PDF Version

Here We
Stand
Love
Works
Vulnerability
Works
Richer
Conversations
3
4
6
7
plus Practical
Pointers
Throughout
LOVE
WORKS
November 2012 MOPSGuide.org
leadership view
ACTION ITEMS
to build relatiohs
NOV
Continue to register new moms who
start attending your group so they
will have an ongoing connection of
MOPS membership.
Finalize plans for a special Christmas
meeting to share the meaning of
Christmas.
Participate in a service project.
Operation Christmas Child is a great
way to involve children in service.
MOPS.org/occ
Distribute mid-year surveys to inform
your plans for the next semester.
MOPSGuide.org/groupevaluation
Attend the Next Level Leadership
webinar on November 15 to learn
how to find, schedule and effectively
utilize speakers.
: Equipping You for MOPS Leadership
“You matter to me, and you
matter to Jesus.”
Practical and Profound. All of the practical ways that you show
love to moms in your group — the email reminders, the texts of
encouragement, the frozen dinners, the babysitting trades, the
help up the stairs to the MOPPETS room —
are actually profound pieces of community and
love that you are building in your group. Every
practical gesture is another way of saying, “You
matter to me, and you matter to Jesus.”
In this issue of Connections you will see
practical and profound ways that Love Works in
by Carla Foote,
your MOPS group, ultimately pointing moms
Executive Editor
toward Jesus. Taking a meal to a mom in crisis is
practical love, but sharing deeply from your own pain and journey
with God offers a profound connection to moms.
You can use the articles in Connections as training pieces for
your Leadership Team meeting, as you find more ways that Love
Works in your MOPS group.
Here
We
Stand
WAYS TO USE
MOMSENSE
in your MOPS
meetings.
h The Perfect Stranger
& Longing for Deeper
Friendships: Discuss
ways to take risks and
stretch in relationships.
You can plan an entire
meeting using the content on pages 26-27 and
20-21 of MomSense.
Every mom, leader and church … because every family needs Jesus
It was a Thursday when
I had my first “facedown”
moment. It was freezing cold outside,
DEC
Encourage moms to attend Christmas
services and celebrations at your church.
Recognize and appreciate MOPPETS
workers.
Consider offering an optional Bible
study or book study on off-MOPS
weeks starting in January to address
deeper topics.
The Mom Curriculum DVD that was in your ministry packet for the year has
six sessions plus two conversation starters. These videos can simplify your
MOPS meeting content and provide high-quality speakers.
Host a mid-year retreat for leaders for
planning and refreshment.
Register new moms for membership
within three visits.
MOPSGuide.org/membership
Attend the Next Level Leadership
webinar on January 17 for tips on
organizing your MOPS supplies
and effectively using MOPS
International resources.
November 2012
Discussion Questions for “Growing Toward God” segment:
1 Tracey talked about the “ladies in a hurry.” How can you find time to
slow down and have reflective space?
2 Tracey described how God loves us fiercely and magnificently. Do you
feel like God loves you this way? Why or why not?
3 Do you see God’s presence in your ordinary days? If so, how?
4 Do you have questions about how you can interact with God in your
everyday? Talk to your Discussion Group leader to learn more.
Enhance your Leadership
Team training by watching
T
the Leadership Content
DVD, including “A Loving
Leader — Building
Relationships in Your
Group.” Include Discus
Discussion Group leaders in
your training plans.
Scheduling meeting topics and speakers
for the second half of the year? Be sure to
download the meeting ideas that include
discussion questions, newsletter and creative
activity ideas, panel discussion ideas and
more at MOPSGuide.org/theme. There also
are special meeting topic downloads for
MOMSnext and Teen groups.
COVER © ISTOCKPHOTO/THINKSTOCK
ICONS © VALLENTIN VASSILEFF/ISTOCKPHOTO
BRAND X PICTURES/THINKSTOCK
Meet with church leaders to share
about MOPS and select a date for a
MOPSunday to raise MOPS awareness in your church.
MOPSGuide.org/MOPSunday
2
Meeting Plans: Silified
View the “Growing Toward God” segment and consider using this for a
Christmas meeting or in the spring.
JAN
by Sherry Surratt,
CEO & President
MOPS International
with snow piling up, and I was a bit
miffed that I couldn’t wear my open-toed
shoes. We had just moved to Denver in
the height of winter and my southern-girl
sensibilities were being challenged. But it
didn’t really matter. God and I were about
to have a moment.
When I got to the office, I felt God
saying, Lie down and pray. This is unusual
for me. I always start my day in my big,
brown chair at home, Bible and coffee in
hand. But this day was different. God was
speaking straight to my heart about what
he was going to do through MOPS.
That snowy day, as I spent time in our
theme verse for the year (Love as if your
life depended on it, 1 Peter 4:8), God
began to pound something on my heart,
which I’d like to share with you now:
Every mom needs a friend. There’s a
lonely mom in your neighborhood who
you may not even know yet, but she’s
there. She might be desperate about her
marriage, or her kids or finances, and her
heart is aching and lonely. God is calling
us, MOPS leaders, to share this message
loud and clear: Every mom needs a friend.
And it’s a journey that begins with you
and leads straight to Jesus. Every mom
needs him, and she is going to find him
through you and your MOPS group this
year. That’s what excites me about this
verse. It talks about how God has gifted
you to use your smile, your talent, your
passion, your ability within your group
to share Jesus Christ with other moms.
And we’re not going to stop until every
mom has had a chance to come to a
MOPS group and find out how much
God loves her.
Every leader needs a chance to grow.
I am passionate about your growth! I’ve
heard incredible stories of the life change
that happens when moms come into a
MOPS group. For the very first time
they discover that they can lead. There
are moms who have come through our
MOPS groups and experienced our
leadership development and have gone
on to become the mayors of their cities or
stepped up into leadership at their church.
Someone encouraged them: “I see something in you; you can lead.” They believed
it, gained confidence and stepped up into
leadership. This next year you are going
to see that in somebody, you are going to
speak it, and a mom for the very first time
is going to know that she is a leader. Every
leader needs a chance to grow and MOPS
provides that opportunity.
Every church needs a MOPS group. What
church doesn’t want to impact their community and neighborhood to reach young
families? Barna research states, “It is the
years when a mom has kids ages 1-6 that
she is the most frustrated, lonely, vulnerable and reaching out for connection and
help.” That’s what a MOPS group does
— offers moms a place where someone
understands them and loves them straight
to Jesus. Why would there be a church
that wouldn’t have a MOPS group?
Every mom, every leader, every church
— why? Because every family needs
Jesus. Life transformation doesn’t come
through just friendships, speakers, retreats
or crafts, as important as those can be for
fostering community. Life transformation
comes through an encounter with Jesus
Christ. In every neighborhood, there are
moms who are at the end of their mom
rope, moms who don’t know what to
do tomorrow. They need friendship and
connection; they need Jesus. And your
MOPS group is where they will find it.
This is our year. Together, let’s
dream big, hand in hand with God as
we go after every mom, every leader and
every church. l
November 2012
3
LOVE WORKS
I noticed Ashley as she walked through the doors to our MOPS meeting, the
weight of her soon-to-arrive baby evident not just in her belly, but in her everything: her face, her shoulders, her knees. Her movements looked exhausting and
painful as she carried the extra, disproportioned weight of a pregnancy. I almost
felt her pain with her, my last pregnancy only months earlier. Her two already
born kids trailed behind her wondering what adventure their mom was bringing
them on. Later that morning we sat at the same discussion table and her story
unfolded before us. Her husband was scheduled to be deployed two months after
the third baby was due to arrive. We nodded as she talked. We cried with her. We
asked questions. We bonded. Why? Because at MOPS, love works.
Love (noun)
[luv] (loves)
1. very strong
affection 2. God’s
interaction with
humanity
Work (verb)
[wurk] (worked,
working, works)
1. exert effort
2. be successful
Most of all, love each other as if your
life depended on it. Love makes up for
practically anything. Be quick to give a
meal to the hungry, a bed to the homeless — cheerfully. Be generous with the
different things God gave you, passing them around so all get in on it: if
words, let it be God’s words; if help, let
it be God’s hearty help. That way, God’s
bright presence will be evident in everything through Jesus, and he’ll get all the
credit as the One mighty in everything
— encores to the end of time. Oh, yes!
x 1 PETER 4:8-11 (THE MESSAGE)
4
November 2012
As moms we experience love with an intensity and
permanence that God gives us for our children. As
Christians we know God loved us before we loved him
and our outpouring of love flows from him. As MOPS
leaders we combine these two and have a love for the
moms around us that both understands their exhausting
circumstances and points them toward the love giver.
MOPS is about love.
At MOPS we love moms through the practical. We
find speakers, schedule and reschedule MOPPETS
teachers and make cinnamon rolls in the wee hours of
the morning. We bring dinners when a baby is born.
We watch kids when there’s a pressing appointment.
We exert effort to show love. MOPS is about work.
Love Works: But we also know love is effective. It’s a successful way to show people
they are irreplaceable. As we love through the practical, we point to a woman’s value
that is set in Jesus, and we in turn offer life-saving good news. Our theme verse for
the year tells us, Most of all, love each other as if your life depended on it. As MOPS
leaders we love with abundance because we understand how desperately we, and all
moms we know, need to go to the love giver for our very existence.
Peter continues in the next verse, Love makes up for practically anything. At
MOPS, perfection is not expected. Love is. Maybe the tables aren’t set up on time,
or you forget how many kids a mom has or you make a comment that is taken the
wrong way. If those imperfections are bathed in love, moms will know. Our intentions will make up for any error in our actions, because love works.
Ashley arrived at our second-to-last meeting for the MOPS year, but that didn’t
deter her from opening up and receiving the love offered because she had found a
safe place to land. A place that had been prepared through the faithful work of our
group’s leaders and loving ears of other moms to hear her story. A perfect combination of love and work. She returned two weeks later to our last meeting of the
year. And she brought a friend, another mom from the military base who needed
companionship, because Ashley knew her friend would be welcomed. Because love
works. Because MOPS works. l
by Alexandra
Kuykendall,
Mom & Leader
Content Editor
MOPS International
Making MOPS Love Work
Be Connected: Connected to God,
the source of love, so you have
love to give. Connected to women
in your group so you know what
practical needs they might have.
Be Prepared: Have a list of local
resources ready to offer moms,
so when a need arises you aren’t
spending time researching rather
than attending to a mom in need.
Your sponsoring church can help
guide where you send moms for professional help such as counseling or
basic needs such as food and shelter.
Be Listening: Listen for clues that
indicate a mom’s unique situation
and then anticipate her needs. As
moms we anticipate needs all day.
Use those well-honed skills when
listening to other women and
offering help.
Be Specific: It is much easier for a
mom to accept a specific offer than
to call you with a request. Instead
of “Let me know how we can help,”
try, “I’d like to bring dinner over on
Tuesday. Does that work for you?”
She’ll let you know if it doesn’t.
Be Organized: Having a way
to organize moms’ efforts will
make the process run smoother.
Sites like CaringBridge.org or
CarePages.com offer free tools to
organize large groups of people
who want to support others.
Be Available: MOPS is a relationshipbased ministry and relationships
require time. Put free time in your
schedule so you will be available
to help a mom in crisis or simply to
have a mom over for a play date. We
need space in our lives to love.
November 2012
5
VULNERABILITY WORKS
Gillian Marchenko
lives in Chicago with
her husband and four
daughters. She was a
MOPS Coordinator
for three years and
now writes and speaks
about stumbling faith,
Down syndrome,
motherhood and grace.
gillianmarchenko.com
6
November 2012
“SO WHAT DID YOU DO?” Eyes settled on mine over
soft candlelight on the patio of a Mexican restaurant
at our MOPS Night Out. “What did you do after
the birth of your daughter with Down syndrome?”
I uncrossed and re-crossed my legs. Safe answers
swirled around my head. I could talk about prayer
and comforting Bible verses. I could emphasize the
promises God gave me. All true things.
But not the whole truth.
Lord, how do I answer? Most of these women aren’t
church-goers. Should I be vulnerable?
My goal as a MOPS Coordinator is to encourage mothers, but also, I desperately want to point
them to Jesus. What if my story moved them further
from God? Many already shared their suspicions of
Christianity with me: It’s a set of rules, or a safety
crutch or too judgmental. And yet twice a month,
they buckled their babies and toddlers in strollers
and treaded to MOPS.
They wouldn’t understand Christian
platitudes such as, “My
heart was hard soil,” or
“I walked away from
the Lord.” To build
deeper relationships
with the moms sitting around the table
required vulnerability.
I watched the flicker of
the candle and remembered that God’s love
was most evident in the
ugly parts of my story. With
a quick prayer, I made
up my mind. I’d tell
the whole truth.
“I drank.”
Conversations stopped. Forks clanked against
plates. No one expected these words from a pastor’s
wife and a MOPS Coordinator. I sucked in a
breath and continued. “Having a baby with Down
syndrome hurt. After her birth, I grieved the child
I expected. Instead of crying out to God, or seeking
support or opening my Bible, I reached for a bottle
of Chardonnay. For weeks I drank to hide from life.
I drank to hide from the mother God was asking me
to be.”
That night at the Mexican restaurant, I shared
my story about turning away from God. I told
about Jesus’ quiet nudge back to him through my
husband’s guidance, my friends’ gentle rebuke and
some key verses in the book of Psalms. I loved that
God didn’t allow me to run away for long before he
pursued me.
“I would like to have behaved better after my
baby’s birth.” I hung my head. “Instead, I failed one
hundred percent.” Lifting my face, I was met with
compassion and tears.
Vulnerability is scary. I prefer the façade of a
mother who has it all together. But I must remember that I am human and that doesn’t change simply
because I’m a leader. I sin and God forgives. If the
hard parts of my story are held back, I’m actually
withholding God’s glory manifested in me. I’m
withholding the full power of his love, a love that
makes up for practically anything, exemplified in
my life.
My vulnerability on the patio of the Mexican
restaurant that night helped set the tone for a great
year of MOPS meetings, and provided a place for
moms to share their triumphs and failures, and
more importantly, to experience God’s love. l
by Jonalyn Fincher
Jonalyn Fincher is a
cultural philosopher
who follows Jesus in soul
liberation at Soulation.
org. She loves “Downton
Abbey” and skate-skiing.
Join her weekly conversation on femininity and
faith at RubySlippers.org.
Follow her on Twitter
@JonalynFincher.
?
Richer Conversations
How can I help steer
conversations into
deeper, richer territory?
I SPOTTED HER as soon as I sat down at
THOMAS NORTHCUT/DIGITALVISION/THINKSTOCK
Vulnerability
as a Leader:
5 Things to
Consider
First
A leader shares her dirt to help moms become clean
PHOTODISC/THINKSTOCK
by Gillian Marchenko
the coffee shop. She had a newborn, her
eyes looked thirsty for sleep.
I knew the delight and inadequacy
of those early weeks of being a mother.
I thought I could connect, but how
to start?
Anytime I want to start a conversation I think of what I’d like to hear.
“Your baby is so sweet” feels easy
enough, but it takes less empathetic
work than confiding, “I think they
should give all mothers who are out
and about with their babies special
privileges … like free coffee and good
parking spaces.”
Relational boldness is the secret
ingredient to spontaneous spiritual
conversation. Add a generous helping
of empathy and watch the Spirit move.
1 Pray. Ask God for
3 Consider timing. Is now
4 Check your emotions.
5 Take spiritual stock.
wisdom in how you share.
the time to share? Are you in
If your story is difficult to
Ask God to show you all
the midst of an experience
tell today (i.e. close to the
of the ways he was evident
THINK & DISCUSS
2 Gauge your audience.
that needs more processing?
anniversary date to when
through your struggle and
Want more? Find links to conversational resources, including
Is this an appropriate
Sharing along your journey can
it happened, etc.) you may
be sure to share them when
videos and information about the book, Coffee Shop
time/group to open up
be valuable, but also can dis-
want to wait.
you tell your story so you
Conversations: Making the Most of Spiritual Small Talk, by Dale
to? Why? Why not?
tract people you are leading.
can point others to Christ.
and Jonalyn Fincher, at MOPSGuide.org/conversations.
1 Sit Down. Conversations where we
truly connect only happen when we
expect someone to be our peer, not
our student. Share how you relate
without assuming superior knowledge. For instance sharing, “The early
years are the hardest. Don’t worry,
it will get better,” sets you up as the
expert instead of inviting her to share
how she feels.
2 Be an Image-Bearer Detective. God
made her to reflect him (Gen 1:27).
Be a detective to find God’s attributes
in her (clever, funny, strong, vulnerable, peaceful). What makes her
shimmer? Hunt for something you
appreciate. “I have the exact same
stroller, isn’t it wonderful?!” is a good
start. But even better, “That bumper
sticker is so clever, where did you get
it?” and maybe even, “Why do you
love it?”
3 Mute Advice. When she shares
a burden, do not offer any advice.
Instead, ask her a question. This was
Jesus’ way, this is the friendship way.
Respect her enough to let her ask for
advice if she wants it. For instance,
if she tells you her son is biting and
you think you know exactly what to
advise, don’t spill it. Instead relate to
her emotions, something like, “It’s so
hard to feel out of control with kids.
My friend’s son bit my son and we all
felt awful.” Or, “Have you been bit
by him? It hurts so badly, doesn’t it?!”
4 Look for the Pause. There comes
a moment in all conversations when
the typical banter moves into more
meaningful sharing. This can happen
within the first five seconds or not at
all. But always look for the pause and
take advantage of the opportunity; it’s
easy to continue small talk and let the
conversation stay surface level.
Did the conversation go deeper
when you said your son also was small
for his age? Was it when you shared
your ER experience? Was it when
you announced that your pre-baby
tummy was gone forever? What made
her stop and realize you understood?
Watch for it and park on whatever
started the deepening and use that as
a place to continue connecting.
5 Find Conversation Starters. We can
all get better at introducing topics
that all mothers wish they could dish
about more: sleep (share a horrible
nighttime experience), sickness (swap
stories of the latest disease that you
learned about through your child),
exercise (share the last time you
tried to work out), body image (start
talking about your problem areas), sex
(how nonexistent or passionate it has
become). Relational intimacy begins
with someone taking a risk! l
November 2012
7
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Learn more about engaging MOPPETS.
This topic will not only enable you to
provide a better MOPPETS experience, but it also will include
great ideas that you can share with your moms to do with their
children at home.
Nov15
Jan17
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experience! We will share tips for using MOPS
resources (such as Group Management Tools and Connections
magazine) and effectively organizing your MOPS supplies.
Register at MOPSGuide.org/webtraining
View recordings of previous webinars on “Normalizing fear,”
“Engaging your church” and “Marketing your group.”
8
November 2012
The MOPS Experience
/LeadershipArticles
Practical articles to
equip you as a leader
/devotionals
Devotionals for you and
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NEW!
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Leadership role videos
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PLUS:
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group dashboard at
MOPSGuide.org.
Every child (and every mom) loves
playgrounds! But when they are
outdated and unkempt they can
be disappointing. The Decatur,
Indiana MOPS group decided to be
the change in their community and
do something about their local park
that was in disrepair.
Abby Dyer, the group’s Service
Coordinator, explained, “We knew
that we weren’t the only people
that wanted a better park.” It was a
practical way for the Decatur MOPS
group to show love to the moms and
families in their community.
Some people told the group it
would take years to accomplish,
but they were determined to finish
in a year. So the MOPS group held
fundraisers, selling curly potatoes and
cookbooks. Local businesses and individuals were asked to sponsor “The
Place to Play Legion Park Project.”
In less than a year, the community
raised over $50,000. Then the group
applied for a matching grant through
the playground equipment company
to help purchase swings, curbing and
mulch. Another grant from a local
community foundation helped pay
for the installation of the equipment
and purchase benches.
The Decatur community is
enjoying their new place to play.
This MOPS service project will be
completed when an archway is
added at the entrance of the park.
SHARE YOUR STORY at
[email protected].
EXECUTIVE EDITOR Carla Foote
CONSULTING EDITORS
Mary Darr, Andrea Jones, Kelli Jordan,
Alexandra Kuykendall, Liz Patsey
GRAPHIC DESIGNER Cindy Young
EDITORIAL COORDINATOR Jackie Alvarez
CONTACT MOPS INTERNATIONAL:
[email protected]
FOR LEADER RESOURCES: MOPSGuide.org
Copyright 2012, MOPS International, Inc.