For Adults Only - CatholiCity.com

For Adults
Only
A Mature Conversation
About Changing Your Life
Bud Macfarlane
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Nihil Obstat
Father Gerald J. Bednar, PhD • Censor Deputatus
Imprimatur
 Most Reverend Richard G. Lennon, MTh, MA
Bishop of Cleveland, Ohio • Granted August 28, 2013
The Nihil Obstat and Imprimatur are official declarations
that a book or pamphlet is free of doctrinal or moral error. No
implication is contained therein that those who have granted the
Nihil Obstat or Imprimatur agree with the contents, opinions, or
statements expressed.
About the Author
Bud Macfarlane, a Notre Dame graduate, is one of
the most popular Catholic writers in America. His
three bestselling novels are available on Kindle and
saintjudemedia.com.
Printing History:
September 2013 (50,000)
© 2013 Mary Foundation
Part I
You Will Live Forever
ou are holding this booklet in your hands
because someone cared enough to make it
available. I believe Jesus wanted you to read
it and arranged specific events in your life to
make it happen. Perhaps you have sensed for a
while now that you need to make a serious change or
have been frustrated by an inability to make significant progress addressing personal issues, which is
why most people find the information you are about
to consider life-changing. Others are just curious. Let
us begin a mature examination of fundamental truths
that will allow you to discover that improving your
life can be as easy as opening a door.
You Will Live Forever
It is practically a cliché that most people avoid dwelling upon the fact of their inevitable biological death
and live as if they will not die despite all evidence to
the contrary. Statistically, our chances of living past
the age of one hundred are 1 in 30,000. Virtually every
person reading this booklet will die before the age of
eighty—no matter how perfectly you eat, how disciplined your exercise, how amazing your doctors, or
spectacular the healing drugs.
Despite these facts, we persist in this utter inner
certainty that our time on earth is but a short prelude
to an infinite existence. There is a profound truth
underlying this seemingly irrational psychological
denial of death we all share: we do, in fact, live forever.
You are completely correct in your innate certainty
that you will never die. In addition to our ability to
reason, our immortal souls are one of the characteristics we most have in common with God himself.
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Foundations of Religious Faith
Closely related to our certainty of everlasting life is
the nature of religious faith. The most brilliant scholar
in the history of the Church, Saint Thomas Aquinas,
defined faith as primarily an intellectual act, that is,
that faith is an action of the mind. In short, an essential facet of faith is your ability to accept a religious
idea as true.
To change our lives, however, we need to reflect
on how we first came to believe. In our culture, most
people regard religious faith as a kind of pleasant,
somewhat fuzzy feeling about God or so-called “spirituality.” However, properly understood, faith is not a
feeling, although the ideas we believe inevitably effect
our emotions. Our faith began when we received the
Sacrament of Baptism. God changed your soul at baptism, unleashing a powerful force in your life. Your
capacity to grasp the certainty of supernatural realities has its foundations there. That is why most adults
reading this booklet believed so effortlessly as a child
when first introduced to concepts about God.
Furthermore, by participating as children in sacraments such as Confession and the Eucharist, we
enjoyed supernatural unity with God Himself. Sinful
habits and neglect of religious practice over many
years can cover over faith the way a cloud covers the
sun, or even cause us to lose our faith, but your capacity to believe will always be there.
Sacraments Alter Reality
Whatever else sacraments are, they are about altering the reality of the person who receives them. In a
fundamental way, sacraments are God’s actions upon
us. Thus, at your baptism God himself changed you
forever. If you are like most readers, this probably
occurred when you were an infant, so your religious
beliefs, however accessible or hidden from you at
the moment, were a gift from your parents and Jesus
through His Church.
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Bud Macfarlane
The reality that your faith is fundamentally an intellectual ability should come as a relief to you and to
all of us. Unlike trying to lose weight, learning a language, or succeeding in a career, faith does not depend
on you doing work, nor does it take years of effort to
attain. Your capacity to believe is already there, an
ember glowing in the depths of your very being, ready
to be reignited at all times.
Even if you have abandoned the practice of the
faith or have forgotten about God, he has never ceased
acting in your life. In mathematical terms, God is the
constant. The variables are the influences, experiences, people, and personal choices that perhaps
caused you to lose track of your faith. The ideas in this
friendly booklet on this very important day in your
life are new variables.
Your Free Will
Let us now examine the reality of free will. Decisions
such as changing lanes during your drive to work or
choosing whether to eat breakfast were up to you. You
were not forced to watch television last night.
“Man is rational and therefore like God; he is
created with free will and is master over his acts.”
Saint Irenaeus
At first glance, we would all quickly agree with
Saint Irenaeus that we are masters of our actions. On
the other hand, with a little reflection, based upon experience, we can also agree with the Church when it
teaches that the effects of Original Sin have weakened
our freedom and have caused all of us to be inclined
toward evil choices and behaviors.
We have all experienced how the actions of other
people, situations, education, media, habitual behaviors, or early life traumas can mildly influence or
even strongly pressure us to act in certain ways, to be
attracted to certain good or evil actions, or to choose
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particular life paths. Even so, our free will is a human
characteristic that God not only designed, but by
definition, can only remain truly free if He respects
it. The most powerful being imaginable, God, forces
nothing upon us.
Does Hell Exist?
Let us now examine the possible existence of hell, but
in an adult, philosophical way. Before we do so, let us
consider how we come to accept that anything exists.
For example, the country of Nepal exists, although it
is unlikely you have ever been there. We accept that it
exists on the credible evidence or testimony of others
(usually via visual or written sources).
Given how limited we are physically (as one person, in one place, usually tied down by job or family),
we naturally accept 99.98% of what exists as actually being there based upon the credible testimony of
others (including our belief in the existence of germs,
oxygen, crude oil, and just about everything under
bodies of water and land—whatever is beyond our
sight and senses).
Additionally, although in a different fashion than
material things, we unthinkingly accept the reality of all sorts of invisible things in the social sphere
between people: love, joy, resentment, and so on. We
are free to declare that viruses or love do not exist,
but that will not prevent children from catching the
common cold or stop moms from taking care of them
when they do.
It is also obvious that everything that is claimed
to exist is either there or not there, including hell,
regardless of any particular individual’s belief. If the
testimony is credible, then hell, that realm of endless
damnation and pain described by Jesus, the apostles,
saints, and the Bible must be a real place where some
immortal souls go after death, either in this universe
or in another dimension.
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Bud Macfarlane
If we live forever and have free will, then the potential existence of hell does matter, because the possibility of our suffering there for eternity will depend
to some greater or lesser extent on our moral choices.
The Credibility Test
As for the credibility of the testimony, the Old Testament is bursting with assertions that hell exists.
Certainly, Jesus believed that hell exists. He specifically referred to hell seventeen times in the Gospels,
as well as to our immortality, our free will, and the
eternal nature of salvation and damnation directly
and indirectly numerous other times. We could also
provide reams of testimony spanning two thousand
years that hell is real from dozens of Church leaders,
official teachings, saints, theological geniuses, and
holy women.
There are also numerous accounts from truly sincere saints who have mystically witnessed hell, as well
as documented cases of ordinary people (including
many non-Christians) in recent decades who experienced or saw hell during near-death experiences
before being medically revived.
It is also difficult to discount that Jesus emphasized that the road to hell is chosen frequently:
“For wide is the gate and broad is the road that
leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But
small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to
life, and only a few find it.” (Matthew 7: 13-14)
Finally, Jesus’ bloody, gruesome sacrifice on the cross
is nothing other than a sickening, tasteless joke if he
was not endeavoring to save us from something. Why
die for our salvation if heaven is guaranteed and has
nothing to do with our own free choices? Does everyone, including the average Joe and Jane who ignore
Jesus and break commandments for decades without
remorse automatically go to heaven?
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I have to admit: I sure hope everyone goes to
heaven. Subjectively, I hope everyone who commits
gravely immoral deeds is somehow not culpable, despite free will. Given what hell is, I don’t want anyone,
ever, to go to hell, and I am sure that you—and God—
are the same way.
Is Hell Outmoded?
Strangely, there are those who contend that the modern Catholic Church no longer insists that hell exists
or that it is possible to end up there, but rather that it
used the idea in ages past to frighten ignorant people
into complying with its supposedly demeaning rules.
Yet the official Catechism of the Catholic Church
explains clearly in plain language:
The teaching of the Church affirms the existence
of hell and its eternity. Immediately after death
the souls of those who die in a state of mortal sin
descend into hell, where they suffer the punishments
of hell, ‘eternal fire.’ The chief punishment of hell is
eternal separation from God.
(Catechism of the Catholic Church, # 1035)
Also in Crossing the Threshold of Hope, Pope John
Paul II wrote that too often “preachers, catechists,
teachers…no longer have the courage to preach the
threat of hell.” Nothing excuses those who manipulate people, but on the other hand, given the near total
blackout on the subject in our culture, it takes a kind
of fearlessness to examine this topic in a mature way,
and you are to be commended for your courage.
For our purposes, you can accept that hell does
exist based on your capacity to accept religious truth
enabled by your own baptism, along with two thousand years of Christian testimony from every credible
source, especially the most supremely trustworthy
source possible, Jesus himself, who, in his nature as
true God, was perfect and could not teach falsehood.
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Bud Macfarlane
Fittingly, just as your baptismal certainty that you
have an immortal soul is verification that you will live
forever, so will your faith confirm that God, whose
nature is boundlessly merciful as well as perfectly
just, does not want you to choose to end up there. The
weighty testimony and evidence we cited to confirm
the existence of hell also explicitly asserts that a loving, generous, and powerful God will use all his influence to help you choose heaven before you die while
always respecting your free will.
Part II
Changing Your Life
“Nobody is excluded from the Kingdom of Heaven
except through human fault.” Saint Thomas Aquinas
Remember, we promised an adult conversation. You
must have concluded already that deciding to do what
God requires to avoid hell is but a starting point for
living a mature Christian life. Psychologically sound
Christians do not obsess about going to hell, for that
orientation harshly discounts the astounding reliability of God’s mercy, our freedom to choose good over
evil, and the supernatural power of the sacraments to
help us do so. However, given free will, it also follows
that reasonable Christians who have ignored God
while committing grave sins without repentance can
assume that they will not merit heaven after biological death.
We do not have the space to delve deeply into what
constitutes the kinds of choices and behaviors that
merit hell (mortal sins), but you can find out more by
listening to our riveting (and often hilarious) free talk
by Fr. Larry Richards, entitled “Confession,” which
you can order online at CatholiCity.com or by using
the forms in the back of this booklet. You probably
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8
already have a general idea what these sins usually
involve, but if you are like most people, our secular
culture has taken its toll on the formation of your
conscience, and you might also be surprised.
This is where you might expect that we would say
that avoiding hell is up to you, but this is only partly
true. God, the source of our faith, is also the cause
of our salvation. None of us can save our own souls.
Mother Teresa could not enter heaven by means of
her lifetime of charitable acts. Jesus saved her. Our
union with God, freely chosen, ensures us a place
heaven and protects us from hell. (Of course, as with
Mother Teresa, good works are a natural consequence
of union with God.)
Given the fundamental truths we have considered
about immortality, the nature of faith, free will, and
the existence of hell, what should you do next?
You should go to Confession, which supernaturally restores the unity with God destroyed
by freely chosen mortal sin.
The Crucial Importance of Absolution
If you were baptized Catholic and have not gone to
Confession in years, then going as soon as possible
is your surest path to restored unity with God. Often
referred to as the Sacrament of Reconciliation, Confession is widely misunderstood, and in large part
because its nature and benefits have been downplayed or inadequately explained in recent decades
by Church leaders and educators. It is no secret that a
great number of even nominally practicing Catholics
(those who attend Mass on Sundays and usually not
much more) have neglected the sacrament.
Nevertheless, the tide has turned, and Catholics
are returning to Confession in droves.
A key to understanding the power and necessity
of Confession is the distinction between forgiveness
and absolution. Confession is more than forgiveness.
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Bud Macfarlane
In fact, you do not necessarily have to go to Confession to be forgiven by God. Surely you have heard the
teaching that “all sins were forgiven on the cross”? If
you express true sorrow through a simple prayer, God
surely forgives you as soon as you ask. Please, do not
wait to go to Confession to share your remorse with
God. We invite you to pray this prayer now:
Father in Heaven, I am truly sorry, so please forgive me this very moment for all my sins, great and
small. Jesus, no matter what else happens to me
for the rest of my life, make sure I get to Confession
immediately, even today if possible. I want to come
home to the faith my parents gave me at baptism.
Amen.
Restoring the State of Your Soul
During your Confession, Jesus, through the mediation of the priest, will act upon your soul in such a
way that your sins will be wiped away completely, as
if they never happened. The term for this restorative
action of God is absolution. Jesus was quite specific
after his resurrection when he established the sacrament with his apostles:
He said therefore to them again: “Peace be to you.
As the Father has sent me, I also send you.” When
he had said this, he breathed on them; and he said to
them: “Receive the Holy Spirit. Whose sins you shall
forgive [take away, absolve], they are forgiven them;
and whose sins you shall retain, they are retained.”
(John 20: 21-23, brackets added)
We use “forgive” and “absolve” as synonyms, but in
his native tongue, Jesus used the Aramaic word for
absolve—to “take away.” Thus, he used the opposite
word for absolving or taking away, “retained,” as an
antonym later in the sentence. You could say that forgiveness is what happens between persons. Absolution
is what happens to a person.
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Here is a way to grasp the difference between
forgiveness and absolution. Suppose your best friend
stole $100 from you and asked you to forgive him, and
you forgave him. He was forgiven. But what about
your $100 he still has? Absolution, because it changes
the state of the soul, is tantamount to your friend
returning the $100 to you, thus erasing the theft. God
completely forgets your sins: “For I will forgive their
evildoing and remember their sins no more.”
(Hebrews 8:13)
After receiving absolution from the priest, there
is a need for penance. As the Church teaches: “Many
sins wrong our neighbor. One must do what is possible in order to repair the harm (e.g., return stolen
goods, restore the reputation of someone slandered,
pay compensation for injuries). Simple justice requires as much. ...Raised up from sin, the sinner must
still recover his full spiritual health by doing something more to make amends for the sin: he must ‘make
satisfaction for’ or ‘expiate’ his sins.” (Catechism of
the Catholic Church, #1459)
Through absolution and penance, you are returned
to a state of being worthy of entry into heaven, including being reconciled with the Church as the Mystical
Body of Christ.
Either Sin Wins or Jesus Wins
Our society is strewn with broken relationships,
functional atheism (living as if God does not exist),
exploding pornography addiction, and consumerism
(replacing God with worldly pleasures and distractions). Sometimes these dysfunctions are even explicitly or tacitly offered as solutions.
Deep frustration can occur when the superficial
remedies our culture promotes fail to solve personal
problems precisely because they do not include God
acting upon your soul to absolve your sins.
Devout Catholics typically go to Confession once
or twice a month. They go because they are sinners
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Bud Macfarlane
who need absolution just like you do, because they
want to improve their relationships harmed by even
minor negative behavior, because they desire to receive the Eucharist worthily, and because they crave
the healing process only God’s grace can provide. In
fact, we recommend our amazing free talk, “Healing
and Holiness,” which goes into great detail about the
healing nature of Confession. It is also available at our
website or using the form in the back of this booklet.
The Battle for Your Soul
After you decide to go to Confession, keep in mind
that unseen forces of evil will try to discourage you
and sway you to procrastinate until you forget all
about reading this oddly compelling little booklet.
Until today, these evil entities confidently counted
you as “in the bag”—blithely striding down the wide
road, so to speak. Interference by dark forces is a
common, even normal, dynamic in our fallen world,
especially when the eternal fate of any soul (yours, in
this case) comes into play.
The evil one and his minions (angels gone bad,
basically) clearly will not want you to receive absolution. Unfortunately, we do not have space to explain
in more depth about the nature of these evil entities,
but none of us is immune to this kind of interference.
Expect your car to break down or your cell phone to
go on the fritz, or for your boss or wife or friends to
inadvertently throw up roadblocks. Be loving and
patient as this occurs. But press on, friend. Exercise
your free will.
Friends in Heaven
Spiritual roadblocks require spiritual solutions. Ask
your own angel—your Guardian Angel—to help you
return to Confession. He is your spiritual bodyguard. Recall that the Catholic Church, as “the Body
of Christ,” consists not only of people of earth, but
of every Christian in heaven, and you have, without
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any doubt, blood relatives going back through history
actively praying for you and protecting you via their
own union with God.
Traditionally, these glorified souls are called
the Church Triumphant, and I am quite sure your
own relatives in heaven played a part in putting this
booklet into your hands right now. Unbeknownst to
you, an invisible battle is being waged for your soul.
You matter. Real people, in time and in eternity, care
about you. I pray daily for you and every person who
reads this booklet.
Please, too, pray to Saint Michael the Archangel,
who tossed the rebellious Lucifer out of heaven (as recounted in the Book of Revelation). Here is a powerful
traditional prayer to him:
Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be
our protection against the wickedness and snares of
the devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray, and
do thou, O prince of the heavenly host, by the power
of God cast into hell satan and all the evil spirits
who prowl throughout the world seeking the ruin of
souls. Amen.
Nuts and Bolts of Returning to Confession
To get to Confession, you only need one priest. Find
him. Most Catholic parishes offer Confessions every
Saturday. Most diocesan cathedrals (where the bishop
resides, usually in the heart of a larger city) have Confessions every day. Confession schedules are easy look
up online nowadays. Search “Catholic Church” and
your zip code.
There are over 41,000 priests in over 18,000
parishes and religious houses in the United
States alone.
Do not hesitate to knock on the door of a nearby
church, even on this very day, and request to go right
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Bud Macfarlane
away. Let whoever answers know that you seek Confession and that it has been a long time. If a priest is
unavailable, the parish secretary will gladly schedule
an appointment.
Like Jesus, the priest who will hear your Confession gave up marriage, material goods, and made a
vow of obedience to be maximally available just for
you. He has been instructed to not turn you down unless he has a pressing matter, so if he delays without
offering to meet you soon after, do not be troubled,
and consider finding another priest. (Anybody can
have a bad day, and, keep in mind there will be resistance from evil influences on him as well.)
Confessing After Many Years
Before your Confession begins, or as you take the
practical steps to find your way to it, slough off your
fears like a winter coat on a hot, humid day. You will
not regret your decision. Let the priest guide you, perhaps by helping you examine your conscience before
the sacrament begins.
Once your Confession gets underway, do not be
worried about “form” or long-forgotten prayers.
Speak from your heart. Be honest, but do not worry
if you cannot recall specifics. I find it helpful to keep
in mind that I am whispering directly into the ear of
Christ through the priest.
During Confessions after a long lapse, it is normal
to speak in general terms: “I have not gone to Mass
in several years, Father.” “I have indulged in pornography regularly for the past decade. I might be addicted.” “Out of resentment, I have treated my mother
horribly since high school.” “I slept around before I
got married.” “I stole from my employer.” And so on.
If the priest needs more detail, he will ask, but
usually only to understand your problem more clearly
or help give you better guidance. He has no desire to
hear lurid details of particular sins.
It is your choice whether to face the priest or kneel
behind a screen. Personally, I am more comfortable
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using a screen because it helps me be mindful that I
am speaking to Jesus directly through the priest, but
many prefer the social connection of face-to-face.
Before your Confession concludes, Father may
give you practical or spiritual advice, followed by a
simple penance for you to carry out afterwards, usually a few prayers such as the Our Father or Hail Mary,
or an act of kindness for an important person in your
life (a way of restoring the $100, so to speak).
Then he will ask you to make an Act of Contrition,
which includes a sincere commitment on your part to
not commit the same sins and avoid common-sense
situations that can lead to them. You can use your
own words. Here is a simple, modern example:
Dear Jesus, I am sorry for all my sins since my last
Confession and I firmly resolve to avoid them and
their near occasion, Amen.
The massively exaggerated era of harsh treatment in
the confessional ceased generations ago, and to whatever extent it did happen, it was inauthentic. During a
span of four decades I have never been shouted at or
mistreated during a Confession and all of my friends
who go regularly confirm the same welcoming, loving
attitude of today’s wonderful priests.
A Supernatural Event for the Priest
Your priest has experienced the Holy Spirit working and speaking through him during Confessions on
many occasions. He would gladly be imprisoned or
executed rather than break his vow of silence. He cannot even talk to you about what you confessed after
leaving the confessional without your expressed permission. Furthermore, many priests report the Holy
Spirit dulls their memories when Confession ends.
Because most of us commit the same kinds of sins,
he will not be shocked. On the contrary, he will be
filled with happiness over your return, just as Jesus
was in the Gospels when repentant souls came to him.
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Bud Macfarlane
He will conclude the sacrament with these beautiful
words of absolution:
God the Father of mercies, through the death and
resurrection of his Son, has reconciled the world
to himself and sent the Holy Spirit among us for
the forgiveness of sins. Through the ministry of the
Church may God give you pardon and peace, and
I absolve you from your sins in the name of the
Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
Your sense of extraordinary relief along with the
inner serenity of having the burdens you have been
carrying lifted away forever will likely be palpable,
though no two people have the same emotional reaction. Now you can return to Mass and receive Holy
Communion again, a new man or woman.
Look forward to returning for your next adult,
mature Confession within a few weeks. You have
whispered into the ear of Jesus. His Sacred Heart
will be bursting with love because he foresaw you
reading this booklet and was angling for you to come
home all along. Your new life in Christ is so close
now, and as promised, it is no more difficult than
opening a door. That door is at your local Catholic
rectory or church. Knock and it shall be opened.
Learning More After Returning to Confession
Do you recall how we discussed the intellectual
aspect of faith? If you are like most people this
booklet has helped, you will want more information to support your new life of unity with God.
The organization that produced this booklet, the
Mary Foundation, offers a number of free recordings, more booklets, and even bestselling Catholic
novels to fill in the gaps with riveting, encouraging,
respectful, adult-level presentations of the timeless Catholic faith for our modern times, completely
free-of-charge.
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Millions of people around the world have enjoyed
and been deeply moved by these free resources. We
have outstanding talks on the Mass, marriage, sexuality, conversions, the Eucharist, and much more. Visit
us online at CatholiCity.com or use the order forms in
the back of this booklet.
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