working with Military Children - National Military Family Association

WORKING
WITH
MILITARY
CHILDREN
A PRIMER FOR SCHOOL PERSONNEL
REVISED 2/2003
A PROJECT OF THE
VIRGINIA JOINT MILITARY FAMILY SERVICES BOARD
Family Support Center
Langley Air Force Base, Virginia
Army Community Service
Fort Eustis, Virginia
Army Community Service
Fort Monroe, Virginia
Coast Guard Family Program
Portsmouth, Virginia
Fleet and Family Support Centers of Hampton Roads
Hampton Roads, Virginia
1
ACKNOWLEDGMENT
In preparing this document, on-site interviews with 80 elementary schools in the cities of
Virginia Beach and Chesapeake, Virginia were conducted. Additionally, consultations with
school personnel in Norfolk, Newport News, and Hampton, Virginia aided us. These schools
serve more than 30,000 children of military personnel living in the Hampton Roads area.
Many thanks to the numerous elementary school principals, guidance counselors, and
administrative officials who so willingly gave of themselves in answering our questions and
sharing their ideas on working with military children.
Finally, this project could not have been completed without the support and endorsement of the
Virginia Joint Military Family Services Board. This board is comprised of representatives of
Army, Navy, Air Force, and Coast Guard family support organizations in Virginia.
2
INTRODUCTION
This project was undertaken in an effort to recognize and record the extremely crucial
role schools played in supporting the children of military service members during
Operations Desert Shield and Desert Storm. Targeted to all school personnel and
guidance counselors in particular, this primer is designed to educate, support, and affirm
their future efforts.
Our format emphasizes strengths, stressors, and strategies as we look at four major
aspects of the military lifestyle: separations or deployments, homecomings, relocation,
and crises. An activities section is also included. It lists activities that teachers and
counselors can use with individuals, or small or large groups of elementary school age
children. These activities were designed to help children cope with the adjustments that a
military lifestyle can demand. Their use will promote understanding and greater
self-esteem for the military child.
Today, schools continue their crucial role in the lives of military families. It is hoped that
this primer will support schools as they continue to support military children.
3
TABLE OF
CONTENTS
The Deployment Cycle .......................................................................................... 15
Homecoming: A Time of Celebration and Change................................................... 22
Relocation ............................................................................................................. 28
Crisis .................................................................................................................... 33
Children’s Activities .............................................................................................. 37
4
GENERAL INFORMATION
GENERAL
INFORMATION ON
THE MILITARY
GLOSSARY OF GENERAL
MILITARY TERMS
• Billet – a specific assignment in a ship or station
organization.
Every occupation has its own language and customs.
The military is no exception. To make communication
easier, the military uses a lot of abbreviations and
acronyms. For example, it is easier to say “PPSO”
than say “Personal Property Shipping Office.” Some
of the most frequently used terms are included in
this chapter. Each chapter also has a glossary of
terms that relate specifically to the topic being
discussed, i.e., deployment, homecoming, crisis, and
relocation.
• Bravo Zulu – a military term for a job well done.
• Brief – to instruct people for a specific mission or
operation. Debriefing means a verbal report after
the operation has been completed.
• Chain of Command – the organizational
structure within the unit which indicates who
works for whom.
• Airdale – slang for naval aviator; “fly boy.”
• Allotment – a portion of military pay specifically
set aside to be sent automatically to another
person or to an institution. The service members
determine the actual amount of the allotment.
• CHAMPUS – (Civilian Health and Medical
Program of the Uniformed Services) – healthcare
service plan replaced by TRICARE in early 1998.
Term is still informally used as synonymous with
TRICARE.
• Air Wing – a group of aircraft assigned together
for a particular function.
• Chit – a voucher or request form.
• CO – (Commanding Officer) – senior person in
charge of a command.
• Amphibious – capable of operating on land and
sea.
• Commissary – the grocery store usually on base
or post where service members and families can
purchase food, beverages, etc., at prices usually
lower than in civilian stores.
• AWOL - (Absent Without Leave) - to be away
from the military without proper authorization.
• BAQ – (Basic Allowance for Quarters) - a
supplementary allowance given to military
personnel for certain housing expenses.
• CQ – an Army duty lasting 24 hours.
5
GENERAL INFORMATION
• DEERS – (Defense Enrollment Eligibility
Reporting System) – a database containing
information on all active duty, retired, and
deceased members of the uniformed services, and
their family members or survivors. It’s the
military sponsor’s responsibility to ensure family
members are properly enrolled, that all
information is accurate, and that any changes are
promptly reported.
• Family Service Center – a support organization
that provides programs and services to improve
the quality of life of military personnel and their
families. They are also known as Family Support
Center, Community Service Center, or Work-Life
Center.
• FAP – (Family Advocacy Program) – addresses
the problems of family neglect, violence, and
sexual assault. The program provides education
on parenting, anger and stress management
training, crisis intervention treatment, and followup when violence has occurred.
• DoD – (Department of Defense) Army, Navy, Air
Force and the Marine Corps are administered by
this department.
• DOT – (Department of Transportation) – Coast
Guard falls under this department rather than
DoD. In time of war, the USCG comes under USN
and DoD.
• Field Day – a day devoted to cleaning ship or
station, usually Friday. The act of cleaning an
office, compartment, or space.
• FRO – (Family Readiness Officer) – the
designated Marine officer of a command who
serves as a liaison between Key Wives and the
command.
• Duty – work period, commonly referred to in the
Navy as a watch, which usually lasts 24-hours.
• EFMP – (Exceptional Family Member Program)
– a mandatory enrollment program to identify
sponsors with family members who have special
medical, psychological, or educational needs. The
program is designed to assure service members
get assigned to areas where these needs will be
met.
• FTX – (Field Training Exercise) – Army
exercises conducted away from the unit.
• Gator – an amphibious ship or service member
stationed on one.
• Geedunk – slang for snacks such as cookies,
chips, candy, etc.
• Exchange – department store on base where
service members and families can purchase
household items. They are known as PX (Post
Exchange), NEX (Navy Exchange), BX (Base
Exchange), and MCX (Marine Corps Exchange).
One can shop at any military installation. For
example, a Navy family could shop at an Army
Post Exchange or commissary.
• HBA – (Health Benefits Advisor) – person
attached to a military medical facility that helps
answer questions families might have about
CHAMPUS or Tricare.
• ID Cards – identification cards for active duty,
family members, retirees, and reservists that are
used to prove eligibility for services rendered by
the military.
• Family member – a term used for a person
receiving all or a portion of necessary financial
support from a service member. Authorized
dependent family members include spouses,
unremarried widows or widowers, unmarried
children (including adopted children, stepchildren,
and illegitimate children over the age of 18 if
incapable of self-support due to a physical or
mental incapacity), unmarried children between
18 and 23 who are attending school or college fulltime, parents or parents-in-law who are
dependent on the service member for more than
one-half of their support, and unmarried
illegitimate children (if actually dependent upon
and acknowledged by the service member).
• IG – (Inspector General) – a person who may be
able to assist service members and families
confidentially resolve problems if the chain of
command cannot resolve the problem. An IG also
inspects and reports on the unit readiness.
• JAG – (Judge Advocate General) – a name given
to lawyers in the military.
• JF – an Air Force term for security forces.
6
GENERAL INFORMATION
• Key Wives – a Marine term for wives of Marines
of all grades who have volunteered to support
families during times when a sponsor is absent or
unavailable.
• Rank – grade or official standing of commissioned
and warrant officers.
• Rate – grade or official standing of enlisted
personnel; identifies pay grade or level of
advancement; a rate reflects levels of aptitude,
training, experience, knowledge, skill, and
responsibility.
• Leave – authorized paid time off.
• LES – (Leave and Earnings Statement) – monthly
statement to service member which shows
monies earned, leave taken, accrued, and
allotments authorized, etc.
• Rating – job classification, such as Electronics
Technician.
• Liberty – short periods of authorized absence.
• SP – (Shore Patrol) - Navy term for security
forces.
• MP – (Military Police) - an Army term for
security forces.
• Sponsor – the husband, wife, parent, or other
guardian who is on active duty in the military.
• MWR – (Morale, Welfare, and Recreation) – a
department which offers a variety of recreational
programs, support services, and entertainment.
• Squadron – Navy and Air Force term designating
individual units within a Wing or Group, which
has its own commander.
• Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society – a private
organization supported entirely by donations from
the Naval/Marine community and friends. Its
purpose is to assist members of the Navy and
Marine Corps, their dependents, the retired
community, and dependents of deceased members
in times of urgent or emergency need. The Air
Force equivalent is the Air Force Aid Society. The
Army equivalent is the Army Emergency Relief
Agency.
• TRICARE – medical insurance for families (and
some former spouses) of active duty, retired,
deceased members, and retirees of the uniformed
services are covered. All eligible persons must be
enrolled in DEERS. Most care from doctors,
hospitals, and other providers is covered;
however, some care must be pre-approved and
there is a co-pay for services. TRICARE Standard
option is the equivalent of CHAMPUS.
• NCO – (Noncommissioned Officer) – enlisted
personnel between the ranks of E4 and E9.
• Wing – Air Force flying units, as well as support
squadrons.
• Ombudsman – Ombudsman - spouse of a
member of the command who is appointed by the
Commanding Officer to serve as official liaison
between the command and family members.
• XO – (Executive Officer) – the second in
command of a ship, aircraft squadron, shore
station, unit, etc.
• OOD – (Officer of the Day) – a duty lasting 24-hours.
• PAO – (Public Affairs Office) – staffed by persons
who handle public inquiries and press relations for
the military.
• POC – (Point of Contact) – the designated contact
person for a particular project or event.
• POD – (Plan of the Day) – schedule of day’s
routine and need-to-know information published
daily aboard ship or at shore commands.
• PSD – (Personnel Support Detachment) – Navy
unit responsible for issuance of dependent I.D.
cards, maintenance of personnel records,
dependent status information, and pay records.
7
GENERAL INFORMATION
RESOURCES
Military family support organizations provide
programs and services to improve the quality of life
of military families and single service members.
They address practically every area of military family
life, providing a comprehensive information and
referral service on a wide range of family-related
programs and services, including resources which
are available in both the military and local civilian
community. They are staffed by professionals and
volunteers with a variety of backgrounds. Typically
the services offered include crisis intervention,
financial management, relocation assistance, spouse
employment assistance, parenting education, and
deployment support programs.
Each Branch of the service has an organization/
position that provides family support services:
• Army — Army Community Services
Center (ACS)
• Navy — Family Services Center (FSC)
• Air Force — Family Support Center (FSC)
• Marine Corps — Family Services Center (FSC)
• Coast Guard — Work-Life Center — located in
each district office.
School personnel should be familiar with the
organization that supports military families at each
local installation. They are first line resources in
supporting military children and their families.
8
GENERAL INFORMATION
GENERAL
INFORMATION ON
THE MILITARY
INTRODUCTION
The presence of military personnel and their families
has a tremendous impact on communities across the
nation and around the world. This is true whether it
is a small, rural community with a single military
command or a metropolitan area such as Hampton
Roads, Virginia that includes United States Navy, Air
Force, Army, and Marine Corps components. A
military presence influences the social, cultural,
educational, and economic profile of a community.
This was clearly illustrated during Operation Desert
Storm when thousands of military personnel were
deployed, depleting many areas of some of their most
dedicated community leaders and organizers and
leaving others communities in economic despair.
even in communities where it makes up a significant
portion of the population. The special language,
dress, titles, and traditions can be overwhelming for
those with no previous exposure to the system.
Military families do not want to be singled out for
special attention. However, it is helpful for school
personnel to have a basic understanding of issues
impacting the lifestyle of military families.
The purpose of this chapter is to provide basic
information about the armed forces. Schools can also
contact their nearest military family support
organization for more information on military
commands in their area. Many schools have found
the Adopt-A-School program valuable in establishing
links to the military. When a military command
“adopts” a local school, students and staff become
more familiar with the military as they get
acquainted with the service members involved in
this local community service project. Activities can
include serving as tutors, teachers’ helpers, and big
brothers/sisters. It’s a fun and productive way for
schools to learn more about the military.
During Operation Desert Storm, again with Operation
Desert Fox, and most recently during Operation Allied
Force (Kosovo Conflict), many Americans learned
more about the different branches of the service and
their missions, and they became more familiar with
the challenges faced by military families – job danger,
family separations, and the resultant uncertainty.
During these operations, school personnel provided
support for students and parents who had loved ones
deployed. Their response has always been
impressive, despite the fact that many have limited
knowledge of the military and the unique dynamics
of military families.
The military remains a mystery to many civilians,
9
GENERAL INFORMATION
RATE AND RANK
Rate and rank are the classification systems, which identify the official standing and level of advancement of a service
member
ARMED FORCES COMPARABLE RANKS AND ABBREVIATIONS
ARMY
NAVY & COAST GUARD
AIR FORCE
COMMISSIONED OFFICERS
(GEN) Admiral
MARINE CORPS
GENERAL INFORMATION
(GEN)
O-10
General
(ADM) General
(GEN) General
O-9
LieutenantGeneral
(LTG) ViceAdmiral
(VADM) LieutenantGeneral (LtGen) LieutenantGeneral(LtGen)
O-8
MajorGeneral
(MG) RearAdmiral
(RADM) MajorGeneral
O-7
BrigadierGeneral
(BG) BrigadierGeneral
(Bgen) BrigadierGeneral (BrigGen)
O-6
Colonel
(COL) Captain
O-5
LieutenantColonel
(LTC) Commander
O-4
Major
O-3
Captain(CPT)
O-2
FirstLieutenant
(1LT) LieutenantJuniorGrade(LTJG) FirstLieutenant
O-1
SecondLieutenant
(2LT) Ensign
(MajGen) MajorGeneral
(CAPT) Colonel
(COL) Colonel
(MajGen)
(Col)
(CDR) LieutenantColonel (LtCol) LieutenantColonel (LtCol)
(MAJ) LieutenantCommander (LCDR) Major
Lieutenant
(LT) Captain
(MAJ) Major
(MAJ)
(Capt) Captain
(Capt)
(1stLt) FirstLieutenant
(1stLt)
(ENS) SecondLieutenant(2ndLt) SecondLieutenant (2ndLt)
WARRANT OFFICERS
W-4
ChiefWarrantOfficer
(CW4) ChiefWarrantOfficer(CWO-4)
ChiefWarrantOfficer(CWO-4)
W-3
ChiefWarrantOfficer
(CW3) ChiefWarrantOfficer(CWO-3)
ChiefWarrantOfficer(CWO-3)
W-2
ChiefWarrantOfficer
(CW2) ChiefWarrantOfficer(CWO-2)
ChiefWarrantOfficer(CWO-2)
W-1
WarrantOfficer
(WO1)
WarrantOfficer
(WO)
E-9
CommandSergeantMajor (CSM) MasterChiefPettyOfficer (MCPO) ChiefMasterSergeant (CMSgt) SergeantMajor
(SgtMaj)
E-9
SergeantMajor
(SGM)
E-8
FirstSergeant
(1SG) SeniorChiefPettyOfficer (SCPO) SeniorMasterSergeant
E-8
MasterSergeant
(MSG)
E-7
SergeantFirstClass
(SFC) ChiefPettyOfficer
E-6
StaffSergeant
(SSG) PettyOfficerFirstClass (PO1) TechnicalSergeant (TSgt) StaffSergeant
E-5
Sergeant
(SGT) PettyOfficerSecondClass
E-4
Corporal
E-4
ENLISTED PERSONNEL
MasterGunnerySgt. (MgySgt)
(CPO) MasterSergeant
(PO2) StaffSergeant
(SMSgt) FirstSergeant
(1stSgt)
MasterSergeant
(MSgt)
(MSgt) GunnerSergeant
(GySgt)
(SSgt)
(SSgt) Sergeant
(Sgt)
(CPL) PettyOfficerThirdClass (PO3) Sergeant
(Sgt) Corporal
(Cpl)
Specialist4
(SP4)
(SrA)
E-3
PrivateFirstClass
(PFC) Seaman
E-2
Private
(PV2) SeamanApprentice
(SA) Airman
E-1
Private
(PV1) SeamanRecruit
(SR) AirmanBasic
SeniorAirman
(Seaman) AirmanFirstClass
10
(A1C) LanceCorporal
(LCpl)
(Amn) PrivateFirstClass
(PFC)
(AB) Private
(Pvt)
GENERAL INFORMATION
ARMY
Asproscribed
bythe
Generalof
theArmies
NAVY
AIR
FORCE
MARINE
CORPS
COAST
GUARD
None
None
None
None
None
None
Generalof
theArmy
FleetAdmiral
Generalof
theAirForce
General
Admiral
General
General
Admiral
Lieutenant
General
ViceAdmiral
Lieutenant
General
Lieutenant
General
ViceAdmiral
Major
General
RearAdmiral
(Upper)
Major
General
Major
General
RearAdmiral
Brigadier
General
RearAdmiral
(Lower)
Brigadier
General
Brigadier
General
Commodore
Colonel
Captain
Colonel
Colonel
Captain
11
GENERAL INFORMATION
ARMY
NAVY
AIR
FORCE
MARINE
CORPS
COAST
GUARD
LT Colonel
(Silver)
Commander
LT Colonel
(Silver)
LT Colonel
(Silver)
Commander
Major
(Gold)
LTCommander
Major
(Gold)
Major
(Gold)
LTCommander
Captain
(Silver)
Lieutenant
Captain
(Silver)
Captain
(Silver)
Lieutenant
1stLieutenant
(Silver)
Lieutenant
JuniorGrade
1stLieutenant
(Silver)
1stLieutenant
(Silver)
Lieutenant
JuniorGrade
2ndLieutenant
(Gold)
Ensign
2ndLieutenant
(Gold)
2ndLieutenant
(Gold)
Ensign
None
Chief
Warrant
Officer
(CW-3)
Chief
Warrant
Officer
(CW-4)
Chief
Warrant
Officer
(W-3)
Chief
Warrant
Officer
(W-4)
Chief
Warrant
Officer
(W-3)
Chief
Warrant
Officer
(W-4)
Chief
Warrant
Officer
(W-1)
Chief
Warrant
Officer
(W-2)
Chief
Warrant
Officer
(W-3)
Chief
Warrant
Officer
(W-4)
None
Warrant
Officer
(WO-1)
Chief
Warrant
Officer
(CW-2)
Chief
Warrant
Officer
(W-2)
12
Chief
Warrant
Officer
(W-2)
GENERAL INFORMATION
ARMY
Staff Comm. Spec.
SGT
SGT
9
Major Major
First
SGT
Master Spec.
SGT
8
NAVY
AIR
FORCE
MARINE
CORPS
COAST
GUARD
MasterChiefPO
CommandChief
MasterSGT
SGT
Major
Master
Gunnery
SGT
MasterChiefPO
SeniorChiefPO
SeniorMasterSGT
1st
SGT
Master
SGT
SeniorChiefPO
SGT
1stClass
Spec.
7
ChiefPO
MasterSGT
GunnerySGT
ChiefPO
Staff
SGT
Spec.
6
PO1stClass
TechnicalSGT
StaffSGT
PO1stClass
SGT
Spec.
5
PO2ndClass
StaffSGT
SGT
PO2ndClass
Spec.
4
PO3rdClass
SeniorAirman
Corporal
PO3rdClass
Private1stClass
Seaman
Airman1stClass
Lance Corporal
Seaman
Private
SeamanApprentice
Airman
Private1stClass
SeamanApprentice
AirmanBasic
Private
Corporal
Private
SeamanRecruit
13
SeamanRecruit
GENERAL INFORMATION
TELLING MILITARY TIME
another branch might require longer, less frequent
separations. These different patterns of separation
can require different adjustments on the part of
family members.
Military time uses a 24-hour clock. The easiest way
to remember military time is:
In familiarizing yourself with the military family and
its lifestyle, remember that just as the branches of
the service are different, so too are the individuals
and families who serve. We respect these differences, but we have focused on their commonalties in
providing information to aid your understanding of
the military lifestyle. In the following chapters, four
aspects of military life – deployment, reunion, crisis,
and relocation – will be examined as they relate to
military children.
REFERENCES
Educational Publications, Inc., What’s Next? A Guide
to Family Readiness, 1990
For any time prior to 10:00 a.m., simply add a zero
before the hour, example: nine o’clock in the
morning would be spoken as “zero nine hundred”
and written as 0900. 10:00 a.m., 11:00 a.m., and
12:00 a.m. would be “ten hundred,” “eleven
hundred,” and “twelve hundred.”
“The Military Man,” The Virginian Pilot and The
Ledger-Star, Business Weekly: Almanac ‘91, 24 June
1991
Naval Military Personnel Command, Sea Legs: A
Handbook for the Navy Family, Washington Navy
Yard, Washington, 1989
For any time after 12:00 p.m., simply add twelve to
the time, example: for 3:00 p.m., add twelve to 3:00
and get “fifteen hundred” or 1500. To convert from
military time after twelve hundred, subtract twelve,
example: for 1500, you subtract twelve from the
military time and get 3:00 p.m.
Navy Wifeline Association, Welcome Aboard,
Washington Navy Yard, Washington
Uniformed Services Almanac, 1991 Uniformed
Services Almanac, Falls Church, 1991
Wedertz, Bill, Dictionary of Naval Abbreviations,
Naval Institute Press, Annapolis, 1984
In the day to day activities of the armed services, the
importance of military children can be overlooked.
Like their civilian counterparts, military children are
the adults of the future. Many individuals currently
serving in the armed forces were raised in military
families and chose a military career because they had
positive experiences as military children.
SUGGESTED READING—
ADULTS
Channing L. Bete, Co., “What You Should Know
About Military Family Life,” Scriptographic Booklet,
phone 800-628-7733 to order
It is easy sometimes to slip into feeling sorry for
military children – always moving to new places,
leaving old friends, and trying to fit into new
communities. But these hardships can actually
provide exciting opportunities that challenge and
strengthen children and families. One group of
public school teachers commented that military
students are culturally and politically aware, good
“team players,” independent, self-reliant, reach out
to newcomers easily, and make good world citizens.
“Handbook for Military Families, Army/Navy/Air
Force Times, 1 April 1991
Werstch, Mary, Military Brats: Legacies of Childhood
Inside the Fortress, Harmony Books, New York, 1991
Branches of the armed services have different
missions, and these differences often account for
differences in family life. Separations and
deployments are a fact of life for all military families.
However, the mission of one branch of the service
may require short, frequent separations while
14
DEPLOYMENT
THE DEPLOYMENT CYCLE
GLOSSARY OF
DEPLOYMENT TERMS:
• Ombudsman - spouse of a member of the
command who is appointed by the Commanding
Officer to serve as official liaison between the
command and family members.
• Chain of Concern - an Army term for an
informal self-help organization for spouses that is
usually structured along the chain of command.
• Deployment - assignment of military personnel
to temporary tours of duty. Can be weeks,
months, or years of separation.
• Patrol - when a Coast Guard ship deploys, the
time spent away from homeport is referred
to as a “patrol.”
• EDRIE - when Army military companies are put
of alert and are to remain in the company barracks
until lifted. Can be from one hour to one week
depending on the mission.
• Rapid deployment - an Air Force term used
when a unit may deploy within 12–18 hours after
notification. Most of that time is spent on duty or
in crew preparation, not with the member’s
family.
• ETD - a unit’s estimated time of departure.
• Cruise - when a Navy ship deploys, the time
spent away from homeport is often referred to as
a “cruise” or a “deployment.”
• TAD – (Temporary Additional Duty) - a Navy
term for temporary duty.
• TDY – (Temporary Duty) – an Air Force and
Army term for temporary duty that can last from a
few days to a few months.
• 1st Sergeant - also called “shirt” in the Air Force
and “top” in the Army. A position in each
squadron tasked with assisting active duty
members and families and usually the Point of
Contact (POC) for families during deployment.
• Unaccompanied/Remote tour - permanent
assignment of military personnel to a duty station
without family members.
• MARS - (Military Amateur Radio System) - a
network of “ham” radio operators who provide
phone patches to or from deployed units so that
service members can speak to their family
members at reduced rates or no cost.
15
DEPLOYMENT
RESOURCES
MID-DEPLOYMENT SUPPORT
These programs and services are designed for
children and non-deployed parents. Educational
programs explore feelings, offer innovative
communication ideas, discuss coping strategies, and
focus on Homecoming Day. Services include e-mail,
phone, or videophone communication with deployed
service member and information and referral to
resources and activities in the military and civilian
communities.
A variety of deployment support programs and
services are available through Army Community
Service Centers, Fleet and Family Support Centers,
and Air Force Family Support Centers. Offerings vary
from center to center, but typically they include:
PRE-DEPLOYMENT PREPARATION
Educational programs for single service members
and couples that provide information on the financial,
legal, practical, and emotional preparation for
deployment.
REUNION AND HOMECOMING
These programs and services are designed for
returning service members and their family
members. Educational programs for service members explore the issues and concerns regarding
reintegration into family life and the local community,
as well as tips for a successful Homecoming Day.
The Navy’s Return and Reunion Homecoming
Program provides these programs on board deployed
commands during transit to homeport. Educational
programs for family members typically cover parallel
content from the perspective of family members.
• Financial - spending plan, payment of bills,
financial goals.
• Legal - powers of attorney, wills, required
paperwork.
• Practical – automobiles, leases, sources of
support.
• Emotional - emotional cycle of deployment, ways
to cope, maintaining communication.
Programs for children and parents are designed to
reduce confusion and anxiety about deployment,
discuss ways to stay connected during the
deployment, and allow children to become more
knowledgeable of their deploying parent’s
environment and duties.
http://www.lifelines2000.org
The Quality of Life (QOL) Mall is an on-line resource
sponsored by the Department of Defense that offers
information on a wide variety of services and topics
of interest to military personnel and their family
members.
16
DEPLOYMENT
THE DEPLOYMENT CYCLE
INTRODUCTION
civilian service agencies, and other families all
contribute to the harmony and smooth orchestration
of family life and help children ease through the
transitions.
Deployments or separations are faced by all military
families at some time in their careers. The
frequency and duration of these separations may
vary depending on the branch of the service or the
service member’s job, but many of the emotional
issues military families face are the same.
STRENGTHS
The deployment cycle is a construct that helps us
understand the emotional stages that many military
families go through in adjusting to family separations
and reunions. The time it takes for individuals to
move through the various stages of this cycle varies,
and members of different military communities may
experience stages of the cycle differently.
Much has been written about the negative impact
family separations and relocations have on military
children. Less attention has been focused on the
positive impact of these realities of military family
life. Several psychological studies show that despite
the stress of separation, many children make
significant developmental gains. Positive impacts
include:
The stress of separation may be lessened if the
service member on an unaccompanied tour is able
to write, e-mail or phone home frequently. In
contrast, a submariner’s family may have little
or no communication with their service member,
and the challenge to “keep the connection” becomes
even greater.
a. Fosters maturity - Military children have
broader and more varied experiences than nonmilitary children.
b. Growth inducing - Military children learn
more about the world and how to function
within a community at an earlier age. Assuming
age-appropriate responsibilities in the service
member’s absence provides a chance to develop
new skills and develop hidden interests.
Dual active duty parents and active duty single
parents may face even greater challenges during
times of deployment. Finding reliable, long-term
childcare can be difficult, and the cost of this kind of
extended care during deployments can be very high.
Current, complete Family Care Plans are also
required of these military parents. Family Service
Centers can assist these parents in managing the
process of deploying.
c. Encourages independence - Military children
tend to be more resourceful and self-starters.
d. Encourages flexibility - In an ever-changing
environment, military children often learn the
importance of flexibility in dealing with day
to day life.
Studies show that healthy families share many
characteristics and that adaptability, flexibility, and
clarity of family rules are some of the most important
ones. All three characteristics are present in military
families that successfully manage separations.
These families are often referred to as “accordion
families.” They stretch out and expand to let the
service member in after a deployment, and they
compress and condense when the member deploys.
During all this activity these remarkable accordion
families, like the instrument, maintain harmony and
make music, seldom dropping a note or missing a
beat. But this astonishing feat might not be
accomplished without help from outside the family.
The military member’s command, military and
e. Builds skills for adjusting to separations and
losses faced later in life - In a lifestyle filled
with good-byes and hellos, military children learn
not only how to say good-bye, but how to begin
new friendships.
f. Strengthens family bonds - Military families
make emotional adjustments during a separations
and relocations that often lead to the discovery of
new sources of strength and support among
themselves.
17
DEPLOYMENT
• STRESSORS
CHILDREN
• “Why must my parent go away?”
A deployment can range anywhere in length from
two weeks to over a year. A company can be put on
alert and required to remain in the barracks until the
alert is lifted, from one hour to one week depending
on the mission. With a rapid deployment, a squadron
may receive only 12-18 hours notification before
departure. A rescue unit makes short but frequent
deployments, while a ship might make regularly
scheduled six-month deployments. All of these
situations can be stressful for military families,
particularly for children.
Young children may not fully understand the reasons
behind the service member’s departure. In their
minds, he/she may be choosing to go away. They may
feel abandoned.
• “My parent is going away because of
something I did.”
Young children may feel the service member is going
away because of something they did. They may feel
guilty.
Children’s reactions to an impending separation will
vary with their personalities and ages. Change is
puzzling to children, and they may be worried, angry,
or moody. Parents are concerned about how the
separation will affect their children, as well as their
role as parents. If you were to talk to a military
family in the early stages of the deployment cycle,
these are some of the issues you might hear.
• “If I was really good enough, my parent
would stay.”
These feelings may be reflected in anger, hostility, a
desire for revenge, or a desire to be punished for
having such feelings. Children may feel unlovable or
worthless.
• “Go away – see if I care. We (the family) can
get along just fine without you.”
DEPLOYING PARENTS
• Worried about losing touch with children.
Children may experience resentment toward the
service member or a desire to take the parent’s
place, in addition to guilt for feeling that way.
• Concerned about whether they’ll be remembered
by children when they return (especially for
infants and toddlers).
• “I don’t have to listen if I don’t want to!”
• Worried about changes that may occur in children
during deployment.
Sensing a loss of continuity, children may continually
“test” the non-deployed parent to find his/her limits;
to see what’s changed with the non-deployed parent
at the helm. Now that the family structure has
undergone some change, children may feel insecure.
• Concerned about their ability to be a good parent
while deployed.
Children from separated military families experience
many of the same effects as children of divorce. They
worry about what will happen to them. Will the nondeployed parent leave, too? Who will take care of
them? This is especially so if the family has trouble
with mail deliveries or pay allotments, which is
frequently the case in the early days of separation.
They may worry about whether they will have
enough to eat, to wear, to play with, and a place to
live. All these fears may consciously or
subconsciously trouble the child.
NON-DEPLOYING PARENTS
• Concerned about the heavier workload and
increased responsibility.
• Worried about their ability to maintain consistent
discipline practices.
• Concerned about their ability to fill the role of
both parents.
However, one of the most influential factors affecting
children’s attitudes toward deployment is the nondeployed parent’s attitude toward deployment. If the
parent maintains a positive attitude and models
effective coping skills, most likely the child will do
the same.
18
DEPLOYMENT
• STRATEGIES
• Invite representatives from your local military
family support organization to PTA meeting to
talk about separations and children.
Deployments cause a number of changes in
children’s lives. Change is puzzling to children, and
as a result they may show signs of separation anxiety.
Listed below are some of the reactions that parents
and teachers might observe in children when a
parent is deployed. It is very helpful when teachers
and counselors contact parents of military students
experiencing separation anxiety. These students may
be showing similar signs at home.
• Encourage military families to attend deploymentfocused programs.
• At the start of each school year, encourage
military parents to provide the school with the
name of the unit they are assigned to and when
the unit deploys. This would allow the school to
keep a confidential master list of students who
have/will have parents deployed. This information helps teachers and counselors to be
attuned to any emotional, behavioral, or academic
changes that may occur with a student as a result
of a parent being deployed.
In preschool or kindergarten children you may see:
• Clinging to people or favorite toy, blanket, etc.
• Unexplained crying or tearfulness.
• Change in relationship with same-age friends.
• Choosing adults over same-age friends.
• Work on craft or science projects that illustrate
the change in seasons - pumpkins, snowflakes,
leaves, and planting seeds. This helps young
children identify the passage of time and relate
this to parent’s return.
• Increased acts of aggression toward people
or things.
• Shrinking away from people or things.
• Sleep difficulties (nightmares, frequent waking).
• Encourage younger children to bring in some of
the deployed parent’s worn clothing and uniform
items to use for dress-up play.
• Regressing such as toileting accidents, thumbsucking, etc.
• Encourage students to communicate regularly
with their deployed parents. Letters and tapes
are always appreciated, but some other ways
children can keep in touch include sending the
service member:
• Eating difficulties.
• Fear of new people or situations.
In school-age children you may see:
• Any of the signs exhibited by younger children,
PLUS
1. A gift certificate to be cashed in when the
deployed parent gets home.
• A rise in complaints about stomach aches,
headaches, or other illnesses when nothing seems
to be wrong.
2. A book written/illustrated about the absent
parent.
• More irritability or crabbiness.
3. A new recipe they tried and plan to make
when the deployed parents returns.
• Increase in school problems such as a drop in
grades, an unwillingness to attend school,
or odd complaints about school and/or teachers.
4. A drawing with a hidden picture for the
deployed parent to find.
5. A crossword puzzle or secret message with a
code for the deployed parent to figure out.
• Behavior changes.
Guidance counselors, teachers, and school
administrators can assist military children and
their parents in the following ways:
Suggestions for parents include:
• Take time to visit their children’s teachers.
Parents may be reluctant to advise a teacher of an
upcoming deployment, worrying that it may
appear as if they’re asking for special treatment
for their child. However, a teacher who is aware
of the student’s family situation is in a better
position to be sensitive and encouraging.
• Refer to military family support organizations
for information on deployment workshops, free
educational materials, or counseling services.
(See divider page.)
19
DEPLOYMENT
• Encourage a parent to leave three stamped,
self-addressed envelopes with the teacher.
The school or PTA newsletter can be sent to
the deployed parent as well as samples of their
child’s work with a short comment regarding his/
her progress.
• Many elementary guidance counselors in the
Hampton Roads, VA area public schools facilitated
deployment support groups for students whose
parents or relatives were involved in Operation
Desert Storm. These counselors are to be
congratulated on their quick response in meeting
the needs of military students who were
sometimes confused and frightened by the rapid
deployment of their loved ones. Many military
parents commented to Navy Family Service
Center staff that these deployment support
groups were the key ingredient in easing their
children’s anxieties. These groups proved to be
so successful in assisting students to cope more
effectively with their parent’s absence that some
guidance counselors continue to offer deployment
support groups on a regular basis.
• Become a pen pal to their child’s class. Instead
of feeling different for having a parent so far away,
their child will be proud of the important work
they do. Everyday items from other cultures
can be very educational. A parent could send
postcards, maps, stamps, coins, menus, or
information and articles that describe the foreign
duty station, port, etc. A picture, patch, bumper
sticker, or button will enhance a child’s sense of
pride in the parent’s job.
• Students can make a time capsule at the
beginning of the deployment. A shoe box or
plastic bag can be filled with items like a piece of
string as long as the child’s height, a tracing of the
child’s hand or foot, a list of the child’s favorites
(song, candy bar, television show, toy, etc.), and
any other items as desired. Students choose a
hiding place for their time capsules at the start of
the deployment and open them when the
deployed parent returns. It’s an entertaining way
to measure the changes that have occurred!
EXEMPLARY EFFORTS
• One Norfolk, VA class sponsored a Deployed Dad
program. One child’s Deployed Dad was chosen
as the class’s link to deployment. By tracking the
Deployed Dad’s journey on a map, the class
learned about the world, and his child brought in
postcards, stamps, shells, and other items sent
from different places. Each child wrote the Dad
letters. This program provided students with a
positive, educational experience during a difficult
time, and made the child feel closer to the
deployed parent with the entire class as a system
of support.
• Peer counseling proved to be an effective
technique implemented during Operation Desert
Storm. More experienced military students
assisted those students who with little or no
experience with deployments, particularly
children of reservists who were not prepared for
their parents’ rapid deployment.
• During Operation Dessert Storm, a Newport News,
VA elementary school dedicated a PTA meeting
with a patriotic theme to people serving in the
Persian Gulf. Everyone wore red, white, and
blue; the non-deployed military parents were
asked to attend in uniform; and children sang
patriotic songs. The event was taped and sent to
the soldiers in the Gulf from Fort Eustis, an Army
installation in Virginia, who in return sent a tape
back to the students.
• Students enjoyed inviting a guest speaker to
address their deployment support group. A
service member in uniform, a military spouse, or
staff member from a local family support
organization were utilized during Operations
Desert Storm and Desert Shield.
• A puppet show developed by a local Navy Family
Service Center was offered to early elementary
students to help them understand and cope with
the stressors brought on by Operations Desert
Shield and Desert Storm. Many public and private
schools offered this program.
20
DEPLOYMENT
REFERENCES
SUGGESTED READING
Breger, Eli, “On Navy Family Separations, “ Wifeline,
Spring 1981: 12
Channing L. Bete Co., Inc, “About Deployment,”
Scriptographic Booklet, 1995, phone 800-628-7733 to
order and request item #16931
“Effects Of Deployment On Growing Families,”
Military Family, Vol. 1, No. 2, Fall 1981
Channing L. Bete Co., Inc, “Mission Readiness: A
Personal and Family Guide,” Scriptographic Booklet,
1996, phone 800-628-7733 to order and request item
#92296E-7-98
Embry, Dennis D., “Someone in My Family Went Off
to the Middle East” Project Me, Inc., 1990
Hill, Gary F., “Father & Son Together Again,”
Wifeline, Winter 1983: 1
Kersey, Katherine & Schuenke, Janet, “Military
Daddy: Now You See Him Now You Don’t,”
Ladycom, June 1982
SUGGESTED READINGCHILDREN
Lester, Marianne, “When Daddy Comes Home - How
to Cope With Children Who Are Hurt and Angry
Because Daddy’s Been Away,” Air Force Times,
magazine supplement, 20 September 1976:8
Channing L. Bete Co., “Until Your Parent Comes
Home Again,” Scriptographic booklet, 1996, phone
800-628-7733 and request item #54411
Logan, Kathleen Vestal, “The Emotional Cycle of
Deployment,” Naval Institute Proceedings, February
1987
Corey, Dorothy, “You Go Away,” Whitman, 1975
Dupasquier, Phillipe, “Dear Daddy,” Bradbury, New
York, 1985
Newman, George, “101 Ways To Be A Long Distance
Superdad”
Hoffman and Sitler, “A Special Family” Naval
Institute Press, Annapolis, Maryland, 1981
Sitler, Filomena, “ The Military Father - Good
Servicemen Can Be Good Daddies Too,” Air Force
Times, magazine supplement, 1 February 1982
McClosky, Robert, “Make Way for Ducklings,”
Viking, 1941
Sendak, Maurice, “Chicken Soup With Rice,” Harper
and Row, New York, 1971
Zolotow, Charlotte, “A Father Like That,” Harper and
Row, New York, 1971
21
HOMECOMING
HOMECOMING:
A TIME OF CELEBRATION
AND CHANGE
ANTICIPATION
READJUSTMENT
STABILIZATION
Homecomings can be a time of celebration as well as change. Family members experience a variety of feelings
before and after being reunited. These emotions are perfectly normal. In fact, there are three stages that most
people experience during homecomings: anticipation, readjustment, and stabilization.
ANTICIPATION
STABILIZATION
The weeks and days before homecoming are
filled with mounting excitement, tension, and
nervousness. Days may be spent in busy preparation for a spouse’s return. Fantasies of an even
better relationship may surface and take the place of
reality as the day of homecoming draws closer.
The amount of time it takes for families to stabilize
varies. Many experience only minor difficulty in
adjusting to new routines. However, readjustment
may be a longer process for others.
GLOSSARY OF
HOMECOMING TERMS
READJUSTMENT
As the experience of homecoming fades, it is often
followed by a stage of renewal and the possible
renegotiations of roles and responsibilities. Experts
have identified two stages of readjustment:
• ETA- Estimated Time of Arrival.
• Channel Fever – constant state of excitement
and sometimes sleepless nights experienced by
returning military personnel and their families
during the last few days of the deployment.
Stage One – Honeymoon
(usually until the first serious disagreement)
•
•
•
•
• Tiger Cruise – immediate family members of the
deployed service members (except spouses) are
invited by the command to ride the ship during
the last few days of the cruise.
Feelings of euphoria, relief
Blur of excitement
Catching up and sharing experiences
Beginning to reestablish intimacy
• R&R – Return and Reunion Homecoming
Program.
Stage Two – Readjustment
(approximately 6-8 weeks)
•
•
•
• Stand Down Time – returning crew members
typically have time off before the regular work
routine starts again, but they must report for duty
section.
Intensified pressures
Sensitivity to spouse’s presence
Increased tension as the idealized relationship
confronts reality
22
HOMECOMING
RESOURCES
Homecoming support services are available through
Fleet and Family Support Centers (FFSC), Air Force
Family Support Centers (FSC), and Army
Community Service Centers (ACS). Helpful
resources include:
• Classes
• Counseling
Professional counselors provide free, short-term
counseling and crisis intervention for personal,
marital, and family matters. Referrals for long-term
counseling are made to community agencies as
appropriate.
• Homecoming Preparation
These programs prepare family members for the
service member’s return by addressing the
emotional aspects of reunion and changes that may
occur upon return.
• Family support groups
• Key Spouses
• Ombudsmen
• Printed Resources/Educational Materials
• Return and Reunion Homecoming Program
This Navy program offers educational workshops and
resource information on board ships during the
transit home from an extended deployment. An
FFSC team provides workshops on topics such as
returning to family and children, financial issues, and
more. It is an exciting, dynamic program designed to
“Help Make a Good Thing Better.”
23
HOMECOMING
INTRODUCTION
Their child might say…
Several days before homecoming from a major
deployment, crews aboard Navy ships become
afflicted with the mysterious ailment known Navywide as “Channel Fever.” Nobody complains about
the symptoms – sleepless nights and a constant state
of excitement.
“I am so excited I can hardly wait for Daddy/Mommy
to come home. I have a hard time sitting still and
doing my work at school – I feel like I might explode
inside. It seems like I can’t do anything right
anymore. I keep getting yelled at, and everyone tells
me to settle down. I don’t know how to. I want so
much for Daddy/Mommy to be glad to see me. I’m
afraid he/she won’t be. I wonder if he/she will
be mad at me about my last report card of yell at
me because I kept forgetting to take out the trash
on trash day like I was supposed to while he/she
was gone.”
Its cause? Being within hours of seeing loved ones
and friends for the first time in many months.
If you talked to these service members, they
might say…
“During the transit home, the deployment is
still fresh in our minds. We still have feelings of
frustration, anxiety, and helplessness. We still feel
the heartache of being away from families and the
fatigue from the 12, 14, and sometimes 24-hour
workdays that deployments bring.”
“What is it going to be like to have Daddy/Mommy
home again? I wonder if I’ll have to go back to early
bedtime again. It was so fun staying up a little later
at night. I guess it’ll all be worth it to have Dad
Mom home again though. I missed him/her so much.”
“We hope that our spouses are aware of how
demanding our days have been… that we haven’t
spent the last six months taking a ‘pleasure cruise.’
We spend those last days before homecoming
fantasizing about things will be… thinking about
promises made (and maybe not kept) and hoping that
homecoming will be perfect for both of us. We feel a
little scared. What if my children don’t remember
me? What if my spouse has changed?”
• STRENGTHS
The homecoming experience can be difficult as well
as joyful. It provides an opportunity few civilian
families have — a chance to evaluate the changes
that have occurred in the family, to determine the
future direction of this growth, and to experience
renewed and refreshed family relationships. Reunion
creates an opportunity for family members to see
one another in a new light. We’ve all heard the
phrase “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
After a separation, military family members tend to
appreciate each other more and view their family as
“special” for successfully completing yet another
deployment.
“We’re also aware that homecoming is just the beginning. We know we have to get used to our family
lifestyle all over again. Sometimes it’s hard not to
feel like a stranger in your own home and to be willing to understand and accept all of the decisions your
spouse has made while you were gone.”
If you were to talk to the awaiting spouse, he/
she might say…
“It feels as if homecoming will never get here, even
though these past few days are really busy. Sometimes I think I’ll never get everything done before
the ship pulls in. I want everything to be perfect for
him/her. I still need to make a trip to the commissary.
Reunion requires children to learn about making
adjustments, renegotiating roles, accepting change,
and developing new skills. These skills support an
increased ability to adapt to new circumstances, new
environments, and new ideas. As adults, many of
these military children will cope more effectively
with change than their civilian counterparts.
It’s been almost six months since I’ve bought any of
his/her favorites. The first night home, though he/
she wants to order pizza. Who wants to spend time
cooking anyway? I’ve got other plans for our first
night together.”
‘We’ve both really changed during this deployment. I
feel really great about how I’ve handled the many
crises that came up. I’ve really grown in his/her
absence. I hope he/she will want to be a part of my
new interests and friends. I’ve been waiting so long
to share them with him/her.”
24
HOMECOMING
• STRESSORS
STRATEGIES
Homecoming day can be the most exciting day in the
life of a military family. It is an emotionally charged
experience in which a wide range of feelings can
emerge. Recent research done with Navy families in
the Hampton Roads, VA area shows that the reunion
period can be more stressful than the deployment.
Stressful reunions can occur regardless of the
duration of the separation — a two-week exercise or
a six-month cruise. In shorter separations, units
may return home just as abruptly as they departed,
allowing families little time to prepare for reunion.
Guidance counselors, teachers, and school
administrators can assist children and parents
prepare for homecoming. Refer families to military
family support centers for information on reunion
workshops, free educational materials, or counseling
services.
It’s also important to understand children’s reactions
to homecoming. The following are common
reactions parents and teachers might observe
children after reunion.
Despite the length of the separation, couples build up
fantasies about one another and what the reunion
will be like. This is also true for parents and
children. Many parents returning from a deployment have visions of the “perfect reunion” —
their child running down the pier shouting “Mommy,
Mommy” or across the tarmac, arms open, yelling,
“Daddy, Daddy.” They may envision their child
immediately hugging and kissing them, and listening
intently to all their stories. Some parents may be
thinking nothing has changed since they’ve been
gone — the kids, spouse, and the house are all
the same.
COMMON REACTIONS AFTER
REUNION
Preschoolers (3 to 5 years)
• Feels guilty for making parent go away.
• Needs some warm-up time.
• Demonstrates intense anger at home or
school.
• Needs “proof” that the parent is real – pokes,
hits, test limits.
• Acts out to get parent’s or teacher’s
attention.
• Is demanding.
Extended family members or friends who have little
familiarity with military family life often see homecoming as an idyllic event and a solution to any
problems that existed during the deployment. Even
though reunion is generally a happy time for most
families, it’s important to remember:
• Parents and children may experience confusing
feelings – worry, fear, happiness, and excitement.
School age (5 to 12 years)
• Runs to greet returning parent at
homecoming.
• Feels guilty that they didn’t do enough or
weren’t good enough.
• Dreads the parent’s return if they believe
parent will discipline them for all the wrongs
committed during the separation.
• Boasts about the service and parent.
• Talks the entire way home on homecoming
day trying to bring the parent up-to-date.
• Children may be unsure about what to expect
from the returning parent.
• Change is stressful for children and adults.
• Families and the returning parent change during
separations. Everyone has grown physically,
emotionally, and socially. The parent at home may
enjoy the independence experienced during the
separation. The twelve-year-old daughter who
used to hang around with Dad on Saturday, may
now want to spend free time with her friends.
The toddler who ran to Mom with bumps and
scrapes, may now run to Dad for comfort.
Teenager (13 to 18 years)
• Exhibits excitement if parent/child
relationship was strong.
• Feels guilty for not living up to standards.
• Is concerned about rules and responsibilities.
• Feels too old or is unwilling to change plans
to meet the ship/plane when parent returns.
• Expect the adjustment period to last for several
weeks.
25
HOMECOMING
Consistency between home and school can assist
students during this adjustment period.
would like to celebrate. Have them make a list of
celebration ideas and take it home.
Family support centers offer the following
suggestions to the returning parent as he/she
reintegrates with the family:
• Create a system of “No Homework Passes.” This
entitles the student to a night off from homework
after the deployed parent returns. Time normally
allotted for completing homework would be spent
getting reacquainted.
• Go slowly – Don’t “take over” when you return.
• Be firm – Don’t give in to children’s demands.
• Have each child make an “I’m Proud List” of
positive things done while Mom/Dad was away.
Many children may believe they have not done
well. Boost their self-esteem by hanging the lists
up around the classroom.
• Observe – Examine your family’s schedule and
rules.
• Be flexible – Don’t expect things to be the same.
• Notice positive social interactions between kids.
Write their names on the chalkboard when they
share, listen, help, cooperate, or do things for
each other. This helps build self-esteem and heal
social problems that may have developed.
• Be realistic – Don’t expect the impossible.
• Communicate – Discuss your feelings and
concerns.
• Reestablish co-parenting – Coordinate discipline
with your spouse.
• Praise positive school achievements, particularly
among those kids who are struggling. Children
who experience difficulty with separations often
blame themselves. Receiving praise for school
achievements helps these children challenge their
feelings of “badness” or their belief that they are
somehow secretly responsible for the separation.
• Be generous – Spend time with your family.
Family support centers offer the following advice to
school personnel:
• Expect a period of readjustment for the entire
family. Problems experienced by a child during a
parent’s absence will not immediately disappear
when the parent returns. New problems may
replace the old ones.
• Some children have already had a parent come
home. Ask them to think of something they can
do for a classmate who is still waiting, like leaving
a note on the classmate’s desk saying it’s hard to
wait for someone to come home or spending time
talking or playing with that classmate.
• Set up a courtesy conference with parents and
their child. This is a good opportunity to praise
the child for their strengths and suggest ways that
the parents and the child can work together on
areas needing improvement.
• Project Me Club, which prepared educational
materials for military families and professionals
during Operation Desert Storm, suggests ideas
about dealing with reunion that counselors might
utilize in a deployment group.
Teachers could also use classroom activities such as:
• Facilitate class meetings or discussions to talk about:
a. How hard it is to wait until a parent returns
from deployment.
b. What their reunion will be like. Talk about
going to meet the parent and how they might
feel.
c. Their fears of being abandoned again.
d. What changes in their families might happen
when the deployed parent comes home.
• Get the children to brainstorm ideas of how they
26
HOMECOMING
EXEMPLARY EFFORTS
SUGGESTED READINGS ADULTS
Many schools presented special programs to
celebrate the return of military personnel from
the Persian Gulf and bring a sense of closure to
Operation Desert Storm. Some schools offered
musical presentations featuring patriotic songs, and
others held special ceremonies on Flag Day, which
was the last day of the school year. Military parents
who served in the Persian Gulf were the honored
guests at these events. These were wonderful
examples of school personnel recognizing and
actively participating in the homecoming process.
Some of these creative ideas could be restructured
and implemented on a smaller scale to recognize
those military parents who deploy on a regular basis.
Schools can have a positive impact on military
families going through the return and reunion
process when schools and parents work together to
support military children.
Channing L. Bete, Co., Inc., “About Reunion,
“#48637, Scriptographic Booklet, 1991, phone 800628-7733 to order and request item #48637
Kersey, Katherine, and Schwenke, Janet, “Military
Daddy: Now You See Him, Now You Don’t”,
Ladycom, June 1982
Lester, Marianne, “When Daddy Comes Home,” Air
Force Times, magazine supplement, 20 September
1976
SUGGESTED READINGS CHILDREN
Channing L. Bete, Co., Inc., “Let’s Talk About
Reunion,” Scriptographic Booklet, 1991, phone 800628-7733 to order and request item #56838
REFERENCES
Channing L. Bete, Co., Inc., “Your Parent Is Coming
Home,” Scriptographic Booklet, 1991, phone 800629-7733 to order and request item #56820
Breger, Eli, “On Navy Separations,” Wifeline, Spring
1981
Embry, Dennis D, PhD, and Rubenstein, Alice, EdD,
“They’re Coming Home,” Project Me, Inc., Books 3,
4, and 5, of the Reunion Support series, 800 N. Swan,
Ste 114, Tucson, AZ 85711, 1991, call (602) 322-9977
Bruning, Carol L., “Be Prepared for the Reunion,”
Navy Times, 26 March 1990: 57
Logan, Kathleen, “The Emotional Cycles of
Deployment,” Naval Institute Proceedings, February
1987
McCall, Celeste, “Your Problems Aren’t Over When
He Gets Home,” Air Force Times, magazine
supplement, March 1981
27
RELOCATION
RELOCATION
ST
AB
IL
ON
IVAL &ORIENTATION
AR R
IZA
T IO
RE
N
TI
C
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O
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The cycle of relocation, beginning with awaiting new orders and ending with the final adjustment in the new
duty station, can range from two to twenty-four months. Military personnel know that mobility is a condition of
employment. In general individuals and families become experienced, resourceful, and resilient with respect to
coping with relocations that can occur as often as every two years.
GLOSSARY OF RELOCATION
TERMS:
• PCS – (Permanent Change of Station) – relocation
of military personnel from one permanent location
to another. Certain financial entitlements are
available to pay the cost of relocation.
• CONUS – (Continental United States) – the 48
contiguous states and District of Columbia. All
area outside CONUS is called OCONUS (Outside
of the Continental United States).
• POV – (Privately Owned Vehicle) – military
families are entitled to have a POV shipped to a
new duty station depending upon location.
• PPSO – (Personnel Property Shipping Office) –
assists military with arrangements to relocate
household goods.
• DITY – (Do It Yourself Move) – a family can elect
to move themselves at a government rate.
• EAOS – (End of Active Obligated Service) –
date that signals the end of service member’s
obligated service.
• PRD – (Projected Rotation Date) – date which
service member is due to begin next rotation of
ser vice.
• ETS – estimated time service member would
complete commitment to his/her branch of
ser vice.
• RAP – (Relocation Assistance Program )
• RAU – (Relocation Assistance Unit) – provides
a variety of services to newly reporting or
detaching members such as information,
household rental items, workshops, etc.
• HHG – (Household Goods)
• INTRO – (Individual Newcomer Treatment and
Orientation)
• Sponsor – a person assigned to a relocating
service member of like rank, age, and marital
status in the new duty station to facilitate
adjustment.
• Lending Locker – hospitality kits available for
loan to military families needing household items
on a temporary basis.
• TMO – (Traffic Management Office)
• OTIS – (Overseas Transfer Information System)
– maintains information about traveling or
transferring to overseas locations.
28
RELOCATION
INTRODUCTION
The effect of relocation on the children depends on
the age and developmental level of the child. The
children who are most vulnerable to the emotional
effects of relocation are young children just
beginning to feel secure being away from their
parents in a school setting. When children are part of
decision-making regarding the move, they express a
more positive outlook on the new location and adjust
more quickly.
Geographic mobility has become a fact of life for
modern American families on a quest for a better
life. Figures indicate that the average American
family moves once every five years. However, for
some military families this figure can escalate to
relocation every two years, twice the national
average. A career in the military could result in ten
to twelve relocations.
STRENGTHS
Few subcultures influence the course of their
members’ lives as dramatically as the military.
Military members have limited ability to choose
where their next duty station will be, and subsequently how this will affect their families’ lifestyle,
job opportunities, education, and friendships. Single
parent families, step or blended families, dual career
families, and dual active duty families may encounter
even greater challenges during military relocation.
With the full cycle of adjustment to a relocation
taking up to two years, this can mean families who
move every one to four years have barely adjusted to
one location before they are relocating again.
The challenges of relocation can provide military
families with some positive opportunities:
• Opportunities for active duty personnel to
advance to a better assignment.
• New activities or ways to get involved because of
a new geographic location/climate.
• Ways to meet new people and broaden cultural
horizons.
• Improved career opportunities for non-military
spouses.
Just as lifestyles, adjustment periods, and frequency
of relocations vary from family to family, so will the
family’s reactions vary. However, there are general
patterns and consistencies that emerge in response
to relocation. These include denial, resistance,
exploration, and commitment. The reactions are
typically associated with the varying stages of
relocation.
• New ways for community-involved spouses to
apply their skills and talents, as well as share
their experiences
The “key” to the positive nature of a relocation
experience from a child’s point of view is based on
the parents’ perception of the move. If the parents
view the change as the fulfillment of some hope or
ambition, the feelings transmitted to the children will
be positive and supportive. The younger the child
the more likely their attitude will match that of their
parents.
In the pre-move stage, people may feel emotions
ranging from anxiety and depression to enthusiasm
and euphoria. During the actual move emotions are
often suppressed as the focus is on the logistics of
completing the tasks at hand. There may be
irritability, fatigue, restlessness, and an overall
feeling of being overwhelmed. Once the move has
been completed, feelings of isolation and depression
may emerge for some. Others may be anticipating
the exploration of their new environment with
enthusiasm. The final stage of acceptance and
commitment to the new duty station may be realized
immediately for some while taking up to a year or
more for others.
In general, military children are viewed as having
benefited from their mobile lifestyle. A number of
studies indicate that military children tend to be:
• Culturally aware and knowledgeable in geography
and social studies.
• Independent, self-reliant, and better “team
players.”
• Sophisticated, reaching out to newcomers and
friends more easily.
One often-overlooked aspect of military family
relocation is cultural shock, when returning from an
overseas tour of duty. The change in cultural
settings can also result in school adjustment
difficulties. Normally, these difficulties resolve with
time and patience.
• Politically aware and likely to develop into good
citizens.
• Better able to develop more portable
achievements, skills, and talents
29
RELOCATION
In fact, some studies suggest that typical “mobile”
military youth believe:
c. Children returning to the United States after an
overseas tour of duty may need to reaclimate to
their culture.
• Their life is reasonably normal.
• They face moving problems squarely and believe
they can be solved with some help from their
friends.
• STRATEGIES
• They have fewer problems with people in general
than do their civilian counterparts.
School counselors, administrators, and classroom
teachers can support families in any stage of
relocation by:
• They can adjust no matter where they live.
a. Encouraging parents to hand carry their child’s
home file/records to the new school district. This
step can make a difference between having
educational services start immediately or waiting
for a delay of up to six months. The STOMP
project (specialized training of military parents)
has developed a home file/records checklist for
the special needs child that is especially helpful to
anyone transferring a child between schools.
• STRESSORS
Due to the frequency of moving, military families
may be particularly susceptible to the stressors of
relocation. The most frequent logistical problems
encountered during permanent change of station
(PCS) moves are:
CHECKLIST
• Packing up one household and setting up another.
• Birth certificate
• School records:
Academic achievements report (tests, report
cards, etc.)
Psychological evaluations
Physical therapy, speech/language
evaluations, occupational therapy
Current and past individual education plans (IEP)
Behavioral/social/vocational evaluations
(interest, skills, aptitudes)
• Immunization records
• Relevant medical records
• Samples of child’s work
• Other achievements
• Communication with teachers
• Correspondence with school administrators/
teachers
• Child’s social security number
• Temporary lodging expenses and the costs of
transporting the family.
• Selling a home in one location and buying a home
in another.
• Adjusting to a higher cost of living.
• Finding employment for the non-military spouse
and family members.
• Continuing with educational goals of family
members.
Although school staff may not immediately know that
the children are under stress, there are certain “red
flags” that can alert them that the relocation process
is causing some disruptions for the military family:
a. Family is unable to pay book fees or similar
district financial obligations upon arrival to new
school. Disruptions in paychecks can occur with
relocation and may take several months to
resolve. Direct the family to appropriate family
support centers or relief organizations for
financial assistance/counseling.
b. Assisting parents in making the choice of when to
move the children to a new duty station. A move
during the school year allows children to go from
one school setting to another, surrounded by
potential new friends. A summer move reduces
the child’s chances for meeting friends. Months
or weeks later when school starts the child is still
a stranger to the school.
b. School children may be wearing the same clothing
repeatedly, or inappropriate clothing (unprepared
for climate changes from previous duty station),
or even clothing that is less well cared for due to
difficulties with laundry arrangements. These
situations signal a difficulty with arrival of
household goods, temporary housing, financial
hardships, etc. Refer to appropriate family support
center for assistance.
c. Encourage involvement in national organizations
such a YMCA, Girl/Boy Scouts, 4-H, etc. This
will foster a smoother move into new community
activities.
30
RELOCATION
EXEMPLARY EFFORTS
• Hospitality Kits:
Low or no cost rental of household goods.
• A West Coast elementary school organizes a
poster contest each year entitled “My Navy
Adventure.” Students are encouraged to design
posters highlighting the many locations where
they have lived. This activity could encompass all
branches of the military.
• Welcome to the Military:
Workshop for family members who are new to the
military lifestyle.
• Overseas Transfer Workshop:
Addresses the mechanical side of moving
OCONUS, as well as the human, emotional, and
cultural aspects.
• A Virginia Beach elementary school holds a
weekly “Welcome Seminar” for newly arriving
students. Each classroom has a trained student
“host” to assist new students during first week in
the new school.
• Relocation Information Center:
Books, brochures, and educational videos are
available to help plan move.
• Smooth Move Workshop:
Addresses the mechanical side of moving
CONUS, as well as the human and emotional
aspects.
• In one school the child who is leaving is presented
with a photo album of teachers, friends, school
building, etc.
• Another school assigns the incoming child a
special space for their locker/belongings. A photo
and announcement of new student’s arrival is
posted in the school to make the child feel
welcome.
• Welcome Aboard Packets/Relocation Packets:
Guides to duty stations around the world.
ONLINE RESOURCES
• http://www.dmdc.osd.mil/sites/ SITES
(Standard Installation Topic Exchange
Service):
DoD-sponsored program providing up-to-date
installation-specific information such as housing,
education, employment, and health services via
the Internet.
RESOURCES
Relocation support services are available through
Fleet and Family Support Centers, Army Community
Service Centers, and Air Force Family Support
Centers. These comparable services include:
• http://dticaw.dtic.mil/mtom:
Military Teens On The Move is an interactive site
which has information about military installations,
teen sponsorship, and school information.
Includes links to other sites.
• Family Member Employment Assistance
Program (FMEAP):
Army programs which assist family members
seeking employment.
• Spouse Employment Assistance Program
(SEAP): Navy program which assists military
spouses to bridge the unemployment gap caused
by relocation.
• http://www.housing.navy.mil
• http://www.lifelines4qol.org:
The Quality of Life (QOL) Mall is an on-line
resource sponsored by DoD that offers
information on a wide variety of services and
topics of interest to military personnel and their
family members.
• Employment Resources Program (ERP):
Air force program which assists service members
and their dependents bridge the unemployment
gap caused by relocation.
• First Term Airman’s Course (FTAC):
Program for those new to the Air Force.
• Home-buyer’s School:
Home buying tips and techniques.
• Home-seller’s Workshop:
Home selling tips and techniques.
31
RELOCATION
REFERENCES
SUGGESTED READINGS —
CHILDREN
Conquest Corporation, “Kids on the Move, Teen
Talk”, Birmingham: Conquest Corporation, 1985
Aliki, L., “We Are Best Friends,” Greenwillow
Books, 1982
Conquest Corporation, “Tips for Relocating Your
Spouse, The House that Waited,” Birmingham:
Conquest Corporation, 1985
Amoss, B., “The Very Worst Thing,” Parents, 1972
Bansk, Ann, and Evans, Nancy, “Goodbye House,”
Harmony House, New York, 1980
Kohls, L. Robert, “Survival Kit for Overseas Living,”
Intercultural Press, 1979
Brown, Myra, “Pip Moves Away,” San Carlos:
Golden Gate, 1967
O’Beirne, Kathleen, “Pass It On, How to Thrive in a
Military Lifestyle,” West Mystic: Lifescope
Enterprises, 1991
Craig, J., “New Boy on the Sidewalk,” W.W. Norton,
1967
SUGGESTED READINGS —
ADULTS
Delton, J., “The New Girl at School,” E.P. Dutton &
Co., 1979
Godden, Ruth, “Little Plum,” Viking Press, New
York, 1963
“American Automobile Association (AAA) Travel
Activity Book,” Available at bookstores or AAA
offices.
Keats, Ezra, “The Trip,” Greenwillow Books, New
York, 1978
Channing L. Bete, Co., Inc., “Making the Right
Move, A Relocation Guide for Military Families,”
Scriptographic Booklet, phone 800-628-7733 to order
“Let’s Get A Move On,” video, TMA Kidvidz,
Newton, MA
Milord, Sue and Jerry, “Maggie and the Goodbye
Gift,” Lothrop, Lee and Shepherd Books, New York,
1979
Conquest Corporation, “Kids on the Move, Teen
Talk,” Birmingham: Conquest Corporation, 1985
Conquest Corporation, “Tips for Relocating Your
Spouse, The House That Waited,” Birmingham:
Conquest Corporation, 1985
Neville, Emily Cheney, “Berries Goodman,” Harper
and Row, New York, 1965
Rogers, Fred, “Moving,” J.P. Putnam’s Sons, 1987
“Family Travel Guide Catalog,” Carousel Press, P.O.
Box 6061, Albany, CA 947606
Slote, Alfred, “Tony and Me,” J.B. Lippincott,
Philadelphia, 1974
“Games for the Road” and “More Games for the
Road,” forty-minute audiocassette tapes, Valentine
Productions, Catalog, 1-800-544-8322
Tobias, Tobie, “Moving Day,” Fred A. Knopf, 1976
Zolotow, Charlotte, “Janey,” Harper and Row
Publishers, New York, 1963
Kohls, Robert L., “Survival Kit for Overseas Living,”
Intercultural Press, Inc., 1979
Zolotow, Charlotte, “A Tiger Called Thomas,”
Lothrop, New York, 1963
O’Beirne, Kathleen, “Pass It On, How to Thrive in a
Military Lifestyle,” Lifescope Enterprises, West
Mystic, CT, 1991
“We Loved You – Buckle-Up,” Teaching kit for
traveling with children, kit #746, NAEYC, 1834
Connecticut Avenue, Washington, DC 20009
Wuebker-Battershell, Robin, MEd, “Moving and the
Military Family,” Bureau for At-Risk Youth,
Huntington, NY , 1994
“Your Moving Monster Extermination Kit,”
Mayflower Transit Inc., PO Box 107, Indianapolis, IN
46206-0107
32
CRISIS
CRISIS
SHOCK
STAGE ONE
ANGER
STAGE TWO
ACCEPTANCE
STAGE THREE
GLOSSARY OF CRISIS TERMS:
Crisis – an unstable state of affairs in which a
decisive change is impending… a psychological or
social condition characterized by unusual instability
caused by excessive stress and either endangering or
felt to endanger the continuity of the individual or
the group.
• CACO – (Casualty Assistance Calls Officer) – a
Navy person who assists and informs next of kin
of military member’s missing in action or
reported death
The normal human response to trauma follows a
pattern called the crisis reaction, involving a physical
response and an emotional response.
• CAO – (Casualty Assistance Officer) – an Army
officer who informs next of kin of military
member’s missing in action or reported death
Physical Response to Crisis:
• ECC – (Emergency Coordination Center) – 1-800information line established during crisis to
provide up to date, accurate information to
support immediate family members and CACO’s
• Shock, “frozen fright”
• Fight or flight
• Exhaustion
• FAC – (Family Assistance Center) – may be
opened a as response to mass casualties to
provide families with immediate services in a
private setting
Emotional Response to Crisis:
• Stage one: Shock, disbelief, denial
• FAIRS – Family Assistance, Information and
Referral Services
• Stage two: Anger/rage, fear/terror, grief/sorrow,
confusion and frustration, guilt/self-blame,
depression
• FIC - Family Information Center
• Stage three: Return of equilibrium, forgiveness/
acceptance
• Mortuary Affairs Officer – an Air Force officer
who coordinates funeral arrangements to include
casket, military honors, burial etc.
In the first stage of dealing with a crisis, one’s initial
feelings may be shock, disbelief, and denial.
• NOK – (Next of Kin) – to be notified in event of
casualty
During stage two, people attempt to reorganize
themselves to find a point of equilibrium, often
searching for others with whom to link. Stage three
begins reconstruction and healing. The success a
person has in coping with these stages can affect
their ability to manage stress and cope with later life
events.
• PAO – Public Affairs Officer
• PNOK – Primary Next of Kin to be notified in
event of casualty
• SNOK – Secondary Next of Kin to be notified in
event of casualty
33
CRISIS
RESOURCES
INTRODUCTION
The ability to cope with crisis is dependent upon
several factors:
• Individual’s perception of the seriousness of the event
• The duration or magnitude of the event
• Preparation time and suitable warnings
• Existence of coping skills and past crisis
experiences
Children are affected not only directly by a crisis, but
also by their parents reaction to the crisis. The
nature of the crisis itself, the child’s sense of
security prior to the crisis, and the child’s ability to
comprehend what has happened all contribute to the
child’s crisis response. While there is individual
variation in children’s reaction to crisis, some
common reactions are seen in same age children.
• Existence of resources and supportive networks
Studies suggest that as many as half of the children
who lose a parent or significant adult are likely to
show severe responses in the early phases of the
grief process which can last several months. Age
specific notions of death are also seen in children.
Preschoolers have some idea of death, but they see it
as reversible and not universal. Five- to ten-yearolds have some understanding of the finality of death
and realize that death is a event with a cause often
leading them to believe that death is a form of
punishment for “bad” behavior. Children over ten
years of age understand that death is final, universal,
and inevitable.
Pastoral Counseling – each branch of the military
has a chaplain corps representing various religious
denominations. They are available to provide counsel
and comfort to families and service members during
times of crisis.
Counseling Services – at many military centers
professional social workers and financial counselors
are available for counseling to help individuals,
couples, and families recover from crisis situations
or continuing stressful events. Referrals for longterm assistance are made to community agencies
when necessary.
Acute grief reactions may include:
Family Centers – nearly every military installation
has a family center. In the Navy and Marine Corps
they are called Family Services Centers; in the Air
Force, Family Support Centers; and in the Army,
Army Community Service. They are staffed by
professionals and volunteers with a variety of
backgrounds and offer a wide range of services.
Crisis assistance can be obtained at these centers.
Services may include information and referral;
emergency child care; financial assistance;
counseling; and crisis intervention. A Family
Programs Administrator coordinates services for the
Coast Guard community.
• little interest in food
• health complaints
• dazed state of mind
• nightmares
• nonstop talk about loss
• fear of abandonment by others
• major mood swings
• sleeplessness
Readiness and Support Services – preparation
and training is a key aspect of the military lifestyle,
for the active duty member and family members.
Family Service Centers typically offer a wide range
of programs designed to enhance the coping skills
military families already possess. Topics addressed
often include:
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Chronic or long-term symptoms may include:
• regressive behaviors in toileting/dressing/feeding
• antisocial behavior and anger toward other
children and adults
• severe anxiety, fear, panic, and lessened trust in
adults
Stress Management
Building Effective Anger Management Skills (BEAMS)
Suicide Prevention
Parent Education
Financial Management
Spouse Abuse Prevention
Child Abuse and Neglect Prevention
Family Advocacy
Spouse orientation
• learning and memory disruptions/difficulties with
concentration
• behavior problems at school, lessened impulse
control
• difficulty with relationships/friendships
• nightmares and difficulty sleeping
34
CRISIS
• STRENGTHS
deployments during a crisis usually increase the
concerns of family members about the safety of
their loved ones. In the Air Force, in the absence
of the extended family, units comprised of
squadron/flights form strong support systems. An
aircraft accident, particularly those involving a
fatality, cause severe stress on the entire unit,
beyond the next of kin, thus affecting the
underlying support system.
Military families demonstrate significant strengths
and have often proven to be very resilient in crisis
situations. Many believe that managing the stressors
associated with a mobile military lifestyle actually
help one to cope with rigors of crisis. Some of the
strengths associated with this lifestyle are:
•
•
•
•
•
•
increased knowledge of world events
broadened cultural awareness
ease in meeting new people, new challenges
adaptability
organizational abilities
role flexibility
• Media coverage – Modern media, with its 24-hour
coverage and extensive technology, now brings
world events to the living room. During
Operation Desert Shield/Desert Storm and again
during the conflict in Kosovo, viewers found
themselves on the “front line.” The easy access
to this stream of information became addictive to
Americans searching for ways to better
understand and deal with wartime stress.
• self sufficiency
• STRESSORS
• Additional concerns may emerge involving the
possibility of hostage taking or POW (Prisoner of
War) status and MIA (Missing in Action). Safety is
an everyday concern for service members.
Most military families learn to cope successfully and
grow stronger during deployments. Mobilizations
and deployments during times of international crisis
present additional issues that prove challenging for
even the most resilient military family.
Additional hardships on the family may include:
• possible interruptions in financial support,
particularly true for activated reservists
• Suddenness of deployment – during times of
normal military operation, families typically know
in advance when an active duty member is to be
deployed. This preparation time allows for the
normal cycle of emotions associated with separation. Communication plans can be made, children
are able to adjust to eventuality of absence, and all
necessary steps can be taken with regard to
finances, power of attorney, etc. In rapid mobilizations and deployments, families may have little or
no time to prepare.
• changes in housing – necessity of moving in with
in-laws/family/friends
• escalated concerns and/or problems with
children’s behaviors/discipline
• exacerbated medical/emotional problems
• time constraints for working spouses/child care
issues
• loneliness/missing spouse/absence of a social life
• For Coast Guard members and their families, the
very mission of the Coast Guard, response to
coastal emergencies such as search and rescue
operations, pollution control, or port security due
to threats, creates an ever-present potential for
immediate deployment.
• STRATEGIES
Educators and professional counselors working with
the children of military families can be instrumental
in identifying families and children struggling with a
crisis situation. Schools may also be called upon to
participate in the action plan regarding mass casualties. The following strategies will provide
background information for educators pertinent to
the handling of military-crisis situations.
• No return date – when the specific return date is
unknown, military families must also endure the
uncertainty. With regular deployment cycles,
families use techniques like a countdown calendar
to pace themselves over the usual deployment
period. These effective coping tools are of little
use when the return date is unknown.
• Contact the local installation PAO or family center
for accurate information regarding the crisis and/
or range of services available.
• Hazardous duty – Military families routinely deal
with the possibility of their loved ones being
killed or severely injured. Mobilizations and
35
CRISIS
• Encourage military spouse/parent to seek
assistance through family service centers and/or
systems established to deal with military crisis
situations.
• Ongoing deployment support groups geared to
helping children develop age specific coping skills.
• Presentations and programs for the entire student
body focusing on calming children’s fears and
instilling group support for children whose loved
ones were deployed. Assembly programs ranging
in format from puppet shows to displays,
explanation, and hands-on familiarization with
military safety gear.
• Identify services available through the school for
family assistance, i.e., parent support groups,
counseling services, etc.
• Identify faculty, staff, and students who have
relatives involved in military action. These are
the students and staff who may need more
support.
• Adoption of active duty pen pals. These service
members receive letters, care packages, photos,
and drawings from entire classes of children.
• Obtain information/literature/handouts from
resources to be kept in central location in school
and available to personnel.
• Support groups and educational programs for
military spouses at their local schools.
• Select personnel in school to be designated as a
crisis team empowered with implementation of
school’s crisis plan.
• School administrators coordinating with local
military family service centers for crisis response
planning and training of school personnel.
EXEMPLARY EFFORTS
SUGGESTED READINGS
Throughout the coverage of Operations Desert Shield/
Storm, in newspapers and on television, at local
levels as well as in national reports, exemplary
programs, services, and people were brought to the
public’s attention for praise and applause. Just as
meaningful and significant, but less reported or
identified, were the great numbers of specialized
efforts conducted quietly in schools across the
country with sincere feelings for the military child/
parent.
Barret, CAPT, “Grieving Children”, Lifeline, Winter
1990/Spring 1991
Most elementary schools interviewed, regardless of
the numbers of military children enrolled, provided a
full range of services: support groups, individual
counseling, classroom activities, and some form of
full-school project to honor military parents/families.
Channing L. Bete, CO., Inc., “About Dying,”
Scriptographic Booklet, 1990, phone 800-6287733 to
order and request item #16501
Burman, Sheldon, and Jones, Susan, “Telling About
The War In the Persian Gulf: A Discussion Guide For
Parents And Teachers,” in cooperation with
Corporation for Public Broadcasting.
Channing L. Bete, Co., Inc., “About Grief,”
Scriptographic Booklet, 1997 phone 800-6287733 to
order and request #16816
“Coming To Terms With Death, Also Death In The
Family: How To Help Your Children Cope,” Winters
Communications, Inc., Tampa FL 33613
Two factors worked to unify the efforts of the
Virginia Beach School System, a system with
approximately 24,000 military dependent children
during the crisis of Operation Desert Storm:
“Crisis Intervention With Military Families,” a guide
for community support agencies, Depart of Defense,
Force Management and Personnel, 1/09/91
• A strong organization of elementary counselors
who met monthly to share information,
techniques, activities, and served as a support
network for counselors during the war crisis.
“Handling Stress,” National Institute of Mental
Health, Division of Communications and Education,
Plain Talk Series, Ruth Kay, Editor
• A system-wide Crisis Intervention Plan identified
and prepared for use in each elementary school.
“Kids Ask About War,” Corporation for Public
Broadcasting, staff of educators for Social
Responsibility, Cambridge, MA, 1991
Some of the innovative programs initiated by the
Virginia Beach and Chesapeake school systems in
Hampton Roads, VA to support children:
Lefler, Melissa, JO1, “Riding Out The Desert
Storm,” Lifeline, Winter 1990/Spring 1991
“What Parents Need to Say,” Newsweek, February
25, 1991
36
SUGGESTED ACTIVITY
I. D. CARD
AGE
Primary and (some) upper elementary level
USE
Group/individual
GOALS
1.
2.
3.
4.
To
To
To
To
assist children with understanding military lifestyle.
stimulate self-disclosure and self-esteem.
assist children to identify, label, and normalize feelings.
reinforce current coping skills for moving.
MATERIALS
•
•
•
•
•
•
Attached handout
Colored pencils, opaque markers or crayons
Colored sticker dots (optional)
School picture
Glue
If laminating machine is available, “cards” may be laminated.
PROCEDURE
1. Introduce self and explain that members will learn about themselves, their peers, and can share thoughts and
feelings about moving. Review group rules and group confidentiality.
2. Discuss what a military I.D. card signifies (children receive this card at age 10, so some students may already
have an “official” card):
a. Proof of relationship status to service member parent (dependent)
b. Distinguishes child as a separate individual, apart from parents.
c. Reinforces the fact that the child is growing up.
d. Card contains individual’s picture (show maturation).
e. Represents special privileges (i.e., commissary entrance, etc.)
f. Wins bearer acceptance as active duty or dependent worldwide.
3. Introduce cards. Encourage children to brainstorm feelings associated with being a military dependent.
Focus on how military is a family. Services and benefits for families are available to them. Focus on how
fortunate this is. Talk about how a “green” or “brown” card is recognized all over the world as a military I.D.
and that many children can “relate” to what the military lifestyle entails. Give children time to fill in their
cards. Ask children to color card with favorite shade.
4. Request that children share components of being a military child with group members… share feelings
especially… point out commonalties.
5. Ask children to share experience from previous locations/schools. Focus on universal positive aspects and
coping styles.
6. Optional-counselor could laminate “cards” with contact paper or have laminated. A variation for younger
children: Use only the front side of the “card.” If a group is meeting on an ongoing basis, ask children to
think about what last week was like; draw a “feeling” face (see “Feeling Finders” in the Deployment
Chapter) on a sticker dot to represent how they felt. Tell them, “we will share our feelings like this at the
beginning of each meeting.” Stick the dot on the blank space, which indicates the week prior to the session.
Stickers provide visual awareness/accountability for counseling process to students, counselors, and
parents. Cards are kept in the counseling office until the group ends, when children take them home.
37
.
D.
C
A
R
D
S
I
PLACE
SCHOOLS
PLACES I’ VE
ATTENDED
BEST
SYMBOL
(LIGHTLY
OF ME
(HOBBIES,
OF BIRTH
LIKES, ETC.)
LIVED
SYMBOL
OF A FAVORITE FAMILY PAST-TIME
SYMBOL
OF WHAT YOU LOOK FORWARD
PART OF BEING A MILITARY FAMILY
WORST
TO WHEN YOU MOVE
PART OF BEING A MILITARY FAMILY
CARD
SHADE ENTIRE CARD WITH YOUR FAVORITE COLOR )
I SSUE/EXPIRATION
NUMBER
S CHOOL
TO SPONSOR
MEMBER )
( ACTIVE
AGE
DOB
WEIGHT
HEIGHT
EYE
HAIR
RELATIONSHIP
DATES
N AME
OF SPONSOR
( PARENT )
PICTURE
CURRENT
ADDRESS
NEW ADDRESS
FAVORITE HOBBY
BEST
FAVORITE FOOD
WORD
THING ABOUT YOU
S YMBOL
SHOWING BRANCH OF SERVICE
INVOLVED ( ANCHOR , PLANE , ETC .)
S IGNATURE
38
TO DESCRIBE YOURSELF
DUTY
SUGGESTED ACTIVITIES
PIPE CLEANER
CHARACTERISTICS
AGE
Primary elementary level
USE
Group
GOALS
1. To assist children with understanding military lifestyle and the important, positive characteristics military
families have.
2. To increase self-disclosure, build self-esteem, and identify coping behaviors.
MATERIALS
Multicolored pipe cleaners (bright colors) one per child, each a different color.
PROCEDURE
1. Tell children the group will be talking about military lifestyle and some of the important characteristics
that military families have.
2. Pass out pipe cleaners
3. Going around the group, have children describe their pipe cleaners to each other. For example: it bends;
it’s useful; you can make things with it; it’s a pretty color, it can be used to hold things together; it can be
twisted tight or left “loose,” etc.
4. After describing the pipe cleaners, have children go around the group and discuss the importance of some
of these characteristics.
5. Discuss how pipe cleaners are similar and different from each other.
6. Discuss how pipe cleaners are sort of like military families; they are flexible! Focus on what flexibility
and family individuality means for each child.
a. Are there times when he/she must be “flexible” due to parent’s schedule?
b. What is special about military families? What makes military families similar to other families?
c. What does his/her service member parent do at work? Is he/she in the air, sub, or surface community?
d. What makes his/her dad different from other group members’ parents?
7. Have each child tell of one experience he/she had with his/her parent, which was connected to the
parent’s job. Example: saw a movie at the base theater, attended a “family day,” took a tour of parent’s
workplace (i.e. ship tour), went to a special parade or ceremony. Have child focus on what he/she though
about the event, and especially, how the even made him/her feel.
8. End group session by having each member complete: “What makes being a military child special to me is.”
39
40
DEPLOYMENT
MY DEPLOYMENT
JOURNAL
AGE
Upper elementary
USE
Group/Individual
GOALS
1.
2.
3.
4.
To
To
To
To
record thoughts, feelings, and events by the child.
promote their communication with the absent parent.
elicit personal responses about life during deployment.
consider parents’ feelings and need for support and communication during this time.
MATERIALS
•
•
•
•
Small spiral-bound notebooks/stapled sheets of paper
Markers, pencils
Construction paper, newspapers, magazines
Glue
PROCEDURE
1. Among the group, discuss the importance of communication with the absent parent, and how letters can be
slow, making communication confusing/difficult.
2. Follow up discussion of feelings from prior session; ask how a journal can be helpful with some of the
problems members have discussed (a safe place to enter thoughts, feelings).
3. Allow children time to consider the feelings their parents may have while away. (What do you think your
parent would like from you that you have within your power to give? A LETTER.)
4. Explain “the journal’s purpose is two-fold: private communication with yourself and personal communication
with your parent-you decide what you care to share.” Encourage children to glean parts of their journals (or
all, if it is comfortable to do so) for inclusion in weekly letters. Discuss with children how this type of sharing
is especially important to a parent who must be away.
5. Reinforce the idea that “many children are dependable, consistent writers; yet, children sometimes wonder,
“What else can I write about – I’ve written to my parent twice this week!” By using themes, journal entries
can be exciting and very unique. “Journalizing” helps children convey thoughts and feelings to others; and,
to chronicle daily family interactions, community news and school happenings.
6. Present each child with a notebook and allow him/her to personalize the cover by cutting/pasting designs,
logos, etc. so that each cover is unique and represents the child. Permit children to keep these books for
daily writing. (See attached worksheet)
7. Encourage children to share their creative journal covers.
41
DEPLOYMENT
The most fun I ever had with Mom/Dad was ___________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
The most fun I ever had with my whole family was ______________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
The proudest I ever felt was when ___________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
The biggest surprise I ever received was ______________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
The funniest trick I ever pulled was __________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
The biggest mistake I ever made was _________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
The best decision I ever made was ___________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
The most angry I ever got was ______________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
The most excited I ever got was _____________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
My ideal vacation would be _________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
If I could be someone famous I would be like ___________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
My best friend and I _______________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
Someday I wish ___________________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________________________________
42
DEPLOYMENT
FEELING FINDERS
AGE
Primary
USE
Group/Individual
GOALS
1. To increase awareness and normalization of feeling concerning parental deployment.
2. To acquaint children with others who have similar feelings/experiences.
3. Stimulate self-disclosure.
4. Build self-esteem.
5. Assist children with developing improved coping skills.
MATERIALS
• One medium/small bag/basket
• Cut–out paper disks of colored paper with “feeling faces” drawn on them, blank papers disks for children to
draw on.
• “Feeling faces” (see attached). Some examples of “feeling faces:” Happy, mad, bored, worried, sad, silly,
tired, guilty, lonely, jealous.
PROCEDURE
1. Introduce self. Explain that members will learn about themselves, their peers and can share thoughts and
feelings about their deployed parents. Review group rules and group confidentiality.
2. Lead group in a discussion of “what a feeling is.” Children brainstorm different feelings associated with
parents’ deployment.
3. Pass the “feeling finders” bag around the circle. Each child chooses a face without looking into a bag.
Circulate the bag until all disks are chosen.
4. Each child is asked to tell about a time when he/she felt the way the chosen “feeling face” looks. Focus the
group members on their parents’ deployment. Point out universal experiences.
5. Going around the group, ask each child to pantomime a feeling he/she is experiencing – since the
deployment - that he/she would like help with. Group members identify feelings and share similar needs.
6. At the end of the session, give each child two blank sticker-dots. Ask children to draw a face on one of the
dots showing how they feel about being in the group (and how it feels to know others have similar feelings
and care about them.) On the second sticker, draw a face symbolizing how they feel about their parents’
deployment.
7. If desired, stickers can be placed on a chart to show feelings throughout the group process. Similar questions
may be asked at the end of each session to gain awareness of growth and needs.
43
F EELING FINDERS
44
HOMECOMING
PAST, PRESENT
AND
FUTURE:
SOLVING THE PUZZLE
AGE
Upper elementary
USE
Groups/Individuals (collage only)
GOALS
1. To prepare for homecoming through preliminary consideration of what homecoming often entails for military
families.
2. To normalize feelings.
3. To help develop rapport with returning parent.
4. To set emotional goals for reunion.
5. To build self-esteem.
MATERIALS
•
•
•
•
•
Pictures and words cut out from old magazines – children bring in
Magazines to be cut up, if some children neglect to bring in pictures
Poster board – large piece (“puzzle lines” pre-drawn on back)
Glue
Scissors
PROCEDURE
1. Ask students if they have thought any more about their homecoming expectations. Discuss thoughts and
feelings.
2. Reflect what took place in earlier sessions regarding initial expectations.
3. Ask students to present pictures/words brought from home. Tell them, “we will make a collage to show how
you feel about your parents’ homecoming… a collage is a bunch of pictures or cut out words which help you
express to others what is going on inside of you.”
4. Tell children, “since our focus is on coming back together, we’ll make our individual collages on big puzzle
pieces that I will cut out while you finish looking for more items in these magazines. Once you have finished
gluing the collages, we’ll put them together to see how they look; later you can take them home to share
with others, if you feel comfortable with this. Think of the collage as a statement for how you feel; this is just
another way to communicate.”
5. During cut and paste time, discuss some of the following:
a) What are some feelings you have about homecoming? Tell us about them.
b) What is a main concern for you?
(1) Will my parent be proud of me/respect my accomplishments?
(2) Will my parent accept my changes in responsibility/freedom?
(3) What will my role in the family be? (“baby,” “adult,” “caretaker,” etc.)
45
HOMECOMING
(4) Will my parent love me as much?
(5) Does my parent still trust me; do I trust him/her?
(6) How much control will I have over decisions I have been permitted to make?
(7) Will my parent be glad to be home?
(8) How long will my parent be home?
(c) What are your plans for dealing with these concerns? Groups help each other.
(d) Has anyone ever felt jealous before… what are the signs? When Mom/Dad comes home, with whom will
you have to share him/her?
(e) Has anyone ever had a friend he/she had not seen in a long while? What was it like getting reacquainted?
6. After discussion, have group put puzzle together signifying the bond that unites the group (allow children to
discuss the universality of the group experience). Encourage the group to talk about their bonds with their
moms/dads.
7. Summarize main points: puzzle can be apart and make sense (each group member is an individual), but part
of a larger whole puzzle makes more sense. At homecoming, putting the puzzle back together again will take
patience, time, and understanding, but it will be worth it!
46
HOMECOMING
A WALK DOWN
MEMORY LANE
AGE
Primary and upper elementary level
USE
Groups/Individuals
GOALS
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
For children to consider the events which have taken place in the absence of their deployed parents.
To refine communication skills.
To raise self-esteem.
To increase empathy for the parent as he/she returns home.
To set goals for the reunion.
MATERIALS
Children bring in mementos from deployment period:
• Pictures of family, especially of deployed parent
• Souvenirs
• School work that shows outstanding achievement
• Letters/souvenirs from deployed parent
• Other
PROCEDURE
1. Explain to children that while their parents were gone, they may have learned many new and different things.
Facilitate a discussion of:
a) New places you have been…
b) New friends/people you have met…
c) Improvements/personal changes you have attempted… (and have you achieved them?)
d) School experiences…
2. Ask students to spend majority of this session showing their “scrapbooks” and describing one experience,
one improvement, one new friend, one new place, etc., per child. If possible, informal scrapbooks can be
constructed with some colored paper, staples and glue, provided permission is granted from the parent to
alter the pictures (by gluing), souvenirs, etc.
47
HOMECOMING
3. Introduce the concept that all of these experiences add up to growth. Say something to the effect: “Children
grow taller, heavier, and so on – this is physical growth. Most of you will notice you have “grown” physically
while your parent was away. Another way we grow is mentally; this means that we learn new things, get new
ideas, understand things better than before… Do you think that adults ever grow, once they are all grown
up? Well, adults do keep growing, believe it or not. Does anyone have an idea of how your mom/dad may
have grown while he/she was gone?” Allow children to brainstorm:
a) Learned more about his/her job
b) May have made new friends
c) May have met new people who are from different cultures, learned new language
d) May have seen new places of interest
e) May have learned to like a new food (or one he/she did not like before)
f) May have learned some new skills or tried new ways of doing old jobs
g) May have read books on topics of interest…
Note that “parents may not always act the same way they used to… may be tired upon return. Be PATIENT!
Parents will still love you, but may show it differently.”
“How will all this growth affect your parent? No one will know for sure until he/she returns. The point is
that you communicate these changes to each other. Take time to reacquaint yourselves with your returning
parent. How might you do that?” Allow group to brainstorm ideas:
• Fix a special meal for your parent
• Go to your favorite “quiet place” with your parent to talk
• Do something fun and inexpensive together… buy two kites, go to the park and fly them, play catch, ride
bikes, go to a ball game, take a picnic, go to a playground, jog through your neighborhood, take a walk in
the country, take a Sunday drive, go get a haircut together, read books to each other, ask for help with
your homework, draw a “cooperative picture” (parent and child take turns, but no talking, to create an
abstract picture), visit relatives together.
4. Summarize main points and be sure to focus on communication issues.
48
RELOCATION
PACKING TO MOVE
AGE
Primary/(some) upper elementary level
USE
Groups/Individual
GOALS
1.
2.
3.
4.
To
To
To
To
normalize feeling.
encourage self-esteem.
stimulate goal setting as a coping skill.
gain a sense of purposefulness during and after the move.
MATERIALS
• Handout (picture of empty suitcase)
• Crayons/markers
• Music – soothing (with tape player, etc.) (optional)
PROCEDURE
1. Relaxation exercise: Explain to children that to get in the mood to think about moving, it is helpful to be relaxed
while doing this… relaxation can also be fun and interesting. Tell children, “today, we will be thinking about
what it will be like when you move, so you’ll have some different ways of looking at relocation. “ Ask children
to get into a comfortable position; lights may be dimmed, shades drawn, etc. Ask children to close their eyes. If
desired, turn on music and quietly, smoothly/slowly talk to the group; incorporate some of the following: ask
child/ren to mentally begin packing to go to new home. What is important and what is not. Have child/ren
contemplate this; tell them to remember what they have packed. Move on to having child/ren picture themselves
leaving their old homes. Walk children through the process of saying good-byes to friends in present town…
driving/flying to new town… going through town in car/taxi… their impressions of new place (i.e., shopping
malls, restaurants, parks, schools)… pulling into new neighborhood… walking up sidewalk… opening door to
home… walking around in house… finding new room… what does room look like, feel like, etc…
a) What did you see in your mind?
b) How did you feel?
c) What did you think about the exercise…was it helpful? Could it help you when you’re nervous about moving?
2. Activity: Pass out handouts, crayons and markers.
3. Ask the child/ren to think of favorite belongings s/he will want to take to the new residence.
4. Allow children to write, draw, or color their “suitcases.”
5. Facilitate the following discussion:
a) Have you planned what you want to take with you?
b) Will you have to leave anything behind?
c) What are some thoughts and feelings that you have about a and b?
d) What (role) part will you have in the move? Is this O.K. with you?
e) If you want to be more involved with the relocation, what will you do?
6. If time permits, children share pictures of personal “suitcases” by explaining the importance of various items
it contains. A variation: each child gives the counselor his/her “suitcase.” Counselor shuffles and
redistributes papers. Each child then guesses whose paper he/she has. Children tell how they came to their
conclusions of each paper’s owner.
7. Follow up (optional):
a) Ask child to take a sheet of paper and pretend it is the outside lid of his/her suitcase.
b) Have child decorate page with “bumper stickers” (either drawn on or use sticky blank mailing labels to
show where s/he has lived and where s/he would someday like to live.
c) Children circle places they have lived.
d) Feature children’s similarities/differences. Draw out coping skills of children who have lived near where
a group member may be relocating.
49
ACKING
TO
MOVE
P
50
RELOCATION
CHANGE OF
ADDRESS CARDS/
AUTOGRAPH ALBUM
AGE
Upper elementary (can be modified for use with primary)
USE
Groups/Individual
GOALS
To enhance interpersonal relations; to increase self-esteem; to improve coping skills through normalizing
feelings; and to provide opportunities for goal setting.
MATERIALS
•
•
•
•
Change of Address Cards (xeroxed sheets of attached handout)
Pencils/pens
Markers
Spiral (small memo size) notebooks or paper folded and stapled into a small booklet
PROCEDURE
1. As students may have a sense of powerlessness about the move, discuss coping strategies that give students
a sense of connectedness and direction. Allow students time to discuss their issues related to relocation.
2. Change of Address Cards – as students discuss the difficulty of leaving old friends behind as part of
relocation, encourage children by introducing the attached change of address cards.
3. Pass out change of address cards and ask each child to draw a special symbol on the back of each card that
represents him/her individually (e.g. anything that represents the child’s strengths, likes, desires, etc.). This
should be something a friend can recognize easily.
4. Ask children to share their personal symbols. Show how symbols are unique. Encourage sharing of
similarities and differences.
5. Show/describe how a person’s uniqueness stays with an individual regardless of where they live or how
often they move.
6. On the front of the cards, children may fill in information if it is known; otherwise, the change of address
cards may be used as a catalyst to seek information from family members who can anticipate at least the
general relocation area.
7. Autograph Book – Pass out booklets/notebooks. Children divide booklets into two sections; one area for
current/old friends and one area for new friends. Tell the group that booklet can be used now, but later it may
be saved as a keepsake. Instruct children to ask friends for school pictures, autographs, to write in poetry or
special remembrances, draw pictures, write down jokes, and thoughts, addresses, birthdays, etc.
8. Ask students to report back to group next session with experiences… if children desire, they can give
impressions of “what makes ______ (friends who have written in autograph book) special as my friend.”
9. Tell children they may want to save the back section of their booklets for when they begin their new schools.
Encourage children to get to know new children. Use the back section of the Autograph Book to include new
friends and their interests, pictures, phone numbers, etc. Children may choose to share old friends with new
friends.
51
CHANGE OF ADDRESS CARDS
○
Cut these cards out. Draw a small picture on the back of the
card which will remind your friends of you. Then write your
new address on the cards and give them to your friends
so they can write to you at your new home.
I’m moving to a new home!
I hope you’ll write to me!
○
○
○
○
I’m moving to a new home!
I hope you’ll write to me!
MY NEW ADDRESS
○
○
○
MY NEW ADDRESS
N a m e __________________________________
○
○
○
N a m e __________________________________
S t r e e t __________________________________
○
○
○
S t r e e t __________________________________
City ____________________________________
○
○
○
City ____________________________________
S t a t e _________ Zip Code ________________
○
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○
S t a t e _________ Zip Code ________________
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I’m moving to a new home!
I hope you’ll write to me!
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I’m moving to a new home!
I hope you’ll write to me!
MY NEW ADDRESS
○
○
○
MY NEW ADDRESS
○
N a m e __________________________________
○
○
N a m e __________________________________
○
S t r e e t __________________________________
○
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S t r e e t __________________________________
○
City ____________________________________
○
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City ____________________________________
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S t a t e _________ Zip Code ________________
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S t a t e _________ Zip Code ________________
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I’m moving to a new home!
I hope you’ll write to me!
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I’m moving to a new home!
I hope you’ll write to me!
MY NEW ADDRESS
N a m e __________________________________
S t r e e t __________________________________
City ____________________________________
S t a t e _________ Zip Code ________________
○
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City ____________________________________
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S t r e e t __________________________________
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N a m e __________________________________
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MY NEW ADDRESS
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52
S t a t e _________ Zip Code ________________
CRISIS
HERE AND NOW
AGE
Upper elementary level
USE
Groups/Individual (with facilitation by experienced guidance counselors)
GOALS
1.
2.
3.
4.
To
To
To
To
solicit and normalize thoughts and feelings.
provide a coping strategy for dealing with crisis.
stimulate communication of feelings.
teach a means of empowerment in the midst of what may seem hopeless.
MATERIALS
•
•
•
•
Handout — “Here and Now Wheel”
Paper or stationary
Assorted stamp pads/stamps
Pens/pencils/markers
PROCEDURE
1. Tell children “we will spend some time talking about the thoughts and feelings you’ve experienced since
_______________(the crisis). After we’ve figured some of this out, we will write letters to whoever you
wish… it may be victim(s)’ family, the perpetrator, the President, God, “the enemy,” etc.”
2. Present handouts. Ask children to consider two feelings related to the incident. Children may record these
answers in two quadrants of the “wheel.” Likewise, have the children write in the remaining two quadrants
two thoughts they each have regarding the crisis.
3. Ask group members to share their thoughts and feelings.
4. Pass out notepaper. Ask the children to think about whom they will write to. Allow time to create
personalized stationary with the stamp pads, etc. During this activity period ask volunteers to discuss the
reasons for choosing who each has written to. Facilitate sharing letters with the group.
5. Discuss the content of the letters, but more importantly, how did each person feel as s/he wrote? Did anyone
feel more powerful… like they were at least doing something? Does anyone feel better, worse, or relieved?
Discuss why or why not.
6. Discuss the benefit of putting frustrations, fears, and sadness on paper. Encourage children to continue this
practice in other applications; letters to the editor, journalizing, letters not intended for mailing, etc.
7. Provide summarization and closure of the session’s events.
53
ERE
&
NOW
WHEEL
H
FEELING
THOUGHT
FEELING
THOUGHT
54
CRISIS
PAPER BAG PUPPETS
AGE
Primary and mid elementary level
USE
Groups
GOALS
1. To facilitate communication of incident.
2. To normalize feelings.
3. To offer coping skills through the use of puppet role-plays.
MATERIALS
•
•
•
•
•
•
Paper bags
Crayons/markers
Yarn for hair/stapler
Glue
Moveable eyes (optional)
Construction paper (optional)
PROCEDURE
1. Facilitate group discussion of “why it can be helpful to share our feelings and thoughts with each other.”
2. Tell children that the group will make paper bag puppets and then try to describe what happened by “role
playing” with the puppets (clarify this concept for children). Let children know situations to be practiced will
be derived by them (some children may not want to confront the actual crisis; rather, they may demonstrate
issues surrounding the event).
3. Pass out bags. Instruct children to decorate bags to look like themselves. “Mouth” of puppet goes on bottom
fold of the bag. Use crayons or cut and paste construction paper to decorate. (Have an assortment of “hair”
to better personalize bags.) Counselor also makes a bag. Children will be asked to project themselves into
group generated “situations.”
4. During construction, ask children to brainstorm the types of feelings they have had during and since the
crisis. Encourage students to think of possible alternatives to present opting skills (as many children act out
negative behaviors). After some ideas are generated, ask for volunteers to play characters: one child can be a
parent, victim, etc. and other children may play themselves. Ask for volunteers – do not force this activity.
5. At the end of the session, have children summarize personal feelings and any new coping skills the group
devised. Reinforce the importance of talking with a caring adult about the issues surrounding the crisis;
make sure facts are relayed in a timely manner.
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