Is it Romance or Fauxmance

Are
YOU
being
Stalked?
Is it
Romance
or
Fauxmance
find out, see Page 10
Find out on Page 2
Teacher
Celebrity
Crushes
for the scoop, see Page 9
2
Photobombing: the newest epidemic
By Tommy Dougherty
Enquirer Staff Writer
With the dawn of new
technology, taking pictures
of your friends has become
a common trend. However, when the
cameras are flashing, there
is always someone jumping
in behind the people posing.
This epidemic, called photo
bombing, has spread across
the globe and especially at
Folsom High. The Enquirer
has been able to document
some of these photo bombers.
Meet the
staff!
Editor-in-Chief
Sara Alvarez
News Editor
Nicole Detmers
Amusement Editor
Shelby Merek
Sports Editor
Emily Hooper
Advertising Managers
Daphne Andrews
Jocelyn Padilla
Writers
Noah Barbieri
Kohl Bryant
Juan Salgado
Schyler Church
Alex Crespo
Billy Duggan
Tommy Dougherty
Olivia Engellenner
Kira Garvey
Natalia Kacevas
Brieanna Kirkus
Brandon Martin
Kimmie Muir
Alexandra Paradis
Nicole Pieters
Dallin Pulsipher
Rebecca Wright
Stephanie Miller
Rhys O’Hagan
Madison Slaughter
Photography
Manager
Namkha Nguyen
Newspaper Advisor
Jean Cavanaugh
page by: Tommy Dougherty & Noah Barbieri
That Grinds My Gears
By Noah Barbieri
enquirer staff writer
Girls that wear Ugg boots with skirts. WHAT ARE YOU
THINKING!!! Do you know how stupid that looks? you
might as well tattoo“ I have no fashion sense,” on your
forehead.
Guys that wear mulitple long Vans socks. Please stop. Long
socks went out of style in the 80’s. Plus one pair of socks
will work for the day, not 10 socks on top of each other.
Bragging about your bad grades. Stop, It doesn’t make you
look or sound cool. It makes everyone in the room think you
are a complete and utter idiot.
Wearing giant Beats by Dre headphones around your neck.
It doesn’t make you look like a DJ or a gangster. It makes you
look like a tool. Also, we don’t want to listen to your bad music
because your I-Pod music level is at 125%.
Cruising in your car with your bro. you get to a stop sign. There is
a guy that you beat to the line first. Being nice you signal them to
go. But what do they do? They signal you to go. Ok, idiot. I will go
because I’m not getting in a five minute battle of signaling.
The yellow traffic light. Who would invent such a usless thing. It’s
not like anyone slows down, all they do is speed through it.
Bro-ology 101: Broisoraus Rex
Billy Duggan
Enquirer Staff writer
by
Bro tank top
The wild Broisoraus Rex, the most bro creature
on the face of the planet. Well known for their
sports playing and heartbreaking. They are the
epitome of masculinity and testosterone. Always
ready to show off for a crowd, or just about any-
3
one, they love the limelight. Ever want to know
the six main signs of a Broisoraus? They are
shown below, along with a Broisoraus to demonstrate.
A universal sign to
all nearby bros that
he is one of them and
needs to tan and show
off his muscles.
“Come at me bro”
The slogan of bros
everywhere. If the
wild “Bro”isouris is
losing an argument,
or mad at someone,
he will simply resort
to yelling this repeatedly and spreading
his arms to make him
seem larger.
Basketball shorts
You always got to be
ready to ball, bro.
The Vans and high socks
“Way too tight”shirt
Generally a solid
color. Keeps the Bro’s
style fresh by not
always wearing a
tank top.
page by: Billy Duggan
For some bros one sock just isn’t
enough to show his love. He will add
a second, shorter, different colored
sock to go with his Vans. That way,
everyone will know how cool he
looks and it makes your calves look
great.
Protein shaker
also known as “bro”tein shake.
Casually lets the whole school
know the bro goes to the gym,
and he doesn’t just play basketball when he’s there. He
picks up heavy things, and he
needs the protein to get
shredded.
4
Like, OMG, what’s with the drama???
Olivia Engellenner
Enquierer Staff Writer
by
So, like, today was like the worst day ever! I had
so much drama to deal with, it was, like, so ridiculous.
To start off the day, I went into the kitchen to
find my usual breakfast: low fat yogurt. So I, like,
opened up the refrigerator door to find it totally
empty, so I, like, couldn’t eat any breakfast. I mean,
like, really. What am I supposed to eat? Everything
else in my house has, like, an absurd amount of calories, and I DO NOT want my size double zero figure
to change at all.
So, like, after my non- breakfast, I went to school.
Once I arrived, I was, like, rudely greeted by my exfriend telling me that I, like, should totally watch my
back because nobody likes her angry, and I was like
oh no you didn’t, and she was like oh yes I did.
After that I, like, totally decided that I was so
done with her, so I just carried on with my day.
Then, at lunch I was, like, supposed to meet my
boyfriend in the cafeteria, and so, like, I was waiting
and all of a sudden, I saw him talking to my exfriend.
I was all like heck no and marched over there, and I
totally decided to teach them a lesson.
When I asked them what the heck was going on
my boyfriend said that they were, like, talking about
their project that they have to, like, work on after
school. I so totally know that when a boy and a girl
“work on a project” after school I know they aren’t
really working on a project, so I told him that I was,
like, totally NOT ok with that and he will have to
find a totally new partner, AND HE SAID NO!!!
I was, like, totally shocked and, like, told him if
he doesn’t find a new partner then it’s over… so he,
like, looked at me and said it’s over. So, like, I just
stomped away and went into the bathroom while I,
like, cried my eyes out just like that! So, like, after
school I, like, went home and laid on my bed and
cried for, like, five hours, because hello… my is life
so over. I had to, like, totally think up an awesome plan
to get him back. Plan A... I find a new date to prom
and, like, totally show him off. Or, like, Plan B... I put
love letters in his backpack everyday to show him
how much I miss him and love him, and he will, like,
totally realize that was he did, was, like, totally stupid
and then will have to, like, totally take me back!
So I, like, totally decided that I should call my
BFF to, like, tell her what went down, and tell her my
Plan A and Plan B and see what she thinks of them!
So, like when I told her about my, like, totally
rude boyfriend she said that I could, like, do way
better. The problem with that, is that my boyfriend
was the hottest guy at Folsom High! If I go out with
anyone less hot I will be, like, totally hated on, and I,
like, totally don’t deserve that!
So, like, when I was in the middle of my conversation my, like, totally rude parents walked in and
started complaining about my D in English, and,
like, totally took away my cell phone, and my laptop.
Like, how am I supposed to change my relationship status on Facebook without my laptop??? Like,
Hello?!
If I don’t change my relationship status then
I won’t be able to flirt with other guys tomorrow
because they will all think that I’m still with my
boyfriend… and if I don’t have a boyfriend who will
be there to call me beautiful every day???? I mean, I,
like, totally know that I’m a hottie but what is the fun
of that if guys aren’t, like, falling at my feet?? EXACTLY… it’s not fun!!
So, like, I decided that I need to release some
stress and so, like, I decided to give myself a facial. I
totally deserved that!
So, I went into my bathroom to get all my supplies, and I like totally realized that I was all out of
my face mask!!!
At that point I was like totally ready to die…
no breakfast, rude friend, lost my boyfriend, D in
English, no laptop, no cell phone, no Facebook, no
flirting, and now worst of all no facial!!! Could this
day, like, get any more worse…?
Olivia Engellenner
is a first year
newspaper student
and a
freshman at
Folsom High.
page by: Olivia Engellenner
The new faD diets
Emily Hooper
Enquirer Sports Editor
by
5
Looking to lose weight? Use these tips for a toned stomach,
clearer skin, and healthier life style.
Instead of:
Why it is better:
Whole grain oatmeal with an all fruit
smoothie.
TRY:
Maple doughnut with sprinkles,
and a glass of whole chocolate
milk.
Instead of:
a When you start your day off
with a full load of sugar, it will
speed up your metabolism making you burn double the calories
throughout the day.
a The extra fat stays stored in
your cells and keeps you warm during winter months.
Why it is better:
a All of the extra cheese will help
to unclog your arteries.
Chicken garden salad and lemon
water.
TRY:
Pepperoni sausage pizza, side
of cheese bread and a soda.
Instead of:
a Grease from the pepperoni is an
energy boost and keeps you awake
and motivated to get things done.
a Soda carbonation clears and
smoothes your skin.
Why it is better:
Grilled tilapia with steamed broccoli
and rice.
TRY:
Fried chicken leg, biscuit with
butter and alfredo sauce pasta
topped with parmesan cheese.
a Butter strengthens your hair
and nails.
a Eating alfredo sauce creates
better eye sight, and can also help
build muscle while you’re inactive.
page by: Emily Hooper
a Eating many carbohydrates
before bed creates a better night’s
sleep!
opserC xelA :yb egap
6
Cresbro is a professionsal
advice giver and is the wisest,
coolest person featured in our
newspaper.
Ask Cresbro:
Hey Cresbro, I have this problem. My
friends all think I’m obsessed with my
girlfriend. I mean, it’s not like I stalk her
or anything. They all think it’s weird that I
by Alex Crespo
have an app just for her specific FaceEnquirer Staff Writer
book page, and I stole her schedule
and copied it and followed her to every
Dear Cresbro, I am a 14 year-old girl who
class, and follow her home to make
attends Folsom High School. I recently
sure she makes it there safe! She’s just so
found a lump on my arm, I was scared.
So, I decided to go to the doctors and see pretty, I can’t leave her alone. But she
what was up with my arm. Turns out there loves me, I know, even though my friends
was a mutant baby growing from my arm. say she has a restraining order being
Cresbro, I really want to ask this guy to
I’m afraid of getting made fun of around filed against me. I know it’s just a rumor
school
with this baby on my arm... Do you because our love is ever so true. How do
senior ball, but I’m afraid he’ll reject me.
think
I
will?
What should I do? PS; it talks... I get my friends to understand?
I was thinking something small and cute
-hopelesslydevoted
-Littlelumpyarm
like lighting ‘senior ball’ on fire on his hood
of his car; or spelling ‘SB’ in pig’s blood on
Dear Littlelumpyarm, I can’t ever imagine Dear hopelesslydevoted, the only way to
his doorstep. What do you think he’ll say?
someone even slightly noticing a giant,
really get them to understand your com-cutelycreative
talking mutant growing from your small 14 pletely sane and absolutely normal love
year-old body! Don’t be scared, there’s
for this lucky girl is to start treating them
Dear cutelycreative, I think your ideas are no possible way this growing creature
how you treat her! Follow them around,
adorable! Of course he’ll say yes. Who
could ever be negative for you in anyway.
stalk them at their home, obsessively
Getting this was a blessing and you will
could turn down the cutest crimes on
refresh their Facebook page and even
definitely become popular, after this. Now,
their property like arson and vandalism?
send them anonymous love letters! This
you can obtain your lifelong dream of joinNo one, that’s who! He’d be crazy not to
ing the circus that I know you’ve probably will really get them to appreciate how
go with you to Senior Ball. You sound like
much of a devoted person you are and
always wanted! Good luck!
you’ll have a great time. You should do
everyone will want to be your friend!
both of your ideas for added awesome
factor, have fun!
10 Ways to get a guy attracted to you
1. Dress to impress.
Don’t think twice about putting on that
revealing top.
2. Be confident with
who you are.
my
3. Talk to him.
Tell him your life story because he “really”
wants to hear.
4. Flirt with him.
Flirt by telling him how many cats you
would like to have.
5. Talk about his ex
constantly.
Make sure he knows how horrible of a person
she was and how much better than her you
are.
6. Make eye contact.
Have a staring contest.
Kimmie Muir
Enquirer Staff Writer
by
7. Laugh at his jokes.
7
When he tells a joke, laugh really
really hard so that you start snorting
and clapping like a seal; guys are
really attracted to that.
8. Make awkward
contact.
The best way to do this is laugh at him
and pat his shoulder
repetitively.
9. Let him know you
are interested.
Forget about boundaries and text
him 24/7 and drive by his house all
night.
10. You do the
asking.
Ask him to dinner, order all of the desserts on the menu and make him pay.
o
tt
an
W
in
jo
?
us
Enroll in
Newspaper
Production
page by: Kimmie Muir
3
01
-2
2
01
r2
fo
I, detective Asay have
gone around under
cover studying
supernatural beings of
Folsom High that
I classify as the
Revengers.
8
By Dallin Pulsipher
Enquirer Staff Writer
Subject 2
Subject 1
Spencer Hales, code
name Lightning
Pirate, has been
sent from a different
dimension in search
of his grandmother’s
blue dragon, only to
find himself
searching for the
‘flying colors’.
Disguised as Colin
Kersey, The Flying
Spaniard uses his
ability of flight
through singing to
take control of the
2012 presidential
election and stop the
impending future
invasion.
Subject 3
Subject 4
After the time
being stolen from
her hometown
Seoul, South Korea,
Puppy Time, a.k.a.
Anna Song travels
from the future to
Folsom by eating a
radioactive sponge
in order to save her
town.
After a terrible
accident in a lab, Jennifer Bullen was turned
into Slothine. She’s
traveled through space
as a bandit turning
dragons into marbles,
but has now come to
Folsom to remove her
curse.
Oh, by the way, I’m one too.
Subject 5
page by: Dallin Pulsipher
Born in the mid-1700’s,
La Lionne Verte (The
Green Lioness), was an
escaped convict accused of stealing time
for her cousin’s dying
daughter, but with her
ability to live forever
now masquerades as
a French teacher at
Folsom High. She helps
others with her ability
of mind reading.
!
e
m
lp
He
Huh?
I’ll save you.
Revengers Unite!
High school celebrity crushes: Teacher edition
Kira Garvey
Everyone who has gone through high school has developed a celebrity crush. Whether the crush is completely norEnquirer Staff Writer mal, or insanely creepy, that is a whole other story. These teachers recall their (completely sane) celebrity crushes
by
9
from when they were in high school.
Elizabeth Gutierrez, Math teacher + JC Chasez
Troy Taylor, PE teacher + Meg Ryan
Mark Hallam, US History teacher + Cheryl Tiegs
Susan Posner, Speech and Debate teacher + Tom Cruise
Eric Wright, Science teacher + Farrah Fawcett
page by: Kira Garvey
Paula Kellogg, English teacher + Warren Beatty
10
What I Meant Was...
translating truthfully what is really being said
Madison Slaughter
Equirer Staff Writer
by
When people talk to each other, sometimes they are not sure as to the meaning behind
the response. Here is some insight into what is really going on behind those words.
“I look fat.”
“I’m fine.”
Obviously, if a girl is saying this, it is never a good
See, girls are just self conscious and
sign. Now if a guy is saying this, he really means it...
have all these skinny models in
magazines, so when they feel down he is totally fine.
about themselves, they say this as
an attempt to fish for compliments.
What did he
Guys say it when they have not
mean by that?
worked out for awhile, and are really
putting on some pudge.
“I’m not jealous.”
“I look so
gross today!”
Here, a girl is,again usually just
fishing for compliments. When
a guy says it, usually he has not
brushed his hair, taken a shower,
and his clothes do not match.
“What’s on your
mind?...Nothing”
A girl saying this means she does
not want to disclose her thoughts. A
guy saying this means he has been
literally thinking about nothing,
and to pry would just be a waste of
time.
HA HA! If a girl tries to say this, do NOT listen
to her. She is immediately jealous when she sees
her boyfriend with another girl and automatically
assumes the worst. Sometimes guys do care, but
more than half the time, if you have not caught
on, he really is NOT jealous
Romance
page by: Schyler Church and Madison Slaughter
Makes their own sandwich...................................Tells you to go in the kitchen and make one They can hang with your friends.............................................Openly disses your closest friends
Shows their affection wherever...................................Only in private will they show they care
Calls you beautiful or handsome..............................................................................Calls you hot
Looks at you all the time...........................................................Looks at their phone all the time
Actually listens and responds.................................................Interrupts and changes the topic
Puts you first........................................................................You feel like your on the back burner
Drives a car..........................................................................They still have a basket on their bike
Invites themselves to family dinners........................Won’t come over to hang with the family
Talks to your friends to get to know you.....................................Dated your friends before you
Responds right away....................................................................................Takes “days” to reply
I am so glad I met you.........................................................................You’re such a good friend
I have missed you......................................................................................It was good to see you
Respects you...............................................................................................................Pressures you
Calls for no reason.............................................................................They won’t return your calls
Does the right things.......................................................................................Says the right things
Makes you a priority.................................................................Cancels on you more than once
Watches something you want.......................................................................Complains nonstop
Laughs even when you’re not funny...........................................Looks at you like you’re crazy
Pauses a videogame to text you back........................................Makes you hold on a minute
Gives you a gift just because.............................................Forgets your birthday or anniversary
Defends you.....................................................................................Lets people make fun of you
Uses your name more often..................................................................Only uses your pet name
They remember things about you...................Always forgets things you’ve told them before
Talks to you in the quad.......................................................Gives you the head nod in passing
Can openly read their texts..............................Turns into a ninja when you reach for their cell
Talks on the phone..................................................................................................Flexts (Flirt-Text)
vs.
Fauxmance
by Schyler Church
Enquirer Staff Writer
Rebecca Wright
Enqiuirer Staff Writer
by
What you don’t know about me...
Some of our FHS staff would like to share some interesting facts about themselves that nobody would ever suspect.
Blaine White, Counselor:
“I used to be a secret shopper for
Taco Bell and starred in a commercial for Rico’s pizza.”
Barbara Brydon, Science Teacher: “I hiked to the top of Mount Whitney
and back in one day.”
David Werra, English and History Teacher: “I have a
very sensitive side, and I used
to play frisbee and hacky sack Sherri Graston, Administrative
Assistant: “I’m the baby out of six
children in my family, and I learned
how to ride a mini bike at age five.”
in college.”
Nicole Thompson, History Teacher:
“I’m addicted to PINTEREST. I love to pin
recipes, fashion, and fun ideas.”
Melinda Malispino, English Teacher:
“I got married to my Junior Prom date.”
‘
Kohl Bryant
Enquirer Staff Writer
Bulldog Enquirer: Do
you carry a wallet?
Mike Wall: “Absolutely!”
BE: Is your favorite
animal the walrus?
MW: “I like the walrus”
BE: Do you have
wallpaper?
MW: “I do not have
wallpaper.”
BE: Do you know the
waltz?
MW: “I do know the
waltz.”
BE: Do you prefer Walgreens or
Walmart?
MW: “Walgreens”
BE: Do you eat walnuts?
MW: “I do eat walnuts.”
BE: Do you know
where waldo is?
MW: “I have found
Waldo many times.”
BE: Do you need a
walker?
MW: “No, I do not
need a walker.”
BE: Have you been to
Wall street?
MW: “I have been to
Wall Street.”
BE: Do you know
anybody named
Walt?
MW: “Yes, I know
somebody named
Walt”
BE: Do people call
you Wally?
MW: “Yes people call
me Wally.”
page by: Rebecca Wright & Kohl Bryant
Mike Wall, Economics Teacher
by
11
12
page by: Dallin Pulsipher
13
Bridal & Tuxedo Inc.
page by: Dallin Pulsipher
14 FHS’S
TOP TEN MOST WANTED
2.
1.
Raymond Chayo: Math
teacher. Crime: Poisoning
the minds of children with
blasphemous knowledge.
Suspected hideout: C106.
Alias: Professor Toxic.
Jeanine Robb: Science
teacher. Crime: Illegal
creation of radioactive
chemical compounds.
Suspected hideout: HS
202. Alias: The Robber
5.
6.
Alyssa Jara: Senior. Crime:
Witchcraft-hypnotizing civilians, casting evil spells on
children, manipulation of animals, and most wicked laugh.
Suspected hideout: The
haunted house at the end of
Bulldog Street. Alias: Emma
Gin Ary.
8.
9.
page by: Namkha Nguyen
Chris Kwon: Junior. Crime:
Self-proclaimed Avatar.
Suspected hideout: “I hide
behind myself” or in between TaeKWONdo. Alias:
Kwontum Kryptonite. Caution: May erupt with involuntary muscle spasms.
4.
3.
Allan Zhou: Sophomore.
Crime: Overuse of and
making of terrible puns
- in need of immediate
PUNishment. Suspected
hideout: school dumpster.
Alias: Master PUNgent.
7.
Cameron Pick: Junior.
Crime: Attempt to rid
the world of all puppies,
kitten, chicks, and other
small, cute, and fluffy
animals. Suspected hideout: Dora the Explorer’s
backpack. Alias: Mister
Cuddly Wuddly.
Travis McEntee: Senior.
Crime: Paper torturing
expert-ripping, burning,
crumpling, folding, tearing,
shredding, etc. Suspected
hideout: Among the treetops of the Amazon. Alias:
TEAR-or (terror).
10.
Keaton Fisher: Freshman. Crime: Killing innocent citizens with kindness. Suspected hideout:
Behind any Ronald
McDonald’s bench. Alias:
Snicker Slinging Slasher
or Squakers McFlush.
Marisa Estipona: Freshman.
Crime: Disturbing the peaceintense partying by herself,
stuffed animal cruelty, and
abuse of imaginary friends.
Suspected hideout: Inside a
toilet’s tank. Alias: The Lone
Ranger.
If you encounter any of these suspects, please call this number: 109-876-FHS-210 ext. bunny.
Or you can go up to them and give them a hug. Maybe spend some time together, too. If you
need further information, look at the list again. If you need even more info, there is none, sorry.
Kelsey Gasch and Tyler Sams: Junior
and Sophomore. Crime: Public streaking
across the quad, gym, stadium, and on
top of Cluster A. Hideout: Womens Locker
Room. Alias: Kelsey Kaboose and Tooting
Tyler (Streaking Dynamic Duo).
Where’s Carter?
15
Stephanie Miller
Times Staff Writer
by
Can you spot the other teachers: Capovilla, Weldon, Nelson and Rivera.
We should
go on a diet
together.
Things you Should NOT Say To Your
Boyfriend or Girlfriend
J
S
by
uan
algado
Times Staff Writer
Ben Russell, 10
I think you
should try a
new product to
prevent your hair
loss.
Mark Landon, 12
Julie Devore, Health Teacher
You are
built like a
man.
Samantha Murray, 10
Miles Sabol, 10
Jeez, you
sound just like
your mother
today.
Don’t you have
a shirt a little
bigger?
Jonathan Yslas,11
Xander England, 11
page by: Stephanie Miller & Juan Salgado
My ex did
the same
exact thing.
I think those
pants are getting a little
tight.
If my life was a movie, it would be...
by Natalia Kacevas
Enquirer Staff Writer
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