VampireSurvivalGuide

Your
VA
PI R E
s u r v i va l
guide
open immediately - your life depends on it
Even in your darkest dreams, you would never
have imagined.
The air becomes colder and the nights darker. You
question every stranger and sometimes even your
closest friends.....wondering, could they be one?
Money has become even more of a prized possession.
Using it wisely to defend against the darkness is a
must.
You have to become the ultimate hunter. Now is the
time to prepare.
THE VA
PIRES ARE COMING.
The vampires are coming and your Member One credit
card is your lifeline. Stock up on weapons to become the
ultimate vampire hunter:
THE SILVER CRUCIFIX
THE SILVER CRUCIFIX
USE: Makes those vampires whimper like babies with just
the glimpse of your trusty crucifix.
BOOBY TRAPS
USE: When the sneaky little suckers try to pull a fast
one, you will be one step ahead of them by placing traps
around your home.
BOOBY TRAPS
HOLY WATER SUPER SOAKER
USE: Grab an arsenal of these bad boys to soak those
vampires back into submission.
Armed with the low rate and low monthly payment
of a Member One credit card, you can have a whole
arsenal of vampire smoking weapons.
HOLY WATER SUPER SOAKER
With vampires at every turn, a trusty getaway car is a
Low rates, easy payments and the quick loan decision
must. It’s time to get rid of that point A to B clunker. Not
will be the only thing faster than your getaway car.
only do you need to invest in a faster car, you’ll need to
make custom adjustments:
SUNLIGHT POWERED
HEADLIGHTS
To blaze a vampire-free trail.
B E FO R E
PURE SILVER
EXTERIOR
Indestructible to vampires
and well, it just looks
sweeeeeeet.
AFTER
FAST ACTING
FLAME THROWERS
Take the vampires out
from a distance.
The run of the mill security system won’t stop those
pesky vampires. With a Member One Home Equity, you
can have all the bells and whistles of your new security
system with your fixed low rate and flexible terms.
MOTION SENSING
SUNLAMPS
Put an immediate
halt in their tracks.
B E FO R E
SILVER DOOR KNOBS
Just a turn of these
knobs will send them
screaming for mercy.
GARLIC GARDEN
One whiff will curl more
than their nose hairs!
AFTER
Tired of dealing with the invasion? Say sayonara
with your new private island, all thanks to your
Member One Mortgage. The vampires can’t win
against the competitive interest rates and you’ll
be enjoying the sunshine before the vampires can
show their teeth.
Your Member One Personal Loan
can give you everything you need to
build one glorious-bad-breath-inducingvampire-halting-garlic-garden.
In preparation for the invasion, a Personal Loan can
help you cultivate your own garlic garden. Eating
garlic not only helps keep relatives out of your grill,
but also keeps vampires at bay by wearing it around
your neck.
And hey, if you make your garden large
enough, you can sell garlic to your neighbors
to earn extra cash.
CHECKING
At some point, the vampire invasion will end and you
will no longer need to hide the cash from your garlic
garden in the silver lock box under your bed. All of
the post-vampire products you’ll need can be found at
Member One:
and SAVINGS accounts that don’t suck.
CERTIFICATES
and IRAs with rates that don’t bite.
The EASE and CONVENIENCE of accessing your account
when the vampires are defeated and the world is happy
and good again.
And let’s not forget—the only suckers left will be the ones
we give out in the drive-thru.
WHENEVER IN DOUBT
YOU + CRUCIFIX: KILLS VAMPIRE
YOU + BOOBY TRAPS: KILLS VAMPIRE
YOU + HOLY WATER SUPER SOAKER: KILLS VAMPIRE
YOU + CUSTOM GETAWAY CAR: KILLS VAMPIRE
YOU + SUNLAMPS: KILLS VAMPIRE
YOU + GARLIC POTPOURRI: KILLS VAMPIRE
YOU + SILVER: KILLS VAMPIRE
YOU + GARLIC GARDEN: KILLS VAMPIRE
YOU + PRIVATE ISLAND: ANNOYS VAMPIRE
YOU + MEMBER ONE:
THE VAMPIRES DON’T STAND A CHANCE
Keep this guidebook close; in fact, you must never let
it out of your sight. If the vampires find the secrets to
destroying their world, your world may indeed be
the one destroyed.
Why are you still reading this? The time has come
and Member One will help you prepare.
Go, hunter, go.
Call or click for resources to defend against the
vampire invasion:
800.666.8811
MEMBERONEFCU.COM
Your savings federally insured to at least $250,000
and backed by the full faith and credit of the United States Government
EQUAL HOUSING
LENDER
Federally insured by the NCUA.
NCUA
National Credit Union Administration, a U.S. Government Agency
PRESORTED
STANDARD
U.S. POSTAGE
PAID
PERMIT #78
ROANOKE, VA
open immediately - your life depends on it