Structure

Balancing Our
Out-of-balance
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Structure
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By Darren Daugherty
The Agony of Defeat
Vinko Bogataj, a Slovenian ski jumper, became famous in
the United States for a moment of grand failure. Bogataj
was competing in the World Ski Flying Championships
in Oberstdorf, West Germany, on March 21, 1970. At the
start of the event, snow began to fall, getting heavier
as the jumping continued. Midway down the ramp for
his third jump, Bogataj realized that the conditions had
made the ramp too fast. His failed attempt to end his
jump resulted in a horrific crash. Bogataj’s crash may
have remained obscure had not a film crew from ABC’s
Wide World of Sports been on hand to record the event.
The producer of the show decided to use the clip in the
opening seconds narrated by host Jim McKay. For many
years people watched Bogataj’s crash as they heard “and
the agony of defeat.”
If you remember that clip, you know Bogataj as the agony-of-defeat guy. It is
amazing that Bogataj suffered only a mild concussion. What most people do not
know is that Bogataj was successful in what he was trying to accomplish at that
moment: stopping his jump before his fate became much worse.
Bogataj could have thought, I’ve done this a thousand times. I know what I’m
doing. I’ve jumped in difficult conditions in the past, and I’ve always survived to jump
again. Instead, he recognized that the situation required serious action.
There are many ways churches can respond to today’s culture to make disciples
of Christ. There is one change, though, many are unwilling to make because it is
In keeping with the analogy of a structure,
the demolition of our ministry structure is not
being advocated. It is merely out of balance.
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85
too difficult and does not fit with the
common structure or plan. To make
matters worse, there are few models
to learn from. Would it not be better
to apply Bogataj’s strategy and make
difficult adjustments before it is too
late rather than face a worse outcome?
This illustration is not meant to
create a sensational extreme or the
preview of a miracle cure for the
numerical losses in our congregations.
But, the examination of a subject, a
strategy, a philosophy of ministry can
be easily brushed aside by church
leaders and Christian educators.
What if you could help your church
bring greater community, foster
greater responsibility in Christians,
and invest more effectively in younger
generations? Would you be willing to
do something that does not fit with
the conventional structure of church?
What Is Missing From
Conventional Church?
Justin became a Christian and began
attending church with believers who
had many things in common with
him. This church was relevant to his
©2007 Dan Pegoda
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needs and the needs of his friends. A
few years later, Justin had to leave this
church. He chose to attend another
that was as relevant as his first church.
Although it was a good move and
he was still among friends, he had a
second option. If Justin did not want
to attend this new church, his second
choice was to stop attending. Many of
his friends chose this option.
In his new congregation Justin made
great progress in his spiritual growth
for the next 6 years. After 6 years, he
had to leave that congregation. At this
point, there was another congregation
he could attend, but he was not sure
where he would fit, so he stopped
going to church.
We ask ourselves, Why do so many
young people leave the church? Beside the
lack of training with a strong, biblical
worldview during childhood and
adolescence, is our structure missing a
vital component? Have we implemented
our ministry tools into constructing an
inadequate ministry structure?
As we lose individuals during
movement from one age-segregated
congregation to another, our answer
is usually to create
more specialized
and exciting
ministries in our
congregations.
We work in a
structure that
needs remodeling.
Because remodeling
involves
uncomfortable
and unnecessary
change, we often
put most of
our efforts into
covering the
structure with more
attractive paint.
Like the Tower of
Pisa, our church
ministry structure is out of balance.
There is also a problem with our
age-segregated system. This system
inadvertently encourages parental
irresponsibility in spiritual training.
Discipleship is relegated to the
professionals who are ready to
effectively minister to family members
who split from each other as they
enter the church. From time to time
parents are welcomed to support what
the professionals are doing with their
children. To help ourselves feel better
about this we disguise our ministry
as family ministry. If we look closely,
though, most of our ministry remains
family-member ministry.
If you are a senior pastor, children’s
pastor, or youth pastor, you may feel
the need to defend conventional
church structure. In keeping with the
analogy of a structure, we are not
advocating the demolition of our
ministry structure. Our structure may
merely be out of balance.
The typical human reaction to an
inconsistency is to go the other direction
and create another inconsistency. If
churches were to abandon age-specific
ministry, the structure would lean
the other way. Age-specific ministry is
needed. Specialized ministry is needed.
Yet, to do what is best for individuals
and the church, pastors must expand
their vision and shift their paradigm to
include intergenerational and family
ministries. The key is balance, but we
have such a slanted view we do not see a
need for balance.
The Intergenerational Family of God
The Bible demonstrates the plan of
God for the family. It starts with a
family and ends with a family reunion.
In between we are given glimpses
and commands of generational
togetherness. When everybody came
together, families stayed together so
children would know how important
that time was (Exodus 10:8,9;
Deuteronomy 12:12,18; 29:10,11;
Joshua 8:35; 2 Kings 23:1–22; 2
Chronicles 20:13; Nehemiah 12:43).
Even the holiest worship that required
understanding included all ages. The
Old Testament is clear that God’s
Word was to be imparted in homes as
well as in family gatherings.
We often quote Jesus’ words
recorded in Matthew 19:14;
Mark 10:14–16; Luke 18:16,17 in
support for children’s ministry. But
if we honestly look at how we do
church, our motivations may be
more like those of the disciples in
Matthew 19:13 who thought, This is
important adult stuff here. This is our
Practical Ideas for Intergenerational
and Family Ministry
Parenting classes and small groups
Family worship
If you do not know where to start, invite a couple known for
good parenting to host a small group and utilize one of the
many curricula that are available. Equipping parents makes a
dramatic, long-lasting difference in how younger generations
demonstrate their faith because their parents were discipled
to be disciplers.
Involve all ages, once a month, in a combined Sunday
morning service. Such an effort involves addressing children,
using visuals during the sermon, giving all ages opportunities
to serve, and developing creative ways to help children pay
attention. Develop activity sheets that directly apply to the
sermon and encourage parents and children to do them
together. Do not give in to having parts of the service as a
token for the children. Make them welcome throughout it.
Summer Sunday School class for families
The teacher operates as a facilitator to help parents lead their
families in spiritual growth. This leadership then carries over
into everyday life as parents are trained and empowered to
direct family devotions. Children and teens without parents
at church are paired with adoptive spiritual parents.
Intergenerational special events
Father-daughter, father-son, mother-daughter, and motherson events are great ways to assist parents in building
meaningful lifelong memories for their children. Encourage
them to write letters to each other that are accompanied by a
professional photo taken at the event.
If you have Sunday evening services, plan an
intergenerational service in the monthly rotation. If you do
not have Sunday evening services, find another place on the
church calendar. This is a good way to communicate vision,
staff teamwork, and relationship building throughout the
generations. For each event the pastoral staff puts much
effort into creating an evening that includes visuals, games,
discussion, and other creative activities. For those who try it,
it often becomes the best attended Sunday evening of
each month.
Intergenerational home small groups
Family missions trips
Instead of creating small groups that only add to the
smorgasbord of age-specific efforts, use this ministry style to
combine people’s God-given need for relationships along with
the lost experience of interacting with other generations.
Why should teens have the corner on world-missions trips?
One of the greatest ways to build bonds between people
is to minister side by side. Help parents birth a heart for
missions in their children as they grow closer as a family.
Include all ages, families, and singles. The connections
established between people who may have never spoken
to each other in your church will enrich everyone. After one
such trip, teens asked, “Can we do it this way again, instead
of just us going on a trip?”
Parent-child events
Wednesday evening meals
Lessen family stress on Wednesday evenings by starting a
meal ministry. Recruit cooks, set up round tables, charge a
minimal fee, and serve dinner during the hour preceding
the weekly activities. For some families, this may be the only
meal they have together.
DARReN DAUGHeRTY, Waxahachie, Texas
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87
Church ministry
that disciples
children through
parents, not
around them
Purpose
The purpose of family ministry is to
minister to the family as a whole and to
equip parents to create a family whose
heart is turned toward God now and in
future generations.
Focus
The focus of family ministry is to help
parents communicate with their children
and with God in a world that often works
against family life and Christian principles.
Goals
• Prayer: To help parents understand how
and why they need to develop a life of
prayer for themselves and their children.
• Activity: To develop programs and
events that help give parents and their
children time together in ministry.
• Resource: To be a source of wisdom in
helping families through the challenges
of childhood and adolescence and to be
positive memory makers in the lives of
their children.
• Evangelism: To communicate effectively
to unbelievers that the answer to their
family struggles is Jesus Christ, and the
help needed to be a functional family is
readily available at church.
• Nourishment: To support parents and
their children in their Christian growth
while leading them in helping each other
in growth.
• Training: To give parents the needed
resources to follow God’s plan for being
stewards of His children.
DARReN DAUGHeRTY, Waxahachie, Texas
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time. Children should be somewhere else.
When we keep children separated
from the rest of the church body,
we teach them they are not part of
the church — at least not the most
important part of church. How many
children have never stood side by side
with their parents during corporate
worship? How many children have
never seen and heard the gifts of the
Spirit in action? How many teens
have never heard the testimony of
a senior adult who has an intense
passion for Christ? How many
churches rob younger generations of
such vital experiences? How many
church leaders believe that younger
generations would not receive much
from the Lord in such settings? Have
we underestimated what Jesus said
about the Father revealing truths to
little children (Matthew 11:25)?
What if churches operated in a way
that fostered involvement of all ages,
together as one church body? Would
children, teens, and college students
easily depart from a community in
which they are invested, known,
and involved? Are you concerned
about how much our younger
generations are missing because they
are spending most of their church
life with only their peers? They have
so much to offer the church body,
and the church body has so much to
offer them.
The church has been stuck in
a societal structure that many
historians recognize as a by-product
of industrialization. A little more
than 100 years ago our American
family-centered society moved
toward being a matrix of agesegregated societies. In reaction,
many churches became a matrix of
age-segregated ministries. Whether
minor or major, it is time to make
changes aimed at bringing balance to
our ministry structure.
Skills and Proactive Ministry
Many baby boomers left churches in
droves because they could not find
practical application for their lives.
The church continued to teach biblical
principles such as “train up a child in
the way he should go” (Proverbs 22:6)
and “love your wife as Christ loved the
church” (Ephesians 5:25), but failed to
offer practical application.
Still today, Christian parents ask,
“How?” Yet, most of the answers
are found in books, conferences,
and seminars instead of in the
place that should be characterized
by quality family ministry — the
intergenerational body of Christ.
The most common concerns offered
in skepticism of intergenerational
and family ministries include those
who come to church with one parent,
no parents, or dysfunctional parents.
What is most amazing about this
concern is the premise that agesegregated ministry is the best way
to minister to those who have lessthan-adequate family situations. This
is a sign that church ministry is more
reactive than proactive.
One might say, “By doing family
ministry, we leave out those without
families.” Rather than opting for this
immediate, pragmatic reaction, we
need to ask: How can we make people
more connected to the intergenerational
family of God? How can we introduce
them to what family life was meant to
be? How can we equip them with the
family-life skills they may not receive from
their families?
First, we need to admit that this
approach to ministry requires a
great acceptance of change and
responsibility from everyone
in the congregation as well as a
philosophical shift by every pastoral
staff member. People will need to
reach out to others, especially those
without spiritual parents. Families will
need to see themselves as evangelistic
units, inviting spiritually orphaned
children, teens, and young adults to
join them both in the pew and outside
the church building. If such change is
done methodically and with scriptural
explanation, people will catch the vision.
looked past the legacy he was given to
the legacy he could build.
How could an 8-year-old develop
a heart for God when he had such a
disappointing legacy? How did Josiah
obtain the vision and courage to
clean up Israel, even destroying high
What if churches operated in a way that
fostered involvement of all ages, together as
one church body?
Second, we need to ask ourselves:
Where will these children, teens, and
young adults learn about being Christian
men and women, husbands and wives,
moms and dads? By constantly being
grouped with their peers? No. It
is by involving them in what the
church body is supposed to be — the
intergenerational family of God.
Meeting the Need of Spiritual
Photo Albums
Second Chronicles 34 and 2 Kings 22
tell the story of Josiah, who was only
8 years old when he became king of
Judah. The legacy he was given is one
of the most disappointing in history.
His father, Amon, was killed by his
own servants (2 Kings 21:23). Others
killed the servants who had plotted
against Amon and then set up Josiah
as king (verse 24, 640 B.C.). Josiah’s
grandfather, Manasseh, had dragged
the nation into idolatry, instituted
astrological worship, sacrificed children
to the Ammonite deity of Molech,
and shed innocent blood to silence
people. Although Manasseh repented
and returned to his throne following
captivity in Babylon, the condition
of the nation when Josiah took the
throne indicates that Manasseh was
unable to reverse the evil practices he
had instituted. Josiah had no one to
equip him for living and leading in
ways that honored God. Yet, Josiah
places that had stood since the days of
Solomon? There must have been some
adults who gave him a vision — a
picture — a dream of a different legacy.
Josiah likely associated himself with
priests and elders who had sufficient
knowledge of the Law to give him
oral instruction. From this came the
firm conviction, during the first 12
years of his reign, that national reform
was necessary. Knowing the shameful
practices common to his family, he
was concerned that destruction might
come. He did something to prevent it.
Like Josiah, many young people
attending our age-specific ministries
come from dysfunctional families. On
one hand we rejoice that they have been
saved and transformed by the power
of Christ. On the other hand we must
realize that we fail such individuals
when we do not equip them for the
future through relationships with others
outside their age group.
To disciple them the church must
create a spiritual photo album that
includes pictures other than agespecific interactions. If we want them
to grow into godly husbands, wives,
and parents, we must connect them
with godly people of all ages who will
deposit photos into their albums that
will last a lifetime.
First, we must pray that the
inadequacy, deficiency, and tragedy of
their past will serve as a catalyst, as a
way to birth dreams that propel them
into future service to Jesus. Second, we
must facilitate relationships between
them and other generations who will
deposit pictures into their spiritual
photo albums.
Closing Thoughts
There may be churches in America
that have found an effective balance
between intergenerational ministry
and age-segregated ministry.
Instead of a family of families,
many churches are a matrix of
age-segregated congregations.
The millennial generation and
subsequent generations may be
the most relational, connectible
generations in American history. They
are not as resistant to connecting
with previous generations as many
older individuals assume. The time
is right, and the church is ripe
for change. Start connecting the
generations, and effectively model
what the Psalmist wrote: “We will
not hide them from their children;
we will tell the next generation the
praiseworthy deeds of the Lord, his
power, and the wonders he has done.
He decreed statutes for Jacob and
established the law in Israel, which
he commanded our forefathers to
teach their children, so the next
generation would know them, even
the children yet to be born, and they
in turn would tell their children.
Then they would put their trust in
God and would not forget his deeds
but would keep his commands”
(Psalm 78:4–7).
DARReN DAUGHeRTY, PH.D.,
director, Children and Family
Ministry program, Southwestern
Assemblies of God University,
Waxahachie, Texas. He can be reached at
[email protected] or visit his Web site at
http://www.DiligentFamilies.com.
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