Wise up about white privilege

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EBBTIDE MLK
Wise up about white privilege
THE
Vo l . 4 2 , N o . 6 • J a n . 19 − F e b . 1 , 2 0 0 7
federal way
take down!
page 5
fashion for
LIKE YOU’VE NEVER HEARD HIM BEFORE
cheap-o’s!
page 4
page 9
Anti-racist speaks
at SCC
“The time for the
nation to recognize the
seriousness of white
privilege has come.”
by Wes Abney
Staff Writer
Daniel Berman/Ebbtide
American anti-racist activist Tim Wise delivered a stern assessment of white privilege in his appearance Wednesday January 10 at Shoreline
Community College. Said Wise, “The state of white privilege in America is unacceptable, intolerable, and unjustifiable. This must stop.”
Safety main concern in campus closings
Decision not easy
Consideration is given
to all when deciding to
cancel classes
by Dan Gayle
Associate Editor
Classes were canceled yet again
for Shoreline students, to the cheers
and jeers of students and faculty.
While the optimists look at the cancellations as a casual day of rest
from the hectic life of a student,
others realize that it’s only postponing the inevitable homework sure
to pile up later.
While students are free to debate
the pros and cons of snow days, the
administration has no such leisure
when it comes to class cancellations.
So who decides and what actually happens when campus is closed
due to inclement weather?
While many students get the
luxury of sleeping in, Shoreline’s
Executive Director of Safety and
Security Randy Stegmeier, and Acting VP of Administrative Services
Stuart Trippel, along with others,
are awake at 4:30 to 6 a.m. assessing the conditions and discerning
whether or not to shut the whole
works down for the day.
On the morning of Tuesday,
Jan. 16, before the sunrise, a small
amount of snow began falling on
SCC’s campus. Members of the facilities staff were busy trying to
clear walkways and other high-traffic areas.
At 5:30 a.m. the snowfall had
increased to the point that they no
longer felt that they could contain
it before the campus opened at
7 a.m.
The first determination that must
be made in the event of inclement weather is whether people can
drive or walk around campus without fear of crashing or slipping.
A recommendation is made by
Stegmeier to Trippel and Interim VP
of Acedemic Affairs John Backes as
to whether or not the campus itself
is in a safe condition.
These two VPs, SCC President
Lee Lambert, and others then mull
over current weather conditions,
constantly monitoring weather and
traffic services to determine the
feasibility of continuing operations
for the day.
The second determination to be
made is whether or not traffic conditions would allow the majority
of students to reach their classes
safely.
Since many school officials and
students commute to SCC from
all over the Puget Sound, a wellrounded and reasonable conclusion is sought and made to protect
the safety of all students, staff and
faculty.
“We try to make the decisions as
early as possible, but sometimes the
weather is coming down when we
have to make the decision,” Backes
said. “And sometimes Mother Nature doesn’t cooperate.”
The worry of Lambert and the
VPs is that there might be standing
water on the roads that has frozen
into what is known as “black ice,”
ice that is nearly invisible, and extremely treacherous to drive on.
While educational delays are a
concern, Backes noted that he was
glad it happened at the start of the
quarter instead of the end. The main
concern is that the campus remain
safe and secure for everyone.
According to a memo dated
Dec. 13, 2006 from Lee Lambert to
the campus community regarding
suspended operations, “This is a
very serious decision to make with
many issues to consider...please
know that the decision is not made
lightly.”
“White America is unwilling to
recognize the truth about black
and brown oppression,” said Tim
Wise, nationally acclaimed antiracism speaker at an open campus
lecture on Jan. 10.
After nine years of speaking at
colleges across the nation, Wise
returned to Shoreline Community
College to deliver a message of
equality and awareness for both
the college and the nation. Dressed
as if preparing for a banker convention, Wise, bearded and gingerhaired, took the stage in front of
an estimated 100 students.
Having spoken at more than
400 colleges in 48 states including
Harvard, Stanford, Columbia, and
Yale, the reputation and strength
behind Wise’s message is not to be
taken lightly. For the average middle-aged white male, combating
racism on a national level isn’t a
common occurrence. By breaking
down the barriers between people
of different races and creating
equality, Wise is striving to put everyone on the same level.
“At some point one really has
to push the issue when it comes
to racism,” Wise said. “The time
for the nation to recognize the seriousness of white privilege has
come.”
As Wise began to wind down
his speech, audience members sat
up in their chairs, put away the
pamphlets, and appeared both interested and horrified—a mix of
acknowledgement of the problem
of race relations and concern over
how to promote tolerance.
Wise gave students much to reflect on over the weekend of Martin Luther King Jr.’s birthday.
“If we reap the benefits of a racist system, then we are responsible
for the consequences that come
with it,” Wise said. “It’s our responsibility to address this issue.”
CONTENTS
ARTS &
TECHNOLOGY
NEWS OPINIONS FEATURES ENTERTAINMENT
SPORTS
At least someone on
this campus likes hotdogs. pg 3
Our
Editor-in-Chief
considers suicide by
soda pop. pg 5
DJ’s annnoying friend
is all grown up and
she’s now securing our
campus. . . oh, wait—
that’s Kimmy Gibler.
pg 6
Forget
terrorists,
Belle Epoque is the
world’s newest threat.
pg 7
* * *
No plot? The Blues
Brothers were on a
mission from God!
pg 8
* * *
The Cassavettes name
is tarnished forever
with the release of Alpha Dog. pg 8
Forget Belle Epoque,
the world’s newest
threat is now robotic
panda bears. pg 10
Campus Briefs
Kathy Ryan passes away
After working at Shoreline
Community College for nearly
two years, Kathy Ryan, Assistant
at Distance Learning Services
passed away Jan. 9 due to complications with cancer. She will
be fondly remembered by both
students and staff as a very supportive and kind person. Ann
Garnsey-Harter, her supervisor
in Distance Learning said of her
in Day at a Glance: “Kathy was
a very sweet, unassuming person who worked very hard every
day.”
Her family will not be holding any memorial services in
respect to her wishes.
Senate dwindles
The nine-seat Student Body
Association Senate is down to
six members, following the departure of Michael Donnellan.
The SBA constitution states
that members who have more
than two unexcused absences
from the weekly Senate meetings, “are automatically removed from their position and
the position is declared vacant.”
As a result of Donnellan’s third
unexcused absence on Jan. 10,
2007, his seat is now empty.
The SBA Senate began this
fall with only eight members. In
Oct. 2006, it lost Senator Ryan
Williams, also because of absences. At that time, the Senate
began taking applications to fill
the two empty senatorial seats,
and the names of two new
Senators are expected to be announced Jan. 24.
Donnellan served on the
Budget & Finance Committee
that reviewed the Supplemental
Budget Requests. Two senators,
Sherly Gunawan and Margaret,
remain on the committee.
Donnellan said that one of
his classes conflicts directly
with the Senate meetings.
“I am disappointed that I was
not able to carry on in my position,” he said in an e-mail statement, adding he was “pleased
with the progress” the Senate
had made toward environmental goals.
The new vacancy will require a new application and hiring process.
Club kickoff event
The annual event known as
Club Kickoff is turning into a
quarterly event! Come down
to the corridor next to the
computer lab in the library to
meet and discover some of the
clubs and organizations here
at Shoreline Community College. The event will be held
on Wednesday Jan. 24 from 11
a.m. to 1:30 p.m. For more info
contact Garry Poluan by email
at [email protected] or
any of the Campus Ambassadors at 206-533-6673.
All-campus meeting
rescheduled
Due to unforeseen weather
issues closing school in the
last few weeks, the All-Campus
Meeting has been moved to Friday, Jan. 26. The meeting will
focus primarily on the 2006-07
budget and its issues, as well as
ways to address them.
Disturbance/
Irate Individual
by Sgt. Becky Gibler
Safety & Security Dept.
Jan. 9, 10:45 a.m.
Aid Call
Dec. 6, 12:30 p.m.
Medics were called for a
visitor who was ill. She was
taken to the hospital.
Code Violation
Dec. 7, 11:35 a.m.
Security received a complaint
that a dog was in the 5000
building. Security responded
and asked the owner to take
the dog outside.
Indecent
Exposure
Dec. 19, 9:30 a.m.
On Dec. 29, security received
a report that on Dec. 19 a man
was standing at the bus stop
exposing himself.
MAN ON THE
ST.
Theft
Jan. 5, 2:20 p.m.
A student left her bag unattended in the library. When
she came back to her table,
the bag was gone.
Aid Call
Jan. 5, 4:10 p.m.
An employee injured her
wrists while lifting a bag.
Security responded to a report of a student who was
upset.
Physical
Altercation
Jan. 9, 2:50 p.m.
Security received a report that two
students were fighting near the
1500 building. When security arrived, both students were gone.
“How did you spend your recent snow day?”
compiled and photographed by Daniel Berman
Hey, ladies! Join the
women’s basketball
team, because our
sports page looks like
hell without you.
pg 11
EBBTIDE
THE
Editor-in-Chief
Jonathan Lavigne
Design Director
Scott Pendergraft
Copy Editor
David Banuelos
A&E Editor
Ivanhoe
Sports Editor
Tom Helm
Photo Editor
Daniel Berman
Business Manager
Wes Abney
Distribution Manager
Kevin Vandenheuvel
Faculty Advisor
Patti Jones
Staff
Dan Gayle
Lindsay Ginn
Joshua Henry
Aaron Hunter
The Ebbtide is the official
student publication of Shoreline
Community
College
(SCC).
Opinions published within do not
neccesarily represent the views of
the Ebbtide staff or representatives
of SCC. Writers are encouraged
to adhere to basic rules of logic,
factual support, statistics, and so
on. Personal attacks and hysteria
are highly discouraged.
Submissions from students,
faculty, staff, and administration
are welcomed and encouraged.
All articles, letters to the editor,
artwork, or photographs must
include the name and phone
number of the author for
verification. Articles are subject to
editing for clarity and content and
should be 350 words or less.
Contact the Ebbtide
Room 1502
16101 Greenwood Ave. N
Shoreline, WA 98133
(206)546-4730
[email protected]
Errata
Due to a deadline crunch,
in our last issue we forgot
to credit the picture of the
Seahawks fan. It was taken by
Bridget Brown for The News
Tribune. We regret the omission.
[email protected]
(206)546-4730
Anna Fortygin
Maria Detorres
Thanh Le
Greg Fischer
I cut my 9-year-old sister’s hair.
Tried to get out of my snowedin house!
I went inner-tubing with
friends.
I slid sideways down Greenwood (Ave).
• The Ebbtide • January 19, 2007
Room
1502
16101 Greenwood Ave N
Shoreline, WA 98133
Jonathan Lavigne
Editor-in-Chief
International students are everywhere
on campus. When questioned about the
phenomenon, one student who chose to
remain unnamed said that there are more
of “them” than of “us.” Little did he know
that this reporter is also one of “them.”
The truth is the international student population at Shoreline Community College is much less than the
American contingent. The school currently has a roster of 8,173 students,
only 559 of them, less than 7 percent,
are international students. That number however, excludes the over 60 additional Japanese students enrolled
in the Hotel and Tourism program.
Robert Hayden, instructor of MultiCultural Studies at Shoreline, explained
it best in his lecture on diversity on campus. European American students tend
to think that there are more international students because there are more on
a typical college
campus
than
at most high
schools.
These same
students
often
treat this college
as a commuter
campus, simply
coming to class,
then going home.
International stu- Samira Pardanani,
dents on the oth- Assistant Director
er hand, tend to of Admissions and
stay on campus Immigration
for more hours,
hanging out in the library or catching a bite to eat in the student lounge.
Shoreline Community College ranks
34th among U.S. community colleges in
international student population according to a report recently released by the
Institute of International Education. At
a time when community colleges nationwide are seeing a drop in enrollment, the
number of international students here at
SCC is actually growing.
;G::
According to Samira Pardanani, Assis- Many factors come into play when trying
tant Director of Admissions and Immigra- to determine where to go.
tion at Shoreline, one likely reason why
Often the recruiting team, explained
the enrollment of American students has Kosin, will analyze historical databases
decreased is the fact that the economy and find background information on difin the past few years has improved. It is ferent areas of the world before determinwidely recognized that when this hap- ing where they will focus their recruiting
pens, enrollment in community colleges efforts. The first major criterion for apoften drops.
proaching a country when recruiting is
Defying that trend is the increase of the economic climate.
international students. Following the 9/11
A good local economy often means
attacks, educators worried that more that students will be inclined to travel for
stringent visa and immigration regula- their education. Following market trends
tions would dissuade international stu- is a very useful tool as well. For example
dents from coming to the
Mexico, despite its
United States.
proximity to the United
This trend now seems
States, is not a very feato be changing. According
sible recruiting ground
to a press release from
due to its currency beShoreline’s Public Inforing so devaluated.
mation Office, SCC has
Kosin also said that
seen an increase of nearly
they tend to take into
10 percent in its internaconsideration the feational population, wheresibility of students beas, the American student
ing easily able to get a
population has decreased
student visa as one of
by about 9 percent.
the criteria for target re SCC
international
cruiting cities like Hong
students have generKong and Seoul, Korea.
ated an estimated $13
Asked why so many
million for the state of
international students
Washington. Nationally,
seem to be of Asian
that number goes well
descent, Kosin said
over $13 billion contribit’s because Shoreline
uted to the economy.
Community College is
—Sung Min Kim
Money isn’t everysecond year student situated in a community
thing,
though.
Havfrom Korea built for that. Recruiters
ing international stutend to focus on Asian
dents on campus can
countries because they
also have many other benefits according generally have strong, growing econoto Mari Kosin, SCC’s Assistant Director mies and if you look at businesses in
of International Student Services.
Shoreline, you notice a strong Asian fla“International students bring di- vor. That tends to make the students feel
versity to the student population,” more comfortable. The architecture of
she said. “Not only do they learn from campus also makes Asian students feel
their teachers, they bring a differ- at home.
ent kind of learning to the faculty as
“It reminds me very much of when I
well. They make a cultural difference.” go to Japan to visit my mother’s fam The school’s International Programs ily [with] the trees, the paths and all
office makes decisions on where the next the open spaces,” said Sung Min Kim,
recruiting mission should take place. a second year student from Korea.
“[SCC’s campus]
reminds me very
much of Japan
[with] the trees,
the paths and all
the open spaces,”
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n Annual exam and counseling
n Birth control pills, vaginal ring,
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n Emergency contraception
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1-800-230-PLAN
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(Phone rings in
health center nearest you)
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The welcome invasion:
International Students at SCC
Kosin says that there is a lot of planning involved when traveling to other
countries. The recruiting team takes three
to five trips a year to different countries.
Often the school will not see the payoff of
its efforts for at least a year. Recent trips
undertaken by the recruiting team have included a trip to South East Asia by Kosin
and a trip to Hong Kong by Executive Director of Student Programs Thalia Saplad.
The SCC international student population is varied, nonetheless. As many as 21
countries are represented on campus. The
countries with the
largest
number
of students represented on campus
are
Indonesia,
Hong Kong, Korea
and Japan. Other
countries represented
include
Russia, Ethiopia,
India, and even
Canada.
“I chose ShoreMari Kosin,
line because the
Assistant Director
campus was beauof International
tiful,” said Keiko
Student Services
Mitsuko a firstyear student from Japan. “I also like pizza…
and hot dogs!”
Malika Kamat came from India to Shoreline because of friends and family members.
“My sister came here three years ago,”
Kamat said. “She is now a student at the
University of Washington. She recommended that I come here because the
teachers were very nice and helpful.”
The ability to get to know other students
is the main difference between SCC and
other schools. Pardanani, who used to work
for the University of Michigan’s international office, said that she knows many names
and faces on campus.
“I used to work with over 5,000 international students and scholars at Michigan,”
she said. “Now here we have a little over
500. It makes it easier to get to know people.
I feel more in touch with the students.”
Winter weather freezes
PUB construction
by Dan Gayle
Associate Editor
Ice, snow and freezing
temperatures around Shoreline Community College have
frozen more than just a few
toes on campus. The inclement weather has also slowed
down much of the construction work to complete the
new student union building.
It is hoped that the project will be completed around
the beginning of Fall Quarter
2007, but there are concerns
that spells of unusually harsh
winter weather might negatively impact the completion
date.
“Are we going to be able
to open the PUB at the start
of Fall Quarter?” said Randy
Stegmeier, SCC’s Executive
Director of Safety and Secu-
9/19/06 12:55:00 PM
rity. “The architects, contractors, and we will be doing
whatever we can to make that
happen.”
Although cold conditions
don’t necessarily preclude
continuing the steelwork being done to erect the frame of
the new building, traffic conditions do play a part in the
delays.
“If [the contractors] can’t
get here, they can’t work,
even if the conditions would
permit the physical construction,” said Stuart Trippel, Acting VP of Administrative Services.
This
week’s
regularly
scheduled meeting between
school officials, the contractors, and the architects was
canceled because of concerns
over traveling conditions.
“Hopefully, we’ll get a break
here and be able to get back to
work,” Stegmeier said.
The Berschauer Phillips
Construction Company has
had employees working extended hours and weekends
to make up for already lost
time. According to Stegmeier,
they had started catching up
to the construction schedule
until this delay.
The extent of the impact of
this latest weather-related setback is not yet known, but according to Paul Kinley of Opsis Architecture, there hasn’t
yet been anything to negatively effect the final completion
dates as of Tuesday, Jan. 16.
Stegmeier, Trippel, and
others will be assessing the
situation and will update the
campus on any changes.
January 19, 2007 • The Ebbtide • /&84
King still resonates 42 years later
by Ivanhoe
A&E Editor
Shoreline Community College will
be celebrating the life and values of the
Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. on Friday, Feb. 19 in the campus gymnasium.
Since 1986, every third Monday of
January has been officially recognized in
the United States as Martin Luther King,
Jr. Day. Sadly, it seems St. Patrick’s Day
gets more national attention than that
second-tier of national remembrances
that includes MLK Day, Veteran’s Day,
Memorial Day, and Labor Day, which for
many simply means a day off of school
and free parking downtown.
I used my day off and my free parking to visit the Seattle Center, where a
Martin Luther King, Jr. Day celebration
was taking place in the Center House.
The event was sponsored by the Central
District Forum for Arts & Ideas.
The highlight of the event was a
staged reading of
Martin Luther
King’s acceptance speech
of the Nobel
Peace Prize,
which
he
received in
Oslo, Norway
on Dec. 10, 1964. A slide
show chronicled the civil rights movement up to that moment, narrated by
the late voices of Medgar Evers, John F.
Kennedy, Lyndon B. Johnson, and Malcolm X, before local actor Umémé took
the stage and read Dr. King’s speech.
In his speech, King propounded the
value of non-violent protest in the struggle for political and economic justice.
“Civilization and violence are antithetical concepts,” he said. “Nonviolence is not sterile passivity, but a powerful moral force which makes for social
transformation.… Man must evolve for
all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of such a
method is love.”
King
also
made reference to
his
antiwar stance:
“I
refuse
to accept the
cynical notion that
nation after nation must spiral down a
militaristic stairway into the hell of thermonuclear destruction. I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will
have the final word in reality,” he said.
Dr. Ernest Johnson, a professor of
multicultural studies and African-American history at Shoreline,
recalls the anti-war
tenor of King’s Nobel speech. “He
argued that it was
an immoral war,”
Johnson said. “At
that time, some were
arguing against Vietnam
tactically, that it was an unwinnable war.
“He gave us the [moral] language and
argued that we were on the right side of
history to oppose that war.”
An organizer of the Seattle Center
event from the Central District Forum
said that was one of the reasons the Nobel speech was selected this year. “It’s
“Nonviolence is
not sterile pas
sivity,
but a powerful
moral force wh
ich
makes for socia
l transformatio
n”
Summer
school
abroad
by Ivanhoe
A&E Editor
Throughout the week of
Monday, Jan. 22, International
Programs will be hosting daily
events showcasing past and
future Study Abroad programs.
These events will coincide with
International Education Week.
Last summer, Shoreline Community College offered credit
courses to be held in Ireland,
South Africa, and Thailand. Students will have an opportunity
to hear from those who took
the courses. The Ireland Summer Institute will present on
Monday, Jan. 22 at 3 p.m.; the
Thailand Summer Institute on
Tuesday, Jan. 23 at 12 p.m.; and
the South Africa Summer Institute on Wednesday, Jan. 24 at a
time to be announced.
Photography from the trips
will be exhibited in the 1000
building lobby, and a reception
will be held there on Monday,
Jan. 22.
An informational meeting
on upcoming Study Abroad
programs will be held on Thursday, Jan. 25, at a time to be announced. Study Abroad courses
offered will include Child Development in the Developing
World, in Jamaica; Entrepreneuership in the Developing
World, in Honduras; and Land
of Fire and Ice: A Geology Study
Tour, in Iceland.
For further details, visit the
International Programs office
on the second floor of FOSS, in
room 5226, or telephone the office at (206) 546-4697.
• The Ebbtide • January 19, 2007
timely, especially when he talks about
‘thermonuclear destruction,’” she said,
referencing the nuclear specter raised by
Iran and North Korea in recent months.
In addition to the speech, three groups
were awarded the sixth annual Martin
Luther King Peace Award: The Center
School’s Students Inspiring Political
Action, a group of
high school
students
committed
to discussing racial issues and working together to solve
problems; Hands for a Bridge, a group
of students from Roosevelt High School
who travel to parts of the world to help
bring neutrality and perspective in the
dialogue between adversarial groups;
and Street Beat: The Art of Race and Social Dialogue in Columbia City, a unique
community group who bring Columbia
City’s youth together with Seattle Police to communicate about racial issues
through dialogue, art, music, and theater.
These recipients received the award
for their commitment to carrying on
the legacy of Martin Luther King by
confronting issues of race head-on and
seeking positive solutions to the racial
problems that they recognize still exist
within their communities.
Shoreline’s own Martin Luther King
celebration, presented by the Black Student Union on Friday, Jan. 19, focuses
on the theme “Bring Peace Home.” Lecture topics by faculty guest speakers
will touch on issues of racial, gender,
and economic inequality.
and unconditional
“I believe that unarmed truth
in reality.”
love will have the final word
Clubs learn fate of budget
requests
by Ivanhoe
A&E Editor
The Student Body Association Senate approved the recommendations of the Budget &
Finance Committee, which outline how much of several clubs’
Supplemental Budget requests
will be given to them.
Each club was given a baseline budget of $750 at the beginning of the school year for general club operations. Clubs that
want additional funding for special projects, events, or equipment may submit requests for
money out of a special budget
allocated for those purposes.
This year, $40,000 were in that
budget.
Of the $64,069 requested by
21 clubs, $23,671 was approved.
A balance of $16,329 of unawarded funds was frozen, to be
absorbed into next year’s SBA
general fund. No club received
the full amount requested.
Criteria that factored into the
Budget & Finance Committee’s
recommendations included the
clarity and comprehensiveness
of their proposals, the number
of students who would benefit
from the funds, and how much
fundraising the clubs have done
apart from their budget requests.
Money was awarded to the
Black Student Union for this
Friday’s Martin Luther King Day
presentation, to the Engineering Club for five robotics kits,
a field trip to the Skagit River
for the Environmental Club,
and a graduation reception for
Speech Language Pathology Assistance.
Projects that were not awarded funding include a mural project by the Art Club, a planned
trip to a San Francisco art institute by the Photo Forum, wood
to build the Clay Club’s wood
fire kiln, and recycling bins for
the school as a joint project
with the Environmental Club
and the Worldly Philosophers &
Dismal Scientists’ Society.
Proposals from the Art Club,
the Badminton Club, the Japanese Culture Club, and Dubrava
(the Russian Club) were rejected completely.
This is not the last chance for
clubs to get additional funding.
They may present their projects
to the Senate for funding out of
the separate SBA Contingency
Budget, even if the same project was rejected for funding out
of the Supplemental Budget.
Questions about what to do
with the $16,329 that was left
over were debated at Wednesday’s Senate meeting. Treasurer
Suhendra Lie initially proposed
that the funds be open to a second wave of budget requests,
open to all clubs. This was
deemed unconstitutional and
an unnecessary burden to the
Budget & Finance Committee,
which is down to two members,
Sherly Gunawan and Margaret,
after Michael Donellan lost his
Senate membership.
Another idea was to move
the funds to the Contingency
Budget, which is neither allowed nor prohibited in the
constitution. One argument
against such an action was that
those funds would be open to a
wider range of school programs,
which could swoop in and take
them before the other clubs
have the opportunity. Another
is that the SBA is losing money
due to dwindling enrollment,
and allowing the $16,329 to be
frozen until next year would
help future SBAs. Money left
in the Contingency Budget at
the end of the year will also be
absorbed into next year’s SBA
general fund.
Senator April May moved to
freeze the funds until the 200708 school year. The motion was
approved by a vote of 4-2.
Defending the unawarded
funds, May told the Ebbtide
that clubs are encouraged to do
their own fundraising in addition to supplemental budgets, in
order to give student clubs and
Shoreline Community College
as a whole more visibility. “We
don’t want to just give clubs everything they want,” she said,
adding that making clubs compromise gives them the initiative to engage the community
creatively through fundraising
efforts.
The author of this article is
a member of the Worldly Philosophers & Dismal Scientists’
Society, which was a recipient of Supplemental Budget
money.
The re-christening
of King County
by Ivanhoe
A&E Editor
Long before Washington had become a state, and even before the
American Civil War that led to slavery’s abolition, two new counties
were dedicated to the incumbent
U.S. president and vice-president
of the time. Pierce County, current home of Tacoma, was named
for President Franklin Pierce, and
King County, current home to Seattle and Shoreline, was named for
Vice-President William Rufus de
Vane King.
The naming of the two counties was a political move to win
the favor of the administration in
order to get on the fast-track to
statehood. King, a slave owner and
staunch anti-abolitionist, would be
the namesake of King County for
153 years, from 1852 to 2005.
Whatever favor Washington
Territory’s lawmakers hoped to
achieve was ill-conceived. King
had tuberculosis, and died just 45
days after taking office.
Following an ordinance passed
by the King County Council in 1986,
the state legislature finally passed,
and Governor Christine Gregoire
signed into law, legislation renaming King County after the Rev.
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. The law
took effect on July 24, 2005.
The re-christening of King County was long overdue. With the focus of his political career on Southern issues, including ensuring the
bondage of human beings, the
old namesake of King County cannot be said to have ever espoused
the values of its residents. Though
Dr. Martin Luther King was also
a Southerner, the values he promoted extended across the United
States and around the world.
Dr. King visited our county in
November of 1961, speaking at the
University of Washington to 2,000
students about applying their creativity to protests against segregation. The students gave him a
standing ovation.
King’s visit was not without
controversy. The First Presbyterian
Church, where King had originally
been scheduled to speak, backed
out after flyers had already circulated announcing his impending
arrival. This frustrated the organizer of King’s visit, the Rev. Samuel
B. McKinney of the Brotherhood of
Mount Zion Baptist Church, whose
own modest church-house did not
have the capacity for the number
expected to turn out for King’s visit. McKinney instead secured the
Eagles Auditorium (now the ACT
Theatre) where King spoke to a full
house.
Years later, McKinney received
a letter from the First Presbyterian
Church. It was from its current pastor, offering an apology on behalf
of his church for withdrawing its
support for King’s visit. A surprised
McKinney requested a meeting
with the pastor.
“I [told him], ‘You are unlike so
many people today,’” said McKinney in a 1998 interview. “So many
people say, ‘I had nothing to do
with it. Don’t hold me responsible
for what somebody else has done.’
He says he realized all of that, but
he felt there was a rift within what
he said was the church of the body
of Christ, and he said that he felt
that if they could do something to
heal that rift, he was willing to do
it.”
That day, the two men did more
for Dr. King’s dream than any rededication could have.
EBBTIDEOPINIONSEBBTIDEOPINIONSEBBTIDEOPINIONSEBBTIDEOPINIONSEBBTIDEOPINIO
“Scouring toilet bowls for truth, since 1965.”
A new low for education
(or “The idiots are coming!!”)
by Steven Werner
Contributing Writer
A recent edition of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer brought with it a shame that hits a
little too close to home.
The Federal Way School District, of
which I am a product, has forbidden teachers from showing An Inconvenient Truth,
the global warming-themed documentary
featuring former Vice President Al Gore,
following complaints from parent Frosty
Hardison.
Now, one would think that a man who
shares his name with a snowman would be
as interested in curbing global warming as
anyone, but apparently not.
Says Hardison, who also opposes sex
education and supports teaching creationism, “Condoms don’t belong in school and
neither does Al Gore. He’s not a schoolteacher.”
Actually, Al Gore has taught at several
prominent universities since being screwed
out of the presidency. This more than qualifies him to teach a junior high science class.
Hardison, also a parent of seven (condoms
apparently don’t belong in Frosty’s bedroom
either), further adds, “The information that’s
being presented is a very cockeyed view of
what the truth is...The Bible says that in the
end times, everything will burn up, but that
perspective isn’t in the DVD.”
I don’t want to lose my cool here, but
why would a scientific study of climate
change include a fiery devil-beast and the
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?!
In any case, it appears that a “compromise” has been reached: An Inconvenient
Truth may be shown in classes, provided
that a “credible, legitimate” film with an opposing view is also shown.
In fact, that is supposedly the district’s
policy. So, by that logic,
I suppose it’s safe to assume that when high
school students study
World War II, they’re immediately shown a string
of Nazi propaganda, followed by common American viewpoints, and then
told that the choice is
theirs whom they believe.
The problem with this
approach concerning the
issue of climate change
is that a “credible, legitimate” film dismissing
global warming may not exist.
And, while we’re at it, who decides what’s
credible and what isn’t? The truth is that,
while there are a few well-reasoned global
warming critics, it’s mainly semantics that
they dispute: whether certain figures have
been exaggerated, or whether influences
other than man have done more to contrib-
ute to the problem. Very few, even among the
most ardent skeptics, will go so far as saying
that global warming simply isn’t happening.
So, why would the school district so hastily ban this film? If students accept it without
question, what’s the worst thing that’ll happen? They’ll be more environmentally conscious? Oh, the humanity!
Federal Way School-board President Ed
Barney claims that students should hear the perspective of global warming skeptics and adds that
after they hear both sides,
“if they want to think that
driving around in cars is
going to kill us all, that’s
fine, that’s their choice.”
Sounds like a nice, unbiased opinion.
What isn’t mentioned
in the article is that Barney is also a devout Mormon, which brings us to
the heart of the matter.
We seem to have no choice but to assume
that this is the work of a handful of religious
zealots with far too much time on their
hands. In Federal Way and elsewhere, religious conservatives are tightening their grip
on public schools, attempting to ban books,
sex education, and anything else that doesn’t
jive with their narrow world view.
What’s clearly lost on these people is this:
though they don’t always achieve this end,
schools are designed to prepare kids for the
sometimes uncomfortable reality that is life.
If these ideologues are allowed to proceed
unchecked, a typical high school experience
could easily be reduced to nothing more
than poorly-constructed worship songs, and
C. S. Lewis books.
It used to be that hardcore religious types
home-schooled their kids to shield them
from the horrors of secular society. But
now, if I had children, I’d be compelled to
home-school them to keep them away from
the fundamentalists that have infiltrated our
school system.
Everyone pays taxes, not just uptight, repressed Bible-beaters. Are we not entitled to
schools unmolested by the religious right?
In spite of my obvious disdain for certain
segments of the religious community, I consider myself a Christian, so these aren’t just
the ravings of some godless Clintonite.
However, I also consider myself a generally sensible person, and I can’t, in good
conscience, consider it a sensible attitude to
believe that climate change is a sham concocted by Christ-hating liberals.
Apparently, Hardison and Barney do believe that. They may not believe in dinosaurs
but they sure believe in evil scientific plots
against the Almighty and His supposed political party of choice.
I like the program. My only issue is that
we may be robbing these students of their
youth. By the time they reach legal drinking
age (because, ahem, we all wait till we are
21), who will invite them to the kegger?
Nights of unadulterated partying to the
sweet music just doesn’t sound as fun when
the job and responsibilities call you the next
morning. And these younger folk will prob-
ably be done with most of their education
before the time they reach 21 years of age.
Heed my words of advice young ones,
play while you still have the time to play. Live
while you still have the time to live. Enjoy it,
you’re only young once. Just don’t post all
the pictures on Myspace.
That place is just pure evil and monopolizes way too much of your time.
One would think that a
man who shares his name
with a snowman would
be as interested in curbing
global warming as anyone,
but apparently not.
Everyone
Is Entitled
to My Opinion
by Jonathan Lavigne
Editor-in-Chief
Rage against the pop machine
I am diabetic. I have been most of my
adult life. I control my blood sugar through
insulin and dieting. I can’t eat pop tarts and
all the other sugary goodies I used to enjoy
as a kid, and I have to make sure that my
sugar intake is at a minimal.
Like many students here on campus, I
tend to get sleep-deprived as finals approach
and the workload grows exponentially. I’m
tired, I’m cranky, and I need extra energy.
Last week I went to the Student Lounge to
try and purchase an energy drink, favored
beverage of the sleepy student.
Unfortunately, after searching every last
pop machine, I was dismayed to discover
that my options were very limited.
Diet Pepsi or Diet Coke. Not one sugar
free energy drink in sight. There are a few
sugar-laced options to be found, but if sugar
is poison to your system I guess you’re out
of luck.
This school does have a relatively nice
track record for accommodating people.
SCC does its best to facilitate student life in
the absence of the PUB. We have food carts
and a taco truck on campus. The menus
have been revised somewhat to accommodate the vegetarians on campus. Why is
so complicated to get sugar free drinks on
campus too?
Myspace Generation
What you do today will alter the rest of
your life. The choices you make, and the
decisions you pursue will shape the per-
son you will become. But beware, with
the new age of information, mistakes of
the past can come back to haunt you.
This weekend, while waiting for my ride
to get to my house for a fun filled evening of
dancing and random debauchery, I browsed
MySpace.com picture galleries of friends
and acquaintances.
There was a girl napping with her dog, a
guy striking a pose right out of a magazine
cover, and other inanities of the sort. Basically just the random things you would expect on Myspace.
A thought then occurred to me: what if
Mr. John Q. decides to run for office one day
and his pictures taken while he guzzled a
beer bong while wearing a t-shirt that proclaimed “K is for Kegger” resurfaces while
he campaigns for a seat on the senate?
Are we over exposing ourselves while
living our youth by, you know, being young?
What you post online today will stay with
you forever. Kind of like Bill Clinton, who
will always be remembered as the president
who got a blowjob in the White House as opposed to the deeds he actually accomplished
while sitting in the chair.
Not those deeds, the actual good stuff
like balancing the budget or his world relation policies.
There is a program here at SCC called
Running Start. The aim of it is to take
prolific high school students and get them
into college classes earlier as part of their
regular high school course load.
It’s a great concept. It shortens the
time they spend in college and sends them
off into the real world that much faster.
January 19, 2007 • The Ebbtide • F E A T URE S
Officer carries a big stick
—but never needs to use it
by Alison Huang
Contributing writer
W
ith her shoulders confidently pulled back,
and her bullet-proof
vest stiffly pressed
around her solid frame, Sergeant
Becky Gibler strides out of her office and greets visitors with a firm
hand-shake. It is not until a big
smile spreads across her face that
the tension in the room is released.
Gibler’s duties as a member of
the Safety and Security Department
at Shoreline Community College
vary. The department answers to aid
calls, performs CPR if needed, deters
crimes, issues tickets, and provides
various car services on campus such as
tire changes, car jumpstarts, and even
security escorts at night.
“People have misconceptions that
we are police wannabes,” says Gibler,
38. “But that’s because they don’t
know what we do.”
Walking outside, Gibler turns to
two students puffing on cigarettes. She
winks and jokingly asks, “Aw, come
on, are you ladies smoking?” while
pointing to a nearby No Smoking sign.
“People don’t like authoritative orders,” Giber later explains, “but if you
show them respect, they will show you
respect back.”
Although Gibler carries around
pepper spray and a baton, she has never needed to use them.
Her most interesting case was receiving reports regarding a man in
his late 40s dressed in black tights, a
pink ballerina tutu, and a pink sweater
lurking around campus. This man was
also seen on several other Seattle college campuses. Another case involved
a man wearing nothing but his boxers
and a ball cap.
Working in crime enforcement was
not Gibler’s childhood dream. She initially attended Shoreline Community
College in 1987 to study photography
and left after a year to pursue a photography career. After 10 years, she
Sergeant Becky Gibler gets hit by snowball thrown by her son, Spencer.
discovered that she was allergic to certain photography chemicals.
So, Gibler returned to Shoreline in
1997 and decided to try a new route
through Shoreline’s Worker Retraining Program: the criminal justice field.
She felt it was a field in which she
could make a contribution.
“It is a fact that most predators are
men, and victims are women,” Gibler
said. “As a woman, I would prefer
having a female officer discuss domestic violence or rape crimes issues
with me.”
Initially wanting to become a private investigator, Gibler changed her
mind after an internship. She found
the demand for private investigators
declining due to the information the
Internet can provide.
Gibler then explored becoming a
police officer by working in the Tukwila Police Department as the records
clerk.
“Becoming a police officer takes a
whole year filled with exams,” Gibler
said. “So I decided to first survey the
field.”
In Tukwila she performed fingerprinting, cell checks, pat-downs on
criminals in holding cells, and videorecorded investigations.
“Oh, I learned so much there! I felt
safe because there was always an officer present during these checks,” she
said. “What I had to be cautious of was
the knives and needles some criminals
hid.”
At that time Gibler’s son was only
eight months old.
“I changed my mind about becoming a police officer because my son
was so young,” she said. “I couldn’t
take on a risky job; I wanted to be
there for him in the future.”
Instead, she decided to take a job
as an officer at Shoreline Community
College, and worked her way up to
sergeant in less than two years. Her
job is similar in many ways to police
work, but within smaller parameters,
and much safer.
One potential danger is bomb
threats, because campus security officers are responsible for clearing buildings. Gibler says she has dealt with
three bomb threats on campus in the
past five years.
Other potential dangers occur
when officers have to break up fights
or when a graveyard officer makes
contact with unknown people in the
middle of the night.
As Gibler sees it, being a female
in this predominately male field has
worked to her advantage.
“It’s a macho issue where most
people will not challenge or scream
at a woman officer,” she said. “I have
not yet felt disrespected because of my
gender.”
During her first year in the field, 10
boys broke out in a fistfight in the PUB
over a ping-pong game. Since it was
her first case, Gibler was nervous when
she was called on, but she displayed
calmness and ordered, “YOU! HERE!
HAVE YOU SEEN ME?
Please contact the Bierce
family with any information.
• The Ebbtide • January 19, 2007
Courtesy Becky Gibler
YOU! THERE! DON’T MOVE.”
The boys still refused to listen, and
one even picked up a chair to fling at
another. Gibler had no other choice
but to call the Shoreline Police Department.
Most on-campus fights Gibler
deals with are over parking spots, basketball games, and girls. In the past
five years, she remembers about seven
fights where the Shoreline Police were
contacted.
The hardest part of Gibler’s job
is dealing with angry people who get
parking tickets.
“I often get mad
accusations of ‘Don’t
you people have better
things to do?’” she
said. “But they have
to understand that by
surveying the parking
lot, we are preventing
crime outbreaks.”
Off-work, Gibler is family-oriented. She loves to watch and videotape
her 8-year-old son playing sports.
“He just recently picked up soccer,” she says, her eyes sparkling.
She enjoys her down time—
camping, taking pictures with her
digital camera and reading. Currently, she is absorbed in a detective
novel and a non-fiction book on the
history of Seattle. But she also enjoys her job—deterring crime, connecting with students, and patrolling
the campus.
“I love it because I don’t need to
sit behind a desk,” she said.
A
Belle Epoque:
&
by David Banuelos
Copy Editor
Blending progressive elements and odd
meters with indie-pop songwriting sensibilities, Seattle quartet Belle Epoque is just beginning to make its mark on the Northwest
music scene. Made up of Shoreline alums
Kevin Slota and Brian Ward (vocals/guitar,
and lead guitar respectively), bassist Brian
Colio, and drummer Chris Kiger, the band
will be performing live at Mars Bar on January 27 (sorry kids, 21 and over).
I recently caught up with Slota by e-mail
to get his thoughts on the group’s past, present, and future.
Q: How/when did the band form?
A: Well, Belle Epoque technically started
about three years ago when I started using
the name for my solo work instead of Lucky
Lullaby, the name I’d been using since high
school. With the addition of Brian Ward’s
brilliant guitar leads, we started to arrange
songs that had previously been solo acoustic guitar and vocals. Our first bassist, Britton Wentzel, moved to North Carolina and
our keyboard player, Brian Colio, switched
to bass. Near the end of July of last year we
finally found drummer Chris Kiger and by
October we had our first show at the High
Dive in Fremont. Since then we’ve played a
handful of shows and recorded a three song
demo.
Q: How would you describe your sound
and songwriting process?
A: The “describe your sound” question is al-
E
a beautiful
era for world
takeover
ways the hardest to answer, but I guess it’s
pretty important! We play rock music with
guitars, bass, drums, and vocals. I write
melodic guitar lines with a healthy amount
of odd time signatures. I’ve been told our
music is fairly complicated, but I think that
most people can enjoy it without necessarily understanding its complexity because it’s
melodic and catchy. We draw from a diverse
background, and the melodic flavors reflect
that: Brian W. listens to a lot of jazz, blues,
and Beatles-esque rock; Brian C. prefers
more indie rock and punk; Chris’s favorite
bands are Tool and Pearl Jam; and I like a
lot of 50’s small group jazz, indie rock, and
a lot of singer/songwriter stuff. As for how
I write, I usually write at night outside my
tiny apartment with my acoustic guitar in the
bitter cold. I also like to come up with things
when I go for walks around Green Lake because it’s really nice to have the basics of a
song down before I even touch the guitar. I
can’t force myself to write like real writers
can, but I have these tricks to get myself
focused and motivated. I’ve been trying to
write more with the piano as well because
I find diffirent chord voicings and the voiceleading is much smoother.
a genuine interest in their students’ projects
and you actually get a feeling of mutual respect that you don’t get at universities.
Q: What is the greatest benefit of your
experience in SCC’s music program?
A: It might be a bit cliché, but I feel like
Shoreline has so much diversity that it’s easy
to be inspired. Being around so many different people with such different ideas and
approaches to music and songwriting is very
comforting. Also, the teachers seem to have
Q: What are your goals for the forseeable future as a group?
A: Play more shows, record more, and possibly tour...and take over the world.
Q: What recordings are available, and
what are you currently working on?
A: We’ve currently recorded and mixed three
of four songs that will be released as an EP
in March. We’re trying to get this one done
as soon as possible so that any revenue we
should bring in can go to fund a full length album later this year. I would like to be able to
do a short tour in the fall and hit the studio in
October, but we don’t have anything planned
officially. You can also download two songs
from our forthcoming EP for free from our
Myspace page: http://www.myspace.com/
belleepoquemusic. There’s also a live recording from our recent show at the Crocodile
availible.
Q: What has been the highlight of your
experience with this band?
A: So far the Crocodile holds the highlight
title. I’ve been to a thousand and one shows
there and it was just really fun to play in such
a fine, well-known club.
Belle Epoque will play the Mars Bar
(609 Eastlake Ave. E, Seattle) on Jan. 27
Cuddly toons
reject
non-violence
by Ivanhoe
A&E Editor
y o u t u be re v i e w
Move over, Roadrunner. The title
of Most Violent Cartoon now belongs
to Happy Tree Friends. The Flash animation series follows the exploits of a
rainbow of ultra-cutesy woodland animals as they meet horrifically graphic
deaths. The blood-laden cartoons generally last no longer than three minutes
in length, and feature characters such
as Cuddles the yellow bunny, Giggles
the pink chipmunk, Flaky the red porcupine, and Flippy the green bear.
In one episode, Cuddles, Giggles,
and Flaky are enjoying an evening by
the campfire when Flippy flips out and
cuts open Cuddles with a knife, strangles
Giggles with Cuddles’ small intestine, and
throws Flaky, trapped in its sleeping bag,
into the campfire. The cartoon ends with
the moral, “Plant a tree!”
The episodes, which originate from
their web site at www.happytreefriends.
com, also air on cable channel G4, are frequently featured theatrically in Spike and
Mike’s Sick and Twisted Festival of Animation, and can be purchased on DVD at
Wal-Mart.
I am not particularly enamored by the
senseless violence in these cartoons, but
Ebbtide Editor-in-Chief Jonathan Levigne, who asked me to review Happy Tree
Friends, clearly is. Perhaps one could
argue that these cartoons are a warning
against violence, but I certainly won’t.
IN THEATRES JANUARY 12
College Ad
5” x 7”
UPCOM
ING@
SCC
MLK Celebration
Friday, Jan. 19
A special program will honor the
life and values of Martin Luther
King. 9:30 a.m. – 1:30 p.m., Gymnasium, Free
Olympic Sculpture Park
Opening
Saturday, Jan. 20 –
Sunday, Jan. 21
The Seattle Art Museum inaugurates the Olympic Sculpture Park.
Events will include music, dance,
acrobatics, and breakdancing.
Oh, and there will be sculptures.
11 a.m. – 9 p.m. (Sat.), 11 a.m. – 5
p.m. (Sun.), 2901 Western Ave.
(Seattle waterfront), Free
Shuttles leave from Shoreline
YMCA (1220 NE 175th St.) every
hour from 11 a.m. – 5 p.m.
Study Abroad Photography
Reception
Monday, Jan. 22
Photographs from last summer’s
Study Abroad program will be
showcased. 3 – 4 p.m., 1000
Bldg. Gallery, Free
Shoreline Club Kick-off
Wednesday, Jan. 24
Come meet members of the
many clubs on campus and
get involved with the Shoreline
community through arts, culture,
sports, or community service.
Light refreshments. 11 a.m.
– 1:30 p.m., bottom floor corridor
of 4000 Bldg. (Library), Free
Film: Sepet
Friday, Jan. 26
Malaysian film about a romance
between a Chinese boy and a
Malay girl. 12:30 – 2:15 p.m., see
Student Services for details
Faculty Piano Recital:
“Romantic Journey”
Sunday, Jan. 28
Pianist Jensina Byington plays
Romantic composers, including
Beethoven and Rachmaninoff.
Proceeds benefit the Shoreline
Piano Scholarship Fund. 3 p.m.,
Campus Theater, $5 w/ SCC ID &
children, $10 seniors & students,
$15 general
January 19, 2007 • The Ebbtide • E
&
A
An eye-opening look into the world of
teenage rebellion
by Wes Abney
Staff Writer
Whenever Hollywood sets out to
recreate a true story, a certain level
of commercialization is expected,
and for the most part, appreciated.
Going out to see a movie these days
is often expected to be a mindless
form of entertainment, consisting of
nothing more than a simple plot with
big name actors.
Going to see Alpha Dog expecting a mainstream, teenage movie
will leave you disappointed and
confused. That doesn’t mean you
shouldn’t watch this movie, you just
need to be prepared for a graphic
and very real message.
The movie starts as a party sequence, with pervasive drug and
alcohol use being the norm. The
viewer is completely immersed in
the worlds of several seemingly unconnected teens as the early scenes
of the movie portray the lives of drug
dealers/users in the San Fernando
Valley. The movie follows Johnny
Truelove, gang leader and smalltime drug distributor, and his unruly
crowd of rich “gangsters.”
Eventually, as in most cases, the
loved
it
Depravity with every twist
by Daniel Berman
Photo Editor
party ends and the real world comes
Alpha Dog is a story of rivalries,
crashing down on the teens. When a
drug addict owes Truelove money,
drugs, and the stories that link
he decides to kidnap and take hosthem—not a story of love, or idealtage the younger half-brother of the
ism, nor one of reason or hope—it
is but a sordid vehicle of desperaaddict for ransom. This is when the
tion striving aimlessly towards
true stupidity (and reality) of the
movie sets in.
dignity.
The events of the movie’s second
The movie begins like a party.
half are shocking and almost unbePot and alcohol drift onto the
screen as we are introduced to the
lievable, but the message is too imtrue story of smalltime drug dealer
portant to be ignored. The influences
that affected the decision-making
Johnny Truelove (Emile Hirsch,
were illegal, and the results can be
playing the real Jesse James Hollyseen directly on screen.
There is no fairytale ending in this movie, and
that’s important. The drug
world isn’t cut straight out
of a rap video, and neither
is this story.
Looking for reality in
Hollywood can be seen
as impossible in a scene
that is never truly real,
but Alpha Dog offers a
brief glimpse of life within
the game that is the drug
world. Eventually, as in
Courtesy Universal Studios
this movie, the party al- Zack Mazursky (Anton Yelchin) considers the benefits of priesthood
ways ends.
in the new movie, Alpha Dog
ed
h
t
loa it
wood) and the web he weaves in
an ever-destitute Los Angeles.
A group of alcoholic and methabusing friends become embroiled
in his violent scheming when
an indebted partner burglarizes
Truelove’s home, leaving the quartet few choices but to kidnap the
man’s younger brother. Even before the story reaches halfway it
becomes abundantly clear the depravity with which these men (noting “they have their own rules”)
act every day.
Pop artist Justin Timberlake
carefully acts the sidekick role of
crass Frankie Ballenbacher—a
rich white kid old enough to drink,
but not mature enough to hold it
down. Of much note is young actor
Anton Yelchin, who having already
starred in the acclaimed film Along
Came A Spider, seamlessly pulled
off the role of the pot-smoking
younger brother Zack Mazursky.
Nothing is off-limits with Alpha
Dog, which features the pedantic
ravings of truly sick urbanites.
From the trash-talking mom to the
drug-peddling father, no amount
of quick editing and slick rap can
save the fate of this derelict cast.
Dreamgirls:
Is it Motown
or Broadway?
by Ivanhoe
A&E Editor
mo v i e re v i e w
Following in the footsteps of Chicago
is Dreamgirls, the 1981 Broadway musical about the rise of a Diana Ross-esque
soul diva, which made its much-hyped
transition to the screen this season. Like
Chicago, the story revolves around singers aspiring to stardom. However, any
similarities between the two end there.
The story begins with three young
women competing together in a talent
show for soul singers in the early sixties. There, they are discovered by an agent,
and what follows is a whirlwind of behindthe-scenes romances and backstabbing, just
as you would expect from the recording industry. As such, the plot is an uneven hodgepodge of stories borrowed heavily from every Motown episode of E! True Hollywood
Stories.
Granted, lavish productions such as these
don’t require fantastic screenplays, since
they are really vehicles for the music. But the
music is precisely where Dreamgirls runs
into trouble.
From the early doo-wop origins of the tale,
on through the big pop hits of the sixties, the
socially conscious lyrics of the turn of the
decade, and up to (cringe) disco, the sound
is pretty much the same. Throughout the 20year span during which the film is supposed
to take place, the musical arrangements are
uniformly overproduced, with seemingly the
same horn section playing throughout the
soundtrack.
Gone is the basement funk of the great
soul labels like Motown, Stax, and Atlantic,
• The Ebbtide • January 19, 2007
Eddie Murphy channels Little Richard, Otis Redding, and James Brown for his role in Dreamgirls.
and in its place is a busy, over-orchestrated
Broadway sound that only seemed to work
well for the disco material. As a result,
what could have been a great soul musical
is instead a moderately amusing soap opera
about the music industry.
By contrast, take The Blues Brothers as
an example. That movie had no plot whatsoever, yet its diverse repertoire of excellent
soul, blues, and roots music was served with
fine musicianship, making the film an American classic.
I don’t mean to knock down those who
performed in Dreamgirls. Beyoncé Knowles,
Jennifer Hudson, and Anika Noni Rose did
everything that was demanded of them with
great vocal skill. I was particularly taken
with Eddie Murphy’s musical numbers. Seeing him doing Little Richard, Otis Redding,
and James Brown all at the same time was
a genuine delight, and it’s apparent that his
years impersonating Stevie Wonder and
James Brown on SNL paid off. But, probably
due to the musical direction, the female vocal performances suffer from Broadway-itis:
the singers are frequently singing so loudly
that the emotional impact of the music gets
lost in the stratosphere. That may be necessary on Broadway, but it doesn’t translate
well to the screen.
It seems to me that the filmmakers were
trying to score a hit in the same way as Chi-
Courtesy Paramount Pictures
cago. When it came to the musical direction,
however, they should have traded in the old
razzle-dazzle for some of those rhythm and
blues, because it would have better supported the story.
I still recommend Dreamgirls to anyone
who is a fan of the performers in the film, to
those who are closely following the awards
season, or who want to see what Jaleel White
has been up to since he hung up Steve Urkel’s
suspenders.
To those who admire the Motown sound
and want the real stories behind the music, I
will turn your attention to 1999’s Standing in
the Shadows of Motown, or 1973’s Wattstax,
both available on DVD.
&
E
Text and Photos
by Lindsay Ginn
staff photographer
H
Juicy Couture Jacket - $36, Shirt - $7, Hat - $13
•
Pair great pants that have
a classic pattern, such
as pinstripes or herringbone, with a clever, funky
graphic t-shirt for a casual,
put-together look. Add a
thick scarf and a blazer to
go from day to night and
keep you toasty warm
while you’re at it!
•
Unique, structured hats
add intrigue and personality to any style you decide
to sport.
•
In icy conditions, heels
aren’t always your safest
bet. Opt for wedge-heeled
boots or close-toed shoes
to add stability. The illusion of longer legs doesn’t
hurt either!
Headscarf - $6.50, Shirt - $6, Jacket - $12, Scarf - $10
Juicy Couture Jacket - $36, Shirt - $7, Hat - $13
•
Jacket - $32, Shirt - $8, Pants - $13, Scart - $3, Hat - $13
o your Mickey Mouse earmuffs
are officially outdated, and the
fleece jacket you want is about
300 percent out of your clothing
budget for the season. The time
has come to make winter’s most daunting
decision: Do you sacrifice your wardrobe’s
integrity for warmth, or sacrifice your bank
account for the ability to feel good about
walking around in public?
The final answer: neither!
It is possible to achieve a balance between warmth, style, and your budget.
Thrift stores have a lot more to offer than
your grandmother’s church dress from
1963, or old size 3 tap shoes that look like
they’ve been run over by a Mack truck.
The key is knowing where to look. This
may come as a surprise to some readers,
but Value Village surrendered its reign as
thrift store king long ago, and in the meantime, secondhand stores like Plato’s Closet,
Atlas Clothing and Buffalo Exchange have
taken a more youthful approach to preloved clothing. In these three stores alone,
you can certainly gather enough winter
garb for the whole season without breaking the bank.
Now that you have all of these new possibilities before you, it’s natural for quality
concerns to arise. How do you know that
these pre-owned clothes are even worth
the extremely low prices that are being
asked for them? They’re probably brands
that you’ve never heard of and are hesitant
to trust.
Au contraire, my friends! The three establishments mentioned above focus on
familiar name brands to ease your skeptical nerves. While designer brands may
be slightly more expensive than regular
brands, they’re still marked well below the
suggested retail.
Still worried about the ramifications
of finding a ton of inexpensive, new-toyou clothing? Even if everything you find
is $7, you can buy 8 pieces and that’s $56
of broke college student money that may
deprive you of much needed groceries,
rent, or worse than that, the opportunity
to pay off the 450 text messages you sent
last month. Not to mention your already
overflowing—yet tiny—studio apartment
closet.
Well, fear not! Both Plato’s Closet and
Buffalo Exchange will gladly take a look at
your closet overflow and trade you store
credit, or cold hard cash for pieces that are
well cared for and fashionable.
Luckily for you, bargain hunter, the best
looks this season are all about opposites:
the old mixed in with the new, fun mixed
with class, bohemian with chic, etc. Subtlety and small details are the foundation
of these looks in the chilly winter season.
Keeping your individuality and personal
style is crucial to attaining a sharp look.
With these super-bargain second hand
stores in your own backyard, you can be
sure that this icy winter will be no match
for your style (or your student-style budget). You won’t need to sacrifice your savings or your wardrobe to have a warm winter season.
ere are some other
ideas to keep you
on top of your
game (and checkbook!):
Headscarf - $6.50, Jacket - $12, Scarf - $10, Pants - $14.50
S
A
r
e
t
r
o
p
à
t
ê
r
p
Faux fur is a cozy, and
cost-effective way to
stay warm while adding some glam to your
jackets this winter. Faux
fur-lined hoods add just
the right amount of edge
without making you look
like you’re half cat. These
jackets are great because
they’ll go with just about
everything.
•
When hats and hoods are
out of the question, try
using a thin, flat scarf as
a headband. This 1960’s
flashback isn’t just a
fashion statement—pull
the scarf over the tops of
your ears to keep them
warm and safe from the
frigid air.
•
Thick, colorful scarves are
a bold highlight on top of
darker jackets and are certain to keep your neck and
ears toasty. Once inside
after the jacket comes off,
they still look great with a
t-shirt and jeans.
January 19, 2007 • The Ebbtide • $$$
o
t
o
h
The P
by Dan Gayle,
Associate editor
I use Photoshop and the Adobe
Creative Suite as a graphic designer
and photographer every day.
Unfortunately, every day I wake
up cursing myself over how much
dough I dropped on that software
suite. It’s cool, and awesome, and
whatever superlative you want to
insert here, but it’s the bottom dollar
that hurts: $399 plus tax (That’s with
the student discount!).
Makes the price of that History
textbook look like downright chump
change, eh?
Aside from free-spending fanatics like me, there are few options
for people who want to edit photos,
create graphics or digitally illustrate
things, without mortgaging their future to Adobe, Inc.
Here’s where most people might
tell you that there are reasonably
priced alternatives to Photoshop
for around $100. Not me. Not this
article. I’m going to do you one
better.
How does free sound to you?
The GNU Image Manipulation
Program, or the GIMP for short,
is absolutely free, and available to
anyone with an internet connection.
My classmates called me “the
Gimp” in High School because of
my proclivity toward injury, so I
love it already.
But seriously, this is one serious
piece of software, and it’s on the
verge of being a Photoshop Killer.
It can open and edit almost any
photo or image, and contains a
wealth of features that it’s higher
r
e
l
l
i
hop K
How the GIMP slayed Goliath
priced brethren charge you an arm
and a colon for.
Nearly all of the features that
people look for in Photoshop are
available, such as layers, channels and transparencies, paths,
and selection and masking tools.
In addition, the GIMP supports
multiple file formats including
Adobe native .psd and Postscript,
the open standards .svg and .png,
and the ever-present .gif and .gif
formats.
There are even versions available that you can slap onto your
iPod and run on any Macintosh or
PC without installation! Try that
with the behemoth known as Photoshop!
Ha ha! Down, you foul beast!
Aside from a few features
needed by only print profession-
CES
really stands for
Crazy Exciting Stuff
by Joshua Henry
Staff Photographer
1,024GB. If you are having trouble imagining how
much data that really is, think of it this way: 1TB of
This year, at the 40th anniversary of the Consumer data is roughly 745 million standard floppy disks, or
Electronics Show in Las Vegas, some amazing tech- about 250,000 mp3 songs.
nology breached the surface of the inner bowels of
A small multimedia computer company called
leading edge technology companies. Highlights of this Moneual has set the record for the most expensive
year’s extravaganza included a diamond encrusted consumer computer ever produced. The computer
home theater computer, and a robotic panda bear.
has been dubbed the “Jewelry PC” and was designed
WowWee, a consumer robotics company, is releas- by Lee Charles Buckingham, a famous jewelery deing a robot panda bear
signer.
named Robopanda.
The pricey PC will
This robot is unlike
come in several difmany of the robotic
ferent versions, the
children’s toys we
so-called budget verhave seen to date. It
sion will start in the
looks like a cute little
$30,000-range,
and
panda with glowing
will go all the way up
blue eyes, features
to $1 million.
touch and motion
The
computer’s
sensors, and will be
technical
capabiliable to give audible
ties are nothing to
feedback to whoever
sneeze at, but as far
is playing with it. It
as computers go, you
also comes with a
will definitely be paysmaller plush toy vering for the bling more
sion of itself that it
than a home theater
can cuddle with when
super computer. Its
not being entertained
most prevalent feaby its owner. The Rotures are that it is debopanda is scheduled
signed to look like a
to be released in the
component of a home
U.S. sometime within
theater and has a 7”
2007.
touchscreen on the
One of the leadfront, along with, of
ers in computer hard
course, the diamonds.
drive technology, HitThe 40th CES
achi, has won the race
definitely had some
for the world’s first 1‘crazy exciting stuff’
Courtesy WowWee
terabyte hard drive.
to show off this year.
The Hitachi Deskstar [Robopanda] also comes with a smaller plush toy verSo much so that 2007
7K1000 can hold one sion of itself that it can cuddle with when not being
may be known as one
TB of data. The tera- entertained by its owner.
of the most innovabyte is the heir-appartive years for technolent to the gigabyte (GB).
ogy to date.
The typical home or office computer built within
Some other exciting products to look into would
the last five years will feature a hard drive with any- be Nintendo’s Wiimote add on accessories, the Apple
where from 20 to 250GB of storage. One TB equals iPhone, and the Westinghouse quadruple HDTV.
10 • The Ebbtide • January 19, 2007
als such as spot color, 16 and 32
bit color depth, or full CMYK support, the GIMP is almost every
bit as useful and powerful as its
hefty-priced alternative.
So, if it’s so powerful, why
hasn’t it caught on yet with the
general populace? The answer, in
short, is because most of us aren’t
geeky enough to have heard of it.
It’s been around for years as the
standard image editor for geeks,
dweebs, and other technophiles
with obscure Linux installations
that you’ve never heard of, let
alone care about.
Also, until recently, the GIMP
hasn’t been the most user-friendly
of applications. It’s been twelve
years since it originated, but it has
just now reached critical mass in
its availability for those of us for-
tunate enough to have Macs, and
those who had to settle for their
wicked Redmond step-brothers.
It now comes in a variety of
binary installations for Mac and
PC that make installation only
slightly difficult for experience
computer users.
It still doesn’t have the greatest
user interface. It’s still difficult to
install perfectly, and it’s still hard
to figure out exactly how it works.
That said, it all comes back to that
magic number that all students,
American, Japanese, and yes,
even Canadian can afford: $0.00
+ 1000% Tax. (For those not math
inclined, that’s still FREE.)
It’s powerful. It’s weird. It’s got
a cool name. And, when you get
right down to it, it has an unbeatable price.
iPhone: The unnecessary
Zune killer
by Joe Louie
Contributing writer
As it often is with all things Apple, the new iPhone is a gadget that
attempts to do it all.
“A widescreen iPod with touch
controls. A revolutionary mobile
phone. A breakthrough internet
communication device,” Apple
CEO Steve Jobs said repeatedly,
in his keynote address at the latest
MacWorld Expo. He’s stated that
Apple is reinventing the phone.
Boom.
I must admit, the iPhone, due
to ship out to consumers in June,
looks rather impressive. From the
front, it’s sleek and black, with a
single button on the bottom labeled
simply: home. The rest of the front,
however, is a 3.5-inch, multi-touch,
hi-resolution screen.
This lends itself to one of the
most revolutionary interfaces ever
created. Intuitive and on-the-fly, it
reads where your finger (styluses
be damned) is, and compensates
for mis-pokes. A proximity sensor
ensures that your face doesn’t start
adding “keystrokes.” Two more
sensors are built in, one adjusting
the screen based on ambient light,
the other automatically switching
between widescreen and a normal
up/down view. The rear of it, aside
from the standard engraved Apple
logo, contains a built in 2 megapixel camera.
It operates under OSX, allowing the device to use desktop widgets, and sync seamlessly with
your desktop computer through
iTunes. OSX allows the iPhone to
use rich HTML email, true Safari
internet browsing, play with Widgets, and perform several functions
simultaneously. By teaming up with
Google, Cingular, and Yahoo!, content will be continuously changing
and upgrading.
Google has offered its Maps program, making finding directions,
perusing the globe, and stalking
your friends easier than ever.
Yahoo! has provided “push”
email, which automatically redirects messages to your phone.
They are viewable both in full and
half screens, mimicking those of
many favored PC e-mail programs,
and allowing users to link phone
numbers in the messages to automatically be integrated into calls
made from the device.
Cingular has revolutionized
voicemail, giving it the same type
of interface as email, giving users the power to select messages
based on phone number rather
than having to go through messages in chronological order.
As with the iPod, Apple once
again attempts to redefine the
simple mp3 player. Browsing your
music with a flick of the finger, by
artist, album, song, or even album
art, lets you “touch your music,”
boasts Jobs.
Video is present on the screen
in letterbox format, and controlled with a overlaid interface
that appears and disappears with
your finger.
Apple is doing a very good job
at trying to break into several
markets at the same time. They
are doing a better job than Sony
did with the PSP for multimedia
playback, and with the multi-sensor touch screen, could break into
the gaming market big time.
The unfortunate downside to
all this innovation is the price for
consumers.
At $499 for the 4GB version
and a $599 8GB version, my heart
staggered much as it did at the
cost of a Playstation 3. The world
may not be ready for such a wondrous object yet, given the price,
but the way Apple’s generations
work, one could expect lower
priced versions within a year of
release.
S P O R T S
Shoreline forward
JaRon Brown (#50) is
heavily guarded by
Bellevue players while
trying to make a lay-up
Wednesday, Jan. 17 in
a 78-68 loss.
The Shoreline Men’s
Basketball team has
gone 5-6 since our last
issue. Freshman forward Brown continued
his stellar play averaging 17 points over the
10-game span, including a game-high 32 in
a tough 83-82 loss to
Southwest Oregon.
The women’s team
has regrettably been
forced to forfeit its last
several games due to a
lack of players.
Daniel Berman/Ebbtide
An easier pill to swallow
by David Banuelos
Copy Editor
I rarely speak of February 5,
2006, and when I do words like
“robbery” and “jobbed” accompany
other unseemly (and unprintable)
words.
I would imagine the vast majority of my fellow Seahawk fans have
similar feelings about that afternoon. The far-and-away best team
in franchise history lost the 40th Super Bowl that day to the Pittsburgh
Steelers 21-10 with a big assist
from the flag-toting men in black
and white stripes. What should
have been the crowning moment of
an extraordinary season, became a
massive punch in the collective gut
of the “12th Man” (with NO apologies to Texas A&M!).
The trauma of that Sunday has
led me to practically block out the
experience. I still have a picture
on my wall of Seattle Quarterback
Matt Hasselbeck triumphantly
hoisting the George Halas Trophy
at Qwest Field two weeks prior to
that fateful game. I’ve re-watched
the Hawks’ 34-14 NFC Championship drubbing of the Carolina
Panthers enough times that I’ve
virtually convinced myself that last
season ended that day.
I suppose you could say that I
need a sense of closure. Until last
Sunday you would have been absolutely right.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not
likely to get over the heist of my
city’s first major sports championship since June of 1979 (apologies
to the Storm and Sounders, but if
half the town is barely aware of
your existence...) by a team appropriately called the Steelers any
time soon. But last Sunday’s season-ending 27-24 overtime loss to
the Chicago Bears actually helped
to speed the healing process.
Athletes and coaches generally
despise the idea of a good loss or
moral victory. While much can be
learned from a defeat, winning is
the goal of any competitive sport.
The Seahawks didn’t play their
best against Chicago. In fact, it
can be argued that we haven’t
seen this group play to its potential since the 3rd quarter of their
game against the New York Giants in October.
The follow-up season to the
historic 2005 Super Bowl run
was frustrating on a multitude of
levels. Key injuries hurt the consistency of the offensive line, the
rhythm of the backfield, the tim-
ing of the receiving corp, and the
depth of the defensive secondary.
It got to the point where even the
loudest fans in the league couldn’t
help on three different occasions,
shattering the aura of home invincibility that Seattle had built during the previous two seasons.
Despite the troubles, there
were remarkable positives. We
got a chance to witness the great
athleticism of backup QB Seneca
Wallace, the dazzling abilities of
Pro Bowl linebacker Julian Peterson, and the nearly incomprehensible sight of cornerback Pete
Hunter, who spent most of the
season working as a loan officer,
intercepting a Rex Grossman pass
in the playoffs.
It was another season of
watching all-Universe left tackle
Walter Jones stuff would-be pass
rushers, fullback Mack Strong
open running lanes with violent
collisions, and LB Lofa Tatupu
sniff out the intentions of opposing offenses. Fans in Seattle, Dallas, and all over the country won’t
soon forget Seattle’s thrilling 2120 win over the Cowboys in the
first round of the playoffs.
The frustrating moments of
2006 could fill three newspa-
Recognizing Academic Excellence
If Seattle University is one of your transfer options, you may be eligible to receive the
Washington Articulation Scholarship
This $9,000 scholarship recognizes transfer students who are earning a direct transfer
associate of arts or associate of science at a Washington State community college and
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open to international students, US citizens, or permanent residents for each of the two
years of full-time study at Seattle University.
For further information please call or email:
admissions at (206) 296-2000 or [email protected]
Connecting the mind to what matters
pers, but for me the aggravation
reached its apex when San Francisco QB Alex Smith ran past a
seemingly indifferent group of
Hawk defenders for a game-icing
touchdown at Qwest Field on December 14. The weather that night
was dreadful enough to knock
out power to most of the greater
Seattle area for days at a time, but
the performance of the team that
evening was equally disgusting.
Obviously, the loss to the
Bears was a disappointing one.
The Hawks had their chances to
win, and failed to capitalize. Our
standards, as fans, have been
raised considerably, and the fact
that we won’t get another shot at
a Super Bowl title this year is still
sinking in.
Despite the letdown, we
should remember as fans that after losing three of their last four,
this team got off the deck like the
champions they are, and defended their conference title admirably despite all the setbacks and
injuries.
It’s a much less bitter pill to
swallow than the Super Bowl loss
of a year ago. At least this time we
lost to a football team rather than
an officiating crew.
randomrUmblings
in 99 words or less
by Tom Helm
Sports Editor
David Beckham will do phenomenal things to legitimize the
MLS here in the U.S. and overseas.
Bandwagon fans shouldn’t be
allowed to attend playoff games,
true fans only please.
Halloween has been rescheduled for April 2. Why? That’s
when your 2007 Seattle Mariners
take the field. The lineup they’ve
put together is scary, and not in a
good way.
I don’t know why the Oregon
Duck football team insists on having the ugliest uniforms in all of
sports.
Because teams like Boise
State continue to make the BCS
look stupid, college football is the
worst sport in North America.
SCHEDULE
Men’s basketball
Jan. 20
@Olympic
Jan. 24
@Seattle
Jan. 27
Skagit Valley
Jan. 31
@Edmonds
Feb. 3
Whatcom
Tip-off for all games is 7:30 p.m.,
except Feb. 3, which is TBA
SCORES
Men’s basketball
Jan. 17
Bellevue
Shoreline
78
68
Jan. 13
Peninsula
Shoreline
84
72
Jan. 6
Shoreline
Whatcom
71
63
STANDINGS
Men’s basketball
North Div.
W
L
Bellevue
5
0
Peninsula
4
1
Whatcom
4
1
Seattle
2
3
Edmonds
2
3
Olympic
2
4
Shoreline
1
3
Everett
1
3
Skagit Valley
1
4
Standings based on league play
Shoreline has
a new A.D.
by Tom Helm
Sports Editor
The long search for a new Shoreline Community College Athletic
Director is over as Doug Palmer
has been hired to helm the Dolphins Athletic Department. Palmer
fills a vacancy left by former A.D.
Ken Burrus who left last July.
The seven-member search committee interviewed 15 to 20 applicants from all over the country, and
finally settled on Palmer who had
been serving in various roles in the
Athletic Department at the University of West Florida.
“We posted the job in the beginning of November and it closed
Dec. 1,” said Dan Pray, Shoreline’s
acting Athletic Director. “We were
looking for a person that has a good
balance of physical education and
athletics, and Doug has both.”
Pray described Palmer as a very
nice, southern man whose goal is
to be in the director’s position for
the long haul.
“During the whole process, he
told me when you plow a field, you
kinda like to stick around to see
how the crop grows,” Pray said
with a chuckle when describing
Palmer’s attitude toward his new
role.
Palmer will start his new position on Jan. 22.
January 19, 2007 • The Ebbtide • 11
H UMOR
Schope’s
‘Scope
March 21–
April 19
•
April 20–
May 20
•
May 21–
June 20
•
The two enemies of human happiness are pain and boredom. In your case however, Aries, I foresee some light BDSM and/or 2-10 years
in prison making you very happy.
The more unintelligent a
man is, the less mysterious existence seems to him. Any
questions, Taurus? I didn’t think so.
Almost all of our sorrows
spring out of our relations with other people. You know
what that means, Gemini: It’s time you left us. Become a
hermit. It’s been nice knowing you—sort of.
June 21–
July 22
•
July 23–
August 22
•
We forfeit three-fourths
of ourselves to be like other people. But Cancer,
right now the market is hot! You might as well sell
the other fourth.
After your death you will
be what you were before your birth. And you remember
what that was like, Leo. Prepare yourself now.
August 23–
September 22
•
All truth passes through
three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently
opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. That
pretty well explains the incident regarding the dirty
sheets doesn’t it, Virgo?
September 23–
October 22
•
As the biggest library, if
it is in disorder, is not as useful as a small but wellarranged one, so you may accumulate a vast amount
of knowledge but it will be of far less value than a
much smaller amount if you have not thought it over
for yourself. But don’t think too hard, Libra. You might
break something.
October 23–
November 21
•
November 22–
December 21
•
December 22–
January 19
•
The man never feels the
want of what it never occurs to him to ask for. But isn’t
it hard to find the time to feel anything when there’s so
much cool stuff to entertain you, Scorpio?
Money is human happiness in the abstract; he, then, who is no longer capable
of enjoying human happiness in the concrete devotes
himself utterly to money. However, Sagittarius, don’t
fool yourself into thinking that just because you have no
money you are happy. You are miserable. Get a job.
The greatest achievements
of the human mind are generally received with distrust.
But there’s nothing great about you, Capricorn. You’re
just a creep.
January 20–
February 18
•
February 19–
March 20
•
“Bitch, are you deaf? Carmen had no range!”
Peg-n-Awl Studios
by Alfred Schopenhauer
Philosopher & Astrologist
It’s a switchblade!
!
D
N
U
FO
We ran this in our Nov. 17 issue:
But
what
is it?
World’s most offensive piece of
plastic? Perhaps. But seriously,
what function did this . . . thing
serve? It was found on a residential street near Greenlake. It’s unbroken; this is its molded shape. To
judge by the holes, it was attached,
by way of screws, to something
else. But what? If you, reader,
have any idea, please inform us:
[email protected]
Ebbtide reader Steve Petrone obliged us and
sent a web page selling this:
Confederate flag
“Git-Er-Done”
actual
size
“This is a fun knife.
It’s got an oversized
(very comfortable)
ABS handle with a
rebel flag. If anyone’s
feeling offended (because the rebel flag
does that from time
to time) just stop
right now. A push of
the small black button on the front of
the knife and you’re
rewarded
with
a loud “Git ‘er
done!” If you have
no idea who’s famous for saying
this give yourself
a slap and grab of a
copy the of the Blue
Collar Comedy Tour.
I’m sure this is the
knife that people all
over America have
been waiting for ;)”
American readers, you may now expatriate.
Thanks, Steve!
LAFFS
GAR-N-TEED*
They tell us that suicide
is the greatest piece of cowardice. . . that suicide is
wrong; when it is quite obvious that there is nothing in
the world to which every man has a more unassailable
title than to his own life and person (hint, hint, Aquarius).
The wise have always
said the same things, and fools, who are the majority,
have always done the opposite. Tell me then, Pisces,
why I should bother to tell you anything.
12 • The Ebbtide • January 19, 2007
*Offer valid only for NSDAP members.