
be described as “She’s ugly, but she’s got nice
tits.” That’s all there is to say about Saturday
night in St. Louis. The Hawks weren’t very
good, the Blues were, and yet we still came
out of it with two points. It’s strange how St.
Louis is the only team that consistently tries,
and succeeds, to be overtly physical with the
Hawks. Maybe other teams aren’t equipped
to do it, maybe other teams feel they have
enough talent to skate with the Hawks, but the
Blues have been at it since last year. Perhaps
it has something to do with the fact that the
six games against Chicago are some of the
few that actually matter to the Blues, but the
Hawks have yet to deal with it well. They’re
going to have to, and at some point soon.
Obviously, the Hawks have not
played well this month, and yet they are 5-31. Obviously, we all knew that the dizzying
performances of December wouldn’t last forever. There were always going to be lulls and
dips, but the Hawks are still finding ways to
win while in them. Sometimes you need your
goalie to stand on his head, as Huet did Saturday. Sometimes you need a slice of luck, as
in the goal the Blues scored that didn’t count
due to a lack of a camera inside Huet’s glove.
Sometimes, you need an opponent’s agoraphobia help you out, as apparently the Blues
were terrified of the open space between the
posts (St. Louis’s finishing can only be described as pornstar marksmanship, splattering
everywhere). As long as you keep putting up
the wins, whatever it takes, that’s all anyone
will ask at the end of the year.
Let Us Up (We’ve Had Enough)
It’s pretty apparent to everyone that
the Hawks need the All-Star Break as much
as anyone. The first half has included all the
preseason hype, the goalie controversy, that
ridiculous red-carpet ceremony, a coaching change and all the adjustments involved
therein, a 9-game winning streak, the hoopla
of the Winter Classic, etc. The Hawks look a
little jaded. Leading in that category is Patrick
Kane. Maybe it’s the scoring drought, maybe
it’s the ankle, maybe it’s both, but it’s easy to
get under Kaner’s skin these days, and teams
are doing it. We’d love for the Hawks to pull
Kane out of all All-Star activities, except Bettman and McDonough would have Tallon and
Q killed for doing so. Clearly something’s off
with Patrick, though, and he really could use
the rest.
When Keith went down, we said to
ourselves, “It’s OK, the Hawks don’t face any
offensive juggernauts before the break.” Well,
January 19th, 2009
MIKKO CASE
it’s not OK. There have been far too many
turnovers in the defensive zone, the transitions have been spotty at best, and the PK
looks like a shell of its former self. Is there
now any doubt about this team’s most important player?
The Team Is Too Dull, Dear Liza
To the encounter before us: A game
against the Ambien-substitute Minnesota Wild
-- a game that VS. has been kind enough to
take timeout from televising Sidney Crosby
taking a shit to broadcasting. By now you
know the drill with the Wild. They trap, they
defend, they don’t score much, and they bore
you to death. They’re coming of a 3-0 loss
to Anaheim, and it may have not even been as
close as that.
The Wild sit right at the bottom of
the playoff-picture in the West, and likely
won’t contend for the Northwest Division
title as they did the past two years (winning
it last season). It’s no secret why, this team
can’t score, nor is it particularly interested in
doing so. No one has more than 12 goals (in
comparison, five Hawks do). The one saving
grace has been the play of Mikko Koivu, who
is their one source of consistent flair. He’s
one of three Wild forwards who are a + on the
season. He’s also far and away the team’s
leading scorer. When Koivu doesn’t get a
point, the Wild are 5-12-2. Keep him off the
$3
[email protected]
scoresheet and you probably win.
But, then again,, the Wild are harder
to penetrate than an armed nun. They’re
second in the league in goals-against, and
Niklas Backstrom’s numbers, as always, are up
among the league leaders. The Hawks used to
struggle against trapping teams, but have had
a decent amount of success against Minnesota
recently. However, without Keith’s speed to
help break down Minnesota’s trap, this will be
tricky. 51 Phantom should consider earning
his paycheck tonight.
They Won’t Catch Me (Cuz We Got
Something Building Up Inside....)
Pretty simple plan, then; score first.
The Wild are 6-13-3 when the opponent
dents twine before they do. Forcing them to,
at some point, come out of their shell brings
them out of the comfort level, and will open
up space for the Hawks. They’ll probably have
to do it 5-on-5, as after seeing the league’s
third-best and best PK in the Sabres and
Rangers, respectively, they’ll get the secondbest tonight.
Though they are tired, the Hawks
need to close out with two strong games
against teams they are better than. Should be
easy enough to do at Fortress United Center.
-Jesse Jane
MUSINGS FROM THE EDITOR
First off, let me thank the Blackhawks for turning me into a complete hypocrite. No sooner do I run an editorial wailing on people
yelling, “Shoot!”, in the crowd, than their lack of urgency and competence on six 5-on-3’s cause me to do the same thing. I am what
I abhor. I guess pretty soon I’ll be downing Miller
Lite’s in Lincoln Park and wearing collared shirts
with flared collars. It’s all over.
-What the hell happened to Bill Clement?
Perhaps he didn’t enjoy being a studio-host instead
of game-analyst, but if I watch Pierre McGuire and
Mike Milbury for one more minute I’m going to set
my dick on fire. Once again, I don’t expect NBC to
commit too many financial resources to their coverage of hockey. But is there anyone more annoying in
the broadcast booth than Pierre McGuire? The mothSam
erfucker NEVER SHUTS UP! The dude between the
benches is a speak-when-spoken-to position (I’ll let
you make your own women-joke here, enough of my female friends
have stopped talking to me). Yet McGuire chimes in every 15
seconds. You end up with three men in the booth for a sport that’s
too fast to have that. I like the idea of putting someone ice-level at
the benches for a different perspective and to tell us what’s going on
down there. But that should be something you go to twice a period,
and at a stoppage in play. God, I’m calling for Eddie Olczyk to
have more room to speak. It’s all gone pear-shaped.
Secondly, and maybe this is too inside-baseball, but Mike Milbury
knows nothing about hockey. If Matt Millen’s credibility as an analyst has been ruined by his Bataan Death March of a stint as Lions
GM -- and it has -- then so has Milbury’s. Look at his record as the
Isles GM, it’s downright hilarious. Yes, he’s a fiery
character, and is comfortable on camera, but it’s an
empty shell. For the love of God, find whatever lake
or river Bill Clement is fishing in and get him on my
screen. Pronto.
-I have neglected to mention this, but I’m a big
fan of the postgame show that Judd Sirott is running on WGN. I catch it in the car on the way home
from every game, and though the callers can be...
well, subpar, Sirott’s passion and knowledge carry
through. He hasn’t been afraid to point out areas
Fels
the Hawks have been subpar in, and his back-andforth with Troy Murray is usually pretty enlightening. That being said, Judd will always be the guy who went on a
5-minute rant about Adam Creighton that contained more profanities than I would have thought ever humanly possible. I was about
12 at the time and a regular caller to the Heavy Fuel Crew on The
Score, which Judd produced. Needless to say, I’ve never recovered
from the experience, and so Judd probably deserves some credit for
warping my mind just enough that one day I would produce this
rag. .
NHL STANDINGS
Eastern Conference
1
Boston
3
NY Rangers
2
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
Washington
Montreal
New Jersey
Philadelphia
Buffalo
Pittsburgh
Florida
Carolina
Toronto
Tampa Bay
Ottawa
Atlanta
W
L
29
14
33
27
27
8
16
11
27
15
23
17
24
23
21
21
17
14
15
16
NY Islanders 12
12
20
16
20
21
OTL PTS GF
4
70
160
4
58
123 123
3
6
3
9
5
4
7
5
7
21
10
25
5
21
29
GA
7
4
61
60
57
57
51
50
49
47
98
149 134
141
137
118
115
146 134
129 126
San Jose
13-8-2
3
Calgary
15-4-4
12-7-2
14-8-2
13-8-1
14-5-3
13-9-2
14-7-2
10-7-6
10-8-3
2
4
5
6
7
8
Wankers
HAWKS
Phoenix*
Anaheim
Vancouver
Columbus
12-10-2
117
141
12-10-1
9-10-4
10 Edmonton*
112
140
5-8-7
9-13-3
12 Dallas
8-12-3
14 Los Angeles
126 125
37
105 127
28
1
10-11-2
11-10-2
133 162
37
16-5-3
19-3-1
143 144
41
38
Western Conference
HOME AWAY
17-3-1
137 165
112 161
10-5-4
8-9-4
10-7-4
8-13-2
7-12-2
*late game not included
11-11-3
9-12-3
5-14-3
5-17-2
9
Minnesota
11 Colorado
13 Nashville
15 St. Louis
W
L
OTL
PTS
31
8
6
68
33
6
27
14
23
18
25
23
22
22
22
22
23
19
20
17
17
TOP 10 LIST
10
19
19
19
19
19
22
17
22
20
23
5
4
8
5
5
6
4
3
3
1
7
3
7
4
71
58
58
51
GF
GA
158 107
170 127
141 134
151 108
117
130
HOME AWAY
21-1-2
12-5-3
16-5-3
11-9-1
16-3-2
14-2-5
15-6-2
51
133 131 13-10-3
48
122 124
50
47
136 135 11-10-3
111
101
47
122 132
45
124 147
47
43
41
38
15-5-4
11-8-3
8-12-3
10-9-2
11-9-3
13-7-1
9-12-3
9-8-3
13-11-0
11-6-4
8-11-3
13-8-3
9-11-0
126 134
14-9-0
110
131
12-8-1
8-14-2
126 145
11-9-3
6-14-1
106 124 12-11-6
9-13-1
5-9-1
PUCK DROP
Look-A-Likes
Top 10 Reasons We’re Glad We’re Not Minnesota
Sports Fans
10. Tavares Jackson
9. Kevin McHale makes John Paxson look like a member of MENSA
8. That fucking horn the hairy dude blows at Vikings games
7. We imagine the only thing worse than living in the same city as
the White Sox is losing a one-game playoff to them
6. Football indoors is for pussies
5. Tavares Jackson
4. Baseball indoors is an affront to the Gods
3. Living even closer to Green Bay than we do
2. Knowing you lost a team to fucking Dallas, Texas
1. We won’t say it again, but it rhymes with Bavares Backson
Dopey
Pierre-Marc
Bouchard
One is a pansy-runt of the group. The
other hangs out with Snow White.
Chicago Blackhawks 25-10-8
A popular comment amongst Hawks fans is that Biscuit should be giving half of his contract to Keith, as after
all it was Dunc who got him that deal. We still think it’s true, but in the two games without his normal partner,
Biscuit has been the best player for the Hawks, and by some margin.
Pos
Player
Ht
WT
AGE
GP
G
A
P
+/-
PIM
PP
SH
GW
S
S%
Salary (Cap Hit)
88
R
32
L
Patrick Kane
5'10"
187
20
41
16
26
VerStud
5'10"
180
22
42
13
23
42
2
26
8
0
2
122
13.1
$3,725,000
36
16
43
4
2
2
74
17.6
$491,667
24
19
R
The Perfect Beard
6'2"
217
27
43
14
C
Captain Marvel
6'2"
209
20
43
13
22
36
18
16
4
0
2
123
11.4
$6,000,000
23
36
7
29
3
0
3
101
12.9
$2,800,000
10
L
The Sharp-Shooter
6'1"
197
27
43
51
D
51 Phantom
6'0"
188
29
43
21
14
35
1
37
7
0
4
130
16.2
$3,900,000
7
23
30
8
8
4
0
1
59
11.9
$7,142,875
16
L
Nails
6'2"
198
23
2
D
Duncan Keith
6'1"
194
25
43
8
19
27
19
18
0
0
0
100
8
$1,550,000
41
5
21
26
23
20
1
1
1
86
5.8
$1,475,000
36
C
Dave Bolland
6'0"
188
33
R
Dustin Byfuglien
6'3"
247
22
43
8
17
25
15
18
0
1
2
57
14
$845,833
23
40
9
10
19
4
53
3
0
2
104
8.7
$3,000,000
25
D
Cam Barker
6'3"
22
R
Troy Brouwer
6'2"
213
22
30
3
16
19
-3
34
3
0
1
34
8.8
$2,768,587
213
23
34
6
10
16
7
34
3
0
0
59
10.2
$675,000
7
D
Brent Seabrook
55
L
Ben Eager
6'3"
220
23
43
5
9
14
16
45
2
1
0
73
6.8
$3,500,000
6'2"
220
24
39
8
3
11
3
89
0
0
0
37
21.6
$568,000
46
C
43
D
Colin Fraser
6'1"
188
23
43
3
8
11
2
42
0
0
0
32
9.4
$500,000
James Wisniewski
6'0"
207
24
14
1
6
7
2
6
0
0
0
39
2.6
$900,000
23
28
D
Aaron Johnson
6'1"
211
25
25
3
4
7
17
20
0
0
1
18
16.7
$600,000
R
Craig Adams
6'0"
197
31
27
2
4
6
-1
16
1
0
0
30
6.7
$600,000
37
R
Adam Burish
6'1"
189
26
27
2
2
4
1
49
0
0
1
37
5.4
$712,500
8
D
Matt Walker
6'3"
214
28
31
0
3
3
6
39
0
0
0
38
0
$600,000
5
D
Brent Sopel
6'1"
211
32
23
1
1
2
-4
8
0
0
1
15
6.7
$2,333,333
Totals/Averages
6'1"
203.75
24.38
149
264
659
43
5
1382
10.78%
$44,187,795
*injured
Let’s see: $7+ mil for a d-man who isn’t even
on the first PP unit. Fucking wonderful.
#
We thought it was weird that according to Behind The Net, it was Barker who was the best player on the PP. We
assumed it was a benefit of playing with Phantom and the rest of the #1 unit. Then he goes and creates the
goal against St. Louis. One game is not a trend, but it bears watching to see how Cam does on the PP without
Campbell. Maybe those numbers are exactly as they appear.
#
Goalie
HT
WT
AGE
GPI
Min
GAA
W
L
OT
SO
SA
GA
Sv%
G
A
PIM
Salary
39
Nikolai Khabibulin
6'1"
209
36
23
1336
2.34
13
3
5
1
688
52
0.924
0
2
4
$6,750,000
38
Cristobal Huet
6'1"
205
33
22
1274
2.31
12
7
3
2
600
49
0.918
0
0
0
$5,625,000
Totals/Averages
6'1"
207
34
2610
2.33
25
10
8
3
1288
101
0.921
0
2
4
Probable Pairings
Probable Lines
Left Wing
Center
Right Wing
22 Brouwer
10 Sharp
88 Kane
32 Versteeg
16 Ladd
37 Burish
19 Toews
33 Byfuglien
46 Fraser
55 Eager
36 Bolland
24 Havlat
16 years ago, David Stern sent me
to ruin the NHL. I have done everything I can think of to drive the core
fan away, strip hockey of all that’s
great about it, and eliminate any attention by the mainstream media...
25 Barker
51 Campbell
43 Wisniewski
7 Seabrook
8 Walker
23 Johnson
$12,375,000
TOTAL CAP NUMBER:
$57,283,000
CAP SPACE:
$274,000*
*space also affected by buyouts and injured players
Injury List
Duncan Keith- Questionable (Concussion)
Brent Sopel- Out (Talent)
I am so close to completing the task
Stern charged me with....
Feeling Minnesota 22-19-3
Score 20 goals, get yourself a fat contract, then pot 13
and on pace for 16 this year. What a country!
Pouliot was counted on to have a breakout rookie season, but disappointed everyone with his lethargic work
eithic and general asshoolery, and was recently sent down. Upon being informed of his demotion, Pouliot apparently threw quite the hissy-fit. Good thing they handed him a job at the beginning of the year, then.
#
Pos
Player
Ht
WT
AGE
GP
G
A
P
+/-
PIM
PP
SH
GW
S
S%
Salary (Cap Hit)
9
C
Mikko Koivu
6' 2"
200
25
44
12
29
41
7
38
3
1
2
149
8.1
$3,250,000
20
R
Antti Miettinen
6' 0"
190
28
44
10
20
30
-2
18
2
0
2
93
10.8
$2,333,000
15
L
Andrew Brunette
6' 1"
210
35
44
11
13
24
-2
10
5
0
0
60
18.3
$2,333,333
96
C
P.M. Bouchard
5' 10"
173
24
41
8
15
23
-9
12
2
0
0
84
9.5
$4,080,000
25
C
Eric Belanger
5' 11"
187
31
41
9
12
21
-10
4
3
0
3
89
10.1
$1,750,000
3
D
Marek Zidlicky
5' 11"
190
31
39
6
14
20
-6
36
6
0
2
76
7.9
$3,350,000
8
D
Brent Burns
6' 5"
219
23
40
7
12
19
-9
33
3
0
2
114
6.1
$3,550,000
47
D
Marc-Andre Bergeron
5' 9"
198
28
34
4
13
17
-2
20
3
0
0
67
6
$1,116,000
11
R
Owen Nolan
6' 1"
214
36
26
10
6
16
0
15
6
0
3
64
15.6
$2,750,000
5
D
Kim Johnsson
6' 1"
193
32
43
1
11
12
1
22
0
0
0
54
1.9
$4,850,000
67
L
Benoit Pouliot
6' 3"
199
22
37
5
6
11
1
18
2
0
1
34
14.7
$896,000
19
L
Stephane Veilleux
6' 0"
190
27
43
6
5
11
-9
19
0
1
1
74
8.1
$863,000
51
C
James Sheppard
6' 2"
210
20
44
3
7
10
-14
18
0
0
1
51
5.9
$1,400,000
22
R
Cal Clutterbuck
5' 11"
213
21
40
6
3
9
-2
24
1
0
1
56
10.7
$702,000
39
C
Krystofer Kolanos
6' 3"
206
27
16
3
3
6
3
16
1
0
0
27
11.1
$352,000
55
D
Nick Schultz
6' 1"
200
26
44
1
4
5
4
21
0
0
0
31
3.2
$3,500,000
10
R
Marian Gaborik**
6' 1"
199
26
6
3
2
5
0
0
1
0
0
22
13.6
$6,333,333
41
D
Martin Skoula
6' 3"
226
29
43
0
4
4
-11
4
0
0
0
25
0
$1,800,000
18
L
Colton Gillies
6' 4"
189
19
23
1
3
4
-1
8
0
0
1
13
7.7
$1,042,000
24
L
Derek Boogaard
6' 8"
257
26
35
0
3
3
4
61
0
0
0
10
0
$950,000
12
R
Craig Weller
6' 4"
220
27
25
1
1
2
-2
41
1
0
0
20
5
$600,000
Totals/Averages
6' 2"
207.09
26.74
108
188
-64
483
39
2
1230
8.78%
$48,300,666
#
Goalie
HT
WT
AGE
GPI
Min
GAA
W
L
OT
SO
SA
GA
Sv%
G
A
PIM
Salary
32
Niklas Backstrom
6' 1"
189
30
37
2172
2.18
21
14
2
5
1071
79
0.926
0
0
2
$3,100,000
29
Josh Harding
6' 1"
197
24
9
478
2.26
1
5
1
0
248
18
0.927
0
0
2
$728,000
Totals/Averages
6' 1"
193
27
2650
2.22
22
19
3
5
1319
97
0.926
0
0
4
In Know Thy Enemy tonight, Elise will mention that Harding has had no
** injured support. Boy howdy. The Wild have scored 16 goals in his 8 starts. He’s
been another reliable Wild goalie, and almost certainly takes over next
year.
Probable Pairings
Probable Lines
Left Wing
Center
Right Wing
15 Brunette
9 Koivu
11 Nolan
96 Bouchard
19 Veilleux
18 Gillies
25 Belanger
22 Clutterbuck
39 Kolanos
24 Boogard
51 Sheppard
20 Miettinen
3 Zidlicky
8 Burns
5 Johnsson
$54,104,000
CAP SPACE:
$2,596,000*
*space also affected by buyouts and injured players
47 Bergeron
55 Schultz
41 Skoula
$3,828,000
TOTAL CAP NUMBER:
Injury List
Andrew Brunette-Questionable (Ankle)
Craig Weller-Out (Head)
Marian Gaborik-Out (Money)
...IS THIS THE YEAR?
We here at The Committed Indian were lucky enough to steal a copy of the actual written exam that each
Ice Crew applicant must complete. We provide it here, without comment, to show you the grueling standards the
Hawks ask of anyone who wants to shovel snow and pull off the outifit given them. We think you’ll be surprised.
Ice-Crew Written Exam
Multiple Choice:
1. When a man in a leather jacket and slicked-back mullet
smiles at you and grabs himself, you:
A: Call the cops
B: Show off your butterfly knife
C: Take it as a compliment, but bathe rigourously
after
2. When you’re out at the bar/club, guys have:
A: Been unable to speak around you
B: Openly wept at the sight of you
C: Been immediately dumped by their girlfriends
for leering at you
3. Other women think you’re a...
A: Whore
B: Trixie
C: Bitch
D: All of the above
4. When your front steps are covered in snow, you...:
A: Grab your shovel and take care of it
B: Borrow the neighbor’s and take care of it
C: Ask the super to do it while wearing your
pajamas, causing him to do it uncomfortably around his
throbbing erection
D: Use a lighter and can of bug spray
7. I can ________ my ass
A: Rest a beer bottle on
B: Break a man with
C: Get what I want with
8. The thought of going out in the crowd of Hawks fans
makes me...:
A: Excited to pump up the crowd
B: Nervous, but it’s part of the job
C: Call my lawyer
9: When clearing snow by Hawks bench, I should....
A: Clear entire area
B: Quickly get out of there to not provide distraction
C: Swim in Kris Versteeg’s dreamy eyes
True or False:
1. A Luv-A-Bull would be your ugly friend I try and get
guys to talk to.
T or F
2. I have bought a drink for myself. Ever.
T or F
3. Objectifying myself is wrong.
T or F
5. Hockey players are:
A: To be avoided at all times
B: To be respected
C: A trophy
4. Objectifying myself for money and attention is wrong.
T or F
6. If you ever come across the editors of The Committed Indian, after reading the hilarious but utterly tasteless
things they’ve written about you, you will:
A: Kick them squarely in the nuts
B: Have football player-boyfriend kick them in
the nuts
C: Tell them how incredibly funny they are and
fulfill their every fantasy
Choose One:
Essay Question:
1. Describe in detail the Israeili-Palestinian Conflict,
including history, and possible solutions.
or
2. What color underwear are you wearing?
The
Fight
Card
HAWKS vs. WILD
Fight Stats provided by Hockeyfights.com
GAME
FIGHT
TIME
2-8-08
Seabrook v.
Schultz
2nd.
0:21
1-11-08
Ruutu v.
Veilleux
2nd.
19:01
10-04-07
Koci v.
Boogard
2nd.
3:06
Bloody
Nose
Black
Eye
Bruised
Ego
√ √
√ √
Just
Dancing
√
Analysis
Biscuit lands a few uppercuts early and
Schultz just waits for it all to be over.
Brent should do this more often.
Right off a center-ice draw, Ruti pulls
sweater over Veilleux’s head and that’s
about it. Lands decent shot when Veilleux is on ice.
A Shakespearian fight, full of sound
and fury but signifying nothing. Lots
of punches thrown, some land, nothing
accomplished.
What To Watch For: Probably not much, once again, as the Hawks will be too busy trying to stay awake. The Wild still
carry winner of The Biggest Slob in Derek Boogard, but the Hawks don’t have anyone who’s going to tussle with him. Cal
Clusterfuck likes to bounce around, and will probably piss someone off royally. Whether that leads to goofiness, we shall see.
Expect him to take one run at Kane; that’s your most likely source of the rough stuff.
Power Play
Team
Opp
PPG
PP%
Team OPP
DET
193
52
26.9
LAK
49
23.6
VAN
22
PIT
PHI
BOS
SJS
WSH
STL
ANA
CHI
ATL
MIN
TOR
BUF
CGY
NJD
EDM
167
172
208
194
195
183
198
188
191
196
194
202
158
201
45
41
44
43
27
23.8
22.7
40
21.9
39
20.7
43
39
40
38
39
30
36
21.7
20.4
OTT
179
NYI
186
FLA
COL
MTL
CAR
196
202
174
210
186
210
211
TBL
192
19.6
NYR
204
19
PHX
20.4
19.3
17.9
DAL
NSH
CBJ
187
185
196
193
PPG
PP%
Team
34
17.4
MIN
32
32
34
29
35
30
33
33
30
28
17.9
17.2
NYR
189
BUF
182
16.8
CGY
16.7
NSH
15.7
BOS
16.7
16.1
SJS
CHI
15.6
LAK
15
FLA
15.6
PHI
30
14.7
MTL
26
13.3
NYI
25
21
13.5
10.9
TS
NJD
OTT
152
192
169
209
186
168
196
228
185
199
173
200
182
Penalty Kill
PPGA PK%
23
87.8
24
19
26
25
33
30
28
33
39
32
35
31
36
33
Team
TS
ANA
239
86.8
VAN
217
85.2
STL
87.5
86.5
PHX
CBJ
84.2
DET
83.3
WSH
83.9
83.2
82.9
82.7
82.4
TBL
PIT
COL
DAL
CAR
82.1
EDM
81.9
TOR
82
ATL
176
195
197
190
224
217
200
176
176
170
195
199
170
PPGA PK%
44
81.6
41
81.1
33
38
39
38
81.2
80.5
80.2
80
45
79.9
41
79.5
44
39
39
38
47
52
45
79.7
77.8
77.8
77.6
75.9
73.9
73.5
Spotlight
Jacques Lemaire
We have to apologize for using an old Blue Line-joke here, but it was just too good to pass up. We have railed on Ken Hitchock
here before, so it stands to reason we won’t care for Lemaire any more. We certainly don’t. Lemaire is the only coach the Wild have ever
known, and is the biggest reason why they won’t accomplish much. It’s bad enough that the Wild play the most boring game in the league,
in front of a fanbase that deserves so much better. But Lemaire’s abhorrence of talent is borderline sickening. You just watch, Marian
Gaborik will go elsewhere next season, “miraculously” be healthy and put up 50 goals when free of Lemaire’s shackles. Wild fans will tell
you that they believe in the system because...wait for the cliche... defense wins championships. Uh, not by itself it doesn’t. The Wild’s total
of 21 goals in their last 11 playoff games will tell you that. Supporters of the Wild are blinded by their run to the Western Finals in 2003,
where they lost to Anaheim. But that was in a different NHL, and in this one you can’t defend your way to the Cup. People point to the
Ducks of 2007, but once again, we implore you to look at the wealth of talent on that team. We think it can be argued that Lemaire runs
this defense-first, second, and third policy not only because he falsely believes it will work, but to get all the credit when it does. Should
he ever loosen the reins and let some skill play, we think he’d fear not being credited for the production. With Koivu and Bouchard down
the middle, and Burns and Zidlicky on the blueline, there is the base there to ice a skilled team one day. You won’t see that happen until
Lemaire is no longer behind the bench. Thus, you won’t see the Wild doing anything important.
The Committed Indian is printed by Royal Omega Graphics- Elk Grove, IL
847-952-8000
[email protected]
KNOW THY ENEMY
Tonight, Dan from Deuce By Definition (deucebydefinition.com) and Elise from
18,568 Reasons Why (18568reasonswhy.com) are kind enough to tell us a little bit
about the Wild. We think she’s legal, but not totally sure, so tread lightly, gentlemen. And ladies, we suppose, though that would be HOT!
Q: The past two seasons you’ve managed 98 points and 104 points, but
this season you’re on course for around 90. What’s been the problem
this year?
Dan: Well, we plain and simple shit the bed in December. We only managed to get more points (9 I think) than the lowly-assed Islanders (who are
hellbent on getting either Victor Hedman or John Tavares ) because we
somehow forgot to score more than one goal a game. It’s an annual thing
unfortunately, really crappy Decembers, but this one takes the cake. We
went from Division Leaders to the Division basement and on the playoff
bubble in the span of 31 days. If there is a silver lining, the slide illustrated
to the brass that the fans aren’t just Kool-Aid drinking, gulliable doofs who
are just happy to have hockey and that we demand more, and that the lack of
organizational depth and poor decisions with free agents, trades, and drafting
is severely hurting us. If we suck at the highest level, we’ve got nothing or
no one to be excited for in juniors, college, or the minors. Also, there was a
high hope that the kids (James Sheppard, Benoit Pouliot, and Colton Gillies)
would produce- Sheppard has 10 points, Pouliot just was demoted, and Gillies eats alot of press box food so far. So we got that going for us.
Obviously, Niklas Backstrom’s numbers are impressive. But how much
of that is him or the team in front of him? Will the Wild resign him this
summer?
Elise: This is a huge debate right now. While he’s definitely helped by the
system in front of him, there’s no doubt he is a quality goaltender; he was
when he won championships in the Finnish Elite League and he has been
since the Wild signed him. No one has any idea whether or not he will be
resigned. There’s been talk between the two sides, but there’s definitely a
market out there for him and his no-trade clause expires February 1. The
team’s backup goalie, Josh Harding, is definitely capable and is better than
his record shows (he had no goal support in any of his games). Backstrom’s
been great and really enjoys Minnesota, but he’s 30 and Harding is only 24
and has always been tabbed as the Wild’s “goalie of the future,” so it may
finally be his time to step up and take the starting job.
We know rookie Cal Clutterbuck has been exciting Minnesota fans. Tell
us why.
Dan: We’ve never, ever, had anyone with such a consistent physical presence in the history of the team; so even in December, when shit was really
bad (and boring to watch,) at least we had Clutterbuck, who flies around and
will smoke someone into the boards (legally, I may add) every shift. I’ve
felt that he’s got some offensive upside as well, and his recent production
indicates it as well. He’s gone from 4th line guy, to a top-line winger. He’s
so fun to watch. Go to youtube, and look up his hit on Carlo Colaiacovo
of St. Louis; he just drills Colaiacovo, helmet-less, after getting soundly
whooped by Colaiacovo in a fight earlier in the period. He just drove him
batshit crazy; he’ll draw a couple penalties a game just from constantly hitting people.
Mikko Koivu is leading your team in scoring by a wide margin. Does
the hockey world know how important he really is? Here’s your chance
to tell a small section.
Elise: Koivu is the face of the franchise, that spot is no longer Gaborik’s.
The rest of the league doesn’t seem to realize how good he is. He just
recently started to turn into an elite player last year and is still getting better
and should have a spectacular NHL career. He basically leads the Wild in
every category, has captained them every month but December (the Wild
uses the rotating captain system), and is a great all around player. People
said he was snubbed for the Selke last year and for the All-Star Game this
year. He deserves more recognition than he gets, but I have no doubt he’ll
get it very soon.
Brent Burns broke out last season with 15 goals and a +12, but this year
-- while still contributing offensively -- he’s a -9. What’s up?
Dan: Our brass is too cheap (or was too damn casual with our assets) to
go out and get someone to help with scoring, so he was moved to the wing
position in the slim hope he’d help with scoring. Instead of a Top 10 defenseman, you got a generic checking winger; I’m not knocking him for his
play, because he played well, but the production wasn’t there. That’s on the
brass, especially when Doug Risebrough has come out and said “you know,
we might have fucked up his development a bit.” He’s come around since
the end of the year, but it took a while for him to get back into the swing of
things, and I think he’ll take off after the All-Star Break.
There’s no question that fans in St. Paul are some of the most passionate
and knowledgeable around. So tell us, honestly, how you feel about your
team’s coma-inducing style? Do the results justify the means? Or are
Wild fans longing for a more expansive style of play?
Elise: Ok, ok, the Wild play boring hockey. Although Wild fans try to
defend them, there’s no getting around that most of the time they play a style
that’s not very exciting to watch. Obviously, it would be nice to have a team
that plays a very open, fast style, but defense is the only thing fans have
known for the Wild. Coach Jacques Lemaire has been with the team since
day one and, because of him, so has the trap. Everyone always says, defense
wins championships, right?
Hawks-WILD: the Last 4
Dec. 28th, 2008: Hawks 4, Wild 1 (wild
one wild one....)
Oct. 27th, 2008: Hawks 2, Wild 3
An ass-whipping from pillar to post, and one so
bad that the crowd at Excel Center boo the Wild off
the ice. Buff scores twice in home state.
Hawks lose their customary game in St. Paul on
Vs (they’ve done it three straight seasons). Hawks
badly outplay Wild, doubling them in shots 36-18,
but can’t break Backstrom and Wild’s maximum
security prison system.
Mar. 4th, 2008: Hawks 4, Wild 2
Feb. 20th, 2008: Wild 0, Hawks 3
Patrick Lalime is the best player on the ice, and
J-Willy has a goal and an assist to overcome the
Wild. Buff scores, too. If only he played every
game like it was in Minnesota.
Hawks first win over Minnesota in two years.
Khabby turns away 38 shots, and Bolland scores
twice. This is right about where Editor’s man-crush
on Bolland becomes full-blown.
Hockey Sabermetrics
CHICAGO
Every game, we provide you with the Behind The Net numbers. These are at even strength, 5-on-5. Key: QUALCOMP- A measure of the quality of competition each player
faces on the ice. Calculated by averaging +/-/60 for opponents on the ice against player. QUALTEAM- A measure of the quality of teammates each player plays with. Calculated by averaging +/-/60 for teammates on ice with player. TOI/60- Time on ice, per 60 minutes, that player spends on ice at full-strength. GFON/60, GAON/60- Goals for
and against team per 60 min. player is on ice +/-ON/60- Team’s Plus/minus, per 60 minutes, while player is on ice. +/-OFF/60- Plus/minus of team while player is off ice, per
60 minutes. RATING- +/-ON/60 subtracted by +/-OFF/60.
NAME
QUALCOMP
QUALTEAM
TOI/60
GFON/60
GAON/60
+-ON/60
GFOFF/60
GAOFF/60
+-OFF/60
RATING
-0.02
-0.14
11.68
4.31
1.44
2.88
2.45
1.86
0.6
2.28
Andrew Ladd
0.1
0.25
12.43
3.71
1.8
1.91
2.65
2.18
0.47
1.44
Duncan Keith
0.07
0.18
18.39
3.5
1.99
1.51
2.73
2.24
0.49
1.02
Martin Havlat
0.03
0.13
13.23
3.48
1.9
1.58
2.72
2.15
0.57
1.01
Dave Bolland
0.1
0.38
12.09
3.58
2.08
1.5
2.71
2.07
0.63
0.87
Kris Versteeg
0.06
-0.17
12.48
3.32
2.06
1.26
2.84
2.14
0.7
0.56
Troy Brouwer
-0.01
-0.21
11.37
2.64
1.4
1.24
3.06
2.13
0.93
0.31
Aaron Johnson
Brent Seabrook
0.09
0.35
16.61
2.94
1.93
1.01
2.94
2.16
0.78
0.22
Matt Walker
-0.03
-0.14
13.26
2.77
1.75
1.02
2.89
1.92
0.96
0.06
James Wisniewski
0.06
-0.01
15.11
2.27
1.42
0.85
3.06
1.89
1.17
-0.32
Patrick Kane
0.07
-0.16
13.83
3.07
2.65
0.42
2.65
1.91
0.74
-0.32
Dustin Byfuglien
Ben Eager
0
0.15
11.95
2.26
1.63
0.63
3.17
2.2
0.96
-0.34
-0.1
-0.25
8.09
2.28
1.52
0.76
3.2
2.08
1.12
-0.36
0
-0.16
17.6
3.01
2.38
0.63
2.9
1.88
1.02
-0.38
-0.1
-0.27
7.78
2.51
1.97
0.54
3.03
2.1
0.94
-0.4
Brian Campbell
Colin Fraser
Jonathan Toews
0.05
0.01
13.01
3.11
2.57
0.54
2.87
1.87
1
-0.47
Adam Burish
-0.04
-0.14
6.85
2.6
1.95
0.65
3.17
2.04
1.14
-0.49
Craig Adams
-0.16
-0.24
7.66
1.74
1.74
0
3.31
2.27
1.05
-1.05
Patrick Sharp
-0.01
0.01
13.31
2.72
2.62
0.1
3.03
1.85
1.19
-1.08
Brent Sopel
-0.09
-0.02
10.89
2.16
3.11
-0.96
3.22
2.25
0.97
-1.93
Cam Barker
-0.03
-0.09
13.98
2
2.57
-0.57
3.37
1.72
1.65
-2.22
Corsi Rating
Shots attempted for a team vs. how many are
attempted against while a given player is on
the ice, per 60 min.
NAME
CORSI
James Wisniewski
26.1
Martin Havlat
13.8
Dustin Byfuglien
12.2
Andrew Ladd
11
Duncan Keith
10.5
Dave Bolland
10
Kris Versteeg
10
Aaron Johnson
9.9
Brent Seabrook
9.8
Brian Campbell
9.8
Jonathan Toews
9.7
Adam Burish
8.4
Patrick Kane
8
Troy Brouwer
7.6
Cam Barker
7.4
Ben Eager
6.7
Patrick Sharp
6.4
Craig Adams
4.4
Matt Walker
3.4
Penalties Drawn
vs. Taken
Pretty self-explanatory. A measure of penalties
drawn vs. taken, per 60 min.
NAME
PDRAW/60
PTAKE/60
Adam Burish
1.9
0.6
Patrick Kane
1.6
1.1
Colin Fraser
1.6
0.7
Kris Versteeg
1.5
0.9
Craig Adams
1.5
0.9
Patrick Sharp
1.5
1
Dave Bolland
1.4
0.6
Troy Brouwer
1.4
0.9
Ben Eager
1.3
2.7
Andrew Ladd
1.1
0.8
James Wisniewski
1.1
0.6
Jonathan Toews
1
0.8
Dustin Byfuglien
0.9
1.4
Martin Havlat
0.8
0.6
Brian Campbell
0.7
0.2
Brent Sopel
0.5
1
Aaron Johnson
0.4
1.8
Matt Walker
0.4
0.6
Brent Seabrook
0.3
1.2
Player
Face-offs
Face-Offs Taken
FO%
Jonathan Toews
674
52.8
Colin Fraser
447
47.9
Kris Versteeg
75
46.7
Patrick Sharp
505
46.5
Dave Bolland
599
44.9
Rank: 27th
47.5
Total
Power Play Ratings
This is a measure of a team’s
goals-for per 60 minutes of player
being on the ice on the power play.
Player
GFON/60
Cam Barker
11.7
Patrick Sharp
8.67
Patrick Kane
8.08
Dustin Byfuglien
8.04
Jonathan Toews
7.89
Brian Campbell
7.83
Brent Seabrook
7.2
Duncan Keith
6.81
Martin Havlat
6.64
James Wisniewski
6.35
Kris Versteeg
6.29
Penalty Kill Ratings
This measures how many goals a
team gives up per 60 minutes the
player is on the ice on the PK.
Player
GA/60
Matt Walker
4.06
Dave Bolland
4.37
James Wisniewski
4.68
Brent Seabrook
5.19
Adam Burish
5.52
Aaron Johnson
5.73
Duncan Keith
5.99
Brent Sopel
6.43
Kris Versteeg
7.72
Colin Fraser
7.77
Hockey Sabermetrics
MINNESOTA
Every game, we provide you with the Behind The Net numbers. These are at even strength, 5-on-5. Key: QUALCOMP- A measure of the quality of competition each player
faces on the ice. Calculated by averaging +/-/60 for opponents on the ice against player. QUALTEAM- A measure of the quality of teammates each player plays with. Calculated by averaging +/-/60 for teammates on ice with player. TOI/60- Time on ice, per 60 minutes, that player spends on ice at full-strength. GFON/60, GAON/60- Goals for
and against team per 60 min. player is on ice +/-ON/60- Team’s Plus/minus, per 60 minutes, while player is on ice. +/-OFF/60- Plus/minus of team while player is off ice,
per 60 minutes. RATING- +/-ON/60 subtracted by +/-OFF/60.
NAME
QUALCOMP
QUALTEAM
TOI/60
GFON/60
GAON/60
+-ON/60
GFOFF/60
GAOFF/60
+-OFF/60
RATING
K. Kolanos
-0.11
0.1
4.33
2.44
0.81
1.63
2.06
2.31
-0.25
1.88
Mikko Koivu
-0.11
-0.09
8.81
2.72
1.36
1.36
1.93
2.36
-0.43
1.79
Benoit Pouliot
0.13
0.1
14.59
2.68
2.2
0.48
1.55
2.17
-0.62
1.1
Nick Schultz
-0.1
-0.01
9.52
1.87
1.53
0.34
1.83
2.5
-0.67
1.01
Antti Miettinen
0.07
-0.01
16.88
1.98
1.65
0.33
1.86
2.49
-0.62
0.95
Erik Reitz
0.12
0.06
13.08
2.13
1.81
0.32
1.82
2.33
-0.51
0.83
Owen Nolan
-0.09
-0.11
9.52
2.24
2.44
-0.2
1.52
2.21
-0.68
0.48
Kim Johnsson
-0.04
-0.03
12.62
2.09
1.9
0.19
1.89
2.17
-0.28
0.47
Andrew Brunette
0.05
0.03
18.45
1.94
1.94
0
1.92
2.38
-0.47
0.47
Craig Weller
0.09
0.16
13.81
2.22
2.22
0
1.77
2.16
-0.39
0.39
Cal Clutterbuck
-0.09
-0.01
6.37
1.13
1.88
-0.75
1.74
2.61
-0.87
0.12
M.A. Bergeron
0.03
-0.16
10.48
1.47
1.61
-0.15
1.94
2.16
-0.22
0.07
Marek Zidlicky
-0.03
-0.01
12.94
2.11
2.25
-0.14
2.17
2.11
0.06
-0.2
0
-0.08
16.41
1.73
2.21
-0.48
1.91
2.18
-0.27
-0.22
Brent Burns
Colton Gillies
0.06
0.04
15.74
2
2.67
-0.67
1.92
1.92
0
-0.67
P.M. Bouchard
-0.13
-0.13
7.8
1.4
1.75
-0.35
2.17
1.81
0.36
-0.71
Eric Belanger
0.01
-0.03
13.21
1.93
2.84
-0.91
1.81
1.95
-0.14
-0.77
Stephane Veilleux
0.03
-0.08
12.82
1.64
2.57
-0.94
1.87
2.01
-0.13
-0.8
Martin Skoula
0.03
-0.18
13.2
1.3
2.27
-0.97
2.22
2.22
0
-0.97
James Sheppard
0.02
-0.08
15.97
1.88
2.77
-0.89
1.94
1.84
0.09
-0.99
Corsi Rating
This measures how many shots are attempted
for a team vs. how many are attempted against
while a given player is on the ice, per 60 min.
NAME
CORSI
P.M. Bouchard
8.7
Marek Zidlicky
8.5
M.A. Bergeron
7.9
Andrew Brunette
4.2
Mikko Koivu
2.2
Eric Belanger
0.1
Antti Miettinen
-0.5
Kim Johnsson
-1.2
Brent Burns
-2.8
James Sheppard
-5.1
Martin Skoula
-7.6
Owen Nolan
-8
Nick Schultz
-9.3
Colton Gillies
-9.4
Benoit Pouliot
-9.7
Derek Boogard
-10.2
Stephane Veilleux
-12.3
Cal Clutterbuck
-12.8
Krystofer Kolanos
-13.6
Craig Weller
-16.9
Penalties Drawn
vs. Taken
Pretty self-explanatory. A measure of penalties drawn
vs. taken, per 60 min.
NAME
PDRAW/60
PTAKE/60
Cal Clutterbuck
2.5
1
Derek Boogard
2.4
2
Craig Weller
1.9
1.1
Krystofer Kolanos
1.4
2.3
Stephane Veilleux
1.4
0.5
Owen Nolan
1.3
0.2
James Sheppard
1.3
0.3
Erik Reitz
1.2
1.4
Eric Belanger
1.1
0.1
Brent Burns
1
0.9
Colton Gillies
1
1
Mikko Koivu
0.9
0.9
Andrew Brunette
0.9
0.5
P.M. Bouchard
0.8
0.6
Kim Johnsson
0.7
0.6
M.A. Bergeron
0.6
1.4
Benoit Pouliot
0.5
1.5
Antti Miettinen
0.3
0.6
Martin Skoula
0.3
0.2
Player
Face-offs
Face-Offs Taken
FO%
Mikko Koivu
925
54.0
Eric Belanger
627
53.6
Krys Kolanos
91
51.6
James Sheppard
490
41.6
Rank: 19th
49.7
Total:
Power Play Ratings
Penalty Kill Ratings
This is a measure of a team’s goals This measures how many goals
for per 60 minutes of player being a team gives up per 60 minutes
the player is on the ice on the
on the ice on the power play.
Player
GFON/60
Owen Nolan
8.58
Andrew Brunette
8.28
M.A. Bergeron
7.7
Marek Zidlicky
7.65
Eric Belanger
7.36
Mikko Koivu
7.32
P.M. Bouchard
7.27
Antti Miettinen
6.13
Brent Burns
5.87
K. Kolanos
5.44
Player
GAON/60
Kim Johnsson
2.31
Brent Burns
3.32
Stephane Veilleux
3.34
Eric Belanger
3.42
Nick Schultz
3.97
Martin Skoula
3.99
Antti Miettinen
4.12
Mikko Koivu
4.68
Marek Zidlicky
5.13
Referee Stats For The Hawks
Referees
1st NHL
Game
Hawks Games
Hawks PP’s
Hawks
PK’s
Pens/Game
Hawks PP/Game
Hawks PK/
Game
W
L
OTL
2 Fraser, Kerry
1980
3
14
17
10.3
4.7
5.7
3
0
0
3 Leggo, Mike
1997
3
10
15
8.3
3.3
5.0
2
0
1
4 McCauley, Wes
2003
5
11
14
5.0
2.2
2.8
2
2
0
5 Rooney, Chris
2000
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
6 Marouelli, Dan
1984
3
14
11
8.3
4.7
3.7
1
2
0
7 McCreary, Bill
1984
3
14
12
8.7
4.7
4.0
2
2
0
8 Jackson, Dave
1990
3
14
13
9.0
4.7
4.3
2
1
0
10 Devorski, Paul
1989
2
9
13
11.0
4.5
6.5
1
1
0
11 Sutherland, Kelly
2000
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
12 Koharski, Don
1981
1
6
7
13.0
6.0
7.0
1
0
0
13 O’Halloran, Dan
1995
2
12
10
11.0
6.0
5.0
1
0
1
14 LaRue, Dennis
1991
4
17
16
8.3
4.3
4.0
3
0
1
15 Auger, Stephane
2000
4
17
13
7.5
4.3
3.3
3
0
1
16 Shick, Rob
1986
1
2
2
4.0
2.0
2.0
0
0
1
18 Kimmerly, Greg
1996
5
26
25
10.2
5.2
5.0
3
2
0
20 Peel, Tim
1999
2
13
13
13.0
6.5
6.5
1
1
0
21 VanMassenhoven, Don
1993
2
6
4
5.0
3.0
2.0
1
0
1
23 Watson, Brad
1996
2
7
4
5.5
3.5
2.0
1
0
1
25 Joannette, Marc
1999
2
13
5
9.0
6.5
2.5
1
0
1
26 Martell, Rob
1996
1
3
1
4.0
3.0
1.0
1
0
0
27 Furlatt, Eric
2001
3
14
10
8.0
4.7
3.3
1
1
1
28 Lee, Chris
2001
1
5
4
9.0
5.0
4.0
1
0
0
29 Walsh, Ian
2000
1
1
3
4.0
1.0
3.0
0
1
0
30 Hasenfratz, Mike
2000
3
22
13
11.7
7.3
4.3
0
1
2
32 Kowal, Tom
2000
3
11
7
6.0
3.7
2.3
3
0
0
33 Pollock, Kevin
2000
2
7
9
8.0
3.5
4.5
1
0
1
34 Meier, Brad
1999
3
12
14
8.7
4.0
4.7
3
0
0
35 Warren, Dean
1999
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
36 Morton, Dean
2000
2
16
10
13.0
8.0
5.0
0
1
1
38 St Laurent, Francois
2006
2
14
15
14.5
7.0
7.5
1
0
1
39 Dwyer, Gord
2003
3
16
15
10.3
5.3
5.0
2
0
1
40 Kozari, Steve
2006
3
18
12
10.0
6.0
4.0
2
1
0
42 O’Rourke, Dan
1999
2
11
13
12.0
5.5
6.5
1
0
1
43 Pochmara, Brian
2006
1
4
7
11.0
4.0
7.0
1
0
0
45 St. Pierre, Justin
2003
4
19
15
8.5
4.8
3.8
2
0
2
Points
Goals
1
2
Team
G
Jeff Carter
PHI
30
1
Evgeni Malkin
PIT
69
1
BUF
27
3
A. Ovechkin
WAS
57
3
WAS
4
Zach Parise
NJ
9
Patrick Sharp
5
GAA
Player
A. Ovechkin
3
NHL LEADERS
Tomas Vanek
P. Marleau
SJ
CHI
29
26
24
21
Player
2
4
5
26
Sidney Crosby
Ryan Getzlaf
Pavel Datsyuk
Patrick Kane
Team
PIT
ANA
DET
CHI
P
59
55
54
42
Player
2
4
5
9
SV%
Player
Team SV%
Team
GAA
Steve Mason
CBJ
1.81
1
Tim Thomas
BOS
.937
M. Fernandez
BOS
2.07
3
Jonas Hiller
ANA
.930
Tim Thomas
Jonas Hiller
N. Backstrom
Cristobal Huet
BOS
ANA
MIN
CHI
2.00
2.09
2.18
2.31
2
4
5
8
Steve Mason
Craig Anderson
M. Fernandez
N. Khabibulin
BOS
FLA
BOS
CHI
.936
.930
.928
.924
Block Party
Once again, we’re delighted to have Chris Block from The Third
Man In (thethirdmanin.com) and Puck Chatter (puckchatter.blogspot.com)
join us to provide way too intelligent commentary on the Hawks for this
publication. Hopefully, he won’t notice.
individual battles will get nastier. Are the Blackhawks physically prepared
for that? Mentally?
Toews and Kane will take a beating every night from here on out.
Campbell, Keith and Seabrook can expect the same. The Blackhawks will
either learn to play through it, or allow it to consume them and get swal
If the first half of the 2008-09 season showed us the Blackhawks
lowed under the pressure. They can’t fight everyone who lays a finger on the
were head and shoulders above 80% of the league but not quite at the level
two wonder boys.
of the top five or six Cup contenders, then the second half will lead us down
Twelve straight days on the road with two swings through tradian even more intriguing path.
tionally tough waters lies ahead. Another litmus test for a young group of
With the pressure turning up for all but two Western Conference
men finding being, and staying good in this league won’t be easy.
teams with legitimate chances at making the postseason (sorry LA and St.
It was only two months ago this team appeared apathetic and overLouis) and playoff intensity about to hit, the question is will the Blackhawk
matched in Los Angeles and Anaheim, dropping both games at the end of the
continue to fly in that zone underneath the Detroit’s, Boston’s and San Jose’s
annual November ‘circus’ trip. Chicago began three games in four nights
of the world, or will the pressure pull them back to the pack? Time will tell.
dropping a tough overtime decision to the Sharks in the toughest building to
What’s quite certain after 43 games is the Blackhawks will parwin in on the road. Follow-up losses to the Ducks and Kings only comticipate in postseason hockey for the first time since 2002. At this point, it
pounded the heartache.
would almost literally take an act of God to prevent them from it. Once they
Next week the Hawks return to the scene of the crime only this
arrive, the Hawks will attempt to win a playoff series for the first time in
time they’ll start in Anaheim and finish at the Shark Tank. Again, three
twelve seasons.
games in four nights all in buildings Chicago has had a tough time earning
Of the current top three seeds in each conference
points in recently. The Blackhawks have lost four in a
(San Jose, Detroit, Calgary, Boston, Washington and the
row at Honda Center and their last nine meetings with
New York Rangers), Chicago has not faired well. The
the Sharks in San Jose dating back to March 19, 2003, a
Hawks are 3-5-2-3 (separating the latter two into overtime
3-2 overtime win thanks to Theo Fleury. Staples Center
and shootout losses, respectively) against the top seeds in
hasn’t exactly been a skate through Millenium Park lately
each conference with all three victories coming against the
either.
Flames. They’re 0 for 10 if you exclude Mike Keenan’s
After some time in the California sun, the
crew.
Hawks will take another swing in western Canada against
It’s not as if those squads have blown the Blackthe Oilers, Flames and Canucks.
hawks out of the building. Well, the Red Wings did twice
Usually a barometer of which the rest of the
but San Jose needed overtime on Thanksgiving Eve and
season will be judged, mid-December’s trek through
a little luck after messing around and getting away from
Alberta and coastal B.C. seemed surreal to those of us
their system ten days earlier at the UC.
who’ve kept in close contact with this team through the
Boston is very much like Chicago is some ways
last decade. What are the chances the Hawks will take all
and drastically opposite in others. The Bruins can skate
six points again?
with any team in the league but they can also bang you
The final two games on the road trip will come
Chris Block
all night long (insert Doug Gilmour babysitter joke here).
after the team has a chance to unwind for two days at
They won’t be bullied because more often times than not,
home in Chicago. Atlanta should be an easy two points
they are the ones doing the bullying.
seeing they are one of only four teams (all in the East)
Drew Stafford’s hit on Duncan Keith and the aftermath last week
with losing records at home. And oh yeah, the Thrashers are pathetic.
showed us two things.
The final stop on the trip brings the Hawks back to St. Louis,
First, the Blackhawks now are willing to stand up for themselves
where the Blues have put up a good fight in spite of a flock of injuries. With
and their teammates, a trait lacking on the West Side for many years. Ben
Dallas looming the next night in the team’s return to home ice, the February
Eager, especially given the 3-1 score at the time, was right to immediately
13th meeting with the Blues has all the makings of a trap-game.
respond by attacking Stafford. No matter what anyone thought of the hit (it
Following tonight’s game, twelve of the Hawks’ next sixteen will
was clean), it resulted in a teammate having to be helped from the ice and
be settled away from the United Center. After this weekend’s All-Star festhat alone is cause for retribution.
tivities, Joel Quenneville’s team will play eleven of their next twelve on the
It’s also beginning to highlight how touchy this team has become
road. Even a three-game southern-swing with invites from the Lightning,
to handling the physical game. They like to dish it out, but are ready to take
Panthers and Stars won’t present any two-point gift baskets.
it?
February’s road warriors will reap the returns in March though
Detroit established a trend in how opponents should be approachwhen the Hawks can rack up the points with a home-laden schedule. Howing the Blackhawks. There were glimpses prior to the Dan Cleary hit on
ever, getting to that point in the position they’re in now and not fighting
Patrick Kane at Joe Louis Arena last month (that resulted in the high-ankle
every night with the Canucks, Oilers, Ducks, Stars and Preds for playoff
sprain the Hawks are risking their season allowing him to play through), but
positioning will be the truest test of how far this Blackhawks team has come.
the way the Wings pounded players like Kane, Toews and Campbell that
Anaheim and Vancouver will be the only two teams capable of
night has set a precedent for the rest of the league to follow. Clean, consisascending beyond Chicago in the Western standings and probably two teams
tent physical aggression while not getting caught up in any payback antics.
the Hawks would like to avoid in the first round or at least have home ice
Saturday in St. Louis was no different.
against. If the Hawks falter in the second half, expect both to leap frog them.
Patrick Sharp dropped the gloves for the first time this year after
Jay McKee put Patrick Kane on his can just inside the Hawks’ blue line.
As foreign as this may be to Hawks fans, it is the truth; the BlackPerhaps this impressed some, but to say it was an overreaction on Sharp’s
hawks will control their own destiny. But can they handle the load?
behalf is putting it mildly. At the end of regulation Kane took a jab at Blues’
defenseman Barret Jackman, who responded, not in kind, prompting the
Hawks to swarm Jackman almost leading to a fight between Jackman and
Matt Walker, who are best friends off the ice.
As the conference battle tightens games will get more physical and
The Making of The
Chicago Blackhawks
YEAR
2008-2009
DRAFT
2007-2008
Patrick Kane (1st round)
2006-2007
Jonathan Toews (1st round)
2005-2006
2004-2005
2003-2004
2002-2003
Cam Barker (1st round)
Dave Bolland (2nd round)
Troy Brouwer (7th round)
Brent Seabrook (1st round)
Dustin Byfuglien (8th round)
Duncan Keith (2nd round)
James Wisniewski (5th round)
Adam Burish (9th round)
GM HISTORY
Dale Tallon (2005-Present)
Bob Pulford (Too Fucking Long, Too Many Fucking Times)
Mike Smith (2001-2004)
Bob Murray (1999-2000)
TRADE
FREE AGENT
Ben Eager (PHO 1st round 2002) from
PHI for Jim Vandermeer (FA PHI 2000)
Craig Adams (HAR 9th round 1996)
from CAR for future considerations.
Andrew Ladd (CAR 1st round 2004)
from CAR for Tuomo Ruutu (CHI 1st
round 2001)
Martin Havlat (OTT 1st round 1999)
from OTT and Bryan Smolinski (BOS
1st round 1990) for Tom Preissing (FA
SJ 2003), Josh Hennessy (SJ 2nd round
2003) and Michael Barinka (CHI 2nd
round 2003)
Kris Versteeg (BOS 5th round 2004)
from BOS for Brandon Bochenski (OTT
7th round 2001)
Patrick Sharp (PHI 3rd round 2001)
from PHI for Matt Ellison (CHI 4th
round 2002) and CHI 3rd round pick
2006
Brian Campbell (BUF 6th round 1997
Cristobal Huet (LA 7th round 2001)
Matt Walker (STL 3rd round 1998)
Aaron Johnson (CLB 3rd round 2001)
Brent Sopel (VAN 6th round 1995)
Nikolai Khabibulin (WIN 9th round
1992)
Colin Fraser (PHI 3rd round 2003),
Jim Vandermeer (PHI FA 2000) and
2004 2nd round pick from PHI for Alex
Zhamnov and 2004 4th round pick (WIN
4th round 1990)
info in part provided by hockeyreference.com
COACHES
Head Coach-Joel Quenneville
Assistant Coach-John Torchetti
Assistant Coach-Mike Haviland
Assistant Coach- Marc Bergevin
Goaltending Coach-Stephane Waite
The Making of The
Minnesota Wild
YEAR
2008-2009
DRAFT
2007-2008
Colton Gillies (1st round)
2005-2006
Benoit Pouliot (1st round)
2006-2007
2004-2005
Brent Burns (1st round)
2001-2002
Mikko Koivu (1st round)
Stephane Veilleux (3rd round)
Derek Boogard (7th round)
2000-20001
Marc-Andre Bergeron (EDM Undrafted FA 2001) from ANA for 2008
3rd round pick
Marek Zidlicky (NYR 6th round 2001)
from NSH for Ryan Jones and 2009 2nd
round pick
FREE AGENT
Andrew Brunnette (WSH 7th round
1993)
Krystofer Kolanos (PHX 1st round
2000)
Antti Miettinen (DAL 7th round
2000)
Owen Nolan (QUE 1st round 1990)
Craig Weller (STL 5th round 2000)
Niklas Backstrom (Undrafted FA)
Eric Belanger (LA 4th round 1996)
James Sheppard (1st round)
Cal Clutterbuck (3rd round)
2003-2004
2002-2003
TRADE
Martin Skoula (COL 1st round 1996)
and Shawn Belle (STL 1st round 2003)
from DAL for Willie Mitchell (NJ 8th
round 1996) and 2007 2nd round pick
Kim Johnsson (NYR 11th round
1994)
John Scott (Undrafted FA)
Curtis Foster (CAL 2nd round 2000)
Pierre-Marc Bouchard (1st
round)
Josh Harding (2nd round)
Marian Gaborik (1st round)
Nick Schultz (2nd round)
Erik Reitz (6th round)
info in part provided by hockeyreference.com
COACHES
GM HISTORY
2001-Present: Doug Risebrough
Head Coach-Jacque Lemaire
Assistant Coach- Mike Ramsey
Assistant Coach- Mario Tremblay
Assistant Coach- Matt Shaw
Goaltending Coach- Bob Mason
The Hawks Record When...
Playing at home............
14-2-5
Playing on road...........
11-8-3
Scoring first..........
15-3-3
Opponent scores first........
10-7-5
Shoot the puck bimbo scores......
4-0-1
Shoot the puck bimbo doesn’t score......
10-1-4
Shoot the puck bimbo blows editors of Commited Indian..... 0-0-0
ANYONE blows editors of Committed Indian .................
0-1-0
Playing on a Monday..............
1-1-1
Playing on a Tuesday................
4-1-0
Playing on a Wednesday...........
5-0-2
Playing on a Thursday..............
0-2-0
Playing on a Friday................
4-2-2
Playing on a Saturday.............
4-3-3
Playing on a Sunday................
7-1-0
Savard changes lines during game...
1-2-1
Coach Q keeps lines as they are..... 24-8-7
Are out-muscled by opponent....
8-8-4
Outshoot opponent.......
17-5-3
Are outshot by opponenet....
8-5-5
Havlat shies from contact.........
16-6-6
Patrick Kane scores............... 8-3-2
Jonathan Toews scores.......... 5-0-4
Martin Havlat scores............. 9-1-1
Patrick Sharp scores............ 14-2-2
Dustin Byfuglien scores......... 6-0-1
Dustin Byfuglien turns down a hit......
21-8-6
Andrew Ladd scores............. 7-0-1
Dave Bolland scores.........
6-0-1
Adam Burish scores.......
1-1-0, and totally ruins that joke
51 Phantom scores.......
3-2-1
Duncan Keith scores........
2-3-0
Brent Seabrook scores......
4-0-1
VerStud scores....
8-3-1
Troy Brouwer scores....
5-0-0
Scoring a Power Play goal....... 19-4-7
Not scoring a Power Play goal...
6-6-1
Allowing a Power Play goal......
9-7-8
Not Allowing a Power Play goal.......
16-3-0
Scoring a short-handed goal...........
3-1-0
Allowing a short-handed goal.........
Taking 30 or more shots......... Taking less than 30 shots..... Allowing 30 shots or more......
Allowing 30 shots or less......... 100 Level doesn’t cheer for anthem. 1st of a back-to-back......
2nd of a back-to-back..... Opponent played night before....
Seabrook gets a flat-footed penalty....
Burish takes a penalty.......
Keith takes a penalty......... Sharp takes a penalty....... Toews takes a penalty.....
Havlat takes a penalty....
Sopel takes a penalty...... Sopel looks 6 steps slow......
51 Phantom blows a coverage......
Toews is trying too hard......
At least 1 fight in 300 Level...
No fights in 300 Level..... Playing Eastern Conference.....
Playing Western Conference..... Playing Central Division...... Playing Northwest Division....
Playing Pacific Division Playing Atlantic Division Playing NASCAR Division Playing Northeast Division
Playing in October.... Playing in November....
Playing in December......
Playing in January.....
Playing in February.....
Playing in March......
Playing in April......
UC plays really stupid goal song.....
Huet’s five-hole open like Lindsay Lohan’s.....
Getting obliterated on face-offs.......
Are even close on face-offs.....
1-1-1
19-7-5
6-3-1
11-6-5
14-4-3
14-1-5
2-3-3
6-2-0
6-1-1
8-2-4
4-3-2
5-1-2
9-2-2
6-2-2
5-1-0
3-2-1
7-5-5
16-8-7
3-6-2
2-1-3
12-1-2
4-2-2
21-8-6
4-3-5
10-2-0
7-3-1
1-1-1
0-1-0
3-0-1
4-3-3
6-3-3
10-1-1
5-3-1
0-0-0
0-0-0
0-0-0
14-1-5
2-5-2
9-7-4
16-3-4
Eddie O tells crew to “stop it right here!”....
22-10-8
Eddie O tells us D have the forwards and forwards have the D
during 4-on-4........
22-10-8
We fantasize about shooting Eddie O....
22-10-8
We’re ecstatic Pat Foley is back......
23-8-8
Ice-girls wear skirts.......
6-1-3
Ice-girls wear pants.......
3-1-0
ice-girls wear shorts....
5-0-2
Ice-girls wear hideous pink outfit.......
1-0-0
Leading after 2 periods......
20-1-3
Losing after 2 periods...... 1-6-2
Tied after 2 periods......... 4-3-3
In overtime.......... 3-3
In shootout.......
2-5
Cam Barker plays....... 18-6-5
Cam Barker is in Rockford due to GM incompetence.....
3-2-3
Lacking a #2 center........ 25-10-8
In 1-goal games.....
6-4-8
In 2-goal games...... 6-3-0
In 3-goal games....... 6-2-0
In 4+ goal games...... 6-1-0
Scoring 3+ goals..... 23-2-4
Scoring less than 3 goals...... 2-8-4
PA plays Ministry....... 0-0-0
PA plays Modern Cock-Rock.....
13-2-5
PA plays Classic Cock-Rock....... 9-1-5
PA plays P.J. Harvey........ 0-0-0
Fraser fights...... 7-2-1
Burish fights....... 4-1-0
Seabrook fights.....
0-0-0
Barker fights......... 0-0-2
Buff fights......... 0-0-2
Sharp fights........ 1-0-0
Eager fights..........
9-0-1
On Comcast...... 19-5-5
On WGN....... 6-3-3
On Vs........
0-1-0
On NBC....
0-1-0
Judd Sirott swears a lot off-air
25-10-8
Editor of Committed Indian bleeds on programs........
1-0-0
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