Spring break cancelled: snow days to be made up

Reba McEntire’s Birthday Paper!
Issue 5
April 2008
Spring break cancelled:
snow days to be made up
and uphill. “Spring break
by Beverly Amsterdam
is my favorite time of the
International Writer year, and we couldn’t even
District 81 officials held a meeting last week and decided to cancel Spring Break due to the unexpected mid-winter snow storm.
According to Spokane Public
School regulations students must
attend 180 days of school a year in
order to graduate to the next grade.
The officials contemplated
many options including expanding into summer vacation, and
canceling days we would normally get off such as President’s
Day in February. Many of these
options were heavily preferred to
the canceling of Spring Break.
However officials decided it was
the easiest and most efficient
way to make up for the loss.
“We really thought about canceling some of the three day
weekends that were previously
scheduled,” said Anne T. Social, head of the School District’s Weather Alert department.
“However we were worried
that kids would go crazy without a little break now and then.”
Although many students enjoyed the unexpected five days
off, it looks like they will be
paying for it the hard way.
“I can’t believe it!” said sophomore Ida Whana who complains
she still showed up for school all
five days and had to walk home
in the snow barefoot, backwards
go anywhere last week
because of all the snow.”
Many angry parents
have already called the
administration complaining about plans they had
for spring break. A major issue among them
was air plane tickets.
“I bought these tickets
over 3 months ago,” said
Mark Mywords, a father
of a senior at LC. “We had
a whole family reunion
planned and now that’s
just all down the drain.”
Although the district
has heard many of the
same complaints, they
maintain that canceling Spring Break is the
most efficient solution.
“If there was any othPHOTO BY VALLY MOUA
er way that was practical we would definitely
look into it,” said Social. With spring break cancelled, there will
According to sourc- be no frollicking for students at LC.
es from within multiple high demic which means that no one
school’s, rumors have been going could come to school anyway.”
around that even if Spring Break
As of now that wonderful week
is canceled students will con- of bliss in early April that stutinue to celebrate their week off, dents look forward to starting
and just not show up for school. the day they return from winter
“If they take away spring break,” break is lost. Sophomore class
said freshman Omar Gosh, “Then leadership has organized a march
everyone will get a bad case Saturday morning downtown
of the spring bugs. And that in front of River Park Square
could turn into a spring bug epi- to protest against District 81.
Firemen won’t respond to fires
by David King
Staff Writer
The Spokane Fire Department
decided that they will no longer be
responding to any calls or alarms
from LC due to all of the false
alarms. Billy Blanks, Chief Firefighter, said that “we get the call
right during our lunch, stop whatever we’re doing, suit up and make
our way to the school, just to find
that there’s no fire waiting for us.”
Ever since LC decided that
they wouldn’t pay for the wasted gas spent on getting here, the
fire department decided that we
could handle a fire on our own.
“Well, I didn’t pull the fire
alarm. Why should I pay for it?”
said Lizzy Bonds, head of LCs
treasury department. “The money
we would give them for gas comes
right out of our Christmas Bonus.”
Faculty and administrators
got together to decide what to
do if there was a real fire, without the help of the fire department. Suggestions, such as
emergency buckets of water at
the end of every hall, anti-oxygen chemicals and flooding the
basement, flew across the room.
They finally came to a decision.
“Every time an alarm is pulled
or smoke is detected, pipes that
will be installed throughout
the school will release tons of
bubbles on that floor in every
classroom.” said Bonds. “The
bubbles will drown out the fire,
while keeping the students safe
PHOTO COURTESY OF INTERNET
Firemen have refused to fight any fires that may occur at LC.
from drowning. If I were to
make a suggestion, I would say
get waterproof backpacks and
keep your cell phones and other
electronic devices bagged in ziplocks, and just sign the safety
waiver when it’s passed out in
your second period classroom.”
The pipes will be installed on
Saturday, April 26th. Saturday
school will also be closed. If you
received Saturday school, it will be
moved to the following weekend.
“You would think that people
would know it’s cheaper just to
pay for the wasted gasoline then
to install pipes that spill bubbles,
but I’m not complaining,” said
freshmen Brittany Stevens. “It
would be like taking a giant bubble bath with the whole school.
The most I’ve ever bathed with
was two, and that was pretty fun.”
In case there happened to be
a fire before the pipes were in-
stalled, LC has also purchased a
helicopter. Parked on top of the
school, it will go out and scoop
up water from the Spokane River and dump it back onto the
school in such a circumstance.
“Just as long as the fire does
not start on the roof, LC should
be safe from fire for many generations to come,” said Banks.
“At least until our feud with the
fire department has died off.”
Many students might feel that
the installation of the new fire
equipment falls on the students
who decided to play a joke on
the school, not wanting to go
to their next class because they
spaced finishing their model of
the solar system, however, we
can not hold this against them.
At least now, when ever we have
a fire drill, everyone will come
out of the school smelling like
green apples and fire deterrent.
Culminating
Project
PHOTO COURTESY OF CLIP ART
A symbolic X has been placed through these symbolic culminating
project books to symbolize the badness of the culminating project.
Culm. Proj. = Bad
by Culminating
fault that they just don’t know
Project Runway how to pass their senior year.”
Important Culminating project update: all students that were
judged on either Feb. 14 or during
the week of March 10-13 will need
to repeat their presentations due to
a school implemented project criterion which contradicts the state
requirements, making it illegal.
“It is sad that the state has
forced us to put more stress on
our students by making them
redo their presentations,” said
principal Shawn Jordan. “The
students have put so much
work into their projects, even
those who haven’t really started
them, that it is highly unfair for
the state to do this to them.”
The panel of judges was supposed to be made up of two
teachers had not had the student in class before and one
unrelated community member.
“We never thought this would be
such a problem,” said judge and
math teacher Rick Biggerstaff.
“The state virtually left us up to
our own devices when it came to
judging. How were we to know
that if we didn’t follow the state
criteria exactly it would be considered illegal? Our poor students.”
A student who was unhappy with
their judging score researched the
state criteria and, upon discovering that LC was not following it
exactly, reported the school to the
State Culminating Project Committee (SCPC). The SCPC is
withholding the name of the student in order to protect him/her
from the potential harassment.
“What kind of kid goes and
tells on their own school just because they tried to put together
a one-cheek project the night
before their presentation?” said
senior Alex Naggy. “It’s not our
SCPC President Billy Blanks said
that “the school is at fault here. We
made it clear that as long as our
criteria was followed to a tee we
would have no problem with what
the school chose to do with the
project. We would not interfere.”
The state and school distributed information about the Culminating Project very sparsely
throughout the past three years
for the guinea pig class of 2008.
Most seniors were left without
any knowledge of the project being a requirement for graduation
until the end of the 2006-2007
school year. LC really only got
started implementing the project
into the curriculum at that point.
According to senior Branden
Berg, “I had no idea I needed to
complete a project before I could
graduate. I thought that I had done
enough of them in my high school
career that I was pretty much
home free. And now I have to
redo my presentation? I hate this.”
In order to make up for the
lost time, There will be another week in which school
will start at 11 o’clock rather
than the usual 8 o’clock. This
will be the first week in June.
“It’s cutting it pretty close to
graduation but we don’t have much
of an alternative,” said Jordan.
All other students will be required to attend classes on how
to successfully complete their
own Senior Project. The freshman will be in the main gym,
the sophomores in the auxiliary
gym and the juniors in the auditorium. Roll will be taken.
Also, those teachers that
judged on Feb. 14 and March
10-13 will no longer be judges
and will be losing their jobs
at the end of this school year.
The Reba
in
Briefs
If only that were true
page 2: Elbow-less
baby
page 3: No txting,
OMG!
page 4: Mac is back
page 5: Hobbit heroes
page 6: Vally
indahouse
page 7: It’s Pat!
page 8: Reba and
Billy Blanks’
wedding ceremony
The Lewis and Clark High School Journal
ISSUE 5
x-tina
PAGE 99
April 2008
PHOTO BY VALLY MOUA & TUCKER CLARRY
RATS!
in the school. Police suspect
that it was either the works of
Bothel, the school that Lewis and
Custodians discovered a huge Clark’s amazing football team
rat nest below the elevator defeated at state; or Ferris, LC’s
shaft yesterday morning. They rivals that had Chuck taken back
found old milk cartons, piles from them at the magnificent
of hair, shavings and two still- Rubber Chicken show down. born rat fetus’. The school “These guys are just jealous of
system is going to incinerate the Lewis and Clark’s domination
basement if they can not stop technique. We’re state champs. these horrible rats from breeding. State champs for life,” said football
“I can’t believe we found so many star Rashad Virginia. “You ever
rats. It’s absolutely disgusting,” hear our motto? ‘It takes a little
said custodian Maria Baggin. more to be a tiger.’ That motto,
The rat critter control team in addition to a tiger paw, is
will wear full suits of armor, and tattooed on my body. Lewis and
they will carry flame throwers Clark football for life. Hoo rah!”
Police have not confirmed
and knives. In addition, the
team has been given night anything, though a single peacock
vision goggles by District 81. feather was found near the nest,
“I’m pretty scared,” said Sheela which is currently being tested
Musmo. “I’ve seen these types for finger prints. Officials are
before. If we don’t get the rats unable to link the feather back to
out of this school, children’s any sort of affiliation or group.
lives will be in jeopardy.” Rat searches begin tomorrow. Police believe that some Police will keep looking for
other school, jealous of LC’s the culprits. In the meantime,
reoccurring victories this year, LC students will be relocated
planted these infectious rats to learn in the Spokane Arena. by Willard
Staff Rat Whisperer
Bands are always a favorite at May Week. Hubris Youth, featuring Conor Wigert, Culley Grow and
Zack Alexander is especially popular with the ladies due to their unique style and muscular physique.
Adios, semana de Mayo!
by Grand Canyon
Local Poop Star
Every year LC hosts an
event in May where students
enjoy the outdoor sunlight
and musical talents of student
bands during lunch, but on
March 30, LC decided to cancel
the May Week celebrations
because of a petition presented
to the School Board last year.
During the May Week band
auditions last year, a parent
complained that the process
by which the bands are chosen
is unfair and biased. The LC
parent told the school her
child’s band placed in the top
ten categories at a national level
band competition last year, so she
did not understand how the bands
that performed during last year’s
May Week could have been
chosen over her child’s band.
The parent did not wish to reveal
her name or the student’s name to
the public. Only the LC Journal
found out the name of the student.
The parent said, “If my child is
able to perform in New York City
and is requested by three different
countries to hold a concert in
their countries, why is it that
she could not qualify for a small
school activity like May Week?”
The student of this outraged
Staff
Box
Advisor
Saline Deeon
Editor-In-Chief
Rullen On Dubs
News Editor
Condeliza Lice
parent said he/she was not aware of
the fact that her parent had created
a petition on the May Week issue
and he/she wants to apologize
to all her fellow classmates for
the cancellation of May Week.
Although the students did not
ask for the cancellation of the
May Week performance, the
School Board found out that
bands turned in a copy of their
performances and the ASB
listened to the music and decided
which bands would perform.
A few students who participated
in the process of choosing the
band during the May Week
presentation did not listen to the
music that the bands presented.
Instead, they chose the band
that their friends were in or
did not choose a band with a
person they did not like in it.
“It took a long time to find
out what went wrong in the
system, but a few of the students
confessed in the end and we
were able to present the School
Board with the information
about the biased system,” said
private-investigator Billy Blanks.
A 6-3 vote taken on March
29 showed that the majority
of the School Board members
felt that the choosing of the
May Week bands is biased and
unfair. Due to the decision of the
Sports Editor
Star of David Opinions Editor
Fraulein Xtina
Features Editor
Whomping Willow
Photography Editor
Great Glen
Ad Manager
Notan Editer
Layout Editor
Lyedown Editor
School Board, May Week will
no longer be a tradition at LC.
Students at LC are astonished at the
decision the School Board made.
Sophomore Jenny Liberty
said, “I had a lot of fun at May
Week last year. I am so sad
that they are cancelling it.”
“I have always looked forward
to May Week ever since I was a
freshmen,” said senior Denny
Allway. “This is my senior year
and I do not think I can take
the blow. No May Week?!”
Although the upper classmen
and sophomore class are
having trouble adjusting to
the School Board’s decision,
the freshmen class did not
seemed bothered by the change.
“I do not even know what
May Week is, so I guess it
does not really affect me,” said
freshmen Thomas Stocson.
“Yeah it will be terribly loud
around May from now on,” said
math teacher George Brown. “I
did truly love the way the halls
became silent and peaceful during
May Week. Now, the halls will be
roaring with noise every day.”
The student of the parent who
filed the petition said, “I am
sorry for the trouble me and
my parents caused, but if I ever
become famous, I would love
to see all of you at my concert.”
Staff Writers
Ashley Ayen
White Lightning
Rev. Amstadter
Got the Benz
Maria Antoinette
Lexie Goop
Bagel Enthusiast
Sydney White
Goliath
Bastian Bux
Ash Ketchum
AC Slater
Ashely Spyder
Amanda Thumbson
Robert Zimmerman
Showalter’s baby got
no elbow fundraiser!
by Elbow-Inclined
Staff Person
LC students banded together last
week in a march to raise money
for English teacher Jennifer
Showalter’s
baby’s
elbow
replacement surgery tentatively
scheduled for next spring.
Baby Showalter has no elbows.
Committee organizer, LC graduate
Emmily Eisenrich, is no stranger
when it comes to missing joints.
“When I was younger I suffered
from straight-legged syndrome,”
said Eisenrich. “I may have
had no knees, but I sure could
pop, lock and drop it. The ‘lock
it’ was especially easy ‘cuz
my knees were permanently
locked, so it worked out great.”
After her knee replacement at the
age of three, Eisenrich gave up her
dance shoes for marching boots.
“No one should go through
life elbow-less,” said Eisenrich.
“Regardless of my feelings about
Showalter’s total abandonment
of me in my senior year, I just
cannot stand to see someone
go through what I did.”
The march raised half of the
total goal for the operation.
“It is such an unusual operation
that insurance would not pay
for it,” said mama Showalter.
“They told me that she would
live
without
them,
even
though our society is not very
accepting of joint-less infants.”
“I’m so glad we get the
opportunity to help out the baby,”
said senior Xtina Huggins. “I’m
so glad I get a chance to redeem
myself in the baby’s eyes. Maybe
one day when she is older she
will discontinue the use of the
restraining order against me and
we can ride off into the sunset, as a
single spirit. Best friends, forever.”
After the surgery, baby
Showalter
will
attend
rehabilitation with Billy Blanks.
“We are excited to add baby
Showalter to our advertisement
campaign,” said Blanks. “She
will serve as such an inspiration,
because she has no elbows.
If she can do it, so can you,
because you have elbows.”
Next week a dinner benefit/
dance at the grange will be held
to hopefully raise the final tally.
“The theme is going to be disco,”
said Eisenrich. “We decided to do
disco because you can do disco
dancing without elbows. The baby
has no elbows, so we thought
it was more than appropriate.”
Despite her current elbowlessness, Showalter has high
hopes for baby Showalter.
“I’m really tall, so I bet she will
be too,” said mama Showalter.
“Because of this I want her to
be a runway model. We are
already entering her in a bunch
of pageants. The only problem
now is her walk is a little stiff.”
Tickets for the upcoming disco
can be purchased in the front
hall for five dollars during lunch.
The Lewis and Clark High School Journal
ISSUE 5
poops?
April 2008
Bananas
High school is now 5 years
beginning with class of 2010
by Spaztastic
Layout Editor
The Washington school board
announced on Feb. 30 that for the
class of 2011, their graduating
year will now be moved to 2012
because of the increasing amount
of graduating requirements students must fulfill before receiving their high school diploma.
The five-year-plan will apply to this
year’s freshman class and beyond.
The school board thought it
only appropriate that the extension of an extra year of high
school would help the students on
the long strenuous ride through
their high school experience.
“Students can’t possibly fit in
all that they need done before
graduating,” said school board
head Billy Blanks. “We would
just end up holding back a large
majority of the student body, so
we are just making high school
five years hoping to cut down on
the drop-out rate and the amount
of people being held back.”
Along with high school adopting a five year plan, students must
now collect 26 credits to graduate rather than the previous 22.
Students were not being challenged through the current school
system according to state officials.
The school board, students
were going to college experience and falling behind because they were unprepared.
“Students would go off to college and professors would complain that their students were
not prepared for their courses,”
said Blanks. “And this just
gave us even more motivation
to change our current plans.”
For the upcoming graduating classes, students will now
have to complete four credits
for math rather than three, five
credits for English rather than
four and three credits for science rather than the previous two.
“This is unbelievable,” said fresh-
PHOTO COURTESY OF INTERNET
These creepy, crawly creatures are Billy Blanks’ favorite. Having a nest of them in the boiler room is fine and dandy with him.
Students feel that LC will become more like a maximum security prison once the five-year high school plan is put into action.
man Donny Ditzelmen. “First they
tell us that we are having an extra
year of high school, and then they
dump the news of how the amount
of credits is now increasing.”
Students have been marching the streets of Spokane
protesting the new plans.
“I want people to know that I
am upset,” said freshman Betty
Sue Tillman. “I just don’t understand why they had to start
with our class, it’s just so unfair.”
Schools around the district
are gathering and discussing
how to improve their curriculum and change things around
so that their course will coordinate with the new credits plan.
“Teachers from all over Spokane are coming together and
working things out,” said math
teacher Keith Tappe. “We want
this all to be figured out by the
end of July, so that we are prepared for the upcoming year.”
The graduating class of 2011
can now change their motto to
the graduating class of 2012.
“We only want the best for our
students,” said Blanks. “I hope
someday they will realize all
that we did for them, and maybe one day actually thank us.”
“OMG” texting is now allowed
where heard through the hallways.
by Kicks
had no choice but to lisStaff Choreographer ten“We
to the students,” said student
Spokane Public Schools has
established a new text messaging
rule in April that allows all students
from elementary to high school
to be allowed to text in class.
As of April first teachers will
not be allowed to confiscate
your cell phone when you are
caught sending your “bff” a
text about the latest break up.
“I love texting in class,”
said sophomore Lauren Rush.
“It makes me feel cool.”
The rule was officially set in
motion when a group of LC girls
were caught texting in every
class period throughout the day.
“What was I supposed to do?”
said one of the culprits. “I discovered the biggest fashion
don’t I have ever seen and all
my girlies had to know about it.”
After the girls were sent to the
office, a giant protest broke out
in the front hallway. Chants such
as “texting is cool, why not at
school?” and “let us be free, OMG”
PHOTO COURTESY OF INTERNET
cellular device specialist Tina
Verizon. “I thought that what
they had to say was important because who doesn’t text in class?”
75 percent of District 81 students text through out the entire
school day. 50 percent of students
at LC answer phone calls during
class when their teachers leave the
room or are not paying attention.
“We felt that since no matter what we say or do, students
will still text message,” said
new assistant principal Cookie
Cutter. “We love them all so
much and we can not look at
their adorable faces and say no.”
Students are thrilled with the new
rule and are excited for it to be official. On the other hand, teachers
throughout the district are appalled
that the thing they have always
tried to stop is now being allowed.
“I think that people who text in
class should get a real life,” said LC
teacher Dave Hughes. “Keep your
hands above the desk at all times.”
Teachers have already started their own petition and
protest stating that the new
cell phone rule will interfere
with the teaching curriculum.
“How are we supposed to teach?”
said LC fitness extraordinaire Billy Blanks. “I can’t teach a round
house kick and punch sequence
when all of my students are busy
text messaging about how another High School Musical star
was caught making out at a LA
hot spot with their latest love.”
Since the new rule has been
posted on websites around the
world, schools from Europe and
Africa have all begun to allow text
messaging during school hours. A
small school in Southeast Asia
even gave out 500 brand new
Sidekicks to all of their students.
“We feel that hand and eye
coordination is very important
and text messaging helps with
that,” said Southeast Asian high
school teacher Sophia Englander. “Why not let the students do what they please?”
With the new rule soon to be set in
motion, students wait and hope that
nothing will change their exciting
future of text messaging in class.
FYI
“ROTFL””
Hidden nest of camel
spiders found in the
LC boiler room
and good bye,” said President
by I never in Euro
Bush in his inaugural speech
Staff Writer to the committee of MADD
An oil tanker spilled on beaches along the shores of France
yesterday.
Working crews
are cleaning up pounds and
pounds of oil from the waters.
Thousands of seagulls have
suffocated from drinking tasty
oil and passed out in the sand.
A large blue whale died and
floated off the shore. A Japanese ship scooped the whale up
a few hours later to be towed
back to Tokyo for a large feast.
French leader, Napoleon has
declared that this was an act of
terrorism. Similar to the attacks
on America, Suddam Hussein
has claimed the crimes, much
like Osama BinLaden claiming the attacks on America.
President Bush ordered US
troops to be evacuated out of Iraq.
“It’s their problem now. We’re
done. We’re out. Good luck
(Mothers against drunk driving).
Russia is completely outraged
at the attacks on the French. Believing that they were in a pact
with Iraq, Russia had been waiting for Hussein’s signal to move
in on Norway for some time.
Apparently, Hussein had given
the orders to attack France before he had texted Jesus Yslov’s
(leader of Russia) cell phone.
“It is my great regret that I have
to commit war on the Norwegians,” said Yslov. “I never meant
for this to happen. I just wanted
to expand my country another
2,000 miles. Big deal right?”
After the speech, Yslov activated kitten bombs and fired the
weapons at the United States.
These kitten bombs contained
thousands of cats infected with
feline immunodeficiency virus.
The USA has begun to administer
vaccines to cats all over the states.
IUSESE 5
Waht if the hkeoy peoky is waht its all aoubt?
Faruetes
ARIPL 2008
PGAE 4
William Hung to be LC’s
newest exchange student
by Klutz Author
Extra Photo Queen
American Idol star William
Hung, famous for his botching
of Ricky Martin’s “She Bangs,”
will attend LC next semester as
a new foreign exchange student.
Hung comes to LC in hope to
get support for his upcoming
documentary: “William Hung:
Behind the Music.” Hung started
filming for this project in early
Nov., however he had to take
a brief break from it when he
disappeared in the Congo for three
months. “I am really excited to
come to LC,” said Hung. “I have
big plans for all drama productions
and
choir
extravaganzas.”
Hung’s decision to come to
LC has been heavily debated
in recent weeks. “For a while
now we really thought Willy
would want to continue his
music career at Ferris,” said Billy
Blanks, a Ferris sophomore.
Although Hung considered
attending Ferris, his mind quickly
changed when he attended the
Rubber Chicken, seeing how
extremely more spirited LC is
than Ferris. “I want Chuck,”
said Hung. “And red doesn’t
look good with my new look.”
What exactly is William
Hung’s new look? According
to extremely accurate sources
it supposedly is a mix between
Blue Steel and Magnum, and is
set to come out in early April.
Already quite fluent in English,
Hung hopes to start an after
school club to give students
the opportunity to talk to him.
Hung plans to call it “An after
school club to give students the
opportunity to talk to me.” He
predicts it will be a great success.
He also plans to start his own
fan club to reach out to the tens of
people who still find him funny.
“I think he’ll be a great asset
to our school,” said junior Elsie
PHOTO COURTESY OF INTERNET
Here is Mac, studying for an exam in Music History, while finishing
out his first year at Occidental. This is what college, and living away
from your parents will do to you: it turns you into a toddler cowboy.
Mac Smith: the legacy
Many female fans claim that William Hung “he-bangs” their
hearts into fine frenzies. The Queen of England has also recently announced her plans to knight Hung because of his talent.
Tiger. “I plan to join all two clubs!”
Although many see this
as the real beginning to his
music career, others argue that,
already hitting his high point,
Hung is only coming to LC to
make other students jealous.
“I know he probably isn’t
trying to do it,” said freshman
Belle E. Button, “but I just
can’t help it. I’ll always be
jealous of his vocal chords.”
“We both know that this is a
big change for him; affecting
both his singing career and his
personal life,” said Hung’s exagent, Holly Wood. “However,
Will is extremely determined to
win American Idol next season
and hopes to gain more votes by
attending high school again.”
Fans of Hung have organized a
pre-Hung party Friday in room 111
to help organize a con scheduled
for the first week Hung’s arrival.
The con is meant to be a welcoming
ceremony for LC’s newest
celebrity and to help him fit in.
Billy Blanks, Hung’s latest
manager and BFF (according
to numerous tabloids), said
“William is really excited to
experience a truly American
culture
in
semi-small-town
U.S.A. He can’t wait to make
lots of new and diverse friends,
try out for the all the musicals
and take every AP course and test
available at LCHS.’ Hung will be
in mostly AP classes next year.
Rowling plans to write 8th
by The answer to life, the
universe and everything
Asian Girl
J.K. Rowling, creator of the
world famous Harry Potter books,
made a huge announcement
involving the series on March
25 at the 41st Annual Committee
of Novels Reunion. After a few
months of debating, Rowling
finally decided that she will
indeed write a sequel to the
seventh Harry Potter book, “Harry
Potter and the Deathly Hollows.”
The news made the front page
of the New York Times, London
Press, and Rolling Stone Magazine.
Fans throughout the world packed
the streets clothed in different
colored robes and wizard hats
while carrying their own special
versions of a Firebolt. Rowling
had announced after the release of
her seventh book that she would
not continue to write sequels or
prequels for Harry Potter. So
why did she change her mind?
“It was quite strange actually,”
said Rowling in her rocking chair
at home while being interviewed
by NBC’s “Today Show” host
PHOTO COURTESY MARY-BETH SMITH
Matt Lauer. “I had just finished
watching the latest release of
‘Harry Potter and the Order of the
Phoenix’ and it just occurred to me
that I left a few strings unattached
and I needed to fix them.”
Rowling said she will not yet
reveal the questions she left
unanswered, but she did hint
that if her fans would read the
fourth and fifth book carefully,
they may find the answers.
“I hate going back on my words,
but the more I looked at the books
and the movies, the clearer the
problem became and I needed to do
something about it,” said Rowling.
So what happens to the story?
Rowling has already told Harry
Potter fans the ending of the
book. Harry does not die and
he marries Ginny while Ron
and Hermione marry each
other and Neville becomes the
Herbology professor at Hogwarts.
According to Rowling, the
ending will be the same, but
the eighth book will continue
immediately after the death of
Voldemort. So even though the
fans know the ending to the
Harry Potter series, they do not
know the stories that would have
come up between the end of the
seventh book and the epilogue.
“I still find it awful that I did not
catch the big mistake I made,” said
Rowling. “But I truly hope that the
fans will not mind and just think
of it as another adventure that
Harry will take in order to fulfill
his destiny and have a safe future.”
Fans agree with Rowling
and expressed their support
for the author’s decision.
“We love Harry Potter and
J.K. Rowling,” said Harry Potter
fan Lindee Alverse of Australia.
“I’ve read all the books and
seen all the movies. I do not
mind the fact that we know the
ending of the novel while an
eighth book is coming out.”
Number one fan Billy Blanks
said he supports Rowling and he
can not wait to read what magic
Rowling will spin for all her fans.
“She is such an amazing author and
I do not care if she goes back on
her words because she is creating
more adventure for all of her fans.”
Rowling said she will hopefully
release the new book by 2009.
“I’m so happy to be continuing
this series. It’s like helping
my baby to defeat dragons or
something,” she said. All her
fans are now waiting with bated
faded into the obscure folklore
by J.R.R. Tolkein
of Sacajawea only to be known
Black Guy as Eisenhower Razz-barry.
Born with a massively handsome
face and Billy Blanks-like reflexes
Andrew Tighe Mckeon Smith
rocked the halls of LC with a smile
that still lingers in this reporters
heart. I am here to spotlight
the one and only student of LC
to ever deserve such an honor.
The artist known as Mac Smith
was born in a manger with
lights surrounding him. As the
bards tell it, angels serenaded
him creating the most definitive
moment in his life that rocketed
him from mediocrity to pure
unadulterated super stardom.
The superstardom affected
his early life a lot since he was
expected to save the world from
meteors and party with movie
stars like James Earl Jones. Due
to this constant partying and
world saving, his social skills
seemed unfit for the world of
public schools. Yet, Mac walked
unflincingly through the halls
of Sacajawea as the faculty and
student body trembled with
joy at the very sight of him.
He was cool. Mac was really,
really cool. Mac was so cool he
When Mac joined forces with
Kyle Musselwhite, Eric (Greasy
Ben) Walters and Marcus (I
forgot his last name) he formed
a group that was both full of
hubris and youth. They seemed
to be rather blue, so they created
a band called “For Years Blue.”
Mac then became the editor and
chief of the LC journal and created
a method of working that involved
cat naps. Mac is now in college at
Occidental, and that is no accident.
Mac’s GPA when he graced these
halls was a staggering sideways
eight. That is how perfect he is.
At Occidental, Mac is
studying everything because he
can and again has a sideways
eight GPA. Mac’s future plans
are to go back in time and make
it so that apples and oranges are
the exact same thing. He also
plans to marry Cyndi Lauper.
Mac plans to propose on top
of Mt. Everest and the ring
will be solid diamonds and
weigh approximately 3 pounds.
Mac thinks of everything.
Note: at his wedding I will be
his best man because he deems
me to be that awesome, ladies.
We are the best of best friends.
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The Lewis and Clark High School Journal
ISSUE 5
Features
PAGE 5
April 2008
The Journey to Middle Earth
by Fraulein X-Tina and
Tone Deaf Wigert
Editors
Day One: “Concerning Hobbits” plays faintly in the back of
our minds as we enter the shire.
The smell of pipe weed fills the
pastures of green. The warmth
emits through the earth as if to
say “you are home.” And its
true, Christina and I have found
our life calling as we begin our
journey through the motherland.
Day Two: We get to Rivendell (random small New Zealand town) ahead of schedule.
So we go get some elven bread
(biscuits) and have approximately four pieces each. We sat
and ate with some Elves (abnormally tall New Zealanders)
and talked of great battles (bar
fights) with ring wraiths (siths).
We then meet our trainer for this
excruciating journey, Billy Blanks,
who tells us that the Elven bread
has too many calories in it. “You
will not only be losing those copies of ‘Look Who’s Talking Now’
in the fires of that mountain type
thing. You need to be burning off
them love handles too!!!,” he said.
Day three: Before we continue
on towards Mordor (impoverished
town in NZ) to properly dispose of
all copies of “Look Who’s Talking Now,” Billy Blanks would
not let us leave Rivendell without
proper Taebo training. We spent a
rigorous 24 hours working out on
about 400 calories. We were ready.
We left Billy behind while
he studied the ancient forms
of Elven martial arts and continued on our journey alone.
Day Ten: The mines of Moria
have taken their toil. Taebo has
served us well so far but danger is closing in as we speak.
Christina’s glasses have broken
so it is a good thing she brought
her authentic Harry Potter wand
so she could pull a “Reparo.”
Day 35: After running around
the plains of middle earth for a
while, to lose the Urukai that were
PHOTO COURTESY OF INTERNET
The newspaper class cancelled
the printing of the March 28 issue
of “The LC Journal” last week because of a lack of funding from the
administration, and also because
the federal government determined that the March 28 issue may
be a threat to national security.
After receiving a tip from
a Ferris student, the feds infiltrated LC’s computer network and found the preliminary newspaper pages saved as
Adobe InDesign documents.
These documents contained information which “could be considered as assistance to terrorism,”
said FBI spokesman Sam Gamgee.
The feds accused the LC
Journal of providing explanations of how to get through security at major events and at
airports in the United States.
Gamgee went on to say that,
as the staff members of “The
LC Journal” are technically accomplices to terrorism, they
could be charged with treason.
Sophomore staff writer Jiggy McBlatt expressed his dissent with the investigation. “It’s
BT
P
O
W
E
R
!
BT (left), the new LC mascot, stares down his two rivals Ropert
and Twinkle (right) from Ferris, causing them to tremble in fear.
Christina and Conor arrived in Mordor on day 70 of their journey.
chasing us (the middle aged tourists from France), we finally arrived at the Statues at Parth Garen
(awkwardly formed rocks that
if you squint at them really hard
resemble “great kings of old”).
Conor quickly breaks out into
his own rendition of Enya’s “May
It Be,” belting out “May it be an
evening star, shines down upon
you. May it be when darkness
falls, your heart will be true.
You walk a lonely road, Oh!
How far you are from home.”
Day 46: We find shelter in Rohan. But we soon had to leave
due to the insanity of King
Theoden (a random drunk hobo).
Day 50: We are in the
Dead Marshes. It smells.
Day 52: Once in Ithilien, Conor
decides that his stench is too much
to continue on our journey so he
uses the waterfall as an opportunity to bathe himself while I continue climbing the treacherous rocks.
Day 55: Christina wears a
blindfold through Cirith Ungol
with the mindset that giant spiders are not scary if you cannot
see them. The danger of running
into pillars, however, increases
ten-fold. She mutters “I can’t see
them, they can’t see me” over and
over to herself. Of course, the
occasional inappropriate sweet
nothings that cannot be printed
are not so quietly muttered as
she continually stubs her toes.
Day 64: We made a quick stop in
Gondor (Christina begged Conor
to go) to join a mock wedding party.
Day 70: We finally arrive
in Mordor. We try to climb
the flaming rocks (Conor insisted on wearing our heavy
authentic LOTR costumes despite the over 100 degree heat).
However, we discovered that the
power of “Look Whose Talkin’
Now” was more powerful than the
one ring and could not be destroyed.
Day 75: We make our departure home as “Into the West”
plays on repeat over the loud
speaker on our puddle jumper
(Conor tends to be cheap when
it comes to traveling, resulting in
leaky canteens and tents that were
ruined after one night of rain).
It has come to our attention
that the pilot may or may not be
under the influence. A very appropriate end to our epic adventure of epic proportions. All in
all the trip was very satisfactory.
March 28 issue cancelled
by Jlater Sohn
Staff Writer
PHOTO BY VALLY MOUA
completely ridiculous,” he said.
“We didn’t even do anything!”
The majority of the student community is appalled by
the news of the cancellation.
“It’s really, like, stupid that the
newspaper is, like, canceled,”
said freshman Nancy Bumf. “I
get a lot of, like, info about what’s
going on at, like, school from it.”
Some students were just
angry at the fact that a Ferris student tipped off the Feds.
“I can’t believe those Ferris
kids,” said senior Alfie Rupper.
“They just had to go and find
any excuse to get us in trouble.
Well…we got Chuck, so ha!”
After further investigation by
the CIA because of protests from
the “Journal’s” staff and the students who supports the Journal, the government relieved the
newspaper class of all charges,
having determined that they had
not intended to print any malicious or threatening information.
“I’m relieved that we’re off
the hook,” said junior photo
editor Billy Blanks. “Seeing as we didn’t mean to print
anything bad, we shouldn’t
be
considered
criminals.”
Despite the retraction of
the charges to the newspaper
class, the Mar. 28 issue was
still withheld from publication.
In addition, the feds created a set of regulations for
future issues of the paper.
The CIA will oversee the writing of the remaining issues for
this school year and will correct anything they believe
to be malicious information.
In addition, the next three publications will not be allowed
on aircrafts. If an airport official discovers an issue published after Mar. 28 and before
June 15, they will confiscate it
and submit the person possessing the paper to questioning
about suspected illicit activities.
The cancellation of the Mar.
28 issue is a significant blow to
the newspaper staff. The writers
have each devoted several hours
to writing their stories. It is a disappointment to them to see their
work go to waste just because
of a little misunderstanding.
“I worked really hard on my
stories,” said Blanks. “I think I
deserve to get those stories printed. It’s just really disheartening.”
The newspaper staff is now committed to fine-tuning every story
written to ensure no traitorous information is published in the future.
New LC Mascot
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern
Advertising Manager
and Staff Writer
As of April 3, LC will welcome a new mascot to its humble
home. Who is this new mascot ?
Why, the inevitably charming Big
Toe, or BT for short. The human
body cannot function without it,
and since LC is like a functioning
human body, it requires a big toe.
As for its physical appearance, it
is much larger than an actual human toe. Its big toenail protrudes
jaggedly as to prevent the intrusion
of other schools just as an actual
human toenail protects various
forms of bacteria from entering the
fleshy toe bed which it protects.
LC principal Stan Jordan made
the decision. “The big toe is
more stoic and respectable than
a tiger,” he said. “I just can’t
seem to get enough big toe.”
Others disagree with Jordan’s
opinion. Junior Billy Blanks
said he feels that the new LC
mascot should be a hippogriff instead of a big toe. “They
seem more intimidating than
a big toe, plus I like it a lot.”
“I think big toes are raunchy,” said
sophomore Tabitha Flabb. “Raun-
chier than empty eyeball sockets.”
Coincidently, empty eyeballs
sockets were Jordan’s second
choice for the new mascot.
All tiger memorabilia was
collected and donated to Cat
Tails. The tigers, panthers and
lions enjoy gnawing on the uniforms and shoulder pads of
LC’s former football uniforms.
“We decided to donate the
shoulder pads in addition to the
uniforms because they were
tainted with tiger sweat and did
not reflect the ambitious spirit
of the Big Toe,” said Jordan.
LC’s new colors are mildo
and cuticle. So far they are not
widely accepted. “But mildo is
not only the name of my schnauzer, it’s the color of my eyes,”
said Jordan. “And my wife’s
middle name. It’s probably my
favorite word slash color ever!”
In regards to the color cuticle, students had a lot to say.
“I’m not fond of cuticle,” said
Senior Pubert Strotchum. “It’s
not
entirely
scrumptious.”
Midnight Custodian Earl
Bumpooch is not satisfied with
the new mascot. “They’re making me call myself a ‘janitoe’.
That’s not even a word and there
is no hyphen. Custodial services
are a prestigious profession that
shall not be ridiculed so. And
what is mildo?” said Bumpooch.
An Evening with
JIM HIGHTOWER
the new york times bestselling author and america’s funniest
activist will give the lowdown on how to put up - not shut up
in our fight for our future!
MON. APR 28 AT 7PM
Lewis & Clark HS Auditorium (521 W. 4th)
Proceeds benefit KYRS Thin Air Community Radio 92.3 & 89.9 FM
For more information call KYRS 747-3012
$12 advance - $15 at the door | www.ticketswest.com or 325-SEAT
ISSUE 5
The Lewis and Clark High School Journal
Opinions
PAGE 6
April 2008
PHOTOS COURTESY OF THE INTERNET
LC rapper finds
great success
All of the “The Golden Girls” (right) and Celine Dion (left) happen to be close personal friends of
Christina Huggins. In fact Huggins has brunch at Perkins every Saturday with “The Golden Girls.”
Christina’s hidden life
by Thelma and
Louise Slater
Ad Manager &
Staff Writer
Since her freshman year, senior
Christina Huggins has longed to
confess to her fellow classmates
her many painful secrets. She
feels that in doing so she will no
longer hide behind the solemn
blemished mask that is her
face. Here are her confessions:
All I wanted for X-mas was some
self esteem. I got a Golden Girls
mouse pad instead. Blanche’s
silver eyes stare at me and make
me feel guilty every time I
check my online dating profile.
Sometimes I sit in the shower
and cry while listening to Celine
Dion. I collect interesting
mustard containers for a hobby.
When I’m feeling creative I make
jello molds into hats, but I always
forget to take the jello out before
placing it upon my tender melon
of a head. My hair gets caught
in it and now I am kind of bald.
To help me forget my many
woes I often find myself crooning
to Hootie and the Blowfish while
eating tapioca pudding, that I
can never make correctly due to
the amount curdles in my milk.
Sometimes I call the milk curdles
Jerry and pretend they are a
friendly grocery bagger or librarian
and speak to them because I am
deprived of human interaction.
My only friends are my Venus
fly trap and late night “Friends”
re-runs. Sometimes it feels like
Courtney Cox is speaking to me
when she confesses her sorrows
to David Schwimmer. I often lose
myself and forget my many woes
while perusing my “Lord of the
Rings” novels with complementary
fold-out maps of Middle Earth.
I write love letters to Frodo
Baggins and hope that someday
he will receive them at his hobbit
hole. I also knit booties for him.
The mailman tells me that there
is no such address as The Farthest
Hobbit Hole on the Right, Shire,
Middle Earth, but I have a feeling
that he is a ring wraith in disguise.
He’s just jealous of my bootie
knitting abilities, so he refuses
to deliver my care packages.
Sometimes I call up Meals on
Wheels so I can have someone to
talk to for a few minutes. They
just tell my I’m not enough of
a senile shut-in to call them.
I was recently fired from my job at
the envelope licking plant for my
lack of saliva. I can’t help genetics.
Yesterday my glasses broke as
I was walking across the street
to check the mail to see if my
Psoriasis Foundation newsletter
had been delivered. I tried to
repair them with my authentic
collector’s Harry Potter wand
that I purchased on eBay.
Cap’n crunch cereal always gets
stuck in my braces and tears my
palate. I can no longer see or taste.
I wonder which of my senses will
fall victim next to fate’s cruel ways.
“Sister Act II” comes to LC
by Reverend Mother Kate
Features Editor &
Official Your Mom joker
The LC Drama Department
received rave reviews for their
interpretation of Hollywood
classic “Sister Act Two: Back
in the Habit” from highly
distinguished
Washington
newspapers such “The Seattle Art
Clinic,” “The Blanks Tributarian”
(named after the late, great
art connoisseur Billy Blanks)
and “Washington Loves You.”
One very impressed Art and
Style editor of “The Seattle Art
Clinic” stated that “LC has truly
created a masterfully unique and
thought-provoking interpretation
of an American masterpiece. I
left the auditorium feeling deeply
fulfilled, and yet, strangely,
I felt as if something were
suddenly missing in my life.”
The majority of the reviews on
the musical said the same things
of “the Clinic” editor, deliriously
enthusiastic, yet oddly unsatisfied
after viewing the show.
Senior Noel Wamsley, who
played Whoopi Goldberg’s
character Sister Mary Clarence,
has a hypothesis on the newly
missing aspect of their life,
and the lives of the countless
others who attended the show.
“After the opening night,
everyone I met said that they now
knew that they needed to find
God in their life. The message
we broadcasted through this play
touched the audience in such
a way that they were suddenly
inspired to seek God. And this
sentiment didn’t just come
from Christians. It came from
people of all religions who had
slacked in their beliefs,” she said.
Most in the audience found
this to be true as well. There is
one scene in which Lauren Hill’s
character Rita, played by senior
Vally Moua, stands in front of
a crowd to sing the spiced up
version of “Joyful, Joyful.” Her
voice catches in her throat when
her mother, played by the ever
talented English teacher Andy
Lang, takes a seat in the audience.
This scene truly showed viewers
how important it was to have
God, any god (or any religion for
that matter) present in their lives.
“If more plays/musicals could
inspire with the effectiveness
which “Back in the Habit” has then
the world would be a much better
place,” said sophomore Sean
Swanson, who previously used to
boycott all church congregations
with signs, speeches and poems.
“I know attend church every
Sunday, and occasionally every
Wednesday, in order to be
cleansed of all my former sins.”
This same inspiration
has occurred in the heart of
junior Gage Digiovanni, a
born again Buddhist, and
freshman Spencer Myklebust,
a newly converted Muslim.
“I never thought that I would
again find the spirit of God inside
me. I’m so glad that [“Back in the
Habit”] was shown at LC because
now membership in all religions
will skyrocket. Nam yo ho renge
kyo to all,” said Digiovanni.
If you happened to miss this
epic showing, I apologize
deeply, and, with the regrets
of a higher power, I urge you
to at least rent the movie.
When Ryan Toby’s character,
Westley Glen “Ahmal” James
(played at LC by senior Zack
Alexander), hit that high C note
during a school assembly, I could
not help but to feel the hand of
a benevolent spirit reaching into
my chest and flicking my heart, as
if I were an infant fresh out of the
womb that a doctor had to hit to get
my heart to start thumping. It was
an experience unlike any other.
The DVD is now available to own.
PHOTO BY SARAH LEONHARDY
Senior Vally Moua shows off her newly acquired bling and
shoots a sign of respect to her “home-dawgs” and her LC fans.
by Keanu Reeves
Editor & Chief and star
of “The Lakehouse”
Senior Vally Moua’s rap group,
“Vally of Eternal Darkness,”
released their first album on
March 14, 2008. The album’s
sales exploded onto the charts
after its release. The CD, entitled
“The Cows go Moua,” chronicles
Moua’s experiences in life, love
and her journey to adulthood.
The group consists of Moua
and LC graduate Emmily
Eisenrich. Moua writes and
raps all of the songs while
Eisenrich lays down da beats.
The two are quickly becoming
the hottest music duo since Milli
Vanilli stole America’s heart.
The group’s number one hit
single, “Moua, Moua, Moua…
All Night Long,” which put Moua
on the music industry’s map,
is featured on the album, along
with the remix by Timbaland.
The song is an upbeat, dance
jam about rapping with Moua
into the wee hours of the night.
The album includes many
other dance club-friendly tracks,
such as: “Dancin’ in the Vally,”
“Moua, Dats Whats Up,” “Six
Foot Blonde in Taipei” and “Work
It: The Billy Blanks Ballad.”
While these hits focus more on
the party side of Moua’s life, the
album reflects a deeper side of
Moua’s personality. The number
one, soul-stirring hit “Crying in the
Vally” deals with the life changing
tragedies that Moua has dealt with.
Moua was reportedly inspired
to write the song after her
breakup with Justin Timberlake.
She completed the song in one
hour, recording the lyrics on a
tear-stained piece of parchment.
Since the album’s release,
the song has sparked a national
sensation. According to a New
York Times article, “Crying
in the Vally” is now being
considered as a replacement
for the National Anthem.
According to “In Touch”
Magazine, after hearing the song,
Timberlake traveled across the
country to Moua’s door, begging
for her to take him back. A rep for
Timberlake said that the couple
is back together and is currently
vacationing in the Caribbean.
The album, running at a total
of one hour and forty-three
minutes, brings together all the
desirable qualities found in music
like notes, lyrics and sound.
Moua’s album provides a
unique song for every aspect
of a person’s life. Whether the
listener is sad or happy, ready
to party or prepared for a nap,
Moua’s tunes are right for you.
The Lewis and Clark High School Journal
ISSUE 5
Opinions
PAGE 7
April 2008
He said/She said:
Hide and Seek
PHOTO BY CHRISTINA HUBBINS
tal part to a person’s upbringing.
She Said: Spin me round again
Staff Person and rub my eyes. This can’t be
happening. But it is, especially if
He Said: Where are we? What you’re playing Hide and Seek, the
the heck is going on? The answer most terrible experience one can
is probably that you are in the experience. The confusion feels
best hiding place ever, playing the as if you are being spun in circles.
Mmmm whatcha say, you disbest game ever: Hide and Seek.
Comprising the qualities most agree with me, I guess you only
necessary for survival, H&S meant well. It’s all for the best
requires cunningness, agility, because it’s just what we need.
speed, hiding skills, endurance, a Know this though, I don’t bekeen eye and patience. And trust lieve you and you don’t care a bit.
We may have
me, the dust PHOTO COURTESY OF INTERNET
our differenchas only just
es, but I will
begun to fall.
not allow the
The most
lie that is Hide
important asand Seek to go
pect of H&S is
on any longer.
finding an efMy experiencfective hiding
es with H&S
spot. The best
have scarred
spots
include
me
forever.
tight, squished
How can
areas in which
children paronly
young
ticipate in a
babes
would
game that debe able to fit.
means that soul
My favorite
of a human
is hiding withbeing?
Just
in, behind or
think
about
beneath trains
the
object
and sewing maof the game.
chines (oh, you
One person
won’t catch me
selected
around here). Pat gives it’s opinion on Hide & Seek. is
amongst the
All those years
that I have been playing, they group. This process is damagwere here first before any other ing to a kids psyche. The preshiding spots. They were the foun- sure of being picked to be it
dation of all hiding spots to come. or not can crush one’s spirit.
Then, the children are forced
So much effort goes into finding them, blood and tears. The to hide. This clearly promotes
joy of finding that perfect spot the idea that being yourself is not
makes it all worth it in the end. okay and the only way to deal with
Every person is unique and it is to hide your true self. Why
therefore needs their own in- not just force kids to wear masks
dividual hiding spot, tailored that hide their individual identity?
Next comes the most horrenspecifically for them. Therein
lies the beauty of the game. dous aspect of H&S, the seeking.
How can one not enjoy a game How primitive can our games get
that demands ingenuity and builds when children are encouraged to
self confidence? When a person walk and search and think in orfinds that perfect spot, there is der to win? Games should include
no greater feeling in the world. electricity, buttons and either a
Throughout my life, one of the television or a computer screen.
The only thing that dismost important life lessons that
I have learned is that Hide and gusts me more than Hide
Seek is undeniably the most vi- and Seek is Billy Blanks.
by It’s Pat
Sarah & Kaylee are no longer speaking to one another after the revelation of their secrets.
Sarah & Kaylee’s secrets
by X-tina Milian
Hobbit Enthusiast
Senior Sarah Leonhardy and
freshman Kaylee Benz have been
roaming the halls of LC aimlessly
while the student body is unaware
of their secret and dangerous
lives. This is an urgent warning
to all who know or come in contact with these two individuals.
Here is what you need to know to
save yourself from the irrevocable
damage that they are capable of:
Sarah has been hopelessly in love with Dave Coulier
from “Full House” and often
stares at his poster to give her
the hope to go on another day.
Sarah listens to Alanis Morissette’s “Jagged Little Pill” constantly because some of the songs
were written about Coulier when
he and Morissette were romantically linked. “It is almost as if I
can feel his hands on me when she
[Morissette] belts out the lyrics of
‘Head Over Feet,’” said Sarah.
Kaylee works at Wendy’s but is
only allowed in the back because
she once threw a slab of meat at
a customer who said that Billy
Blanks was a loser and a fake.
Kaylee collects and saves her
(and other people’s) used lollipop
sticks. She says that they will allow her to one day clone herself
and clone an army to follow her.
Sarah and Kaylee have both
dyed and cut their hair so many
times that there is no real hair left.
They just paste on the chunks of
hair that fall out of their scalps.
Sarah has a weird obsession with
Philip Seymour Hoffman (Star
of “Capote”). “His hairy, pudgy
body pierces my soul,” said Sarah.
Sarah has written a script about
two snowplow drivers who
fall madly in love at a gas station. She hopes to star as one of
the drivers opposite Hoffman.
Kaylee did the voice for Duckee in
“The Land Before Time 13.” That
has been her real voice since she
went through puberty at age ten.
Kaylee takes hormone pills
on a regular basis to make
her high pitched embarrassing “Duckee” voice lower.
Sarah has a very diverse dat-
ing history including artists,
“artists” and really anything
(Not anyone. It really is anything) that reminds her of her
“loves” (Coulier and Hoffman).
Kaylee has pined over football
player after football player, but
they all tend to run away when
she tells them “Let’s get married
and have three boys named Kevin, Brian and Howie and two girls
named Nicole (Nick for short)
and Alison Jane (A.J. for short).”
Sarah and Kaylee have
been best friends ever since
they ran into each other at the
opening of “Dr. Dolittle 2.”
“Eddie Murphy is the
greatest and hottest actor
ever,” they said in unison.
These two disturbed girls have
most recently decided to target
one Christina Huggins (a senior)
and her love of one of the most
widely renowned series of novels and some of the most praised
and awarded movies in cinematic
history, “The Lord of the Rings”
trilogy. In the mean time, Huggins calmly brushes off their
comments and plots her revenge.
“Friends” reunites for eleventh season o’ fun
by Maria Shoe-Moth
Friend
The cast and crew for the hit
show, “Friends” will be continuing their comedy series in an
11th season as of this summer.
The award-winning show’s cast
includes: Jennifer Anniston as
Rachel Green, Matt LeBlanc as
Joey Tribbiani, Courtney Cox as
Monica Geller, David Schwimmer as Ross Geller, Lisa Kudrow as Phoebe Buffay and Matthew Perry as Chandler Bing.
The series finale in 2004 ended
when Monica and Chandler adopted twins, Phoebe married her
boyfriend Mike, Ross and Rachel
got back together, and Joey complained about everything changing.
The new episodes will continue the end of the 10th season’s last scene when the group
decides to go drink coffee and
not going to
be very entertained by it.”
“The plot
line
doesn’t
really bother
me that much.
I think it will
be fun watching the cast
together again
after
three
years. I am
PHOTO COURTESY OF INTERNET
stoked to see
Pat joins the cast of “Friends” for an eleventh season that includes a love affair between Pat and one of the six friends. the show,” said
KremPat joins the cast of “Friends” for an eleventh season that includes a love affair between Pat and one of the six friends. Josh
lin, a fan of
Chandler asks, “Where?” The the directors plan to keep the show tually falls in love with Sarah Friends
“all
his
life.”
66-minute finale was named by confidential and will not release Chalke (Dr. Elliot Reid). Woah!
In an interview with Ryan
Entertainment Tonight as the any insight into the first episode.
Most opinions on the story Seacrest,
Jennifer Anniston
biggest TV moment of 2004.
Matt LeBlanc, however, has line are exciting and disgrun- said, “I am excited to keep the
Creators, David Crane and Marta given reporters some exclusives tling fans according to LeBlanc. show running. We really should
Kauffman, upheld the idea to con- on the first five episodes where
Fan of “Friends” TV show, have kept it going after the seatinue the show after their preceding Ross and Rachel plan to get Stewie Johnson said, “Jeez! What son finale. I’m just happy to
follow-up, “Joey,” got low ratings. married and Rachel is pregnant the heck is wrong with these peo- get back on it and work along
Insiders on the show say that the again. Leblanc said his charac- ple! The show was good the way side with old friends again.”
internet searches on the 11th sea- ter will find a role in the comedy it ended! Now they are interfering
Television Show Ratings (TVR)
son are off the charts. However, show Scrubs, where he even- with Scrubs? I can tell that I am is expecting the upcoming season
ISSUE 5
The Lewis and Clark High School Journal
Sports
PAGE 8
April 2008
Lebron’s nose smashed
after major incident with rim
by The Rim
Unyielding Nose Breaker
Cleveland Cavaliers all-star
forward Lebron James badly
fractured his nose last night after
getting his head stuck in the rim.
X-rays proved that he had indeed
broken at least three bones.
The game, in which James
scored 32 points and led his
team back from a 19 point third
quarter deficit, had a rather
unfortunate end for James and
his teammates. With 2:47 on the
clock in the fourth quarter, James
drove past Celtics guard Ray
Allen and elevated for one of his
patented poster-shot dunks over
Celtics center Kendrick Perkins.
However, this dunk did not go
quite as James had planned. As
James took his leap from a few
feet away from the hoop, he
jumped higher and farther than he
had ever before. He jumped over
the head of the 7’0” Perkins and
flushed the ball through the net.
What the capacity crowd
at Quicken Loans Arena in
Cleveland saw next nobody will
be able to explain. Following
the ball through the rim
was Lebron James himself.
James had nearly elevated
his entire body above the 10’
basket. As he began his descent
back toward hard ground, James
realized that his head was
going to get stuck in the rim.
He let out a high-pitched, shrill
scream. The man who everyone
had thought was invincible had
met his match. The same game that
had given him over $100 million
had severely damaged his nose.
PHOTO BY JODACI NEVAREZ
Twister has recently become a very fun activity for LC students.
Twister gains popularity
by Lexy Boop
Your Humdrum Eccentric
PHOTO COURTESY OF TUCKER CLARRY AND INTERNET
Lebron James had a terrible accident resulting in a broken nose.
James, who carried the
Cavaliers to the NBA Finals last
season, will likely be sidelined
for at least three weeks with
structural nose bridge damage.
Team doctors expect surgery
to be able to repair the fracture,
but they left the door open to a
possible unsuccessful surgery.
“While the surgery Lebron is
having performed does have
a high success rate, there is
still approximately an eight
percent chance that his nose will
remain deformed for the rest of
his life,” said Dr. Kerry Assil,
head of the Cavs medical staff.
James’ teammates are not only
worried about his health, but
they are worried about the future
of the team. With the playoffs
only three weeks away, several
players were skeptical about
James’ decision to go up for
such a monstrous dunk and put
himself and the team in danger.
Veteran guard Eric Snow has
seen both good and bad throughout
his NBA career. “I thought I had
seen everything before tonight,”
Snow said with chuckle. “I
can’t say I’ve ever seen someone
get their head stuck in the rim.”
“In all seriousness though, it
was a completely boneheaded
decision by Lebron,” Snow said.
“Being a leader and captain on
this team, Lebron really needs
to saddle up his responsibility.
While he’s on the pine for however
long that may be, all the role
players on this squad will have to
unite and try to get some wins.”
Guard Delonte West left
without talking to reporters.
He was seen storming out
of the locker room, visibly
upset with the night’s results.
While Lebron’s injury should be
taken with legitimate concern, the
Cavs’ future this season should
be the number one priority.
Animal activists pardon Vick
by Purnell Peace
Former Friend
Just several months following
the gruesome episode involving
Michael Vick and his secret
dog fighting operations, animal
rights activists are ready to
grant Vick a second chance.
Vick, a Pro Bowl caliber
quarterback for the Atlanta
Falcons, entered the NFL in 2001
as the first overall pick. Going
along with all the hype that is
associated with Vick being always
scrutinized publicly, is the pressure
for him to conduct himself as role
model to those who look up to him.
Behind nearly everyone’s back,
Vick managed a dog fighting
organization known as the “Bad
Newz Kennels” in Surry County,
VA. The Bad Newz Kennels was
operated out of an estate owned
by but seldom visited by Vick.
Several longtime childhood
friends of Vick chose to run Bad
Newz Kennels for him. However,
when confronted with possible
prison time, Vick’s three friends
sang like birds with all possible
information they knew about him.
Now with Vick behind bars until
at least the end of Nov., many
believe Vick is ready to change for
the better. That includes several
leading animal rights activists.
Princeton professor Peter
Singer is a leading animal rights
activist. “I think it’s about time
everyone gives Mr. Vick a second
PHOTO COURTESY OF TUCKER CLARRY AND INTERNET
Animal rights activists are
ready to give Michael Vick
a second chance which is
evident by his role in a new
movie
with
Diane
Lane.
chance,” Singer said. “Michael
has done a lot of good throughout
his career both on the football
field and in the community,
and I think there’s no reason to
believe that he won’t continue to
work hard to revamp his image.”
Elliot Katz is the author of “In
Defense of Animals,” a book
opposing all sorts of cruelty to
animals. “Don’t get me wrong,
Michael has made some choices
in his life that I know he is very
ashamed of,” Katz said.
“I
have a proposal to make for
everyone who has demeaned
Mr. Vick in any way: Please give
the man another opportunity.”
“Look at me, a well respected
journalist who disagrees with
many of the decisions Michael
has made,” Katz continued. “I
am definitely willing to move
on from his mistakes, and
let a formerly troubled man
resurrect his football career,
and all other aspects of his life.
Marc Bekoff, publisher of the
periodical “Animals Agenda,” is
an avid fantasy football player
and manages numerous teams on
an annual basis. “Michael was
one of my biggest contributors in
my keeper league from 2002 to
2005,” Bekoff said. “Over those
years, my team had three league
championships and one third place
finish. Out of loyalty to Michael,
I have kept him on my roster for
when he returns to the NFL.”
“I completely understand
the consequences that Michael
received are appropriate,” Bekoff
said. “But as an animal rights
activist and fantasy football
extraordinaire, I want to see
him return to prominence in the
NFL, and in the community.”
While Vick made some
silly mistakes, the world will
be losing one of the greatest
quarterbacks of this generation,
and an individual who could do
a lot of good in the community.
As the world can see, the
gruesome atrocities committed by
Michael Vick and his crew (The
Bad Newz Kennels) are being
taken surprisingly well by the
animal rights community. Now
only seven months away from
getting out of the slammer, Vick
will have a golden opportunity
to make good with the world.
Our LC varsity Twister team
yanked the lead from right under
the nose of Mead last night in
the LC field house. After many
weeks of training, all three of
our teams have been dying to
bring their moves to the mat.
Varsity TOTALLY brought it.
“Oh my…they were so
fabulicious!” said junior Inowhat
Urtheenking. As team captain of
the boys JV team, Urtheenking
is pumped for their game against
CV Monday night. There is also
the girls (JV) team, of all ages and
lastly the varsity team- consisting
of both males and females.
All three teams went through
training and tryouts for the first
two weeks of the season. Senior
Indiana Jones said, “Trainin’ was
as hard as tryin’a drive a bull
from ‘em red capes.” Twenty
people can be on each team.
Captain Billy Blanks of the
varsity team said, “Pumped
day in! Pumped day out! We’ve
got it down.” Some of these
moves include the “cat back”,
the “matrix”, and the “noodle”.
In the “cat back” you have to
bend over the torso of another to
make a cross-shape face down,
arching your back as much as
possible and touching the mat
with the bare tips of your toes
and fingers. The “matrix” move
is self-explanatory: facing up
you bend your knees all the way
so your keister barely misses the
mat, holding your position with
feet flat and fingertips touching
the colorful spots required.
“It looked just like it did in the
movie!” said a younger sibling
of team member Joe Bob about
her older brother’s “matrix”
move in the game against Mead.
“This one dude pulled a
totally rad matrix move last
night. His arms were shaking
major
intensely…I
totally
though he was toast, but man
did he prove me wrong!” said
freshman Gerlzrool Boiyzdrool,
captain of the girl’s JV team.
Many injuries have occurred
since training began. Students
sometimes end up with sprained
ankles, dislocated shoulders, and
many bloody noses- due to the
elbows frantically jabbing to find
a hold before their bottom touches
the mat, therefore colliding with
the miserable faces of those
whom hold true to their pose.
“A lot of us have really been beat
up, but it’s worth it. The best game
in the world is now professionally
competitive, and we are on top,”
said sophomore Chya Mon.
The Twista Sistaz (of LC) are
playing the Licorice Ladiez
(of Ferris) Tuesday night, and
Wednesday Curly Fries (our
varsity) play the Spandextic Spews.