Running Head: NEGOTIATING MASCULINITY

“GONE COUNTRY”:
NEGOTIATING MASCULINITY IN A COUNRTY-WESTERN GAY BAR
by
COREY W. JOHNSON
(Under the direction of Diane M. Samdahl)
ABSTRACT
Scholars in leisure studies have advocated extending our research on marginalized
populations beyond the examination of individual identities, toward the macro-structures
that perpetuate and foster inequality. Gay bars, specifically designed to wall out straights,
remain a central social institution and leisure context for a number of gay men. Informed
by feminist theory and critiques of masculinity, this ethnography focuses on how gay
men come to understand and negotiate the meaning of masculinity in a country-western
gay bar and is driven by the following questions: 1) How does this gay bar serve as a
leisure context for its gay male patrons? 2) How do gay men in this bar negotiate
hegemonic and counter-hegemonic gendered practices? 3) What structures exist to
facilitate and/or prohibit gendered practices in this gay bar? Using participant observation
as my primary method of data collection I spent over 140 hours in the site. In addition, I
conducted semi-structured and ethnographic interviews and analyzed artifacts collected
during my time in the site. To understand Saddlebags as a leisure context, I thoroughly
documented the bar’s relationship to the community, its physical location, design, décor
and ambiance, its inhabitants, its historical existence, and how it varies according to
different nights of the week. Moving beyond this description I conducted a more
intensive analysis to identify social practices that reveal how gay men negotiate their
masculinity in Saddlebags. Dancing (specifically two-stepping), dress and migratory
patterns, and a competing discourse about Lesbian Night are those social practices I
identified as most salient to my research. A discussion around these themes elucidates
how organized social space can allow non-heterosexuals to resist compulsory
heterosexuality and hegemonic gender ideologies. Since the reproduction and
enforcement of the heterosexuality in everyday life often causes gay identity to be
suppressed, or at least monitored, in the spaces and places of leisure, gay bars like
Saddlebags provide a necessary separation from the straight community whereby a more
“normal” social context for gay men is created. However, my data also reveal how
Saddlebags patrons also use their leisure to reinforce dominant ideologies about gender
and sexuality.
INDEX WORDS: Leisure, Masculinity, Gay, Lesbian, Queer, Ethnography, Bars
“GONE COUNTRY”:
NEGOTIATING MASCULINITY IN A COUNTRY-WESTERN GAY BAR
by
COREY W. JOHNSON
B.S., Bowling Green State University, 1995
M.S., The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, 1998
A Dissertation Submitted to the Graduate Faculty of The University of Georgia in Partial
Fulfillment of the Requirements for the Degree
DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY
ATHENS, GEORGIA
2002
2002
Corey W. Johnson
All Rights Reserved
“GONE COUNTRY”:
NEGOTIATING MASCULINITY IN A COUNTRY-WESTERN GAY BAR
by
COREY W. JOHNSON
Approved:
Electronic Version Approved:
Gordhan L. Patel
Dean of the Graduate School
The University of Georgia
August 2002
Major Professor:
Diane M. Samdahl
Committee:
Jobeth Allen
Kathleen deMarrais
Linda Grant
David Hayes
Douglas Kleiber
iv
DEDICATION
Cynthia Ann Larimer, Angela Marie Johnson, Jonathan James Hill, Presley Rob Rankin
For offering me your
Strength
Friendship
Wisdom
Tolerance
Guidance
Support
Generosity
Honesty
Discipline
Confidence
Love
v
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
It was my life and it was fun, another season of my life is done, another race I’m glad I
got to run, another chapter of my life—it’s over. No, I’m never going to feel like that
again. Time is rushing by me like the wind. I’ll never be as young as I was then. No, I am
never going to feel like that again—Kenny Chesney
It may be cliché, but completing this dissertation has been a dream come true, and
I enjoyed the journey as much as its completion. Though it has taken a considerable
amount of effort, discipline, and perseverance on my part, it was not a dream I realized
alone. Instead, there are many people to thank for helping me make my dream a reality.
First, I would like to thank my “family,” including my mother Cindy, my sister
Angie, and my closest friends Jon, Rob, Lisa, Catherine, and Tony. Each of you have
been instrumental in my education and growth.
I would also like to thank my colleagues/friends at The University of Georgia:
Rob Porter, Gregor Kay, Nathalie Guerin, Dave Loy, Teri Phoenix, Hannah Knudsen,
Blaise Astra Parker, Jamie Lewis, Anna Lilstrum, and Nisha Thapilya. As a result of our
conversation and debate, and through your feedback and constructive criticism, I have
become a better teacher, writer, and thinker.
Of course, successful completion of the dissertation was also the result of the
perfect dissertation committee. My sincere thanks go to each of the committee members
including Drs. Jobeth Allen, Kathleen de Marrais, Linda Grant, David Hayes, Doug
Kleiber and Diane Samdahl. Each member offered me doses of extraordinary insight and
unwavering support. I would like to extend a special thanks to Dr. Jobeth Allen for
vi
helping me discover my gift as a writer and Dr. Kathleen de Marrais for “showing me”
ethnography. Finally, I owe a tremendous debt of gratitude to my major professor and
mentor, Dr. Diane Samdahl. Diane’s commitment to my graduate education was
remarkable. Not once did she allow me to settle for adequacy in terms of my teaching,
my writing, or my thinking. In every instance, Diane pushed me beyond
theoretical/methodological sufficiency and made sure I gave attention to every detail. It
is her example that makes me want to be a better scholar.
Finally, I would like to extend my deepest appreciation to the patrons, staff, and
owners of Saddlebags for sharing their daily lives. It is because of them, that I
understand more about where we come from, who we are, and the power of a collective
community.
vii
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Page
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS.................................................................................................v
PROLOGUE “BACK WHERE I COME FROM”: SITUATING THE
RESEARCHER SELF ................................................................................1
PART I
A RATIONALE AND DESIGN FOR EXPLORING GAY MEN’S
MASCULINITY IN A COUNTRY-WESTERN GAY BAR ....................9
CHAPTER
ONE
“IT MATTERS TO ME”: AN INTRODUCTION.....................................12
TWO
“THE TROUBLE WITH THE TRUTH”: THEORETICAL
FOUNDATIONS OF GENDER AND SEXUALITY IN THE
CONTEXT OF LEISURE ........................................................................26
The Social Construction of Masculinity ....................................................27
The Social Construction of Sexuality ........................................................30
Intersections of Gender and Sexuality:
Problems with Masculinity and Gay Men .................................................38
The Study of (Homo) Sexuality in Leisure................................................44
Leisure as Gendered Culture......................................................................50
Chapter Summary ......................................................................................52
THREE
“MY SECOND HOME”: AN ETHNOGRAPHIC
METHODOLOGY ....................................................................................54
The Data Collection Setting.......................................................................55
Data Collection Processes..........................................................................58
Data Transformation and Ethnographic Writing .......................................72
Trustworthiness of the Data and Its Representations.................................82
viii
Methodological Summary..........................................................................86
PART II
THE TRANSFORMATION OF DATA: DESCRIPTION, ANALYSIS,
AND INTERPRETATION.........................................................................89
CHAPTER
FOUR
“IT'S JUST A LITTLE BITTY PISS-ANT COUNTRY PLACE”:
INTRODUCING SADDLEBAGSSADDLEBAGS–A COUNTRY
WESTERN GAY BAR...............................................................................93
Historical Background of Saddlebags ......................................................111
Beyond the Novelty: A Gay Country-Western Community.....................113
Chapter Summary .....................................................................................120
FIVE
“SOME DAYS YOU GOTTA DANCE”: THE GENDERED
PRACTICE OF TWO-STEPPING ...........................................................121
Dancing in Saddlebags .............................................................................143
When Gay Men Two-Step ........................................................................147
Chapter Summary .....................................................................................159
SIX
“DON’T CALL HIM A COWBOY”: DRESS AND BAR MIGRATION
OF SADDLEBAGS PATRONS ....................................................................160
Dress and Bar Migration...........................................................................179
Bar Migration and Costume Changes .......................................................187
Chapter Summary .....................................................................................190
SEVEN
“YOU AIN’T WOMAN ENOUGH TO TAKE MY MAN”: GAY
MEN’S REACTION TO ‘LESBIAN NIGHT’ IN SADDLEBAGS..........191
Thursday Night at Saddlebags ..................................................................204
Protecting Gay Male Leisure Space..........................................................206
Chapter Summary .....................................................................................214
EIGHT
“GONE COUNTRY”: CONCLUSIONS AND IMPLICATIONS FOR
LEISURE RESEARCH AND SOCIAL CHANGE ..................................215
ix
Discussion of Theoretically Significant Conclusions ...............................219
Getting Politically Mobile: Implications for Leisure Research and
Social Change ...........................................................................................230
EPILOGUE “A BETTER MAN”: REFLECTING ON THE REASEARCHER
SELF ........................................................................................................236
APPENDICES
APPENDIX A: RESEARCH TIME LOG................................................242
APPENDIX B: SITE MAP.......................................................................244
APPENDIX C: INTERVIEW GUIDE .....................................................246
APPENDIX D: PARTICIPANT CONSENT FORM ...............................249
APPENDIX E: ANALYTIC LIST ...........................................................251
WORKS CITED ..............................................................................................................253
1
PROLOGUE
“BACK WHERE I COME FROM”: SITUATING THE RESEARCHER SELF
Some say it’s a back-woods place, narrow minds on their narrow ways. But I
make it a point to say that’s where I come from—Kenny Chesney
My work on this project began some time ago. Although the primary directives
have only recently become clear and are likely to shift again, perhaps several times,
before this piece is complete, I would like to start. I must start. However, the beginning of
my work is not clear. Where does it begin? Obviously, it begins with me, the researcher,
but when? How do I balance my authorial voice throughout this piece of work when there
is so much to accomplish? My lens is colored by personal experiences so I believe I
should start there, but what is relevant? How much do I share with you, the reader, about
the complexities of my subjectivity? Do I provide you with the typical list: white, male,
middle class, young, college educated? What if I add bad-driving, meat-eating, liberal,
homosexual? Does that tell you what you need to know? The subjectivities I should
reveal are not necessarily clear here in the beginning of this project. Since my qualitative
study is a process, as much as a product, I can only anticipate those subjectivities that
may become important. Therefore, the answers to my questions aren’t clear, but I must
start somewhere and I believe this, the beginning, is as good of a place as any. I have
constructed this prologue to address those preconceived subjectivities that both motivate
and influence my work.
According to Peshkin (1988), interrogating one’s subjectivity makes the work
more virtuous. He wrote,
2
Subjectivity is not a badge of honor, something earned like a merit badge and
paraded around on special occasions for all to see. Whatever the substance of
one’s persuasions at a given point, one’s subjectivity is like a garment that cannot
be removed. It is insistently present in both the research and non-research aspects
of our life. (p. 1)
Like many graduate students my education has afforded me the opportunity to engage
with multiple-layered theories that both confirm and challenge the ways I know and
understand the world. At the center of this research is an interplay between my situated
self as a gay male, my interests in gender and sexuality in leisure, and my goals as an
advocate for feminism and gay/lesbian liberation. Understanding these intersections and
their tensions may help the reader to know more about my “self” as the research
instrument, and ultimately this work—a feminist ethnography.
I remember sitting at a large conference table in my first graduate research
seminar, reading Henderson (1991) who challenged researchers to discover the passions
and curiosities that motivate them to pursue research. Unsure of my abilities but
determined to try, I began to search for a topic that would not only inspire my intellectual
curiosity, but also work for social justice and change the lives of those disadvantaged in
our society.
You would think that living as a gay man in a heterosexual world I would readily
see the opportunities to locate social injustice and oppression; however, at first that
injustice and oppression were unrecognizable to me. Growing up in a small rural town in
Ohio, I felt the sting of derogatory comments like “faggot” and “queer,” and had often
feared for my safety. However, I failed to see the relationship between those experiences
and leisure. Instead, I viewed leisure as a context that provided for the development of
my own positive gay identity as extolled in our literature: establishing social
3
relationships, allowing creative self-expression, boosting self-esteem, and increasing my
knowledge of shared cultural practices and history. And because I perceived leisure to be
positive in nature, I failed to recognize that many of my gay and lesbian friends did not
participate in leisure because they did not fit the “typical” participant profile or felt
treated differently, denied access, or feared for their safety. My recognition of this
dynamic and sometimes oppressive nature of leisure for gay men and lesbians came
while reading Breaking the Surface, the autobiographical story of Greg Louganis. In
Breaking the Surface, Louganis (1995) wrote of the potential consequences he faced
attempting to balance his gender, sexuality, and leisure. He wrote:
So after more than ten years of classes and performances and competitions, I gave
up acrobatics, gymnastics, and dance. I’d hoped to compete in gymnastics at the
Olympics one day, but now that dream was gone. At twelve years old, I decided
that I would kill myself. I went into my parents’ medicine cabinet and took a
bunch of different pills, mostly aspirin and Ex-Lax. Then I took a razor blade out
of the cabinet and started playing with it over my wrist. I started to bleed, but I
didn’t go deep enough to cut any veins or arteries…. I never told my parents
about the suicide attempt, and they didn’t notice the missing medicine or the
scratches on my wrists. Afterward, I was even more angry and depressed, because
I didn’t see anyway out. (pp. 40-41)
My emerging consciousness of gay and lesbian experiences like those faced by
Greg Louganis encouraged me to think about leisure differently, more critically. Slowly,
through projects like my master’s thesis, I began to think about how issues of gender and
sexuality were extremely important, yet unacknowledged and understudied in leisure
studies.
As my new perspectives on leisure developed I began to understand that leisure
was a cultural site where we learn about our social roles—roles which are constantly
influenced by the values and fundamentals of the dominant culture and one’s personal
beliefs, past experiences, and future goals. And though I believe that individual
4
expression, personal growth, and creativity are often fostered in leisure, leisure can also
be used to promote and enforce the discourse and ideals of those in power. For the first
time I saw how leisure might be used as a form of social control to keep individuals
and/or groups of individuals in a state of inequality.
The potential for leisure to create so much good and yet create so much harm is
why I am now moved to study it as a cultural context, woven with practices, products,
and discourses that are both empowering and destructive. The power of leisure is great
and the opportunity to explore its complexities in a more comprehensive manner is both
intriguing and exciting. “Leisure is one domain of life in which [individuals] can come to
know and experience a sense of community, incorporating opportunity for mutually
beneficial involvement through political agendas and social change” (Pedlar, 1995, p.
134). If scholars understand more about leisure and its inescapable ties to gender and
sexual identity, we can begin to liberate those oppressed by the andocentric/heterosexist
ideologies validated as “normal” in leisure.
Making a contribution to the welfare of my community and society as a whole has
always been, and remains, critical to my work. Marie Allison (1995) challenged us to ask
ourselves, “Why we do what we do?” (p. 1). Although the pursuit of knowledge is
important, it is even more critical to increase our understanding and improve the
situations of the individual or groups of individuals being studied. My experiences, as a
gay man, with the social injustices that exist in society create a desire to bring about
social change with my research. And though I clearly advocate for research that creates
social change, I do not argue for a monolithic political agenda. Agreement on every issue
is not as productive or constructive as intellectual debate. Instead, the process of
5
constructive criticism and critical thinking allow us to advance theory and apply that
theory to our dynamic and fluid society.
Driven by my interests in gender and sexuality, coupled with my desire for social
change, I was attracted by the tenants of feminist theory. For me, feminism provides a
theoretical lens, a political position, and a substantive body of literature for the selection
and situation of problems. And though feminist theory does not clearly stipulate rules for
research, investigation, or interpretation it does encourage an exploration of all aspects of
social life that contribute to inequality and oppression, even in the case of gay men.
As a man who uses a feminist theoretical perspective I believe studying men is a
necessary step toward reaching the goals of feminism. According to Kimmel (1996)
feminism has changed the expectations and experiences of women to include those
spheres of life that have traditionally been restricted and regulated by men. Those
changes have impacted, influenced, and challenged men in a variety of ways. Feminist
men have responded most directly and favorably to these feminist critiques and have used
the resources of feminist thinking to begin a critique of the patriarchal social structures of
masculinity, shifting the theoretical perspective of feminism to also examine the lives of
men. However, I cannot appropriate the use of feminism for the study of gender (and
masculinity) without weighty consideration of the issues surrounding my privileged
subjectivity as a man, ensuring that I am not responsible for creating and recreating
andocentric biases, reinforcing male privilege, and/or erasing the important position of
women in the creation and dissemination of new knowledge. Despite the challenges I
face as a man doing feminist work I am encouraged by those whom desire men’s
participation. Harding (1991/1993) wrote:
6
Men who want to be part of the solution rather than only the problem for
feminism can promote the understanding produced by women feminists. They can
criticize the sexism and andocentrism of male colleagues and of male thinkers,
writers and public figures. They can move material resources to women and to
feminists….What better alternative could there be for moving toward more
democratic societies than…[for men] to join [women] and reinvent ourselves as
“other?” (pp. 161-162)
Closely linked to my goals as a feminist are my goals as an advocate for gay and
lesbian liberation. As I strive to find my own critical voice and I also attempt to interface
gay sexuality with gender identity by merging gay studies and feminism.
Gay and lesbian political activism and increased visibility have been somewhat
successful in reaching the goals of equality; however, gay men and lesbians remain
stigmatized, marginalized, and oppressed. In fact, while the mainstreaming of gay men
and lesbians may currently yield a better cultural and political life, I believe those actions
are mere shifts in discourse that serve to mask some larger social issues, especially issues
surrounding sexual identity’s link to gender. Influential political activist and lesbian
scholar Urvashi Vaid (1995) described gay men and lesbian's attraction to these masks of
inequality when she wrote:
The notion that homosexuality has been mainstreamed is an illusion we yearn to
believe because we are so tired of being vilified, loathed, and marginalized. We
want to be accepted and loved. We deserve to be safe, to be treated as fully equal,
to enjoy every human right to be free and ourselves. But all the progress we have
unquestionably made has not yet won us the respect, acceptance, and support of
the heterosexual majority. The persistence of discrimination and the prejudicial
attitudes reflected in most public opinion polls quantifies how much further we
have to go…. Each of these realities challenges the gay and lesbian movement to
question whether mainstream civil rights alone will deliver our people genuine
freedom and full human dignity. (p. 5)
As a gay man, I recognize the double bind that situates gay men and lesbians as
gender non-conformists. Indeed it is my situated subjectivity as a gay man that allows me
to recognize the necessity of critiquing the social categories of the
7
homosexual/heterosexual, man/woman, masculine/feminine. Ironically, that subjectivity
also requires that I use these categorical labels to launch and ground my criticisms.
When I consider all of these subjective influences on my thinking I must consider
the risk I take in opening up my “personal” world to critique and/or judgment from my
administrators, friends, students, colleagues, mentors, and future employers. Yet, I am
bound by the epistemological and ontological beliefs that encourage my full participation,
not in the creation of an objective truth, but in investigating the problems that lie at the
intersections of gender and sexuality in the context of leisure.
When considering my researcher subjectivity in relation to this feminist
ethnography of gay men in gay bars, I am inspired by the words of Minnie Bruce Pratt
(1984) who wrote of the tensions she faced when attempting to change her world for the
better. Instead of denying or ignoring her challenges, she highlighted and confronted
them head on. She wrote:
I’m trying to learn how to live, to have the speaking—to extend beyond the
moment’s word, to act so as to change the unjust circumstances that keep us from
being able to speak to each other; I’m trying to get a little closer to the longed-for
but unrealized world, where we each are able to live, but not by trying to make
someone less that us, not by someone else’s blood or pain: yes, that’s what I’m
trying to do with my living now. (p. 13)
These words become a source of strength as I try to situate my researcher
subjectivity in relation to my study. I realize that I must be reflexive in my research in
order to avoid inscribing upon the “other” (women and gay men). I must not hide behind
masks of invisibility or neutrality, but instead I must engage those tensions and make
apparent my privileged and unprivileged voices.
At this point I realize that some of my subjectivities may be more important than
other subjectivities. For example, for this study my subjective position as a feminist or a
8
gay man seems far more germane than my subjective position in relation to religion—not
that religion might ultimately emerge as salient. And though emphasizing my
subjectivity doesn’t get me off the hook, it does make my research, as indicated by
Peshkin (1988), “virtuous,” creating an opportunity for me to make a distinctive
contribution to the body of knowledge by positioning my personal qualities with the data
I collect and the conclusions that I draw. Making my study virtuous is what I have tried to
do here—in the beginning.
9
PART I
A RATIONALE AND DESIGN FOR EXPLORING GAY MEN’S MASCULINITY IN
A COUNTRY-WESTERN GAY BAR
10
Part I of this dissertation is the foundation of my thinking, where as a researcher I
thoroughly interrogate the epistemological and ontological conceptualizations that
brought me (along with all of my subjective positions) to a study of gay men’s
masculinity in the leisure context of country-western gay bar. Much of what is presented
in Part I is driven by my desire to work for social change in and through my research.
Derrida (1994) asked the question, how do we infuse theory with “justice to come” in
order to make a difference in the material world in which we live? I am not sure there is
one answer. However, I do believe that the struggle for equality and first-class citizenship
rights around gender and sexuality (beyond Western society’s dangerous binaries) can
only be won if we truly understand what we are up against, and begin to challenge
andocentrism and heteronormativity in ways that address the complexities and messiness
of identity politics in the places and spaces where we live, work, and play.
As a researcher in Leisure Studies, I have chosen to use my dissertation research
to search for “justice to come” in a place where gay men and lesbians play. Therefore, in
the way of an overview, Chapter One lays out an introduction to my research project
explaining why it is both important and necessary to examine how gay men come to
understand and negotiate the meaning of masculinity in gay bars. Chapter Two reviews
the necessary literature to highlight those conceptual ideas and theoretical frameworks
that have informed my thinking as I approached the study of gay men in a gay bar. And
finally, in Chapter Three I describe, in detail, my methods of inquiry for selecting and
gaining access to a specific site, collecting data in that site, and transforming that data to
represent the people who play in that site. My goal here is, as Fine (2000) suggests, “to
reform ‘common sense’ and inform critically public policies, existent social movements,
11
and daily community life” (p. 124). Words on the page are my efforts at “justice to
come.”
12
CHAPTER ONE
“IT MATTERS TO ME”: AN INTRODUCTION
And I don’t know what to say, don’t know what to do, don’t know if it really even
matters to you. How can I make you see that it matters to me?—Faith Hill
The new scholarship on sexual behavior has given sex a history and created a
constructivist alternative to sexual essentialism. Underlying this body of work is
an assumption that sexuality is constituted in society and history, not biologically
ordained. This does not mean that biological capacities are not prerequisites for
human sexuality. It does mean that human sexuality is not comprehensible in
purely biological terms. Human organisms with human brains are necessary for
human cultures, but no examination of the body or its parts can explain the nature
and variety of human social systems. The belly’s hunger gives no clues as to the
complexities of cuisine. The body, the brain, the genitalia, and the capacity for
language are all necessary for human sexuality. But they do not determine its
content, its experiences, or its institutional forms. Moreover, we never encounter
the body unmediated by the meanings that cultures give to it. (Rubin, 1984/1993,
p. 10)
In this excerpt from Thinking Sex: Notes for a Radical Theory of the Politics of
Sexuality, Gayle Rubin (1984/1993) constructed an argument to explain the gender
injustices and oppression faced by sexual minorities. Yet despite this insight, two decades
later we are still entrenched in the struggles of liberation for sexual minorities. Though
political activism, visibility, and increased understanding have moved us toward the goals
of equality, gay men and lesbians remain stigmatized, marginalized, repressed, and
oppressed.
You may ask, why struggle for liberation in the context of a dissertation?
Informed by the historical struggles for sexual liberation, personal freedom, dignity,
equality, and human rights at the intersections of gender and sexuality, and fueled by
feminist examinations and critiques of masculinity, I began to recognize that the
13
messages of manhood for me as a gay man are often contradictory, problematic, and life
threatening. Take for example the consequences for Matthew Shepard, being a gay man
in today’s society.
Young, small, gay, a college boy in the town of Laramie, Wyoming, a kid who his
father says didn't know how to make a fist until he was thirteen—lured out of a
bar by two “rednecks” [and] hijacked to a lonely spot outside of town, strung up
like a scarecrow on a buck fence, bludgeoned beyond recognition, and left to die
without his shoes, his ring, his wallet, or the $20 inside it…. As a gay man in
America, Shepard must have sensed all of those things just around the corner.
(Wypijewski, 1998, pp. 61-62)
The circumstances surrounding the death of Matthew Shepard are quite horrific.
And while Matthew Shepard’s punishment for violating heterosexual/masculine norms
was extremely severe, gay men are punished every day for their gender and sexual nonconformity. In my opinion, homophobia and heterosexism are good indicators of the
urgent need for a scholarship that critically examines the intersecting meanings of gender
and sexuality as they exist in our culture—a scholarship that can move society toward
ending practices of exclusion, economic discrimination, abuse, violence, and murder of
sexual minorities.
Underlying my research agenda is an aim to understand how the intersection of
sexual and gender identities are discursively and ideologically produced in and through
the cultural contexts of leisure. By shifting the focus away from unproblematic notions of
identity and instead focusing on the problems and politics of difference, scholars can
explore and critique the convergence of structure and agency in the institutional practices,
processes, and products that foster exclusion. This aim is fundamental if we are to halt
marginalization, exploitation, and violence against sexual minorities.
14
With these presuppositions in mind, I have undertaken an ethnographic study that
focuses on the gay bar as a leisure context for gay men. However, before beginning this
work it is important to understand why this problem is interesting to me both personally
and theoretically. The remainder of this chapter aims to unite the personal and the
theoretical in a balance that substantiates the problem to the reader and begins to
articulate the researcher’s subjectivity. First, I will examine the complex concept of
masculinity.
Uncovering Masculinity
For as long as I can remember I have been cognizant of the essentialized notion of
what it is supposed to mean to be a man—most men do. I have not always been
successful in my performance of it—most men aren't. Despite my success or failure at
presenting an acceptable performance of manhood, a persuasive and often subversive set
of cultural norms exists, as part of mainstream discourse, to inform and guide my
behavior. Connell (1995) described “masculinity” as those practices in which men (and
sometimes women) engage male social gender roles with the effects being expressed
through the body, personality, and culture. Culture, then, serves as both a cause and effect
of masculine behavior, and in our western society masculinity has taken shape in relation
to securing and maintaining dominance. The masculine power is balanced by the general
symbolism of difference whereby the masculine is valued over the feminine. While
masculinity is grounded in difference, it is not a static characteristic or personal identity
trait. Instead masculinity is a fluid construct that is organized within social relations and
ultimately changes those social relations. According to Connell (1995), masculinity is not
15
just an object of knowledge but the interplay between the agency of the individual and
the structure of the social institution.
Therefore, as I approach the study of masculinity it is important for me to situate
my investigation specifically within its culture. By placing masculinity in a historical
moment and cultural context, researchers examine how at that moment, in that culture,
the framework of patriarchy emphasizes the control of emotions and denial of sexuality
around the construction of masculinity. As Humphries (1985) suggested, researchers
“cannot take seriously the staple references to masculinity and instead develop our own
images of how we want to be.” (p. 77). This argument contends that while there could be
a variety of ways to perform masculinity, men often feel obligated, consciously or
unconsciously, to perform masculinity in specific ways that are dependent upon the
current cultural climate. These dominant ideological norms of masculinity are referred to
as hegemonic masculinity.
Hegemonic Masculinity
Most people would agree that some socially constructed characteristics of
masculinity are valued more than others. The value of those characteristics is often based
on their relationship to dominant ideological discourses. Hegemonic masculinity is the
configuration of male gender practices that serves to legitimize patriarchy and
heterosexuality, guaranteeing the dominant position of men and heterosexuals and the
subordination of women and non-heterosexuals. Connell (1995) used terms such as
“hegemonic masculinity” and “marginalized masculinities” to describe structures of
practice that are constructed in social situations. Hegemonic masculinity fosters access to
power for those who are heterosexual and male. Therefore, hegemonic masculinity is a
16
powerful tool used to secure and maintain the current social order. Consequently,
hegemonic masculinity is an elaborate performance of social authority, and is not easy to
challenge openly. Men who eventually choose to separate from hegemonic masculinity
are choosing to confront a major dilemma of difference. Who would dare challenge and
forgo such authority?
Gay Masculinity
What happens to men who cannot or do not conform to hegemonic masculinity?
Gay men are sociologically fascinating because they consistently express such a
paradoxical relationship to hegemonic masculinity, sometimes resisting and sometimes
reinforcing dominant ideologies. Because gay men encounter a hegemonic masculinity
that is based on heterosexuality, their everyday relations carry contradictory messages
and an undercurrent of threat. Dominant groups such as male heterosexuals, and
individuals such as Matthew Shepard's killers, use violence and fear as tactics to maintain
their power and dominance to enforce hegemonic masculinity. Those actions are aimed at
punishing the betrayers of manhood. Betrayers like Matthew Shepard. Betrayers like me.
Gay men, by their very existence, challenge the power structures of hegemonic
masculinity in a variety of ways. One argument suggests that gay men give up their
everyday masculine privileges and styles of interaction by claiming a non-heterosexual
identity (Connell, 1995). Sedgwick elaborated on the politics of “coming out” in her
influential essay Epistemology of the Closet (1993). In this essay, Sedgwick illustrated
how the categorical identity management of sexual identity information creates a double
bind for gay men because denouncing heterosexuality severs gay men’s link to
hegemonic masculinity. Sedgwick wrote:
17
Heterosexist and masculinist ethical sanctions [find] ready camouflage. If the new
common wisdom that hotly overt homophobes are men who are ‘insecure about
their masculinity’ supplements the implausible, necessary illusion that there could
be a secure version of masculinity (known, presumably, by the coolness of its
homophobic enforcement) and a stable, intelligible way for men to feel about
other men in modern heterosexual capitalist patriarchy, what tighter turn could
there be to the screw of an already off-center, always at fault, endlessly
blackmailable male identity ready to be manipulated into any labor of channeled
violence. (p. 56)
What Sedgwick emphasizes in the above passage is the hindrance and vulnerability gay
men encounter in trying to be “gay” and “men” at the same time.
Lehne (1998) discussed an example of the double bind gay men encounter,
suggesting that heterosexual relations with women are the proving grounds for
masculinity and that adequate sexual functioning with women is seen as proof of
masculinity. Consequently, a lack of sex with women will inevitably damage the male
gender identity. Accordingly, since homosexual desire is not based on the desire for the
opposite sex, it serves as a direct challenge to the power of hegemonic heterosexual
masculinity. In retaliation, hegemonic ideologies create messages that use gay men as the
antithesis of masculine.
In spite of these contradictory messages, gay men attempt to resist the stigma of
homosexuality by enacting a variety of strategies. These strategies include renunciation,
adoption of hypermasculine qualities, and/or self-segregation. As they negotiate the
double bind of being gay and male, many gay men retain the idealized sexual and
gendered messages connected with the symbolic power, strength, and self-worth
maintained in hegemonic masculinity. And though not all men practice hegemonic
masculinity, most men benefit from it. Therefore, when faced with giving up their
18
masculine gender privilege for their (homo) sexual identity, the (homo) sexual identity is
often repressed or even denied.
In an attempt to maintain their masculine gender privilege, in spite of their gay
identity, many gay men actively attempt to sever their link to effeminacy by exaggerating
aspects of hegemonic masculinity. As a result, these men unconsciously reinforce and
intensify hegemonic heterosexual and masculine ideologies, keeping in place the
oppressive, monolithic practices of what it means to be a “man.”
Although many scholars and activists would argue that gay men are forced to live
in a world that does not acknowledge their existence, I am arguing that I am forced to live
in a world that requires my (gay) existence in order to maintain definitional control of
dominant ideologies. These dominant ideologies allow heterosexual men to maintain
control by reinforcing the binary structures that value heterosexual over homosexual and
masculine over feminine, and linking them together inextricably. Therefore,
acknowledgment of the everyday life and experiences of gay men and lesbians
categorically situates those individuals, including myself, into an identity category that
serves as a mechanism for both our oppression and the dominance and superiority of
“men.”
With these considerations in mind, gay men seem to occupy an interesting place
for the study of gender and sexuality in contemporary society. While heterosexual
ideologies often appropriate gay men as feminized males, I suspect that many gay men’s
cultural practices will reveal that they are much more creative and active agents in their
gender performance. A closer look at gay men in their everyday lives may help us to
19
better understand how gay men come to understand and negotiate the meaning of
masculinity.
Gay Men in Leisure
Despite the necessity of “gay men” in a world where heterosexuality is considered
to be normal, gay men’s everyday lives are rarely examined and their unique situations
and circumstances are frequently regarded as unimportant. One context where the
creative agency of gay men might be readily prevalent is in their leisure. Wearing (1998)
argued that leisure is often used to shift the goal posts of cultural domination and that
cultural spaces are important locations where both social control of individuals and
political and social strategies for change are prevalent. In her early work on gay men and
lesbians, Kivel (1996) recognized the need for understanding differences and advocated
for more theoretical work when she wrote:
The issues of leisure as a context for identity formations should not only focus on
the individual, but should also focus on the cultural ideologies, which shape and
influence the individual…. The next step is to begin to understand how leisure
contexts contribute to a hegemonic process, which creates “insiders” and
“outsiders. ” (p. 204)
Kivel’s call for research has received little attention from leisure scholars and
there is a noticeable absence of research examining leisure in relation to gay men and
their culture. When gay men have been examined, their experiences have been assumed
to be the same or similar to those of lesbians, bisexuals, and people who are
transgendered. This blending of non-dominant populations highlights oppression and
marginalization as the groups' common characteristics but it also creates a lens that
overlooks the more interesting aspects of their differences. My point here is not to
undermine the important political agenda that these non-dominant populations might
20
share, but to distinguish gay men in order to understand their unique lives and
experiences. The examination of the intersections, constitutions, categorizations, and
disruptions that occur in the daily lives of gay men will ultimately advance our
understanding of difference and provide a space from which to examine and critique their
gender performance.
It seems reasonable that the context of leisure is one place where gay men’s
gender identities are created, understood, resisted, negotiated, and transgressed by groups
and individuals. For example, Shaw (1999) indicated:
The impact of leisure on gender [is] both individual and collective. At the
individual level, leisure experiences, self-expression, and the development of selfidentity through leisure often involve the expressions of attitudes and beliefs
about femininity and masculinity…. Individual attitudes and beliefs function
collectively in the construction and reconstruction of gender ideologies and
gender relations in the broader society. (p. 276)
Therefore, in an effort to better understand gay men’s gender performance I am
proposing that my critical ethnographic examination occur in one of the most visible and
accessible gay male leisure sites, the gay bar.
The Gay Bar
The gay bar has been an important space for gay men and lesbians since the gay
liberation movement began. In fact, the gay rights movement was ignited by the riots that
occurred outside the Stonewall bar in New York City at the end of the 1960’s. It was on
Friday, June 27, 1969, that two detectives and several officers from Manhattan’s Sixth
Precinct raided the Stonewall Inn, a gay bar on Christopher Street in Greenwich Village.
What became significant is that the customers at the Stonewall that night responded in an
unusual fashion. Instead of cooperating, the bar’s customers resisted the officers’
oppressive tactics and began riots that extended late into the night. These riots did not
21
subside after one night but extended to include several incidents over the course of the
next week. Before the end of July, women and men had come together to form the Gay
Liberation Front, all because of the invasion of the gay bar, a place of sanctity for the gay
community (D’ Emilio, 1993).
Since the Stonewall riots, and perhaps even before the riots, the gay bar has
served as a pivotal site for gay male social life, providing a cultural environment where
release and enjoyment can occur away from heterosexualized locations of everyday life.
In the wake of sexual liberation in the 1980’s, a small surge in the study of gay bars
occurred. Hedblom and Hartman (1980) described the gay bar as
the most obvious place to meet potential sex partners and friends outside of one’s
immediate network of acquaintances. It serves as a clearinghouse for information
of all sorts. It is a combination social calendar and daily bulletin board. It is a
public place where relatively private behavior can be displayed. It is a milieu of
common understanding and…a place where the minority becomes the majority.
(p. 229)
According to Weightman (1980), gay bars are the most important social and cultural
institution in the gay world. She explained:
In the interest of survival the gay community has walls, places, and times, set
apart from other walls, places, and times in which people can express themselves.
Separation is necessary for recreation and relaxation in the gay world—the only
context in which gay is normal, so-called deviant practices acceptable and gay
responses rewarded. Because of stigmatization and secrecy, gay time is primarily
leisure time, and most gay spaces are designed for leisure activities. Bars,
specifically designed to wall out straights, have become the focal points of leisure
activity for a large segment of the gay community. (p. 10)
Both the work of Hedblom and Hartman (1980) and Weightman (1980) would
definitely be considered dated in our discussion of the gay community of today; however,
the gay bar’s existence and purpose has not changed much over the course of the past two
decades. Although gay men have become more visible and have created additional and
22
alternative spaces and places for their leisure, the gay bar still seems to remain a central
social institution and leisure context for a number of gay men. For example, in a recent
study on the leisure of gay and lesbian young adults, ages 19 to 25, I reported that gay
bars often serve as
an emotional shelter where anti-hegemonic mores are not seen as sick or perverse
but valuable and positive, providing a symbolic space and place for the discovery
and being of a gay/lesbian identity in leisure. A gay/lesbian/homosexual space
offers a perspective from which to see, create and imagine an alternate reality.
(Johnson, 1999, p. 17)
Even though gay bars are often a central site for gay men’s social life, it is not my
intent to imply that the gay bar is a leisure context for all gay men, nor is my objective to
speak about gay bars as monolithic sites. In my review of the literature, and in my
personal experience, I realize that gay bars often focus on specific clientele, offer a vast
array of types of entertainment, and may stratify themselves according to social identity
categories such as gender and race. In addition, the size of the gay community, the
geographic location of the bar, and access to alternative opportunities also heavily
influence the unique culture of a gay bar.
A variety of bars, taverns, nightclubs, joints, dives, and pubs exist for people of
every taste, and this diversity is certainly no different when applied to gay bars. Some
gay bars are frequented by drag queens and some gay bars are frequented by lesbians.
Some gay bars feature strip shows and others provide dance floors and high-energy
music. Many gay bars are popular tourist sites and encourage supportive heterosexuals to
enjoy themselves, while other gay bars cater to the local flavor of the segregated gay
market. Most bars open in the early evening but some are open all day and all night.
Some bars encourage the young, while some cater to the old. Many bars are known for
23
their counter-culture, which include drag queens, leathermen, and country-western
images, while some bars are only gay on specific nights of the week. No matter what
combination of these or the many other characteristics gay bars use to stratify their
clientele, the gay bar frequently serves as a leisure context and is a suitable site for
critically examining the ways gay men construct, reinforce, resist, and transform
meanings of masculinity.
Examining Masculinity in Gay Bars
Although the construction of gendered space has been largely untheorized for gay
men, I intend to look at gay men in the cultural context of a gay bar to understand their
negotiated meanings of masculinity. While I have already suggested that gay bars are
important cultural sites for gay men’s leisure, I want to also suggest that they may be rich
with the contradictions surrounding masculinity that were discussed earlier.
According to Israelstam and Lambert (1984), some of the most popular gay bars
are those that emphasize hypermasculinity or macho images. While all gay bars will have
examples of masculinity, those gay bars that celebrate hypermasculinity and machismo
interest me most. What I can speculate from my own visits is that although gay men in
hypermasculine bars sometimes celebrate and reinforce hegemonic heterosexual
masculine ideologies, they also seem to be openly challenging and/or creating a new
gendered meaning when they perceive freedom from heterosexual ideologies.
Although no empirical research on country-western gay bars exists, Horrocks
(1995) discussed masculinity in relation to ideas of Western imagery noting that, “The
western [image] is a true mythical system…constantly elaborated over time, until it has
24
achieved the complexity and richness of more ancient mythologies. It provides a set of
symbols, which are instantly recognizable” (p. 60).
Those symbols, usually aligned with “true manhood” and compulsory
heterosexuality, exist in the cultural context of country-western gay bars, offering easy
access to masculine mythologies through the attire, décor, music, activities, and
behaviors. A sampling of country-western music, for example, reveals assumptions
around heteronormative ideologies as they exist in our culture. Therefore, it seems
reasonable that country-western gay bars, regardless of their non-mainstream status, have
a strong hegemonic culture of gender in place, one that deserves our attention.
Framing the Study
My critical perspective on gay men’s gender negotiation is heavily influenced by
the theoretical work of feminist scholars. As Edwards (1994) suggested, the goal is to
create a “perspective which is neither gay affirmative nor pro-feminist, [but] rather gay
affirmative and pro-feminist” (p. 12).
In this study, feminism serves as an invaluable tool revealing the political nature
of gender and how gender, specifically the masculine, creates power and privilege. When
turned on masculinity, feminism reveals the pressures for all men to conform to
heterosexual hegemonic masculinity and to reject feminine qualities, usually through
misogyny or homophobia. My feminist perspective provides the necessary position for
exploring gay men as both the victims and the benefactors of a patriarchal/heterosexual
society, revealing how hegemonic masculinity may be oppressive and consequently
resisted, but also reproduced and consequently valued in the context of a gay bar.
Belonging to one oppressed group does not prohibit that group from oppressing
25
themselves or others. Consequently, gendered and sexual subjectivities must be
investigated critically and simultaneously in order for us to imagine possibilities for
moving beyond privileged heterosexual hegemonic masculinity. Feminism provides this
political and theoretical position.
Using feminism as a theoretical framework, this research undertakes an
ethnographic examination of how gay men come to understand and negotiate the meaning
of masculinity in a country-western gay bar. A review of the literature will highlight the
most recent research on these topics as well as provide a rationale for further study. The
following questions will direct the review of literature and guide the study:
1) How does this gay bar (Saddlebags), serve as a leisure context for its gay male
patrons?
2) How do gay men in this gay bar negotiate hegemonic and counter-hegemonic
gendered practices?
3) What structures exist to facilitate and/or prohibit gendered practices by gay
men in this gay bar?
Significantly, this study not only extends previous work on the intersections of
gender and sexuality for gay men, but also focuses on the gay bar as a context for leisure.
Using the ethnographic methods of participant observation, formal and informal
interviews, and archival data collection, I examine how some gay men come to
understand and negotiate the meaning of masculinity in the context of a gay bar. It is my
hope that this study will not only make a significant contribution to the scholarship on
gender, sexuality, and leisure, but also express and advance the interests of sexual
minorities by contributing intellectually to the contemporary lesbian/gay movement.
26
CHAPTER TWO
“THE TROUBLE WITH THE TRUTH”: THEORETICAL FOUNDATIONS OF
GENDER AND SEXUALITY IN THE CONTEXT OF LEISURE
It has ruined the taste of the sweetest lies, burned through my best alibis. Every sin that I
deny, keeps hanging round my door. Oh the trouble with the truth is, it always begs for
more.—Patty Loveless
Difference must be not merely tolerated, but seen as a fund of necessary polarities
between which our creativity can spark like dialectic. Only then does the
necessity for interdependency become unthreatening. Only within that
interdependency of different strengths, acknowledged and equal, can the power to
seek new ways of being in the world generate, as well as the courage and
sustenance to act where there are no charters. Within the interdependence of
mutual (non-dominant) differences lies that security which enables us to descend
into the chaos of knowledge and return with true visions of our future, along with
the concomitant power to effect those changes which can bring that future into
being. Difference is that raw and powerful connection from which our personal
power is forged. (Lorde, 1984, 111-112)
These words from Audre Lorde’s essay The Master’s Tools Will Never Dismantle
the Master’s House provide an effective entree into the discussion of difference I intend
to layout within the pages of this chapter. Recently, several scholars in leisure studies
have indicated that we need to refocus our research efforts to go beyond examination of
the individual identities and experiences of non-dominant groups, to examine why these
groups are situated as non-dominant (Aitchison, 1999; Kivel, 2000; Pedlar 1999).
Although it is important for scholars to understand how the markers of identity operate at
a level of agency, it is also important, to understand how the markers of identity are
discursively and ideologically produced in and through the cultural contexts of leisure
(Kivel, 2000).
27
By shifting our focus away from unproblematic notions of identity and toward
the problems and politics of difference, leisure studies scholars can better understand the
institutional practices, processes, and products that foster exclusion and perpetuate
oppression and marginalization. This shift in thinking is necessary if we are to halt the
unintended exploitation and discrimination of non-dominant groups in our research and
professional practice.
My objective in this chapter is to highlight those conceptual ideas and theoretical
frameworks that inform my thinking as I conducted this study of gay men in gay bars. In
the following sections I explore the social construction of masculinity, the social
construction of sexuality, the study of (homo) sexuality in leisure, problems with
masculinity and gay men, and the study of leisure as gendered culture.
The Social Construction of Masculinity
Masculinity
Although the study of masculinity has grown in the primary disciplines of
psychology, sociology, and social psychology, leisure studies scholars have only recently
shifted their attention toward its examination. However, building upon the theoretical
work completed over the last 10 years, leisure studies scholars can effectively contribute
to our understanding of the ways in which masculinity is organized as a normative set of
behaviors that directs and affects both men and women in their leisure.
According to Connell (1995), masculinity, if at all definable, is both a place in
gender relations and how men engage that place with the effects represented in the social
practices of their body, their personality, and their culture. This means that masculinity is
an internalized and fluid male sex role, whereby sex role norms become “social facts,”
28
constantly being changed by social processes. Therefore, masculinity is not just a static
idea or stable form of personal identity but is organized and internalized within social
relations and social contexts. More than an object of knowledge, masculinity involves
interplay between personal agency and the agent’s interaction with larger social
structures. This conceptualization of masculinity means that what social actors
understand to be masculine varies between, within, and across culture (Connell, 1995;
Fracher & Kimmel, 1998).
In addition to recognizing the social construction of masculinity, it is also
important to recognize that masculinity is based on its dialectical relationship to
femininity. Therefore, masculinity will always take shape in relation to the overall
structure of power and general symbolism of difference whereby masculinity versus
femininity (Connell, 1995).
Therefore, it is necessary to situate masculinity in a historical and cultural context
that enables scholars to discuss men’s experiences and relationships in relation to the
social structure. This conceptual framework illuminates how masculinity can be
understood as an aspect of a specific culture’s spaces, practices, and products. A notion
Humphries (1985) recognized when he wrote, “[Men] cannot take seriously the staple
references to masculinity and instead develop our own images… which will, at any given
point and time, satisfactorily resolve the questions of what being a man means” (p. 77).
Hegemonic Masculinity
Masculinity as discussed above becomes arduous to pinpoint in any concrete
ways since it can vary according to individuals, counter-cultures, sub-cultures, and
cultures at any given time. Consequently, many researchers choosing to do empirical
29
investigations on masculinity examine masculinity (or masculinities) by situating them in
or against hegemonic masculinity. Hargreaves (1989) described hegemony as
a form of social control that is persuasive, rather than coercive, and which
depends upon the production and maintenance of values and beliefs that support
established social relations and structures of power. Hegemony can be reinforced
by coercive means of control, but essentially operates through more subtle means
as a form of ideological persuasion. (p. 133)
The term hegemony was coined by Antonio Gramsci to describe those dominant
ideologies that perpetuate and maintain the interests of the dominant social class. Thus,
hegemony is successful when the dominant culture continues to maintain power and
privilege because their values are accepted as the norm. In reference to masculinity,
hegemony is a powerful ideological structure that greatly influences and affects our social
lives providing a fundamental framework for transmitting and monitoring the norms of
masculinity and thus, the meanings and expectations connected to being a man.
According to Connell (1995), hegemonic masculinity can be defined as the
configuration of gender practices that embodies the currently accepted answer to the
problem of legitimacy of patriarchy, which guarantees the dominant position of men and
subordination of women. He described how “terms such as ‘hegemonic masculinity’ and
‘marginalized masculinities’ name not fixed character types, but configurations of
practice generated in particular situations” (Connell, 1995, p. 196). Furthermore,
hegemonic masculinity by its very nature has social authority, and is not easy to
challenge openly. Those who choose separation from hegemonic masculinity are
choosing a path where they will be labeled as deviant according to dominant social
norms, whether their motivations are unconsciously passive or consciously resistant.
30
The Social Construction of Sexuality
Sexuality
Gender and sexuality are inextricably linked in our Western culture. The
dominant ideological messages around gender and sexuality are created, perpetuated,
maintained, and enforced in the social institutions and social structures of society, making
dominant hegemonic categories seem natural and/or unproblematic. Though there are
many different ways to conduct oneself as a man or a woman, one’s gender is always
grounded in the interpretation of two exclusive sexes: male or female. However, gender
is not inevitable but may be challenged, transformed, and reconstructed distinct from
one’s biological sex (Butler, 1990; Butler, 1991). For example, dominant social messages
tell men that based on their biological sex (male) they are supposed to enact the
‘masculine’ to fulfill the socially constructed ideals of being man and that one of the most
powerful ideologies of their manhood is the attraction/desire to be sexual with a woman.
However, since “gay” men exist in our Western culture they create a major conflict in
this essentialized, monolithic system. The consequences for these gay men are
unknowable because of an unlimited number of variables, which may include visibility,
geographic location, race, class—the list goes on and on.
These theoretical arguments are based primarily on the work of Foucault (1978)
and Butler (1991) who argue that sex is not an effect but rather a cause of gender
relations. Foucault’s (1978) History of Sexuality encouraged sexuality researchers to
reason that sexuality is always historically based on and produced by the dominant
culture’s use of power. Using their power, the dominant culture creates and organizes
social systems, social discourses, social process, and social products. The dominant
31
culture then use these structures to influence or guide individual’s production and
consumption of ideologies about social identities, in this case gender and sexuality
(Butler, 1990; Butler, 1991; Foucault, 1981; Harding, 1998). Consequently, at least in
Western society, people are both explicitly and implicitly compelled to be a gender, and
to express that gender through the appropriate dominant cultural expressions of sexuality
at that historic moment.
Homosexuality
Foucault (1978) theorized that homosexuality was constructed as a modern
invention created by the medical profession to define a person by the very sexual acts in
which he or she participates (Jagose, 1996; Rubin, 1975/1997). Notwithstanding
arguments over language use, homosexuality has commonly and widely been used to
describe same-sex sexual behavior. However, the theoretical goal of deciding what
constitutes homosexuality or who is a homosexual is much more ambiguous. In fact,
historical arguments indicate that the designation of homosexuality, and consequently the
identity categories of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and straight have only been constructed
during the past century (Jagose, 1996, Laumann, et al., 1994/1997).
Even though homosexual activity was subject to sodomy laws in England before
1885, those laws were only directed against specific ‘acts’ between men and women and
men and men. “Homosexual” was not ascribed as an identity category until the era
surrounding the Oscar Wilde trials at the end of the nineteenth century. During that
historical period, the medical profession began to claim cultural authority for the
explanation of sexual behavior by creating a designation and/or classification for
homosexuality (Foucault, 1978; Jagose, 1996).
32
While there is ongoing debate over the exact historical (trans)formation of the
“modern homosexual,” homosexuality continues to remain theoretically elusive. In trying
to determine an essentialized homosexuality, scholars must examine both the singular and
complex elements used by the individuals who self-identify and/or by society’s attempt to
appropriate the label or associated labels of homosexuality. Researchers have used a
variety of determinants in an attempt to identify “homosexuals.” These determinants
include behavior, desire, and self-identification just to name a few. Traditionally,
homosexual behavior has been used to categorize specific actions conducted with a
partner of the same gender. These actions include, but are not limited to, active and
receptive oral sex, active and receptive anal sex, and other forms of genital stimulation.
Although homosexuality as a behavior seems to require physical activity, the
determinants of homosexuality as desire and/or identity are considered more complex.
Homosexual “desire,” for instance, encompasses a spectrum from finding the same sex
appealing, to actually becoming involved with individuals of the same-sex, to an
uncontrollable attraction for same-sex sexual activity.
Homosexual “identity” on the other hand seems to indicate the ability of the
individual to self-report that he or she ascribes to some label of same-sex sexual
orientation (e.g. gay, lesbian, and bisexual). It is critical to recognize that when sexuality
is used as a signifier for identity, the agent acquires social and/or political capital offered
by the sexual identity category. Self-identification often demonstrates an affinity for
grounding personal politics in relation to an individual's sense of personal identity. The
politics of sexual identity allow individuals to determine or negotiate a common ground
where they might construct visible and active communities. That common ground
33
provides an organizational and political framework for individuals to become part of
communities and create distinct cultures.
Despite the perceived power generated through identity politics, some theorists
argue that the way in which those politics are applied and substantiated toward defining a
“true” or essentialized identity is problematic. Identity politics are constantly shifting
because of their subjective nature and therefore do not account for how identity is
constructed naturally, historically, physically, or linguistically. This makes the use of
identity (or self-identification) as the only means for defining homosexuality
troublesome. For instance, several years ago in a very personal, but groundbreaking
interview, James Baldwin discussed the perplexities surrounding the categorization of
homosexuals. He stated,
Men have been sleeping with men for thousands of years—and raising tribes.
[Homosexuality] is a Western sickness, it really is. It’s an artificial division….
It’s only this infantile culture which has made such a big deal of it….
Homosexual is not a noun. (Goldstein, 1989, p. 77)
Baldwin’s quote illustrates how the determinants of behavior, desire, and identity used to
describe and characterize homosexuality are problematic, homogenizing individuals
without consideration for the variability in the application of these definitional tools to
the larger population. This variability should be a key consideration for anyone
investigating sexuality in today’s postmodern society (Kelly, 1998; Laumann, et al.,
1994/1997).
Compulsory Heterosexuality and Heteronormativity
Understanding that homosexuality itself is a modern categorical construction also
suggests that heterosexuality is a modern categorical construction. However,
heterosexuality, also dependent on changing cultural models, has been naturalized,
34
viewed as unproblematic, and seems to require no explanation or justification for its
existence (Jagose, 1996). Instead, the dominant culture’s ideologies, which are based on
heterosexuality, serve as powerful, pervasive mechanisms of social control, using the
already powerful cultural constructions of gender (masculine and feminine) to subjugate
persons who are not heterosexual.
Maintaining the idea of a naturalized heterosexuality takes considerable
investment on the part of the dominant culture, but is necessary to create and enforce the
perceptions of a radical and demonstrable difference between heterosexuals and
homosexuals. The idea of a naturalized or unquestioned heterosexuality is maintained in
the production of discrete and polar categorizations of gender and sexuality. These
categorizations conceal power relationships by bringing issues of anatomy, biology, and
sensations of pleasure together in an “artificial unity” through the act of sex (Foucault,
1978). This artificial unity not only permits but also encourages heterosexual desire to be
naturalized and perpetuated as normal and compulsory. “Compulsory heterosexuality”
then is the portrayal or enactment of a heterosexual identity. It is perceived as the only
correct or normal way to be, coercively encouraging individuals to live their existence
according the duty that heterosexuality and a heterosexual gender order prescribe.
In her influential essay Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence,
Adrienne Rich (1993) examined how cultural processes are used to forcibly and
subliminally control women. Consequently, when women resist or revolt from those
cultural processes they are punished. Rich (1993) also indicated that more recently
heterosexuality has been romanticized to represent an idealistic life for women (and I
35
would add men). She argued that this lie could be felt in all aspects of women’s lives
when she wrote,
The lie of compulsory female heterosexuality today afflicts not just feminist
scholarship, but every profession, every reference work, every curriculum, every
organizing attempt, every relationship or conversation over which it hovers. It
creates, specifically, a profound falseness, hypocrisy, and hysteria in the
heterosexual dialogue, for every heterosexual relationship is lived in the queasy
strobe light of that lie. However, we chose to identify ourselves, however we find
ourselves labeled, it flickers across and distorts our lives. (p. 61)
Indeed, Rich speaks from an activist and political space in her essay; however, her points
are poignant to understanding the powerful forces of compulsory heterosexuality. Rubin
(1975/1997) also examined the social construction of compulsory heterosexuality and its
relationship to gender. Rubin wrote, “Gender is not only an identification with one sex; it
also entails that sexual desire be directed toward the other sex. The sexual division of
labor is implicated in both aspects of gender-male and female it creates them, and it
creates heterosexual” (1975/1997, p. 40). These authors argue that our social
organization and institutional processes enable a hierarchical power structure whereby
heterosexuality is favored as the norm and non-heterosexual is situated as deviant and/or
un-permissible. Radicalesbians (1997) described how, as a result of compulsory
heterosexuality, a lesbian cannot perform her naturalized sex role and be considered a
“real woman.” The Radicalesbians (1997) wrote,
In popular thinking there is only one essential differences between a lesbian and
other women: that of sexual orientation—which is to say, when you strip off all
the packaging, you must finally realize that the essence of being a ‘woman’ is to
get fucked by men. (p. 154)
36
The arguments by Radicalesbians, Rubin, and Rich illustrate how the socially
constructed role of a woman cannot be examined without deconstructing its relationship
to heterosexuality.
Other feminists such as Wittig have also tackled the issue of women and their link
to compulsory heterosexuality. Wittig (1993) indicated that, as a result of their
homosexuality, lesbians also refuse heterosexuality and thus reject the economic,
ideological, and economic power associated with the connection to a man. Wittig (1993)
argued that any woman who refused servitude to men, rejected the connection to men’s
power, or asserted her own personal/political independence, would be labeled by
dominant society as a homosexual, lesbian, or dyke. Thus, even the labels surrounding
homosexuality are used to categorize and marginalize people, keeping both women and
non-heterosexuals in subordinate or less valued roles. Radicalesbians (1997) indicated
that this heterosexual male classification system is
The condition which keeps women within the confines of the feminine role, and it
is the debunking/scare term that keeps women from forming any primary
attachments, groups, or associations among ourselves….As long as the label
“dyke” can be used to frighten woman into a less militant stand, keep her separate
from her sisters, keep her from giving primacy to anything other than men and
family—then to that extent she is controlled by male culture. (p. 155)
As indicated by these arguments, heterosexuality gives power and privilege to
men first. Lesbian relationships are simply perceived as alternative sex acts, not valued
for the independent psychological and emotional relations that are separate from or
absent of men. Therefore, lesbianism itself would seem to serve as a challenge to the
compulsory heterosexual processes of women’s insubordination
Turning this argument onto the gay male subject, we can see how, for men, the
building block that links gender with heterosexuality is their masculinity. It is through
37
masculinity that men construct their sexuality and through that sexuality confirm their
gender identity (Fracher & Kimmel, 1998). However, when a man is “homosexual” or
“gay” these issues become complicated. Some theorists posit that the hegemonic ideals of
the male sex role make it more difficult for men who deviate from the traditional roles to
challenge them. Instead, those men will often feel personally inadequate and insecure,
and frequently face acts of discrimination and hate. However, Connell (1995) suggested
that gay men do find a common ground in their collective knowledge of gender
ambiguity, tension between their bodies and identities, and a realization of traditional
masculine contradictions. Consequently, he argued that the problems associated with gay
life could be traced to the elements of heteronormativity that prove difficult for gay men
as they attempt to transgress the gender and sexual norms of compulsory heterosexuality.
So far I have explained several foundational concepts for understanding the way
in which the current constructed categorical binary of sexuality is mythical and
inextricably tied to gender. From the time we are born our sexuality involves the
acceptance and absorption of these ideological myths about what it means to be
heterosexual, homosexual, men, and women. Those myths are embedded in both our
conscious and unconscious, directing us in how we should behave, think, feel, desire,
want, love, and so on.
Although, I will continue to argue that sexuality is socially constructed, I do not
believe that it is untrue or unreal. For most of us, our sexuality is very real and often feels
innate. However, critically examining how and why gender and sexual ideologies are
shaped to form complex structures of heteronormativity that ensure their continued
dominance is a necessary step toward emancipation of lesbians and gay men.
38
Intersections of Gender and Sexuality:
Problems with Masculinity and Gay Men
Hegemonic Masculinity and Gay Men’s Existence
As I have noted more broadly, sexuality is greatly influenced by the gender order.
For men, the building block that links gender and sexuality is masculinity. However, gay
male subcultures have a unique relationship with heteronormative masculine ideals. Gay
men challenge hegemonic masculinity while simultaneously endorsing it. Gay men’s
perception that masculinity is a social construction, as opposed to a law of nature, is more
acute as a result of their negotiation with it in their everyday experiences (Messner,
1997).
Gay men are caught in a double bind of being told that they are not men but are
expected to behave as men. Take for example Humphries (1985) assertion that gay men
are more effeminate because they have failed to complete a full course of masculinization
and traditionally have failed to repress parts of themselves that are commonly perceived
as feminine by others. Despite the problems in this example with the inherent value
placed upon masculinity over femininity, this argument posits that effeminacy is an
accepted part of homosexuality and becomes a common characteristic of gay men.
Although I find Humphries (1985) explanation potentially offensive and theoretically
insufficient, it does seem to fit the dominant messages and representations that have
plagued gay men in recent times.
Instead of aligning myself with the popular notions and stereotypical
generalizations of early scholarship on gay men, I am more likely to align my
conceptualizations with those of Savin-Williams (1998) who argued that even though gay
men are culturally defined and aligned with feminine interests, they have a great
39
attraction to and desire for masculinity. In fact, he argues that gay men’s same-sex
attractions are often experienced as an obsession of wanting to be near masculinity. In a
similar argument, Connell (1995) indicated that for gay men the point of reference for
both personality and object choice is masculinity and that the choice of a man as a sexual
object is not just the choice of a-body-with-penis, but of embodied masculinity. Both
Savin-Willams (1998) and Connell (1995) postulate that gay men cannot invent new
objects of desire any more than heterosexual men can invent new objects of desire.
Instead, gay men’s desire is structured by the current gender order. When attempting to
redefine masculinity, their direction must include the effeminacy placed upon them by
others as well as those hegemonic masculine qualities they adopt.
The research literature on gay men suggests that the subordination of gay men
(which includes cultural exclusion, cultural abuse, legal violence, street violence,
economic discrimination, and personal boycott) is facilitated by a gender order that
positions gay men at the bottom of a gender hierarchy among men, symbolically
expelling gay men from hegemonic masculinity and assimilating them to femininity.
However, Connell (1995) suggested that hegemony can be disrupted or even disrupt
itself. Consequently, over the past several decades gay sexuality has created a public
alternative within the heterosexual order.
It is imperative to understand how homosexual men and heterosexual men are
both similar and different if we are to analyze the existing structures of compulsory
heterosexuality and hegemonic masculinity within society. Fracher and Kimmel (1998)
argued that heterosexual and homosexual men have more in common in their sexuality
than evidenced in their differences. One reason that heterosexual and homosexual boys
40
share so many gender based behaviors is that all boys are subject to an anticipatory
socialization toward heterosexuality, and adults who eventually “go” gay undergo
essentially the same socialization process as other males (Connell, 1995; Fracher &
Kimmel, 1998; Levine, 1998). In fact, both gay men and straight men shape their
behavior between, and in reaction to, social-cultural prescriptions of hegemonic
heterosexual masculinity, negotiating the relation of masculinity within the bounds of
heteronormativity.
In addition to the heterosexual socialization of homosexual and heterosexual men,
we must also consider the consequences of the “body” as we examine the intersections of
gender and sexuality for gay men. Body images and body performance play an important
role in the social construction of gay masculinity. Connell (1995) indicated that the body
is a lot like a canvas on which masculinity can be painted. The research literature on
gender has indicated that one of the most influential body activities for men is sex and/or
reproduction. Gender meanings are instantaneously fused with bodily activity and the
emotion generated out of the relationship a person has with his/her body and the bodies
of others. With these ideas in mind we understand that masculine gender is (among other
things) a certain feel to the skin, certain muscle shapes and tensions, certain postures and
ways of moving, and certain possibilities in sex. Therefore, if the constitution of
masculinity through bodily performance cannot be sustained or achieved, the man is not a
man and he must redouble his efforts, reformulate his definition of manhood, or reject
hegemonic masculinity (Connell, 1995). For heterosexual males, sexual relations with
women are proving grounds for masculinity. Adequate sexual functioning is seen as
41
proof of masculinity and sex problems can inevitably damage male gender identity
(Lehne, 1998).
So what about gay men? Since gay male sexual desire is not based on the opposite
sex and is not the product of a different kind of body, they disrupt hegemonic
heterosexual masculinity. In essence, hegemonic masculinity forbids the receptive
pleasures of the anus and opposes penetration, making anal sex, and ultimately gay male
sex, a focus of disgust and receptive anal sex a mark of feminization (Connell, 1995).
Therefore, gay men, by their very existence, may serve to challenge hegemonic
masculinity and compulsory heterosexuality. Yet, as gay men encounter these ideas in the
form of their everyday relations, they have more to deal with then rationalizing the
contradictions of their existence; they may also have to deal with the undercurrent of
threat.
Homophobia: Social Control of Gay Masculinity
Homophobia, the irrational fear or hatred of those who are homosexual, manifests
itself in forms such as loss of employment, rejection by friends, loss of children, beatings,
rape, and even death (Pharr, 1988). Hegemonic masculinity perpetuates homophobia
because it masks individuals’ identification as being gay, decreasing known interactions
by others and reinforcing stereotypes that cause a dilemma around difference.
Homophobia reinforces boundaries around the limits of acceptable masculine behavior
and is an underlying motivating force for men to maintain hegemonic masculinity.
Moreover, since a number of heterosexual men devalue homosexuality, acceptable forms
of homophobia are used to control gay men and their behavior in public space (Lehne,
1998). Heterosexual violence against gay men becomes a way of claiming or asserting
42
masculinity, and many men involved in gay bashing often see themselves as avengers on
behalf of society (Connell, 1995; Lehne, 1998).
One important point to remember is that homophobia penetrates the lives of
everyone, straight and gay. Any male could potentially be a homosexual (open or latent)
which makes avoiding the label imperative if one is to maintain heterosexual male
privilege. Individuals and groups of individuals constantly modify their behavior to avoid
being labeled as “gay.” Consequently, homophobia feeds hegemonic masculinity in ways
that perpetuate a lack of intimacy between male friends, avoidance of specific
occupations, suppression of emotions, and other characteristics that might be seen as unmasculine. In other words, homosexual identity in a homophobic culture discredits the
existence of a gay masculinity, blurring the ideological boundaries of masculine and
feminine so that gay men—rather than feminine women—serve as the antithesis of
masculine. Homophobia is a social practice that draws social boundaries by defining
“real” masculinity by its distance from “gay” masculinity (Connell, 1995).
Gay Men’s Negotiation of Hegemonic Masculinity
Despite the ways in which gay men serve to reinforce hegemonic masculinity,
some scholars argue that gay men also openly challenge hegemonic masculinity. As
Connell (1995) suggested, to understand gender we must constantly go beyond gender
into the realms of public culture that exist in peer groups, schools, workplaces, sports
organizations, and the media. Within these institutions we can examine how conventional
definitions of masculinity are sustained, but also how they are resisted.
There are many ways gay men sustain and challenge the power structure of
hegemonic masculinity. Recognizing that the mere idea of masculinity for gay men is
43
somewhat challenging to the gender system and to popular assumptions about
homosexuality, Connell (1995) suggested gay men use the tactic of renunciation.
“Renunciation means giving up everyday masculine privileges and styles of interaction
and also has important consequences for sexuality and emotional expression” (p. 131).
Despite its usefulness, Connell indicated that renunciation could also cause a temporary
loss of gender identity that results in the self-mockery of gay men by gay men, increasing
gay men's internalized homophobia.
In addition to renunciation, there are several other strategies that gay men use to
negotiate hegemonic masculinity. One way gay men negotiate hegemonic masculinity is
through enactment of hypermasculinity. In an effort to resist the stigma of effeminacy,
gay men sometimes adopt hypermasculine qualities (Messner, 1997). This super macho
style is a celebration of hegemonic masculinity and permits gay men to distance
themselves from the stigma associated with being homosexual (Humphries, 1985). There
are several ways in which gay men might over-conform and/or succumb to
hypermasculinity. For example, gay men might fashion themselves after archetypal
masculine icons such as bodybuilders and blue-collar workers.
For a number of gay men, the butch attire, large muscles, and testosteroneinduced images vividly articulate ideals of manhood (Levine, 1998). Consequently,
hypermasculine gay men become an idealized sexual image connected with symbolic
power and strength. These sexualized images are perpetuated in stories and photographs
depicting gay jocks, army buddies, construction workers, and cowboys. According to
Humphries (1985), this exaggerated masculine style is a probable response of gay men as
they try to determine their self-worth as men. Though some parody may exist in gay
44
men’s adoption of hypermasculine styles, there is little doubt that gay men are making a
cultural shift away from femininity (Connell, 1995).
The Study of (Homo) Sexuality in Leisure
As noted in my introduction, my conceptual framework is much broader than the
mere study of gay and lesbian people. In fact, many sexuality scholars argue that the
people under investigation cannot define the use of lesbian/gay theory, the subjectivity of
the researcher, its methods, or the themes it produces. Instead, gay and lesbian theory
places sexuality at the center of a critique of the cultural and historical reproduction of
heterosexuality’s dominance. This distinction is important as I turn our focus toward the
literature on gay men and lesbians by leisure studies scholars. Although there is a notable
absence of scholarly work from a gay/lesbian theoretical perspective in the North
American recreation and leisure studies literature, there has been some attention given to
sexual minorities by recreation and leisure studies scholars. These studies have, in
varying degrees, launched a critique against the heterosexual/homosexual binary that
perpetuates mainstream inequality and institutional injustice. In addition, looking at the
current leisure studies literature that focuses on sexual orientation and sexual identity, we
would not be able to discern much heterogeneity in the participant’s identity categories
according to their gender. Most of the research on sexual identity in the leisure studies
literature combines men and women together and doesn’t consider the
masculine/feminine binary and how it reinforces heteronormativity and compulsory
heterosexuality in leisure.
One recent article to focus on lesbian, gay, and bisexual adolescents in the leisure
studies literature was an exploratory study on the leisure behaviors and experiences of
45
youth who identified as lesbian, gay male, bisexual, or questioning their sexual identities
(Caldwell, Kivel, Smith, & Hayes, 1998). This quantitative study focused on a broad
spectrum of sexual identity issues and concluded that leisure may not always be positive
for sexual minorities. Indicating that lesbian, gay, bisexual, and questioning youth are
aware of their differences from the dominant culture, the authors argue that these youth
are often excluded or exclude themselves from sport and leisure. This study, similar to
some of the earlier qualitative work by Kivel (1996), highlights some interesting
connections to the problems that non-heterosexual youth encounter in their free-time—
problems the authors identify as linked to a pervasive heterosexual society. However,
these studies fail to lodge any substantial critique against the homosexual/heterosexual
binary. Consequently, the authors are only able to offer a few useful and semi-political
strategies for inclusion—practices that would make these non-heterosexual youth’s
leisure more positive and comfortable, yet do little to challenge the stability of
heteronormative leisure.
Several other studies identified in the leisure literature are more effective in their
ability to document and critique the heterosexual/homosexual binary. My own work,
(Johnson, 2001) and the work of Kivel (1996, 1997) both argued that gay and lesbian
young adults and adolescents are similar to heterosexuals in their leisure, but have the
added challenge of battling homophobia and heterosexism. These studies convey how
society’s heterosexist values are created, enacted, and reinforced in leisure, as well as the
ways leisure is used by gay men and lesbians to resist heterosexist values. Yet, all of
these studies use a social-psychological approach that focuses almost entirely on the
individual. Consequently, the discussions are limited to challenging the
46
heterosexual/homosexual binary as it applies to individual identity development, and
offer little insight into the cultural forces and structural inequality that create and
reproduce that binary. However, despite her lack of attention to those macro levels of
structural inequality, Kivel (1996) recognized the need for advancing this theoretical
work when she wrote
Leisure as a context for identity formation should not only focus on the
individual, but should also focus on the cultural ideologies which shape and
influence the individual…the next step is to begin to understand how leisure
contexts contribute to a hegemonic process which creates “insiders” and
“outsiders. ” (p. 204)
The aforementioned studies illustrate how heterosexism serves as an obstacle for
gay and lesbian adolescents and young adults in pursuit of personal growth, creativity,
self-expression, and camaraderie provided by leisure. However, there are some studies
that have identified examples of a larger ideological resistance to the
heterosexual/homosexual binary, both implicitly and explicitly. Qualitative studies
conducted by Bialeschki and Pearce (1997), Hekma (1998), and Jacobson and Samdahl
(1998), elucidate an interaction between individual agency and social structure. All three
of these studies move toward a more critical perspective of the homosexual/heterosexual
binary, looking at how it is both resisted and reinforced by gay men and lesbians as they
negotiate heteronormative ideologies.
In their study on leisure in the lives of lesbian mothers, Bialeschki and Pearce
(1997) examined how leisure was understood and assigned meaning when both parents
were lesbians. This process grew more interesting as the authors began to make sense of
how lesbians’ leisure and family responsibility were negotiated in a society where
heterosexual gender roles guided typical family responsibilities. Based on their findings,
47
Bialeschki and Pearce (1997) argued that social messages about heterosexuality are both
explicitly and implicitly conveyed throughout cultural discourse and those messages and
meanings about alternative family structures are excluded from that discourse. By
interviewing lesbian mothers and making interpretations based on their lives, Bialeschki
and Pearce illuminate how leisure might serve as an exit point from heterosexuality,
where lesbian mothers design and negotiate strategies and make conscious decisions
around household and child-care responsibilities. This process helped these lesbians
develop their own sense of family and challenge heteronormativity by being socially
visible. This study of lesbian mothers provides a good example of how the
heterosexual/homosexual binary is confronted in and through leisure.
Focusing on leisure’s potential to have negative as well as positive consequences,
Hekma (1998) conducted an extensive critique of the heterosexual/homosexual binary in
the context of organized sports. Hekma combined qualitative and quantitative methods to
investigate reports of discrimination, forms of discrimination, and the effects of
discrimination in athletic organizations. Using a gay and lesbian theoretical framework,
Hekma anticipated that the masculine/feminine binary would influence the
heterosexual/homosexual binary in relation to the amount of discrimination found in
sports. What Hekma found most revealing was that a gay or lesbian (sexual) identity was
hazardous because of a fear of eroticism sparked by the homophobia present in
heterosexuals. Hekma concluded that athletics possess gender enactment and privileges
that reinforce the dominant ideologies of opposite-sex sexual behavior and
heterosexuality. Deviations from those dominant heterosexual ideologies led to a
discrimination that was mirrored in broader society. As a result, Hekma argued that there
48
really is “no safe and readily accessible space for homosexual involvement in sports” (p.
20).
Like Bialeschki & Pearce (1997), and Hekma (1998), Jacobson and Samdahl
(1998) focused their investigation toward how the homosexual/heterosexual binary
operates in sexual minorities’ efforts to resist or negotiate dominant heterosexual
ideologies. In their investigation of lesbians over the age 60, the authors found that the
women’s experiences with discrimination produced negative feelings but also motivated
their involvement with activist organizations. Unable to find a public space where they
could be free from harassment, these women created their own spaces where they could
control, negotiate, and/or possibly resist heterosexual traditions. Jacobson and Samdahl,
encouraged and surprised by their findings, suggested that leisure scholars examine how
leisure is used to resist and reinforce heterosexual ideologies by looking at leisure in the
context of people’s everyday lives, the lives of both those who are dominant and those
who are marginalized.
While Bialeschki & Pearce (1997), Hekma (1998), and Jacobson & Samdahl
(1998) all do an excellent job of examining and to some extent critiquing the
heterosexual/homosexual binary, they do little in the way of deconstructing or changing
our current heterosexual ideologies and/or the socially constructed
heterosexual/homosexual binary. Therefore, in my efforts to advance the empirical work
on non-dominant sexual identities in leisure studies, I will not focus on gay men and
lesbians as a homogeneous group, but recognize that gay men and lesbians construct and
manage multiple identities. Addressing the differences among and between gay men and
49
lesbians serves as a way to disrupt the perception of sexual minorities as monolithic
people and encourages us to study them in ways that demonstrate their diversity.
My discussion of the work (or its absence) on sexual orientation in leisure studies
pushes leisure studies scholars forward beyond additive and inclusive theorizing, and
instead encourages scholars to look at the way knowledge about leisure is created from a
heterosexual perspective. My gay and lesbian theoretical perspective requires a shift in
thinking beyond studies of those individuals who identify as gay or lesbian, toward the
deconstruction of the heterosexual/homosexual, masculine/feminine dichotomies and
how they take shape in the cultural contexts of leisure. This type of thinking can reveal
the important dialectical relationship between structure and agency and show how
meaning systems within gay and lesbian communities are located along axes of
difference.
Let me be clear that it is not my goal to endorse or condemn one sexual
orientation over another, but to offer a framework to discuss topics that expand the
opportunities and resources for non-oppressive interaction by critiquing the underlying
ideology that surrounds dominant heterosexual attitudes, values, and beliefs. Sexual
identity and sexual orientation are already present in our daily life through individual
actions, institutional practices, media representations, and interaction with people in the
community. Leisure studies scholars and service providers must move beyond the
resting-place of tolerance and inclusion and prepare for a world where there can be a
celebration around difference.
50
Leisure as Gendered Culture
Over the past several decades, feminist leisure researchers have made significant
advances in adding gender to the agenda of leisure research (Henderson 1994; Henderson
& Bialeschki, 1999; Samdahl, 1999; Shaw, 1994; Shaw, 1999). The empirical and
theoretical advances made in the light of feminism have not only exposed the andocentric
premises of early leisure theories but have also encouraged leisure scholars to examine
their ontological and epistemological approaches toward the study of leisure (Bella, 1989;
Henderson & Bialeschki, 1999; Samdahl, 1999; Shaw, 1999).
Armed with new frameworks and perspectives, many feminist scholars have
turned their critical eye toward the cultural contexts of leisure. This shift in focus
encouraged investigations to go beyond the lives of men and women in order to examine
the power relations and ideologies around masculinity and femininity produced in our
leisure (Henderson, 1994; Shaw, 1999; Samdahl, Jacobson, & Hutchinson, 2001;
Wearing, 1998). However, because gender construction is fluid and must be situated
according to cultural and historical contexts, examining leisure’s influence on gender
construction is a complex and dynamic process (Shaw, 1999).
In an effort to document and capture these processes, I suggest that leisure studies
scholars turn our attention to the cultural spaces, practices, and products of leisure. Our
efforts can illuminate how multiple meanings are constructed in and around leisure and
reveal how power and privilege serve the dominant and keep marginal the non-dominant
populations of our society.
One way to understand this shift in focus is through the theoretical framework of
cultural studies. Cultural studies scholars are concerned with
51
describing and intervening in the ways texts and discourses (i.e. cultural practices)
[that] are produced within, inserted into, and operate in the everyday life of
human beings and social formations, so as to reproduce, struggle against, and
perhaps transform the existing structures of power. (Grossberg, 1996, p. 180)
Starting from a subjective position, cultural studies offers a useful framework for
exploring leisure by focusing on artifacts, events, and/or processes, including historical
forms of consciousness and subjectivity, that shape the lives of a group of people (Fiske,
1996; Storey, 1996). Frow and Morris (1996) argued that culture studies provides an
opportunity to explore the
place where meanings are constructed in a single level of inscription (writing,
speech, film, dress…), involv[ing] practices, institutional structures and the
complex forms of agency they entail, legal, political and financial conditions of
existence, and particular flows of power and knowledge, as well as a particular
multi-layer semantic organization; it is an ontologically mixed entity, and one for
which there can be no privileged or ‘correct’ reading. It is this, more than
anything else, that forces cultural studies’ attention to the diversity of audiences
for or users of the structures of textuality it analyses—that is, to the open-ended
social life of texts—and that forces it, thereby, to question the authority or finality
of its own readings. (pp. 355-356)
Cultural studies also requires the researcher to consider multiple forms of cultural
production, and to view history and culture not as separate entities, but as bound and
embedded in the moment (Williams, 1996).
When applied to gender and leisure, cultural studies highlights the ways in which
individuals and groups of individuals incorporate, recreate, celebrate, and resist dominant
and non-dominant gender ideologies in the cultural contexts of leisure, and can also
inform how gender ideologies shape and reshape the spaces, practices, and products of
leisure.
And though cultural studies places ‘culture’ at the center, focusing on gender can
bring in the social and political aspects of feminism where women and other
52
marginalized groups are generally regarded as other. Shaw (1999) advocated for this
starting point in the examination of gender and leisure. She wrote,
The impact of leisure on gender [is] both individual and collective. At the
individual level, leisure experiences, self-expression, and the development of selfidentity through leisure often involve the expressions of attitudes and beliefs
about femininity and masculinity…. Individual attitudes and beliefs function
collectively in the construction and reconstruction of gender ideologies and
gender relations in the broader society. (p. 276)
In this discussion of cultural studies, I have suggested that a focus on the development,
transmission, and reproduction of gender norms can provide new insights to the ways we
look at leisure. In arguing for a feminist cultural critique of leisure, I am also advocating
for a different and new perspective for conceptualizing the relationship between gender
and leisure, politically and critically. Our new trajectory will extend critical traditions of
leisure theory to highlight the ways we resist and reinforce dominant power systems in
leisure. This will allow us to look at and study diverse cultures and non-dominant groups
of people without exploiting or marginalizing them further.
Chapter Summary
The goal of this chapter has been to highlight those conceptual ideas and
theoretical frameworks that have informed my ethnography of gay men in a gay bar. By
interrogating the literature on the social construction of masculinity, the social
construction of sexuality, the study of (homo)sexuality in leisure, and the study of leisure
as gendered culture, I have offered a rationale for why leisure studies scholars should
move beyond the examination of individual identities and experiences of gay men,
toward an examination of how and why gay men are situated as non-dominant. Guided
by the premises of feminist cultural studies, scholars can better understand how the
cultural practices, processes, and products of leisure discursively and ideologically
53
perpetuate exclusion, oppression, and marginalization. With these goals in mind, and
using this literature as a constant companion, I focus the next chapter on the specific
methods used for carrying out this feminist ethnographic study of how gay men
understand and negotiate masculinity in a country-western gay bar.
54
CHAPTER THREE
“MY SECOND HOME”: AN ETHNOGRAPHIC METHODOLOGY
Now the jukebox is my alarm clock. I wake up in the corner booth. I don’t have a tab,
don’t need no cab, ‘cause the dance floor’s my livin’ room…But I’ll never die of thirst,
Now that my second home has become my first.—Tracy Lawerence
In an effort to explore how gay men understand and negotiate the meaning of
masculinity in a gay bar, I undertook an ethnographic study using the following research
questions:
1) How does this gay bar serve as a leisure context for its gay male bar patrons?
2) How do gay men in this gay bar negotiate hegemonic and counter-hegemonic
gendered practices?
3) What structures exist to facilitate and/or prohibit gendered practices by gay
men in this gay bar?
The theoretical framework, research problem, and research questions for this study
necessitated a method of inquiry that would allow me to explore the meanings of
masculinity for gay men in a gay bar while simultaneously discovering and describing the
context of that culture. In addition, the methods of inquiry needed to allow me, as the
researcher, to become well acquainted and involved with the participants in order to
acquire and represent their knowledge.
To accomplish these goals I used the ethnographic methods of participant
observation, formal and informal interviews, and archival/artifact collection to generate
55
data, and ethnographic data transformation techniques and writing as methods of inquiry
to produce the products of this research. This chapter begins with a rationale for how and
why I selected Saddlebags (a pseudonym), a country-western gay bar, as the site for
investigation and how I gained access to study the site. Following this discussion, I detail
the methods of my data collection as they occurred over fourteen months at the site and
then explain how I transformed those data into the thematic chapters presented in Part II
of the dissertation. Considering the unique representation of my data in Part II, I use the
final section of this chapter to articulate my procedures for ensuring the trustworthiness
of the data and my representation of the individuals and their culture.
The Data Collection Setting
Site Selection
Since the primary purpose of this study was to explain how gay men understand
and negotiate the meaning of masculinity in a gay bar, I focused my site selection on
those bars that would typically serve a gay male clientele, that were located in a
convenient major metropolitan area, that seemed to encapsulate interesting examples of
hegemonic masculinity, and that were open a wide range of hours throughout the week.
In addition, I hoped to select a location that was unfamiliar yet reasonably comfortable in
which I could spend a considerable amount of time.
Using these parameters, I began to actively investigate the gay bars of a major
metropolitan city to identify one that could serve as the site for my ethnographic study.
Using the most recent bar map insert from a local gay publication, I identified 31 gay
bars in the metropolitan area. After discussing the bars with local gay men from the area,
I narrowed my options to four bars, using the parameters described above. On a weekend
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night in late September, along with several friends and my current partner, I visited each
of the four bars to determine their potential as sites for data collection, including their
accessibility and their ability to captivate my interest for a study lasting over one year.
Although all four bars seemed like interesting sites, Saddlebags seemed most appropriate
for this ethnography.
I selected Saddlebags for several reasons. Personally, I had never been to a
country-western gay bar and found it to be unfamiliar, and different from the gay bars
that I had experienced. In fact, Saddlebags is one of the few country-western gay bars in
the country, so the site seemed to be a unique one for investigating the intersection of gay
men’s gender and sexuality. In addition, Saddlebags was open six days a week for
approximately 10 hours a day and served both gay men and lesbians, though gay men
dominate the clientele. I found Saddlebags to be well lit—facilitating more accurate
observations. The music playing over the speakers embodied the twang that I knew to be
of country-western flavor, and the people seemed to be able to speak over the music in
normal conversation, a notable difference from the other bars. In addition to engaging in
the numerous conversations, the bar patrons were involved in a variety of activities
including waiting in line for drinks, playing billiards, line-dancing, and two-stepping. I
felt comfortable here, even more so than some of the other gay bars that I personally
patronize on a regular basis, making the perceived risks seem “more reasonable” than the
other bars I was considering. I believed Saddlebags would offer a unique site whereby
strict country-western images and ideologies might influence how gay men come to
understand and negotiate their masculinity. Keeping these ideas in mind, I recognized
that Saddlebags most likely had a strong hegemonic culture of gender in place. Indeed,
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the selection of Saddlebags as my site of investigation would shape my ethnography both
specifically and circumstantially to that gay country western culture (cf. Geertz, 1973;
Wolcott, 1999).
Gaining Access to Saddlebags
After deciding upon Saddlebags as the site for my ethnographic examination, I
was faced with the challenge of gaining access. Quickly, I learned that gaining access is
not a one-time event, but an on-going process that is never fully realized. Taking the
advice of Fetterman (1989), I used a current member of the culture to introduce me to the
site. On Saturday, September 30, 2000, I accompanied a friend Jared and his brother
Terry, both frequent bar patrons, to Saddlebags. During our visit, Jared introduced me to
several of Saddlebags’ regulars and bartenders, indicating that I was interested in
studying Saddlebags for my dissertation research. Many of our encounters were met with
laughter, followed by jokes that seemed to suggest some non-genuine motives for my
desire to do research on gay bars. However, after the laughter and jokes subsided and I
offered a more thorough rationale, most of the men became intrigued by my ideas and
interests. That night, after speaking with several bar patrons about my study, I asked one
of the bartenders I had met if I might speak with the owner of the bar. Several moments
later he directed me toward the owners, a lesbian couple who had opened Saddlebags
over 9 years ago. After I introduced myself, we spoke briefly about my ethnographic
study and they agreed to allow me to conduct observations in their bar and invited me to
their home for an interview.
After securing the owners’ permission to study Saddlebags, I quickly established
a visible and personal presence in the bar by returning over the course of the next several
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nights. Each night provided an additional opportunity to build rapport with the bartenders
I had already met (always tipping generously), to introduce myself to those staff members
I had not yet met, to get to know the customers who came to Saddlebags on a regular
basis, and to identify key informants to assist me during the course of my fieldwork.
Although in many ways I have been successful at “gaining access” to the bar
during the 14 months I have spent in Saddlebags (I am even considered by most staff and
patrons to be a “regular”), there are also ways in which I have been denied access. That is
the nature of field research. Permission from the owners got me “in the door,” and
perhaps alleviated suspicions about what I was doing, but I never had an “all access” pass
to information. For example, I was never invited to the weekly employee dinners, and
several of Saddlebags’ staff were reluctant to talk with me in an interview. I realize that
those ways in which I have been privileged to information and those ways in which I
have been denied access to information shape my understanding and ability to articulate a
“complete” rendering of the culture of Saddlebags. Therefore, it remains my goal
throughout the dissertation to articulate how my role as both a participant and a
researcher (a role that has proven difficult to maintain) has shaped and continues to
influence the processes and products of this study.
Data Collection Processes
The following section details the multiple strategies I used to collect data and how that
data collection evolved over the course of the study, constantly influenced by on-going
data transformation and ethnographic writing. Data Collection Time-Frame
Data collection and preliminary analysis on Saddlebags began as a pilot-study on
September 30, 2000. Building upon the data collected during the pilot-study and fine
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tuning the data collection strategies, I continued data collection until I left the field on
December 2, 2001, a period of over 14 months. However, site visits to the bar and
continued conversations with the bar’s patrons and staff remained on-going through May
2002, as a means of ensuring the trustworthiness of the data and representation of
Saddlebags culture.
Participant Observation
Participant observation is one of the primary methods used to do ethnography,
and thus was one of the most important methods used in my collection of data.
According to Spradley (1980), the participant observer comes to a social situation both to
participate in activities appropriate to the culture and to observe the people, activities, and
context of the social situation. For me, immersion in Saddlebags was necessary to see,
hear, and experience reality similar to that of my participants.
Therefore, this ethnographic project posed a dual purpose for my data collection,
as I had to balance being both an insider and outsider in the cultural context of
Saddlebags. On the one hand, I had to participate in the everyday experiences of
Saddlebags in order to see what goes on in the context and to immerse myself in the
culture. On the other hand, I had to document and describe the culture of Saddlebags as a
detached observer, attempting to understand, question, and critique its culture. In essence,
as a researcher, I had to be able to alternate between the insider/outsider subjective
positions, and be an insider and outsider simultaneously (Spradley, 1980), a difficult
balance for any researcher to maintain.
Since participant observation required an immersion in the culture of study, I
knew the duration and frequency of my visits to Saddlebags was important. Even though
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I was in the field for over 140 hours over the course of my study, the intensity of my
immersion in the culture varied. In fact, I planned my visits over the course of 14 months
so that I could spend both brief and long periods of time in the bar and still document
observations over the course of the bar’s open hours. For example, from September 2000
through March 2001 I spent brief periods of time (1-2 hours) in the bar every two or three
weeks, becoming comfortable with my role as a participant and a researcher. Then in
March 2001, after defending my dissertation prospectus, I slowly increased my time in
the field so that by May I was spending between 8-15 hours per week conducting
participant observations in Saddlebags. I used Excel, a spreadsheet software program, to
chart my observations according to the date, time I arrived, time I departed, amount of
time spent in the site, who if anyone accompanied me to the site, the focus of my
observations/purpose of my visit, and what type of writing I did upon leaving the site
(Appendix A). I also used the information in this spreadsheet to identify gaps or
disparities in my observation times and dates to ensure good observation sampling
according to the time of day, day of the week, and time of the year.
As the frequency of my participant observations increased in May 2001, I also
began to funnel my observations, moving from a macro focus on Saddlebags as a cultural
site for examination, toward a micro focus on the cultural phenomenon and individual
behaviors that were more relevant to my specific research questions. Then by the end of
June 2001, using the data transformation techniques described later in this chapter, I
tentatively arrived at specific thematic issues on which to focus the remainder of my
observations. I used the observation time from August 2001 through December 2001 to
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interrogate my identified themes while still participating in and observing other aspects of
the bar’s culture.
Though systematically structuring my time in Saddlebags was important, the
actual documentation of what was happening was most critical. I wanted to document my
observations, encounters, and interactions in a rigorous and systematic way. My goal was
to create a written record of my observations, experiences, feelings, reactions, and
reflections, which would serve as the primary data source for this study. Moreover, while
there is no "one way" to create or maintain this written record, I took the advice of more
experienced fieldworkers (cf. Emmerson, Fretz, & Shaw, 1995; Spradley, 1980) by
expanding jottings taken in the field into fieldnotes and maintaining a research journal.
Equipped with my digital voice recorder (DVR), a pen, and 3x5 index cards I took
both vocal and written jottings of observations during my time in the bar. Although it was
foreseeably impossible for me to capture everything that was said or done in the site, I
did jot key words, phrases, and ideas to remind me of important events or to stimulate my
memory of specific instances. As suggested by Emerson, Fretz, and Shaw (1995), I
focused my jottings on scenes and interactions, thick characterizations (not
generalizations) of participants, concrete details about actions and talk, sensory details
about the scene, and impressions or feelings about the significance of events. Most of my
jottings were done verbally, as I found it quicker and more comfortable to speak my
jottings into the DVR than to write them down. However, there were occasions when
writing seemed less suspect and more appropriate. For example, when the bar was very
quiet I wrote jottings because I did not want others to overhear what I was saying.
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Then, immediately after leaving the field each night, or on some occasions first
thing the next morning, I would transform my jottings into expanded fieldnotes. As I
expanded each jotting, I created a more comprehensive, complex, and detailed account of
what I witnessed. These expanded fieldnotes serve as the written record of what I have
seen, heard, and experienced in Saddlebags. The following is an example of how a jotting
taken in the field is transformed into a more comprehensive fieldnote: On August 16,
2001 at 11:09, I spoke “blue hanky performance awareness” into my DVR. That vocal
jotting was expanded later that evening into:
The man with the blue bandanna in his pocket had just arrived. He ran straight to
the dance floor and asked Dirk to dance. As they began to dance, he constantly
looked around the room. He seemed acutely aware of everyone watching him as
he fumbled through the awkward movements of the two-step. Dirk, however,
seemed to have little recognition of the crowd around him as he belted out the
words to the song and led the man forward around the dance floor, in a cadence of
quick-quick, slow, slow.
I collected over 70 vocal jottings during a two-hour period that night.
In addition to the jottings and expanded fieldnotes, I also maintained a research
journal. My researcher journal documents the more personal experiences, ideas, mistakes,
dilemmas, epiphanies, reactions, and thinking that I have done during my time studying
Saddlebags. For example, during the course of the study my long-term committed
relationship came to an end, changing my researcher’s subjectivity in and perspective on
the bar. I wrote the following in my researcher journal:
The personal is truly political and it is amazing to me how my personal life will
ultimately impact my study. This study was planned as a man, involved in a
committed relationship, which presented its own struggles in relation to studying
a gay bar. However, now I am going to be a single man studying a gay bar and
that seems to present a new set of challenges. There seem to be a new set of
ethical dilemmas as a result of my “availability” in the bar. When coupled I had a
ready and convenient excuse for battling come-ons and pickups. However now
that excuse is unavailable to me. How will I respond to those men who I am
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attracted to in the site? How will my availability as a researcher be compromised?
Will this change impact my focus? Perhaps this shift is a paper or at least
something I must continue to consider.
However, unlike a researcher’s diary that only documents the daily reflections of a
researcher, my journal is also a "messy" text (cf. Marcus, 1998) that more accurately
illustrates both the reflective and reflexive processes of my research. It not only contains
personal entries about my time in the field, but also interrogates the theoretical and
methodological tensions I encountered in my work to exemplify and rationalize the
decisions I made. For example on March 15, 2001, I wrote:
Anyway, I can just begin to imagine that at some point I will become a little tired
by going to the bar to collect data. However, I am using strategies to help me
through that. For example, I think holding off on learning to dance is important. I
might get way too caught up in the dancing, so I think I will hold off until at least
August or September. I also think that starting my semi-structured interviews and
such will add some variety and insight to my current observations. I sure hope so.
Though the research journal was mostly a place to keep track of my own thinking, I also
added response data from visitors whom I took to the site. Response data, according to St.
Pierre (1999) is “others’ response to what they imagine we are doing” (p. 270). These
imaginations and observations are important as researchers attempt to validate their own
perceptions and strive to understand how they are perceived in the culture. One example
of response data I collected for my research journal was a story written by my major
professor, Dr. Diane Samdahl, shortly after accompanying me to Saddlebags on
September 29, 2001. In her story, she offers some description and interpretation of me
and of Saddlebags:
I was aware of Corey’s nervousness throughout the evening even before we went
to the bar. The entire evening had been choreographed…[When we got to the bar]
we walked in about ten steps and stopped. I felt like we were parked there,
perhaps so Corey’s bartender friends could have a good look at us before we
disappeared into the crowd…. The room was wider that I thought much more
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spacious altogether. The dance floor was off to our left—in fact, the entire room
stretched diagonally to out left rather than taking on a strict rectangular shape. It
wasn’t crowded yet, except around the rail by the dance floor, so we could get a
good impression of the full layout of the place. There were a few women around a
small table to our left near the pool table…Overall, I didn’t feel as conspicuous as
a woman in this bar as I thought I might.
Also included in my research journal but more difficult to share in the body of this text
are physical renderings of the space (Appendix B), hand written notes from meetings
with faculty, business cards from people in the bar, napkins with new insights scrawled
across the front, as well as other pieces of writing that ultimately advance my
understanding of what is going on in Saddlebags.
Although participant observation was a primary method for my ethnographic
study and proved to be an invaluable tool, ethnography encourages a “multi-instrument”
approach (Wolcott, 1999). Therefore, in addition to conducting over 140 hours of
participant observation in Saddlebags, resulting in an abundance of fieldnotes, journal
entries, and other “messy” materials, I also used formal and informal interviews to collect
data for this study.
Interviewing
The qualitative interview is one tool used in an attempt to capture the multitude of
views and perspectives of participants in our complex social world. The qualitative
interview is a purposeful conversation that takes place in order to gather descriptions of
an interviewee’s reality. Thus, qualitative interviewing becomes much more than a
typical communicative interaction as it centers on careful questioning and listening in
relation to the interviewer’s topic of interest (Kvale, 1996; Marshal & Rossman, 1999).
Indeed, my use of interviews in this study provided an opportunity to learn about what I
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could not see or readily understand, and to explore alternate understandings and/or
explanations of what I thought I already knew (cf. Glesne & Peshkin, 1992).
Though qualitative interviewing is one of the most common methods used in qualitative
research (especially in leisure studies), few texts focus on the specifics of its practice. On
the contrary, there seems to be a consensus that qualitative interviewing should
materialize in a way that is most useful to addressing the goals of the research (Kvale,
1996). Therefore, recognizing the importance interviews would play in my study, I spent
a considerable amount of time thinking carefully about how each interview would be
influenced by my theoretical interests, my researcher subjectivity, and the type of
information I wanted to collect. In addition, I also needed to ensure the participants’ wellbeing and consider the politics of representing the participants’ perspectives (Holloway &
Jefferson, 1997; Kvale, 1996). For the purposes of my study, I used both ethnographic
interviews and semi-structured interviews to derive the meanings that people make while
in Saddlebags and their unique experiences within that site.
Ethnographic Interviews. Ethnographic interviewing, according to Spradley
(1979), is a “series of friendly conversations into which the researcher slowly introduces
new elements to assist informants to respond as informants” (p. 58). During my
participant observations I had the opportunity to engage in many ethnographic interviews
with a variety of participants. Using ethnographic, unstructured interviews allowed me to
keep the culture of the site central to my conversations, and to directly follow up on my
observations. For example, one night after watching the dance floor for several hours, I
approached Jack, a bartender, and asked him to explain the two-step.
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During ethnographic interviews I used three kinds of questions to assist me in the
task of gathering cultural data: descriptive questions, structural questions, and contrast
questions. Descriptive questions offered me the opportunity to learn the culture’s
language and to contextualize the setting; structural questions provided me with the units
of cultural knowledge necessary to make sense of the setting; and finally the contrasting
questions helped me to discover the difference between cultural units or terms (Marshall
& Rossman, 1999; Spradley, 1979). Although these categories of questions are useful in
explaining the types of questions I could ask, they were not delivered in such an
organized fashion. Instead, I would merely engage the bar staff and/or patron in casual
conversations on a topic of interest. Then I would deliver the questions asking Jack, for
example, to tell me about two-stepping at Saddlebags (descriptive); the roles of each twostepper in the dance (structural); and the differences between two-stepping and linedancing (comparison).
The ethnographic interview offered an opportunity to gather important
perspectives about the culture of my site from the point of view of the participants in the
site (cf. Glesne & Peshkin, 1992). According to Fetterman (1989), ethnographic
interviews are easier to conduct than formal interviews because they are not directed by
specific questions and are much more conversational. However, I still had to remain
thoughtful in planning and executing the ethnographic interview as part of the
conversation; too much questioning or inflexibility could create awkward or unsuccessful
interviews. And in my first few attempts at conducting these interviews, I found that my
participants would react to me with suspicion and scrutiny. Therefore, I quickly became
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aware of how to interview more subtly, always paying close attention to the participant’s
timing, tone, and body language.
Eventually the ethnographic interview became second nature as I investigated the
site. Frequently, I would use the ethnographic interview to explore a pre-determined
agenda; on other nights I would allow the subject matter to be determined by who and
what I encountered in the field. The use of ethnographic interviews offered me the ongoing interaction necessary to verify my observations and understand the experiences of
gay men in Saddlebags. Though the ethnographic interviews were never audio-recorded,
these conversations became part of my fieldnotes. These conversations have been
particularly useful in my attempt to represent Saddlebags and its inhabitants.
Semi-Structured Interviews. In addition to conducting informal, ethnographic
interviews in the site, I also conducted semi-structured interviews with a variety of
Saddlebags’ participants. I used my research questions and theoretical base in feminist
literature to create the interview guide that would outline the topics of discussion for the
semi-structured interview. This interview guide (Appendix C), though extensive at its
inception, grew and changed with the study as I began to focus on topics of particular
relevance and identified issues for additional exploration. Beginning in October 2000 and
ending in February 2001, I conducted nine semi-structured interviews with a total of 11
participants. In most cases each interview was with a single participant, but on two
occasions, where it seemed both necessary and useful, I interviewed the participants in
pairs. In every case, I secured the participant's name and phone number or e-mail address
in Saddlebags or through a Saddlebags patron, and then contacted the individual(s) to set
up an interview. After we decided on a convenient date and time, I asked each participant
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to select a location for our interview based on suitability: comfort, cost, and noise level.
Most of the interviews occurred at a small Mediterranean café or in the living room of my
home, both of which offered privacy and were within walking distance of Saddlebags.
At the beginning of each interview I explained in detail the purpose of my study,
reviewed and secured the participant’s informed consent on tape (Appendix D), assured
the participants of confidentiality, and immediately assigned a pseudonym to be used
throughout the remainder of the study. Each interview lasted between one and three hours
and was audio-recorded with the permission of the participant. I also took notes during
each interview including commentary on facial expressions, voice inflections, sarcasm,
gesticulation, and the contextual details of the interview such as the date, time, place, and
mood. All of my semi-structured interviews were successful at achieving a conversational
quality and the interview guide seemed to serve only as a prompt or checklist to ensure
that we covered all of the material. At the conclusion of each interview I asked
participants if I could contact them in the future to verify the accuracy of my notes, to
clarify their meanings, and to respond to my analysis, interpretations, and/or
representation. I also asked if they would be willing to participate in a second interview if
necessary, or if they would be willing to have follow-up discussions during our future
interactions in Saddlebags. All of my participants indicated that they would be happy to
assist me in any way they could. Indeed this continued contact with all of the interview
participants has proven invaluable and insightful in the transformation of my data.
In addition to the data collected from the 11 semi-structured interview
participants, I also wanted to include myself in the semi-structured interview portion of
the study. My purpose was not only to share my personal experiences in the bar, but also
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to interrogate some of the stickier theoretical and methodological issues that had arisen
for me as a researcher, such as how I dealt with “come-ons” or how I planned on
representing my participation in oppressive practices against women. Therefore, I invited
my major professor to expand my guide and interview me as a finale to my interview
schedule; though I do not include myself as a "primary participant" in the study, these
data have been useful.
All of the semi-structured interviews for this study were transcribed verbatim by a
professional transcriber or myself. Since I wanted to get intimate with the data, I chose to
transcribe the first five interviews myself, listening closely for repetitive topics,
interesting stories, similarities, and contradictions. However, once I tentatively decided
upon the major themes I would explore more in-depth, I felt comfortable turning the
transcription of the final interviews over to a professional so that I might focus my
energies on the specifics of my data transformation and continued reading. I asked the
transcriber to use a specific transcription protocol to ensure consistency throughout the
transcribed interviews. After each transcription was complete I would review the
transcript along with the tape several times to become intimate with that interview, as
well as to ensure accuracy, correct mistakes, and make notes on verbal cues or long
pauses. I felt that the accuracy and integrity of the interview transcript was critical since I
intended to use quotes of the participants as I began to transform the data and ground my
theorizing.
Selection of the Sample
The selection of my sample for the semi-structured interviews was never fully
realized until my data collection was almost complete. In fact, Denzin (1978) argued that
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in qualitative research the sampling should be based on a sound, conceptualized
organization that guides the researcher to situations where rich data are likely to appear.
In ethnographies researchers must first select a site and then determine who will be
studied.
Using purposeful sampling, I began organizing my interview schedule by
consciously selecting gay men based on their potential for offering insight and/or
expanding on information I had been gathering through my participant observations.
Fetterman (1989) suggested that good judgment is the most appropriate way to select
interview participants for ethnographic studies, arguing that it allows the ethnographer to
seek out the most appropriate members of a culture or sub-culture to serve as informants
for the given research questions. These judgments, according to Creswell (1998), are
grounded in a researcher's evolving understanding of the culture, the culture's
demographics, and the diverse behaviors witnessed in the culture.
Using this rationale, I spaced my interviews out over the entire ethnography, so that as I
identified salient topics I could select individuals who could provide the most useful
information relevant to each topic. In reflection on my process, I can see how my sample
was generated in two stages: exploration and investigation/confirmation. My first three
semi-structured interview participants were selected as I searched to identify salient
themes. I chose each of them because they maintained a visible presence in the bar, were
identified or self-identified as frequent patrons of Saddlebags, had varying degrees of
dance participation, and seemed to represent "typical” guys that hung out in the bar. My
final eight interview participants were chosen based on my assessment of their ability to
provide general insight about Saddlebags, specific knowledge surrounding a particular
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theme or themes, and more insight into one or more of the categories of social diversity I
found relevant to my study. This diversity was based primarily on age, frequency of
attendance, social standing, and participatory role in the culture.
Although gay men, and more specifically masculinity, was the focus of my study,
I later recognized a need for women's perspective since one of my thematic issues dealt
directly with men's reaction toward women in the bar. Therefore, I found it necessary to
add women to my interview schedule. However, women seemed reluctant to talk with me
outside of the bar, and I was stood up on several occasions by women patrons who had
previously agreed to be interviewed. After months of persistence and with the help of
several key informants, I was finally able to secure interviews with three women who
regularly attended Saddlebags.
Secondary Data Sources
Over the course of my time in Saddlebags I collected a variety of materials, or
artifacts. Marshall and Rossman (1999) indicated that artifact analysis gives the
researcher more of an insider’s view of the culture, aiding the researcher in systematic
and direct classification of data, verifying participants’ statements surrounding the
culture, and facilitating an understanding of established relationships. Therefore, in
addition to the primary data collection methods I have discussed above, I also used
artifact collection to supplement my participant observations and interviews, allowing me
to trace or substantiate stories, rituals, myths, and/or cultural themes (Creswell, 1998).
Though rarely very useful, I collected as much physical evidence about
Saddlebags as possible during my time in the field. The types of physical evidence
included posters, brochures, advertisements, dance schedules, and news articles. These
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artifacts provided me with information about the site including who uses it and how it is
used, and also provided some concrete examples of how country western images,
messages, and/or meanings permeate the site. Although these physical artifacts are useful
in helping me put the entire situation into perspective, artifact collection was only used as
a secondary form of data collection and most of my understandings have been derived
from the primary data collection techniques.
Data Transformation and Ethnographic Writing
Data transformation and ethnographic writing have no single form in ethnography
but occur in a recursive fashion to create a substantial piece of work in a reasonable
amount of time. In this section I share my processes of data transformation and
ethnographic representation.
Data Transformation
Data transformation is a process of organizing and making sense of what you
have learned. In order to accomplish this task you must organize, categorize, synthesize,
thematize, and interpret the data you have collected (Glesne & Peshkin, 1992). According
to Fetterman (1989), “ethnographic [data transformation] is iterative, building on ideas
throughout the study” (p. 88). Other seasoned fieldworkers concur with the notion that
ethnography is a concurrent process of data collection and data transformation (Creswell,
1998; Spradley, 1980; Wolcott, 1994). An emerging understanding of the cultural
behavior, the cultural knowledge, and the cultural artifacts shape the direction and focus
of investigator’s data collection and consequently further data transformation and
ethnographic writing.
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Throughout my data transformation process, the goal was to ground and focus the
data toward a theoretical understanding of how gay men come to understand and
negotiate the meaning of masculinity in Saddlebags. Therefore as suggested by Creswell
(1998) and Wolcott (1994, 1999) I employed a three-stage process for formal data
transformation simultaneously constructing descriptions, conducting analysis, and
making interpretations based on the data I was collecting and guided by my research
questions.
In this section I will discuss the treatment of my data as I moved through the
stages of data management, description, analysis, and interpretation and show how I have
used ethnographic writing to serve as both a form of inquiry and a final product.
Data Management. As I began to accumulate jottings, expanded fieldnotes,
interview notes, interview transcripts, artifacts, and response data from guests I took to
the site, I organized the data into file folders on the computer (when possible) and created
hard copies, which I sorted into four three-ring binders. The file folders and binders were
labeled study design and administration, semi-structured interviews, fieldnotes and
artifacts, and analysis and theorizing. This system allowed me to stay organized while
dealing with such a large amount of data and made it easy to locate specific units of data
(e.g. quotations, field observations, or researcher reflections) or other materials used for
the study (e.g. consent forms, interview guides, site renderings). Sometimes, as in the
case of journal entries, the data were copied and placed in more than one of the folders. I
found these data management techniques invaluable as I began to sort through and among
all of the materials to conduct the more formal qualitative data analysis.
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Description. My first goal in transforming the data was to create thick and rich
cultural descriptions of Saddlebags and the phenomena that occur in it as a bounded site.
Description, according to Wolcott (1994), is the foundation on which qualitative research
is built and therefore is a primary concern for all ethnographers. This cultural description
will help my readers understand a typical night for gay men in Saddlebags (cf. Geertz,
1973). Consequently, a good deal of the data transformation presented in Part II of this
dissertation is a description of the gay male culture of Saddlebags, presented in narrative
vignettes at the beginning of each chapter. It is important, however, to keep in mind that
the cultural description of Saddlebags is not an objective task, as some might believe, but
involves both the perception and interpretation of the researcher (Emerson, Fretz, &
Shaw, 1995). Cultural description is a purposeful and theoretical form of data
transformation.
There has to be an idea guiding what we choose to describe and how we choose to
describe it. Ethnographers do not engage in what has been referred to
lightheartedly as “immaculate perception.” We do not and cannot simply observe,
watch, or look; we must observe, watch, and look at something. That fact surely
tarnished any notion that ethnography has somehow transcended the inherent
human limitations of those who conduct it…. The cost of looking at anything is
the expense of looking at something else, or looking elsewhere. (Wolcott, 1994, p.
70)
Therefore, both the collection and transformation of data in this ethnography was driven
by my specific research questions: 1) How does this gay bar (Saddlebags) serve as a
leisure context for its gay male patrons? 2) How do gay men in this gay bar negotiate
hegemonic and counter-hegemonic gendered practices? 3) What structures exist to
facilitate and/or prohibit gendered practices by gay men in this gay bar? The descriptions
presented in Part II are constructed to illuminate or elucidate overarching answers to
these three research questions.
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Each narrative vignette in Part II describes a myriad of cultural elements
including music, dress, body practices, language, traditions, customs, stories, values,
beliefs, and power hierarchies in this bar as they relate to the purposes of my study. My
purpose is to take you along with me into, through, and out of Saddlebags, using
interesting and intriguing stories that entice you to turn each page in anticipation of more
rich contextual detail, intimate characterization, and perhaps even plot development.
However, it is also my goal to “set-up” the reader for a more detailed discussion at the
end of each vignette. To achieve this dual purpose I used a combination of Van Mannen’s
impressionist tales and critical tales. According to Van Mannen (1988), impressionist
tales allow me to combine elements of the object culture with the perspective of the
subjective researcher to textualize notable events that have occurred in Saddlebags using
both my participants’ and my own perspectives. He wrote,
Impressionist tales when told in the flesh possess something of the provocative,
sweet, secretive glitter of conspiracy…. Like gossip, the telling of impressionist
tales implies closeness…. Allow [ing] fieldworkers who are characters in them to
exaggerate to make a point to omit tedious documentation, to entertain, to be
uncharacteristically kind (or unkind), to use crude figures of speech typically
forbidden, to intensify the relived experience, and otherwise to say things that
under different circumstances could not be said…. Of course behind any story is
the tacit claim that there is something being said worth saying. (p. 108)
I have incorporated impressionist tales with critical tales. Van Mannen described
critical tales as tales that are strategically situated in a specific culture or site, so that the
researcher can represent social structures through the eyes of a disadvantaged group.
Using critical tales allows me to elucidate the social inequalities that exist based on
gender and sexuality, as I focus my attention toward the dominant discourses that control
the production of social reality and cultural norms for the gay men in Saddlebags. By
blending impressionist and critical tales, I am able to use my narrative vignettes to keep
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the reader’s attention, articulate important aspects of the culture, and highlight how
inequality is perpetuated. The use of this writing strategy constitutes most of the
representation on this project, helping me simultaneously process through the description,
analysis, and interpretation while keeping the purposes of the research at the center of my
writing (cf. Glesne & Peshkin, 1992). However, these tales were only “complete” after
conducting a more intensive, recursive, and systematic analysis.
Analysis. The analysis stage of my ethnographic examination of Saddlebags
began as I identified patterns of thought, behavior, and key events in the data. Fetterman
(1989) described the ethnographer’s analytic journey as a place to
make choices—between logical and enticing paths, between valid and invalid but
fascinating data, and between genuine patterns of behavior and series of
apparently similar but distinct reactions…. Ethnographers see patterns of thought
and action repeat in various situations with various players. Looking for patterns
is a form of analysis. (pp. 88, 92)
In the beginning stages of my data analysis I used a standard construct approach
(Creswell, 1998) to engage with the data. I did line by line readings on my expanded
fieldnotes and interview transcripts, and also considered my artifacts. Then, after reading
through these materials over a dozen times, I began open coding. According to Emerson,
Frets, and Shaw (1995), open coding is the initial attempt to identify and name analytic
dimensions and categories found in the data. My strategy of open coding consisted of
writing words or short phrases in the margins, next the pertinent piece of data, regardless
of whether I thought that code might later be useful. Several rounds of open coding
allowed me to create and apply abstract categories to the data and use those categories to
compare, contrast, complexify, sort, reduce, refute, and refine patterned regularities, key
events, cultural groups, and cultural signifiers. As this conceptualization process
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progressed I also wrote analytical memos to explore patterned themes and to connect the
individual pieces of data across the data set. For example, during open coding I marked
several fieldnote passages with the term “gendered dancing roles.” Then based on that
code and the data bits that supported it, I wrote an analytic memo about the gendered
roles of the two-step. The following is an excerpt from that memo:
In the dance each person has a “role” as either a lead or a follow. Traditionally
(based on a heterosexual/patriarchal model) the man was the lead and the woman
was the follow. However, in Saddlebags this traditional coupling is
resisted/negotiated (the heterosexual model does not apply) because the coupling
usually consists of two men or two women. Therefore, the dancers select their
role and each role has distinct responsibilities. The lead is responsible for making
all the decisions in moving and executing moves as they (the couple) move
around the dance floor. The follow is responsible for being guided around the
dance floor, interpreting the signals of the lead and maintaining a good frame so
that their movement is easily controlled. The roles are selected at the beginning of
the dance and never change during the course of the dance. Some people are able
to lead, some are able to follow and some people have the skill to do both.
However, when one learns to two-step they must select which role they will learn
first. Some people (although there seems to be considerable debate) believe that
there is a connection between being a lead and being a “top ” (penetrator) and
being a follow and being a “bottom” (receiver). Although I wondered how this
would be applied to lesbians/women dancing together?
Although open coding and analytical memoing generated an overwhelming number of
interesting avenues for exploration, I used my research questions to direct my focus
toward those avenues that seemed most salient to the purposes of my study. In June 2001,
I decided to focus on three tentative themes: dancing, dress, and Lesbian Night. I began
to focus my on-going and recursive process of data collection and data transformation on
those themes while remaining open to other possibilities (cf. Creswell, 1998; Fetterman.
1989; Spradley, 1980; Wolcott, 1994).
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Having decided on the three central themes for my dissertation, I continued to
collect more data and also began focused coding. According to Emerson, Fretz, and Shaw
(1995),
[Focused coding] involves building up and elaborating analytically interesting
themes both by connecting data that initially may not have appeared together and
by delineating sub-themes and sub-topics that distinguish differences and
variations within the broader topic…. While the researcher delights in numerous
examples of a theme or topic, the goal in ethnographic analysis is not
representativeness. Rather the ethnographer seeks to identify patterns and
variations in relationships and in the ways that members understand and respond
to conditions and contingencies in the social setting. (p. 162)
In an effort to organize my focused coding I made several color copies of my entire data
set and assigned each theme a color; dancing was pink, dress was green, and Lesbian
Night was blue. I then sifted through each color-coded data set and cut out the data bits
that related to that color’s theme. Once I had a stack of data bits for each theme I read
through them and wrote down on a piece of lined notebook paper a list of all of the
interesting issues or sub-themes that I could identify from the bits of data. I then read
back through the data to look for points of tension or discrepancies in the data so that I
might obtain a deeper level of analysis. I added those tensions and discrepancies to my
list. I then used this list (Appendix E) to begin constructing the narrative vignettes in Part
II of the dissertation.
Constructing the narrative vignettes for each theme paralleled the strategy of
writing integrative memos. In fact, when constructing the narrative vignettes I took the
advice of Emerson, Fretz, and Shaw (1995) who indicated that this strategy
provides the first occasion to begin to explicate contextual background
information that a reader unfamiliar with the setting would need to know in order
to follow the key ideas and claims….[spurring] the ethnographer to write in a
more public voice, that is, to work ideas in concepts and language that
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approximate the analytic writing in the final text…. The central task is to develop
theoretical connections. (p. 170)
As I constructed each of the vignettes I worked back and forth between my
analytic list and my fieldnotes and interview data. All of the “tales” in Part II of the
dissertation were directly lifted from the fieldnotes or from stories told during the semistructured interviews. These tales contain a number of issues, sub-themes, tensions, or
discrepancies about the culture of Saddlebags that I identified as important.
It is particularly important to note that the tales presented in Part II are not
fictional, but are pulled together so that discrete pieces of fieldnote and interview data are
organized around a theme in a way that tells an analytic story (Emerson, Fretz, & Shaw,
1995; Hammersley & Atkinson, 1990; Van Maanen, 1988). In an effort to construct rich
tales around my data, I took each of the analytic points I wished to address and connected
them with all of the data bits that supported that specific point. For each analytic point I
selected, explicated, and edited pieces of fieldnote and interview data that easily
connected to other data. Then, once the data bits were chosen, I organized the discrete
pieces of data into narrative streams to create a unifying story. Each narrative stream used
time disjuncture and/or a re-sequencing of the data, allowing me to create narratives that
tell an engaging story and balance the tensions between analytic propositions and
localized meanings (c.f. Emmerson, Fretz, Shaw, 1995; Van Maanen, 1988; Wolcott,
2001). For example, in one tale I describe a typical evening at the bar on Thursdays, a
night when more lesbians are present than other nights. In that tale I report that Kurt
dropped his beer bottle and on the same night, Madge and I went for a drink; in actuality,
these events happened on two different Thursday nights. By blending them together as if
they occurred on the same evening I was able to create a cohesive story that captured
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typical events on Thursday nights. Using narrative streams allowed me to blend events
into multiple story-lines with multiple participants, thus revealing key cultural elements
and multiple perspectives on important aspects of the bar .
There are several instances throughout the narratives where I cautiously ascribe
participants’ feelings and/or emotions. In every case where I assign feelings and/or
emotions, I have data to support that characterization. For example, during an interview
Dirk reflected on his first dance lesson and said it was awkward to hold his friend Darrin
in a tight embrace. Based on his reflective description of that event, I felt comfortable
including this feeling of embarrassment as happening in “real time” in the narrative.
In addition to altering time and the sequence of events, I also altered many of the
participants’ identifiable physical and social characteristics to ensure confidentiality. As a
result, I was able to generate narrative tales that read like a novel but are solidly grounded
in events from my fieldnotes or interviews.
Of course, the actual process of constructing the narratives also helped me to
focus my analysis and launch my interpretations. After each narrative vignette was
constructed I read and re-read my tales in an effort to synthesize and outline the major
theoretical points I wanted to discuss at the end of each chapter, ultimately beginning a
formalized process of focused interpretation around more “raw” pieces of data.
Interpretation. The final component of the data transformation process was
making my own cultural interpretations about Saddlebags. Researcher interpretation is
informed by descriptions and analysis where “the researcher speculates outrageous,
comparative interpretations that raise doubts or questions for the reader” (Creswell,
1998). It is also the stage where researchers make inferences by connecting the data with
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the theoretical structure that frames the ethnographic work. In this particular study, I
make cultural interpretations about the gay men (and women) of Saddlebags, connecting
the data I’ve collected with other theories to determine how gay men come to understand
and negotiate the meanings of masculinity in Saddlebags. These interpretations are based
on the details, categories, and connections I developed in my narrative descriptions,
continually informed by my analysis. Interpretation allows me connect to existing theory
and to provide insight for future research and implications for social change.
Making these connections, of course, requires both a wide and deep knowledge of
what others have thought and written. Therefore, as suggested by Hammersley and
Atkinson (1995), I continued my reading in and around the different theoretical positions
and research studies that relate to my own work while analyzing and interpreting my
data. Continued reading exposed me to a “range of styles and conventions that are
culturally available for the construction of descriptions and arguments” (p. 243). I read
material on gender performativity, queer theory, dress and corporeality, dance,
community, and social space to feed my thinking and expand my interpretations. Because
the nature of this theoretical work is often difficult to grasp, I became active in a reading
group that met bi-weekly to interrogate common readings such as Judith Butler’s Gender
Trouble: Feminism and the subversion of identity (1990). I also met regularly with my
major professor and other interested faculty and students to talk about my ideas in
relation to this study. These readings and discussions aroused my thinking and helped me
to consider connections between my data, my own ideas, and the ideas shared and/or
offered by others. It is through these processes that I am able to create, rather than
discover, theory (Emerson, Fretz & Shaw, 1995).
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Trustworthiness of the Data and Its Representation
Understanding that writing is both a process and product is pretty straightforward;
however, I must also realize that my writing is political and may have both intended and
unintended results (Glesne & Peshkin, 1992; Wolf, 1992). Therefore, it remained critical
for me to understand the complexity surrounding the lives of gay men in Saddlebags and
the responsibility/obligation I face in representing those men’s lives in writing. I must
also be willing to discuss how my critical stance and researcher biases open up and/or
shut down possibilities for fully understanding the participants of my study and their
larger social issues. “Whether we are talking about non-exploitative methodology in field
research or authority in writing ethnography, we are talking about power—who has it,
how it is used, for what purposes” (Wolf, 1992, p. 133). Realizing that the personal is
truly instrumental in qualitative inquiry, I have used writing not only as a way to share
“the data” but also as a way to demonstrate the reflexivity required in my research.
Maintaining Reflexivity. Reflexivity is certainly not a new idea in qualitative
inquiry. It requires researchers to subjectively situate their own experiences and emotions
relevant to the way in which they are shaped by and shape the experience under
investigation. Marcus (1998) described reflexivity as a self-critique and personal quest
for subjective knowledge avoiding self-indulgence, narcissism, and solipsism. Reflexivity
has been established as an essential feature of qualitative inquiry, pushing researchers to
be introspective, collaborative, and political. I have found it most useful to achieve these
objectives in and through my writing. By self-consciously and reflexively stating
assumptions and structural positions, I have discovered deeper insights into the social
world I have participated in while substantiating how that knowledge emerged. By being
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reflexive I emphasize that my position as researcher is of critical importance. It allows
me the opportunity to openly discuss my own identity or identities in relation to my
political and intellectual work by documenting my epiphanies, struggles, decisions,
dilemmas, and mistakes.
Geertz (1988) explained that this representation of experience and self-reflection
could be articulated best when the similarities and differences between the researcher and
researched are described in ways that articulate the full meaning of experience.
Therefore, as I conducted this research, I wrote to ensure that I seriously considered my
involvement with the research and how my findings would impact the cultural
community of Saddlebags.
Fine (1998) challenged researchers to “work with, but not romanticize, subjugated
voices, searching for moments of social justice…inventing strategies of qualitative
analysis and writing against Othering…eroding fixed categories and invoking
possibilities” (p. 81). Considering these objectives as part of my agenda, I set up several
mechanisms to help me avoid inscribing upon the other and/or hiding myself behind
masks of invisibility or neutrality, and instead engage the tensions of reflexivity to make
apparent both my privileged and unprivileged voices.
Recognizing Subjectivity. In qualitative research, the researcher serves as the
research instrument. Consequently, all descriptions, analysis, and interpretations are
created by or filtered through the investigator. As I approached this study, I realized that
I carried certain subjective assumptions and expectations. Although it was not my goal to
eliminate or even reduce those assumptions and/or expectations, it was my goal to
recognize their influence and as Lather (1994) suggested, to “foreground the tensions
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involved in speaking with rather than to/for marginalized groups” (p. 107). Therefore, in
my efforts to de-center myself as the conveyer of “truth” I used a variety of mechanisms
to ensure trustworthiness (validity, reliability, and credibility) in my data and my
representation of those data. I used member checks with key informants and research
participants, a gay-male advisory panel, peer debriefing, and a research/writing group to
assist me in these endeavors.
I utilized member checks to encourage my research participants to elaborate on
important ideas, verify patterns I uncovered in my data, clarify the understandings that
emerged from my data, and address gaps, inconsistencies or questions. Member checks
would often happen during casual conversations (or ethnographic interviews) where I
might share some of my thinking and invite the participant’s response. While this type of
follow up was useful for gauging my thinking during the recursive process of data
collection and data transformation, I found it more useful to share written pieces with
semi-structured interview participants. In this case, I would provide participants with a
piece of writing that included cultural description, analysis, interpretation, or some
combination of the three, and ask them to respond. In most cases the participants
validated my descriptions and offered suggestions on how I might better describe a
situation or they questioned how I had represented the diversity of the clientele and the
multiple perspectives of the bar’s users. This feedback encouraged me to present my data
from alternate viewpoints throughout the narrative vignettes presented in Part II of the
dissertation.
In addition to conducting member checks with the participants, I also identified
several individuals to serve as key informants during my time at Saddlebags. Key
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informants, often considered heroic figures in qualitative research, became my best
friends and liaisons into the setting and the community. According to Taylor and Bogdan
(1984), “participant observers…look to key informants to provide them with a deep
understanding of the setting…give history of the setting and fill in the researcher on what
happens when he or she is not there” (p. 41). Beyond reading my work and responding,
my key informants made sure I didn’t miss a beat or step out of bounds. By introducing
me to bar patrons, updating me on events I missed during long absences, and continually
monitoring my progress on the project, my key informants helped validate my themes
and pointed me toward aspects of the culture that I needed to consider more thoroughly.
For example, when I told one key informant about my interests in “Lesbian Night” he
was quick to point out the differences I might want to watch for in the way that men and
women dance. However, as a researcher I needed to be careful to not let key informants
direct the investigation, but also to consider alternatives to their perspectives.
Therefore, in addition to using member checks and key informants I also
established an advisory panel that consisted of gay men from the community. This
advisory panel was loosely structured and made up of men who were familiar with gay
bars (though perhaps not frequent patrons of Saddlebags) and who were interested and
willing to provide support for my study. Originally, five gay men of diverse backgrounds
made up the advisory panel; however the number decreased to four before the study was
complete (one man moved away in June and was replaced, another man moved in
January and was not replaced due to the degree of involvement it would require to catch
up). The purpose of the advisory panel was to assist me in the formulation of questions,
to direct and redirect my observations, to spark new understandings, to consider different
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perspectives, and to validate my findings. As a cohesive group, my advisory panel met
only five times from this study’s inception until its completion. However, I did meet
more regularly on an individual basis with individual members to solicit their feedback
about what I was seeing, thinking, and writing. I have also used the advisory panel to
help me construct taxonomies and hierarchies around social stratification in the bar and in
relation to the larger gay community.
Finally, in addition to the guidance provided by my major professor, I obtained
feedback from a dissertation writing partner and several other faculty and students
interested in my work. I also established a peer research/writing group with three other
doctoral students who were engaged in qualitative research and had theoretical
backgrounds that complimented my own. This peer research group met approximately
every other week to offer constructive criticism on research design, data collection, data
transformation processes, writing and representation. This research group has been
invaluable as I strive to achieve quality and integrity in my research and representation.
Methodological Summary
I chose ethnography as my particular form of qualitative inquiry because it
offered the opportunity to engage in an analytic description and reconstruction of cultural
scenes and/or cultural groups in an effort to illuminate that culture’s behavior,
knowledge, values, and beliefs. It also provided a framework for criticizing the current
social order in a way that facilitated emancipation or liberation from oppressive structures
that keep people captive. Therefore, this feminist ethnographic study focused on how gay
men come to understand and negotiate the meaning of masculinity in a gay bar and was
driven by the following research questions: 1) How does this gay bar serve as a leisure
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context for its gay male patrons? 2) How do gay men in this bar negotiate hegemonic and
anti-hegemonic gendered practices? 3) What structures exist to facilitate and/or prohibit
gendered practices in this gay bar?
The bar selected for this study was Saddlebags, a country-western gay bar located
in the downtown region of a major southeastern metropolitan city. Although Saddlebags
serves both gay men and lesbians, gay men dominate the clientele. With its countrywestern theme, Saddlebags encapsulated a unique setting because country-western
images and ideologies exude a clear message about what it means to be a man and has a
strong culture of hegemonic masculinity in place, from which individualized portrayals
and transformations of masculinity emerged.
Using participant observation as my primary method of data collection, I began
researching Saddlebags in September 2000 and continued my investigation through
December 2001 spending over 140 hours in the site. In addition to participant
observation, I also conducted semi-structured and ethnographic interviews. The sample
was selected using purposeful sampling strategies that enabled me to represent the
diversity of men in Saddlebags according to race, class, age, and other social identity
categories that emerged as salient. In addition to using participant observation, semistructured interviews, and ethnographic interviews I also used artifact analysis. During
the time spent in Saddlebags I collected physical evidence such as photographs, videos,
posters, activity schedules, layouts/designs, and promotional materials to assist in
building an exhaustive understanding of this bar.
Using the data from these multiple sources, and ensuring trustworthiness of the
data and its representation, I employed a three-stage process for ethnographic data
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transformation including description, analysis, and interpretation. First, I documented and
represented the myriad of information collected, producing “thick and rich” descriptions
of the bar. Then I performed data analysis by creating and applying abstract categories to
the data and using those categories to compare, contrast, sort, and refine distinguishable
thoughts, behaviors, and events. This process allowed me to generate taxonomies and
patterned regularities, which help identify key events. These descriptions and analyses
led to the stage of data transformation, characterized by cultural interpretations about the
gay men of Saddlebags.
The next section, Part II of the dissertation, are the fruits of my labor—the results
of these methodological processes—where I make connections between the data I
collected, the tales I’ve constructed, and feminist/gender theory with the goal of
describing how gay men come to understand and negotiate the meanings of masculinity.
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PART II
THE TRANSFORMATION OF DATA:
DESCRIPTION, ANALYSIS, AND INTERPRETATION
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Building on the foundations established in Part I of this work, Part II offers my
transformation of data, or the description, analysis, and interpretations that I have made
over the course of more than two years spent investigating a country-western gay bar. It
is important to recognize that this section of my dissertation is more than just “research
findings,” it is a series of tales and researcher interpretations about a gay bar and the
group of people who participant in its culture: a culture that broader society knows very
little about. I willingly (and cautiously) take on the burden of authorship in an attempt to
articulate a way of knowing something about that culture as it is constituted through
multiple realities, situated in context, and tied to human emotions, however the knowing
is always guided by my intent (Wolcott, 2001). A primary objective of conducting this
research is to share with the readers what this bar is like and how important this place,
Saddlebags, is to the lives of those who frequent it. I hope that my strategy of
representation does not homogenize the human complexities of those I write about or
neglect broader historical and social issues that impact their experience in the bar or the
larger community.
With these presuppositions in mind, four of the chapters in Part II contain a data
story, or “tales of the field,” followed by a more detailed discussion of what I see as the
most important points for my audiences’ understanding. Each of these carefully
constructed tales is grounded in the data, which includes hundreds of pages of fieldnotes
and transcripts of interviews with the participants. Although I constructed these tales,
using narrative and literary devices, I made considerable effort to stay true to the voices
of the men and women who shared their experiences with me, remembering that the
double role of the qualitative researcher is not only to have a consciousness of
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participation in the research, but also a consciousness of reporting the research in selfreflexive ways (Geertz, 1988). Through this process I have learned that representing
“others” is a struggle full of dilemmas that can never be fully resolved. However, I have
made every attempt to resolve those issues, realizing that I will continue to encounter a
multitude of both successes and failures as I try.
Chapter Four provides an extensive introduction to Saddlebags, offering the
necessary overview of the bar’s social location, physical location, design, décor,
ambiance, inhabitants, historical existence, and how it serves as a site of community for
its patrons. Moving beyond this site introduction, Chapters Five, Six and Seven each
concentrate on a theme I identified as salient to my research questions. Specifically,
Chapter Five illustrates how two-stepping in Saddlebags allows gay men to both
challenge and reinforce hegemonic gender ideologies and heteronormativity. Chapter Six
explains how Saddlebags’ clientele use dress as a marker of gender identity, and how
their dress changes as individuals migrate to other bars in the city, revealing the gender
performativity practiced by gay men. Chapter Seven focuses on how some of the gay
men in Saddlebags react when lesbians take control of “their space,” and how those
reactions encourage misogyny and reveal an uncertainty and insecurity around issues of
masculinity. Finally, in Chapter Eight I discuss how a better understanding of this
country-western gay bar and the gay men who constitute its culture expand our
understanding of gender, sexuality, and leisure. This understanding posits a challenge to
hegemonic masculinity and heteronormativity in ways that articulate the complexities and
messiness of identity politics in the material world in which we live. The tensions raised
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allow us to question the hidden assumptions undergirding the legitimacy of power
relations, in an effort to disrupt hegemonic masculinity and heteronormativity.
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CHAPTER FOUR
“IT’S JUST A LITTLE BITTY PISS-ANT COUNTRY PLACE”:
INTRODUCING SADDLEBAGS—A COUNTRY WESTERN GAY BAR
It’s just a piddley-squatin’ old-time country place, nothing too high toned
Just lots of good will and maybe one small thrill, but there’s nothing dirty going on.
—“The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas”
I stand facing the closet staring blankly into its depths. My clothes hang neatly but
are divided into three distinct categories. What used to be a dichotomy of clothing
options is now something more complex. On the far right of the closet is the “dress for
success” attire I adorn for my daily life as an academic: ten different styles of khaki
colored slacks, medium starched dress shirts in a variety of colors, and a few sport coats
hardly ever worn. The clothes hanging in the middle of the closet are my comfort clothes,
the ones I wear when I work at home or play in the park: polo shirts, wool sweaters,
carpenter style jeans and of course, cargo pants. However, new to the closet are the few
items on the far left. It almost looks as if they belong to someone else, but they are mine.
From that section I select the faded denim jeans. I check them to make sure they
are button fly, then let them open up as the leg bottoms fall to the floor. I place one leg in
first, just like most men, then my other leg. Once my white socked feet have made their
way out the bottoms I reach down and grab the waist, pulling the jeans up over my knees,
past my thighs, and over my bottom. If it sounds easy, it is not. The jeans are so tight I
have to adjust myself in several places before I begin the struggle of buttoning each
button, an extraordinary effort. Once this task is complete I rejoice in my
accomplishment and crash into my desk chair to pull on my boots.
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I am exhausted, I think to myself—not from putting on my jeans per se, but from
a long day of teaching classes and attending student meetings. As I rise from the chair, I
grab the oldest T-shirt in my dresser drawer and pull it on, capping the project off with a
baseball hat to cover my messy head. I look into the mirror and notice the thick growth of
beard that covers my face, yet instead of regretting its presence, I celebrate the rugged
effect it gives to my appearance.
Glancing over toward the alarm clock beside my bed I note the hour. It is almost
10:30 p.m. and I am running a bit late according to my self-constructed, self-imposed,
and self-monitored data collection agenda. Pulling my ID and Visa Checkcard from my
wallet, I slide them along with some cash into my right front pocket. I don’t carry a
wallet when I wear these jeans because if feels and looks so bulky. I grab my
ethnographic tool kit, or in laymen’s terms, my black book bag. I double check its
contents (digital voice recorder, note cards, tapes, batteries, business cards, pens, and
pencils) and head for the door pausing to read the home-made sign that hangs near my
book shelf. On a plain white 81/2 X 11 piece of paper written in dark black magic marker
are my research questions. Familiar to me but strange to most, the sign reads: How does
this gay bar serve as a leisure context for its gay male patrons? How do gay men in this
gay bar negotiate hegemonic and counter-hegemonic gendered practices? What
structures exist to facilitate and/or prohibit gendered practices by gay men in this gay
bar? I feel tired as I reach for the door. The sign reminds me that I can’t answer my
research questions and finish my degree if I don’t go collect more data, plus I know I will
be re-energized once I am there. I lean over to kiss my cat Bailey goodbye and head out
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the door for my destination—the only country-western gay bar in this major metropolitan
area—Saddlebags.
***
The alarm goes off about 12:30 p.m. Jack rolls over and hits the snooze button
for the third time before he realizes he is going to be late for work. A bartender and an
occasional disk jockey at Saddlebags, today he is scheduled to be the bar opener, which
means he must arrive at Saddlebags by 2:00 p.m., set up the bar, and be open for business
by 3:00 p.m. As Jack struggles out of bed, he notices the absence of the penetrating
sunlight that often robs him of a full eight hours sleep. He battles the light with cheap
plastic blinds, which he draws upward to reveal an overcast and wet day. Shuffling across
the floor toward the bathroom, Jack tries to shake free from the effects of drinking too
much last night. He showers quickly and brushes his teeth before putting on his Levi
button-fly’s and an old T-shirt with the sleeves cut off to reveal part of his shoulder and
all of his arms.
Jack leaves the two-bedroom apartment that he shares for affordability more than
companionship, and cuts across Promenade Park, which separates his home from his
work. He has no car and with traffic in the city it would probably take longer to drive
than to walk. Besides, the temperature is pleasant and perhaps the exercise will help him
get motivated for the long night that lies ahead.
***
Living in small towns most of my life, I am always a bit surprised to find my
antiquated and slightly rusted Toyota Camry sitting where I left it on the streets of the big
city. I creep slowly forward checking my rear-view mirror for oncoming traffic, before
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propelling my car into the busy flow of traffic that runs down Promenade Street, a major
thoroughfare flowing downtown to the heart of the financial district.
The journey is only 1.1 miles from my studio apartment to Saddlebags, but I take
it slow as droplets of rain start smacking at my windshield. As I crank up the wipers a
mess of dust and pollen mix with the bits of rain to make a mushy yellow brown paste
momentarily obstructing my view of the road. The sidewalks bustle with people
scurrying from their cars to the variety of surrounding restaurants and bars where they
find shelter from the approaching rainstorm.
As I corner onto 12th Avenue I peer in through the windows of the independently
owned queer bookstore that sits nestled comfortably on the corner to my right. The
rainbow colors of the pride flag jerk violently above the door with each strong gust of
wind. Write On the Corner bookstore not only sells books but also offers a variety of
coffeehouse favorites and serves as a popular gathering place for local and out of town
gay men and lesbians. At night, however, the bookstore usually finds itself hopping with
local teens and young adults. One couple in their early twenties sits on the small corner
patio bench smoking cigarettes. As I pass them one of the men leans over and steals a
long soft kiss from the man holding his hand. Few people notice, but I smile, recognizing
the self-affirmation and empowerment I feel when I see young men sharing their
adoration for each other.
I pass Promenade Park on my left, one of the most popular urban parks in the city.
Inhabited during the day by dog owners, kite flyers, children, sun-bathers, athletes, and
homeless people, Promenade Park also serves as a host to public events like movies on
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the lawn, music festivals, art and craft shows, fundraising initiatives, and perhaps most
significantly, the South’s largest gay pride festival.
This entire area of the city is more than queer-friendly, as it is dominated by the
gay men, lesbians, bisexual, and transgendered people who live, work, and play in this
geographic location. Within five minutes of the park there are two gay/lesbian
bookstores, a gay/lesbian pool hall, a queer-themed gift shop, several GLBTQ political
and religious organizations, AIDS related service agencies, numerous adult
novelty/book/video stores, a bathhouse, a gay male sex club, and approximately 25 gay
bars.
I mash down on the brakes as I approach the red traffic light where 12th Avenue
dead ends into Garfield Drive. I am almost there. I make a right hand turn and then a hard
left into the shopping center parking lot.
Considering the large gay male population in the city and the diversity of the gay
male community, I should not have been surprised that there were so many gay bars to
select from as a site for my research. Consider a few of this community’s choices:
Gary’s, a trendy neighborhood bar flaunting its central location on the park and offering
the latest surge in gay/lesbian television programming and video dance remixes; Glenn’s,
a more rustic neighborhood bar focusing on Karaoke and commercialized promotional
events; Sinners, a dark, gay male exclusive dance club; and Boxers, known for pouring
the strongest drink in town and appealing to men of color and the men who love them.
Alleyways, a 24-hour nightclub with high-energy dance music and an adjoining cabaret
theater, contrasts with Extremities, a small, dimly-lit club with strippers and drag queens
for entertainment. Hanging Harry’s is a high-end all-male, all-nude strip club. And The
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Falcon, a bar catering to the counter-culture needs of leather-men (men who like to dress
in leather) and Bears (typically large, hairy gay men). I contemplate how my research and
my life might be different if I had chosen one of these other bars and also begin to
consider the relationship of Saddlebags to these bars and the larger community. As my
analytical thinking increases I realize that my energy is already returning. I make my
final turn, into a roomy parking space between a green Ford F-150 pick-up truck and a
red Volkswagen Jetta. My windshield wipers stop in the upright position and as the noise
from my engine fades, I can hear more clearly the sound of the rain smacking on my
windshield.
***
Standing at the crosswalk on the corner of 12th Avenue and Garfield Road, Jack
pushed the crosswalk button repeatedly while waiting for the large orange “halt-hand” to
change to “white man walking.” After Jack successfully navigates the busy intersection,
he goes on auto-pilot, barely taking notice of the environment. This shopping center is
sandwiched between 8th and 12th streets directly across from a public city high school and
its athletic facilities. Several signs broadcast the retail, restaurant, and entertainment
opportunities in the shopping center and the only thing Jack notices on the signs today is
the ever changing list of movies that are shown on the eight screen multiplex in the back
lot. Jack reads the listings, though with his work schedule he rarely has time for a movie.
Jack works six days a week and is off only on Monday’s when the bar is closed. Two or
three days a week he is scheduled as the opener, a job that involves arriving promptly at
2:00 p.m., and other days he arrives at 8:00 p.m. He almost always works until 2:00 or
3:00 a.m. except when he is the DJ and gets off at midnight. “Not exactly the schedule
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movie times are designed around,” he thinks to himself. He walks past two AfricanAmerican women waiting at the bus-stop shelter in front of the shopping center, past the
two bank ATM’s that sit parallel to each other, and saunters across the half-empty asphalt
parking lot of 218 white-lined parking spaces divided into eight rows. Jack gives little
thought to the other businesses that he passes on his routine trek to Saddlebags. On the
far left end sits a privately owned Mediterranean café, a Mailboxes Etc., a popular pizza
chain, and a franchise sandwich and sub shop. As Jack passes the sub shop and nears the
Chocolatier he pops his head through the door of the shop and waves at the proprietor.
Angling toward the corner, Jack passes the empty space where a sign indicates that a
Mexican Cantina “will open soon,” and by the Chinese Restaurant where he frequently
orders take-out. Jack squints to put the door of Saddlebags in his sight.
Positioned between a dry cleaning service on the left and a pharmacy and major
grocery chain on the right, Saddlebags stands alone as the only bar in the front half of the
shopping center. The sidewalk sits empty, absent of the white plastic tables and chairs
that often sit under the shadow of the candy red canopy at night. Above the canopy a
now-darkened fluorescent sign illuminates blue horseshoes and a red bull skeleton
symbolic of the west when lit. The name of the bar, Saddlebags, is picked out in bright
white lights just in case you didn’t know where you are.
***
Chuck sighs in frustration with how difficult it is to find a parking space tonight.
He drives 30 minutes from his home OTP (outside the perimeter of the city) to patronize
Saddlebags, the only gay bar he goes to on a regular basis. Although Chuck might prefer
to patronize a country-western bar closer to home, as a gay man he enjoys the comfort
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and safety that this community and this bar have to offer. Besides, he used to drive over
120 miles almost every weekend when he lived in a more rural part of the state. Finally
locating a parking space Chuck locks his door and walks briskly to avoid the increasing
rainfall. He ducks under the red canopy where he finds protection and shakes the water
from his wide-brimmed cowboy hat.
***
I sit in my car speaking into my Digital Voice Recorder. “Here I am at
Saddlebags…” I say, then indicate the date, time, how long I plan to stay tonight and
specific things I hope to focus on such as, “the television, the dance floor, or who is
drinking and who is not.” After recording these ongoing plans, I begin a slight jog toward
the bar. As I approach the door I see one of the bar patrons that I have met on several
occasions. I feverishly search my memory for his name muddling through my
recollection of pseudonyms before finally achieving success in remembering his real
name. “Hey Chuck,” I call out. He replies “hello” with a smile and turns back toward the
front to advance in the small line where we wait.
A small gust of wind blows bits of rain across my arms giving me a slight shiver.
Tucking my hands into my armpits I shift into observation mode and throw my
ethnographic gaze upon Chuck. His old, discolored Wrangler blue jeans grip his legs so
tightly that they must cause a decrease in circulation. Circling the waist of his jeans is a
thick, worn, brown belt held together with a medium-sized silver buckle. Chuck’s crisp,
maroon, oxford button-down plunges into his jeans and hangs loosely around his wrists
and neck. His old pair of work boots have obviously sloshed through the water puddles
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that cover the ground from the late summer storm. As Chuck pulls back the green
wooden doors lyrics of “Cotton-eyed Joe” escape into the night.
Sitting immediately inside the door’s threshold is the doorman/bouncer and
unofficial welcome wagon of Saddlebags, Cheeks. Cheeks is a man with a strong
physical presence. Standing five foot-ten inches tall he is 250 pounds of solid muscle. His
bald head captures some of the glare of the disco lights flashing from inside and his once
brown goatee is now shaded in grays. All of the regulars here know and love Cheeks; his
nickname was assigned as a result of his large, and some would say, desirable backside.
Cheeks twists back and forth, flashlight in hand, on his raised black leather barstool and
checks the identifications of the men and women who pass through the small corridor
created by the strategic placement of magazine racks—full of this week’s local gay and
lesbian publications—and a life-size wooden statue of a Native American tribal chief.
As the two men in front of Chuck secure permission from Cheeks to enter, Chuck
moves into his line of sight. “Hey sweetheart,” Cheeks calls out to Chuck as he stands
from his seat. Chuck moves forward toward Cheeks and their lips strike in a noisy,
peckish kiss that seems to lack intimacy, but illustrates a devotion and respect for their
friendship. Despite Cheeks’ obvious friendship with Chuck, it is common knowledge,
and state law, that everyone must produce identification to enter Saddlebags.
As Chuck pulls the ID from his back pocket, a ten-dollar bill drops to the floor.
Chuck, with a bit of difficulty, crouches down to pick it up as Cheeks casts his gaze onto
Chuck’s rear. A broad and intentional smile spreads across Cheek’s face, directing me to
take notice. I raise my eyebrows offering a more subtle recognition. As Chuck lifts his
head, and flashes his ID, he realizes that he has become the object of Cheeks mocking,
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hypersexualized, attention and offers his own flirtatious grin. We all laugh and Chuck
chuckles to himself as he moves into the bar already strewn with over 200 people. The
large room is about 30 yards long and 15 yards wide, a well lit, well-ventilated, open
space. The entire bar is visible from the doorway with the exception of the bathrooms and
kitchen. Only the activities and the people inhabiting them demarcate the remaining
space. As Chuck enters several people call out greetings from the closest section of the
bar and the bartender begins to brew a fresh pot of coffee.
***
Working the bar station closest to the door, Jack hears Cheeks call out to Chuck
when he enters. Jack grabs a white filter from behind the coffee maker, places it in the
basket, and fills it with grounds. Jack knows what most of the regulars here drink and he
knows that Chuck only drinks coffee. Jack could use some coffee himself, having already
put in an 8-hour day, but he opts for a shot of 100 proof peppermint schnapps instead.
Only three more hours until closing, he thinks to himself. Following the shot of schnapps
with a shake of the head, and a chaser of water, Jack reaches for his bar-towel and begins
to wipe spilt liquor and cigarette ashes from the bar.
The bar is quite remarkable in size, running the complete length of the room.
Starting at the front door, it extends outward about five feet and then juts into a slight
angle before it begins to run parallel with the walls of the room. It breaks only once,
where a lift-able piece allows the bartenders and staff to crossover, before it finally deadends into the far back wall near emergency exit. The bar itself is wooden with a shiny
metallic counter top. The entire bar is divided into six stations where the bartenders serve
beer and cocktails. Each station has a similar set up to enable the bartenders to rotate
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through the stations according to the night of the week. Jack frequently works the front
station because it does more business and he has acquired some staff seniority. Each
station has a cash register and a “rainbow flag” bar mat where the bartender places
customer’s drinks. Next to the register are small glasses filled with tiny pencils that have
no erasers and business cards with the bar’s name, address, and phone number. In another
glass close by are matchbooks to light the cigarettes that customers place in the round
black ashtrays that systematically dot the counter-top. Other items in the station are
beverage napkins, stirrer straws, and laminated food menus.
Jack takes a customer's order for a Gin-Tonic and an Absolute-Tonic. He sets two
glasses on the bar mat in front of him; then his hands disappear underneath the bar and
return with a scoop of ice, which he dumps into one of the glasses. He repeats the motion,
this time more rapidly. However, the third time his hands disappear underneath the bar
they return with a cheap bottle of gin. Pouring the gin into the glass, perhaps counting,
perhaps visually measuring, or perhaps not caring at all, he fills the glass and then grabs
the soda gun on his left to top off the remaining space with tonic. Jack’s hands disappear
again, this time reappearing with a lime, which he squeezes and drops into the customer’s
cocktail. The same process is used to make the Absolute and tonic except for it he must
turn around and take the Absolute from a shelf where all the call, super call, premium,
super-premium, and top shelf liquors are more notably and aesthetically arranged. Jack
calls out the price to the customer, takes his cash, and makes change. Jack nods and calls
out “Thanks honey,” as the customer walks away leaving a larger-than-required gratuity.
***
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Chuck waits patiently for his coffee to finish brewing. He stares briefly at one of
the four television sets located behind the bar. The televisions, which are usually tuned to
the country music video channel, are displaying something different tonight: a nonpornographic, multi-media video offering up scantly clad men and other erotic cowboy
images, interspersed with clips from a rodeo. Bored with the video, Chuck scans the
familiar décor behind the bar. There are autographed photos of country-western singers
like Hank Williams Jr., novelty bumper stickers with catch phrases like “you can’t keep a
good Hoe-down” and “I can’t even two-step straight,” postcards from patrons’ exotic
travels, Saddlebags T-shirts for sale, previously “traded” Mardi-Gras beads, and plaques
recognizing Saddlebags’ commitment to the community and their participation in
fundraising events for AIDS service organizations.
As Chuck stares at the wall, Jack grabs the coffeepot allowing several drops to
fall to the hot plate creating small explosions that ring out with a hiss-hiss. Jack pours
fresh coffee and offers Chuck sugar and cream. Chuck pours a small splash of cream into
his mug and gives it a quick stir. He carefully slurps the first bit to gauge the temperature,
then turns 180 degrees, leans his back against the bar, and peers across the room at the
dance floor. Chuck comes to Saddlebags to dance, for him it is the most important part.
***
I walk to the left and decide to case the place as I hear the first three chords of the
distinct banjo introduction of “Sin Wagon,” a song by the Dixie Chicks, the favorite
group of most bar patrons. I pass walls with alcohol advertisements in the form of
posters, banners, mirrors, and blow-up paraphernalia. Interspersed amongst the BudLight and Smirnoff Ice logos are western paintings depicting cowboys taming the Wild
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West. License plates from different time periods and different states circle the room, just
below the ceiling. Deerskins, buffalo heads, and cow skeletons give Saddlebags its
“authentic” country-western look. As I walk past the only pool table on my left, I notice
that its green felt and multi-colored balls shimmer under the florescent light that hovers
slightly above the on-going game. The pool table is almost always occupied,
simultaneously offering competition and camaraderie.
***
Passing the pool table I stop immediately in front of the jukebox, a machine I
have never seen in use. It is filled with compact discs of the most popular names in
country music such as Alabama, Clint Black, Patty Loveless, LeeAnn Rimes, Pirates of
the Mississippi, and Mark Chestnut. Turning away from the jukebox, I bump into an
empty chair that sits at one of the five raised tables. Three of the tables, surrounded by
several chairs, are located on the far left wall, while the other two tables sit in the center
of the room, closer toward the front door. The use of the tables varies according to the
level of business, but tonight they seem to serve as a location for patrons to place their
cocktail glasses and beer bottles.
Lyle, a thinly built, dark-haired man maneuvers through the crowd dragging a
trash can behind him. Lyle is a multi-functional staff member who frequently manages
the bar, and also assumes the role of bouncer and bus boy. He picks up the beer bottles
one at a time checking to determine if they are empty. He slings those that are empty into
the large brown receptacle to meet other cracked and shattered empties in the bottom.
The fuller bottles make the cut and rejoin the safety of the glasses on the table until
Lyle’s next round of the bar. After the beer bottle assessment, Lyle tackles the cocktail
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glasses, stacking the empty ones inside of each other. I mentally question Lyle’s ability to
carry the growing tower. Proving me wrong, Lyle successfully cradles the stacked glasses
in his arm and carries them to the bar to be washed.
Suddenly, I feel a bit awkward. Most of the men in my immediate circumference
are standing with friends or lovers, engaging in conversation and affection. To alleviate
the awkward lonely feelings, I head to the bar as the popular Dixie Chicks sing the final
words, “I’ll fly away on a sin wagon.”
***
Jack and Chuck nod as I approach them at the bar. Jack pulls an Icehouse from
the back cooler and with a quick twist he rips off the rough metal bottle top and slings it
into a garbage can hidden somewhere below. In Jacks hand the dark beer bottle breaks
into a cold sweat; Jack wipes the mouth of the bottle with a thin white beverage napkin.
He places the Icehouse if front of me and holds his hands up, palms facing out, refusing
the five-dollar bill I have thrust in his direction. I protest politely before happily
accepting his generosity. Jack always buys my first round, and though it has become
common, I never want to seem unappreciative. Jack asks if I know Chuck. Chuck and I
nod, indicating that we have a previous history. Jack says, “You know Corey is writing
his thesis on this place.” I stop myself from correcting his misrepresentation of my study
as a thesis. Chuck laughs, nods, and hollers back, “ I know. We had an interview.” In the
lull that follows I ask Chuck, “Why aren’t you dancing?” Chuck lifts his cup indicating
that he is merely waiting to finish his coffee.
***
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Standing near the dance floor Chuck begins to slightly tap his right foot as “ My
Maria” from Brooks and Dunn begins to play. The dance floor situated in the back corner
of the open room is packed with people. Sectioned off by its raised wooden floor, and
corralled in by a three-tiered wooden fence, the dance floor is the focal point of the bar.
Amidst the crowd of spectators, Chuck searches the dance floor for a partner to join for
the next song. The dance floor itself takes up about one-fourth of the entire space of the
bar. It is approximately 30 feet by 40 feet and shaped like the bottom half of a stop sign.
Pushed into the upper-right corner, the top and left sides are close to the wall leaving a
three-foot walk space. Each side of the fence has an open gateway to enter the delineated
dance space. The back and side walls contain mirrors that create the illusion of a larger
room. Also on the back wall, higher than the mirrors, is a big screen television ignored by
most of the dancers. The ceiling above the dance floor is raised approximately 10 feet
higher than the rest of the bar with disco lights beaming forth a spectrum of reds, gold,
blues, and greens. At the center of the dance floor replacing the typical disco ball is a pair
of rhinestone cowboy boots. As the song comes to an end, the two-steppers thank each
other for the dance with a hug a kiss, or both, and then most exit the floor to take a break
or find a new partner. Chuck spots Kurt, an old friend, whom he has been dancing here
with for years. Kurt, a local secondary school administrator in mid-forties, has salt and
pepper hair that matches his full beard and mustache. Kurt stands 6’ 1” and carries his
160-lbs. well distributed across his mid-sized frame. Tonight he wears a flannel shirt
tucked into his Levi-blue jeans and a pair of black cowboy boots with no hat. However,
Kurt’s most noticeable characteristic is the bright white smile that seems permanently
embedded in his face.
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Chuck steps quickly into Kurt’s path capturing his friend’s attention. They hug in
a tight embrace and slap each other on the back. “Care to dance?” Chuck asks, “I would
love to dance.” Kurt responds. Moving onto the dance floor, and taking a place in the
circle of dancers that has already formed around the edges, Chuck looks up toward the DJ
booth. The DJ can be seen through a square cut out on the back corner wall. Putting his
left hand on Kurt’s waist, Chuck raises his right hand into the air waiting for Kurt. Kurt
faces Chuck, and moving in closer, grabs his waist and clasps his hand. Standing in their
dancing postures they wait for the music to begin.
***
Feeling my bladder swell, and needing a change of perspective, I bid Jack, busy
with customers, farewell and walk the length of the bar heading toward the rest-rooms.
Passing the dance floor, I peer over my left shoulder to notice Chuck has located a
partner and taken a spot on the dance floor. Nearing the bathroom I hear the DJ’s
amplified voice ring out over the loud speaker. The DJ says, “no sissies on this one,”
indicating the speed of the dance will be difficult for inexperienced two-steppers. I see a
few couples exit the dance floor before I plunge through the door of the men’s room.
Inside the clean, well-kept, restroom, the light is a bit brighter than the rest of the bar, and
the smell is a mixture of urine and a non-floral, chemical based, air-freshener.
Immediately inside the door on my right is the one sit-down toilet surrounded by rickety
black metal walls that offers a greater degree of privacy. Beyond the stall jet a row of
eight, white, porcelain urinals—the ones that are shaped like toilet bowls, and hang lower
to the ground. No privacy walls divide these eight urinals.
Working past the line of men who wait for the solitude of the stall, I step up to the
fourth urinal, unbutton the fly of my jeans, and concentrate on the task at hand. I am
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usually fairly comfortable relieving myself here, unlike many gay bars where a
significant amount of cruising, sexual activity, and drug use occur in the restroom.
However, tonight I am a bit apprehensive as I notice my neighbor peering over his
shoulder trying to catch a peek. Slightly adjusting my stance to block his view, I stare
forward at the ads placed directly in my line of sight for what seems like a lifetime.
Finally, my neighbor leaves and I am able to finish my business and head back toward
the comfort of the crowd stopping briefly to wash my hands and fix my hair.
***
Moving at top speed around the dance floor, Chuck holds Kurt and ducks in and
out—spinning and twirling—around the other dancers, who mostly consist of men
dancing with men. There are also a small number of women dancing with women and
women dancing with men on the dance floor. The couples dance in counter-clockwise
motion around the dance floor. Chuck notices a large number of people singing this
particular song. Chuck doesn’t care for this song so he never learned the words. Those
people not singing are conversing with their partner or staring intently forward into space,
as if they are trying to access the data files that store their dance steps. One couple,
keeping pace with Chuck and Kurt, are dancing front-to-back instead of face-to-face,
grinding into each other as they travel around the floor. The man in the back wears khaki
pants and a tight orange T-shirt with his worn brown cowboy boots. His partner wears
carpenter cut jeans, and a blue polo shirt with a Georgia Bulldog’s baseball cap. As the
song comes to an end, Chuck gives Kurt a small kiss with a big hug and each head their
separate ways. Captivated by their display of overt sensuality and affection, Chuck
watches the other couple as they exit the dance floor. Leaning up against the wall they
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hold each other in a tight embrace, laughing, kissing and whispering into each other’s ear.
Trying not to stare, Chuck finally turns and catches me eyeing someone close by. As he
walks toward the dance floor the DJ announces the next song, “She Thinks My Tractor’s
Sexy,” a new line dance. Turning away from the dance floor, Chuck decides to head
toward me because Chuck doesn’t line dance.
***
Not expecting Chuck to be off the dance floor, I am surprised as I turn and find
him standing next to me. “What are you looking at?” he asks in a mischievous voice.
Realizing that he knows exactly what I am looking at, I give a slight nod to the man
standing nearby. Although Saddlebags is comprised mostly of white men, it is not
unusual to see a considerable number of women, as well as African-Americans, MexicanAmericans, Asian-Americans, and people with a variety of physical disabilities inside the
bar.
However, something about this man is atypical. A black male, approximately sixfoot and 200 pounds of muscle, he stands leaning against the fence near the dance floor.
Wearing a black cowboy hat, he embodies of a hint of mystery that reminds of the old
western cowboy movie Shane. He wears a plain, black, suede leather vest that looks soft
against his skin. His naked arms are all that penetrate the sleeves of the vest that cover a
baby blue cut-off T-shirt. The leather trousers suck tight around his thighs and butt and
give him a bit more room as they pass the knee and hang over his Harley-style black
leather boots. On his face he wears a charming, friendly smile across his full lips. A small
patch of hair resides underneath the smile. Checking to make sure my mouth is not agape,
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I turn to Chuck and answer his question. “Black Beauty,” I say. Chuck giggles as we both
watch him nod and say hello to those who pass.
Pulling myself out of the objectification and trying to regain my ethnographic
researcher perspective, I turn my attention back to the dance floor realizing they have
shifted from two-stepping to line-dancing. I love to watch people line-dance, even though
Chuck believes it “an opportunity for gay men to dress butch and still do show numbers.”
I watch for a few more moments and then check my watch for the time. "Got some place
to be?" asks Chuck. "In the bed," I respond and bid Chuck goodnight. Giving him a small
kiss, I turn and head for the door, making sure I pass the bar to say goodnight to Jack.
"Goodnight baby, " Jack says lifting his head from the cash register. I burst through the
door back into the rain.
***************
Historical Background of Saddlebags
In January 1992, a lesbian couple named Wendy and Lena opened a new bar
focused on the idea that gay men and lesbians could appreciate country-western music
and country-western culture. Despite what is sometimes a risky and often short-lived
business venture constantly faced with the frivolous trends and politics of community
Saddlebags has remained a stable institution of this gay/lesbian community for over ten
years. Although several years earlier Wendy had operated a lesbian bar called Around the
Block in the same location, several participants recall that it wasn’t very successful.
According to Eleanor, a lesbian friend of Wendy’s, “She closed Around the Block
because for the most part women don’t support bars…and that is how I know about
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Saddlebags. Saddlebags was introduced basically as a male bar in order to bring in the
male customers.”
According to Chuck, who has been coming to Saddlebags for over 10 years,
“many other [gay] bars in the city had country-western theme nights,” Saddlebags was
the only full-time country-western gay bar. Since Saddlebags opened over ten years ago,
country-western theme nights at other gay bars in the city have faded, yet Saddlebags has
continued to grow and prosper, becoming an established social institution of this urban
gay/lesbian community.
In 1997, as a result of the bar’s popularity, Wendy and Lena moved Saddlebags to
a larger more centralized location where it remains today. According to the participants
who recall it, the move didn’t hurt business. In our discussion of the move Chuck said,
Yeah, [they moved] about four years ago…something like that. They needed a
larger facility ‘cause it was so tight in there. It was almost to the point that you
couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t walk through the crowd. The dance floor was
packed. It was just amazing. So they got a larger facility. This [current] facility is
not large enough. They need a bigger one. I think there is a rumor of them getting
a larger facility.
The rumor Chuck spoke of in October 2000 was substantiated by local media reports in
early 2001. The bar’s increasing popularity among the gay/lesbian community seemed to
cause problems with overcrowding and difficulties with parking. On many nights the bar
nears its 355-person capacity and parking spaces are only found after searching a space
on residential streets several blocks away. These challenges caused Wendy and Lena to
consider another venue, a vacant restaurant near Saddlebags’ original location. However,
the local neighborhood association near the “proposed location” thwarted that move. The
neighborhood association’s president was cited in the local gay paper saying that the bar
was “a well-run, well-managed place that was good for the community, but did not meet
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the proper licensing requirements.” As a result, according to the local gay press,
Saddlebags would remain in its current location, but not abandon the idea of a move in
the future.
Beyond the Novelty: A Gay Country-Western Community
So what is it about Saddlebags that makes it so popular in this urban community?
One gay man with whom I spoke indicated that Saddlebags “gives you something
completely different to do than any other place.” Another gay man indicated, “If you’re
into country and you’re gay, you go to Saddlebags.” A number of reasons can be listed
for why people patronize Saddlebags. However, in this section I will speak about how the
patrons of Saddlebags discuss it as not just a unique or novel place to go, but as a place of
community. This sense of community is tied to several elements including a social
discourse that everyone is welcome in the bar, familiar interaction among bar patrons,
customer loyalty, staff commitment, and community outreach. Both individually and
collectively these elements reveal the ways in which Saddlebags serves as a “different
kind of bar” for the gay men (and some women) of this major metropolitan area.
Beyond the Novelty
There is without a doubt a certain appeal to the novelty of a country-western
culture for gay men and lesbians. Because country-western culture is grounded in
heteronormative ideologies and gay men and lesbians are perceived as the antithesis of
those ideologies, individuals (both gay and straight) often find it hard to believe that a
place like Saddlebags even exists. Furthermore, people are struck by how much it
resembles country-western bars (presumably heterosexual bars) they have been to before,
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despite the fact that almost the entire clientele is made up of gay men and lesbians. In a
piece of response data written about her trip to Saddlebags a colleague wrote,
The moment we entered the place I felt a sense of comfort…an air of familiarity.
It was remarkably similar to any number of country bars I had spent time in
during my late high school and early college years. The only difference was the
couples on the wooden dance floor were men dancing with men. It was an
unusual sight, and yet it looked so unremarkable that I wasn’t sure what to make
of it.
I also had a similar reaction to Saddlebags on my first visit to the bar, and I wrote in my
journal: “I have never been to a bar like this one. So many blatant contradictions… and it
looks just like a Lone Star Steakhouse filled with a bunch of gay men.” Many of the
patrons of Saddlebags indicate that this novelty is what draws them to the bar. However
Paul, a Saddlebags employee said,
Sooner or later everybody ends up at Saddlebags. I don’t care what you
say…even if it is nothing more the just to go check it out. If you give Saddlebags
half a chance I guarantee you’ll be back, you’ll be hooked, and you’ll be there on
a regular basis.
A Gay Country-Western Community
Despite the novelty of country-western cultures and the gay men and lesbians who
occupy Saddlebags, it is clear that this place is one of community. One of the bar
employees with whom I spoke indicated that Saddlebags “is a community center mixed
with a bar.” David, a regular bar patron said, “It’s hard for me to say Saddlebags is just a
bar. Saddlebags is a part of people’s every day lives…and that is weird to say about a
bar, but Saddlebags is much more than a bar.” So what is it that makes Saddlebags so
much more?
One of the elements that contribute to this sense of community in Saddlebags is a
discourse that seems to convey that “everyone is welcome,” despite the bar’s primarily
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white gay male clientele. Darrin, a fairly new patron of Saddlebags, said “It’s a different
environment than I’ve been exposed to before and its one [that’s] more inclusive rather
than exclusive.” Eleanor, a long-time Saddlebags patron, said
[You] walk in the door and you feel like you are welcome. Even like I met two
new people because of the bartenders. They come in and sit at the very end of the
bar because they don’t know anybody, and the bartenders are like “[Eleanor] this
is my new friend [Jim].” They introduce them, they are friendly, and they make
the person feel welcome. I have never spoken to anyone that’s ever been in
Saddlebags that has not felt like there was somebody they could talk to. You
know they felt welcome there.
Paul also believes everyone is welcome at Saddlebags as he discusses the diversity
among the clientele. He says, “We get everything from a twenty-one year old just coming
out to seventy-year old females that come to the bar…we have that type of clientele, we
have that variety.”
Despite the attention and energy given to make people feel welcome, I have found
in my analysis that the discussion around who is welcome is centered on diversity
according to age and gender. When patrons were asked about who was or wasn’t
welcome at Saddlebags most participants spoke about these two social categories.
Differences in age were highlighted by a number of the bar’s clientele with whom I
spoke. David, a patron in his thirties, said, “It has got a big age range, which I like. So
there is people who are in there 60’s that are at the bar, and …twenties, thirties, and
forties.” Eleanor, a patron in her forties, was beginning to feel too old to go to bars when
she “realized there was a wide variety of ages that would go [to Saddlebags] and that it
was fun…something new, something different.”
Gender differences were also a significant part of the culture’s discussion around
the diversity of the bar’s clientele. One bar patron said, “Everybody is welcome. It don’t
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matter if you are male, female, transsexual, whatever you are.” Gender was also the focus
when Terry said, “Men and women are there, its not just one way or the other.” Even
though my observations revealed that Saddlebags reflects some diversity according to
race, class, ability, and even sexual orientation, the discussion around diversity is rarely,
if ever, discussed beyond age or gender. In fact, unless asked specifically about other
social identity categories, no one spoke of them.
What is most interesting about this “everyone is welcome” discourse is that, while
it may contribute to a larger sense of community for some patrons of the bar, I found it
was often contradictory to social reality. Based on my analysis, only those individuals
who are willing to abide by the cultural rules, which are monitored and maintained by the
staff and regular patrons, are truly “welcome” in the bar. We will explore the
contradictions of this “everyone is welcome” discourse more in-depth in Chapter Seven.
Another element that contributes to the sense of community found in Saddlebags
is the familiar interaction in which most of the bar patrons participate. When asked about
what made Saddlebags so unique Paul said, “The biggest way Saddlebags is different
[from other bars] is that you have to interact with people.” This high level of social
interaction creates an opportunity to establish relationships with other patrons. Several of
my participants indicated that this level of familiar interaction was different from other
bars because of the kinds of dancing in Saddlebags (explored more in Chapter Five) but
also because there is no “gross displays of sexuality” and “hooking up” is not the primary
reason for patronizing Saddlebags. Like many of the men in my study, Brian said, “ If
you go to Sinners, Alleyways, The Falcon, or something like that, most people are
looking for somebody to date…or are looking for somebody to have sex with. I am sure
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that some people in Saddlebags do that too, but I would think of Saddlebags as having
much more.”
However, even though most of the participants indicated that the primary reason
for going to Saddlebags was not to “hook-up” they did not discount it. In fact, they
remained open to it as a possibility. When asked why he went to Saddlebags Darrin said,
“I go to Saddlebags because I want to dance, but it would be nice to meet someone too.”
Chuck said that he primarily goes to dance but “the opportunity to get laid on occasion is
always a plus.”
The opportunity to interact with others without the explicit expectation of a sexual
encounter is a welcome relief for many of these men, allowing the gay men of
Saddlebags an opportunity to create or add to their social networks. When asked if there
was a tight knit community at Saddlebags Kirby said, “I think that’s true. I mean there
are a lot of people I’ve gotten to know there and they are all very sweet. We all seem to,
at the very least, know each other, at least a lot of us do.” And in the few months Dirk
and Darrin had been going to Saddlebags Darrin indicated, “We are known, we are
recognized, we have friends there—like Norm at Cheers.” When asked about whom he
hung out with at Saddlebags David explained,
I will go to Saddlebags with anybody. I mean the truth is that…my relationships
with people at Saddlebags are odd, I don’t have any friends at Saddlebags that I
know somehow know outside [of the bar] and like, hang out with and go do things
outside of Saddlebags. I go to Saddlebags knowing that I will see people there,
that I only see there, and will look forward to seeing them.
The level of familiar social interaction as it exists in Saddlebags not only
encourages sustained attendance for these patrons, but also seems to foster a commitment
or loyalty to other Saddlebags customers and Saddlebags staff.
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Both the customers and the staff discussed the “family” atmosphere created in
Saddlebags and how their loyalty to the bar contributed to this sense of community. One
well articulated statement about the customer loyalty came from Paul, a Saddlebags
employee. Looking me directly in the eyes to make sure I was paying attention he said,
Let me tell you the people that have been coming to Saddlebags, and that folks
that are our regulars…are fiercely loyal to Saddlebags. They’re loyal to that name
and to what it stands for [and] they will tell you all the time…. One of the biggest
things is that they make a point of visiting very frequently, very regularly that is
where they spend their money. We joke around that a lot of customers pay our
electricity bill.
I personally witnessed and participated in an example of this customer loyalty one
Saturday afternoon in January 2001. I sat drinking a cocktail at a local neighborhood
restaurant with a two other Saddlebags regulars. In an effort to engage us in conversation
a local gay man sitting next to us at the bar asked where we usually hung out on Saturday
nights. We told him we usually went to Saddlebags. His response was that he “couldn’t
believe that we went to Saddlebags and hung out with a bunch of fucking backwoods,
gay rednecks.” Immediately we began a verbal offensive. “I guess you’ve never been,” I
quipped. “People are often scared of what they don’t understand.” Jared added, “Those
fucking backwoods gay rednecks happen to be my friends,” and Terry responded
sarcastically, “You probably hang out with the quality people at Gary’s.” Needless to
say, the man was surprised by our reaction, and might I say deflated and defeated. I,
however, was cognizant of the intense protection of our hangout—Saddlebags. The anger
and resentment toward his statement was clear in our voices and he quickly paid for his
drink and left, realizing that he had not made friends out of us.
In addition to discussing and demonstrating customer loyalty to the bar itself, the
customers and staff also discussed the staff’s commitment to creating community. Chuck
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said, “The staff knows everybody that walks through the door,” and Terry indicated that
getting to know the people who work at Saddlebags has given him a sense of belonging
he doesn’t feel at other places. Eleanor believed that the staff is primarily responsible for
generating the sense of community that she feels in Saddlebags. She said, “I think it’s the
staff. The staff are real friendly, and they call you by name. I think the staff has
influenced the people that go there, and they bind everything together to create a friendly
atmosphere.”
In relation to creating this friendly atmosphere or sense of community, Jack
believes it is part of his job as a Saddlebags bartender. He said,
As big as [Saddlebags] is, and as popular as it is, it is really just a mom and pop
type run business. It is a very, very tight group of people…. I would say it is
definitely a conscious effort on part of the staff, primarily the management.
Wendy and Lena, the owners are very much into the community, giving back to
the people, their clientele. [The clientele] are their family, their kids…. So they’re
very into the community and that is definitely advocated by them.
In addition to discussing Saddlebags’ self-contained sense of community, the
participants also articulated that Saddlebags was a socially conscious institution that tried
to give back “to the larger community beyond its doors.” Brian said, “They are always
doing something for charity.” Kirby indicated that the owners “give huge amounts of
money to charities by raising money for things like Multiple Sclerosis and AIDS.”
However, Malcolm, a Saddlebags bartender, said that the bar merely facilitates the
fundraising and in actuality the entire “Saddlebags family” (the owners, staff, and
customers) generate that revenue for a variety of charitable organizations.
Although Saddlebags does a lot to support charitable organizations they also
reach out to the community by sponsoring or co-sponsoring events for groups like the
local gay and lesbian athletic teams, dance troupes, and organizations, and most notably
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and frequently the South Eastern Gay Rodeo Association (SEGRA). In fact, David says,
“they have these horrible, horrible, horrible contests for SEGRA, to raise money and so
on and so forth. Its like camp drag things and they are all really, really, bad. But
SEGRA’s great and I am happy that [Saddlebags helps] them raise money.” According to
my observations and the interviews I conducted there is little doubt that Saddlebags is
one of the most social and charitable bars in this major metropolitan community.
Chapter Summary
This chapter began with the first of several “tales of the field” constructed for this
ethnography of a country-western gay bar, Saddlebags. The narrative provides the reader
with a broad description of Saddlebags including a necessary overview of the bar’s social
location, physical location, design, décor, ambiance, inhabitants. The description in this
chapter was followed by a more analytic discussion explaining the history and most
importantly how, through a welcoming discourse, familiar interaction among patrons,
customer loyalty, staff commitment, and outreach, Saddlebags serves as an important
leisure community for its patrons.
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CHAPTER FIVE
“SOME DAYS YOU GOTTA DANCE”:
THE GENDERED PRACTICE OF TWO-STEPPING
Some days you gotta dance. Live it up when you get the chance. ‘Cause when the
world isn’t making no sense, and you’re feeling just a little too tense, you’ve gotta loosen
up those chains and dance. -The Dixie Chicks
Monday, November 19, 2001
I scan the tables of the small café where we agreed to meet. I see no sign of them,
so I grab three menus and seat myself at a back corner table and consider my
surroundings. I have conducted several interviews here over the past few months, and for
the most part it is quiet, comfortable, and the wait staff is fairly unobtrusive. Glancing at
my watch, I realize I have arrived over 20 minutes early and set about arranging the table
to make it conducive for audio recording. Pushing the menus and small purple flowers
from the center of the table, I situate my tape recorder so the microphone will face Dirk
and Darrin once they are seated. Then trying to keep myself occupied, I place a copy of
the participant consent form and a business card with my home number scrawled on the
back at each place setting. As I ritualistically prepare the table, I feel a bit of anxiety
sweep over me. I haven’t been this nervous about an interview since I conducted the first
one over a year ago. “Why is this interview so important?” I begin to ask myself.
However, before I can interrogate my emotions I see Darrin cross the threshold into the
room.
Darrin, a 29-year-old account executive is dressed as if he has just left work, his
starched white shirt and baby blue necktie barely visible through the opening in his blue
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three-piece suit. Standing about six-feet tall, his brick red hair curls in large locks and
hangs across his forehead. To get his attention, I thrust my arm into the air and begin to
wave. Darrin, noticing me out of the corner of his eye, acknowledges my location with a
nod and waits at the door. As he waits, Dirk crosses through the door to stand next to
him. Dirk, a 33-year-old local real-estate broker, is dressed more casually than Darrin. In
jeans, a plaid shirt, and a brown leather overcoat, Dirk is shorter than Darrin by about two
inches, although his brown spiked hair makes them appear the same height from a short
distance. As Dirk surveys the room, Darrin tugs his arm at the elbow and points him in
my direction. Both are attractive, well-groomed men: Darrin with his fair complexion and
brilliant smile and Dirk with high cheekbones and finely chiseled features. As they sit
down at the table I launch into a diatribe of gratitude, thanking them for taking the time
from their busy schedules to talk with me and share their experiences surrounding
Saddlebags.
Darrin, brimming with excitement and almost bouncing from his chair, shares his
enthusiasm for participating. I don’t, however, detect the same vivacity from Dirk, who
stares at me with a half-serious expression on his face. “ So you are conducting a study
on Saddlebags,” he says in a questioning tone. Just as I am about to supply an answer the
waitress approaches the table. “Can I get you anything?” she asks. For a moment, silence
settles on the table as we each bury our heads into the menu. The waitress waits
patiently, suspiciously eyeing the tape recorder at the center of the table. Dirk is the first
to look up. Glancing quickly at me, then at Darrin, he shouts, “I am hungry as hell! Bring
me an order of Brie and a Jack and Coke.”
***
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A Friday Night, Early June
Darrin’s forearms rest on the fence that surrounds the dance floor. Slowly, he sips
at the remaining beer in his almost empty bottle. He stares in amazement, his head
bobbing slightly and reluctantly to the beat of the song, his eyes following each of the
couples as they spin around the dance floor in front of him. He stands there against the
fence for the longest time just watching. Then, recognizing his trance-like state, he turns
to Dirk to find his friend shares in his astonishment. “It’s pretty cool,” Dirk says, as he
notices Darrin watching him. “I’ve seen them do this shit on CMT, but it doesn’t look
like this,” indicating his surprise to see men dancing with men and women dancing with
women. Darrin laughs at the thought of Dirk watching CMT (The Country Music
Network).
Although both Darrin and Dirk have lived in the city for several years, they have
never been to Saddlebags. Tonight, however, they decided to escape their usual routine
and do something different. One of their friends, Steven, had jokingly suggested
Saddlebags, never really thinking Darrin and Dirk would go. Darrin had heard of
Saddlebags, as had most of the gay men who lived in the city, but he never really
considered going there. His idea of a good time didn’t include hanging out with a bunch
of “rednecks” as they listened to country music, with its depressing lyrics and
uncomplicated melodies. However, tonight he and Dirk felt adventurous, and besides
there was no cover to get in the bar.
Now, as Darrin stood and watched the dance floor his ideas about the bar began to
change. Surprisingly, he felt a sense of comfort here, and though it was his first time in
Saddlebags, he felt welcome. “Who would have thought this place would be so
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crowded,” Darrin says to Dirk in a raised voice. “Yeah, but the guys ain’t all that cute,”
Dirk replies. “Are you kidding?” asks Darrin in disagreement. Dirk shakes his head no,
and a slightly awkward silence passes over them for a moment before Dirk adds, “But at
least the men here don’t have ATTITUDE like they do at Gary’s or Alleyways.”
“ True, very true” Darrin agrees.
***
I met Dirk and Darrin at my friend Steven’s birthday party in early June, so when
I saw them leaning against the fence staring at the dance floor, I thought I might know
them but wasn’t exactly sure how. I did know that I had never seen them in Saddlebags.
As I try to place the two men, Steven staggers up, offers me an Icehouse and slurs, “Can
we go say hello to my friends?” Acknowledging the exceptionally large crowd and
assessing Steven’s sobriety, I respond, “ If you think we can make it.” With intense
calculation and concentration, Steven navigates us in and around the large number of
people that surround the dance floor, and before I know it we are standing behind the two
men I have been trying to place, Dirk and Darrin.
Steven obnoxiously and simultaneously smacks each of his friends on the back,
and they appear startled to be recognized among the crowd. Steven, shocked to see his
friends inquires, “What are you guys doing here?”
“Just having a cocktail and watching all these guys dance,” replies Dirk.
“It’s amazing to see two gay men two-step together,” chimes Darrin.
“You should try it,” I say, throwing my voice from where I stand behind Steven.
Being a good mannered southerner, Steven steps aside and performs
introductions, although I assure both Darrin and Dirk that we have already met. After the
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introductions Steven attempts to change the nature of our conversation by asking
questions about Darrin and Dirk’s social calendar for the upcoming gay pride weekend.
While Dirk is easily maneuvered into Steven’s inquisition, Darrin steers clear, asking me
how he can learn to two-step. Sharing my own desire to learn, I quickly explain to Darrin
that the bar offers dance lessons four days a week: “Beginners two-step on Tuesday
evening, intermediate two-step on Wednesday evening, a different line dance each
Thursday evening and both a line dance and a two-step class on Sunday afternoons.”
Darrin’s eyes fill with fascination and ambition as he considers if it is something that he
might be able to “conceivably accomplish with persistence and dedication.” He begins to
interrogate. “Well, how much does it cost?” he asks.
“It’s free!” I reply.
“What time do each of the classes start?” he asks.
“ At 7:00 p.m. during the week, and at 4:00 p.m. on Sundays,” I say.
Appreciative of Darrin’s need for more information about learning to dance, I
point to the back wall where Paul, Saddlebags’ dance instructor, keeps an abundant
number of dance schedules with class dates, times, and the specific dances taught each
month. Darrin immediately takes leave, telling Dirk he will be right back.
As Steven and Dirk continue to discuss their plans for gay pride weekend, I
whisper to Steven that I am ready to go. I have had enough of data collection for one
night and think that he has had enough to drink. Steven clumsily bids Dirk farewell with
a hug, and as I turn to tell Dirk it was nice to meet him, I notice he has already refocused
an intense stare at the men on the dance floor. I chuckle to myself, remembering my first
visit to Saddlebags and my first time seeing two men two-step together; it was a pretty
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powerful experience. As Steven and I stroll home, I think to myself, maybe it’s time I
learn to dance.
***
Tuesday, Two Weeks Later
Paul swings into his parking space in front of Saddlebags and belts out the final
words of Shania Twain’s, “Any Man of Mine”. Throwing his jeep into park, he reaches
into the back seat. Tossing aside his riding boots and rodeo tack, he grabs his duffel bag
and cowboy hat and makes for the door. Once inside he places his hat on his head and
then tosses out obligatory greetings to Jack, who is minding the bar, and a few of the
regular customers who surround him. He would stop to offer a kiss and some minor
conversation, but he is running late and tonight’s lesson is scheduled to begin in 10
minutes.
Making his way through the room toward the DJ booth, Paul intentionally crosses
the dance floor to make sure that it is free from obstructions, spills, or other residue that
might cause problems for the dancers. Once in the DJ booth Paul scans the back wall and
pulls down several compact disks that contain the songs he intends to use for tonight’s
class: Rascal Flatt’s “Prayin’ for Daylight,” LeAnn Womack’s “I Hope You Dance,” and
Tim McGraw’s “I Do But I Don’t,” among others. Once the music is decided upon (and
the music is very important for dancing), Paul looks out over the bar to gauge how many
people are here for his class. Most people here this early in the evening are here for
lessons, but he also knows that a few people just come to watch, perhaps trying to decide
if they will be able to do it (and they can if they try). Fading the music of the tape that has
been playing since opening, he removes his cowboy hat and slips on the black headset
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microphone that saves him from losing his voice, especially since he instructs five classes
over the course of four days. Turning the microphone on at the box that clips to his belt,
he checks to make sure that he is broadcasting over the speakers in the bar and quickly
adjusts the volume as he speaks, “testing, 1, 2, 3, testing.” Once Paul is satisfied with the
volume he places his hat back on his head and readjusts the microphone for comfort.
Then jogging down the stairs of the DJ booth and springing forth onto the dance floor,
Paul announces, “ Everyone here for the beginning two-step class please come to the
dance floor.”
Paul waits patiently as people make their way toward the dance floor, setting
drinks where they will remember them, grabbing the hands of their dance partners, and
preparing themselves to learn to dance. Teaching dance is Paul’s favorite thing to do, and
he especially likes the beginners because they are simultaneously anxious and eager. He
remembers when he first learned to dance eight years ago, he was so confident and
thought it would be really easy, but it wasn’t so simple, and he ended up stumbling all
over himself. However, making a fool of himself is what motivated him to go to the bar
five or six nights a week and practice. Now, here he is the dance instructor at Saddlebags.
Of course, instructing isn’t his only job at Saddlebags. Since he quit his job in the
corporate world, he works as a bartender and weeknight DJ, but teaching is his favorite
thing to do, and he tries to remember that every night as his students crowd onto the
dance floor.
***
Dirk was a bit uncertain about learning to two-step, but he was always looking to
try something new and different and Darrin seemed so excited. “Now let’s just make sure
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we are clear,” Dirk barked at Darrin as they ran toward the door. “ I am going to lead, and
you are going to follow.” “ That’s right!” Darrin responded checking his watch to see
how late they were. Getting off work at 6:00 p.m., and considering traffic, it was difficult
to get to the bar on time from the financial district of the city. Darrin looked at his watch
and noted that it was about 10 minutes after seven. He couldn’t believe they were going
to be late for their first lesson.
Darrin pulls back the door that opens into the bar. “It’s so empty!” he thinks to
himself as he and Dirk enter the room. When they had been here last Friday night the
floor was so packed you could barely move, and now there were only about 25 people in
the whole bar, and all but three were on the dance floor standing in a circle. Darrin moves
quickly toward the dance floor relieved that he had brought Dirk as his dance partner
since it appeared that everyone else already had one. Taking their place among the
couples that circled the dance floor, Dirk and Darrin turn their attention toward the
instructor who paces around the inside circumference of the circle.
“As dancers it is important that we each learn what to do with our entire bodies,
not just our feet,” the instructor said. As Dirk listened to the instructor’s explanation he
took inventory of the other people in the class. Most of the couples on the dance floor
were white men, though there was also a lesbian and an inter-racial couple. He also
noticed that in relation to the rest of the crowd he and Darrin were among the youngest,
with at least two-thirds of the dancers in their forties or fifties.
After offering suggestions on posture, distance, and tension, the instructor
explains the footwork of the two-step. “ The two-step is a series of steps that occur in a
cadence of quick-quick, slow-slow,” Paul states, moving his feet across the floor in
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accordance with the count. After demonstrating the basic footwork, he begins to describe
the “roles” of each dancer in the partnered dance. “You are either a lead or a follow,” he
states. Dirk leans in to Darrin and reminds him once again, “You’re the follow.”
***
The Following Tuesday
I had consciously resisted learning to dance for over nine months. I love to dance,
and since I had started observing the bar I was drawn to the power of the two-step.
Nevertheless, in an effort to maintain my non-dancing perspective for a longer period of
time, I had chosen not to learn to dance. Tonight, however, my self-imposed restraint was
over. I had persuaded Jared, a close friend and self-described regular of Saddlebags, to be
my partner. Jared, who had been coming to Saddlebags for about as long as I had, never
really showed much interest in learning the two-step. However, because we had been
friends for so long he happily obliged.
We stood at the bar chatting with one of the bartenders, when Paul called us to the
dance floor to begin the lesson. I had watched Paul teach the lesson on more than one
occasion. Paul, a short and stocky man with dark eyes, jet-black hair, and olive colored
skin, always wears a smile on his clean-shaven face, making everyone in the lesson feel
welcome and capable. I found his teaching style entertaining, as he seemed to produce a
bit of flamboyance for the sake of his students. From my perspective he was an
exemplary employee of Saddlebags, always taking the time to get to know everyone’s
name, who they were, and why they were there. I knew he was heavily invested in the
rodeo, dance, and other aspects of country-western culture, and he often espoused the
ethics, integrity, and community involvement of being a cowboy.
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Jared and I worked our way over to the dance floor, setting our beers on a nearby
table. As we took the floor Paul instructed those of us with partners to stand on the
opposite side of the dance floor, and those without partners to come to his side, “leads”
on his right and “follows” on his left. He then partnered up those solo dancers on his right
with the solo dancers on his left and invited a friend of his who sat at a nearby table to
dance with an unmated lead from his right-hand side. Once every dancer was paired, Paul
instructed us to circle up. Encouraging us to make room for everyone, Paul called out,
“All right boys, show the girls how to make the hole tighter,” and the group made the
circle smaller and more cohesive, as we laughed at the sexual innuendo.
After instructing us on proper posture and some basic footwork, Paul explained to
us the distinct roles of leaders and followers. However, having watched and talked with
so many people about two-stepping, I already knew these roles and the ideologies that
accompany them.
I had decided to follow. My decision was based on a reluctance to do what was
expected of me. During the past few months, as I spent more and more time here in
Saddlebags, I had several—no a lot—of men comment on what a “great lead” I would
make. I couldn’t really understand why, though I questioned them on it and determined
that some people were slotting me into a role based on my physical appearance (usually
my above average height), some based on my personality (controlling), and some based
on their preconceived notions of my sexual preferences (and I am speaking of preferences
in sex, not sexual identity or orientation). I didn’t like it. Therefore, in an effort to subvert
those messages, I decided to choose my identity, instead of having it prescribed or
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inscribed upon me. I actively chose to “be” a follow! Of course my decision and rationale
left little agency for my dance partner, Jared, and so I assigned him his role as the lead.
As Jared and I wait patiently for Paul to begin, I noticed Steven’s friends across
the room, facing each other and looking ready to dance.
***
Having been a dance instructor for over nine years, and instructing mostly gay
men and lesbians, Paul had heard every rhyme and reason for how people select their role
in the two-step. Paul, however, tells the class, “ You should decide what you want to do,
lead or follow, learn to do that, and learn to do it well.” Then Paul launches into his
analogy that describes the lead's and the follow’s responsibilities on the dance floor. “ My
analogy,” he says, “is like you are driving a car.” Paul puts his arms in front of him
mimicking the use of a steering wheel. “You have a driver and a passenger. The driver is
the leader and the passenger is the follower. That means that the driver has control over
everything, when you turn, how fast you go, when you are going to stop, which way you
will turn, and how many times. So they are the decision maker of your partnership.” Paul
takes a breath and assesses the student understanding before he continues. “The follower
then, is just along for the ride.” Paul bends his knees out and slumps as if he is sitting in a
seat. “Just like when you are a passenger in the car, when the driver turns the wheel left,
you will go left,” and Paul turns his body left. He continues, “you have to go left with me.
It’s the same thing as dancers. It works really well when everybody does their part. As far
as two-stepping goes, you cannot be an individual. You must take into consideration what
the other person has to go through.” Paul loves his driving analogy, but he senses his
audience is ready to get moving, so Paul scans the circle of dancers and asks, “All right,
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any questions?” Just as he is about ready to move on, he notices one of the regulars,
Jared, reluctantly raise his hand. “Jared,” Paul calls out. “Glad you are finally learning to
dance. What’s your question?” Jared, proud that Paul remembers his name, asks, “Which
do you think is harder, leading or following?” Paul chuckles loudly enough for everyone
to notice and indicates that he gets that question all the time. “It is really black and white.
I don’t know if one is harder than the other, they are just different,” Paul says. “Although,
I have a tendency to say leading is harder because you have to make all the decisions.
You have to decide when and how, and really guide this person through it without
anything but body language. So when people ask me that, I always say, well you have to
think about Fred and Ginger. They are both great dancers, but everything that Fred did,
Ginger had to do backwards and in heels.” The dancers laugh. “But I don’t think one is
harder than the other, and there is room to master both, to be an excellent follow and an
excellent lead.” Paul cuts himself off and avoiding more questions, exclaims, “Now, let’s
saddle-up,” Paul says, “or in other words, get ready to dance.”
***
Since it is their second lesson, Dirk and Darrin have already learned to “saddleup,” so as the instructor explains the basics, they quickly perform the ritual and wait for
the others to learn. As they stand in dance position, Dirk reviews the dance steps with
Darrin. In a hushed voice he calls out “quick-quick, slow, slow…quick-quick, slow,
slow.” With a grin, Darrin looks down at his feet, imagining their footwork as Dirk calls
out the cadence. After a couple of moments, Darrin looks up at Dirk and asks, “Why did
you wear your tennis shoes again?” to which Dirk responds, “I am not going to scuff up
my dress shoes learning to two-step, and I don’t have any other slick-soled shoes.”
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Finally, the dance instructor bellows over the microphone, “Okay, now we are going to
put it all together with movement.” Dirk and Darrin stand up straight and look directly
into each other’s eyes. “Remember the fundamentals,” the instructor says. “Don’t lift
your feet, keep your feet close together, and keep your steps short but moving you
forward.” Darrin laughs childishly at the stoic look on Dirk’s face as he processes the
instructions. The instructor calls out, “Okay, ready, here we go, and …five, six, seven,
eight, and…quick-quick, slow, slow…quick-quick, slow, slow,” as the dancers begin to
move, a bit clumsily around the dance floor.
***
“Saddling up,” Paul says, “is the necessary foundation for the rest of your dance.”
I pay close attention. As Paul calls out each instruction, Jared and I, along with most of
the other dancers complete each task. As a lead, Jared stands facing counter-clockwise on
the outside of the dance floor. He then raises his left arm up into the air bending his
elbow about 90 degrees so that his hand is at the same level as his shoulder, open with the
palm facing front and thumb extended straight into the air. His right arm, however, is to
hang at his side and then bend at waist level, with the forearm extending out, the hand
cupped. This stance extends the invitation for the follow to join him. As Jared’s follow, I
step into his embrace and place my right hand inside his left, bending each of my fingers
over his knuckles and intertwining my thumb around his. At the same time I slide my
waist into his right arm and place my left hand gently on his front right shoulder, near the
collarbone. Jared adjusts his hand securely around my waist and pulls me in a bit closer.
It feels different, a bit odd at first, but then we grow more comfortable. Jared and I both
smile.
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***
As the dancers move rigidly around the dance floor, Paul offers words of
encouragement and praise. “ You are all looking good,” he says. “Remember it takes lots
of practice to become a good two-stepper,” he reminds his students. As he watches he
sees Jared and Corey treacherously negotiating their dance and based on their
performance he advises the entire crowd, “remember the lead should push forward
slightly and the follow should provide slight resistance and be reactionary.” After
monitoring the progress of the practice for about 10 minutes, and adjusting several
couples’ posture and footwork, Paul asks if the students are ready to add music. The
answer is never a resounding “yes,” but for Paul the question is primarily rhetorical.
As Paul begins to make his way to the DJ booth, he turns on his heels and regains
the dancers’ attention saying, “Oh, I almost forgot to tell you the rules of the dance
floor.” “First of all,” Paul begins, “ the dance floor essentially has three lanes. The
outside lane of the dance floor,” he points, “ is the fast lane. This is where most people
dance. The next, more inner ring,” he continues, “is the practice or slow lane. This is
where slower and more inexperienced dancers dance. When you are passing dancers you
can move into this lane, but remember to move back out, otherwise it becomes like a
toilet bowl, with everyone going down the drain.” Paul then walks to the center of the
dance floor and says, “Then there is the third lane, or center of the dance floor. This is
where everything else is going on.” Paul indicates that those who wish to line dance,
waltz, west-coast swing dance, clog, or flail about disco style during the two-step should
do so in the center of the dance floor, unless of course, the DJ has indicated that the dance
is not a two-step. “Finally,” Paul points his index finger into the air and takes a parental
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tone, “Always remember good dance etiquette! Escort your partner on and off the dance
floor, don’t ever stand still on the dance floor; keep moving. And absolutely no chewing
gum, cigarettes, or drinks on the dance floor. Other than that, remember to smile because
you should be here to have a good time.” And with that as his final statement, Paul turns
and bounds to the DJ booth as the students “saddle-up” to begin. From the DJ booth Paul
says, “After these two songs, I will play two more. Take a break if you need one and
when we come back we will learn to promenade.” He presses play and the music begins.
He counts out for the dancers one last time, “and…five, six, seven, eight.”
***
During the break Jared orders another beer, but I refuse, steering clear of alcohol
so I can concentrate on learning to dance. As the final chords of the song play over the
speaker, Paul returns to the dance floor to guide us through the second part of the class.
In the beginner’s class Paul always teaches the basic footwork and uses the second
portion of the class to teach a new, more complicated move. The new move is different
each week, until Paul has cycled through them all over the course of four to six weeks.
Tonight we are learning to promenade. As Paul explains it, “A promenade is where the
dancers turn and end up facing in the same direction.” He grabs a dancer from the crowd
and demonstrates the flow of the dance pointing to specifics for both the lead and the
follow. I look at Jared, wondering how we will accomplish this feat. Jared stares in a bit
of disbelief.
After Paul’s demonstration, he sets us in motion. For a while we fumble our way
through the motions trying to get it right. Then, almost magically, it happens. Jared raises
my right hand into the air on the second slow step, signaling the move is about to begin,
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then somehow I quick—half turn, quick—half turn, slow—half turn, and slow—face
forward, as Jared controls the exchange of hands above our heads. We did it! I am so
encouraged. Jared and I laugh in disbelief and reward ourselves with positive
reinforcement, but before our self-esteem has any time to build, Paul rains on our parade.
“Now you have to learn how to get out of the promenade,” he says. Jared and I sigh in
disbelief.
For the remainder of this lesson we practice the moves of the promenade to music
and at our own pace. Jared and I do fairly well, though I become increasingly frustrated
by how little responsibility I have in the dance. As the lesson wraps up, Paul thanks us
for our attention and offers some parting advice. “None of this comes easy,” Paul says,
“It takes a lot of patience and practice.”
“He is so right,” I think to myself.
***
Darrin is proud of the progress he and Dirk have made tonight. He feels a sense of
accomplishment in their improvement over last week. However, he recognizes that they
still have a long way to go before they will even consider dancing on a night like Friday
or Saturday. As Paul thanks the dancers for their time and attention, Darrin notices that a
large number of men and two women have gathered around the edge of the dance floor
waiting for the lesson to end. Darrin and Dirk quickly exit the floor as the next song
begins and the waiting crowd files past them. Several of the couples from the class stay
on the dance floor, and Darrin would too, but Dirk needs to “hit the John.” As Dirk takes
leave, Darrin considers strolling over to the bar to have a cocktail, but he considers that it
may impair his dancing and decides to wait a while longer. Not long after arriving at his
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decision, he notices he is standing alone, near the dance floor, open to invitation. He
considers the embarrassment he might face if he had to dance with someone other than
Dirk, so he decides to escape to the bar where the distance from the dance floor decreases
the likelihood of being asked to dance. But before he can escape, he feels a tap on his
shoulder. Darrin, hoping it is Dirk, turns to find a balding, solid-built man over his right
shoulder. Dressed in Wrangler Jeans and a black Travis Tritt T-shirt, the man asks,
“Would you like to dance?”
Timidly, Darrin stammers, “I have just started learning and…well, I am…well, I
am really, really bad. You don’t want to dance with me.”
“Sure I do,” the man responds, “what is your name?”
Darrin introduces himself and the man says, “My name is Kurt,” and steps closer. “Do
you lead or follow?”
“I follow,” answers Darrin.
Kurt turns and gently motions Darrin onward. Kurt steps onto the dance floor first
and then escorts Darrin into the second lane. Yielding to the invitation to saddle-up,
Darrin takes his stance. Kurt takes Darrin in his arms. Darrin feels a bit awkward in the
embrace of another man on the dance floor—in public. Yet, his awkwardness quickly
subsides as he realizes they are starting to move. He quickly shuffles his feet trying to
match Kurt. Kurt, attempting to help Darrin remember his footwork, calls out their
cadence in a hushed voice looking directly into Darrin’s eyes. After a moment of foot
shuffling, Darrin captures Kurt’s timing and Kurt fades his cadence. A moment of silence
passes. “You are doing very well,” Kurt says to Darrin in an attempt to boost his
confidence. Darrin, trying not to lose his concentration, quickly thanks Kurt and then dips
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his head to check on his feet. When he finally looks up again he sees Dirk staring at him
with his eyebrows raised in astonishment. A sense of pride rests itself in the pit of
Darrin’s stomach. As the song comes to an end, Kurt spins Darrin in a circle, bows ever
so slightly at the waist, and says “thank you for a wonderful dance.” Darrin, grins and
replies, “Thanks for your patience.”
***
After the lesson ends, Paul assesses the level of business and decides he can
squeeze in a dance or two before he jumps behind the bar to sling drinks. He scans the
room looking for someone to dance with, avoiding any beginners! Paul doesn’t mind
dancing with beginners, but since he only gets to dance a few songs tonight, he wants to
dance at his advanced skill level. On the weekends Paul wouldn’t have any problem
locating a “seasoned” dancer but tonight experienced dancers seem to be few and far
between. As the song ends, the dancers on the dance floor begin to part each others
company with a bow, a hug, or a kiss. Spotting a potential partner, Paul acts quickly to
avoid losing him to another dancer. Dashing across the dance floor, Paul grabs his friend
Kurt’s arm and says, “Hey honey, care to dance?” Kurt responds, “It would be my
pleasure.” Since Paul and Kurt can both lead and follow a small negotiation process
ensues and Paul leads this time around. As the hard fast beats of “Chatahoochee,” by
Allan Jackson stream from the speakers, Paul sends Kurt into motion and they two-step
around the floor, guided by the beats of the music and propelled by the energy of their
feet.
***
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There are over 72 line dances that might be performed in Saddlebags on any
given night and Kurt knows most of them. Kurt who has been coming to Saddlebags for
over eight years, is an excellent two-stepper (able to lead and follow), but is known
throughout the bar for his line-dancing. Kurt jogs past the finishing two-steppers on the
dance floor and takes his place, in the far right corner, closest to the front door. This is
Kurt's spot, a spot where he has room to dance and where he can be seen by all of the
bar's spectators. Kurt, turning to his right, acknowledges his friend Trey who has also
come to line-dance on the front line. Kurt shakes out his arms and legs in anticipation of
his performance.
As the music begins, Kurt's head snaps up and he looks dead ahead counting off
the first few beats in his head. Then, with a broad smile and a loud squeal, he begins—
kick right, kick left, step-ball change. And though Kurt matches every step of those
around him on the dance floor he always adds something more, something extra.
A Friday Night, Late October
Jared and I watch in amazement as they glide across the dance floor. The music is
fast and they rotate as if they were on a carousel—mechanically moving to the song’s
beat. Although they employ the basic steps, their dance is much more complex with
twists, turns, spins, and then at every corner one of them gives a hard stomp with the foot
of their boot drawing attention from the crowd at the bar. It is difficult for me to watch
anyone else on the dance floor. They make two-stepping look so easy. Locked in a tight
embrace, I don’t recognize them in their first pass, but upon their second pass I realize
exactly who they are, Dirk and Darrin.
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Although I had paid a fair amount of attention to Dirk and Darrin during the
course of my observations, I had been visiting the field less frequently over the course of
the past month, and was quite surprised by their transformation. In addition to having
become such skilled two-steppers, I notice they are dressed in perfect cowboy costume,
each of them wearing shiny cowboy boots, tight Wrangler jeans, black Stetson hats, and
enormous silver belt buckles. As I watch them dance I think about their initial reluctance
to visit Saddlebags and wonder why they have now become regulars. I decide to watch
them more throughout the night. As I stare at them, mesmerized, Jared leans over, and
perhaps with other motives in mind, says, “I think you ought to interview those
cowboys.”
***
Dirk spins Darrin and gives him a hug as their dance comes to an end. Out of the
corner of his eye he sees a man he recognizes running to the right corner of the dance
floor. “There goes Spinderella,” Dirk says. He and Darrin both laugh at the nickname
they have assigned to the man they do not know, but they do know if he is taking “her
place” on the dance floor it must be time for a line dance. Quickly escorting Darrin from
the dance floor, Dirk removes his hat, and pulls a red handkerchief from his back pocket
and wipes away the beads of sweat that cover his forehead. “Let’s go watch Spinderella
and the Dancing Queen,” he says to Darrin, pushing him along the fence rail to the corner
post. As they move through the crowd the DJ comes over the speaker system of the bar
and says, “Hey everybody, welcome to Saddlebags!” The crowd yelps out hoots and
hollers. “We are going to change things up a bit right now and do a couple of line
dances.” The DJ quickly lists off the dances in the sequence they will be performed.
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“First off we’ll do a little “Steam,” followed by the “Circle Jerk,” then the “Boot Scoot
Boogie,” and finally we’ll top it all off with the “Cowboy Waltz." Dirk watches the
people pack in, shoulder to shoulder, across the dance floor about five or six rows deep.
Although Dirk personally doesn’t like to line-dance, he enjoys watching the line-dancers,
and appreciates the break to catch his breath and cool off.
During the past couple of months Dirk has come to realize that the best line
dancers dance in the first row, not because they are so skilled, but because they want an
audience. He and Darrin are happy to oblige and they have even assigned nicknames to
identify some of their favorite line-dancers. As Dirk watches Spinderella, (Kurt) he
wonders how he adds the extra spins, twists, and kicks that makes his dance so fun to
watch. He leans over to Darrin and remarks, "He has to be a classically trained dancer in
the ballet or something. I mean look at him go!" At that moment, Spinderella spins an
extra four times. Darrin nods his head in agreement. "We could learn to line dance,"
Darrin says to Dirk. "No," Dirk replies, " it’s just too much to learn," and then pointing at
the man whom they call the Dancing Queen, "and way too effeminate."
***
As the music for the “Cowboy Waltz” begins to play, Dirk and Darrin stand
watching the dance floor. They have been standing idle now for over four songs and I
anticipate they are about to dance again soon. I decide to seize the moment and plan my
approach. Quickly maneuvering around a group of men who have gathered at the corner,
I step into an empty space near Darrin and stand for a moment, watching the line dancers
swing back and forth across the floor, as I search for his name among the hundreds I have
learned during the course of my study. Then with a bit of uncertainty, I turn and inquire,
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"You’re Darrin right?" Darrin smiles, unsure if I am about to ask him to dance or if I
might be coming onto him. With a bit of reluctance says, "That’s right. How did you
know my name?"
***
Two Weeks Later
Dirk places his fork in the center of his plate and leans back in his chair
considering my question. Then, after a moment, he leans forward and replies, " I doubt I
would go there if they didn't have dancing. You know no matter what you like in this city
you can find it somewhere. If you're into country-western music and you are gay, you go
to Saddlebags. If you like to dance then all the better." As Dirk finishes his sentence the
waitress, who has been waiting for a pause in our discussion, quietly interrupts, "Can I
get you gentlemen anything else this evening?" We all shake our heads, “no,” not
wanting to break the momentum of the conversation. Darrin, staring at me, weighs in,
"You know you should watch the dancing sometime. If it is a really fast song and you
have two really good dancers, and they are twirling and dancing hard, it is so neat to
watch. I mean there is really a lot of skill involved. And if they are doing a good job it
looks fun and easy. The best dancers make it look easy, even when it's not.”
Remembering my own dance lessons, I nod in agreement and add, “You guys
make it look easy.” Smiles spread across both of their faces. Darrin throws back his
shoulder and sits up straight with pride while Dirk leans in close to the microphone, looks
at me and says, “you'll want to get this one on the record." He pauses a moment and shifts
himself forward in his seat and says, “Dancing with Darrin has made us closer friends, it
has made us very good friends.” He leans back with a satisfied look, and looks at me to
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see if I am pleased with his remark. Shaking his head in affirmation, and almost looking
as if he might cry, Darrin says, “You know, two-stepping is something that only twosteppers can understand. When you are dancing the whole world seems to go away and
you and your partner are the only ones dancing. Then the lights come down from the
ceiling and they shine on us. Everybody seems to be holding hands around the dance
floor and it is just beautiful.” For the last time silence takes over our table. Then Dirk
laughs out loud at Darrin's description and reaches for the check. “That's on me fellas,” I
say pulling several twenty dollar bills from my wallet. “Does the University pay for our
meals?” Darrin asks. I laugh as I check the amount to make sure there is enough for
gratuity. “No, I am not that lucky,” I respond, “but I am lucky to have gotten your
interview. Thanks!”
As Dirk and Darrin make for the door, I hang around a moment to gather my
things. Pleased with how well the interview went, I check the tape to make sure the audio
level is acceptable. As I make for the door the waitress passes and says, “Sounds like
some interesting stuff,” I nod, raise my eyebrows, and respond, “if you only knew.”
***************
Dancing in Saddlebags
Dancing seems to be the primary cultural event that occurs in Saddlebags. During
my first visit to the bar, and throughout the course of my fieldwork, I noted the
significant emphasis placed on dancing in the bar. In fact, on several occasions
throughout my fieldwork I tried to ignore the dance floor but often found my attraction to
the dance floor uncontrollable. For example on March 14, as I focused my observations
on the bartenders serving drinks, I wrote in my fieldnotes,
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I have tried to avoid focusing on the dance floor but I find it is hard to resist.
There is a considerable amount of people on the dance floor tonight and the music
has been tremendously appealing. I find myself mouthing the words and tapping
my feet as I work my way closer to the dance floor.
On March 30, 2001 I took several colleagues to Saddlebags. Later, one of these women
said,
The people who came to this bar came for the dancing, that seemed clear to me.
There were specific dances with specific steps and these dances seemed to be
associated with specific songs…and those who weren’t on the dance floor took up
places around the edge of the dance floor, leaned on the rail and talked as they
watched the dancers. This was a very different experience from the many gay bars
I’ve been to in my life.
In this chapter I purposefully describe the dancing in Saddlebags as an event, as opposed
to an activity, because dancing not only includes the dancers who dance, but also the
spectators who crowd around the dance floor and the lessons offered on a regular basis.
Most of the bar patrons I spoke with in the field and in interviews indicated that
dancing was an important aspect of Saddlebags’ culture, and most of the men cited it as
their reason for going to the bar. Darrin said, “I don’t know much about [anything]
because I just go to dance.” When I asked Chuck what he would do if there were no
dancing at Saddlebags he said, “NO! I would absolutely not go. The dancing is the most
important part. I mean I will dance until I am dripping with sweat.” David said, “ I mean
for me it’s just the dancing. Actually, to the extent that there are non-dancing activities in
the bar…they drive me crazy.” Malcolm, a Saddlebags bartender, believes that “a little
over forty-percent of the crowd come to dance on any given night,” however, my
observations would estimate that number is higher—around sixty percent on a regular
basis, and much higher on special event weekends like the gay rodeo or gay pride.
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Even those patrons who don’t dance noted dancing as the primary event occurring
in Saddlebags. You can often find crowds of people surrounding the entire dance floor
watching the dancers as if they are in a stage-show. When I asked Terry, a patron who
doesn’t dance, “What goes on at Saddlebags?” he said,
A whole lot of dancing. I was amazed with the way they dance, they dance like a
carousel, everyone doing their own little thing, like a merry go round, but they are
all going the same way and going up and down to the same beat. They slow down,
and they stop, and they start going in the reverse direction.
In addition, when I asked Dirk why so many people stand around the dance floor he said,
There’s a lot of people that watch because if it’s a really fast song and you have...
really good dancers, I mean, and they’re twirling and they’re doing all this fancy
stuff it’s really neat to watch because, I mean it’s definitely, I mean there is a lot
of skill involved and…if they are doing a good job of it, I mean, it looks like
fun…I’d say that most people standing around, well half of them want to dancer
I also believe Saddlebags, as a business, emphasizes dancing as significant based
on the dance floor’s large, central, well-lit location. In fact, it seems as if the spatial
design of Saddlebags is conceived around the dance floor. During one of my first nights
observing the bar I wrote,
The dance floor itself takes up about 1/3 of the customer’s space in the bar. A
raised wooden platform, corralled by a fence, is illuminated by lighting equipment
and overlooked by the DJ who controls the dances that will be enacted. You can
walk around the entire dance floor; you can enter the dance floor on all four sides.
The dance floor is the focus of approximately 2/3 (or more) of the bar’s patrons
whom are either spectating around the edges, dancing on the dance floor or some
combination of both.
Several types of dancing occur on the dance floor at Saddlebags including
traditional two-stepping, solo line-dancing, couple’s line-dancing, waltzing, swing, and
the rare, but occasional, “free form” disco dance. Although I have documented all of
these dances as they occur in Saddlebags, the most common are the line-dance and the
two-step. In fact, a number of Saddlebags patrons said they appreciate country-western
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dancing as an alternative to the free-form disco that is typical at the other gay bars in the
city. When I asked Madge why dancing was so popular at Saddlebags she said, “It isn’t
surprising to me…Thank god it is something besides disco.” When I was interviewed, by
my major professor, I spoke extensively about how the dancing at Saddlebags was a
welcome alternative to the dancing I had observed during my 10 years of patronizing
other gay bars. I said,
Most of my experience with gay men dancing in gay bars is with disco
movements, they are not dancing together, you are dancing by yourself, next to
people. You know I might dance with a man, but we wouldn’t touch, or if we did
touch it would probably be a) offensive or b) sexual in some way. Because that’s
what you see in a lot of gay bars and on the dance floors of discothèques and
stuff. You see people dancing by themselves. Their movements don’t impact
other people’s movements. Their decisions about what to do really don’t affect
the other people that they are dancing with, in a sense that I can dance with seven
people on the dance floor at a place like Alleyways. But at Saddlebags the dancing
is different because we are dancing together in the sense that my moves and your
moves all impact each other [in the two-step] or are systematic and simultaneous
[in the line dance]. So we are together in that sense. So that’s I think the big
difference. And it seems—I mean it’s a connectedness and that’s powerful.
Other observers have also commented on the nature of the country-western dancing at
Saddlebags. In a piece of response data solicited from a colleague who accompanied me
to Saddlebags, that colleague wrote,
In both the two-step and the line dance, part of the meaning seemed to come from
the coordinated nature of movements. This is quite different than rock-and roll
dancing where individuals are encouraged to express themselves through their
own movement.
There is little question that line-dancing and two-stepping are the most popular
kinds of dancing that occur in Saddlebags, however, two-stepping seems to be the most
popular among most of the male bar patrons. Paul, the dance instructor, believes it is all
about personal preference. He said, “You can’t say that two-stepping is more important
than swing dancing, or line-dancing is more important that other types…it’s about
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preference. That’s why [Saddlebags] offers a variety, so we can appeal to a mass
audience and accommodate the variety of interests.” Yet, despite Paul’s attention to
variety, most of the Saddlebags patrons I talked to gave preference to two-stepping over
line-dancing. Terry said, “I don’t think that I would like the line-dancing as
much...usually people do one or the other.” David also expressed his preference for twostepping when he said, “You know [line-dancing] really looks good [but] my body
doesn’t move that way. I don’t look that good and I don’t feel it. It is artificial for me to
try to get that.” Although many Saddlebags patrons spoke of line-dancing, affording it a
place in the night’s dance line-up, patrons almost always discussed two-stepping as more
significant. Therefore, the remainder of this chapter will focus the gendered nature of the
two-step including why it is so appealing to spectators, how gay men learn to two-step,
how gay men engage dance partners, negotiating the specific dancing roles, and the
intimacy of the dance. By exploring each of these elements I hope to demonstrate how
gay men simultaneously resist and reaffirm heterogendered ideologies through the twostep.
When Gay Men Two-Step
Chances are that most of my readers have either witnessed or danced the two-step.
Even if you haven’t been to a country-western bar you have probably paused on a
country-western dance program surfing through the cable channels on a Saturday or
Sunday afternoon. To refresh you memory, two-stepping is a dance where a couple
moves around the dance floor in a counter-clockwise motion (except on occasion when
the DJ instructs dancers to move clockwise). In the dance each person has a functional
role, either as a lead or as a follow. The lead is responsible for making the decisions
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regarding dance moves and the couple’s navigation around the dance floor. The follow is
responsible for interpreting the signals of the lead and maintaining a good frame so that
their movement is easily controlled. Despite the civil nature of this dance, two-steppers
enact their movements with a variety of style, flair, and at various speeds around the
dance floor. Although the steps of the dance are simple, the variety of how they are
enacted makes the dance floor seem anything but uniform. The dancing seems to offer a
great deal of self-expression and is incredible to watch. But what is so incredible? If we
have seen two-stepping before, what makes is so “magical” in Saddlebags?
I believe the magic begins with spectatorship. Take for example, this quote from
Randy, an out-of-town visitor to Saddlebags,
I moved to the side of the dance floor and watched. I was completely fascinated
by the dancers. Moving as one, they twirled around the dance floor performing
the most complex of dances with ease and grace. The men on the floor ran the
gambit from very masculine to extremely feminine. But you didn’t see what you
might expect, feminine men with masculine men; it wasn’t like that at all, it
seemed again to be an inclusive variety of couple arrangements…. I loved
watching them dance. I saw the hottest of men dancing with the ugliest of men
and they looked like they were having the time of their lives. It made me feel like
I was accepted, like I was a part of the group even though I was hundreds of miles
from home. [Saddlebags] is truly a remarkable place, an oasis, that is why it is my
favorite bar and that is why I will go back whenever I am in town.
This quote is a typical, though elaborate, example of a gay man’s first response to seeing
two men two-step together in Saddlebags. When I asked Chuck what he remembered
about his first visit Saddlebags he said, “I had never seen two men two-step together and
it was the most magical thing and I was just completely entranced by it. I just fell in love
with it and it was something I definitely wanted to do.” In fact, like Chuck, most of the
other men who knew how to two-step said that watching the dance drove them to learn to
do it too. Darrin, who recently underwent the transformation from spectator to dancer,
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said “The first time I went to Saddlebags was two years ago and it was a shock. I had
never seen two guys couple dancing together like that. I thought it was very strange, but I
also felt…. I didn’t think it was anything I would ever do. But this year I talked Dirk into
taking lessons.”
For many gay men who frequent Saddlebags, watching the two-step is not
enough, they want to be out on the dance floor doing it. When Paul began two-stepping
he believed that it wouldn’t be hard at all. What he quickly learned, however, was that
unlike the free form disco dancing practiced at most gay bars, the two-step required an
investment in learning the fundamental steps and cultural rules of the dance.
When I asked Chuck how I could learn to two-step he said, “Well you take
lessons, which are just terrible. I mean taking lesson sucks, and you look stupid.” Paul
also indicated that when you first begin learning you may look stupid but “people really
limit themselves if they are more worried about how they look rather then the learning
process.” He said, “You will look better once you learn it and the more you do it.”
Two-step lessons at Saddlebags are offered three times a week, with two classes
devoted to beginning two-step footwork and moves, and one class devoted to
intermediate level dance moves. These lessons are a valuable service for those
Saddlebags patrons who want to learn to dance. David, trying to convince me to go to the
lessons said,
I just think that two-stepping and those lessons are great because it helps bring
people into a new thing…I mean it’s very true about me. I have two left feet and I
am really clumsy. And I mean I think it is one of the best services [Saddlebags]
can do for the gay community…because dance lessons are expensive and if you
had to hire somebody it would cost you a lot of money, and I just feel so good
about going to Saddlebags for that reason.
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Based on the importance that the gay male bar patrons placed on the lessons, I asked
Paul, the dance instructor, how important two-stepping was to Saddlebags business and
he said,
It is a lifeline. It is critical. If you didn’t dance [Saddlebags] would be just like
lights and broken hearts but with country music. Dancing is a huge attraction to
people and that’s why we offer free dance lessons to the public…because other
wise people would probably not take it up on their own to learn. You know in
terms of going to seek it out and then come to the bar. So, it’s absolutely vital, it’s
vital…. I wish people could realize how much work Saddlebags, not just me, but
Saddlebags puts into offering those dance lessons.
While all of the dancers with whom I spoke indicated that you needed to take
lessons to learn to two-step, they advocated for much more in order to become a “good
two-stepper.” They said you need practice! All of the dancers told me that you get that
needed practice by dancing with as many people as you can. Chuck said,
People dance differently, everybody dances differently and it became like this
unwritten rule to never say no if somebody asks you to dance. It didn’t matter
how ugly they were, how old they were, how fat they were. You never said no
because dancing with as many people as possible was the best way to get the
experience to become a good two-stepper.
Many of those patrons just learning to dance, including myself, expressed a
trepidation about dancing with more “seasoned” dancers. However, in Saddlebags, there
seems to be an ethic of care for beginners fostered by those whom are more experienced
dancers. I noticed this ethic of care early in my exploration of two-stepping as Chuck
talked about “dancing with as many people as you could” and “never saying no to anyone
who asked you to dance.” I followed up on my interest in the two-steppers’ ethic of care
in my interview with David, who indicated,
It is definitely an attitude that I have. I think it is an attitude that is shared by some
people and not by others, but for me it is real simple, I like meeting people…I
personally have lots of background teaching and I feel I just want to share that
with other people.
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Paul also spoke about taking care of the new dancers when he said,
I love dancing with beginners. I love taking somebody for the first time because I
can do the little things that make it…just wow them, you know. I can do that
because I’m doing stuff that people don’t necessarily pay attention to…like your
frame and the things I teach in class. So I love that.
Both Paul and David’s care-taking efforts for beginning dancers is an important
mechanism for keeping dancers committed to learning the two-step in what might be a
new and uncomfortable cultural practice. In fact, unbeknownst to him, David’s caretaking efforts were discussed by Dirk and Darrin in their interview. Darrin said,
Well, we weren’t doing very well during the lesson, so [David] noticed that and
he kind of took us all and gave us our own private lesson and made us a little
more comfortable with it and actually if he hadn’t have done that I don’t know if
we would’ve kept up with it because we were both so like scared and disoriented
afterwards,
Of course two-stepping in Saddlebags begins with an invitation to dance. That is
not to say those who can and cannot dance among the Saddlebags community are wellknow. In fact, before I began taking lessons I was asked to dance on several occasions. I
would decline the invitation offering my ignorance of the two-step as an excuse. Almost
every time the man extending the invitation would respond with a statement like, “well
you should learn.” When I asked David how he knew who could and couldn’t two-step in
Saddlebags he said,
Oh, some of them I just know because I recognize them. A lot of times you don’t
know…. I don’t care a whole lot. There are a lot of times I will just go up to
people who are standing by themselves and I will just ask them to dance because I
just know.
One participant indicated that you can usually tell if someone two-steps by the type of
shoes they are wearing, as slick soles, usually cowboy boots, are worn for dancing.
However, my observations indicate that footwear is not a tell-tale sign of who can and
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cannot two-step. Beyond appropriate footwear, or actually seeing the person two-step,
most of the men who dance indicated, "you just have to take a chance and ask." Dirk said,
“You just walk up to someone and say hi, would you like to dance, and they say yes or
no.”
As indicated by Dirk, the invitation to two-step usually comes in the form of the
question such as, “Do you dance?” or “Can you two-step?” The replies vary according to
the person being invited, their skill level, and/or their ability. Sometimes the response is
“No, but thank you for asking”, “No I can’t dance (two-step)”, or other variations such
as: “I am just learning,” “Yes, but I am not very good,” or with their preferred dance role,
“I can follow.” However if you are going to decline an invitation to two-step Paul says,
The rule of etiquette is that you are perfectly welcome to say no to dance with
somebody, but if you say no— if a song is playing and I ask you to dance and you
tell me no and then a couple of seconds later I see you dancing with someone else,
that is extremely rude. That is very rude. If you say no, you say no for the whole
dance. That is the rule.
According to most participants, you rarely turn down an offer to dance if the functional
roles match for you to dance together. As I discussed earlier, dancers seem to believe that
the more people you dance with the better dancer you will become.
Regardless of the acceptance or rejection of an invitation to dance, the
conversation always seems structured, polite, and reverent. For experienced and familiar
dancers the invitation to dance is often simple since previous knowledge of existing
ability and functional role may already exist. In fact, the invitation may become as simple
as “Do you care to dance?” followed by a reply of “Yes, I would love to”.
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With all of these men two-stepping together, I was curious to explore their
rationalizations or motivations for who they chose to two-step with and why. When I
asked Darrin about whom he liked to dance with he said,
Sometimes people ask me to dance because they may be interested in me and
sometimes they just want to dance. Really it’s because dancing is a lot of fun, and
then there will be times when I want to dance and you know, this certain song is
playing and you want to dance and you just grab whoever. It’s almost like you
hear a song and are like “Oh My God, I have to dance” and you don’t care who
it’s with.
Chuck cited a variety of criteria for choosing his two-step partners. He stated,
You see somebody on the floor and they’re a good dancer and you want to dance
with him. There is also the intimidation factor for me, some people I consider cute
or too handsome, or some people are too good…I also want to talk with
somebody while I am dancing.
No matter what rationalizations or motivation drove these men to select their partners, all
of the two-steppers indicated that two-stepping allowed them to improve their dancing
ability while simultaneously maintaining and expanding their social networks. Yet, what
is most interesting to me, in lieu of my research questions, is how these gay men
negotiate the heterogendered roles of the two-step and how the two-step serves as an
opportunity for non-sexual intimacy between two gay men.
Top or Bottom: Lead or Follow?
In the two-step each person has a determined functional role as either a lead or a
follow. The lead is responsible for making the decisions regarding dance moves and for
navigating themselves, as a couple, around the dance floor. The follow is guided by the
lead, interpreting the lead’s signals and maintaining a good frame so that they are easily
controlled by the lead. Each dancer’s role is decided upon at the beginning of the dance
and the roles remain the same during the course of the entire dance. Of course
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heteronormative gender norms prescribe the role of the lead to men and the role of the
follow to women. So what happens when two gay men confront this traditional
heteronormative practice by two-stepping together as a same-gendered couple? How do
they negotiate these predetermined gendered dance roles?
Some gay men are able to lead, some are able to follow, and many have the skill
to do both. When I asked Paul how gay men decide he explained,
However they want. It is whoever wants to do what. There is one of three
possibilities, either you go up and say ‘would you like to dance’ and you can lead
or follow either one. ‘Would you like to lead or follow, I can do either one which
would you prefer to do?’ Or you will go out there and say ‘Would you like to
dance? OK, Can I lead?’ It doesn’t take very long to work out.
For many of the gay men in Saddlebags, the decision to “become a lead” or “become a
follow” is made before the first lesson. For example, Dirk and Darrin who had come to
the lesson to dance together “had to decide who was going to lead and who was going to
follow,” and even Jared and I had decided upon our dance roles before our first lesson
began.
What is interesting is that those roles are often negotiated, assigned, and/or
decided upon amidst a variety of competing messages about what makes a person a good
lead and what makes a person a good follow. For example, when I began to consider
taking dance lessons, I asked one bar patron, “Should I lead or follow?” Looking me up
and down for a few moments he said, “you should definitely lead.” I asked for an
explanation. “You are so tall, and masculine,” he said. Several of my participants,
dancers and non-dancers alike, also equated leading with characteristics of hegemonic
masculinity and following with characteristics of hegemonic femininity. When asking
how dancers decide to lead or follow, Terry said, “this is going to sound silly but…I think
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you need to find out if you are a top (penetrator) or a bottom (receiver) and do what is
appropriate. During my discussion with David about leading and following he offered
this explanation:
I am a much better follow that I am a lead, and one of the dance instructors here
used to really stress—he was so funny—he would always stress that there was
absolutely no correlation at all to being a top (penetrator) and a lead, and to being
a bottom (receptor) and a follow. Which was really cute and he got a lot of laughs
and so on and so forth. HE’S WRONG. THERE IS. OK? I mean its not
causal…but the fact is, is if you are this person who is real dominant and
controlling you are going to tend to be a lead [and a top] and if you are this person
who likes giving up control then you are much more likely to be a follow [and a
bottom]. I think that sounds like PC bullshit to say that there is no correlation.
Kirby also said he used characteristics of masculinity and femininity to decide upon his
two-step role. He said, “[My lead] Leonard is just more masculine. I guess because he is
6’4” and bigger than me.” Despite the messages that link being a lead to characteristics of
masculinity, and assign characteristics of femininity to being a follow, an equal number
of men offered explanations that countered those messages. Paul, the Saddlebags dance
instructor said,
You know no matter what people believe the roles in dancing are not equated with
the roles in sex. That is like trying to read a book without opening the cover and
that is just not the case. I can follow just as good as any woman in the book and
let me tell you that don’t mean jack. It’s silly, just plain silly. I guarantee you; you
are going to feel surprised one of these days. You try to use that methodology and
you are going to be surprised.
Dirk, who during his interview proclaimed his top status, also recognized a problem with
equating leads with masculinity and follows with femininity. He said,
I can see why somebody might say the whole bottom, top thing. Well, they’re
letting their sex life and sexuality into every other aspect of their life whereas, I
mean, [just] having fun and dancing…. For me it would be like I would rather
follow with somebody who had been doing this a lot longer and really knows
what they are doing, to dance the dance and do it successfully, and look good and
have fun doing it. I mean if one person is more experienced, unless you agree
otherwise, let him lead and I will follow.
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Darrin, agreeing with Dirk's statement said, “I think it has very little to do with your
sexual preference. I think it has more to do with the chemistry between the two people.”
My data reveal that those characteristics used to describe, negotiate, and
determine the role one will assume in the two-step are almost always connected to
dominant ideologies around masculinity and femininity. Therefore as two gay men
engage the heteronormative practice of two-stepping they may be altering a cultural
practice that was created and reserved for heterosexuals, but the way they discuss the
functional roles in the two-step is still driven by heteronormative masculine and feminine
ideologies.
Non-sexual Intimacy: Men Touching Men in the Two-Step
Despite some gay men’s use of a heterogendered model for negotiating their roles
in the two-step, the two-step provides an opportunity for gay men to challenge
compulsory heterosexuality and hegemonic masculinity that equates intimacy between
two gay men as synonymous with sex. This challenge comes from the opportunity for
non-sexual intimacy between two men as they touch in the two-step. This challenge is
openly discussed and celebrated by everyone I have spoken with in Saddlebags.
Although I was always aware that non-sexual intimacy occurred in the two-step, I
realized its importance when I asked Randy, an out of town visitor to Saddlebags, why he
described the dancing as “so powerful.” He said,
Immediately, something [about it] struck me as really sweet. I watched two men,
both in cowboy hats, dancing across the floor. They were clearly the best couple
onstage, but what struck me was that they were holding each other closely. Their
bodies were intertwined with one another, so that they could move as one. I
looked around and saw other couples dancing the same—holding each other
tightly. I realized you never see this at other gay bars. Everyone dances apart
doing his or her own thing. Here couples dance as one. It made me feel warm
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inside. My boyfriend was with me and I pulled him close hoping to capture some
of the loving warmth I saw onstage. It felt so nice. I realized that this warmth was
not only shared between the couples, but also for everyone dancing. It was like
family. This is a stark contrast to the gay bars I’m used to, were if you bump
someone by accident they looked at you like you should die right in your spot. I
think that’s why [Saddlebags] is so different.
I agree with Randy’s statement. Seeing two gay men hold each other in a non-sexual way
is a rare image available to gay men in our society. Gay men sharing non-sexual intimate
moments are few and far between in a society that still labels same-gendered affection as
explicitly about sex. However, the two-step requires men to touch each other. Paul said,
“You can talk or not talk when you’re dancing, but you have to physically touch the other
person.”
In most Western societies, hegemonic masculinity and compulsory
heterosexuality require men to distance themselves from intimate moments with other
men. When men do have intimate moments they are often described as (homo)sexually
driven or, at a minimum, policed by heteronormative values. However, as they twostepping together, gay men are involved in a unique opportunity whereby two men can be
intimate with one another without it having to be sexual. David said,
What you have when you have two-stepping is that you have this wonderful
opportunity to essentially be held, for men it is an opportunity to be held by
another man and to touch another man in a way that isn’t like a gross thing…part
of what I love about dancing is that I love being in contact with other guys and
not feeling like oh, I am doing something kind of really slimy. So I just think that
is really important and it’s great, I mean it’s great to be able to be close in a very
close physical way with other men and have that not be about screwing.
While David specifically addresses how two-stepping doesn’t have to be sexual, all of the
participants also told me that it doesn’t have to “mean anything more than a dance.”
Kirby said, “to me dancing doesn’t mean that you have to start dating.” Though Paul
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agrees with Kirby, he indicates that dancing creates a special kind of “territory” for
engaging with other gay men. He said,
The thing about dancing is that it can be an icebreaker between two people. Just
say you are interested in somebody, you think this guy is really cute so you go up
and ask him to dance…you are interaction in a very different way than you would
otherwise. Even in a regular bar where you sit and have a conversation with
somebody, it’s different that if I’m sitting here and I am touching you and we are
talking. Because if I am touching you, that tends to focus your attention on me
and my attention on you.
The opportunity for non-sexual intimacy that occurs in Saddlebags is especially
important for gay men who, as a result of compulsory heterosexuality and hegemonic
masculinity, are discouraged from “touching” in heterosexualized public leisure spaces.
For example, when I asked Dirk and Darrin if they could two-step at a straight countrywestern bar Dirk said that though it wouldn’t be worth risking his life, it would be hard
not to do. And Darrin agreed, “we’ve been places where a certain song would come on
and that’s our first reaction, to dance. But then we can’t really do it, so [two-stepping in
Saddlebags] is definitely freeing.”
According to a good number of my participants, the sharing of these kinds of
intimate moments outside of Saddlebags would result in severe consequences, vis-à-vis
homophobic sanctions. However, even subversive discourses like, “I don’t care what they
do as long as they don’t do it in public,” or “as long as they keep it in their bedroom,” are
constant reminders to gay men that the intimacy between two gay men must be sexual
and kept private. Even when I asked Madge, a lesbian Saddlebags patron, about twostepping with another woman outside of Saddlebags she said she could probably get
away with it, but it would be more difficult for two gay men. She said,
I danced with my partner in [a straight club] and nobody even thought anything of
it because it was you know, oh my wife and her girlfriend are going out there
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because I am going to have a drink with my buddies kind of attitude. I never saw
two men dance together in [a straight club] and if two men did they would
probably have a hard time.
However, that is not the case in Saddlebags. By two-stepping in Saddlebags gay men are
engaged in an active and creative way to share intimacy. In this way two-stepping
provides an activity that challenges the ideologies that intimacy between two men must
be sexually driven.
Chapter Summary
In this chapter I used the second descriptive tale to introduce the reader to the
dancing in Saddlebags, focusing more closely on the gendered nature of the two-step.
The tale was then followed by an analytic discussion that describes the nature of the twostep in Saddlebags, how watching gay men two-step is a rare and powerful image, how
two-steppers learn to dance, and how patrons select and engage partners to dance the
two-step.
Finally, using my feminist framework, I explored how gay men negotiate the
traditional gendered roles of the two-step by (re)categorizing leads as "tops" (sexual
penatrators) and follows as "bottoms" (sexual receptors). I also explained how, through
the practice of two-stepping in Saddlebags, gay men create a unique opportunity to
become involved in non-sexual intimacy between two men. Interrogating the practice
of two-stepping in Saddlebags reveals how gay men use the social practice of twostepping to both reinforce and resist hegemonic gender and heteronormative ideologies.
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CHAPTER SIX
“DON’T CALL HIM A COWBOY”:
DRESS AND BAR MIGRATION OF SADDLEBAGS PATRONS
So don’t call him a cowboy until you’ve seen him ride, cause a Stetson hat and those
fancy boots don’t tell you what’s inside…You think he’s the real thing, but I think you
oughta know, he can’t even make it through a one night rodeo. —Conway Twitty
Terry hangs up his cell phone and presses down on the accelerator pushing his car
near 70 miles per hour. He would go faster, but he doesn’t want to run the risk of getting
pulled over. Terry has been driving for over five hours now from his home over 300
miles, he stares dead ahead at the road; the scenery has become all too familiar. Terry
makes this trip almost every other week leaving his job as a computer programmer early
on Friday after lunch and arriving in the city just in time to get his hair cut for the
weekend. He thinks about moving to live with Jared in the big city, imagining that he
could be “out” all the time, but he is all too comfortable living with his parents in the
small rural town where he grew up. Jared says that he is just leading a double life: a
closeted country red-neck at home and a butch queen in the city. As he pulls up in front
of the house he sees his brother sitting on the porch so he taps the horn to draw his
attention.
The drive to Genie’s Hair Salon is a short one and they both get their haircut and
styled in less than 30 minutes. In fact, Genie schedules them as one appointment and
gives them both the same haircut—“the midtown flip”—clipped short on the sides, left
longer on the top with the bangs flipped up slightly in the front. Terry wears his a bit
shorter giving it a more militant look and Jared dyes his from its natural brown to
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“Clairol 110- Auburn,” to match his red goatee and cover a few gray hairs. On their way
out of the salon, Jared reminds his brother that it is “Gay Rodeo Weekend” and that
Saddlebags will be very busy tonight. Terry’s eyes fill with excitement at the thought of
all the cowboys that will be in town.
***
Getting ready is a different process for Jared than for Terry, and it is almost the
same every weekend they are together. When they get home Terry goes first, spending an
hour or more in the bathroom showering and grooming himself. Once he comes out of the
bathroom he grabs his duffle bag and begins to root through it trying to decide what to
wear. Terry is never really happy with his selection of clothes since he has recently shed
over 75 pounds and has yet to expand his wardrobe. However, he has purchased a couple
pairs of jeans, Levi-501 button fly, and pulls them on after deciding to wear no
underwear. Then sneaking by Jared who sits on the couch waiting for his turn in the
bathroom, Terry raids his brother’s closet picking out a red and gray striped Mossimo Vneck T-shirt. As he pulls on the shirt in a way that doesn’t mess up his hair he hears Jared
call out, “Hurry up Terry, I’ve got to use the bathroom.” Terry replies, “I am almost
done.” Once Terry has his shirt on he wraps a black belt around his waist and comes into
the living room and asks Jared, “Should I wear this shirt tucked in or out?”
“That’s my shirt,” Jared responds and a bit of brotherly bickering ensues. Finally,
after a few slanderous remarks, Jared realizes he is in a futile argument and gets up to
choose his own attire. Rooting through the clothes hanging in the closet and strewn about
the room—on the floor and across the bed—Jared comes to a decision: a pair of overalls,
a solid blue-t-shirt with the number eight printed boldly across the front in yellow, and a
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baby blue baseball hat on top of his head. Jared is ready in less than 15 minutes, deciding
not to shower since he had one earlier in the day. While Jared is picking out his clothes,
Terry heads back toward the bathroom to play with his hair, which he swears is not
laying right tonight. As Jared emerges from his bedroom, his brother asks again about the
shirt, “Are you sure this looks alright tucked in?” Jared responds, “You look find Terry,
now grab me an Icehouse from the fridge and let’s get going.” Despite his brother’s
reassurance, Terry will ask that same question at least two more times before they get to
the bar, which is less than five minutes away.
When Jared and Terry arrive at the bar, they immediately proceed to Jack’s
station, where they place their order. With a beer in his hand Terry escapes from Jared
and heads for the restroom at the back of the bar; he doesn’t piss, but does primp. He
checks his hair, pull his jeans up higher on his waist, tightens his belt, smooths out his
shirt, and wipes some chapstick across his lips. He stands there for a moment looking at
himself in the mirror. Finally, he is ready to do a lap of the bar and be seen—tonight he is
looking for “Mr. Right, but will settle for Mr. Tonight!”
***
I pull the covers tighter around my body to try to stay warm. The air-conditioner
that spews forth the frigid air must laugh at my failed attempts. For a few more moments,
or perhaps longer, I lie there drifting in and out various states of sleep. Then finally I hear
the coffee brewing, and an unusual amount of noise coming from the kitchen. A moment
later Steven comes into the bedroom and asks, “Aren’t you going to the rodeo today?” I
barely open my eyes, straining to make out his figure across the room. Then suddenly, I
begin to grasp at full consciousness. I sit straight up in the bed and ask, “What is today?”
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though I already know the answer. “Saturday!” he replies, turning back toward the
kitchen. I spring from my place in the bed and the cold air attacks as I dart toward the
shower. I will be at least 20 minutes late, I think as the cold running water begins to
warm. As soon as it reaches a reasonable temperature, I pull the knob that magically
pushes the water from the spout up and out through the shower-head. The first blast of
water is cold and I jerk backward to avoid the sharp pain of the cold water. I know my
tardiness will not go unnoticed and I laugh to myself as I think about the banter I will
receive since I am considered the organized one.
I made all the arrangements to attend the gay rodeo today: called friends,
purchased tickets, arranged meeting places, and booked hotel rooms. The gay rodeo,
according to their own literature, “is held annually to help raise money for charity” and I
had encouraged many of my friends and colleagues to join me. I had been able to rustle
up three friends to tag along, though Jared had told me last night at Saddlebags that he
didn’t think he would make it out of bed in time to go. Therefore, it would just be
Nicholas, Alex, and me. Since the rodeo begins at noon, and is being held at a horse park
about an hour from the city, I asked my two out of town guests, Nicholas and Alex, to
meet me at the bookstore about a half-block from my house at 10:00 a.m. My studio
apartment was no place for entertaining in the morning. Now, since I was running so late,
I was even more pleased with my choice of a meeting place since the bookstore Write On
the Corner could provide several forms of entertainment for my non-urban gay friends:
books on gay men and gay life, the latest in hot dance music, gay-pornography, cute gay
patrons—stuff you can’t get in typical bookstores—and a hot cup of Joe to get the
morning started.
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I stand in front of the mirror and dry myself off. I lather my face’s overnight
growth with Edge super sensitive shaving cream and then scrape it away with full swipes
of my Gillette Mach three super razor. After I have completed my shave, I apply my
Jergens skin firming lotion to help reduce the signs of aging and Neutrogena sun-block
SPF-15 to protect myself from the harmful rays of the sun. Next, I spray Nioxin bionutrient cleanser to my recently washed hair and scalp in an attempt to “keep the hair I
have, and encourage the growth of new hair” and then—almost defeating the purpose of
the Nioxin—I place a healthy dose of styling goo in my hair and work it with my
fingertips, molding and sculpting it until I am happy with the way each section of my hair
is shaped. Then, I swab deodorant under each arm to prevent perspiration or under-arm
odor and spray two squirts of Dolce & Gabbanna—the summer’s hottest new fragrance—
onto my neck.
Looking at myself in the mirror, I sigh as I consider my clothing options. The
oppressive summer days of the south are already upon us. Though it is cool out this
morning, the forecast calls for highs in the upper-nineties. I look at my trouser options
stacked on the shelf of my closet, torn between a pair of khaki shorts to beat the summer
heat, or my faded denim blue jeans—more characteristic of the event. My faded denim
blue jeans win out as I pull them up over my black Calvin-Klein boxer briefs. I can’t
wear my usual boxer shorts with this pair of jeans—they bunch up and make the jeans too
tight.
Once my jeans are on I stand in front of the mirror and brush my teeth with
Colgate Total plus extra whitening, back and forth, and up and down. I rinse with new
and improved tasting cool mint Listerine, and then spread some Blistex lip balm on each
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lip to retain moisture and prevent cracking. Feeling minty fresh, I go off in search of my
favorite T-shirt, not just any T-shirt, but one that will accomplish multiple objectives,
something befitting the events of the day: old, rugged, one color, simple, and without
flare. I also want it to fit snug, to emphasize my broad shoulders and chest in
juxtaposition to my thin waist. After trying on several options I finally find it. It is
perfect. Buried in the bottom of my dresser drawer, between an old concert T-shirt and a
button-down polo, is my white and green ringer T-shirt that I bought at The Gap more
than three years ago. I slide the T-shirt onto my damp torso and stuff the ends into what
room is left in the jeans. Then crouching down into the bottom of my closet I pull out my
brown hiking boots, which seem practical for walking around in the dust and dirt at the
rodeo; however, they are not perfect. No, perfect would be a pair of cowboy boots. I
have been longing for a pair of cowboy boots but just can’t justify buying the pair I want
on my limited graduate student salary. I look in the mirror. I am certainly no cowboy, but
I won’t stand out. In fact, “I look kind of butch,” I think to myself. “Besides, I am only
going to be a spectator at the rodeo, not actually ride the bulls.”
I am duly prosecuted for my late arrival at the bookstore. However, once we take
our seats at the rodeo, all is forgiven. Alex’s eyes shine in amazement. There are
cowboys everywhere and it is safe to assume that they are all gay! I think I even see a bit
of drool slip down Alex’s mouth as he says, “I have never seen gay cowboys before—
except in porn. They are damn hot!” Turning to my friend Nicholas, a fellow academic, I
half jokingly ask, “Doesn’t your boyfriend’s objectification of these men bother you?” to
which Nicholas responds, “What boyfriend?” and we laugh. Attempting to be more
serious, I offer a bit of preliminary analysis explaining how, in general, I think cowboys
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or cowboy imagery is an easy masculine image to replicate because we have all
experienced its iconography in movies and television, and how cowboy imagery has been
sustained as an acceptable masculine image.
“Meaning they don’t acutally have to be a cowboy to look like one?” Nicholas
asks.
“Exactly,” I say, noting that many of the people dressed in cowboy attire at
Saddlebags have probably never even ridden a horse. However, here at the rodeo, the
cowboys seem to be more “authentic.”
As Nicholas and I continue the discusssion our eyes wander with each man that
passes, but our conversation never skips a beat. Finally one man brings our conversation
to a halt. Silence spreads over us and all our heads turn sharply to the left and Alex says,
“Uh, um, well….who gives a damn why they dress that way as long as they keep doing
it!” The cowboy passing seems to hear Alex or feel our stares and he turns his head over
his shoulder and tips his wide brim tan cowboy hat in our direction offering a sly smile as
he continues on his path. He knows we are watching and laughs to himself. This man,
dressed like many of the rodeo participants, is in a dusty pair of worn cowboy boots half
way covered by his worn Wrangler blue jeans that pull tight around his legs and rear.
Despite the heat, his shirt is long sleeved and plaid, tucked in at the waist. On his back is
a white, square piece of paper with the number 16 in black letters pinned to the shoulders.
And though I missed it the first time he passed, when he passes by again, I confirm what I
already know: an uneeded, shiny silver belt buckle rests on the front of his stomach,
somewhere between his belly-button and his bulging crotch. Once again he catches us all
staring (and Alex drooling) and this time he stares back.
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***
Dirk is standing in front of the mirror laughing at himself when a knock comes at
the door. Darrin is right on time. Earlier that day Dirk and Darrin had driven about 30
minutes south of the city to a country-western store called The Shiny Spur. Although they
had only intended to buy matching cowboy boots and hats, they ended up spending over
two hundred dollars each purchasing tight Wrangler jeans and buttoned down western
shirts. Tonight they were going in full-tilt “cowboy drag,” which they had wanted to do
since discovering Saddlebags, and especially since learning to dance. When Dirk pulled
open his door he couldn’t help but laugh out loud, not just at Darrin but also at himself.
“What’s so funny,” Darrin asks. “Just the thought of us being cowboys,” Dirk replies.
They both take a moment to look each other over and then Dirk notices Darrin’s big
shiny belt-buckle. “Where did you get that?” Dirk asks pointing to the buckle. “My friend
from work let me borrow it from her husband. Isn’t it great!” Dirk feels envious as Darrin
one ups him in country-western flare. He wishes he had a lasso.
***
Our day at the rodeo had been fun but we were all a bit tired having spent the day
gawking at gay cowboys (and watching cowgirls) as they participated in barrel racing,
bull riding, bronco riding, and chute dodging so we decided take a nap before making our
way to Saddlebags for the evening. Though Saddlebags is not the only gay bar in the city
sponsoring the gay rodeo, it is the most popular bar among rodeo participants and the
only country-western gay bar in the entire state.
Since Nicholas and Alex rarely get the opportunity to experience city-life and
because they live in a small town where they are lucky to have one gay bar, I agree to
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make sure they not only see Saddlebags but a variety of places while they are here. The
agenda, upon Alex’s request and because I need to collect some data, is to visit
Saddlebags first and spend at least a couple of hours there before moving on to Sinners
and then Alleyways where we will dance until morning. We arrive home from the rodeo
about 5:00 p.m. and Nicholas hops in the shower to start getting ready. Alex and I spread
out on the couch for a disco nap (term used to descibe a quick nap before going out to the
bars).
Over the course of the next four hours we each spend varying amounts of time in
the bathroom getting ready. Nicholas, the first in and out of the shower, puts on khaki
shorts, a short-sleeved polo, and a pair of sandals. Although he won’t be banned, he
doesn’t look like a Saddlebags regular. And who wears sandals to a bar? He looks like
an “outsider”—a tourist. However, I decide to keep my thoughts on the matter of his style
of dress to myself and merely suggest he change his shoes since they don’t allow opentoed shoes in Sinners. He changes into tennis shoes.
Alex, the next to get ready, also dresses inappropriately for Saddlebags. Instead of
a more simple, masculine attire, he looks as if he is ready to go straight to Alleyways, the
24 hour gay dance club of the city. Alex, a “retail queen,” is dressed in DKNY tight black
pants, a shiny metallic colored Gucci shirt, and very large, thick souled Kenneth Cole
shoes. Both men are dressed a little too “stereotypically gay” for Saddlebags, but I opt for
silence, deciding they might change their minds upon seeing my choice of attire. They
don’t.
Though I am the most methodical and take the longest to get ready I look the least
“quaffed.” After a more intense shower and grooming ritual than I had time for earlier
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this morning I think carefully about my dress in relation to the course of our entire night.
First I choose my Calvin-Klein boxer briefs—the black ones that ride high enough to
make the waist-band visible with my shirt off. Since we are going to a variety of bars
tonight, I am thinking layers—so we don’t have to come back by the house for a
“costume change.” I grab my favorite pair of jeans, since jeans work as dress up or dress
down for any bar in the city. Working backwards through the night I think about my
costume for each bar. No shirt, as always at Alleyways (since jeans and no shirt is the
“costume” for almost every gay man in Alleyways at the time we will arrive). I put on a
gray muscle T-shirt with red lettering and consider it as my outfit for Sinners. Finally,
dinner and Saddlebags require my cream colored, light-plaid oxford button down, with
the sleeves cuffed twice to take away any formality. Black shoes and black belt are a
staple and I am ready for dinner and Saddlebags, and “shirt only” costume changes that
can occur in the car between bars. We head out the door a little after 9:00 p.m for a long
night on the town.
***
The bar is the more crowded than Terry has ever seen, and he finds it difficult to
maintain “his spot” on the corner of the bar near the door as people push by on their way
to the ATM in the corner. Sipping on his seventh beer, Terry sees the man of his dreams
walk through the door and turns to tell his brother to check him out, but Jared is nowhere
to be found. As the man negotiates his way to the bar Terry watches him closely,
allowing himself to get lost in a fantasy. The man is handsome and confidently carries his
200 pounds across a sturdy five foot 10 inch frame, broad shoulders and a thick chest. His
jet black hair swoops in from underneath his cowboy hat and across his forehead. He
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wears a tight black t-shirt that reads “Hard Tops” across the front with a picture of an old
Trans-am directly underneath. Over the t-shirt hangs a shiny black leather vest. He has on
old jeans that seem to cinch around the crotch and the ass, with a mustard yellow hanky
poking up from his left pocket. On his feet are black cowboy boots. Terry notices his eyes
are a penetrating brown, and his five o’clock shadow has just turned to eight o’clock.
When he smiles his teeth are a bit discolored but mostly straight. Moving toward the bar,
Terry notices that a friend accompanies “his man,” but Terry quickly ascertains by their
body language that they are not a couple—just friends. As Terry watches he notes that the
man looks familiar, but he can’t quite place him. As he searches his intoxicated memory
for who it might be, he decides the man looks like country-music singer Mark Wills.
Terry considers an approach when his fantasy is shattered by a tap on the shoulder and
the sound of familiar voices.
***
Dirk and Darrin move slowly around the dance floor, Dirk with his usual stoic
face and Darrin with such an exuberant smile that it borders on actual laughter. “For
some reason I just dance better tonight” Darrin says to Dirk. “Me too” Dirk replies. As
the song comes to an end, Dirk spins Darrin and then realizing he has on a hat, he raises
the front and bows his head into Darrin. Darrin chuckles and mimics Dirk’s movements.
Then as the DJ calls forth the line dancers, they exit the floor and move toward the table
where their friends have gathered. As they approach the table, their friends point, laugh,
and welcome them back into the group. Out of their group of friends they are the only
ones dressed as cowboys, the others are dressed in more “casual/everyday clothing”:
jeans, t-shirts or polos, baseball caps, and a variety of footwear options. One of their
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friends embraces Darrin and tells him, “You guys look great, I can’t believe it is you!”
The others chime in with similar statements and comments on their improvement in
dancing and their ability to “look like cowboys.” Darrin says, “And the hats and boots
make us dance better. The hats help us keep good distance between each other and the
boots help us move more quickly across the dance floor.” Dirk looks at Darrin, “You’re
really right,” he says. “Perhaps that is why so many of the dancers wear cowboy drag.”
His friends all laugh and Dirk’s new “boy toy” raises his beer into the air and says, “Here
is to Dirk and Darrin, the new Marlboro Men of the gay community.” All the men around
the table raise their cocktails and begin to laugh.
***
Jared and I find Terry in his usual location at the bar. Nicholas and Alex are
standing near by and I wave them over as Terry begins to tell us about the “man of his
dreams.” I find him fairly unattractive, as does Jared, but we keep our comments to
ourselves and ask Terry if he is ready to go to Sinners. “It’s only midnight,” Terry
complains. He is right, but I am tired of taking fieldnotes and want to get to a place where
I can relax and unwind. I find it hard to relax at Saddlebags since it always feel like I am
working. I spur Jared in the side indicating I need his help to con Terry to move on. Jared
recognizing my signal tells Terry that there will be plenty of hot guys at Sinners. By this
time Nicholas and Alex have made their way over to us and after they say hello to Jared,
I introduce them to Terry whom they have heard about but never met. After our
introductions I tell Nicholas and Alex that we are almost ready to go, and they both
indicate that they are ready too. I think they feel out of place. We stand there talking for a
few more moments and I hear Terry going on and on about “the man of his dreams,” and
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“his future husband.” As I listen I sarcastically say, “Well go up and talk to him, or let’s
go!” “I cannot just go up and just start talking to someone who looks that good,” Terry
barks back.
Finally, using my powers of persuasion, I convince Terry it is time to go and and
we pause to give our bartenders Jack and Paul kisses goodnight as our newly formed
crew maneuvers out the door, into our cars, and down Garfield Avenue toward Sinners.
The warm summer night air blows in through the car window. I remove layer number
one, my light-plaid button down oxford, leaving me in jeans and a muscle t-shirt. I also
remove my belt, facilitating a lower hanging jean across my waist. Meanwhile, Jared
pulls a t-shirt and a hat from underneath the front seat and begins to switch his shirt and
cover his head. “What are you guys doing?” asks Alex. We both respond simultaneously,
“ A Costume change!”
***
Feeling the crowd of Saddlebags swell to near capacity, Dirk and Darrin decide
they will accompany their friends to Gary’s, a trendy neighborhood bar located less than
two blocks from Saddlebags. Gary’s, a large bar with no dance floor, is primarily used by
gay men to drink, cruise, socialize, and watch/listen to video dance remixes. Most gay
men in the city refer to Gary’s (and bars like it) as an “S & M bar,” not sado/masochism
but “Stand and Model.” As their friends move toward the exit, Dirk realizes he and
Darrin are dressed in cowboy drag, and he declares, “We can go to Gary’s, but not in
these clothes.” “I am just going to take off my hat,” Darrin responds. “No, I need to
change clothes” Dirk demands. So Dirk tells Darrin and his other friends he will meet up
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with them at Gary’s in about a half-hour; he climbs into his Acura and speeds away as
Darrin and their friends make their way through the parking lot on to the next bar.
***
Sinners is much different from Saddlebags; it is a dark, dank club known for its
great music and dance floor, and its exclusive clientele of gay men. Barely lit, mostly
from the flashing disco lights that match the techno/house/trans/pop-mixed music, I can
see the crowd flash before me. Though many of the individuals that make up this crowd
are the same people I see in Saddlebags night after night, the crowd looks different.
“What’s different?” I ask myself as I feel the cold sting of an ice cold beer bottle on the
back of my neck. I turn to find Terry offering me an Icehouse, which I graciously accept.
As I free his hands, Terry removes his shirt and inserts himself into the mass of halfnaked men gyrating on the dance floor. As I see him move into the mass of “sameness” I
realize how important what we wear, and what we don’t wear, is according to each gay
bar in this bar community. I start to take account of what people are wearing here in
Sinners. Most of the men came here in jeans and t-shirts, and most of the men on the
dance floor have removed their t-shirts and have them hanging from their waist, tucked
into their jeans. Then, spurred by Tamia’s “Stranger in My House,” the dance remix, I
decide to abondon my analytical thinking, and my shirt, and make my way onto the dance
floor, sweeping past sweaty naked torsos, until I arrive amongst my friends whom I can
only see by the light of the disco ball and the swinging fluroescent green glow sticks in
the hands of my gyrating neighbor.
***
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As Dirk passes by Gary’s he checks the clock: 1:00 a.m. A roundtrip costume
change in less than 45 minutes, probably a personal record. At home he quickly cast off
his “cowboy drag” and put on his Diesel suburban cut blue jeans and a blue and yellow
Abercrombie T, a size too small—but perfect for showing off the body he works so hard
for at the gym. On his feet, black and gray New Balance tennis shoes. In his new outfit he
runs to the mirror for a quick-fix of the hair smashed down by the weight of the cowboy
hat and then he is out the door and back toward donwtown.
As he circles the block, looking for a parking space, he passes a DUI cop on the
corner and quickly checks his rearview mirror to make sure the cop has not pulled out
behind him. He has definitely had too much to drink to be driving and wishes he would
have packed a change of clothes instead of having to go home. However, his luck holds
out and the cop car remains unmoving. Finally, abandoning hope of finding a
convienient, free parking spot, and not wanting to pass the DUI cop again, Dirk pulls into
valet and coughs up the ten dollars plus tip.
Then breezing past the line of men waiting to get in, Dirk gives a quick hug and
kiss to the bouncer standing at the door. “You look hot,” the bouncer says to Dirk
squeezing at a nipple on his chest. “Don’t I always look hot?” Dirk asks with a wink and
a sneer. The bouncer laughs outloud, grabs Dirk’s ass and pushes him through the front
door as the line of men yell out at the bouncer in frustration. Once inside Dirk heads
straight to the bar where he purchases a Jack and Coke for five dollars and fifty cents and
stingily tips the extra two quarters. Then he turns around and begins to scan the room
assessing the crowd. Dirk sighs and thinks to himself, “The guys here always look the
same, and there is only one reason to come here—to cruise.” As Dirk thinks about the
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differences between Gary’sand Saddlebags he realizes how much he has come to
appreciate Saddlebags over the past few months. When he comes to Gary’s“hooking up”
is the primary objective, but when he goes to Saddlebags hooking up is not the primary
reason for going, instead he enjoys something else, something more. Dirk begins to climb
the stairs to look for his friends. Although the large crowd would typically make it
difficult to find anyone, Dirk laughs at how easily he spots Darrin, his big black cowboy
hat hovering above the rest of the crowd. He definitely stands out! Dirk screams over the
loud music into Darrin’s ear, “I cannot belive you are wearing that thing in here.” Darrin
replies, “You wouldn’t believe how popular I’ve become!”
***
After dancing for almost a half an hour Terry became a bit tired of the music and
slipped out of the crowd. In need of another beer and a cigarette, he works his way down
a long hallway past the poolroom where the Bears and Leathermen hang out. He
recognizes many of these men from Saddlebags and wonders why they come to Sinners
on Saturday night, as opposed to Ceasars, the bar that caters to the Bear/Leather countercultures. Though Terry is unfamiliar with the countercultural aspects of this part of the
gay community, he finds himself attracted to many of these hypermasculine men.
Foregoing his immediate desire for a beer and cigarette, Terry decides to make a quick
swing through the pool room to cruise and be cruised. The men in the pool room are
dressed in variety of leather goods in various stages of nakedness and usually equipped
with a variety of piercings, some visible and some not. Many of the men wear tight jeans
with a leather harness wrapped around their shirtless torso. Other men wear leather pants,
leather vests, and leather hats in different combinations. As Terry circles the room he
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gets a lot of stares, and delivers a good number himself. Then just as he is about to exit
the pool room he notices a familiar face: the “man of his dreams” is standing directly in
his line of sight. He looks different, but still very sexy! Terry begins to look at the man up
and down; he is standing there in short, tight, white underwear. Yes, underwear. He
wears no shirt, but his chest is covered in thick, black hair. On his feet are combat boots
that lace up to the knee. He accesorizes with a plain blue baseball cap and a spiked
leaather collar around his neck. At this point, having had over nine beers and several
tequila shots, Terry has little fear. He walks straight up to the “man of his dreams” and
says, “How you doing baby?” The man looks Terry up and down for a few moments and
replies, “I am doing good, my name is Rodney, what’s yours?”
Terry quickly introduces himself and says, “You know you are a very handsome
man.” Rodney, perhaps blushing a bit says, “Thanks, your pretty hot yourself.” Terry,
turning and leaning his back against the wall says, “weren’t you just a Saddlebags in a
cowboy hat and…” Interuppting Terry in mid-sentence, Rodney replies, “Yeah, but I had
a Costume change.” Terry offers to buy Rodney a drink and they talk about a variety of
things for the next hour or so standing in various locations throughout the bar. They
realize they have a lot in common including living in small town America, recent weight
loss, and their love of tequila. Finally, after controlling their intoxicated attraction toward
one another for over an hour, they find a dark corner and “nuzzle-up.”
***
It is a little after 2:00 in the morning, and though I am tired from a full day, I
decide to carry-on following our entourage which keeps decreasing in numbers. Terry,
whose car we drove to Sinners, had decided to leave with a strange man dressed in
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underwear and a dog collar, leaving us to take a taxi to the next location. Since we were
taking a taxi, Alex told Nicholas and the rest of us to go on without him. “I am just too
tired,” he says, and with my house key in hand, hops into a taxi cab heading back to my
house.
Jared, Nicholas, and I hop into our own taxi and point the driver toward Jared’s
apartment, approximately four miles away from Sinners and right next door to Alleyways.
It takes only a few moments for us to arrive at Jared’s and he quickly switches out of his
sweat soaked shirt into a new set of clothes. He tells us to make ourselves at home since
we have about a half hour before we can go on to our next destination. Grabbing a Red
Bull energy drink from the fridge, I offer some to Nicholas before throwing back the
sugary, ill-tasting beverage that is supposed to “give you wings.”
Ignorant of our rationale for hanging out at Jared’s, Nicholas asks, “Why are we
waiting a half-hour to go to Alleyways?”
Jared remembering Nicholas is from out of town explains, “Although Alleyways
is primarily a gay bar, it is also kinda touristy. You know, THE gay bar where straight
people go when they want to go to a gay bar. However, at about 3:00 or 4:00 a.m. those
straight people start to get tired and FINALLY go home.”
I continue to explain, “Meanwhile, the other gay bars in the city including
Sinners, Saddlebags, Ceasars, Gary’s, among others, close at 4:00 a.m. So the gay boys
still having a good time move to Alleyways and party until late morning.”
“How late?” Nicholas asks.
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“It depends,” I respond. “Some people have been known to stay for a couple days
since Alleyways is open and pouring liquor 24 hours. A good number stay until noon;
however, most leave between 5:30-10:00 a.m.”
Nicholas’s mouth drops to the floor, “What time do you guys usually leave?”
I look at Jared and begin to laugh. “Tell Nicholas why you didn’t go with us to
the rodeo today.”
***
Darrin starts to notice how the crowd had dwindled. “Boys, its time to mosey on
over to Alleyways,” he says attempting to personify the image of his costume. Alleyways
is only two blocks from Gary’s and that’s where most of the men leaving Gary’s are
headed. Its 3:30 a.m. and just about time for Alleyways to start picking up. Dirk shakes
his head back and forth vigorously. Darrin looks at Dirk and begs, “Come-on Dirk,” he
says, “what do you have to do tomorrow?” “No, it’s too late and I am getting to old to be
out until eight in the morning. Time for me to go home, but you guys have fun,” Dirk
replies. Then bidding his friends good night with hugs and kisses, he shakes the last bit of
Jack and Coke from the ice in his glass and heads home toward a good night’s sleep.
Besides, including his new outfit, he has spent over four-hundred dollars today just going
out for a night on the tow. If he went to Alleyways he would surely drop another hundred
dollars.
Dirk turns off of 12th onto Garfield Avenue and looks over into the shopping
center that houses Saddlebags. As he passes the bar he notices a goup of men pouring out
into the parking lot and he knows that, like him, most of them are on their way home after
a long night of two-stepping. Though he can’t imagine having been at Saddlebags for
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over six hours, he knows that is the only place most of these men go. He wonders what
their lives are like, and if any of them are real cowboys. Then, suddenly he wonders if he
should have gone to Alleyways. He wishes he weren’t going home alone.
***
I am home. I am tired. However, I cannot crawl into bed without showering away
the sweat and the smoke of a night at the bars. After a quick shower I slip on my Joe
Boxer pajama bottoms and a white T-shirt and creep quietly past Nicholas who has just
laid down with Alex on my bedroom floor. Then as the sun begins to rise on most
people’s Sunday, I lie down from a long Saturday night, knowing that when I awake,
fieldnotes from a day at the rodeo and a night a Saddlebags await me. For a moment
images of gay cowboys fill my head, then I drift off to sleep.
***************
Dress and Bar Migration
I became interested in how men dressed in Saddlebags early in my study as I
thought about the conceptualizations of Judith Butler (1991), who argued that dress is a
performative act, a visible and conscious marker of a gendered performance. Based on
my understanding of gender performativity, I began to construct descriptions and
categorizations of men based on their embodiment and attire in Saddlebags. Although
these categorizations were useful in advancing my thinking, I found them homogenizing
in a way that did not capture how gay men are conscious of their appearance, and how
they use that appearance to define themselves (and be defined) within specific cultural
contexts. I abandoned those categories in hopes of finding a more useful way to discuss
how the gay men in Saddlebags dress. I recognized appearance was an important
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consideration in this investigation as I frequently wrote about clothing options in
Saddlebags. It became clear to me that people changed their appearance according to
specific cultural contexts, and that there were consequences for adapting and not adapting
one’s appearance. However, I hadn’t thought about how those consequences related
specifically to these men’s gender identity. My analytic epiphany came, not in
Saddlebags, but one Sunday afternoon in early April 2001, as I accompanied some
friends to the park for a picnic. As we prepared for a day in the sun, I removed my shoes
and socks. As I did, I cringed in embarrassment and disbelief. The night before I had
attended an AIDS benefit that encouraged men and women to dress in costume and “play
with” their gender identity. In the spirit of the event I had painted my toenails bright hot
pink. With no polish remover in my home I decided I would forgo a trip to the drugstore,
opting for time with friends on a beautiful spring day. Now, there I stood, my hot-pink
toenails shining in the cool green grass. My masculinity was now open to attack. Despite
my attempt to muster some form of gender transgressivity, I felt feminine in front of my
friends, who upon noticing my pink toenails, began to revel in their masculine identities.
I tried to get over it, but eventually I put my shoes and socks back on in an effort to avoid
the marks of femininity, which my friends would constantly remind me of throughout the
day. I did not wish to deal with that label of inferiority, inferiority-based entirely on
having bright pink toenails in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Though this anecdotal story is not the point of this chapter, it spurred my thinking
about how gendered appearances change according to cultural context, and in this case,
as Saddlebags patrons travel to other bars. Based on my time spent in Saddlebags, there
is little doubt that specific masculine representations are privileged in the site, and that
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those masculine representations may not be appropriate (or are viewed as less valuable)
in other bars. By dressing in specific ways, gay men in Saddlebags are privileging
masculinities that support the “regular guy” and “the cowboy” image. Grounded in this
explanation, I explore the migratory patterns of Saddlebags patrons and how they change
their “costumes” as they travel to other bars. This insight exemplifies gay men’s
consciousness of context specific, appropriate masculine performativity, encouraging
them to adapt their appearance in ways that are simultaneously transgressive and selfprotective.
What Should I Wear? Getting Dressed to Go to Saddlebags
Cultural descriptions of how people dress in Saddlebags weave throughout all of
the tales presented in Part II of the dissertation, emphasizing the importance that my
participants and I placed on our appearance. I found that people adapt their appearance in
a variety of ways dependent on things like the day of the week, the weather, and their
previous and future plans during the evening, just to name a few. At Saddlebags men
might wear a cowboy outfit one night and jeans and a T-shirt on another night. And
though I would argue that gay men in Saddlebags try to be more “normal.” Paul’s
statement reveals that you might see all kinds of styles of dress in Saddlebags, from
conservative to radical. He said,
We get drag queens. We get people who have spiked purple hair with pierced
ears, nose, lips, nipples and all. We get a lot of different people in there. Oh my
god, you see anything from Daisy Dukes to combat boots. We get the spectrum.
We don’t have a dress code. You know it is very individual. It is very much your
preference. We get yuppie guys that come here in slacks and dress shirts. I think
people wear anything and everything in there. I’ve worn everything from club
attire to sneakers to shorts…I’ve done everything in there except gone shirtless.
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However, beyond this variety, there seems to be one common thread among
Saddlebags patrons. Almost everyone wears jeans. Yes, jeans: tight, relaxed, baggy, stiff,
worn, holy, black, acid-washed, or blue still leave considerable room for differences in
style. I myself have 32 different styles of jeans in my closet. Of course I only wear four
pair to Saddlebags, based on my own gender performative project to appear “un-quaffed,
rugged, and masculine.” Dirk also indicated that jeans were part of Saddlebags
“unofficial dress code.” He said, “For the most part [you wear] jeans. Jeans and anything
from a button up top to a T-shirt to a tank top. Some people, not a very large percent,
come in really dressed up with the purposes of picking somebody up. [They] do not tend
to stay very long.” Although this quote, along with most of my appearance-based
descriptions, indicate that Saddlebags permits a variety of appearance based styles, the
culture fosters and privileges traditional heteromasculine images. Specifically, those
images the patrons have described as “the regular guy” and “the cowboy.”
Dressing Hetero-Masculine in Saddlebags: The Regular Guy and the Cowboy
According to Cole (2000), it is unfair to assume that all gay men are interested in
what they wear, or that all gay men use their dress choices as a marker of their sexual
identity. However, I have found that many of the gay men in Saddlebags are conscious of
their efforts to adopt a hegemonic masculine image, or at minimum, to avoid an
effeminate (stereotypically gay) one. Attempting to represent themselves as masculine,
these gay men rely on images and ideologies grounded in heteronormative, hegemonic
masculinity, in an effort to tell others that they are “real” men even though they are gay.
Indeed, the perceptions of non-regular visitors to the bar indicate that a good number of
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the gay men in Saddlebags accomplish this objective. For example, one of my colleagues
who visited the bar wrote,
My first impression, and my remaining impression, was how clean cut and
“normal” these men looked. On the dance floor there were lots of pointed cowboy
boots and cowboy hats, and more oxford-style shirts than I would have expected.
Away from the bar men wore T-shirts and well-worn street shoes…. Everyone
(and I mean everyone) wore blue jeans. Maybe I’ve been around campuses too
much but nothing except the cowboy hats struck me as unusual clothing. I was
expecting to see a show…but that definitely wasn’t the case.
Other gay men, both frequent and non-frequent patrons, have also indicated that
Saddlebags is “just a bunch of guys who happen to be gay” or “is where the regular guys
hang out.” But who is this “regular guy?” Do they mean “normal”? Do they mean
heterosexual?
Terry believes that by dressing in specific ways, gay men can become the kind of
“straight men” they wish to be, and perhaps the “straight men” they wish to have.
I think I am pretty straight looking and so I am more attracted to straight
looking/acting people, and you go to Saddlebags and you see a lot of them like
that and you meet a lot more people like that than you would at other places.
Saddlebags is more typical people, you will see more people in pressed button
down collar shirts…I mean you might see something like that at Alleyways but
usually that would be on the straight people upstairs.
While my observations and interviews indicate that some men in Saddlebags
attempt to perform the “regular guy,” “the cowboy” image is the emphasized and valued
(re)presentation of masculinity of the culture. Cowboy drag, as I define it, is the
performative act whereby gay men wear cowboy attire to signify the traditional macho
image of the cowboy. That is not to say that some of the men in Saddlebags are not “real”
cowboys, in the sense that they work on a ranch/farm or ride in the rodeo, but that most
of the gay men who wear cowboy attire in Saddlebags are “playing dress-up.” One night
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after I saw Dirk in his new black cowboy hat and boots we had the following
conversation:
Corey: So did you go out and buy this stuff specifically for Saddlebags?
Dirk: Yep, specifically for Saddlebags, right.
Corey: Do you think other people dressed in country-western attire do the
same thing?
Dirk: Yeah, eighty or ninety percent. It is almost like an outlet to build some sort
of fantasy or something.
Corey: What kind of fantasy?
Dirk: I don’t know to dress up like a cowboy.
So what makes these gay men want to dress up like a cowboy?
Fischer (1977) argued that country-western imagery and cowboy archetypes have
become a natural myth, and that most American young boys most surely have a cowboy
hero. This natural myth is accentuated by society's accessibility to cowboy imagery in
television and film. Cowboys “represent a traditional but non-conforming aspect of
masculinity and [are] used by the media to play up masculinity and sexuality in ways that
are understood by the gay populace” (Cole, 2000, p. 94).
However, my analysis reveals that the gay men of Saddlebags do much more than
understand those traditional, non-conforming aspects of masculinity; they also perform
them within Saddlebags. David said, “Yeah, I mean it is a conscious effort when you
wear that stuff,” and Darrin said, “Something about Saddlebags just makes you want to
dress the part.” So how do the gay men recreate this cowboy image? For most, it is
through a combination of clothing elements. For example, when I asked Terry what he
thought I should wear if I wanted to dress in “cowboy” for Saddlebags he said, “boots,
boots, boots, and tight jeans, a button down collar or any kind of tight T-shirt, and a
cowboy hat. …Most people stick to the country-western theme.” Chuck also described
the first time he got dressed up in “cowboy” for Saddlebags. He said,
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I got all duded-up with my boots, my bolo, my button down shirt. It was
interesting because I would go and hang out with [my sister] and everybody came
in and they had their little steel, shiny metal toes boots—their snake skin boots—
and their tight jeans and button-down western shirts, always nicely
pressed…There was western style cowboy hats and they always had bolos and
you know to me that was country-western get up.
There are indications from my participants that the cowboy attire does have a
functional purpose in Saddlebags, usually connected to better dancing (boots have slick
soles and hats help maintain good distance). However, what I find compelling is how
cognizant these men are of their appearance-based masculine gender performances,
successfully parodying the unquestioned cowboy image as a heterosexual one. My
consciousness of these acts as gendered performances came to me as I began to question
my own desire to dress in cowboy drag. I wrote in my journal, “I think the cowboy image
is a really powerful one, especially for gay men attempting to enact masculinity…and
that’s part of what I’m exploring with my own dress and body. I am attempting to appear
masculine, as to attract masculine, but also to demonstrate that as a gay man I can be as
masculine, if not more masculine than straight men. ” David, who frequently dresses in
cowboy drag believes that he is challenging popular assumptions that gay men aren’t
masculine. He explained,
Gay and country…I do think that it’s a little bit different because people don’t
equate being gay with being masculine, which is what you do when you think of
cowboys. When you say cowboy you think of the Marlboro Man, you know, and
there are plenty, plenty of gay men who look like the Marlboro Man, if not better.
And Paul, who is heavily invested in many aspects of the country-western culture,
says that what you wear in Saddlebags can make a statement to society,
If [cowboy style] fits you as an individual it allows you to be like, “God I can be a
fag and a cowboy at the same time.” I personally know a lot of people that
Saddlebags has done that for. You know people that still live in rural areas [and]
this is their outlet.
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Although the gay men of Saddlebags may be subversive in demonstrating that
heterosexuality inherent in the cowboy image is a false one—challenging the assumption
that all appearance based indicators of heterosexuality are accurate—they are also
stylizing conventional forms of masculine (and hypermasculine) dress. I asked Dirk if he
was just trying to appear straight when he dressed in cowboy drag and he said,
Not always, I mean one of my concerns about getting the Wranglers and the hats
is that…people would think that [we] were, you know losers, pretending to be
something we were not, which is I guess kind of true. But in the same sense it’s a
lot of fun and we’ve been working it. We’ve been consistent at [dressing like
cowboys] for six months now. We’re getting better and we’ve become known as
regulars [at Saddlebags].
Regardless of how they look, or why they dress in cowboy drag, the gay men of
Saddlebags recreate the traditional masculine cowboy image in Saddlebags,
simultaneously allowing them to resist notions of stereotypical effeminacy linked to
being gay men, and reinforcing an essentialized notion of a heteronormative, hegemonic
masculinity.
So why are these gay men attempting to represent the “regular guy” or “cowboy”
appearances? As Cole (2000) suggested, many gay men make conscious efforts to
reinforce a communal identity through their dress. In Saddlebags, the traditional heteromasculine performances of the “regular guy” and “the cowboy” demonstrate that one can
be masculine and gay simultaneously. Moreover, while these two forms of masculinity
are the privileged forms of masculinity in Saddlebags, the value of those masculinities is
context specific. As we will see in the next section, the gay male patrons of Saddlebags
recognize that these privileged (re)presentations of masculinity change as they leave
Saddlebags and migrate to other gay bars in this gay/lesbian community.
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Bar Migration and Costume Changes
A typical characteristic of major urban areas in the United States is the existence
of a large number of gay bars from which gay men can select to patronize. As I have
indicated previously, a variety of bars, taverns, nightclubs, joints, dives, and pubs exist
for people of every taste, and this diversity is certainly no different when applied to the
gay/lesbian community of this metropolitan area. Although a large number of gay bars
exist in this community, a few of the men I talked with never go to any other gay bar,
they usually only go to Saddlebags. For example, Terry told me about his friend Allen
who only comes to Saddlebags because he just “isn’t into the gay bar scene.” Many
others, usually older gay men and women, also indicated that Saddlebags was their
destination and not merely a stopping point on a night of migration. However, based on
my personal experience I find it is more common for gay men to bar hop, or migrate from
one bar to the next bar. Based on my observations, interviews, and insider knowledge this
is also true for most of the gay men who frequent Saddlebags. Even David, who rarely
ventures out to other bars, recognized that most gay men in this city do. He said,
It is very odd. Gay men seem to follow migratory patterns. It’s very strange to me.
I will hear people say, “So where should I be going at nine o’clock or ten” and
then “where does everyone go after that?” That’s just foreign to me. I don’t do
much of that. I mean I will see people they will come in and have drinks…and I
am referring really to Friday and Saturday night between 10 and midnight…. For
some reason Saddlebags is like on the list for places you should be during that
time and then people go to other places like Sinners, or The Falcon, or wherever
they go.
Malcolm, a Saddlebags bartender, also indicated that on the weekends most of the gay
men are going to go to other bars. He said,
For most people at Saddlebags, its their first stop for the night before they go onto
do the other bars…because they know they are going to meet their friends out and
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it is a very casual setting, it’s a very friendly setting, its not threatening and
intimidating as much as other bars.
Terry and Jared, who only go to one bar (Saddlebags) during the week, use
Saddlebags as their starting point on the weekends. Terry said,
Our routine is to go to Saddlebags as a pre-bar, at like ten o’clock, and stay till
like eleven o’clock…then go to Sinners and stay until one o’clock or two and then
leave there and go to Alleyways. That was pretty much the routine. Depends on
how the crowd is, what it looks like and that kind of thing. A lot of times Jared
doesn’t want to stay and I do, or the other way around.
Although a variety of migratory patterns and combinations exist for the gay men
who frequent Saddlebags, I have found that most of the patrons are going on to Sinners,
The Falcon, Gary’s, or Alleyways. When I asked gay men where they were going next,
they almost always indicated one of those bars. Paul said,
Saddlebags is what we call an early night bar. People will come out, meet up
around nine, ten, eleven, or so and then they’ll party until one, two, three in the
morning…. From here the biggest place I hear people going to is Sinners, The
Falcon, Alleyways, or Gary’s. It just depends on what they want to do.
However, regardless of what bar the men go to next, my analysis indicates that most men
will change their “costume.”
Changing Bars, Changing Costumes
It has almost become common wisdom that space is socially constructed, and with
the influence of postmodernism, some scholars might argue that “individuals are now
‘free’ to (self)consciously experiment with identity, having at their disposal a rich
wardrobe from which to pick and choose” (Bell & Binnie, 1994, p. 32). This may be
particularly true for the gay men of Saddlebags, who are constantly changing their
costumes, and thus their (re)presentations of masculinity, as they travel from one gay bar
to the next. And though it is through these costume changes that gay men may be
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consciously performing a variety of (mostly masculine) gendered identities, I believe it is
more likely they are changing costumes to conform to the masculine (re)presentations
that are privileged at each bar.
The patrons of Saddlebags highlight this idea when they discussed how and why
they dress differently as they migrate to other gay bars in the city. For example, when I
asked Dirk if he would wear his cowboy drag to Gary’s or Alleyways, he indicated, “I
would have to change clothes. I would never wear the hat and I wouldn’t wear the boots.”
Kirby also said, “ I don’t see people dressed [in cowboy] in Alleyways. People don’t
really dress that way outside [Saddlebags].” Malcolm, agreeing with the others said, “ I
am a cowboy boots kind of guy, but you don’t see them too often, I mean most gay men
don’t go to Alleyways in a cowboy hat and rodeo shirts.”
Though it is not my objective to give full descriptions of other bars’ appearancebased norms in the context of this chapter, or to homogenize them in any way, my
participants did say things like, “Gary’s is more retail, you know like you work at Banana
Republic or whatever,” or “at Sinners and Alleyways you have a lot of men running
around with their shirts off.” Because most of the gay men in Saddlebags migrate to other
bars it should be of no surprise that they all discussed their needs for a “costume change.”
This discussion of “costume changes” begs the question, Are these gay men really
being transgressive or merely being self-protective? On the one hand, their ability to
change costumes and thus change their (re)presentation of masculinity highlights the
instability of a singular hegemonic masculinity, indicating that in many ways hegemonic
masculinity is all about (re)presentation and others’ perception of that (re)presentation.
On the other hand, if these gay men didn’t change their costumes they might feel inferior
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(like my pink toe-nails) or even threatened (like Matthew Shepard) in spaces that value
one masculinity over other, perhaps less valued, masculinities (or even femininity). Either
way, theorizing the performance of masculinity through the dress and migratory patterns
of gay men in Saddlebags creates more questions than it does answers.
Chapter Summary
In this chapter the third descriptive tale directs the readers’ attention toward the
dress and bar migration patterns of the gay men who frequent Saddlebags. Grounded by
this narrative (and lots of data), I discussed how the gay men dress in to Saddlebags,
aligning themselves with the more valued “regular guy” and “cowboy” images. However,
even though these images might be privileged in Saddlebags, I discovered that most men
do a “costume change” as they migrate to other gay bars in the city. These practices
illustrate how gay men in Saddlebags use dress as a marker of gender identity in specific
social contexts, and provide some evidence for gender as performativity.
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CHAPTER SEVEN
“YOU AIN’T WOMAN ENOUGH TO TAKE MY MAN”:
GAY MEN’S REACTION TO ‘LESBIAN NIGHT’ IN SADDLEBAGS1
Women like you are a dime a dozen, you can buy ‘em anywhere. For you to get to him
I’d have to move over and I’m going to stand right here. It’ll be over my dead body, so
get out while you can. Cause you ain’t woman enough to take my man—Loretta Lynn
I stand at the back bar sipping on a cranberry and soda noticing that the
Wednesday night crowd is beginning to dwindle. It is about 10:45 p.m. and most of the
thirty or so remaining patrons are the men who attended the evening’s dance lesson and
have stuck around to practice. Only one woman is in Saddlebags, and she stands alone
against the bar, looking slightly uncomfortable as she shifts her weight back and forth
across her feet. Perhaps in her late thirties, she is wearing black denim jeans, a green silk
blouse, and a pair of black flats with no socks. Her red hair hangs just below her
shoulder, pulled back from her face into a ponytail with a green hair fastener. I can see no
1
When I began this project I did not anticipate that lesbians would play such an
important part in explaining how gay men understand and negotiate their masculinity in a
country-western gay bar. I was wrong. In fact, interrogating Lesbian Night at
Saddlebags has probably been one of the most interesting and challenging aspects of this
work. Not because I believe “you have to be one to know one,” but because there is a
whole new set of methodological challenges to consider when a gay man explores how
other gay men feel about lesbians, especially when those feelings are not positive. These
challenges caused me as a researcher to examine my own participation in the oppression
of women, despite my identification as a feminist. It is not my intent to interrogate those
issues in the context of this chapter, however, I do offer it as a rationale for why I have
chosen to frame this chapter as: Gay Men’s Reaction to Lesbian Night and not a more
general description of a “true” Lesbian night in Saddlebags. Even though my data
collection procedures allowed me to speak with many lesbians during the course of my
participant observations and also interview three lesbians during my semi-structured
interview schedule, my attention remained focused on gay men. Therefore, I feel limited
in my ability and limited by my data to accurately represent the “lesbian perspective(s)”
on Lesbian Night at Saddlebags.
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trace of make-up, but I laugh to myself to see that, like me, she seems to know every
word to Trisha Yearwood's song “I Would Have Loved You Anyway” as it blares loudly
into the almost empty room. I plan my approach.
***
Deliberately, I make several laps around the bar and finally stop directly to the
right of the woman and introduce myself. I had been trying for the past several months to
gain a “lesbian perspective” on Saddlebags, especially in relation to Thursday nights.
Although it is Wednesday, I am looking forward to this exchange and what it might
reveal.
“My name is Corey,” I say offering my hand to the woman in a way of greeting.
“Hi,” she says, turning her head toward me, “I’m Madge.” She takes my hand and
gives it a firm shake.
“I’ve never seen you here before,” I say before silence can end our conversation.
“No, this is my first time, I just moved to Atlanta,” she said. Upon hearing her
words I suddenly feel discouraged. What insight could she possibly offer, I think to
myself. However, realizing Madge is new in town, I feel compelled to welcome her to
Saddlebags and to explain to her what I know about the “Lesbian Scene.”
“So you are new to Atlanta?” I ask to clarify.
“Yeah,” Madge responds. “ I just moved into town and I thought that I heard this
was a lesbian bar.”
I began to explain to Madge her limited options. “There is only one lesbian bar
that I know of in the metropolitan area, Pandora’s Box. It is about 20 minutes south of
downtown.” Madge’s face sinks into disappointment. Recognizing her change in mood I
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quickly promise that Saddlebags is probably one of the most “women friendly” gay bars
in the city, and that Thursday nights are primarily, though not exclusively, lesbian.
Suddenly, a hint of hope radiates across Madge’s face. “So I am just twenty-four hours
early?” she asks. I laugh at her witty remark and respond, “Yeah, tomorrow night you
won’t be able to swing a dead cat in here with out hitting a lesbian.” Madge guffaws,
swats me on the shoulder and then asks me why they have a Lesbian night in a countrywestern boy bar. “I am guessing ‘cause two lesbians own the bar,” I reply, “but I am
really not sure. I am still trying to figure that one out.”
Madge nods her head accepting my weak explanation. “Can I buy you a drink?”
she says. “Sure!” I reply and then wave Paul over to make us a couple of red snappers (a
popular shot of Crown Royal, Amaretto, and cranberry). For the next hour or so Paul and
I stand looming over the bar briefing Madge on the city’s gay life, paving the way for
Madge and I to become good friends
***
It was mid-afternoon on Thursday as I crossed through Promenade Park heading
toward Saddlebags. Paul told me that he was today’s bar opener and in the “down time”
before the night’s line-dance lesson he would be more than happy to give me his thoughts
on Lesbian Night. Based on his years of experience working at the bar, I was both
excited and intrigued to hear what he might share.
Pulling back the green double doors I found the bar empty. Nobody is here to
check my ID. Nobody is here to holler out the usual hellos. There isn’t even any country
music pumping through the sound system. The bar is quiet and empty; there are no signs
of life. I feel awkward so I stand near the door and belt out a few hellos. My voice echoes
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against the walls of the empty room. “Hello,” I yell again and again; still there is no
response. After standing there for what seems like a lifetime, I begin to wonder if I
should come back later. As I turn to go Paul bursts out from the back room with a bowl
and spoon in hand. He is shoveling ice cream into his mouth. Looking out over the empty
room he is startled to see me standing in the doorway. He tries to speak but his mouth is
full, so he laughs at himself and waves me over to the bar. As he forces down the ice
cream, he leans over the bar and gives me a kiss on the cheek and tells me how happy he
is to see me. “I usually don’t get anybody in here until 7:45, but since it’s Lesbian Night
the [local city college] girls might come a bit earlier.”
When he finishes his statement the phone rings and he dashes over to answer it.
After a few moments he hangs up the phone and sets about simultaneously preparing the
bar for the night’s business and chatting with me. He begins the conversation, “So, you
want to know more about Thursday night, heh?”
***
Kurt feels a hard jerk near his elbow as a group of women maneuver past him in
the crowd. He tries hard to hold on, but his cool clammy hands just can’t keep a good
grip on the beer bottle and it slips through his fingers and crashes to the floor. The bottle
breaks into several pieces and the liquid springs upward from the explosion on the black
tiled floor. Kurt leaps backward to avoid splashing beer and then, attempting to catch his
balance, hits several of the men in his circle of conversation. Apologizing to Trey, Chuck,
and Cheeks for his inadvertent instability he turns his head to determine the cause of the
accident. Cheeks quickly points his attention to the group of women who have just
passed. The women continue to move toward the dance floor, offering no condolences for
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Kurt’s loss. “Dumb cunt,” Kurt mutters to his friends. Then, using his boot he begins to
scrape the glass and some of the foamy suds into a small pile. Cheeks raises his hand into
the air and yells for Lyle at the bar.
In a matter of moments Lyle arrives with a small broom, a dustpan, and a mop. As
Lyle sweeps the bits of glass and most of the liquid into the dustpan he chastises Kurt.
“Sweetheart, do we need to cut you off?” Lyle asks sarcastically. “It wasn’t his fault,”
Trey says taking up for Kurt, “It is all these fucking Dykes!” Lyle laughs and then
looking up from the wet floor says, “Yep, once again Lesbian Night rears its ugly head,”
and departs from the group of men, returning to his work behind the bar.
***
Jack spins back and forth behind the bar, working feverishly to keep pace with the
line of women who extend back about 10-15 people deep. The other bartenders keep
busy, but not as busy as Jack, who seems to be a favorite among the lesbians in the bar. In
addition to the large number of lesbians who only buy drinks from Jack, a good number
of lesbians hang out in his corner of the bar. One Thursday night regular who hangs out at
his corner is Eleanor. Eleanor has been coming to Saddlebags since it opened over 10
years ago. Standing about five foot four inches tall, Eleanor is dressed in a pair of Levi501 jeans, a plaid flannel shirt, and shiny black cowboy boots. Her hair is dark black,
slightly wavy, and hangs halfway down her back. Although she occasionally patronizes
Saddlebags on other nights of the week, she rarely misses a Thursday night.
***
“Thursday nights are Lesbian Nights,” Paul said slurring each “S” in a very
stereotypical effeminate way. I chuckle to myself at his flamboyant (campy) enactment.
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Paul continues setting up the bar. “Is it advertised that way?” I ask, knowing my own
answer. Paul shakes his head, “No. We don’t advertise that it’s a men’s bar either.
Saddlebags is very much a men’s bar, but we don’t advertise it that way.” He dumps ice
into the ice bin. “We advertise it as a country-western gay bar where everybody and
anybody is welcome. As for Lesbian Night, it’s just the night they took over.” I sit
silently for a moment thinking about Paul's statement, then after a sip of beer I ask, “Well
does the climate change on Thursday nights?” Paul stops what he is doing and walks
down to where I sit. He leans over onto the bar and in a very serious tone says, “Yes!
And I would say it to anybody. It is the night we have more shit broken; we have more
fights, and more crazy behavior than any other night of the week. Shit gets ripped off the
walls, people fight, people pass out more than any other night, ever.” I raise my eyebrows
in astonishment, “Really,” I say pointing to the interesting relevance his statement might
have. “Seriously,” Paul says as he returns to his tasks of setting up the bar.
***
Only a trace of the broken beer bottle remains. Chuck returns from the bar with a
replacement Coors Light for Kurt. Handing the beer over to Kurt he jokingly says, “Now,
hold onto this one.” Despite Chuck’s attempt to change the mood of the situation, Trey
continues the lesbian baiting. “You know, I love my lesbian sisters, but get ‘em all
together and they have absolutely no respect at all, not even for each other! I’ve seen it so
many times. I even seen a girl that had a problem with her leg, and she was limping and
she bumped into another girl, on accident, and the other girl just wanted to start a fight.
Lesbians are just so bitter.” Both Chuck and Kurt nod their heads in agreement. After a
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moment of scanning the large number of women in the room, Kurt says, “I just don’t
understand; why Thursdays?”
“Maybe lesbians don’t work on Friday’s,” Trey quips. “The lesbian weekend
begins today!”
“But why Saddlebags? Why do they like it here so much?” Kurt inquires more
seriously.
“I don’t really know,” Chuck responds.
“ Other bars in town don’t have a Lesbian Night. We should take it away,” Trey
suggests.
“Take away what?” asks Chuck.
“Lesbian Night,” Trey states boldly, “We should take away Lesbian Night.”
“Where else can lesbians go in the city?” Chuck asks.
“Well, I don’t know. They have their own places from what I understand!” Trey
replies.
“Really, where?” Chuck asks.
“Do I look like I care?” Trey asks cocking his head and presenting the palm of his
hand toward Chuck in a circular motion. All three men laugh at Trey’s “flaming”
exhibition. As their conversation steers away from the lesbians that inundate their
evening the three men begin to move toward the dance floor, as the next set of line
dances begin. Hating line dances, Chuck leans against the rail to watch as Trey and Kurt
takes their place on the front right-hand corner of the dance floor.
***
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Sitting at the corner of the bar surrounded by several other women, Eleanor
waves her twenty-dollar bill into the air, indicating to Jack that she wants to buy another
round of shots. “Be right there baby,” Jack hollers to Eleanor, and he finishes making a
round of cocktails for the woman standing at the front of his line. Then punching the preprogrammed drink price keys on his cash register Jack calls out, “Two Corona, one
Amstel Light, and three kamikaze shooters—twenty-four fifty.” The total displays on the
register matching Jack’s. The woman in line holding a twenty-dollar bill raises her
eyebrows in astonishment at the total. Feverishly she searches her jean pockets for more
money. In a matter of seconds her hands emerge with a five-dollar bill and she hands
both the twenty and the five to Jack, as she passes the beers and shooters to her friends—
one man and one woman—who stand behind her in line. Jack places her two quarters
change on the bar, but she has already turned and walked away leaving no more money
for a tip. Jack rolls his eyes and shakes his head back and forth. Jared, the next man in
line, notices Jack’s “two-bit tip” and says, “What the hell is that?” Jack replies, “Girl, you
know lesbians—they don’t drink gin and they don’t tip.” Then, without inquiry Jack
places an Icehouse on the counter and he and Jared exchange money for the beer. Jared
leaves a two-dollar tip on the bar as Jack runs over to take Eleanor’s order.
***
As I consider the gravity of Paul’s perception, I note how many times that I
myself have felt irritated by the large number of women who patronize Saddlebags on
Thursday nights. In fact, I had even written about some of my misogynistic reactions in
my journal. I had also recently identified Thursday night as an important theme for
further analysis, which was why I was pursuing this conversation. “ So why do you think
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Lesbian Nights are so different?” I ask. Paul thinks for a moment and then responds, “I
realize that this is a blanket statement, so forgive me.” I nod giving Paul forgiveness and
encouraging him to continue. Paul picks up a towel, wets it, and begins wiping down the
liquor bottles. “Women come out for a very different reason than men do,” he says.
“Women come out to find lovers. It’s the god’s honest truth.” Paul pauses for a moment
then looks at me with his big brown eyes. “I would say ninety percent of the women who
come through that door,” he points to the door, “Say I haven’t seen her in a long time, I
would say ‘oh I’m sorry honey, what was her name?’ Because I know that she just broke
up with somebody and that is why she is back out.” Then not wasting a breath, and before
I can ask a probing question, Paul says, “And then there are the differences in dancing.”
***
Chuck watches Kurt and Trey line dance for a few moments and then decides he
will make a break for the restroom. Although he dreads navigating among the room full
of women, he has to go. Carefully he begins to move along the fence railing, in and out of
the groups of women that block his path. As he moves through the women he is careful
“not to touch.” If it were any other night Chuck might take advantage of touching others
in the crowd, balancing himself on the shoulder of a cute guy as he passed, or putting his
hand on a man’s hip to squeeze through a blocked passage, but not tonight. Chuck not
only doesn’t have the desire to touch the women he passes, but he fears that lesbians
might be easily offended if he were to accidentally touch them inappropriately.
Therefore, he does his best to maintain physical distance, offering appropriate apologies
when there is accidental physical contact.
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Finally, Chuck reaches the restroom. He notices that like every Thursday night a
line of 15 or more women wait outside the restroom doors. Knowing he has no wait,
Chuck walks past the women and right up to the door for the men’s room. There, in front
of the door to the men’s room, is Lyle—on guard making sure only one woman at a time
goes into the men’s room since there is only one stall. “Open Sesame” Chuck barks as
Lyle pushes open the door. Chuck walks into the restroom—past the one occupied stall—
and sets himself up at the fourth urinal. As he stands there urinating, a woman emerges
from the stall. She smiles, slightly embarrassed to be alone with Chuck in the men’s
room, waves to Chuck, and scrambles out the door. For obvious reasons Chuck doesn’t
wave back, but laughs as he considers the novelty of lesbian women using the men’s
room. As the woman leaves, Lyle opens the door and allows another woman to enter,
pointing her directly toward the stall. Chuck gives little thought to this typical Thursday
night ritual as he washes his hands and re-tucks his shirt, then heads back out to the dance
floor, passing the line of women who stand and wait, and wait, and wait.
***
Jared hugs Eleanor hello and takes a seat beside her at the bar. “Want a shot?” she
asks, as Jack pours out four red snappers into shot glasses on the bar in front of Eleanor.
“Sure,” Jared responds nodding his head up and down. Jack flings down another shot
glass and drains the red substance from his shaker up to the brim of the glass. Jack tells
Eleanor the total is twenty-seven fifty. Eleanor hands Jack thirty-five dollars and tells him
to keep the change. Then Eleanor, Jack, Jared, and two other women nearby raise their
glasses in the air and down the sweet, concoction. After all of their glasses are back down
on the bar, Jack scoops them up and returns to his long line of customers. Jared looks at
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Eleanor and offers his gratitude. “Thanks Eleanor, you are the coolest woman,” Jared
says, “And I don’t really like women.” Eleanor laughs and says, “Thanks, I guess!” The
two other women chat with Eleanor for a while as Jared looks on. An outsider from their
conversation, he watches Jack work the bar. After several moments the two women
depart leaving Jared and Eleanor alone. Jared turns to Eleanor and inquires, “So how
have you been?” “Doing all right,” Eleanor responds. Their conversation takes on a life
of its own as they update each other on what’s going on in their everyday lives. Finally,
their not-so-deep conversation is interrupted by the booming voice of the DJ as he warns
the patrons of Saddlebags, “For the third time tonight ladies, there is no eating, drinking,
or smoking on the dance floor.” Jared looks over and notices that the dance floor has
been cleared. He turns to Eleanor and asks, “Why don’t you lesbians obey dance floor
etiquette?” Eleanor replies, “Oh, it’s probably just the baby Dykes.”
***
“Differences in dancing?” I question Paul as he pulls out a knife and cutting board
to slice fruit. “What are they?” Paul explains, “The difference between the dancing for
the women and the dancing for the men is that when women dance together they look
right into each other’s eyes. They don’t pay attention to anything else that is going on,
and that is why they are always running into each other and other people.” He points his
knife at himself and then at me as he continues. “But when men dance, they are more
concerned about who is looking at them. That is what is in the back of their mind. Do I
look good? Who’s looking at me? Who’s cruising me? Who can I cruise? So they are
very social about dancing, very outwardly aware.” I take a sip of my beer and write
down a few thoughts on the notepad in front of me. It seemed to make sense since I had
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noticed a lot more problems on the dance floor on Thursday nights. In fact, even some of
the women who had been coming to Saddlebags for years told me they preferred to come
on nights other than Thursday because the Thursday crowd was rude and didn’t employ
proper dance floor etiquette. I kept these thoughts to myself as I scribbled down my ideas
on paper.
When I finally looked up from my writing Paul said, “Look, I love lesbians and I
love to dance with lesbians if they know how to do it right. I mean, frankly there is some
truth that on average lesbians are poor dancers. But there are also some really great
lesbian dancers and some not so great gay male dancers. Regardless, when a gay male
couple bumps into another gay male couple they forget it in three seconds, but when a
lesbian couple bumps into a gay male couple, it is the subject of the gay men’s
commentary for the next four or five rotations around the dance floor. I don’t think that
most of these men have thought much about it.” Then Paul turned and said something
that struck me as critically important. He said, “It’s just part of that feeling that this bar,
this cowboy bar, this guy’s bar—it belongs to us and just where in the hell are all these
women coming from?”
***
It is after 10:00 p.m. and I am running a bit late. I had promised to meet my new
friend Madge at Saddlebags for a cocktail. I was really uninterested in going back to
Saddlebags considering I had spent last night, and a good portion of my afternoon, at the
bar. However, once again I felt an overriding obligation to Madge and also thought that I
might use Madge to help me find a lesbian who would follow through with an interview.
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Madge is waiting for me outside, underneath the red canopy, when I arrive.
“Sorry if I am late,” I apologize. “Not to worry,” Madge says, and we move inside
showing our identifications to Doris, the woman who works the door on Thursday nights
(and during the course of my study, the only woman to be employed by Saddlebags).
Doris greets me with a “hello honey,” checks only Madge’s ID, and then motions us
inside. As we move through the doors I catch a glimpse of the growing smile that quickly
pastes itself across Madge’s rosy red lips.
With my arm across the back of her waist, I motion Madge toward the line that
extends back from Jack’s station. As we stand in line I catch Paul’s attention and both
Madge and I wave. Paul winks at me flirtatiously, and then goes back to serving the
women who wait for their beer and drinks. After waiting over 10 minutes, Madge and I
finally procure our own cocktails and scoot down the bar where Jared sits talking to a
woman, a rare instance for Jared. As we approach them I recognize her and begin to
search my mind for her name. Jared saves me. “Eleanor, this is my friend Corey. He is
the one writing his dissertation on Saddlebags.” I reach out and shake Eleanor’s hand and
Madge looks at me queerly based on this new information. “And this is my friend
Madge” I reply, redirecting Madge to the formal introductions. “Madge this is Eleanor
and my good friend Jared—he pays the light bill for Saddlebags,” I say jokingly,
capitalizing on how much he spends at the bar. Everyone including Jared laughs.
After a few moments of conversation, I am able to discern that Madge is
comfortable in this setting, Eleanor is interested in Madge, and Jared has been doing
shots. Taking advantage of his inebriated state I ask Jared if he wants to dance (the only
time he will dance is when he is intoxicated) hoping to test some of Paul’s theories about
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the dance floor. Jared graciously accepts my offer and I beg forgiveness as I depart from
Eleanor and Madge, promising to return. Then holding hands for both solidarity and
balance, Jared and I leave the lesbians alone and work our way toward the dance floor.
On the way to the dance floor Jared leans up and whispers in my ear, “I cannot believe I
am going out onto the dance floor with this school of fish.” I let go of his hand and
turning to scold I warn, “Behave yourself, some of our best friends are lesbians.” Jared
shakes his head and reminds me, “They might be your friends, but they aren’t mine.” I
begin to wonder why.
****************
Thursday Night at Saddlebags
I was not surprised to read Maxine Wolfe’s (1997) assertion that lesbian bars are
not ‘places’ with a consistent physical location but are instead, Lesbian Nights at other
bars. In fact, over a decade after her analysis, even with the progress of the feminist and
gay and lesbian social movements, lesbians only have one all-lesbian bar in this city of
over four million people. That bar is Pandora’s Box. That is not to say that women aren’t
permitted, to varying degrees, access to the other 30 or more gay bars in the city.
However, in almost every instance a gay male clientele dominates those spaces. How
lesbians are treated in those bars is dependent on factors such as the counter-cultural
aspects of the bar, bar ownership, and geographic location just to name a few.
However, as Kirby said, “You have lesbian bars and you have gay bars. Rarely do
the two intermix, unless it is a really big place like Alleyways, but everywhere else
women are excluded.” In addition to gay men’s understanding of the division of space
between gay men and lesbians, almost all of the lesbians I talked with were unfamiliar
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with, or felt excluded from, the bars dominated by gay men. When I asked Eleanor about
what she knew of gay bars beyond Pandora’s Box she said,
Just from what I’ve heard from my gay male friends talking and [when I visited
gay dominated bars] I have personally heard comments like, ‘what's a female
doing here?’ or a fag hag or thinking you are a straight woman out with the fag
boys…. Because you’re there and it’s a [gay] men’s bar.
The one exception, of course is Saddlebags. Although a good number of lesbians can be
seen in Saddlebags on any given night, Thursday night is known throughout the
community as “Lesbian Night.”
Lesbian Night is the one night that lesbians surpass the gay male clientele, even
though there is no advertising that Thursday night is Lesbian Night. Malcolm, a
Saddlebags bartender, said “Thursday and Saturday nights are our biggest nights, we
have a lot of women that come out on Thursday nights and then Friday, Saturday and
Sunday are busy, but primarily with men.” I asked Madge how she knew Thursday nights
were Lesbian Nights and she said,
Because [lesbians] go out on a Thursday night or a Wednesday night or whatever
night of the week and they see how dead the women’s bar is. Hardly any women
go out during the weekday. Then you hear that there is something going on at this
bar from a bartender or somebody having a beer, or whatever, and they say, ‘oh
yeah Thursdays seem to be a big woman's night over there.’ A lot of it is word of
mouth. There have also been different groups, like lesbian oriented groups…that
have announced in on their web-sites and different locations.
Eleanor said she enjoyed Saddlebags because of the diversity of the lesbian community
that patronizes Saddlebags on Thursday nights. She said, “There is a quite a bit of
[diversity]. You have very backwoods type of women and there’s a range of
butch/femme, and a lot of in between.” I had also noted in my fieldnotes that the racial
diversity also seems to increase on Lesbian Nights, and of course some gay men still
patronize the bar. In fact, Eleanor’s estimations of men’s participation in the bar
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paralleled my own. She said, “There is probably about—it is not a very large percent. It’s
probably about maybe fifteen percent [men]. But the ones that are there pretty much
know the women and they are intermixed.” So what happens when these women and men
intermix in what is usually a gay male dominated space?
Protecting Gay Male Leisure Space
Based on my participant observations, my ethnographic and semi-structured
interviews, and my knowledge of other gay bars in the community, I find that Saddlebags
is one of, if not the most, lesbian friendly gender-mixed bars in the city, despite gay
men’s reactions to the lesbians dominating presence on Thursday nights. I believe the
gender mix that occurs in Saddlebags is primarily influenced by several major factors.
Originally, Saddlebags was a lesbian bar called Around the Block, and Saddlebags’
owners are the same lesbians who owned Around the Block. In addition, Saddlebags is
the only gay male bar in the city where there is a night devoted to lesbians, and
Saddlebags encourages the transmission of the “everyone is welcome” discourse
discussed in Chapter Four.
In the next section I would like to investigate gay men’s reaction to Lesbian Night
to illustrate how, when gay male space is threatened by lesbians, gay men complexify or
create an alternate discourse, using strategies of Othering to maintain a sense of control
over “their” public space. Thus, when the crowd shifts from being “gay male dominated”
to being “lesbian dominated” the “everyone is welcome” discourse is destabilized, and
the common leisure space usually shared based on a non-heterosexual identity is
suppressed and the perceived differences based on gender are emphasized.
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Can’t We All Just Get Along?
Similar to the discussion of community presented in Chapter Four, when I asked
lesbians why they came to Saddlebags they shared sentiments concerning everyone being
welcome, familiar interaction, customer loyalty, staff commitment, and community
outreach. In fact when I asked Katie about the gender make-up of Saddlebags, she
focused on many elements of community previously discussed. She said,
There is just so much community there. People interact and people are there to
interact with other people and the guys that seem to frequent Saddlebags like to
interact with everybody and they just don’t seem to have a lot of bias so its just
like interacting with anybody else…. And when I think about it now, there are
more men at Saddlebags than women, but the people who ask me to dance are
typically guys.
In addition, when I asked Eleanor about Thursday nights at the bar she said, “I think for
the most part everybody gets along great. You know it is all one giant happy country
family, and you know Mama Wendy [one of the lesbian owners] is behind the counter.”
A few men also shared their ideas about the sense of community on Thursday
nights, although less enthusiastically than when discussing the other nights at the bar.
When I asked Dirk about going to Saddlebags on Thursday night he said, “There is not
much difference, other than the fact that it’s more ladies than men. I’ve found that, you
know, gay women seem to be just as nice as gay men, pretty much.” And when I
suggested to Malcolm that Thursday nights felt different in Saddlebags he said, “Well, a
lot of them have attitude, but a lot of the guys do too. I mean I treat everybody
equally…if they are a hard ass or something like that I just try to find out what the
problem is…but everybody is friendly.”
Despite some of the gay men’s acceptance of women Lesbian Night in
Saddlebags, I have found that most men describe Thursdays nights in a negative way.
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When I asked David if he would take an out-of-town guest to the bar on Thursday nights
he said,
If it were a gay man, no! Gay men are like flipped out if there are like more than
two [lesbian] women in a place, you know two women in a bar. They are like “Oh
god there is all these lesbians everywhere.” So I would probably tell them that, if
it were a Thursday night, that there would be a lot of lesbians everywhere or
whatever.
When I asked Paul why gay men hated Lesbian Night he said,
I don’t think that they have even thought about it. They just are like, this bar
belongs to us…it is just a feeling that they have. So anytime there is a bunch of
women out at the bar they will be like, where are all these women coming from?
and how dare they be here.
Regardless of gay men’s unhappiness and hostility, my observations indicate that
Lesbian Night has grown in popularity, so much that many lesbians have begun to say it
is “too crowded” and that they would rather come on a different night.
Privileging Gay over Lesbian: Privileging Men over Women
During the course of my observations and interviews I recorded a number of
instances where gay men and lesbians seem to interact socially in a mutually beneficial
way. However, what I find most interesting is that rarely, if ever, did the men of my study
share any stories about meaningful relationships with lesbians in the bar. I asked David
why and he said, “There is just some level of friendly rivalry. I mean gay men are gay
men and they just bitch about stuff, you know they just bitch.” Not satisfied with him
characterizing all gay men as “bitchy,” I began to explore my data more closely to isolate
those instances where gay men talked positively about their relationships with lesbians or
talked about Lesbian Night in a more positive manner. I could not identify any of those
stories beyond my own journal explorations. However, I did find a vast amount of data
where gay men discussed the gender differences between gay men and lesbians.
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Was everyone really welcome at Saddlebags? I began to ask some more difficult
questions of my data: If gay men didn’t want lesbians in the bar how were they reacting?
I found that in relation to Lesbian Night gay men reacted in a variety of negative ways,
and that the patrons I interviewed often completely avoided the bar on Thursdays. For
example, Brian said he doesn’t go on Thursday nights because “usually there are guys in
there…but [Thursday’s] is a completely different crowd, it makes you feel like you are in
a lesbian bar.” Kirby said, “I am not coming in on Thursday. It’s Lesbian Night, I am not
dealing with it.”
What about those men who don’t avoid Lesbian Night? Who are they? I asked
Malcolm and he said, “Those that are regulars just tolerate it…some [men] are even
friends with them.” In fact, initially I also avoided the bar, only realizing in the middle of
my ethnography that I was probably missing something by not conducting participant
observations on Thursday nights. I was right.
Regardless of whether gay men completely avoid the bar, only come
occasionally, or frequently come to the bar on Lesbian Night, there is a definite
misogynistic discourse perpetuated by gay men, a discourse that isn’t very “welcoming.”
The recognition of this discourse led me to ask more questions: Are gay men Othering
lesbian women to protect their masculinity? Are gay men Othering lesbian women to
protect their public gay space? And if so, are they enacting their hegemonic masculine
privilege in a way that reinforces dominant gender and heteronormative ideologies?
There are not definitive answers to these questions. However, by asking these questions
of my data, I was able to discern that, whether gay men avoid Lesbian Night or not, most
use a misogynistic discourse toward lesbians on Lesbian Night that suppresses
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commonalties of their shared non-dominant sexual orientation, and instead emphasizes
perceived differences in gender, privileging men over women.
Two distinct, but partially overlapping, perceived gender differences that
privilege men over women are emphasized in my data: occupation of the space and an
economic contribution to the bar’s sustainability. The following subsections present the
data representative of these ideologies.
Occupation of space. By far the most significant perceived gender difference
perpetuated by the men of the bar was around the occupation of space. Many men over
the course of the study reported that women don’t have regard for each other or the
ability to appropriately navigate the space. For example, as Jared said, “They bump into
me, and just keep going without an apology." Most of the discourse around gender
differences in the occupation of space was focused around the dance floor and/or related
to dancing. Perhaps this discourse is heavily linked to dancing since dancing is the
primary activity among the bar's clientele. In a discussion on dancing Malcolm revealed,
“I’ve heard a lot of people comment on the women’s dancing, I wouldn’t say all of them,
but there is a percentage, you know that bump into you and they don’t apologize.” There
was a similar reaction in a conversation I had with Dirk and Darrin. When I asked Darrin
what Thursday nights were like he said, “a bunch of lesbians that don’t know how to
dance.” When I probed as to why he believed that was true, he said,
Because one time I went there on a Thursday night and we danced. There’s a
specific order on the dance floor because everybody dances in a circular
motion…. Lesbians are all over the place it seems like…. I was like, you know,
with Darrin trying to steer him around all these, you know, lesbian at twelveo’clock, you know, all 5’2” and 230 pounds. This is so totally stereotypical and its
completely rude to categorize these [women], but it’s fun [laughs]. Not all
lesbians suck at dancing.
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As Paul explained in the narrative offered at the front of this chapter, the
differences in the occupation of space, navigating the crowd, congregating in social
circles, and dancing result in gay men and lesbians “constantly running into each other.”
However, couldn’t those collisions also be attributed to the large and unfamiliar crowd
that gathers at Saddlebags on Thursday night? Perhaps the rules about the occupation of
space are not clearly transmitted to the women who come on Thursday nights. Or perhaps
there is some cross-gender revulsion around touch in operation. When I asked Eleanor
about the conflicts that arise out of the occupation of space on Lesbian Night she said,
“Although I wouldn’t use some of the terminology they use, I think that they are
somewhat accurate and/or justified in making those comments because I think that does
happen.” Eleanor also explained that she and many of the “older” lesbians had more
experience with Saddlebags’ culture, and they had more invested in the bar than most of
the “Baby Dykes” who were rude and didn’t know how to dance. And though Madge
agreed somewhat with Eleanor’s assessment of the lesbians who were new to the culture,
she also saw some contradiction in that explanation. She said,
But there is some sexism there too in the sense that we are begrudging our sense
of community and since the other nights are usually predominantly men, I see a
bit of a double standard there. Do we feel the same way about the men [who]
aren’t that familiar with Saddlebags coming in here on Friday and Saturday
nights, that just come here to cruise?
Perhaps Madge is right in her conception that the perceived difference in the
occupation of space contains a double standard that is more easily applied to lesbians. In
this case lesbians who are attempting to have a public space where they can escape not
only homophobia, heterosexism, and sexism from society in general, now face misogyny
and, in some cases, homophobia from gay men.
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Contributing to the economic sustainability of Saddlebags. Another way men
attempted to privilege themselves over women in the bar was by discounting women’s
economic contribution to the profitability and sustainability of Saddlebags. Frequently
during the course of my study I overheard gay men in Saddlebags comment on the way
they support the bar financially in an effort to “keeping Saddlebags open.” Remarks such
as, “He pays the light bill,” or “Since Terry won’t be in town this weekend, Saddlebags
might as well close their doors,” indicate that these men are perceived as contributing
significantly to the economic success of the bar. However in my 14 months of data
collection I have only heard about women’s negative economic impact.
It is not merely an absence of positive comments, but the existence of negative
ones that makes me consider this a perceived gender difference. Comments like, “Some
women at Saddlebags bring liquor and keep it in their car and thereby circumvent have to
go to the bar.” Immediately after making this comment, true or not, David said, “and
while I don’t drink, I still buy coffee and bottled water to contribute to the success of the
bar.” Although this is one of the best clear-cut examples I have of a gay man privileging
himself at the expense of a lesbian, there is a heavy discourse around “lesbians don’t tip”
or “don’t tip appropriately.”
Having worked as a bartender and waiter (in gay, straight, and mixed gendered
bars and restaurants) I can tell you that the privileging discourse around tipping is not a
new one. Devaluing a group of people (especially around race, class, gender, and sexual
orientation) based on the gratuity they leave for services rendered is a fairly common
practice, a practice where gay white men are almost always privileged as “the best
tippers.” However, what I find compelling is the way the “poor tipping” discourse is used
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to circumvent the profitability of Lesbian Night at Saddlebags. Take for example Jack’s
statement when I asked him about the difference between a Thursday and Friday night:
Well, [lesbians] don’t tip as well and I’m sure you’ve heard that because I’ve
served like four beers and they would leave me a quarter, maybe not leave me
anything, maybe leave a dollar when normally you would’ve sold each one and
you would have got a dollar a piece. So, you might make half of what you would
normally make if it was all men because, I mean, most of your nights are all men
and you know what you make and then suddenly when it’s all women you all of a
sudden make a lot less and your sales are as high. I mean its [proof]…but
Thursdays can still be good.
Although the bartenders were the primary perpetuators of this perceived gender
difference around tipping, the customers also contributed to the “lesbians don’t tip”
ideology saying things like, “they just don’t take care of our boys [the bartenders].”
And despite the proof that might be offered in a comparison between Jack’s sales
and tip money, I believe that tip money might increase with increased interactions. Based
on my observations and analysis, I would argue for the possibility that the more time
individuals spent getting to know their bartender the more that person might tip.
Therefore, since men frequent the bar on a more regular basis and seem to be more
culturally invested in getting to know the bartenders wouldn’t it seem reasonable that
they would tip more? On many occasions I watched the so-called “regulars” grossly overtip Jack, Paul, and Malcolm. I myself often tip excessively since in many ways these
bartenders feel like “family” and the community of loyal customers want, as David says,
“the boys to do well for themselves,” financially. The same is true for those lesbians who
have a regular bartender, like Eleanor with Jack. And wouldn’t it also seem reasonable
that women who don’t frequent the bar, or who only come once a week, never even get to
know the bartenders names and are likely to also tip less. So are they devalued because
they are not regular patrons? No. They are devalued because they are lesbian.
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Despite these arguments or others such as inequality in pay, increased costs for
women’s healthcare, single motherhood, or a number of other factors I could argue,
women don’t receive recognition or positive cultural capital for their economic
contribution to Saddlebags. Instead they get placed under closer scrutiny and judged by
standards based on inequality, standards that privilege men over women and gay over
lesbian in terms of contributions to Saddlebags’ economic sustainability.
Chapter Summary
This chapter explored the fourth and final theme of this research project: gay
men’s reaction to Lesbian Night. Again, I used a constructed tale to engage the reader in
a descriptive account of how many of the gay men of Saddlebags respond (discuss and
behave) on the one night lesbians “take over” the bar. Then, using a feminist theoretical
framework, I argued that the gay men in Saddlebags attempt to protect their gay male
leisure space by Othering women, denying commonalities of a non-heterosexual identity
and emphasizing differences based on gender. Focusing on two primary emphasized
gender differences, occupation of space and economic contribution to the bar, I contend
that the gay men in Saddlebags are perpetuating misogyny and homophobia in ways that
reveal insecurities around their privileged masculine spaces.
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CHAPTER EIGHT
“GONE COUNTRY”:
CONCLUSIONS AND IMPLICATIONS
FOR LEISURE RESEARCH AND SOCIAL CHANGE
He’s gone country, look at them boots, He’s gone country, back to his roots, He’s gone
country, a new kind of suit, He’s gone country.—Alan Jackson
This ethnography grew from a need to extend our research on marginalized
populations beyond the examination of individual identities toward the macro-structures
that perpetuate and foster inequality (cf. Aitchison, 1999; Kivel, 2000; Pedlar, 1999).
Informed by feminist theory and critiques of masculinity, I explored how gay men
confront and negotiate hegemonic masculinity, with particular attention on a countrywestern gay bar. Gay bars, often created for the purpose of escaping control from
heternormative sexual identities, provide an interesting context from which to examine
the convergence of structure and agency as gay men encounter, express, and challenge
hegemonic masculinity and create alternative forms of gender expression. Using
feminism as a theoretical framework, I focused on how gay men come to understand and
negotiate the meanings of masculinity in a country-western gay bar. My work was guided
by the following questions: 1) How does this gay bar serve as a leisure context for its gay
male patrons? 2) How do gay men in this bar negotiate hegemonic and counterhegemonic gendered practices? 3) What structures exist to facilitate and/or prohibit
gendered practices in this gay bar?
A review of the literature reveals how gay men, by their very existence, challenge
the power structures of gender and sexuality as their gay and masculine identities
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intersect. One poignant argument suggests that gay men give up their everyday masculine
privileges and styles of interaction as they claim a non-heterosexual identity or “come
out.” Sedgwick (1993) elaborated on the politics of coming out in her influential essay
Epistemology of the Closet. In this essay, Sedgwick illustrated how the management of a
sexual identity creates a double bind for gay men where denouncing heterosexuality
severs their link to hegemonic masculinity. What Sedgwick emphasized in her argument
is the hindrance and vulnerability gay men encounter in trying to be “gay” and “men” at
the same time.
Although many scholars and activists would argue that gay men are forced to live
in a world that does not acknowledge their existence, others maintain that gay men are
forced to live in a world that requires their existence in order to maintain definitional
control of dominant ideologies. These dominant ideologies allow heterosexual men to
retain control by reinforcing the binary structures that value heterosexual over
homosexual and masculine over feminine, and link those binaries together inextricably.
Therefore, acknowledgment of the everyday lives and experiences of gay men
categorically situates those individuals into an identity category that serves as a
mechanism for both their oppression and the dominance and superiority of “men.”
Though heterosexual ideologies often appropriate gay men as feminized males, more
research is needed to explore the ways in which gay men are creative and active agents in
their gender performance, serving both to challenge and to reinforce dominant ideologies
around gender and sexuality.
One context where the creative agency of gay men might be readily prevalent is in
their leisure. Wearing (1998) argued that leisure is often used to shift the goal posts of
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cultural domination and that leisure spaces are important locations where both social
control of individuals and political and social strategies for change are prevalent. Kivel
(1996) recognized the need for understanding these differences and advocated for more
theoretical work when she wrote, “Leisure as a context for identity formations should not
only focus on the individual, but should also focus on the cultural ideologies…. The next
step is to begin to understand how leisure contexts contribute to a hegemonic process,
which creates ‘insiders’ and ‘outsiders’” (p. 204).
Kivel’s call for research has received little attention from leisure scholars; there is
also a noticeable absence of research examining leisure in relation to gay men and their
culture. When gay men have been examined, their experiences have been assumed to be
the same or similar to those of lesbians, bisexuals, and people who are transgendered.
This blending of non-dominant populations highlights oppression and marginalization as
the groups' common characteristics but also creates a framework that overlooks other
interesting aspects of their differences.
Therefore, in an effort to better understand gay men’s everyday leisure
experiences, I designed and conducted this ethnographic examination in one of the most
visible and accessible gay male leisure sites, the gay bar. The gay bar has been
considered an important space for gay men and lesbians since the gay liberation
movement began. Since the Stonewall riots in 1969, and even before the riots, the gay bar
served as a pivotal site for gay male social life, providing a cultural environment where
release and enjoyment occurred away from heterosexualized locations of everyday life.
Even though gay men have become more visible and have created additional and
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alternative spaces and places for their leisure, the gay bar remains a central social
institution and leisure context for a number of gay men.
The specific bar selected for this ethnography was Saddlebags (a pseudonym), a
country-western gay bar located in the downtown region of a major southern
metropolitan city. Although Saddlebags serves both gay men and lesbians, gay men
dominate the clientele. Using participant observation as my primary method of data
collection, I began researching Saddlebags in September 2000 and continued my
investigation through December 2001, spending over 140 hours in the site. In addition to
participant observation, I also conducted semi-structured and ethnographic interviews.
The semi-structured interview sample (n=11) was selected using purposeful sampling
strategies that enabled me to represent the diversity of men (and eventually some women)
in Saddlebags according to race, class, age, and other social identity categories I
identified as salient. I also analyzed my data to interrogate or substantiate stories, rituals,
myths, and/or cultural themes.
Using the data from these multiple sources, I employed a three-stage process for
ethnographic data transformation. First, I documented the myriad of information
collected, producing a full description of the bar. Then, I performed data analysis by
creating and applying abstract categories to the data. Using those categories I compared,
contrasted, sorted, and refined distinguishable thoughts, behaviors, and events. Finally,
moving beyond a mere description of Saddlebags and its clientele, I conducted a more
intensive analysis to identify those social practices (traditions, customs, stories, values,
beliefs) that reveal how gay men shape and assign meaning to this bar as a leisure
context. Dancing (specifically two-stepping), dress and migratory patterns, and gay
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men’s reaction to Lesbian Night are the themes that I identified as most salient to
understanding how gay men understand and negotiate masculinity in this country-western
gay bar.
Discussion of Theoretically Significant Conclusions
Based on the themes presented in this study, I am able to draw several
theoretically significant conclusions about how gay men understand and negotiate their
masculinity in this country-western gay bar. First, gay men recognize Saddlebags as an
important public leisure space where they can build community and create social identity.
Secondly, gay men use Saddlebags to actively engage in social practices that both
challenge and reinforce hegemonic masculine ideologies. Finally, Saddlebags provides a
site where some gay men distance themselves from the undesirable (or stereotypical)
aspects of gay culture, and thus create a more valued heteronormative masculine gay
identity.
Gay Bars: Important Public Leisure Spaces for Gay Men
Much like the research of Aitchison (1999) and Skeggs (1999), my study of
Saddlebags elucidates how a gay bar can serve as a necessary site of community for gay
men. In Saddlebags, one’s gay identity does not have to be suppressed or monitored, but
instead can be shared, valued, explored, and performed.
Even today, amidst the public outcries for social acceptance and full citizenship
rights for sexual minorities, gay men remain stigmatized, marginalized, and oppressed.
Consequently, many gay men choose to restrict their social life and their leisure to places
frequented by other gay men. In fact, Nardi (1999) stated, “Participation in the gay
community’s institutions contributes to gay identity achievement, and gay identity leads
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to the creation and maintenance of gay communities which, in an ongoing dialectic,
provide a context for reproducing identity” (pp. 195-196). For many, one of the most
important and prominent social spaces for this gay identity work is in the gay bar.
Even though we know that gay bars are central social institutions for gay male
life, it is important to remember that they are not monolithic sites. Instead, gay bars,
which vary according to the size of the gay community and the geographic location of the
bar, provide different kinds of entertainment and activity and often focus on a specific
clientele. This variation across context creates different gender norms for different gay
bars. Therefore, I approached Saddlebags as a physically organized and socially
constructed space where individuals and groups of individuals engage the site to create a
unique culture.
Early scholars who focused on gay bars as social institutions often failed to
recognize the positive impact or significant potential that gay bars offer the gay
community. In fact, in their study on gay bars, Israelstam and Lambert (1984)
generalized that “gay bars provide a place for homosexuals to meet and drink…and a
hunting ground for sexual encounters” (p. 650). Although I don’t deny that gay bars
contain many of these activities, I think that a larger picture of gay bar culture is
necessary and important for undermining popular stereotypes. Therefore, attempts to
study gay bars must describe the bar in accordance with the practices of the people who
use the space in order to understand the multiplicity of meanings and unique culture of
each bar.
Based on my ethnography of Saddlebags, I postulate that in contrast to the
conclusions of Israelstam and Lambert (1984), gay bars offer a place where patrons can
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find and/or build community. My study reveals that Saddlebags serves as a place where
strangers can easily become friends as they join and depart company. And though some
Saddlebags’ patrons discussed drinking and sexual cruising, it was minimal and certainly
not their main reason for coming to the bar. Instead, the gay men in Saddlebags discussed
their appreciation of Saddlebags as an alternative to the larger, mainstream, gay bar
scene. In addition, they discussed the ways in which they were able overcome the stigma
and stereotypes typically associated with gay men by investing in the culture of the bar.
The men I talked with shared their sense of camaraderie with other bar patrons, loyalty to
the staff, the staff’s commitment to their work, the welcoming feeling, their love of
country-western music, and their love of country-western dancing.
In addition to the patrons’ description of how Saddlebags was personally
important and worthwhile, Saddlebags was considered more that just a gay bar.
Community outreach, charitable donations, free dance lessons, no cover charge, and the
owners’ frequent on-site presence contribute to the patrons’ belief that this bar is familylike and a significant site of community.
Because of the communal aspects found in Saddlebags, many of the gay men use
it as a space from which to explore a non-heterosexual identity. By acknowledging their
association with Saddlebags, most Saddlebags patrons are claiming a non-heterosexual
identity (or at minimum willing to allow others to assume they are not heterosexual).
When gay men socially identify as a “Saddlebags regular,” or even a “Saddlebags
patron,” they are demonstrating how their leisure involvement, tied to a particular place,
allows them establish a social identity (Henderson and Frelke, 2000). Similar to the
findings of Skeggs (1999), my study found that by connecting with the community at
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Saddlebags, gay men were aligning themselves with a non-heterosexual leisure context
and thus socially identifying themselves as gay or gay supportive.
Central to this concept of using space as a place for community is the idea that
“space serves as a basis for a claim from which to mobilize a recognition politics or as a
way of institutionalizing claims for recognition and belonging…using space to make a
claim for political, social and cultural recognition” (Skeggs, 1999, p. 221). Thus, in these
sites of community, people perceive the freedom to (re)construct social identities in a
supportive environment.
Understanding how this leisure community as spaces to form and shape our
gender and sexual identities extends the recent work of Kivel and Kleiber (2000). In their
qualitative study, Kivel and Kleiber found that lesbian/gay young people used leisure to
help them establish a personal identity (core characteristics of the individual), but did not
use their leisure to experiment with or solidify their social identity (how the individuals
see themselves in relation to others). In contrast, my study demonstrates how gay men
use leisure space to create significant sites of community for social identification. These
differences should point future researchers’ attention to how the (re)construction of
personal and social identity in leisure spaces may vary across the life span. As we move
from adolescents to adulthood we experience more freedom, increase our social
networks, are better able to acquire resources, and have greater access to nonheterosexual cultural and social institutions—including bars—that influence and affect
our ability to establish social identities.
My study reveals that gay men who connect to a leisure community like
Saddlebags, or who use migration patterns to travel across the gay bar community, can
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experiment with multiple non-heterosexual identities as they search for safe and
communal leisure away from compulsory heterosexuality. In these environments, gay
men find themselves surrounded by those who share in their non-dominant sexual
orientation, aiding in the creation and affirmation of non-heterosexual identities and
permitting them to experiment with and/or perform multiple masculinities.
However, hegemonic masculinity remains privileged in the culture of Saddlebags.
As Humphries (1985) previously indicated, gay men cannot develop their own images
and ideologies of how they want to be apart from the cultural prescriptions of what a man
is supposed to be. Instead, in Saddlebags we see support for Connell’s (1995) argument
that gay men feel obligated to perform masculinity in ways defined as socially acceptable
to maintain their male privilege. In fact, my data reveal that as gay men become more
culturally invested in the Saddlebags community, they are also more likely to use
traditional masculine representations to understand their own masculinity, like when the
gay men in Saddlebags dressed up in cowboy.
As Oldenburg (1997) argued, spatial communities made up of men tend to
“communicate a clear impression of masculinity….Slipping into a distinctly masculine
style of talking and acting, men call out in one another the accumulated male experiences
of their past…[showing] themselves to be ‘regular guys’ and [having] secured the trust of
their fellow men” (p. 244). Of course, in this quote Oldenburg was speaking of
heterosexual men; however, as evidenced by my analysis, the same seems to be true in
Saddlebags. In Saddlebags gay men not only want to celebrate being gay, but being gay
men.
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What is of concern then is if, and how, a country-western gay bar transmits outdated ideologies around masculinity. Does Saddlebags perpetuate and/or reshape
traditional country-western ideologies such as exchanging women as commodities, white
superiority, the rejection of homosocial bonding, survival of the strong (and aggressive),
and the glorification of violence (Horrocks, 1995)? The next section examines several of
the practices I identified in Saddlebags that both celebrate and challenge ideologies of
hegemonic masculinity.
Practices of Resistance and Reinforcement in Saddlebags
By conceptualizing Saddlebags as leisure space (cf. Aitchison, 1999; Deem,
1986; Henderson & Frelke, 2000; Skeggs, 1999; Wearing, 1998), I was better able to
identify the specific social practices gay men used to actively negotiate their meanings of
masculinity. Gay men in my study were active and creative agents who constructed their
own subject position in relation to the social practices and cultural discourses that existed
in Saddlebags. By examining these social practices and cultural discourses, I was able to
discern how the gay men in Saddlebags engaged in a negotiation process that included
both acquiescence and opposition to heteromasculine ideologies. Interrogating the ways
gay men in Saddlebags simultaneously reinforce and challenge hegemonic masculinity
helps us to better understand how the idealized (hetero)sexual messages connected to
symbolic power, strength, and self worth position gay men; gay men who serve as both
the victims and benefactors of a patriarchal society, which maintains the perceived
superiority of men.
Based on this research, I identified three social practices used by the gay men in
Saddlebags to negotiate the double bind of gay masculinity. Each of these social
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practices includes aspects of resistance and/or reinforcement in relation to heterosexual
masculinity. Those social practices include dancing the two-step, dressing as a cowboy or
regular guy, and socially distancing themselves from women.
One social practice I’ve identified that allows gay men to both resist and reinforce
heteromasculinity is dancing the two-step. Because the two-step is a gender-based
activity, gay men are challenging the rigid gender dance roles that ascribe men as the
leads and women as the follows. In addition, the gay men who two-step together in
Saddlebags also demonstrate an ethic of care toward new dancers and engage in moments
of non-sexual intimacy. These behaviors complicate the notions of heteronormativity,
creating new possibilities as the gay men escape the gender roles of the dance. These new
possibilities arise as gay men negotiate the intersection of gendered and sexual social
messages, allowing gay men to transgress heteronormative gender ideologies as they
bond in homosocial ways and retain their ideals and values around masculinity.
However, it is precisely when we begin our micro-examination of the
transgressive social practice of gay men two-stepping, that we recognize hegemony in
operation—as hegemony shifts to maintain heterosexual dominance. And though I do
argue that gay men are challenging hegemonic masculinity by two-stepping together,
what I find even more compelling is how gay men (re)gender the dance roles via
heterosexualization. This reinforcement of hegemonic masculinity comes in the form of
a heteronormative gender ideology that ascribes gay men into active (masculine) and
passive (feminine) identities.
In the two-step this discourse takes hold as the men begin to categorize each other
as appropriately masculine “tops” (the penetrator in terms of sexual activity) or those
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who follow as less than masculine “bottoms” (the receptors in terms of sexual activity).
The interconnected nature of this heterosexually informed sex-gender-desire matrix and
the individual experiences of gay men in Saddlebags exposes the complexity of the
ideological messages that exist for gay men in our culture. In this case, gay men create
new possibilities for social practice; however, they draw on previous heterosexual
ideologies to make sense of their gendered world. Thus, a new, sex-based gender binary
is created that says gay men must be either “masculine tops” or “feminine bottoms,”
which not only reinforces the masculine/feminine binary but also creates a top/bottom
binary.
However, even though the discourse exists and is transmitted by a number of gay
men in the bar, that doesn’t make it “real” for all of the gay men in the bar. In fact, as we
saw in Chapter Five, many of the gay men vocalized the problems with labeling leads and
follows as tops and bottoms. In fact, in many instances the men resisted those categories
by being able to dance in both dance roles. Regardless, the tensions raised here
demonstrate how compulsory heterosexuality and hegemonic masculinity need an active
maintenance, whereby resistance to compulsory heterosexuality in met by reinforcement
vis-à-vis traditional gender ideologies (c.f. Rich, 1993). And though many of the gay
men in Saddlebags are able to discard the binary that equates dance roles with sexual
preferences, they cannot totally escape it. Thus, the tensions reveal how masculine power
is balanced by difference whereby masculine is valued over feminine, even for gay men
in Saddlebags.
Another social practice utilized by Saddlebags patrons to negotiate masculinity is
the performative act of dress. Issues of dress in Saddlebags can be understood from two
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differing perspectives. Drawing from Butler (1991), we might assume that the gay men
in Saddlebags are always “performing drag,” replicating inauthentic images based on
inauthentic images essentialized as “the natural one.” Thus, dressing as a “regular guy” or
a “cowboy” would be a transgressive practice that parodied assumed social norms. This
parody elucidates how many gender-based appearances are usually afforded a
heterosexual assumption even when non-heterosexuals can also achieve those genderbased appearances.
On the other hand, an alternative interpretation is that when gay men dress as
“regular guys” and/or in “cowboy drag,” they are also (re)creating heteromasculine
images that influence both the kinds of men they want to “be” at a given moment, and the
kinds of men they want to attract in Saddlebags. In dressing this way these gay men are
ascribing to a heterosexual masculine image, and thus hegemonic masculinity.
Regardless of which explanation is correct (and perhaps they both are), the gay
men in Saddlebags are actively participating in the creation and stylizing of hegemonic
masculine styles that have serious consequences for the gay community and society. In
fact, Bordo (1999) suggested that the (re)discovery and social consumption of the male
body and its appearance, reactivated by gay men, has idealized a male beauty (and
perhaps narcissism) that can only be achieved through consumerism and
commodification. She wrote,
Images of masculinity that will do double (or triple or quadruple) duty with a
variety of consumers, straight and gay, male and female, are not difficult to create
in a culture like ours…. A recent Abercrombie & Fitch ad, for example, depicts a
locker room full of young, half-clothed football players…beautiful, undressed
male bodies doing what real men are ‘supposed to do.’ (181-183)
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Moreover, the appearance of masculinity is what gay men are supposed to do in
Saddlebags.
The last practice I identified as having a major impact on the negotiation of gay
men’s masculinity seems to also foster and perpetuate the ideologies of hegemonic
masculinity. Gay men’s practice of Othering lesbians on Lesbian Night was perhaps the
most subversive and most disturbing social practice I witnessed during my time in
Saddlebags. Situated in the context of power relations, Othering is when a binary is
created to distinguish between insiders and outsiders in order to achieve and maintain, in
this case, male power. de Beauvoir (1952) developed the concept of Othering as she
focused on the binary between man and woman, demonstrating that the Other represents
some kind of a threat or danger to the Subject.
In Saddlebags women represent that threat or danger. Some gay men might argue
that by distancing themselves from women in Saddlebags, they are challenging the notion
of heterosexuality and the idea that a man should be connected to a woman. Many of the
men who would make this argument might avoid Saddlebags on Lesbian Night.
However, what is happening in Saddlebags on Lesbian Night is much more than social
distancing; it is active Othering of lesbians. The men involved in Othering are engaging
in sexual harassment in an effort to protect and maintain Saddlebags as a gay maledominated place. The examples of Othering identified in this study exemplify Wittig’s
(1993) argument that women who assert personal/political independence will be labeled a
dyke and/or Othered. By Othering lesbians in Saddlebags the gay men minimize the
shared commonalties of a non-heterosexual identity, and instead assert their male power
and privilege to keep public leisure spaces, like Saddlebags, under the control of men—
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regardless of their sexual identity. Similar to the findings of Kimmel (1999), in his study
of gender segregated military schools; it appears that in male dominated spaces, the
exclusion of women is necessary for men to maintain confidence around their
masculinity.
Gay Men Who Aren’t So Queer: Creating a “Normal” Heteronormative Masculine Gay
Identity
Foucault’s (1983) notions of power relations help us explore the dynamics
between control, knowledge, and regulation to see how social life is full of possibilities
for both resistance and reinforcement. My study of Saddlebags demonstrates this
dynamic as sexual and gendered identities are performed within a variety of competing
discourses. Gay men who live, work, and play in everyday locations are disciplined by
heteromasculine discourses; partly as a result they create alternative leisure spaces, like
Saddlebags, where they can celebrate their non-heterosexual identity. Because so many
gay bars emphasize difference, gay male identity in most gay bars is demarcated,
solidified, and essentialized as different from the norm. However, the men of Saddlebags
seemed to be looking for something more “normal,” where the meanings about what it
means to be gay and male, is contextually tied to specific heterogendered ideologies.
The gay men of Saddlebags, in an effort to create a more “normal” community,
(re)create heterosexual practices of dancing, dress, and Othering of women. Inevitably,
after gay men begin to culturally invest in Saddlebags, what was once “queer” or nonnormative about being gay and/or country-western becomes normalized in the space.
As gay men celebrate their more “heterosexual” masculine identity in Saddlebags,
they reinforce the heterosexual/homosexual, gay/straight binary and continue to distance
themselves from heterosexuals and women. Ultimately, then, this culture might also
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become restrictive in relation to exploring, creating, and expressing a gender identity that
is not aligned with those traditional binaries. It seems reasonable then that Saddlebags
might come with “another set of constraints, [and] another world of conformity that must
be resisted” (Nardi, 1999, p. 169).
On the other hand, gay men use Saddlebags as a middle ground where they create
and access a “heteronormative gay masculinity” away from the stereotypical effeminate
practices that exist in mainstream gay culture and/or the hypermasculine practices labeled
as deviant in gay counter-cultures. Although the consequences for navigating this middle
ground remain to be seen, my research reveals that Saddlebags does allow a space for
exploring new and different masculine subjectivities, which is what Connell (1995)
indicated would transform the oppressive nature of hegemonic masculinity. Nevertheless,
I fear the movement away from heteromasculine ideologies in Saddlebags is not enough
to truly be transgressive.
Getting Politically Mobile:
Implications for Leisure Research and Social Change2
Scrutinize not only the truth of what we speak, but also the truth of that language
by which we speak it. For others, it is to share and spread also those words that
are meaningful to us. But primarily for us all, it is necessary to teach by living and
speaking those truths, which we believe and know beyond understanding.
Because in this way alone we can survive, by taking part in a process of life that is
creative and continuing, that is growth…. The fact that we are here and that I
speak these words is an attempt to break that silence and bridge some of those
differences between us, for it is not difference which immobilized us, but silence.
(Audre Lorde, 1984, p. 44)
Early in this manuscript I posed the question: Why struggle for liberation in the
context of a dissertation? In the beginning, the argument for ending the marginalization,
2
Many of my ideas in this section were influenced and encouraged by the collective
thinking and writing that went into a paper by: Grace, Hill, Johnson, Lewis (2001), titled
In other words: Queer voices/Dissident subjectivities impelling social change.
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discrimination, and violence enacted toward sexual minorities in leisure seemed to be
enough to rationalize a need for the study. However, the complex tensions raised in
Saddlebags have changed how I think about emancipation for sexual minorities (and
sexual majorities for that matter). Not that I don’t believe we can strive for equality and
first-class citizenship rights for sexual minorities through institutional policies and/or the
effective training of “leisure service professionals.” However, considering the tensions
located in my conclusions, I am more likely to believe that the mainstreaming of gay and
lesbian culture has yielded a better cultural and political life for gay men and lesbians, but
that those improvements are merely shifts in discourse that are in fact nothing more than
a “virtual equality” (Vaid, 1995).
In order to escape the confining and oppressive structures of gender and sexuality
our research needs to be driven by an intellectual and political mobility that encourages
more equitable social change in the communities where we live. I see this intellectual
and political mobility entering into leisure studies, and leisure in general, through
conceptualizations inspired by Queer (cf. Dilley, 1999; Gamson, 2000; Jagose, 1996;
Talburt, 2000). The concept of Queer helps us explore and interrogate the discourses
where, in contexts like Saddlebags, we see gender and sexuality being simultaneously
produced in, and most importantly produced by, our leisure.
Queer, previously used as a marker for that which was considered abnormal, was
reclaimed by activists and academics in the late 1980’s for the express purpose of
political mobility and social change. In its most simplistic form, queer offers a new way
to think about the production of culture and what difference difference makes. Queer
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presents an opportunity to complicate the unquestioned understandings and intersections
of the sex-gender-sexuality-desire matrix.
As a form of identity (Queer), a system of thinking (queer theory), and a means of
action (queering), queer subverts the privilege, entitlement, and status obtained through
heterosexuality, and questions how heternormative behaviors enacted by both
heterosexuals and homosexuals function to maintain heterosexuality’s dominance. Queer
moves us beyond the limits of difference offered by sexual orientation (straight, gay,
lesbian, etc.), and instead interrogates sexual orientation’s existence. Queer does this in
an attempt to become more transgressive and socially transformative, forcing us to
consider the social responsibility we have to ourselves, to those who came before us, and
to those who will come after us (Grace, Hill, Johnson, Lewis, 2001).
Queering Leisure
I haven’t always been convinced that queer theory would be useful for the study
of leisure. Now, at the end of my study, amidst the tensions raised around how gay men
actively reinforce masculine and heterosexual ideologies, I can see how Queer could
extend our scholarship and help us create opportunities that are more equitable in leisure.
Queer can move us beyond previous work on gay men and lesbians in the leisure
studies literature. That work has been somewhat effective at demonstrating how
society’s heterosexist values are created, enacted, and reinforced in leisure and the ways
in which leisure is used by gay men and lesbians to resist heterosexist values. Yet, many
of these studies use a social psychological approach that focuses almost entirely on the
individual. Consequently, the conclusions of these studies are limited in their ability to
challenge the heterosexual/homosexual binary as it applies to gender identity
development, and they offer little insight into the cultural forces and structural
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inequalities that create and reproduce heteronormativity and hegemonic gender
ideologies in and through the cultural contexts of leisure.
This study of Saddlebags, contributes to the literature by providing one example
of how leisure contexts, such as the gay bar, contribute to reshaping hegemonic social
practices that keep people from escaping the inextricably linked binaries of
heterosexual/homosexual or masculine/feminine. I believe our efforts to expand this
important scholarship can be galvanized further through the conceptualizations of queer
theory and in(queery) into other leisure contexts.
As the findings around Saddlebags indicate, if we are to transform the
oppressive/marginalizing structures of our society we need strategies to subvert the
privilege and entitlement earned through heterosexuality and masculinity, and to question
how heternormative behaviors enacted by both heterosexuals and homosexuals function
to maintain heterosexuality’s dominance. Queer in theory and action can increase our
understandings of leisure as shifting, tentative, ambiguous, and uncertain sites. Queering
leisure can move people beyond the limits of difference offered by sexual orientation
(straight, gay, lesbian, etc.) in leisure and instead direct scholars and informed citizens to
interrogate the purposes of leisure’s existence in an attempt to demonstrate how we might
become more transgressive and socially transformative.
In conjunction with Foucault's (1983) conceptualizations of power relations in
social contexts, leisure studies scholars might use queer theory to extend our examination
of leisure constraints to explore how power relations reflect issues of negotiation (control
and evading control) in our leisure. Leisure scholars could ask how lesbian, gay, bisexual,
and transgendered people are policed in their leisure, especially when the space is
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constructed in and among heterogendered discourses. Leisure scholars need to ask, when
and how are people Othered in leisure? How does leisure serve a “disciplinary space”
(Foucault, 1983)? How do participants navigate the terrain of meanings associated with
appropriate behaviors around gender and sexuality? How can we recreate leisure spaces
so that they aren’t disciplining but instead foster a celebration around difference?
Using queer theory in leisure research might also allow researchers more mobility
for moving into, out of, and among multiple identities in order to understand leisure’s
complexities. Queer theory encourages researchers to combine diverse subjectivities
with multiple theoretical utilities, studying phenomenon such as leisure in ways that
challenge normative discursive ideologies and arouse political activism in an effort to
eliminate injustice and create social change. A social change that can be galvanized
through the research efforts of leisure studies scholars.
Another important implication derived from my study, is the need for us to extend
beyond the scope of looking at leisure from a Queer theoretical perspective, but also how
we might “be queer” in our leisure. Being queer in our leisure— by either heterosexuals
or non-heterosexual—provides an opportunity to consciously and actively disrupt the
legitimacy of heterogendered power. Pushing boundaries often illuminates who has the
power, why they have the power, and how they keep the power.
Being queer in our leisure would mean we intervene and disrupt dominant
systems of power, creating social change that (re)shapes leisure in a more equitable
fashion, a fashion that considers the dissident voices and multiple subjectivities that exist
in leisure. Queering our leisure will cut paths across leisure spaces, practices, and
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products to make a difference in the leisure communities for both the Queer and notQueer, opening up possibilities for creative ways of being.
Queering leisure identifies and scrutinizes those practices and policies that need to
change in order to make leisure equitable and safe for individuals and groups of
individuals across race, class, ability, gender, and sexual orientation. This allows us to
“generate new knowledge,…reform ‘common sense’ and inform critically public
policies, existent social movements, and daily community life” (Fine, 2000, p. 124).
Queer allows us to act in ways that do more than create a “virtual equality," but that
creates an equality that resonates in us through a celebration of our difference.
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EPILOGUE
“A BETTER MAN”:
REFLECTING ON THE RESEARCHER SELF
I know I’m leavin’ here a better man, For knowin’ you this way. Things I couldn’t do
before now I think I can, And I’m leavin’ here a better man.—Clint Black
Beginning Again at the End
I began this project at the beginning, trying to tell you a little bit about who I was
and how it was I came to this project. Along the way I’ve learned things about myself,
but I have also learned that research for social justice is fraught with complicated
tensions. This epilogue comes at the end of a long journey; it is a journey that is far from
over. I see my ethnography of Saddlebags as a stepping stone to the work that lies ahead
for me, leading me down worn paths and permitting me to blaze new trails. Though I
realize that for some people this is merely “a dissertation submitted to the graduate
faculty at The University of Georgia...” anyone who has read this far knows it is also
about doing research that matters.
You see, during my doctoral coursework I became comfortable in “the literature,”
reaping the rewards that accompany a command of the well-intentioned feminist
theoretical wand. I could conjure evidence to support how women face inequality in our
world, the problems with men and masculinities, and also how lesbians and gay men
suffer as victims of homophobia and heterosexism. I could cite prominent scholars and
political activists including bell hooks, Audre Lorde, Robert Connell, Judith Butler, and
Donna Harraway, Urvashi Vaid, Henry Abelove. What I couldn’t know then, however, is
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what I know now: macro theory that is discussed from a seminar table in cushy classroom
is not enough. I now understand the necessity of field research that explores the
intersections of gender and sexual identity—removed from the comforts of our
classrooms and the confines of our computers. My opportunity to engage with these
theories in the “real world” came during my time in Saddlebags, where I experienced the
reward, fear, frustrations, epiphanies, mistakes, and ethical dilemmas of an ethnographer
doing ethnography. In the process I have forged friendships and became part of an
important community; I have become a better writer and subsequently a better researcher;
and most importantly I have learned to be a better man, a man more cognizant and critical
of my privilege as a man. The points that follow are my efforts to begin again—here at
the end.
Hard to Stay Away and Hard to Go Back
One thing that I have learned in my graduate studies is that a dissertation is as
much a process as it is a product. Accumulated experience, interaction with others, large
decisions, small choices, bureaucratic limitations, financial means, faculty support,
personal passion, current interests, significant relationships, and individual discipline all
impact and influence the direction and quality of our work. I consider myself lucky, not
only to have come this far in my academic career, but more importantly to have had the
opportunity to study Saddlebags.
My selection of Saddlebags was no accident; I consciously selected it for a
variety of reasons. What I didn’t consider, however, was the impact the people I met in
the bar would have on my feelings, perceptions, and actions. My connections to these
individuals have made it particularly hard as I move on. Since my data collection ended
in December 2001, I have frequently experienced Saddlebags-withdrawal. There is
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something to be said about the comfort of familiarity. For me, Saddlebags became
familiar and I grew to care about the people and the bar as an institution. Even now, six
months after my data collection ended, I want to know information about these men’s
everyday lives. And, the truth is that I can’t stay away. I miss these men and I know they
miss me. But I also know that all good things come to an end, and I have spent some
time grieving for the loss of community I am currently experiencing.
So do I have to stay away? No. But I find it difficult, post-dissertation, to enjoy
my time in Saddlebags—making it hard to go back. And despite the difficulties I find in
returning to Saddlebags, my relationship with the regulars of Saddlebags will continue
beyond the scope of this project. I have created and will maintain friendships with both
the men and women who now extend into my personal life. In fact, a few of the regulars
have been parking their cars at my house and stopping by to chat and/or use the bathroom
on their way to and from the bar. Some of the other participants remain interested in the
research, and my progress, and correspond through e-mail or call to chat on the
telephone. These tensions between my research and my personal life certainly make it
hard to stay away, and hard to go back.
Uncovering New Passions: Becoming a Better Writer and Researcher
I remember the appeal of ethnography when, during my participant observation
class, I learned I could study a site and the people in that site simultaneously. Since then
my interest in ethnography (and other qualitative methodologies) has grown
exponentially. No longer am I satisfied with interesting theories and/or useful findings.
Instead, I want to know how the theory and methodology were balanced in research, and
I want to see it come through in scholars’ writing.
239
It’s funny to reflect back now and think that I almost resisted using ethnography
as a methodology because it required me to do so much writing. I never really liked to
write, mostly because I didn’t feel very good at it. But this project has inspired me to
write and to become a better writer. In fact, I’ve learned that writing is what makes good
ethnographers good. Good ethnographers must be writing all the time in order to develop
their thinking and to interrogate their understandings of the culture. Now more than ever,
I love to write because it gives me the opportunity to conceptualize and communicate my
ideas, experiences, emotions and multiple subjective positions. Consequently, my
ethnographic writing has resulted in a multitude of successes and failures, with loads of
drafts taking up the memory of my dilapidated computer—drafts that were necessary in
the transformation of data, drafts written to learn about those under investigation, and
drafts that reveal what I have learned about research and about myself. Now don’t get
me wrong, I don’t always love to write, but when I find my voice and my inspiration, I
believe my writing takes me where I haven’t been before.
However, an irresolvable tension lies within writing ethnography. Writing puts us
at risk. By self-consciously and reflexively stating assumptions and structural positions,
researchers create the reflexive knowledge necessary to offer deeper insights into the
social world while substantiating how that knowledge emerged. In their writing,
ethnographers are encouraged to openly discuss the relationship between their identity
and the political and intellectual work that elucidates the struggles, mistakes, and
contradictions. But when I write I have learned to ask myself: What are the consequences
of sharing so much around our personal subjectivities? I wonder what more I could have
told you, if it weren’t for the political consequences.
240
I know I am not alone in these struggles. hooks (1984) said she also recognizes
the risks we encounter when our multiple subjective voices must confront how we are
silenced. She indicated that there is a profound pressure to silence the voices of the nondominant, co-opting and undermining them. For hooks, the space of radical openness
and liberation lies in speaking from a margin—a profound edge. She argues that while
locating oneself at the margin may be very difficult, it is necessary to leave safety and
take a risk. But I am no bell hooks, and as a result I have learned sometimes the risks are
just too great. Therein lies the tension, how much do you risk? In this work I have found
an appropriate balance, speaking from the edge but gripping tight to not be swept over.
And maybe each time I write I will be better equipped to assert more agency and take a
bigger chance.
Leavin’ Here a Better Man
In her recent essay on evaluating ethnography, Laurel Richardson (2000) wrote
that the ethnographic life is not separable from the subjective self. She believed who we
are, what we can be, what we can study, and how we write about that which we study
needs to be done as ethical subjects who constantly check their motives and actions. I
have tried to be that ethical subject. It was rarely easy, especially in terms of what it
means and what I learned about being a man and a feminist.
I now know that there are moments of social justice to be found in our mistakes, if
we have the necessary tools to look inside ourselves and be critical. I now know that
feminism requires incessant questioning of my own male privilege, and it also requires
having feminist peers evaluate or even collaborate in my work. Though it hasn’t always
241
been a pleasant process, enacting my feminist subjectivity required that I keep my male
power and privilege under close scrutiny. It wasn’t always clear, but it was imperative.
As a result of this scrutiny, there were several instances where I caught myself
protecting “my gay male space” in Saddlebags. Several women pointed to my unwitting
participation in the Othering of lesbians, which made me examine my own unconscious
misogyny. However, my recognition and interrogation of these anti-feminist feelings,
attitudes, and behaviors provided starting points for exploring how my experiences were
similar to the anti-feminist actions of others. Therefore, I recognize that while my
participation in the emancipation and liberation is critical, I also see how easily my own
behaviors can extend and reinforce those dominant discourses of power.
Nonetheless, here at the end, I appreciate the ways this study has helped me grow.
Only by embracing and participating in feminism will men, like myself, truly be able to
undermine and change the ever-emerging signs of our own gender privilege—allowing
me to leave here a bit of a better man.
242
APPENDIX A
RESEARCH TIME LOG
243
244
APPPENDIX B
SITE MAP
245
246
APPENDIX C
INTERVIEW GUIDE
247
INTERVIEW GUIDE
RESEARCH QUESTIONS
1) How does this gay bar (Saddlebags), serve as a leisure context for its gay male
patrons?
2) How do gay men in this gay bar negotiate hegemonic and anti-hegemonic
gendered practices?
3) What structures exist to facilitate and/or prohibit gendered practices by gay
men in this gay bar?
INTERVIEW GUIDE QUESTIONS
Demographic Information
Tell me a little about yourself? How would you describe yourself to someone whom you
have never met?
• Age
• Relationship Status/History
• Race
• Self-Identified Economic Status
• Family
• Occupation
• Geographic Location
• Hobbies/Interests
• Geographic Origination
Participant’s Relationship to Saddlebags
Tell me about the bar Saddlebags. How would you describe it to someone who has never
been there?
How often do you patronize Saddlebags? When did you first begin patronizing
Saddlebags?
Where were you in the “coming out” process? Does Saddlebags impact that process?
How often did you come to Saddlebags?
Has your understanding of what it means to be a “gay man” changed since you’ve been
patronizing Saddlebags? How? Why?
How often do you come to Saddlebags now? Why (the increase or decrease)?
What were your initial impressions of Saddlebags? Have those impressions changed?
Has the bar changed?
What are the benefits of having a bar like Saddlebags in Atlanta? What are the drawbacks
of having a bar like Saddlebags in Atlanta? How does Saddlebags serve the gay
community?
248
Do you go to other bars in the area? How is Saddlebags the same as other bars? How is
Saddlebags different from other bars?
Who do you go to Saddlebags with? Do you have friends exclusive to Saddlebags? How
are they similar or different from your friends who are not exclusive to Saddlebags?
Do you find yourself attracted to the men in Saddlebags? Are the men in Saddlebags the
type of men you want to date? Have a relationship with? Have sex with?
Have there been times in Saddlebags when you haven’t felt like you fit in? What were the
circumstances?
Do you two-step? Line-dance? Or swing-dance at Saddlebags? How important is the
dancing in Saddlebags? How do you know if people can dance? Will you dance with
anybody who asks? Why or why not?
How did you learn to dance? Did you ever attend dance lessons at Saddlebags?
How do you know what dance is being danced and what your role in the dance is?
How important is the music at Saddlebags? Do you listen to that music outside the bar?
Why or why not?
Do you drink when patronizing Saddlebags? How much? Is it more or less than when
attending other bars? Why?
What do you know about the drug use in Saddlebags? Do you believe it is more or less
than in other bars? Why?
Have you been to other country-western gay bars? Are they similar to or different from
Saddlebags?
Do you feel more people (gay and straight) should be made aware of places like
Saddlebags? Why or why not?
What are your most memorable experiences in Saddlebags?
How would you feel if Saddlebags closed its doors tomorrow?
What comments or other things should I know that we have not yet addressed in this
interview?
249
APPENDIX D
PARTICIPANT CONSENT FORM
250
Participant Consent Form
By giving my consent I am agreeing to participate in the research study titled Negotiating
Masculinity in a Country-Western Gay Bar, which is being conducted by Corey W.
Johnson, Department of Recreation and Leisure Studies, University of Georgia, (706)
542-6551. I understand that my participation is entirely voluntary and that I may
withdraw my consent at any time without penalty. Upon my withdraw the results of my
participation, to the extent that it can be identified as mine, will be returned to me,
removed from the research records, or destroyed.
The following points have been explained to me:
1. The purpose of this research is to explore how some gay men understand gender and
sexuality in a country-western gay bar. The potential benefits that may be expected
from this research are (1) an increased understanding of how the everyday practices
of gay men in their leisure may reinforce or resist domination, encourage oppression,
and create marginalization, (2) an identification of the social systems that not only
keep homosexuals from liberation and equal participation in our society but also limit
the human possibilities for men in their lives, (3) the opportunity to collaborate in the
research process and to self-reflect on my own knowledge, actions, and attitudes.
2. The researcher and I have agreed on a time and place that is convenient and
comfortable for an interview lasting approximately one to two hours. The inteview
questions will be questions like the following: Tell me about Saddlebags. How would
you describe it to someone who has never been there? Do you ever go to other gay
bars or non-gay bars? How do you feel when you are there? In addition, the
investigator may also contact me during the course of the study to clarify certain
issues or to request additional interviews.
3. No discomforts or stresses are predicted as a result of this study.
4. The possibility of “outing” is the only risk that has been identified with this study, and
that risk has been minimized through the promise of confidentiality.
5. The results of participation in theis study will be confidential and will not be released
in any individually identifiable form without my prior consent, unless as required by
law. My (the participant) name and any details that might identifiy me will be
changed in written reports in order to protect my confidentiality. In addition, the
audio-recorded materials will be destroyed upon completion of the study, or no later
than January 1, 2010.
The investigator will answer any further questions regarding this research, now or during
the course of the project and can be reached at (706) 542-6551 (office) or (404) 892-8228
(home).
You may keep a copy of this form for your records.
Research at the University of Georgia, which involves human participants, is
overseen by the Institutional Review Board. Questions or problems regarding your
rights as a participant should be addressed to Dr. Chris Joseph Ph.D.; Institutional
Review Board; Office of V.P. for Research; The University of Georgia; 606A
Graduate Studies Research Center; Athens, Georgia 30602-7411; Telephone (706)
542-6514.
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APPENDIX E
ANALYTIC LIST
252
253
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