Getting Results Together - ACAM-CEO

MMT2
Getting Results
Together
MMT1
Matt Townsend, Ph.D.
Author: “STARVED Stuff…Feeding The Seven Basic Needs of Healthy Relationships”
Slide 1
MMT1
Start with the STory about the wife so excited to get on the hunt with her husband. She starts firing her gun an yelling get away from
my deer, get away from my dear...Ok says the cowboy, I'd love to, let me just take my saddle off of it.
Matt Townsend, 7/28/2010
MMT2
Matt Townsend, 7/28/2010
Relating Comes Easier
For Some
Rules of Reaching Out
1. “In order to influence someone positively you must first be influenced by them.”
2. “I don’t care how much you know until I know how much you care.”
3. “One cannot, not, communicate.”
The Benefit of Team in a
“Pursuit”
• Sydney 2000 Olympics
• Men’s Ind. 4km
– 4:18.515
• Men’s Team 4km
– 3:59.710
• 18.81 more efficient Getting More With Less
1+1=4
1 + 1 = -7
“The Relationship” or
So“Space
whereBetween”
is the extra
the
value coming from?
“The Space Between”
“It is the silence between
the notes that makes the
music; it is the space between
the bars that holds the tiger.”
‐ Noah benShea
What Hurts Your
Relationships at Work?
Turf Wars
Deadlines
Promotions
Differing Personalities
Change
Moving Goals
Government Legislation
Communication Issues
Performance
Reviews
A Broken System!
“Smoke”
Feelings
• Hurt
• Embarrassed
• Ignored
• Frustrated
• Hopeless
• Who cares?
Indifferent
Turf Wars
Deadlines
Promotions
Differing Personalities
Changing laws
Moving Goals
Professional Differences
Communication Issues
Performance
Reviews
Actions
• Fight/Flight
• Sabotage
• Gossip
• Look for
new jobs
• Disengaged
STARVED People
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
Starve People
More Selfish
More Reactive
More Polarizing
Negatively Interpret More
Disengaged
More Likely to Abandon
The 7 Basic Needs of Healthy
Relationships
Turf Wars
Deadlines
Promotions
Differing Personalities
Change
Moving Goals
Professional Differences
Communication Issues
Performance Reviews
Safety
Trust
Appreciation
Respect
Validation
Encouragement
Dedication
STARVED Spiral
“Arrows Out”
Character
Communication
Positively Connected
Engagement
“Stay In!”
The Four Courses To Feed
The STARVED Relationship
• Character
– Builds Mutual Trust.
• Communication
– Enables Mutual Understanding.
• Cooperation
– Facilitates Mutual Benefit.
• Change
– Fosters Mutual Growth.
The Course on
Character
Building Mutual Trust
Higher Brain and
Lower Brain
What color is this?
What color are your
teeth supposed to be?
What color is the snow on this mountain?
What do cows drink?
The Course on
Communication
Building Mutual
Understanding
Japanese Symbols
“To Listen”
Undivided
Attention
Ears
Eyes
You
Heart
Time To Get “REAL”
Lift by


80/20 Rule
 Agree, Accept
 Apologize
 Affirm
Use “And” not buts
Attend by



Shutting Mouth
Higher Brain
Eye To Eye
Kids
Money
Work & Schedules
Sex
Hobbies
In Laws & Family
Drugs & Alcohol
Communication
Friends
You Seem…
Mad, Glad, Sad
Scared, Spent
What’s Going
On?
Explore their
Content
 Feelings
 STARVED
Stuff

When Do You Need To
Get REAL?
• When the Vitals are unstable
– Negative Emotion – Misunderstanding – Distrust • Past Issues that had unstable vitals
• Sensitive Issues
– Smokey Issues, STARVED Stuff, Giving Feedback, Complex Issues
“ The Wind and the Sun”
- Aesop’s Fables
Time To Get “REAL”
Turf Wars
Deadlines
Promotions
Differing Personalities
Spirit of
Building
Spirit of
Inviting
Change Initiatives
Moving Goals
Government Legislation
Communication
Performance Reviews
Spirit of
Compassion
Spirit of
Understanding
The Course on
Cooperation
Building Mutual Benefit
38
28
4
2
30
14
24
5
9
8
“You can’t see the forest
for the trees.”
The Course on
Change
Fosters Mutual Growth
“Let us become the change we seek in the world.”
‐ Ghandi
His Hotness…
Mr. Puffy Pants!