Dealing with Dysfunction - Nielsen Career Consulting

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W W W. A L A N E T. O R G
BY SHEILA M. NIELSEN
DEALING WITH
DYSFUNCTION
The administrator’s role
in identifying and addressing
destructive behavior
“I am working for the partner from hell.”
The well-appointed young woman sitting
on the couch in my office reached for
the Kleenex box on the side table, her
eyes welling with tears. “My partner is
notorious. She’s a screamer. She runs
through associates. No one can work with
her. I’ve actually lasted longer than most of
the other associates who tried to work with
her. She has tantrums. Once she actually
threw a book at me. It missed, but there
is still a mark on the wall. Everyone at the
firm knows she is like this but no one does
anything about it. She has some valuable
clients whom the firm wants to keep happy,
and the clients like her, so they are probably
afraid to say anything to her that would
make her so angry she might leave.”
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TAKING A STAND
The abusive partner is a serious problem for
many law firms. Even though people in the
human resources department are not always
empowered to confront a partner who is a
bully, they are not without some power to
manage the situation.
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The administrator can work with managing
partners of the firm to deal with a potential
problem before it happens and put rules and
policies in place that clearly define unacceptable
behavior such as swearing, yelling, screaming,
shouting or throwing objects at other staff people.
A model policy should be offered to the managing
partners to create a suitable firm-wide policy that
all partners would read and sign.
The administrator can also assist associates and
staff by providing information and a script for
associates and others instructing them about
how to handle an angry partner. For example, the
associate should calmly say he is not able to think
clearly when the partner is yelling and that he will
return when the partner is calmer.
The administrator should encourage associates and
other support staff to report incidents of abusive
behavior and insist that the firm have a “no
retaliation” policy in place.
The administrator could try serving high protein
snacks and fruit in the afternoon to see if that
helps to rally the troops. (See p. 42 for more)
Above all, the administrator needs to be willing
to step up if there is a toxic, abusive or bullying
partner. Pretending a problem partner does not
exist is tantamount to permission.
W W W. A L A N E T. O R G
Almost everyone has had a difficult boss in his or her career.
Difficult bosses come in a wide variety of forms, such as:
the micromanager, the critic, the blamer, the harasser or the
disorganized boss. But there is a crucial difference between
a demanding or somewhat dysfunctional boss and an
abusive boss, a bully. The abusive boss who lacks emotional
control and is subject to rage attacks is actually a sick
person, like an alcoholic or a person with bipolar disorder.
This kind of dysfunctional partner needs to get help and is
the focus of this article.
Pressure can be high in the legal workplace,
but that does not excuse abusive behavior
on the part of any member of a law firm no
matter how powerful that person may be.
Unfortunately, the field of law has its share of abusive
partners. There are reasons for this. The field of law has
always been stressful, but is exponentially more stressful
these days, in part because of the advent of technology.
Immediacy has become a requirement and is considered to
be an essential part of service. Consequently, many partners
feel tremendous pressure and anxiety about satisfying clients
and meeting every request promptly and perfectly, even if a
better approach might be less rapid and more circumspect.
This time-intensity translates to pressure on associates and
other staff who must do the supportive work needed by
the partner. Associates often report feeling pressured to
get their work accomplished promptly and perfectly as well.
At times they are expected to give up weekend plans: a
friend’s wedding, or a family vacation to satisfy the partner’s
demand for a quick turnaround time. A number of my
clients, who were associates at the time, reported that a
partner unapologetically interrupted them with an urgent
call or text while they attended a funeral. One woman said
she was getting emails from her partner while in labor.
Of course sending texts or emails is thoughtless but not
the kind of bullying that causes damage to the psyche.
The real damage comes from abusive, vitriolic language
and threatening acts. Pressure can be high in the legal
workplace, but that does not excuse abusive behavior on the
part of any member of a law firm no matter how powerful
that person may be.
Prudence Gourguechon, M.D., Past President of the American Psychoanalytic Association
Firms need to understand that everyone in the workplace should be treated as
you would treat a business client, with that level of respect.
THE DESTRUCTION
In over 20 years of my practice as a career counselor and
executive coach for attorneys I have worked with many
associates who have decided to leave their firms and, in
some cases, leave the law altogether as a direct result of
having to work with a partner from hell. The experience can
be devastating for an associate. He or she may conclude that
the practice of law is simply not worth the personal damage
that results from having to work with an abusive partner.
The associate may also erroneously conclude that the
practice of law is overrun by these dysfunctional types and
decide to leave the field to preserve his or her self-esteem
before it is too late.
Abusive partners bear some resemblance to celebrities
who are not reigned in by people in their inner circle. Like
celebrities, the abusive partner often has a big personality
and creates drama in his or her life and, consequently, the
lives of others. That commanding personality has served
him or her well especially if he or she is a litigator. A litigator
often has to be strong and convincing in a courtroom and
with opposing counsel. Although the powerful litigator may
be more effective as a hired gunslinger in a courtroom or
sparring with opposing counsel, the very personality traits
that serve to enhance value in a courtroom setting can
be toxic in the work place, which is a business setting. A
business setting requires collegiality and a team approach
to advance the goals of the workplace. In fact, it is not just
the associate who is damaged by an abusive partner. The
workplace esprit de corps is impaired by a partner from hell.
CONTRIBUTING TO THE PROBLEM
Like the celebrity, a powerful but abusive partner may not be
subject to the typical rules for workplace behavior because he
or she is a valuable rainmaker for the law firm. Who will dare to
tell the partner from hell to behave? Surely not a lowly associate.
And not the human resources department either. What about
other partners? Are other partners at the firm in a position to
rebuke, reprimand or require a change of behavior from an
abusive partner? And even if they could do it, will they do it?
The issue of how to intervene with a partner who is
damaging the work place is often never even reached as
long as the law firm is willing to turn a blind eye to the
problem, passively allowing the dysfunctional partner to run
through associate after associate or assistant after assistant
in the name of keeping the peace. Associates also join in
the charade that everything is OK rather than rock the boat.
Fearful of retribution or being considered a “whiner,” many
are unlikely to report hissy fits, tantrums, scathing emotional
assaults or other dysfunctional partner behavior. Rather than
complain about an abusive partner, associates will often
dissemble in their exit interviews, giving a bogus reason for
leaving the firm such as, “I had a good opportunity I could
not turn down,”
Absent an intervention, a long standing abusive partner is
not likely to change. If a law firm fails to act, it is likely that
the toxic partner will continue the same behavior. Silence
is assent. Law firms that pretend there is nothing wrong
are contributing to the problem. What can be done about
this problem? A number of partners at firms varying in
size contributed their insights and ideas for this article, but
requested anonymity, which says something about the
radioactivity of this issue for law firm management.
TAKING ACTION
According to Prudence Gourguechon, M.D., past president
of the American Psychoanalytic Association, “Firms need
to understand that everyone in the workplace should be
treated as you would treat a business client, with that level
of respect.” The firm cannot permit screaming, name calling
or throwing things. “It destroys the culture of the firm
and undoes cognitive organization – people’s brains get
scrambled by emotionally dysregulated behavior,” she said.
“Many hours of productivity are lost when that happens.”
Gourguechon has advice for associates and staff that could
be delivered by the human resources team if an associate is
being verbally assaulted by a partner. “Tell the associate to
say the following: ‘I want to please you, but I cannot think
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William M. Pinsof, Ph. D., LMFT, President, The Family Institute at Northwestern University
A business system with an abusive partner who is delivering hostile criticism:
blaming, attacking, using profanity and angry feedback, is in need of an
intervention by the managing partners who may need to be trained to do that.
when you are this upset with me. I am going to leave the room
right now and I will return when you are not so upset.’” She
strongly advises the associate to leave the room after delivering
that message. “Don’t talk to someone who is out of control,”
she cautions, “Look for the right time to interact.”
“Some partners are upset because they feel nobody is taking
care of them,” Gourguechon added. She notes that many
people “lose it right around 4:00 p.m. when their blood
sugar is low.” She suggests that human resources could help
everyone get through that time of day by putting out fruit,
cheese and nuts to deal with the low energy problem as well
as help partners to feel more supported.
William M. Pinsof, Ph.D., LMFT, president of The Family
Institute at Northwestern University, compares the abusive
partner to a verbally abusive spouse. Hostile criticism by
parents in a family system has been shown to produce
psychotic breaks, anxiety disorders and other serious
psychological problems in children. A business system
with an abusive partner who is delivering hostile criticism:
blaming, attacking, using profanity and angry feedback, is
in need of an intervention by the managing partners who
may “need to be trained to do that.” Pinsof strongly advises
that the dysfunctional partner be required to have personal
skills training and that there be real consequences for failing
to comply. For example, the firm could refuse to assign
associates to an emotionally out-of-control partner.
his or her abusive behavior after a reasonable period after
the talk might need to be shown the door.
One of the partners interviewed for this article makes the
suggestion that “clear, well-publicized policies and rules
should be in place” that partners would all read and sign.
These rules would be enforced to prevent bullying. “This is a
form of violence,” he said. “It is intimidation, and it creates
a hostile or offensive work environment.” He also strongly
suggests that an associate or other staff person who reports
an abusive partner be “given confidentiality only to the
extent necessary to remedy the situation,” but that there
should be a strict prohibition on retaliation. The firm should
have a committee designated in advance of any problem
to deal with a potential situation. The committee should
be empowered to require the dysfunctional partner to take
anger management or other classes or obtain counseling
or therapy help. An abusive partner can damage the firm’s
reputation and may need to be asked to leave. A labor
lawyer might need to advise the firm about how to handle
termination of a partner to avoid a potential law suit.
A systems failure to acknowledge abusive behavior and
pretend there is no problem only makes the situation more
extensive, damaging and toxic to the organization in the
long run. The take home lesson is that it is better to deal
with abusive behavior of all kinds as soon as it surfaces. J
About the author
GETTING SUPPORT
Law firm partners interviewed for this article agreed that
the abusive partner was toxic and destructive to a firm. They
also agreed that it was especially hard to take the partner
with emotional baggage but a sizable portable practice aside
to “have a talk,” but that it had to be done for the good of
the firm. Partners generally agreed that the talk needed to
be delivered by one or more of the firm’s leaders in order to
have any impact. Ultimately, a partner who could not control
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W W W. A L A N E T. O R G
Sheila Markin Nielsen is a leader in the
field of career counseling for attorneys.
She is both a social worker and an attorney,
receiving her master’s degree in social
service from Bryn Mawr College and her
J.D. from Temple University. In 1990, Nielsen
developed Nielsen Career Consulting. Learn more
at www.nielsencareerconsulting.com.