September 2015 - Schuylkill Women in Crisis

The SWiC E‐Newsletter SEPTEMBER 2015 Keeping up to date with Schuylkill Women in Crisis VOL. 71 _______________________ SWiC Calling Men – and Community – to Help End Domestic Violence Follow Us: facebook.com/swicpa twitter.com/swicpa youtube.com/swicvids Are you one of the many people unaware of how you can help end domestic violence?
If so, learn about the critical role you play in influencing and developing the next generation
at a SWiC-sponsored one-day workshop conducted by A CALL TO MEN.
A Call to Men is a leading private nonprofit dedicated to confronting the societal
attitudes that contribute to the cause and the continuation of violence against women. The
organization’s goal is to create a world where men and boys are loving and respectful and
woman and girls are valued and safe. (See www.acalltomen.org.)
Ted Bunch, co-founder of A CALL TO MEN, will speak during the workshop 9 a.m.
to 4 p.m. Monday, October 12, at St. Nicholas Hall, Route 901, Minersville area. Lunch and
refreshments will be provided.
While one goal of the workshop is to show non-abusive men how they can help even
in little ways, the focus is to address societal attitudes and ALL are welcome. Seating is
limited, but space remains available.
For more information or to register, contact SWiC at 570.622.3991 or
[email protected]. You can also register online at www.s-wic.org/acalltomen.
PRESENTER: Ted Bunch from A Call to Men WHEN: 9 a.m.‐4p.m. Monday, October 12 WHERE: St. Nicholas Hall, Route 901, Minersville area COST: Free, but space is limited so register asap! SWiC’S
We need the following items for SWiC’s shelter:
MOST
WANTED
· Body lotion,
· Combs and brushes.
We are also looking for pack ‘n’ plays for
preschool children.
If you are able to donate any of the above needed items,
please call SWiC’s office at 570.622.3991 or email
[email protected] to make arrangements.
Thank you! www.s‐wic.org Thank you, Angie!
Angie Berger, Ashland, first learned about SWiC at
her church, Christ’s United Lutheran, Ashland area. Her
pastor, Rev. Kim Lengert, is on SWiC’s Board of Directors.
Angie went on the internet and realized SWiC’s need for
many items. She also learned that some government support
was cut, impacting SWiC.
Inspired to help, Angie discussed a way to show
support with her family and contacted SWiC for further
information about what was needed most.
And then the work began. Angie hung signs at her
church, her workout class, and her workplace (Tri-State
Envelope Corp.), seeking donations of hygiene and
household items and cleaning supplies throughout May and
June. And the Ashland community responded! Many bins
later, Angie brought her bounty to SWiC. She hopes to make
her drive an annual event to help families fleeing abuse in
our community. SWiC Service Statistics for Fiscal Year (July 1‐June 30) Most recently compiled: Adults served (Victims + Significant Others) Children served Counseling Hours ‐‐ Adults Counseling Hours ‐‐ Children Shelter Days ‐‐ Adults Shelter Days ‐‐ Children Transitional Housing Days ‐‐ Adults Transitional Housing Days ‐‐ Children Turnaways ‐‐ Adults Turnaways ‐‐ Children Jul‐15 173 26 375 38 247 199 217 465 4 4 Year‐to‐Date 173 26 375 38 247 199 217 465 4 4 Fall schedules are filling up, but we always welcome more! If you are interested in information about domestic and
sexual violence and/or teen dating violence, contact Amber ([email protected]) or call SWiC’s office,
570.622.3991. We provide prevention education and community awareness presentations for children, teens, and
adults of all ages. Programs are designed to fit the location and time frame for your schedule.
SWiC may be present at or involved with the following upcoming events:
Monday, September 21 – SWiC staff on WPPA radio station with Schuylkill United Way, 10-10:30 a.m.
Thursday, October 8 – Schuylkill County Health Fair, for courthouse employees, 9:30 a.m.-1 p.m.
Friday, October 9 – Conewago, Pottsville, presentation to participants, 9:30 a.m.
Saturday, October 10 – SWiC volunteers selling Boscov’s “Friends Helping Friends” shopping passes at table in
store noon - 3 p.m.
Monday, October 12 – SWiC sponsors free workshop with A Call to Men, St. Nicholas Hall, Route 901,
Minersville, 9 a.m.-4 p.m. (See related article.)
Tuesday, October 13 – Provider Fairs via housing authorities, Laurel Court 10 a.m.-noon, Michael Close 1-3 p.m.,
Pottsville.
Wednesday, October 14 – Provider Fairs via housing authorities, Schuylkill Haven High Rise 10 a.m.-noon,
Minersville High Rise 1-3 p.m.
Thursday, October 15 – Cross-system training, South Schuylkill Training and Technology Center, MarLin.
Tuesday, October 20 – Provider Fairs via housing authorities, Ashland High Rise 10 a.m.-noon, Shenandoah High
Rise 1-3 p.m.
Tuesday, October 20 – Boscov’s “Friends Helping Friends” shopping day. SWiC volunteers selling shopping passes
at table in store 2-7 p.m. (See related article.)
Wednesday, October 21 – Provider Fairs via housing authorities, Necho Allen 10 a.m.-noon, Patterson 1-3 p.m.
Saturday, October 24 – Make-a-Difference Day.
VOLUNTEER NEWS
The next Volunteer Meeting will be held 5:30 p.m. Wednesday, September 23, at SWiC’s Administration Center.
Please RSVP to Amber at 570.622.3991 or [email protected] whether you will be able to attend or not.
Thank you for all you do!
Friends Helping Friends for SWiC SWiC is again selling passes for Boscov’s Department Store’s “Friends Helping Friends.” This program is an opportunity for local non‐
profits to raise funds. The pass, which costs $5, allows customers to receive 25% off their entire Boscov’s purchase on October 20, 2015. (Some exceptions exist.) In addition, participants can enter their name for raffles of various prizes. SWiC will be selling Friends Helping Friends passes at a table in Boscov’s store noon – 3 p.m. Saturday, October 10, and 2‐7 p.m. October 20, the shopping day when the passes can be used. Additional days and times may be arranged. All money raised goes directly to support SWiC’s services for victims of domestic violence in our area. Volunteers interested in selling the Boscov’s passes – or for more information – contact Amber at 570.622.3991 or [email protected]. [If you have ever wondered if your support of SWiC – no matter how small – has made any difference, read SWiC’s “Rekindling the Flame…” column. These stories of survival and success honor the amazing strength and resiliency of those who courageously flee abuse and find hope and a life full of promise.] “How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” – Anne Frank Tara met her abuser through a friend of a friend. Little did she know, that day was the beginning of a downward spiral to despair, broken bones and brain injuries, drug use, and potential homelessness. She said she came from a good family. She did not experience or witness abuse growing up. But her abuser gave her a hard time whenever she talked to any family and began limiting and controlling everything she did. After working a professional job for more than a decade, she was no longer allowed to work. She had a time limit to go to the grocery store. He grilled her about what to say or not say to medical professionals. He told her that if she left him, he would find her, kill whoever she was with before killing her, then he would call 911 and order enough body bags to include himself, then kill himself. “I didn’t know how to leave,” Tara said. “I really didn’t think I could.” After numerous beatings leaving her bones broken and head battered, “I didn’t even care if I woke up anymore,” she added. To cope, she turned to drugs and getting high. Tara left her abuser and returned a few times, out of fear, uncertainty, finances. One of those times, an advocate from SWiC met her at the hospital where her broken bones were being treated. “He had me so convinced that my family did not want to have anything to do with me. He didn’t want me to contact my family….I began to believe that maybe he was right that everything was my fault.” She didn’t believe she could make it on her own, so she did not follow through with SWiC help and was deceived once again by the manipulations of her abuser. Then one day in a grocery store, Tara saw her mother. “I wasn’t going to go over to her,” Tara said. She didn’t want her mother to see her two black eyes. But her mother saw her and went to her. Concerned and caring, her mother told Tara that not hearing from her was the worst thing, that she and Tara’s father dreaded that the phone would ring someday and they would be asked to identify her body. Still, Tara returned to her abuser, but her heart had softened to the possibility that someone cared about her, and when she again needed help, she called her parents. They sent a cab for her, and she decided to come to SWiC ‘s shelter. “I needed the support of people who understand abuse,” she said. “SWiC gives me all the tools, like a carpenter’s workshop, but I have to do the work….They give me every resource, but I have to make the call.” Mastering her addiction, Tara is moving forward. “I learned there isn’t anything wrong with me that caused the abuse,” she added. Her abuser is responsible for his behavior. But abusers rarely give up easily. He continued to try to locate her, even calling a physician’s office when she attended a regularly‐scheduled appointment (for injuries caused by abuse). Medical staff told him she was not there, then warned her. Tara spent years feeling “so scared,” she shared. A friend of hers had been murdered by an abusive ex‐husband. She did not want her parents – or anyone – to wonder if she were dead or alive. Some people turn a blind eye, she said, but “people need to be aware of it.” Tara does not recommend other people get involved directly because the abuser can be very dangerous to anyone who tries to help their victim get away, but she says anyone can give SWiC’s number to those who might need it. “It’s not an easy decision to leave,” Tara said, “especially when you’re used to it” and abusers use so many methods to pull a victim back. “But now every day I know I’m not alone.” Tara is employed again and looking into refresher courses in her former career field, and she is seeking housing. “I
want to be able to know it’s my house,” she said, smiling. She wants to have people visit and host family functions
– experiences she was not allowed to have with her abuser. She no longer feels the need to get high just to get
through each day. And she – and her family – is glad she came to SWiC.
Got Purple?
Empire Students Feature Highlights in Domestic Violence Awareness Month
Are you looking for something different to do with your hair? Or maybe you’ve long loved the violet
persuasion. Get ready to have some fun with your locks in October! Empire Beauty School will feature PURPLE for
a good cause.
Domestic Violence Awareness is an issue important to Empire Beauty Schools/Hair Design Schools because
hair stylists are often in a unique position to notice signs of abuse on clients. In honor of National Domestic
Violence Awareness Month, Empire holds an annual event every October designated as the National Day of Beauty.
This year it is October 17. On this day, all Empire Schools donate 100% of earnings from their student clinics to
local anti-domestic violence programs.
In addition, the Pottsville Empire Beauty School students will feature purple highlights in color or extensions
throughout the month of October. The cost for permanent color highlights will be determined at the time of service
based on the clients’ desired results, and the cost of each purple hair extension will be $6.00. Empire will donate
proceeds from all purple extensions to SWiC.
Day in the Life of a Shelter Resident
SWiC’s shelter is a safe place for women and children to stay in a secure building where most abusers cannot find them and where
they also receive vital support and resources to achieve safety and self-sufficiency. And what is a day in the life of a shelter resident
like, some may ask? Let’s peek at a fictional resident’s “To Do” list and notes.
Transformation By Jessica Wright, certified Health Coach and SWiC volunteer
www.frumpytofierce.com or www.facebook.com/frumpytofierce
For me, “transformation” always conjures images of earth-shattering, impressive, crescendo-y change – as if,
once I’m transformed, problems will melt away and I will spend my days walking on a sun-drenched beach.
In reality, transformation is more a slow slog through all of the “stuff” I’d rather not look at about myself. It
is often the result of painful experiences, a smidge of depression, and a lot of alone time…and a moment of
acceptance.
For the individuals served by SWiC, that moment of acceptance can be a long time coming. Victims may
understand that their relationships do not feel good, but they rationalize poor behavior, suppressing the truth of their
experience in order to preserve their relationship. Acceptance comes only when the pain of suppressing one’s truth
exceeds the pain of staying.
It is in that moment that many victims see failure… “if only’s” take over and the past becomes clouded by all
the things that “could’ve” or “should’ve” been different.
I would challenge that this moment, however, is not one of failure. This moment is full of opportunity and
empowerment.
When our eyes are closed to what is, we have few options. The door may be open, ready for us to walk
through, but we are so busy staring at the closed window – willing it to open – that the door never enters our mind as
a choice. But once we accept that the window is closed – no matter how badly we want it to open – we can begin to
look around and, inevitably, turn our eyes to the open door.
It is in this space of increasing our options that we can change, we can transform.
When I was trained as an advocate at SWiC, I embraced the belief that I was part of a movement. And this
movement was/is, at its core, about empowering victims by helping them see their options. What I didn’t realize at
the time was that I was creating a space for victims to be transformed.
As we celebrate Domestic Violence Awareness Month in October, I hope that we can all take a moment to
mourn the many, many losses that occur because of domestic violence, celebrate the options that have been created
by this movement, and continue to connect in a way that creates healing and transforms victims into survivors.