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Momr's SEDUCTToN
oF Saxre Cerer.,nue
sTIDENT
LED TO AI{ AFFNR AI{D STIATTEREDHER FAITH
B y A t E I t RI E I t R IC H
lfritxlrit'h(rrrnorrtcrtlhcrtkl.urrrr
She was a lFyear-old sophomore at Santa Catalina School.
He was a 4Gyear-oldTrappist
monk from Massachusetts
leading a spiritual retreat.
Their on-again,off-againaffair,
which ended when she was 28,
shatteredher faith. He went on
to nationalprominence.
The case of Sarah Wilgress
and \tncent Dwyer was one of
nine that the Diocese of
Monterey turned over to the
"lfelt
rubbed.
$o
was
much
lost.l
loved
the
school."
,
Monterey
Counf District
Attorney's
Office
this
month. It's a
tale of seduction
that
Wilgress- has
come forward
to tell 33 years
afterit began.
Shefeelsbolstered by others across the
nation who in
the last few
months have
told their storiesaboutbeing
molested by
priests.
She
feels vindicated
by a $75,000 financial settle
VERN
FISHER/The
Herald
ment she made with Dwyer's $arahWilgness
wasa 15-yean-old
studentwhenherrclationship
began
witha
$antaGatalina
abbey after she complained visitin{pniest.
about the aflair.
She also still feels haunted 1993.
entanglement with regret He left St. Joseph'sAbbey
by the memory of dropping out
Her inabiliWto bring herself about having been "suscepti- about five years ago for mediof school during her senior to finish school"really hurt," ble" to the priest'scharmsand cal reasons,officialsthere say,
year because of depression Wilgress said. "I felt robbed. repeatedlyturning to him over andnowliveswith his brother.
over the illicit relationship. It So much was lost. I lovedthe the years when she was
A relativeat the familyhome
took 22 years and several let- school."
vulnerable.
in Massachusetts
said Dwyer
ters to Santa Catalina's longWilgress is now a 4*yearDwyer,now 73,hasgoneon is touring Europeand unable
time head of school, Sister Car- old editorat CTBMcGrawHill to nationalprominenceculmilotta O'Donnell, before she got in Monterev.She looks back nating in a recent award by a
pageA13
sepSilence
Pleu*e
her diploma in December on
the
comptcated nationalorganization
of priests.
l |'|rt
ullence
F'rcmn4seA1
When she began her junior
y_earat Santa Catalina that fall,
Wilgress savored the memories
of Dwyer but felt emotionally
confused.
"I was very worried as to
whether I'd ever be able to love
anyone else," she said. She felt
isolated because "this wasn't a
love I could talk about."
The love letters continued.
She was his rose, he wrote. He
sent 17 of them on her 17th
birthday.
- In the summer of 1970,before
her senior year. they mel in
Charlone, N.C., wher-ehe was
working at a university.She was
on her way to Europefor a summe^racademlcprogram.
She spent several days with
him. She saystheir nights were
filled with inrimacy in btd - bur
no mtercourse.
. Wlgress and Dwyer met up
in l,ondon three weeks latei.
Wilgress said there was more
physical intimacy but no
mlercourse.
That fail, Wilgress returned to
Monterey andJrer senior vear
"tired and depressed. I ilept
wheneverI could."
. She struggled with her
",i"fi.J'ill?iJ1ll,i'tfit'18fi#
who marries you wiil have to
test
!il:.rfrsti{,,examination
to be reached for comment
. Dwyer rwote frequently about
of openness,lovabout Wilgress' allegationi oi the imponanc-eingnessand affirmation'
the payme"nt ttt. i"-."iu"J ir
Wilgresssa.ysJhlrelationship
part of i 1995seftlement,
Wilgress hopes what started Decamepnyslcal ^tnat.suffuner,
that spring of'1969 n"u"i 6ap shottlvafterher1.6thb$hqav
pens [o aiother student- Froft
P*yet traveled to the Santa
lMilgress
interviews, corresponden." und ^Bqb,ara area to
-visit
a few dayspersonal notes. here is her and her mother for
rne evenlngne amved, they all
account:
She was a willowv l5vear_old had dinner outsideon the porch.
when Dwyer came'into"her lile
?*V"l held hands with her
in March igOg. Strewas a board_ under the table and ran his
ing student at Santa Catalina. han4-sover her legs, Wilgress
the prestigious sirl's hish recalled.
"I
schooi in-nioni"."vlii". fuif,Ti
_ wasn't sure this was righr,"
an account of the
had died when she was a babv. she wrote in ,.but
relationship,
I was hungry
Her mother was the librarian it
a boy's boarding school near lor the conlact."
lhe next day they went to a
SantaBarbara.
A serious girl, she adapted bill that overlooks the school.
well to the academic discirjlne She says they sat and talked,
and he ran his hands over her
of Santa Catalina. She 'had
thoughtsof studvinstheolosvat body, under her shin and inside
her shorts - but without mak_
SeattleUniversitv.
She'd had a few sweethearts. ing sexualcontact.
She liked the show of affecbuthadbareiybeenkissed.
tion and thought
Wilgress
she
was
-discovhad "finally
recovering from the ww
ClaSSCS.
eredafather."
shockoflearningthat ..h____-_^_!r
"UWef Sal0
She toid no one about Dwyer
previous
But she wondered
summer
that her. long-dead that thgfe Wgfg whether it was right - no family, friends or nun..
rnat ne was toucnlng She kept vwiting to him, bur ielt
Iatner nad commtfled
"distanced"from him.
WhO
suicide.
ii"..
rfrur aiiio* peOple
Inside, she said. "I wanted to
"Dwyer said that
ery. intensified her fvggld ngt
.,
die."
Her conscience continued to
stab her. Twice she left school.
Dwye^r
.fund
arrived
our
at
relationrclatiOnShip.
..
^
The second time for good, just
three months before sraduation.
That fall, Wilgress enrolled in
school officials t6 him'a SCOUndfel remembered. "He
an experimental college
-an in Ire
land where she had
aflair
recalls him as sort of
would call him 'a with her tutor, a man 15 years
older than she. She wrote
a JasonRobardsfigure with thin- scoundrelof a priest.' "
ning browri hair and pale skin.
Dwyer said ihat he was sexu- Dwyer and told him not to conAt 15, she was drawn to his ally aroused and expressed
sur- tact her.
Wilgress became pregnant,
articulate, thoughtful views on prise. "He asked if I were
relationships,"compelling" eyes aroused,and I didn't know what and in 1972 she and thitutor
and ability to make her feel to say. I felt odd becauseI really moved to California.There they
sp_e_cj4.
wasn't sexually aroused,despite had a son and married a lew
_Wilgress confided in a nun the touching, and I wondereciif I months iater.
about her feelings of fatherless- should be," Wilgress said.
- Wilgress was depressed,
ng.ss.Ihg sister_suggestedshe
late one evening, while they though, and felt her husband
ta+..with Father P*y"r.
were on the porch, the priest was not being supportive. The
marriage ended in 1975, when
They met in confession, kissed her.
which involved strolling the
She pulled away immediately, Wlgress was22.
The next year she recampus and talking. Afterward, because she felt-"an unmistai<they sat_in thg schooi dining able surge of sexual energy established contact with Dwyer
and began writing him. She told
room and talked.
travei betweenus.,'
"I
Wilgress recails: "l felt fright- him ofher troubles,andinlgTT
. felt.specialand listened to,"
she recalled.
ened ind confused. I knew ihat saw him in San Francisco.
"Obviously,no one put a gun
Dwyer- .gave hel his East there in the summer dark, some
^
Coast
address and telephone incredible sexual intensity, how- to my head" to contact him
number. telling her to call him ever momentary, had [assed again, she admits, and takes
for her "suscepticoue-ctatany,hme.
between us and changed me 1e._qponsibiliff
biliSl' to his charms. But ihe
Wilgress began correspond- irrevocablv."
continuation ofcontact, she said,
ing
her new con_fidantby
Dwyer
'
-yrthhim
-sheioon left. A few days was "a continuation of my origisending
a thank-younote.
later,
received a lettei on
nal
vulnerabilifu"
lhough,
and
,,
the no. longer has United Airlines stationery.She
those frst letters, she said, "Dw- recalls that it read, ,,1 c6uldn't exploitation.
yer was the.irst person.ever to love you more even if you weie
s.ayto.m-e,'I love you,' both on my own wife." He also ient her a
l-hetelephoneand in letters.He checkforSl00.
orfatherlessunoerst-ano
our ffi;Xf;",
i"""J.lg
ffi"dp#
i#i"*i"*aonffiwhowourdcal
il'o'il,?ij*,i;q""."#
" :3i"'nT:"#to;l;
lif""," $lei:l ofapriest.'
?
Vincent
Drvyen,
ina phototakenfnomhisbook"lift yourSails:Ihe
Ghallenge
of Being
a Ghristian."
In October1981,\Atlgress,28,
met the S3-year-oldDwyer for a
weekend in New York. It was to
be their last meeting - and
their most intimate.
"On (an) unconsciouslevel, I
saw it as a way of finishing off
the power play that had taken
rootyearsbefore,"she said.
She said they had sex several
times.
"I could feel myself having to
be very strong emotionally,for I
knew instinctiveiy that there
would be no continuing with
Dwyer," she recalled.
As they prepared to depart at
the airport, Dwyer told her as
much.
"He spoke of 'cloaking' the
love," Wilgress recalled. "I don't
know whether he meant secrecy
or disguiseor denial or a peculiar mixture of all three."
Wilgress said she returned
home "with feelings of love" for
Dwyer, but became more
depressed as the months
passed. She wrote him of her
confusion. He assured her that
because of the love she had
received, she would be able to
love someoneelse.
Wilgress became increasingly
disillusioned with him, and
wrote him less and less. She felt
spiritual emptiness, and to this
day has no interest in going to
church.
In October 1991, when
Wlgress was 38, she wrote to
Dwyer in a ietter
the 63-year-o1d
she calls "the letter of confrontation."
"I don't think you ve meant to
be evasive and irresponsible,"
she wrote, "but you might do
well to examine some of your
actions."
later that month, Dwyer
replied: 'lMe both came from
'dvsfunctional families.' and for
me it has been a shuggle to find
adulthood and maturib'. For a
long time, which I never knew, I
ooerated out of unfulfilled
n-eeds,manipulated people and
events in order to secure whatever need was there."
Dwyer said he was still dealing with his own "brokenness."
"I ask you to give me space
and time to deal with my own
past as best I can," he wrote. "l
hope you can find your way to
both forgive and to let go of our
oast and to allow me to finish
iny journey in solitude."
Wilgress
month,
That
refurned to Santa Catalina to
finally explain to Sister Carlotta
why she had left so abrupfly
years before.
She said she told her former
principal she had been in a
"psycho-sexual"
relationship
with a priest, but never said how
they had met or who he was.
\4/ilgress said she asked Sister Carlotta to "please,pleasebe
sure that this sort of thing didn't
happenagain." She said she also
asked Sister Carlotta to consider
giving her the diploma she had
never received,becauseshe had
earned enough credits to graduate. She was told the request
would be considered.
Stlgress said Sister Carlotta
did not respond to several letters that she and her therapists
sent to request the diploma.
Two years later, one of the
therapistspressedfor a meeting
at the school. At that meeting,
Wilgress told Sister Carlottathat
the priest was Dwyer. The
diploma arrived in the mail the
next month.
Wilgress says her therapists
told her getting the diploma was
critical to restoring her selfesteem. Still, she says she
remains irritated that the nun
didn't seem more upset by her
story. She said she felt brushed
off when her letters to the sister
were not returned.
Sister Carlotta,who is now 77,
said this month she recalls little
of either Dwyer or Wilgress'
accusationsagainsthim.
"I had no reason not to
believe her," she said. She added, 'There were some friendship there Oetween us) and
warmth when she spoke."
Retreats at Santa Catalina
have changed since the one that
brought Wilgress and Dwyer
together, said Sister Carlotta
and her successor,Sister Claire
Barone. The rekeats are mostly
group events now, but there
aren't any rules prohibiting one
on-oneconsultationsessions.
Sister Claire said Santa Catalina today would immediately
reqort such allegations to law
enlorcement.
"There's heightened sensitivity..... to these matters," she
stuo.
In 1994, hoping to get help
payrng for her therapy bills,
\Vilgress took her complaints
about Dwyer to the Diocese of
Monterey. She also hired a lawyer. Bishop Sylvester Ryan
referred her case to Father
Damian Carr, prior of St.
Joseph's Abbey in Spencer,
Mass.
According to a copy of the
resulting out-ofcourt settlement
dated June 21, 1995.the abbey
agreed to pay Wilgress $75,000
in exchange for her silence and
a waiver of any future liabiliff.
'The parties and Father Vincent Dwyer agree to retain in
confidence the terms of this
agreementand release,"it reads
in part. "Ms. Wilgress-Joneswill
not disclose to any person any
inJormation regarding this settlement and release except, as
appropriate and to the minimal
extent necessary,her therapists,
religious counselors, attorneys
and family members."
But Wilgress said she has
chosen to come forward, in part
because she has been buoyed
by the courage of abusevictims
who have spoken out nationwide. She flew to Dallas this
month to watch the U.S. Conference of Bishops debate changes
in policy toward sexually abusive priests.
She said she also was motivated by her resenhnent of accolades that Dwyer has received.
The priest has become wellknown within the church for his
teachings on spiritual develop
ment and discovery and his
books and tapes offered for sale
on the St. Joseph'sAbbey Web
site. His works include "lift
your Sails: The Challenge of
Being a Christian," "Spiritual
Renewal Today" and a human
and spiritual development pro
gram called"Genesis2."
In 1998.Dwyer was the recipient of the President's Award
from the National Federation of
Priests' Councils. According to
the federation's Web site, it is
given for "an outstanding career
the
best of
exemplilying
priesthood."
Alex Friedrich can be reached
at 648-1172.
t,
"t'
ERALD,
SUNDAY,
JUNE
23,2002
.
. A13
www.montereyherald.com
Herald
VERN
FISHER/The
durin$hersenior
outofschool
ol.droP.qitlg
bythememorry
Wilgress
saysshestillfeelshaunted
Sarah
Dwyer.
withVincent
overhenrclationship
yearinniEn
0fdepressign
because
schooi
{