Issue 3 - Pesach 5768 Presented to you by sIster to sIster

Issue 3 - Pesach 5768
Presented to you by Sister to Sister
[email protected]
1
The Masterpiece
I once stood beside an easel,
And painted my life through,
Each and every color and shade,
I included every hue.
I once stood beside an easel,
And knew just how my masterpiece would be,
I had the backdrop all set up,
And in the center was me.
I once stood beside an easel,
And thought I knew what was there,
I knew my sunshine, knew my darkness,
Dearest Sisters,
It’s the season of clean walls and freshly smelling houses; it’s the time of beautiful spring weather and bright
budding flowers, and it’s the occasion of stress. If ‘stressed’ is an apt description of how Jewish mothers feel
at this time, what word is used to describe how we feel? Aside for all the cleaning, we have to deal with
visitations, Yom Tov seudos, shul arranging, shopping, kashering, and… single mothering. We don’t have
that extra pair of hands needed before Pesach, and have so much to juggle with the mere two hands that we
do have.
But it only takes two hands to create beautiful music; that is the trick of the one-man band. We single mothers
are one-man bands. We manage the percussions and violin strings; we combine guitar strains and cymbal
clangs; we play music to which no other mother can compare. It takes much talent to be a one-man band.
And each of us is composing the most beautiful arrangements.
And, let us remember that the hardships of Pesach cleaning are merely a preparation for the holiday of
redemption. We all experienced it, we all know how each individual needs her own redemption from the
constrains of her personal Mitzrayim. Who better than us can appreciate the month of renewal - as we watch
the timid flower buds peeking out of the frozen earth. It heralds a new season, a season of growth and rebirth.
Klal Yisroel had to go through the kur habarzel so that their rebirth be pure and they merit the Torah. We,
too, have gone through our own Mitzraim. Each one of us has gone through the purification of suffering. Yet,
we are out. We are ready to begin our own renewal, our own rebirth, in a new stage.
Those I disliked and those I held dear.
A stage that has the clean fresh smell of Pesach and the beautiful spring flowers budding along the way. And
a stage that has the most inspiring and uplifting melodies of that super special one-man band!
I once stood beside an easel,
May we be zoche this Pesach that all of us, and each of us, merit to be truly redeemed from our own challenges
and may this geulah be eternal.
And suddenly some water began to run,
And before I was able to do anything,
Complete destruction was done.
I then stood beside the easel,
And saw a slate that was new,
Wishing you all the best - all the time!!
Sister to Sister
21 Shonny Court
Lakewood, New Jersey 08701
Email: [email protected]
The Butterfly Magazine is presented by Sister to Sister to single mothers throughout the world. Our success depends on
you! Please share your feelings, articles, poems, questions, and comments with us. We’re waiting to hear from you!
I realized there’s no need for me to paint,
That is up to the Artist to do.
2
3
It Takes Courage
It takes strength to be firm,
It takes courage to be gentle.
It takes strength to conquer,
It takes courage to surrender.
When the day is over, and the world’s asleep,
When you lie in bed, and can only weep,
When the stillness screams, the scream it is too strong,
When it’s the missing companionship for which you long,
Turn to Me.
When the quiet is thick, so thick it hurts to touch,
When the loneliness is crushing, and it’s much too much,
When the hours pass and you just can’t continue,
When the desperation is growing, and growing within you,
Turn to Me.
Turn to Me, for therein you will find,
The only potential for peace of mind,
Access My love, deep within the night,
Allow yourself to feel it, feel that it is right.
For only when you turn to Me, and make that connection deep,
Will you finally find the solace, will you finally merit sleep,
For within our relationship you’ll recover peace of mind,
True security and love, only from Me you will find.
So turn to Me, dear daughter, I’ve been waiting many long nights,
Turn to Me, dear daughter, I’m here for you tonight.
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It takes strength to be certain,
It takes courage to have doubt.
It takes strength to fit in,
It takes courage to stand out.
It takes strength to feel a friend’s pain,
It takes courage to feel your own pain.
It takes strength to endure abuse,
It takes courage to stop it.
It takes strength to stand alone,
It takes courage to lean on another.
It takes strength to love,
It takes courage to be loved.
It takes strength to survive,
It takes courage to live.
Author Unknown
5
My Dayenu Ring
by Sara Yocheved Rigler
The diamond ring I inherited from my mother, of blessed mem-
ory, is -- or should I say was -- my most beautiful possession.
My father, o.b.m., had given the ring, a band of 16 perfect diamonds, to my mother shortly after their wedding in 1944. As
precious to me emotionally as materially, the ring adorned my
hand every Shabbat. Every time I looked at its glistening perfection, my Shabbat joy soared.
Then, sitting at the Shabbat table six weeks ago, I glanced down
at my ring and was horrified to see a gaping, black hole. A
prong of the white gold setting had broken, and one diamond
had fallen out. My horror gave way to a frantic search, with all
members of the family on hands and knees searching the floors
in the kitchen and living room, then sweeping, and finally giving
up. The diamond was gone.
Every time I looked at my ring, all I saw was the gaping, black
hole, like a beautiful woman smiling to reveal a missing front
tooth. My gorgeous ring had become a toothless hag. Bitterly, I
took it off and put it in its box. I could not bear to look at it.
Replacing the diamond would be an expensive and complicated
procedure, as the setting itself had to be repaired. We were not
just then in a position to undertake the expense. The ring remained in its place of exile every Shabbat, and whenever I, by
force of habit, reached for it, I was poignantly reminded of my
bitter loss.
Then one Friday evening two weeks ago, I missed the ring so
much that I decided to take it out and wear it. After all, I reminded myself, there were still 15 perfect diamonds there for me
to enjoy. Why focus on what wasn’t there when I could choose
to focus on what was there? A ring is round, I told myself, and
whenever the black hole faces me, all I have to do is turn it to
reveal the still-perfect other side.
This turned out to be a potent spiritual exercise. Whenever I
glanced down and saw the ugly hole, I said to myself, “I will
choose what I will look at and what I won’t look at,” and I turned
the ring until all I saw was the sparkling, perfect diamonds.
Then something strange happened. At one point, I looked down
and saw the gaping hole. Instead of turning the ring, I chose,
by an act of will, to look at the diamond adjacent to the hole.
I gazed at it intently, noticing its clear-almost-blue color, its exquisite cut, and its happy sparkle. Then I realized with a start
that in the fifteen years I have owned the ring, while I loved the
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ring as a whole, I never really bothered to look at the individual
diamonds. Losing one diamond made me begin to appreciate
the beauty of the remaining diamonds.
DAYENU
One of the favorite parts of the Passover Seder is the song,
“Dayenu.” The 15 verses of this song enumerate the various
kindnesses Hashem bestowed on our people during the Exodus,
such as taking us out of Egypt, splitting the sea for us, taking
us through it on dry land, taking us to Har Sinai, giving us the
Torah, etc. The refrain, “dayenu,” means: “It would have been
enough for us.”
Anyone who stops to consider the lyrics would find them enigmatic. After all, it’s preposterous to proclaim that if Hashem
had split the sea for us and not led us through it on dry land,
“it would have been enough for us.” If Hashem had not led us
through it on dry land, we would have all been slain by the pursuing Egyptian army. And what good would it have served us to
be led to Har Sinai and not to be given the Torah? In what sense
is any of these individual steps “enough for us”?
The song teaches the same lesson as my no-longer-perfect diamond ring: Stop and notice the greatness of each and every
part. The splitting of the sea itself was a tremendous miracle.
Appreciate it for what it was, regardless of the next step in the
progression.
The Torah requires us to remember the Exodus from Egypt
every day. Such remembrance leads to gratitude, the core characteristic of the Jewish people. The very name “Jew” derives
from the Hebrew name “Yehuda,” which means “thank” or
“acknowledge.” In the midst of the Seder, which is a process
of spiritual elevation consisting of 15 steps, the song “Dayenu”
teaches us how to achieve that quintessential virtue of gratitude:
Focus, really focus, on each individual blessing you are given.
Regardless of what came before or after it.
Every blessing is a stand-alone gift, just as every diamond is its
own treasure.
Reprinted with permission from Aish.com, world’s largest Judaism website
Pisom’s Prayer
Dawn had just broken as Uriel left the tent along with
his fellow Jews. They were heading out to another day of
backbreaking labor. Uriel’s job was to mix the mortar for
the stones of the pyramids they were building in Pisom.
Shani came home from yet another meeting with the lawyer.
It was meeting after meeting, date set and date canceled,
he did show up and he didn’t. It was a never-ending game
with no Get in sight. Two years of agonizing waiting. Two
years of waking up each day and wondering what it will
The men dragged their feet toward another day of torture. bring, and two years of forcing herself to sleep, swallowing
They had gone to sleep discouraged, and awoke even more the tears of knowing that once again, today was not the day.
so. They saw no way out. Finally reaching the worksite, Two years composed of seven hundred thirty impossible
Uriel couldn’t believe his eyes. The work that they had days. She wondered if life would ever look different.
been doing for the past three weeks was no longer. The
entire pyramid had sunken into quicksand. Nothing The house was quiet, the kids were asleep. She picks up
remained.
some stray things from the floor and then goes to listen to
the messages and wonders if her ears are playing tricks on
This was too much. He sat himself on the boulder off the her. The secretary from the court called to let her know
side and cried. It was too much. He needed to get away that her requests have been rejected. She is back to square
from this horrible life, but Mitzrayim was a land from one. This is too much for her. She drops herself onto the
which no slave ever escaped. He turned to Hashem from kitchen chair and breaks down. She is totally spent, and
the depths of despair. His pleas arose from deep within, from the depths of despair, desperately calls to Hashem.
and bombarded the heavens up high.
She feels sucked into a cycle from which there is no escape.
But she davens and davens and, unbeknown to her, her
a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a a pleas from the depth of her heart are heard.
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aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Uriel went back to his tent that night exhausted.
He had no more strength to continue life the way
it was. There was no hope for the future. How
would it ever change? He was born a slave, and
he would die a slave. But that didn’t stop the
tears of prayer from coursing down his cheek.
Unbeknown to him, the following morning
Moshe Rabbeinu received orders from Hashem
at the burning bush. The Jews would be
leaving Mitzrayim. “And Hashem heard their
screams.”
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Shani finally forced herself to sleep that night,
the heaviness in her heart weighing a million
pounds. She wondered how she would wake
up the next day and face all that was in store.
Yesterday was so difficult, why would tomorrow
be any different?
Tomorrow dawned with a shining sun. Somehow
she forced cheerfulness into her voice as she got
the children off to school and stumbled into
work. Somehow she maintained that stance
throughout the day, as her heart silently rebelled
against her mechanical smile. With relief she
finished work and escaped into the privacy of
her car. The tears were relentless. She safely
navigated herself home and rushed to pull the
house together before the kids came in. The
messages light was blinking on the machine.
It was her lawyer. “Shani, please call me
immediately. I have no idea why, but it seems
like he had a change of heart. Things seem to
be moving really quickly now.”
And three days later, Shani was in Beis Din
receiving her long-awaited Get. Getting to bed
and waking up was no longer a struggle; with
each dawn shone a bright sun. That very sun that
beat on the bag of Matzos that Uriel carried on
his back as he proudly walked through the gates
of the country from which it was impossible
to leave. Because with Tefilla everything can
become possible.
8
Afikoman
Ideas
Sister To Sister
• Custom Jewelry Everyone, young and old, is wearing custom jewelry. Check the hosiery
store in your neighborhood for beautiful and colorful pieces of jewelry. Crystal heart necklaces
are pretty and fun. The hearts come in all different colors and sizes hanging from either a silver or leather chain. They can also be worn by all ages. (Most are priced in the $20 range.)
• Magazine Does your family love to read the Bina? Or Mishpacha? Buying one or both
weekly can add a significant sum to your budget. For an afikomen, treat your family to a
month’s/6 month’s/year’s subscription.
• Music Find out if there’s a newly released CD your son or daughter really wants. Or, find
a joyful cd your entire family will enjoy listening to. (This can become a Chol Hamoed outing
to judaica stores, such as Eichler’s. Find a judaica store which provides headsets for you to
hear samplings of the latest albums available.)
• Diary Encourage your children to keep a diary. Start, by buying each of them a brand
new journal. (Amazing Savings has a large variety of spirals and journals in all shapes and
designs.)
• Scrapbook Everyone loves to scrapbook. Decide which pictures you want to include
in your scrapbook and shop for scrapbooking supplies. (Make this a full day chol Hamoed
activity.)
Calendar of Events
Chol Hamoed Extravaganza
Concert featuring Srully Williger and
Moish the Magician
Tuesday May 22
Shulamith High School
1277 E 14th St Brooklyn, NY
$6 per person $30 per family
7-9 pm
Shulamith High School
For ticket sales or questions email:
[email protected]
• Bike Accessories Buying a new bicycle is a big expense. But a new helmet and or knee
and ankle pads is exctiting and will make a child feel special. So dust off those bikes and
blades and take your children to a park where they can ride and rollerblade freely.
Support Group Schedule
Chol
Hamoed Trip Ideas
• Matzah Bakeries Some still bake matzohs on chol-hamoed. Find out which matzah bak-
Monsey
May 5, first Monday of every month
8:15 PM (845) 362-1618
9 Villa Ln. Wesley Hills, NY
Chani Getter
ery is nearby and take your children to observe the fascinating process of matzah-baking.
• Vegetable Picking is a great activity for chol hamoed. You must bring home the produce
that you pick. It is lots of fun for the kids to pick and then they can cook with what they picked
themselves.
• Bronx Zoo is free on Wednesday. There is nothing like the good old Bronx zoo!
• Holmdell Park is a great place to go. There is cow milking and historical houses to view.
The park is free with lots to see and do, such as fishing, boating, hiking, (sledding and ice
skating in the winter), and a picnic spot. There are also wonderful grounds for playing ball
and rollerblading.
44 Longstreet Road, Holmdel, NJ (732) 946-9562
• Canal Street If you live in New York, you have most probably been to Canal St, or heard
of it at least. They sell all sorts of fun accessories at ridiculously low prices. Even if you don’t
purchase anything, canal st is a fun experience (although you’ll find that you will purchase
stuff, who can resist a Gucci imitation bag for $15?)
• Brooklyn Botanical Gardens Bring your camera - it is a beautiful site for pictures.
The cherry blossoms are in bloom now, it’s the best time to go! Open Tues - Fri 8am - 6pm,
Weekend 10am-6pm, closed Mon. Free on Tuesday! Other days: Adults: $4, children under
12: free
1000 Washington Ave, Brooklyn (718) 623-7200
• Sony Wonder Technology Lab and Entertainment Museum
Appropriate or all ages. 56th St., corner Madison, NYC
(212) 833 8100 Open Tues-Sat 10am-5pm, closed on Sun and Mon.
• Children’s Museum of the Arts Museum where children create their own arts Admission is $9. On Thursday from 4-6 pm you pay as you
182 Lafayette St, NYC (212) 274-0986
Boro Park
Monday, May 19
(718) 207-1317
Nechama Stolzenberg
Queens
April 15
(917) 693-3595
Sarale Book
Flatbush
May 5
(718) 375-9210
Gail Shattner
Five Towns
April 29th at 8:30
711 Emerson Street, Woodmere NY
(516) 791-8010
The next one is: May 20th at 8:30
[email protected]
Cindy Safren
9
Basic Pesach
Halachos
I.
The Days Before Shabbos
A.
B.
According to the Ashkenazi minhag the first-born should fast this year on
Thursday, 12 Nisan. They can participate in a Siyum as usual.
Since bedikas chametz is done that evening, if a person finds that it is too difficult
to fast until after the bedika, he can have a snack before beginning the bedika, but
not a regular meal.
D.
The hot food that you intend to eat on this Shabbat should be cooked in Pesach utensils and
shouldn’t contain Chometz.
E.
You should use disposable tableware for your meals and transfer the food from the Pesach utensils
with either Pesach or disposable silverware.
F.
Eat in a room where the floor can be easily cleaned from crumbs (no rug or carpet).
G.
Cover the table with plastic so that the bread crumbs don’t come in contact with it.
H.
At the Friday night meal, you should eat Challah (including lechem mishneh). You should be
careful with the crumbs. If they fall into the disposable plates, make sure the crumbs are removed
and flushed down the toilet.
I.
The Shabbos morning meal is generally eaten very early and is divided into two parts:
C.
Bedikas chametz this year is done on the Thursday night before Pesach in the
normal manner, with the regular bitul being done afterwards as in normal years.
2.
After Kiddush, wash and eat a little more than a kebeitza of Challah (about a slice to a
slice and a half). You can eat other foods with it if you want.
D.
On Friday morning, Mizmor Lesoda and Lamenatzeach are said since it isn’t
Erev Pesach until Shabbos.
3.
Then “Bentch” and leave the table (go for a walk, study, etc.).
E.
The burning of the Chometz is done Friday morning at the same time it is
normally done during regular years. Since you are allowed to eat Chometz all day
long, you should burn only that Chometz that you don’t need for the Friday and Shabbos meals.
The bitul that is normally done at the time of the burning of the Chometz is not done on Friday
morning this year, but on Shabbos morning.
4.
Wash again and eat again the same amount of Challah and any other foods you might
want to eat. Make sure to finish the Challah by the time posted as the sof zman achilas
chametz.
5.
There are certain people who are concerned over having Challah in their home so close
to Pesach and therefore use Egg Matzah instead of Challah.
F.
Most Poskim hold that the prohibition of eating matza on Erev Pesach does not apply on this
Friday. Some disagree.
1.
Many places have a minhag not to eat matza from Rosh Chodesh Nisan.
2.
Egg matza may be eaten Friday all day and Shabbos morning.
I.
After the second Shabbos morning meal the following should be done:
9.
10.
If any pieces of Challah or bread remain, they should be crumbled up and flushed down
the toilet. The disposable tableware can be placed in the garbage as usual, assuming that
there are no crumbs on it.
11.
The floor should be swept and the crumbs found thrown into the toilet.
12.
You should check the pockets of the clothing worn during the Chometz meals (other
pockets would have been checked already beforehand).
13.
You should rinse out your mouth thoroughly to make sure it’s bread-free.
14.
The bitul should be done, saying the regular nusach which you generally say every year
when you burn the Chometz.
G.
Generally speaking you aren’t allowed to do “work” on Erev Pesach from noon. This refers to the
sort of work that is asur on Chol HaMoed. This year, most Poskim hold that this sort of work may
be done on Friday afternoon. Some Poskim say that it is proper to refrain from this sort of work on
this Friday afternoon.
II.
Shabbos Meals
B.
C.
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There are a number of technical and halachik problems that arise in connection with the meals
that are to be eaten this Shabbos. Instead of going into all the problems, we will explain the best
way to handle the meals to avoid any difficulties.
The stove, oven, sink and counters should be kashered before Shabbos.
The tablecloth should be shaken off of crumbs into the toilet.
J. In the early afternoon (preferably, after Mincha), you should eat another Seudah Shlishis
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consisting of fish or meat or Pesadik Chulent, etc. Kneidlach
may also be eaten, but not cake made out of Matzah Meal.
The kneidlach may be eaten only until about three hours before
sunset. You should be careful not to eat too much so that the
matza will be eaten at the seder with a good, hearty appetite.
III.
As much as possible, Seder preparations should be done before Shabbos
to make sure the Seder will not be delayed. Nothing may be done on
Shabbos to prepare for Seder.
C.
The egg and zeroa should be roasted before Shabbos.
D.
If you forgot, the egg can be roasted Motzei Shabbos if it will be
eaten either during the Seder or the following day.
E.
The zeroa can be roasted Motzei Shabbos only if it will be
eaten during the following day (we don’t eat roasted meat at the
Seder).
F.
The horseradish ought to be ground before Shabbos and kept in
a closed container so that its potency not be lost. Some people
are machmir to use only freshly ground horseradish and so it
should be ground on Motzei Shabbos. A shinui is required:
grind onto a piece of paper or onto the tablecloth instead of onto
a plate.
G.
The salt water ought to be prepared before Shabbos. If you
forgot, it may be prepared on Motzei Shabbos.
H.
All preparations for the Seder done on Motzei Shabbos must be
done only after the time that Shabbos is over and not beforehand.
I.
The people preparing for the Seder should either say Baruch
HaMavdil bein kodesh lekodesh or else daven Maariv and say
Vatodienu in Shmoneh Esrei. This must also done by anyone
who is going to light candles for Yom Tov, since the candles are
lit before the Seder (and before Havdallah).
J.
This year the first cup of wine is YKNH”Z. This means that
we make five different brachos on it: on the wine; Kiddush; on
the flame; Havdallah; Shehechiyanu.
K.
As far as which flame ought to be used, there are a number of
minhagim:
3.
4.
5.
Some people light two matches for this purpose, being
careful not to put them out afterwards, but to place
them gently down in an ashtray.
Some people take two of the Yom Tov candles
and place their flames together for the bracha and
afterwards separate them.
Some people make the bracha on the Yom Tov candles
the way they are, without placing them near each other.
Reprinted from www.yoy.org.il, by Rav Balanson
12
Now,
that’s an idea!!
aA sealed envelope - Put in the freezer for a few hours, aWhenever I purchase a box of SOS Pads, I immediately
then slide a knife under the flap. The envelope can then take a pair of scissors and cut each pad into halves. After years of having to throw away rusted and unused and
be resealed.
smelly pads, I finally decided that this would be much more
aUse empty toilet paper roll to store appliance cords. It economical. Now a box of SOS pads last me indefinitely!
keeps them neat and you can write on the roll what appli- In fact, I have noticed that the scissors get ‘sharpened’’
ance it belongs to.
this way!
aFor icy door steps in freezing temperatures: get warm wa- aBlood stains on clothes? Not to worry! Just pour a little
ter and put Dawn dish washing liquid in it. Pour it all over hydrogen peroxide on a cloth and proceed to wipe off every
drop of blood. Works every time!
the steps. They won’t refreeze.
aTo remove old wax from a glass candle holder, put it in
the freezer for a few hours. Then take the candle holder out
and turn it upside down. The wax will fall out.
aCrayon marks on walls? This worked wonderfully! A
damp rag, dipped in baking soda. Comes off with little
effort.
aPermanent marker on appliances or counter tops? Use
rubbing alcohol on paper towel.
aUse vertical strokes when washing windows outside and
horizontal for inside windows. This way you can tell which
side has the streaks. Straight vinegar will get outside windows really clean. Don’t wash windows on a sunny day.
They will dry too quickly and will probably streak.
aSpray a bit of perfume on the light bulb in any room to
create a lovely light scent in each room when the light is
turned on.
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aCleaning with Automatic-Dishwasher Detergent
- Automatic dishwasher detergent works well on refrigerators, stoves, floors, walls and glass.
- Dissolve 1/4 cup in one gallon of very hot water.
- Wipe with a dry cloth afterward.
- Wear rubber gloves and test first to make sure that what
you’re cleaning is colorfast.
aPlace fabric softener sheets in dresser drawers and your
clothes will smell freshly washed for weeks to come. You
can also do this with towels and linen.
aCandles will last a lot longer if placed in the freezer for at
least three hours prior to burning.
aTo clean artificial flowers, pour some salt into a paper
bag and add the flowers. Shake vigorously as the salt will
absorb all the dust and dirt and leave your artificial flowers
looking like new.
aUse air-freshener to clean mirrors. It does a good job and
better still, leaves a lovely smell to the shine.
aWhen you get a splinter, reach for the scotch tape before
resorting to tweezers or a needle. Simply put the scotch
tape over the splinter, and then pull it off. Scotch tape
removes most splinters painlessly and easily.
aTo shine pots - rub some ketchup on your pot with a clean
cloth (it has acid in it), let sit, then wipe off with a clean
cloth.
aTo easily remove burnt on food from your skillet, simply aSmell in fridge? Try coffee beans (there’s an oil in them
add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover that helps to neutralize smells) and activated charcoal.
bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stove top.
These two absorb the smell. Or try vanilla on a cotton ball,
this just leaves a good smell.
aSpray your tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces and there won’t be aDishwasher can be used to wash plastic brushes, combs,
any stains.
kids toys, etc. Put in a lingerie bag.
aWrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrig- aCoffee Stains. To remove a coffee stain from fabric or a
erator and it will keep for weeks.
rug, try one of these methods:
- Dip a white cloth into a beaten egg yolk and rub the yolk
aWhen boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to into the stain. Then rinse with clear water.
help bring out the corn’s natural sweetness
- Work denatured alcohol into the stain, then rinse with
water.
aCure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half, and rub it - Apply a solution of 1/2 teaspoon mild detergent in a pint
on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
of water. Blot with a white towel. If the stain remains, apply
a 50-50 solution of water and white vinegar and blot.
aDon’t throw out all that leftover wine: Freeze into ice
cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
aCleaning Kitchen Countertops - Use a mild dishwashing
liquid for plastic lamination and rinse well afterwards to
aTo get rid of itch from mosquito bites, try applying soap prevent residue from getting on food.
on the area and you will experience instant relief.
aCleaning Vinyl Floors - Mop with a mild detergent and
aAnts, ants, ants everywhere ... Well, they are said to never wait a while to allow it to penetrate the ground-in dirt.
cross a chalk line. So, get your chalk out and draw a line on
the floor or wherever ants tend to march. See for yourself.
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aGlassware - Use the bartender’s method for speedy stemware washing. Holding the base, pump the glass vigorously
in very hot sudsy water, then quickly put it in hot clear
water (cooler water may shatter it) Dry upside down on a
cotton towel.
- For extra-shiny, streakless glasses, add a little vinegar or
borax to the final rinse water.
- If glasses have hard-water stains, rub them with a scouring
pad dipped in vinegar.
- Never use hot water, harsh soaps, ammonia or washing
soda on silver or gold-rimmed glasses.
- A well-lathered shaving brush cleans deeply etched or
hobnailed glass especially well.
- If eggs have dried on your patterned glass tableware, rub
off the residue with a slice of lemon.
aStuck Food - For stuck-on food on a casserole dish, try
adding 2 tablespoons of baking soda and boiling water to
cover the stuck-on food. Let sit for a while. The dish will
be much easier to clean.
aHandy Tie - Drop the twist tie in the bottom of any can
or basket before you put the liner in. When you’re ready to
empty it, the tie is handy.
Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer........
aClean a toilet. Drop in two Alka Seltzer tabletsand wait
twenty minutes! Brush and flush.
aThe citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous china.
aClean a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass
vase or cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka Seltzer
tablets.
aPolish Jewelry. Drop two Alka Seltzer tablets into a glass
of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes.
aClean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop
aIf your dishwasher drains through your garbage disposal, in four Alka Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or
switch it on when the hot soapy water is running through it longer, if necessary).
so it gets a good cleaning.
aUnclog a drain. Clear the sink drain by dropping three
aStainless Steel - To remove water spots on stainless steel, Alka Seltzer tablets down the drain followed by a cup of
rub area with a clean, soft cloth dampened with white vin- Heinz white vinegar. Wait a few minutes, and then run the
egar. Then wipe dry to avoid spots.
hot water.
aHeel Marks - Use a pencil eraser on black heel marks.
aDishwasher Soap Film - Run a cup
of white vinegar through the entire
dishwashing cycle in an empty dishwasher to remove all soap film.
Cleaning Safety Tip:
Don’t mix cleaning products like ammonia and
bleach. They can be toxic.
15
Interview with
Minky Glass, Home Organizer
Minky Glass, a wonderful Home Organizer, was so kind to saves so much time and hassle. Putting the knapsacks, with
give Sister to Sister of her time, at this most hectic period, for snacks and signed homework in it, near the door makes getting the kids out of house so much easier.
an exclusive interview.
Hello Minky. Can you tell us a bit about What are your favorite suggestions that
the job of a home organizer?
you give to mothers you visit?
My job is to help the homeowner make their space work as Making a list of things that you need to do the next day will
efficiently as possible. I work to create a system that works give you a better night’s sleep and a more productive day.
for the whole family.
Make a list of calls you need to make, errands to run out of
the house and chores to be done in the house. There’s no
When you come to a home for a job ap- better feeling than crossing those things off your list!
pointment, what is the first thing you do?
The first thing I like to do is take a tour of the home to see There are some people that put in a huge
how the space is being used. Then I ask the person which amount of effort ensuring that their closets
space is the one that is bothering them the most. That is look like a show-case. Do you agree with
where we start.
What do you think an organized home does
for a family?
An organized home really will make the home less stressful. If everyone knows where things are kept and they return them to their place, it saves a lot of time getting things
done.
Is there any way you can sum up the key
principle in keeping a home organized?
Every item needs a home. It should take you less than two
minutes to find anything that you need. Just like the ice
cubes are kept in the freezer, everything should have an
address, or else it is homeless (trash).
Do you have any simple tips for us busy
mothers that can help us keep our homes
a pleasant place for ourselves and our children to live in?
Doing things the night before is probably one of the best
tips I can give. Preparing clothing, including the shoes,
16
that, or do you find it a bit extreme?
Take a walk through all the rooms and make a list of all the
I personally think that that is a real waste of time. Yes, you places that need cleaning. If your kids can help, put their
should fold you sweaters neatly and sort them by season names next to the item you think they can clean. (Music in
and style (maybe even color). I have all my V-neck sweat- the background is a great motivator. We like Yanky and the
ers in one pile, my turtle necks are in a few other piles, my Pesach Seder with Zaidy!)
summer shirts in another and my shells are in a separate
pile. As long as I can find it easily it looks neat that good For those who can’t afford a professional organizer, have a friend come to your house and have her
enough for me.
look around and give you some ideas. Sometimes
My pantyhose drawer is divided into bins, one for panty you just need the critical eye of someone not livhose, one for knee highs, one for warmer tights, one for ing in that space to see things differently. And you
can do the same for your friend.
knee socks etc.
Do you have any ideas how to make Pe- Don’t be embarrassed, everyone has their strong
areas and their weak areas.
sach cleaning a bit easier?
Well first of all start early. My mother always started Rosh
Chodesh Adar. (Now we have two, pick one!) Halachically you don’t have to clean anywhere food does not go,
like high shelves. Of course this is a great time to see what’s
up there and if you really need the stuff, but that’s just the
organizer in me talking.
Minky, thank you so much for your tremendously
helpful tips and ideas.
Those wishing to set up an appointment with Minky Glass,
can reach her at 917-853-1549.
17
(translated from the sefer Chinuch Malchus)
• Children that are raised in a home in which the mother davens each and every word, understand the Gemara and
Mishna better than other children.
• Children that are raised in a home in which the mother says each blessing slowly and pleasantly, have better midos
and less chutzpa.
• A mother who davens every day and turns her eyes to heaven, her children are more successful than other children.
• More than any other chinuch tape in the world, resonates the bracha of ‘Shehakol Nihiyeh Bidvaroh’ of a Jewish
mother out loud in her house.
• Children who grow up in a house in which the mother benches out loud, have a protection from illnesses and car
accidents, and have great protection in the heaven.
• A mother who reminds the name of Hashem to her children each day, such as ‘Yishtabach Shemo’, and ‘Beezras
Hashem’; there is a chen of Yosef Hatzadik on their faces.
The Power of Amen
A true story that recently happened in Eretz Yisroel
A woman, unfortunately, passed away and left a home filled with orphans. The father decided that as zechus for the
mother, the children in the house should never say a beracha without someone answering amen. One day, a young
daughter was home alone. She poured herself a drink, but then realized that no one was home to answer amen. She
would not drink. Although she was really thirsty, she decided to wait until someone came home. But time passed, and
no one came. It was getting harder and harder as the hours mounted. Finally, when she thought she could not handle it
any longer, someone came home. She said a bracha, the other person answered amen, and at last she drank.
That night, the mother came to her daugher in a dream. She told her that her restraint of not drinking without an
amen being answered, caused a tremendous commotion in heaven. In the merit of that, a friend of hers (and the mother
specified a name) who has been recently diagnosed, and was meant to pass away, will now be cured.
The girl awoke and shared her dream with her father. The father went to the diagnosed girl’s father and asked if his
daughter is ill. The father shockingly asked, “How do you know this? Nobody knows.” He repeated his daughter’s
dream. The sick girl’s father said that his daughter was to begin chemotherapy that day. He immediately went to his
Rebbe who said not to start chemo, but rather test the child again. They went and all the tests came out fine. The girl
was no longer sick.
This story has been verified by Harav Yaakov Meir Schechter, Shlita.
18
By: Shani Goldner MS RD CDN CFI
With the numbers of children who are overweight steadily increasing, many parents are trying to find ways to help their children
eat right. 30% of kids today are either overweight or at risk of
becoming overweight. The same problems that affect adults who
are overweight are starting to manifest themselves in children that
are overweight. Overweight kids are vulnerable to type 2 diabetes,
elevated blood pressure and high cholesterol levels.
This is a very touchy subject with children so try being careful
how you broach the subject of their health and weight. Rather
than focusing on their weight as a cosmetic issue, look at it as a
health issue instead. Here are some tips on how to improve your
child’s health.
1. Moderate - not eliminate. Many parents, when they see that
their child is putting on some weight get nervous, and eliminate
any food that could possibly cause them to gain weight. The first
thing to go is usually your child’s snacks. The problem with the
snack foods is not the foods themselves, but the frequency and
quantity of your children’s access to them. If a child has occasional
“junk food” nothing will happen. There is a problem when they
keep on snacking every time that they pass the pantry. Children
who then worry that they are never going to enjoy their favorite
foods become preoccupied with food and then they really start
to overeat. By offering snacks that your kids enjoy, at set times
(such as choose one bag of pretzels or cookies, and one fruit or
vegetable) they will learn to enjoy the foods that they like in moderation. When children and adults feel deprived, that is when they
are more likely to overeat. This way they will learn good eating
habits for life.
2. Let your children have a choice. Parents should do the meal
and snack planning, and let their children decide how much to eat
or whether to eat at all. Do not push your children to finish their
snack or their meals so you can clear the table. Let them decide if
they are hungry or full. However, if your child was not hungry for
dinner, then snacking should not be an option. They can chose a
fruit or vegetable later is they are hungry. Chances are, that they
will not choose to skip a meal again. When introducing a new
dish, pair familiar foods with the new foods, a favorite with not-sofavorite. For example serve salmon with oven baked French fries.
Do not offer the fries as a prize for when the salmon is eaten, but
rather as a fun meal, to be eaten together. This way they learn to
associate salmon with a good and tasty meal.
Rules apply to everyone. If you don’t want your children drinking
soda, do not have it in your house. If you only have soda on Shobbos, that rule applies to everybody, not just the child with a weight
issue. Do not separate their meals, snacks, and beverages from
everyone else. If you want your children to drink water, you need
to start drinking water, not diet soda. If they see the rule applies to
you, it will be easier for them to follow the rule as well.
Health
C
orner
The words of the Holy Steipler
Gaon zt”l to Mothers:
How to prevent your
children from
becoming overweight
3.Watch what they are drinking. It is easy to consume loads of calories by drinking regular soda, natural fruit juices, and box drinks.
Water is wonderful. Your children will be properly hydrated, their
skin will look and feel better, and it is calorie free. Low fat milk
is another great choice, and it will help your children meet their
calcium requirement.
4. Beware of your preoccupation with weight. If you, the parent,
are always talking about your weight, and what will make you fat,
your children will also become obsessed with food. This can lead
to overeating or the other extreme, an eating disorder. If you focus
on health rather than weight, your children will follow your lead.
5. Teach by example. Kids learn habits early. If they grow up with
whole-wheat pancakes, they probably will chose later on whole
wheat products. If they grow up without butter on their corn, then
they won’t miss it. If you offer healthy foods, and they munch
on good snacks, or if you overeat, your children will learn those
habits. Setting a good example for your family is one of the best
things that you can do for their health. By setting up good nutritional habits today, you will influence their nutritional habits in
the future.
Shani Goldner is a Registered Dietitian with a Masters of Science
and a Certified Dietitian/ Nutritionist. She is an Oxford Provider.
In her private nutrition practice, she counsels adolescents and adults
in weight loss, diabetes, hypertension, and cardiovascular health.
She can be reached at (718) 854-5784. Please send questions or
comments to [email protected]
19
SolutionsforSingles
Dear Single Sisters,
We all have struggles that need solutions. We also might
have the solution for another mother’s struggle. Please take
the time to write to us with your ideas that we can print it in
the next issue. We’d also love to help you with any issue for
which you are looking for a solution.
I think we all need to think about why we want so badly to
be married. What is it that makes us all worry about it and
put so much thought into it? How and why are we lonely?
Don’t we all say we don’t have enough time to accomplish
all we need to do in a day, in addition to all we want to do in
a day. How then are we lonely? Aren’t our children around
and constantly requiring love and support and care. Don’t
forget the carpools. Don’t we have friends to talk to and get
New Question
together with and things in our lives we yet want to accomI moved to the same neighborhood as my plish. A new husband is not the solution for these things.
parents, so that they can help out, and my
children can benefit from their relationship with their grandparents. The problem
is that my mother assumes that being that
I’m not married, I surely need more advice than I did when I was. She has unsolicited advice for every issue, be it how the
kids are dressed, to what I am spending
my time and money on. How can I explain
to my mother that although I do need her
help to a certain extent, I am fully capable
of managing on my own?
Thank you so much to our sisters who replied to the last issue’s questions! Please
keep on sending them in, we are all waiting to hear from you!!
I am up to the point that I belong thinking
about Shidduchim. I want so badly to be
married. But each time I’m about to take
a serious step, I think, Who needs it? Yes,
I am lonely, and yes, it’s hard to raise the
children alone, but who has strength to
start a whole new marriage and putting in
all the effort to make it work?
20
Are we lonely because we have no one to truly trust with
all our heart and share our daily ups and downs with? Are
we lonely because we feel left out from the societal and community norms, such as having a man to say kiddush and
someone to cook for and take care of and to be taken care
by? Perhaps we are lonely because we go to sleep alone at
night (those of us who have time to get sleep). Maybe it is
the realization that as our children get older we will be really alone, if not married. When alone, one must face lots
of truths in their own life and about them self. This can be
very difficult.
I don’t think we should think of a second or third or whatever number marriage it is, as a way not to raise the children alone or as a way not to be alone. I think it should be
something that will enable us to enhance our lives. Rather
than thinking of it as work, I would like to think of it as a
mutual growth experience that will make both people better
than when they where alone. If it is the right person then the
effort will come willingly and the benefits will be more than
worth it. The difficulty is weeding through the men out there
and finding the ones who are put together themselves and
who we click in the right ways with.
If you only remember one thing, remember this: Your life is
good and you don’t “need” someone to make you whole or
to take away loneliness, you “want” someone to share and
grow with.
Live your life every day to the fullest and may HaShem enable us all to find the right person in the right time.
Cindy
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
The question is, are you really over the hurt of your failed
marriage? And also, there is a difference between being
alone and being lonely.
Firstly, you’re never alone. Hashem is always listening and
your tefillos are always never “wasted.”
It’s important to not only allow yourself to completely heal,
but to be able to recognize warning signals that might rock
the boat in a new relationship. I’ve found that the only way
I might be able to do that, and weather the upcoming parsha of shidduchim, is to get together a very supportive and
loyal sounding board, or support system, so that I can run
these feelings by them whenever my situation seems hopeless.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
It is great that you feel that you are in a place that you are
ready to start dating again. Of course, it is a scary thing
to get involved and open yourself and your family to the
new changes that will take place. Life is a gamble and you
sometimes just have to take a chance. We have no idea what
will happen or what our future holds. If you meet someone
wonderful you will be happier as will yoour children. Any
marrige involves effort, especially a second marrige with
blended families. But I have spoken to many friends who
are very happy in their second marrige and say that the
rewards are well worth the effort. It is hard to be alone and
shoulder everything by yourself. If
you think that you are ready to date, see what is out there
and give yourself a chance. You deserve to be happy.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Its ok to feel afraid to start dating after so long of being
alone, especially after you went through round 1(and/or 2)
and that didn’t work out too well. Also, it’s especially hard
now right before Pesach. Yom tov is always hard.
The bright side is, the lonliness you feel is wonderful! It’s a
sign that your human! It’s only natural for someone to want
to be with another person. To share your feelings with, your
day’s events & resoponsibilities, joys, fears & dreams.
Your time will come. Trust in Hashem. He has a Master
Plan that is in your favor. Just believe. Until then concentrate on all the love you have all around you right now. Your
friends, family, children, co-workers... Once you appreciate
their love, then you will be able to appreciate the love from
your future husband.
For now enjoy what you’ve got, & believe me, it’s
more than you think! Have a wonderful Yom Tov!!
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
I am a single mom thoroughly exhausted
in this busy season of doing all to make
things just so for everyone around me.
I feel so guilty knowing that I really should
be happy to do everything I can to make
this yom tov perfect for my family--and I
really am---but I am totally exhausted from
the strain of doing everything for everyone
else. Any suggestions for finding a place,
guilt free, to be there for little me?
First and foremost you are a better mom when you are refreshed with some alone guilt free time. It’s like when you
are flying - they always say put on your mask before you
help out a child. If you are without a mask to help you
breath how on earth can you expect to save the life of the
child that you are with. If you are not taking care of yourself
you can’t take care of the people around you. Try to steal a
few minutes away, a short coffee break, maybe even a manicure. Ask a friend or neighbor to help for a few minutes.
Get some high school girls in the neighborhood to give you
some of their chessed time. Don’t feel guilty about it or you
won’t enjoy it and it won’t replenish your soul which really
21
I know the feeling of being drained
I understand your feeling of being strained.
Raising a family is no easy task at all
Doing it alone is simply overwhelming overall.
I myself have many responsibilities including working very
full time, with K”YH three kids as well
I also have an open home with guest in and out which is
B”H really swell.
There are many days when I barely sleep
And than I start my day totally beat.
When I start to feel like I am running out of some energy
I ask my kids how they feel about all their mother does
daily.
When they smile big and wide
I know that they are full of pride.
I also try to get my kids involved according to their age
and ability
Which may take a small load off of you immediately.
22
SolutionsforSingles
needs it. I once heard a suggestion to take ten minutes every day just shepping nachas from your children. It might
seem hard sometimes, but you can even catch a glimpse of
them when they are sleeping and just shep pure nachas and
joy from them to remind yourself why you do it all.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
I love taking a walk with my iPod. I either strap my kids
into the double stroller, or wait till they’re at their father’s...
and then I pound the pavement. It helps me focus, get fresh
air, lets my pent-up thoughts free, and sends endorphins
coursing through my system. Plus, it’s great exercise. Best
of all...it’s free!
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
I personally find that when I need a little time for myself and
don’t we all, I like to go hang out in Barnes and Nobles.
I can browse through the books, get a coffee if I am in the
mood and look around. The idea that I can just relax while
reading and take my mind off whatever I am occupied with
is a great stress relief. My kids will look at books on one
side and I am on the other, or sometimes I go there by myself. It is close by, it is inexpensive, and it involves only as
much time as you would like to set aside, hassle free.
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Dear Special Sister and Single Mom,
On a practical note, a person can manage without water
or food,
But sleep is a necessity to get you in any decent mood.
When I know I am sleep deprived and it’s getting to me
I try to get some sleep that evening as fast as can be.
I do not treat myself to new clothes or special purchases
designated just for me,
The only thing I will splurge on is cleaning help especially
when I have company
I feel that the money for this is well spent & worthwhile
It eases the burden for more than a while.
So I hope these first hand responses give some insight to
you
I know you will succeed with a beautiful Yom for you and
your crew.
Just give yourself a guilt free break even for a coffee or tea
Lower your expectations minutely.
Treat yourself to a magazine, manicure or bubble bath
asap.
It’s the small things that can make a difference in your sanity.
Wishing a Chag Kasher V’samaech to you so warmly,
Hopefully by next Yom Tov we’ll all be in Yerushalyim as
one happy family
With warmest wishes,
Your sister, Nechama from the Stolzenberg Inn
Ask The
Therapist
Dear Rachel,
My parents are very unsupportive
emotionally and financially. How
can I explain that to my friends
who are supporting me in the
meantime, and want answers?
The first thing it is important to know is to be
clear with your feelings. We can not say one
thing with our mouths and feel another in our
hearts. This is a very freeing experience, to express yourself fully to the person who is giving
to you.
Try being honest here. What is the real question that you are asking me? Are you uncomfortable to badmouth your parents?
Being that taking is such a difficult thing to
do, a lot of women can not even get the two
words, “thank you”, out of their mouth. If it is
hard for you to make eye contact while saying thank you, a card, flowers, or a cake goes
a long way. You must convey your feelings of
gratefulness and then the giver is so happy to
share.
Keep in mind the following example:
Picture two people sitting in a restaurant. The
It is important to be totally honest with the one waiter serves two portions to one person and
who is giving you the money, so that there will none to his table mate. Would not the natural
be no misjudgments or misunderstandings. You reaction be that the one with the two portions
must tell them you do not wish to elaborate the give over his double portion to the one withmatter, but they should please trust you that out?
you did all that you can. Clearly, to take from
someone outside of your family is extremely The world was set up revolving around giving
difficult and you would not do it unless you had and taking. Saying thank you, and accepting
no other resources.
with a smile, takes more greatness than giving
One of the hardest parts of becoming a single
mom is that no one likes to be a taker. But
please realize that giving is not all about monetary matters. You should look for creative ways
to give back into the general pool; not just to
the one who is giving to you - but to the universe at at large. A smile, a kind word, or a
compliment goes a long way.
ever can.
May we all be zoche. in the very near future to
be on the giving end.
Rachel Schnitzler is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice Lakewood NJ
23
Dear Rebbitzen Horowitz,
I have custody of the kids. My husband has weekend rights
which he does not even exercise all the time. Every year we have
this big issue over yomtov, especially Pesach when he wants the
kids to be with him for the sedarim. I really resent it. I have
them day in day and day out. I deal with the tough stuff like
limit setting, discipline, school problems and camp issues. He
waltzes in for the sacred and fun times with the memory making events and the expensive presents.
Spotlight
on Chinuch
Rebbitzen Horowitz Responds
It is very difficult to be in your situation. You are doing the parenting and what your ex does is doing is grandparenting. You do the
hard work all week long and he lavishes lollipops and trinkets and
then sends them back when they are done having a good time. He
does the fun and the convenient and you have to do the burdensome and the difficult. It feels very unfair.
Single parenthood not only feels unfair, it is unfair. And it is a string
of unfairness. It continues beyond when the kids are small and at
home. When they get to make choices as adults, they may choose
to be with their father a lot. They may choose to give him kibbudim and honors at simchas and life cycle events.
They may choose to name your future first grandchild after someone on his side even though they didn’t spend
much time with that person who should have been there for them more than they were.
Every present and future yomtov in a family with two parents who don’t live together can be a source of pain and
resentment. Every present and future simcha can turn into the opposite of simcha if the focus is on fairness.
If the focus is on raising healthy children, then you will be less resentful about the lack of fairness. If your priority
is what is best for the children now, then you will be less bitter and you will experience less pain.
On Pesach, children want to be with their fathers. It is not just fathers who want to be with their children. After
weeks of preparation at school and buildup about the seder, children want to ask their own father the Ma
Nishtana. They don’t want to ask someone else’s father the Four Questions. This is an integral part of the Jewish
tradition. To deny them sedarim with their father because of your own sense of fairness is putting your needs
before that of your children. Being right is less important than doing right by your kids. That goes for Pesach and
all the time.
So try to go far away for Pesach and have a real getaway vacation. Don’t stay in your own empty apartment
being resentful. Go meet people and have new experiences in a new place. Do right by you, too. It’s not easy to
be a guest as someone else’s Seder and to be the token “kol ditzrich.” Focus on the fun and the freedom of not
doing all that work and having some R and R. This is your time. Enjoy it and go do things that you don’t normally
have a chance to do. You will come back to your responsibilities refreshed and renewed rather than angry. If you
focus on fairness and spend your time brooding and begrudging, you are not only in for a miserable Pesach but
misery at the future simchas when you should be shepping nachas.
Have a renewing Pesach.
24
A letter from Rebbitzen Kanievsky
Dear Women and Girls!
We need you in prayers. The situation in Eretz Yisrael is very difficult. We are suffering terrible losses, many orphans and widows from
different diseases. My husband, the Rabbi, was asked what could be
the reason for all these tragedies.The Rabbi opened a gemara and said it’s
because of foul language. And how can we correct ourselves? Only by watching
what we say.
I read an article written by Rabbi Segal from Manchester who writes:
“Never did I see a person who learned two halachos of shemiras halashon every day and didn’t
see salvation from above, whether in children, in shidduchim, good health, parnasa or bringing up the children.He had promised that whoever will learn the Chofetz Chaim, he will be
his defender in heaven.”And we witnessed miracles that happened to people who took upon
themselves two halachot every day and saw yeshuot.
While I was reading the article a woman walked in crying and said she has a number of aging daughters that are still not married. I showed her the article and immediately she said she
will learn two halachot of Shemirat halashon every day. Within three days one daughter got
engaged. Two months later her second daughter and ba”h this woman saw many yeshuot. Like
her, hundreds of girls who took upon themselves the Shemirat Halashon got married.
A different story is about a woman who came to us about a year ago with great sorrow saying
that she’d been married for 20 years and she didn’t have children.I advised her to learn two
halchot every day and b”h she conceived and now has a month old baby boy.
And another story:a few weeks ago a woman came to me, broken and crying, and said that
her mother is in the hospital with a growing tumor. She asked what she could take upon herself
to help. Again, I advised that the entire family learn two halachot of Shemiras Halashon every
day. Two days later she returned and asked of me to tell her story and the miracle that happened. She said that the entire family gathered and decided to learn two halachot daily and
two days later they received a phone call from the hospital saying to come and pick up the
mother. The tumor is gone and she is in good health.
I hear many miracles such as these.
And now, we should all take upon ourselves, bli neder, to learn two halachot of Shemiras Halashon every day and pray with great kavana.
A prayer that comes from the heart through a holy mouth is immediately accepted by Borei
Olam and prevents many troubles and tragedies and brings yeshua to the world.In the future,
each one of us will be shown how many wonderful doings, how many people we saved.
And thanks to you, my dear righteous women and girls, we will have the zechut
to bring Mashiah tzidkeinu soon in our days.
Yehi ratzon that Hashem will fulfill all of your wishes for the best,
B. Kanievsky
25
A Single Rose
By Shoshana Benjamin
It was a cold evening, and in an effort to fight off the chill wind she
wound the scarf more tightly around her neck and folded her arms
firmly against herself. But she knew it wouldn’t help. The raindrops
fell like sharp, steel daggers that she could feel even through the
scarf she had put on to protect her wig. Yet they could not penetrate
the thick wall of her thoughts that assailed her more strongly than
the freezing wind. As she trudged down the street, taking deliberate
steps to avoid slipping on the wet sidewalk, her mind was on what
she would find when she got home. Would the babysitter still be
sane? Would the house be a wreck (as it always became when she
dared to set foot outside her front door), or would the children for
once have had mercy on their hardworking mother and actually left
the place clean?
Shoshana’s hands slightly trembled in the cold as she fumbled for
her front door key. When she opened the door, she saw the usual
mess. The dirty plates from supper were still piled on the table. The
laundry she had left neatly folded on the sofa before she went to
work had been thrown all over the floor. Seemingly oblivious to the
surrounding carnage, the babysitter stood up to greet her.
“How did they behave?” Shoshana asked, praying that this time the
babysitter would not tell her that it was “too much” for her.
“Not too bad,” the girl answered, with a shy smile. (Shoshana could
already read the body language – the eyes looking towards the floor,
the embarrassed grin.)
“What time did they go to bed?” Shoshana asked.
“The girls at 9:30, and the boys, well, they didn’t really
want to go to bed, but I bluffed it a bit at 11:00 and told them
you’d called to say you were coming back early. At 11:20
I pretended that I’d heard your key in the door, and they
rushed upstairs to bed. They fell asleep straight away …”
Shoshana paid the babysitter, and then asked the usual question.
“Do you think you could do this again next week?”
“I … I .. don’t know. Call me in a couple of days and I’ll be able to
tell you,” she said. (The stock answer. Shoshana already knew what
she would say when the time came, but it was still worth asking.)
Once the babysitter had gone, Shoshana felt the stillness around
her. In spite of the mess, it was the peaceful silence of a home where
the children are sleeping and there is a little time for a mother to
relax and do something for herself at the end of a long day. Walking
into the kitchen, she decided to make herself a cup of her favorite
French vanilla tea before going to bed. The vanilla tea was a small
indulgence that she allowed herself, a little luxury in an otherwise
Spartan, busy existence. Opening the cupboard, she could not find
the jar in which she kept the teabags, usually kept on a high shelf.
The children knew they were just hers, “Mommy’s treat,” and they
knew not to take them. But tonight the jar was missing. Looking
down on the messy counter below, she soon saw the reason for its
absence. Among the dirty cups and spoons that littered the counter,
along with fruit pits, empty cans, and other food items that had
nothing to do with the supper she had left for her children, she found
the shards of the broken jar. The teabags themselves had fallen into
26
a huge pool of water that had been spilled from an overturned
cup, mixed with the milk that came from the upturned carton
next to it.
It had been a hard, long day for Shoshana. In the morning, she
had spent the hours that the children were at school catching
up on work assignments that she had fallen behind with, due to
various unavoidable meetings and errands earlier that week. In
the afternoon, she had spent about two hours doing her children’s
homework with them. After that, she had hurried to get the
laundry done, clean up somewhat, make supper for her children,
and then she had rushed off to her evening job. Although it
was only once a week, that job was vital to her livelihood, yet
it demanded so much from her. Now, she couldn’t even have a
relaxing cup of French vanilla tea before finally going to sleep.
Feeling her anger welling up inside her, Shoshana flopped into
an armchair and started to cry tears of frustration.
“Why?” she sobbed aloud to the empty living room. “Why did
it ever have to be like this? Is this what my life was supposed to
be?” For the past three years, she had been asking these questions
over and over, but somehow the answer always seemed to elude
her. “Why did Hashem choose me to be a single mother?” And
“How will my children turn out after all this? Will they ever
get over the trauma that they have suffered and become less
wild?” Her questions were answered by the usual silence, only
interrupted by the sound of the falling rain and the gusts of wind
that were blowing outside.
There was no way that Shoshana could fall asleep straight away
in the mood she was in. Her inner turmoil was too much. Such
restless, stormy evenings brought back too many memories – of
an unhappy, abusive marriage, of soul-searching, of trying to
make the right decision. What would be best for all of them, for
her, for the children, and what did daas Torah say about her
situation? And eventually, after consulting with her Rabbi and
speaking to professionals, the conclusion had been to become a
solo flyer; to raise her large family alone. And once her husband
had gone, the situation did not get any easier.
And now, here she was, a single mother in a chareidi community.
And while she had many sympathetic friends and people really
did try to understand her situation, she still felt very alone.
Whether it was the label that her children had acquired of being
“so wild, but then what can you expect, coming from a broken
home?”; or the feeling of being the “fifth wheel” at someone
else’s Shabbos table, when the children were at their father for
Shabbos, Shoshana felt very vulnerable and very much under
the scrutiny of those around her.
Shoshana decided to shake off these thoughts as best she could.
It was too late at night to start being so introspective. But how
would she ever be able to go to sleep like this? Standing up
abruptly, she walked over to the window and looked out at the
storm. Although it was dark, the streetlights shone into her
messy, untended garden below. (Shoshana always maintained
that it was hard enough looking after the house; there was no
way that she could keep the garden tidy as well.) The wind
was blowing very strongly, and the trees were swaying back and
forth. The rain battered against their branches, and their leaves
dripped with water. And then Shoshana’s glance alighted upon
a solitary rosebush that grew directly under the streetlight. She
knew that its flowers were really a deep red, but in the glow of
the lamp that glared in the moonlight their soft petals took on a
grayish hue.
The rosebush was not very big. Its branches, however, did not
sway but remained erect in the wind. At the top of the bush was
a single rose, and on the branches below were several rosebuds.
And somehow, despite the storm-winds and the driving rain, the
rose remained proudly on its branch.
The rose fascinated Shoshana, and the more that she stared at it,
the more she felt as if it was trying to speak to her.
“Sister,” it seemed to say, “Your name is Shoshana, which
means “rose,” and I have a message for you. You think you have
to battle the storm-winds alone, and you wonder if the little buds
that you are trying to raise will ever open … Look at me more
closely, and you will find the answer.”
Shoshana peered again at the rose, and she saw how it faced the
streetlamp. She wondered if, in the day time, it looked towards
the sun. And that was how she found her answer.
“There are so many times,” she mused to herself aloud (as she
often did when she was sure that no one would hear her), “When
we have to battle the storms of life alone. When the driving rain
seeks to defeat us, when we feel that everything precious to us is
under threat. But we are never alone, because in the darkness of
the night there is always a street lamp.”
Walking away from the window, Shoshana glanced up at the
clock. By now, it was almost 1 a.m. She removed the dirty plates
from the table and cleared up the broken tea jar so that no one
would cut their fingers on it. But she decided to leave the rest of
the mess until tomorrow. It was more important that she slept so
that she would have enough energy to deal with the challenges
of the following day.
As she went upstairs to bed, she glanced into her children’s
bedroom to take one last look at her little angels before she went
to sleep. A shaft of moonlight lay across their sleeping forms,
and their pure, innocent faces with their closed eyes reminded
her of the little rosebuds folded tightly shut.
Shoshana noticed that the wind had dropped outside and the
weather seemed less stormy. The turmoil within her heart had
also settled down, and she knew that she would be able to face
the next day.
Because, in spite of the many challenges that would still lie ahead
for her, Shoshana was not alone. Above her was a Supernal
Lamp, from which she could draw the warmth and strength to
help her rosebuds grow and survive the storms of life.
27
Building Your
House
An elderly carpenter was ready to retire. He told his employercontractor of his plans to leave the house-building business to live a
more leisurely life. He would miss the paycheck each week, but he
would manage.
The contractor was sorry to see his good worker go and asked if he
could build just one more house as a personal favor. The carpenter
said yes, but over time it was easy to see that his heart was not in
his work. He resorted to shoddy workmanship and used inferior
materials. It was an unfortunate way to end a dedicated career.
When the carpenter finished his work, his employer came to inspect
the house. Then he handed the front door key to the carpenter and
said, “This is your house, my gift to you.”
The carpenter was shocked!
What a shame. If he had only known he was building his own house,
he would have built it so very differently.
So it is with us. We build our lives, a day at a time, often putting
less than our best into the building. Then, with a shock, we realize
we have to live in the house we have built. If we could do it over, we
would do it so much differently.
OVERHEARD
“Let’s play
house!
You be the
Mommy,
and I’ll be the
Totty every
Sunday.”
28
The Woodcutter
There was once a man who needed to hire a woodcutter. He went to the job market and was presented with a selection
of potential workers, each with specific qualifications and productivity. The majority of them did between fifty to eighty
trees per hour, but there was one woodcutter that was able to do one hundred trees per hour.
Understandably, the man chose the worker with the highest productivity. Indeed, the first month, the industrious man
supplied one hundred trees per hour, and at times, even exceeding that amount. After five months, though, the man
noticed the woodcutter was only cutting eighty trees an hour. A month later he was only producing sixty trees per hour.
He observed the woodcutter, and saw that he was industriously working, putting in many hours, at times even adding
more hours to his work day, and even shortening his break. But yet, each month his results were falling less and less.
At the end of the year, the woodcutter was only chopping fifty trees per hour. The employer approached him, and
questioned, “I chose you since you were the one who cut the most trees per hour. You were able to chop one hundred
trees per hour. Now I see you’re only chopping fifty. I feel uncomfortable to approach you and I have no complaints on
you, because I see you working very hard, and really putting in your best. But I simply cannot understand what is going
on over here.”
The woodcutter sighed, and said, “I work so hard, and invest so much time in cutting the trees, that I have no free time
left. There’s not even any time for me to sharpen my knife.’”
29
Butterfly Businesses
Dearest Sisters,
We’re excited to present Butterfly Businesses. This new feature is an opportunity to
showcase our sisters’ businesses. Please patronize our hardworking mothers. We’d
love you to send us your business card to be included in our next edition.
Butterfly Bulletin
Used computers are available for mothers in need of one. Please call the office for further details. 732-942-7120
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Homework Helpers is a new program designed to help elementary school-aged children complete their homework assignments with the assistance of a teacher.
Homework Helpers has groups in many locations (including all areas of Brooklyn and Queens), with a maximum of
five children per teacher. There are separate groups for Hebrew and English subjects, as well as for boys and girls.
The cost is $20 per session. For more information, call 718-375-1347.
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Important tidbit - The traffic police has now installed hidden cameras throughout which will take pictures of traffic
violations, and then mail you the ticket with the picture.
Gemachim
These gemachim have been tried and tested and are wonderful resources to approach.
•Raizy’s Nook Gemach
One-of-a-kind new and like-new clothing for women and
teenagers
Please call for an appointment: 718-853-4495
•Ladies and Girls Clothing in beautiful and new
conditions.
By appointment only 718-377-8270
•Ladies’ Clothing
718-853-4495
Leave a message at this number, and someone will get
back to you.
•Ohel Rivka
Underwear, Pajamas, and white shirts
718-758-9592
A great place to check out before spending money on afikoman presents.
•Chasdei Tzvi Toy Gemach
An assortment of used toys and games
1345 41st. Street (basement). 718-972-3211
Open daily all day. Self service
Last year a number of women received beautiful sheitlach from this
gemach.
•Free Sheitel Gemach
beautiful condition, great pieces…
718-256-8653
“To
make
rainbows
you need
sun and
rain”
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