Yes, sir! I`d put - Rights Reserved © 2016

3
All Rights Reserved © 2013
SOLVING UNEMPLOYMENT
Teacher to a student: "Can you think of a solution to end
unemployment?"
"Yes, sir! I'd put all the men on one island
and the women on another."
"And what would they be doing then?"
"Building boats!"
PIECE OF MIND
There is a saying, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished."
So, I looked around my house to see all the things I had
started and hadn't finished, and before the morning was over
I had finished off a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of
Bailey's Irish Cream, a package of Oreos, the rest of an old
prescription, the last of the cheesecake and a bag of Doritos.
You have no idea how freakin' good I feel right now.
FIVE YEAR OLD SPEAKS
A five-year-old boy had never spoken a single word. One
afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother
and said, "Soup's cold."
His astonished mother exclaimed, "Son, I've waited so long
to hear you speak. But all these years you never
said a thing. Why haven't you spoken before?"
The boy looked at her and replied,
"Until now, everything's been great."
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NEWS FLASH!! FOTOMAT JUST BURNED DOWN, NO FILM AT 11
AROUND HERE, WE DO PRECISION GUESS WORK!
THE FIRST FORTY YEARS OF CHILDHOOD ARE THE HARDEST
OH NO! YOUR LAPTOP, TABLET
OR CELL PHONE IS LOST OR STOLEN
If you haven’t done so already, you need to download "Prey Project" immediately after reading this article. It’s a free computer
tracking and recovery program that works around the world. In my
opinion this software should be included on every computer out of
the box. Prey runs in the background. You won’t even know it’s
there. It will save your butt if your computer ever gets lost or stolen! Prey is a FREE open source Program that will allow you to
Recover your device! And, you can use it on 3 separate devices for Free 100% geolocation aware - Prey uses either the device's
GPS or the nearest WiFi hotspots to triangulate and grab a fix on its
location. Right on the spot.
Watch their movements - Grab a screenshot of the active session -if you're lucky you may catch the guy logged into his email or Facebook account!
Wifi autoconnect - If enabled, Prey will attempt to hook onto to the
nearest open WiFi hotspot when no Internet connection is found.
Keep your data safe - Hide your Outlook or Thunderbird data and
optionally remove your stored passwords, so no one will be able to
look into your stuff.
No unauthorized access - Fully lock down your PC, making it unusable unless a specific password is entered. The guy won't be able
to do a thing!
Know your enemy - Take a picture of the thief with your laptop's
webcam so you know what he looks like and where he's hiding.
Powerful evidence.
OH, DID I MENTION - IT'S FREE!
Hey People, there are 1000's of Laptops, Tablets and Cell Phones
Stolen or Lost every day. Yeah I know, you're careful and it could
never happen to you. Well maybe but why take the chance? First
thing you need to do is to download the program from http://
preyproject.com/ Next you set up a free account and setup the program for use with your particular device. You can go to http://
expertvagabond.com/prey-project/ and they have a complete, easy
to read and understand article on EXACTLY how to install, setup
and use this program! Now, get going and get it done - Before its
too late......
EXPECT GREAT THINGS FROM GOD. ATTEMPT GREAT THINGS FOR GOD
WHEN GOD SOLVES YOUR PROBLEMS, YOU HAVE FAITH IN HIS ABILITIES; WHEN GOD DOESN'T SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS HE HAS FAITH IN YOUR ABILITIES
1. GEOGRAPHY: Where are the Maldive islands located?
2. COMICS: What is Superman's dog named?
3. TELEVISION: When did MTV go on the air?
4. MOVIES: What movie features a character named Popeye
Doyle?
5. ENTERTAINERS: Which comedian came up with the
character called "the hippy dippy weatherman."
6. SCIENCE: What is the softest known mineral in the world?
7. ADVERTISING: What company used Elsie the Cow to
promote its products?
8. U.S. PRESIDENTS: Which president pledged a "New
Deal" for the United States?
9. LITERATURE: Who wrote the novel "Dr. Zhivago"?
10. ANATOMY: What is a sarcoma?
6. Talc
5. George Carlin
(c) 2013 King Features Synd., Inc.
10. A malignant tumor in connective tissue, bone or muscle
4. "The French Connection"
9. Boris Pasternak
2. Krypto
8. Franklin Roosevelt
1. Indian Ocean
7. Borden
Answers
3. Aug. 1, 1981
IF YOU CAN'T SEE THE BRIGHT SIDE, POLISH THE DULL SIDE
I WAS MARRIED BY A JUDGE. I SHOULD HAVE ASKED FOR A JURY
I’VE BEEN HIDING FROM EXERCISE: I’M IN THE FITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM
I JUST LOVE IT WHEN MY PILLS KICK IN
CHANGE YOUR THOUGHTS AND YOU CHANGE YOUR WORLD
COMMON SENSE IS A LOT LIKE DEODORANT. THE PEOPLE WHO NEED IT THE MOST NEVER USE IT
¥ On Sept. 14, 1901, U.S. President William McKinley dies
after being shot twice by a deranged anarchist. One bullet deflected off a suit button,
but the other entered his stomach, passed
through the kidneys and lodged in his back. When
he was operated on, doctors failed to find the bullet, and
gangrene soon spread throughout his body.
¥ On Sept. 15, 1935, German Jews are stripped of their citizenship, reducing them to mere "subjects" of the state. German Jews were excluded from a host of high-profile vocations, from public office to journalism, radio, theater, film and
teaching -- even farming. Jews found it difficult to buy food,
as stores would not admit Jewish customers.
¥ On Sept. 9, 1942, in the first and only
air attack on the U.S. mainland in the
war, a Japanese floatplane drops incendiary bombs on Oregon's Mount Emily,
setting fire to a state forest. The president immediately called for a news
blackout for the sake of morale.
INSTEAD OF GIVING A POLITICIAN THE KEYS TO THE CITY, IT MIGHT BE BETTER TO CHANGE THE LOCKS
¥ On Sept. 12, 1951, former middleweight
champion Sugar Ray Robinson defeats Randy Turpin to win back the
belt at the Polo Grounds in New York
City. Robinson, a New York City native, had lost the belt to Turpin two
months prior in Turpin's native London.
¥ On Sept. 13, 1989, Hurricane Hugo approaches the Leeward
Islands. Over the next 12 days, the category 4 storm would
kill 75 people from the island of Guadeloupe to South Carolina. The environmental toll in the Carolinas was severe, and
one national forest lost about 70 percent of its trees.
¥ On Sept. 11, 1991, a Continental Express commuter plane
crashes near Houston as it prepares to land, killing 14 people.
Short of workers, an inspector had been drafted to assist the
afternoon maintenance crew. The inspector worked on putting
the screws on the plane's horizontal stabilizer, but did not finish the job.
¥ On Sept. 10, 1977, at Baumetes
Prison in Marseille, France,
Hamida Djandoubi, a Tunisian
immigrant convicted of murder,
becomes the last person executed
by guillotine. In 1981, France abandoned the guillotine forever.
(c) 2013 King Features Synd., Inc.
"PEACE" IS THAT BRIEF, GLORIOUS MOMENT IN HISTORY WHEN EVERYBODY STANDS AROUND WHILE THEY’RE RELOADING
I'D GIVE YOU A PIECE OF MY MIND, BUT IT'S MY LAST ONE
GOOD GIRLS ARE BAD GIRLS WHO NEVER GET CAUGHT
WHEN I WAS LITTLE MY DAD HAD ME CONVINCED THE ICE CREAM TRUCK PLAYED MUSIC ONLY WHEN IT WAS SOLD OUT. WELL PLAYED DAD
I DIDN’T SAY IT WAS YOUR FAULT; I JUST SAID I WAS BLAMING YOU
WE CHILDPROOFED OUR HOMES, BUT THEY ARE STILL GETTING IN
MICKEY MOUSE IS KNOWN AS "TOPOLINO" IN ITALY
AM I GETTING OLDER OR IS THE SUPERMARKET PLAYING REALLY GREAT MUSIC?
I USED TO WONDER WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO READ OTHER PEOPLE'S MINDS, THEN I GOT A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT, AND NOW I'M OVER IT
MAY THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, BE THE BEST OF YOUR LIFE
I’M EITHER DEAD OR MY WATCH HAS STOPPED
¥ It was noted American author Ambrose Bierce (sometimes
known as "Bitter Bierce" for his acerbic wit) who made the following sage observation: "It is by the goodness of God that we
have in our country three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience and the prudence
never to practice either."
¥ Did you ever wonder why pirates
often had pierced ears? It seems that
the belief at the time was that wearing
an earring improved eyesight.
¥ You might be surprised to learn that there is a world record
for the tallest recorded hairdo. Even more surprising is the fact
that the record-holder's beehive measured a whopping 6 feet, 6
inches tall.
WHEN I LOOKED UP MY FAMILY TREE I FOUND OUT THAT I’M THE SAP
¥ Food trucks are rapidly gaining popularity all over the country, both at fairs and at stand-alone food-truck bazaars. You
might be surprised to learn that the origin of the food truck goes
all the way back to 1872. At that time, in Providence, R.I., all
the restaurants closed at 8 every night, leaving factory workers
who got off late without a place to eat. At the
time, a man named Walter Scott (obviously not
‘Sir’ Walter Scott) was working as a
pushcart peddler, selling odds and
ends out of a glorified wheelbarrow.
Like a true American entrepreneur,
Scott saw a need and moved to fill it.
He put a small stove in a horse-drawn
wagon and began roaming the streets
late at night, selling sandwiches, hardboiled eggs and coffee. His success
spurred imitators, and soon the city was
teeming with the "after-hours lunchwagons."
***
Thought for the Day: "I have come to believe that the whole
world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by
our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth." -- Umberto Eco
(c) 2013 King Features Synd., Inc.