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T H E GREATEST
V o l . 7 9 — No. 17
Lafayette College, Easton, Pa., November 21, 1952
$4.00 Per Year
Tuition Hits $960
I-F Name Band
Seriously
Thankcgiving vacation is officially scheduled from noon
Nov. 26 to 8 a.m., Tuesday,
Dec. 2, according to Dean of
Faculty Robert G. Crosen. Saturday classes will be held Wednesday until noon. There will
be no excuses or special cuts
given.
Trustees Vote Hike
For Next Year
by C. W. Holmes
For the second straight IF dance and the third time
within three years, the Lafayette tuition ha's been jumped
by the Board of Trustees, this time to $960, commencing
in September, 1953. President Ralph Cooper Hutchison,
in announcing the increase, stated that the money will be
used to pay salary hikes to janitors and other members
of the administration.
Coming as a complete surprise to both students and
faculty, the raise follows a $100 jump last May, which is
being used for faculty wage boosts. One instructor, when
quizzed as to whether he had had advance notice of the
latest increase, stated that he hadn't. Headded that those
by Izzie Cyriu*
below the rank of associate professor could benefit, which
"The average micro-cephalic they had been unable to^o^^fter last Spring's jump.
Non Talks,
Onions Fly,
Choir Hums
—Photo by Gosh
Charlie Spivak'* readily recognized and delightfully danceable seldom realizes the influence he
aggregation, who will blaat forth in Alumni Memorial Gymnasium at has over the opposite sex—when
this evening's formal festivities. Dapperly dressed in the essence of he does he might just as well not
elite erudition, these gentlemen will strive, along with Mark Hillburn'* have," Prof. Idro Non whispered
orchestra, to provide nearly five hours of heady harmonies between to the walking cases in Molton
the bewitching hours of 9:30 p.m. and 2 a.m. From the air of pro- Scrapple at three this morning.
fessional confidence pervading the collective face* of the*e worldly
Emphasizing the importance of
bandsmen, those on the floor of the gym may be reassured that their
"chair, table and lamp" in the efsolvent soliloquies will not be dampened by dire dirge*.
Sterility Test Made
Recjuisite For All
Coming Graduates
by Flung Kout
After 20 minutes of serious consideration and deliberation, the faculty decided to include a sterility test as a
regular requirement for graduation for all arts and science
majors beginning with the class of '53 at its annual meeting Wednesday night in Souse Cooler.
According to committee chairman K.K. Kilowatt, the
test "will determine the student's potency as compared
with 69 year old professors and will tend to eliminate
minutia usually associated with the subject." Professor
Kilowatt continued emotionally.
•
"the main purpose is to more adequately disintegrate and graduate
individuals completely disassociated
from their social and political environments, to borrow a phrase
from Prof. Kogeyfran AnoUie of
by Hambona
the psychology department."
The institution of sterility tests
Several broad new course.^,
will prove to be a great stride for- eleven to be precise, will be inward in the control of distracting stituted into the Laffinyette scholemotions here on the banks of the astic curriculum come the coming
beautiful Wellawhere," Professor semester. Recent reports from the
Kilowatt abstracted.
ivory tower state that the courses
are the result of fearless faculty
Dia-Hard* Sob
Several die-hards, through an action, precipitated by a trite
alcohol haze of dejection sobbed trend toward travesty. One sour
"if we had only known we might note prevailed, however, when
have put our leisure moments to Prof. Whyrun A. Grasskiln, debetter use." I. Makout, student portment of mystery, unsheathed
clicque president speaking for the Thucydides "History of the Pelmen of Laffinyette, proclaimed a loppennissiann Wars", and erustate of submergency calling all ditely emoted the theory of eduloyal crew racers, panty snatchers cational relativity.
and artists extraordinaire to a mid- ACCOUNTING 2~Advanced
night meeting at that citadel of in- Accounting
dependence. The Pairadice.
Budget-cutting, book-balancing,
Inferiority Consul president Ima and the juggling of accrued diviFratman, called a secret meeting dends and expenses into unofficial
of all grand dragons who prompt- funds. Class meets in Chapel.
ly decided to ignore the whole Prof. Limbs Wilderness, LS, MFT,
thing, writing if off as "reaction- GOP.
ary faculty action prompted by BASKETWEAVING 7—Seven
Adlai Stevenson's defeat." Frat- Virile Basketweavers
nan snickered, "What do they
Designed' to give Laffinyette
hing they're running here, n pre- students an insight into the probpubic kindergarten for ping pong lems of the middlemen. Field trips
players?"
are taken to the dirty, decrepit
(continued on page three)
hovels of itinerant basketweavers
fort to apprehend and duly thrash
the current scoundrel of the
month responsible for the tweeked
noses in Old Pardonme, Professor
Non wheezed an enthymetic syllogism to help disintegrate his
argument.
To the accompaniment of a
three quarter time polka softly
hummed in the background by the
choir boys. Professor Idro Non did
just that. Gesticulating carefully
using just the right amount of
body English and maintaining a
firm grasp on his bar stool, the
eminent alcoholic lisped through
swollen eye-lids "the scintillation
has reached the saturation point,
which in my opinion is definitely
without a doubt."
Throop* It Up
Throoping
miniature
onions
from his martini over the heads of
his audience he stoutly defended
the Quern Queritis Trope on the
(continued on page five)
"
With many other colleges and
universities advancing their tuition
rates (Lehigh to $800, Princeton
to $850, East Slippery Rock State
Teachers to $935), the Trustees
were forced to vote the addition
An outstanding suspect for the to avoid dipping into the reserve
title of the phantom firebug has fund to pay for ever-increasing
been apprehended by the college salaries.
administration. A member of the
Lafayette "Brain Trust," the susA Royal Boo*t
pect was seized while performing
The
pay
bracket for instructors
his customary duties.
•
The evidence pointing to the will now begin at $1300, a $68
guilt of the inculpated appears to boost from last year, while janibe irrefutable. A large canvas bag, tors, secretaries, and other minor
filled with papers, obviously kind- administration functionaries will
ling for a blaze, was drapped over receive $1350, the announcement
the accused man's right shoulder. stated. Figureheads, department
To ward off assailants or to heads, and top administration exspread the burning papers, a long ecutives will receive between $3000
pointed stick was carried by the and $3100 as base pay, with the
maximum reaching as high as
fire bug.
No motive for the suspect's $4100 in both groups.
A provision has been made that
crimes has yet been found. The
Administration has reported that any student unable to afford the
the remuneration for his services rise in cost may apply for the tuito the college, because of federal tion-on-the-installment-plan methlaw, was far in advance of his od. It is expected by the trustees
capabilities. However, Dean' of that a highly-capable freshman
Students Frank R. Runt has ex- class will be obtained next year,
pressed confidence that the accus- with fewer men (only 30%) being
ed can be talked into confessing. dropped from school because of
scholastic failure.
Pyro Found
Doing Duties
11 Broads Added to Course List
?
along the banks of the Bushkill.
Prof. Garter conducts the course
and sells souvenirs. Khaki pants
required.
ENGLISH 24—Cynical Writings
Cynical essays and theories derived from cynical authors under
the auspices of cynical Professor
Ohm.
FINE ARTS 143—Studies of
the Female Form
Profs. Freud and Jung, with
the aid of undraped models, instruct students on proper handling of the Female Form. Class
participation is encouraged.
HISTORY 15—Rebel Revolt
A study of the principles and
practical advantages which could
be derived from a southern victory over the North. Course specifically designed to educate future Southern men of leisure who
will eventually find themselves in
possession of Yankee territory.
Prof. J. E. B. Moleman holds
classes in appropriately
flagdraped rooms.
MUSIC 0—Harmony—2 Terms
A concentrated study of the
first two lines of "Ay-Ay-Ay-Ay"
without repeating the same note
twice in the entire two terms.
PHYSICAL EDUCATION 400—
Resusitation 2
Arm-across carry, cutting holes
in the ice, heaving buoys and various other courageous acts. Be a
hero. Have others look up to you.
Don't be a 90-pound weakling.
Special next semester; save two
for the price of one. Superman
and Staff.
POLITICAL SCIENCE 3 —
Government and Political Power
An objective and comprehensive
analysis of Capitalism, Socialism,
Fascism and Pfretzism.
SEX 2—Sexual Education
(Intermediate)
This is planned for that vast
body of students who know too
much for the beginner's course
but not enough for the seminar
course. This intermediate course
is popularly called the "intercourse" among students. Co-ed
classes. Very interesting homework assignments. Lab experiments performed by Dr. Codger.
SOCIOLOGY 4—Marriage and
Other Perversions
(continued on page two)
G. Mennen
Gillette
G. Mennen Gillette, blue blood,
who *poke before a combined
meeting of the Laffinyette PraMeds and Pre-Modess societies on
the sexual life of the male tsetse
fly in Lower Pakietan.
Mr. Gillette pointed out the interesting fact that the tsetse fly
i* unlike bee* and *pider* which
eat each other; it i« harbivoroa*.
T H E
PACE T W O
Friday, November 21, 1952
L A F A Y E T T E
*W\)t Haiiinvtttt*
Erected 1769
Published erotlcnlly by the Masochlsts of Laffinyette. Editorial and Buslnesa OtCicea In Third Floor Head Pardonme Hull.
Telephone 6SS9
Extension 69
TOP BANANA
JESSIE A. CURDLY
BANANA SKIN
BILL BORED
8EPTCESDAY BANANA FEE]:,8
Blood. Sex and Money
Athletic Supporter
Hearts and Flowers
ASS. Banana Skin
Pornography
.
News Perverts .
Jesale A. Curdly
Buster Kidney
Jessie A. Curdly
Ima Glutton
.
Bill Kahn
.
Bill Blood, Sam Sex,
Moe Money. Jesale A. Curdly
Jocks
.
.
.
.
B.V.D. Smyth, Sidney Sclvvy,
Sam Sweatsox, Joe Rugby, Jessie A. Curdly
Head Cashier
N. O. Sale
Xtmljyn Fzatrs
QpPBf Nqw59
B.S. Artist Extraordinaire
.
.
.
Joe Kahn
Delivery Boy
"Hots" Toddl
Bicycle Peddlers
S'oe Jinn. Dubble Bcrbln,
Iva Loadon, Jessie A. Curdly
Head Mailman
Ghengis Kahn
Stamp LIckers
Manny, Moe, and Jessie A. Curdly
.
.
.
.
-
.
-
•KPnaMNTSD ram NATIONAL AuvaRTisiNe er
MemOer
National Advertising Service, Inc.
\.-<ociaiea coiiegiatc Prea*
College Publisbtri Represnistiv*
4 a o MADieoN Av«.
NKW YORK. N . Y .
oicAso • aoiio. • LOS ssBiiss . SA. r.A.ciieo
Member
' i,
D
Intercollegiate Press
A t O n e Time
. . . or another everyone loses his head, collectively or
otherwise, and that is exactly what we have done. By way
of explanation, allow us to say that for the past many
months our creative abilities have been confined to the
fascinating art of doing interpretive sketches on chapel
announcements. Alpha Phi Omega meetings, time schedules, and administrative decrees.
And so, in keeping with the season, in this issue we
have pulled all the stops and have let loose the dogs of
cryptic, we hope comical, and, we fear, crusty witticism.
Those who have been selected from among their fellows to bear the brunt of this supposed wit will we hope
be honored by their selection. They have been chosen because from past experience we know they are the ones
who will receive it most graciously.
To the flowers that are this weekend blooming in our
rock garden we dedicate this issue. In nn effort to afford
you a few chuckles and so to make your stay with us that
much more interesting many of us who could well be employed in passing Friday-before-IF exams have instead
spent many gruelling hours over hot typewriters.
But enough of this timeless prose. Let us say only,
along with the great men of the ages, "When once it becomes imperative for one Jaganath to become Jansenistic
and thus undergo a process of necrosis eventually culminating in extensive noctambulation, then is the epitome
of odalisque transformed instantaneously from
It I*
the odontoglossum to the theopathic intermedYou Know iate congestulatory. But all's well that terminates beneficiently, and so long as one succeeds
in keeping one's theelin dry, even in the acknowledgedly
distractive presence of thelitis, and an occasionally rampant theorbo, one is bound to perceive the retroactive influences of the ignis fatuus, be it fingent, stringent, or contingent."
Anod(
Coming out from the Shakespeare lecture the other
morning we overheard a would-be bard reciting the following lines and, with his permission, we repeat them here.
To go, or not to go: That is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The barbs and phrases of more social brethren
Or to bring a date this weekend to the Ball
And by doing so hush them. To talk; to dance;
No more. But by this dance we mean to say
The head-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flash is heir to. 'Tis a combination
Doubtfully to be chanced. To talk; to dance;—
To dance. Perchance to stand! Ay, there's the rub;
For in that dance what bruises come.
When we are stumbling on crowded floor,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life,
For we must bear the ravages of time.
The sleepless nights, the girl friend's prattling,
The pangs of restless love, the law's delay.
The insolence of office, and the groans
The patient stomach, when empty, makes
When we ourselves must feed for three whole weeks
On one lone five-spot. But who won't taxis call.
To bounce and jounce after a weary night.
But that the dread that someone afterward
Would chide for leaving unfulfilled
The requisites of an I.F. Ball
This makes us rather bear those ills we have
And fly to others we know nothing of.
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the greenish hue of indigestion
Is fast glossed o'er with the bright cast of thought.
And excitement of great pitch, and dither
In this regard our worries turn away.
And take the name of action.—And soft you now!
The fair Ophelia Nymph, in thy love letters
Be these three days remembered.
—Photos by Bye
"Oh hit the red Bounce jigger!"
*he exclaims (4op) and the weekend begins with nothing more than
the jolt of a pin-ball machine while
waiting for the carousing to commence. Later she eggs him on
through a succession of bawdy barrooms, monster rallies, pillow fights
over the counter in the fratty
lodge, retails, details, and cocktail* until (bottom) with a few of
the boys from the house, he survey* the ruin* of hi* finance*, fraternity, grey flannel*, and, brother* together, they take a eacred
vow not to do it again until the
next time.
Before • • • and After
Big Funds
To ^Error^ Extensive Emissions Control
After ten years of chain letters,
contests, mortgage foreclosures,
threatening cablegrams and public vifhippings, Loxin Bagel, College Treasurer, has turned over
the proceeds of the New Error
drive to the Faculty Committee on
the Future. At first overwhelmed
by the prospect of having to dispose of the entire $79.23, the committee recovered sufficiently to
present a tentative program of
spending. The present list of proposals follows.
1. A major portion of the gigantic sum, $14.72, will be allocated to furnish gold doorknobs
for Curdly Dorm. Should there be
any excess in this item the residue
will be placed in a fund to replace
the ashtrays which are now stuffed
to capacity.
2. $12.50 has been alloted to
inscribe a new motto on the top
of the Curdly Hall of Syphil
Strife. Thus far the only suggestion for the inscription is "Five
cents, ten cents and notions."
3. $4.98 has been set aside to
begin construction of a parking
lot, reserved for students, at the
intersection of routes 13 and 33
just across from the BethlehemAllentown-Easton Airport.
4. The remainder, a sum of
$47.03, is to be used to purchase
a new IBM calculating machine.
The new machine is calculated to
calculate the mis-calculations of
the present instrument and record
mistakes in bronze in quintuplicate.
In accordance with the original
plan the names of the 62i/4 contributors to the fund will be inscribed on the famous cardboard
placque now hanging behind the
two-headed baby in Junks Hall.
11 BROADS ADDED
(continiud
from page one)
An introductory course for
young sex-fiends in strange sexual
habits throughout the world. Prof.
PDQ Heaton gives several lectures
on Chinese customs and reads
selected passages from yellow
Arab works. G u e s t lecturer
Charles Spies, NG, FYB, reads
letters from his roommate.
(continued on page eight)
Planned by Dean Keg, Profs
by Crackey
T h e faculty Committee on
Emissions has announced that a
completely revamped system of
emissions will take effect with the
end of the present milennium.
Dean E. Diddle Keg, speaking at
the devotional service in Chapel,
shocked the student body by informing them that man through
the ages has never escaped from
prevailing conditions; hence the
decision of the Committee. After
much prodding and throwing of
moldy fruit upon the pulpit, and
the exploding of an H-Bomb in a
rear pew. Keg became aware of
a feeling of mild student dissatisfaction and consented to spew
forth the whole Committee report.
Blotches
Because
A r e y o u r palms potted?
T r y Sobersauce Remedy.
by Lew Ridd
Once upon a dime a little churl
chugged a lug. Having had no
previous encounters with John
Barleycorn, this youthful, unexpectorated churl was lured into
the depths of inebriation by the
elusive elixir. (Meanwhile, on top
of Old Baldy . . .) The churl became chilled to the foam when,
out of a fearful shy, came the
revolution that she had been playing tonsil hockey with the chancellor of the checkerboard, Hugo F.
Uome.
The distraught damsel dashed
dexterously down dark dungeon
dips, silently searching seriously
so that she could easily effervesce.
Seedless to say, the little churl
quaffed a quart of that fearlessly
flamboyant fluid — Anti-Freeze —
langorously leaving such premier
predatory premises for the crock
of Giveusallalstar, one of Katchall
Kinsey's Keerful Kohorts.
He explained that a strained antisquid movement in Esthonia forced the Committee to adopt a system whereby only a few students
will be emitted per milennium, and
these only under the cover of
darkness. "This system has been
used successfully on scores of
other campi," jeered Keg. "It ispopularly dubbed The New Aura
Plan of Nocturnal Emission," he
jibed. The mechanics of the system work as follows:
Con Statement* Now
In selecting a class to be
emitted, the Committee on Emission# has 'before it a complete
transcript of each candidate's record, the results of the college exodus examinations, a crawfish pie
(me-oh-my-oh), four golden rings,
three maids a' courting, two
turtle-doves, and a partridge in a
pear tree. On special occasions a
confidential statement from the
student's headmaster is required
as to the urinal habits of the
emittee. This insures fair treatment to all proposed emittees.
May the best candidate win.
There are two methods of emissions: 1) Tickets, and 2) examinations. If you have a ticket all
well and good, but hold onto your
stub. The drawing for diplomas
will take place in the senior year.
For those not holding tickets, examinations will be given. After
much labor the Committee has derived two types of examinations:
1) the Easy exam and 2) the Hard
exam. Some students will take the
Easy exam while others will be
required to take the Hard exam.
Do not be bitter if you must take
the Hard exam. That's the way the
ball bounces.
Pep Rally
Again *eriou*ly, Sandy Cooper, head cheerleader ha* aaked
that no joke be made of tha
pep rally thi* afternoon at 5:30
in front of the gymna*ium.
Friday, November 21, 1952
THE
PAGE THREE
L A F A Y E T T E
Debaters
Take Pine
Box Girls
The Greek Whirl
by Bruce Becker and Bob Heyman
From the cloud hidden peak of Mount Olympus to the
banks of the Delaware, spirit and mortal Greeks alike will
revel in true old world style as Lafayette fraternities "pull
out all the stops" tonight.
With apache dances, western hoe-down.s, and various
variations on Hell in general, the Greeks have slated a
week-end of merriment destined to shake College Hill
Any Man Can Be
You Know
to its oldest peneplain.
halls of Fisher Field. After the
game, there will be another tea
party to which alumni and gue.sts
are invited. Sometime in the early
evening they will gather in their
hotrods and sojourn to the far
reaches of New Jersey for whatever green fields they may find.
Sunday afternoon they will again
for whatever mischief
Delta Kappa Epsilon congregate
they can think of before the sad
Saturday niorniiiK the Dekes are farewells.
moving out for a "riproaring"
Theta Chi
football game with the Chi Phi's
(see coninienls elsewhere). From
The boys from Mississip' will
then on things will proceed in a head for the deep south of New
happy daze, culininating in a Orleans after the usual formalities
"shades of 1922" houseparty com- of Friday night dinner and the Satplete with dixieland band and urday afternoon game. George
Charleston. After the happy hoof- Sigalos, a hot man on a downbeat,
ing and the what else that goes on, is taking all the boys off to a Basin
they'll relax with vacation.
Street party Sat'dy night. Decorations include illustrations of those
Theta Xi
aforementioned depths of degraThe Theta Xi's are starting off dation, plus blue and red lighting
with dinner Friday night followed with the latter predominating.
by breakfast later on in the even- Basin Street blues will be played
ing. Saturday will see them eat- by the band up for the evening.
ing again at lunch and then de- Go! Go!
parting for the game with a good
Sigma Chi
base in their stomachs. That night
After the dance, the crew from
they will hold a Charles Adams
party, meaning they will dress like the corner of the quad will move
characters from a "New Yorker" down to the Maroon Room at the
Circlon for a little after-dance encartoon—which they are.
joyment — for medicinal purposes
Alpha Chi Rho
only. They're holding an open
Lew Hill from the Crow hou.se house after the game. In the evenreally has things down on a time in' by the moonlite, Don Cornelius
schedule. Seems that all the girls and Pete Fallon are running an
are arriving at 5 p.m. and will stay Apache Party with dates imported
for supper. Saturday, after the directly from the left bank of the
game, there will be a homecoming Delaware. Hajppy sailing!
Open House with alumni, dates and
Delta Upsilon
the Phi Mu's from Lehigh. That
Friday night the DU's will ennight they'll have an Apache party
with slit skirts and berets and joy their last night of freedom bewhatever else goes on at an Apache fore the festivities begin Saturday
party. After the party they're go- night. The boys are donning the
ing out for a hayride, which sounds black and white and moving into
cold and cool. Sunday, the Crows the living room for a little work
are visiting Colton Memorial Chap- on their own little rock pile, with
suitable bars being placed around.
el to repent for their hayride.
Dates are coming from the Eastern
Federal Penitentiary specially for
Phi Kappa Tau
Refreshments will be served by this affair, and they should be right
Frank Scangarella and others Fri- at home. Ron Exley is the truistie
day night. This means dinner of in charge of operations and mental
course. Saturday refreshments will escapes.
continue to be served. That night
Chi Phi
the Phi Taus are having a weird
Friday
night
the Chi Phis are
costume party. Decorations include their own brand of hell, sitting down to a banquet at the
caves, and cobwebs. The latter will fratty lodge. Sometime! the folinclude tho.se in their heads. Sun- lowing morning they'll end up on
day, when they look even weirder, the quad with the Dekes in a very
jovial, liquid football game. That
the fond farewells will be said.
should be quite amusing. There'll
be an open house after the game
Theta Delta Chi
The Theta Delts are starting off and an informal party at night.
the weekend with a buffet dinner Coe Suydam is the charge d' afFriday night. Saturday, they'll faires for the weekend.
drag themselves out to the game
Zeta Psi
if they are not busy hunting for
According to Bob Neuman and
Willy Wall. After amusing them- Ken McAlpine, the Zetes are goselves after the game, they'll come ing to spend their usual conservaback at night for a suppressed de- tive weekend. They'll hit the dance
sire party with fried omelets on Friday and go to the game Saturthe wall. All those with overt de- day, following which there will be
sires are invited. Robert Harrison an open house. After their buffet
is the man in charge.
supper, they'll hold a no-theme
dance for the troops. Sunday will
Pi Lambda Phi
The wrambling wrecks from Sul- be recuperation time as the boys
livan's Lane will kick off oh Fri- study FM 22-5 for the following
day night with Max Davison at the Monday.
helm with an informal dinner to
Sigma Nu
which dates only have been invitThe Sigma Nus are having dined. Saturday after the game ner Friday for those with dates
they'll move to (get this) the Ter- and giant 37-inch Party Pandas
minal Supper Club for a cocktail Saturday they'll head for the game
and hip-flask party for alumni and after a house served brunch. Tea
students. That evening there will for the alumni and cocoa for the
be a shipwreck party for the broth- students will be served after the
ers and those that usually drift game. That night the Serpent
down there. The house will be Hillmen are heading tov the wild,
decorated with sunken students wooly, western reaches of the land
and sodden alumni.
for>a western wrangler's hoedown,
complete with Cowboy and Indian
Delta Tau Delta
Friday night the boys in the costumes. Steve Gibbons is ranch
DTD fratty lodge will congregate foreman for this year's roundup.
for a tea party and dinner. MarPhi Delta Theta
tin E. Carroll III will lead his
The very sociable Phi Delts will
fratty boys forth to the stalwart begin the fiasco with a Bacchanal-
Phi Kappa Psi
The Phi Psis are having the
usual until Saturday night. At
their no-theme house party they're
bringing up a dixieland band from
Jimmy Ryan's in NYC. Sunday
will see the girls sadly departing
and the boys sadly collapsing.
"This isn't exactly what we meant, Harold'
Centimeter Girls Raid Dorm
Seeking Unmentionables
As Shocked Students Faint
by A. B. Orlion
Three-dozen car-loads of girls
from Centimeter Junior Business
School raided the
Laffinyette
campus last night in search of
some delicate undies to take back
to their dorms as souvenirs. They
entered the campus by College
Avenue and drove the wrong way
around the quadrangle to attack
McGoon Hole.
The erudite students of Laffinyette, seeing the hordes of girls
coming, were naturally extremely
frightened and ran directly to
their dormitories. The girls, after
driving around the quadrangle
several times in search of boys to
pick up, parked their cars on the
quad and got out. They then made
a run for McGoon.
The inhabitants of McGoon,
however, in protection of their
chastity, burricaded the entrance.
Several of the less patient girls
climbed the fire escape and managed to get into the dorm. They
overpowered the boys who were
holding the door and the remainder of the girls streamed in. According to later reports, the
screams of the McGoon inhabitants were heard throughout Easton.
Soft Scrambled Girl*
Several of the more flirtatious
fellows went so far as to honestly
help the girls and throw unmentionables out the windows at
them. The girls below scrambled
for these relics.
The local police, hearing reports
of the riot, came to the rescue.
Only after the use of tear gas
were they able to quiet the excited
girls. According to a jiolice reian feast on F'riday eve. In the
tradition of their Brutish forefathers, the gentlemen have imported
a gross of paper-thin china cups
and two-hundred and twelve teabags all of which will be used to
promulgate an orgiastic tea-party
on Saturday after the game. The
tribe has decided to grab their
squaws and let their hair down for
the Saturday eve shenanigans. The
house party will revolve about an
Apache motif.
Phi Gamma Delta
The fratters of Phi Gam are
planning a goodly amount of social eating over the fleeting hours
of these hectic days. Friday eve
will find a lavish dining activity at
the house. A buffet dinner will be
.served after the game and Sunday
noon will bring the finale to the
dinner-date affairs. For Saturday
evening, the gregarious gourmets
will mount their phaetons and
make tracks to White's Barn in
Bath where they will meet their
dates at a Sadie Hawkin's dance.
Kappa Delta Rho
The KDR's weekend will commence with Social Chairman Neil
Hansen at the helm. Don't be
alarmed if, on Saturday eve, you
hear an Indian war cry of about
port, not too much damage was
done. Some students, three varsity football players among them,
had, however, temporarily fallen
into a state of unconsciousness.
Medical reports later showed that
this was caused by extreme modesty. The boys had fallen into a
state of shock when they saw girls
holding their underthings.
Girls 'Not Sorry'
When later interviewed by Tho
Laffinyette, several of the girls
said that they were not at all
sorry for what they had done and
would gladly do it again.
Honey Dolle, leader of the
g r o u p of Centimeter raiders,
stated this morning, "Gee that was
fun; those boys were certainly
cute." Max Hoosawhatsky, captain
of the Laffinyette wrestling team
and leader of the McGoon defenders, said immediately before this
paper went to press, "Oh my
goodness. I was tho afwaid. They
got my cod-piece—teeheeheehee."
STERILITY TEST
(continued from page ont)
Student Revulsion
When confronted with evidence
of student revulsion to the plan,
Professor Kilowatt serenely assured himself that the system "shall
undoubtedly discourage the work
of the student who heretofore has
majored in applied cold soldering
with no regard to the finer aspects
of life."
Realizing that some will question the proposed test tube tickler.
Professor Kilowatt announced a
question and snappy reparte period to be held in Molton Scrapple
4 a.m. Christmas morning.
by O. B. Scene
"Resolved: That given enough
rope, any man can be hung" was
the subject of a debate between
two Laffinyette seniors and two
budding freshmen from Pine Box
College. On the offensive, the boys
from Laffinyette parried and
thrusted with the Pine Box girls,
hurling invectives o n l y when
necessary.
Igot Agetsome, first negative
speaker for Laffinyette, cited
crime, vice, padded bathing suits,
and masculine falsies as examples
of the moral degradation in America. He ended by shouting, "Any
man with more than a foot of rope
should be hung!"
Made by Hand
Speaking for the affirmative,
Lotta Bodee from Pine Box, who
described herself to reporters as
"just another Babe in the Woods,"
handed Agetsome some pretty
rough treatment when she hit him
with the remark "Not everything
wearing pants needs to be hung,
but some of them sure could use
it." She smiled a lascivious smile
and slid onto the negative speakers' table but was quickly removed by the moderator, Freddy
B. Ready.
Erected swiftly from his seat by
Miss Bodee's action, I. M. Makinhay returned to the battle with a
cry
of
"Liberte,
Fratemite,
Equal ite." Continuing to make
the most of the girl's fallacy,
Makinhay, with a down-in-themouth expression exclaimed, "It
takes a heap of heaping to heap a
heap."
Pithy Argument
In the girls' second period, Jane
Hot-Bocks panicked the audience
by yelling "Get 'em while they're
hot!" As a parting thrust at the
I'ine Box ladies, Ray Vinmad
.stepped into the saddle for Laffinyette, extended his hand palm
outward, and screamed, "Mung!"
Commenting on the trip to Pine
Box and the debate, a Laffinyette
debater was heard to say, "We
laid 'em in the aisles."
Chevy Studes
Enter in Fall
Waging a drastic price war with
its closest competitor. Ford, the
Chevrolet Foundation will place
men just out of fifth grade in the
frosh class at Laffinyette. The
main purpose is to ready these stalwart examples of manhood for immediate induction into the Boy
Kappa Sigma
Scouts thus eliminating the years
For the Saturday post-meridian wasted in needless training with
meanderings, the Kappa Sigs are the Cub Scouts.
working in combo with the brothers of Zeta Psi for a houseparty
To Set World On Fire
at the Zete house. Social ChairIn cooperation with a leading
man Sam Weaver reports that the manufacturer of high speed tritwo houses will have the distinc- cycles Laffinyette Collitch, under
tion of being visited by President the skillful direction of Pres. R.
Hutchison, Deans Hunt and Heg, Chickencoop McClutchbottom and
and Colonel Jones. Sunday after- Prof. Joshua Coldheart, has set up
noon, an alumni party will be en- this revolutionary idea in hopes
gineered for the benefit of those that it will set the educational
brothers both older and wiser.
world on fire.
They've gone to almost no exSigma Alpha Epsilon pense
to provide the finest profesHouse Director of Social Activ- sors in hopes that they will be able
ities, Ellis Cook, advises his breth- to instill the higher mysteries of
ren that there will be a "Candle- life into these miniature Fli Bates.
light Breakfast" at the house af- Under Professor Coldheart are
ter the dance on Friday night. All Profs. Omar Khayam and P. T.
hungry brothers are advised to at- Larceny, noted fizzicists, and Prof.
tend. On Saturday eve. fratters Snake Bender, expert on the abof SAB are bundling their fair bacus.
femmes into the flivvers, whereTappa Keg in Curdly
upon, dressed in the attire of comDean E. Diddle Keg had originic-strip characters, they will jour- ally planned to house these mental
ney to Ross Common Manor for monsters in Curdly Dorm but dethe evening's festivities.
(continued on page eight)
500 decibels mounting up to the
(we hope) star-debecked skies.
It'll only be the fratters of KD*R
rapt in the throes of an Apache
Dance.
THE
PAGE FOUR
LAFAYETTE
Friday, November 21, 1952
'\.. Wild, Wild Women; The^ 11 Drive You..,"
Following is a list of the girls
who have been so gracious as to
grace our rockgarden this weekend. Good bless you all and may
all your problems be small ones.
Sigma Nu
Pat Allen, Troy, N. Y.; Mar>Ann Tillson, Newburgh, N. Y.;
Norma Crane, Scarsdale, N. Y.;
Phyllis Besecker, Olean, N. Y.;
Ruth Ann Grawley, Claymont,
Del.; Barbara Hapf, Lewisburg;
Susan Hadley, Basking Ridge, N.
J.; Shirley Hough, CoUingswood,
N. J.; Marilyn Downs, Havertown;
Arlene Carcione, Easton; Euphelia
Dickey, Bone, Nebraska; Carolyn
Bowman, Spring City; Terry
Stambaugh, Green Park; Marion
Crossland, Claymont, Del.; Mildred Best, Glenside; Edith Cooke,
Carlisle.
Glennie Rader, Nazareth; Deborah Hitchcock, River Forest,
111.; Nona Meeham, Philadelphia;
Joy Englehart, Allentown; Liz
Bean, Kumquat, Ohio; June Fraps,
Secane; Shirley Anderson, Grove
City, Ohio; Jean Finkbiner, Pughtown; Barbara Newman, Phillipsburg, N. J.
Joanne Seibert, Reading; Nancy
Weed, Hightstown, N. J.; Ann
Roth, Easton; Dona Walters, Easton; Pat Vanatta, Easton; Nancy
Ritter, Easton; Pam Hastings,
Centenary; Mrs. Marion Ceremsak, Easton; Nancy Kern, Penn
State; Mary Fitzgerald, White
Plains, N. Y.; Judy Ross, Chatham, N. J.; Nancy Detweiler,
Mount Bethel, N. J.
Theta
Chi
Marilyn Good, Reading; Louise
Wilhjelm,
Abington;
Dorothy
Green, N. J. C ; Carla Ingemann,
Fort Lee, N. J.; June Hoffman,
West Orange, N. J.; Barbara Geveid, Haddon Heights, N. J.; Patricia Kliem, Hillside, N. J.; Sara
Cumens, Downingtown; C a r o l
Connolly, Hillsdale, N. J.; Jean
Daddow, Wilmington, Del.; Jean
Perry, Newark, N. J.
Janice Bernhardt, Bennington,
Vt.; Blackie Marsh, Charleston,
W. Va.; Doris Asbornsen, Hillsdale, N. J.; Betty O'Connor, Newark, N. J.; Doris Mills, Highland,
N. Y.; Shirley Garver, Verona, N.
J.; Joyce Hector, West Orange,
N. J.; Lenora Madison, Bellerose,
N. Y.
Janet Ford, Trenton, N. J.; Lois
Hollow, Ridgefleld Park, N. J.;
Helen Powell, Abington; Donna
Smith, Corning, N. Y.; Ruth Pickard, Syracuse, N. Y'.; Carolyn
Schwartz, Brooklyn, N. Y.; Evelyn
Marzoa, Bellerose, N. Y.; Kay
Ketrick, Chester; Barbara Landers, West Orange, N. J.
Theta Delta Chi
Nancy Birks, Trenton, N. _J.;
C i n d y Klemeyer, Wynnewood,
Pa.; Nancy Rothweiler, Clark, N.
J.; Elyse Wenczel, Trenton, N. J.;
Betty Peters, Glenside,'Pa.; Nancy
Deininger, Phoenixville, Pa.; Sue
Nealy, Ridgewood, N. J.; Marcia
Purtle, Phila., Pa.; Barbara Bicker, Lock Haven, Pa.
Anna Mae Mattis, Ardmore,
Pa.; Shirley Shovlin, WilkesBarre, Pa.; Louise Watson, Oxford, Pa.; Pat Everest, Langley
Field, Va.; Dale Otterson, Kintnersville. Pa.; Eleanor Jensen,
Perth Amboy, N. J.; Roberta
Wickberg, Perth Amboy, N. J.;
Joan Schneiderwirth, Baederwood,
Pa.
Barbara Smith, Hudson, N. Y.;
Suzanne Davis, Trenton, N. J.;
Ronnie Kaufman, Trenton, N. J.;
Pamela Davis, Plainfield, N. J.;
Nancy Wright; Rosedith Bibleheimer, Easton, Pa.; Ann Quinn,
Wynnewood, Pa.; Bobbie Decker,
Philipsburg, Pa.
City; Nnncy Merrick, Bala Cynwyd, Pa.; Harriet Ruch, Waverley,
N. Y.; Bee Jay Leach, Verona, N.
J.; Frances McCarthy, Elmhurst,
Long Island; Nancy O'Connell,
New York City; Shirley Burcheck,
Minersville, Pa.; Dorothy Cullen,
Fountain Springs, Pa.; Helen Emery, Belvidere, N. J.
Norma Jeanne Bontempo, Rego
Park, N. Y.; Jane Leiss, Bloomfield, N. J.; Elaine Lachenmeyer,
Forest Hills, N. Y'.; Clair Pizzolo,
New York City; Dorothy Koerner,
Mt. Vernon, N. Y.; Carolyn Blumoehr, Staten Island, N. Y.; Marjorie Werner, Maple Heights,
Ohio; Joan Bittenbender, Hazleton, Pa.; Mary Louise Ferguson,
Hazleton, Pa.; Sandra Simpson,
Mt. Carmel, Pa.
Margaret Cramer, Hackensack,
N. J.; Barbara Fenton, Glen
Ridge, N. J.; Hilda Strang, Palmira, N. J.; Pat Corrigan, Hazleton, Pa.; Jackie Freits, Milburn,
N. J.; June Burell, Milburn, N. J.;
Beth Travis, Hasbrouck Heights,
N. J.; Inez Othon, New York
City; Meg Wilson, Mt. Kisko, N.
Y.; Lois Miller, Philadelphia, Pa.;
Marie Curran, Scotch Plains, N.
J.; Linda Weeast, Milford, N. J.;
Charlotte Ruch, Waverly, N. Y.;
Eloise Green, Ashland, Pa.
Phi Gamma
Delta
Louise Lewis, Easton, Pa.; Ruth
McClure, Norristown, Pa.; Florence Dallas, Salisbury, Md.; Leila
Dezso, Fairfield, Conn.; Bobbie
Brown, Keyport, N. J.; Joan Oppasser, Crestwood, N. Y.; Norma
Searle, Cranford, N. J.; Betty
Mett, Schenectady, N. Y.; Joan
Ivins, Abington, Pa.; Pauline
Scott, Chatham, N. J.
Sue Kaiser, Elkins Park, Pa.;
A n n Ferrera, Rieglesville, Pa.;
Pat Smith, Oakland, Md.; Connie
Smith, Oakland, Md.; Jane Skinner, Bethlehem Township, Pa.;
Willa Elliott, Norristown, Pa.;
Betsy Laws, Washington, D. C.;
Jean Macomber, Newton Highlands, Mass.
Audrey Hazlett, Dalton, Pa.;
Joanne Liberty, Buffalo, N. Y.;
Joanne Seibert, Somerville, N. J.;
Pat Ledbetter, St. Louis, Mo.;
Jeannette McCartney, Philadelphia, Pa.; Barbara Ann Berger,
Nutley, N. J.; Ruth Jean Morri,
Trenton, N. J.; Lee Selkze, Montclair, N. J.; Shirley Morris, Cape
May, N. J.
f
Zeta Psi
Lea Anne Hand, Haddonfield,
N. J.; Bee Eastman, Cleveland
Heights, Ohio; Eleanor Hutcheson, Wilkes-Barre, Pa.; Elsie
Stark, Cleveland Heights, Ohio;
Mary Lou Mason, Montclair, N. J.;
Shirley Coon, Dallas, Pa.; Jane
Thornbury, Milford, Conn.; Carol
Parrott, Roslyn, L. I., N. Y.
Sandy Stallworth, Pittsburgh,
Pa.; Shirley Mack, Pottsville, Pa.;
Nancy Coon, Dallas, Pa.; Susan
Wagner, Kingston, Pa.; Helen
Farrell, Easton, Pa.; Barbara
Klineman, Hartford, Conn.; Hope
Ringers, Forrest Hills, N. Y.;
Phyllis Judge, Wilkes-Barre, Pa.
Peggy Heath, W. Hartford,
Conn.; Carol Chamberlain, Easton, Pa.; Mimi Kelly, Rumson, N.
J.; Faye Davis, Baltimore, Md.;
Gay Rogers, Red Bank, N. J.;
Wanda Weinsen, New York City.
Jane Houk, Tenafly, N. J.; Betsy Zeller, Easton, Pa.; Sandra
Warden, South Orange, N. J.; Dianne Gaety, Hohokus, N. J.; Carol
Hornsey, Bryn Mawr, Pa.
Phi Kappa Psi
Peggy Beling, Easton, Pa.;
Chris Brosius, Wilmington, Del.;
Bea Riley, Maplewood, N. J.; Jane
Rummel, Phila., Pa.; Lee Kaptein,
Paterson, N. J.; Mrs. Patty Miller,
Reading, Pa.; Nellie Larson, Gettysburg, Pa.; Carol Wylde, Harrington Park, N. J.
Theta Xi
Mrs. Ren McGowan, Yonkers,
Dorothe Krueger, Hillsdale, N. N. Y.; Roberta Angas, Princeton,
J.; Elisabeth Laubis, New York N. J.; Sara Giddings, Oak Park,
111.; Elaine Brett, Lancaster, Pa.;
Lucie Guadagnino, Easton, Pa.;
Nancy Mahoney, Nutley, N. J.
Maureen Sime, Nutley, N. J.;
Suzanne Mann, York, Pa.; Barbara Morong, Hightstown, N. J.;
Pat Darling, Stroudsburg, Pa.;
Joan Kulzer, Cynwyd, Pa.
Delta Tau
Delta
Paula Holmes, Cynwyd, Pa.;
Billie Bagley, Phillipsburg, N. J.;
El Pastvek, Perth Amboy, N. J.;
Doris Kiochner, Rockville Center,
N. Y.; Fay Heebner. Lansdale,
Pa.; Peggy Macdonald, Red Bank,
N. J.; Bets McLain, Ridgewood,
N. J.; Dyane Ament, Pittsburgh,
Pa.; Shirley McGall, West Orange,
N. J.; Isabel Gamble, Chenango
Forks, N. Y.; Frances Antoinette,
West Orange, N. J.
Donna Ann Jones, Moundsville,
W. Va.; Lorraine Jones, Trenton,
N. J.; Sandra Stanley, Elberon,
N. J.; Marilyn Bowersox, Woodburn, N. J.; Nancy Winter, Linwood, N. J.; Cinny Schreoder,
White Plains, N. Y.; Beverly Bassett, Englewood, N. J.; Marion
Campbell, South Orange, N. J.;
Betty Deignan, West Orange, N.
J.; Jean Rydqvist, West Orange,
N. J.; Marty Serraivolo, Mountain Lakes, N. J.; Caroline Leroy,
Glenn Rock, N. J.; Shirleyann
Finn, Bethlehem, Pa.
Alpha Chi Rho
Barbara J. Steele, New York
City, N. Y.; Lorraine Becker,
Brooklyn, N. Y.; Mary Barker,
Marlboro, N. J.; Libby Harteg,
Catasaqua, Pa.; Jeanne Krogh,
Glenside, Pa.; Debby Beitchman,
Phila., Pa.; Vera-Anne Versfelt,
Caldwell, N. J.; Arlene Zimmerman, Brooklyn, N. Y.; Sandra
Shlakman, Brooklyn, N. Y.
Jean Slackowiski, Glenside, Pa.;
Marjorie Bair, West Chester. Pa.;
Claire Everding, Syracuse, N. Y.;
Joan Ackerman, Easton, Pa.; Nancy Dodd, Hackensack, N. J.; Ann
Drake, Hamburg, N. J.; Leonore
Reilly, Phillipsburg, N. J.; Helen
DiRaymond, Easton, Pa.
Sigma Chi
Carolyn Goodwin, Freeport, L.
I., N. Y.; Aileen Ca.shin, WilkesBarre, Pa.; Carol Hutson, Baltimore, Md.; Jacqueline Karnell,
Bronx, N. Y.; Adele Smith, Westchester, Pa.; Lorraine Kreider,
Lebanon, Pa.
Jane Obitz, Wilkes-Barre, Pa.;
Helen Purdy, Wilmington, Del.;
Mickey Rode, Audubon, N. J.;
Barbara Bayley, West Orange, N.
J.; Marguerite DuPouy, Woodstown, N. J.; Loretta Conmy,
Wilkes-Barre, Pa.
June Wesley, Easton, Pa.; Joanne Campbell, Westfield, N. J.;
Pat Mathes, Newark, N. J.; Jane
Collins, Easton, Pa.; Edith Muller,
Port Washington, N. Y.; Carolyn
Kline, Wilkes-Barre, Pa.
Marlyn Phillips, Wilkes-Barre,
Pa.; Nancy Moss, Easton, Pa.;
Virginia Rice, Conn.; Janet Huxel,
Easton, Pa.; P e g g y
Brislin,
Waynesboro, Pa.; Carol Hefler,
Easton, Pa.; Lenore Hollywood,
Easton, Pa.; Peggylee Kendall,
Easton, Pa.
Donna Bregoff, Staten Island,
N. Y.; Lois Baldino, Elberon, N.
J.; Beverly Walker, Worster,
Mass.; Jean Emerick, Phillipsburg,
N. J.; Carol Parker, Easton, Pa.;
Zelene McDavit, Newton, N. J.;
Carol Uncapher, Pittsburgh, Pa.;
Diane Loprete, West Orange, N.
J.
Delta Kappa
Finnegan, Nadine Rickerby, Sadie thorn, Essex Falls, N. J.
O'Neill.
Jean Joachim, Annapolis, Md.;
Ann
Witter, Newton, Mass.; Sandy
Chi Phi
Palon, Montclair, N. J.; Judy
Nini Rogers, Harriet Ryberg, Sparers, Essex Falls, N. J.; Renee
Nancy Trot, Rosemarie Blundin, Gibney, Reading, Pa.; Gaye Hunt,
Margie Waddell, Verna Banks, Johnstown, Pa.; Helena Crow,
M a r t y Von Bargen, Dorothy Brownesville, Pa.; Brenda TerDoane, Joan Lundsted, Ann Kier- hune, Madison, N. J.; Marcia Stanan, Bunky Edmonds, Joy Nevins, ats, Wilmington, Del.; Lee BarDarlene Donman, Carol Mann, low, Santa Rosa, Calif.
Marty Shea, Rita Chafey, Francis
Silvia Schiavo, Reading, Pa.;
Ambler.
Ruth Rohde, Media, Pa.; Phyllis
Bartlett, Holden, Mass.; Vicki
Delta Upsilon
Fayant, Merion, Pa.; Janet Sandt,
Jane Corcoran, Phillipsburg, N. Nazareth, Pa.; Faye Dougherty,
J.; Betty Ann Howard, Chicago, Allentown, Pa.; Ann Fisher, New
III.; Ann Yuengling, Amityville, York, N. Y.; Nancy Robito, CoalLong Island; Martha West, Hamil- dale, Pa.; Del Erickson, Haddonton Square, N. J.; Libbie Peacock, field, N. J.
Lower Merion, Pa.; Joyce Virtue,
Fayson Lakes, N. J.; Frances
Kappa Delta Rho
Black, Carlisle, Pa.; Barbara
Judy Millar, Leonia, N. J.; AnJohnson, Merion, Pa.; Beatrice
DeFranco, Roseto, Pa.; Paula nie Thompson, Havertown, Pa.;
Faith Tucker, Pen Argyl, Pa.;
Rifenberger, Jamaica, L. I.
Gail King, Fair Lawn, N. J.; Jenny Hofman, Forest Hills, L.
Sandra Kolb, Penn Valley, Pa.; I., N. Y.; Dolores Spanitz, BethleJoan Powell, Garden City, L. I.; hem, Pa.; Ida Bulodja, Phila., Pa.;
Harriet Facey, Easton, Pa.; Phyl- Joan Carroll, Yardley, Pa.; Donlis Fisher, Western Springs, JI!.; na Day, Toronto, Ontario, CanaGail Maurer, Yardley, Pa.; Patri- da; Judy Houck, Scranton, Pa.;
cia Walton, Holden, Mass.; Bar- Edith Carlisle, Elmira, N. Y.; Jean
bara Everett, Hamilton Square, Manzo, Old Forge, Pa.
Jayne Loss, Phillipsburg, N. J.;
N. J.; Virginia Holland, Arlington,
Va.; Gay Dawn Simpson, James- Joyce Scully, Quakertown, Pa.;
burg, N. J.; Edna Hoffman, Nar- C y n t h i a Rivers, Glastonbury,
berth, Pa.; Grace Douglas, Con- Conn.; Ann Boor, Horseheads, N.
Y.; Ruth Gibson, Bridgeton, N.
shohocken, Pa.
Lorraine Peterman, Washing- J.; Grace Schlegel, Easton, Pa.;
ton, D. C.; Cathy Barnett, Wynne- Joan Larsen, Montclair, N. J.;
wood, Pa.; Peggy Price, Narberth, Irene Heap, Haverford, Pa.; NanPa.; Pegi Carbaugh, Chambers- cy Rounds, Plainfield, N. J.; Caryl
burg, Pa.; Betty Jane Wiggington, Hart, Easton, Pa.; Mary Grillon,
Cynwyd, Pa.; Janet Campbell, Red Bank, N. J.
Ann Greenhalgh, Yonkers, N.
Chattem, N. J.; Ellie Pahl, Queens
Village, L. I.; Marianne Breslin, Y.; Joan Bowler, Larchmont, N.
Manhasset, L. I.; Shirley Kemmer, Y.; Mary Schmidt, Short Hilia, N.
Allentown, Pa.; Arline Frazee, J.; Anne Marie Elion, Larchmont,
Garden City, L. I.; Barbara Waite, N. Y.; Joan Stevens, Painted Post,
Garden City, L. I.; Mary Lou N. Y.; Carlota Henreques, LarchThompson, Wilmington, Del.; Bar- mont, N. Y.; Rose Marie Chisesi,
bara Box, Merrick, Pa.; Marilyn Easton, Pa.; Suzanne Drexel, Ardmore, Pa.
Morrisey, Garden City, L. I.
Vonnie Walters, Wilson College, Chambersburg, Pa;; Joy NelKappa Sigma
Barbara Coles, Hackettstown, son, South Plainfield, N. J.; ConN. J.; Marilyn Roll, Kingston, Pa.; nie Meyers, Patterson, N. J.; Joan
Mary Ann Dickinson, Swarthmore, Muench, Havertown, Pa.; Bobbie
Pa.; Joanne Cardinell, Montclair, Kymer, Beaver College, JenkinN. J.; Carolyn Coleman, Forest town, Pa.; Anne Prosser, Glenside,
Hills, N. Y.; Helen MacDonald, I Pa.; and Barbara inscho, PhillipaJersey City, N. J.; Marcia Geiger, j burg, N. J.
(continued on page five)
Youngstown, Ohio; Joan Kemp-
took! Another man gtvitched to Kentucl^ Club—'
the thoroughbred of pipe tobaccos
,
Epsilon
Audry Schafer, Martha Wright,
Phyllis Hood, Harriet Snell, Mrs.
Burns, Beth Richardson, Barbara
Vietri, Mrs. Deed, Mrs. Dopp, Mrs.
Colson, Mrs. Matthews, Shelby
Baran, Bernice Holligan, Anna
Kowalski, Ann Richards, Marian
Marschall, Coney Goldsmith.
Cornelia McKeman, PhoebeShelby McNeely, Kay Anne Detweiler, Mimi Gerstell, Virginia
Smith, Salley Hummell, Carol
Ernest, Angela Gleason, Zelda 0 ' -
;
DO IT TODAYI SWITCH TO
iMNTUcri
CIUB )
TVlIl^D
KENTUCKY CIUB
Notice |io«r mnch better your pipe latle*—hoir
much frciher your monlh feel* wben yoa switch lo
Kentucky Q u b . Send for free catalog showing fine
pipes and how to get them al U g savings. Msil
Poach Tobacco Co., Wheeling, West Vs. Depl. 3 9
» 0(1 P l r t
LOHHS
Friday, November 21, 1952
THE
Unknown Glob
Of Funt Absorbs
by Go Gutter
New man in the Inter-? Rela- On Night Travels
tions Department this year is SamNeophyte Profs
my Moscovitz, from Lehigh University. Mr. Moscovitz has been
made department head, and will
replace the old head which was
formerly on the second floor of
Sexlis Hall, but which was torn
out last year.
At Lehigh, Mr. Moscovitz was
a three letter man, having participated in crew racing and the
three-legged race. When asked
what his other achievements were,
he giggled to himself but would
make no comment.
Mosey Out of It
After his graduation from Lehigh, Mr. Moscovitz received his
ROTC commission as a dishwasher
in the K-9 corps. Upon discharge
he entered Centenary to do graduate work, but said he did not care
for all the girls around, as they
made him uncomfortable.
Mr. Moscovitz does not like
teaching and plans to quit if he
can get another job. "All the fellows are so mean to me," he said,
"I just feel that everybody hates
me around here."
New Issues
THE LAFFINYETTE will
henceforth be published daily
except Sunday and will consist
of four pages, except on Tuesdays and Fridays, when sixpager* will appear.
All men and their dates are
urgently cautioned to travel in
groups of eight or more tonight
as a result of the escape of an unknown substance from Dr. R. U.
Funt's Junk Hall at 2:35 a.m. this
morning.
Part of a twenty-year experiment, the unknown substance has
been described as a lavender gelatine, held together by skeletonlike tentacles of pink protoplasm.
It is not hard to identify, for along
its nocturnal wanderings it has absorbed a flashing Miller's High
Life sign.
Dr. Funt, severely inebriated by
his encounter with the monster,
hicked out an explanation for its
existence: "We have been endeavoring to create a living, thinking,
slinking, IBM machine capable of
scoring an IQ of 200. We have
succeeded but our creature seems
to have slipped its BM leaving little l's all over the campus."
NON TALKS
(continued from page one)
grounds that "when one's hunger
becomes unbearable one will eat
anything, even trope."
When asked his opinion of the
drinking "problem" at Lafinyette,
his blood shot eyes (cal. 30, clip
LAFAYETTE
Be the First . • •
. . . in your crowd. Pornographic life at mid-millenium
demands more than Mum and
Dr. Scholls Zino Pads. We have
an unlimited supply of strapless plush codpieces lifted from
a 16th century Venetian brothel. There is no excuse for social debilitation. These codpieces vary in padding and
shape and are yours for the
arseking. Get on the ball today
and build a body of phalic
symmetry.
fed, gas-operated, semi-automatic,
face weapon) rattled down onto
his cheeks revealing a cranial cavern complete with cocktail cooler,
dean-detector, alibi duplicator and
keg-tap. Seedless to nay, he
quipped "nuts," effortles.sly inhaling a dean fizz.
Molton Scrapple reverberated
with the pitiful cries of the oppressed, suppressed, pants pressed?.
Reader's
Digest,
how's
yours?, I can't swallow, bird dog,
stag, jag, bloodthirsty cannibals?,
parties and balls, imbeciles, psych,
like, like nothing I ever studied,
bloodied, ROTC Drill, had my fill,
say you will, will what?, W.W.W.,
Manny, Moe and Jack, money,
drinks on you honey, no dough,
row dammit row, which row?.
Roebuck, only a buck, that's what
she said, drop dead, is my face
red!, communist, get the gist?,
jist a minute, this is the limit.
PAGE F m t
Frosh Drive Cops
Vassar Bowl Play
Shattering previous dance band
Prexy
Testifies tradition,
Laffinyette's frosh football
team
to Vassar's
Before Committee Finger Bowljourneyed
Stadium Tuesday for
"You got too damn much already!" exclaimed President Ralph
Chickencoop McClutchbottom in
an angry moment before the Laffinyette Faculty Subcommittee for
the Preservation of Faculty Salaries Thursday night in Pardonme
Auditorium.
Asked flatly, "Why hasn't the
faculty gotten enough cash to gas
our green fords?" McClutchbottom replied, in an ill-prepared
statement, "Unaccustomed as I
am to public speaking, I can only
say, boys, expenditures for the
moment have gotten out of hand.
There is a proposal before the
trustees to add smoke stacks and
a stem wheel to the new engineering building, we need to buy seed
for the annual sowing of the quadrangle in rice, the Authentica Don
Redumdum tree blooming in front
of Molton Scrapple needs a new
bronze placque, Laffinyette is expected to make a heavy contribution to the society for the Preservation and Resurrection of the
Root Beer Keg, and we have to
(continued on page eight)
a brief scrimmage with the pink
panty squad.
The game was marked by numerous penalties with the Maroon
alone collecting 205 yards for piling on and holding while Vassar
backs were guilty of being "in
motion" several times. The girls
were able to .stop the Maroon
drives through the middle though
the boys scored almost at will with
passes.
Jist a Scrimmitch
Being only a scrimmage, there
were few periods in the game,
though once the females complained that the leopard cubs were using pros, and our side passed frequent comments on the girls' use
of the extra pads.
All and all it was a hard game
with our men making the most of
their opponent's mistakes, a fact
which enabled us to push through
a score and win. When the final
gun went off, both teams lay spent
on the turf after an exhausting
afternoon.
More Girls, Girls, Girls, Girls, Girls, Girls, Girls
(continued from page four)
Watson
Hall
Elinor Keiser, Philadelphia, Pa.;
Suzanne McMurray, Bronxville,
N. Y.; Toni Gionta, Forest Hills,
N. Y.; Arlene Steinmetz, Bangor,
Pa.; Carolyn Schwartz, Brooklyn,
N. Y.
Nancy Haas, Fullerton, Pa.;
Suzanne Drexel, Ardmore, Pa.;
In action
Kathleen A. Wynne, Bayside, L. Leskawa, Scranton, Pa.; Angela
I., N. Y.; Jackie Calabro; Joan Pucci, Perth Amboy, N. J.; Betty
Muench, Havertown, Pa.
Connolly, Middletown, N. Y.; Nancy Chicarelli, Alpha, N. J.; Ruth
Sigma Alpha Epsilon Salm, New York, N. Y.; Jean Suman, Phillipsburg, N. J.; Polly
Lucia Ridg:way, Moorestown, Wueuschel, Respectable, Pa.
N. J.; Janet Gebhardt, Trenton,
Gaylona Pisle, Phillipsburg, N.
N. J.; Sally Glunk, Altoona, Pa.; J.; Nancy Brahler, Rochester, N.
MoUie McMillen, Easton, Pa.; Y.; Caroline Ross, Woodbury, N.
Joyce Rider, Carlisle, Pa.; June J.; Jane Minster, White Plains, N.
Y.; Sylvia Sands, Phillipsburg, N.
J.; Mary Frances O'Gorman, Phillipsburg, N. J.; Joann Fulcomer,
Stewartsville, N. J.; Mamie Eisenhower, Souel, Korea; Nancy Haas,
Fullerton, Pa.; Judy Rosencrance,
Greeley, Pa.; Louise Odgers, Ardmore, Pa.; Jackie Calabro, Camden, N. J.; Arlene Steinmetz, Bangor, Pa.
Pi Lambda Phi
or relaxin
yoiCre the
feature
attraction
in Arrow
Sports Shirts
ARROW
Vfh—^
^
:^
• IMS A UNMRWIAK • HANDKUCMUM • fPOaiS SHIRTt-J
Carole Berman, Easton; Barbara Blam, San Juan, Puerto
Rico; Bernice Blinderman, Bethlehem; Barbara Blumstein, Drexel
Hill; Joan Braff, Sea Gate, N. Y.;
Gail Breche'r, Brooklyn, N. Y.;
Janet Bloom, N. Y. C . ; ' E l l e n
Brown, Chungkhing, China; Leslie Bingham, N. Y. C ; Mary Lou
Campe, N. Y. C.; Harriet Cohen,
Allentown; Irene Cohen, Phila.;
Judy Cohen, Easton ?Rayna Devin,
Trenton; Ann Ebbin, S. I., N. Y.
Phyllis Fleishman, Tuckahoe,
N. Y.; Laurie Frankel, Sea Gate,
N. Y.; Abbe Friedman, Brooklyn,
N. Y.; Elis.sa Gottfried, N. Y. C ;
Paula Guthoff, Brooklyn, N. Y.;
Sheila Herman, Belle Harbor, N.
Y.; Barbara Hertz, Teaneck, N.
J.; Sandy Kamensky, L. I., N. Y.;
Arlyne Kellman, Forest Hills, N.
Y.; Elaine Knopfler, Roosevelt
Raceway, L. I.; Helina Kramer,
Easton; Edith Levine, Laurelton,
L. I.; Sheila Levinson, S. I., N. Y.
Marsha Levy, Somerville, N. J.;
Carole Lipton, Easton; Marion
Mayer, Riverdale, N. Y.; Carol
Rubin, Staten Island, N. Y.; Annette Rosenblum, Brooklyn, N. Y.;
Dee Dee Sadick, Salisbury, Md.;
Bunny Shenkman, Millburn, N. J.;
Lois Sherman, East Orange, N. J.;
Joan Shrenley, Brooklyn, N. Y.;
Elaine Stauber, Brooklyn, N. Y.;
Margie Tritsch, Maplewood, N. J.;
Ruth Watkins, Trenton, N. J.;
Rosalie Weber, Scranton; Carole
Weiiman, Irvington, N. J.
Phi Delta
Theta
Mariann Klauder, Chestnut Hill,
Pa.; Margaret Dickson, Chestnut
Hill, Pa.; Joan Bordner, Hazleton,
Pa.; Marcia Dougan, Greensburg,
Pa.; Mary Jane Rowson, L. I., N.
Y.; Evelyn Staabs, Short Hills, N.
J.; Joan Maasz, New Rochelle, N.
Y.; Maureen Shay, Yonkers, N.
Y.; Eleanor Wahlquist, Ardsley,
N. Y.; Marilyn Leach, New Rochelle, N. Y.; Ricky Conte, Mt. Vernon, N. Y.
Grace Heinel, Elkins Park, Pa.;
Patty Prouty, St. Albans, Vermont; Jo Ann Walker, Meadville,
Pa.; Marcia Mitchell, Buffalo, N.
Y.; Winn Margo, Port Washington, N. Y.; Ruth Jenisch, Cliffside Park, N. J.; Janet Shreck,
Baltimore, Md.; Pat LaMorte,
Teaneck, N. J.; Mary Kler, Bound
Brook, N. J.; June Marsh, Allentown, Pa.
Jean Koenig, Allentown, Pa.;
Ann Dolan, Phila., Pa.; Suzanne
Lechner,
Schuylkillhaven,
Pa.;
Molly Cabeen, Easton, Pa.; Nancy
Lou Schucker, Little Silver, N. J.;
Lena Genster, Rapid Falls, N. Y.;
Roberta Pascal, Easton, Pa.; Barbara Devonal, Cedar Hill, Pa.;
Spauline Lamb, Ardmore, Pa.;
Bobbie Lewis, Cradle, Pa.; Charlotte Fleming, Union Bridge, Md.
Judy Kenny, Red Bank, N. J.;
Gail Dodge, Worcester, Mass.; Suzanne Flanagan, Kingston, Pa.;
Dorothy Heidt, Millburn, N. J.;
Rosemary Mechen, Holmdel, Pa.;
Harriet Barlow, Cheltenham, Pa.;
Rita Vodila, Lafayette Hill, Pa.;
Betty Weaver, Greensburg, Pa.
Julie Koddington, Ashland, Pa.;
Sheila Meehan, New York, N. Y.;
Nancy Reed, Westfield, N. J.;
Reba Schaffer, Twinbeds Springs,
N. Y.; Dorothy Kellow, Easton,
Pa.; Ann Foost, Harrisburg, Pa.;
Dottie Fairweather, Haddonfield,
N. J.; Anne Grabe, Hackensack,
N. J.; Linda Mills, Hackettstown,
N. J.
Kirby
Dorm
Anne M. Markowitz, Jersey
City, N. J.; Gaby Weissman, New
York City; Margot Hageman,
Short Hills, N. J.; Kay Rowley;
Mary Elizabeth Pric'e; Sally Kieselat. Mountain View, N. J.; Carol
Silverman; Terry Piehler; Arden
Schnippel, Norwalk, Conn.; Harriet Hoffman, South Orange, N. J.
Louise Dunkelberger, Stroudsburg, Pa.; Pat Stronge, Milton,
Mass.; Julia Dumas; Frances Dickson; Diana Notari; Carol Quigg;
Sheila Nearing, Milford, Pa.; Karen Bohr, Phila., Pa.; Sally Durand.
^o^es Hall
Nancy Lutz, Pittsburgh, Pa.;
Sally Marshall, Aspinwall, Pa.;
Phyllis Rosen, Phila., Pa.; Diane
Slavic, Conshohocken, Pa.; Suzanne Van Orden, Morrisville, Pa.;
Lois Parker, New York, N. Y.;
Francis Guddeman, New York, N.
Y.; Kathie Redelfs, Boston, Mass.;
Peggy Arington, Paterson, N. J.;
Louise Stehlik, Easton, Pa.; Gail
Swoyer, Pen Argyl, Pa.; Joyce
Zazali, Bronx, N. Y.; Devoe Fisher, Pen Argyl, Pa.
Bessie Diehl, Mount Vernon, N.
Y.; Kay Stubblebine, N o r t h
Plainfield, N. J.; Margie Evaul,
Haddon Heights, N. J.; Sharon
Kelsey, Easton, Pa.; Ainslie Bricker, Washington, D. C.; Mary
Louise Aden, Teaneck, N. J.; Joan
Thoms, Trenton, N. J.; Peggy Doherty, Trenton, N. J.; Mary
Sweeny, Newark, N. J.; Pat Ewan,
Easton, Pa.
Betty Ruhf, Allentown, Pa.;
Ann Kemmerer, Allentown, Pa.;
Pat Ehrig, Allentown, Pa.; Eleonor Lemley, Pen Argyl, Pa.; Mrs.
E. Howard Youmans, Easton, Pa.;
Mrs. Foster Doan, Princeton,
N. J.
Phi Kappa
Tau
Joan Donald, Hazleton, Pa.;
Cynthia Cooper, Belleville, N. J.;
Barbara Johnson, Penn State, Pa.;
Patricia Lydon, Interlaken, N. J.;
Camille Cordone, Lynhurst, N. J.;
Nancy Crane, Wonalancet, N. H.;
Betty Johnson, North Branch, N.
J.; Peggy Peddie, Beaver College.
Lois Edwards, Sea Girt, N. J.;
Jean Dash, West Newton, Pa.;
Amy Kuhn, N. Y. C.; Sharon Paul,
Short Hills, Pa.; Joyce Bayer,
Webster, Mass.; Carol Grometstein, N. Y. C.; Rosemarie Di
Emidio, Easton, Pa.; Gara Van
Schaack, West Hartford, Conn,
Janice Gwillim, Weston, Mass.;
Ann Glasgow, Sharon Hill, Pa.;
Anne Mazick, Newton, Mass.; Peggy Eyer, Easton, Pa.; Joan Haly,
Highland Park, Pa.; Barbara Lippincott, Easton, Pa..
PAGE SIX
THE
LAFAYETTE
Chessmen Defeat Powerful
Soviet Yanks Board Squad
The Laffinyette C h e s s
Squad, playing in the NITC
(the National Intercollegiate
Chess Tournament), scored
an overwhelming v i c t o r y
over the Leningrad University Yankees in a contest on
the colorful tropical isle of
Enewitok in the Pacific.
The Meringue squad overwhelmed t h e i r powerful
opponents, .00967-.00965. Laffinyette coach, Kingme Rook, interplanetary chess champ, said after
the wild battle, "Daaa, da boys
fought real hard. I ain't da type
o' guy ta boast, but we got a real
cool team. I'm tellin' ya. Dose
boys is real fighters. Why we beat
da livin' ?#?%&$@$@ ?@@%."
After this comment, the coach' immediately began to froth at the
mouth and was soon taken back
to his cell.
Rook Pawns Two
Only eight of the six Laffinyette
players were seriously hurt; however, there were at least three
dozen broken chess men strewn
around the island. In the stellar
event Rook played Leningrad star,
Ivan Kelly. Rook began by pawning the king two.
Kelly immediately came back
and pawned the queen one. Rook
then knighted the black )>ishop
five, whereupon Kelly pawned the
knight two. Rook moved in with
(continued on page eight)
Friday, November 21, 1952
Spitting
It Out
by Laigi
Athletic Director Bill Henderson announced this week that in
1954 Princeton will be replaced
on Lafayette's football schedule
by Gettysburg. He explained the
switch by pointing out that during
the recent political campaign President McClutchbottom discovered
that Adlai Stevenson attended
that
time
Monroe
appeared
on
the
In a tough game to be played
Princeton.
next week Izzzie Wasa Crapper field and immediately scored two
Sorority played before a tremend- points.
The newly appointed baseball
ous throng of several stray gnoofs
coach, D. Hatch, came out of his
Wing
Was
and heffellumps which had escaped
shell long enough this week to anrecently from the Home for Aged
Zeta Eta Later scoredquicklyin- nounce that Lafayette will begin
Pyromaniacs. The game was play- theopeningminutesof play bu tthe jud- fall baseball practice on Monday,
ed on a soaked field and the play- gesruledafoulballandtheleftwingw- Dec. 8. "We do not want to be
ers were choaked in sanity by the aspermittedtotryafoulshot. Rodri- Outdone by a football team that
large clouds of shredded lettuce goo Smith Martinee Paubloo Hose, holds practice each spring," said
which arose at the slightest breeze. realizing at this time the wind had Mr. Hatch. He added that he hopMu Mu Mu sorofrat was the changed a microdegree returned ed for very cold weather with
snow and ice next month, because
strongest of the Heifers whenthey- to his IBM machine.
overcame the double Zombies with
Snouta Bouta Gelta was helfl to "it will be good for teaching the
a tricky play around left center a corpselock when The supurb fundamentals of sliding."
by Don Rodrigoo Martinee Hose play Dodrigoo Smith finally payed
Paubloo Smith, who made a de- off as he bumbled three times as
It was interesting to learn the
layed dynamite pass into his own he intercepted a lateral stinkother day that President Mcbomb
in
mid
air.
middle section which blew up in
Clutchbottom is blaming the failmid earth due to the inclement
The coming skedule for last ure of the football team on tho
weak.
weather.
fact that they have been staying
away from alcohol all semester.
Tau Snau Tau vs. Tri Mu's.
Iota Eta Lamb romped over
Rho U Rho vs. Zigma Zama Zu. "We have ,a bunch of teetotalers
Thiota Sextron by the tremendous
on this team," complained the adSoul's Hall vs. Grubby Dorm.
score of 0-0. By this time Rodrigoo Martinee Hose Smith Paubloo
had completed his calculations as
to velocity and vector, and cooly
ignoring his agressors he did just
that. Later in the game Prof.
Benzer was replaced by a tame
aerograffus which had requested
permission to leave at once. At
INTER MORALS
ministrator. "To remedy the situation next year," he continued,
"we will take the money ordinarily used for football scholarships
and convert the left wing of
Alumni Engineeri^jg Hall into a
brewery."
*
•
»
Dean Frank H. Runt announced
that hour exams will no longer be
given on Thursday in order to allow all students to attend the
Wednesday
night
basketball
games. "The college exists so that
we may have a basketball team,"
explained the dean.
Incidentally, all home basketball games will again be played at
Aluminum Memorial gymnasium.
»
•
»
When quizzed on what is wrong
with the football situation at Lafayette, Mr. Thomas J. Shotson,
of the Board of Trustees declared,
"But you should hear our band!"
Pulley System
For the benefit of pre-induction students, a pulley system
will be installed in Van Wickle
Library over each unabridged
dictionary to enable these men
to tyrn pages.
Where engineering and
pioneering go together!
The transmitter.receiver bsy unit helnft worked on hy a Western Electric tester.
Is part of the cotnplci equipment Installed In the Bell System's coast.to.co«Bt
mlcrowae* relay towers. SpKlal testing equipment Is at the left.
last Fall of the Bell TeleCOMPLETION
phone System's coast-to-coast radio
THE BETA MAN
WHO'S REALLY SMART
Opera tor Inspec ts • ftrid blank.
T h e Arid controls ch* flow of
power through the tiny electron tub* which Is the heart
of radio relay. Western Electric
•niUneers dsalftned machines
CO w i n d w i r e .00e3 I n c h l a
diameter on Che grid at lOOa
turns per lnch..-ap«ctdesaccl.y
WILL ALWAYS BUY AT . . .
NUSSMAN'S
MART
.M*7 Inch apart.
relay route climaxed a production feat
that involved doing many things never
done before.
The engineers at Western Electricmanufacturing unit of the Bell Systemwere treading on uncharted ground
when they tackled the challenging job of
making the highly complex equipment.
This radio relay equipment — which
transmits telephone and television signals at a carrier frequency of four thousand megacycles per second — called for
many components never made before and
for which no machinery, no tools, no assembly processes were known. Some
components required almost unbelievably tiny parta-and fantastically small
tolerances.
Manufacturing facilities and techniques had to be developed to assemble
and wire the complicated equipment
which receives signals having less than
1/10 millionth of the power of an ordinary flashlight bulb-at frequencies ten
times as high as those used in television
sets-amplifies these signals 10 millionfold and transmits them to the next
tower some 30 miles away
Finally, Western's engineers were responsible for installing the equipment in
107 towers across the nation.
In all phases of this job, engineers of
varied skills worked closely together as
a team which just wouldn't be stopped
merely because "it hadn't been done before." That's typical of work at Western
Electric-where engineering and pioneering go together.
The Jersey Side of the Old P'burg Bridge
A UNIT OP THE B i l l
1^
SYSTIM SINCE 1112
r
1
Friday, November 21, 1952
THE
PACE SEVKN
LAFAYETTE
Horny Bruisers Sun Bowl Bound
The Tail End
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
by Monty Bear
Tomorrow's game against Lehigh University will mark the
end of one of the most glorious football seasons in the history of
Laffinyette College. Against the Engineers tomorrow, Laffinyette
will be trying for its 25th straight win. This win streak has lasted
over a period of three football seasons, and is unmatched in the
annals of football history. As a result of this sterling brand of
gridiron play, the Laffinyette football team has been invited to
take part in the Sun Bowl.
The situation that exists at the present time in football here
at Laffinyette is not to desirable as it might seem to the casual
observer. A result of the fabulous teams produced here at Laffinyette, our team is finding it difficult to come across teams willing
to place us on their schedules. This might ultimately lead to the
downfall of football at Laffinyette, which could be a most undesirable situation, indeed. Two solutions to this problem are
apparent.
Twice On Saturday
One solution would consist of the following. Instead of playing schools such as Yale and Princeton on successive weekends, we
would play Yale and Princeton on the same weekend, in fact, the
same day. That would include travelling time. An advantage of
this system that might be overlooked, would be the fact that the
students at Laffinyette could see two games the same day, go to
two parties the same night, get drunk two times on the same evening, and be twice as sick on Sunday.
The other solution to the problem is very simple, and, I think
the more logical of the two. That is, merely, to flunk out all our
best football players by the second semester of their sophomore
year, so that not only would Laffinyette lose their services, but
the deposed football players would be eligible to play against
Laffinyette in their senior year.
Not My Baby
However, bad as the scheduling problems may be, that is
not the students worry, but the concern of the Athletic Department, so let us move to more pleasant subjects.
A very pleasant scene witnessed by thousands of Laffinyette
students this year was the Laffinyette victory over Princeton,
93-2. This victory was doubly sweet because we were favored
only by eleven touchdowns, and because we only defeated the
Tigers by a 63-9 score in 1951.
(continued on page eight)
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CAMPUS INTERVIEWS
Wednesday and Thursday
November 19 and 20
Call your College Placement Office for appointmeni
Jai Alai Boys
Win; 3 Drown
In Home Pool
Lowpards to Attempt
Twenty-Fifth Win
by Alec Zingzbrowski
According to a communique received late last Wednesday
evening it was learned that the Maroon football squad has gotten
the nod to oppose Michugina State in the Sun Bowl. T h e Leopards will p u t their current 24-game winning streak on the line
in El Paso, Texas, on J a n . 1.
Laffinyette has built u p a powerful record behind them tBis
year and well warrants the bid. In comparisons between the
Leopards and State, the Maroon eleven has been picked by Fearless Fosdick to overcome Michugina by 11 touchdowns. Bill Severe
has predicted the margin to be even greater.
The Maroon began the year
against a powerful Doenell University with a crushing 86-0 victory. Many were unimpressed, remarking at the time that Doenell
was "hardly a suitable test".
Nodull College filled the bill for
Football season is nearly over, the Leopards in their second game
and the Lowpards have had a fine of the year furnishing a sturdy
season. But let us not overshadow offense which netted them a total
our basketbair team in our high of 7 big points. An admirable defense kept the Maroon from bestinterest for football.
Due to the 24 straight games ing their previous week's scoring,
won by the gridiron team, Laffin- but insufficient data on the contest
yette has sorely neglected its hoop- makes it impossible for us to
steers. In the old days, the days quote a definite figure.
when we weren't sure whether we
Dull Encounter
would win by six touchdowns or
Horsetown College was a mere
seven, basketball was highly em- filler on the already well-stacked
phasized at Laffinyette. As a mat- football card for Laffinyette and
ter of fact, there was a period the Leopards romped to an easy
when the Merinque hoopsteers
won 173 straight basketbull games.
However, at that time, there was a
strong move to de-emphasize basketbull here. This was in 1949.
Total of Nine
Since that time, the Lowpards
High scorer for the Merinque have failed to field a team. We
was Dick Hertz, firing seven have lent ourselves, instead, to a
through the hoop and killing two, very extensive intramural profor a grand total of nine. Other gram.
standouts for the winners were
Coach Klop
Wilberforce Zulch and Richard
However, early this fall, the adWhiskey, the latter being knocked ministration learned that the socoff by Wun Lo for the loser's lone cer coach, BillwonBread Klop
tally. It was this outstanding bit knew something about basketball,
of play that inspired Pyong and in retaliation to the student
Yang's mentor to predict an "in- cries for an increased chess and
teresting" season for his club.
checkers program, they started up
There were several interesting a new basketball team.
sidelights to the match which warIn an interview with Coach
rant attention. Sarah Didit's sing- Klop, it was learned that the Lowing of the Alma Mater was inter- pard hoopsteers have looked very
rupted when s o m e frolicking poor in practice, and that they
freshman threw her in the pool should win a maximum of 100 per
"on a bet", as it was later de- cent of their 1952-53 games.
scribed. She gallantly carried on
Heartwarming
2-0 win. The Maroon first string
in fine tradition, employing the
The response to the early call played only a total of 60 minutes
dead man's float at the start of for candidates for the team was
in a very uninteresting affair.
the second verse.
enthusiastically
received.
The
The next week was a different
Geisha Gyrations
coach had a heartwarming turn- story, however. Tryanseton UniA charge of dirty tactics was out of 1399 students. As I said, versity played host to the Maroon
hurled at the visiting team when this was quite heartwarming, but in a vivid pigskin contest. The
30 Geisha girls did some gyrations a bit cumbersome. With the open- Leopards finally emerged victorin full view of the Lowpard squad. ing game of the season 2 weeks ious in a hard fought 93-2 contest.
Momentarily distracted, for half away, the coach has cut the squad Don't be misled by that score,
an hour, the loser's tally was set to 752.
though. Tryanseton led until the
up.
The opening game of the sea- final minute and twelve seconds of
son will be against Centinnary, play by 2-0.
away.
Shout University was the scene
MODERN STORAGE
of another exciting football game
A N D WAREHOUSE
as it saw the Maroon put its 20
ROBERT R. SMITH game
M. J A F F E E & SONS
winning streak on the line.
JEWELER
MOVING A N D STORAGE
A crowd of 7 rabid football enBIG BARGAINS
thusiasts watched the Leopards
Watch Repairing
Used Easy Chairs, Dressers, Sofas
try out their new and confusing
128 North Third Street
16-26 South Sixth Street
BVD lineup to full advantage.
(For more extensive particulars
on the game note the Kwajelaine
Times-Herald of Oct. 25, only 5
cents on your newstand and will
be delivered to your door every
'For fhe Home of Fine Foods'
morning for a slight extra charge
if you will contact Bob Waterfleld
at the Pi Chi house.)
Figure Thi* Out
TRY THE
Amsterdam, Ditchyours, a n d
Tellerwhere completed the football schedule for the year with the
exception of the Birds University
game to be played tomorrow. In
the first 3 games the Leopards
scored 791 joints to their opponents' meager 12. Weak offensive
DAILY AND SUNDAY
elevens accounted for the latter
figure.
Tomorrow, the Leopards will
442-44 S. MAIN ST.
PHILLIPSBURG, N. J.
meet Birds here at Laffinyette.
The "For—the", as tliey are af(continued on page eight)
Fielding one of the strongest
teams seen around the quad in
several years, the Laffinyette Jai
Alai aggregation put on a first
half rally to come from behind
and defeat the University of Pyong Yang, 32-1. The match was
held in the winner's outdoor pool
and a large crowd consisting of
both coaches and subs were on
hand to witness the contest.
A new record was set when all
three goalies became enmeshed in
the nets and drowned. The
eclipsed record was established
only last year between the same
two clubs, and the coaches were
elated at the fact that no one else
escaped without at least one major injury. "This is the first time
since 1431< that our school has
made a decent showing," stated
Mao Tse Tsung, college president.
His remarks were interpreted by
Zhor Jackoff, fresh from the old
Russian school at Vladivostock.
"The injuries do not bother us,"
resumed Mao, "for, as you see, we
have brought sufTicient reserves,
anticipating a good, gory battle."
This was self-evident, as hordes of
Chinese Eeds were snorting at the
side-lines throughout the match,
waiting to take their part in the
melee.
Hoopers Start
Early Hooping
Schaefer House
^JM
PAGE EIGHT
THE
Profs Star
House Fun
Several members of the Lafayette faculty are slated to entertain at house parties Saturday
night.
Prof. Rocks Diceon, appearing
at Souls Hall, is expected to hold
the group spellbound with a
dazzling display of handball technique followed by a mountain
climbing exhibition up the South
side of Old Pardon-Me.
Subjective Interpretation
Prof. G. Magnus, a-um, is
scheduled to appear at the Zeta
Psi Stone Quarry where he will
present a subjective interpretation
of the yellow pages of the New
York City telephone directory.
The talk will center on the symbolism found in the work and an
evaluation of the author's as yet
unwritten memoirs.
Bonesy Briefs Bunch
The high spot in the evening's
entertainment will be struck when
Lt. Col. Half-a-buck Bones addresses a meeting of the Scabby
Blade. The talk will consist of a
demonstration of a new device
developed by the Colonel after
years of research, a spring latch
contactor release right rear breech
catch assembly buffer guide disc,
for use on the M78-92a long range
Officer's Cane. In a preview presentation, the Colonel warned that
"in view of the present world situation in which we find a supei-abundance of clogged orifi, one
cannot be too careful of superannuated lands and grooves."
SOVIETS DEFEATED
(continued from page six)
his bishop and said, "Check-mate."
Kelly obviously disagreed and
threw his Rook visciously at Rook.
This hit the Laffinyette stalwart
squarely between eyes. The Easton star immediately retaliated by
clobbering the Russian hero over
his thick, muscular head with the
iron chess board (which he had
quickly substituted for the standard cardboard o n e ) . Upon this,
Kelly threw a fit or rage and bit
Rook on the leg.
Soon after the fray had begun,
referee Fairley Play attempted to
break up the battle. After Play's
head was completely crushed.
Rook and Kelly resumed their battle. This battle on Eniwetok was
temporarily interrupted by a small
explosion, but no one noticed thip
too much.
Schedule Change
Complying with a suggestion
of the Sports Department of
this paper, the college athletics
department has undertaken a
revision of next year's football
schedule, and will hold open
hearings on the question in
Pardee Auditorium tomorrow
evening at 8 p.m. Director
William H. Anderson will preside, assisted by ' Richard Diamante, former Maroon Club
fullback.
(continued from page seven)
fectionately called, will pit a
unique twelve man line against the
Leopards, but aside from that
have no further plans. Regardless
of the outcome, we'll all meet
again on Jan. 1.
P r o Stars
In Theatre
by Go Getter
The Laffinyette Lyric Theater,
directed by Minutt Lee Cometomebabs, will open its greatest season this year. "How can we fail
with such a pro directing," Mr.
Cometomebabs confided in an exclusive interview.
Speaking in the soft, resonant,
nasal voice for which he has become famous on campus, Mr.
Cometomebabs modestly told of
what he expected. "I've got a tremendous cast," he said. "Of
course, they were not always that
good, but with the advantages
they've had here, I think many of
them will eventually hit Broadway."
Sets? Sure
The next play, "Gay Day Off,"
will star Miss Prunella Mader, and
will feature costumes exclusively
designed by J. J. J. Smith III,
president of the American Sunbathers' Association. Sets will be.
The plot concerns a young girl
who has an- off day on her day off
and wakes up the next morning to
find out that she has lost her
Drawing Supplies
SAVOY
•
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•
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INSTRUMENT SETS
"T" SQUARES
TRIANGLES
RULES
Hardware Supplies
PLATTERS
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HORNY BRUISERS
L A F A Y E T T E
23? Ferry Street
106 Northampton Streat, Easton
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Friendly Service Since 1868
Open Sunday 4 - 9
TAIL END
11 BROADS
(continued from page seven)
Keeping this victory in mind,
I still must predict a fairly close
game against Lehigh tomorrow,
giving the Meringue a slight edge
by about seven touchdowns. One
must remember that this game is
a tradition, and teams always play
better in traditional games.
Etcetera
No matter how any observer
looks at the situation, including
scheduling difficulties and whathave-you, the 1952 football season has indeed been successful for
the Lowpards, and tomorrow's
game should be a fitting climax
to the season.
(continued from page two)
TRANSPORTATION 1 3 —
History of Transportation
A survey course giving the history of transport from the square
wheel, up various creeks without
paddles to the ram-jet.
PHYSICAL EDUCATION 4 0 0 —
The Balk Rule in Track
The art of standing bolt upright at the sound of a gun with
the declaration, "I do not choose
to run." Team Trainer, Dr. Art
Summers.
CLUTCH TESTIFIES
(continued from page five)
stop Communism!"
Following this last exclamation,
the faculty rose as one man, cheering the President. Cries of, "We'll
live in rags, but save the keg,"
and "Drive the rascals outl" resounded as President McClutchbottom, again triumphant, was
carried from the hall on the
shoulders of four obscure economics instructors.
reputation which wasn't very good
anyway, unless you like that kind
of reputation. Meanwhile her father returns from the I-F weekend
where he had planned to go but
didn't get to because he had other
plans. He is surprised to find that
his daughter's secret lover is none
other than some guy he never had
heard of anyway.
The play will open.
(continued from pag* three)
cided against it when it was feared
that the study habits of the Curdlites might disturb the party faction in the C h e w y s . The dean now
plans to put them in old Souse
Cooler, by far a finer and more
luxurious dorm than the one erected by the noted philatalist, Jessie
A. Curdly.
Grube's
Gulf Service
LUBRICATION
GAS — OIL
TIRES — TUBES
ACCESSORIES
H I G H A N D C A T T E L L STREETS
GRUBE & BETTS
sporting Goods and Photographic Equipment
Special Prices and Credit to Fraternities
25 So. Third St.
• .'w^"'i?'^rc'Tt'7'<'< y•';'«^^*^
00
CHEVY STUDES
'BROOKS'
•Si"
ASH CANS
BROOMS, MOPS
W A X E S , POLISHES, Etc.
H. H. BENNETT
Hardware Co.
•
Friday, November 21, 1952
~.,-«~r;>~;oroTy^,
Easton, Pa.
.^v'^fc^^'^^^vxfry^K
oMzt onfy-TMe wUl Tell
ANP \DOK ATTHAT FOOTWORK!
HE'S A RKULAR. BALLET
DANCER!
Take y o u ' • ' • " • • • •
..TM'T TEtL b o ^ ««J°^*^*:;e1f^e*TesT of
how mild, tov. fl^^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ U l
pack after pack, vree
UADS AU.
OTHER BRANDS
by wmons ot ^
cigorottes ^
poryeo"^There most be
a reason why!
j*^
a