Multiple

Multiple
matters
AUTUMN ISSUE / SEPTEMBER 2012
T H E
O F F I C I A L
M A G A Z I N E
Extra special
Bringing up twins with different needs
Together again
O F
TA M B A
Starting school
Tips for a smooth transition
Breaking out?
Navigating the teenage years
The unique bond of opposite-sex twins
PLUS: New discounters
• TAMBA GIVEAWAYS • NEWS AND MORE
what’s inside: autumn 2012
Welcome
Multiple
matters
REGULARS
News and campaigns
Success for Sure Start Grant campaign.........
Clubs
Friendship, support and second-hand kit......
letter from the chief executive
Fundraising
Dear supporter,
Our financial year ends in June, so it’s
a good opportunity to take stock of
how we’re doing and what we should
prioritise in the coming year.
Our board of trustees (elected and
appointed members) set a dozen
priorities and monitor their progress
at every meeting. One priority is
targeting expectant and new parents
by recruiting freelance support to raise
our profile. We made progress and
recruited support, but it didn’t have the impact we hoped for. We plan to
do better at raising our profile, which includes overhauling our website.
We have been in touch with fellow charities and professionals and
taken their advice on how best to improve health-related services for our
families. We have produced a commissioning toolkit so health bodies buy
in what is needed, and will continue to work with organisations that set
standards for quality and clinical guidance.
We wanted to increase the number of families we help and improve
the support they get during pregnancy, birth and the first few weeks. We
met our target to reach 10 percent of expectant multiples parents on
one of our courses (we’re aiming for 15 percent next year) and around 75
percent have received our free guide.
We also want to improve support for our families in the early months
and years. Target growth in calls and emails answered by our helpline,
Twinline, didn’t materialise, but our support groups and specialist advice
services helped a greater number of people overall. We aim to increase
this next year.
We hoped to reach 400 parents on our Parenting with Multiples in
Mind course for children aged 1-5. We missed the target by 13, but
trained up new facilitators which has doubled our capacity for next year.
Finally, we campaigned to improve financial support for our families
and you can see the success of this on page 4. We hope you will continue
to back our work by fundraising or continuing you membership over the
coming year.
My thanks again for your loyal help and support.
Yours faithfully
Keith Reed
Dad’s corner
Thank you to our runners, riders
and swimmers.................................................
Everybody yurts, sometimes.........................
Fiona Gibson
All mixed up – still?........................................
Photo Gallery
Two pages of multiple joys............................
Letters
Postnatal care and double twins....................
My Day Today
An Anglo-German childhood.........................
04
13
16
21
23
26
29
30
FEATURES
What’s going on in there?
A guide to scans and pregnancy testing.......
Need a buddy?
New scheme for Northern Ireland . ..............
My story
Brilliant care with TTTS..................................
Working it out
Starting a business after triplets....................
Four plus one
Wake up and smell the tea............................
Nursery slopes
How to choose a good preschool.................
First aid
Busting the myths .........................................
Celebration games
Twins, Triplets and More Week . ...................
Stuck indoors?
Ideas for entertaining the troops..................
Starting school
Tips for a smooth transition...........................
Breaking out?
Navigating the teenage years.......................
Together again
The unique bond of opposite-sex twins .......
Extra special
Caring for twins with different needs............
Essential contacts:
06
07
08
10
11
12
15
18
19
22
24
25
28
Twinline and support groups co-ordinator: Carol Clay Courses and support officer: Kate Valentine Advertising and fundraising officer: Lucie Wigley
Membership: Debbie Ross Tamba in Northern Ireland: Rachel Wiffen 028 9023 9050 [email protected] Tamba in Scotland: Helen Peck 01786 465744
[email protected] To advertise in the magazine ring 01483 304442 or email [email protected]
Tamba Office: 2 The Willows, Gardner Road, Guildford Surrey GU1 4PG Telephone: 01483 304442 Fax: 01483 302483
Email: [email protected] Website: www.tamba.org.uk. Office Hours: Monday to Friday 9.30am to 4pm.
Twinline: telephone freephone helpline 0800 138 0509 (10am-1pm and 7pm-10pm seven days a week)
Designed by mdesign [email protected]
MULTIPLE MATTERS - ISSN 2049-5765
Charity number 1076478, Scottish Charity Number SC041055, company number3688825.
news: campaigns
LATEST
ROUND-UP
Our campaigning paid off: the government is changing rules
that left many of our poorest families without financial help
Success!
Minister reinstates Sure Start Maternity Grant for subsequent multiple births
The government is to reinstate
pregnancy grants for between
2,000-3,000 of the poorest multiple
birth families thanks to a successful
campaign by Tamba.
The Sure Start Maternity Grant
pays £500 per baby to low-income
families to help them set up home
for their newborns. But the grant was
withdrawn for second and subsequent
babies, so families with an older child
who found themselves expecting
multiples got no help at all.
Tom Greatrex MP, a father of
twins, and Duncan Hames MP raised
the problem in parliament with the
secretary of state and arranged a
meeting with the minister, Steve
Webb, attended by Tamba CEO Keith
Reed and chair of trustees Camille
de Stempel. We brought along a
researcher from the New Policy
Institute who we’d commissioned to
write a report on benefit changes for
our families.
We told the minister that whilst
there may be hand-me-downs from
a single firstborn, twins, triplets or
more bring additional expenses and
child benefit payments would have to
be redirected from existing children,
causing hardship.
Half of our families already have
04
/ AUTUMN 2012
one or more children before having
multiples, and 40 percent of these
are classified as living in poverty.
We had been receiving a small but
growing number of requests for help
with getting hard goods from families
who previously would have been
eligible for this support (and we have
been trying to help where possible).
So we were delighted to receive a
letter from the minister confirming his
intention to reinstate this support for
our families from 29th October.
‘We estimate it will provide
£3,000,000 of additional support
for some of our very poorest
families,’ said Keith Reed. ‘This
comes on the back of our earlier
campaigning this year to raise the
threshold at which child benefit is
withdrawn. We know it’s tough for
our families and we are trying to
fight their corner at every turn.’
MP Tom Greatrex added: ‘I am
delighted that the government has
listened to the case made so cogently
and coherently by Tamba members.
At a time when household incomes
are being squeezed, this will be some
relief to those who face the additional
costs of a subsequent multiple birth.’
Lord Nigel Jones, who also helped
raise the issue in parliament, told us:
‘I know from personal experience
of the additional costs which are
inevitable following the birth of
twins. Making sure that parents can
afford the necessary equipment is
vital and I am delighted that my old
friend Steve Webb and the Coalition
Government have agreed to this
grant. I would like to thank all those,
including Tamba, who have helped in
this successful campaign.’
Farewell and thank
you to our Twinliners
Tamba says a warm thank you and
goodbye to a number of volunteers
who are leaving Twinline – including
one who has been a volunteer for
twenty years, almost as long as the
confidential helpline has existed.
Among those we must say goodbye
to are Jane Purvis, Marion Hall, Judith
Yorke, Jo Sizmur and Sarah Turner.
Thank you all so much.
We are always looking to recruit
new volunteer Twinline listeners. The
service is entirely staffed by parents
of multiples who sign up to cover the
slots that suit them, though the service
itself is open 10am-1pm and 7pm-10pm
every day of the year. If you would
consider volunteering, please contact
[email protected].
Antenatal classes –
roll up!
Tamba’s one-day Antenatal courses
– designed specifically for parents
expecting multiples – are now available
in Exeter, Norwich and Wetherby. The
courses are also running in Finchley,
Loughton, Chiswick, Guildford,
Godstone, Bath, Bristol, Sutton
Coldfield and Altrincham.
Tamba also runs two-hour seminars
delivered by trained facilitators and
parents of multiples throughout the UK.
Further information and dates can be
found on the Tamba website at www.
tamba.org.uk.
Correction
Apologies to Amanda Chubb, who we
quoted on page 10 of the last issue as
saying that her triplets were in neonatal
care for three months – it was actually
three weeks.
Triplet network
Triplet Plus scheme puts
expectant and new parents in
touch with ‘old hands’
AUTUMN giveaways
We have four giveaways to
cheer the autumnal season
for you, so emails at the
ready and here goes...
Skibz
Delphine’s babies Sacha, Simon and Malo
were born at 32 weeks. She said that meeting
Tamba’s other triplet mums helped her enjoy
a ‘happy and relaxed pregnancy’
Tamba has launched a scheme to put
families with baby triplets or where
triplets are on the way in touch with
existing triplet families. Parents can
make contact by phone or email and
will be matched as far as possible for
geographical closeness.
If you are a new or expectant parent
of triplets, and would like to be
put in contact with someone, email
[email protected].
Tamba also organised for triplet
parents to attend seminars and talk to
expectant parents of triplets. Delphine
(above) was still pregnant when she
attended a seminar in London last
March and met Lucie and Susan, who
also have triplets, and several other
expectant parents. Delphine’s babies
Sacha, Simon and Malo were born in
good shape on 21 May at 32 weeks.
They spent three weeks in neonatal
care putting on weight before going
home. She told us: ‘I would like to
thank Tamba for arranging the meeting
with the two triplet mothers, it helped
us to relax and get prepared. We are
now very organised and I had a very
relaxed and happy pregnancy. It is
amazing to be the five of us!’
summer winners
Our summer giveaway winners are
Deborah Clarke of Coulsdon, Surrey
(Raggy Tag), Jane Cluff of Abingdon
(Green People) and Sarah Linwood
of Stotfold, Herts (Early Reader).
Congratulations all!
Win these
award-winning
dribble bibs
from Skibz along
with a set of their Feederz bibs for
mealtimes by visiting the website
at www.skibz.co.uk and answering
this question: how many awards
has Skibz won? Why not choose
your favourite design, too, in case
you’re lucky enough to win...
Email your answer along
with your name, address
and membership number to
[email protected] by 30
September, with ‘Giveaway Skibz’
in the subject line. Prizes go to
the first names out of the hat
after the deadline.
Early Readers
We have more Early Reader treats
for you: ‘Down in the Jungle’
by Vivian French, ‘Jogger’s Big
Adventure’ by Francesca Simon,
‘My Own Special Way’ retold by
Vivian French and ‘Horrid Henry’s
Author Visit’ by Francesca Simon.
To win, please email your name,
address and membership number
to [email protected] by
30 September, with ‘Giveaway
Reader’ in the subject line. Prizes
go to the first names out of the
hat after the deadline.
Tug Trios
Three TugTrios are on offer, worth
£9.99 each. These handy buggy
straps consist of the awardwinning BuggyTug, which connects
the parent to the buggy; the
ToddleTug which provides a handle
on the buggy for a walking child
to hold; and the TeddyTug which
stops teddies being thrown out of
the buggy. All are made from the
same stretchy fabric as the original
BuggyTug. All you have to do is
answer this question: what colour
is the ToddleTug?
Email your answer along
with your name, address and
membership number to giveaways@
tamba.org.uk by
30 September,
with ‘Giveaway
Tug’ in the
subject line.
Prizes go to the
first names out
of the hat after
the deadline.
Polarn O. Pyret
Polarn O. Pyret is
offering fleece
jackets worth
£39 each
for two sets
of multiple
siblings. These
jackets are perfect
for changeable weather –
water resistant, windproof and
breathable. They also popper into
the Polarn O. Pyret coats when
temperatures drop.
To win simply answer the
following question and email it
along with your name, address
and membership number to
[email protected] by 30
September, with ‘Giveaway Polarn’
in the subject line. Prizes go to the
first names out of the hat after
the deadline.
Question: The Polarn O. Pyret
baby and children’s wear brand was
started in 1976 in which country?
www.tamba.org.uk
05
pregnancy: scans and testing
What’s going
on in there?
Your belly is getting bigger and all manner of specialists
want a peek inside. Erika Fraser, Tamba’s honorary
consultant, explains what scans and testing are all about
For many parents, the first they
know of their twins, triplets or more
is when a sonographer reveals two
or more tiny babies on the screen at
their first ultrasound scan.
If this has just happened to you,
congratulations! Reactions vary from
joy to downright shock, but if this latter
applies then please be reassured that
thousands of parents have multiples
every year and survive. More than that,
most parents find that having twins,
triplets or more creates a very special
kind of family.
Government guidelines recommend
that women expecting multiples access
care at around 8-10 weeks, but many
women will not know they are having
twins until that first scan. Multiple
pregnancies tend to be more medically
managed than singleton pregnancies.
Hospital procedures vary and the only
way to find out how your antenatal care
will be organised is to check with your
doctor or midwife.
You will certainly have several more
appointments, although how many and
how often will depend on how many
babies you are having and how the
06
/ AUTUMN 2012
pregnancy progresses. You will have
more frequent appointments if you are
expecting monochorionic twins (sharing
a placenta) or higher order multiples, or
if anything arises in your pregnancy that
needs regular monitoring.
Ultrasound scans check the babies’
growth, health and position, and
you are likely to have several during
your pregnancy. The first scan usually
confirms the number of foetuses, how
many placentas there are, and whether
the babies are in separate or single
amniotic sacs. At 18-22 weeks, all
pregnant women have an anomaly scan
to check the position of the placenta/s
and that the babies are developing
normally. During the third trimester, you
will probably have several scans to check
how the babies are growing and their
relative positions.
National guidelines recommend
that dichorionic twins (with separate
placentas) be scanned every four
weeks from 20 weeks’ gestation.
Monochorionic twins are usually scanned
fortnightly from 16 weeks. A scan at 34
weeks determines the position of the
leading baby to help plan the birth.
tamba: regional
As far as testing is concerned,
screening tests only predict the
likelihood of complications, whereas
diagnostic tests can confirm whether
or not any of your babies has a certain
condition. Some hospitals offer tests
routinely, whereas others only test
women perceived to be at high risk.
The screening test routinely offered
in the first trimester is for Down’s
syndrome, which for a twin pregnancy
is a nuchal translucency measurement
at the back of the babies’ necks taken
during the ultrasound scan, plus a
blood test. The test sometimes gives
a ‘false positive’, particularly in twin
and triplet pregnancies, and results will
indicate whether there is a high (1 in
50) or low (1 in 5,000) chance of each
baby having Down’s syndrome. If the
probability is high, a diagnostic test
such as amniocentesis or CVS (Chorionic
Villus Sampling) will give you a clear yes
or no by taking amniotic fluid or tissue
from the placenta and identifying foetal
cells. These tests are invasive and more
complex for multiple pregnancies. Talk
over the risks with your consultant.
If you’d like to know more about any
aspect of your pregnancy – from how to
stay comfortable to your rights at work
and maternity leave – there is a wealth
of information in Tamba’s guide, Healthy
Multiple Pregnancy, which you can
download from our website. Good luck,
and enjoy your pregnancy.
Help and info
pregnancy
• Download our Healthy Pregnancy
Guide and Expecting More Than One
booklets from www.tamba.org.uk, or
watch the Expecting More Than One
DVD online. You can also download
guides on Neonatal Care, TTTS and
Postnatal Depression
• Book a place on our antenatal
courses or our Practical Preparing for
Parenthood class via the website or
ring 01483 304442
• Talk to expectant parents on Tamba’s
members-only messageboard or visit
the Twins Club page to find your
nearest club – expectant parents are
always warmly welcomed
• Ring Twinline, Tamba’s freephone
listening service, to discuss any
concerns on 0800 138 0509, open
10am to 1pm and 7pm to 10pm daily
If you need a buddy...
Rachel Wiffen, head of Tamba in Northern Ireland, on latest news from
the province as well as the new Buddy Service for parents
It has been an enormously busy year at Tamba in Northern
Ireland, not least because we have just launched our Buddy
Service, which enables members who sign up to be linked
with others bringing up multiples in the same area.
Often it is people with newborns who want the contact, or it
may be they want to meet a family with older multiples so they
know what is ahead of them. Or it could be families with similar
aged children who are looking for friendship.
Families taking part give their contact details, such as
mobile numbers, and what time of day they would like to be
contacted. Once they have been paired up, they can text or
have a chat over the phone. Families have often come back to
Tamba and said they didn’t even know there was a family with
twins living so close, and thanks to the buddy service they
have forged a friendship and now go to
twins group together.
Tamba antenatal evenings in our local
hospitals have been a big thing here this
year. At one hospital in Craigavon we had
over 15 couples present, all due in July.
With the help of a midwife, we covered
topics including birth, sleeping positions,
useful equipment (prams, car seats, high
chairs and baby monitors), what to pack in your hospital bags,
and ways of coping once the babies are born.
Thanks to the Big Lottery Fund, this year Tamba NI was able
to take these classes even further. Through a project called
Twins Clinics, and with the help of Professor Helen Ball who did
a study on co-bedding twins, and Professor Pat Preedy who
devised a programme on play and movement with multiples,
we were able to invite our parents back once their multiples
had been born to fantastic sessions on each topic.
As Northern Ireland is relatively small in numbers compared
to England, we continue to run five fun-days a year at venues
throughout the province. This year saw our biggest event yet
at Streamvale Farm, Dundonald, where 38 families attended,
all with multiples. It was a great day. Over the years, many
friendships have been made and these events bring everyone
together. It is lovely to see the older children getting together
with their friends. In June, we trialled a new venue in Newry
which is near the border, and it was great to have two visiting
families from the south at our event.
We have nine twins groups in Northern Ireland and this
year saw the launch of Bangor Mummies, a group that meets
without the children. I was invited to speak at the group a few
Families enjoyed a fun-day at Newry,
one of five events run by Tamba in
Northern Ireland this year
weeks ago about coping with older multiples and was shocked
to find over twenty people there, all with multiples under the
age of four. It was lovely to see them all supporting each other,
and at the last meeting before the summer holidays they were
going to be having a Chinese takeaway night.
I hope this provides you with an insight into the activities
within the region, and if any member is over on holiday, we
would be delighted to see you at one of our events.
www.tamba.org.uk
7
neonatal: ttts
what, we were not yet sure – and a 1pm
flight to Gatwick. By 5pm I was being
scanned again and making the decision
to accept laser ablation, which would
separate the blood vessels joining the
babies’ circulation. Between Jersey and
Gatwick, Twin 1 had lost all amniotic fluid
and was pushed up against the uterus
wall covered by the membrane. The risks
of miscarriage were far outweighed by
the risks to the babies if we did nothing.
We expected an operating theatre
but were taken to a cosy sideroom with a
scanner and a TV screen. We were asked
if we minded students observing and a
sea of people arrived. My husband and I
were too engrossed to care, and besides,
if it meant they were learning how to
help other parents, all the better. The team were incredible, led by
Professor Nicolaides, an authority on
TTTS. They were jovial throughout while
somehow managing to perform the most
incredible surgery. I could feel popping
as the vessels were lasered but it wasn’t
uncomfortable. We watched everything on the screen
My story
Lindsay Nunn’s 12-week scan was a triple shock: two
babies, each identical to the other and sharing a placenta
We found out our babies were
monochorionic diamniotic at the first
scan – the first we knew that we were
expecting twins at all.
Straight afterwards we started to read
up. Monochorionic dyamniotic babies
share a placenta but have separate
amniotic sacs. While most babies in this
situation are fine, there is a risk of TTTS –
Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome.
We tried to stay positive, but during
the follow-up appointment our midwife
was obviously not clear about the risks
with this type of pregnancy. The clinic
consultant had booked my next scan for
20 weeks. After reading that TTTS can
happen as early as 12 weeks, I called the
antenatal clinic.
We were referred to a specialist
08
/ AUTUMN 2012
consultant who was fantastic. I was to
be scanned every two weeks, and at my
next scan everything was fine.
At 17 weeks, as I walked into the
room my consultant’s face said it all. I
felt larger since my last check-up but
had no symptoms and thought it was
normal. The scan confirmed TTTS,
which meant blood was passing from
one baby to the other. Twin 1, the
‘donor’, had hardly any amniotic fluid
and a very small bladder, while Twin 2,
the ‘recipient’, had far too much.
We live in Jersey with no TTTS
specialists to hand, so several phone
calls later I was referred to King’s
College London for an appointment the
same day. A 9.30am scan had turned
into a mad dash home to pack – for
Lindsay found out she was expecting
twins at her first scan
Born at 30 weeks, the babies spent seven
weeks in SCBU
and saw our babies for the first time – a
life-changing moment, with joy clouded
by fear of the outcome.
By 9pm it had been twelve hours since
diagnosis, and the team at King’s were
still working away. A scan showed both
babies had survived, but the next 12
hours would be crucial. During the scan
I had a contraction and was also leaking
from the entry wound so I was admitted
overnight. The next morning the results
were positive: both babies doing well
and the fluid levels beginning to balance
out. A massive relief. We remained in London for two
weeks having regular scans before being
signed over to Jersey General Hospital.
I drank protein shakes in the hope that
this would aid with the babies’ growth.
The next 13 weeks crawled past. Each
fortnightly scan was nerve-wracking. At
28 weeks I was admitted with a scare and
had steroid injections to help the babies’
lungs develop. Two weeks later I went
into labour proper. At 30 weeks and one
day, our beautiful daughters Zara Fiona,
the ‘donor’, weighing 3lbs 3oz, and Layla
Nicola, the ‘recipient’, weighing 2bs 11oz,
were delivered by C-section and whisked
off to the Special Care Baby Unit (SCBU).
Both girls were ventilated for two
days and thereafter breathing on their
own. The next week was a blur – a mass
of machines, wires and strange noises
which soon became all too familiar. Zara
progressed well but Layla was diagnosed
with a heart condition and flown to
Southampton for surgery. The operation
was a success and after four days we
returned to Jersey. Both girls continued to thrive.
The transition from incubator to cot
and feeding happened so quickly.
After seven weeks in SCBU we were
discharged on Christmas Eve – our family
were together for the most magical time
of the year, and all under one roof.
Layla, left, and Zara aged eight days with dad –
together for the first time
Early warning
Parents of premature babies need all the help
they can get, which is why Morrck supports
Tamba’s Neonatal Care guide
One of the problems with
giving birth early is the
lack of preparation, said
Morrck’s founder Isobel
Thompson, whose twin
girls arrived at 30 weeks.
babies arriving this early,
the likelihood of spending
time in a neonatal unit and
the fact that you may not
be near home when you
give birth.’
‘My antenatal classes were
booked for after the girls
actually arrived,’ she told
us, ‘so I’d had no heads-up
about the possibility of the
Looking back, she said
she’d had no emotional
preparation either for
what happens on the
neonatal unit. ‘Multiples
are more likely to arrive
early, so it’s important
that there is a clear,
more specific and earlier
plan,’ said Isobel. ‘This is
why Tamba’s work is so
important, and why we at
Morrck have supported
the new Neonatal Care
guide, so expectant
parents can get the
information they need.’
Fuss-free
Help and info
Many of our customers are parents of
twins, triplets and even quads, and
our products are designed to make
their lives easier. Baby Hoodies are
the perfect way to wrap your babies
up, while waterproof poncho-style
Wraptures allow kids to get their coats
on and off themselves, and Splashas
keep them warm with a quick dry-off
after swimming or bathing.
Poorly babies
To view our range,
please visit www.
morrck.com.
For every online
sale, Morrck donates
£1 to Tamba to aid
its work supporting
families with babies
in neonatal care.
• Order or download Tamba’s free
guides on Healthy Multiple Pregnancy,
Neonatal Care or Twin-to-TwinTransfusion Syndrome from our website
at www.tamba.org.uk
• Book a one-day Antenatal or twohour Practical Preparing for Parenthood
class through the website, or watch
our specialist consultants answer your
questions online
• Ring Twinline, Tamba’s freephone
listening service, to talk over any
concerns on 0800 138 0509, open daily
10am-1pm and 7pm-10pm
www.tamba.org.uk
09
column: four plus one
baby: lifestyle
Working it out
When entrepreneur Sally
Overhead found that her third
baby was actually three, she
began thinking how to make
employment easier for mums
Work helps make me who I am, so
when I fell pregnant with triplets –
my daughters Evie and Marcie were
just four and one – not working was
never an option.
I was running my own business and
we needed my income. As the shock
wore off and we entered first the viable
and then the safer zones of pregnancy,
we made plans.
I didn’t know anyone with triplets but
through the Tamba website, Fertility
Friends and later on Facebook, I met
other triplet parents. Contrary to the
beliefs of the general public, they
weren’t planned (how do you plan
triplets?). We were elated when they
were born safely at 35 weeks.
Childcare costs are a real problem for
mums with multiples. We decided I would
work school hours while a childminder
watched the babies, and continue to do
the school runs and be at home in the
afternoons with my older two.
Our new childminder started during
the late stages of my pregnancy. My
Five a day: Sally’s children Ayda, Evie, Phoebe, Marcie and Noah
husband and I looked after the babies
and she watched how we did things.
Realising what a struggle it would have
been to go back to work had I not
been working for myself, and admitting
(reluctantly) that my current business
Caring for baby triplets
Sally’s top tips
•
•
Bulk-order nappies, wipes and
formula on special offer. You can get
through 30 nappies a day, a pack of
wipes and a tub of formula every two
days, so have loads spare.
Mark bottles with the babies’
initials in a permanent marker pen
so you can see who drank what (and
don’t end up feeding the same
baby twice!).
• If one needs changing, change them
all. It’s easier and takes less time.
•
• Accept hand-me-downs: triplets are
expensive and babies grow fast.
• Sleep them side-by-side in a cotbed
next to you so you can get to them
before they wake each other up.
• Three screaming babies is hard to
handle: don’t wait till they are hungry.
10
/ AUTUMN 2012
Plan feeding before the babies are
born. My husband would do the 10pm
feed downstairs then put the babies in
the cotbed. As soon as they stirred for
the 2am feed I would ‘dream feed’ the
one stirring most, then the other two.
• Don’t worry about your babies
being the same weight or doing the
same things: they are different babies
and will catch up eventually.
wasn’t falling apart without me, I decided
to start a new venture, Mojomums, to
help mums reignite their careers.
Mojomums has an online community
that offers support, advice and practical
services, with a recruitment side to place
mums in jobs according to their lifestyle
needs and expertise. We hope to add a
section just for multiples mums.
My babies are now 14 months old
and I won’t pretend it has been easy. I
am always in a rush to get somewhere
and with only one child in full-time
school, I already struggle to keep on top
of book bags and letters. But I feel that
working makes me a better mum.
Sally Overhead founded Mojomums,
at www.mojomums.co.uk
Help and info
Three or more
• Log in to the website at www.tamba.
org.uk to see a video with Maggie
Brierton, Tamba’s Honorary Consultant
Clinical Psychologist, answering
questions on being a parent to triplets
• Talk to other triplet parents on
Tamba’s members-only messageboard
or visit the Twins Club page to find your
nearest multiples club
• Ring Twinline, Tamba’s freephone
listening service, to discuss any concerns
on 0800 138 0509, open 10am to 1pm
and 7pm to 10pm daily
Emma with her older son Jake
and Ella, Theo and Louis, who
were six months old when she was
diagnosed with breast cancer
Wake up and
smell the tea
There’s nothing like a crisis for making you realise how
lucky you are, writes Emma Campbell
Being given a ‘no lifting’ order when
you’ve got two-year-old triplets does
make life a little complicated. Just
getting them out of their cots is a
task in itself and I’ve developed a
clever left-handed manoeuvre which
has me hoisting them up and over the
bar without any involvement from my
sore and tender right side.
Let me explain. Back in 2010, when
the triplets were six months old, I was
diagnosed with breast cancer. My
partner and I had recently separated
so I found myself ‘home alone’ with
our three beautiful babies and older
son, Jake, facing months of gruelling
treatment. After the mastectomy I
wasn’t allowed to lift for about eight
weeks, and not being able to cuddle
the babies properly, give them their
baths and do all those normal day-to-
from her gro-bag and once her feet
touch the ground she’s off, confidently
heading for the stairs and calling out
to her big brother as she goes. Theo,
once free, gathers up every single
muslin he can find and is often seen
padding along the landing carrying at
least six or seven. Louis takes things
a step further and refuses to leave
the room without his dummy, muslin,
gro-bag and duvet, so by the time they
are all settled downstairs watching
CBeebies and drinking milk the living
room resembles a campsite. Jake, now
eight, often comes down wrapped in
his duvet and, as I sip my tea, the sight
of the four of them piled on the sofa
melts my heart.
Changing the first of about fifteen
nappies is often done with one
hand whilst scanning through the TV
listings with the other as Theo makes
snorting noises which means Peppa
Pig is required and Louis choo-choos
for Thomas. I’m probably making a
fundamental parenting mistake but it
does often seem as though whoever
shouts the loudest wins. I try to adhere
to the tally in my head of what’s fair
and who’s turn it is, but don’t always
succeed.
Ella, Theo and Louis love taking Jake
to school, probably for all the attention
they get. The boys are natural flirts
and wrap themselves round my legs,
looking up from under ridiculously
long eyelashes. Ella runs in among the
crowds of older children.
There are days when I feel
overwhelmed – long afternoons
when it’s too wet to go outside, the
Ours is a noisy, messy, chaotic house
but I wouldn’t have it any other way
day ‘mum’ things was very hard.
Eighteen months on and the reason
for my current incapacity is much
more positive – reconstructive surgery.
Yippee! I hope this marks the end of
a tough chapter. So, it’s without too
much complaining that I face the day,
counting my blessings that I’m currently
healthy and well. And if I do sometimes
have to drag myself out of bed, the
welcome I get as I open the babies’
bedroom door puts an immediate
spring in my step.
Ella is the first to demand freedom
squabbling is out of control and the
house in disarray. But even then,
there’s always a moment that makes it
all worthwhile. Ours is a noisy, messy,
chaotic house but I wouldn’t have it
any other way and so, when I close
their bedroom door at night and creep
downstairs, although I usually feel like
the most tired mum in the world, I also
feel like the luckiest.
Read more from Emma’s blog at
http://meandmyfour-emplus4.
blogspot.co.uk/
www.tamba.org.uk
11
pre-school: daycare
pre-school: support
Nursery slopes
Finding a good setting for your children need not be daunting,
writes Claire Burgess, education lecturer at Norland College
Choosing a nursery starts with
research: all nurseries must be
registered with Ofsted, and you can
read reports from Ofsted inspections
online. But the most useful information
often comes from other parents.
You need to feel happy and confident
in the nursery; look at several and
compare, then go back for a second
visit. Take your children so you can see
which ones they feel most comfortable
in, and how the staff interact with and
involve them.
There is no such thing as a silly
question, so ask away (take a list with you
in preparation). You should come away
from a nursery feeling fully informed.
Check that the nursery understands
and respects the special relationship
that multiples have. Ask questions
specifically about how they will meet
the needs of your children, and find
out how the nursery will work with your
children as individuals. Think about your
children’s individual interests and how
the nursery might support these.
Settling-in varies from nursery to
nursery. Some do a home visit where
your children’s key worker/s (members
of staff assigned to your children who
provide day-to-day care) come to visit
before the children start at the nursery.
Many settings will want you to stay with
your children initially, and then over a
period of visits leave for an hour or so,
gradually increasing to ensure a gentle
transition.
It helps if you talk about nursery at
home. Make this a positive activity:
introduce books about starting nursery
and discuss the activities the children
might do there.
It is normal for children to be
apprehensive. With more than one child,
you may notice that one is more nervous
or one seems more excited. Try not to
compare their reactions or their different
approaches to this transition. Keep in
mind too that children often react to
nursery with tears or wobbly moments,
this is normal and the staff will have
dealt with it many times before.
This is an exciting time, but it can
also be daunting. Approach it together
with a positive attitude and you will soon
find that it becomes a part of everyday
life – and you’ll be recommending your
nursery to another family.
Tamba tips
help and info
Choosing a preschool
Starting nursery
• Ask if there is a written twins policy.
The best policies state that every
situation is different and the needs of
every child are assessed individually.
• If each child has a different key worker
it may be easier to discuss progress
without making comparisons.
• Talk to staff to find out their attitudes
about twins. Dispel any myths.
• Make sure staff know your children
need to be called by their own names
(not ‘the twins’) and have their own
friends and interests.
• Talk to your children individually about
nursery, including how they will each
make new friends, so they can voice
individual fears and expectations.
• Make it easy for children and staff
to tell your children apart if they are
identical or similar, perhaps through
different clothing or hairstyles.
• Tamba has an information sheet,
‘A Teacher’s Guide to Twins, Triplets
or More in School’, which you can give
to staff
• Download Tamba’s guide, ‘Twins,
Triplets and More: Years 2, 3, and 4’
from the website at www.tamba.org.uk.
You can also watch our ‘Parenting with
Multiples in Mind’ D VD online, or sign up
for Tamba’s one-day parenting workshop
for those with children aged 1-5
• Ring Twinline, Tamba’s freephone
listening service, to talk to someone
about any concerns on 0800 138 0509,
open 10am to 1pm and 7pm to
10pm daily
12
/ AUTUMN 2012
Clubs
Children may think it’s all about messy fun,
but for parents, clubs are also a source of
useful tips and even second-hand gear
Virtually every area in Britain has
some sort of twins club, but they
provide more than just support
networks. Most will arrange all
manner of events and entertainments
that bring together multiples and
their mums and dads for mutual
support and fun. But they also act
as a useful informal market, and one
where you can get an honest opinion
about what equipment you really
need, too.
Multiple Madness in Rossendale,
Lancashire meets every two weeks (first
and third Tuesday in term-time, 9.3011.30am) at Haslingden Community Link
and Children’s Centre. One mum who
first went while pregnant said: ‘It was
good to get advice on nursery items
such as the best pram to buy – there is
so much on the market, and it is so easy
to be sucked in by all the marketing. I
knew that what other mums were telling
me was a more accurate reflection of
how good the pram was.’
Johnny Pearce attends the Fareham
and Gosport Twin Club, which has Friday
morning sessions alternating between
a Sure Start centre and a nursery. ‘The
main reasons for going aren’t just to
entertain the children,’ said Johnny,
‘though it is a brilliant way of getting
them out of the house and interacting
with other children, but to give you or
Whatever the weather, they get together:
Fareham and Gosport Twin Club refused to
be rained off and took their annual summer
barbeque indoors this year – though a few
brave souls ventured out when the skies cleared
your partner a break and an excuse to
leave behind the four walls of home
for a bit. Even more important is the
opportunity to meet other parents of
multiples who are further along the
journey than you and from whom you
can garner really useful advice.’
Johnny described his local twins
club as ‘like a hassle-free eBay amongst
friends’ – but unlike eBay, at twins club
you can ask other parents first what
equipment was really useful, and what
they did or didn’t need multiples of,
so you don’t end up buying useless or
extra items.
Fareham & Gosport club has also
been setting up discounts with local
businesses for its members. ‘Having
twins or more is expensive,’ said Johnny,
‘and it is great when companies realise
this and offer a second or subsequent
item or ticket at half price. If it wasn’t for
twins club, we would not have known
that a local swimming school allows the
second twin to have half-price swimming
lessons in a private hydro-therapy
heated pool, where the instructor only
has a maximum of four children. Result!’
Katharyn, who also goes to Fareham
and Gosport, told us the main advantage
was that it gave her contact with mums
of older twins who ‘are happy to share
their wisdom and top tips on how to deal
with different stages of development. No
matter how hard it is to get out the door
sometimes, sitting down with a cup of tea
and talking to another mum or dad who
completely understands always makes
things seem better.’
Max, a dad of multiples, added: ‘For
me, twins club was a lifeline when one
was needed – a place to get me out
of the house where I knew it was going
to be OK when I got there, not feeling
alone with two crying babies. It’s a place
where I met very good friends who I
know understand and I can count on
when needed.’
Find your nearest twins club at
www.tamba.org.uk
www.tamba.org.uk
13
health: accidents
Brackenborough Hall
Nicola and Rob Eastwood have a family favourite for
holidays with their children Morgan, Charlie and 16-monthold Amber and Jaide
Finding a holiday to suit our family
of six was a challenge until my first
phone call to Brackenborough Hall
Coach House.
Paul and Flora Bennett run their
three self-catering apartments with
so much attention to detail that all
you have to worry about is packing
your clothes. Multiples are so well
catered for that there’s no need to cram
highchairs, sterilisers, cots, bedding or
even toys into your car. Nothing is too
much trouble for this lovely couple, who
are parents of twins themselves and
Tamba members too. They are on hand
24/7 and will do their utmost to make
your stay comfortable.
The surrounding countryside
is stunning, with plenty of familyfriendly places to visit. The grounds of
Brackenborough Hall with their walks,
Three Tamba families – including four sets of
twins – took over the Brackenborough Hall
Coach House over half term. Here are the
Yeardleys (on the left) and the Eastwoods
First aid: the myths
Roma Felstein warns that some hand-me-down treatments can do more harm
than good when what your children need is first aid
trails and wooded areas are more than
enough for Rob’s older boys, who love
having the freedom to explore and ride
their bikes. Paul is always happy to give
a tour of the farm (and even a ride on
the combine harvester at the right time
of year).
The visitors’ book is bursting with
happy guests – testament to Paul and
Flora’s passion for their business. It is
one of those places that I tell everyone I
know about, before quickly rushing to my
laptop to secure next year’s booking!
All parents have to play the nurse
from time to time over grazes and
bumps, but occasionally an incident
happens that can have a better
outcome if parents remember a few
first aid rules.
A senior sister at a paediatric hospital
in Surrey once told me that parents
need to familiarise themselves with
what to do if a child has a burn, because
immediate action can make a big
difference. ‘If parents know what to
do when a child burns or scalds itself,
For more information and your 10
percent discount as Tamba members
visit www.BrackenboroughHall.
com or contact Paul and Flora on
01507 603193, 07974 687779 or
[email protected]
Burns
A checklist
• Cool the burn with cold running water
for at least ten minutes. If cold water is
not available, use another cold, harmless
liquid such as milk
• Get medical help for any burn or scald
which is larger than a 50p coin. A young
child’s burn should always be seen by a
doctor, preferably at A&E
• Remember to keep calm and give lots
of comfort and reassurance to the child
• Do not remove burnt clothing which
has stuck to the skin; burnt clothing is
sterile and will protect the wound.
• Remove carefully any jewellery, belts,
restrictive clothing or footwear (that is
not stuck to the skin) from the injured
area before it begins to swell
• Cover the burn with a clean, dry, non-
fluffy dressing and secure loosely. A
plastic bag or piece of cling film is ideal
• Do not put butter, oil or any sort of
grease or lotion on a burn or scald –
these can cause further damage and
increase the risk of infection
• Do not apply sticking plasters or any
other type of adhesive dressing to the
skin – they will cause pain and damage
when removed
• Do not break blisters – you may
introduce infection into the wound
• Do not give the child anything to eat
or drink, with the exception of painkillers
(give the recommended dose)
we would have far less need for skin
grafts and plastic surgery,’ she said.
Below are some common first aid
misconceptions, many of them handed
down the generations.
MYTHS:
Burns: ‘Put butter/antiseptic
cream on it’
Never put butter or antiseptic cream
on a burn. Instead, cool the burn under
cool running water for at least ten
minutes to stop the burning and relieve
the pain. If cold water is not available,
use another cold, harmless liquid such
as milk. Apply a non-fluffy dressing.
Nose bleeds: ‘Hold the child’s
head back and pinch the bridge
of the nose’
Sit the child down with the head tilted
forward and pinch the fleshy part of
the nostrils together for ten minutes.
Remember to tell the child to
breathe through the mouth and
spit any blood into a bowl or
tissue.
Choking: ‘Stick your fingers
down the child’s throat’
Never stick your fingers down a child’s
throat as you could cause further
obstruction or cause the airway to swell.
Start by bending the child forward from
the waist and give five sharp back blows
between the shoulder blades, using the
heel of your hand.
Epilepsy: ‘Put something in the
child’s mouth for them to bite on’
Never put anything in the mouth of a
child during a seizure. Your priority is
to keep the child safe until professional
medical help arrives. Move furniture or
any other obstructions out of the way.
Keep calm so that you can reassure and
comfort the child. Roma Felstein founded Safe and
Sound, which runs first aid courses
for parents and carers
Poisoning: ‘Make the
child vomit’
Never induce vomiting as it could
burn or block the airway. Try to
find out what has been swallowed
and how much, and seek
professional medical advice.
www.tamba.org.uk
fundraising
Helping
hands...
and feet
As always, we at Tamba have to
say a huge Thank You! to the
members who get out there on
their bikes or in their running
shoes or swimming costumes to
fund our work. Every time we are
able to help a multiple birth family
in difficulties, it is a tribute to your
efforts to keep our charity going.
A relatively small amount of money
can do a huge amount to change
people’s lives for the better, so if
you’d like to join our fundraising
efforts, please do get in touch.
As if to prove that anyone
can raise money for Tamba, pupils
from Claire Humpidge’s dance school held a
fundraising show in Radford, Coventry, featuring
performers from the age of four up to 17. A truly
splendid raffle – prizes included tickets for home games
at both Coventry City FC and Coventry Blaze ice hockey,
as well as a holiday in Spain – raised a grand £477 for Tamba.
Claire, mum to identical twins Flo (front left on her lap) and Lola,
said: ‘I’m over the moon that this money will go to support the
fantastic work of your charity, helping parents and professionals
meet the unique challenges that multiple birth families face.’
16
/ AUTUMN 2012
Sore away success
A brave few took on the Nightrider cycling challenge for Tamba
Ruth and Ian Simpkins found Tamba’s help invaluable during a
complicated pregnancy and time in hospital with poorly babies
Two for all
It’s five years since Ruth Simpkins’s
daughters Daisy and Emily were born:
time to reflect, and to give something back
When we saw the article asking for volunteers to run in the
British 10k for Tamba, my husband Ian and I decided it was time
to give something back and signed up.
As parents of identical girls, we have found Tamba
tremendously useful and supportive. We joined when we
found out we were expecting monochorionic diamniotic twins
(shared placentas, separate amniotic sacs) in 2007. The girls
were at risk of Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome. I remember
ringing Tamba’s helpline, Twinline, and asking for information.
I spoke to someone who had twins herself and was incredibly
understanding, reassuring and helpful. The advice I received
ensured that I requested consultant-led care and regular
monitoring throughout the rest of my pregnancy.
When the girls were born at 35 weeks, weighing 3lbs 3ozs
and 4lbs 6ozs, I felt overwhelmed by the enormity of being
mum to two tiny, fragile babies. I remember finding Tamba’s
help sheets on feeding and sleeping really helpful. I also
remember reading Multiple Matters articles and feeling so
reassured that there were other parents of multiples out there
who had been or were going through the same things as us.
When we all eventually came home from hospital I soon found
my local twins club. I’m sure the group helped save my sanity
in those early days. It was so good to spend time with other
parents going through the same thing as us at the same time. I
made what I’m sure will be lifelong friends.
The girls are just coming to the end of their reception year at
school – how time flies. Once again, Tamba’s advice on school
applications proved useful: all along the way, Tamba has been
there helping us as parents of multiples.
We ran the British 10k in 1 hour, 4 minutes and 20 seconds.
It was a great atmosphere despite the rain, and I felt proud
that we managed to raise a few hundred pounds to help keep
Tamba going whilst pounding the wet streets of London. If
you are thinking of doing something as a parent of multiples
to raise money for Tamba then my advice is to do it – it’ll make
you feel great!
As if parents don’t have enough to keep them from a good night’s
sleep, some of our tougher members took on the Nightrider
challenge – a 100km circular cycling route by moonlight around
London’s famous sights.
Steve Wass and Glenn Pollard were among those putting on
their cycle helmets for Tamba, with a grand result of £500 raised.
Rebecca Capper, who cycled with her other half, Peter, had
this to say: ‘We were really proud to take part in the Nightrider
challenge on behalf of Tamba. Since becoming parents to our
lovely twin boys Isaac and Samuel, we have really appreciated
the information and resources available from Tamba. We
especially found the Parenting with Multiples in Mind course
very useful. Being able to chat to parents with twins of a similar
age, facing similar challenges was brilliant. It has been great
to be able to raise funds so that other parents can also receive
invaluable help and support.’
Rebecca says she has now just about recovered after completing
the event in 9 hours and 14 minutes – Peter got there in 7 hours
and 17 minutes. Thank you all!
Cold courage
Phoebe and Hannah Corley with mum Hilary
A big thank you to twin mum Hilary Corley, who
raised more than £215 at the Great Manchester
Swim in July despite having her original Great
North Swim cancelled owing to heavy weather.
Hilary and three-year-old Phoebe and
Hannah had a great day at Salford Quays
instead. ‘Tamba and our local twins group
have been a continuing source of information
and support since my husband Edward and I
found out we were having twins,’ said Hilary, ‘so
raising this money for Tamba has been a small
way to try to repay this.’
Steve Wass with Glenn Pollard.
Born silently
Two parents who lost premature twins are to
cycle 325 miles in November to raise money
for Tamba’s work for multiple birth families
as well as Tommy’s, which funds research into
miscarriage, premature birth and stillbirth.
Bethany and Steve Morris lost Harriet
and Felicity in July, and will be marking the
babies’ due date this autumn by cycling from
their home in Crowborough, East Sussex to
Northallerton, North Yorkshire, where the
babies were born. They also hope to raise
awareness of the campaign to save the
maternity and paediatric units at the Friarage
Hospital in Northallerton.
With a target of £10,000, the couple have
recruited friends and family to join them in
their Born Silently campaign. If you would
like to donate please visit their justgiving site
at www.justgiving.com/teams/bornsilently
and choose Tamba.
Congratulations!
Sarah Coleman said she was ‘stunned’ to find
out she’d won first prize in the Tamba raffle.
‘I’m just days away from meeting my boy/girl
twins and this raffle win couldn’t have come at a
more opportune time,’ she told us. ‘As a single
mum-to-be, it will help enormously in securing
that buggy I’ve had my eye on.’
Sarah joined Tamba after seeing two
flickering heartbeats at her first
pregnancy scan, and attended a Practical
Preparing for Parenthood Seminar. She told
us: ‘It was great to meet others, discuss all
things multiple and take away advice from
those with first-hand experience. I also love the
fact that Tamba offer free booklet downloads
and have a listening service.’
Rebecca and Peter
WIN0!0
,0 ’s
£2n5Tamba
o
lottery
For a 1 in 63 chance of
winning a cash prize just
play our new lottery!
From every £1 ticket, half
goes to Tamba to help
us raise the £200,000
a year over and above
membership fees we
need to run our services
– things like Twinline, our
freephone helpline, and
all the free booklets and
factsheets we provide via
our website.
To play the Unity
lottery and support
Tamba, fill in
the enclosed
form or visit
www.unitylottery.co.uk
and choose Tamba as
your charity.
www.tamba.org.uk
17
celebrations: TT&M week
focus: play
Olympic
what?
Who needs an international sporting event
when you can toddle off to Twins, Triplets
and More Week parties for free...
Multiples up and down the country combined cakes and
dashing about as only youngsters (comfortably) can for
this year’s Twins, Triplets and More Week in July.
At Newmarket in Suffolk, Peas in a Pod Twins and Multiples
Group held a cupcake party, while Telford Twins or More Club
had a fancy dress jamboree. ‘We created an out-of-this world
space which all the children enjoyed,’ said Telford member
Sarah Whitefoot. ‘We even celebrated a set of twins’ first
birthdays.’ Bracknell Twins Club held its own Twin Olympics,
painting flags on the children’s faces before holding an
opening ceremony with a parade of Olympic torches made the
previous week at Toddler Group, followed by a picnic, football,
sack race, tug of war and bouncy castle. A Community Games
grant contributed £250 towards the cost, providing equipment
for future use at Toddler Group and any other events to keep
children (and parents) active.
to them, getting them to fill in the blanks
by writing the words, using stickers or
drawing pictures. If using stickers spread
them all out on the table so they can see
what might work. They will enjoy you
reading the story back to them and feel
proud at what they’ve created.
Broken biscuit cake
Stuck
indoors?
Just get
stuck in...
Twin mum Sarah Berryman is nothing daunted by a spot
of rain in the afternoon. Here’s her recipe for avoiding the
bickering blues
I love our children dearly but the
prospect of a day indoors with
nothing planned fills me with horror.
Aside from the moans (‘I’m bored!’),
games so often turn into arguments
and then something (or somebody)
gets broken.
Top tips
stay ahead of the game
• Get doubles or more of basics like glue
spreaders, paint brushes, sticky tape rolls
and felt tips so the kids don’t have to
share everything.
• If you lack table space, use a large
plastic sheet on the floor – just make sure
little feet stay away from the glue pots.
• Set up in advance if you can: this
lessens the danger of lots of little hands
getting involved before you are ready,
and makes it less stressful.
• Make clearing up part of the game,
or have a parent-free plan for once the
activity is done (such as building a lego
maze or playing balloon tennis) so you
can get things straight in relative peace.
2.5 tablespoons of sugar
5 tablespoons of cocoa
2.5 tablespoons of syrup
290g/10oz margarine
Approx 570g/1¼lbs of broken
digestive biscuits
Heat the margarine gently in a pan
with the sugar and syrup. Divide up the
broken biscuits in clean sandwich bags
(one per child), tied securely, and let
your children bash them until they are
all broken. A child’s rolling pin is best for
bashing, but even a toy hammer works.
Add the broken biscuits to the mixture.
Line a tin with greaseproof paper or tin
foil, add the mixture and leave to set in
the fridge. Sprinkle icing sugar over the
top, cut and serve.
Match your children’s baby weight
Put the kitchen scales on the floor, as
long as they are not too delicate or
valuable. Find a container that can sit
on top and tell your children what their
weights were when they were born. Get
them to find items around the house
that add up to those weights when in the
container, eg a bottle of squash, bag of
pasta, pens. If the weight is too much or
too little, they have to substitute items.
Children are fascinated to learn that they
weighed the same as these items and will
enjoy trying to lift the container.
Balloon tennis
So here are a few ideas that work
with two or more sets of hands to
occupy. With any luck the bickering will
stop, the fun will begin and you will
remember why it feels good to spend
time together.
Players hit a balloon back and forth to
each other using their hands. Use a net
if required (eg the sofa pulled away
from the wall) and see who gets the
longest rally.
Drawing on the floor
Clear a space on the carpet and use
a roll of masking tape to mark out a
race track or small network of roads.
Depending on your children’s age,
you may want to do this in advance, or
you could get them really involved in
planning it on a piece of paper and then
recreating it on the floor.
Stick three or four sections of lining
paper on a hard floor with masking
tape. Let the children use pens, crayons,
stencils etc to draw ‘on the floor’. Plenty
of space for everyone and the novelty
factor works wonders.
Make your own story
Write the outline of a story on some large
sheets of paper (A3 folded like a book
works well) leaving several blanks. Read it
Masking tape race track
Sarah Berryman is founder of
gettingstuckin.co.uk, providing
inspiring ideas for indoor fun
www.tamba.org.uk
19
column: dad’s corner
Everybody yurts...
New experiences? There’s nothing David Bootle won’t try
New experiences are something my wife is rather keener
on than me – and she has loads of ideas up her sleeve.
Moving house was her idea. Going on our first overseas hols
on a plane with three kids under three... yes, hers. She even
persuaded me a second child would be a breeze – except it
was twins, and a totally new experience.
But everything is a new experience with twins or more.
Holidays are often tricky. We relish the opportunity to get
away but know the immediate obstacles, particularly when the
kids are young.
And I still didn’t see it coming: ‘What do you think about
camping with the boys and Ruth?’ she asked innocently one
evening – during probably the wettest summer on record. ‘It’ll
be a great new experience for the kids.’
Camping is something I have fond memories of from
childhood. The cooking of beans on an open campfire. The
cap it all, off we’d
glamp with other
twin parents, who
share and care with
exactly the same ups
and downs as we do.
In fact it was a rather enjoyable ‘new experience’. Being
outside was fun and the kids loved it. Rural Gateshead in Gibside
National Trust grounds is splendid. You could be a million miles
from a town, yet our home was only five miles away.
All the home comforts were a walk – but the kids loved going
with torches to the toilet in the dark, with a beautiful full moon
in the sky. Admittedly it was cold and a bit rainy but that made
coming home to a warm bed and bath amazing in itself.
Being close to home and not having a journey to get there
was great. No stress at the start and end of the trip. I even went
home to feed the cat.
Incidentally, that’s another
new experience I have endured
– I mean enjoyed. Ruth, our
eldest, wanted a pet, and I
caved in after hearing that
‘caring for an animal will be a
new experience for the kids’. It
would still be a new experience
for any other member of the family to clean out his litter tray.
Just when I’d got the hang of yurting, we are apparently
ready for another new experience: a weekend in a proper tent.
The readymade yurt is old news now and putting up a six-man
tent is going to be part of the fun, so I’m told. Sounds like plain
old hard work to me.
This time I have been more canny and struck a bargain. I get
to watch the football in our front room uninterrupted for the
whole ninety minutes. No one is allowed to change the channel
or disco dance in front of the screen.
Uninterrupted relaxation? Now that will be a new experience.
The fondness of childhood reminiscence
comes from the fact that the tent erecting
and car loading were done by someone else
rain pattering on the tent as you drift off to sleep. Those sort of
fond memories. Totally nostalgic. Totally unrealistic.
What I realise now as a dad of three is that the fondness
of childhood reminiscence comes from the fact that the tent
erecting and car loading were done by someone else, and as
for the lack of sleep and the cold, well, we were oblivious to the
problems when we were young.
So instead of that, we opted for a bit of glamping in
something called a yurt. And we decided not to spend a
small fortune travelling miles away – no, we would glamp
on our own doorstep, the beautiful rural Gateshead. And to
www.tamba.org.uk
21
column: teenagers
primary: school
First day nerves
Starting school needn’t be traumatic. Here with some tips for a smooth
transition is Anne Thomas, Tamba’s honorary primary education consultant
So, you managed to get the children
into a school you like, negotiated the
uniform shopping list and worked out
the best route. What next?
There’s a lot you can do to make the
first days at school run more smoothly. Your
children will probably have visited for an
induction session (or several) and the school
is likely to have thought out ways of helping
them settle in. Some schools encourage
children to bring in a toy for the first day or
two (not the one they will need at bedtime,
just in case...). Others set up ‘buddy’ systems,
especially to help with playtimes.
With twins, triplets or more there are
additional factors which come into play, from
separation to identity, from school notecarrying to tale-bearing.
Separation: will the children be together
or going into different classes? If this will be
their first experience of being apart, spend
some time beforehand building up the time
apart from five or ten minutes to half an hour
or even longer. Encourage them to take turns
to tell their ‘news’ when they come back
together. Borrowing something belonging
to their multiple sibling – a headband, socks
or even a button – can help them feel close
and more secure. If they are in neighbouring
classrooms, just seeing one another at
different points in the day will reassure them
that their brother/sister(s) are ok and that
22
/ AUTUMN 2012
everything is alright. Give them time to adjust
to the new routines, but speak to the teacher
if you are worried.
Lunch boxes can be a contact point with
parents if a child is finding the long lunchtime
difficult. Pop in a message – a smiley face or a
picture of their best Ted saying ‘see you later’.
Name everything! Before you know it
there will be a PE lesson and all those lovely
clothes will be in a heap. Make sure you name
shoes as well. And on the subject of changing
for PE, have they practised dressing and
undressing? It will make such a difference to
each morning if they can do this without you.
If your children look very alike, a uniform
will emphasise this. Consider different
hairstyles or different socks, ribbons, hairclips,
hair bands, shoes, or trousers/shorts/jumpers.
The class teacher should soon tell them apart,
but there are a lot of other staff with whom
they will come into contact. Name badges
can be useful in the early days but may single
them out for unwanted attention. Can you
make them look different in their PE kits? It
could make all the difference to their safety –
the teacher will call out the right name!
Your daily routine will be important.
Encourage your children to be independent
(little rewards may help) and get all the bags
packed and ready the night before to save
time in the morning.
And you? Once you have seen them into
school you may get a real sense of let-down
and the tendency is to fret all day until you
have them back again. Treat yourself to a
coffee with friends and remember this is just
one more day in the exciting rollercoaster of
being a super-parent!
help and info
primary school
• Download Tamba’s ‘Schools Admissions
and Appeals’ pack from our website at
www.tamba.org.uk
• Visit the website for factsheets
including: Starting School – Advice for
Parents; Starting School – Discussion
Prompts; School Policy for Twins and
Higher Order Multiples; Maths at Home;
Meeting The Educational Needs of
Multiple Birth Children; and Together or
Apart – A Checklist for Parents
• For referrals to Anne Thomas,
Tamba’s honorary consultant on primary
education, ring 01483 302483
• Ring Twinline, Tamba’s freephone
listening service, to talk to someone
about any concerns on 0800 138 0509,
open 10am to 1pm and 7pm to
10pm daily
When my twin boys were babies, I
could understand when friends and
relatives mixed them up. Although
they’re non-identical they were
incredibly alike, plus they barely
stood still long enough for anyone to
study them.
I even bit my tongue when a certain
close relative referred to them as ‘this
one’ and ‘that one’. Rude, yes, but
not worth falling out over. Perhaps,
confronted with twins I hadn’t given birth
to, I’d have been similarly confused.
Actually, no, I didn’t treat other
people’s twins in this way. My friend
Liz’s boys were, to my untrained eyes,
amazingly similar too. Within the first
few minutes, I’d just have to remind
myself, ‘Right, Joe’s the one in the
green T-shirt’. That was all it took, and if
I am capable of that (when I often lose
my car in car parks) then surely anyone
fi ona gibs on
All mixed up?
Fiona Gibson wonders at the tendency to see
twins as a nameless unit, even as highly individual teenagers
else is too?
It takes just a smidgeon of effort.
Would anyone be so lazy as to treat
adult twins in this way? Would anyone
merge their names together to be
babbled as one, as has happened to my
boys on several occasions?
In fact, these days I can’t get to grips
with this ‘who’s who?’ business at all. I
mean... my boys are fifteen years old.
That’s a decade and a half during which
confused rellies have had hundreds
of opportunities to figure it out. For
instance, by taking a few seconds to
realise that one of my boys looks like
me, and his brother is a dead ringer for
his father. Their haircuts are different, as
are their voices and temperaments – one
even wears glasses, for crying out loud!
Yet a neighbour will still say, ‘I spoke
to identify who’s who since they were
all around three years old. This proves
that it just takes a little effort right at
the start. No one in their close circle
refers to them as ‘the twins’, in fact,
their twin-ness only occurs to me when
I’m chatting to another parent with
multiples, and might mention that I have
twins too. Plus, my sons go to great
lengths to do their own thing these
days, still sharing friends, though not a
bedroom, and keen to pursue their own
interests. While they might crash out
and watch a film together, they rarely
socialise at school. Who can blame
them? I know it would drive me crazy
if people constantly confused me with
another shortish, mousey-haired female
with a prominent nose.
Oh, I know I’m not perfect either.
Occasionally, I might call one of my boys
by his brother’s name. I might also mix
up their teachers, especially as I only
encounter them once a year for ten
minutes each. When that happens, one
of my sons will correct me immediately
with a stern, ‘Mrs Jackson doesn’t teach
me, she teaches him.’
Whoops. Where Mum is concerned, it
seems a twin is not quite so forgiving...
to one of them the other day, I can’t
remember who.’ Or a family member will
enter a room where one of my sons is
watching TV and instead of addressing
him by name, they’ll say, ‘Hello boys’, like
the old Wonderbra ad. As if his brother
must be lurking nearby, invisible. I’d be
no more confused if someone addressed
me as, ‘Hello... women.’
Does this bother my sons? Of course
it does – hugely – although they’re pretty
tolerant and tend to roll their eyes rather
than make a big stink. I’m proud of them,
actually, as it must be a massive pain in
the rump. How would most children feel
when given a shared birthday card or, at
seven years old, handed pin badges with
the wrong names?
Of course, my sons’ close friends
never mix them up; they’ve been able
In Fiona’s latest novel, new
mum Sadie goes on a hen
weekend – which means
leaving her twin babies with
their father for the first time.
The Great Escape is out now,
published by Avon
How would most children feel when given
a shared birthday card or, at seven years old,
handed pin badges with the wrong names?
www.tamba.org.uk
23
older multiples: independence
older multiples: relationships
Together again
A gathering of adult opposite-sex twins is the first of its kind,
and an opportunity to think about this unique relationship
separated by a large wall and by a
gateway. And my mother was frequently
summoned … we were crying each on
our own side due to our separation.’
(Salvy)
Researcher Olivia Lousada with her twin, Julian
Breaking out?
Twin mum and Tamba honorary consultant Shelagh Wright on how to
navigate your teenagers’ desire for more control and independence
You have survived the endless
nappies, feeding schedules and potty
training, and find yourself with two,
three or more teenagers to contend
with. You have heard the rumours
that the teenage years are the
trickiest, so what now?
What happens in the teenage years
will to some extent be determined
by how you managed issues thus far.
If you have raised your children to
expect everything to be different and
individualised then they will expect
that now. If you have raised them to
cooperate and negotiate with each other
and the rest of the family, that state of
affairs will most probably continue.
Parenting twins or more is no different
in principle from parenting any child.
The first question is what kind of children
do you as a parent want to raise. The
second is what are you doing right now
to either enhance or inhibit that. The
bit that is different with multiples is that
they are all going through the same
process at the same time. This can make
it trickier at times and at others times
easier. Activities you might be nervous
about letting a lone teenager do, you
may feel more comfortable letting two
24
/ AUTUMN 2012
or more do together. Multiples that have
been brought up to know themselves as
separate people will have less difficulty
being grouped for safety or convenience.
Multiples who have been grouped
together throughout their lives may use
the teenage years as an opportunity to
break away.
In singleton literature, the teenage
years are when children begin to
renegotiate the boundaries of the
emotional independence, which is being
able to solve your own problems. This is
the area that multiples might find harder
as they have always had each other to
work through any issues with.
In an ideal world, they will go through
this stage together and work it out by
discussion and negotiation. However, they
are all too likely to be at slightly different
stages. One might have a boyfriend
or girlfriend before the other, or get a
Parenting twins or more is no different
in principle from parenting any child
parental relationship from one based
on dependency to one based on
independence. With multiples this
process is more complex as they also
have to renegotiate the boundaries of
their relationship with each other.
It is easy to become confused at this
stage over what independence means.
There are two types of independence:
the first is physical independence – things
like being able to go out by yourself and
get places without help. The second is
job before the other, or want to go to
university whilst the other does not. The
principles are the same as when children
of different ages chose different paths,
but for multiples it is more intense as it
occurs within an expectation that they
will both be doing similar things. Again,
the ground work occurs in the early years,
and how you as parents support them in
negotiating their relationship with each
other. Being a multiple is what they are,
not who they are.
Opportunities for twins or more to
get together may be few enough,
but there are almost no celebrations
of opposite-sex twins. So it is news
indeed that the first ever International
Gathering of adult opposite-sex twins
will take place later this month, on 22
and 23 September in London.
One of the organisers is Olivia
Lousada, who together with her
colleague Claire Salvy has been
researching adult opposite-sex twins for
several years. Both women are oppositesex twins themselves, and their separate
professional studies have come up with
some surprising similarities.
As part of their research, Olivia and
Claire listened to opposite-sex twins
speaking freely about their lives on the
themes of separation, competition and
jealousy, sexual identity, proximity and
distance, depression and non-verbal
communication. These themes are
ordinary enough, but the opposite-sex
twin context makes it more complex,
because of early attachment. Beyond
what siblings and same-sex twins may
mean to their parents and each other,
these twins may also represent the
parental couple, the struggle between
the sexes, and the marital relationship of
closeness, tenderness and distance.
Opposite-sex twins can be a source
of envy and wonder. Being of different
sexes has an effect on their relationship
world; here are just a few of the things
they told the researchers:
Competition and jealousy: ‘My
mother tells the story of my father
wanting to give one of us something:
“But no, give it to her”, then “But no, give
it to him”... We tended to want to give
too often to the other person.’ (Salvy)
‘(He) told me he hated me because
I took all my mother’s attention away
from him. And I said to him I didn’t
want it, I felt awful and he couldn’t
believe it.’ (Lousada)
Proximity and distance: ‘I want
sometimes to give up everything
and live with my twin brother, and
this shocks me… I think that I would
not be so ambivalent concerning my
The International
Gathering is open to any
opposite-sex twin over the age
of 18, with or without their twin, at
the Lancaster Hall Hotel, London. The
first day looks at what participants are
curious about and explores themes in
more detail. On Sunday, participants
talk in all-male or all-female groups
before coming back together to
exchange ideas. If you’d like to
attend, please email theresa.
[email protected].
marriage if I was not so drawn towards
my brother… if we had been more
accessible to each other, it would not be
so problematic now.’(Salvy)
‘You have got two choices. Either
being wide apart or very close, and
what you really need is to be sufficiently
differentiated to be able to relate
successfully at the appropriate distance.’
(Lousada)
Sexual identity: ‘If you are a twin you
have already got your other half, it feels
everyday, so the whole idea of romantic
love doesn’t work for me! That... puts
you in the sort of marginal position.
Thinking of yourself as an “us” the
whole time is not sustainable. [When a
twin’s marriage breaks up] there is a kind
of Darwinian issue; how are you going to
survive?’ (Lousada)
‘Female opposite sex twins don’t
see men as dominant other than maybe
physically, or idealise them. They see
the weaker side. We are always used
to having a male there, absolutely
contemporary.’ (Lousada).
Depression: ‘To say that (my twin) was
fond of me is a misunderstanding of the
way we relate. She is part of me so that if
she disappears, I’ve lost part of me. I am
seriously impaired by the threat of this
loss…’ (Lousada)
Unspoken communication: ‘If
we hadn’t been twins, we wouldn’t
understand each other today...We
understand each other in a unique
way because we have lived through
something that is quite ancient, that
preserves the links between us despite
our differences.’ (Salvy).
Separation: ‘Primary school was
a catastrophe for each of us. The
playgrounds of the two schools were
www.tamba.org.uk
25
photo gallery: celebrations
Multiple joys
From first birthdays to first
communions (and even first
howls), our photo gallery gives
families a chance to celebrate
the milestones of life with all
their youngsters
opening
d Jasmine
Isabelle an
irthday,
their first b
presents on
.
ch
ar
24 M
Oliver and
Thomas B
lake have
ramble on
a
the farm.
uben
us boys Re
Our gorgeo
b
co
Ja
n
Fin
Stanley and
y to
ar
ru
b
e
F
5
rn
Wilson, bo
Tim.
nts Jay and
e
ar
p
d
u
pro
n,
Mia Nelso
Grace and er, with their
ctob
mer! born 19 O
sister Sum
ig
b
t
n
a
lli
bri
Kimi and
Simi, born
on
parents H
arneet an 1 June to proud
d Ranjit B
hambra.
h, born 22
nd Josep
d
Isabella a
ks to prou
e
at 37 we
i.
m
m
a
h
February
S
avina and
parents D
Jack and Ryan
, born 24 Oct
ober
to proud pare
nts Richard an
d
Sarah and ex
cited big siste
r Ella.
Oscar and Al
fie Spencer-S
cragg
introducing th
emselves to th
e
world and to
proud parent
s Ally
and Mark on
29 March.
,
athers
Faith M 6 weeks.
d
n
a
e
3
Hop
ary at yone at
r
1 Janu
born 2 anks to eve ospital,
th
Many rough City h re team. o
ca
Peterb transitional
y
ll
ia
c
e
esp
Identical girls Daisy and Poppy
Dean born 8 July to Anna
and James. Just in time to
enjoy the Olympics!
Charles
ham and
Henry Gra
nuary
Ja
3
2
orn
Rupert, b to Jonathan
ks
at 37 wee becca.
and Re
Since the
a
Finley and rrival of Harrison
Sophia G
race on 2
May, pare
1
nts Gary a
nd R
have not
stopped sm achel
iling. Chloe and
Ellie Web
b-Ingall
at pre-sch
ool with b on their first day
ig sister M
illy.
Francesca
Rose and
Gabrielle
to proud
ed 7 May
Anna arriv nd Pete and big
a
l.
parents Jo
Nathanie
Niall and
brothers
3
son, born
hur Robin
rt
d
A
n
a
d
l
n
u
a
a
Max
s to P
t 29 week
g
January a
ur amazin
o
–
n
so
in
Kerry Rob l thanks to all staff
cia
twins! Spe l Gwent Hospital.
ya
at the Ro
My beauti
fu
Sadie were l twins Eoin and
b
they are w orn 29 May. Here
ith big bro
ther Niall.
Hannah Marga
ret and
Isobel Charlo
tte Dixon wer
e
welcomed in
to the world
on
5 March. Mum
my and Daddy
are very, very
proud.
26
/ AUTUMN 2012
hn,
and Liam Jo
Kirsty Rose
ks
ee
w
34
ch at
born 27 Mar d parents
ye
to overjo
Andy.
Emma and
Cameron
and Rosa
lyn Cha
their First
Holy Com mbers celebrate
munion in
June.
n
wall o y
Corn
e
l,
h
a
t
it
o
p
s
e Hos idgeshire
k
s
li
e
mbr
at Tr
m Ca
oral!
born
liam, velling fro ig sister C
il
W
d
a
b
r
n
t
a
e
r
k
e
e
li
Ros
ish
y aft
bruar n be Corn
21 Fe
ca
7
ary, born
d Oliver C
Dad
d
n
a
James an
m
u
weeks. M
ere.
May at 35
d you’re h
are thrille
Submissions: please take pictures on a digital camera
(not a phone) on a high resolution setting (300 DPI or
thereabouts) and email them with ‘Photo Gallery’ in the
subject line and up to 20 words to multiplematters@
hotmail.co.uk. Deadline for the next magazine is 28
September. Tamba has a policy of building individuality
which is used to prioritise photos submitted. Learn more
at www.tamba.org.uk/individuality
www.tamba.org.uk
27
focus: disability
Extra
special
multiple views: readers write
Playing together is especially
important now that Amoi and
Amare attend separate schools
Our piece on postnatal care touched a nerve with many
parents. Meanwhile, should parents of twins expect
multiples second time around?
As a parent of twins, one with special needs,
Neresia Osbourne has a foot in both camps
When our beautiful twins Amoi and Amare were born, we
had all that we expected of twins’ dirty bottles, lots of
nappies and sleepless nights, but something had happened
that we didn’t understand.
It was like chopping wet wood to light a blazing fire. We had
our twins and they were beautiful. But it was painful as milestone
after milestone passed and nothing seemed to be happening for
Amoi has it was for Amare. It was hard socialising too; they were
not identical, but people still expected them to act the same.
Amoi is now registered blind and is quadriplegia cerebral
palsy. With the help of the local authority we were able to place
both boys in fulltime nursery, Amoi with a one-to-one support
worker. That was the easy stage. Worse was when they had to
go to separate schools – it was more difficult for Amare than
for Amoi. They still sleep together, though, so we are reminded
every night that they are twins and share a unique bond that
transcends any form of disability.
Caring for twins is expensive; caring for twins where one has
severe needs is a new law in equations! To help us financially
we used charities such as the Family Fund, which helps families
raising disabled and seriously ill children. They funded specialist
toys, equipment and household appliances. Cerebra, a charity
for children with neurological problems, provided a custom-built
trike so Amoi could experience being outside and not in his chair.
From the local authority we were able to access direct payments
and employ a personal assistant to help at home and assist Amoi
with activities such as swimming. This allowed us quality time with
each child and support for activities together.
Now almost six years old, Amoi enjoys Yoga for the Special
Child classes and Amare is doing rock climbing. We encourage
Letters
Postnatal care: time for change
them to do activities together too, whether playing a board
game, dancing, singing to music or having days out.
Emotionally, it has been a rollercoaster. The unpleasant
experiences include being asked ‘Didn’t you know...?’ as if that
would have made a difference, and being ostracised, even within
the twin world. But the toughest aspect is meeting the needs of
both children – an extraordinary and ongoing challenge.
Amare has found his brother’s needs difficult to cope with
and we have had to explain why Amoi cannot run or talk but is
not a baby. Amoi has also developed increased frustration and
anxiety. We find ways to motivate him and encourage his ability
to communicate and self-regulate. Ironically, we are grateful they
are twins – they learn so much from each other, and we learn so
much from them. They still do ‘twin talk’ and are heard laughing
and chatting even in their sleep.
As for me, in the past few years I have become a more open,
positive person, willing to appreciate the smaller things in life. I
suppose I belong to two clubs, as twin mum and special needs
mum, so I reap all the benefits. Extra special mums like me do
exist, and our experiences need to be heard and included in both
groups to promote understanding, awareness and support. The
Hawaians have a word for the way families must remember every
member to ensure no one is left behind, so I say it here, Ohana.
Help and info
special needs
• Tamba has a support group for families bringing up multiples
with special needs. Please ring us on 01483 304442 to get in
touch with the group’s coordinator, Karoline Jordan, or you can
join our special needs group via Tamba’s facebook page
• Make contact with other parents coping with disability through
our online members-only messageboard at
www.tamba.org.uk
• Ring Twinline, Tamba’s freephone listening service, to talk to
someone about any concerns on 0800 138 0509, open 10am to
1pm and 7pm to 10pm daily
Re ‘On the
Ward Path’ in
the last edition
of Multiple
Matters, I am
glad it is not
just me who
felt let down
by the delivery
and postnatal
wards, although
I’m sorry other families have had the
same negative experience at such a
precious time.
After my identical twin boys were
born at Royal Cornwall Hospital,
Truro, they were rushed to the
Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU).
I was not able to follow due to
catheter and IV lines needing to
remain in place, and was left to rest
and sleep. Two hours later, a midwife
woke me up and told me I had to
move rooms as I was taking up a
large delivery room that was needed
for another lady. I was a little dazed,
but pointed out that I had had twins
and there had been 15 other people
in the room with me and my husband,
hence we had needed the bigger
room. That was met with, ‘Well where
are your babies then?’. When I said,
holding back tears, that they were in
NICU and I hadn’t even seen them
yet, she said, ‘So you don’t need the
room now and can move’, and began
loading my things onto the bed. On the postnatal ward, I was
wheeled into a room with two cots,
even though the boys were still in
NICU. The cots were soon wheeled
out at my request. I was on that ward for five days
after the birth. At one point I was
woken in the middle of the night and
asked if I wanted a sleeping tablet!
I was also berated by a midwife
for not being on the ward during
ward rounds to see the doctor, even
though I told them I would be across
the hall in NICU with my babies. I felt
like I was being told off for wanting
to spend time with them.
I do think there should be more
awareness about mothers (and
fathers) whose babies are unable to
be with them on the ward, whether
multiples or singletons.
By contrast, the NICU staff were
fantastic, not just in the care they
gave the boys but in how they spoke
to and treated me and my husband. I
really treasured my late night visits to
Thomas and Benjamin in the first few
days after birth. One nurse, Dee, took
the time to help me get the boys out
of their incubators for first cuddles.
She took photos and spent time with
me trying to establish and encourage
breastfeeding and generally made me
feel a connection to my boys. I found
the quiet of the evenings on NICU in
their first few days magical, just me
and my boys.
Any improvement to raise awareness
on postnatal wards would be fantastic
for future multiple parents.
Dawn Morse
Double twins?
What are the odds on having another
set of twins? We have two-year-old
boy-girl twins and are considering
having more kiddies. However,
depending on the chance of having
twins again we might push back the
timing – couldn’t afford childcare costs
for four!
Sarah Howard Millington
Tamba replies: Identical twins are a
random event, whereas non-identical
twins do seem to be genetically
inheritable. So the odds of having
non-identical twins if you already have
a set of non-identical twins is around 1
in 16, and this increases with maternal
age (35 or over). The chances of
having another set of identical twins
remains the same as having the first –
around 1 in 330.
Bin the telly
I was very interested to read about your
Movement for Multiples programme in
the last edition of Multiple Matters - a
great read, as always. Maybe it is true
that multiples spend more time in high
chairs and pushchairs than singleton
babies. If so, I have an even better
suggestion: ditch the TV. We got rid of
ours a year ago because we were sick of
nagging for CBeebies, and we haven’t
looked back. Three hours of exercise
a day? Our two start playing when
they wake up in the morning and don’t
stop till bedtime. It is great for their
imaginations, and as for us, we love the
newfound peace - no endless chunter of
telly in the background, and no nagging.
Gillian Griffiths
editor’s note
We are keen to hear from any of our
readers with news, views or a story to
tell. If there’s something you want to
shout about then write a letter for our
Letters page or email the editor, Rachael
Claye, at [email protected]
This month’s
cover stars
are Fredrick
(left) and
Christiaan
(right)
Vollmuller
The Family Fund has helped Amoi access specialist toys and equipment
28
/ AUTUMN 2012
www.tamba.org.uk
29
noticeboard: ads and more
My day today
Sue Mortimer lives a life split between two countries, Germany and the UK,
and so do her eight-year-old sons
The banter of the disc jockey slices
through the silent air as we stir from
our sleep. I glance at the radio alarm:
5.40am. The man is talking in German.
This is Berlin, and it is time to get up.
Two sleepy boys are hauled from
their beds, clothes thrown on and set
down in front of a breakfast which has
been prepared the night before. Exactly
one hour later we head out, Edmund
and Philip each carrying a rucksack of
books and snacks. The journey to school
takes one hour as we cross the city on
two trains and a tram, with a walk at
either end. We caught an earlier train
this morning so we opted for a different
route to school, taking three trains. My
adventure-seeking twin loved it, but I
had to reassure his brother that I would
take responsibility if we arrived late.
For many years my husband Geoff and
I have split our lives between the UK and
Berlin. Geoff writes books on German
history and needs access to the libraries
in Berlin, so we decided when the twins
were just four months old that we would
temporarily relocate to Berlin. When the
boys turned two, we returned to the UK
but still spent several months a year in
Berlin. The boys went to Kindergarten
just across the road, and once they
reached school age (six in Berlin) they
went to a German school for part of the
summer term. It is German-speaking and
so the boys are immersed in German
throughout the day. It is quite different to
their school in Swansea but they seem to
have no difficulties adapting.
Before the twins arrived I studied
modern languages, trained as a
chartered accountant and worked as a
fraud investigator. Our current lifestyle,
split between two countries, is too
disruptive for regular work so I opted for
writing. When I was pregnant, I found
there were almost no books about life
with twins and multiples – just medical
or parenting guides. And so I decided to
write one: ‘Mine’s a Double – The Twins
Book’. The Berlin link has been a great
boost to my research: I interviewed
many families about their experiences
of having twins and also adults looking
back on their lives as a twin. I spoke to
a family with identical triplets; identical
twin women whose lives were disrupted
forever after they were split up by the
Berlin Wall; and a family with three-yearold and one-year-old children who were
expecting quads.
One happy experience was taking
Edmund and Philip to the annual
Berlin Twins Club trip to the zoo.
Over one hundred pairs of twins were
there, toddlers, teenagers, grown-ups
and grannies, most of them identical
and many identically dressed for the
occasion. No one was looking at the
animals that day!
School finishes at around 2pm.
Today is Friday so the boys will be
going swimming later. They are now
accomplished swimmers who look
forward to the last bit of the lesson when
they can jump from the top diving board
(I had to close my eyes the first time, but
they seemed not to feel the fear!). And
after a round of pizza, the boys will flop
into their beds, chatting as they drift off,
ready to wake up for another day of fun.
‘Mine’s a Double – The Twins Book’
is only available from thetwinsbook@
aol.co.uk , and costs £10 to a UK
address including postage and
packing. Visit www.thetwinsbook.co.uk
feature: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
New Tamba Discounters
You can use more than one hundred discounts that have
been set up specially for our members by Tamba. Just visit
the website at www.tamba.org.uk/discounts for details of
discounts on holidays, clothing, equipment and more, and
for the codes to claim your money off. Any organisation
wishing to offer a discount to our members should contact
[email protected]. Meanwhile, here are the latest new
deals for our members:
Retallack Resort & Spa
(www.retallackresort.co.uk) gives Tamba members a 5 percent discount on
accommodation and a one hour free Spa treatment with any baby bliss or toddler
tastic holiday. Retallack Resort & Spa offers 5* luxury baby-friendly self-catering
accommodation with baby/toddler packs included in your house on arrival, special
baby and toddler classes and suberb childcare choices both day and night.
Kids Away Ltd
(www.kids-away.com) offers Tamba members a 5 percent discount on everything
you need for travel with babies and kids. Delivered either to your home or holiday
destination. Log in to www.tamba.org.uk/outandabout to get your discount code.
Apprehensive about taking your twins abroad?
Why not rent our modern 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom house in Spain?
30 minutes from Alicante or Murcia airport, 10 minutes drive from
the beach. On the edge of a traditional Spanish village. Fully equipped
for twins. Swimming pool. Roof terrace.
TAMBA recruiting
Breastfeeding Peer Supporters
TAMBA and NCT have joined forces and are
recruiting 12 mothers of multiples to become
trained Breastfeeding Peer Supporters.
The role of the Breastfeeding Peer Supporter is highly rewarding, you’ll get
to support mums (and families) who are going through what you may have
experienced as a mother of multiples. So many mums stop breastfeeding
because of a lack of informed support and that is where this important role
comes in. Your commitment to supporting others could provide a life long,
indeed multi-generational, impact to fellow mums of multiples.
The support will be via e-mail, telephone or by face-to-face contact at
local Twins Clubs or local NCT groups. As trained Breastfeeding Peer
supporters, you may also be invited to attend local Tamba Seminars to talk
to expectant parents of multiples about how you can support them with
breastfeeding after they have had their babies.
For this first project, we are aiming to recruit mums from the South,
East and Greater London regions.
The training will take place in Central London (near Holborn Tube)
on the following dates:
20/21st October and the 24th/25th November – times to be confirmed.
All travel expenses will be met.
Unfortunately there is not the funding available to provide a crèche.
In order to be a part of this exciting project, you need:
• To have breastfed your own multiples for a minimum of three months
• To be willing and committed to supporting other mums in
your community
You’ll also have the opportunity to gain a qualification through the Open
College Network for your CV, all at no cost to you.
Email [email protected] with TAMBA in the subject line,
to express your interest and for more information.
30
Closing date for final application is Friday 14th September.
Tamba’s individuality policy encourages the development of multiples’ individual identities, for example by dressing them differently. Whenever possible we use photographs that promote this policy.
DISCLAIMER: Multiple Matters is published by the Twins and Multiple Births Association, registered charity 1076478,
registered company 3688825. Multiple Matters © Tamba 2010. ISSN 0967 – 8867. Tamba would like to point out that items in
the magazine are collected from individuals and excerpts from newsletters etc. The views and suggestions are taken in good
faith and the opinions expressed are not necessarily endorsed by Tamba. Likewise, advertising or the use of product names does not constitute a
recommendation or endorsement by the Association.
focus: living abroad