Travelogue No 86 - The home of JB`s Travelogues

The Spirit Of Seve
Europe found extra strength from Seve
Ballesteros to overturn a huge American
lead in the 2012 Ryder Cup tournament at
Medinah Country Club in Illinois. Having
to overcome a 10-6 deficit coming to the
individual matches, Olly Olazabal,
Europe’s Captain, played a master stroke
by putting the inform players at the top of
the playing schedule.
The Americans were soon under pressure
losing the first four singles to Europe.
They staged a recovery and at 10 all the
score moved steadily to 12-10 and then to
12-12 with Europe’s most out-of-form
players to come. Rely on Martin Kaymer
to bring home the bacon ! The ageing Tiger managed a half in the final match
against young Italian Francesco Molinari
to leave the Europeans with an historic
win 14.5 to 13.5.
The spirit of Seve lives on and was captured with an aerial display over the spectacular Medinah Club. Hastalavista Seve !
0865754966 or 038720946
Burglars Give Up Their Rights
Proposals in UK are in favour of burglars
who commit a break and entry crime to
automatically give up their rights on entry.
If disproportionate violence is used, this
will count against the householder.
David Cameron branded burglary a 'crime
of violence' today as he backed plans to
give householders more powers against intruders. "When that burglar crosses your
threshold, invades your home, threatens
your family, they give up their rights," he
said.
Speaking at his Party's
annual conference,
where Chris Grayling,
the Justice Secretary,
is due to outline the
proposal dubbed "batter a burglar," the
Prime Minister revealed that he himself
had been a victim of several break-ins.
The proposals mean that householders will
be given protection under the law for fighting back against burglars unless they use
"grossly disproportionate" force.
Mr Grayling has suggested that this would
be action such as stabbing an intruder who
had already been rendered unconscious. In
ordinary circumstances, those who attacked burglars would not face prosecution. Mr Cameron said that he was more
interested in defending the "rights" of
homeowners rather than burglars.
Chris Grayling is to change the law “at the
first opportunity” to give stronger legal
safeguards to those who use force to protect their family or property.
www.canterburytalescafe.com
Scene On The Street - Pattaya and the Darkside
With the rainy season well and truly upon us,
the prospect of floods and sump holes opening
up is very real. Mayor Ittipol Khunplome
seems more intent on bringing people into Pattaya rather
than improving the inadequate infrastructure. Perhaps
there is more money in visitors and less in dealing with
the costly exercise of clearing
the drains. I suppose it’s a
Thai thing and the suffering
residents will have to endure more traffic,
flooding and potholes as never before.
Returning from several weeks
in Europe, international epicurean David Marriott arrives
back in the Kingdom at the
end of the month. Included in
his trip was a fortnight sailing
around the Greek islands. Little has changed here and the monsoon season
will feel like Blighty, only hotter. Welcome
back to the cauldron of speculation !!
New projects are few and far between in the
Pattaya area. Many Thai investors, intent on
impressing their friends,
only manage to make it to
the piling stage. Thereafter
the project grinds to a halt,
Banks and funding agencies pulling the plug before
debt exceeds asset value. Consequently Pattaya remains an elephant’s graveyard for the
unwary. Very few potential developers have
any idea of business plans and stop loss guide
lines. Caveat emptor.
Radio station, Pattaya 103FM have opened
their new schedule this week with some vibrant and exciting music, news and competitions. Have a listen worldwide to their presenters on www.pattaya103.com Starting with
Brooksy from 9-12, Tommy Dee 12-2, Denny
Jackson 2-4 and Goldfinger from 4-7. Check it
out, well worth the effort.
Sir William of Auchtermuchty, noble laird of
Lakeside Lodge, has reported
that health has been a slight
issue. Headaches and gas have
been a problem recently. Perhaps a surfeit of rice and
baked beans account for the
later, but happily, a visit to a
local gussetry have resulted
with a young nubile presenting the ageing Lothario with a bottle of Optrex. Now the old
buzzard doesn’t have to rely on touch alone,
he can actually see the baby hippo as well !!
The popular Pig and Whistle (Soi 7 in Pattaya) has opened a branch in Jomtien. It’s located on Thappraya Road, just a few metres
from the middle soi of Jomtien Complex. The
original Pig and Whistle
teamed up with the famed
snooker player, Jimmy White,
to open Pig and Whistle Jomtien and Jimmy White’s Sports
Pub. The combined venue is
open daily from 8:30 am until
late and has the same menu
and prices as the original branch. Although
the dining room is smaller than the original
pub, it’s quite stylishly decorated and has
three TV screens mounted on the walls. Upstairs, is Jimmy White’s Sports Pub, where
you can enjoy a game of pool or darts and, of
course, hoover your favorite beverages.
Meticulous planning during the monsoon
season means the Immigration Office on
Soi 5, Jomtien is only accessible by foot.
The entire road resembles a bomb site,
impassable by anything other than serious
4X4s. Drains being replaced will be available in time for the hot season. Nice one
City Hall, yet more abysmal planning !!
Thoughts On Pattaya
To the outsider, Pattaya is considered the sex centre of the
universe. Rightly so in many respects. The average Joe will
save up his earnings to pay for several visits to Sin City. Sex
tourists from all over the globe descend on this capital of
debauchery. Participation in available ‘boom boom’ is well
known and provides opportunities for good and bad.
Yet there is much more to Pattaya. Originally a small fishing village, it became the ideal location for USA forces during the Vietnam War to ‘rest and recuperate’. Hordes of Isaan girls descended on the
village to take advantage of foreign currency. Piranhas in a feeding frenzy !!
Now the city has expats by the thousand, some living here and others paying lengthy
visits. The question is how can they afford it? OK, cheaper than the West and with
creature comforts impossible to find back home, it seems to spawn conmen, tricksters
and villains by the cartload. Low income pensioners, moneyed taxi drivers, ageing
horticulturalists and old publicans are amongst the most numerous of the expats. The
attraction of young crumpet, cheap accommodation and minimal taxes (if any) will offer these misdirected souls an early grave. Conmen and swindlers are rife in Sin City.
Careful examination of a new contact needs to be considered as the scams can be extremely sophisticated. Real Estate operators are high on the list with fantastic deals
and ‘on-plan’ purchases. Promises of superior build, attractive borrowing rates and
early access to property are offered as standard. To be honest, nobody gives a shit, they
just want your money. There are those whose ‘gift of the gab’ seems entirely plausible,
coupled with a cosmopolitan clientele where contractual essentials are lost in translation. In Thailand, only the Thais are capable of
exploiting these shortcomings.
Nevertheless, Pattaya has wonderful facilities.
Excellent restaurants, quality hotels, golf courses
and many tourist attractions are available for
those keen to explore this jewel of Asia. As they
often say ‘know the rules and you can play the
game’. Stay alert at all times, they are all around.
The Old Sailor
An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and heads for
the docks once more, for old times sake.
He engages a prostitute and takes her up to a room.
He's soon going at it as well as he can for a guy his age,
but needing some reassurance, he asks, 'How am I doing ?'
The prostitute replies, 'Well, old sailor, you're doing about
three knots.'
'Three knots'? He asks. 'What's that supposed to mean ?'
She says, "You're knot hard, you're knot in, and your knot
getting your money back.
Ken Frost’s Nanny Knows Best Blog
My thanks to Facebook
chum Steve Hall, who has
allowed me to share this
example of Nanny nut
nonsense that he and his
3 year old son had to endure.
Meat is good for you !!
In Nanny's view, the
odour of nuts presents a clear and present
danger to those with nut allergies:
"Had to go and pick our 3 yr old
son up from school today because
we gave him a peanut butter sandwich for his lunch and the school
couldn't risk him breathing on a
child with a peanut allergy. So they
didn't think it was fair to put our
son in a room on his own
(quarantine !!!!) so would we pick
him up. Nanny State Britain at it's
very best."
Doubtless there are those who will say that nut
odours do cause an allergic reaction. However,
they do not, facts contradict fantasy and hysteria.
….and so say all of us. A balanced diet should
include an amount of meat protein. It is time
to indulge a little. Dinner tonight will consist
of a piece of rare steak
with fresh steamed veg
and the gravy made
with the juices from
steaming. Cheers !!
The Dangers of Deckchairs
As per Kid’s Health :
"..just the smell of foods containing peanuts
won't produce a reaction because the scent does
not contain the protein."
As ever, Nanny was talking bollocks!
Why has Nanny not issued a safety alert wrt
the hazards from deckchairs, as experienced
by the hapless swimmer in the article below?
Headline Stories From Around Pattaya
th
On the 26 September, at
around midnight, a 26 year old
Navy Sergeant Major was
gunned down in what Police
consider to have been a premeditated Murder. He was left
outside the pub as the killers
escaped before the arrival of
the Police.
Investigations led Officers to believe that a
local village Head man and his son had committed the atrocity and efforts were made to
secure the arrest of the two suspects.
The father turned himself in to police, along
with two 38 mm weapons which ballistics experts will examine to confirm were the murder
weapons. Meanwhile the father has denied
any involvement in the attack and claims to
have no idea of his son’s whereabouts.
A village head, in Thailand, is the chosen
spokesman for a small community, similar to a
“minor mayor”, and the man fully expects the
police to accept his statement as the truth.
The son, 21 year old Barratch Yaa Liangton,
nicknamed Fluck, is still on the run and Police
do not recommend he is approached by the
public as he is considered dangerous and possibly armed.
Pattaya Courts have issued a warrant for his
arrest and a reward of 30,000 baht has been
offered for details leading to his arrest.
A police spokesman said that they have allocated a team to find him and expect to have
him in jail within the week.
Looks like he’s flucked off !!!
As Tropical Storm Gaemi is set to cause major disruption in Central, Eastern and Southern Provinces of Thailand over the weekend,
Pattaya suffered its worst flash floods this
year on Friday Night, and is estimated to
have caused Millions of Baht’s worth of damage. The majority of the flood water had subsided by daybreak, however a number of underground car-parks, full of cars, are still
under water. Pattaya’s Mayor, Khun Itipon,
has ensured that rescue services are on full
standby over the weekend and plans to utilize
the services of the military are in place should
the situation become too acute. The latest
weather updates suggest the weather system
has decreased in strength to a tropical depression with winds of no more than 39 mph,
but the system has increased in size as it
heads towards the Eastern side of Thailand.
Those living in Pattaya are strongly advised
to fully prepare just in case and home owners
in low-lying areas should secure their valuables and make all preparations for potential
flash floods over the weekend.
Hot Off The Press : Got Him !!!!!!
The man, nicknamed
Fluck, was finally arrested this week after a
police manhunt covering
several provinces within
Thailand. During the
investigations, the police
had taken the rare step of
offering a reward and
warning the public that
the man was dangerous
and should not be approached. It is suspected
that this may not have
been his only crime as he is reputed to have been a
reknown villain, to often carry a weapon and to have
used it in previous attacks. Dressed in a bullet proof
jacket as police feared a revenge attack, the man
was taken to the pub car park and other locations
involved in his crime as officials pieced together his
motive and subsequent movements as he eluded
the authorities.
Now he’s flucked !!!
Hotspots - LK Metro
In terms of chrome pole palaces, this Soi hosts the longrunning and very successful
Champagne go-go as well as
Kiss, The Office, M*A*S*H,
and Submarine. These last
three are owned by the same
people. A second Kiss go-go,
located directly across the
road from Kiss, is set to open by the end of October judging by the work going on out front.
With the popular Club Oasis go-go a mere wet
g-string’s throw away at the corner of Soi Buakhao and Soi Chaiyapoon, the area continues to
attract even greater numbers of punters.
Youngster Survives World’s Deadliest Snake Bite
An Australian teenager had a lucky escape after being bitten
by the world's most venomous snake.
The 17-year-old walked into a hospital in the small town of
Kurri Kurri, north of Sydney, on Wednesday afternoon with
a bite to his left hand. According to reports, his friend was
carrying a plastic tub containing the snake responsible,
which was later identified as the toxic inland taipan. Also
known as the Fierce Snake due to the strength of its venom one drop of which is enough to kill 100 adult men - the inland taipan typically lives in central
Australia's arid deserts and is not normally seen on the coast.
Detectives are investigating how he came into contact with the desert reptile amid speculation it
could have been an illegal pet. "The youth ... is reported to be in a stable condition," police said
in a statement. "Police are now attempting to establish how the youth came to be bitten, and
hope to speak to the young man once he is considered well enough."
According to doctors, the boy's rapid treatment with anti-venom had been crucial to his survival, as inland taipan venom can kill someone in as little as 45 minutes. "We had antivenom in
stock, we keep what's called polyvalent antivenom and that covers all of our snakes," said toxicologist Geoff Isbister, who is treating the teen at the Mater hospital in the city of Newcastle.
"We had access to it immediately, and he was treated very early." The snake's poison is neurotoxic and can cause gradual paralysis and compromise breathing if not treated. Myotoxins in
the bite also dissolve muscle and other tissues, meaning the wound site can cause significant
kidney damage.
Inland taipans can grow up to 2.5m (8ft) in length and have 12mm fangs.
Grand Cayman Stingray Causes Chaos
A picture of three seemingly terrified
women being greeted by a giant stingray is spreading like wildfire online.
Several commentators on Reddit
have pointed out that the undated
photo was probably taken at 'Stingray
City', a popular tourist destination in
the Cayman Islands. At 'Stingray
City' swimmers and snorkelers are
encouraged to feed ground squid to the friendly creatures from a sandbar.
An offer on boat charter service StingrayCityTrips.com implores: "Come kiss a
stingray with us this year! "Standing in only three feet of water you will be surrounded by more than two dozen friendly stingrays." The spot has become inundated with stingrays because local fishermen dispose fish offal there. The site in
Grand Cayman's North Sound has been a firm favourite with snorkellers and divers since the late 1980s - when a feature extolling its virtues appeared in the influential 'Skin Diver' magazine.
…..more from Nanny
Sadly it appears that Isambard Community School isn't the only
school in this country adhering to Nanny's mantra that "all adults are
child predators, unless they can prove otherwise".
Step forward Lea Valley High School in Enfield (a specialist sports
college), which has banned parents from coming to watch their kids
play....ermmm......sports.
For why?
According to the Mail the school cites "child protection policies".
There are of course no such rules in existence that ban parents from
coming to watch their kids play sport, the school is making it up as it goes along.
Laura Hunt, the director of physical education at the school, wrote to parents and said:
We appreciate that parents/carers may wish to come along and watch and support
their children. However, as a school staff, we have a duty of care to our students and
have to ensure that appropriate safeguarding and children protection policies are
adopted, implemented and monitored. As such, for our students’ safekeeping, we
must state that we cannot permit parents/carers or other adults on site at these times,
and hope that you will understand and support us in this decision."
Complete and utter bollocks, it sends a terrible message to the kids namely that all adults are
predators and cannot be trusted.
What kind of world is Nanny creating here?
We did not ask for this, we do not approve of it; yet it is being foisted upon us by bureaucrats
and zealots!
Former world number three Paul Casey had his ball
stolen by a dog while lining up an eagle putt during
the second round of the Dunhill Links Championship.
On the green of Kingsbarns's par-five 12th hole in
two, the Englishman could only watch as the animal
ran away with his ball into the rough.
Casey, playing with the most decorated Olympian, American swimmer Michael Phelps
in the $5 million pro-am event which takes in three courses in Scotland, later carded a
birdie after the delay.
The world number 118 fell outside the top 100 ranked players in August for the first
time in over nine years owing to an injury-plagued 2012.
More From Nanny Knows Best
I have observed that certain
phrases trigger a raising of
blood pressure amongst my
loyal readers. One such
phrase is "hi vis", as discussed yesterday in relation
to binmen and council
admin staff.
In the spirit of keeping the
blood pressure up, I am going to repeat the phrase again today....hi vis!
For it seems ladies and gentlemen that Nanny is
planning to do away with our "boys in blue",
and replace them with the "boys in hi vis".
Police chiefs believe that hi vis (instead of blue)
will make the police easier to spot on the streets
(alongside binmen, road diggers, traffic wardens etc etc). Additionally Nanny believes that,
if it is adopted across the country, it will make
for a more unified image.
The absurdly named “national high visibility
jacket” will be tested first in London.
Groan!
My oh my what a wet and
windy Monday morning it is!
What better time to award
my prestigious, and internationally renowned, Prats of
The Week Award?
This week, courtesy of a recommendation from a loyal
reader, it goes to Wiltshire
Council (aka to the locals as
the "lavatory council").
For why?
Just read the following about
the council's rules wrt our
old "friend" hi vis jackets,
and who should wear them.
A Wiltshire council admin
employee had been assigned to a day's ride
with the local dustbin men, presumably to
observe life on the front line etc.
I understand that the lady in question was
ordered to wear hi vis for her day out. Given
that the binmen all wear them, this may not
seem terribly surprising. However, even
though she was meant to observe/experience
a day in the life of the binmen she was not
allowed to leave the cab at all during the day
(due to health and safety etc etc).
Therefore, given that she was safely sitting
inside the cab all day (not learning anything
about what the binmen actually do) I have to
ask why the hell was she required to wear a
hi vis jacket?
Wiltshire Council, well deserving Prats
of The Week!
Farewell To A Wombat
It is with great sadness that I have to report on the passing of Graeme Harry.
One of the original Wombats who supported the team and was a much loved
member of Chiang Mai’s Cricket Sixes.
He will be missed by all who knew him,
no more so than Neville Clearson. RIP.
It’s All A Load Of Cock Apparently
British men typically have bigger penises than their
French neighbours - but are less well endowed than
the Germans, new research has claimed.
The average British man's penis is apparently 5.5in
when erect - coming ahead of the French at 5.3in,
Australians (5.2in), Americans (5.1in) and Irish (5in).
And it towers over the average manhood in North
and South Korea - the smallest in the study at a
mere 3.8in.
But British men do not have a great deal to shout
about in the trouser stakes - coming only 78th out of
113 nationalities covered in the study.
The men of Africa's Republic of Congo are best
equipped of all at an enormous 7.1 in.
They are closely followed by Ecuadorians at 7in,
Ghanaians at 6.8in and Colombians at 6.7in.
In Europe, Icelanders are the best endowed at 6.5in
and the Irish are the second smallest at 5.03in - behind only Romanians at 5.01in.
Africans have the biggest penises at an average of
6.3in and north-east Asians the smallest at 4.2in. He
concludes: 'For most populations penis length are
predictable and confirmed.’
But critics have claimed that Mr Lynn's research is
flawed because he has admitted gathering his data
on penis length from websites.
Republic of Congo - 7.1
Ecuador - 7
Ghana - 6.8
Columbia - 6.7
Iceland - 6.5
Italy - 6.2
South Africa - 6
Sweden - 5.9
Greece - 5.8
Germany - 5.7
New Zealand - 5.5
UK - 5.5
Canada - 5.5
Spain - 5.5
France - 5.3
Australia - 5.2
Russia - 5.2
USA - 5.1
Ireland - 5
Romania - 5
China - 4.3
India - 4
China - 4
Thailand - 4
South Korea - 3.8
North Korea - 3.8
Jelte Wicherts, professor of methodology at Tilburg University, Holland, said:
'This is a brave paper in a controversial area but the data has no methodology.' The research is published in scientific journal Personality and Individual
Differences.
My Type Of Golf Course
The Sweetie With The Little Hole
The children began to identify the
flavors by their
color:
Red......................Cherry
Yellow....................Lemon
Green....................Lime
Orange ................ Orange
Finally the teacher gave them
all HONEY lifesavers. None
of the children could identify the taste.
The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's
what your mother may sometimes call your father.'
One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled,
'Oh my Goodness! They're arse-holes!
A police motorcycle officer stops a driver for
shooting through a red light.
The driver is a real bar steward, steps out of his
car and comes striding toward the officer,
demanding to know why he is being harassed by
the Gestapo!
So the officer calmly tells him of the red light
violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual
orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive
terms. The tirade goes on without the officer
saying a dickybird.
When the officer finishes writing the ticket he
puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the
narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it
to the 'violator' for his signature.
The bloke signs the ticket angrily, and when
presented with his copy points to the "AH" and
demands to know what it stands for.
The officer says, "That's so when we go to
court, I'll remember that you're an arsehole."
Two months later they're in court. The violator
has a bad driving record and he has a heap of
points and is in danger of losing his licence, so
he hired a barrister to represent him.
On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the
man run through the red light. Under cross examination the barrister for the defence asks;
"Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the
ticket that you issued to my client?"
The police officer replies: "Yes, sir, that is the
defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same
number at the top."
Keep Your Voice Down
After a very busy, tiring day at the office, the
young woman settled down in her seat and
closed her eyes as the train departed the station.
As the train rolled out of the station, the man
sitting next to her pulled out his cell phone
and started talking in a loud voice:
"Hi sweetheart, it's Eric, I'm on the train yes, I know it's the 6:30 and not the 4:30, but
I had a long meeting ---- No, honey, not with
that floozy from the accounts office, with the
boss. No sweetheart, you're the only one in
my life - yes, I'm sure, cross my heart," etc.,
etc.
Fifteen minutes later, he was still talking
loudly, when the young woman sitting next
to him, who was obviously annoyed by his
continuous loud blabbing, yelled:
"Hey, Eric, turn that stupid phone off, and
come back to bed!"
Eric doesn't use his cell phone in public any
more.
One day a teacher was talking about marriage in class.
Teacher: What kind of wife would you like
Johnny?
Johnny: I would want a wife like the moon.
Teacher: Wow !! What a choice... Do you
want her to be beautiful and calm like the
moon?
Johnny: No, I want her to arrive at night and
then bugger off in the morning!
Barrister: "Officer, is there any particular
marking or notation on this ticket you don't
normally make?"
"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the
narrative there is an "AH," underlined."
"What does the "AH" stand for, officer?"
"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."
"Aggressive and hostile?"
"Yes, Sir.”
"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for
arsehole?"
“Well, sir, you know your client better than I
do.
Brilliant !!
World’s longest sea bridge in China
Dolphin in the Med
Amazing weather system
Flower stream
Loco gardener’s loco