LGBTQ Parenting Network

The Hospital for Sick Children
June 3, 2008
Presentation by Rachel Epstein, MA, PhD Candidate
Coordinator, LGBTQ Parenting Network
Sherbourne Health Centre, Toronto
LGBTQ Parenting Network
The LGBTQ Parenting Network provides
resources, information and support to
lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans parents
and their families.
[email protected]
Focus Groups For
LGBT PARENTS
The LGBT Parenting Network provides
resources, information and support to LGBT
parents and their families. We are currently
meeting with small groups of LGBT parents to
find out what kinds of programs and information
would be most useful.
We would love to hear
from lesbian, gay,
bisexual, transgender
and transsexual parents
who are biological,
non-biological, adoptive, foster and/or step-parents, as
well as those considering parenthood. Groups will run in
Scarborough, York Region, Etobicoke and downtown
Toronto.
Please see reverse for a full schedule of focus groups.
For more information, location of groups, and to register
Call (416) 595-0307, ext. 270 or email [email protected]
In focus groups, people said:
• We want information and support in order to
create families.
• We want connection for ourselves and our
children with other LGBT families, opportunities
to hang out, socialize and to talk with others
about important issues.
• We are worried about our kids’ experiences in
schools.
• How do we find queer positive professionals?
Snacks, drinks, TTC tokens, and childcare or childcare costs provided.
Wheelchair accessible.
LGBT Parenting Network funded by
A United Way Member Agency
Earliest Beliefs
What does it mean to be a
queer positive
professional?
Our ideas about people who are different from us
come from many places, such as family, religion,
school, peers, and the media.
• Think back to your childhood. What were some of the first
things you ever learned about LGBT people (positive,
negative, neutral)
• Who taught you the first things you learned about LGBT
people?
• How were the ideas transmitted?
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Conventional model of the
nuclear family:
Queer families challenge the
conventional nuclear family:
• Heterosexual married couple
• One or more children, genetically related to the
parents
• Woman and children are economically
dependent on the man
• Man is the primary breadwinner
• Woman is the primary caretaker of physical and
emotional needs
• Children are the property of the parents
• Parents have authority over the children
• All of these roles are considered “natural”
Homophobia / Homonegativity
• Homophobia: An irrational fear of people who are
attracted to and intimate with members of the same
sex.
• Homophobia may be expressed as:
– Derogatory verbal insults
– Physical violence based on perceived sexual
orientation
– Perpetuation of hurtful myths about LGBTTT
people (e.g., as child molesters, recruiters)
Biological Sex
Gender Identity
Sexual Orientation
Female
Feminine
Gay/Lesbian
Intersex
Androgynous (?)
Bi
•
•
•
•
•
Usually no heterosexual sex involved
Sometimes more than two parents
No gendered economic dependence
No paternal genealogy or property transfer
People are often parenting children they are not
biologically related to
• More variation in division of labour
• What else??
Heterosexism
• Heterosexism: The assumption that everyone is and
should be heterosexual and that heterosexuality is
the only normal form of sexual expression for mature,
responsible human beings.
• Other sexualities may not be considered.
• Heterosexism may be expressed as:
– Intake forms that only allow for a different sex partner
– Provision of sexual health care based on the assumption of
only different-sex partners
– Institutions or laws that provide special privileges to differentsex couples but not same-sex couples
Commonly-held ideas (myths)
about lesbian/bi/gay parents
Male
Masculine
Straight
• Lesbian/bi/gay sexuality is immoral, lesbian/bi/gay
people are promiscuous, sexually maladjusted and likely
to sexually and/or emotionally harm children
• Children raised in lesbian/bi/gay homes will develop
inappropriate gender identities and behaviours, and may
themselves develop a “homosexual” orientation
• Healthy child development requires the presence of
biological fathers as “male role models” and biological
mothers as “female role models.”
• Children raised in lesbian/bi/gay homes will be socially
stigmatized and subjected to ridicule, teasing, and
hostility from their peers.
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Recent research shows that
children with LGB parents...
• Exhibit increased awareness and empathy
towards social difference
• Exhibit higher self-esteem and better mental
health than children of other moms
• Are less gender-stereotyped
• Live in households with more egalitarian,
compatible, shared parenting and time spent
with children
• Are more likely to be sexually explorative,
though no more likely to identify as LGB
A 2001 Leger Poll
indicated that more than
50% of the Canadian
population felt that gays
and lesbians should be
denied the right to parent.
LGBTQ people have suffered for
decades at the hands of service
providers whose assumptions,
attitudes and practices do not
recognize their unique experiences
and cultures.
The mother’s relationship (with another
woman) makes her an unfit mother and
homosexuality is “abhorrent, immoral,
detestable, a crime in Alabama, a crime
against nature, an inherent evil, and an act
so heinous that it defies one’s ability to
describe it.”
From a 2002 Alabama court decision
which denied custody to a lesbian
mother even though the father’s
disciplinary regime had been
previously found to be equivalent to
violence.
Recent Legal Victories:
• Birth Registration – Charter Challenge –
allows two women to register as legal
parents on the Statement of Live Birth
• AA / BB / CC – allows legal recognition of
three parents
Language
“I encounter forms that talk about mothers and fathers, and, like
there’s a sign at the ultrasound office saying, ‘fathers to be, if this is
a pregnancy ultrasound fathers must wait in the waiting room until
the end of the [test].’ You know, it’s exclusionary, it’s not necessary,
it’s just a question of somebody thinking to put the language the
right way, it doesn’t have to exclude different kinds of families.”
MOMs participant
“It was, ‘you and your husband, you and your husband.’ Well, there
are single people here; there are people who aren’t married. She’d
keep correcting herself after the fact– ‘I mean partner, whatever.’
No, it’s not whatever.”
Ross, Steele & Epstein 2006.
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Disclosure
Non-biological Parents
“I mean every time I'm in a health situation like even
I've had an ultrasound, they'll always ask, would you
like your husband, husband to come in now um to
see the baby and I'll just say no my friend is here… I
think it's because I'm hesitant to create a situation
where I think there's going to be discomfort because
it makes me uncomfortable when they get
uncomfortable and I don't want that… I mean it's not
something I see any reason to keep secret because
it's, I've had to actually lie to keep it a secret because
they are going to assume you're married.”
“No matter how strong her presence and
involvement in the family…it is she who
disappears, it is she who is disenfranchised-by
the school, by both families of origin, by the
outside world, sometimes (even more painfully)
by the children or by friends in the lesbian
network who do not see her as a parent nor
understand the unique pressures of her position
in the family.”
(Crawford, 1987)
MOMs participant
Non-biological Parents
“She (birth mother) had a post partum hemorrhage after
he was born. That was terrible. I had to drive her down
to the hospital, and then I couldn’t park the car so I let
her off and went running all over the place trying to find a
parking space. I arrived and told them who I was and
everything. They were laughing and nudging each other
and they wouldn’t let me go in. I had to sit out there for
an hour and I didn’t know whether she was O.K. or
bleeding to death.”
Exclusion
“We’re in the hospital, and they give us the wrist bands… and
the wrist band says ‘mother,’ and the other one says ‘father,’
right on the wristband. And I thought, couldn’t you just give us
two ‘mother’ ones, is that going to confuse everybody too
much?”
Ross, Steele & Epstein 2006
(Lorraine, 1995)
Cultural competence means:
A deep level of knowledge translated
into behaviours and practices that
recognize and acknowledge the
histories, cultures and values of
LGBTQ communities.
Cultural competence in
relation to LGBTQ
communities means:
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Staff that are trained to be
culturally competent in relation to
LGBTQ communities - to be
aware of and sensitive to the
needs, concerns and sensibilities
of LGBTQ clients, including the
specific needs of trans-identified
clients.
Involvement of all parties desired by
patients, including partners, known
sperm donors and co-parents.
Information available
about local LGBTQ
services, supports and
resources. Where
feasible offer LGBTQspecific services or
services in partnership
with LGBTQ
communities and/or
service providers.
Intake and procedure forms that
explicitly make room for family
configurations that do not assume
male/female relationships, or a 2parent model – i.e. that recognize the
sometimes complex family
configurations that LGBTQ people,
and others, are forming.
Cues that services are LGBTQ positive.
These might include positive space
imagery or posters and brochures
depicting LGBTQ families. Individual
service providers can provide cues that
they are open to LGBTQ families
through choice of gender-neutral
language, and attention to the ways that
questions are posed.
Strive for a unified standard of care
across geographic regions, and
facilitate access for people living
outside of major urban centres.
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Building an Inclusive Environment
Intake Forms
• Use neutral / inclusive language to signal knowledge of and openness to LGBT identities
• Always assume your patients may be LGBT
• Instead of “gender: male or female” give choices for gender identity
• Build trust by creating an LGBT-friendly environment from the first contact
• In waiting areas, display materials such as LGBT-inclusive brochures,
posters, rainbow flags, positive space stickers
• Welcome patient’s disclosure of sexual orientation and/or gender identity
• Don’t assume the sexual orientation of gender identity of an individual, or
their sexual partner
• Don’t equate gender identity with sexual orientation
• Ask patients to identify their sexual orientation and whether they are in a samesex relationship
• Replace “husband and wife” with “partner” and “marital status” with “relationship
status”
• Familiarity and use of LGBT identity labels and culturally specific language
signals comfort and awareness
• Respect and acknowledge patient’s choice of next-of-kin
• Respect power of attorney for same-sex partners and other configurations
• Recognize diverse forms of families
• Sexual behaviour should not be assumed from identity
(Adapted from LGBT Inclusiveness in Health Care – Rainbow Health Network,
Toronto, Ontario)
Gathering Information
• Information on forms to be treated with sensitivity and confidentiality, and used
only to the extent necessary to provide appropriate service
Sensitivity
• Use the language which patients use to identify themselves
• Do not push for answers if you don’t get them right away
• Use the pronouns preferred by individual transgendered and
transsexual patients
• Leave the door open for disclosure(s)
• Complete, accurate information helps you to conceptualize
patients’ needs and difficulties
• These issues may be very sensitive. Patients may want to
work with staff who are LGBT-sensitive and affirmative
• Be direct and sensitive in questioning
• Examine your own personal biases and understanding of
sexual orientation and gender identity
• Overcome concerns that direct questions about sexual
orientation and/or gender identity are intrusive and
upsetting, or that sexual or gender identity are not factors in
treatment
• Service providers who are uncomfortable with and not open
to learning about LGBT issues must ensure confidentiality
and make referrals to positive practitioners
Building Cultural Competency
Policies and Procedures
• Responsibility for self-education; get further training, discuss
with colleagues
• Support staff education to create an environment free of biases such as
heterosexism, racism and sexism
• Provide programs and resources to meet LGBT needs
• Learn about coming out process and community resources
• Provide unisex washrooms
• Learn about the frequency and impact of experiences of
stigma, harassment, bullying, and hate-motivated violence
• Develop and implement employment strategies to hire staff from LGBT
and other targeted communities
• Ask about patients’ supports and skills for coping with and
challenging homo-, bi-and transphobic discrimination
• Develop a community resource and referrals list
• Provide a safe environment for LGBT staff who choose to disclose their
orientation/identity to other staff and patients
• Provide non-discrimination policy, equitable employee benefits, and
support for LGBT employee groups
• Involve members of LGBT communities in your programs and initiatives
• Staff who are affirming of LGBT patients should list
themselves in community directories
• Publicly endorse and advocate for LGBT rights, programs and services.
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10 Years and Still Unstoppable!
Dykes Planning Tykes: A Course for Lesbian/Bi/Queer
Women Considering Parenthood
Dykes Planning Tykes: A Course for Lesbian/Bi/Queer
Women Considering Parenthood
Week 1
• Introduction to course, each other and some of the issues
Week 2
• Commonly-held ideas about lesbian/bi/queer parenting
• Fertility Awareness, Insemination Procedures and Pre-natal Care Options
Week 3
• The Who, Where and How of Obtaining Sperm
(Pros and cons of known/unknown donors, parenting arrangements, etc.)
Week 4
• Fertility and Assisted Human Reproduction (AHR) Services
Information displays and Q & A with some of the key players in the
fertility/AHR world.
Dykes Planning Tykes: A Course for Lesbian/Bi/Queer
Women Considering Parenthood
Week 9
• Why Racism Awareness is Important in Family Creation
A workshop on how issues of race and racism are significant when
considering donor insemination, surrogacy, co-parenting and/or adoption.
Week 10
• Legal Issues
Week 5
• Parenting Arrangements: Guest Panel
Week 6
• Adoption 101
Week 7
• The Adoption Option: Guest Panel
Week 8
• Group Discussion / Check-in / Resources
MOMS (Mothering on the Margins)
Queer Women Parents and Parents-To-Be Needed
for a Research Study
Are you a lesbian, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, two-spirited, or queer
(LBTTTQ) woman?
Are you pregnant, planning a pregnancy, or have you recently had a baby?
Are you a co-parent, a biological parent, or a non-biological parent or parent-to-be?
We want to hear from you!
Week 11
• What about Our Kids in Schools?
Discussion with facilitators of COLAGE (Children of Lesbians and Gays
Everywhere) and youth who grew up with LGBTQ parents, plus findings
from a research project on the experiences of kids with LGBTQ parents.
Researchers from the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health are working on a
research study about the emotional experiences of LBTTTQ women parents and
parents-to-be. Your participation would involve taking part in one 1.5 hour focus
group. Participants will be partially compensated for their expenses.
Week 12
• Potluck / Birth Video / Closing
Lori Ross at 416-535-8501 ext. 6476
For more information or to find out if you would be eligible, please call:
This project has been supported by the Lesbian and Gay Community Appeal
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Policy and practice regarding
lesbian, gay, bisexual,
transgender, transsexual and
two-spirit adoption in Ontario
• Lori E. Ross, PhD
• Rachel Epstein, MA
• Corrie Goldfinger, BA
Culturally Queer Kids
Research Questions
• What kinds of experiences are the children of
LGBTQ parents having in schools? How do
young people, teachers and parents perceive
and talk about these experiences?
Celebrating Our Families:
• Currently working with African/Caribbean
communities on project to explore issues
for LGBTIQ parents
• Plans underway for a larger project in
collaboration with people from East and
Southeast Asia, South Asia, Aboriginal,
Latin American and Middle Eastern
communities.
We interviewed:
17 parents
15 teachers
On-line surveys:
• How are children/young people impacted when
they are surrounded by a public debate that tells
them their families are not legitimate and that
they are at risk growing up in their households?
Young People with LGBTQ* Parents
lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, 2-spirit, queer
31 young people
17 young people
(still open)
Are you between 10 and 18, with an LGBTQ parent or parents?
Are you an LGBTQ parent of a 10 – 18 year old?
Are you a teacher interested in LGBTQ issues in your school?
If you answered ‘yes’ to any of the above, we’d like to hear from you…
confidentially, or course. Come participate this September in a research
project about school experiences and the impact of the same-sex marriage
debate on young people with LGBTQ parents.
♦ Meet others and share experiences
♦ $20 honorarium
♦ Earn community service hours
♦ Free snacks
For more info contact: Rachel Epstein, LGBT Parenting Network
Phone: 416 595 0307, ext 301; Email:
[email protected]
.
77 parents
59 teachers
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Father Involvement
Research Alliance
Gay/Bi/Queer Fathers Cluster:
SSHRC/CURA project
Coordinated at the
University of Guelph
Gay/Bi/Queer
Fathers
Cluster:
What does it mean to father in a
climate of invisibility, oppression
and fear?
Rachel Epstein
Scott Duggan
Chris Veldhoven
“Personne ne pense que je suis gai.”
“Nobody thinks I’m gay.”
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Online at:
http://www.camh.net/Care_Treatment/Resources_for_Pr
ofessionals/ARQ2/index.html
OR order a hard copy via:
http://www.camh.net/publications/
What does it mean to be
an LGBTQ or queer
positive professional?
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