creating a healthy marriage

CREATING A HEALTHY MARRIAGE
Presented by Military & Family Life Counselors
OBJECTIVES
• Discuss the myths of marriage
• Examine the stages of marriage
• Understand the behaviors that lead to and intensify
marital conflict
• Learn the keys to creating and maintaining a healthy
marriage
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MARRIAGE MYTHS
What are some common myths about marriage?
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MARRIAGE MYTHS
A Great Relationship:
• Depends on a great meeting of the minds
• Requires a great romance
• Requires great problem solving
• Requires common interests
• Is always a peaceful one
• Lets you vent all of your feelings
• Has nothing to do with sex
• Cannot survive a flawed partner
• Requires you to do things the “right way”
• Requires you to straighten your partner out
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STAGES OF MARRIAGE
• Romantic Love
• Disillusionment/the
Power Struggle
• Cooperation
• Acceptance
• Transformation
Reference: Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendricks
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BEHAVIORS THAT INTENSIFY CONFLICT
• What are some of the behaviors we engage in
that cause or intensify conflict in our marriages?
• What are some of the behaviors we engage in
that can help reduce conflict?
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BEHAVIORS THAT INTENSIFY CONFLICT
• Criticism
• Contempt
• Defensiveness
• Stonewalling
• Flooding
Reference: Gottman & Silver, The 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work
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DEALING WITH DIFFERENCES & CONFLICT
• Set boundaries
• Clearly communicate your needs
• Learn the art of negotiation
• Identify and own your feelings
• Check out your assumptions
• Consider your spouse’s point of view
• Create win-win solutions
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PRINCIPLES FOR CREATING A HEALTHY MARRIAGE
• Have a solid friendship
• Know your spouse
• Strive for emotional intimacy
• Make time to be together
• Let your partner influence you
• Solve the solvable issues
• Create shared meaning
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TOOLS FOR MAINTAINING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
• Active listening
• Nonverbal communication
• Own your messages
• Keep anger contained
• Remember to have fun
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LOVE…
… is the triumph of imagination over
intelligence.
- H.L. Mencken
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QUESTIONS?
RESOURCES
• Military Community Services
• Chaplain and Local Clergy
• Military OneSource (800) 342-9647
• TRICARE www.Tricare.mil
• Behavioral Health Services
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REFERENCES
Internet
• www.familydigest.com
• www.relationshipjourney.com
Books
• Barnett, Doyle. 20 Communication Tips for Couples: A 30-Minute
Guide to a Better Relationship. New World Library.
• Gottman, John M & Silver, Nan. The Seven Principles for Making
Marriage Work. Three Rivers Press.
• Hendrix, Harville. Getting the Love You Want. Owl Books.
• Stone, Douglas, Patton, Bruce, Heen, Sheila, & Fisher, Roger.
Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most.
Penguin, USA.
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THANK YOU