The Metamorphosis Of Childhood - The Portland Montessori School

ISSUE 8
V OL U ME 2
A P RI L 2 0 1 6
Magazine
A MONTHLY MAGAZINE WITH ARTICLES FROM GUIDES, STAFF, PARENTS AND PEOPLE FROM THE GREATER MONTESSORI COMMUNITY.
Inside this Issue
The Metamorphosis Of Childhood
Written by Maren Schmidt on March 19th, 2016
Page 1: The Metamorphosis of
Childhood
By Maren Schmidt
Page 3: Outdoor News
By Julie Ann Cassidy
Page 4: Learning the sounds and
the alphabet and writing
in cursive
By Ana VanderPol
Page 5: Breaking Free of
Overparenting
By Kathy Masarie
Page 8: The Benefits of
Cooperation
Page 10: Alternatives to
Punishment
Page 12: April 2016
Calendar
Most ten-year-olds can tell you the stages of development for a butterfly or a frog. A butterfly begins as an egg, becoming a larva, a caterpillar, then a chrysalis emerging into a butterfly. A frog starts as an egg,
hatching into a tadpole, turning into a polliwog, at last transforming
into an adult frog. At each stage of change the frog and butterfly have
differing needs for nourishment and environment.
As human beings, we also go through distinct changes, perhaps not
with the physical drama of a butterfly or frog, but with identifiable
changes in behavior with indicated physical and psychological needs.
Too many times children are treated as though they are miniature
adults. The human being, though, does not fully reach adulthood until
around the age of twenty-four years.
In the infant who cannot feed him or herself, it is easy for us to observe
the swift changes of the first two years of life. By the age of three
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years, a child learns to crawl, walk, talk, and eat table food, along with a multitude of self-care skills that help
the child become more independent from caregivers.
Unfortunately for many of our children, this early independence leads adults to think that children three
years and older are tiny grown-ups.
Many of us are more aware of the requirements of cocoons and polliwogs than children’s needs between the
ages of three to six years.
The three to six-year-old is in a period of unconscious learning, absorbing information about his or her time
and place from every aspect of the immediate environment. The child is unaware of learning and chooses to
place his or her attention on activities that are repeated frequently. The child watches, listens, copies others
and learns. This style of learning creates the following distinct needs for the young child:
 A need for an environment rich in language and experiences as vocabulary and story-telling capabilities
are developed.
 A need to use his or her hands to connect the body and the brain to the realities of life.
 A need to create an emotional foundation built on the love, trust and respect of surrounding adults.
 A need to repeat activities in order to develop self-mastery and independence.
 A need for direct guidance on how to interact with people–within the family and the larger social network
of school, church and other activities.
 A need for opportunities to refine the five senses of hearing, seeing, tasting, smelling and touching and to
connect precise language to those experiences.
 A need for truthful and accurate information as the young child doesn’t have a wealth of experiences to
discern between fact and fiction, fantasy and reality.
 A need for movement as the brain requires the body’s motions for optimum neural development.
 A need for opportunities to exercise his or her will by having freedom within limits that enlarge as skills
grow.
During this period of building foundational skills, the child is laying the groundwork for the adult he or she will
become. The child is father to the man.
As the first tooth is lost and adult teeth emerge around the ages of six or seven years, the child begins a
different phase of development. At this age, we notice that the baby face look of the younger child is replaced
by a taller thinner appearance. The older child wants opportunities to go out into the world and step outside
the familiar circle of family, school and church; desires novel experiences; is concerned with friends and working in a group instead of focusing on personal skills; wants to know why and problem solve; is concerned with
learning about right and wrong; desires an idea of the big picture of the universe.
Observe the differences between a four-year-old and a seven-year-old and you should see creatures as different as a larva to a caterpillar, or a tadpole to a polliwog.
We’d make sure a caterpillar had the right leaves to eat, and a polliwog had a pond. Let’s use our influence as
adults to create a world where our children have the opportunities to grow and change in the time specific
ways children need.
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By Julie Ann Cassidy, Outdoor Guide
Happy Spring!
We have been busy this month cleaning up the garden
beds, filling up our two compost stations and observing all
the wonderful new growth outside. In the fall we planted
many bulbs and now we are seeing the fruits of our labor.
The children get to see first hand the stages of how a bulb
grows and we have discussed how the leaves are first to
make their appearance, then the stem and finally the
flower. Currently we are seeing beautiful pink and purple
hyacinths, cheerful yellow daffodils, purple crocuses and the tulips are beginning to emerge, a sure sign of
Spring!
The children also enjoy walking the labyrinth after garden work. It allows them to connect with their inner
peace by walking mindfully on a path. They enjoy listening to the crunching sound of the gravel and
sometimes like to make little offerings to leave in the center of the labyrinth.
After our spring break we will begin to plant seeds in our garden boxes focusing on vegetables that can be
used for snacking or cooking. The children love to dig and find great joy at discovering worms, millipedes,
beetles and other crawling insects. Nature is full of discovery and helps us to connect with the bigger
picture. I hope all families find some time to witness the joy of new life in nature and look forward to
sharing other ideas we are planning for our outdoor space.
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Learning the sounds and the
alphabet and writing in cursive.
By Ana VanderPol, MA, Primary Guide in the Bluebird Room
The Montessori approach to learning the alphabet concentrates solely on the phonetic sound that each
letter makes. Depending on the age of the child, we may also introduce the name of each letter and its
matching sound. While in traditional education where they tend to focus on just knowing the name of the
letter, the Montessori approach gives children an advantage to being able to identify individual sounds,
especially as they begin reading because the letter “c” (pronounced see) doesn’t actually make that phonetic sound....it makes the “cuh” sound. This is why it can be confusing for children who solely learn the
names of the letters and not the sounds....in reading we don’t learn “see ah tuh”...we learn “C-A-T”. I encourage you as you are working on letters and sounds at home, to interchangeably use the names with the
sounds. It is giving your child a fuller understanding and expanded knowledge of the alphabet. If your
child asks you how to spell something, encourage them to write what they hear. Spelling actually comes
much later in elementary, so that children get a lot of practice writing what they hear, helping them to
have authorship over what they create. Montessori is known for writing before reading for this very reason. The Moveable Alphabet was created by Dr. Montessori to allow children the ability to write their
letters and words before they were able to hold a pencil. She acknowledged that children develop the ability to encode before they decode. Reading requires a skill of being able to know all the sounds and THEN
put them together. Writing only requires children to put their thoughts down, without having to interpret
them.
If your child is expressing interest in handwriting, I encourage you to dust off your Cursive and show them
how to write simple letters first, then connect more than 2, then 3 and so on. In the classroom, this follows
a similar technique that I use as well as learning all the lower case letters first before capital cursive
letters. This past summer when I attended Loyola University Maryland for my Master’s Degree, I wrote my
Capstone Thesis paper on the Benefits of Cursive Handwriting. Let me know if you’re interested in reading
more specific details and the pros and cons of handwriting, and I’d be happy to email you a copy! Cursive
follows a natural flow of motion for the developing hand. Children are also less likely to confuse commonly
mistaken letters like b and d, p and q and g. When writing, all letters start in the same spot and a continuous flow which is helpful for the brain to remember. Cursive also supports the development of the Executive Function of working memory—being able to recall from memory how something is written, while also
putting down on paper thoughts as they are being created in the mind in a thoughtful and mindful way.
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Breaking Free of Overparenting
By Kathy Masarie, M.D.
From her March emPower Monthly Newsletter
I am writing this month about a trend becoming more and more dangerous to the well-being of our kids.
This trend isn’t about strangers, screens, drugs, obesity, nor anorexia, although I am concerned about
those things. It’s crept into all our households slowly but surely over the last few decades. Now it’s reached
the point of clearly doing harm, and we don’t even realize the danger because it’s become the norm. The
issue is overparenting.
When we overparent, we do too much for our kids, continually rescue them, and unconsciously take ownership of their lives. Although overparenting has roots in good things—like love and caring and wanting a
good life for our kids—too many of us never let our children fall, fail, and figure out on their own how to
get back up, dust themselves off, and move on. By doing the “heavy lifting” for them, we are hurting their
chances of learning for themselves how to deal with everyday challenges and thrive.
In exploring overparenting, I was struck by the brilliance of our featured book, How to Raise an Adult: Break
Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kids for Success. Author Julie Lythcott-Haims is a parent of
teens and former dean of Stanford freshmen. Over the decade she worked with college students, LythcottHaims saw that the incoming kids were flawless on paper—but incapable of handling simple tasks of everyday living. Interestingly, directly correlated with the increase in incompetence among students was an increase in parental involvement. Forget the once-a-week phone call! With the cell phone (aka the “world’s
longest umbilical cord”), Lythcott-Haims noted that some parents of her students expected communication
several times a day. This would give those parents ample opportunity to sweep in on the littlest of conflicts,
problems, and challenges and RESCUE—whether they were asked to help or not.
In her book, Lythcott-Haims delves into evidence that supports her first-hand observations. For example, a
2013 American College Health Association study she cites indicates that 85% of college students report
feeling overwhelmed, 60% are sad and lonely, 51% are anxious, 38% are overwhelmingly angry, and 32%
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are so depressed they can’t study. Thinking they can’t do the work on their own, more and more are turning to “study drugs.” A 2013 NPR news report cited research indicating that up to 35% of college students
take non-prescribed stimulants to study. Yet another study of college counseling centers reported that
24.5% of their student clients take psychotropic drugs. Wow! Obviously, our kids are not prepared for the
stresses of college life and living independently. And, if they can’t handle the challenges of college life, how
are they going to adjust to a complex job situation and life as an independent adult?
The million-dollar question has become, “Why aren’t our young adults thriving?” Although the answer may
be broad, multi-faceted, and unique to each individual, there is no denying that the more overparented a
child is, the less likely he or she is to complete tasks and reach goals. Consider the necessary basic skills of
college freshmen: They need to be able to manage multiple assignments and taxing workloads; juggle deadlines; cope with challenging teachers, demanding coaches, and/or tough bosses; earn and manage money;
negotiate with people they don’t know (strangers) to help them solve problems; handle inter-personal
problems; find their way around a campus/city; do their fair share in maintaining a dorm room or apartment; be willing to take risks; and so much more! One doesn’t learn this myriad of multiple skills magically
when he or she turns 18. It takes progression of skill-building—and lots and lots of practice—from birth and
beyond.
At this point, you’re probably thinking, “Oh, no! Am I overparenting?” No matter what age your child is, it’s
never too early to ask yourself the question and honestly evaluate. A good place to start is with this quiz.
Another resource is my “How to Ground Your Helicopter Parenting” article. In the article, I reference a list
of attributes outlined by Erin Wade of the Dallas Morning News. She notes that you’re a helicopter parent if
you:

Equate love with success.

Feel ashamed when your child fails.

Fight your child's battles for him or her, such as protesting an unfair grade.

Take over your child's school projects.

Start sentences about your child with "we," as in, "We are applying for scholarships."

Are preoccupied with the details of your child's activities, practices, schedules, and performances.

Lurk on Facebook to see if your child is hanging out with any "bad seeds."
After an honest evaluation, consider what you might do to either (A) keep up your good work of gradually
giving your kids more and more responsibility as they grow, or (B) alter your parenting style so you are empowering your kids to cope with challenges and adversity little by little so as to foster their independence
and resilience. Lythcott-Haims also offers a great video on what to do to stop overparenting. In a nutshell,
she suggests:

Stop using the word “we” when referring to your children; instead, let them be in the forefront of their
own lives.
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
Stop questioning the adults involved in your children’s lives; instead, empower your children to advocate
for themselves.

Stop doing your children’s work. Period.

Seek opportunities to put independence in their way. For example, when your kids are old enough, let
them be home alone, make their own food, use public transportation, and the like.
More specifically, the deeply rich book and curriculum, Mind in the Making by Ellen Galinsky, offers a blueprint of the skills on which to focus as a parent; our emPower Monthly article summarizes her findings. Lindsay Hutton, associate editor of Family Education Network, also provides a detailed checklist of life skills appropriate for children at various age levels at “I Did It All Myself! An Age-by-Age Guide to Teaching Your
Child Life Skills.” Another such list can be found in Lythcott-Haims’ book; it, too, outlines the skills children
need to attain at each age from 3 to 18.
I’d like to close by noting that Lythcott-Haims was dean at an Ivy League school, the college goal of so many
of the parents with whom I work. (Did you notice I wrote, “goal of the PARENTS” not “goal of the KIDS”?)
Let’s heed the advice of this wise woman with research to back her experience and be smarter about what
we dream for our children, even (perhaps especially) when it comes to college. Give them the room to be
who they are. Provide them with opportunities to find their own sparks and hone their life skills. Let them
lead the way to their own future. Encourage them to choose life-serving colleges rather than status symbols.
If you do all this, breaking free of any overparenting habits, you’ll find that your children—and you—will be
less stressed, more resilient, and, ultimately, happier.
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Competition is a concept that is deeply rooted in our nation’s education, sports, politics, and, yes, even in
families. Author Alfie Kohn, in his well-researched book No Contest, the Case Against Competition, writes
how “we are encouraged to pit ourselves against one another and taught that competition is a prod to
productivity, a builder of character, and an unavoidable part of human nature.” Kohn claims “any win/lose
structure is psychologically destructive and poisonous to our relationships.”
Success doesn’t have to require someone else’s failure. Competition was virtually unknown to the Zuni and
Iroquois in North America and to the Bathonga in South Africa. The Mixtecans of Mexico regard envy and
competitiveness as a minor crime. From kibbutzniks in Israel to farmers in Mexico, cooperation is prized
and competition generally avoided.
To this end, Portland Montessori staff is training to use cooperative games developed by Dale Le Fevre of
New Games. Le Fevre says, “Since the early 1970s, proponents of the New Games movement have been
using interactive cooperative games to bring diverse groups of people together. The games sometimes include competition, but where participants play together rather than against one another. The capacity to
join and have fun with others is more important than winning during cooperative play. In other words, we
don’t have to suffer the extremes of competition."
Portland Montessori plans to introduce these games during recess and Physical Education in our elementary program. We expect it to be a huge amount of fun!
Specific Benefits of Cooperation
Cooperative concepts are beneficial in school, work, play, in personal relationships and are easily understood in the context of games. Here are several benefits:
Bonding, Support, and Playfulness
It is hard to maintain positive feelings about someone who is trying to make you lose. Hurt feelings
and arguments often result from competitive play. In cooperative play, challenge, discovery and
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success are shared. Emphasis is on participation, acceptance and the “joy of play.” In the end, it’s
your relationship with each other that counts. Children gain stronger bonds with parents, siblings and
playmates.
Teamwork and Shared Decision Making
Competition makes it difficult to share our skills, experiences and resources because each person is
separately involved in his or her exclusive goal. In our schools and work places, students and employees are often taught to regard each other not as potential collaborators, but rather as opponents,
rivals, and obstacles to their own success. In cooperative settings, every person’s role is important
and valued. Individuality is respected, and concern for the needs of others fostered. The challenge
shifts from “striving to be number one” to working toward a mutual goal. The idea that we all share
in decision-making is a powerful tool.
Openness, Trust and Safety
Often competition—in work and play—results in arguments, hurt feelings and separation. Many
games are based on secrecy and intimidation resulting in players feeling unsafe. In work or play, people really want and need to feel safe, be open and honest, and above all, feel trusted. Cooperative
situations help create that atmosphere, because participants give encouragement and support of one
another.
Self Worth and Personal Power
Cooperativeness has been linked to greater learning, emotional maturity and strong personal identity. Participants often become more flexible in their thinking and willingness to invent creative solutions. The result is enjoyment, personal confidence and a feeling of self-worth. As your personal power grows, you get that “I can make a difference” feeling.
Well-being
Most competitive situations are highly stressful; the possibility of failure creates agitation if not outright anxiety. The fear or anger generated from being eliminated or losing often causes embarrassment, tension and hostility. Cooperative activities are non-threatening and non-judgmental. As a result, this creates an atmosphere for relaxation and well–being–the foundation for more genuine,
healthy and playful fun.
—Portions of this article were reprinted with permission from Family Pastimes, 2011.
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Alternatives To Punishment
Written by Maren Schmidt on February 28th, 2016
Six-year old Bobby walks into the kitchen from playing soccer.
Bobby’s dad, Tom, had asked Bobby to take off his muddy shoes before entering the house. Red Georgia
mud dotted the new hallway and den carpet.
When Tom sees the footprints, he is furious about the mess and that Bobby had disobeyed him.
”Bobby,” Tom says, his voice rising, ”for disobeying me, you’ll not be able to watch TV for a week. And John
won’t be able to come and spend the night on Friday.”
Bobby starts to cry and runs up the stairs yelling, ”You’re the meanest dad in the world. I hate you.”
Punishment for misbehavior can have the undesirable consequences of resentment and anger that can
damage our parent/child relationship, perhaps forever.
What alternatives to punishment do we have?
In their book, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, Faber and Mazlish give seven alternatives to punishment in
order to help children learn and exhibit appropriate behavior.
1. Point out a way to be helpful.
Tom could have phrased his command differently. ”Bobby, it would be helpful if you would take off your
shoes on the porch and clean them outside.” Or after the dastardly deed was done, ”It would be helpful if
you would sit down right now and take off those shoes. Then you can help me clean up the mud stains.”
2. Express strong disappointment in the action without attacking the person’s character.
Tom could have said, ”Bobby, I’m disappointed that the carpet is muddy from your soccer shoes. I asked you
to take your shoes off before coming into the house.”
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3. State your expectations.
”Bobby, I expect you to listen to me and do what I ask.”
4. Show the child how to make amends.
”Bobby, after you take your shoes off, you’ll need to help me clean the carpet. If the mud doesn’t come out,
I want you to go with me to rent a carpet cleaner.”
5. Give a choice.
”Bobby, if you want to continue playing soccer, you need to remember to take your shoes off before you
come into the house. You need to pay attention when I tell you to do something. Forget to take off your
shoes, then no soccer. You decide.”
6. Take action.
If Tom has given a choice, such as the choice given above, Tom will have to take action if Bobby forgets to
take off his shoes again.
7. Allow the child to experience the consequences of his misbehavior.
”Bobby, since I’ll have to clean the carpet tomorrow, I won’t be able to take you to the movies like we had
planned.”
If our goal is to help our children learn appropriate behavior, punishment may not be an effective way for
the child to see his mistake.
When dealing with misbehavior, try using one of these seven alternatives to avoid anger, resentment and
discouragement in your child and to help build a trusting, loving parent/child relationship.
It may take a lot of practice to catch our reactions, but I think you’ll see it’s worth it.
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April 2016
SUN
MON
TUE
WED
THU
FRI
1
SAT
2
Coffee
Friday @
8:30am
3
4
5
6
Parent
Reading
Group 7pm
7
Upper El
Going Out
8
9
14
15
16
21
22
23
Special
People Day
3- 4:30pm
Lower Elementary Science Camping Trip
10
11
12
13
P.A.C. Meets
@ 6:30pm
17
18
19
HC Early Bird
Deadline–
Conferences
20
Community
Connections
@ 3:15pm
School Picture Days
24
25
26
27
28
29
Teacher Planning Day & Conferences
12
School
Auction
@ 5pm
30