In the Eye of the Storm Houses of Parliament

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Houses of Parliament
BY ZANE HAYKAL
As you get back into the groove of
the year, it is the Student Council’s job
to relieve the stresses of school by providing quality entertainment. While several predictable clubs and activities
have provided some entertainment so
far, this year’s Council and other senior leaders want to enhance student
life in drastic ways and leave a lasting
legacy. To achieve this goal, we considered several important questions relating to student life: How could we promote competition between and among
different grades, establish natural
mentoring relationships between older
and younger students, and create more
leadership opportunities?
Our answer was a House system.
As of this week, every upper-schooler
will be placed in a “House of Parliament.” A Parliament, as any ornithologist will tell you, is a group of owls. Each
of these six Houses is made up of one
homeroom from every grade. The
greater purpose of the Houses is twofold. One purpose of the Houses is to
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In the Eye of the Storm
provide a structure for special activities and contests. Events like Field Day,
Fall Fest, the Ubermus competition, the
Talent Show, and weekly special activities will now all be based on the
Houses. There will be winners for
weekly contests, and an overall winner
for the yearlong House competition.
The House system is common in colleges, boarding schools, and some day
schools, and it will hopefully increase
overall student involvement in MUS life
by making it easier for the average student to get involved. The second purpose of the Houses system is to provide upper-school students with more
leadership opportunities. Each House
will have a Senior “Head of House”
who is not already the head of a council or publication. Each Head was
elected by his homeroom last week. He
is mostly responsible for any decisionmaking regarding his house. Each house
will also give juniors and seniors the
chance to mentor freshmen and sophomores, an opportunity that has been
largely unavailable outside athletic acCONTINUED ON PAGE 12
MEMPHIS UNIVERSITY SCHOOL
6191 PARK AVENUE
MEMPHIS, TN 38119-5399
U M B E R
BY ZENO YEATES
I wiped the sweat from my forehead
as I headed back towards the finish line.
Giving fellow teammates encouragement, I noticed Josh Aiken complete
the three-mile race in less than 20 minutes. “Not bad,” I thought. The team
results in this preliminary race predicted
a fortuitous season, as did the unusually favorable weather that day, considering the intense heat of a typical
New Orleans summer. “It’s because of
the hurricane,” my coach remarked at
my unconscious thoughts. Confused, I
recall asking, “Wait, what hurricane?”
Little did I know that this question
would come to have a whole new meaning in the next few days ahead of me.
When I returned home later that
morning, I questioned my parents about
the monster that had been looming in
the gulf. My father said that we would
have to keep an eye on it and perhaps
even follow through with our traditional
evacuation routine. I remember feeling
annoyed that my weekend schedule
might be in jeopardy, especially considering that I had a lot on my plate with
regards to schoolwork. For the moment, however, I ignored the impending threat and continued to live my life
normally, and my family did as well: in
fact, my mother spent the rest of the
day in our backyard tending passionately to her garden, while my father and
sister went to play tennis.
The situation only continued to get
worse, however, and that night my dad
Photo Courtesy of Wikipedia.org
A National Guard truck cuts
through the water to bring
supplies to the Super Dome
revealed his plans for evacuation. I
begged him not to make us take another annual hurricane excursion, taking into account my vast personal experience that hurricanes never actually
follow through. Nonetheless, I helped
him board and secure the house late
into the night, and, as usual, we woke
up at five in the morning and headed
towards Pascagoula, Mississippi.
There was relatively little traffic at that
time, although only an hour later there
was considerable gridlock on the interstate.
We spent a night fraught with apprehension in Pascagoula, and anxiously
awaited Katrina’s landfall. The next
morning, we heard that although New
Orleans had not suffered extensive
damage, residents would be without
power for a substantial period of time.
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E d i t o r ’ s
Editors-in-Chief
Frank Jemison
Walter Klyce
Associate Editor
Peter Zanca
Technical/Layout
Editor
Roger Chu
Cartoonists
Clement Oigbokie
Zach Glover
Parker Joyner
News Editors
Jesse Mahautmr
Asst. Jonathan Yeung
Viewpoints Editors
Paul Yacoubian
Asst. Peter Travis
Sports Editors
Zach Kisber
Asst. David Shochat
Amusements Editors
Chris McDonald
Asst. Byron Tyler
Columnists
Preston Battle
Wilson Castleman
Blake Cowan
Zane Haykal
Farrell Varner
Jeffery Webb
Photographers
Jim Carter
William Harris
Andy Kim
Business Manager
Donald McClure
Faculty Advisor
Mr. N. Thompson
Sore S’more,
Son, if you’re reaching your lips
to the ground to get a drink of water, that’s no fountain. And don’t eat
that candy-colored puck at the bottom, either. It ain’t no breath mint.
I’ve got no problem with what
people are doing to you; I do the
same thing to my dog when he’s refreshing himself where I’ve got to
mark my territory.
Fancy Tip: The fountains are
outside the bathroom.
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Dear Aunt Fancy...
After recieving numerous letters
asking our advice, we at the Owl’s Hoot
realized that we were not sufficently
qualified to adequately respond to students’ cries for help, and so, after careful consideration and a rigorous interview process, we decided to enlist the
the help of Aunt Fancy (Emilia Sue
Fancy), a retired school teacher with
experience in both baking and espionage. We forwarded to her the most
deperate letters that we recieved.
--The Editors
Dear Aunt Fancy,
I’m having a lot of trouble at
school, particularly concerning the
water fountains. I often drink from
the highest fountain, the normal fountain, the one for my height. I drink
what is supposed to be cool, refreshing water. Instead, I receive hot,
gross-tasting liquid which I am told
is H2O, but I doubt the chemicals in
this burning sludge are even known.
I reach my lips further to the ground
to the lower fountain in hope I will
receive delicious, sweet water. I am
relieved to find it to be true. Unfortunately, my butt sticks out as I bend
down, and someone always comes
up and kicks it. My one question
is… what is up with that?
--A Sore Sophomore
H E
Dear Aunt Fancy,
Everyday after school, all the
doors in the courtyard are locked at
around 4 PM. However, these
doors do not keep people from going into the courtyard, only from getting out, and I’ve already spent several chilly nights there this semester,
forced to sleep under the benches
and eat cockroaches for dinner. Do
you have any suggestions for how I
can avoid this predicament?
--Stranded in the Courtyard
SiCko,
Stand on that place in the planter
where a really expensive statue may
go some day* and strike your best
Ralph-Macchio-Karate-Kid waxon wax-off snatch-the-pebblefrom-my-hand one-footed-Crane
stance. I don’t know if Coach Ray
will become intrigued and open the
door, but on your deathbed you will
receive total consciousness. So you
got that going for you. Goongeleh,
goongeleh.
(*Please contact the Advancement Office if you are interested in
contributing a pimptacular sum of
cash to erect said statue of your
choice.)
Editors’ note: Due to an untimely surgery, Aunt Fancy was unable to
answer the letters we sent. Our thanks go out to Mr. Akin for filling the
void, and our prayers go out to the whole Fancy family as Emilia recovers
Dear Aunt Fancy,
Recently, I have been struggling
a little at school and socially as well.
With the help of my physiatrist and
my little sister, I realized that my
hardships are due to some deeprooted insecurity. After several
sleepless nights of serious soulsearching, I discovered the source
of that insecurity: sock regulations.
During every carefree day of summer, I was shod in nothing but my
skin, but this foot freedom ended the
first day of school. Long socks not
only deprive my feet and soul of
freedom, but also are extremely unfashionable. Aunt Fancy, I am at a
crossroads; do I give in to the fashionably unacceptable tyranny of long
socks, or do I stand sockless, yet
fashionable and free?
--Sock-shod Senior
S-Cube,
First of all, fire your physiatrist.
I know of no current licensure programs in physiatry, so that guy’s a
hack. As for your little sister, buy her
a Twizzler and tell her to pipe down.
You’ve got a plain old phobia,
son. Here’s your solution, a little
something I learned from the counseling department. Make a sock
puppet resembling the face of your
best friend, designed for your nonwriting hand, of course. Then have
the sock puppet say only things to
you during the day that help your selfesteem and give you a general sense
of well-being and confidence about
socks. Examples: “Did you know
that socks are the modern version
of men’s hosiery? Those burly calves
of yours sure would look sleeker
encased in some manhose.” Or
“You’re special; wear socks.” Or
“Socks are a warm hug for ankles.”
(It’s more authentic if you have some
ventriloquism skillZ.)
If it doesn’t work, no worries. If
you’ve got friends who think the Mia m i - Vi c e - S o n n y - C r o c k e t t sockless-khaki look is fashionable,
you need a new sockfriend anyway.
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SURVIVOR
Having considered that we might not
be able to return to New Orleans for a
while, we searched for a more permanent place to stay and thus headed to a
friend of my father’s in Carthage, Mississippi. We were greatly surprised at
this miscalculation, for the storm was
passing through Mississippi as well
while we were driving. Rain came down
in sheets, gusts of wind toyed with our
car, and tornado sirens howled as we
passed through numerous small towns.
When we finally arrived at the house
in Carthage, we witnessed the full fury
of the storm. Fifteen minutes after our
arrival, we lost electricity. Intermittent
gusts challenged the mighty trees of the
nearby forest, and we waited with heavy
anxiety. The sound of mighty oak trees
straining and then finally being split or
wrested from the ground caused us to
lie in wait while we watched one come
crashing down and cleave the framework of the house. As the storm slowly
abated that afternoon, my father and I
assessed the damage. Several full-sized
trees had been ripped entirely from the
ground and crushed houses or vehicles.
The next day, without electricity, after
hearing that water here was not potable,
we decided to head to Memphis to stay
with my grandmother. By Wednesday,
I had learned that Newman, my former
school in New Orleans, would not be
reopening until January 3rd, and that all
students were being urged to temporarily enroll at another school as soon
as possible.
Therefore, I was directed to Memphis University School, my father’s alma
mater. So far, I am greatly impressed
with the academic program, the facilities, and the character of the people.
Compared to Newman, the two are
about even in terms of academic rigor.
Since Newman was co-ed, I wondered
how different an all-male environment
would be. My dad swears that a female presence lends a calming effect to
the classroom atmosphere, and that an
all male environment is too boisterous;
however, the impression I have formed
so far is that MUS is a bastion of re-
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fined and well-mannered gentlemen
rather than unchecked male bravado.
As a member of Newman’s honor committee, I was glad to see that the honor
code is an integral part of academic
work here at MUS. Newman had a
similar system, consisting of an honor
pledge and a set of core values.
Athletically, MUS seems to dominate. One of my first inquiries upon
touring the school was whether I could
run Cross Country here since I hailed
from another state. Now, as a member
of the team, I have come to understand
firsthand that MUS fuses academics and
athletics to create holistic students with
strength of both mind and body.
Newman holds similar ideals.
With regards to the campus itself,
the self-sufficient and expansive MUS
campus is a far cry from the limited and
compacted spaces of an inner-city
school like Newman. Newman was
built with a more vertical approach because of its confinement to one city
block, and many facilities are located
off campus. However, having a car was
not as essential in New Orleans as it is
in Memphis, since everything was relatively compressed.
All in all, the two institutions are very
similar in nature, and I have had a relatively smooth transition into the senior
class. As I soon came to learn, I was
not the only one who sought temporary education at MUS; I was surprised
to learn that Josh Aiken, my old teammate at Newman, was attending MUS
as well. I was equally shocked to meet
another Zeno (Mercer).
How long I will stay is still in question. I know that Newman will reopen
by January 3rd, and I have to let
Newman know by October 15 th
whether or not I will be returning for
the second semester of my senior year.
Though my future remains in doubt, I
will definitely be staying in Memphis
with my grandmother the whole first
semester. I am grateful that MUS has
welcomed me with open arms, and I
look forward to spending my time here,
at least for now.
Face It: Facebook Rocks Face
BY DANNY TRAVIS
The students of MUS have fallen
victim to a growing obsession: one cannot walk down a hallway without hearing mention of Facebook, an online directory of every single cool high school
student in the nation. Three Harvard
students created Facebook in February 2004; it became an instant success.
Within a month Facebook went national
and over one million students registered.
A little less than two years later,
Facebook has recently expanded to
include high schools. Personally, I was
already a member of the college
Facebook, since I am super cool and
enjoy stalking people on the Internet.
With the college Facebook, I could look
at pictures of any person from any given
university, thus making my college
search much easier. For example, colleges up north tend to have pale, bland
looking girls who enjoy wearing jeans
and sweatshirts. However, if you look
at a school in Florida or California,
you’ll find tan, beautiful girls who love
to wear short skirts and goofy sunglasses.
Back to the high school Facebook
(or FB if you’re really cool). I was
probably the twentieth person in the
universe to register for the high school
Facebook on the day that it opened.
As of now, around two hundred fifty
MUS students have registered. On
your personal profile, you can list your
favorite music, movies, and books;
however, the best part is the “about me”
part, which is meant for a personal description or autobiography. I use this
section to tell of the time that I murdered a shark with my bare hands in
Destin—it’s a good story, and you
should really read it. Just like with the
college Facebook, you can stalk
people the same way. Step 1: enter a
hot girl’s name in the global search—
for example, “Victoria.” Step two: ask
all the hot looking Victorias to be your
friend. It’s so simple!
However, something terrible recently
happened on the campus of MUS,
namely in the computer lab, when Ms.
Rutledge blocked Facebook. This news
came to me two days after I wrote an
article for this paper about how amazingly awesome Facebook is. I wrote
about how it could not be stopped by
the IT staff and how its power is far
beyond theirs. But then I entered the
computer lab one Tuesday, and I saw
those horrible words across the computer screen, “ACCESS DENIED!” At
the top of my lungs, I let out a volley of
colorful language that would make even
the most foul-mouthed sailor blush. I
looked around and saw dejection on
the faces of my fellow scholars. However, we would not give up on our quest
for Facebook so easily; after a few minutes of mourning, we cracked the code
and found a website blocker called
“DansGuardian.” By the end of the day,
we were back in. I admire the resilience of the MUS community. We do
not stop when we get knocked down;
rather, we get back up, brush our shoulders off, and find a way in. We have
already discovered many ways to get
around this website block. If you want
to know them, ask around, but don’t
speak too loudly, for “they” are listening.
Danny takes out his anger over
Facebook’s blockage
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NHL Breaks the Ice
Owl Runners Set the Pace
BY HAYDEN PENDERGRASS
BY PETER ZANCA
September 16th, 2005: ‘twas a glorious Friday evening. For the first time
in a year and a half, a National Hockey
League game took place. Three, as a
matter of fact, as the Hurricanes, the
Oilers and the Coyotes all emerged victorious on the opening day of the preseason. The NHL returned with a flurry
of rule changes and player acquisitions.
The biggest differences in this year’s
NHL are the new rule changes added
this summer to improve game flow and
increase the excitement of the games.
The most important change, the one that
has been longest in coming, is the addition of a three round shootout following the normal five minute overtime if
the game is still tied. This applies to all
games this season, not only playoff
games. At last, every game will have a
winner. No longer can anticlimactic ties
sully otherwise exciting close games.
Other changes include a reduction in
the size of goaltender equipment as well
as in the size of the area in which the
goaltender can play the puck. Two line
passes will no longer be stopped, as
long as they don’t cross both blue lines,
a rule encouraging more frequent fast
The 2005 MUS cross-country team
has started its season at full speed. After a long summer of heavy mileage and
a hard week at team camp in Chattanooga, the Owl runners have entered
the season in peak physical condition
and are looking to improve as the year
continues under the tutelage of head
coach Joe Tyler and assistant head
coach Kyle Smith. After finishing fifth
place in last year’s state championship,
MUS returns six of its top seven, four
of whom were 2004 Best of Prep selections. The experience of this year’s
team will become vital as they compete
for the title of state champion in November.
To begin the season, the Owls ran
in the Brooks Twilight Meet. Run at
night on the flat terrain of the Mike Rose
Soccer Complex, this meet was an excellent kickoff for the team. Finishing
second out of 27 teams, MUS placed
the highest of any Tennessee team
present. Breaking the 16-minute mark
for the first time in their careers, junior
Ken Haltom and senior Donald
McClure led the way for the Owls as
they finished 6th and 7th, respectively.
Senior Hunter Adams was close behind at 13th with sophomore Josh Viera
at 27th.
The following weekend, the team
traveled to Nashville for the Tennessee
Classic at Percy Warner State Park,
the site of the state championship meet.
Coming through the finish line first for
MUS were McClure in 8th place and
Adams in 11th. Haltom rounded out the
front pack in 16th place. The second
pack consisted of senior Oliver Green
at 62 nd, Viera at 66 th, and junior
Stephen Counce at 71st. The Owls’ effort was enough for another second
place finish—this time out of 50 teams.
However, the team fell victim to this
year’s favorite for state meet, McCallie.
This past weekend, the Owls participated in the Frank Horton Invitational at Shelby Farms. Running their
breaks and, hopefully, increased scoring. Increased penalties and suspensions
were also announced this summer in order to prevent unsportsmanlike conduct
and fights. These alterations, along with
several other minor rules changes, will
help to improve the excitement and flow
of the game.
The rules weren’t the only things that
changed in the year and a half
lockdown. Most teams will be drastically different. With many roster
changes, these are the teams you should
look for come playoff time: in the Atlantic Division, watch for perennial
powerhouse New Jersey to be strong
again, but don’t be surprised if the New
York Islanders make a run for the Cup.
In the Northeast Division, the Senators
and the Bruins are the teams to beat.
Defending champs (of sorts), the Lightning are the favorites in the Southeast
Division. Defending Western Conference champs, Jerome Iginla and the
Calgary Flames are the team to beat in
the Northwest Division, but watch dark
horse Minnesota to put up a good fight.
The Central Division is a battle between
the dynasty of the Red Wings and the
newcomer Nashville, with freshly acquired Paul Kariya. And finally, in the
Pacific Division, the Stars and the Coyotes will face off for the division title.
All these changes have created
much anticipation for this season. No
matter the changes, I’m just glad to see
hockey on TV again. Increased coverage, thanks to a contract with HDTV,
Photo Courtesy of Getty Images
Having instituted new rules, the NHL should lead to better ratings and give
is back in action and hopes to the NHL a little more credibility in
rejuvenate their fan support America.
home course for the first time this season, the varsity squad dominated the
competition. Beating team runner-up
Bolton by nearly 60 points, MUS established themselves as the team to beat
in Shelby County. McClure, Adams,
and Haltom finished 2nd, 3rd, and 4th,
respectively. Viera and Counce rounded
out the team’s score with 13th and 14th
place finishes.
Senior Donald McClure and Junior
Ken Haltom lead the pack at the
Memphis Twilight Classic
In order for the Owl runners to take
home its first state title since 1991, they
must continue to improve. This weekend, the Owls will venture to Greenville,
South Carolina, for the Furman Invitational. Following this meet, the team
enters the home stretch of the season
with the County Championship, Regional Championship, and State Championship.
Be sure to come out and support
the Owls for these last three meets. On
October 18, the team will try to take
the county title for the first time since
1993; on October 27, the Owls will
attempt to earn their 6th consecutive
regional title. Finally, on November 5,
the season will conclude in Nashville at
the state meet as the Owls run to make
school history.
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NBA Rookies, But Pro Gamers
BY DAVID SHOCHAT
A month after being drafted by an
NBA team, some of the NBA rookies
got together on August 10 in Tarrytown,
New York, for a photo shoot for Topps
and Upper-Deck. However, the real fun
began that night as the rookies participated in the 2005 EA Sports NBA Live
06 Rookie Tournament. The winner
would receive new NBA leather furniture, a Sony PSP with every compatible EA sports game, and an Xbox360
once it is released. The rookies could
be whichever team they wanted, yet
every player that was in the draft was
bumped up to a rating of 99 overall in
the game (the highest possible rating).
Thus, Sean May was dunking on Shaq,
Hakim Warrick was dominating Tim
Duncan, and Nate Robinson ( 5’9")
was dunking on Lebron. As one might
imagine, most rookies decided to be
their new team; however, behind the
leadership of Sean May and Raymond
Felton, the rookies soon learned that
the best team in the altered game was
the Charlotte Bobcats. After this realization, rookies started to dump their
own teams for the Bobcats. Hakim
Warrick was present at the event and
represented the Grizzlies, but the Portland Trailblazers’ Jarrett Jack knocked
him out early in the tournament.
After many intense games, the final
four was set: Sean May vs. Rashad
McCants in a UNC showdown and
Travis Deiner vs. Julius Hodge. May
and McCants both played with their respective teams, Deiner as the Heat, and
Hodge as the Bobcats. May and Hodge
emerged victorious.
At this point, to avoid a Bobcats vs.
Bobcats final, Hodge decided to change
to his new team, the Nuggets. May got
out to an early lead, but after May
missed two free throws, Hodge found
the kryptonite to stop the mighty Bobcats. With a smirk on his face, Hodge
asked, “How do I intentionally foul?”
Afterwards, the championship game
turned into a free throw contest, as the
players went back and forth fouling
each other. May continued to miss and
Hodge made just enough free throws
to win as he sunk the second of two
free throws with one second left on the
clock. After the victory, Hodge was
asked about his “gaming” experience
to which he replied “This is like [my]
third time playing NBA Live…”
NBA Live 2006 and its rival NBA
2k6 hit stores September 27. Look for
a review of the two games in the next
issue of the Owl’s Hoot.
Photo Courtesy of IGN.com
Future Grizzly Hakim Warrick (right) battles Jarrett Jack (left)
Spirited Student Support
BY STEVEN THOMPSON
Under the Friday night lights of Hull
Dobbs field, a monster rages that is
unparalleled in the Memphis high
school football scene. The fan tunnel.
The shirts. The chants. And ‘I Believe.’
MUS spirit is the gasoline that fuels the
Owl football machine. Ok, maybe it’s
the air conditioning. The point is that
the crowd’s impact on our football team
is undeniable. We have come a long
way in the last two years, from that
steamy day in the Liberty Bowl and the
surprise victory against the double tandem of Malcolm Rawls and Dan Williams of the East High Mustangs.
With last year’s exuberance permeating the stands and the field, the underdog Owls overcame all obstacles.
Now that we’ve redefined MUS spirit,
the question is whether we will carry
this new standard to future MUS generations and make it tradition. Last
year’s accolades aside, a new year has
sprung from the already fertile grounds
of 6191 Park Avenue. From the
Bridges Kick Off Classic and MBA
slaughter to the come from behind victory against in-town rival ECS and
domination of Brentwood, spirit could
not be higher.
Two weeks ago, the Owls took the
field against the struggling Northside
High. Although victory was virtually insured, Alston’s Army still marched.
Clad in their beaters and shirts, they not
only were there to see Michael Park’s
8 of 9 and four touchdown display, they
also saw Chase Moore’s first career
varsity touchdown and Jeffrey Wright’s
masterful leadership under center (to
name just a few accomplishments).
Despite all of the outpouring of spirit
upon the 2005 Owls, there is always
room for improvement. Many students
don’t even know about the pre-game
fan tunnel and tailgate. As a final word
from a true soldier, I have one request.
Show up early, get rowdy, and most of
all, believe.
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Political Correctness Goes Too Far
BY STEVEN THOMPSON
This past year, political correctness
has become something of an epidemic
in our nation. From the holidays, to the
Ten Commandments, to the sports
world, and even to our national Pledge
of Allegiance, the issue of political correctness has reared its ugly head and
created unnecessary tension and disruption in our society.
Political correctness, or “PC,” is
rooted in the activist movements of the
60’s, 70’s, and 80’s, and at its core is
the belief that nothing a person says
should ever offend anyone. While PC
is important in our country and appropriate in some situations, the movement
has recently gotten out of hand.
I first became aware of the
movement’s presence in our culture last
Christmas. I was merely disturbed by
a Sharper Image employee telling me
“Happy Holidays” instead of the common place “Merry Christmas.” And
while this little annoyance of mine is
obviously trivial and a little bit ridiculous, this experience opened my eyes
to a whole movement around me. I became infuriated when I learned about
much more serious abuses of political
correctness, like the fact that Memphis
law will not allow a nativity scene on
public property without Santa and his
reindeer on the same property. And
even more disturbing to me was the fact
that, in some schools, Christmas pageants were completely cancelled, rather
than simply altered, because a few select people complained that their children felt excluded because they would
not sing about secular things like Santa
and snowmen. Yet, while these abuses
are annoyingly excessive, they are not
as serious as the abuse that occured at
a school in the Northeast. The school
had a religious awareness bulletin board
with different seasonal holidays, such
as Christmas, Hanukah, and Kwanzaa.
While this board was only a decora-
tion, one atheist parent took extreme
offense at it and went to court over the
issue, claiming that the poster alienated
atheist children and demanding that it
be taken down. In court, the judge ruled
that the Christmas decorations had to
go, but that the Jewish Menorah could
stay on the board.
I believe that our government’s very
liberal interpretation of the First
Amendment is to blame. The First
Amendment reads, “Congress shall
make no law respecting the establishment of a religion, or prohibiting the free
exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the
right of the people peaceably to assemble, and petition the Government
for the redress of grievances.” The
Founding Fathers guaranteed the freedom of religion, not freedom from it.
The Fourteenth Amendment, which has
similar phrasing to the First Amendment,
dictates that the government must turn
a blind eye to race, not disallow all vis-
O Sister, Where Art Thou?
BY JAMES AIKEN
Although MUS and St. Mary’s have
had a long and well established interschool relationship, our dear “Episcopal School for Girls” appears to be falling short of its requirements to maintain
this so-called “friendship.”
Just the other day, I was talking with
Takari Donaville, a new MUS freshman, and, as our minds wandered from
schoolwork, I asked him a few questions.
“Takari…do you know many
people from St. Mary’s?” He told me,
unashamedly, that he knew absolutely
NO St. Mary’s girls. I was so shocked
by his answer that I felt it was my duty,
as a senior, to continue prying. I asked
Takari if he knew where the school was
and if he even knew anything about the
school at all, but the only responses I
got were “nopes” and blank stares. It
is apparent, unfortunately, that St.
Mary’s is no longer advertising their fine
institution among the other private
schools in East Memphis, so for all of
you freshman who wrongly believe that
St. Mary’s Episcopal School is just a
big NOTHING, situated absolutely
NOWHERE, and full of a bunch of
NOBODIES, let me tell you a bit about
the place.
Mrs. Mary Pope founded the
school in 1847 at Calvary Episcopal
church blah blah blah. Let me start over.
St. Mary’s is full to the brim of girls,
and only girls. They range from PreKindergarteners to high schoolers, and
every single one of them can be affectionately labeled “too brilliant for her
own good”. The school puts a ton of
emphasis on diversity and harmony,
creating a surprisingly diverse and harmonious atmosphere. Don’t let these
girls’ academic and politically correct
prowess throw you off guard; they still
love to have fun. In fact, two Wednes-
days ago (the 21st of
September), St.
Mary’s seniors initiated the entire freshman class by dressing
them up in embarrassing outfits and parading them around the
city. One can also find
St. Mary’s girls dominating MySpace and
P-Squared dances.
I encourage everyone to seek out the elusive ladies of St.
Mary’s and once again
promote a relationship
with St. Mary’s in
something other than
Mock Trial, Model
UN, Youth Legislature, and every other
academic pursuit
known to man.
ible displays of race on public property. If the government cannot prohibit
the free exercise of religion, how can it
justify the censure of religion on public
property. Now, I believe in the separation of church and state,(we have seen
the negative effects of extreme religious
fanatics in politics), but that principle
should not violate the same amendment
by which it is justified.
At first, people could communicate
more effectively if they were politically
correct, but now, as PC has spiraled
out of control, it is no longer an effective communication tool because it offends more that it includes. Political
correctness has infiltrated the very place
created to protect our freedom of
speech and religion, and I hope and
pray that our new national judicial leaders will do all they can to protect our
inalienable rights. With this protection,
I believe America will always be a land
upholding the ideals of freedom and the
pursuit of happiness.
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The Philosophy of Priorites: Talkin’ Bout My Generation
BY JEFFERY WEBB
After returning home from a grueling soccer practice late one Tuesday
night, I sat down in my room only to
encounter a horrific scene that has become all too common in my life. A sea
of homework surrounded my desk,
papers strewn about the surrounding
five-foot radius, books open to complex topics that I desperately needed
to understand by the following morning. My cell phone was constantly ringing; it was friends wondering why I had
missed dinner with them or equally
stressed out classmates hoping that they
were not alone in their massive struggle
against the clock. After several vain attempts to concentrate for a few hours,
I sighed and closed the books. I was
drowning.
It was at this nadir in my sanity that
I stopped and asked myself that dangerous question which has spurred mankind onward over thousands of years.
Why? Why do we continue this race of
late nights and no peace? Why do we
continue when it brings us such agony?
The simple answer is this: we work
hard so that we can go to good colleges, so that one day we’ll have high
paying jobs, so that we can “provide”
for our future families. But at what expense? Is obtaining a typical
Germantown home with a perfect little
lawn and a few SUVs really worth our
sanity or our youth? Can the materialistic American quest for “a better life”
really bring lasting happiness and fulfillment, especially when we’re sitting in
cubicles for forty hours a week? Will
we really be satisfied as princes of Suburbia? I’m inclined to say no.
So then what do we do? Quit
working altogether? Drop out of high
school and live at home with our parents until we’re thirty-five, until they finally kick us out for being parasites?
To this I also say no. This is not a
slacker’s Gospel.
Instead, I think, we must turn to un-
charted territory for the answer—ourselves. We must start asking ourselves
what’s really important to us and then
pursuing it by doing things we actually
enjoy. It doesn’t matter what our parents, friends, or teachers want us to
do- the only expectations we must
meet are our own. In short, as a much
greater man than I once said, we desperately need to “simplify” our lives.
If we stop worrying about the hollow
facets of our lives and begin concentrating on what really matters to us,
then we can endure the monsoons of
menial matters that we face daily and
thrust our heads above the surface
again.
Just something to ponder as you
dive back into the familiar seas of anxiety and fatigue.
Northwest Airlines Flies South for the Winter
BY JONATHAN YEUNG
A few weeks ago, while picking up
family at the airport for Labor Day
weekend, I noticed a small group of
men holding up posters that read,
“We’ve given! But Northwest wants it
ALL!” The signs of the AMFA (Aircraft Mechanics Fraternal Association)
mechanics’ strike appeared across the
nation, protesting Northwest Airline’s
decision to cut jobs and reduce wages
and benefits. Yet another union versus
corporation battle had begun.
Although the mechanics are in a tight
spot, Northwest’s is undoubtedly
worse. The declining economic situation for Northwest started when smaller,
cheaper airline companies began to chip
away at its business, but the spiking gas
prices caused by Katrina’s aftermath
dealt the finishing blow. Recently, the
company declared bankruptcy, and the
Northwest stock plummeted to the dim
dollar ranges. This problem is not
unique to Northwest; the ongoing
struggle of commercial airlines can be
seen in other airlines as well. Alongside
Northwest, Delta Airlines also filed for
Chapter 11; United has been in bankruptcy over three years, leaving three
of four of the country’s largest airline
companies deep in red ink.
It is little wonder, then, that Northwest is reducing the wages of its workers in an effort to reduce annual costs
by 1.1 billion. The company has to do
something to pull out of its 9 billion in
debts, and resorting to cutting wages
of unnecessary workers is the logical
thing to do. Because of the high costs
of airline labor, Northwest ran out of
options and did what was necessary,
and unfortunately, these actions are the
harsh side of business. The mechanics’
hope for higher wages from a company
with nothing left to spend is not realistic. Northwest cannot be blamed for
poor management of its spending either. The company has prepared for this
strike for over a year and a half, trained
replacement mechanics, and threatened
to make the replacements permanent.
The fact that other airlines suffer similar
situations suggests that the underlying
problem resides in the commercial air-
line industry itself. The constant problems of inflated pilots’ income, high
maintenance costs, and many other factors have pestered airlines for years.
However, Northwest is perhaps not
the saint it appears to be. As in the past,
other corporations have failed partly
due to their wasteful spending at the executive levels. If Northwest does recover, it too, perhaps will throw a large
bonus to the CEO, whereas the money
should go to restore the workers benefits. However, in the short run, mechanics should stick to their jobs during this bleak time for their company
and perhaps protest on a better day.
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John Roberts, the Best Man for the Job
BY MATT PRESTON
If you are political in any way, you
know about the spaces to fill in the Supreme Court opened by the retirement
of Sandra Day O’Connor and the late
Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist. You
may also know that President Bush
appointed Judge John Roberts to fill one
of those spaces. Because Rehnquist’s
recent death, Roberts has been newly
nominated to be Chief Justice. Roberts
is a Republican conservative; therefore,
the left has done everything in its power
to stop him from being approved. Roberts has triumphed over the filibuster
(thanks to a band of 14 moderates),
the confirmation hearings, and the Senate floor.
Judge Roberts is definitely the best
man for the job. He has wanted to be a
Supreme Court Judge for many years
and also has much experience, having
appeared in front of the Supreme Court
more than fifteen times. The NAWL
(National Association of Women Lawyers), the leading national voluntary organization devoted to the interests of
women lawyers and women’s rights,
has deemed Roberts “qualified”, meaning that this “Supreme Court nominee
is at the top of the legal profession, has
outstanding legal ability and exceptional
breadth of experience, and meets the
highest standards of integrity, competence and judicial temperament.” The
ABA (American Bar Association) has
unanimously voted John Roberts “wellqualified” twice, meaning he merits the
Standing Committee’s strongest affirmative endorsement. Several of the
ABA representative’s commented “I
would be amazed if anyone had any
greater integrity on either a personal or
professional level” and “he is honest
and straightforward, and I do not have
the slightest hesitation about any aspect
of his integrity”
Nevertheless, liberals were ready to
attack Bush’s nominee before he was
even nominated! “We are contemplating how we are going to go to war over
this” said Senator Schumer when talking about preparations for Bush’s nominee (before Roberts was even nominated). From the day Roberts was
nominated until now the only dirt the
liberals could find on him concerned
some measly memos from the Reagan
Administration. These memos were
immediately exploited as the definition
of who Roberts is. What the liberals
and the media fail to tell the general
public is that these memos were writ-
ten by Roberts as a hired advocate for
the Reagan Administration. These
memos were sent to the Senate and
House while debating issues set by the
Administration—not necessarily having
anything to do with what Roberts believes. Also, liberals are unhappy that
the White House did not release all the
paperwork on Roberts when Senator
Ted Kennedy demanded it (forget the
“right to privacy”). Never before have
nominees been required to turn over all
of their memos from previous years.
Roberts wrote these memos when he
was 26, but maybe what people advocated almost a quarter of a century ago
will determine what kind of man he is
today. If we’re so concerned about the
past and how it affects our government,
maybe we should consider what happened to Mary Jo Kopechne when Ted
Kennedy was 36.
The main players in this all out offensive against Roberts were also the
most liberal democrats on the confirmation committee. After the confirmations came to a close, those who voted
against Roberts (Kennedy, Biden,
Schumer, and Feinstein) were particularly displeased with how many aggressive questions he evaded, even though
he repeatedly gave them answers such
as “I am not an ideologue”. However,
both Kennedy and Biden have supported the exact opposite. During the
Thurgood Marshall hearings, Senator
Kennedy advised him not to answer
specific questions regarding issues that
might come before the Supreme Court.
During the confirmation of Judge Roberts, Kennedy tried to force him to do
exactly the opposite. Also, Senator
Biden had no problem when Ruth Bater
Ginsburg successfully zipped through 36
questions, leaving them unanswered by
abiding by her principal “Give no hints,
previews, or forecasts.” Mayor
Bloomberg demonstrates this as an avid
supporter of gay marriage and abortion. But despite the stance of extreme
liberals, many Democrats approve of
Roberts. In fact, three Democratic
members of the confirmation committee voted to approve him (including
Senator Leahy), and 23 Democrats
voted for his approval in the Senate’s
final vote.
With a vote of 78 pro and 22 con,
Judge John Roberts will become the
Chief Justice of our generation. He is a
man of integrity and character, and he
deserves our respect and support.
Roberts’s Ambiguity Portends A Future of Injustice
BY HUNTER EDENS
Over the past few weeks, you may
have seen people holding up signs saying “Save Roe!” They are doing this
because the 1973 court ruling that legalized abortion, Roe v. Wade, has
been endangered by George Bush’s
nomination of conservative appeals
judge, John Roberts, to replace the late
William Rehnquist as chief justice. Following his graduation from Harvard in
1979, Roberts clerked for Rehnquist
and worked as a deputy solicitor general under the Reagan Administration.
This may seem like an impressive background, but I believe there is a villain
behind the thick candy shell.
Three weeks ago, during the confirmation hearings, the Senate Judiciary
Committee had the opportunity to ask
Roberts any questions they wanted;
however, they rarely received straight
answers. This refusal to answer questions is one of the many factors that will
determine whether some senators will
vote to confirm Roberts or not because
they need to know as much as possible
about him. For example, when asked
about Roe v. Wade, Roberts simply said
that he would judge any challenge to
Roe v. Wade according to the principle
of ‘stare decisis’, Latin for “to stand by
a decision,” and that he should stay
away from discussion of specific cases.
However, in the past, Roberts has
shown himself to be a fierce opponent
of abortion rights. His refusal to discuss Roe v. Wade leads me to believe
that he is hiding something.
In addition to Roe v. Wade, Roberts has not admitted that any of the
“cramped views of civil rights” that he
argued for in the early 80’s were not
his own but those of his clients. Also,
Roberts refused to let the committee
members see any documents he wrote
when he served as deputy solicitor general. One can only infer that he has
something to hide about his professional
career that may make some senators
skeptical of his character.
So, in my opinion, despite his conformation, John Roberts is unqualified
to become chief justice of the Supreme
Court. His refusal to answer questions
directed to him, to let senators see
documents from a certain point in his
career and his past views all force me
to believe that he will use his position
for his own personal motives rather than
to be a modest judge who will protect
the rights of our generation. I can only
hope that whoever replaces Justice
Sandra Day O’Conner will be a clear
champion of the people’s rights rather
than an duplicitous conservative poster
child.
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Katrina Reveals Incompetent Officals
GEOFF BURLEW
buses to evacuate people in the days
before the storm hit is one of the greatWith estimates of 200 billion dol- est criticisms against him. In an interlars in damages, hurricane Katrina will view with WWL radio on September
be the costliest natural disaster in United 1, Mayor Nagin explained his reasons
for not using the school
buses: “I need 500
buses, man. One of the
briefings we had they
were talking about getting, you know, public
Photo Courtesy of AP
States history. When it struck just north
of New Orleans, the waters of nearby
Lake Pontchartrain began rise due to
the storm surge. As a result, the levees
of New Orleans were breached, flooding most of the city. The storm’s devastation spawned a torrent of accusation, focusing on who was responsible
for delaying relief efforts. Michael
Brown, one-time Arabian horse wrangler and former head of FEMA, the
Federal Emergency Management
Agency, bore the brunt of the blame;
additionally the Mayor of New Orleans, Ray Nagin, the Governor of
Louisiana, Kathleen Blanco, and even
President George W. Bush have been
accused of negligence.
His inept handling of the disaster
forced Brown to resign as director of
FEMA. Despite Brown’s attempts to
hide it, the media discovered that he
simply did not have the skills necessary
to run an organization like FEMA,
which reflects negatively on President
Bush who appointed him. Some people
are criticizing the president’s handling
of the situation, saying Bush made
Brown a scapegoat to hide his own negligence.
Many people have criticized Mayor
Nagin’s handling of the storm’s awful
aftermath. His refusal to use school
ernor Blanco, must write a letter to the
president requesting federal aid. Governor Blanco wrote such a letter on August 28 ... only one day before Katrina
hit; her carelessness significantly delayed the federal response. While talking to her press secretary, she admitted, “I really should have called for the
military. I really should have started that
in the first call.” She later made that announcement public on September 14,
accepting full responsibility for her own
decisions.
While we cannot expect government officials to reply to this kind of
unprecedented catastrophe perfectly,
it is obvious that
Photo Courtesy of AP
school bus drivers to come down here
and bus people out of here. I’m like –
you’ve got to be kidding me. This is a
natural disaster. Get every doggone
Greyhound bus line in the country and
get their [expletive deleted] moving to
New Orleans.” In short, Nagin wanted
more comfortable buses for the emergency evacuation. While he waited for
them, the levees broke, flooding the
available buses and making it impossible for any “doggone Greyhound[s]”
to evacuate those in desperate need.
Had the mayor asked the people in the
convention center if they cared whether
the bus that took them out was luxurious or not, they probably would have
said that they didn’t care as long as they
could get out safely.
The Louisiana Governor Kathleen
Blanco also shares the blame, because
she waited until the last possible moment to request federal aid. For FEMA
to provide assistance to a specific state,
that state’s Governor, in this case Gov-
Photo Courtesy of AP
both elected and appointed officials did
not do everything in their power to help
those on the Gulf and in New Orleans,
even after Katrina hit. If you watched
the news as Hurricane Rita approached,
you saw the one-hundred-mile traffic
jam headed north out of Houston. Put
simply, the United States has neither the
highway system nor the administrative
infrastructure required to evacuate its
growing coastal cities, and hurricane
proofing the entire coastline would cost
billions of dollars that the government
simply cannot afford to spend. We must
take both hurricanes and the elections
of the people put in charge more seriously; our lives depend on it.
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Dodgeball: Fueled by Diesel Night of the Living Dead
BY PETER TRAVIS
A year’s worth of special activities
started off with a bang as the Dodgeball
Tournament exploded over the past few
weeks. For those of us who’ve seen
the movie Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, the rules were quite simple,
but the intensity was without measure.
The competition started with sixteen sixman teams ready to risk it all for the
coveted Dodgeball title. One by one,
teams fell, and dreams of greatness
shattered. By the final Tuesday of the
tournament, two squads had proven
themselves worthy of competing in the
finals. Tasty Buffet made quick work
of its opponents on its way to the championship round while the Vin Diesel
Society of Divine Right had to face two
rounds of Sudden-Death Dodgeball to
reach the finals.When Tuesday’s OP
rolled around, both teams readied themselves as the student body poured into
the gym. As soon as commissioner of
special activities David Minervini blew
his whistle, the annihilation began, and
balls went flying. The momentum shifted
back and forth while bodies were diving and dodging, but in the end only two
remained untouched: Patrick Kimberlin
and Tyler Massey. With two players
left, there could be only one solution:
the champions would be decided by
Sudden Death Dodgeball, in which the
two remaining players stand within 15
feet of each other, grab a ball that sits
on top of a cone, and try to be the first
to hit their opponent. After a few rounds
of mutual misses, Kimberlin was rattled
and needed to regroup. Patrick considered everything that was riding on
the match and knew the Society’s reputation was at stake. A fretful Danny
Travis approached Kimberlin and said,
“If you don’t make this, you’re out!”
Motivated by the threat, Kimberlin recalled a fond memory: “I thought of the
time Vin Diesel slew two aliens with his
bare hands in the film Pitch Black. As
the thought entered my mind, David
blew the whistle.” With that, Patrick
grabbed the ball and nailed Massey for
the championship. The Society hoisted
Patrick on their shoulders, and chaos
ensued.
Below, the
Society
celebrates its
divine right
Above,
Oliver Green
adds insult
to injury
Matt Dowling prepares to eliminate Whit Cox
BY WILL MAYS
Even before its
limited release (on
September 16),
Tim Burton’s
Corpse Bride was
already being compared to another
Burtonian vision,
and justifiably so;
there is certainly an
unmistakable rePhoto Courtesy of IMDb.com
semblance beVictor (Johnny Depp) considers laying the truth on his
bride (Helena Bonham Carter)
tween Corpse
Bride and The Nightmare Before dead are unique and strikingly differChristmas. With Tim Burton at the ent. Only in a Tim Burton film would
helm of the project, you know the the world of the dead be more alive
movie’s going to be dark. Corpse Bride than the world of the living. The black
tells the tale of Victor Van Dort, a young and white world of the living pales in
man arranged to marry Victoria comparison to the lush cityscape of the
Everglot, who is a daughter of penni- dead, where the inhabitants break into
less aristocrats. During the wedding a rousing jazz chorus with “new arrival.”
Corpse Bride also features Burton’s
rehearsal, Victor’s nerve fails him, and
he almost catches Mrs. Everglot on fire. standard musical sideman, Danny
After the failed rehearsal, Victor runs Elfman. Elfman’s score is definitely on
off into the neighboring woods where par with his effort on Burton’s last venhe begins to practice his vows. After ture into stop-motion animation and is
seemingly regaining his nerve, Victor ac- almost as good as Elfman’s best (and
cidentally marries a corpse bride (hence best-known) work, Batman. The
the title) by misplacing his ring. From songs are perfect for all the various
musical situations Corpse calls for.
there, mayhem ensues.
The characters themselves are sort Whether he’s tickling the ivories as Vicof a hybrid between The Triplets of tor or lending his own voice to the lively
Belleville in 3D and Burton’s own skeleton Bonejangles, Elfman is a wild
Nightmare, with more of an emphasis treat and proves that he is still capable
on Triplets. Furthermore the twelve of making chamber music feel right at
years that have passed since Night- home, especially with the aforemenmare have brought with them multiple tioned jazz chorus.
All told, Corpse Bride is a surprisadvancements in the rhyme and reason
of this particular art form, and it shows. ingly better film than Burton’s summer
From the hair to the shadows of effort, Charlie and the Chocolate
Burton’s clay characters, a real mas- Factory, and the remarkable visuals,
tery of stop-motion is evident. The absolutely wonderful score, trademark
characters are wonderfully voiced by Burton storytelling, and strong perforeach talent behind the microphone. mances by all members of the cast and
Johnny Depp does an outstanding job crew make it more than worth your
of portraying a miniature version of him- while.
Will gives this film 4.5 out of 5
self, and Helena Bonham Carter is
wonderful at bringing life to the corpse. buzzards.
To complement the inventive character
designs, the worlds of the living and the
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A Slammin’ Suggestion
BY BLAKE COWAN
Holding the opinion of a marginal B
student and second-string football
player in high regard, the Board of
Trustees ceaselessly asks me how to
improve the school. Many of my ideas
have failed to strike a chord with the
Board, but one in particular seems to
stick out as a necessity for the future
well-being of Memphis University
School: the creation of a Slamball
court on campus.
Now, for those of you that are
unfamiliar with the art known as
Slamball, I will give a brief history.
Slamball is essentially the zenith of
human creativity, as it threads the
two great families of basketball
and trampolines together into a
game with no
limitations and
no apologies.
Obesity in our
dear country is at an
all time high because
average sports, such as
track and rhythmic dancing, don’t require enough
activity from the participants.
Conversely, a Slamball court at
the school would lead students
to be healthy, wealthy, and wise
as they enjoyed the most
strenuous and fun game around.
Also, MUS would become the
South’s only Slamball team in
existence, and thus would corner the recruiting market.
Five-star recruits would
venture across the
world to play for the
Owls’ mighty
team. Furthermore, School
spirit would be at
an all time high
with the addition
of another winning
team. When it comes down to it, MUS
would be a better place overall.
One question that the naysayer has
repeatedly asked though is “Where
could we put this state of the art
Slamball arena?” Well, I believe that
there is a rather obvious solution to this
problem. First of all, MUS would annex Hutchison and start construction on
that campus. Then, all of the Hutchison
students would begin taking
classes in the lower school,
while the lower schoolers
would take classes on the
soccer field. It’s just a
simple process of reorganization for the greater
good.
To pay for these
changes, the unfortunate
task of cutting down
would have to take
place. Personally, I
suggest that Math and
English be combined
into a single class, thus
cutting those department sizes in half. After all, two separate
periods each devoted
to Math or English is
rather extreme. Despite these setbacks,
the juice is definitely
worth the squeeze.
Ergo, I encourage
every MUS student to cast off the
bondage of academia
and basic sports and embrace all that is Slamball.
Photo Courtesy of
SlamBall.net
Ferrakohn Hall soars
over Johnny Williams
(hypothetically)
De battre mon coeur s’est arrêté
BY FARRELL VARNER
For a movie to be great, there is
one thing that is absolutely essential: a
good story. In this aspect, Jacques
Audiard’s “The Beat That My Heart
Skipped” does not disappoint. Based
on “Fingers,” a film by James Toback,
this film spins the tale of a semi-schizophrenic thug dealing with the polarity
of his personality. The main character,
Tomas Seyr, is torn between his father, a hard-nosed brute of a real estate owner, and his deceased mother,
a classical pianist.
The movie itself is very well done,
with an excellent performance from
the lead, Romain Duris. Duris plays
the part convincingly, showing aspects
of a great actor in the making. At no
moment during the film does one feel
out of place with Tomas’ character.
This can also be credited to the style
of camera used throughout the film.
The camera is handheld, giving the
viewer a more natural and comfort-
able feel to the film.
Some may be turned from the film
by its seemingly brutish plot and characters, but be assured that the underlying story is masterfully written and
has a good moral. Though violence
rears its ugly head throughout the
movie, it is never senseless. It always
serves the purpose of ameliorating
Duris’s character, making him a
loveable character.
Although the lovable thug is becoming something of a cliché among
modern filmmakers, Tomas is different from the norm. For example, unlike most gangsters, he is learning to
appreciate classical piano throughout
the film. His maternal influence through
this instrument teaches him to see the
beauty of life, leading him away from
his thuggish life.
With wonderfully developed characters and a great story, this is not a
film to miss. It has been showing at
The Studio on the Square, but it has
unjustly not received much attention.
If you are unable to see it in theaters,
make sure to drop by your local
movie rental store and pick it up. The
franchise stores will probably not
carry it, so the movie may take some
pursuit to track down, but nevertheless, De Battre Mon Coeur S’est
Arrêté is definitely worth seeing.
Death Cab Plans a Hit
BY AUSTIN NAUERT
When I first heard that Death Cab
for Cutie had signed with Atlantic
Records, I was immediately worried
about their new release, and for a while,
my expectations were quite low. When
independent bands sign with major
record labels, they typically sell out and
produce radio-friendly songs that alienate their loyal fan base. However, about
a month before the release of Death
Cab’s Plans I read an interview with
lead singer Ben Gibbard who said that
the Atlantic had not interfered at all with
the recording of their new album. Although still skeptical, I was completely
wrong. Plans is truly a great album and,
in my mind, is Death Cab’s best work
to date. As their most mature and most
atmospheric album to date, I predict
that it will be remembered as one of
Death Cab’s best albums. Death Cab
also ventures away from the more guitar oriented, power-pop songs of their
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A World of Records
BY COLIN MCDONALD
It’s the ultimate reference book for
everything weird, bizarre, stupid and ridiculous; it’s the Guinness Book of
World Records, and it’s on every guy’s
bookshelf from the time he turns ten.
Every year Guinness World
Record’s London headquarters receives
over 60,000 world record claims from
everyday people, like you and me, who
felt the need to risk everything, from
total humiliation to their life, to earn a
spot in the book. Admit it: there is not a
single person reading this who has not,
at least, considered attempting a feat
of his own.
Well, here are some newly released
records and newly updated favorites to
consider if you are looking for a challenge.
· On September 16th, 2005 Canadian “Couch Potato” Suresh Joachim
set the record for Longest Time
Watching TV after staring at the
screen for 69 hours and 48 minutes.
Joachim was allowed one 5 minute
“personal” break every hour and one
15 minute break every 8 hours. Joachim
also holds 16 other records, including this if he’d been able to take lessons
Longest Duration Balancing on from…
· Robert Foster, who in 1959 set
One Foot (76 hours, 40 minutes).
Joachim says he does it “to raise aware- the record for Longest BreathHeld
Voluntarily, when he held his breath
ness of suffering children.”
· While Joachim beat an existing for 13 minutes and 42.5 seconds. Fosrecord, American Frank Ames got a ter may have had his record broken,
new category of his own: Longest Eye- however, by…
· Gary Rothwell, of England, who
brow Hair. He had his 3-inch eyebrow
hair measured by none other than the probably didn’t breathe much during his
Mayor of Plattsburgh, NY, with “other record-setting Fastest Speed
city officials standing by as witnesses.” Dragged Behind a Motorbike. He
The Guinness people take these things was dragged at 156 mph on 2 mm titavery seriously, and the officials in nium-soled boots in 1999. Gary’s
record-setting time is not
Plattsburgh need
listed, maybe because his
more to do.
timer was…
· The Long· Kim Seung Do of
est Attack of
South Korea, who set
Hiccups: This
the record for the Most
record
was
Watches Eaten by eatawarded in 1990
ing 5 watches in 1 hour
to
Charles
and 34 minutes. Kim’s
Osborne of the
diet isn’t as strange as …
USA, who had
· The diet of Frenchbeen hiccupping
Photo Courtesy of
continuously
GuinnessWorldRecords.com man Michel Lotito, who
since
1922.
Titanium-soled Englishman holds record for StrangOsborne might Gary Rothwell zooms behind est Diet, because, since
his bike at 156 mph 1959, he has eaten only
have prevented
Lower School: No Monday Chapel?
BY SAMIR SHETH
Monday chapel is quiet. Too quiet.
The familiar rabble of seventh and
eighth graders, whose warm bodies
used to send the temperature of the
Hyde Chapel soaring, is notably missing. The only eventful part of a dreary
Monday has recently been snatched
from unsuspecting hands. While I’m
sure that Mr. Smythe has managed to
arrange a set of Monday Lower School
assemblies for his minions that are both
intellectually stimulating and thoughtprovoking, I pity them. Monday drags
on enough by itself, but piling a Lower
School assembly on an already miserable day conjures up images of wailing
and the gnashing of teeth. Not that the
assemblies are all bad; I mean, I’d take
the sex ed talk over a boring upper
school announcement any day, but nowhere other than Monday chapels can
you find such consistent, quality entertainment. Somehow, Monday announcements manage to balance information and entertainment, which usually earn the administration’s approval.
You all remember such chapel greats
as Robert Snowden and Sashank
Karri, right? These illustrious announcers got their message across, whether
it be the freshman of the week (a tradition which should be promptly reinstated) or that the quizbowl team did
something somewhere. Monday assemblies even provide a forum for handing out “Most Important Person”
awards and proving that “quizbowl” is,
in fact, one word. Obviously, today’s
lower schoolers are missing some of the
upper school’s most refined chapel
speakers, such as Danny and that redhaired kid. Most important, however,
attending Monday chapel allows a
lower schooler a glimpse into the school
and traditions that he will soon inherit
and gives him a chance to see what the
big kids are up to. Now that the opportunity for a shared weekly gathering has been taken away, the Lower
School has become even more estranged, and it no longer feels like we
are a cohesive school. When I was in
the Lower School, Monday chapel was
my favorite part of each week; with that
privilege revoked, the lower school has
taken on a completely different feel, and
I can only wonder what the future of
our illustrious institution will be.
metal and glass. Now, metal may seem
an odd thing to eat, but it’s better than
having it pierce your skull; just ask…
· Englishman Robin Hanshaw, who
holds the record for Longest Time
With a Nail in the Head, after having had a one-inch rusty nail embedded between his eye and ear for 22
years. While Hanshaw appears to deserve the record for worst headache,
that record probably belongs to …
· American Danny Higginbottom,
2004 record-setter for the Highest
Shallow Dive. He dove 8.9 meters
(about 30 feet) into 30 cm (about 1 foot)
of water. Ouch!
Think you could do better? Let the
Guinness people know. Go to
www.guinnessworldrecords.com. to
submit your own record.
HOUSES
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tivities. While the contests and activities in which the Houses will compete
won’t be as serious as most MUS
sports, seniors and freshmen being on
the same team and working together
will create a natural mentoring relationship.
But why are we doing this all of a
sudden? The most important reason the
Student Council has decided to pursue
this idea is that it will be fun. Houses
will provide activities on a weekly and
possibly daily basis, creating a break in
the monotony of everyday school life.
However, the system won’t work without student participation. As I stated at
the end of last year, the MUS experience is only as enjoyable as you make
it. The Parliamentary system could become a tradition that lasts for years to
come, but it cannot work without the
approval and participation of the student body. With your buy-in, you will
be setting the foundation for a tradition
that could exist years to come. I urge
you to make the most out of the
Houses, because their purpose is your
enjoyment.
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When the Dog Bites... These Are a Few of My Favorite Things
BY WALTER KLYCE
I had some time this summer for a
little pleasure reading; since I’m currently not doing well in my calculus
class, I thought I’d review these three
novels together, since they all concern
mathematics in one way or another.
Although The Curious Incident of
the Dog in the Night-time was his first
novel, Mark Haddon writes with the
ease of an old pro. His book tells the
heartwarming story of Christopher John
Francis Boone, a fifteen-year-old boy
who has Asperger Syndrome, a variation of autism. Because of his illness,
Christopher struggles with any sort of
change, hates being touched, and cannot understand social interactions, having no concept of human emotions.
Despite Christopher’s aloof nature, he
remains a loveable (albeit odd) hero
throughout, especially because the entire tale is told through his eyes. Being
a mathematical prodigy, Christopher
often earns the reader’s sympathy by
explaining his feelings with graphs and
charts, since he has little ability with
words.
light-hearted. As Christopher describes
his investigation into the murder of his
neighbor’s dog, his tone and unique
perspective make many ordinary situations laughable, such as when he is
terrified of the old lady next door because she invites him inside to have biscuits. But during the second half,
Christopher’s story becomes more
thought provoking, reminding us that this
is an autistic savant narrating, after all.
Furthermore, Haddon employs every
opportunity to characterize Christopher. For example, Christopher often
calms or amuses himself (and the
reader) by explaining one of his favorite math problems. From the strangely
numbered chapters (they’re done only
in primes) to Christopher’s obsession
with the color red, Haddon shows that
even the ordinary elements of fiction can
be made extraordinary; my only complaint is with the novel’s abrupt ending,
which leaves the reader slightly unfulfilled. At times, Christopher feels as
though he and Toby—his pet rat—are
all alone in the world, but for the rest of
us, it’s a real treat to tag along for the
ride.
Walter gives The Curious Incident
of the Dog in the Night-time 4.5 out of
5 buzzards.
Piscine Patel, the main character of
Life of Pi, is a young man whose father is a zookeeper in India. He considers himself a Hindu, a Christian, and
a Muslim, but all his beliefs are put to
the test when, shipwrecked in the middle
of the Indian Ocean, Pi finds himself
stranded alone on a lifeboat … with
only a 450-pound Royal Bengal Tiger
to keep him company. This is the setting for Yaan Martel’s fanciful story
about one boy’s brutal struggle against
the elements and himself.
Photo Courtesy of
CarnegieGreenaway.org.uk
I had heard great things about this
book, so my expectations were high,
Curious Incident does an excellent but I confess that I was less than imjob of balancing the serious with the pressed when I read it for myself. The
opening hundred pages, rather than
drawing in the reader, tend to ruin the
novel’s pacing, with their excessive descriptions of zoology and religion. Furthermore, the story’s romanticism becomes starkly inconsistent in the latter
half. Before the book even begins,
getting into the book can be a tad
daunting, since it is over a thousand
pages long and skips back and forth
between numerous storylines (it actually took me three tries to get past the
fourth chapter). After the first hundred
pages, however, it takes off with a bang
and stays enthralling right up until the
very end. Since it is set in both the ‘40s
and the present, Cryptonomicon’s plot
is difficult to describe, except by saying that it includes treasure-hunting, romance, epic WWII battles, calculus,
sex, cryptography, computers, betrayal,
espionage, and sex. The complicated
math might not be for everyone, but
with its rich story, exciting presentation,
uniquely developed characters, and
brilliant writing, Cryptonomicon eas-
Photo Courtesy of CanonGate.net
Martel promises to make you believe
in God; well, I’ve read it, and I’m still
unconvinced. Its pleasant message and
often-frivolous tone made it generally
enjoyable, but nonetheless Life of Pi
failed to deliver.
Walter gives Life of Pi 3 out of 5
buzzards.
Let me begin by saying that Neal
Stephenson’s Cryptonomicon is without question the best book I’ve ever
Photo Courtesy of
ClarkesWorldBooks.com
read. You’ll find it in the science-fiction
section of the bookstore, but don’t let
that fool you, for there’re no hyper ily tops anything else I’ve ever read.
Walter gives Cryptonomicon 5 out
speed or R2-D2 to be found here. SF
usually implies that the science is fic- of 5 buzzards.
tional, but Stephenson’s math is accurate all the way.
Cryptonomicon is a complex novel,
chronicling a span of over fifty years
and featuring dozens of characters. Indeed, my only complaint was that the
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A Tropical Blend of Delight
BY PRESTON BATTLE
metabolizer. Tropical Smoothie even
goes the extra mile by offering a tasty
menu of hot gourmet wraps, Boar’s
Head Deli Sandwiches on fresh baked
bread, romaine lettuce salads, tortizzas
(lite pizzas), gourmet cookies, breakfast bagels, and breakfast wraps.
Whereas places like Smoothie King
and Smooth Moves have no spot to
even sit and enjoy their inferior
smoothies, Tropical offers rooms for
studying and meeting, tables for sitting, FREE wireless internet, and four
televisions! So if you have been looking for the perfect after school hangout, think outside the cappuccino and
try Tropical Smoothie Café. (P.S.
Tropical Smoothie Café plans on
opening 4 more locations in Memphis
soon.)
Hear ye, hear Ye! There is a new
king in the Smoothie Kingdom! No,
it’s not tasteless Smoothie King, or
old Smooth Moves either: it’s the fresh
face of Tropical Smoothie Café, located on 1779 Kirby Parkway. Now,
I’m more of a Midtown guy, but a
good smoothie in an incredible atmosphere has me sacrificing my gas regardless. Tropical
Smoothie Café
offers many diverse flavors that
suit a variety of
tastes. Also, for
the more muscletoning athletic
types, the protein
and
energy
shakes are excellent, and you can
get creatine, vitaTropical Smoothie Café at 1779 Kirby Parkway
mins, and fat
By Zach Glover
DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE
previous albums to the more keyboard
oriented songs with darker atmosphere,
evidence that Death Cab is not afraid
to try something new with their songs,
unlike some bands (cough-Coldplay).
While Death Cab’s last album,
Transatlanticism, explored the theme
of distance and breaking-up, the two
main themes in Plans are growing old
with someone and the death of one you
love. While the lyrics of past albums
have been inspired by Gibbard’s personal experiences, his new lyrics reflect
what he expects in his future. This does
not mean that the lyrics are any less
personal but rather shows that Gibbard
CONTINUED FROM PAGE 11
is not afraid to take a different approach
to his writing.
It was almost impossible to pick
three or four stand out tracks, the mark
of a great album. I wish I could review
all of them, but time and space require
me to choose. Plans opens with
“Marching Bands of Manhattan” which
starts with keyboards; Gibbard’s vocals and piano are simultaneously added
in. As with all Death Cab for Cutie
songs, Gibbard’s vocals are the centerpiece, but this particular song also
relies on the instruments to create a
moody atmosphere. “I Will Follow You
Into the Dark” is the acoustic center-
piece of Plans. Here, Gibbard ventures into uncharted territory with an
acoustic song that emerges overall as
the standout track. The lyrics of this
song deal with the death of someone
you love and following that person into
the afterlife. The beautiful “What Sarah Said” is a heartfelt song about witnessing a loved one’s death.
While Death Cab for Cutie’s Plans
did venture away from their old formula,
the one thing that remains the same is
Ben Gibbard’s heartfelt vocals at the
center of each song. Death Cab continues to grow and mature with each
album and continues to outdo them-
selves. Amazingly, Plans sold 90,000
copies in its first week release, while
Transatlanticism has still sold only
225,000 (which is still an astronomical
figure for an indie band). Sure, this
shows that Death Cab may have become more mainstream, but they have
not deserted their loyal fan base to do
so. I hope Interpol and other indie
bands that are considering switching to
a major label are taking notes and learning from Death Cab for Cutie’s success. Overall, this is without a doubt
one of the top five albums of the year.
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HERE
LYNN
WELLFORD
SPRINGFIELD
THORN
MACQUEEN
WERTS AND RHEA