Now - FunnierU.com

Written by:
George Campbell
Mark Mayfield
Tim Gard
The Do It Yourself Funny course is written and distributed by George Campbell, Mark Mayfield and Tim
Gard. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic, or
electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording, nor may it be stored in a retrieval system,
transmitted, or otherwise copied for the public or private use in any form whatsoever without prior written permission of the publisher. All rights reserved for translation into foreign languages. No liability is
assumed with respect to use of the information contained in this volume.
The authors of this course have no idea what any of the above means, but we believe it sounds very
official and should scare the crap out of anybody wanting to do evil.
Copyright 2012
2
Table of Contents
Introduction ………………………………...……………………
5
1)
Associations ………………………………..……………………
7
2)
Exaggeration ………………………………..……………………
13
3)
Multiple Meanings ………………………………………………
19
4)
Malaprops ……………………….……………………………….
23
5)
Alternate Definitions …………….………………………………
27
6)
Alternate Emphasis …………….………………………………..
33
7)
Misdirection ………………….………………………………….
39
8)
The Reverse ……………………………………………………..
45
9)
The Rule of Three ……………………………………………….
49
10)
Top Ten Lists ……………………………………………………
55
11)
Formula Jokes ……………………………………………………
59
12)
Cartoons …………………………………………………………
63
13)
Inanimate Objects ……………………………………………….
79
14)
Location, Location, Location ……………………………………
85
15)
Ripped From the Headlines ……………………………………...
91
16)
Tags ……………………………………………………………...
95
17)
Building Bits …………………………………………………….
101
18)
Transitions & Segues ……………………………………………
107
19)
The Pros …………………………………………………………. 115
Conclusion ………………………………………………………. 119
3
“Try not to have a good
time...this is supposed to
be educational.”
-Charles M Shultz
4
Welcome to FunnierU. You are now part of a prestigious University
of which the alums count into the dozens. Some can count even higher.
The faculty of FunnierU makes several promises:
1.
2.
3.
4.
We cannot make you funny, but we will make you funnier.
We will make available great jokes every single weekday.
We will help you write jokes better and more often.
We will eat less fried food and lower our cholesterol.
(this was actually a promise we made to our doctors)
This workbook/playbook is designed to provide actual hands-on experience in writing jokes, if you do the exercises as described. There’s no doubt
joke writing is innate to a degree, but any comedy writer will tell you that the
skill set can be improved significantly by practicing it.
These chapters will do that. Their objective is simple: CREATE A
MINDSET. By immersing yourself in these exercises, you will begin to see
funny more often, which will allow you to write funny easier.
And don’t forget to follow along with the CD. It will help immensely in
grasping the concepts and doing the exercises. It will be just like sitting in a
room with three funny guys, except you won’t get to talk. Wait, you wouldn’t
get a chance to talk anyway, so it will be exactly like sitting in a room with
three funny guys.
In this playbook, we have defined and categorized the main joke types
used in comedy. But being able to identify the type of joke is secondary to being able to see and write funny. For some this is second nature, for others more
difficult. Either way, this book will MAKE YOU FUNNIER.
So work at your own pace, have some fun, and lay off the fries. You
can’t be funny if you’re dead.
5
6
Chapter 1
CD 1
Tracks 2, 3
ASSOCIATIONS
We are all judged by the people we
associate with. So it would be
great if you would stand
somewhere else.
7
The first exercise of “Do It Yourself Funny” underpins virtually every
other technique and tool that you will later learn. You won’t write any jokes in
this exercise, but an understanding of associations will help you in every other
chapter of this playbook.
Associations are the key to comedy writing. FunnierU believes that the
most important skill in creating humor is the ability to see lots of connections.
People with well developed humor skills are observant, aware, and constantly
absorbing the information and the world around them.
Some people see these connections in their mind almost immediately.
Others need to be more regimented in the process and write them down. Either
way, creating a lot of associations is the first step in finding humor on a topic.
The good news is, that with practice, this process becomes easier and faster.
And just like traditional brainstorming, you are encouraged to disregard
quality and just focus on quantity of ideas. You can always improve the quality
later. It’s a simple law of percentages. The more connections you have gathered, either in your head or on paper, the better your chances of finding the joke.
One of the best ways to do this is to use a worksheet with the following
columns:
PEOPLE
PLACES
PHRASES
THINGS
WORDS
Under each column, list anything associated to the topic. For example, if
your topic was “Flying”, under PEOPLE you could list pilot, flight attendant,
gate agent, TSA worker, baggage handler, travel agent, skycap, seatmate,
annoying passenger, screaming kid, etc. Then do this for the other columns as
well. Remember, the more things you have written down the better chance you
have of finding a joke. And also remember, we’re not writing the joke here,
we’re just getting ideas (although sometimes in this part of the process you will
see the joke immediately).
After you’ve listed as many items as you can under each column, look at
everything and see if there is an opposite for any of them. If so, list those as
well. This just gives you more associations.
Thanksgiving is when people gobble and turkeys don’t.
8
EXERCISE
We’ve already brought up the topic of flying. Let’s play the “association” technique with that subject.
List as many items as you can under each column heading.
TOPIC: Flying
PEOPLE
PLACES
PHRASES
9
THINGS
WORDS
TOPIC: __________________
PEOPLE
PLACES
PHRASES
10
THINGS
WORDS
TOPIC: __________________
PEOPLE
PLACES
PHRASES
11
THINGS
WORDS
“Laughter and tears are both
responses to frustration and
exhaustion. I myself prefer to
laugh, since there is less
cleaning to do afterward.”
-Kurt Vonnegut
12
Chapter 2
CD 1
Tracks 4, 5
EXAGGERATION
Don’t think of it as lying.
Think of it as telling the truth in
such an entertaining fashion
that it’s no longer accurate.
13
The use of exaggeration, sometimes called hyperbole (which sounds way
more sophisticated), is one of the easiest ways to write comedy. Simply put, you
take an attribute of a noun or the action of a verb and stretch it to an extreme
measure. And the rule of thumb is generally this: the more absurd the exaggeration…the funnier.
This hyperbole technique will also make any other type of joke more funny. What makes this technique so great is that it’s just so easy to find places to
insert the exaggeration. All you have to do is find a subject or an actionable
word. Then blow it out of proportion.
At the risk of being redundant: you make it bigger, smaller, faster, slower,
shorter, longer, smarter, dumber, skinnier, fatter, balder, hairier, nicer, meaner,
softer, harder, dimmer, brighter, colder, hotter….
Okay, you get the picture.
Exaggeration can be utilized in the performance of a piece as well. Exaggerating a physical motion, or exaggerating the volume, intonation, or characterization of your presentation can certainly make it funnier. But for now we’re only concerned with creating humor. This is a comedy writing book, not a comedy
performing book. Performance techniques are covered in another book that will
cost One Million Dollars! (See! Exaggeration is fun!)
Here are some examples of using hyperbole to turn an otherwise normal
statement into a comedic one. Adding a little exaggeration (in bold) does make
it funnier.
EXAMPLE:
We’re so lazy we abbreviate the word “at”.
I get upset about my short attention span, but not for long.
14
You’re too old to trick-or-treat when you start asking for high fiber candy.
I haven’t made a decision since Nixon was in office.
I’m not sure mall cops are qualified. I just saw one with a walker.
The last movie I saw was Ben Hur.
My 401K is just a K now.
She’s in the express lane with enough food in her cart for a football team.
His armpit odor would make a goat pass out.
I don’t need a fancy car, just one that you don’t need to push.
The couple didn’t fall gracefully, more like a WWE takedown.
My kid’s car insurance is pricey. The premium is a ransom note.
I have an ugly dog. Other dogs don’t know which end to smell.
Each of those previous examples had some aspect that was exaggerated and
was probably exaggerated to an unrealistic level. In addition, it can’t just be exaggerated; it must be creatively exaggerated for it to be funny. For example, instead of just saying he was “super duper old”, think of “really old” associations
and you might come up with “his childhood birthday cards were stone tablets”.
So, if you want to make this comedy writing technique really work for you,
think extreme & creative exaggeration.
15
EXERCISE
Below are some natural setups for exaggeration. Take some aspect of the statement and give it some creative and wild exaggeration.
As with any creative exercise, if something doesn’t come to you within a short
period of time, move on to the next one and then come back. And if possible,
write more than one. Quantity leads to Quality!
HAVE FUN!
EXAMPLE: We weren’t on the same page.
We weren’t in the same book.
We weren’t in the same library.
Which would have been a bigger issue if he could read.
1) The line moved slowly.
2) My minister gives long sermons.
One day I watched so much football, I wore out my end zone.
16
3) He overdoes everything.
4) I tried to be very hip.
5) I was feeling warm and mushy inside.
6) The corndog may be the perfect food.
17
7) The groom is almost insignificant at a wedding ceremony.
8) Studies show that over-exercise can be bad for your heart.
9) I’ll be approximate in estimating her age.
10) College tuition has become really expensive.
I bought a weightlifting program for older people. It’s called “Pumping Rust”.
18
Chapter 3
CD 1
Tracks 6, 7
MULTIPLE MEANINGS
I thought a “connotation” was
something you wrote on a felon.
19
English is an amazing language. A single word can have a multitude of
meanings. The origin of this phenomenon can be traced back to the early 4th
century when the first group of English speakers got drunk and decided to play a
prank on foreigners.
Okay, we just made that up. But here’s what is true 1) Multiple meanings are confusing and frustrating for someone trying to
learn the language.
2) They are a tremendous opportunity for someone trying to have a little
fun with the language.
Another easy way to find a comedy opportunity is to look for multiple
meanings of words. This will sometimes require you to ignore the intended message or meaning of a statement and instead take a myopic look at the individual
word. Block everything else out and look solely at the word. If you can’t think of
a multiple meaning, just go on to the next word. But let’s face it; thousands of
words in our language have more than one meaning.
Multiple meanings sometimes fall into the category of puns. Sadly, puns
are looked down upon and considered corny. This is why it’s so important to understand the difference between a “good” pun and a “bad” pun. Here is the formula to draw that distinction:


You do a pun. Good pun.
Someone else does a pun. Bad pun.
I’m glad we cleared that up.
Seriously, the differences in puns mostly are determined by how clever they
are. When you hear it, do you wish you’d thought of it? If so, that’s a good pun.
Obesity runs in my family. Actually it waddles.
20
Here are some examples of multiple meanings and how they work in a joke.
EXAMPLE:
In college, I had a major in education and a minor in my dorm room.
(“minor” has multiple meanings)
The clerk asked for an impression of my credit card. I do a pretty good
Jimmy Stewart, but how do you do a credit card?
(“impression” has multiple meanings)
Plumbers believe that a flush beats a full house.
(“flush” and “full house” have multiple meanings)
EXERCISE
Now look at the following statements, find a word in the statement that has a
multiple meaning, highlight or circle it, then write a punch line focusing on the
alternate meaning of that word.
EXAMPLE: The sign said “Keep Off The Grass”.
Which made sense because we were at a drug rehab facility.
1) The bull started charging.
__________________________________________________________
2) Will went to the firing range.
__________________________________________________________
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3) Hops are used to brew beer.
____________________________________________________________
4) I asked the pilot how high will we get.
____________________________________________________________
5) I’ve never tipped a cow.
____________________________________________________________
6) I ordered Peking Duck as my entrée.
____________________________________________________________
7) A period is often at the end of a sentence.
____________________________________________________________
8) The details of the murder were sketchy.
____________________________________________________________
9) How is your hearing?
____________________________________________________________
10) The clothes were thrown at random.
____________________________________________________________
If you’re home schooled, do you have to bully yourself?
22
Chapter 4
CD 1
Tracks 8, 9
MALAPROPS
Definition:
Malaprop is a lawsuit filed
against Carrot Top.
23
Now let’s look at malaprops or sound-alikes. These are just what they
imply: a word or words that sound like something else that has a totally different meaning. Sometimes they don’t sound exactly like the word or words, but
you can still tell what was supposed to be said.
You might think of this as verbal dyslexia: words just close enough to
know what one’s talking about but still incorrect, and with unintended comedic
consequences. Comedian Norm Crosby based his entire act on malaprops.
(And if you don’t know Norm Crosby, that’s why.)
If you can find a “sound alike”, you are in the vicinity of funny. Just use
the sound alike in the sentence instead of the correct word.
EXAMPLE:
I went to the pharmacy to get my subscription filled.
The doctor didn’t want to quit, he just ran out of patients.
Stop talking general, let’s get down to pacifics.
I’ve got a hernia, so I need to see a sturgeon.
The tattoo artist shrieked, “Eagle?! I thought you said Beagle”.
Those Navy Seals are tough. They’re like those Green Braids.
I bought a new coat. It wasn’t real, it was stimulated leather.
They use dogs at airports to sniff out neurotics.
The President wins if he has the most electrical volts.
My golf swing looks like I’m having a seizure during a seizure.
24
EXERCISE
Look at the following words and write one or more sound-alike jokes:
EXAMPLE: Affection
She hates me, but I have nothing but affliction for her.
1) Armed & Dangerous
__________________________________________________________
2) Circumference
__________________________________________________________
3) Condominium
__________________________________________________________
4) Decaffeinated
__________________________________________________________
5) Diaphragm
__________________________________________________________
6) Euthanasia
__________________________________________________________
7) Float a loan
__________________________________________________________
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8) Heimlich maneuver
__________________________________________________________
9) Hijack
__________________________________________________________
10) Resisting arrest
__________________________________________________________
11) Illegitimate
__________________________________________________________
12) Lion
__________________________________________________________
13) Need to know
__________________________________________________________
14) Seal
__________________________________________________________
15) Parallel
__________________________________________________________
Break a mirror and get seven years of bad luck…and seven stitches too.
26
Chapter 5
CD 1
Tracks 10, 11
ALTERNATE
DEFINITIONS
I know you think you
understand what you think I meant to
say, but what I said isn’t what you
thought I meant you to think.
27
This chapter takes multiple meanings and malaprops one step further.
You break a word down by syllables and look for different meanings. Then
you try and find a new connection. When it’s done right, you end up with
something that is unexpected and funny.
This is a joke formula that you see frequently in the cartoon “B.C.” when
Wiley peers over his dictionary. For instance, Wiley’s dictionary defines
“minimum” as “a small British mother.” This is a perfect example of this technique. “Minimum” breaks into the two syllables, “mini” and “mum”. Now
you do two things: You redefine the meaning of those syllables. Then you
combine them to form a new (and hopefully funny) meaning.
EXAMPLE:
Metronome 1. An elf that lives in the city
(Metro – gnome)
2. The downtown finish line for the Iditarod
(Metro – Nome, Alaska)
EXERCISE
Break these words into syllables. Then draw a meaning for the syllables. And
finally, look for a connection between those meanings.
For every word in the exercise, there is at least one alternate definition. But
you don’t have to stop there. For some, there may be 1 or 2 others.
The following list is nothing more than a good start. There are thousands of
possible words that lend themselves to alternate definitions. If you want more
all you have to do is open a dictionary and start playing.
Insomnia can lead to early death. That should help you sleep.
28
EXAMPLE: Absence
Ab: Abdominals
Sence: sense
A gut feeling
1) Barricade
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
2) Broadband __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
3) Castrate
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
4) Dateline
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
5) Diplomat
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
6) Dogmatic __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
7) Electron
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
8) Enterprise __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
29
9) Exorcism __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
10) Fertilize
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
11) Filibuster __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
12) Fortitude __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
13) Trampoline __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
14) Frolicsome __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
15) Germinate __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
16) Graphite __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
17) Gestate __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
Know how the oldest guy in the world died? Skydiving. Weird.
30
18) Hemlock __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
19) Hypnosis __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
20) Infantile
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
21) Jackpot
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
22) Jacuzzi
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
23) Kamikaze __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
24) Lambaste __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
25) Lavaliere __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
26) Legislate __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
31
27) Liquidate __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
28) Maelstrom __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
29) Malcontent __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
30) Mentalist __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
31) Nitrate
__________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
32) Occasion __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
33) Olympic __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
34) Ovaltine __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
35) Parachute __________________________________________________
__________________________________________________
Don’t use double negatives. Not never.
32
Chapter 6
CD 1
Tracks 12, 13
ALTERNATE
EMPHASIS
Alternate Emphasis is like the
Vice-President. We know it exists,
we just don’t use it very much.
33
In the chapters on multiple meanings, malaprops and alternate definitions, we were dealing at the “word” level. Now we take a slightly broader
view and look at sentences. Just like finding alternate definitions for words, we
can find alternate meanings for sentences by shifting the emphasis to other
words.
EXAMPLE:
“Do you cheat on your wife?”
Obviously, the emphasis of the sentence is “cheat.” And just as obvious,
the answer is an emphatic “NO!” (Especially if you’re a man whose spouse is
helping him fill out this workbook.)
But what if you shift the focus to other words in the sentence? Now the
answers are completely different.
“Do you cheat on your wife?”
When the emphasized word is “Wife”
Now the response is, “Who else would I cheat on?”
“Do you cheat on your wife?”
Word: “Your”
Response: “I tried cheating on Bob’s wife, but she wouldn’t let me.”
“Do you cheat on your wife?”
Word: You
Response: “Who else is gonna cheat on her?”
And if you’re President Clinton, “Do you cheat on your wife?”
Word: Do
Response: “Define ‘Do”.
Polar bears may be extinct soon. So eat ‘em while you can.
34
EXERCISE
Try and shift the emphasis to 2 or 3 different words and see how it changes the
meaning of the sentence and response it generates.
EXAMPLE: Did you marry me for my money?
Word: “My”
New response: “No, I would have married you for anyone’s money.”
Word: “Marry”
New response: “No, I married you for love. I’m divorcing you for money.”
Word: “Money”
New response: “I don’t know, what else do you have?
1) “Do I look good in these pants?”
Word:
_____________
New response: _____________________________________________________
Word:
______________
New response: _____________________________________________________
Word:
______________
New response: _____________________________________________________
35
2) A man walked across Antarctica alone .
Word:
_________________
New response: __________________________________________________
Word:
__________________
New response: __________________________________________________
Word:
___________________
New response: __________________________________________________
3) The Pope named three new saints.
Word:
__________________
New response: __________________________________________________
Word:
__________________
New response: __________________________________________________
Junk food can be a substitute for sex. As a matter of fact, I’m dating a Twinkie.
36
Word:
__________________
New response: __________________________________________________
4) A truck containing the President’s teleprompter has been stolen.
Word:
__________________
New response: __________________________________________________
Word:
___________________
New response: __________________________________________________
Word:
___________________
New response: __________________________________________________
37
“Comedy has to be based
on truth. You take the
truth and you put a little
curlicue at the end.”
-Sid Caesar
38
Chapter 7
CD 2
Tracks 1, 2
MISDIRECTION
The winner of the Rand-McNally
Beauty Pageant is…
Miss Direction!
39
A misdirection is one of the most common types of jokes and also one
of the simplest to write. It involves this ploy: take the listener down a different
path than they expect. Comedy involves the surprise factor and when you veer
off course you create that. The easy way to do this is to follow these three simple steps:
1. Examine any sentence or statement.
2. Ask yourself, “what would normally be a next statement”.
3. Instead of doing that, go in a different direction.
In other words, while in mid-story, take an illogical and unexpected path.
EXAMPLE:
I got caught driving in a snowstorm and remember my Dad’s advice,
“follow a snowplow to safety”. I got behind one and followed him for
hours. He finally got out of his truck and said, “Now that we’re done at
Target, let’s go to Wal-Mart”.
The natural storyline in this joke is that one assumes that you’re following a snowplow on the highway. But, where else would a snowplow be? A
parking lot, maybe? Go in that direction and a joke appears. Once again, think
of the natural progression of a story and veer off course. Take a different route.
That’s misdirection.
EXAMPLE:
My happy uncle only has two teeth, but he says, "Thank God they hit”.
After the first part of that statement, you would naturally think that he has two
FRONT teeth, or two on the BOTTOM. That’s the NORMAL line of thinking.
But when you look in a different direction and explore other possibilities, you
see the misdirection of one on top and one on bottom.
It’s so cold in Canada, the flesh colored band-aid is blue.
40
EXAMPLE:
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. But teach a man to fish
and he’s gonna call in sick on Fridays to go fishing. So really, you’re
better off just giving him a fish.
The speaker said, “live every day like it’s your last”. So I started sleeping with a bed pan and an oxygen tube up my nose.
My family reunion was very loud with all the crying and fussing and
whining. And the kids didn’t act any better.
In each of those examples the first sentence sets up a natural progression
of thought. The second sentence changes that progression by offering a different line of thinking.
EXERCISE
The following exercise will help you “veer off course” and write misdirection
jokes. Instead of completing the following common statements the normal
way, finish them by going a different direction.
For example, instead of finishing “If you build a better mousetrap” with
“people will beat a path to your door”, finish it with a different thought.
Something like, “If you build a better mousetrap, you aren’t going to make
friends with any mice”.
EXAMPLE: A bird in the hand means you’ve finished shopping for
Thanksgiving.
1) If at first you don’t succeed, _____________________________________
_______________________________________________________________
41
2) A fool and his money _________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
3) A penny saved _______________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
4) Winning isn’t everything _______________________________________
_______________________________________________________
5) If you can’t say something nice about someone _____________________
_______________________________________________________
6) A spoonful of sugar ___________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
7) It’s always darkest before ______________________________________
_______________________________________________________
8) Do unto others _______________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
Why are climate change meetings always held in warm locations?
42
9) He who hesitates ____________________________________________
________________________________________________________
10) The early bird catches _______________________________________
_______________________________________________________
11) The best offense ___________________________________________
_______________________________________________________
12) A journey of a thousand miles ________________________________
______________________________________________________
13) Success is one percent inspiration and 99 percent _________________
______________________________________________________
14) You can lead a horse to water ________________________________
______________________________________________________
15) Keep your friends close and your enemies ______________________
______________________________________________________
43
“Comedy is simply a
funny way of being
serious.”
-Peter Ustinov
44
Chapter 8
CD 2
Tracks 3, 4
THE REVERSE
I used to think people didn’t
understand geometry, but I’ve
come a full 360 on that.
45
The reverse is a form of misdirection, just the extreme version of it. It
is the exact reverse of what you would normally be thinking. It sometimes is
called an “opposite” or a “switcheroo”. (Interestingly, a “Switcheroo” is also
the word for an Australian cross-species wife-swapper.)
Have you ever been told a joke and you responded with, “I never saw
that coming”? Well that’s the objective here. Hit them with something they
never expected. The key is to not veer slightly off course, but to do the extreme
opposite.
Writing these jokes is almost exactly the same process as writing a misdirection, but instead of just veering off course you flip it. You have three
steps:
1. Examine a sentence or set-up statement.
2. See the natural progression of thought.
3. Think of the exact opposite of that.
EXAMPLE:
I crammed four years of college education into nine.
That’s exactly the opposite of what you think is coming, instead of a
shorter time it’s a longer time.
I just did a show with Bob Newhart. I can’t tell you how cool that was.
It was such a great honor for him.
You would assume the sentence would end with, “honor for me”, but the
reverse of that thought is funny.
My dressing room was next to the dancing girls and there was a hole in
the wall. I let ‘em look. (Henny Youngman)
You would normally assume that Henny would be peering at the girls.
Instead he does the switcheroo.
Every time someone watches reality TV, a book commits suicide.
46
EXERCISE
Look at the following set-ups. Write a punch line using “The Reverse”
technique. Just think the opposite of what you would be thinking, or what you
should be thinking.
EXAMPLE: The boss said, “where would you like to be in 5 years”?
Suspended with pay.
1) American credit card debt is up over 300 percent.
_________________________________________________________
2) A new dolphin was discovered. It’s smart and beautiful.
_________________________________________________________
3) My wife says men are insensitive.
_________________________________________________________
4) The minister said “kiss the bride”.
_________________________________________________________
5) My wife said she looked old and fat, and needed a compliment.
_________________________________________________________
6) I bought a boat against my wife’s wishes so I let her name it.
_________________________________________________________
47
7) On our anniversary, my wife wanted to go someplace expensive.
_________________________________________________________
8) My old girlfriend began drinking right after I broke up with her.
_________________________________________________________
9) If any more clothes are removed during airport screening,
_________________________________________________________
10) The weather was miserable in Cancun.
_________________________________________________________
11) I used to drive a beat up 1972 Ford Pinto.
_________________________________________________________
12) The hoarder had collected 8,000 snow globes.
_________________________________________________________
13) It’s always good to remember the beaten, downtrodden, and hopeless.
_________________________________________________________
14) My dentist said he had some good news.
_________________________________________________________
A wine hangover is the wrath of grapes.
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Chapter 9
CD 2
Tracks 5, 6, 7
THE RULE
OF THREE
Comedy is based on three things:
Jokes and Timing.
49
If comedy is the unexpected twist, then the Rule of Three is one of the
tools to achieve that surprise. It lays the groundwork for a technique we used
earlier: Misdirection.
Simply put, it is using two examples to set the thinking in a certain direction and the third to break it. The third can also be the opposite or an exaggeration, but it must be different in some way. Not every joke depends on this, but
it’s surprising how many do.
Why three? Because one example usually isn’t enough to set a direction
and more than two is overkill.
EXAMPLE:
Panasonic unveiled a 103 inch plasma TV. As a special promotion for
guys, it comes with a surge protector, a DVR, and a divorce attorney.
If I had a million bucks in cash I’d spend a third on women, a third on
gambling, and the rest I’d just waste.
Only 12% of Americans can pass a basic history test. This is depressing,
upsetting, and the lowest since our country was founded in 1922.
The trees in the fall and my big bank have a lot in common. They’re
plentiful, colorful, and their branches are lifeless and bare.
EXERCISE
Here are some “Rule of Three” set-ups. Your task is to fill in the third
part and flesh out the joke.
EXAMPLE: Reacting to comments about her weight, Rosie O’Donnell said it
made her angry, depressed, and hungry.
A newspaper is like a website with yesterday’s information.
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1) In response to recent outrageous statements, the politician said before he
spoke in the future, he would research, reflect, and then _________________
2) Pythons released into the wild by pet owners are becoming a real problem.
Because of that you should keep your eyes on the ground, carry a flashlight at
night, and _____________________________________________________
3) The aging Pillsbury Doughboy is suicidal, evidenced by his less frequent
laughing, his persistent sleeping, and _______________________________
4) Christmas Day and Election Day are very similar. They’re both traditional,
they’re both emotional, and _______________________________________
5) The fattest state in the union is southern, poor, and __________________
6) In a fast food survey, McDonald’s had the best french fries, Five Guys had
the best hamburger, and Taco Bell__________________________________
7) The biggest myths of romance are “Love Conquers All”, “Time Heals All
Wounds”, and __________________________________________________
8) If you want pretty teeth eat less sugar, floss, and ____________________
9) When you think about it, sex and arguing are very similar. They’re both intense, can involve screaming, and ___________________________________
10) My how things have changed with airline travel. Pilots are drunk, you’re
groped at security, and ____________________________________________
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In addition to a simple statement joke, The Rule of Three can be used to
generate more complex “story” jokes. It’s the same principle. The first two set
the direction, the third changes it.
EXAMPLE:
The set up for the joke is three lions are talking about different
nationalities of tourists and which they prefer to eat.
I like the French because…
I like the Russians because…
I like the Americans because…
“Three lions are crouched down, surveying a herd of tourists. The tourists are from France, Russia and the US. The first lion licks his lips and
says, “I like the French because they taste like béarnaise sauce.” The
second lion points and says, “I like the Russians because they taste like
vodka.” The third lion just grins and says, “I like the Americans because
they’re so fat you don’t have to chase them very far.”
EXERCISE
Take the three elements given and create a “story” joke. Remember, the first
two statements are plausible and set the direction. The third one breaks it.
EXAMPLE: Three secretaries talking about what they want in a boss.
I wish…
I wish…
I wish…
Discussing ideal bosses, the first secretary says, “I wish my boss
were more like George Clooney because he’s charming. The second
secretary says, “I wish my boss were more like Brad Pitt because
he’s handsome. The third secretary says, “I wish my boss were
more like Don Knotts, because he’s dead.”
Belly fat on a woman can be fatal. Particularly if you tell her.
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1) Three politicians are trying to one up each other with campaign promises.
If elected, I’ll give you…
If elected, I’ll give you…
If elected, I’ll give you…
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
2) Three airline passengers talking about air travel.
What scares me is when…
What scares me is when…
What scares me is when…
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
3) Three supervisors talking about how dumb the new hire is.
He asked me…
He asked me…
He asked me…
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
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“Never under any
circumstances take
a sleeping pill and
a laxative on the
same night.”*
-Dave Barry
*We aknowledge that the other quotes have dealt more with the
writing of comedy, but this was too funny to pass up.
Also, it’s excellent advice.
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Chapter 10
CD 2
Tracks 8, 9
TOP 10 LISTS
Top 10 Reasons We Love Top 10 Lists:
10. They show off our ability to count backward.
9. We know when we’re almost done.
8. It annoys Letterman.
7. Chicks dig ‘em.
6. Only four of them have to be really funny.
5. They pack flat for easy travel.
4. They’re tax deductible.
3. No carbs!
2. They bring back memories of band camp.
1. They help pad our lame workbook!
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Making a top ten list is a lot of fun and an excellent association exercise. This has been a staple of the Letterman show for years. And for a very
good reason - it works.
There are four keys to generating a great top 10 list:
1.
2.
3.
4.
Work as hard selecting the topics as you do the jokes.
Write 10 jokes.
Then write about 20 more.
Then select the best ten.
To select a topic, you are looking for something broad enough to have
lots of possibilities and narrow enough to generate focus. And if you are a
speaker or presenter, selecting a topic can give you a real chance to customize
to a specific audience. For instance you could choose a topic tailored to the audience’s profession or based on the location of the meeting.
EXAMPLE:
Top 10 things overheard at the state fair.
Top 10 convention tips.
Top 10 worst pick-up lines.
Top 10 things overheard at the high school reunion.
Top 10 worst campaign slogans.
After you have selected a topic, this is where association comes into
play. You try to think of everything you know that relates in any way to the
topic. So either in your head or on paper, you fill out your association grid.
Brainstorm all the possibilities in all the categories.
EXERCISE
Try to generate get 5 to 10 jokes on the following topics. Initially, you may
need to fill in an association grid from the first chapter, listing every connection
you can make to the topic.
New motto for Congress: “Fly like an Eagle. Vote like a chicken”.
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EXAMPLE: Top 10 Things Overheard at the State Fair
10) No really, this is how I guess your weight.
9) Lift up the duck’s butt and see what you won.
8) I’ve seen a lot of people eat a corndog, but you’re the first
7)
6)
5)
4)
3)
2)
1)
I’ve seen eat the stick.
Who wants to pet the “Snake Boy”?!
You want to ride it again? A lot of people don’t get sick the
second time.
You ever been in the back seat of a bumper car?
That’s gonna need stitches.
No thanks, 10 fried Oreos is my limit.
How about we go double-or-nothing on the blow-up monkey?
You wanna buy a pig?
1) Topic: Top 10 Worst Pick-Up Lines
10)____________________________________________________________
9) ____________________________________________________________
8) ____________________________________________________________
7) ____________________________________________________________
6) ____________________________________________________________
5) ____________________________________________________________
4) ____________________________________________________________
3) ____________________________________________________________
2) ____________________________________________________________
1) ____________________________________________________________
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2) Topic: Top 10 Worst Campaign Slogans.
10)____________________________________________________________
9) ____________________________________________________________
8) ____________________________________________________________
7) ____________________________________________________________
6) ____________________________________________________________
5) ____________________________________________________________
4) ____________________________________________________________
3) ____________________________________________________________
2) ____________________________________________________________
1) ____________________________________________________________
My bank said I was overdrawn so I sent them a check.
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Chapter 11
CD 2
Tracks 10, 11
FORMULA JOKES
If I had a nickel for every
formula joke I’ve used, I
would have 5 cents more
after this one.
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We’re going to group together a bunch of joke formats and call them
“formula jokes”. Formula jokes are those that are very familiar in their set up.
You know the premise. They can be placed almost anywhere at anytime.
Some formula jokes include, “Good news, Bad news” or “You know
you’re having a bad day when…” or virtually any comedic metaphor or simile.
These are set-ups we instantly recognize.
Johnny Carson was famous for using them and it was such a part of his
opening monologue that the audience would finish the premise.
Johnny: In Burbank today, it was so hot.
Audience: How hot was it?
Johnny: I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walking.
It was a formula joke that launched Jeff Foxworthy to success. His career exploded when he hit upon his, “…..you might be a redneck.”
One way you can use a formula joke is when you want to describe something in a comedic way. The key is to use some of the previous techniques to
make it funny – exaggeration, misdirection, or reversal. These jokes can be
metaphors or similes or rhetorical questions or essentially anything where “you
see a joke coming”.
EXAMPLE:
He did for writing what garlic did for the midnight kiss.
That’s as hard as nailing Jello to a tree.
He has a personality like a bucket of hair.
You know you’re diplomatic when your favorite color is plaid.
I got a hat on “Hat Day” at the ballpark. I’m looking forward to Ladies Day.
60
EXERCISE
Finish these formula jokes. Remember, think extreme and absurd and try to
write more than one.
EXAMPLE: He grows on you, like eColi on warm beef.
1) It was so cold that______________________________________________
2) This guy was so rude___________________________________________
3) I’m not gonna say he was tall, but________________________________
4) He moved faster than__________________________________________
5) He was non-confrontational_____________________________________
6) I’m not gonna mention the company name, but______________________
7) I was so tired, I_______________________________________________
8) I have the swimming ability of___________________________________
9) The gap in his front teeth reminded me_____________________________
10) If he had been any dumber he would ______________________________
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“Start every day off
with a smile and get it
over with.”
-W.C. Fields
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Chapter 12
CD 2
Tracks 12, 13
CARTOONS
What do I have to do?!
Draw you a picture?
63
Cartoons are one of the oldest, surviving examples of comedy. The drawing
below is an actual cave painting from August 24, 3200 BC.
If you wash a woolly mammoth
in hot water will it shrink?
What’s hot water?
Okay. We made that up. It was actually September.
The point is cartoons are a very effective way to interject humor into
most presentations. The phrase “Death by PowerPoint” is very common. That
may be an overstatement, but “Torture by PowerPoint” is certainly accurate.
One way to liven up the constant deluge of pie charts, bar graphs, and
bad clip art is to introduce occasional humor in the form of a cartoon. Not only
does it provide some comic relief, it also keeps an audience hopeful as the next
slide changes.
And cartoons are able to represent some comic ideas better than any other method. If you have a joke that is dependent on an exchange of dialogue between two people, a cartoon may be the most effective way to present that idea.
Steroids make you faster, so give them to the people at the DMV.
64
There are three basic ways to use cartoons in presentations:
1) You can use a published cartoon without permission. This is a very
popular approach and it is called “Stealing”.
2) You can license a published cartoon. This is not as popular and it
is called “Expensive”.
3) Or you can come up with a funny idea and you can draw it or
have someone draw it for you. This is what we recommend.
And in fact, all the cartoons in this chapter were generated
exactly that way.
EXERCISE
Spend some time working on the cartoons below. Try and generate a funny exchange of dialogue or caption.
EXAMPLE:
Is this your
first time
hunting?
I yelled
“Fore”!
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67
68
69
70
71
72
73
74
75
76
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If you are interested in great, customized cartoons contact Rick George.
[email protected]
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Chapter 13
CD 3
Tracks 1, 2
INANIMATE
OBJECTS
Inanimate objects fall into
three categories: mineral, vegetable, and postal.
79
Combining unrelated items is a technique used in many pieces of comedy. From cartoons to stand-up routines, connecting two normally unrelated objects opens up a lot of comedy possibilities.
Jokes like, “two oranges walk into a bar” or “knock knock – who’s
there”, are perfect examples of connecting two inanimate objects. Things that
normally don’t go together yet, when combined, yield jokes.
Steven Wright is a master of this form of combining two inanimate,
unrelated objects,
“I put spot remover on my dog and now he’s gone.”
“I play the harmonica by holding it out the car window and driving really fast.”
“I accidently put my car key in the door to my house. And it started.”
He makes the joke by using “double meaning” in the first and by using
“exaggeration” in the second, but he starts with two things then combines them
and then sees off-the-wall associations.
Developing your ability to connect inanimate objects will enhance your
joke writing skills because it naturally sets you up to see the abstract. And for
the sake of the exercise, we’re going to expand the definition of “inanimate” to
include not only objects, but concepts and people as well.
You’ve always heard that creativity and humor are connected. That’s because each of those traits are improved if you can see options, alternatives, and
associations that others can’t. It’s a skill that some do easily and others find
difficult, but either way, it’s a skill that can get better with practice.
The first thing that strikes you in New York City is the accent. The second is the taxi.
80
EXAMPLE:
Two subjects: Dog, Cowboy
A limping dog walked into a cowboy bar and said, “I’m looking for the
man that shot my paw”.
Two subjects: Shark, Penguin
I crossed a shark with a penguin and got an animal dressed to kill.
Two subjects: Chicken, Soccer
A chicken saw a soccer ball and said, “Wow, impressive!”
Two subjects: Igloo, Nursery Rhymes
The Eskimo was reading “Little Jack Horner” when his son said,
“What’s a corner?”
Two subjects: Child, Light
I was easily scared as a child. I had a 300 watt nite-light.
As you can see, having two wildly different objects sometimes makes it
easier to find a humor point. Also, the joke writing can employ any number of
techniques we’ve already discussed, i.e. exaggeration, double meaning, malaprop, misdirection, formula joke, etc. The previous examples were different
types of jokes but all included two inanimate objects.
81
EXERCISE
Now, look at the list of paired objects below and write a joke. Remember, you
can use any joke writing technique we’ve discussed to this point. It’s just that
having two unrelated objects should help you see the unusual or abstract.
As you’ll find, some naturally lend themselves to exaggeration, others to misdirection, others to misuse of an intended definition, and so on. Throw out being
conservative, think wildly, and have fun. If you’ve “got nothin’” on one set of
words, then move on to the next and come back.
EXAMPLE: Fish, Sugar
I put a goldfish in the lemonade. People don’t guzzle it so
fast and it keeps the sugar stirred up.
1) Apple, Pig
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
2) Politician, Funeral
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
An astronaut filed for divorce because he needed some space.
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3) Book, Highway
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
4) Dentist, Clothing
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
5) Jokes, Doctor
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
6) Baby, Newspaper
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
7) Money, Lion
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
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8) Bachelor, Vegetables
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
9) Pilot, Alarm Clock
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
10) Television, Lawnmower
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
11) Computers, Beer
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
12) Kitchen, Fire Truck
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
Never highlight with a black marker.
84
Chapter 14
CD 3
Tracks 3, 4
LOCATION,
LOCATION,LOCATION
Between my iPhone and my iPad
and my GPS, I can now pinpoint
exactly where I am lost.
85
Great jokes are universal. They apply to everyone. And one of the
great “universals” is location. At the moment you’re telling the joke, you and
the audience are all in the same location. Regardless of age, gender, background and life experiences, it’s guaranteed that everyone will share the same
location. It’s the one thing you’re sure to have in common.
This can mean the room, the hotel, the city, the state, the country. It
would be a lost opportunity if you don’t take advantage of this.
For instance, you know your meeting is going to take place in Phoenix in
August. Without doing any research, you know that it’s a desert and it’s hot.
You know that the major outside activities are going to be the pool and the golf
course. The major league sports teams are the Cardinals, the Diamondbacks
and the Suns. So what are some possible opening jokes to a group?
EXAMPLE:
What a great idea to come to Phoenix in August. I guess the surface of
the sun wasn’t available.
I played golf yesterday. I lost my match by three strokes. Unfortunately,
they were heat strokes.
The pool was nice. It was the first time I’ve ever tried to swim in a
Crockpot.
I had a chance to go a Diamondback game. I learned a couple of things.
A diamondback is a snake and the team mascot is a lawyer.
Phoenix in August is really easy. But, information about virtually anywhere is only a few keystrokes away. A simple Google search will yield tons of
associations for anyplace that is unfamiliar.
She was a babe. And by “babe”, I’m referring to the movie.
86
EXERCISE
So here are a couple of locations. The goal is to write down all the associations
you have with the cities. Then, if that doesn’t seem like enough, do some quick
research. Jot down some facts and imagine you are putting together three
jokes for a presentation.
EXAMPLE: New York City
Associations:
Big, crowded, the Big Apple, dangerous, crime, rats, Broadway, museums, cab drivers, expensive, multi-cultural, the
Yankees, the Mets, Times Square, David Letterman, celebrities, Wall Street, Statue of Liberty, subways, Central Park,
the city never sleeps.
Jokes:
1)
It may be the city that never sleeps, but based on the hotel
room next to me, it definitely snores.
2)
It’s a little expensive, although I was able to manage a down
payment on a hamburger.
3)
New York City has a very high suicide rate. Or as they term
it, “taking a cab”.
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1) San Francisco
Associations: _____________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
Jokes:
1. ______________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
2. ______________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
3. ______________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
In lethal injections, do they sterilize the needle?
88
2) Miami
Associations: _____________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
Jokes:
1. ______________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
2. ______________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
3. ______________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
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3) Las Vegas
Associations: _____________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
Jokes:
1. ______________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
2. ______________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
3. ______________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
On my birthday my family surprised me with a car. They missed.
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Chapter 15
CD 3
Tracks 5, 6
RIPPED FROM
THE HEADLINES
If a guy is executed in the electric
chair, is that a current event?
91
This is a chance to use all the techniques we have discussed: exaggeration, association, multiple definitions, rule of three, formula jokes, etc. And the
best part of this exercise is that you can see how you did on a daily basis. In
the FunnierU continuity program, you’ll be getting at least three jokes a day to
test yourself against. And if that’s not enough, tune into the Tonight Show
monologue and you can see what some of the best comedy writers in the country came up with.
What do you need? A newspaper or the internet, and your brain. The
good news is you’ll almost always have two of those. The bad news, sometimes your brain isn’t one of them.
The newspaper is obvious. The websites FunnierU consistently relies on
are the USA Today, Yahoo News, CNN, AOL, etc. The process is pretty simple: read the headlines and start applying some of these comedy tools. You
don’t have to read the entire article. In fact, most of the ideas will spark with a
very cursory skim.
In the book that accompanies this program, there are tons of these examples, but here’s a couple to start with.
Example:
Headline - “Auto fatalities are declining while pedestrian fatalities are
up.”
Joke - Auto fatalities are down while pedestrian deaths are up. So if you
do survive a crash, don’t get out of your car.
Headline – “Close friends are key to healthy habits.”
Joke - A study says that a circle of friends is the key to developing
healthy habits. Obviously this researcher never met my friends.
Where are the father-in-law jokes?
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Just like this is an unending source for late night comedy monologues,
it’s an equally endless reservoir for you. And like any other skill, it takes time
to develop. But the good news is that you get better and you get faster.
For the authors of this program, writing 5 jokes a day is one of the best
disciplines we have ever undertaken.
EXERCISE
We’ll give you some headlines. Make the associations to the key words and
ideas in the stories. Then, start combining those associations and applying
some of the comedy tools.
EXAMPLE: A Jamaican resort is offering a free wedding if you’re willing to
get married in the nude.
Joke: This should clear up any doubt who is the best man.
1) Headline: Google Maps has added indoor navigation.
Joke: __________________________________________________________
2) Headline: British women top the European Union’s obesity charts.
Joke: __________________________________________________________
3) Headline: A Facebook phone is hitting the market.
Joke: __________________________________________________________
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4) Headline: Canada has introduced a $100 bill made of plastic.
Joke: __________________________________________________________
5) Headline: McDonalds is rolling out Happy Meals that have apple slices
instead of French fries.
Joke: __________________________________________________________
6) Headline: A cancer center is urging smokers to switch to smokeless
tobacco.
Joke: __________________________________________________________
7) Headline: Experts debate the most effective exercise machine.
Joke: __________________________________________________________
8) Headline: A hospitality website listed the top 10 places to sleep with a
ghost.
Joke: __________________________________________________________
9) Headline: People are choosing phones based on the camera.
Joke: __________________________________________________________
If you can’t be nice, at least be vague.
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Chapter 16
CD 3
Tracks 7, 8
TAGS
You’re it.
95
This lesson comes near the end of this program for a reason. It is more
post graduate instruction than undergrad. One thing that separates good comics
from great comics is the use of tags. Simply stated, tags are punchlines that
immediately follow punchlines. Normal joke structure is:
Setup — Punch
Setup — Punch
Setup — Punch
With tags, it looks more like:
Setup – Punch, Punch, Punch
Tags offer a couple of benefits. Your comedy (even if it is only a small
portion of your overall presentation) is much more efficient. You get multiple
payoffs from a single setup. It also builds momentum. With each tag, you are
pulling the audience into your rhythm. It also increases attention. An audience
isn’t sure if the next line will be another punchline, so they stay engaged.
A trusted adage of comedy is, “There is always another tag.” This
simply means that just because you have found one tag doesn’t mean there
aren’t more. This is one reason why a story or bit takes a long time to fully
develop. You have to be willing to add to it and edit it constantly.
One surprising source of tags is the audience. It’s amazing how often an
audience member can contribute something that will stick. These can come in
the form of comments, questions, and sadly for a nightclub comic... heckling.
A tag can take various forms, including a virtual restatement of the
original punchline, usually with increasing exaggeration.
Some mistakes are too much fun to only do once.
96
For instance, say you want to describe your initial reaction upon seeing
an intimidating colonoscopy probe. One way is to introduce a series of
metaphors, each one increasing in absurdity.
EXAMPLE:
Setup: The nurse walked in with a colonoscopy probe. A camera
designed to be shoved into the human body.
Punchline: Think of a gorilla fist holding a Nikon.
Tag: A Louisville Slugger with a zoom lens.
Tag: A sewer culvert with a Panavision camera.
Also, a tag can extend the story. Instead of restating, these tags add
details. Each takes you one step further.
EXAMPLE:
Setup: The nurse walked in with a colonoscopy probe. A camera
designed to be shoved into the human body.
Punchline: Imagine a sewer culvert with a Panavision camera.
Tag: And a dolly.
Tag: And a director.
Tag: And a catering truck.
And, less obviously, a tag can be physical. It can be a gesture, a facial
expression, a walk or a movement. Anything you can do physically that
extends the laughter or gets another laugh, that’s a tag.
97
EXERCISE
Below are some Funnier U jokes. See if you can find at least one tag. Two is
better. Three is great!
EXAMPLE: Wisconsin is giving tourists a map locating 115 different dairies.
Joke: Not only is it a guide for cheese-loving adults, it’s an excellent
punishment for children.
Tag: Hey kids, wake up, we’re going to Udder World!
Tag: Who wants to ride the Brie?!
Tag: What’dya say, this year, we skip the Haunted House of Cut
Cheese.
1) More bullying cases are ending up in the courts.
Joke: Because nothing says “anti-bully” like a retaining a lawyer.
Tag:
__________________________________________________________
Tag:
__________________________________________________________
Tag:
__________________________________________________________
Second place is okay. The second mouse gets the cheese.
98
2) Scientists found a particle that travels faster than the speed of light.
Joke: The post office says don’t worry, they can slow it down.
Tag:
__________________________________________________________
Tag:
__________________________________________________________
Tag:
__________________________________________________________
3) Walmart is adding health clinics.
Joke: That’s good marketing because every time I walk into a Walmart, I feel a
little sick.
Tag:
__________________________________________________________
Tag:
__________________________________________________________
Tag:
__________________________________________________________
99
4) How bad is the economy?
Joke: The new “Bond Girl” has been downgraded to the “Junk Bond Girl.”
Tag:
__________________________________________________________
Tag:
__________________________________________________________
Tag:
__________________________________________________________
5) People paid admission to watch a performance artist give birth in an
art gallery.
Joke: No word on how many paid to watch the conception.
Tag:
__________________________________________________________
Tag:
__________________________________________________________
Tag:
__________________________________________________________
My dad was kinda funny. He worked as a small claims court jester.
100
Chapter 17
CD 3
Tracks 9, 10
BUILDING BITS
Building a comedy bit is similar to
building a house. Except when it
leaks you can’t sue the contractor.
101
In comedy vernacular, we write jokes, but we build bits.
So what is a bit? Loosely defined, a bit is a series of jokes built around a
common subject, theme or emotion. In professional speaking, it is most often
seen in story form. Length varies, but most bits are in the 2-5 minute range.
Building a bit is more than just writing a bunch of jokes on the same
subject. It is an exploration of a subject. It is asking a number of questions
and looking at the idea from different sides and perspectives. The subject can
be very broad, such as the differences between men and women. Or, it can be
seemingly miniscule, like Jim Gaffigan’s in depth look at bacon. That’s right.
Bacon. (Technically, you could call this his bacon bit.)
That said, a bit usually begins with a stand-alone joke that resonates with
an audience. You have found something that the majority of people can relate
to, in other words, a “universal”. Now, you want to expand on that.
For instance, let’s say you have a killer joke about fishing. (And for the
fish, every fishing joke is a killer.) The next step is to start asking questions.
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What does this look like from the fish’s point of view?
If I were an alien, what would I think this guy is doing?
How much time and money is spent to catch something that could be bought
in the store for 3 dollars?
Why is it called cleaning fish when it is a filthy project?
What is the spouse’s attitude?
What if I tried to teach my spouse to fish?
Why do fishermen lie about their catch?
What kind of bait do you use if you don’t really want to catch anything?
How do you explain to your kids that you found Nemo?
What about those guys that fish with their hands?
When did fishing become suitable for television?
What kind of woman is attracted to a man on the Pro Bass Tour?
Is catch and release the cruelest trick ever?
Have you ever eaten a fish dinner in the same room where there was an
aquarium?
I took up exercise so I could hear heavy breathing.
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The number of questions is unlimited. And you can pick an angle or
direction that guides the questions.
For instance,
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A “fishing” bit could really be an examination of the differences between
men and women.
I quit taking my wife fishing when I realized she was rooting for
the worm.
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A “fishing” bit could be a small part of a socio-economic comparison of
hobbies.
In the entire history of the world, you’ve never heard a guy in
overalls say, “I’m fixin’ to play some squash.”
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Or, a fishing bit could be a story.
Some buddies and I went to Cabo. I caught a swordfish, a marlin
and a disease.
Great bits have one thing in common: They explore a subject in a way
that is new and original. And the answers generated feel true.
Here is one key piece of advice when you’re developing a bit:
Play.
Let your imagination loose. This is brainstorming time, not evaluating
time. Don’t lock yourself into any idea or concept too soon. You’ll pare down
the bit when you’re getting ready to present it, not now.
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EXERCISE
Take the topics given and create at least five questions.
EXAMPLE: Getting pulled over for speeding.
1) Where were you going?
2) What was the cop’s attitude?
3) What are the differences in how a woman/man try and get out
of a ticket?
4) What ’s traffic school like?
5) How does the car you’re driving affect the situation?
1) Back-to-school shopping.
1)
________________________________________________________________
2)
__________________________________________________________
3)
__________________________________________________________
4)
__________________________________________________________
5)
__________________________________________________________
The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
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2) Buying coffee at Starbucks.
1)
________________________________________________________________
2)
__________________________________________________________
3)
__________________________________________________________
4)
__________________________________________________________
5)
__________________________________________________________
3) Attending a high school reunion.
1)
________________________________________________________________
2)
__________________________________________________________
3)
__________________________________________________________
4)
__________________________________________________________
5)
__________________________________________________________
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4) Taking a car to the mechanic.
1)
________________________________________________________________
2)
__________________________________________________________
3)
__________________________________________________________
4)
__________________________________________________________
5)
__________________________________________________________
5) Doing yard work.
1)
________________________________________________________________
2)
__________________________________________________________
3)
__________________________________________________________
4)
__________________________________________________________
5)
__________________________________________________________
What’s the youngest you can be to die of old age?
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Chapter 18
CD 3
Tracks 11, 12
TRANSITIONS AND
SEGUES
A transition can make you look
smooth. But a Segway just makes
you look like a nerd on a scooter.
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After learning to write jokes and build bits, there is a final step. That is
developing the transitions between them. Many times a comic moves from bitto-bit and an audience never even realizes he has done this. Why? Because the
transitions themselves are funny.
In addition to pure comedians, humor is a great way to bridge subjects
for a more serious speaker. Or picture a salesperson making a presentation. He
wants to move from delivering information to closing a sale. A bit of humor
can be the perfect, non-threatening way to make that jump.
Salesman: “It slices, it dices, it will do everything but drive to your door
and deliver itself! By the way, when would be a good time for you to take
delivery?”
(That example, by the way, is exactly why the Faculty of Funnier U have
careers in humor and not in sales.)
The good news about writing transitions is that it’s just an extension of a
previous lesson: Association. The process is to take the subject matter of the
two items to be bridged and start generating associations.
And like the previous association exercises, more is better. Don’t worry
about the joke yet, just write down everything you can think of that touches on
the two subjects.
EXERCISE
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Choose a topic from column A and one from column B and enter them on
the worksheets located on pages 111-113.
Find 10 associations that link the two items.
Then write three possible transitions between the two.
Who put an “S” in the word lisp?
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A
B
Cars
Facebook
Vacations
Do it yourself projects
In-Laws
Oprah
Airports
Camping
Reality shows
UFO’s
High school
Technology
New York City
Family reunions
Sports
Tattoos and piercings
Dieting
Halloween
Fashion show
Earthquakes
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EXAMPLE: Transition between: Work and
Dogs
Associations:
Work like a dog.
What is a dog’s job?
What does a dog do on his day off?
How do dogs get paid?
If a dog had to do your job, what kind of dog would it be?
They call it “a dog’s life”
Can you spay or neuter your boss?
Your boss treats you like a dog.
Cubicle or kennel?
What would a dog’s resume look like?
Transitions:
1) I’ve spent my whole life trying to find the perfect career and I
realized all I really want is my dog’s job.
2) When we come home, are dogs excited because they are glad to
see us or because it reminds them that they didn’t have to go to
work.
3) For I awhile, I thought my boss treated me like a dog. Then I
realized, no, my dog gets occasional treats.
When I was a kid, the remote control was my little brother.
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1) Transition between: ___________________ and ___________________
Associations:
1) ____________________________________________________________
2) ____________________________________________________________
3) ____________________________________________________________
4) ____________________________________________________________
5) ____________________________________________________________
6) ____________________________________________________________
7) ____________________________________________________________
8) ____________________________________________________________
9) ____________________________________________________________
10) ___________________________________________________________
Transitions:
1) ____________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
2) ____________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
3) ____________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
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2) Transition between: ____________________ and ___________________
Associations:
1) ____________________________________________________________
2) ____________________________________________________________
3) ____________________________________________________________
4) ____________________________________________________________
5) ____________________________________________________________
6) ____________________________________________________________
7) ____________________________________________________________
8) ____________________________________________________________
9) ____________________________________________________________
10) ___________________________________________________________
Transitions:
1) ____________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
2) ____________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
3) ____________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
Does an Archbishop have to move diagonally?
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3) Transition between: ____________________ and ___________________
Associations:
1) ____________________________________________________________
2) ____________________________________________________________
3) ____________________________________________________________
4) ____________________________________________________________
5) ____________________________________________________________
6) ____________________________________________________________
7) ____________________________________________________________
8) ____________________________________________________________
9) ____________________________________________________________
10) ___________________________________________________________
Transitions:
1) ____________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
2) ____________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
3) ____________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
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“I've had great success
being a total idiot.”
-Jerry Lewis
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Chapter 19
CD 3
Track 13
THE PROS
Calling a man a pro is a
compliment. But calling a woman a pro can get you slapped.
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You can’t write comedy if you can’t identify comedy. The good news
about this chapter is that your homework involves watching some of the absolute best in the profession.
EXERCISE
Take a look at the three clips. First just watch and laugh. Then watch a second
time and make note of the comedy writing techniques the comic employs.
EXAMPLE: This a Jim Gaffigan YouTube clip of his famous “Hot Pocket”
routine. Granted, he uses many brilliant delivery methods that definitely make
the routine, but focus on the content. Because of his funny style, people sometimes forget what a brilliant writer he is. Stop the clip periodically and write
down the type of joke he used.
Search YouTube: Jim Gaffigan Beyond the Pale Hot Pockets
Exaggeration:
It’s cooked in a dirty microwave.
Is it cold in the middle: it’s frozen. The outside is like boiling hot lava. Will it burn my mouth: it will destroy your
mouth, everything will taste like rubber for a month.
There is now a breakfast Hot Pocket…FINALLY!
Tags:
I’m gonna die. I paid for that? Did I eat it or rub it on my
face. My back hurts.
Rule of Three:
It’s a pop tart filled with nasty meat, slipped in a sleeve, and
then dunked in a toilet. You can now have a Hot Pocket for
breakfast, a Hot Pocket for lunch, and be dead by dinner.
Kim Jong Il? Nope. Kim Jong Dead.
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1) Ellen Degeneres is a wildly successful TV star, but she got her start in
stand-up. Watch this clip from her first appearance on the Johnny Carson show
in 1986 and you’ll see some examples of terrific writing.
She is a misdirection expert because she constantly takes you down a
path you aren't expecting. Do the same as with the first clip: watch and then
watch again and write the types of jokes you saw.
Search YouTube: Ellen Degeneres The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson
Misdirection ____________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
Double Meaning _______________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
Rule of Three ___________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
Tags __________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
Misuse of intended definition ______________________________________
_________________________________________________________
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Mitch Hedberg is regarded as a comic genius and when you watch this clip
you’ll see why. His delivery was not filled with staging and gimmicks, just a
direct staccato of words. He was a brilliant writer.
Some regarded him as the king of association with his ability to take a seemingly meaningless statement or thing and turn it into a joke by seeing a connection that the normal person would miss. Pay particular attention to his focus on
words that you normally wouldn’t focus on, and his finding an unintended definition to a common phrase or word. Watch and write it down.
Search YouTube: Mitch Hedberg 1998 Just for Laughs gala
Focus on a different word _________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
Misuse of an intended definition ___________________________________
__________________________________________________________
Misdirection ____________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________
Tags __________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
Double Meaning ________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________
I have my sex and steak the same way: very rare.
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IN CONCLUSION
All good things must come to an end.
That’s a bad example.
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Now before you start criticizing us for what this book was missing,
remember two things:
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We never said it would have everything about joke writing.
We’re very sensitive guys.
You’ve probably noticed some omissions like Yogisms or misplacement
or phrase mangling. But most of those are just incorrect placement of things
that become accidentally funny. This book was an attempt to help you become
intentionally funny.
Seriously, it would be impossible to put every joke writing technique and
concept into a book because there are just too many ways to do it. Plus, most
jokes are a mixture of techniques…a little exaggeration with a hint of misdirection spiced up with some misused definition, topped off with a sprig of parsley.
Our goal was to get you into a mindset with theory and exercises so you
can “funny up” a presentation, enhance your communication skills, or maybe
even become the life of the party. Whatever your objective, we do believe this
stuff will help make you funnier.
Keep this book handy. Practice the drills. Tune in your comedy channel,
and start thinking, writing, and being funny.
So congratulations, you’re now a graduate of FunnierU! And if you’re
male, you should know that polls in Cosmopolitan magazine say that a sense of
humor is the number one thing that attracts women.
Curiously, you rarely see Brad Pitt trampled by women trying to get to
Carrot Top.
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