View - Arc @ UNSW

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View - Arc @ UNSW
BREAKING HEADLINE : Some UnAustralian bastard criticises our Diggers
Unemployed
Gays Taking
Welfare
Benefits
JANET ALBRECHTSEN:
Why I
eat babies
Scandal
tharunka foundation day vol 55, issue 5 July 2009
Teenagers today having better
sex than you ever did
Inside
Political
correctness
gone mad
as faceless bureaucrats
of Middle Eastern
appearance waste your
hard-earned tax dollars
giving condoms to kids
exclusive
Greens to blame for everything
Editorial
Lelcome in Thalunka edition fifth for year 2009, theme in ‘Foreigners’, hope you
make good time read with us.
Foreigners edition very good value for you! On page 10 got story about Asian parents
turn very silly gong-gong when come to Australia. On page 20 got man want make
violent with refugee. Also got very crazy angry man on page 28, name in ‘Kwan’, we
think he from China too.
Also, in this issue is commemorate Foundation Day for university. Did you know
UNSW is first founding in 1949, same year with People’s Republic? Now got many
Chinese come study with you, ha ha. Maybe they come read Thalunka too, only
English not so good for them.
Hope Thalunka make you benefit for mind and fun time for reading.
Person in edit Thalunka 2009
tharunka
EDITORIAL TEAM
Bart Cummings
Su Min Lim
Sean Lawson
DESIGNER
Elliott Bryce Foulkes
CONTRIBUTORS
Matt Kwan, Jess Bellamy, David Mahor,
Victor Bourke, Emily Bek, Thom Loveday,
Bobby Chen, Ketki Kotwal, Sing Keng Loon.
IMAGE CONTRIBUTORS
Joanna Frank, Joshua Lincoln,.
THANKS
Jude Whitfield & MPD Printers
CONTACT
[email protected]
PO Box 173, Kingsford, 2032
Office Level 1 Blockhouse, Lower Campus.
11am-1pm Mondays.
Tharunka is published periodically by Arc @ UNSW. The views
expressed herein are not necessarily the views of Arc, the
Representative Council or the Tharunka editing team.
Tharunka acknowledges the traditional custodians of the land on
which the University now stands.
INSIDE
02 EDITORIAL
04 LETTERS
06 WORLD NEWS OF THE WORLD
FOREIGNERS
08 WAR MINUS THE SHOOTING
12 NOT RACIST BUT
20 REFUGEES
21 THE OTHER EPIDEMIC
UNIVERSITY
16 SCAVENGER HUNT
30 OB REPORTS
LIFE
10 GUIDE TO ASIAN PARENTS
24 THE SLUTTY ENGLISH LANGUAGE
28 DICK SMITH
REGULARS
11 DR LURK
13 BELLAMY’S BAROMETER
18 HYPOTHETICALLY SPEAKING
27 AGONY AUNT
29 REVIEWS
04
Ethical Consumption or ‘Guilt-wash’?
Dear Tharunka Editors,
Last edition Matt Cobb-Clark wrote in to say that Fair
Trade is ‘for suckers’ and that it’s economically unsound
(Tharunka vol. 55 issue 4). I’d like to weigh in on this
because Fair Trade is a sensitive topic for me but also
because, uhm… who can resist jumping in on a good food
fight?!?!
This is how Fair Trade works: Fair Trade products guarantee
farmers a minimum price for their produce, be it coffee, tea,
bananas, chocolate, rice, sugar, or honey. If the non Fair
Trade market price rises above that minimum, the farmers
will be paid the higher price. A share of the ‘premium’,
or the higher price for Fair Trade products compared
to non Fair Trade products, is democratically invested
into community projects, such as schools, health clinics,
sanitation and roads. This process is regularly audited.
This spares farmers from being ravaged by the volatility of
commodity markets.
Fair Trade has been making a big difference to the lives of
over 7 million people. For example, Clinic Café Timor, the
largest provider of rural health care in East Timor, is wholly
funded by proceeds from Fair Trade which are pooled by the
farmers and democratically invested.
What is Matt’s problem? He reckons that Fair Trade is a
mechanism for ‘price gouging’ and taking advantage of
‘suckers’, as a) Fair Trade is more expensive and b) not all
of the price difference you pay for Fair Trade products goes
back to the farmers.
Part a) of Matt’s argument just misses the point. Fair Trade
is not a brand. It is a certification system. Hence, there
will be expensive Fair Trade certified brands and cheaper
Fair Trade certified brands. There will be some really good
quality Fair Trade chocolates out there, and maybe some
more questionable-tasting stuff. If cheap is your game, even
Aldi has no-frills Fair Trade!
Because Fair Trade in Australia has a long way to go to
catch-up with the movement in the UK and Europe, we
don’t have nearly as much variety and choice along the
spectrum. Mostly we have a niche market (although it’s
growing fast!) whereby only high quality Fair Trade products
can provide the bigger margins needed to compete at lower
volumes of sales. When you pay an extra 50c for Fair Trade
at the Coffee Republic, it’s not just because of the ethical
guarantee. It’s also because the Fair Trade certification is
coupled with other good things, like certified organic and
100% premium Arabica blend (which the regular stuff ain’t).
Now for part b). Yes, some coffee shops that sell Fair Trade
might ‘take a little extra off the top’, although it’s nothing
like the 90% figure that Matt suggested. So what? People
often pay more for similar products based on superficial
differences in packaging and brand recognition. That’s
what capitalism is – choosing to buy whatever you want
for whatever reasons you like. Why are those who do so on
the basis of being ethically conscious singled out for being
‘suckers’? Is everyone who buys Lipton a ‘sucker’, just
because they could have bought Home Brand tea for a lower
price? Or are they exercising their discretion as consumers
in a free market, just like I do when I buy Fair Trade?
Matt is right when he says we should be wary of claims
about ethical consumption. Just like ‘green-wash’, the
ethical-consumption movement can be easily subjected to
‘guilt-wash’ if not armed with some basic knowledge about
economics and social issues. However, Fair Trade is not just
good intentions and marketing fuzz. It is a robust system
of accreditation and guarantees, which guard its credibility
against would-be ‘guilt-wash’ copycats.
So don’t let economic snobbery make you feel ashamed to
think about the ethical significance of your product choices.
You can be confident that Fair Trade is making a change
to the people’s lives by empowering them out of poverty
through trade. Vote with your wallets indeed!
BOBBY CHEN
05
Ode to Level 3
Before Level 3 of the UNSW Library
became an IKEA playground, there
used to be a row of desks along the
window, behind the old reference
section. Everyone knew this was
prized seating: space for just five
people, a view straight onto the Library
Lawn and best of all, swivel chairs.
In memory of this peaceful corridor, I
would like to cite an inscription I read
on one of the desks last year, which I
jotted down in my notebook at the time.
Each line was written in a different pen
and by a new person’s hand.
Read separately, each sentiment
seems trivial. Read together, there
is something quirky and wonderful
about these anonymous thoughts,
like the collective consciousness of
a year gone by and the people who
experienced it...
“I miss Africa.
I miss cheap oil.
I miss my dog.
I miss my family.
I miss my childhood.
I miss my 8.50 every day.
I miss Mr Rogers.
I miss him a lot.
I miss the way my girl holds me.
I miss the summer time, and the
freedom that came with it.
I miss sleep.
I miss you.
I miss Boston.
I miss the days when designer
handbags were more affordable.
I miss thinking everything I saw was
beautiful.
I miss feeling happy.
I miss home-cooked food – real food.
I miss my Katie.
I miss stress-free high school days.
I miss being thin.”
EMILY MARGO
Bothered
Dear Tharunka,
Why do you always assume that I give
a shit? I’m sick of reading articles that
assume that I have shit to give or shit
to partition to causes that only pinkos
with small deposits of shit to allocate
would give a shit about. This is really
getting out of hand - inevitably the
whole thing will turn into shit (just like
Your Day!) and people with no shit to
give will use Tharunka as a substitute
for their dietary shit intake, or queerevolution-proponents like me will have
absolutely no more shit to fling at
others.
Sincerely,
Alan Zeino
Kwan’s Finger on the Pulse
(of a Dead Person)
Dear Tharunka,
I’d like to tip my hat to Matt Kwan
for his highly controversial and
timely piece on Princess Diana’s
death (Tharunka vol. 55 issue 3). By
controversial, I mean passe, and by
timely, I mean completely irrelevant.
Next time Matt should pick on
someone who can actually defend
themselves, because I’d like to see
them kick his ass. I was cheated of this
experience in Brisbane.
It’s not 1997; it’s no longer edgy to
bash someone who is already dead.
I’m just afraid that next week will be
“Mr. Kwan attacks Holocaust Victims”.
Come on Kwan, if you’re going to
be controversial at least be fucking
entertaining.
Sincerely,
Kristyn Glanville
An Offer That May
Interest Our Readers
Hi there,
I hope you are well.
I am writing because I am currently
working on the publicity for the
National Institute of Circus Arts (NICA)
and they are calling out for applicants
from around Australia to audition for
their prestigious ‘Bachelor of Circus
Arts’ degree, with auditions being held
around the country later this year.
The NICA Bachelor of Circus Arts
degree is the only one of its kind in
Australia and NICA graduates have
gone on to perform in well-respected
companies that we know and love such
as Circus Oz and Cirque du Soleil.
I am hoping that you will be interested
in covering this in some way to get the
word out to your audience as I think
that they would benefit from knowing
about this opportunity. Applications for
the course close on September 4th.
Kind Regards,
Amaya Courtis
[Ed: Their website is www.nica.com.au]
06
WORLD NEWS OF THE WORLD
Elaborate joke
n elaborate and
ittytoldpu
in sh
ends
singly
increa
an
man
a
day,
yester
tes
rds of five minu
Amer
ic
opini an stude
on in
nt off
ers
t
u
t
o
Chels
r
i
a
e
l
a
Cha
stu
den
rity
Amer t from the McCarth
y, an
ica, is
Unive
ex
quiet
n
intern ormally rsity of No change
a
back
tre D
a
t
t
y
i
p
o
ica
na
,w
a
For upwa
unive earing a l student lly shy an me,
an outlandish setup
with
began
He
s.
friend
ive
attent
l
severa
to
w
story
d
rsity
swea
confusing
h
o
sits
of
tsh
broke
enthralled, unsure if the story
her s origin. Ho irt procla at the
then described a series of events. His friends were
ed,
i
reach
w
i
was
n
iming
sion
l
conclu
e
a
e
ually
w
n
Event
v
joke.
of
h
sort
c
e
e
a
r
was true or if this was some
actio t is believ and man , yesterda her
bad play on words.
a
to
up
g
leadin
was
story
entire
n
y
the
e
y
that
ed
d
and it was reveal
she g for an Am to be an stereotyp she
and made everyone listen,
story
stupid
this
told
e
had
man
a
e
u
this
s,
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was
r
n
joke
The
pre
discu e an opin ican exc
a bad pun, a hilariously small
hang cedented
ssion
ion a
but that the story went nowhere and the payoff was
e
bout
in a t
Nerv
Groans were heard and the man
a sub student:
u
result considering the time and effort expended.
ject u
was c ously and torial.
nder
q
a
laughed with satisfaction at his trick.
a rem reful to p uietly, sh
e beg
refac
inder
e the
an. C
She b
that s
he
st
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guys gan with he was, in atement w lsea
the w
do th
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ith
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in
o
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.
n
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home
Austr
in
w
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a
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r
ud
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s
of Am for this ra ents liste worked “
re ins
back
ned k
erica
ight i
ns, a
peop
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o
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d
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s
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m
a
e
s
t
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h
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The A
iou
st
yriad
n the hig
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be had o
idst the m ng
for B merican Australia ns obscur s
n
‘M
a
!
c
s
n
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o
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n
a
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r
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a
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n
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a
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Sea of Ce
art
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e laws of
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e
h
th
th
f
e
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o
th
n
n
n
a
in
o
s
r
o
d
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a
never
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indana
, striking fe loodthirsty”
for G voted
rivers of M
uish trade
B
g
eorge
e
ro
h
“t
ir
i
islets and
e
n
th
a
ply
his
Bay
gtag
a
r
f
o
g
an
Jaunty g ck, rape and
tta
pirates a edish tourists
Sw
murder
urage
man is
ho with
men of co
One such
th Seas, w pillaged
.
u
re
o
e
S
th
e
il
th
a
f
s
o
nd
of all who
yed terror
ttacked a
, the one-e nd buccaneers, a
o
n
ta
e
y
a
C
es a
w of rogu
misfit cre
week.
t
s
la
t
,
ach
ed aboard
a tourist y
ates storm Swedish
ir
p
e
th
,
r
s
rrorise fou
l direction
om severa and proceeded to te eatedly raped the
fr
g
in
ik
tr
S
p
s,
dashing
g weapon
ip. They re
brandishin round-the-world tr ne on board. The a safe
o
d
na
ring every
ipment an
tourists o
re butche ble electronic equ
off with
fo
e
e
b
d
a
n
e
m
wom
valua
y had
d
e
e
th
iz
r
e
e
s
ft
n
a
e
l
outlaws th torching the vesse
h,
s
a
c
f
o
!
ll
fu
ring
. Such da
The pirate
their booty
d so far.
e
k
ral
c
a
tt
a
een
dar, seve
ts have b ed with stolen ra
a
o
hn
b
o
J
n
e
g
z
o
Lon
quipp
Over a d
e envy of
th
g boat e
en
s
in
d
n
h
la
s
o
fi
p
,
s
a
a
of we
he doe
e
s
h
c
vessel is
o
a
s
c
r,
a
te
wa
ats and
w in the
motor bo
he sits lo
S
.
lf
e
s
!
im
Silver h
ul as this
a hefty ha
sian
d Indone
with such
ilippine an
h
rew.
P
c
e
t
th
n
e valia
ys from
th
jo
ill
k
s
s
t,
re
h
rep
y mig
, as the
unable to nd in frustration
Try as the
n
e
e
b
e
wake of
ave
invariably
e bloody
navies h
th
re
tu
in
p
a
g
c
n
at
traili
the life of
Attempts
rers. Oh
rs are left
tu
e
n
b
e
b
v
lu
d
a
d
n
la
-life
bumbling
rger-than
dalous, la
n
a
c
s
e
s
the
a pirate!
Jackson
corpse
reanimated,
dancing
Famed entertainer and talented song-anddance man Michael Jackson died after being
taken to a hospital suffering cardiac arrest, but
his shambling corpse has subsequently been seen
stalking dark streets and terrorising easily scared
African-American girls in a musical and expertly
choreographed fashion.
Along with a gang of other similarly lurching
abominations against nature, Jackson’s rotting
cadaver reportedly launched into a Bollywood type
dance routine under the moonlight. Observers
described the terrifying display of unnatural occult
magick as “Thrilling”.
Many media reports are blaming Jackson’s death
and subsequent reanimation on ‘the Boogie’ but
the official coroner’s report is expected to blame it
on the moonlight. Sightings of a cat-like monster
or werewolf remain unconfirmed at present.
07
New Genocide
Scandal Rocks NRL
link
Scientists discoverev
, il poisoning
The world of Rugby League has been between hairloss
shaken to the core by fresh allegations of
are appearance,
player misconduct. The evidence of ethnic
cleansing that emerged this morning has
further harmed the game’s already dismal
public image. According to NRL sources,
the rumour mill has been in overdrive for
weeks as UN prosecutors investigate the
Sydney Roosters and Parramatta Eels over
allegations that players have partaken in
numerous atrocities over the last decade,
including the wholesale destruction of
entire ethnic groups.
The NRL has a troubled history of war
crimes off-field. In 2001, former Tigers
prop Slobodan Milošević was indicted for
crimes against humanity in the Hague.
Augustin Bizimana of the Brisbane
Broncos is still wanted for his alleged role
in Rwandan genocide of 1994. The NRL
has responded by appointing consultants
to reform the internal culture of the game,
as league executives worry that new fans
will be discouraged by the continual
atrocity scandals.
Roosters coach Brad Fittler reacted
with fury to the allegations, arguing that
the club had a strong code of conduct with
a zero tolerance policy on mass murder.
Players found guilty of such offences
would be suspended immediately without
pay, he said. For their part, the Eels
acknowledged past misdeeds but said that
club culture had changed. CEO Denis
Fitzgerald said that “incidents of torture
and terror campaigns against civilians
are no longer a problem at Parramatta.”
became
at the threadb
ers
rch
ea
res
ay
rd
Yeste
ely more evil.
something progressiv
CSIRO confirmed owners of receding
lly,
kfu
s long Than
ha
ity
un
mm
co
al
dic
the me
not need to switch
known hairlines do
o
als
s,
los
ir
Ha
d.
cte
suspe
to a life of selfless
caused immediately
ly
ari
im
pr
is
,
cia
pe
as alo
tahori was keen to
of evil altruism. Dr Ka
ce
lan
ba
im
al
on
rm
ho
by a
blic that as with all
h and reassure the pu
wt
gro
the
ts
ibi
inh
which
es, moderation is key.
. “Men lifestyle choic
les
lic
fol
w
ne
of
ce
en
emerg
t balance. A moderate
al hair “It’s all abou
rm
no
h
wit
n
me
wo
and
evil, like being rude
e low indulgence of
uc
od
pr
ly
ral
ne
ge
h
growt
er or ignoring global
l, which to your partn
evi
of
els
lev
e
rat
de
to mo
normal part of a
ough warming, is a
thr
sly
les
rm
ha
ed
ret
is sec
le.” She did, however,
follicle. healthy lifesty
the
d
un
aro
s
nd
gla
the
of alopecia to avoid
certain warn sufferers
a
s
sse
pa
l
evi
the
Once
n, Halliburton and
starts world dominatio
it
,
ver
we
ho
,
old
thresh
ustry.
which the finance ind
to cake the pores
m coming
prevents new hairs fro
rcher Dr
ea
out,’ explained res
Yumiko Katatori.
compared
The two-year study
of mice
gs
the hormonal readin
those
to
cia
suffering from alope
Ben Palanto, 23
The
, is a generally
e.
ag
ver
decent
flatmate. He co
with healthy hair co
ok
s occasionally
ng
ldi
ba
t
tha
nd
fou
, cleans up
af
ers
te
rch
r
ea
himself and ha
res
sn’t broken an
tly higher
en
ist
ns
th
co
at
ything
yed
an
pla
dis
yo
ce
ne knows abou
mi
t. His housem
readings.
however, are un
nt
nte
co
ates,
il
-ev
od
blo
nerved by the
way his
existence seem
of hair loss
e
rat
the
e,
or
erm
s
rth
to be devoid of
Fu
any joy,
pain, passion
ce, driven
or drama. He
accelerated as the mi
works part
tim
e
gly
at
sin
a
rea
bu
inc
tcher’s shop, co
to despair by their
mes home an
watches
Grieving Mother Just Hopes
This Happens Again to Someone Else
Four years ago, the tragic, avoidable death of 26 year old Brent Alpham
in a workplace accident left a gaping hole in his family that will never
be filled. His mother, Alyssa Alpham, says, ‘No matter how many days go
past, we’re always waiting for him to come home. It’s like a nightmare
that goes on and on.” In honour of his memory, she has established the
Brent Alpham Memorial Trust, an organisation dedicated to a single aim:
ensuring that the fatal errors of safety and procedure that led to her son’s
death are repeated again and again at worksites across Australia.
Tears rise to Alyssa’s eyes as she explains the passion behind her cause.
“We are lobbying across the industry for the kind of lax, negligent
standards that killed Brent to be adopted at every Australian workplace.
It’s the least we could do.” Alyssa has already raised over $1.2 million
in her son’s name and hopes to double that sum within the next two
years. The money will be spent mounting sabotage operations on
industrial plants and lobbying for the repeal of Operational Health and
Safety laws.
Says Alyssa: “I will not sleep at night until I know that someday,
somewhere, someone else will be visited with the same sheer unending
torment I’ve had to endure since I lost my son.” Readers inspired by her
struggle are encouraged to donate to the Trust, or to write sinister letters
to their local safety inspector encouraging him to abandon his post.
Flatmate appe
to have no em ars
otions
d
TV. Nothing el
se seems to ha
Other membe
ppen.
rs of the hous
ehold have
experienced up
s and downs in
cluding
moments of ec
static joy and
deepening
sorrow. Yet th
ese waves of hu
man
circumstance
never seem to
wash over
Ben, who has
maintained th
e same
monotonous ha
bits and cordia
l, reserved
demeanour as
long as anyone
can
remember. “W
hatever goes on
around
him, he pretty
much just stay
s the same,”
commented R
hys Stevenson,
22, the
closest thing B
en has to a frie
nd in this
world. “But th
en you could sa
y that’s
not surprising
, because not m
uch ever
happens arou
nd him.”
Housemates di
ffer on whether
Ben
experiences no
feelings whats
oever
or whether th
ere are feelings
inside
which have be
en stunted and
repressed.
Receptionist M
u Yong, 24, be
lieves he
is utterly emot
ionless like so
me sort of
robot. Rhys, ho
wever, is less di
smissive of
Ben’s humanity
. “Sometimes
he feels like
watching televi
sion or sleeping
. Those are
emotions, righ
t?”
08
Minus t
he Shoo
ting
Bart Cummings
Marc Hinton is a rugby journalist in New Zealand. True to his audience, he
loves New Zealand’s national rugby team, the “All Blacks”. They are a very
entertaining and exciting team and have been for a century or more, testament
to the popularity of the sport over there and, I suppose, all those protein-rich
lamb chops. But recently he wrote a curious article about the NZ anthem and the
failure of the All Blacks to sing it with the hair-raising gusto it deserves. Some
players would murmur it feebly, others close their eyes in meditation, while still
others dart their eyes about in fearful uncertainty as the close-up camera panned
along. “What message does it send?” Hinton asked. “Not a great one, that’s
what. That their country’s anthem doesn’t mean anything to them. That they’re
professional rugby players and they don’t have to feel proud Kiwis.”
The odd thing about nationalism in sport is that nearly everyone on some level
understands that it is a pretty silly idea overall. There may be the odd pub troll
who bellows nasty triumphalism whenever the Wallabies win a Test match
(especially against the All Blacks), but usually the jingoistic banter that goes with
Test rugby is bandied with an ironic smile. As if we all know that our nationalist
prejudice is not actually genuine. And yet national pride does seem to be – at
Wallabies matches 80,000 people in ANZ Stadium will stand and sing Advance
Australia Fair, no matter how awkward and silly it feels (and sounds).
09
Why do so many people want to be proud of their country? And why particularly
in sport? These questions are important because nationalism – the identification
of oneself with millions of others under a single label such as “Australian”, and/
or pride in a way of life which is also nothing but a fixed label (“the fair go”, etc.)
– is a destructive and mind-deadening idea which we should quickly abandon.
George Orwell saw how the nationalist, as someone who thinks mainly in terms of
competitive prestige, discovers deepest resonance in football and boxing: “sport
is war minus the shooting.” Orwell would not have changed his opinion in the
face of modern day Test rugby: “You play to win, and the game has little meaning
unless you do your utmost to win. On the village green, where you pick up sides
and no feeling of local patriotism is involved, it is possible to play simply for the
fun and exercise: but as soon as the question of prestige arises, as soon as you
feel that you and some larger unit will be disgraced if you lose, the most savage
combative instincts are aroused.”
O
f course it doesn’t need to be this way. There are highly popular sports
which are followed not because they stir pride of country or local tribe,
but because they are a stage on which strong, charismatic characters are
tested by extreme pressure. Professional tennis remains popular at the highest
level even though an Australian audience has no patriotic investment in the
outcome of a match between Federer and Nadal. And also it’s just fun to watch a
ball bounce around. Sport should be celebrated for its glorious uselessness, like
art. Not for its claim of sustaining the fiction of national identity.
But nevertheless, many rugby fans remain attached to the idea that the Wallabies
represent something called “Australia” and that national disgrace follows every
Test defeat. Why is it so?
The appeal of Grand Narratives like nationalism must rest partly in the comforting
idea that we can be part of something bigger than ourselves. The thing about this
promise is that you have to suspend disbelief to accept it. How can you be a part
of a “nation” when you share little to nothing in common with the TAB seagulls
standing around clamouring at the Foxtel broadcast with you? How can the
Wallabies represent you when none of the players know you or would even care
if you watched or not? And more broadly, it seems like an unnecessary diminution
of our own individual value to even need to be part of something bigger in the
first place.
There are Marxists who argue that nationalism has a double-task: domestication
of the workers and despoliation of foreigners. Nationalism – feeding on the idea
of competitive prestige – domesticates the working class by repositioning them
as the persecutors instead of the persecuted. I’ve been to different pubs and
watched a lot of rugby, and the hoary old council workers and labourers there
who cover their vulnerability with alcohol and bravado tend to become aggressive
and insufferable when their team beats someone. I’m ashamed to say I’ve been
that guy too. I don’t suggest that they and I have been manipulated by the ruling
class. I would still enjoy watching the sport even if it weren’t tied up with the
illusion that my personal reputation were at stake each weekend. But maybe
I’d watch a bit less of it.
Rugby is naturally much more about the joy of large fellows bumping into each
other and falling down than it is about patriotic pride. The term has taken on
a different meaning than I intend it here (although accepting the sport’s latent
homoeroticism would be a legitimate topic for another day) but I think there
should be greater scope for fans to ‘play for the other side’. Support the All
Blacks for a change, perhaps. Our allegiances should be to what is fun and
exciting about the sport, not about what it pretends to represent beyond itself.
“Why do so
many people
want to be
proud of
their country?”
st Asian’s
A Raci sian Pare Guide
nt s
to A
Bobby Chen, alias Robert H Chenswick, explains the workings of a common but debilitating disease.
Are you clumsy, intimacy-deprived or socially awkward? Do you suffer from poor eyesight and the early onset of
white hair? Do you sometimes retreat into an online MMPORG fantasy world while pretending to study? It sounds
like you are suffering from one of the most crippling hereditary disorders known to science: ASIAN PARENTS.
Like most genetic diseases, you are born with Asian parents and will be stuck with them for life. The trick is not
to let them dominate your life. As with diabetes, another Asian predisposition, the application of strict personal
discipline may be enough to keep them under control. All sufferers must undergo routine injections of “stand
your ground”, and those with especially severe symptoms may need the “DON’T BEND OVER AND TAKE IT LIKE A
BIATCH ANYMORE” upgrade.
Unfortunately, maintaining your Asian parents at the chronic rather than the terminal stage of the disease is the
best that can be achieved using modern technology. Much like other common Asian maladies, such as gambling,
infanticide and World of Warcraft, the Asian parent cannot be cured outright. However, there are steps that can be
taken to alleviate the symptoms. When they sign you up for Saturday school, skip class and play handball. When
they coerce you into taking piano or violin lessons, tell them music makes you dumb at maths. Most importantly,
when you hit puberty you must start watching lots of SBS, especially late night Swedish movies where people do not
wear clothes. This is the only proven method of reversing the sexual retardation that occurs from an untreated case
of Asian parents. Still, you’re not quite safe yet. Try doing two unit maths for the HSC. If the local library has a cafe, tell them you are
going to the library but hang out at the café instead, preferably with girls or boys you think are cute. It’s still legit
and even if you are found out, your Asian parents may quietly reward you for your ingenuity at finding loopholes in
the rules. Finally, when you go to university, DO NOT STUDY COMMERCE AND LAW. This is the final step before you
transform into an Asian parent yourself. Reclaim all those wonderful creative urges you felt as a kid, before your
Asian parents stamped them out from right under your flat nose. COFA might be stretching it, though, unless your
Asian parents have already progressed to an advanced stage of growth, such as if they have become doctors or
lawyers themselves.
Don’t be too hard on your Asian parents
“Much like other common Asian maladies, such as
though. It’s not their fault they work their
gambling, infanticide and World of Warcraft,
arses off to feed you and educate you and
the
Asian parent cannot be cured outright.”
provide you with a level of comfort far
superior to what they grew up with, just so
they can suck the life out of you at the same time. All the peculiarities of the Asian psyche can be traced back to the
rice fields of not many yesteryears ago, hence their relentless preoccupation with whitecollar status. Whose collar
is whiter than a doctor’s? Lawyers with white shirts have pretty white collars, too.
Furthermore, Asians only abandoned the practice of arranged marriages as recently as 50 or 60 years ago. No
wonder Asian parents are emotionally confused. Their parents, and the parents of their parents, lived in a world
where emotions were not geared towards making decisions for oneself, but towards survival, resilience, stoicism
and fatalism. Which is why the only cure for Asian parents is to break that cycle of emotional fatalism and take control TODAY!
Separate what you want from what your parents want. And unless you are particularly crafty, don’t try to strike a
bargain with them, because they will always win in the end. They will literally get another full time job to pay for
your Easyway habit so long as you keep going to Saturday school. Stretch the boundaries of acceptability one little
bit at a time. If Lance Armstrong can beat testicular cancer and win the Tour de France seven times, then YOU can
beat Asian parents and do an Arts degree.
11
ery because
answer to this qu
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these activities to
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Gordon Lurk
Lurk,
To Doctor Gordonived a medical certificate from one of
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out the Probiotic su
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Yours sincerely,
sor Wendy Hookledonk
Assistant Profes
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an
in my own days as
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cut
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to
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the future.
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Yours Professionall
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Dr. Gordon Lu
12
Su-Min Lim
There’s nothing funny about the bashing, stabbing, screwdrivering and petrol-bombing
of scores of Indian international students in Melbourne this year. There is, however, a
certain comic value in the Houdini-esque contortions which police and commentators
are prepared to undergo in order to blame the violence on absolutely anything other
than racism.
‘No, I don’t think they are,’ opined one Deputy Commissioner Kieran Walsh. ‘They are
very quiet natured people, they are very passive people…they have a tendency to travel on
their own.’ Inspector Scott Mahony: “They need to make sure they walk through a well-lit
route, even if it might be longer, and they are not openly displaying signs of wealth with
iPods and phones, and not talking loudly in their native language.” Victoria University
representative Andrew Holloway: “They tend to work at 24/7 conveniences, petrol
stations, late-at-night shops, and therefore are more likely to be on the public transport
network late at night time.”
Thankfully, attacks on Indians who are simultaneously loud, quiet, talking in their native
language, travelling alone, wealthy and working at late-night convenience stores have
fallen to zero in recent months.
Yes, it’s racist and it sucks. That, while tragic, is not really surprising. The intriguing bit
about this whole curry munching/bashing saga is why people are so eager to believe
that a series of violent, sometimes sadistic attacks on a minority has nothing whatsover
to do with race. I think the answer lies in a confused conception of what racism is and
who racists are. It’s a way of thinking which narrows our understanding of racism so
as to absolve virtually anyone besides the most virulent neo-Nazi skinhead from the
imperative to change their behaviour.
13
Definitions first. From the media response to the Indian
attacks, there seems to be a sliding scale of what does and
does not constitute racism, ranging from
1. Burning crosses and lynching people
to – Definitely Racist
2. Calling someone a dago, nigger, chink etc
to – Pretty Racist.
3. Grabbing iPods off brown people
– Is That Racist?
Categories 1 and 2 are uncontroversial. Category 3 is –
well, not ideal, exactly, but not deserving of the special
condemnation that comes with the ‘racist’ tag. Racism is
defined as a hatred for a group based on nothing other than
their provenance. It has to be extreme. It has to be explicit.
And it has to be pursued with pure and single-minded
dedication, undiluted by reference to anything other than the
genetic identity of its object.
ILLUSTRATIONS: JOANNA FRANK
Think Gerard Henderson in the SMH: “In Australia, the word
“racist” is invariably overused. However, at times, some
ethnic groups are treated with a degree of insensitivity or
indifference.” Apparently insensitivity and indifference don’t
go far enough to make you racist. You have to do something
really bad for that. Or The Age report on how Chinese
jobseekers have to send almost double the resumes of
their Anglo counterparts to achieve the same results, a
phenomenon described as “more subconscious than racist.”
Racism has to be conscious and deliberate – it doesn’t count
if it wasn’t on purpose. In this context, it makes sense for
police to deny that an attacker provoked to violence by an
Indian voice is acting out of racism. Bashing Indians because
they’re Indian - racist. Bashing Indians because they use an
Indian language - not racist!
The trouble with this anorexically-narrow definition is that
it becomes virtually impossible for anyone to be racist.
Racism is limited to behaviour so obviously irrational that
you pretty much have to get an actual swastika tattooed
on your forehead to qualify. Actual racist people are rarely
that honest, even with themselves. One of the few positive
externalities of the Holocaust is that most of us recognise,
at least in theory, that hating people solely for their genes
just doesn’t make sense. So everyone finds some sort of
justification: they don’t speak English, they’re too loud,
they smell like curry. Even the white supremacist group
Stormfront doesn’t couch its ideology in terms of colour
alone, claiming to stand for ‘culture’, ‘speech’ and ‘free
association’. Interestingly, the Stormfront forum contains
passages designed to assist members in ‘Defeating AntiWhites Without Employing Baseless Racism.’
“Racism is limited to
behaviour so obviously
irrational, you pretty
much have to get an actual
swastika tattooed on
your forehead to qualify.”
I’d define racism as any behaviour that discriminates against
a particular ethnic group causing harm. It includes the
jobseeker getting knocked back for no reason, the student
beaten up for the iPod which everyone else carries with
impunity. Racism happens, as the bumper sticker says, and
it happens in insidious ways which do not disappear without
the conscious effort of society as a whole. This effort is
unlikely to take place if we refuse to categorise any but the
most cartoonish bigotry as racist.
Now – if that’s what racism is, who’s doing it?
I have lost count of the articles I’ve read in both the
Australian and Indian media drawing attention to the fact
that not all of the Indian-stabbers have been white. Indeed,
the multiplicity of ethnicities involved (Caucasian, Asian,
African, Lebanese, Aboriginal, Pacific Islander) suggest that
curry bashing is fast becoming an equal opportunity sport,
enjoyed by yoofs of every colour and creed. Unfortunately,
beyond stating that non-whites beat Indians too, few
commentators have managed to draw much significance
from this observation. If, as Paul Sheehan of the Herald
would have it, the perception of whites-only racism is a
‘distorted story’, then what story should we be telling?
Here is my version. People of a minority background are
often racist. This should come as no surprise to anyone.
The constant need to remind ourselves that non-whites
have been violent betrays the assumption that non-whites
should never be violent and racist and that for them to do
so violates the natural order of things. It’s not clear why
this should be the case. Why, for example, should it be any
more remarkable that a Pacific Islander kid would beat up
an Indian student than that a white kid would beat up an
Indian student? No ethnicity enjoys moral superiority. The
surprising part is not that people of minorities commit racist
crimes, but that anyone thought it was reasonable to expect
that that they wouldn’t.
Assuming that minorities can’t be racist is silly and
dangerous for a few reasons. Firstly it’s obviously factually
inaccurate. Anyone with YouTube can see that some of the
people bashing Indians are white and some are not.
Secondly, it defines all minorities in terms of their
separation from the dominant group, in this case white
Australians. If difference incites racism between, say, »
14
“These days you can’t even
burn down a mosque without
someone calling you a racist.”
John O’Farrell in Global Village Idiot
Indians and whites, why wouldn’t it do the same between Indians and blacks? The
Vietnamese, Sudanese, Lebanese and Indian traditions are as different from one another
as hommous from cheese, and yet somehow because both are minorities in Australia
it’s assumed that they will get along. At least they have their not-whiteness in common.
Perhaps the commentators who were surprised that people of one minority would target
people of another had imagined immigrants standing together, united in difference by
their shared marginalisation, ennobled by oppression. This would be pleasant but it does
not seem to be what happens.
Assuming that minorities will or should be less racist than whites is one step away from
another, more dangerous assumption: that minorities have to be better behaved than
whites, and that this is how they earn their right to live, work and participate equally in
society. It’s kind of like how all of the black people in ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ are nice
all of the time. Awarding civil rights to fictional characters who are uniformly dignified,
thoughtful and loving is a no-brainer. Real life black people, however, are sometimes
nice (Barack Obama!) and sometimes nasty (O J Simpson!) and sometimes frigging
annoying (Will.I.Am).
I
think the idea that minorities are inherently incapable of being racist goes both too
far and not far enough. Too far because it presents a whitewashed (sorry) image
of what a multi-ethnic society should look like. Not far enough because it implies
freedom from racism is something you earn by being more tolerant, compassionate and
law-abiding than the mainstream, rather than something to which everyone is entitled
out of simple justice.
I wrote earlier that the Holocaust taught us how racism is wrong in principle, but I am
beginning to think that this isn’t the case. Our response to the Holocaust is based on
the sheer horror of stacks of incinerated Jews, not on a principled stance that racism
is bad in itself. The current social consensus against incinerating Jews is something of
an improvement, but we were starting from a very low base. Violence can still be racist
without race being the sole and explicit motivator and racism is still a problem when
not accompanied with violence. The language of race today is well-calibrated to deal
with the racism of 50 years ago. If a man turned up today with a plan to purge the Aryan
nation of impurity we would be cunning enough to recognise his racism straight away
(although there might be some confusion if he shaved off his moustasche.)
Racism these days does not necessarily wear a moustasche. Racism is still racism
even if you didn’t mean it, even if that wasn’t the only reason, even if you happen to be
a member of a minority group yourself. Defining something doesn’t necessarily cure it
(see sexism, homophobia, climate change) and probably in the weeks to come we will
hear of more screwdrivers making contact with curry-infused flesh. But at least we can
recognise what is going on.
15
HOT
Heated floor tiles in houses that are
nicer than mine so that when your
housemate forgets to put down a
bathmat and then slops their wet feet
all over the floor, the water will totally
dry off into nothingness, the bathroom
will be fresh and clean and ready for
the next person to defile it.
Clothes left on your heater are not
even a source for comedy; they’re just
amazing is all.
Light bulbs that you change while the
switch is still on so when you put the
new working lightbulb in, you don’t
know that it’s suddenly going to light
up in a bright yellow flash of roaring
heat and you yell “HIT THE LIGHTS!
HIT THE LIGHTTTSSSS” in a frenzied
attempt to save the integrity of your
poor fingertips and your now-seared
fingerprint. This goes under ‘HOT’
because it provides you with a surge of
adrenaline.
Dogs in winter wearing people-clothes
to keep them warm, especially when
it’s a knitted sort of doowhopsie but
one that still lets them wee freely
without having to be untangled cos that
sort of arrangement only leads to tears
and urine-soaked wool.
NOT
Most of my temperature-based NOTs
this week are focussed on the idea of
leaving your warm snugly little cocoon
in the mornings in order to brave the
outside world.
Waking up early, like when I have to
wake up at 6.30am for work a couple of
days per week, and it is SO COLD that
I don’t turn the fan on in the bathroom
when I shower, even though we have
so much of a ventilation problem in
there that there are whole colonies
of mould farms in there, working
and having babies and just making
the parts of our wall not covered in
pictures from Zoo Magazine their own
personal Terra Nullius.
Being the last person to have a shower
in the morning, when everyone else
has had a long pleasant leisurely one,
and in particular your housemate and
his girlfriend have showered together
while loudly discussing the queer and
transgender readings of each book
in the collected works of R.L. Stine
and you’ve decided you’ll never again
look at Goosebumps the same way.
And then you get up to shower but all
that trickles out is a lukewarm stream
of ‘meh’ and you are SO SO COLD
particularly because you’ve woken up
late enough for the fan to be on.
Snuggies: these are stupid backwards
robes that make you look like the
hari-krishna guy who made his robe
fleecy so he could meditate in as much
comfort as possible. I don’t care how
warm you say you are, because as
Nana Bellamy once told me: “if your
back ain’t covered, then you ain’t
warm, bitch”. Nana’s wisdom.
BB
EA
LR
LO
AM
ME
YT
E
SR
‘
JESS BELLAMY
Look guys, it’s Winter, it’s dark and gloomy
all the time, I’ve been ferreted out of my
den of infinite happiness by a torrent of
abuse from Agony Aunt Dave, and when
you’re being ferreted by a dickhead gronk
of a law student, the inspiration don’t flow
so free and easy no more.
Let’s just say, if Dave were a goldfish,
he’d be one of those goldfish that tries to
have sex with all the other goldfish in the
bowl and when the other goldfish are all
“NOOO you look like Gollum, please move
back from our downstairsies” then he’d
set himself a mission of murdering all the
other goldfish so that if he couldn’t have
them, he wouldn’t let them have anyone
else. And he’d have the tank to himself;
he’d be lonely but victorious, and victory
is all that matters after all.
So after that attempt at a metaphor,
I’ve decided that today we’re getting
super-literal.
UNIKIDS
ON STAGE
An ID card from a student previously
enrolled in UNSW Asia
250
Best rendition of the Napoleon Dynamite dance
to “Canned Heat”
500
Revue T-shirts (Max 5, must be from
different revues)
50
Male member from team to wax their legs
(subject to hairiness)
400
PHOTO: Most convincing Photoshop of
a Hollywood celeb at UNSW
100
Female member from team to have a member
from the public give them a hairstyle with clippers
600
PHOTO: Best outfit on the lady
at Naked Lady Lawn
150
Live butterfly to be released at foundation day
50
Longest serving undergraduate (transcript as
proof – defer not counted)
100
Weetbix eating competition, most amount
consumed within one minute
100
Most pass conceded on an academic transcript
150
Dog food flavour guess
100
Mouldiest sandwich in a glad bag
50
Correct dog food flavour guess
500
Consumption of mouldies sandwich in glad bag
200
Longest overdue book from UNSW Library
200
PHOTO: Fred Hilmer either hugging a staff
member in the Arts Faculty, vandalising UNSW
property or having a beer at the Roundhouse
1000
PHOTO of you at the entry points of the underground 250 ea
tunnels at uni (double if you can get in)
Tickets to a Roundhouse gig (max.10)
10 ea
Merchandise from the Union or the Guild, half
points for Source
20
VIDEO: UNSW mentioned on a TV show (20 points 750
for UNSW TV)
Student cards from other Sydney unis
10
Student cards from other non-Sydney unis
20
A Coffee Cart from Uni
500
Photo of a rainbow gay pride flag visibly flying
from a window at Warrane College
100
A copy of the minutes from this years’ Arc AGM
40
VIDEO
All videos must contain team members
Your team Rick Rolling on a boat on the Harbour
500
Your team doing the theme from Friends in any
fountain in the city
500
Best rendition of shower scene from Psycho
200
Best sock puppet show (bonus for good plot)
350
1000
A Birthday Message to UNSW from either of the
following celebrities: (double if you get them to UNSW
on FD09) Frank Woodley, Bob Carr, Mike Whitney,
Jennifer Hawkins, Peter Garrett, The Chaser boys
You singing or dancing in front of a class in lecture 500
(lecturer must be present and lecturing - double if
they joins in (double for attempting the full Monty)
THE BIG GUNS
PHOTO or Otherwise: Most creative milk crate 700
contraption
PHOTO/VIDEO/ON THE DAY: Biggest and or 1000
coolest Flash Mob
PHOTO: Most Impressive sand castle
650
PHOTO/VIDEO: Most creative use of bubble wrap
550
PHOTO/VIDEO Most elaborate LEGAL stunt (points 10000
awarded for attempt)
ea
FREAKS AND GEEKS
Biggest edible banana
100
A Mathematical formula undeniably proving
beyond a doubt the link between Satan and
Barney the Dinosaur
666
Person with the longest name (need ID for proof)
10 p/l
Road kill (Must have been dead before hand).
Score depends on animal
10 – 100
Unopened bundle of MX 40, max 5
100
PHOTOS: Most grammatically incorrectly
named Asian restaurant
200
Largest sex toy
150
NOSTALGIA
Clancy the great roller-skating chimpanzee figurine
500
Fuzzy Wuzzy Bath Soap
100
Most hilarious baby photo – also must include
you in the photo
100
Funkiest afro (subject to coolness)
150
A team member dressed as a Wookie
100
Happy Meal Toys of the 20th Century
10 ea
Oldest Disney movie on VHS
50
A record from any popular one hit
wonder from the 60s
200 ea
Something from USYD’s 60th Birthday
60
PHOTO: Cutest Puppy
80
The entire of series of Voltron on VHS
100
The original Nintendo Console (x4 for bazooka plug in) 50
STALKERS
All people to be kidnapped or video of you trying…
Katy Perry or Pink (Triple if you can get them to UNSW) 1000
Peter Combe, Rolf Harris or Tripod (Double if you 1000
can get the UNSW)
Wes Carr (Double with hat)
10
Agro from cartoon connections
500
Natalie Tran, YouTube celebrity and UNSW student
(half points for attempted kidnapping video, full
points for bringing her in person, double points for
a team member appearing in one of her videos)
250
Photo of team member in bikie leathers with
premier Nathan Rees
500
ILLUSTRATION:JOSHUA LINCOLN
17
SCAV HUNT ‘09
To register a team for the Scav Hunt, go to www.foundationday.unsw.edu.au
18
H Y POTHETIC ALLY
SPEAKING
“You are having dinner with some especially Ethnic friends. Unfortunately, the
extreme whiteness of your tastebuds means that the food, which they have gone to a
great deal of trouble preparing, is completely repulsive to you. Maybe they put dog
or ginseng in it or something. Should you smile and try to wash it down with some
bubble tea, or explain that you’re just too fucking white to put the stuff away?”
Thomas
Before I begin the rant, I’d like to say that this has happened
to me on a number of occasions. One could say the polite
thing would be to smile and eat the repulsive crap that has
been dished out into your bowl, which seems suspiciously to
have “Fido” written on it. I, however, have never enjoyed the
gift of tact.
As a guest you have certain responsibilities. Conversely,
so do the hosts. Their inability to accommodate your
bland palette reveals a lack of respect for you, your
dining preferences and your white supremacist ways. If
the situation was reversed and you were dining back at
my place, I wouldn’t shove my steak, gravy and potato
It’s time to represent
for the white man.
abominations down your gullet, grinning all the while like a
moron farting in the bathtub. Instead I would politely pour
out some delicious kibble and mix for you to chow down
upon with relish. Hell, I’d even go so far as to give you a nice
Pedigree Dent-a-Bone to chew on afterwards as a reward.
However, we are not in my home - which, by the way, doesn’t
smell like a god-damn barn. Therefore, I put it to you that
we are not such good friends seeing as you didn’t even have
the decency to offer me an alternative. Honestly, even cereal
would have done me, you cheap racist fucks.
It’s time to represent for the white man and let loose with
a barrage of profanity. Perhaps a follow-up lecture on what
constitutes food will be required, depending not only on what
animal they serve, but specifically what part of that animal
you are required to digest. Is it your fault this country doesn’t
consider cat livers a staple part of a normal healthy diet?
Would it really have killed them to go to the supermarket
and buy some simple fucking sausages to place on the
barbeque until they were black with flavour and wrapped up
in warm blankets of white bread?
Fuck no.
Perhaps they did consider it, but on top of their inherent
disdain for Australian culture was superimposed their
obvious disdain for you. Who’s racist now? Sure, I might tell
you to get out of the god-damn country if you don‘t look like
me, but at least I don’t try to poison you with chitlins laced
with mystical blends from the local apothecary.
This is Australia, bitch! When we invite guests over, we cater
to their every need. Which is why I keep a good assortment
of Pal and Chum handy even though I don’t own a dog. It
isn’t that “you’re too fucking white” to put their so-called
“food” away, but rather that they are too fucking ethnic to
dine with.
Perhaps they should learn what people who weren’t raised
in a Third World country consider to be food. Take them to
McDonalds’ to begin that well-needed education. If they
refuse, then storm off in a huff. What the fuck do you care?
There are plenty more “ethnics” out there to make
friends with.
Next time they ask you to dinner you should say, with your
hand scratching your crotch: “Nah mate, no can do. Gotta
take the missus out to tha pub cause the game’s on that
night. Bazza an Chook all got it set up! Ya can come along,
but they don‘t serve dog there. Ha. Ha. Ha. Jus kidding, but
not really.”
27
19
Y LLA CITEHTOP Y H
GNIKAEPS
Ketki Kotwal
Su-Min Lim
In an attempt to try and avoid being racist, you could make
a funny or suspicious face when the plate is put in front of
you. Then ask what ingredients are in the dish, even though
you’re unlikely to recognise any of the names because
they’re too hard to pronounce and sound like swear words.
Randomly select an ingredient you feel brave enough to
pronounce, gasp and say “Oh no! I’m so sorry I forgot to
tell you, I’m deathly allergic to...” whatever it was you just
mentioned. Follow this up with a highly inappropriate and
overly detailed childhood story about how when you last
consumed this particular ingredient, you ballooned up
like a porker and vomited all over the place. Just to add a
particularly disgusting kick, suggest that the vomit looked
awfully similar to the one of the side dishes you’ve just
been served.
Just eat it, it won’t kill you.
“Ask what ingredients are in the
dish, even though you’re unlikely
recognise any of the names because
they’re too hard to pronounce and
sound like swear words.” This way, your whiteness doesn’t have to be obvious. Soon no
one will be in the mood to eat the meal and you will end up
ordering pizza instead.
We in the Western world have weird hangups when it
comes to food. Take meat for example. How the hell did
it come about that we only eat four different animals (pig,
cow, sheep, chicken) and become righteously disgusted at
the idea of consuming, say, a dog? It’s flesh and bone and
protein, just like the steak you get at the pub. If you were
hungry you’d eat it, as your mum would say. Mind you, that
test also applies to grass, swamp weeds and the decaying
bodies of your fellow passengers in an air disaster, but the
point still stands.
Just eat it, it won’t kill you.
Health and safety aside, there is no reason why any one food
should be considered more disgusting than another. All
food consists of dead and partially decayed plant and animal
matter, put through a convoluted set of processes that
render it almost unrecognisable from its source. Milk, for
example, is a sticky white fluid squeezed from the protesting
nipples of a cow, absolutely crawling with microscopic
organisms and skin flakes from the udder. So what? It’s still
fucking delicious.
The weird ethnic dishes that your friends have been kind
enough to create for you are no worse than any of the other
things you eat on a daily basis. The only difference is that
you haven’t gotten used to the concept of eating sautéed
dog with added ginseng because you haven’t tried it before.
There’s only one way to fix that. So eat it, damn you, eat your
way to cultural sensitivity, eat it with a smile and maybe get
them to bring you some boiled black fungus and bird spit
soup on the side.
20
Spare the Rod and Spoil the Refugee
Sing Keng Loon explains why desperate people should be violently beaten and humiliated.
It is simple really. Australia has a boat people problem
because they are too lenient with these people. After
experiencing persecution, terror and possibly threats to
their lives at home, the danger posed by a voyage on a
fishing boat pales in comparison. Get through those tough
seas between Indonesia and the northern tip of Australia,
and these people get a new lease on life. But reintroduce caning as a punishment and these people
will think twice. There is no need to debate about whether
the Liberals or Labor have a better policy to deal with these
illegal immigrants. John Howard proclaimed loudly that
Australia will determine who comes onto this island. But
at the same time, he spent a total of $20 million dollars
on a detention centre in Nauru. Recently, although Kevin
Rudd has announced the end to the Pacific Solution, recent
reports have shown that Australia is still footing the bill
for comfortable living quarters at the Christmas Island
detention centre for these illegal immigrants. It is obvious that illegal immigration is a complex problem
for this country. Firstly, this problem saps valuable
resources. Secondly, it provides inconvenience for the
humble folks on Christmas Island. Lastly but most
importantly, this issue wastes everyone’s time and effort in a
prolonged and intractable debate.
Caning is a cheap and no-frills solution to these problems.
There is nothing like a shearing split on the tender skin of
the bottom to remind these people that coming on shore is
forbidden on this continent. If I were a refugee, I would really
reconsider my trip down south if I realise that Australia has
a zero tolerance, cane-all-boat people policy.
In this world where every country practices realism, there
is no need for Australia to champion any sort of human
rights or sympathy. Talks with Indonesia and Malaysia will
be futile because these countries just don’t care. They have
a multitude of problems to take care of. Boat people using
their country as a springboard into Australia are the least of
their worries. Neither can Australia police its own shores.
With such a vast coast to patrol, it will be impossible to
chase every stray fishing boat.
Hence the only way out for Australia is to introduce
draconian measures to put people off taking a boat in the
first place. Let them in, cane them and send them back. It is
as simple as that. Really.
One only has to look to Singapore as an example. Singapore,
being an island, has a problem with overstayers and illegal
immigrants as well. Yes, some still test their luck, but
Singapore canes them all and as a result, these people look
to their backside to remind themselves of the consequences
of entering this country.
Australians have approximately 46,000 unlawful citizens
in their country. They cannot afford to have a half-hearted
policy on illegal immigration anymore. With this country
locked in a web of disagreement, dramatic pictures of boat
people streaming in will continue to dominate the front
pages of the newspapers. It is time to take a stance. Does Australia tolerate these illegals or not? Are they
allowed in? There is no room for moral ambiguity. In or out. Australia must decide. If it is the latter, then
the cane must be unleashed to deter such adventurous
immigrants. 19
21
The
Other
Epidemic:
Dealing with Rape in South Africa
EMILY BEK
“Almost everyone in the village has been raped. The women find it almost normal.”
Chantal Kaghoma,
Head Nurse at a Medecins Sans Frontieres Clinic in the Congo
The prevalence of rape in South Africa is shocking. In June this year, the Medical
Research Council published a study in which 28% of men interviewed said they
had raped a girl or woman, 2% had raped a man or boy, 8.9% had raped with other
perpetrators and 10% had been raped themselves. As the authors of the study wrote:
“Rape is far too common, and its origins too deeply embedded in ideas about South
African manhood.” African healthcare workers describe a spreading ‘epidemic’
of rape.
How does a society reach a point where such a heinous crime becomes routine?
Part of the problem, of course, is the incredible hardship endured by South African
culture over the last century. Culture exists within a context. In a traditional context,
“manhood” in South Africa may have encompassed fighting, killing cows, raping
women, and stealing children. However, it was also subject to limitations including
extensive physical demands on young men and close family and community units.
Fundamentally, rape is an expression of power for which there is little purpose or
opportunity when traditional power structures are well defined.
This is not the case in modern South African townships, where the social fabric
has been torn apart by poverty, AIDS and crime. In this context, ideas of sexual
entitlement that are ‘rooted’ in culture can lead to practices that would be entirely
foreign to those generations from whom the traditional way of life is derived. South
African men have been moved, sometimes almost forcibly, into townships where
individuals live in high-proximity and relative anonymity. Previous limitations on their
behaviour have disappeared.
22
Let’s draw an analogy. Hunting sea turtles is an important cultural practice for
many islander peoples. In a traditional context, there are major limitations on
the capacity of turtle-hunters to actually catch turtles. When the same traditional
hunting is practiced with speedboats and rifles, however, a previously sustainable
tradition can quickly become destructive.
If rape by South African men is indeed embedded in culture, this poses
particular challenges for the criminal justice system. The perpetrators might
see their behaviour as acceptable. But it is considered absolutely wrong by the
international community - and under South African law.
What happens when culture and the law diverge? In Australia many Indigenous
people face the conflicting demands of Western law and culture. Indigenous
Australians are often convicted of minor offenses, such as public drunkenness
or petty theft - behaviours that are not condemned under their traditions.
Sometimes they are able to plead cultural appropriateness as a mitigating factor
in sentencing.
I
n extreme cases, however, the concept of cultural appropriateness becomes
difficult to sustain. In 2004, a Northern Territory man who had kept his young
wife in chains, and repeatedly raped her, used cultural appropriateness
to plead for lenient sentencing. This triggered a push to remove the cultural
appropriateness defense from sentencing, a move that would only further
increase incarceration rates for indigenous people. This backlash illustrates that
while some illicit behaviour may be culturally specific, culture cannot be allowed
to condone sexual violence.
While the letter of the law in South Africa condemns rape, the criminal justice
system seems to tacitly excuse it in practice. Only 7% of reported rapes lead to a
conviction. A recent report by Solidarity suggests that 88% of child rapes in South
Africa are not reported. This approach seems outrageous, but there may be no
real alternative. When 28% of men in society are criminals, incarcerating them all
isn’t likely to fix any social problems.
Jail just isn’t the ideal environment for raising enlightened men. Climbing
incarceration rates extract a cost of their own - families with absent parents
were found to be significantly associated with the perpetration of rape in the MRC
survey. In practical terms, the government would collapse if it lost that many tax
payers and had to pay for their incarceration.
23
A legal system must reflect the values of the people it serves if it is to gain their
confidence. That is why the Western legal system is pegged to Western culture
and traditions. But when there are seemingly irresolvable conflicts between
the legal system and a significant minority of the population, perhaps the only
response is to accept an imperfect system.
Y
et culture cannot be an excuse for rape, and so there will have to be changes
in the culture of these young men in South Africa. It is definitely possible
for cultures to change. Honour killings are unthinkable in the West today.
However, look back far enough and you can find practices reminiscent of honour
killings in the Western world. In Shakespeare’s Titus Andronicus, when Titus
learns that his daughter Lavinia was raped, he kills her:
‘Because the girl should not survive her shame, And by her presence still renew
his sorrows’.
Historically, cultural change has been driven from within. Having grown up among
the left wing of Canberra, I’m something of a cultural relativist. I don’t like the
idea of judging other cultures as ‘wrong’ and I don’t think it works in practice. In
Australia, support for Indigenous communities (especially the intervention) seems
to be delivered on the premise that the problems facing these people stem from
their ‘aboriginality’. I hope that South Africa can avoid falling into this trap and
instead work cooperatively and inclusively with South African men.
The starting point for change is not the international community demanding the
eradication of the African ‘manhood’ culture. The true starting place for cultural
change needs to be high profile men in the community. They need to generate a
consensus that rape is not part of culture and culture cannot be used as excuse
for tolerating the intolerable.
The entire question of rape in South Africa is riddled with delicate issues of
gender, culture and politics. I’ve tried to tread softly but will surely have put
my foot in it somewhere, so I’m sorry. The story has seemingly been forgotten
by the media – a testament, I feel, to the minefield these issues represent. The
challenge is to have productive discussions anyway.
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24
Sean Lawson
L
ately I have been claiming to anyone that will listen
that the English language makes people slutty. Teen
pregnancy rates are higher in Australia and other
English-speaking countries than in other rich countries. It’s
a shocking disparity and one that demands explanation. In
the United States every thousand women under 20 have over
50 babies (one for every 10 teens), in the Netherlands they’re
having seven.
Our teens make way more babies than the Germans, the
Greeks, the Koreans. They’re over doubly as fertile as
Spanish teens. We’re just pumping the little bastards out.
In fact, according to United Nations statistics, the three rich
countries with the worst teen conception rates (that’s teen
births plus abortions) are New Zealand, the United Kingdom,
and the United States. Ireland, Australia and Canada are all
also well on the fecund side of average along with Hungary
and Portugal. In fact, despite our problems, Australia has
the LEAST birth-happy teenagers in the Anglosphere. Our 19
births per 1000 teens is well below New Zealand’s 29.
So what’s to blame? Misleading article title aside, I don’t
believe it’s any inherent phonetic or syntactic features of the
English language which are causing teenage anglophone
women to have more babies (although maybe the word
“baby” is just irresistibly cute compared to the Dutch
“kindje” or Swedish “bebis”).
25
Anglo culture
Means and motive
It’s really tricky to step outside one’s own culture and
realise that we do in fact have one, but it’s a valuable thing
to ask – what does the dominant anglo culture do well and
what does it do badly? Do English-speaking nations have
a common sexual culture, or set of cultural attributes that
makes us more susceptible to teen pregnancies than the
plethora of other cultures that exist in developed countries
from Japan to Italy to Denmark? I’m convinced that we do.
This point becomes particularly important when we realise
who we as a culture and language group are doing worse
than. Not only is it the very liberal and pragmatic Northern
European countries like the Netherlands and Sweden,
but also the more traditional conservative family-values
oriented countries like Korea and Spain.
Either people have the ability to avoid childbirth or they
don’t. There is contraception and knowledge available to
teenagers, or there isn’t. Contraception and knowledge
are absolutely critical to efforts to promote sexual health,
female liberation and reduced birth rates in the developing
world. In the rich world however, we mostly take them for
granted. After all, people know about condoms and there is
generally some form of sex education.
Why does culture matter? All rich societies have to varying
degrees undergone a sexual revolution and an associated
change in family structures and sexual practice over the last
fifty years. We’ve become freer and more sexualised, and
we have weakened traditional attitudes and taboos. This can
be measured in different countries through things like the
lowering age of first sex, rising age of first birth, sex outside
marriage becoming normal, and the lowering percentage of
teen mothers who are married. This is basic stuff to anyone
with any idea of how the world worked before 1960.
All things being equal, such increasingly liberal attitudes
would be expected to raise teen birth rates because of all
the uninhibited sex going on, but thankfully there are huge
downward pressures on birth rates too, increasing the
motive and means not to have kids. Motive and means are
both really important here.
However this isn’t enough to explain different birth rates.
Clearly whilst the Netherlands has extremely frank and
upfront sexual education, not every country with low birth
rates has similar practices. Singapore has very minimal
biologically oriented sex education, for example. And sex
education isn’t enough on its own. Everywhere, there
are problems with bad curricula, embarrassed teachers,
neglectful schools, over-protective parents. Sex education
and access to condoms can’t be treated as a cure-all, and
I don’t think they can explain the differences between us
and non-anglo countries since even Catholic countries with
shitty education systems such as Spain and Italy are doing
better than us.
Even in the seemingly straightforward examples of
Northern Europe, it’s clear that sexual education alone
isn’t the silver bullet. Surveys show that Dutch parents
are over twice as likely to discuss sex with their kids than
in the UK, etcetera. It’s almost as though a society has to
be either more conservative or more liberal to effectively
replace fear-based morality with knowledge-based selfresponsibility. We still seem to retain residual taboos which
prevent parents from stopping their kids from screwing, but
26
just enough shame and embarrassment that parents also
don’t bother talking to them or letting schools teach sex
education properly. We could rip off Sweden’s “start at age
5” model but without the backing of a similarly open culture
and responsible parents, it probably wouldn’t work.
But let’s go back to those wily Catholics because they bring
us nicely to the question of motive. It’s trickier than means,
because all the knowledge and contraception in the world
won’t stop kids getting pregnant if they don’t bother trying
not to get pregnant. One type of motive comes, as I said
earlier, from traditional sexual morality and strong family
bonds. Kids are scared of the consequences, of disapproval,
parental reaction, and so on. Fear is a motivator.
Unsurprisingly, compared to other countries, laissez-fair
anglo parents have long since trended away from this sort
of stern moral stance. Traditional morality as an antipregnancy force is substantially weaker in, say, Japan or
Greece. Not to imply that these countries are less modern,
but rather simply that family bonds and old taboos remain
stronger. This can be borne out with statistics. The majority
of teen mothers in Japan and Greece are married, whilst
it’s about 8% in Australia, which possibly suggests a lot of
shotgun weddings, but also more people simply marrying
young and starting families in their late teens like many
people did 30 years ago in Australia.
Hope for the future
But there’s another aspect beyond the “traditional morality”
dimension, namely cold hard socio-economic forces. The
short version is that poorer, less educated, lower selfesteem, more dysfunctional groups of people have more
teen babies, but I’ll let a United States study elaborate:
“The likelihood that teenagers engage in unprotected sex,
become pregnant, and give birth is highly correlated with
multiple risk factors. These factors include growing up in a
single parent family, living in poverty and/or a high-poverty
neighbourhood, having low attachment to performance
at school, and having parents with low educational
achievement.” It’s possible to correlate with a reasonable
predictive accuracy the level of income inequality in a
society with its teenage birth rates, and likewise with the
percentage of people aged 15-19 who aren’t in school.
Who has the highest inequality in the developed world?
That’d be the anglophones, countries following the AngloAmerican model of free enterprise and a relatively minimal
welfare state. Who has lower inequality? Most European
states, even the traditional and conservative ones which
probably aren’t at the forefront of effective sexual education
or contraception prohibition, manage to run a society with
far fewer people trapped in poverty cycles, with no hope of
social advancement or career attainment. They keep income
inequality down, provide decent educational opportunities,
and they keep kids in school through those vulnerable
late-teenage years better than we do. The Dutch have this
socio-economic variable working in their favour too, clearly
complementing the existence of high levels of knowledge
with the motivation for kids to use it.
So to bring this together, this is where I think the big
difference between anglo countries and other countries
comes. There’s no one success strategy, but we’ve
fallen into a gap between three successful strategies for
preventing teen pregnancies, kinda sucking at all three.
The first strategy of strong traditional values which seem
to work in more conservative countries have disappeared
and it’s debatable how much this is a good or bad thing;
liberation at the cost of chaos and family breakdown. The
second strategy of a Dutch-style pragmatic and open sexual
culture with good sex education and open parental dialogue
isn’t there either because sex education is sporadic and ad
hoc in Australia and riddled with abstinence-only agendas
elsewhere. Regarding the third aspect of success, giving
kids motive to avoid childbirth; it firstly depends on having
the knowledge to be able to, but we also have a relatively
low level of social inclusiveness or ‘hope for the future’,
which generates lots of poor kids, who don’t really have a
strong incentive to avoid teen pregnancy in the form of job
prospects or decent educational outcomes.
Statistics mostly taken from
www.unicef-irc.org/publications/pdf/repcard3e.pdf,
a 2001 Unicef league table of birth rates.
27
(Dave)
the
Dear Auntie,
Agony
Aunt
I am in a bit of a pickle. For some
timeI have had a small crush on my
employer. At the end of every shift I
go up to him so that he can sign my
timesheet, and there is pressure on
me to make some kind of witty parting
comment so that he’ll think I’m smart
and funny. I’m afraid I’ve just run out
of things to say about the fact that he
signs my timesheet. I’ve tried “Hey,
I’ve been chasing your signature all
day”, and “That’s quite a loop you have
there”, but yesterday I could think of
nothing and so blurted out “Can we
jump between the timesheets?”. He
heard it but said nothing, and we went
on as if nothing had happened. What
am I going to do?
In frustration,
- danielle dingle
Dear Danielle
Believe me, Dannie, I know
exactly what it is like to
have people expecting you to
deliver the funny, day in, day
out. But are such expectations
realistic? Should everyone who
has ever met Jerry Seinfeld
feel obligated to make a joke?
Should every kid who meets
Michael Jackson feel obligated
to let him molest them? You
need to find ways to show
him that you have other talents
- something that will
capture his interests beyond
timesheet jokes. In the
space of a liberated, 21st
century office, there is
only one answer. Cleavage.
Dear Auntie,
I was working in the lab late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight
For my monster from his slab began
to rise
And suddenly to my surprise He did the mash! The monster mash.
With concern,
- Dr. frank
Doctor,
Doctor, I can’t tell what
the problem you need help
with is. This “mash” sounds
relatively harmless and the
monster benign - is your
concern, then, over the late
nights in the lab? Studies
show that stress and overwork
are the fastest ways to end
up a graveyard smash. Try and
vary your routine, and get out
there some more! Online dating
may lead to a different type
of monster mash, but your slab
will also rise just the same.
Some people will recommend you
try turning to religion - but
honestly, my last imaginary
friend was really mean to me
in high school. Either way,
you definitely need a new
hobby, because I just can’t see
a monster reanimation craze
catching on in a flash.
28
A Dick in more than just a name
Matt Kwan
Dick Smith is often trumpeted as being a real Aussie bloke
who stands up for Australia. Unfortunately, Dick has plenty
of un-Australian traits. He is hypocritical, self-promoting,
and a liar.
He markets himself as a battler, fighting against the tyrants
of the global marketplace trying to take over Australia. He
has set up a company called Dick Smith Foods as a means
to win this war. Unfortunately for Dick, he seems to have a
mild case of amnesia. Dr Lurk should check him out. Dick
has forgotten that he made his first fortune flogging cheap
electronic goods in his Dick Smith Electronics stores.
Nevertheless, Dick has perpetuated the myth that Arnott’s
biscuits are really not Australian (despite still being
produced in Botany) and that buying Arnott’s means buying
American. He makes similar comments about Vegemite,
despite the fact that Kraft buying the rights to it has ensured
its survival. He has also used Dick Smith Foods as a vehicle
for humour. His Tim Tam knock-offs are called Temptin’.
This is worse than all the puns perpetuated by Dave the
Agony Aunt.
However, Dick has qualified his pronouncements by advising
us to only buy Australian products ‘when it’s as good’. I took
this to heart and did some investigations by buying biscuits.
Rather than buy my usual favourite, Shortbread Creams, I
purchased the Dick Smith equivalent, oddly-enough, also
called Shortbread Creams, which is made by Paradise
Food. It was not as good. I wish I had stuck to Arnott’s
Shortbread Creams. I have also found that Paradise Food
copies almost all Arnott’s products and all products are
discernibly inferior.
In this context, we can construe Dick’s earlier statement
as meaning we shouldn’t buy Dick Smith biscuits. Or, we
could construe his statement as meaning that his products
were just as good as Arnott’s. They are clearly not, so if
we take this construction, he is a liar. Whether or not he
is telling the truth or lying, his credibility is diminished. He
is either a purveyor of crap food or a person who should be
investigated and prosecuted for falsely representing that
goods are of a particular standard or quality under the Trade
Practices Act 1974 (Cth), s 75AZC(1)(a).
It is apparent, in any case, that Dick is providing Australian
consumers with inferior products but people are being
convinced to purchase them anyway because they have
an Australian flag on them. This is a bit like coffee shops
marketing fair trade coffee. Fair trade coffee is usually
inferior to regular coffee but more expensive. However, the
difference is that if you only buy regular coffee, you are not
supporting the ‘fair’ coffee traders. Regardless of whether
you buy Arnott’s or Dick’s, you are supporting Australians.
Only a small percentage of sales receipts actually go to the
foreign owners. I suggest that consumers not buy Dick’s
biscuits so as to not encourage him.
Dick is not only guilty of poor economics. Wayne Swan is
probably worse, and he’s the Federal Treasurer. But at
least Swan doesn’t put a grinning likeness of himself on the
Budget. Dick Smith Foods’ logo is essentially an Australian
flag defaced with his face. It is not like he is good-looking.
“Putting your face on corporate
logos is something only Americans
like Colonel Sanders do”
Australians are typically humble and not arrogant at all.
Dick is the opposite. Putting your face on corporate logos is
something only Americans like Colonel Sanders do. When
Dick sold his electronic goods company, he insisted that
his silly face continue to be incorporated into the logo. He
also insisted that the chain still be named after him, which I
will concede was a good business decision. However, Dick
Smith Electronics has finally realised how embarrassing it is
to be associated with Dick, and recently removed Dick’s silly
grin after a corporate logo makeover. Good riddance.
Some admire Dick for his exploits in the 1980s: he was
apparently the first person to have piloted a plane around
the world via the poles, to have flown a helicopter around
the world, and to have flown a helicopter to the North Pole.
These are great achievements, but another self-promoting
businessman, Sir Richard Branson, has done more.
Some might say that I am falling victim to tall poppy
syndrome because I am jealous of Dick’s success. Yes, I
sometimes wish I had lots of money, but that is beside the
point. There is no reason to be jealous of Dick. He is an
embarrassment to himself. Peddling poor economics and
prostituting himself to business, whilst having little regard
for business ethics, Dick has embodied the more pejorative
definition of his name.
29
The Hangover
Thom Loveday
Changeling
Changeling is an alright movie about a woman whose
kid gets kidnapped, and when the police find him, it
turns out they found the wrong kid, which they refuse
to admit. Sounds like the pigs to me.
It’s a pretty interesting film, let down by the horrendous
miscasting of Angelina Jolie. Her performance is fine,
and she actually manages to look the part – far less
hookerish than normal. The problem is that I can’t forget
that she’s Angelina Jolie, and that Angelina Jolie has like
ten kids, many of which she probably wouldn’t recognise
by appearance anyway. It’s a fact that’s impossible to forget.
It’s not her fault, but the reality is I’m exposed to it every
day. Angelina Jolie probably doesn’t even know how many
kids she’s got, and if one went missing, if she even noticed,
she’d probably just shrug, get on a plane to some far-off
impoverished nation like Tasmania, and buy another child.
In my mind, casting Angelina Jolie as a good or
concerned mother is like casting zombie Anna Nicole
Smith as Mother Teresa. Sure, she might give the
performance of her after-life, but it’s kind of hard to
forget that she’s the reanimated corpse of the least
nun-like celebrity that ever wandered the spectral plane.
Also, on the subject of casting, they cast the guy from
Burn Notice as the main antagonist. Really? Are they f
ucking kidding? I hate that guy and his shit-house
“MacGyver-style” inner-monologues: “Man, I’m totally
gonna outsmart this guy with my fuck-yeah awesome roll
of duct tape.” Seriously, that line was pretty definitely
taken from the a Burn Notice script.
If they wanted someone MacGyveresque, why didn’t they
cast Richard Dean Anderson? I know he was in Stargate,
but as horrendous as that was, I still forgive him. Where i
s he these days? Someone give him a run! Once I heard
he actually did build grenades from pine-cones. It wasn’t
even for “MacGyver” either. It was to keep some kids off
his lawn or something. After all, he does live next door
to Angelina Jolie – the poor little bastards were probably
looking for food.
Also, I’m pretty sure the kid didn’t turn out to be a
soul-eating demon at the end, as the name implied.
Seriously disappointing.
Four dudes go to Vegas for a bachelor party, they have a
night where they don’t remember a thing, they wake up to
the chaos they caused. There’s a tiger in the bathroom, Andy
from the (American and frankly superior) Office is missing
a tooth, and no-one can find the groom. Chaos ensues as
they try to piece together the night before, which we never
see directly. Overall, it’s structured like a detective story,
or perhaps Memento, except instead of gritty drama or
mindfuckery, the “show you the consequences then work
backwards” device is used for fairly hilarious comedic effect
as they try to fill in the blanks from the night before.
The weirdest thing is that this borrowed structure works. It
hooks you as each element is revealed. Such cleverness is
jarring from a movie which is basically dude-movie slapstick
but then again, sometimes great movies just step outside
genre conventions and do the job of another genre better
than that other genre usually does it. For example, Mean
Girls wasn’t just a dumb high school movie but a frankly
brilliant satirical comment on the desperate emptiness
and ennui of modern existence, which made its point more
effectively than American Beauty ever did. Similarly, maybe it
takes a buddy comedy set in Vegas to really get to the heart
of what a well-crafted mystery really is.
Also Jeffrey Tambor (ie George Bluth from Arrested
Development) is in it, but not nearly enough.
There’s also some horrendous cliché, and it’s pretty sexist
and racist at times. Heather Graham is the hooker with a
heart of gold who ends up with the nerdy dork. Girlfriends
and wives are heinous ball breakers, the worst moments
in the movie come when they’re doing the whole “omg
marriage sucks” thing or showing the whipped nerdy guy
being whipped and nerdy. Sexism is fine if it works and is
funny and the writers are aware they’re being sexist, but
these jokes are old and boring and lazy and just take away
from the rest of the funny. By contrast the racism is pretty
awesomely done because it’s weird and funny. Maybe they
felt this gender-stereotype cliché was necessary to keep
things grounded and realistic but it just detracted from an
otherwise fucking hilarious movie.
I still can’t decide if this movie is good or not. It’s really
funny, but it’s also really stupid. It’s got some clever
and delightfully surreal moments, but also retarded
gross-out humour. It’s got that clever mystery structure,
but it’s also pretty clichéd a lot of the time. It’s a fucking
paradox. You should probably see it, even if you don’t like
lowbrow humour.
30
PRESIDENT
Charishma Kaliyanda A student organisation that promotes
a vibrant campus culture can make a
real difference in making sure students
remember their university experience for
years to come.
The Student Services and Amenities
Fee is yet to pass through the senate,
and will most likely come in to effect
from next year. The legislation will
allow universities to charge a fee of
up to $250, which will then go towards
funding essential services and activities
on campus. Services like clubs and
societies, student publications (like
Tharunka), food and beverage outlets,
advocacy services, and legal services.
You can view the list of services at
www.dest.gov.au/sectors/higher_
education/policy_issues_reviews/key_
issues/VSU/#Summary_Report
Many of the services that fall under
the guidelines are already provided by
Arc or the University. This fee should
go towards student run and controlled
services so you can have a say in how
your money is being spent and so you
can make sure the services cater to your
needs.
The SRC wants to know what services
you want us to provide you. We also
want to know what you don’t like about
your faculty, or if you would like to see
changes to administrative procedures,
such as navigation in myUNSW. Are your
tutors/lecturers easy to contact? Do you
have the support you need?
The SRC will be holding a series of
forums where you can come and let
us know what you want to see in your
university, in your studies, and in your
student organisation. We will also be
collecting surveys to find out what
you want.
Help your Student Representative
Council make student life better for all
of us and for future students by getting
involved and contributing in any way
you can. Please contact me for any info
you need.
QUEER STUDENTS OFFICER
Victoria Edwards
Welcome to second semester! Over
the break we’ve made some great
improvements to the Queer Space (920
Chemical Sciences), so come along to
one of our meetings and check it out! The
semester 2 meeting times are:
Queer Girls: Mondays 1.30-3.30PM
Queer Boys: Tuesdays 3-5PM
Mixed Group: Wednesdays 4-6PM
We’ve also got some great events
coming up. On Saturday 1 August (Week
2) there’s a National Day of Action for
same-sex marriage. We’ll be meeting
other protesters outside Town Hall
at 12PM before marching to Darling
Harbour to hold a mass illegal wedding
outside the National Labor Conference,
and similar events will be held around
the country. More info and registration at
www.caah.org.au/nda/sydney
In Week 4 we’re teaming up with the
Ethnic Affairs Department for Acceptance
Week, holding our own This Is Oz photo
stall (www.thisisoz.com.au/) keep an eye
on Blitz for more details on that, and in
Week 7 it’s our very own Queer Week.
To keep up to date with the Queer
Department, join our e-mail list at
groups.google.com/group/queerplay
STUDENT WELFARE OFFICER
Matt Ward
Hey all,
I write to you fresh from Education
Conference. A time when activists from
all over the country get together to
discuss Education and Welfare issues
and plan campaigns for Semester 2.
Some great things came out of the
conference this year and we will be
implementing a lot of these campaigns
on Campus. Though I acknowledge
the positive steps made in the budget
there is still a long way to go. We will
particularly be organising around the
removal of the gap year criteria and
effects this will have on students. There
will also be campaigns run on your
rights at work, student accommodation
and student poverty. We aren’t alone on
these matters either. Activists around the
country will be campaigning on similar
issues – united we can achieve more.
Stay tuned, exciting things to come.
31
ETHNIC AFFAIRS OFFICERS
POSTGRADUATE OFFICER
Aaron Chan & Celeste White
Georgie Smith
Acceptance week is
Coming up in week four
Comprising trivia, presentations and
Ethno-cultural discussions galore!
Participating in
Trivia could be exciting
As it will be for the
New title of Multicultural Trivia Champ
which you will be fighting!
Check out Week 4 Blitz for details, and
Eye out the posters too, because….
Welcome to a new semester! The big
news for postgrads is the establishment
of the Postgraduate Council. The what?!
The PGC is a council of students elected
by their peers - you - to represent
postgrad interests. This is huge, and
hugely exciting! Get involved - email me
on [email protected].
Cheers, Georgie
Acceptance Week, is coming to a uni
near you!
Kind regards,
Celeste and Aaron.
Student with
Disabilities Officer
Marita Morgan
Hey Everyone,
Hope you all had a good break and are
ready for another busy semester. There
is a lot happening this semester in the
disability department of the SRC.
INDIGENOUS STUDENT OFFICER
Warren Roberts
Hey people!
There are great events happening
around campus. I am organising more
discussion groups for campus on the
following issues: Northern Territory
Intervention, Indigenous Health, and the
Stolen Generation. Keep an eye out for
posters around campus for these events.
If you want to get involed, come to the
weekly meetings on Tuesdays in Block
House Training Room one at 4:30pm5:30pm. It would be great to see more
students getting involved. If you want
more information you can contact me by
email. Have a great semester.
We are having a disability awareness
week in Week 3 which includes various
events such as a sign language
workshop, a sports day, and a student
with disabilities panel etc. We will also be
having a mental health awareness week
in Week 11.
If you want to get involved in either of
these weeks or have any suggestions of
events or campaigns that you would like
to see this semester contact me! I want
to hear from you!
Don’t forget I’m in the Blockhouse on
Level 1 Tuesday and Thursdays afternoon
from 3-5pm! My email is
[email protected] or sign up
to our e-list groups.google.com/group/
unsw-swd-collective
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RePORTS
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