This Issue France Firebombing Eddie Guerrero 1967

Lying, Cheating and Stealing, Since 1971
Volume XXXV Issue 6
France Firebombing
Lauren Filiatreault
Staff Writer
The France riots in recent weeks
are the markings of the worst
riotings since 1968. The riots represent the anger that has built up over
years of social discrimination, poor
housing and unemployment that is
in France.
It all began on October 27, 2005,
when two teens who thought they
were being chased by the police, ran
inside a power substation to hide
and were electrocuted. Their deaths
cause hundreds of youths to riot in
Paris suburb Clichy-sous-Bois, setting fire to shops and vehicles. Many
of the rioting youths are from the
poorest suburbs and are unemployed.
Many acts of violence and setting cars on fire continue, even
though France’s President Jacques
Chirac declared a state of emergency
and imposed a curfew in towns in
France. While the number of burned
vehicles have fallen to 98 as compared to 1400 from last Sunday, the
anger among youth in France’s poorest suburbs has not quelled. Cars are
not just the targets for the rioters.
They have also attacked churches,
synagogues, mosques, primary and
nursery schools, town halls, ware-
This Issue
Fair Trade
Page 4
Confessions Page 4
Sus4life
Page 7
Harry Potter Page 11
Alouettes
Page 15
News.............................................2
Campus......................................4
Comics.........................................7
Games Page............................8
Entertainment.......................10
Opinions....................................12
Arts...............................................14
Sports..........................................15
houses and police stations. So far, the damage estimated by the The French Federation of Insurance Companies is about $234
million dollars - including $23 million
dollars for the damaged vehicles. 9000 cars
have been destroyed along with hundres
of buildings.
President Jacques Chirac is not the only
one youths are angry at. Interior Minister
Nicolas Sarkozy inflamed the youths passion by referring them as “scum”, and introduced emergency measures such as curfews on Wednesday. “If you want to live
in France with a residency permit you have
to abide by the laws .... Immigration laws
allow expulsions. I am the interior minis-
ter and I will apply the law,” Sarkozy
said. “All those who wish to commit
acts of violence will be brought to
justice.” France has threatened to deport those who were guilty on any
of the crimes.
“We’ll stop when Sarkozy steps
down,” a youth under the name
‘Murat’ said, as he and a group of
several others awaited the ride to a
police station after ramming a car into
a housing project.
Many have been arrested during
the riots. Many have denied of participating in the riots, and were only
in the area because they have lived
My Two Cents, Page 5
Eddie Guerrero
Here we are again, readers— I hope you
find this Issue of Bandersnatch as interesting as the last one (possibly even more).
Now, I’ve had another 2 weeks to find
stuff that annoys me to no end. But I’ve
been raking my brain for the past few days,
with no avail. People tell me, “Write about
how yellow is a horrible colour,” or, “Write
about how fat people are easy to make fun
of ”. But, you know, that’s just plain uncalled for. Instead, I’ve chosen a subject
that comes to me fairly often. My face.
The Movies, Page 15
I've been waiting for this one for a while,
ever since I heard it announced actually, so here’s
the lowdown. The Movies is the latest game
by Lionhead Studios, with the even more famous name of Peter Molyneux attached to it.
In it you create your own movie studio, hire
your actors, directors, crew, writers, and all the
other people required to make that lame Bgrade film that you will no doubt produce.
1967-2005
Off the Top Rope
Page 16
there, or they wanted to see what was
going on. Approximately 2767 people
have been arrestedsince the beginning
of the unrest.
Cisse Daillou, 21, was accused of
torching cars on November 2, and gave
his reason to an expedited-trial on November 21. “I ran because everybody
ran,” Diallou murmured. “I saw the
cars burning, the riot police coming.
Everybody ran, so I ran.” His case is
just one of 600 other expedited-trials,
with 380 convictions already made.
“You mustn’t say it’s just the immigrants taking part in all this,” says
one young man in Aulnay. “It’s not
just the Muslims and the blacks and
the Arabs involved. There’s the Portuguese, the Vietnamese, the French.
They always generalise and say, ‘It’s the
blacks and the Arabs.’ But it’s all races
together, all those who live in the suburbs.”
President Jacques Chirac spoke on
November 14, saying that the riots are
a “profound malaise”. He has ordered
new measures to reach out to these
youths and fight the discrimination at
the root of their cause. He has pointed
a finger at the youth’s parents, stating
that, “Parental authority is vital. Families must assume all of their responsibilities.” However, he reaches out to
the disgruntled youth in the suburbs.
“I want to say to the children of difficult neighborhoods, whatever their origins, that they are all the daughters and
sons of the Republic,” he said.
Many have stated that this problem stems from the racism in France.
Many black and Arab youths say they
are not employed because of their skin
colour. This ‘racism’ may fuel many of
them to burn cars and buildings, but
the main problem is purely economical. France doesn’t have the same economic policies as in North America. For
instance, if a French company employing more than 600 people wants to fire
someone, it must deal with administrative procedures that last an average
of 106 days. Since it is hard to fire
someone, French companies are less
willing to hire someone and train them,
and this hurts the 21 percent of youth
who are unemployed. Even if they are
employed, only 40 percent of French
workers will remain employed for more
than a year.
Prime Minister Dominique de
Villepin said young people in France
who are unemployed, “must be given
hope.”
BANDERSNATCH
John Abbott College
P.O. Box 2000
Sainte-Anne-de-Bellevue, QC
H9X 3L9
Phone: (514) 457-6610 Ext 5389
Fax: (514) 457-6091
Office: H-041
[email protected]
Editor-in-Chief
Robert J. Briza
News Editor
Gabe Frazer-McKEE
Assistant Editor-in-Chief
Jessica Kalmar
Campus Life Editor
Jason Dubeau
Opinion Editor
Li Kennedy
Entertainment Editor
Judy Gelsthorpe
Sports Editor
Joanna Lozowik
Arts Editor
Stephanie Quain
Comics Editor
Ashley Fairweather
Office Manager
Nicki Fleming
Games Page Editors
Blayne Bradley
Justin Banks
Production Manager
Trevor Smith
the creator of
sus4life, which can be seen in our comics
section, as well as their website,
www.sus4life.ca.tt. Check it out, it’s really
amazing. She also does another comic for
us, “Banderites”, featuring none other that
Bandersnatch’s wicked awesome staff. This
all began, when she sent me an email, asking if there was some way we could advertise her website. I replied by telling her to
drop by our production room, in H-004.
The room numbers aren’t really obvious,
so I added that the door would be held
open by a pylon, I found on an island…and
that’s how she found us. We sat down,
and finally decided to run her comic. After
seeing what freaks we really are, she actually
decided to start another comic, “Banderites”
based on us.
Hello Readers and
Robaholics,
welcome
to
Bandersnatch, Issue 6! This week is Sexual
Awareness Week. Some Banderites and I
went to the Café Aphrodisia, in the Agora.
Afterward, I won the Basket…yes the basket, filled with chocolate…well, parts of
the human anatomy, sculpted in
chocolate…but chocolate non the less. And
Beef Jerky, no pun intended. I gave the
Bailey’s to my production manager, Trevor
Smith, because without him, I would not
have been able to have received this great
honour…of the sex basket…from Bill.
Basically, I got a $25 gift certificate for Cape
Cod, a bottle of wine, a box of glow in the
dark condoms, a bottle of chocolate body
topping, and some sex dice…from Bill.
Yeah.
Judy, our Entertainment Editor, is really good at catching food with her mouth.
I’m not sure why I decided to at that tidbit of information.
So, yeah, this last two weeks have been
quite eventful in Bandersnatch. People in
Roy Fu’s 8:30 classes on Monday and
Wednesday, have had the pleasure, no, the
honour of having me speak to their class.
It’s kind of weird, going from sitting in
my basement, writing articles, to talking to
a class. That’s crazy, it really is.
Anyway, the semester is coming to a
close, and you know what that means!
Slanderbatch is next issue. Slander is always
great; keep an eye out for next issue.
SUJAC UPDATE
Staff Writers
Crystal De Lena
Lindsay Cotton
Krystyna Glavinovic
Kristine Turnbull
Lauren Filiatreault
2
And they're
glow in the
dark too?!
We finally have an official Comics section, and a new Editor, Ashley Fairweather,
Webmaster
Eric Chan
Bandersnatch is the student-run Alternative Press at John Abbott College. It is published every two weeks and is partially
funded by the Student Activities Commitee
and by advertising solicited members. Submissions are welcome in traditionally either English or French and become property of the newspaper. Submissions must
be on an IBM compatible diskette along
with a printed hard copy and MUST be in
Tex t For ma t ( * . t x t ) o r R i ch Te x t Fo r ma t
(*.RTF). All submissions must include the
full name and telephone number of the
contributor, as well as the e-mail address
if applicable. The staff reserves the right
to reject or edit any submissions for length,
legality, or clarity. Letters to Bandersnatch
should be a maximum of 500 words but
may see print nonetheless if they are longer
but worthwhile. Neither spelling nor grammar will be corrected on letters to the editors, it is the responsibility of the contributor to correct them. Submissions and
letters should be dropped off at the
Bandersnatch office, located in the basement of Herzberg, H-041 (across from the
Hallway entrance of the oval). Good Job
Jess, You Go Girl!
Rob Says:
Lots and lots happened at SUJAC
this week! First, I would like to welcome your new Congress members:
Diane Abdulahad, Amar Bihindi,
Justin Giovannetti, Meghan Jackson,
Cheryl Laberge, Jaime Raphael, Maria
Roeden, and Rylan Vroom.
Over 1,500 signatures have been
collected so far on the Grade Review
Petitions. That is almost 1/3 of the
entire Student Body! The Grade Review
change system is in sight and, hopefully, by the end of the next semester,
the system will be fair towards the student. If you haven’t already signed
the Petition, just think that it could
happen to any one of you, so come to
Penfield 101 for more info and to sign.
C OAC
(Confederation
of
Anglophone CEGEPs) held its third
meeting this semester on Friday, November 11. It was a successful Collegial get-together with many member
Colleges present, except Dawson…but,
hey, they’re no-shows most of the time
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anyway. We touched on many issues
that involved the students and student
population, notably the Teachers Strike
discussed a possible COAC fund, a
treasury account that would be used in
emergency measures and for press
releases…kind of like a political war
chest, if you will.
As for the Strike, as you know, the
Teachers held their first Strike on
Thursday, November 17, and they have
a mandate to strike up to 3 more times
this semester. Rumors are circulating
though, that the Faculty Union has run
out of money and will most likely not
be able to afford a Strike next semester. Although, please keep in mind that
these are only rumors! One pretty reliable fact is that the next Teachers Strike
is planned for Wednesday, November
30, however, again like the last time, if
this is cancelled or changed, you will
be notified by various sources (the
College website: www.johnabbott.qc.ca
bandersnatch
http://
,
Omnivox:
johnabbott.omnivox.ca, College TV
monitors, notices around the College,
recorded message at 514-457-6610, and
various radio stations.)
The smell of Federal elections is in
the air and so is the talk of post-secondary education funding. The Federal government is being pressured to
transfer $2.2 BILLION to the Provinces, with a possible $6.2 Million going to Abbott! That’s a lot of poutine!
SUJAC, the Teachers’ Union, COAC,
as well as the College, will be lobbying
to get these funds for us.
In view of these funds, the College has asked the Student Union to
create a wish-list, in order to get the
students’ input. Any comments or
suggestions will be welcomed by the
Student population.
If you have any questions or would
like to talk about anything, please drop
by SUJAC, P-101, anytime.
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Germany
Elects First
Female
Chancellor
Lauren Filiatreault
Staff Writer
On November 22, 2005, Angela Merkel
was sworn in as Germany’s first female
chancellor. The shrewd woman is the head
of Christian Democratic Union (a party
formed between her conservative party and
center-left Social Democrats), and was
known more about tact and less about charisma during the inconclusive election. She
was unlike the former German Chancellor
Gerhard Schroeder, known for his wit and
charm.
After she found out she was elected to
be Germany’s first female and first eastern
German Chancellor, Merkel told reporters:
“I feel good, and I’m very content. I’m
happy.”
She now will lead of one of Europe’s
largest country that faces low growth, high
unemployment, and a welfare state that requires improvement.
“What is most important is to create
new jobs,” Merkel said of her government’s
aims. More plans for her country’s resolution include: to raise the retirement age,
reduce a range of subsidies, and loosen rigid
laws that make it difficult to fire workers.
Another of her plans is to renew the
relationship with the U.S, after her predecessor Gerhard Schroeder refused Germany’s participation with the Iraq War. She is
expected early next year to meet President
Bush in Washington.
“Merkel will bring a change in atmospherics between the U.S. and Germany,”
said Gunther Hellmann, a political analyst
November 25
Is BUY Nothing
Day
Laura Foth
Contributor
On Black Friday, the busiest day in
the North American retail calendar and
the unofficial start of the Christmasshopping season, thousands of young
people in 65 countries will take a 24hour consumer detox as part of the
13th annual Buy Nothing Day, a global phenomenon that originated in
Vancouver, Canada. From setting up
zombie marches through malls, dressing up as shopping sheep and consumer piggies to organizing credit card
cut-ups and shopoholic clinics, Buy
Nothing Day participants aim to challenge themselves, their families and
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at Johann-Wolfgang-Goethe University in
Frankfurt. “She will find a new consensus
on foreign policy. But she won’t send troops
to Iraq. Even the U.S.’s other European
allies want to get out of Iraq.”
Raised in an East German farm town,
Merkel did not join the communist opposition and her political aspirations ignited
only after the Berlin Wall fell. She rose
through the ranks of the CDU, and her
leadership showed a rising trend in the nation’s politics: young politicians from the
former communist east.
“It’s not a big deal anymore that the
chancellor’s a woman,” said Dietmar Herz,
a political scientist at Erfurt University.
“There’s more discussion these days about
leaders coming from the former East Germany. They’re more pragmatic.”
While it is geography and not gender
that was the topic for many Germans during the elections, some believe she will have
a hard time during her term.
“She will have a tough job in a men’s
world,” Anna-Maria Pauly, a Berlin grandmother, said of the new chancellor. “Most
men, no matter what political side, will envy
her power. What I hope for is more humanity. We are really in a mess and so many
things need to be sorted out. I wish her
luck and I hope she has good advisors.”
Germans have found her to be enig-
matic. However she is also regarded as a
politician of integrity, a woman with a keen
mind and fierce determination. Her private
life is rarely mentioned: she was married
and divorced in the 1980s, and has since
been re-married to leading German chemist, Joachim Sauer.
Uwe Hellwig, a Berlin businessman, expressed his thoughts on the new Chancellor: “I hope and expect a boost for the
German economy. I voted for Merkel, not
because of Merkel as a person, but because
I wanted a change. I think she can handle
the big challenges. She’s completely unvain, that’s what we need now.”
their friends to switch off from shopping and tune into life for a day. The
event, which was featured by CNN last
year, is celebrated as a holiday by some,
a street party by others
and is free. Anyone can
take part provided they
spend a day without
spending. And as a special twist for this year’s festivities Adbusters is joining forces with the makers of the controversial
documentar y Walmar t:
The High Cost of Low
Price, to call on
Adbusters’ 85,000 global
Culture Jammers to focus
their creative resistance
against North America’s
big gest retailer. People
who take the BND plunge
are in for a surprise, says Kalle Lasn,
co-founder of Adbusters Media Foundation, which turned Buy Nothing Day
into an annual event, it’s hard to sup-
press the impulse to buy for 24 hours...
you suffer, you sweat, it can be as hard
as giving up smoking or any other addiction. But if you make it through
the environmental and ethical consequences of escalating per capita consumption in the west, which has increased 45 per cent over the past 20
years. The 20 per cent of the
world’s population living in
developed consume over 80
per cent of the earth’s natural resources, causing a disproportionate level of environmental damage and unfair distribution of wealth.
For 24 hours, millions of
people around the world do
not participate in the
d o o m s d ay e c o n o m y, t h e
marketing mind-games, and
the frantic consumer-binge
that’s become our culture. We
p a u s e . We m a ke a s m a l l
choice not to shop. We shrink
our footprint and gain some
calm. To gether we say: enough is
enough. And we help build this movement to rethink our unsustainable
course.
bandersnatch
2005 - 11 - 23
the day, you feel great, it can be a life
changing experience... you may even
decide to celebrate your Christmas differently. Buy Nothing Day also exposes
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3
Kinky Confessions and Bedroom Blowouts
Laura Jankovics
Staff writer
So, our usual sex columnist seems to be
temporarily out of action, so I thought I
would, um, fill in. There is also the fact that I
have noticed some slight misinformation in
the other column. Well, now’s my chance to
show you what I’ve got… unfortunately, if I
did that, it would be censored, so I’ll just
parade my writing abilities instead. Hmm,
where to start… I guess I’ll start at the beginning, virginity.
In today’s society, virginity gets very mixed
reviews. In the past, things were very different; first there were the polytheistic societies
that worshipped gods like Dionysus, the god
of wine and fertility, and participated in orgies and other rituals that were later frowned
upon. Then there were the Christians, who, in
an attempt to distance themselves from the
pagan religions, made sex out to be something
only to be experienced within marriage. Today, we have a combination of the two; in
society, sex is viewed as something to be used
to sell products. So it’s only logical that people are losing their virginity at a younger age.
But is that really what is acceptable in society? Either way, people are having sex earlier,
with all the sex going on, I think we need a
guide for how and when to give it up.
It’s a completely personal decision based
on personal beliefs and self- knowledge. My
belief is that whether you wait for marriage
or lose it at fourteen, you should know yourself before you physically know someone else.
I know many people who started having sex
before they were mentally prepared and to
this day they have an unhealthy view of sex.
Then again, I have a friend who had sex before she knew that it’s supposed to be a big
deal and she’s perfectly well balanced and has
a healthy appetite for sex. Obviously, there is
no formula for sex, so don’t listen to what
society tells you, just do what feels right, and
enjoy yourself.
As for how to lose it, that depends on
your personal preference, your sexuality, and
a lot of it depends on whether or not you are
in a relationship. I’ll start with couples, since
it is generally easier for someone in a relationship to have sex. The first step to having sex is
discussing it with your partner because it has
to be consensual. And who knows, they could
be waiting, and under the impression that you
are too. If that happens, you can decide to
wait with them or you can find someone else.
For those of you who don’t have a significant other waiting for you, there are still
several options. First, there is the option of
meeting someone at school who you would
like to date, ask them out, and if all goes well,
end up back at my last paragraph. Or you can
find someone who you feel comfortable with
and, hopefully, are attracted to, and when you
are ready, take them home… or let them take
you home… or as the other columnist pointed
out, take them to your car if you feel better
about it. I’ll get into more detail later. Of
course, picking people up is generally easier
for straight people since hitting on someone
of the opposite sex is generally considered the
“norm”. But since I’m a major supporter of
equality (not to mention that I’m bisexual)
I’ll try to give some insight into picking up
someone of the same gender.
The most obvious way of picking up that
same-sex special someone is to find them in a
bar that caters to the homosexual dating community. But then, what about those who are
unable to get in for reasons such as age, lack
of finances, etc.? How do they pick people
up? Well, the first step is talking to people,
finding out their interests… maybe finding
out if they’re interested. School is still one of
the best ways to meet people if you can’t go
elsewhere. If you still have trouble meeting
people, you can always go join the GALA
club where you can meet other people who
are going through the same issues.
If you are going to try and pick people up
at a bar, you may as well know some cheesy
pickup lines. I don’t know how effective
they’ll be, but they’re at least good for a laugh,
so here they are:
- I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with
you instead?
- Are those astronaut pants? Because your
@$$ is out of this world
- Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
- Do you know what I heard when I saw
you? The ambulance coming to take me away
because you stole my heart
- I lost my phone number, can I have
yours?
- Hi, my name is Milk and I’ll do your
body good
- If you were a booger I’d pick you
- If you were a bass I’d stuff you and
mount you
- Nice legs, what time do they open?
- If I told you that you have a nice body,
would you hold it against me?
- Hey, is that a mirror in your pocket?
‘Cause I can see myself in your pants
And the classic:
- How you doin’?
Here’s wishing all my readers a good and
healthy sex life… if they want it.
sues that are not made with recycled fibres
but with millions upon millions of unnecessarily-cut Canadian trees.
In promoting fair trade coffee,
H.E.A.L. has ensured that this coffee is
being sold at the Munchbox and in the
cafeteria. Also, every week, H.E.A.L. has
been setting up booths from 8:00-10:45
am in Stewart Hall to give out free
fair trade coffee along with information concerning the issue at hand.
Next week, look out for them next
to the Munchbox to get your daily
dose of (fair trade) coffee. Know this:
by simply buying fair trade coffee,
you’re ensuring that the lives of the
farmers that cultivate and produce the
coffee beans are better off, and that
the beans themselves are grown more
organically (the coffee beans are shade
grown versus chemically fertilized and
sprayed with pesticides).
On December 8th in the Agora
alcove, check out what H.E.A.L. has
done and what you can do to make
this world a better place, both for people and for the environment. If
you’re interested in becoming a member of H.E.A.L., attend a meeting
(they are announced in the Daily Info)
or
e-mail
Céline
at
[email protected]. You definitely can make a difference.
Fair Trade Certified
Krystyna Glavinovic
Contributor
Coffee, what is it? A beverage made
from ground beans of the same name, cultivated in the tropical areas of the world by
farmers trying to make a decent living, although they are only paid approximately
two to three dollars a day. Coffee is a big
part of North American culture: it is the
second only to oil as the most traded product in the world. The fact that Americans
are more aware of Canada’s Tim Horton’s
than they are of our prime minister’s name
is proof enough that coffee holds deep
meaning to the majority of Americans.
The farmers on these plantations, earning less than one hundred and fifty dollars
each month, live in horrible conditions as
the prices they receive for the coffee they
produce are much lower than the cost to
actually produce the coffee, leaving them in
debt. Many farmers, forced to fulfill a certain quota when gathering the beans, can
only gather that amount by making their
children work as well. Child labour becomes
a problem that is hard to prevent as these
children, under the law, have technically not
4
been assigned to work.
The price per pound of coffee (approximately $0.85/lb, where the farmer
only receives $0.20-0.40/lb due to middlemen who snag up any money they
can) is much lower than the fair trade
standards of $1.26/lb, where the
money does not even pass through
the hands of middlemen, also
known as "coyotes", but goes straight
to the farmers themselves.
But what has this got to do with
me, you ask? Is there even anything I
can do?
John Abbott College has their
own environmental club, as many of
you know, called H.E.A.L., short for
Helping Environmental Actions &
Learning. It has organized several
programs to help you become more
aware of the world’s actions in promoting fair trade coffee. The club, always with the improvement of the
environment on their minds, has also
been working within the JAC community to boycott Kimberly-Clarke
products such as Kleenex, which destroy Canada’s boreal forests daily just
so you can blow your nose with tis-
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Credit awarded to Bill Mahon
from Sexual Awareness Day
in the Agora
Here we are again, readers— I hope
you find this Issue of Bandersnatch as
interesting as the last one (possibly
even more). Now, I’ve had another 2
weeks to find stuff that annoys me to
no end. But I’ve been raking my brain
for the past few days, with no avail.
People tell me, “Write about how yellow is a horrible colour,” or, “Write
about how fat people are easy to make
fun of ”. But, you know, that’s just
plain uncalled for. Instead, I’ve chosen a subject that comes to me fairly
often. My face.
Yes! My face, believe it or not, has
been a subject that keeps coming up
for some reason. Some editors have
told me, “Hey Trev, Your Face!” while
other, creepier people (yes, there are
creepy people outside of Bandersnatch)
have told me that I have very nice cheekbones. Personally, I find that my face
is pretty normal. I wake up in the morning, take a shower, brush my teeth, and
there’s my face, looking at me in the
bandersnatch
mirror. I sometimes shave my face,
which makes people not as annoyed
with me, and makes me not as rugged
and unkempt as I usually am, but
sometimes I just wake up and head
off to school… that happens more often than not.
Now I wouldn’t go around saying
I have a normal face, would I? Some
people have round faces, some have
square faces, and some even have ugly
faces. The point is, I have a face and I
like it very much. In terms of cosmetic
surgery, I’d probably never do it, because then people wouldn’t say, “your
face” they’d say, “Brad Pitt’s face” (although I’d probably get more attention with his face). My lack of individuality would surely drive me to the
brink of insanity.
For those of us who have a terrible
memory, it usually helps to have an individual face. Don’t tell me you haven’t
walked up to someone and said, “Hey,
I know your face from somewhere”.
bandersnatch
2005 - 11 - 23
Granted, it’s a great pick-up line (or so
I hear), and that’s how most of us
know who the hell
everybody else is!
Why, without a face
(namely mine) I
probably wouldn’t
even know who I
w a s. I ’d wa l k
around the school,
lost and confused,
without a face to
get an idea of who
I was. I shudder to
think of such a day.
All this talk of
Faces makes me
think back to that
movie “Face/Off ”
starring that really
awesome face in
Hollywood, John Travolta and some
other guy that isn’t important. I can’t
remember who won in the end, but all
I know is John Travolta has a really
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cool face. What else matters other than
that?
Don’t be fooled,
I’m staying on
subject for this
Two Cents. To add
some
more
thought on my
own face, I’d say
that it is not only
somewhat attractive (I have Exes
that will vouch for
me), I think my face
is relatively individual. Some people say it’s cur vy,
o t h e r s s ay i t ’s
dreamy (I wish);
the point is, my
face is my face. So
to all you readers out there who like to
say “Your face!” towards those people
with faces, all I have to say is: You’re
Damn Right!
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7
Sid Meier
Strikes Back!
Blayne Bradley
Games Page Editor
Three; it’s a magic number, but
why? I don’t know, but we have all
sorts of catch phrases, such as “trouble comes in threes!” and “The third
time is the charm!” Thus it seems that
the number three has struck again with
three all-new games that came out this
year; Call of Duty 2, Quake 4, and finally Civilization IV. While the former
two games are all well and good, financial difficulties however prevent me
from fully researching and exploring
them. Civilization IV, however, was
more easily obtainable and so has
gotten my attention, and is the game
that I shall now review.
Civilization I started an epoch of
turn-based strategy games, where you
were in control of one of the world's
leading civilizations and guided it
through the millennia by researching
technology, constructing settlements,
and joyfully conquering your opponents and grinding them under the
heel of oppression. I have not played
the game but I have heard good things
about it. The graphics are terrible in
comparison with today’s, but passable
in its heyday.
Civilization II supplied new features, units, better graphics and new
C i v i l i z a t i o n s t o p l ay. M o r e
customizable options were programmed into the game and they were
very entertaining and fun, but were alas
long and required a certain amount of
patience. If you didn’t like turn-based
strategy games, Civilization was and
probably still is not the kind of game
for you. It was modable, so you could
construct imaginative scenarios to your
heart's desire. It improved upon Civilization I but alas wasn’t playable
online until Civilization II Gold and
Civilization II Tests of Time its parallel which featured better graphics and
new scenarios.
Then Civilization III came out,
with so many great features that it had
to be good! Alas, three stooges syndrome. The features on their own
seemed good but they weren’t woven
together intricately enough; they lacked
enough understanding and depth of
the overall game for them to be enjoyable and were riveted with bugs (at
first) and thus lagged behind. Well, it
was better then Civilization II but not
so good that you would be fanatical
about it. You had distinct national and
cultural borders increasing the impression of possessing a nation-state.
“Ethnicity” was a new feature, you
weren’t just some nation with a different name, you had a culture and a national identity, so you could see cities
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with a myriad population of peoples.
But this came with its own problems, if your culture was superior
enough, you could peacefully take an
enemy city without firing a shot, but it
could also happen to you, making expansion difficult in its later stages. As
with Civilization I and II, a new city
founded in say 1980 AD would have
to be developed from scratch. The AI
always razed your cities and never kept
them, making it impossible to retake
them, and cities you did take would
flip back to your enemy.
The AI as well would almost never
upgrade they wouldn’t put enough effort into obtaining the resources
needed to build advance units, and put
even less effort into upgrading money.
The AI as well doesn’t manage its
economy well enough, often becoming bankrupt and preventing itself
from competing effectively on any of
the easier to normal difficulty levels.
Next the drive for expansion was
even greater than in Civilization II, corruption is rampant once your empire
gets large enough; switching to Communist governments doesn’t alleviate
it enough, and democratic governments really hurt when it comes to a
militar y upkeep, though hopefully
your country will be developed enough
to handle the upkeep should you
militarize.
Civilization III took a huge step
forward, but it takes the “Play the
World” expansion to play online and
“Conquests” to really get diversity into
it. While Civ3 has some great features,
sadly, it is somewhat disappointing in
scope in comparison to Civilization IV.
Civilization IV is the best of the
Civilization series thus far - it takes all
of the features of Civilization III and
improves upon them, it progresses yet
allows features time to breathe and
expand. For example, despite having a
clear national boundary in Civ3, the AI
would send settlers and units into your
territory and walk across it, even settling into small gaps within your cultural border. In Civilization IV, the AI
can no longer waltz into your territory
unannounced; they either need an open
border agreement with you, or be at
war (and there’s usually a good indication of said Declaration of War). The
graphics of Civ4 are better, and the
unit systems are exquisite, because instead of the usual system of a health
bar graphical representation (AKA
showing 3 units instead of 1), combat
has been reprogrammed, so impossible scenarios will never happen (as in a
stone age warrior defeating a tank), and
the tech tree has been simplified for
ease of use. Utilizing stacks and worker
automation has been redone for better
and faster game-play, the game now
favors a diplomatic/peaceful road to
victory in regards to making your way
to the top, and your Civilization can
instead concentrate on its economy and
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try's social policy to your economy (for
example, imagine being a police state
with freedom of speech! Or being a
Democracy with Emancipation and
possessing State Property).
The maps are now customizable in
new and varied ways, and special “features” can be activated to increase the
challenge (such as only being allowed
one city, no trading tech, permanent
peace or war, etc). However, Civilization IV is not without its problems,
there are memory leakage problems in
which Civilization IV eats up to 1000
MB of RAM when it really shouldn’t,
and it won’t work with some ATI
Radeon drivers. You’ll undoubtedly
have to update said drivers and upgrade
Microsoft DirectX, which is included
on the CD, or else the game will not
run properly. Also, sometimes your
opponent’s religion than can give its
founder a line of sight of your city,
will take over a city or two. Its an annoyance and I really wish there was an
option to exterminate whatever encroached onto your territory. Overall,
despite all this, Civilization IV is a great
game and I highly encourage every Civilization Fanatic to buy this game as
soon as possible.
I give this game a 5 out of 5
technological research instead of rapid
expansion and warfare. Also, religion
now plays an important role; when you
develop the prerequisite discovery, it
can found one of the world’s major
religions. None of them have any differences; they initially give culture (for
your territorial boundaries) and give
happiness. The next big change is government, instead of saying “Oh! Communism here I go!” it’s more on par
with Alpha Centauri where you
“choose” certain features of your government (called civics) from your coun-
The Monty Python Penis Song
Word Search by Justin "Nibbles" Banks
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The Movies
Justin "Nibbles" Banks
Assistant Games Editor
I've been waiting for this one for a
while, ever since I heard it announced actually, so here’s the lowdown. The Movies is
the latest game by Lionhead Studios, with
the even more famous name of Peter
Molyneux attached to it. In it you create
your own movie studio, hire your actors,
directors, crew, writers, and all the other
people required to make that lame B-grade
film that you will no doubt produce. With
two distinctly different types of gameplay
in The Movies, there are several different
ways to play. There’s the tycoon mode that
lets you deal with the finances (salaries, sets,
lot development) of the studio and there’s
the full-on movie creation mode. This
mode lets you be the tycoon while dealing
with creating your own movies, being the
favourite of the two. If you didn’t want
to create your own movie then you
wouldn’t have bought The Movies in the
first place to begin with now would you?
But you have a while to wait until you can
create your own scripts and meanwhile,
you’ll have to settle for basic scripts written
by your employees.
The game starts you off in the silent
movie era, the 1920s. Any movie you make
during this period will bore the crap out of
you, even though they end up lasting only
about thirty seconds, and thank God for
that. As you advance through the game
you are allowed to purchase new technologies to further the quality of your films.
And who can forget the starts of the films?
The brats who want everything when all
you want to give them is a shot to the head;
you hire them and then wish you hadn’t.
The neediest little bastards you could ever
find in a game, they constantly complain
about being bored, not getting enough
money, their looks, wanting bigger trailers
and all the other crap that gets on your
nerves. Luckily, The Movies holds your
hand through all of this as it is one seriously in-depth game; there is a shitload of
stuff to know before you get good at it.
And the further you get into the game, the
more there is to know and learn.
Looks are everything in the movie biz,
and it’s no different in The Movies. For
every film that you make, there are preferences as to which type of actor you place in
them, most of the time the age of the actor is taken into consideration. When your
actors are feeling low on self esteem, give
them a makeover and throw in some plastic surgery while you’re at it. Apparently
they are incapable of being fashionable, so
every few years you will have to update their
wardrobe for them. Early on this is a problem, but later when the stars get assistants
it becomes much easier because they are
much more independent in making decisions.
Starting off in the silent era doesn’t give
you much, albeit any audio to work with.
At the time of writing this article I myself
haven’t even reached the point of adding
sound to my films, yet quite obviously there
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is sound outside of just the movies that
you create. While you’re overlooking your
studio lot, radio announcements keep you
updated as to what is going on in the world
and what people want to see during those
historic periods.
Designing your own script is where The
Movies really shines. When you eventually
get fed up with your lame-ass scriptwriters
and have built the advanced movie maker
building, then, and only then, can you write
your own script. Start by simply selecting
the type of film that you wish to create:
action, comedy, horror, romance, or sci-fi.
Then select which actors you wish to use as
for lead and supporting roles, the name of
the film, call action! and get started. For
each type of film there is a different sequence of events, the most common be-
2005 - 11 - 23
ing: intro, skirmish, fight, resolution.
Merely click on the blank scene that you
wish to edit, select the stage and actions,
and then watch it unfold before your very
eyes. You can even switch actors on the fly
by clicking and holding over their icons and
dragging them to the marionette that you
wish them to act as. The game keeps track
of the scripts rating as you’re creating it by
having the however many starts out of five
at the top of the HUD. Yet, in the end the
entire rating of your film depends on the
combined factors of your crew, actors, director, technology, condition of the sets,
etc.
Rating higher than any of the movies
that I’ve made so far, The Movies receives a
stellar 5 out of 5.
15
Once Mezmerized,
Now Hypnotized
Ashley Fairweather
Comics Editor
Alas! The new System of a Down album has finally been released as of November 22 nd , 2005. After
a long six months wait from the release of Mezmerize
(and no, I didn’t spell the album’s name wrong), the
second part of this dual album, Hypnotize, has finally been released. For any hardcore System of a
Down fan, like Nibbles and I, this release has been
greatly anticipated.
Unlike Mezmerize, this album starts itself off
explosively with a song that suits its name: Attack.
Although it’s fast and intense there are still softer
moments that create a contrast to draw in the listener. As of Mezmerize, System of a Down has been
known for their incredible harmonies shared between the vocalist and guitarist. Listeners should not
be disappointed to hear more harmonies throughout the album. The song following Attack, named
Dreaming, starts off almost more intense than At-
tack but has a lot
more harmonies
to give it the
dreamlike quality implied in its
name.
Seeing as the
beginning of
this album could
lead to a possible aneurism because of its int e n s e e n e r g y,
Holy Mountains
and Hypnotize
create another
kind of contrast
to soften the
mood as a whole. These two songs shift the ambience from energetic to emotional, which is exactly
the kind of diversity a good album in this style
should contain. If there are intense songs one after
another without softer breaks, there is no diversity.
Songs such as Stealing Society have an incredible tone
to them, because not only does it start heavy, but it
also has incredible melodies and harmonies being
shared by the vocalist and guitarist.
As a general rule, on every album System of a
Down has at least one incredibly bizarre song with
hidden symbolism and meanings. Like Chic ‘N’ Stu
from Steal This Album, Vicinity of Obscenity shares
a likeness until the guitarist actually uses a wah pedal
and makes the song funky. The meaning is conveyed
through the use of anaphora using mainly the words
banana, terracotta, and pie. For me the highlight of
the album would be in Lonely Day when the guitarist FINALLY shows off his skills! Near the end of
the song he actually shreds like mad.
The full version of Soldier Side ends the album
beautifully. On Mezmerize, the intro to this song
started off the album. The actual full version is by
all means incredible. I would say it’s one of their
most emotional songs. The sorrow and trauma involved is very clear throughout the whole song.
These emotions are especially clear when the vocalist
wails, “Welcome to the soldier side, where there’s
no one here but me,”
In all, I would have to rate this 5 stars out of 5.
This album contains everything I look for: diversity,
mysterious lyrics, intensity, emotion, and bizarre
songs. This is the perfect gift for any System of a
Down fan.
Jarhead
Judy Gelsthorpe
Entertainment editor
WELCOME TO THE SUCK
The Marines, one of America’s popularly accepted cults. The Golf War, a bid to
control oil and a people. Both are things you already know about, so why did they make
another movie about those things? Well, aside from all the unnecessary male nudity, the
ridiculous length, the completely disjointed scenes, and the lack of action, it wasn’t all
that bad.
Given the recent string of over-the-top action-packed war movies, this one had
surprisingly little action. Instead it was more of a look at the human side marines. It was
less “Yes Sir! I’ll go kill him now!” and more about the personal relationships formed
between soldiers. It showed what they go through on a personal level. One of the best
quotes in the movie is an exchange between a drill sergeant and the main character:
“What are you even doing here?”
“Sir! I got lost on the way to college, Sir!”
He was promptly smacked up the side of the head, but still... most people end up
in the army because they don’t really have any other options in what to do with the rest
of their lives, and this seems like a viable solution. And then there are those who actually
want to be there, to "serve their country".
The cinematography of this film is haunting at times, the most profound of
which is when the marines stumble upon the flaming wrecks of the oilrigs. The
contrast of red on black is very symbolic of the violation of the Kuwait desserts by the
Iraqi invaders.
Unlike the shallow plot and characters, the acting was impressive. Despite the lack of
a decent script, almost every actor managed at least a mediocre performance. Jake
Gyllenhaal especially delivered each line with the exact level of sophistication of a southern American.
I would actually have learned an important lesson from this movie, if I hadn’t
already thought of it as a bad idea, DON’T JOIN THE MARINES.
10
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Gabe Frazer-McKee
News Editor
The tale of Harry Potter has bewitched
much of the Muggle World, myself included.
Now with a fourth major motion picture, the
magic of dragons, Quidditch, and Hogwarts
returns to the silver screen. What with the impressive cinematics, special effects, talented cast
and appropriate sound score, “Harry Potter and
the Goblet of Fire” brews up a winning formula that is sure to enchant its audience.
Mike Newell, as the first British director at
the series’ helm, conjures a more sinister and
resolute version of the wizard world than
Alfonso Cuaron's whimsical one. Although by
now Harry, Hermione and Ron are familiar faces,
a darkness looms on the edge of Hogwarts to
which even Snape has no magical antidote: teenage hormones. True to Rowling’s pivotal fourth
novel, gaga girls and guys have been thrown
into the Gryffindor cauldron; angst, jealousy,
love and longing are all fermenting in Newell’s
amalgam of magic and mystery. Some of the
most endearing scenes of the movie feature a
puppy-eyed Ron and Harry bemoaning their
adolescent crisis of finding a date to the Yule
Ball. Ron drops the lines, “Why do they always
travel in packs?” and “They’re scary when they’re
Judy Gelsthorpe
Entertainment Editor
An entire year’s worth of school, and
Harry was only in class twice… I guess the next
movie will be called “Harry Potter and the Magic
Trade School”. Anyways, with that said, this was
by far the best Harry Potter movie to date. Even
with the substantial content cutting and a plot
change that I felt changed the entire premise of
the story, the film managed to sell out numerous theatres and made 101.4 million in the opening weekend alone.
There were certain things in particular
that I felt were exceptionally well done, especially
the dynamic performances of Fred and George
Weasley. Also worth mentioning would be the
dragons, the bath scene (to be discussed more
later) and the hedge-maze.
Just like any other movie, there are certain things in it that made me want to gauge my
own eyes out. For instance, the creepy manwoman that was Madame Maxime, the prissy
entrance of the Beauxbatons students and MadEye Moodys scary white caterpillar eyebrow. Seriously, that eyebrow was the scariest thing in the
entire movie, even more so than the Death Eaters with their black robes and skull masks.
The fourth book was different from its
predecessors in several ways; it’s length, its depth,
its pace, Etc. Unfortunately, many of these qualities were lost in the translation from novel to
film. There were certain scenes, however, that I
felt had captured the exact feeling and texture of
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grown up” with great effect. Goblet is not only
funnier, it's also more clever and conniving than
its predecessors.
Yet, the romance and humour also present
some uncomfortable scenes as well, particularly
with a squeaky and unabashedly obnoxious
ghost named Moaning Myrtle who lasciviously
flirts with the young wizard protagonist. And
Hagrid’s romance with that transvestite-on-stilts,
the giantess Madame Maxime, is simply uncalled for. Such scenes contributed nothing to
the movie’s progression other than make the
the book. One of these requires a great deal of
attention, my favourite part in the film, the bath
scene.
The obvious perks aside (replace “obvious”
with “shirtless” and you’ll know what I’m talking about), the setting was perfect and Daniel
Radcliffe made an incredible performance. This
was probably due to the fact that he really was
embarrassed by his severe lack of clothes, but
the glistening water filled by numerous taps
spouting coloured water and bubbles looked
almost surreal. Moaning Myrtle really makes this
scene worthwhile, because as she blatantly flirts
and tries to seduce the young hero you can’t help
but think that if she was to succeed it would be
beyond necrophilia. Also at one point she was
definitely under the water where there aren’t any
bubbles, a fact that Harry seemed to overlook as
she dove gleefully in to where there was probably a clear view of his “magic wand” and “bezoar stones”.
I’m completely convinced that I will
NEVER grow out of Harry Potter, a fact backed
up by the fact that my grandparents read and
loved the books just as much as I did. The only
real problem I had with the film was the fact that
by adding a character to the very first scene and
changing the way certain information was given
(I won’t say any more so as not to ruin the story)
the entire premise of the book was changed. If
you’ve read the book and seen the movie you
will understand, otherwise the story will still make
sense and be amazing in almost every way and
you’ll never know the difference.
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audience feel green about the gills; they should
have had the decency to omit themselves from
the final cut. At a lengthy 147 minutes, the only
serious qualm I have with Goblet of Fire is the
editing.
But unlike the first three movies which slavishly kept to the plot, Newell slices off entire
narratives, characters and chapters from the 744
page juggernaut. However, the material that does
make it to the screen gives a more than adequate
idea of the bigger picture to even the worst of
Muggles, and so newcomers to the films’ band-
Jessica Kalmar
Assistant Editor-in-Chief
It is my belief that people don’t grow
out of Harry Potter – they simply come to
think that the actors are hot. That said, it was
no chore to go see Harry Potter and the Goblet
of Fire. The movie departed further from
childishness than did the third one, making
some scenes (such as the labyrinth) actually
scary enough to make you think about it.
The comedy is, as usual, fluid and lightweight
– the Weasley twins bounce off of each other
perfectly, and Rita Skeeter is the ideal slanderous reporter.
Goblet of Fire is more plot than dialogue-oriented, so it was difficult to judge
the acting. Daniel Radcliffe has developed (although good acting was not needed to enjoy
his naked scene in the bath); he captured Harry’s fear, resentment, and grief quite well. In
the film, Harry and Ron (Rupert Grint, looking as clueless as always) have their first fight.
Though in the book it was more of a violent
quarrel, it became a sad testament to Ron’s
inferiority complex, climaxing with his saying
sadly to Harry: “Piss off ”.
Two of the newly introduced characters,
however, simply didn’t sit well with me.
Brandon Gleeson’s Mad-Eye Moody too obviously had something to hide, and didn’t
have the charismatic quality that the Moody
of the book did, being more sinister – and to
allow a short rant: what was up with the furry
2005 - 11 - 23 bandersnatch bandersnatch
wagon will find it easy enough to jump on.
And Lord Voldemort, the devil reincarnate,
rises from the depths of the movie, making his
grand entrée back into the world of broomsticks and grimoires. Many people commented
that Voldemort was poorly cast, especially when
contrasted with other classic villains. Yes,
Voldemort, despite being draped in black, lacks
Darth Vader’s stance and aura, and Ralph Fiennes’s
voice is not the rich, powerful tones of James E.
Jones, but his menacing, beguiling rasps and
hisses lend him a frighteningly human facet to
his resumé of dark sorcerer, mass murderer,
megalomaniac and necromancer. And we all
know that with the swish of a wand and some
well-chosen words, Voldemort could reduce
Luke Skywalker, Darth Vader and his evil Emperor to pink ferrets. Much like his familiar,
Nagini, Voldemort will remind many of a snake,
which only bears credit to the performance of
the bald, elegantly muscular and eerily noseless
Fienne.
In the finale, Dumbledore foreshadows
imminent dark events: “Soon we must all make
a choice between what is right and what is easy”.
Indeed. But going to see Harry Potter is only
easier than it is right: just hop on the 211 and
head downtown to the Paramount for an unforgettable evening of teenage romance, magic
and special effects.
caterpillar posing as his eyebrow?! Ralph
Fiennes’ Voldemort was meanwhile not sinister enough. He looked the part, but there
was nothing in his voice and aura to indicate
the massive amounts of evil boiling inside
of him.
Also due to the plot-driven nature of
the movie, there was a lack of fluidity between scenes; it seemed more like episodes
of a TV show than a movie. The adaptation
was very well done, because the scriptwriters
appeared to know which elements of the
book would translate best onscreen, and which
storylines weren’t needed to retain the core
of the story, such as the house elves and the
Quidditch World Cup. Some changes were
completely unnecessary, such as Harry killing
the dragon during the first task of the tournament (because, you know, he wasn’t
enough of a hero already), but most served
to move the story successfully along.
Of the four Harry Potter movies made
thus far, Goblet of Fire is the best – it is more
mature and remains more faithful to the essence of the books. Especially in the first two
films, the Hogwarts setting and the characters appeared too costumed and cartoonish.
But now, the child actors have been able to
make their characters real people, making the
movie a fantasy that regular people can relate
to. And by fantasy, I am of course referring to
the number of Bandersnatch staff (no pun
intended) who thought Emma Watson was
hott, despite her being about 44 years younger
than they are.
11
Would you like
Fries with that
Garbage?
Jay Dubeau
Campus Editor
Ever walk into a supermarket while they
happen to be doing quality-control? Ever
wonder how much effort those people
wearing ties must put into packaging all that not-so-terrible but
not top-quality food and shipping it off to be given to the
poor? Well fear no more, for
those people wearing ties do absolutely nothing of the sort.
As a produce clerk at an IGA
Extra, I know what I’m talking
about. Each day we collect a minimum value of four banana boxes
of fruits and vegetables each
morning. Now let us be clear that
this is a global surface-quality
check done each morning of the
entire produce department, this
excludes what gets collected while
we do rotations for specific produce.
As for what we do with the
lower-quality stuff we collect, it’s
quite simple: remove box from
buggy, lift box over a gate, and
dump box in garbage compactor.
Capitalist? Lazy? I would say
wasteful, for most of the stuff
we throw has some part of it that could be
donated to unfortunate people who would
more than appreciate it, but the mentality
these corporate giants have is, “No time to
worry about those people
Outrage on
lack of
outrage
Li Kennedy
Opinions editor
Something hilarious happened to me today. I opened the opinions folder and instead
of finding it overflowing with articles as I had
expected, although I admit it’s happening less
and less, I find a lovely little message saying THIS
FOLDER IS EMPTY. It was horrible!!
What has happened to the young outraged
youth of today? What has happened to the
manic depression? What has happened to the
hormones? Where has all the outrage gone? Why
is nobody writing? I simply don’t understand
why on earth these young people have absolutely nothing to write about. I mean for the
sake of boredom at least write about how much
your teachers suck. Come on, I mean everyone
has a teacher who sucks. Hopefully it’s just your
French teacher or your math teacher or some
subject that sucks anyway and doesn’t need the
teacher’s help. But COME ON write an article!
12
who can’t afford to invest in our richness,
throw it out!”
Another thing that could be done with
the produce we throw out is to at least send
it to a farm to be composted and reused as
fertilizer for the soil to grow more produce. There would be much less waste and
much less pollution in our landfills.
Unfortunately life does not work that
way, we have this wonderful concept called
capitalism. Capitalism dictates to us that
supermarkets, just like any other business
have to be competitive and time is money.
Don’t bother collecting something to donate to a good cause, just throw it out. I
find it utterly retarded the way it works but
unfortunately there’s nothing only one employee can do about it.
I’m afraid to think what the world is coming to
when the college students of the world are not
pissed off enough to be writing opinion articles
on their pissed off
opinions. Now I can
only begin to imagine the reason.
Possibly one reason is that we are so
obsessed with sex
and how to get it that
there is no room left
in our brains to possibly conceive an
opinion on anything
other than how the
ass of the opposite
sex should be
shaped. The overall
IQ of this type of
person can be
summed up in two
words: Two digits.
Maybe we’re all
too smoked-out,
drunk and partying to realize that we are pissed
off… or just very adamant about something,
such as animal testing or sex before marriage. Or
how about this? Living with your parents! I
know a multitude of college students are still in
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There is already enough pollution on
our planet, and all we do is continue to
contribute to that pollution. At the IGA I
work at, and this is factual information I
acquired following an interview with the
director last year, we throw out one and a
half tons of garbage each week, a considerable improvement to the five tons we
threw out less than three years ago, but still
too much, we could cut it down as low as a
couple of hundred pounds each week if
we just applied a little time and effort to
sending food off to be used or recycled
rather than throw it
out.
We really need to rethink our methods of
doing business because
pretty soon it will be
too late and things will
be irreversible. We are
wasting TOO MUCH.
People are starving to
death on the streets
while those who can afford to buy food throw
still-decent food left,
right, and center, into
the garbage. Most people don’t even give it a
second thought before
throwing out a leftover
in their refrigerator.
Bottom line: when
in doubt, if you can
compost it, do so; if
you can recycle it, do so;
if it’s still at least a little
bit edible and you don’t
want it, give it to someone who will be
more than grateful to have a decent bite to
eat. In many cases “One man’s trash is
another man’s treasure.”
this sad state of affairs. So tell me! Write about
how much it sucks! Or for goodness’ sakes at
least give me a persuasion article on why on earth
people drink, because
for the life of me any
time I someone finds
out I don’t drink I can’t
help but receive the question “Why not?” I have
millions of reasons.
Hell, I’ll write about
them some time. But I
have never been enlightened as to why I should
other than “it’s fun.”
Lots of things are fun!
Dancing is fun, conversation is fun - for the
love of Bandersnatch,
WRITING is fun!
Now somebody tell me
why I should drink.
Come on! What
happened to the raging
youth? The unfairness!
The tragedies! The protests! O my goddess the
protests! There is something missing in a group
of youth that is completely unmoved to protest
anything. Protest the war! Protest the other war!
Protest Economic Demolition! Protest Paul
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Today in
Bandersnatch
History
Nobody knew that Judy and I are half-sisters. That’s right. We have the same mother. For
some reason the boys never knew this, and acted
all surprised when we told them.
We also had earlier come to the conclusion
that Francois and Christina are the same person.
They had never been in the same room at the
same time, they are equally useless and annoying, and they also kind of look alike. (No offense,
Frankie). But worlds collided today in production when I walked in and Christina was on
Andy’s car seat with Nibbles and Francois was in
one of the production chairs. Of course Christina
left soon after but it was still too close to tell
whether they were the same person at the same
time. On top of that, Francois’s initials are suspiciously S.E. whilst Christina’s are C.D. Very interesting.
Humorizer: This joke is funny because despite my previous appearance in the Bandersnatch
office in presence of my other half sisters and
Judy’s full sisters, nobody has noticed anything
we have in common (freckles, sense of humor,
insatiable love for the Montreal Canadiens, body
type, stunning good looks).
This joke is also funny due to the mental
image of boring Francois leaving the room, doing the spin-change into Christina’s clothes and
coming back into the office as a pink haired,
oddly dressed weirdo who randomly shows up
to cuddle with Nibbles. In fact I think I’m the
one who told them to go out with each other.
The fact that we’ve been considering that Francois
and Christina have been the same person all this
time now absolutely sucks seeing as our hopes
and dreams were shattered horribly. It now remains nothing more than a child’s fantasy.
Legend retold by Li Kennedy
Martin stealing from taxpayers! Protest Ralph
Nader if you have to, but for the goodness of all
humanity, protest something!
Now is it just that we are content with the
world the way it is? You’ll have difficulty leading
me to believe that. You know what I think? I
think that with all the horrible things going on in
the world simultaneously, half the people who
used to care don’t because we’ve been nudged
into apathy by the press, our parents and the
small pleasures of everyday life.
It could be that. There are many other possibilities. I mean it could be that this day and age
has youth completely obsessed with nothing
more important than schooling and education
and studying and books and reading and somebody stop me. With all this damned work, none
of the students have time to realize that they
should be outraged with all the damned work
they have to do! I can’t believe this! Why aren’t
people telling me how horrible their lives are?
Why aren’t these people who may have some
inkling of brain cells left using them to tell the
world how horrible it is to be the only person in
the class with brain cells? Or how about
being the only person in the class with not
enough? Or what about how the whole
class is failing because the teacher is a psycho-nazi? Come on I’m sure at least somebody’s teacher sucks.
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Things That Piss
Me Off
Eric Chan
Webmaster
Recently, I was watching the television show CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. The story involved several teenagers who played videogames (“gamers”)
and as a result, went on a crime spree.
The video game in question was similar
to the somewhat well known Grand
Theft Auto series. This bothers me since
it lays the blame of violence among teenagers on videogames. It portrays
videogames as an addiction that promotes violence. Could one not also say
that hockey promotes violence since it can
potentially hurt others? Could one not
also say that hockey is an addiction to
some?
Many people seem to believe that
games like Grand Theft Auto are detrimental to our youth. Why? On what
grounds is this rooted? Alright, so there
are videogames that involve crime and
violence as the main theme. Action movies are quite close in theme and in plot to
controversial videogames where the main
character is either robbing a bank or proving superiority over another gang. It is
the same idea except without the interaction. From what I’ve been noticing,
videogames are filling in the blame gap
that violent television shows used to fill.
Word on the
street: “Yes” to
legalizing
marijuana
Neil Schnitzer
Contributor
After a recent informal drug survey
on the streets of Ste-Anne-De-Bellevue, it
seems that the public has agreed that legalizing marijuana is the practical thing to do.
The results of the census were very one
sided, with over 83% of the people agreeing that this drug should be legal here in
Quebec. With stats showing that 1 out of
every 5 Canadians have tried marijuana at
least once in their lifetimes, one should
wonder if it is about time that the government gives in.
Walking down Macdonald Campus
on a sunny afternoon, it’s quite normal to
see students lighting up and smoking the
drug in broad daylight, seemingly indifferent to the fact that they could be busted for
breaking the law. But that is the attitude
these days when it comes to drugs; people
will do it out in the open as opposed to
being in the confines of their own home,
even though they may not feel completely
safe.
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This leads me to my next point, why are
teenagers violent? These people say that
teens are violent because of what they
see in videogames. I say otherwise. I
think that the videogame companies
mimic violent teens since it is in their
best interest to mimic popular trends.
This is not wrong of them, and is actually very practical.
I believe the problem lies in parents trying to take the blame off their
lazy parenting. I’m not saying that all
parents are lazy; I am just saying that
some parents tend to have inadequate
parenting abilities. I have also noticed
that some children are rather snobbish
and unruly at an age when they don’t
hold their own authority but are clearly
capable of behaving. Also, the parents
of these children are equally if not more
snobbish. These individuals are self
centered in nature which is a result of a
lack of social interaction and not the presence of videogames. Videogames for
these individuals are a means of tension
relief since they have never learned to
interact socially. For many people who
enjoy videogames, this is not the case,
but individuals like this are used to stereotype gamers.
This stereotype is what pisses me
off.
Disagree with the above? If so, I want
to hear from you. Please send anything
you have to say to
.
[email protected] with
the subject line of “Things That Piss Me
Off ”.
“Marijuana is not a hard drug. People should be able to make their own
choices”, stated Ian Hust, 17, of John
Abbott College.
Marijuana has definitely been
dubbed one of the easier drugs that go
around in the community. Many people
take the drug, also known as “pot”, “dope”
and “weed”, for many different motives
be it for medical, religious, social reasons
or just to relax. A similar argument can be
made with the consummation of alcohol.
“Make the legal smoking age 18, like
cigarettes and alcohol”, added Hust
nonchalantly, taking a
pull from his cigarette
as he casually strode
off.
It is inevitable
that marijuana will be
smoked, whether it’s
legalized or not. The
only way to purchase
it here in Quebec, not
to mention many other places, is through
the black market, which can be dangerous.
“People have to go and risk their
lives to purchase weed, it’s hardly worth
the trouble,” says Pierre-Marc Leonard, 25,
a bartender in downtown Montreal.
“You never know what these dealers put into your stuff.”
Taking a walk down Peel Street is
always a nice thing to do on any given night.
bandersnatch
Of all things sex related, there is nothing more sensual than a warm,
oiled, back massage. But not everyone is a good masseuse. Think
you’re a pro? Give us some pointers.
[email protected]
Taking a look around, there are so many
people who are enjoying the atmosphere.
Suddenly, however, a young man will come
up and ask if you want pot. Continue walking and soon enough another man will ask
if you want drugs. It is a sad reality that
these men are making a living by selling
these drugs. They will make one deal with
another individual and they will never see
them again. Who knows what they could
have done to the weed? People risk their
lives every day by purchasing these drugs
without truly knowing what extra substances they may
contain.
“I know I’d
feel much safer
buying something such as
marijuana if it
was sold at a corner store,” said
John Abbott
student Brianna
Berman, 18.
“Much, much safer” she added.
If corner stores were allowed to sell
them, and the government was allowed to
regulate the prices, people would know exactly what they were purchasing. One could
understand the effects without worrying
about being afraid of dangerous “lacing”.
If cans of beer were being sold on the
streets, how safe would someone feel buying some?
2005 - 11 - 23 bandersnatch bandersnatch
Not much safer than buying weed.
“When was the last time someone
was hurt from taking marijuana?” asked
Doug Armstrong, Head of Reference at
the John Abbott College library.
“It has never actually harmed anyone.”
Many agree. According to the U.S.
Government Bureau of Mortality Statistics, nobody has ever died from using this
particular drug. THC, which is the active
component in the drug, is one of the few
chemicals in which there is no known toxin.
Although, the federal agency NIDA stated
that autopsies reveal that 75 people on average per year are high on marijuana when
they die, that doesn’t mean that it was the
cause of death. These statistics, compared
to the 340, 000 to 395, 000 people who die
each year from using tobacco in America,
shows that it is much safer, and is much
healthier to use. If cigarettes are legal, then
why can’t “pot” be?
Basically, it will be consumed
whether it is legal or not. Therefore, the
government should probably start listening to the cries from the community asking for a chance to be able to truly feel safe
as they stroll down the street with a joint in
their mouth. It is legal elsewhere, so why
not Quebec? Or even Canada? Why can’t
Quebec have the same point of view as
other countries? Wouldn’t it be nice to have
the liberty to make our own decisions and
the legislation to keep us safe?
13
By Jali
Artist
-Unknown Artist
By Li Kennedy
Opinions Editor
By Li Kennedy
Opinions Editor
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HABS: On The
Way Down?
Joanna Lozowik
Sports Editor
I missed the game on Friday. Yeah, I
know, I didn’t miss much, our first loss
on the road that could be blamed on
indiscipline and perhaps also on
Theodore’s injury or simply his bad game.
Like every other Habs fan, I figured that it
would go better versus the Capitals, who
basically have only Ovechkin that we have
to worry about. Even the RDS commentators said that they are a team of
“nobodys”. I wasn’t worried at all, and
was actually relieved that Theo would be
getting a break and Danis would be in nets
for the game. And c’mon, it’s Washington:
they had lost four of their five last games,
were 1-8 on the road, and had 12 losses
ALOUETTES:
Do The Have
What It
Takes?
Joanna Lozowik
Sports Editor
For the third time in four years, the
Als are off to the Grey Cup. This
weekend, they defeated the Toronto
Argonauts 33-17 in the Eastern finals
to advance to the Grey Cup final that
will be taking place next Sunday in BC.
They will be opposing the winner of
the Western finals, the Edmonton
Eskimos who defeated the BC Lions
28-23.
So is this a surprise? For many
people, it is. The Als haven’t been
nearly as dominant this year as they
were in previous years, Anthony
Calvillo has constantly been criticized,
and many were saying that this would
be Don Matthews’ last year as head
coach. But surprisingly enough, even
though the Als haven’t been on top
of their division this year, they still
managed to make it all the way to the
Grey Cup finals. And they might even
win.
Montreal finished the season 10-8,
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this year. The Habs are obviously the better team, at least on paper.
On paper is right. As I arrived at a
friend’s house to watch the game, I wasn’t
in a hurry, even after missing hockey on
Friday. Half the people wanted to watch
basketball, and the debate went on for a
while before we finally decided to put
hockey on. I wasn’t expecting much action
at the start of the period, since both teams
were recovering from losses and I figured
that it would take some time before both
teams got comfortable with the pace of
the game. I’m guessing it’s useless to say
that I was extremely surprised that it was
already 1-0 Caps when I started watching.
Surprised, but not without hope. They
only had a one goal lead, and they had probably just gotten lucky or something. And
besides, the Habs always managed to come
back, especially against a team like the Capitals. But when Willsie scored a couple of
minutes later on a 2-on-1, I started to get a
bad feeling. The Habs weren’t at all show-
ing any effort or any persistence versus the
opposite team. Their famous bad first period was now happening once again. If
only they could score, at least then they’d
be down by only one goal, and the momentum would change.
And then it happened. Four minutes
later, Laich jumped on the rebound to score
his first goal of the season. 3-0 Caps.
If I had been surprised before, there
were no words to describe how I felt now.
Claude Julien called a time-out and attempted to knock some sense into the players’ heads. I mean, just check who we were
playing: Washington.
Although things calmed down
throughout the rest of the period (and
when I say "things" I mean the Caps didn’t
score), it still looked pretty hopeless. But it
had been done before, I figured. The Penguins had come back from a 4-0 nothing
deficit to defeat the Atlanta Thrashers and
to get their first win of the season. The
Habs definitely weren’t new to the "trail-
as opposed to 14-4 last year. But last
year, the Als lost against the Argos in
Eastern finals despite being on top of
their division. Their Grey Cup opponents, the Eskimos, only finished third
in their division this year. The Als actually faced the Eskimos in the Grey
Cup finals the last two times they
made it that far: in 2002, when they
won 25-16, and in 2003, when they lost
34-22.
Sunday’s hero for the Als was Eric
Lapointe, who wasn’t even on the
starting lineup. After Robert Edwarts
and eating it on the sidelines.
It was, however, a little early to celebrate.
Damon Allen was sacked three
times during the game, and he even
committed three turnovers on a total
of six in the game. Montreal, on the
other hand, had absolutely no turnovers.
The Als got their revenge on the
Argos, who beat them last year in the
Olympic Stadium 26-18 and went on
to conquer the Grey Cup.
On the other side of Canada, the
BC Lions were facing the Edmonton Eskimos. The hero on that
side ended up being Jason Maas
once again for the Eskimos, as he
threw a TD pass to Trevor Gaylor
with a little more than five minutes left in the fourth quarter,
which made the Eskimos win the
game 28-23.
Last week, Maas, who was taking over for Ricky Ray, was the reason
the Eskimos defeated the Stampeders
in the semi-final game.
The Eskimos had gotten a 21-3
lead in the game, but the Lions managed to get back into the game when
Dickenson threw a TD pass to Geroy
Simon in the third quarter to reduce
the score to 21-17.
Don Matthews will attempt to win
a record sixth Grey Cup title next Sunday.
got injured, Don Matthews called on
Erik Lapointe to replace him. He
scored three second-half touchdowns,
and ended the game with 113 yards run
on 15 carries. Calvillo completed 19
on 33 passes for 190 yards.
B u t To r o n t o h a d s t a r t e d o f f
strong, scoring twice in the first quarter to gain a 14-0 lead. Receiver R. Jay
Sowards even celebrated after completing a 43-yard TD catch by going into
the stands, grabbing a bag of popcorn,
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2005 - 11 - 23 bandersnatch bandersnatch
ing" world, and even if they were without
Kovalev, I still had some hope. Our captain would stand up and the players would
show some more determination, especially
after that loss the night before. And if
trailing 3-0 wasn’t enough for them to
show some effort, nothing was.
And then it happened again. As Bouillon passed the puck to his goaltender, who
passed it back, it was intercepted by Clark,
who scored a nice and easy goal to bring
the score to 4-0 Caps. Out went Danis,
and in went Theodore.
I didn’t want to give up, but there
comes a time when you have no choice.
However, I thought for a second that the
Habs were proving me wrong when Micheal
Ryder scored to make the score 4-1. Were
they (finally) waking up? Were they going
to surprise us once again?
Not quite. Kolzig, the Capitals
goaltender who was playing his first game
since suffering an injury, was outstanding
in nets, blocking everything. Theodore, on
the other hand, barely faced any shots.
However, the Caps managed to score in
the third period (on their only shot of the
period) to seal the win. On 44 shots, Kolzig
made 43 saves, while the Caps shot 20 times
on the Habs’ net, getting 5 of those shots
in. The Caps were actually even outshot
20-1 in the third period.
So are the Habs currently on a downfall
or just in a bad period, with all of those
injuries? Tuesday’s game versus Atlanta
will hold the answer.
The Leafs…
Joanna Lozowik
Sports Editor
I was listening to the radio on Monday
morning, and they were talking about the
game on the Mix. One of the speakers
said that he had gone to the game and that
the atmosphere was pretty amazing. However, the trash talk was horrible: Leafs and
Habs fans were merely shooting the regular ‘Ah-ha, your team sucks!’ ‘We’re higher
than you are!’ ‘You haven’t won since 1967
haha!’ You know the deal. And it’s true:
where has all the good trash talk gone?
For the next Leafs-Habs home game, I
will attempt to make a list of the best Leafs
disses we can come up with. Suggestions
should be brought to the Bandersnatch
office.
In the meantime, here are some Leafs
jokes to entertain you.
Q. What is the difference between the Toronto Maple Leafs and a cigarette machine?
A. You can get Players out of a cigarette
machine.
Q. What do the Toronto Maple Leafs, Toronto Argonauts and the Toronto Blue
Jays all have in common besides being
based in Toronto?
A. None of them can play hockey.
15
The wrestling world was saddened by the loss of Eddie
Guerrero, who died Sunday, November 12, in his hotel room
in Minneapolis. The Monday Night Raw afterward was a
dedication to his life and his career. After a ten-bell salute, they
showed a video tribute to him, while the fans chanted “Thank
you, Eddie”.
Eddie Guerrero was born in 1967, the son of Gory
Guerrero. He began his training at a very young age; in fact, he
mastered his leg drop at the age of three. He debuted as the
“Magic Mask” in Mexico, in 1987. After he teamed up with
his brothers, he broke away to develop his skills, in the Lucha
Libre world. He then moved to Japan, to wrestle as “Black
Tiger”, where he met his good friend, Chris Benoit.
After moving back to Mexico full time, Eddie began teaming with El Hijo del Santo, who was the son of Gory
Guerrero’s long-time associate El Santo. Eddie and Santo
eventually broke up, with Eddie forming a duo with Art Barr.
The pair would feud with Santo in one of the most heated
rivalries in lucha libre history, which culminated in Guerrero
and Barr losing a hair vs. mask match to Santo and Octagon
in November 1994.
When Eddie then got his first exposure in the United
States, he moved to the ECW, where he held the ECW Television Championship twice, before he went to WCW.
16
Guerrero’s ECW stay will always be remembered for the
amazing match he had with Dean Malenko before leaving the
promotion. After the match, which many consider to be one
of the greatest ECW matches ever, the crowd showed their
appreciation for Guerrero by giving him a standing ovation.
Guerrero spent four years competing in WCW, and while
there, he was a part of numerous memorable rivalries with
the likes of Booker T, Rey Mysterio, Dean Malenko, Ric Flair
and nephew Chavo. In 1996, Guerrero defeated Diamond
Dallas Page in the finals of a tournament to crown a new
United States Champion. He also went on to capture the
Cruiserweight Championship on two separate occasions before leaving WCW.
In 2000, four new faces showed up on Monday Night
RAW and shocked the sports-entertainment world. They were
former WCW wrestlers Benoit, Malenko, Perry Saturn and
Eddie Guerrero – The Radicalz. The faction immediately got
involved in a match between the New Age Outlaws and Al
Snow & Steve Blackman, marking the beginning of Guerrero’s
amazing WWE career.
Over the next five years, Eddie Guerrero overcame many
obstacles to reach the top. In his first WWE match against the
Outlaws, Eddie suffered a dislocated elbow, but returned to
action in a short time. On April 3, 2000, he claimed his first
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piece of WWE gold, defeating Chris Jericho to win the European Championship. He would go on to win that championship one more time in 2001. After The Radicalz went their
separate ways, Eddie began a relationship with Chyna. In fact,
it was Chyna that Eddie defeated in September 2000 to claim
the Intercontinental Championship. After their split, Eddie’s
demons got the best of him. He subsequently took time off
from the ring in 2001 to deal with his personal issues.
Upon his return in 2002, Eddie won the Intercontinental
Championship, this time from Rob Van Dam. Eddie moved
to SmackDown where he teamed with nephew Chavo to
capture the WWE Tag Team Championship. Eddie would
win that championship three more times, as well as the United
States Championship, but his greatest moment came in February 2004, when he defeated Brock Lesnar at No Way Out to
become WWE Champion. He had reached the pinnacle of
the industry, and went on to headline WrestleMania XX against
Kurt Angle. At the end, Eddie joined long-time friend Benoit
in the ring to celebrate moments after Benoit won the World
Heavyweight Championship.
Eddie later formed an alliance with another old friend,
Rey Mysterio, and would win the WWE Tag Team Championship in 2005. This was Eddie’s final run as a champion, as
the duo split up after WrestleMania 21 and began a bitter
rivalry, highlighted by numerous breath-taking matches.
At No Mercy, on Eddie’s 38th birthday, he squared off
against Batista. He was unable to win the World Heavyweight
Championship from the Animal, but their friendship was
cemented when Batista led the crowd in singing Happy Birthday afterwards. About month later, Guerrero competed in
his final televised match on the November 11th edition of
Friday Night SmackDown where he defeated Mr. Kennedy.
Eddie was remembered as a consummate in-ring technician and exceptional performer. He is missed, and in the words
of Stephanie McMahon, he will always be a champion.
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