February 2012 - Frankfort, KY TCF Regional Conference

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Meetings are held on the
1st Thursday of every month
Hospice of the Bluegrass
Frankfort Office
643 Teton Trail
Frankfort,
Chapter
LeaderKY
& @ 6:30 P.M.
THE COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS NEWSLETTER
FRANKFORT, KY
July 2012
Volume 9
Number 3
Regional Coordinator
Dusty Rhodes (502) 330-4769
Email: [email protected]
Secretary
Kathy Wainscott (502) 517-6289
Email: [email protected]
Treasurer
Helen Thompson (502) 395-0213
Newsletter Editor
Katrinka Jennings (502) 330-0300
101 Crab Orchard Rd, Frankfort
Email: [email protected]
Newsletter Distribution
Mary Rhodes (502) 330-5191
Email: [email protected]
TCF Librarian
Debbie Jackson (859) 873-9552
Steering Committee:
Dusty Rhodes, Helen Thompson,
Joe & Patti Hyman, Kathy Wainscott
You, Family and Friends are invited to the
Frankfort TCF Website
http://thecompassionatefriendsfran
kfortky.com/
Webmaster
Karen Cantrell (502) 320-6438
Email: [email protected]
Address: The Compassionate Friends
of Frankfort, KY.
P.O. Box 4075
Frankfort, KY 40604-4075
Website for National Office
www.compassionatefriends.org
TCF National Office
P.O. Box 696
Oak Brook, IL 60522
877-969-0010
The Frankfort Chapter of Compassionate Friends
Brick Dedication, Potluck Picnic & Balloon Release
100 Cove Spring Park Rd. (U.S. 127 N)
Sunday July 22th 2012
4:00 P.M.
Balloons will be posted at entrance
Our annual Brick Dedication, Potluck Picnic and Balloon
Release is a wonderful opportunity to gather with other
bereaved parents and their families to honor our children
and to socialize in an informal setting. It has been a favorFrankonal
Conference
2011
ite
event for
the past few
years and those who attend are
always grateful for the experience.
Fried Chicken and drinks will be supplied by our chapter.
Please bring a vegetable or salad to share.
Balloons and note cards for our release will be provided.
Don’t forget lawn chairs for family members.
ONE BALLOON
Our family moved from Andrews, Texas to Houston, Texas in 1983. In
February of 1984, I was working in my backyard, when I found a deflated balloon. There was a note on the balloon. The note was from a
mother, expressing her love for her daughter. The way the note was
written, I knew that the daughter had died.
The note expressed so much love that it penetrated through my heart.
Little did I know that my own son would die in 1995, and I would be
sending him notes.
Niecy Moss, TCF Houston-West, TX
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SPECIAL DAYS occurring in JULY 2012--We call them “Special Days” and there is really
nothing special at all about a child dying. The important thing is we never forget them, and by listing their birthday and the anniversary of their death, we always acknowledge their existence—that
they were HERE, that their lives had MEANING, they were LOVED, and that they are missed.
Birthdays
3 Scott Carter Jeffers, son of Susan Jeffers
6 Aaron Cockrell, son of Jennifer Cockrell
8 Jackin Giles, son of Stacy Lyons
10 Kellie Rawlings, daughter of David & Sharon Rawlings
13 Raymond Ormsby, son of Barbara Crain
14 Brian Batdorff, son of Erma Fox
18 Darryl Jones, son of Georgetta Jones
24 Ralph Cooner Jr., son of Dana Coomer
brother of Teresa Mays
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Nicholas Kyle Likens, grandson of Connie Jones
Nicholas McCarty, son of Simeon & Nancy McCarty
Jim Taylor II, son of Jim & Dinah Taylor
Dana M. Allen, daughter of Kathy Hollars
Remembrance
5 John Walters, son of Wren & Volinda Walters
The Frankfort Chapter
of Compassionate Friends
Brick Dedication, Potluck
Picnic & Balloon Release
100 Cove Spring Park Rd.
Sunday July 22th 2012
4:00 P.M.
11 Belinda Dawn McClain, daughter of Bob McClain
12 Michael Donta, son of Mike Donta
15 Jackin Giles, son of Stacy Lyons
15 Kelly Mohr, daughter of Joe Mohr
24 Grant Livers, son of Billy & Shellie Waldridge
25 Matthew Edwards, son of Linda Downing
25 Jason Newton, son of Sue Newton
27 David Kent Richards, son of Judy Richards
28 Nikki Smith, daughter of Judy Haverty
31 Kyle Houchin, son of Tom & Lottie Houchin
If your child's name has been left out of this section, or there is missing/incorrect information,
please contact me immediately so I can update our data base.
Love Gifts
In memory Troy Williams
Volinda Walters in memory of her son John Walters
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Welcome
Monthly support group meetings are the heart of The Compassionate Friends.
These gatherings provide a safe and caring environment in which bereaved
parents and siblings can talk freely about the emotions and experiences they
are enduring. Parents and siblings receive the understanding and support of
others who have “been there.”
Through the years, the hope for the future that is provided through these
sharing sessions has been more helpful than anything else in resolving the
grief of bereaved parents. Siblings, grandparents and other adult family
members are also welcome at Compassionate Friends meetings.
The death of a child of any age, from any cause, is a shattering experience
for a family. When a child dies, to whom does a family turn for the emotional
support it will need during the grief journey that lies ahead? The Compassionate
Friends understands that grief for a child lasts longer and is more intense than
society commonly recognizes.
Other grieving parents can offer empathy and understanding of this loss,
while also recognizing that each person’s grief is unique.
TO MY NEW
COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS
Our stories may be different
But inside we’re all the same
Struggling to find new meaning
Trying to ease our pain.
With courage we face tomorrow
and try to understand
Though death has left its sorrow
We honor our children's’ memories
By learning to live again
Debbie Dickinson
TCF Napersville, IL
Balloons Release in Memory of Melissa Eggen Mansfield
04-09-1971 - 05-15-2007
As time moves on we, as bereaved parents, fear that
our children will be a passing thought or forgotten all
together by others.
Through the love of my Compassionate Friends we know
our daughters’ memory will always be alive, someone will
always want to see a picture of Sissy’s smile when we
speak of her. Be ready to hear of her achievements and
how she lived her life. This was the 5 year anniversary
of her death and I want to extend my sincerest heart
felt thanks and appreciation to everyone for your sup
port, comfort and love during what was a very difficult
week for us.
Sissy would never ask for anything for herself, but
instead she would say “help my momma and daddy thru
this dark hour” that is the way she was, the way she
lived, always thinking of someone else.
My dear compassionate Friends, you have been our means of support that has given us
courage and strength to live without our daughter.
Connie and Bill Eggen
Brandon Eggen (brother)
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ON ANGELS’ WINGS
In Memory Of Melanie and Jennifer Laughlin
I lie awake under the covers,
the dog snuggled at my feet,
The cat lounging on my chest,
both soundly asleep.
My wife lies beside me,
so innocent, so sweet.
She surely doesn’t deserve this,
no, not this stinging defeat.
Sometimes when I’m sitting up,
patiently waiting for you,
You walk in and give me a hug
(for me, nothing else would do),
And ask “what’d you have for dinner, Dad?
“Are there any leftovers?”
Then you settle in on the couch,
flipping channels on the tube.
I’m tired from the long work day,
but I can’t sleep just yet;
I’m waiting for you to get home,
my daughter, my sweet pet,
And pop your head in the door:
“Dad, I’m home,” you say.
“Get some rest,” I reply,
“and be sure your clock is set.”
Now I lie awake under the covers,
the dog snuggled at my feet,
the cat lounging on my chest,
both soundly asleep.
I still get up at one or four,
and pace the floor for hours.
But before I go back to sleep this night,
it isn’t you I’ll greet,
“I love you.” “I love you too, Dad,”
you say with a smile.
“She’s home, Hon,” I whisper softly,
“safely home for a while”.
My wife turns and squeezes my hand,
as she lets out a sigh,
We’ve survived another night,
survived another trial.
For loneliness, desperation, hopelessness and
fear will be my companions tonight.
We’ll meet my wife along the way,
and party into the night.
We’ll wake up in the morning with
a hangover of sadness and grief,
And face the realization that
this might always be our plight.
Sometimes it’s one in the morning,
sometimes it’s four.
Sometimes I get out of bed
and slowly pace the floor;
I listen for your car,
and the blaring radio.
I’ve been through this scenario
so many times before.
Because you’re not coming home tonight,
not at one, not at four.
You left us here to grieve your loss,
nothing less, nothing more.
But this is not our home, nor yours,
and we’ll join you soon enough,
We’ll see you again in Heaven;
Yes, on Angels’ wings you soar!
SoSadDad
Copyright © 2012 by
Ernie Laughlin, father of Melanie and Jennifer
AS LONG AS I CAN DREAM...
As long as I can dream, as long as I can think, as long as I have a memory...I will love you.
As long as I have eyes to see, and ears to hear, and lips to speak...I will love you.
As long as I have a heart to feel, a soul stirring within me, an imagination to hold you...I will love you.
As long as there is time, as long as there is love, as long as I have breath to speak your name...I will love you.
Daniel Haughin
TCF Massillon, OH
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Child Loss – The First Two Years
A group for bereaved parents who have lost
A minor age or adult child since 2010
Third Thursday of the Month
6:00 p.m. – 7:30 p.m.
June 21
July 19
August 16
September 20
Facilitator: Melinda Simpson, LCSW
Hospice of the Bluegrass
643 Teton Trail, Frankfort
(502) 223-1744 or 1-800-926-1302
Dear Dana,
If I could see what you see,
Hear what you hear,
Feel what you feel,
Then I would be, with you,
In Heaven!
Love You Always,
Mom
(Kathy Hollars)
4/15/12
We see, hear and feel
In heaven!
Another Choice
“I don’t know how you do it.
I couldn’t have done the same.”
These sometimes
are the words I hear
d
As I say my daughter’s name.
It’s when you do not see me
That I cry my silent tear,
Or feel the empty hurt inside,
Because she is not here.
“I had no other choice,”
Is often my reply.
I must learn to live without her,
Or shrivel up and die.
I would choose it to be different,
I would choose to feel no pain,
I would choose to only smile.
As I say my daughter’s name.
It’s way down on the inside
Where one can never sees
Way deep withinIs the missing part of me.
LeAnn Olson
So if you wonder how I do it,
I will quietly raise my voice,
I wouldn’t have done it this way,
If I had another choice.
TCF, Coquille, OR
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The Storm of Grief
It comes like a huge thunderbolt--shocking and deafening you to all else around you. Suddenly the world that
has been so bright is black and desolate. There seems to be no hope. The tears come like torrential rains. The
winds of reality come, and you are torn by the pains and fears caused by the storm. Even when the tears stop
for a while, the dark clouds loom over you, threatening you with more tears and more pain. Most passersby
can’t help you through the storm because they have never been caught in one like it-- and some don’t seem to
care. There are a few who will reach out their hand to try to pull you from the storm, but the storm must be
endured. And then there are the special ones—the ones who are willing to walk with you through the storm.
Usually these are people who have been there before and know that the storm can be survived. After a time, the
torrential rains turn to slow showers, and then the showers come less often. But the clouds don’t go away. The
sadness and pain remain but become more bearable. Eventually, as the clouds begin to part, there may even be a
rainbow—a sign of hope. And as the sun begins to shine a little more, flowers of memory will be enjoyed. I
don’t think the showers will ever end, but I believe that as they get farther apart the sky will get more blue. We
will see more rainbows and the flowers will bloom more and more. Perhaps it’s even good to have a shower
now and then, to cleanse our souls and revive those special flowers of memory.
Mary Jo Pierce
TCF Tuscaloosa,AL
Summer Thoughts
Summer is a time when things naturally slow down, a time when many are waiting for the orderly routine of their lives
to begin again. For those of us in grief whose lives are already in limbo, it can seem endless if we let it. Seeing children,
babies, and teenagers is not easy for us, and we see them everywhere from shopping centers to beaches. Everyone is out
living, loving, enjoying carefree activities with their children, and we want to scream, “It’s not fair!” I was sitting on my
patio one evening at dusk recently listening to the shouts of children playing, and I was crying as I remembered the
sounds that my child used to make. I became very depressed as I thought what a long summer this was going to be.
In my reverie, I was reminded of a recent comment that I had heard at a TCF meeting: “My child was such a loving,
giving person. He would not want me to waste my life being bitter.” I also remembered a good friend telling me to
“count my blessings” and naming all the things I had to be grateful for. I was furious at the time. Nothing that I had to
be grateful for could compensate for the fact that my child was dead.
Now, sitting in the twilight of this early summer evening, I began to see things differently. I was determined that this
summer would not be an eternity; I would not let it be. I decided first of all to stay busy. I know I can find plenty to do
if I only take the time to look. I am also going to try to enjoy the simple things that used to give me so much pleasure,
like working in my garden, and flowers. I then decided to try to be truly grateful for the blessings that I have, like my
husband, my surviving children, my job, friends, etc.
It has been almost five years for me, and I know that last year this would not have worked. Of course, I still have
times of sadness. I know I always will, but I have decided that in the process of grieving, we close so many doors that
the only way to recovery is to reopen them gradually at our own pace.
I know I will never be the same person I was before the death of my child but I hope eventually in some ways I will
be a better person because suffering can be beneficial if we learn and grow through it. A year ago I didn’t feel this way,
and I know I still have a long way to go, but in the meantime, I know the greatest tribute to my child will be to enjoy this
summer as he would have done.
Libby Gonzalez
TCF Huntsville, AL
Grief and Vacation Time
Be gentle with yourself. Don’t expect too much on your first vacation. Remember, as bereaved parents, the first time we do
anything without our kids is tough, whether it is going to the movies, shopping or on a vacation.
Plan to do some grief work because you will…planned or not. Give yourself the freedom to change your plans if you had a
bad day.
Know that your child will be on your mind just as if you were at home.
Plan a vacation that is restful. You need all the rest you can get. An exhausted body will depress you.
If you have surviving children, plan some activities especially for them. Remember that vacation time is difficult for them too.
Allow yourself to enjoy your vacation. You are not being disloyal to your child if you do. New experiences in new places with
new people can refresh you. However, when you do something that your child would have enjoyed, you will probably still hurt.
Going away and coming home can be especially difficult for the newly bereaved. Know that this is normal, but keep in mind
that it will be better in time.
Anne Baklarz, TCF Pittsburg,PA
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Membership Information Sheet
The Compassionate Friends of Frankfort, Kentucky
P.O. Box 4075
Frankfort, KY 40604-4075
Date: ___________________
Mother’s Name:_________________________________________
Father’s Name: _________________________________________
Address: ___________________________________________________________________________________
City: ________________________________________ State: _____________ Zip: ________________
Home Telephone: _____________________________Cell Phone ______________________________
E-mail: ____________________________________________________________________________________
Child’s Name: ________________________________ Relationship: __________________Age: ________
Birth Date: ________________
Death Date: _____________ Cause of Death: ______________________
Child’s Name: ________________________________ Relationship: __________________Age: ________
Birth Date: ________________
Death Date: _____________ Cause of Death: ______________________
Please check any of following that apply.
� Please send me the newsletter by mail.
or
� Please send the newsletter to my email address.
� No thank you, I’d prefer to stop receiving the newsletter.
� Please include my child’s name and picture in the slide presentation at the Candle Lighting Ceremony.
� Please include my child’s picture and information in the newsletter and on the web site.
We must have your written permission on file to use your child’s name and/or picture in the newsletter, Web site,
Candle Lighting Ceremony or any other TCF event. Permission may be withdrawn at any time by written request.
This information is used to maintain our Chapter Database. It is confidential and is only utilized for Chapter activities such as the newsletter.
___________________________________________________ Date: ________________
(Signature)
Please return completed form to: TCF of Frankfort, KY, P.O. Box 4075, Frankfort, KY 40604-4075
Frankfort TCF
PO Box 4075
Frankfort, KY 40604-4075
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This newsletter is sent to you as part of our
chapters’ outreach. If you are planning a move
or name change or if you would rather not
receive it, please let us know at 502-223-1505
Hope Rising
As our balloons lift into the air
And we watch and remember our despair
Our thoughts are only of you, our child,
And the precious moments we shared.
Too few.
We long to see your face again
And to hold you just one more time.
But one more time would not be nearly enough
To extinguish the pain felt by these empty arms.
So we watch the balloons rise,
And never move our eyes
From the balloon with its message to you,
And hope one day to overcome our sadness.
And feeling blue.
And we lift up our eyes,
As if raising champagne glasses to the sky
To bid you one more goodbye,
Until we meet again.
MARK YOUR CALENDARS
Monthly Meeting July 5, 2012
Brick Dedication, Picnic and Balloon Release
July 22, 2012
Worldwide Candle Lighting December 9, 2012
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