Harry Potter Boston`s Diagonally Yours... - Shirley

Fatuus
30 August 2015
Price: 7 Knuts
National Weather:
London: 21º mostly cloudy
Norwich: 21º mostly cloudy
Portsmouth: 18º showers
Plymouth: 17º cloudy
St. Helier: 21º cloudy
Cardiff: 20º mostly cloudy
Birmingham: 20º cloudy
Newcastle: 21º partly cloudy
Edinburgh: 21º partly cloudy
Belfast: 19º partly cloudy, with
Zodiacal Readings:
a chance of bombs
The past will catch up with
you later. Keep that in mind
You lack confidence & are
generally a coward. Try to improve upon that.
when deciding whether to eat questionable
Bertie Botts Beans.
Your daily sermons about that special diet you adopted
are probably starting
to annoy friends & family.
Learn better social skills.
Reading the entire
Twilight saga does not
make you a literary expert. Drop the act.
Continued on p. IX
Honeydukes of Hogsmeade
SPECIAL REPORT:
ICW-Goblin Talks at
Ephesus Break Down
See Page 19½
Where the chocolate frogs leap right int
ons
your mouth, and your well-spent galle
Z right into our hands! Y
Eeylops Owl Emporium
FLOURISH & BLOTTS @ Est. 1654 ?
o
Find a spellbinding novel, a novel book of spells, a tome with
which to fall in love, or one with which to ensnare a lover.
We specialize in brown, barn,
tawny, snowy, & screech owls.
Visit our shops in London, Leeds,
Our
World
Has perhaps
Faced no greater threat than it
does today.
our
But I say this to our citizenry: We, ever y servants, will
continue to defend your liberty and repel the forces that
seek to take it from you! Your Ministry remains, strong.
—Rufus Scrimgeour
& Glasgow!
Through the Extendable Ear
Miss Granger, a plain but
HARVARD
Horntails
Vs.
TUFTS
Tufflepuffs
Q EXCLUSIVE R
ambitious girl, seems to be
developing a taste for fam
Harry Potter Boston
At
wizards. Her latest prey,
returns on Saturday
sources report, is none other
Inman
than the Bulgarian bon-bon
October 17th at the
Stadium
Victor
Krum.
No
word
yet
Shirley-Eustis House.
on how Harry Potter’s
THE FINAL
The Ministry of Magic
taking this latest emotional blow.
CHALLENGE
has just approved all
magical activities.
Hogwarts classes will be
held again this year.
The approved classes Saturday, 17 October 2015, 1:00-7:00 p.m., At 33 Shirley Street, Roxbury, MA
are Astronomy, Ancient
Runes, & Muggle
Sorting Hat, Classes,
Also featuring Godric’s Guardians
Studies. As in previous
Demonstrations, the Vexing
Manned by Boston Armizare
years, magical co
Vestibule, Shirley Place Common
Specialists in the fifteenth century
with muggles is
necessary to ensure
Room with “What Would Draco
swordplay techniques
our well-being and
Say?”, Berklee College of Music with
of Fiore dei Liberi
growth for the future.
Your respectfulness the Audire Soundtrack Choir, Diagon
Alley Vendors, Harry Potter Themed
of the magically
challenged is greatly
Foods, Butter Beer, Fantastic
appreciated.
Beasts, plus this year’s Smoking
Drinks & So Much More!
The only thing
worse than bei
See page 4 for further details
ous
Harry Potter Boston’s Diagonally Yours...
öperation
p.
1
ng
talked about is
NOT being talked
about
1
2
Muggles not as Stupid as We Think, Says Ministry Report
Of all the magical creatures living
in Britain, none has attracted more attention
to itself than the Loch Ness Monster. It
has been seen by so many Muggles that
the Ministry for Magic has been unable
to perform Memory Charms on all of them.
Indeed, Muggles have been spotted searching
the loch for the monster, and only prompt
action by the Invisibility Task-force has so
far preventing their finding it.
Queen of the
Arachnids Meets her
Match:
60
Sorcerer’s Stone breached the NEW
45
1999, it was the first children’s book to
40
When ROWLING’s Harry Potter & the
YORK TIMES Best Sellers List in
do so since the 1952 publication of E.
B. White’s Charlotte’s Web.
Tired of the Prophet’s bombast & bias? Put down that
rag you’re currently reading & buy The Quibbler!
The Quibbler: Britain’s
leading alternative news source
SPEW representatives declaim ‘slave-like’ working
conditions in damning firsthand accounts of physical
abuse, malnourishment, and cramped living quarters
among the elves at no fewer than sixteen plantations
south of Harar, deep in the remote Eastern Highlands.
Yuppie consumers are fleeing the beleaguered high
street coffee chain, intent on buying their venti non-fat
mocha lattes either at cafés with more ethical business
practices or else ones that at least put more effort into
hiding their similarly villainous procedures.
CHARMBUCKS
55
50
35
8:00
10:00 12:00 2:00
4:00
6:00
A LITTLE LOCAL HISTORY TO VIVIFY THE TOURNAMENT’S LOCALE
All of wizardkind, especially after Harry Potter’s 1991 encounter with Lord Voldemort in Hogwarts’
underground chambers, is familiar with the story of Nicolas Flamel. Born near Paris, around 1327, Flamel
completed his education at the Beauxbatons Academy of Magic, high in the Pyrenees of southern France,
where he met his future wife, Perenelle. A gifted alchemist, Flamel is the only known wizard to have
Nicolas Flamel
successfully made the Philosopher’s Stone, which legendary substance allowed him to brew the Elixir of Life.
As its name suggests, this potion grants its imbiber immortality. Consequently, Nicolas and Perenelle only
passed away in 1992, at the ages of 665 and 658 respectively, shortly following Potter’s destruction of the Stone,
which a then extremely weak Voldemort had hoped would be the guarantor of his renewed power.
Although even the most skilled muggle doctors cannot achieve the significant prolongation of life that magic
makes available to wizards—a power that Flamel so consummately harnessed—their medical knowledge is
considerable nonetheless. Here, we may tie this brief article into the history of the Shirley-Eustis House, the
location of the 2015 Triwizard Tournament. While originally built in 1747 by William Shirley, a royal
governor of the Massachusetts Bay Colony—that most heinous government responsible for the 1692 Salem
William Eustis
p.
2
Witch Trials—William Eustis later purchased the mansion. Eustis (1753–1825) devoted his later life to
politics: beginning as a state and then federal legislator, he was successively Secretary of War, Minister to the
Netherlands, and finally Governor of Massachusetts. However, in his younger days, after graduating from
Harvard in 1772, he trained professionally under Dr. Joseph Warren and thus took up medicine as his first
career. Unlike Flamel, Eustis did not come across any miraculous panaceas, though he did put his herbological
knowledge to good use while stationed in The Hague, where he found specimens of a certain plant, popular
among muggles, that is said to enhance the taste of food. (Of course, Eustis’ own interests in the substance
were purely academic, not recreational.) That aside, in his capacity as a regimental surgeon during the
American Revolution, he expertly cared for the wounded and dying, notably at the Battle of Bunker Hill.
c Draco dormiens nunquam titillandus b
long-awaited Ministry for Magic report
made public today warns against the dangers
of underestimating Muggles.
“A Study into Muggle Suspicions
about Magic” draws conclusions which may
shock the wizarding community. Professor
Phoebus Penrose, who headed the committee
which drew up the report, says that
Muggles are more observant than we might
like to think…
SWISH & FLICK!
A
Charmbucks Stock Tumbles as Elves Rebel on
Ethiopian Coffee Plantations
9¦
ement in Galilee, Batty! 9
Muggle Studies:
FR
OM
VI
CE
DE
EA
D
books were laid flat, edge to edge,
they would entirely cover Brazil,
the world’s fifth largest country.
New Professors at Shirley Place
Astronomy: Sahj
E. Tarius, wife of
Firenze, will open
students’ eyes to
the secrets of the
night sky, showing
them the locations
of several major constellations.
Madam Squirma Mince will
oversee a game of
“What would Draco
say?” to be held in the
Great Hall Common
W
Room.
U Radix malorum
Est Cupiditas U
J. K. Rowling revealed
during an interview on 30
July 2007 that the “Tale of
the Three Brothers” is based
loosely on the “Pardoner’s Tale”
from Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales.
RA
p.
AY
W
IL
SE
R
translations, of the Harry Potter
SS
LY
hardback and paperback, in all
O
CR
A.
During the sorting ceremony in Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire, first-year Natalie McDonald is placed in Gryffindor.
McDonald was a real person, a young Canadian girl and devoted Harry Potter fan, who, in 1999, was terminally ill with
leukemia. Fearing Natalie would not live to see the release of the fourth book, Annie Kidder, a friend of the McDonalds wrote to
Rowling, requesting that she share the basic plot with the dying girl. Unfortunately by the time Rowling received the letter and
replied, Natalie had already passed away. The author thus included her name in the book as a tribute.
3
ST
EE
K
2005, if all the published copies,
S
G’
N
Good
Housekeeping:
Dragon blood is
a highly effective
oven cleaner.
Buy your
bottle today at
Slug
&
Jiggers Apothecary
on Diagon Alley!
S of
KI
Quentilla Quirrell,
cousin of the late
Quirinus Quirrell,
who taught the
subject in the late
1980s, before his
infamously ill-fated sabbatical.
Ms. Quirrell’s lesson plan for
the upcoming academic year
will focus on the toys, pastimes and divertisse ments
of non-magical children.
ON
EA
LE
TO
RS
H
M
Ancient Runes:
Nubia Babbling,
daughter of the
former post-holder,
Bathsheda Babbling.
Enjoy your retir-
N
OR
TF
New Professors at Shirley Place
RE
V
A
early adulthood. W
A
PL
was the first person to become
a billionaire (U.S. Dollars) by
writing books and is also among
the wealthiest women in the
world, despite having been
poor enough to have received
welfare benefits during her
v
Figgy Pudding
AT
After Smith was cast as
McGonagall, she brought
Radcliffe’s acting potential to
the attention of director
Chris Columbus.
with the new line of
slimming potions
OG
SM
DS
AS YOU WANT
LO
AR
J EAT AS MUCH
K
.K. Rowling
W
r
GLADRAG’S WIZARDWEAR End of Summer Sale! 50% Off Breezy Beach Robes!
VE
EL
BO
1
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Password of the Day:
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Diagon Alley Vendors will include:
et
Fe
off
l
tab
the
Garrison
e!
Returning for their second year at Shirley Place:
1OrchardWorks Wands of Stafford Springs, Conn.2
Crafters of handmade wands whittled from over 80 varieties
POSSLESS ENDIBILITIES
W of exotic y domestic woods W
t
?Alohomora Gifts>
EMMA & HEATHER BRICE
Jewelry, Wand Pouches, Mugs,
& Souvenirs
0
Purveyors of finely crafted
clothing, bags, & toys
Berklee
College of
Music
Audire
Soundtrack
Choir
o
Contact Information:
33 Shirley Street, Roxbury, Mass.
617-442-2275
[email protected]
Twitter: @DiagonallyYours
Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/Harrypottershirleyeustis?fref=ts
n
admission: $15 for adults
p
$10 for ages 8–18
p.
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