up your ass - Daehanmindecline

http://www.brokeinkorea.proboards46.com
Letters to the Editor Table of Incontinence
Broke in Korea
Issue 9
This zine is published
whenever the hell I feel
like it. Don’t like it? Start
your own damn zine.
Editor
Jon Twitch
Contributors
Park Jongo
Paul Mutts
Chris Hellking
Verv
Dave Hat
Shield Maiden
Not Nevin Domer
Jungy Rotten
and all the bands that
got back to me
Photos
Jon Twitch
Google Image Search
Layout
Jon Twitch
Contact
jon_dunbar@hotmail.
com
Message Board
http://brokeinkorea.tk
Previous issues avalable
for download at
daehanmindecline.com
Contributors are
always welcome
This zine was designed
using a pirated copy of
IndDesign CS. I pledge
to donate 10% of Broke’s
profits to Adobe.
Made possible
in part by
Space Beam
www.spacebeam.net
Target:
2
Jacob Verville
The only letters we received regarding the last
issue were from the Suwon municipal government. See what they had
to say about the photos of
Woncheon Lakeland, the
abandoned
amusement
park.
Greetings,
This is the web service
manager of Suwon City
Hall in the Republic of
Korea.
Suwon City Hall would
like to ask you to remove the article “Ghost
Rides: Abandoned Parks
in South Korea posted on
your website (http://www.
darkroastedblend.com).
After contacting the relevant government ministry, we learned that the
park mentioned in the
article is scheduled to be
developed as a self-supporting new town with
general
administrative
complexes and high-tech
industrial sites. To start
the foundation work for
development, the park
was closed in the winter
of 2007 and enclosed with
fencing in March of 2008
to prevent trespassers and
possible accidents. There
is even signage warning
that “Trespassers will be
prosecuted.”
At the same time, the
restaurant floating on the
water is currently in court
for compensation matters,
and will be removed after
the conclusion of the lawsuit.
It appears that the pictures in the article were
taken around October this
year. If so, it is a clear vioPlay along with the first ever
Broke in Korea Choose Your Own
Adventure!
You are a cold-blooded assassin.
An anonymous client just gave you
a contract to travel to Seoul, South
Korea to kill a man.
NAME: Jacob Verville
AGE: 24
BIRTHDAY: 17 October 1984
NATIONALITY: US
HOMETOWN: Fargo, ND
lation of our warning (prohibiting any trespassers
from entering the area).
Since the article and pictures give no description
about the area, they can
generate misunderstanding and possibly damage
the image of Suwon City.
Once again, we ask you
to remove the article from
your website.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much
for writing. I wish to report
the theft of these warning
signs you reported were on
display in the park, as they
clearly were not there when
I visited. I had no idea my
pictures were good enough
to damage your city. Sorry
about that.
Hello!
The park of taken picture has been closed since
2007. 10 for our new city
development.
We prohibited to go inside for our safe(To notice
for Keep out)
Before that our citizen
used the park for playing
We worry about misunderstand for the park that
is danger and no managemental in pictures
So we inform for web
site that is “http://www.
gwanggyonewtown.
or.kr”.
It’s not in english web
site but this is our future
instead of this place.
We will develop like this
web site.
Thank you!
Thank you very much
for your letter. Please go
fuck yourself.
ACTIVITIES: alcoholism, vomit,
political discussion
KNOWN HANGOUTS: Skunk Hell
POLITICAL VIEWS: very conservative
RELIGION: Lutheran Christian
WEBSITE: www.jmverville.com
CLIENT’S NOTES: No shooting or
bombing. It has to look like an accident. Well, shanking’s okay I guess.
You’ve never heard of this turkey before—all you know is he’s got to die.
You arrive in Seoul on Friday and
begin your work. Verville’s known
2. Target: Jacob Verville
3. Abandoned Places
4. Master Musik
5. Galaxy Express
6. Paryumchiakdan
8. Mateo
10. ICBM
11. Mike Park
12. Pornotarium Tour Report
12. Find-Core
12. Jiral League
13. How to Take Good Concert
Photos
14. Jacob and the Vervonauts
16. Paul’s War Report
18. Cool Games That Doctors Play
18. Legendary Creature Verv
19. Drunk Poetry
20. Stormfront vs ESL Cafe
21. Headbutt
22. Crossword
22. In Defence of Juggalos
23. Nevin’s Page
24. Reviews
25. Verv’s Reviews
26. Legends of Kamelot
27. Blog Flog
27. Crazy Movie Story
hangout, Skunk Hell, is in a district
known as Hongdae. You find out about
a punk show happening on Saturday,
where Verville is likely to appear. The
perfect opportunity for a killing.
Saturday rolls around, and you invest in a pair of steel-toed boots and
a leather jacket so you’ll fit in. In the
pockets you conceal a dagger, switchblade, syringe, and poison. Now to
find Verville.
When you arrive at 7pm, the alley in front of Skunk Hell is already
filled with Korean and foreign punks
with mohawks, shaved heads, leather
jackets, and spikes. Standing in the
midst of the crowd is a tall white guy
with a bald head, glasses, and a Polish football scarf. It’s Verville alright.
He kind of meets your eyes and gives
you a welcoming look.
It’s really not a good idea to talk to
the target, but if you walk away now
he might get suspicious. Will you go
over to him?
Yes. Go to page 3
No, I’ll play it low key. Go to page 4
Abandoned Places Photo Exhibition
Photography Exhibition
5-18 June
Space Beam
Incheon
www.spacebeam.net
Jon Twitch
Jungy Rotten
On Saturday, June 6, I invite
everyone to Incheon to visit
Space Beam, an abandoned
factory that has been reclaimed
by an art collective. It’s the
perfect place to display my
photos of abandoned places in
Korea. Space Beam does a lot
to support the arts in Incheon
and foster a sense of community in a location that almost
disappeared. Come down and
see some bands play, and let’s
all get drunk and think about
urbanism. I also hope to finish
an official guide to UE in Korea, which will be much higher
quality than this rag.
Below is a statement we
submitted to Space Beam to get
them to accept our proposal. It
describes urban exploration
and will give you a better idea
why I take these photographs.
만 합니다.
저는 놀이공원, 군기지 등등, 한
국 전역에 걸쳐 있는 수많은 버려
진 공간들을 방문해 왔습니다. 그
들 중에는 나산백화점처럼 언론의
헤드라인을 장식(작년말 철거현장
붕괴사고로 작업중이던 건설노동
자가 사망한 사건이었습니다)하게
된 곳도 포함되어 있습니다. 우연
히도 제가 나산백화점에 침입했던
건 붕괴사고가 나기 몇 달 전이었
습니다.
최근 많은 이들을 분노케 한 사
건의 무대가 된 용산에도 갔었습
니다. 온 동네에 걸쳐 그 많던 상
점들과 가정들이 문을 닫고, 떠나
가거나, 파괴되어진 현장과 철거
용역 깡패들이 남긴 무시무시한
협박성 낙서들을 보았습니다. 제
가 방문한 지 두 달 뒤, 그 곳에서
6명이 목숨을 잃었습니다. 또 저
는 철거 전야의 동대문 운동장을
방문해, 강제철거 당하는 상인들
의 아픔을 기록했습니다. 저는 스
페이스빔에서 이러한 만남들로부
터 얻은 이미지들을 공유하고 싶
습니다.
첫번째로, 저는 사진들을 전시
하고 싶습니다. 그다음 스페이스
빔의 지원으로 포토북을 출간하
고 싶습니다. 웹사이트나 커뮤니
티 등을 만들고 탐험대를 조직해
서, 보다 많은 사람들이 적합한 방
법으로 도시탐험에 참여하게 되기
를 바랍니다.
보다 많은 사람들이 그들 주변
의 공간에 관심을 기울이고, 그들
이 속한 사회를 끝없는 호기심으
로 탐구하게 되기를 바랍니다.
도시 탐험은 활동이자, 취미이
자, 훈련인자, 하나의 미학입니다.
도시탐험은 세상에 대한 시각
을 바꾸어주며, 세월이 지남에 따
라 도시가 어떻게 나이 먹어가는
지에 대해 진실한 이야기를 들려
줄 것입니다.
저는 스페이스빔이 한국 도시탐
험의 개척자가 되길 희망합니다.
어린 시절, 우리는 가서는 안될
금지된 장소에 가는 걸 좋아했었
습니다. 우리들의 집 근처엔 걷기
좋은 숲이 자리하고 있었습니다.
수업 시간에 우린 언제나 몰래
빠져나가려고 기를 썼었고, 수업
이 끝나기가 무섭게 빈 복도를 배
회하러 달려나갔었죠. 그때를 기
억하시나요? 그렇다면 당신은 도
시 탐험가 (urban explorer) 입
니다.
Urban explorer, 즉 도시 탐험
자는 익숙치 않은, 금지된 장소의
마력에 이끌린답니다. 대부분의
사람들은 이런 장소들을 추하게
여기고 무시하기 일쑤지만, 우리
도시탐험가들은 그 안에서 아름다
움을 봅니다. 일반적으로 도시 탐
험가들은 그들이 탐험하는 장소에
서의 파괴, 낙서, 절도 행위 등에
반대하며, “가져갈 수 있는 건 (본
인이 찍은) 사진 뿐이며, 남길 수
있는 건 오로지 발자국 뿐” 이라
는 그들만의 규칙을 준수합니다.
범법행위로 보일 수도 있겠으나,
사실상 도시탐험은 올바르게만 행
해진다면 누구에게도 해를 끼치지
않는 행동입니다. 이러한 목적과,
활동내역, 기술, 윤리 등을 전 세
계에 걸쳐 퍼져있는 수많은 도시
탐험가들이 함께 공유하고 있습
니다.
지구상의 거의 모든 국가에서
도시 탐험가들의 커뮤니티를 찾아
볼 수 있습니다. ‘도시 탐험가’라
는 명칭을 처음 붙인 것은 Infiltration이라는 zine (자주 출판
물)과 ‘Access All Areas’를 을 출
간한 바 있는, 캐나다의 Ninjalicious라는 인물이었습니다. 미국
의 도시탐험가들이 아끼는 Kirk-
brides라는 네트워크는 주로 버려
진 정신병원을 탐험하는 그룹입
니다. 호주에서 악명(?) 높은 The
Cave Clan은 지하 세계를 탐험하
는 이들이고요. 최근 들어 도시 탐
험은 아시아 내에서도 퍼져나가고
있습니다. 일본에서는 도시탐험이
‘廢墟 (Haikyo)’로 알려져 있는데,
이는 본래 폐허를 뜻하는 단어입
니다. 또한 일본에선 여러 잡지, 영
화 등을 통해 소개됨으로써, 자국
내의 버려졌던 장소들이 재조명되
는 기회를 얻기도 한답니다. 중국
에서도 도시 탐험 사이트에 수많
은 회원들이 몰려들어 그들 주변
의 버려진 공간들을 전세계에 소
개하고 있습니다. 안타깝게도 한
국에서는 아직 도시 탐험은 생소
한 단어입니다. 그만큼 앞으로 찾
아낼 보물들이 더 많이 숨겨져 있
다는 뜻이기도 하고요.
변화를 가져오고 싶습니다. 한
국에서 도시 탐험과 도시 재개발
에 대한 사람들의 관심을 이끌어
내기 위해, 저는 스페이스빔 갤러
리에 선별된 저의 사진들을 전시
하고 싶습니다. 제 희망은 더욱 많
은 이들의 참여를 이끌어 내는 것
입니다.
반세기에 걸쳐 꾸준히, 또 급속
히 진행된 재개발의 결과로 인해,
남한은 수많은 공간들이 버려진
채로 남아 있습니다. 이렇게 폐허
가 된 장소들을탐험하기 위해 철
거 현장에 드리운 장막 너머로 숨
어들어가거나, 울타리 틈새를 비
집고 들어가고, 부서진 거축자재
더미 위를 오르는 일 따위는 그
리 힘들지 않습니다. 이런 현장들
의 사진을 찍음으로서, 우리는 이
건물들의 잃어버린 삶을 바라보
고, 도시 재개발의 잔혹함을 그려
낼 수 있습니다. 이는 대부분의 사
람들이 보려 하는 것은 아닐 테지
만, 우리는 그들에게 보여주어야
As you approach, Verville is telling
a story to a group of rapt listeners. “I
heard a rumor that Amy Winehouse will
be doing a set with Chadburger,” he is
saying. “Her and Tel plan on ‘switching out’ for two songs, Tel sitting down
while Amy Winehouse sings Fuck My
Boss and Amy Winehouse looking on
as Tel croons Back on Black.”
Everyone chatters with laughter at
this irritatingly private in-joke. You
edge your way in closer to your target.
“The project may be called either
‘Amy Winehouseburger’ or ‘Chad
Winehouse.’” Verville continues. “It
is also rumored that Amy may arrive at the Pornotarium concert later,
whom may do their set under the name
Pornhouse. There are other rumors
suggesting that Amy will perform
with Vicious Housewine Glare, The
Tearful Drug Addicted Amy-jerks,
Attacking Winehouses or perhaps under the name Amy Geekhouse.”
You’ve elbowed your way in right up
to Verville’s left side, perfect shanking
distance. It is now that he notices you.
“What’s your name?” he asks, his
big round eyes coming round to you.
Uh-oh, he’s asking questions! You
try to remember your cover story.
“Uh...Chad,” you reply dumbly.
“Is there a chance your last name
is Burger?” Verville asks you with a
friendly laugh.
“No, it’s, uh, Winehouse,” you reply.
“Well, Chad Winehouse,” Verville
booms, “I am Verv. Where are you from?”
The attention of everyone in the circle is on you. “North Dakota,” you lie.
Verville opens his mouth and eyes
wide. “O-oooooh!” he howls. “Fargo!
That is my hometown. Come, we
must drink soju!”
He leads you down the slanted alleyway toward the road. “We must cross
the street, Chad Winehouse, to buy our
soju from the 7/11!” he announces as if
he’s narrating an epic poem.
There are only two lanes of traffic,
but many cars and buses are passing
by. This might be a chance to kill Verville. Want to take it?
When you were young, you
loved going places you weren’t
supposed to go. There was
a forest near your home you
liked to walk through. You got
a rush from wandering through
the construction site that replaced the forest. During class
you were always trying to
sneak out, and after class you
were always trying to sneak in
to roam the empty halls. Remember back then? You were
an urban explorer.
Urban explorers are drawn to
strange, forbidden places. Most
people consider these places
ugly, and ignore them, but we
find beauty in them. Urban explorers generally obey the rule
“take only photos and leave
only footprints,” opposing vandalism, graffiti, and theft at UE
locations. While urban exploration may be considered illegal,
it is a harmless activity if done
properly. These objectives,
activities, techniques, and ethics shared by urban explorers
all over the world.
Urban exploration communities are found in nearly every
country. The term was invented
in Canada by Ninjalicious, who
published the zine Infiltration
and the book Access All Areas. In the US, urban explorers
cherish a network of abandoned
mental hospitals known collectively as Kirkbrides. The Cave
Clan is famous in Australia for
Yes. Go to page 5
No, I’ll bide my time. Go to page 6
exploring underground. More
recently, urban exploration has
spread to Asia.
In Japan, it is called Haikyo,
which means abandoned, and it
is a major pastime with several
magazines and films dedicated
to the various abandoned sites
of Japan. In China, urban exploration websites have tens
of thousands of members. In
Korea, urban exploration is unheard of.
I want to change that. In
order to draw people’s attention to urban exploration and
the process of urban renewal
in Korea, I want to display a
selection of my photographs
in the Space Beam art gallery.
My hope is to get more people
involved.
South Korea has many abandoned locations due to ongoing urban renewal. It is not
difficult to slip behind a blanket, squeeze through a fence,
and climb over rubble to walk
among these abandonments. By
taking pictures, we can view
the lost life of these buildings
and depict the brutality of urban renewal. It’s something
that most people never see, but
the least they can do is look.
I have visited abandoned locations all over Korea, including
amusement parks, army bases,
and famous sites that have
made headlines. I infiltrated Nasan Homeplace months before it
collapsed. I visited a Sinyongsan neighbourhood and saw
vandalism and graffiti left by
gangsters; two months later, six
lives were lost in that neighbourhood. I went in both Dongdaemoon stadiums on the eve
of their destruction and documented the plight of the evicted
merchants. I want to share all of
the images from these encounters at Space Beam.
First I want to display photos in the photo gallery. Next,
I want to publish a photography
book with Space Beam’s help.
I also want to get more people
involved, perhaps by creating a
website, or a club, or organising expeditions, to expose more
people to urban exploration and
teach them the appropriate way
to do it respectfully.
Urban exploration is an activity, a hobby, a discipline, and
an aesthetic. It changes your
perception of the world and
lets you see the true story of
how cities age. It is not common in Korea, but has a lot to
offer. I hope that Space Beam
will be a pioneer of Korean urban exploration.
Target:
3
Jacob Verville
His Master’s Noise
Jon Twitch
I interviewed noise wizard Park
Seungjun to find out about the noise
music scene in Korea and why anyone would listen to that stuff.
었습니다.
Seungjun: Master Musik has a lot of
equipment. Each member has handmade equipment, and sometimes we
play a turntable, but none of us play
usual equipment in the usual way. We
do it in an unusual way. Yesterday’s
show, everyone played a usual guitar
and bass, but we used feedback with
an effector. Somebody who uses an
effector in a normal way would have
said “Crazy!” In my case, when I
played at Skunk Hell, I sometimes
used electricity from a desk lamp.
Broke: Let’s start with your musical
history. What bands have you been
in? What bands are you in now?
Seungjun: (모 든 과거가 그렇듯
이) 밝힐수 없는 약간의 밴드들이
있고, 플리커 비긴스(The Flicker
Begins)라는 실험음악 그룹을 만
들었었고, 지금은 불길한 저음
(Master Musik)이라는 6인조 노이
즈 밴드를 하고 있습니다. 그리고
개인적으로도 노이즈 연주를 하고
있습니다.
Seungjun: There are a few bands
I can’t reveal (just like some of my
past). I have formed an experimental musical group called The Flicker
Begins, and now I’m in the six-piece
noise band Master Musik. I play noise
music solo too.
Broke: You used to play more “normal” punk music. Why did you quit
that?
Seungjun: 지 금도 물론 펑크 음
악은 좋아합니다. 그 당시에는 쓰
리 코드(3개의 코드)로 연주하는
걸 좋아했지만, 어느 순간에 흥미
를 잃어버렸어요. 같은 코드를 연
주한다는 것에 대한 것. 그리고 그
당시에 펑크락 팬진을 낸다음, 그
팬진에 대한 반응이 없었어요. 계
속해서 펑크락 공연장을 가는것
에 대해서 약간 지루함을 느꼈습
니다. 일종의 생각하던 커뮤니티
와는 다른(웃긴 말일수도 있지만
요) 것을 느껴서 그만두게 된것 같
습니다.
Seungjun: I still like punk music. I
used to like playing three chords but I
lost my interest in that at some point. I
released a punk rock fanzine but there
was no response. I felt a little bored
with going to punk rock shows. (It
might sound funny) I felt the community was quite different than I thought
and that’s probably why I quit.
Broke: How would you describe
your music?
Seungjun: 노 이즈 음악입니다.
사실 다른 친구들과 사람들이(심
지어는 가족들까지도) 제가 하는
음악에 대해서 많은 의구심을 가
집니다. (가족들은 이게 음악이니
라고 까지 물어봅니다.) 간단하게
설명하기는 어렵습니다. 노이즈
연주를 시작한후, 저를 비롯한 한
국의 노이즈 연주자들은 클럽을
벗어난 갤러리와 여러 공간에서
연주를 해왔습니다. 특히 갤러리
에서 연주가 많이 되니 사람들은
이게 미술이거나 퍼포먼스인줄 압
니다. 이건 음악이거든요! 음, 사
람들이 뭐라고 물어볼때는 이렇게
말합니다. 노이즈 음악입니다. 정
말 이해못하는 사람을 만나면 그
냥 이래 버립니다. 파워노이즈!
Seungjun: Noise music. Many people
including my friends (even my family) have doubt in my music. (My
family even asked me if it is music.)
Hard to explain. Noise music artists
4
Target:
Jacob Verville
in Korea including me have been
playing at various places like galleries rather than clubs. Since we have a
lot of performances at galleries, people think it’s some sort of art performance. This is music! Um, I answer
people doubting. It is noise music. I
just say to people who really don’t get
it, POWER NOISE!
noise music is very violent and extreme. I guess that’s why.
Broke: Why would people want to
listen to that?
Seungjun: 글 쎄요, 저 같은 경우
에도 몸이 아프거나 멍할때는 노
이즈 음악을 듣지 못합니다. 사람
들이 각자 필요에 의해서 음악을
듣지 않을까요. 노이즈 음악의 경
우는 뭐일까 생각해봅니다. 사실
공연장에 와서 즐기는 음악과 시
디로 듣는 음악은 다르잖아요. 당
신은 집에서 시디를 들을때 앉아
서 그냥 듣나요? 책을 읽거나 다른
곳을 가거나 할때 다른 일을 할때
듣잖아요. 대부분 음악에만 집중
을 할순 없잖아요. 노이즈 음악은
그 지점에선 약간 다른것 같아요.
펑크 음악이나 그라인드 코어 음
악을 듣는 사람들도 노이즈 음악
을 듣는것을 보고 물어보았지요.
왜 듣냐고, 약간 익스트림한 면에
서 좋아한다고 말을 했어요. 저도
동의해요. 어떠한 면에서 노이즈
음악은 굉장히 폭력적이고 익스트
림 하거든요. 그래서 사람들은 노
이즈 음악을 듣는 것 같습니다.
Seungjun: Well, in my case, I cannot
listen to noise music when I’m sick or
when I feel dull. Wouldn’t everyone
listen to music in their own niche?
There’s a difference between music
you listen to at shows and on CD.
When you listen to music at home, is
that all you do? You listen to music
mostly when you read or when you
go somewhere. Mostly you don’t
totally concentrate only on music.
Noise music is different at that point.
I asked fans of punk or grindcore who
also listen to noise music why they
listen to it. They said they liked its
extreme side. I agree. In some ways
Broke: Is noise music popular in Korea? Is it easy to play in Hongdae?
Are there a lot of fans?
Seungjun: 사 실 그렇진 않습니
다. 저와 같이 연주를 하는 홍철
기씨와 최준용씨는 10년부터 아스
트로노이즈라는 노이즈 밴드를 시
작했는데요. 그들이 10년동안 홍
대 클럽에서 연주하기는 쉽지 않
았습니다.불길한 저음의 경우, 합
주실에서도 많이 쫓겨났습니다.
소리가 크다고 다른 방에서 항의
가 들어와 쫓겨난적도 있고, 저희
의 소리가 앰프를 타게 한적도 있
고, 그래서 홍대에 있는 대부분의
합주실에서 블랙 리스트가 되어서
합주할 공간을 찾기가 쉽지 않습
니다. 클럽도 마찬가지입니다. 불
길한 저음의 경우, 아무도 저희를
불러주지 않아, 대부분 제가 직접
공연을 기획하고 클럽을 찾아가서
공연을 기획하는데요, 공연이 끝
나고 나서 저희를 다시 불러주는
클럽은 없었습니다. 그나마 저희
는 보위(구 아우라)라는 클럽에서
받아주어서 종종 거기에서 공연을
합니다. 글쎄요. 한국에서 노이즈
음악을 듣는 사람을 찾기는 쉽지
않은것 같습니다. 저희가 시디를
내면 대부분 일본과 미국, 유럽에
서 팔립니다. 사실 일본은 아시다
시피 펑크 음악부터 해서 굉장한
역사적인 팬과 씬이 존재하고 있
잖아요. 그래서 저희는 종종 해외
공연 제의를 받기도 합니다. (드러
머인 마이클을 빼고) 불길한 저음
의 멤버들은 올해 3월에 일본 후쿠
오카에서 공연 제의를 받아서 후
쿠오카의 노이즈 페스티발에서 공
연을 한적이 있습니다. 그곳의 공
연장에서 수많은 관객들을 보았을
때, 너무나도 부럽고 놀랐습니다.
일본에 비해 본다면 확실히 한국
에서는 아직 노이즈 음악은 계속
해봐야 결과를 알수 있을것 같습
니다. 그래서 저희는 계속 해나갈
것 입니다.
Seungjun: Not really. Hong Chulki
Best to keep a low profile. You find
a place to lean against the wall where
you can keep an eye on the target. He
disappears across the street for a minute
to buy another green bottle of soju from
the store, and then only a few minutes
later he goes again for another bottle.
Judging by the amount of drinking
he’s doing, it won’t be long before he’s
totally immobile and you can use your
syringe to inject him with poison.
Somebody from the front door of
Skunk Hell yells “Chadburger’s on
next!”
and Choi Joonyong who I play with
started a noise band called Astronoise
ten years ago. It wasn’t easy for them
to play in Hongdae clubs for the last
ten years. Master Musik has gotten
kicked out of studios many times.
Other rooms complained we were
being too loud, or our noise burned
an amp, so we are on the blacklist of
most Hongdae studios. It’s not easy to
find a studio. Same with clubs. Since
nobody invites Master Musik, mostly
I promote shows and go talk to clubs
myself. There were none who invited
us back after one show. It seems difficult to find people who enjoy noise
music in Korea. Our CDs are mostly
sold in Japan, America, or Europe. As
you know, Japan has long-running
music scenes from punk to everything. Sometimes we get offers from
overseas. All members of Master
Musik (except drummer Michael) had
an offer and played at a noise festival
in Fukuoka in March. I was amazed
and envious seeing so many people in
the audience there. Compared to Japan, I don’t know what we are going
to get out of this yet. So we are going
to keep going.
Broke: What kind of equipment do
you use for your shows?
Seungjun: 불 길한 저음의 경우에
는 다양합니다. 다들 각자 손수만
든 악기들도 있고, 턴테이블을 연
주하기도 하지만, 다들 기존의 악
기를 그대로 연주하는 법은 없습
니다. 비정상적인 방법으로 연주
합니다. 어제(5/10)의 공연 같은
경우에는, 다들 정상적인 기타와
베이스를 가지고 연주했지만, 이
펙터 자체에 피드백을 걸어 증폭
시키는 다소 과격하기도 하고 정
상적으로 이펙터 쓰시는 분들이
보면 미친거 아닌가! 라고 할정
도로 이상하게 악기를 사용합니
다. 저 같은 경우에는 스컹크 헬
에서 연주했을 때는 집에서 주로
사용하는 데스크 램프에서 나오
는 전압을 가지고 연주할때도 있
Before you can react, a ton of
people head inside, and you lose sight
of Verville in the crowd. Did he go
inside? You look around for someone who speaks English, but they’ve
all left except for one group standing
down at the bottom of the alley. If
Broke: A desk lamp? Why on earth
for?
Seungjun: 아 사실 굉장히 사소
한 이유에서 나왔어요. 집에서 공
부를 하는데, 라디오를 듣고 있었
는데, 잡음이 들어오는거예요. 알
고보니 스탠드의 전파가 들어와서
생기는거였지요. 장난으로 데스크
램프에 라디오를 가지고 왔다 나
갔다 왔다 나갔다 하다 보니, 소
리가 변하는걸 알게 되고, 그 이
후로도 소리를 가지고 장난을 치
는 것들을 하게 되고 이게 시작점
인것 같아요. 노이즈 연주에 시작
점이 된것 같아요 이 장난이. 데스
크 램프가 ㅋㅋㅋ. 그렇게 해서 데
스크 램프를 아직도 연주에 사용
하고 있습니다.
Seungjun: 벌 써 2년전인가요, 기
억이 정확하진 않지만, 공중캠프
에서 있었던 5번째 네버라잇때,
불길한 저음이 마지막 순서로 나
왔습니다. 연주가 시작된지 얼마
되지 않아 저희가 준비해온 테이
블이 무너지면서 더 이상 연주를
제대로 할수 없는 상황이 되었습
니다. 그 상황에서, 다른 멤버와
저는 다소 흥분한 상태에서 테이
블을 뒤집었는데, 공연이 끝나고
보니 누군가가 앞에 놓은 컵과 재
떨이가 산산조각이 나있는것을 볼
수 있었습니다. 그리고 저희의 새
로운 드러머인 마이클 오클리는
지난번 보위(구 아우라)에서의 공
연 중에 드럼을 던졌습니다. 드럼
탐이랑 심벌위를 보니 피가 흥건
하더군요. 알고보니 드러머가 과
격하게 드럼을 쳐서 그렇게 된거
라고 하더군요. 저희 드러머가 드
럼을 정식으로 배우고 치는 친구
가 아니라, 가끔 손에 피멍이 들곤
합니다. 저희도 가끔 다치곤 합니
다. 사실 어제(5/10) 공연이 끝나
고 손을 보니 피멍이 들고 지금 오
른손엔 상처가 가득 합니다.
Seungjun: I don’t remember exactly
but it’s two years ago already. It was
the fifth Never Right show at Kuchu
Camp and Master Musik was the
last band. Our table collapsed not so
long after we started. Me and another
member were a little hyper and turned
the table upside-down and we found
out we broke somebody’s cup and
ashtray after the show. Our new drummer Michael Oakley threw away the
drumset at a show in Bowie (previously Aura). There was a lot of blood
on the tom and cymbal. It turned out
that the drummer was being too intense. Our drummer has never trained
to be a drummer so sometimes he gets
Verville didn’t leave, maybe he’s with
them, and if he did, maybe they know
where he went.
Will you go in, or stay out here?
I’ll go into the club. Go to page 7
I’ll stay out here. Go to page 9
Galaxy Express
bruises on his hands. Sometimes we
get injured too. Actually my hands
were bruised and my right hand has a
lot of scars from yesterday’s show.
Broke: You’re affiliated with the
Space Beam art gallery in Incheon.
Can you tell us what Space Beam is?
Seungjun: 사 실 스페이스 빔의 정
식적인 멤버는 아닙니다. 저도 인
천에서의 대안공간를 찾다가 발견
한 곳이 이곳입니다. 원래는 지금
과는 다른곳에 위치해 있었는데,
배다리 산업도로 관련으로 해서 배
다리 양조장으로 이사를 오게 된것
으로 알고 있습니다. 정말로 주민
들과 스페이스 빔의 활동을 후원
하는 사람들이 자발적으로 꾸려가
는 공동체로 알고 있습니다. 전시
와 미술이라는 매개체로 이 공간을
소개할수도 있겠지만, 사람들의 자
발적인 커뮤니티로 이루어지는 공
간이라고 소개할수도 있습니다. 더
자세한 내용은 spacebeam.net 으
로 들어와주세요!
Seungjun: I’m not a regular member
of Space Beam. I was looking for
an alternative space in Incheon and
found it. It was originally located
somewhere else but they had to move
to Baedari Factory because of construction of Baedari Industrial Road.
It can be introduced as a gallery for
arts and exhibitions but it’s a community voluntarily run by residents
and supporters. Visit spacebeam.net
for more!
rable ones. I’m not saying because
this is an interview with Broke, but
actually the most memorable show
was at Skunk Hell which was our
very first show. It was Reanimator’s
EP release show three years ago. At
that time, we were trying to contact
other bands to play for their shows.
Then we got to hear from Reanimator. We played for 15 minutes and for
the first time in our lives we saw the
audience listening to our music and
cheering. They were struggling with
a blackout that we caused for 30 minutes, though. The venue we feel the
most grateful for is Bowie. We did
many Never Right shows there, and
most of Master Musik’s shows there
too. We played with Bulssazo there
and since we started playing, people
jumped onstage and we all jumped
around having fun together.
Broke: What’s your favourite show
that you’ve played? What’s your favourite venue to play in?
Seungjun: 사 실 정말 기억에 남
는 공연들이 몇개 있습니다. 이 인
터뷰가 브로크(Broke)진을 위해
서가 아니라, 진심으로 불길한 저
음 의 첫 공연, 정말로 기억에 남
는 공연은 스컹크헬에서 있었습니
다. 대락 3년전, 리애니메이터의
이피 발매 공연이었지요. 저희는
공연을 하고 싶어서, 여러 밴드들
에게 한창 컨택을 하고 있었습니
다. 그중, 리애니메이터와 연락이
닿아서 연주를 하게 되었습니다.
저희는 15분간 연주를 했으며, 공
연중에 난생 처음 저희의 음악을
들으며, 같이 환호해주는 관객들
을 보았습니다. 그러나 연주가 끝
나고 30분동안 저희 때문에 내려
간 전기 문제를 해결하느라 고생
했던 기억이 납니다. 지금 저희에
게 가장 고맙고 좋은 장소는 보위
(구 아우라)입니다. 상당수의 네버
라잇 공연을 그곳에서 해왔고, 또
한 불길한 저음의 공연도 대부분
그곳에서 했습니다. 보위에서 불
싸조와 공연을 했는데, 저희가 공
연을 하기 시작이후, 사람들이 다
들 환호하면서 무대 안으로 난입
하고 같이 뛰어놀았던 기억이 납
니다.
Seungjun: There are some memo-
Broke: How often is the Never Right
concert series? Got any upcoming
shows?
Seungjun: 네 버라잇은 사실 2달
에 한번 진행했었습니다. 11번의
공연을 마치고, 지금은 휴식 상태
에 있습니다. 조만간에 네버라잇
의 그동안 공연을 정리하는 시디
와 책이 같이 나올 예정이고요. 네
버라잇이 아니더라도 제가 기획하
는 소소한 공연들은 종종 있을 예
정입니다. 일본 마츠모토에서 라이
엇 걸 밴드를 하고 있는 P-heavy
라는 밴드가 옵니다. 5/16일에 쌈
지스페이스에서 공연이 있습니다.
불길한 저음, 스트레칭 져니와 함
께 연주합니다. 아 그리고 저희는
펑크락 하드코어 밴드랑 같이 공
연하고 싶습니다. 언제라도 같이
공연하고 싶은 생각이 있다면 유
튜브에서 불길한 저음을 검색해보
던가, [email protected]로
연락주세요! 아 그리고 저희 존 던
버의 스페이스 빔에서의 폐허 사
진전 오프닝에서도 개인적으로 저
의 페이보릿 밴드인 채드버거와
불길한 저음 그리고 몇몇의 밴드
가 같이 공연할 예정입니다!
Seungjun: We used to have a Never
Right show every two months, but
after the eleventh show, we are on a
break now. They are going to release
a Never Right show CD and a book
soon. There will be small shows I
promote. Riot grrl band P-Heavy
is coming from Matsumoto, Japan.
They are having a show at Ssamzie
Space on May 16 with Master Musik
and Stretching Journey. Also we want
to have a show with punk rock or
hardcore bands. If you are interested,
search Master Musik on YouTube or
contact me at [email protected]!
And with my favourite band Chadburger and a few other bands at the
opening of Abandoned Places Photo
Exhibition by Jon Dunbar at Space
Beam on June 6!
As Verville steps out onto the street,
you come up behind and push him
into the path of an oncoming taxi.
“Jesus Christ!” Verville yells as the
taxi narrowly misses him, slipping
past with horn blaring.
“Sorry, I slipped,” you mutter.
Verville looks back at you with sincere eyes. “It is okay,” he says. “Soju
will make me feel better.”
You follow him into the 7/11. He
grabs two small green bottles and
brings them to the counter. You take
out your wallet, but he ushers it away.
Jon Twitch
Questions translated by
Park Jongo
Answers translated by
Jungy Rotten
Juhyun has been around
the Korean music scene
pretty well since there
was a Korean music
scene. He’s played in
pretty well every band in
pretty well every style,
and gone as far as the
Korean underground music scene can take you.
And still he answers my
questions with unbelieveable humbleness.
Broke: Galaxy Express is
still a new band, but the
members are experienced
with other bands. What other
bands have Galaxy Express
members been in?
Juhyun: Guitarist Park Jonghyun was in the Ramones tribute band Mowgly, and he lost
all the other members so he
started a solo project named
Guitar Mowgly. We started
Galaxy Express at my suggestion. (Editor’s note: Juhyun was
a founding member of Rux and
Captain Bootbois, and played in
Ghetto Bombs; not sure why he
didn’t mention that.)
Broke: Where will Galaxy Express be in a few years? Still
playing underground shows in
Hongdae, or appearing on KTF
ads (like Ghetto Bombs), or
long gone?
Juhyun: I think it’ll be pretty
well the same. It’s not such
a popular kind of music, and
there’s not so many elements
that the public would like. I
don’t think there’s a fine line
between
underground
and
overground in the Korean rock
scene because nobody knows
about Korean rock anywhere
else other than Hongdae.
Broke: You’ve been around
the Hongdae music scene a
long time. What changes have
you seen? How do you feel
about it today? How have you
changed?
Juhyun: I don’t know generally
about the Hongdae scene. In
the punk scene, many bands I
knew are gone now and there
seem to be a lot fewer people
enjoying music. I don’t really
know what’s going on in the
punk scene these days. In the
middle of all these changes, I’m
still the same, as stupid as before, except I got older.
Broke: All of you guys have
come from the Korean punk
scene. How has that affected
Galaxy Express as a band?
Would you use “punk” to de“It is my treat,” he announces.
When you both have your sojus,
you follow Verville outside again
onto the street and back toward
Skunk Hell.
This time, you plant both hands on
his back and give him an almighty
한국의 록시장에는 언더
그라운드나 오버그라운드가
뚜렷하게 존재하지 않다고
생각합니다.
그저 홍대라는 지역말고
다른 곳에서는 아무도 한
국의 록이라는 음악을 모르
기 때문에 그렇다고 생각합
니다.
scribe Galaxy Express, or is it
totally a different thing? What
is “punk” about Galaxy Express, and what is not “punk?”
Juhyun: I started music by listening to punk. Even now Galaxy Express is based on punk.
We do use the word “punk”
to describe Galaxy Express.
Punk is just a genre of music
to Galaxy Express. Punk or
metal or hard rock or psychedelic or shoegazing or postrock, are just music genres labeled by somebody. My music
is energetic, rebellious, and
self-pitying. I don’t like being political or modern rock or
dance. I don’t like music too
difficult. Galaxy Express’s music is simple and not joyful or
moody or macho. The difference between Galaxy Express
and punk is we don’t care
about hair or leather jackets or
stupid unity.
Broke: Let’s pretend that Galaxy Express breaks up, and
everyone’s sad. But you can
start a new band, anything you
want. What band would you
start this time?
Juhyun: If I do a different style,
it would be because I do it with
other people, but still the music
I make will be pretty similar.
Broke: 갤럭시익스프레스는 결성
한지 오래되지 않은 밴드이지만
멤버들은 다른 밴드에서의 경력이
많은것으로 알고있습니다. 멤버들
은 갤럭시익스프레스 이전에 어떤
밴드들에서 활동했었나요?
Juhyun: ‘기타:박종현’은 밴드 ‘모
글리’ 라몬즈 트리뷰트 밴드로 활
동을 하다가 맴버의 부재로 인해
‘기타모글리’라는 이름으로 쏠로
로 어쿠스틱 공연을 하다가 나의
제의를 받고 갤럭시 익스프레스를
시작하게 되었습니다.
Broke: 몇년 후 갤럭시익스프레
스는 어떤씬(또는 배경)을 기반으
로 활동하고있을까요?
Juhyun: 계속 비슷할꺼라 생각합
니다. 그다지 인기있는 음악도 아
니고 대중이 좋아할만한 요소도
별로 없다고 생각합니다.
shove. Smack! Verville is squashed
by an oncoming bus.
Mission accomplished! Excellent work. Your employers are very
pleased.
THE END
Broke: 홍대씬에서 오랜동
안 활동한 뮤지션으로써, 그
동안 씬이 어떻게 변화되었
다고 생각며,
요즘의 씬에대해서 당신이
느끼는바는 어떤가요? 그리
고 그러한 변화속에서 당신
은 어떻게 변화되었나요?
Juhyun: 홍대의 씬을 포괄적
으로 다 알고 있지 못합니다.
그러나 내가 아는 펑크씬을
보면 밴드들도 예전에 비해
많이 없어지고 우선 음악을 즐기
는 사람이 별로 없어보입니다.
요즘은 펑크씬이 어떻게 되어가
는지 잘 모릅니다. 이러한 변화속
에서 나는 나이를 많이 먹었다는
것 말고는 아직 멍청이인체 그대
로 라고 생각합니다.
Broke: 멤버들이 처음에 펑크씬에
서 부터 음악을 시작했잖아요. 펑
크(또는 펑크씬)이 갤럭시 익스프
레스에 어떤 영향을 주었나요? 갤
럭시익스프레스라는 밴드를 표현
할때 펑크라는 단어를 쓰겠습니까?
아님 겔익은 아예 다른 밴드라고 생
각하나요? 갤럭시 익스프레스에게
펑크란 무엇이며, 또 펑크가 아닌
점은 무었이라고 생각합니까?
Juhyun: 음악을 처음에 할때 그런
지,펑크음악을 들으면서 시작했습
니다. 지금도 갤럭시는 펑크에 기
반을 두고 있다고 생각합니다. 갤
럭시를 표현할때 펑크라는 단어를
쓰고있습니다.
갤럭시에게 펑크라는 것은 음악
장르일뿐이라고 생각합니다. 펑크
나 메탈이나 하드록이나 싸이키델
릭,휴게이징,포스트록 등등 다 그
냥 누군가 가져다 붙인 음악장르
라고 생각합니다.
저는 에너지가 넘치고 반항적이
고 찌질하게 자기 하소연이나 하
는 음악을 하고있습니다. 정치적
인것도 싫고 모던록도 싫고 댄스
도 싫습니다. 그리고 너무 어려운
음악도 싫습니다.
갤럭시가 추구하는 음악은 쉽
고 신나지도 않고 우울하고 마초
적이지도 않습니다. 갤럭시가 펑
크와 다른점은 머리나 가죽잠바
에 신경쓰지 않는다는것과 멍청
한 유니티를
추구하지 않는다는 것입니다.
Broke: 이번 질문은 잘나가고있
는 밴드에게하기엔 조금 조심스럽
습니다만, 그냥 재미로 물어보는
것이니 심각하게 받아들이지 말아
주셨으면 합니다.
그땐 어떠한 밴드(음악)을 하게
될까요?
Juhyun: 다른 스타일을 하게되는
것은 다른사람과 하기때문이고 그
안에서 내가 만드는 음악은 계속
비슷하다고 생각합니다. 나중에
새로운 밴드를 만든다고 해도비슷
할꺼라고 생각합니다.
5
Target:
Jacob Verville
Don’t Call Them Infamous
Ahn Archy: Yang Sejung was a
singer of the garage/no-wave
band Invisible Man and I liked
the voice. I was impressed
with the energy the first time
I saw her performance, then I
found out she was a friend of
my friend. Then I found out she
liked enka too, and we decided
to make Oriental sound out of
enka and trot. Does it matter
whether it’s a female vocalist
or male vocalist? I brought her
to the band not because she’s
female but she has a great
voice and talent.
Jon Twitch
Answers translated by Jungy
Rotten
For too long, the former
member of MR27 we mostly
know as Sidney has been talking about starting a new band.
There has been all sorts of talk
about this, and he formed the
band long before they actually
started to play shows. I wanted
to know more, so I sent him
some questions to see what
he’d say. Here he answers
questions as “Ahn Archy.”
Broke: First, what is the band’s
name in Korean, and why did
you choose that?
안 악희: 우리 밴드의 이름은 파렴
치악단이라고 한다. 밴드의 이름
을 만들때 굉장히 오랜 고민을 했
었다. 나는 오랫동안 모두가 공감
하고 모두가 이해할 수 있는 강렬
한 밴드 이름을 찾길 원했다. 어느
시대이든 그 시대의 분위기를 잘
드러내주는 밴드이름이 하나쯤은
존재하기 마련이다. 예를들면 쇼
디와디라던가, 클래쉬라던가, 머
드허니같은 밴드 이름 있지 않은
가. 나는 오랜시간동안 대한민국
을 관통하는 키워드를 찾았는데,
파렴치라는 단어 말고 더 나은게
없는것 같다. 이 나라는 누가 옳고
그르고를 판단할 수 없을 정도로
파렴치하다.
Ahn Archy: Our band name is
Paryumchiakdan. It took me
a long time to find this name.
I wanted to find a name that
everybody can sympathise
with and understand, There’s
at least one band name that
captures the atmosphere of
the era. I’ve been looking for
a keyword to define Korea for
a long time, and paryumchi is
the best word. This country is
so paryumchi, that you cannot
judge who’s right and who’s
wrong.
Broke: Describe what the band
sounds like.
안 악희: 우리 밴드는 철저히 동양
적인 멜로디를 지향한다. 그동안
한국의 록음악은 오랜 시간동안
탄압받고, 미디어의 철저한 방해
속에서도 나름대로의 발전을 거쳐
이제는 세련된 음악으로 거듭났
다. 그러나 음악적 세련미를 논하
면서 가끔 서양의 것을 무조건 따
라만 하는것이 세련미인줄 착각하
는 사람들이 있다. 우리는 한국인
이다. 한국인이 한국적인, 동양적
인 멜로디가 나오는 것은 당연한
것이다. 우리는 한국적인 멜로디
에 60년대 개러지와 펑크록을 섞
는, 새로운 음악을 하기 위해 모였
다. 우리가 만들면서도 장르를 알
수 없는 곡들이 나오곤 한다. 우리
는 딱히 어느 장르라고 이야기 하
고 싶지 않지만, 우리가 펑크밴드
인것은 변함이 없다.
김용수: 나는 파렴치악단을 하기
전부터 펑크밴드를 하고있는 상태
였고 파렴치악단을 하면서 여전히
내가 펑크밴드를 하고있구나 하고
생각했다. 밴드의 노래도 그에 맞
6
Target:
Jacob Verville
는 사운드를 들려주고 있다고 생
각한다
Ahn Archy: Our band totally
goes for Oriental melodies.
Rock music in Korea was persecuted but developed its own
way and now it’s new born as
a sophisticated music. Some
people misunderstand the sophistication of music equals
following the footsteps of
westerners. We are Koreans;
it’s natural Korean and Oriental
melody comes out of Koreans.
We are here to make new music, music of Korean melody
mixed up with ‘60s garage and
punk rock. Sometimes we happen to make songs of genres
we cannot tell. We don’t want
to define ourselves in a particular genre but surely we are
a punk band.
Kim Yongsu: I was in a punk
band before Paryumchiakdan
and I still think I’m doing punk
in Paryumchiakdan.
Broke: Most other Korean
bands I see sing in English, or
at least partly in English. Why
did you choose to have Korean
lyrics?
안악희: 우리가 한국인이니까 당
연한것 아닌가. 이 질문을 왜 했는
가? 그렇다면 당신은 왜 영어로 된
팬진을 만드는가?
김용수: 한국적인 노래에 영어를
쓰는가? 불어를 쓰는가? 아니면
일본어를 쓰는가? 그저 애초에 밴
드를 시작할때부터 모두들 암묵적
으로 한국어 가사를 쓰는 것으로
되었다고 생각한다.
You follow him into the 7/11. He
grabs two small green bottles and
brings them to the counter. You take
out your wallet, but he ushers it away.
“It is my treat,” he announces.
When you both have your sojus,
양 세정: 영어로는 완벽히 전할 수
없는 동양적인 사상과 문화들이 있
기 때문이다. 예를 들면 한(恨)이
라는 개념이 이 한계에 속한다. 그
나마 가장 가까운 infamous라는
영단어도 한국인들이 생각하는 파
렴치라는 개념을 충분히 설명해주
지 못한다고 생각한다. 파렴치를
infamous라고 쓸 것인가, 아니면
outrageous라고 쓸 것인가 고민
도 많이 했던 기억이 난다.
Ahn Archy: Because we are
Korean. Why did you ask this
question? Then why do you
make a fanzine in English?
Kim Yungsu: Then using English in Korean songs? Using
French? Or using Japanese?
I guess we didn’t even need
to agree to use Korean lyrics
when we first started the band.
Yang Sejung: There are Oriental
philosophies and cultures that
cannot translate to English. For
instance, Han. Even the closest
English word “Infamous” cannot fully describe the meaning
of Paryumchi. I remember us
worrying whether to use “Infamous” or “Outrageous” for
Paryumchi.
악을 들었지만 동시에 어릴때부터
뽕짝이나 트롯트를 좋든 싫든 듣
고 자랐다. 여러 가지 요소가 뒤섞
인 환경에서 만든 노래라서 우리
의 혈통은 매우 모호하다.
Ahn Archy: Other than melody
lines, which is indicated as
bbongjjak or enka, comparably
more Korean-themed lyrics,
or four-beat sound, not so often used in western pop these
days. In fact it’s hard to pick
exactly which elements in our
music are Korean. We grew
up listening to rock music at
the same time we listened to
bbongjjak and trot, no matter
whether we liked it or not. Our
origin is very ambiguous because our songs were made in
circumstances with all kinds of
elements mixed up.
Broke: What other Korean
elements are in your band’s
sound?
안 악희: 뽕짝, 엔카로 일컬어 질
수 있는 멜로디라인 말고는 좀 더
한국적인 가사나 요즘 서양의 팝
음악에서는 잘 사용하지 않는 4비
트 사운드를 이야기 할 수 있을까?
정확히 우리의 어떤 음악적 요소
가 한국적이라고 이야기하긴 사
실 매우 어렵다. 우린 다양한 록음
Broke: Why did you decide to
go with a female singer? How
did you find her?
안 악희: 양세정은 투명인간이라
는 개러지/노웨이브 계열 밴드의
보컬이었는데, 목소리가 매우 맘
에 들었다. 처음 그녀의 공연을 보
고 그녀가 가진 에너지에 감명 받
았는데, 나중에서야 친한 동생과
친구라는 사실을 알게되었다. 그
러고 나서 그녀도 엔카를 좋아한
다는 사실을 알게 되었고 엔카나
트로트의 사운드를 끌어서 동양적
인 사운드를 만들어 보자, 라는 취
지에서 함께 하게 되었다. 여성보
컬이면 어떻고 남성보컬이면 어떤
가. 난 양세정이 여자라서 함께 하
려고 한게 아니라 그녀의 목소리
에 무한한 재능이 있기때문에 함
께 한것이다.
you follow Verville outside again and
back toward Skunk Hell.
“I am irresponsible,” Verville tells
you. “This should be my day to sleep
in but instead I figure that this will be
enough sleep. I have precisely 3 large
work related events transpiring within
4 hours of each other and no time and
no understanding from my superiors.
One of them is a scheduling conflict I
produced without thinking. I deserve
to be fucked, killed and eaten. By Jef-
Broke: Are there any Korean
bands you’d liken this band to?
안 악희: 사실상 없다. 몇몇 사람
들은 자우림과의 유사성을 이야기
하는데 그런 사운드는 크랜베리스
에 가깝지 우리와는 전혀 다르다.
우리는 로커빌리나 60년대 소울,
서프 음악과 연관이 크다. 굳이 비
슷한 밴드를 꼽자면 60~70년대의
한국 밴드들을 이야기 할 수 있을
것이다. 골든 그레입스나 무지개
퀸텟같은 밴드들 말이다. 물론 이
들은 완전히 하드록이었기 때문에
우리와는 다르다.
김용수: 없다 있어도 모른다
Ahn Archy: Not really. Some
people see a similarity with
Jaurim but their sound is close
to Cranberries but not us. We
are related to rockabilly, ‘60s
soul, and surf music. If I had to
pick a similar band, it would be
Korean bands in the ‘60s and
‘70s like Golden Grapes or Mujige Quintet. Of course they’re
totally hard rock so we are a
bit different.
Kim Yongsu: None. If there is, I
don’t know.
Broke: Tell me about the Korean psychedelic scene from the
‘60s. Is it related at all to the
modern Korean music scene, or
is it mainly forgotten? What are
the differences between music
then and music now?
안악희: 사실 나는 싸이키델릭 음
악을 이제 그다지 좋아하지 않는
다. 나의 관심사는 싸이키델릭 이
전의 록 음악이다. 기타 사운드가
지나치게 퍼즈톤에 물들기 전 시
대를 이야기 하는 것이다. 하지만
굳이 60년대의 한국 싸이키델릭
에 관한 이야기를 하자면, 역사속
의 그 시절은 한국의 록음악이 이
제 막 성장하고 있던 때라고 할 수
있다. 그러나 군사정권의 탄압으
로 인해 록음악은 모두 사라졌고,
서브컬쳐도 완전히 죽어버렸다.
한국의 60년대 후반과 70년대 초
반은 서양처럼 히피들이 존재했다
고 한다. 그러나 국가에서 모든 것
을 통제했고 머리기르는것 조차도
금지되었다. 외국인들은 한국이
1987년 민주화가 되기 전까지 얼
마나 혹독한 독재국가였는지를 알
아야 한다. 북한의 스탈린주의 못
지 않게 남한은 군사 파시스트들
이 지배하고 있었다. 이러한 상황
에서 한 세대에서 다음 세대로 문
frey Dahmer. And his friends.”
Do you want to listen to more of
Verville’s rants outside, or go inside?
Let’s go inside. Go to page 7
We’ll keep drinking. Go to page 11
화와 음악이 계승된다는 것은 불
가능했다. 새로운 음악 트렌드가
나타나면 그때그때 메이저 음반
제작사들이 카피해서 상품으로서
생산할 뿐이지, 그것이 어떠한 트
렌드나 씬을 형성할 만큼 자유롭
게 생산하고 소비할 상황이 아니
었던 것이다. 그렇기 때문에 60년
대 싸이키델릭 씬이 소멸하고 나
서, 계속해서 트렌드가 수입되었
다가 소멸되는 악순환만이 반복되
었다. 이는 90년대 중반까지 계속
되풀이 되었다. 80년대에 한국에
헤비메탈 밴드들이 엄청나게 많
았지만 그때의 음악은 이제 완전
히 잊혀졌다. 사람들이 메탈리카
나 건스 앤 로지즈는 다시 찾아듣
지만 시나위나 무당은 알지 못한
다. 사실상 요즘 개러지나 모던록
밴드들이라고 등장하는 밴드들은
대부분 호러스나 하이브스를 베
낄 뿐이지, 그들은 히식스나 트리
퍼스에 관심도 없고, 그러한 음악
을 다시 찾아서 들을 수 있는 방법
도 사실상 없다. 한국의 특수한 역
사적 배경 때문에 한국에서 록 음
악의 전통을 이야기 하는것은 무
의미 하다. 그렇기 때문에 그 당시
록 밴드들과 요즘 록 밴드들을 비
교하는 것도 무의미 하다.
Ahn Archy: In fact I’m not really into psychedelic music.
My interest is rock music before psychedelic. I’m talking
about the period before guitar
sound getting into fuzz tone.
Still when it comes to Korean
psychedelic in the ‘60s, historically Korean rock music
had just started growing. But
the dictatorship persecuted
rock music, and rock music
and subculture were totally
dead. I heard there existed
hippies like in western countries in Korea in the late ‘60s
to early ‘70s, but the government controlled everything:
even growing hair was banned.
Foreigners should learn what
a horrible dictatorial country
Korea was until 1987. Fascist
soldiers were ruling South Korea just like Stalinism in North
Korea. It was impossible for a
generation to pass culture and
music onto the next generation. Every time there appears
a new music trend, major recording companies copy it and
mass-produce it. The circumstances were not good enough
for forming a scene or culture
being produced and consumed
freely. Therefore, since the
‘60s psychedelic scene died,
the cycle of trends being imported then fading away repeated. This continued until
the mid-’90s. There were so
many heavy metal bands in the
‘80s in Korea, but they have
been totally forgotten now.
People rediscover Metallica or
Guns n’ Roses but they don’t
know Sinawe or Mudang. Truth
is, new garage or modern rock
bands these days just copy
Horrors or Hives but they are
not interested in He6 or Trippers and there’s actually no
way to find their music. It’s
meaningless to talk about the
tradition of Korean rock music
thanks to Korea’s specific historical background. That’s why
it’s also meaningless comparing rock bands of the past and
today’s rock bands.
Broke: Retro seems to be very
popular in the Korean live music scene these days. Why is
that? Is this a retro band?
안 악희: 외국인들의 눈으로 볼때
한국에서 레트로 혹은 옛날 록음
악의 느낌을 가진 밴드들이 한국
라이브 음악 씬에서 인기가 있는
것처럼 보일것이다. 하지만 이는
완전히 잘못 이해한 것이다. 레트
로 음악이라고 해도, 지금 이 시대
의 한국에서는 완전히 새로운 것
이 된다. 그만큼 한국은 록 음악
에 있어 자양분이 적다. 세대간
의 단절이 지나치게 심했고, 외국
은 록 음반의 재발매와 각종 미디
어의 특집방송으로 과거의 음악을
재발굴하는 시도가 부지런히 이어
져 왔다면, 한국은 그런게 전혀 없
다. 그렇기 때문에 만약 우리가 크
림이나 아이언 버터플라이같은 연
주를 사람들 앞에서 한다고 해도,
사람들은 그것이 싸이키델릭인줄
모른다. 벤쳐스를 연주해도 사람
들은 그것이 서프 음악인줄 모른
다. 한국에서 새로 인기있는 장르
를 레트로의 시각으로 봐서는 안
된다. 이 나라에서는 펑크, 모던록,
헤비메탈을 제외하고는 무엇을 시
작해도 최초가 된다. 레트로라서
인기가 있는것이 아니고 사람들
이 잘 모르는 음악을 잘 만들기 때
문에 인기가 있는 것이다. 그런점
에서 우리는 레트로 밴드로 묶일
수 없을 것이다. 멜로디의 분위기
는 구식이지만 우리의 음악은 전
혀 구식이 아니다.
Ahn Archy: In foreigners’ eyes
it may look like retro or old
rock is popular in the live music scene. This is totally wrong.
Even if it’s retro, still it’s totally
new in Korea at this time. Korea has such a small amount of
materials in rock music. Every
generation was disconnected
from others. While there are
many attempts to rediscover
old rock music in other countries, Korea has nothing like
that. Even if we play Cream
or Iron Butterfly, the audience would have no idea it’s
psychedelic. Even if we play
Ventures, they don’t know it’s
surf music. I don’t think a new
popular genre in Korea should
be considered as retro. In this
country, whatever you start is
new except punk, modern rock,
or heavy metal. It’s popular
not because it’s retro but it’s
something people don’t know
much about. So we cannot be
categorised as a retro band.
Our melody is old style but our
music isn’t.
Broke: Where do you want to
go with this band? What kind of
reception do you think people
will give you?
안 악희: 사실 우린 귀엽고 이쁜척
하는 인디 아이돌들도 싫고, 한없
이 행복하고 예쁜 노래나 하려는
사람들도 별로 맘에 들지 않는다.
현실이 개판인데 귀엽고 이쁜 노
래를 해 봤자 무슨 소용인가? 우
린 밑도 끝도 없이 뭐든지 잘될거
라고 이야기하는 인간들의 희망에
낙서를 해주고 싶다. 사람들이 우
리에게 어떤 반응을 보일지는 별
로 기대하지 않고 있다. 사람들의
반응에 관심이 없다는게 아니라,
사실 우리도 사람들이 어떻게 반
응할지가 매우 궁금하다. 사람들
의 반응을 알 수 없기 때문에 쓸데
없는 기대는 접고 있다.
양 세정: 이 시점에서 사람들의 반
응을 예상할 수는 없다. 우리들은
그다지 반응 없을 거라고 생각했
던 곡이 가장 반응이 좋았던 의외
의 사건이 있었기 때문에. 다만 그
동안 돌아온 피드백 중 하나는, 주
변에서는 우리 음악을 듣고서는
내가 2007년도에 보컬로 활동했
던 ‘투명인간’과 확연히 다르다고
한다. 투명인간의 경우에는 곡의
구성이나 멜로디에 앞서 곡 제목
과 가사의 재미와 특이함을 특징
으로 내세워 진지한 음악을 기대
하는 청중의 허를 찌르는 곡들을
만들었기에 발성이나 창법에 있어
서도 파렴치악단의 그것과는 상반
되었다. 투명인간에서는 그야말로
노래 잘부르는 사람이 불러도 못
부르게 되는 곡들? 역으로 생각
해보면 못부르는 사람도 쉽게 부
를 수 있는 곡들을 만들었지만, 이
밴드에 관해서는 내가 낼 수 있는
한 최선을 다해 목소리를 내보고
싶다.
Ahn Archy: We hate indie idols
acting cute, and we don’t like
people singing all happy and
sweet. Reality is shit, so what’s
the point of singing cute, pretty
songs? We want to draw graffiti on the hope of people saying
everything’s going to be alright.
Not that we are not interested
in how people are going to respond. The truth is we are. I’m
trying not to have false hopes
because I don’t know how
they’re going to respond.
Yang Sejung: I cannot anticipate how they’re going to respond at this point because the
song we the least expectation
for turned out to be the most
popular. Some of the feedback
was they say our music is totally different than Invisible
Man who I was the vocalist for.
Invisible Man was more about
betraying the expectations of
the audience by making fun
lyrics and being different, rather than construction of songs
and melodies. So it’s almost
the opposite of Paryumchiakdan when it comes to vocal and
singing style. Invisible Man’s
songs made a good singer
sound bad. In other words, they
were songs even a bad singer
could easily sing, but I want to
show off my voice and do my
best in this band.
Broke in Korea congratulates Jeff and Trash on their marriage and getting Yumi to make out with another chick.
You shoulder your way through
the crowd toward the front door of
Skunk Hell. There is a stairway leading down to the basement level, and
it is currently congested with people
trying to get in and people trying to
get out.
You push through the gridlock and
suddenly find yourself staring at the
back of Verville’s clean-shaven skull.
From here you can already detect the
soju that permeates his every pour
and the grit from wherever he slept
the night before.
Interesting, you note that there is
no safety railing, and on the other
side is a two-meter fall onto very hard
stairs. Maybe a simple push would
be all you need to take Verville out.
No one would even know it was intentional.
I’ll give it a try. Go to page 8
No, not here. Go to page 10
Target:
Jacob Verville
7
G’Day Mateo
Jon Twitch
Questions translated by Park
Jongo
Answers translated by Jungy
Rotten
If you’ve ever been to a
punk show in Korea, chances
are you’ve bumped into Never
Daniel, literally, as he dominates
whatever
dancefloor
any band is capable of bringing. Now this lifelong punk has
finally started his own band. I
sat down with him (or at least
via computer) to ask him what
makes him tick, and discuss
slamming, fake punk, religion,
and alternate theories for his
nickname.
“punk” bands. Is this a good
time or bad time to be in a punk
band?
Never Daniel: Very bad. At
least Mateo should keep it
real!!! There should be our own
punk while there are so many
pop-punks and emo-punks!! If
it keeps going like this, there
will be only fake punk in the
Korean punk scene. We better keep it real and be true to
our roots. If I introduce Korean punk to any foreign friend
at this point, all I get will be
“They’re wannabes.” Still I’m
not frustrated. I think it’s time
for pure punk bands to get
together and stand up again.
Time to stop fake punk!!!
Broke: At a lot of shows, you
are the most active person in
the audience. I guess if you’re
in a band, then the audience
loses its best mosher. How are
the audiences when you perform?
Never Daniel: They find it funny, kekeke. My vocal style is
action vocals, so I jump around
on stage. Since I’ve been in the
audience for 10 years before a
band member, I perform in the
same attitude with the audience.
These days I am influenced by
the Misfits so I put skull makeup on my face and the audience
makes fun of me saying I look
like Kung Fu Panda.
Broke: How long have you
been in the punk scene? What
was your first show?
Never Daniel: I was a metal
kid in the second grade of
middle school who loved death
metal and thrash metal bands
like Sepultura, Slayer, Cannibal Corpse, and Obituary.
One day when I was in the
third grade of middle school
in 1997, an older female friend
let me borrow her “Our Nation
1” CD from Drug Records and
I got a culture shock listening to “Maldalija” by Crying
Nut. It was my first punk rock
song and I ran to Drug immediately and have been a punk
since then. It’s been already
12 years me living as a punk.
The first show I’ve ever been
to was with a Korean death
metal band called Sadu at Rolling Stones in Sinchon in 1996
when I first started slamming.
Broke: Why did it take so long
for you to start a band?
Never Daniel: Originally I decided not to start a band ever.
There’s a saying in Hongdae,
“You should be in a band to
be a punk.” I hated that and I
wanted to prove you can be a
punk without being in a band,
8
Target:
Jacob Verville
Broke: What do you do for a
living? And what do you want
to do with your life?
Never Daniel: I deliver meals
in Yongsan in the daytime on
weekdays, and sometimes I
promote shows on weekends,
and I want to be the best promoter in the future.
and I hated seeing just anybody
being in a punk band. The most
important thing was I was worried I wouldn’t be able to purely
enjoy punk music.
One winter day in 2007 after
10 years of slamming, I started
dating a punk girl who’s a guitarist. She wanted to be in a
band but she didn’t know anybody in Hongdae so I stepped
up as a vocalist. So I betrayed
my ten-year-long belief for
love. Now we broke up but my
band Mateo continues.
mean I’m not fully enjoying being in a band. I guess I’m not
still good enough so I should
try harder. I wanna meet many
friends and sing life and enjoy
my life through performances.
Easy or hard doesn’t matter but
whether I put my passion into
it does.
Broke: Was it easier or harder than you thought to start a
band?
Never Daniel: I think there were
more obstacles than I expected.
If I say it’s too hard, that would
Broke: Tell me what Mateo
brings to the Korean punk
scene that no other band can.
Never Daniel: I don’t think Mateo contributed or influenced
the Korean punk scene at all.
Except Mateo is Korea’s first
Anti-mad-christ punk band. I
don’t have any problem with
the very few good Christians
but I am sick and tired of those
shouting “Jesus Heaven, no
Just as Verville is taking a step,
you plant your hands in his back and
shove him over the edge. He lands
hands-first on the lower half of the
staircase, making a squishy thump
like a bag of moldy potatoes.
“Fuck!” he hollers in pain and surprise, getting to his feet. There’s a big
bump on his forehead, and his nose is
bleeding. “Who pushed me?”
You keep your mouth shut and look
innocently around at everyone else.
They all look concerned, but none of
them seem suspicious at all. Maybe
they think he was just drunk and fell.
“Which one of you faggots pushed
me?” Verville repeats himself. “Fuck,
I hate this fucking country! Who the
faith Hell,” and those knocking
on your door to convert you, or
those saying rock music is Satan’s music!! You have freedom
of religion, but you shouldn’t
force or bother other people!!
Especially there’s a quote in the
Bible that no matter how good
you are, if you don’t believe
in Jesus you go to Hell, which
annoys the Hell out of me. Are
there many crazy Christians in
America or other countries??
As far as I know, Bush is a
Christian and Lee Myungbag is
a Christian, then who the Hell
goes to Heaven and who goes
to Hell?
Broke: It seems these days
there are many more bands
around, but far fewer real
fuck did this?”
By the reaction of the others on
the staircase, you could probably
slit Verville’s throat right now and
get a pleased round of applause. But
realistically you’d have to kill any
witnesses, and that’s a lot of bodies
right here.
Verville storms up the stairs and
Broke: Do you remember how
you got the nickname “Never
Daniel?”
Never Daniel: It was Paul from
Suck Stuff who gave me the
nickname “Never Daniel.” I was
drinking Jack Daniels with Paul
at the playground in the summer of 2006 and I got so wasted, and that’s when he started
calling me Never Daniel.
(Note from editor: I started
the nickname, not Paul. In the
playground, he mentioned his
English name was Daniel, so I
started taunting him and saying
I’d call him Daniel. He retorted
“Never Daniel,” so I replied,
“Okay, Never Daniel.” He said
“Not Never Daniel,” so I said,
“Okay, Not Never Daniel.”
Eventually it ended up as Never Daniel. I don’t know if many
people still call him that.)
Broke: 그동안 수많은 공연에서
당신은 가장 엑티브한 관객중 하
나였습니다. 당신이 관객이 아닌
밴드멤버로써 있을때, 관객은 최
고의 모셔(mosher)를 잃는 셈인
데요.
당신이 공연할때 관객들의 반응
은 어떤가요?
Never Daniel: 재밌어 합니다. ㅋ
ㅋㅋ 우선 제가 지향하는 보컬 스
타일이 액션 보컬이기 때문에 항
상 무대에서 방방 뛰어다닙니다.
제가 밴드이기 전에 관객으로써
10년 넘게 살아와서 그런지 공연
할때도 관객의 자세로 노래 부릅
니다.^^ 요즘은 미스피츠(THE
MISFITS)
에 영향 받아서 얼굴에 해골 분
장하고 나오는데 관객들은 ‘쿵푸
팬더’ 같다고 놀립니다.^^;;
then exits out a little side door.
What will you do? Follow after
him or give him his quiet time? He
probably won’t go far, but if you follow him it may raise his suspicion. Or
give you an opportunity.
I’ll stay here. Go to page 9
I’ll run after him. Go to page 18
Broke: 펑크씬에 몸담은지 얼마
나 되었나요? 그리고 당신이 가본
첫번째공연은 무엇이었나요?
Never Daniel: 원래 세풀투라,슬
레이어,카니발 콥스,오비추어리
등등 데스메탈과 쓰래쉬 메탈을
사랑하는 중학교 2학년 메탈 청
소년이었습니다. 그러던 어느날
1997년 중학교 3학년때 아는 누
나가 드럭 레이블의 ‘Our Nation’
1집을 빌려줬는데 그 당시 크라잉
넛의 ‘말달리자’를 듣고 문화적 충
격을 먹었습니다. 저한테 있어서
최초의 펑크락이었고, 그 음반을
듣고 바로 드럭으로 달려갔고 전
그때부터 펑크가 되었습니다. 펑
크를 처음 접한게 1997년이니깐
벌써 펑크로 산지 12년이 되었네
요!! 제가 본 첫 공연은 1996년
여름에 신촌 클럽 롤링스톤즈에서
열린 한국 데스메탈 밴드 ‘사두’의
단독공연이었고 슬램도 그때 처음
알았습니다.
Broke: 당신이 펑크씬에 몸담은
이래 밴드를 시작하기까지 꽤 오
랜 시간이 걸린데에는 어떤 이유
가 있나요?
Never Daniel:원래는 절대로 밴
드를 하지 않으려고 했습니다. 한
국 홍대에서는 ‘펑크가 되려면 밴
드를 해야 된다’라는 말이 있었습
니다.
그런 말이 너무 싫었고, 밴드를 하
지 않아도 펑크로 살수 있다는 걸
증명하고 싶었고, 개나 소나 펑크
밴드 하는 것도 보기 싫었고, 제일
중요한건 밴드를 하게 되면 펑크
음악을 순수하게 즐기지 못할까봐
안했습니다.
그 러나....제가 슬램 관객으로
산지 10년째 되는 2007년 겨울
날!! 기타를 치는 펑크걸과 사귀
게 됐고 그녀가 홍대에 아는 사
람이 없어서 밴드를 하고 싶어도
못한다는 말에 제가 보컬을 하게
되었습니다 .그렇게 저는 10년
째 지켜온 신념을 ‘사랑’이라는
감정때문에 깨트리고 말았습니
다. ㅠ 현재 그녀와는 헤어졌지
만 밴드’마태오’는 계속 하고 있
습니다.^^;;
Broke: 밴드를 시작해보니 당신
이 생각했던것보다 쉬웠나요 어
려웠나요?
Never Daniel: 생각했던 것보다
넘어야 할 산이 많다고 생각합니
다. 어렵다고 말하면 제가 지금 밴
드를 즐기지 못하는 거겠죠.
제 가 아직 모자른 부분도 많
고 더 노력해야 된다고 생각합니
다. 하지만 밴드 공연을 통해서 좀
더 많은 친구들과 만나고, 인생을
노래하고, 즐기며 살고 싶습니다.
어렵거나 쉬운 것의 문제가 아니
라 ‘내가 얼마나 열정적으로 하느
냐?’가 중요한 것 같습니다.
Broke: 그동안 다른 밴드가 하지
않았던, 마테오 만이 이루어낸 한
국펑크씬에 미친 영향, 기여한점
이 있다면?
Never Daniel: 저희 마태오는 한
국펑크씬에 영향을 미쳤다거나,
기여한 점은 전혀 없다고 생각합
니다. 다만 대한민국에선 최초의
‘Anti-mad
-christ’(반개독교) 펑크밴드라
는 점만 빼고는. 일부 착한 기독교
신자들은 상관없는데, 길거리에서
You wander around out in front of
Skunk Hell. You hear voices speaking in English nearby. Your attention
piques when you catch Verville’s
nickname.
“Yeah, Verv’s such a fucking idiot,” one guy is saying. He is white,
has glasses, and his head is shaved
but grown out a bit. “Verv called me
‘예수천국, 불신지옥’ 외치고
다니는 신자들, 자기네 교회 다
니라고 집까지 찾아오는 집사들,
락 음악을 사탄의 음악이라고 떠
들고 다니는 개독교인들은 정말
꼴 도 보기가 싫어요!! 종교는 자
유지만 남한테 피해주지도 말고,
강요하지도 말아야죠!! 특히 기독
교 성경 구절 중에 아무리 착한 사
람도 예수를 믿지 않으면 지옥에
간다는 구절이 있는데 제일 짜증
나요.;;; 미국이나 다른 나라에도
미친 기독교 신자들이 많은가요??
제가 알기론 부시도 기독교 신
자고, 이명박도 기독교 신자인데,
대체 누가 천국 가고,누가 지옥에
가는 거죠?
Broke: 최근들어 밴드는 많아지
고 있지만 순수한 펑크밴드는 매
우 적은편입니다. 이러한 상황이
펑크밴드들에게 어떤영향을 줄거
라고 보시나요? 현재 상황이 좋은
쪽으로 간다고 보십니까?
Never Daniel: 매우 나쁩니
다. 저희 마태오라도 정신차려야
죠!!! 너무 팝펑크, 이모펑크 쪽에
만 몰렸는데 저희만의 펑크도 있
어야죠!!
이대로 가다간 한국의 펑크는
겉모습만 펑크인 가짜 펑크만이
판을 칠것입니다. 정신 차리고 초
심을 찾아야 할때입니다.
지금 한국펑크 외국친구들한테
들려줘봤자 따라한다는 말밖에 못
들을 것 같습니다. 그렇다고 절망
하진 않습니다. 순수한 펑크밴드
들끼리 모여서 다시 일어설 때라
고 생각합니다! 겉모습 뿐인 펑크
는 이제 그만둬야 할때!!!
Broke: 현재 하는 일은 무었이며,
앞으로 어떤일을 하고싶은지 알고
싶습니다.
Never Daniel: 현재 평일 낮에는
용산에서 밥 배달을 하고 있고, 가
끔씩 주말에 기획 공연을 하고 있
는데, 앞으로는 좀더 제 능력을 키
워서 최고의 공연 기획자가 되고
싶어요. 저희 밴드 마태오도 계속
꾸준히 활동해서 올해 겨울 쯤에는
첫 정규 앨범을 내고 싶어요.^^*
아 여기서 잠깐만 홍보할께요!!
5월 9일 (토) 스팟에서 ‘Antichrist’ 펑크메탈쑈합니다!! 제가
기획한 공연이고
이날 저희 마태오도 공연합니
다!
반기련(반기독교시민운동
연합)-http://www.antichrist.
or.kr-과 같이 하는 공연이고
텅빈 브라자 보컬 ‘정중식’씨가
만든 단편 영화 ‘안티 크리스찬’과
단편 고어펑크영화 ‘메탈무비’도
같이 상영하니 관심있는
친구들은 많이많이 놀러오세
요!! ^_^)/
지랄 리그
Never Daniel: 제가 현재 알기론
떠난 친구들이 제시와 폴입니다.
‘네버다니엘’ 별명을 붙여준건 폴
이구요. ㅋㅋㅋㅋ(썩스터프의 폴)
2006년 여름 홍대 놀이터에서 폴
과 잭다니엘을 마셨는데 제가 그
때 마니 취해서 잭다니엘을 들고
꼬장을 부렸는데 그때부터
폴이 ‘네버다니엘’이라 불렀어요.
ㅠ-ㅠ
Jon Twitch
I just want to fucking play
some soccer again. It’s been
over five years since I moved
here, and I’ve only played
one game in that time. Let’s
just get a bunch of people together sometime and play a
fucking game.
How about June 20? I’ll
figure out a field we can play
at that’s in the area of Hongdae, and we’ll all just show
up and kick around a ball.
Hungover, drunk, straightedge, everybody’s welcome.
To divide into two teams
we’ll go by arbitrary shirt colours. White and light colours
on one side, black and dark
colours on the other side,
with anything in between going to the team with fewest
members. It’s fairer than having captains pick players, and
it’ll make it easier to identify
teammates once we start
playing. Plus, we won’t have
to go by shirts vs skins and
risk being blinded by Verv’s
smooth, hairless chest.
Want to wear cleats and
shinpads? I won’t stop you,
but you might look like kind
of a knob.
If you want to get involved,
you can join our Facebook
group by searching for “Jiral
League.” Or just e-mail me
and let me know you’re interested. Let’s get this thing
going before it’s too hot.
last night at like 4am, and said he was
at some Uzbek hostess bar where he
was falling in love with the hostess.
Do you remember last week when he
was marching in that nuke Uzbekistan
parade? What a fucking hypocrite!”
He notices you laugh and looks
over at you. “Do you know Verv?”
he asks.
“A bit,” you lie. “I drank with him once.”
“Was he being a hypocrite then
too?” he asks you.
You kind of laugh. “He didn’t say
anything too weird, I thought.”
“Didn’t say anything too weird?”
he queries. “Are you sure we’re talking about the same Verv? Seriously,
the guy’s an alpha moron.”
Sincere nods are exchanged all
around the circle. It seems you’ve
met some people with a mutual enemy. Perhaps it would be worth letting
them in on your plan?
Target:
Broke: 당신의 별명을 네버다니
엘이라고 부른 외국인 친구들중
한국을 떠난 친구들도 있나요?
당신이 어떻게 네버다니엘이란 별
명을 얻게되었는지 기억나나요?
Okay, good idea. Go to page 12
No, I better keep my mouth shut.
Go to page 13
Jacob Verville
9
Duck and Cover for ICBM
Jon Twitch
Chaos Class has always been the
voice of dissatisfaction and dissent in
the Korean punk scene. At least when
they can be bothered to get to work.
The group has been quiet in recent
years, and with Explode lead singer
Chansung going to Australia there
hasn’t been much going on. And then
the survivors of previous bands such
as Angry Fists and the Explode have
banded together to start ICBM. Let’s
see how they respond to my questions.
See if you can guess which member is
totally talking out his ass.
Broke: How do you define crust
punk? What does crust punk mean
to you?
Kkamaki: 크러스트 밴드를 하면
머나먼 은하에서 운석이 날라와
지구가 멸망한다고 들었다.
그래서 시작했다.
Kkamaki: I heard that if you start a
crust band, then a meteor falls out of
space to Earth and that’s the end of
the world.
Mizno: 하드코어펑크보다 좀 더
급격한 음악이라고 볼 수 있겠네
요 크러스트펑크는... 의미는 잘
모르겠네요. 그냥 하고 싶어서 하
는 거니깐요. 어떤 크러스트펑크
에 대해서 어떤 의미를 두진 않았
습니다
Mizno: It’s more aggressive music
than hardcore. I don’t really know the
meaning of it either. It’s just something I want to do. I don’t particularly
give specific meaning to it.
Lee Won Ho: It’s a stench, stinky as
hell.
Broke: ICBM features members from
former Korean punk bands. Can you
list them all?
Mizno: 동화형은 앵그리피스츠,
원호형과 까마귀은 익스플로드,
미즈노와 마비는 히스테릭 이었
습니다
Mizno: Donghwa was in Angry Fists,
Wonho and Kkamaki were in Explode, and Mizno and Mabi were in
Hysteric.
Broke: What makes ICBM different
from earlier Chaos Class bands?
Kkamaki: 시간은 겁나게 빨리 흘
러가고 누구도 그 시간을 멈출수
는 없다. 그 동안 많은 친구들이 멀
어질수밖에 없었고, 그 반면에 많
은 친구들이 관심을 갖기도 했다.
icbm은 본질적으론 chaos class
초기의 그것과 크게 다를 바 없다.
분명 누군가는 chaos class 초기
의 생각들을 크게 오해하기도 했
지만, 자신이 chaos class라고 믿
는 친구들 중 몇은 그 생각을 이어
가 더욱 더 성장하려한다.
Kkamaki: Time goes by too damn
fast. Nobody can stop it. So many old
friends got alienated and on the other
hand we got some new friends interested. ICBM is basically much different early Chaos Class bands. Somebody might misunderstand earlier
thoughts of Chaos Class, but some
friends who consider themselves part
of Chaos Class tried to grow up out of
those thoughts.
Mizno: 다른점은없고, 카오스클래
스에 긍정을 하는 멤버들이 모여
만든거라서 별다를게 없다고 생각
합니다.
Mizno: Nothing different, because
all our members agree with Chaos
Class.
Lee Won Ho: I would say it’s totally
different muzik.
Broke: Why did you choose the name
ICBM?
Kkamaki: 우리는 amebix의 노래
icbm에서 많은 영향을 받았다. 우
연스럽게도 요즘 미국과 일본은
우리를 주목하고 있다:p
Kkamaki: We were influenced by the
song “ICBM” by Amebix.
Mizno: ICBM미사일 이나 각종 미
사일 무기등 살상을 목적으로한
Target:
10
Jacob Verville
Broke: Speaking of which, crust
punks are infamous for poor hygiene.
Are you guys filthy or do you keep
yourselves clean?
Kkamaki: 일본 야동 보니까 서로
좋다고 오줌도 먹고 똥도 먹고 하
더라.
Kkamaki: I saw them eating shit and
drinking piss in Japanese porn.
Mizno: 전 깔끔합니다 하하하하하
하하하하 ^^
Mizno: I’m clean, ha ha ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha.
Lee Won Ho: Of course, what do you
think?
We are just stinky bastards, from a
shithole capital police state.
도구들을 반대하고 ICBM미사일
의 거대한 의미처럼 ICBM밴드도
거대하게 됬으면 하는 바램이...
Mizno: First, we are against arms
and weapons like ICBM missiles and
other missiles made for killing, and
second, we wanted this band to be as
big as ICBM missiles.
Lee Won Ho: ICBM stands for InterContinental Ballistic Missile, which
perhaps sounds familiar to all of those
English speakers in Korea. Pretty
much all of us believes in Juche and
try to practice it every single day of
our daily routines, so it’s gonna be the
base for spreading this splendid idea
of Juche. Long live our great leader
comrade Kim Jung-Il!!
안들을 강요하진 않을것이지만,
적어도 하고 싶은 소리는 맘껏 떠
들고 살아야 병안난다.
Kkamaki: I’d rather say you better
wait and see than to have us explain
it right now. We are not going to force
other people into our alternative ideas,
but we cannot help ourselves from
saying whatever we want to say.
Mizno: 아무래도 요즘 북한이 쏴
올린 ICBM이 아닐까요?ㅋ
Mizno: Probably the ICBM missile
North Korea shot?
Lee Won Ho: Kicking American imperialists and capitalists out of Korea.
We are the real nazis.
Broke: It’s clear that ICBM is very
political. What are some of the main
political issues facing us today that
ICBM is most concerned with?
Kkamaki: 이것을 지금 설명하려
한다기보다 차차 두고 보면 알게
될것이다. 한가지 덧붙인다면, 우
리는 다수에게 우리가 생각한 대
Broke: I heard that ICBM is looking
for a session drummer because you’re
going into the army. How do you feel
about that?
Kkamaki: 이건 창훈(Mizno)이가
설명해야겠지만, 내 개인적인 느
낌은 안돼! 시히발!
Kkamaki: Mizno has to explain this,
but I’m not going to talk about my
personal feelings. No! Fuck!
You go down the stairs and reach
the counter where you have to pay the
entrance fee. You hand over one of
those green 10 000 won bills and get
three 1000 won bills in return.
You step through the black door at
the bottom of the stairs into Skunk
Hell. Inside, there’s a band setting up
on stage. A crowd of about 50 people
is inside, spread out throughout the
club. Separating the band from the
crowd is a big ugly metal table. Verville goes right up to the big ugly met-
al table and exchanges a few words
with the singer, a skinny blond guy
with a Welsh accent. You stay to the
side as the place fills up.
The band starts with an explosion
of noise. The lead singer goes berserk, limbs flailing in every direction.
Right in front of the stage, Verville
and several others begin moshing.
This involves running violently back
and forth in front of the stage and
bumping into everyone in their way.
You move back a bit so you won’t get
Mizno : 솔직히 군대라는 것이 누
구를 죽이기위한 방법을 배우러
가는 거기때문에 반대를 하고 있
지만... 집안 사정 상 군대를 안갔
다올 수 없는 상황이기에 가게되
었습니다 그래도 최대한 총을 들
지 않으려고 전산병으로 지원을
했구요 솔직히 힘든건 견딜 수 있
는데 밴드를 못하는 것과, 주위
에 친한 사람들을 못만나고, 사회
와 단절되고... 뭐 그런데 참 아쉽
내요
Mizno: I’m basically against the idea
of going to the army because it’s
where you learn how to kill somebody... But I decided to go to the
army according to my circumstances.
I volunteered for a position working
with computers to avoid using a gun.
I can deal with hardships but I feel
sad about not being able to be in a
band and meet my friends and being
isolated from society.
Lee Won Ho: Our drummer is going
for training to be a deadly tae-kwondo boy. We are all proud of it.
knocked over.
As you watch, Verville bowls over
three Korean girls standing off to the
far side. He helps them up, and then
charges back into the thick of things.
No wonder someone wants him dead,
you think. A guy this careless must
make a lot of enemies. Who knows,
maybe even the person who hired you
is in this venue tonight.
Before you waste too much time
thinking about that, you hatch another
plan to eliminate Verville.
Broke: Is ICBM connected to Chaos
Class? I haven’t heard from Chaos
Class in a long time. Why is that?
Kkamaki: 배가 고프면 밥을 먹어
야하고, 삶이 좀 괴롭다보면 술잔
에 코박고 살때도 있는 법이지.
Kkamaki: If you’re hungry then you
have to eat. If your life is tough then
sometimes all you do is drink.
Mizno: 중단되지 않았습니다. 아
주 얇고 길게 가고 있습니다. 카오
스클래스 멤버들은 각자 몇몇이
모여서 시위도 나가고 스텐실도
하고 이러고 있습니다. ICBM은 카
오스클래스 소속이라고 볼 수 있
겠네요. (그런데 워낙 카오스클래
스 자체가 누구의 것이 아니기 때
문에 애매모호 하네요)
Mizno: Chaos Class hasn’t been gone.
They continue very long and thin.
Some members of Chaos Class sometimes get together and go protesting
and do stencils. I consider ICBM belonging to Chaos Class (still, Chaos
Class doesn’t belong to anybody).
Lee Won Ho: Hell no. It’s dead. And
we are worshiping Satan nowadays.
It’s hippiest to do that. We are just a
bunch of hipsters.
While he runs back and forth,
it would be easy to shank him with
your dagger. In this thick crowd, it’s
likely that nobody would notice until
he’s on the floor spraying blood everywhere and you’re on your way up
the stairs.
Do you think you’ll go for it? Or is
it best to be patient and wait for the
perfect opportunity?
I’ll give it a try. Go to page 21
Not yet. Go to page 18
Everything
You Ever
Wanted to
Know About
Chris Hellking
In the United States, if you listen
to punk, ska, or pay attention to indie bands and labels, there is a huge
chance that you’ve heard the name
Asian Man Records. Behind this well
respected indie label that has sold
over 1 million records and helped
many independent and relatively
unknown bands get their big break
is a man that even within the States,
known for being a cultural melting pot, is a rarity. That man being
Mike Park, a Korean-American and
interestingly enough, one of the first
Korean punks not just in the US, but
possibly the entire world.
Originally born in Seoul, South Korea, Mike moved to the States when he
was just a baby. By 1985, Mike was
playing in a hardcore punk band and
eventually moved onto many now famous bands within the scene such as
Skankin’ Pickle and toured many different countries over the years. In 1996
he started his own DIY record label that
stays true to punk’s practices and principles and is still run out of his parent’s
garage even after staggering record
sales commendable for any small label.
His label supports more than 50 bands,
including well-known bands such as
Alkaline Trio, Screeching Weasel, The
Queers, and Chris Murray.
Having been a strong advocate of
racial unity and community activism
he has promoted insights into his Korean background and tackled issues
that plague Asian Americans and other social and political issues that he
takes to heart throughout his career in
music. He is also the founder of Plea
For Peace Foundation, a non-profit
organization that “facilitates benefit
tours, CD’s, and publications backed
by a strong network of bands, labels,
charities, and supporters.”
Luckily I had a chance to get in
contact with the great Mike Park himself for an interview. A lot of these
questions were polled from members
of the Broke community so hopefully this will actually answer some
of the questions that you guys had
for Mike.
Broke: What got you into punk and
ska music in the 80’s?
Mike Park: The energy and sense of
excitement of this new sound and
political empowerment coming from
bands like the Dead Kennedys, 7
Seconds, and the racial unity of the
2 Tone Ska movement and bands like
the Specials and the Selecter.
Broke: Who are some of your biggest
influences?
You buy Verville the next round of
soju. The stuff tastes awful, but it says it’s
only 22% on the bottle, nothing a deadly
assassin such as yourself can’t handle.
As the night pours on, you and Verville consume more and more of the
vile stuff.
Verville puts an arm around you
and begins ranting. “The modern era
saw the death of all dignified barbarians in existence so we have to make
ourselves into noble savages seeking
the downfall of Our Global Culture Of
Mike Park
scene.
Broke: Do you listen to many Korean
punk and ska bands? If so, can you
name a few that you like?
Mike Park: Unfortunately I’ve only
heard a few such as Skasucks, Crying
Nut, and No Brain.
Broke: So that festival in Korea, how
did that come about? How was it?
Mike Park: I’ve played two festivals.
The aforementioned Busan festival
and then three years ago I played
a festival in Seoul, but the weather
was quite bad in Seoul and we suffered from stormy weather during
our show day. But still, a fun time.
The Busan festival was insane. There
were around 10,000 people and it was
just such amazing experience.
Used without permission from some random site.
Mike Park: Musically it’s a large list
from 80’s hardcore to the British ska
movement, but influences are from
people and books and movies, so the
list is long and plentiful.
Broke: How does it feel being one of
the first Korean punks not just in the
US but in the world?
Mike Park: It’s kind of disheartening to think that there’s such a small
amount of Korean-Americans involved in the punk philosophy. Especially once they reach adulthood.
But I must say that it’s something that
I am very proud of and hope that it
will help others (Korean-Americans)
who want to be involved in punk philosophy.
Broke: Outside of Korea, there are
relatively few Koreans in punk and
ska music. Why do you think this is?
Mike Park: Because the parental
guidelines for Korean males are strict.
We are brought up with hopes of becoming the future doctors and lawyers and engineers of the world. Not
to become the next Joe Strummer.
Broke: What made you pursue music
when you were younger?
Mike Park: Just being out there at
shows and seeing the energy. It was
something I wanted to be a part of.
The thrill of playing music live was
and still is something I enjoy doing
quite a bit.
Lunacy,” he says. “A vague sense of
anarchy and chaos must be promoted,
and an effort to dethrone every empowered person must be made. “
“You know something, Verv ol’
buddy?” you slur.
“What is that, my friend?” Verville asks.
“I’m getting paid a lot of money
for tonight,” you say through fits of
giggles. “I was hired to kill you.”
Verville gives you a deep respectful nod. “That is very cool,” he says.
“Who wants me dead?”
Broke: How did your parents take to
you being a musician and more so on
you playing punk and ska music in
the early days?
Mike Park: They hated it. My mom
cried, my father yelled at me, but I
was not going to give in. This was
something I had to do.
Broke: Did you face challenges as a
Korean in music?
Mike Park: Well, you just don’t see
a lot of people of color in the music
business. Let’s take a quick look at
all the bands we love (that aren’t in
Korea). Write down your ten favorite
bands and name how many Korean
members are playing. Or better yet,
how many Asian members? None...?
Yes, that’s right. It’s an uphill struggle in mainstream music to market a
Korean-American. But I’ve always
been an underground artist, so it’s not
something I worry about.
Broke: What do you know about the
bands and scene over in Korea? How
did you find out about the Korean
scene?
Mike Park: I was invited to play some
festival about 8 years ago in Busan.
I got to meet a number of local punk
bands and see that they were interested in punk and ska. It was interesting
to see this happening in Korea. I am
in touch with some Korean bands, but
I am not super knowledgeable about
the real underground punk scene and
the politics that are involved with the
You laugh drunkenly. “You know
they’d kill me if I told them that!”
“I guess you are right,” Verville
replies.
Next thing you know, you wake up
in the morning, barely able to move
or even think, and unaware of your
current location. Slowly the previous
night floods back to you. Confessing
to Verville, showing him your weapons, kissing him with tongues for a
picture. You remember getting too
drunk, and being left at a jimjilbang,
Broke: How often do you visit Korea?
Mike Park: Not often enough. It’s
only been when I’ve gone to play
music. Hopefully I can make it out
there again in the next few years, but
it’s more difficult these days as I now
have a wife and two children.
Broke: The Korean punk scene has
been cited to have been in existence
since as far back as 1994. What do
you think is the reason that the keeps
the Korean scene relatively unknown
to the rest of the world?
Mike Park: I think the main obstacle
is the military obligation that young
men have to endure. A band can start
getting popular, but once they leave
for the military, the band breaks up.
That’s my theory. Am I right? Plus
there have been very few bands that
have toured the US. Once bands can
start touring over here and making
a name for themselves, things will
change.
Broke: As a Korean-American what
are your thoughts on Korean punk
and what do you think the impact of
having punks in Korea will have on
Korean culture?
Mike Park: Like any other culture, it
will be a chance for people to think
independently and freely from the
normal status quo. I think that’s the
biggest change and impact it will
have.
Broke: Now you’ve been running
your label for many years now and
it has been very successful in helping fledgling bands gain recognition.
When you first started your label
what were some obstacles you had to
overcome?
which is where you are now.
Then you sense someone standing
over you. At first you think it’s another
Korean, but then you recognise your
colleague assassin, Screaming Eagle.
“You idiot!” he screams. “Not only
did you let your target get away, but
you compromised our client! Fuck,
why does this always happen to every
assassin we send after Verv?”
He shoots you in the head.
THE END
...But Were
Afraid to
Ask
Mike Park: Money!! I was broke and
had to use credit cards and face extreme debt. It was all a gamble, but I
was lucky that it worked out for me.
Broke: What are the largest challenges you face in running your label?
Mike Park: Keeping up with the current scene. Everything evolves and
it’s easy to get complacent in the everyday situation you are in, but you
need to continue and look for new
bands and see what the younger generation are interested in.
Broke: For people in Korea that might
be interested in starting their own label, what are some things you’d recommend and some things they should
look out for when they start it?
Mike Park: Look for bands that have
the same philosophy and ideas as you
do. This is a partnership and you
need to find like-minded artists.
Broke: Would you recommend starting your own label as opposed to trying to get signed?
Mike Park: Everything I recommend
is to be DIY. SO yes, own label of
course.
Broke: What are some of the most
rewarding aspects of owning your
own label?
Mike Park: Being able to play by my
own rules and not worry about having
to please a boss.
Broke: You’ve distributed quite a few
bands from Japan in the past. Have
you ever considered bringing Korean
music state-side?
Mike Park: Of course, I’d love to,
but unfortunately I haven’t found the
right band yet.
Broke: Any chance you’ll be performing in Korea again? I know some artists from your label have performed
there within the past year or so like
The Queers and Chris Murray so
they’ll be more than glad to help you
out with booking.
I’d love to, but like I said before it’s
getting harder now with the family.
But maybe we can get more bands
from the label over there.
Broke: Any words you’d like to say to
the readers of this zine in Korea?
Thank you for reading this. Hopefully it was of some interest to you
and I hope in the future we can build
up the Korean punk scene and work
on bringing Korea out of the shadows and let the world know about the
bands.
Target:
11
Jacob Verville
What A Series Of Nights
Crap Art!
Tour Diary
Verv
16 March 2009
Our band played relatively poorly
in Daegu -- we were hampered by low
vocals, low guitar in the monitors that
caused several errors, etc. however
we did do some VERY GOOD renditions of several of our songs because
the energy was simply Awesome in
Daegu; the pit was never big, but it
EXISTED, and that is what we wanted to see; the people who were there
supporting us were far more meaningful than a bunch of guys who just
showed up to mosh to every band... It
wasn’t anything superficial.
It was like we were doing something special together in Daegu. We
were part of the crap art festival and
we put our best foot forward. We
were so excited to play it -- for weeks
before hand we talked about it, and
though there were some problems we
had such positive and genuine feedback I am sure we will go to Daegu
again.
I felt very inspired by the art that
was around us and the attitudes of everyone -- I felt like I was 13 years old
and going to my first rock concert, so
thrilled just to see bands in person, so
thrilled to be part of the un-cool kids
doing un-cool things that the popular
kids would never approve of.
I feel a very personal high from
the crap art festival that is going to
last me months -- I took away a lot
from it.
I really have too many things to
say about some of the different acts
-- I am going to send some messages
out to these people individually to let
them know about it, I feel like posting it here would seem inappropriate
and contrived in some way, which it
is absolutely not.
I really want to say that it was
inspirational. If there is one word to
walk away from the Crap Art festival
with, it is “inspirational.”
You know, I was honestly very affected by a lot of the attitude and art
that I saw. It was so positive in every
way, and so realistic and really quite
nice. It made me warm inside and feel
really lovely. We overcame some bad
club owners and everything to make
it nice.
I felt motivated to think more seriously about writing and contributing
my own part, and I feel like I understand more about art and myself from
it. I know I sound like a hippie or
some shit, but fuck it, this was really
excellent.
I feel like I have made a whole,
new set of friends in Daegu. I feel
like, wow, I wish we could hang out
more, and I would really like to say I
am going to make every effort to go
back -- with Pornotarium and even
just sometimes on my own to see
these great folks.
12
Jacob Verville
“Actually,” you say, lowering your
voice, “there are people who want to
take serious action to remove Verville
from society.”
“What, you mean like kill him?”
the other guy asks you. “What are
+Other Good Ideas
Verv
3 March 2009
I heard a rumor when I signed into
my AIM account that on the 7 March
show Amy Winehouse will be doing a
set with Chadburger.
Her and Tel plan on ‘switching out’
for two songs, Tel sittign down while
Amy Winehouse sings Fuck My Boss
and Amy Winehouse looking on as
Tel croons Back on Black.
Amy Winehouse was seen chatting with bassist Aaron M. earlier this
week:
Some people say that that is just
her long time friend, Adrien Brody.
The project may be called either
‘Amy Winehouseburger’ or ‘Chad
Winehouse.’
It is also rumored that Amy may arrive at the Pornotarium concert later,
whom may do their set under the
name Pornhouse.
There are other rumors suggesting that Amy will perform with Vicious Housewine Glare, The Tearful
Drug Addicted Amy-jerks, Attacking
Winehouses or perhaps under the
name Amy Geekhouse.
Verv
23 December 2008
Find-Core is a genre that originated from the notion of adding a
new amount of surprise and creativity to the scene. Find-core is
characterized by the microphone
being hidden on an audience member while the singer of the band is
blindfolded (sometimes multiple
singers with the singers competing to see who can find the microphone). While the singer is blindfolded they hide the microphone
on a person or somewhere in the
general location of the show.
NOTE: The microphone probably should be wireless or something. Or there should be fake
microphones with wires hidden
on other people.
The band will then play an introductory piece of the song until
the singer (or one of the singers)
is able to locate the microphone
which is hidden on an audience
member who is dancing brutally.
Often times the microphone has
to be wrested away and sometimes
the audience member will win the
wrestling match at which point he
wins the right to sing the particular
song with whatever lyrics he likes.
Because of this, Find-core
bands are known to have very
bulky and strong singer(s).
Often times, there is a loud
cheering when the singer finally
finds the microphone and the
song can be completed after a
fast and furious 1 minute or 2
minutes of hardcore fury.
BONUS IDEAS INCLUDED
WITH THIS COOL IDEA:
Kill Celebrities; you should
kill famous people and when
people ask you why, say it is because you are the champion of
your local punk rock scene and
you wanted to prove the worth
of your scene by getting it put on
the map by killing them.
Jitter-Pit: the Jitter Pit is a new
idea that involves combining jitterbug dancing with moshing.
Larger members of the Pit will
stay generally stationary towards
the center of the pit; smaller members of the Pit will fling themselves in interesting ways at the
Jitter-Bosses who will then swing
the person around their body or up
into the air in new and interesting
ways, while the Jitter-Bug attempts
to look as cool as possible.
Eventually, Jitter-Bosses will
throw the Jitter-Bugs at one another
and achieve newer levels of coolness
through this style of pit dancing.
Tickle Pit: The Tickle Pit is
another new idea that focuses on
grabbing members of the pit and
tickling them on very hardcore levels until they are passed out with
laughter. Eventually the whole pit
is deduced to people laying on the
ground and laughign uncontrollably while a triumphant few stand
above and reign joy and laughter
into the hearts of the scene kids.
Siege Pit: A Siege Pit occurs
when the rest of the audience has
decided they are going to entrap
a group of the audience and the
band in the center of themselves.
No one is allowed to leave the
center of the siege pit (unless by
their own force) until the demands
of the sieging party are met. Demands can range from “let’s have
the band play an encore” to “a
sexual favor must be performed by
people caught within our siege.”
Freeze-Smash Pit: If you get
smashed hard and fall down, you
have to remain in your fallen position until someone else is smashed
onto the ground, either by tripping
over you or by being smashed
down by someone else. That
person is then left frozen in their
smashed position until the next
person. The goal is to not be in the
freeze-smash position inbetween
songs, inbetween bands or heaven
forbid, at the end fo the show.
If you are the last person to be
freeze smashed of the night you
must go to the next show starting
in the freeze-smash position.
Lie To Naive Girls So You Can
Sleep With Them is another idea;
if you tell them bold faced lies
about your feelings for them and
the importance of the relationship
you are developing you’ll be able
to slee with them and then leave
them when i tis convenient.
Pray before meals is an idea
focusing around giving thanks to
the meals you are eating and giving them to God.
Tel’s Mom is the scene slut
and she is railed frequently by
kids with hair covering one of
their eyes.
She appears in some scenes
under the name “Old Mother
Emo” or “The Moonlight Lady.”
She earned the nickname “The
Moonlight Lady” because of her
supple buttocks and the paleness
thereof, which often gives off,
seemingly, its own brand of light.
you, some kind of fucktard? We
may talk shit about him, but he’s our
friend!”
“Yeah!” someone else chimes in.
“Get out of here!”
There is the sound of smashing
bottles, and you run for your life
as you are showered with beer and
shards of glass.
Well, that obviously wasn’t a good
idea. You’ve blown your cover, and
now a whole bunch of people are fu-
rious with you.
What are you going to do now?
Really, such an unforgettable
night.
I lost my voice and my phone and
I went home at 3 something, which
was CRAP for going to Daegu, but
I promise next time I will have a
phone, a voice and a liver ready for
all night.
I also want to say...
I am kind of having a personal situation that is kind of rough for me and
not quite fit for a facebook note. Yet.
It is being sorted. It is odd to say this
because there should be a point to me
saying it. But the only point is: if I
am acting oddly, understand, there is
something else at work that affects
me a little in what I do. It is a situation not yet resolved so I could not
begin to present it.
However, i assure you, it does not
involve me putting on an Army uniform and throwing away another year
of my golden youth.
And I love my family who is supporting me through financial difficulties when they occur.
And I love my friends who came
with me to Daegu, who live in Daegu,
and who wish they were in Daegu.
And for once, for the first time, it is
Monday morning at 12:17 AM, and I
don’t have anything to do all week of
importance, and I can feel good about
going into the week.
I truly feel freedom and happiness.
Amy Winehouseburger?
Target:
Find-Core
I’ll sneak back in. Go to page 22
I’ll wait for Verville and ambush
him somewhere else. Go to page 23
How to Take Good Concert Photos
Jon Twitch
So there I was in DGBD, wading
through the mosh pit to get photos of
Crying Nut, when some knob taps me
on my shoulder. He informed me I had
just ruined his shot. I looked at him,
standing behind me, hell, a few rows
from the front. He had a digital camera
with presumably a memory card capable of fitting several thousand more
pictures. The photo I’d taken at the
exact instant I’d ruined his shot wasn’t
spectacular. I had one very important
tip to give him, and unfortunately it
was on the end of my elbow. All sobered up, I am ready to give you some
good advice on how to improve your
live music photography.
Step 1—Get Closer
This is the number one thing that
improves your photos more than anything else. Move closer, and nothing
else you could ever do will ever result
in a more drastic improvement.
You’re probably feeling self-conscious; the people behind you can’t
see. Let them worry about that. Photography is like skiing: worry about
the people in front of you and trust
that the people behind you will look
out for you. If you are still feeling
uncomfortable, have a beer. Or better
yet, climb onto the side of the stage.
Or maybe you’re worried that the
musicians will be distracted by the
flash. I can honestly say nobody has
ever complained to me about this.
Step 2—Lighting
All photography is about lighting.
You can either bring your own in the
form of a flash or rely on ambient
lighting; both have their advantages.
If a stage has good lighting, turn off
the flash, raise the ISO setting (film
speed), lower the aperture number all
the way (F-stop, making the lens open
wider), and lower the shutter speed.
Don’t go below 1/30 unless you have
something to brace your camera on.
This is the best way to shoot stationary scenes, such as a guitarist who
doesn’t move around a lot or a singer
during a pause in the song.
The only time you really can’t use
the flash is when there’s a lot of ambient lighting. Otherwise, it’s best for
action shots. Make sure you have ISO
down as low as possible, and raise
the aperture number (making the lens
open narrower), not past 10 though.
If you want to combine ambient
light with the flash, lower the shutter
speed, and after your flash goes off,
your shutter will stay open a little longer soaking in the natural lighting.
Step 3—Face
The most important thing to include in your photo is a face. Not
always, no, but your best live shots
will all have the best faces. This has
several implications on where you
stand and when you shoot.
In order to get the best face, your
camera has to be as eye-to-eye with
the subject as possible. This could
mean raising your camera, or it could
mean waiting for the subject to look
downward at you.
You’ll learn to hate microphones.
Too many shots get ruined by a microphone blocking the bottom half of
the face. Or a hand. Learn which hand
a singer holds the microphone with,
and stand on the other side. Some
singers switch hands, and some turn
around a lot (like Victor from Things
We Say). Do what you can to reduce
the amount of obscured face.
Step 4—Action
There’s nothing wrong with good
solid clean images of musicians standing statically on stage, especially if
you capitalise on natural lighting. But
if all your photos are like that, it’ll
make the band look kind of dull.
What constitutes action? Obviously the best action shots are jump
shots, but this could also include a
musician drinking something, handing something to a bandmate, or even
kneeling or crouching. Kneeling and
crouching are good because usually the subject will remain stationary long enough for a natural lighting
shot. Some musicians use a lot of
gestures (such as Chulhwan of Suck
Stuff) and capturing one of these is a
great way to bring out the musician’s
character.
Sometimes repeated viewings of a
band’s set help you remember when
they perform certain actions. Regarding jumps, I find many musicians will
do five smaller bounces and then leap
high on the sixth.
Step 5—Crowd
Your photos will get the best reaction if they show the audience interacting with the band. This could
mean people singing along, or sharing the microphone, or even taking
photographs, or something far less
predictable. This is why Chadburger
is so great to photograph, because the
vocalist spends most of his time in the
audience, cannonballing into them.
Step 6—Behind the
Scenes
Most people in the crowd spend
the whole set looking at the band
members performing, but there’s a
lot more that goes on. Setup is a great
time to take natural lighting shots because the musicians stay still and generally have more interesting poses.
Right after the set you might gather
them together for a quick group photo, but don’t press your luck. But the
shots that work best show the musicians backstage or just drinking with
friends at the show.
Step 7 - Keep Clicking
And let Photoshop sort it out later. If your shutter is opening more,
you’re more likely to get good action
shots, and if one shot blurred, you’ll
have a better version of it.
Korean punk photography by Jon Dunbar
www.daehanmindecline.com
“So what’s your name and what do
you do here?” you ask the other guy.
“Jon,” he says. “I do something
called urban exploring.”
“What’s that?” you ask.
“It’s basically the exploration of
abandoned or forbidden places,” he
answers. “I’ve even got a write-up on
it in my zine on page 3 and the centerfold.”
“No shit?” you say.
“Yeah,” he replies. “Seoul is cov-
ered with large areas of just abandoned apartments. There’s even one
not far from here.”
Hmm, abandoned apartments. That
would be the perfect place to lure Verville so you can kill him!
How about it?
Let’s do it! Go to page 14
Nah, I don’t think so. I’ll just go
inside and watch the show. Go to
page 10
13
Target:
Jacob Verville
Jacob and the Vervonauts
Jon Twitch
The Voyage Begins
We met up at Dong Seoul Bus
Terminal, where almost everyone
had Lotteria for breakfast. The more
health-conscious of us ate cigarette
butts off the ground. Unfortunately
there were three cancellations--AnneMarie, who was sick, Nick Stamps,
who had food poisoning, and Perry
Sepuku, who was being fucked by
the army.
The busride was peacefully uneventful. We were narrowly outnumbered by Korean passengers, but we
mostly sat in the back, and not once
did anyone complain about the noise,
despite Verv pounding sojus and
spewing verbal diarrhoea out of his
mouth. In between trying to mimic
Suz’s English accent and mocking
Nik’s Australian culture, he would
loudly inform us how much he enjoys cunnilingus. He also declared
his aspiration to be a stand-up comic,
which would apparently involve getting on stage and yelling whatever
comes out of his mouth.
Matt got a bit of a surprise as the
bus pulled through his own hometown of Yeongju as we headed for
our destination. Past Yeongju, we
entered what he considered the backwaters of Korea, where the roads
were painfully winding and the short
mountains were largely uninterrupted
with settlements. The bus hit Uljin
on the coast and then headed inland
toward Onjeong, our destination. By
this time Verv was on his third soj, as
he called it.
As the bus trundled through the
mountain road toward the spa resort,
we saw a very clearly abandoned
school on the left side of the bus. It
was a tacky lime green, and the windows were loose or missing. I glanced
at Nik and said “We have to go back
here and find this,” only for the bus
to pull into the bus depot immediately
next door.
Land of the Furries
Target:
Jacob Verville
14
By now it was 2:30pm, and everyone was hungry. Before checking
out the school, we decided to find a
motel and get some food. The town
was half hotels, and half motels, so
that wouldn’t be a problem. As we
were searching, I saw two Korean
guys dressed up in animal costumes,
one a chipmunk and the other I forget.
We ended up staying at the Hilton...
Motel, a cheap but nice place where
we could cram as many people as we
wanted in to sleep on the floor for 40
000 won a room. Next we went to a
truckstop connected to the bus terminal for lunch, where Verv started
berating Will for something he said
about the US army. Something about
contracting outside companies to
“How about we go there now?”
you ask Jon.
“Wait, now?” he says in surprise.
“It is a little dark.”
“That’s okay,” you say. “I have
nightvision goggles.”
Jon nods. “Okay. But we have to
be back in time for I&I Djangdan at
11.”
He leads you off away from the
loud noises of the club. Soon all street
noises die down. You enter an area
where even the streetlights are out,
and in the night you can only navigate
based on the overcast clouds above
your head. The buildings around
here are empty and abandoned, with
smashed out doorways and windows
gaping open. The whole neighbourhood is a big mess.
Jon steps through the door of one
abandoned building. “Come on,” he
drive trucks, which Verv viewed as a
mortal offence.
I finished up first and left with
Adam, who being a vegan had eaten
nothing. The abandoned school was
in very bad shape, with nothing left
in the classroom except for chalkboards. On the second floor, we found
a weightlifting bench. There was one
locked door, and looking through the
cracks we were able to see it had been
inexplicably converted into a driving
range for golfers. If you lived way out
here, would you really want to practice golf inside an abandoned room?
I’d find a nice clearing of nature and
see how far I could really hit.
As soon as everyone else had seen
the school, it was time to head for
the amusement park. Jung suggested
we stop by the police station to ask
them how to get there, obviously
not thinking that they are some of
the last people we’d want to inform.
She ended up asking someone in an
information booth shaped like a giant
mushroom, and found out there were
no buses heading there. I knew the
road (88, easy to remember), so we
started walking.
The person in the mushroom told
us it would take about half an hour,
but we made one big stop on the
way. We spotted a very strange stone
tower just off the road in an overgrown property. It was attached to a
building that had a lot of temple-like
decorations, but was not shaped like
a regular Buddhist temple. On the
walls was unfinished artwork. The interior was an empty shell, only partly
completed. The stone tower turned
out to house a spiral staircase, and in
there we found all sorts of interesting
treasures, including pallets of books
probably intended for this building,
and a photo book showing foreign
state leaders such as Queen Elizabeth
and George H.W. Bush visiting Korea. In a smaller building next door,
we found more pallets of some kind
of Park Junghee magazine. What exactly was this place?
Final Stretch
Once we got back on the road, I
says.
He leads you up a very thin staircase that wraps around the side of
the building. Yes, you think, looking
around. This would be the perfect
place to kill Verville.
When you reach the top of the
stairs, he is looming over you.
“I know about your mission,” he
tells you sternly. “The Secret International League of Atheists is not as
was getting impatient, so I walked
ahead of everybody else. Not too far
ahead, I saw a sign announcing 1 kilometer to the park, so I hurried on.
Finally rounding a bend in the road,
I was able to see a large abandoned
property below me, and soon the
abandoned rides came into view. At
the front of the property were several
wooden cabins that were part of a
very old and run down motel. I hurried into the park, wanting to get some
more serious shots before the others
showed up. There were people up by
the rides, so I took a different path
toward the waterslide, where I saw a
young boy standing and watching me.
I said some nice things in Korean to
him using my best teacher voice, and
headed up toward the rides.
One of the people up there turned
out to be a former KATUSA who
spoke very good English, so I told
him I was just walking along and saw
the park and thought it was beautiful, and that some of my friends
were somewhere behind me and one
was very drunk. He told me that they
were planning to build some kind of
Evangelical school at the location,
and that the rides would probably be
destroyed. He also said it was fine
for us to look around the rides. Jung
and Suz showed up and I took some
photos with them on a rocket ride, realising I’d probably have to work fast
before Verv showed up and offended
the Evangelicals. Yes, there’s a certain amount of irony that the only
Christian in our group was the biggest
risk to offending Christians.
Verv did show up with a lot of
noise, and I loaded him onto the “Sea
Dragon” ship to take the photos I’d
been planning. Soon enough he and
some others figured out that the ride
wasn’t locked, and would swing if
pushed enough, and before you knew
it they had it bobbing back and forth
like Verv on a night out in Cheongryangri. He laid on top of it and was
thrusting with his hips to keep it moving. This bothered the Evangelicals,
and I had more rides to photograph,
so I got Verv off the thing and led him
over to the miniature train.
We talked with some of the people
who lived there, and tried to get the
secret as they’d like to think. I saw a
link on their message board.”
“I’m going to complete my assignment one way or another,” you tell
him, “so step aside!”
“Jacob Verville must live!” he
roars at you.
What will you do now?
I’ll fight. Go to page 15
I’ll run. Go to page 16
two young children to pose for a
photo. Instead all I got were shots
of them cowering behind their dad,
which were cute.
Then we went up further to see
what else was around. There was a
very rickety rope bridge where many
of the wooden slats were broken, and
also a smaller rope bridge in which
the only place to walk on was a heavily knotted piece of rope. I made it
across, no thanks to Verv who started
on it before I finished. However, he
had considerably more trouble and
fell before the halfway part, which
was captured on camera and video
from three different perspectives. A
couple other guys found a building
nearby filled with what looked like
riot police helmets (but I suspect were
for paintball), so all ten of us tried
them on and took group photos.
When we wandered down again,
Jung suggested we hit up the Evangelicals for a ride back to town.
Before we left, we locked Verv in a
monkey cage, and I ran over to look
closer at the motel cabins. I suggested
to the KATUSA that it would be a
great place to film a horror movie,
and he agreed. It would be really cool
to do this.
I invited the Evangelicals who
drove us for dinner, but they declined, as they were busy themselves.
Verv’s pants were a little messed up,
so he convinced the old woman who
ran our motel to wash them. He then
lazed around his room in his underwear for a while waiting for them.
When the pants came back, they were
soaked, so he wore army shorts for
the rest of the night. For supper we
split into two groups, and I went with
the quieter people. When we met up
with the others in a chicken hof, Verv
jumped out at us in his shorts, and
shouted “Wae-gook-in!” in imitation
of Street Fighter II’s “Hadouken.”
We decided to go back to the Hilton to drink, and eventually we all
passed out. In one room apparently
Matt’s snoring kept everyone awake,
and in the other room my snoring was
the problem.
Recovery and Return
In the morning, we caught a bus
at 11:10 headed for Uljin. Mathieu
and Toban decided to stay on all the
way to Seoul, but the rest of us got
You lunge at him, pushing him
backward. He falls onto a pile of broken glass and tries to kick you, but
you grab him by the leg and drag him
over to the edge.
“It’s time for you to butt out,” you
say, attempting to send him over the
edge butt-first so his last memory will
be of your impressively clever pun,
but maybe you spent a bit too much
time on the wording and not enough
off and went for lunch and then visited Seongnyugul Cavern, a large underground system close to the coast.
Apparently during the Imjin War,
villagers escaped Japanese invaders
in the cavern, and were sealed in and
left to die. We were given hardhats
and squeezed through the narrow entrance. My hardhat immediately fell
off and rolled out of reach.
Then, in the souvenir shop, Will
fell in love with this toy rifle that
makes sound effects and lights when
you shoot it, and proceeded to shoot
at everyone who passed by. He got
a variety of reactions, from shocked
exclamations and total snubbings to
smiles. One soldier in a convenience
store thought it was pretty funny. We
talked him out of shooting at a cop.
The thing really brought out a certain
characteristic of his personality.
Verv was sitting on the bench next
to me looking like he was ready to die
as Will kept shooting this thing, and
just when I thought he was about to
end Will’s life, he bellowed, “Will,
you’re magnificent” and was back on
his feet again for a while.
Will loved his gun so much, when
he bought his bus ticket, he set it on
the counter with his wallet, but then
he forgot his wallet and only picked
up his gun. Adam grabbed the wallet and we followed Will around for
about half an hour before he realised
it was missing and started to panic.
I’m sure he was bothered by our indifference, but finally I broke down
and told him his wallet was safe.
Adam originally planned to give it
to him when we reached Seoul, but it
was fortunate he didn’t wait that long
due to our hasty parting.
The bus was too full, so I got off
along with Jung, Will, and Nik, and
the others stayed on. We caught the
next one, where the bus driver was
a real psycho who yelled at us for
anything, and tailgated other buses
on the highway. For the first leg of
the journey it was only us four Vervonauts, as well as two girls who at
first seemed to like when Will shot at
them. Then at the next stop the bus
filled up with ajummas, and we had
to hide the beer, soju, and porn. After
Jung and Will passed out, Nik and I
talked wearily as we watched the
countryside roll by.
Finally we reached Seoul at about
8 and went our separate ways.
on the execution. He goes over headfirst.
“I’ll get you!” he wails as he falls
to a messy end.
Or maybe that’s better, because
when they find him his ass will be
sticking up in the air. But does that
really match the phrase “butt out?”
Time to go back to Skunk. It takes
you a couple minutes to find your way
out of this abandoned neighbourhood.
I had a smashing time—dammit,
that’s what you should’ve said! That
would’ve made sense because of how
smashed up this area is, too. Oh well,
you just hope that when it comes time
to finish off Verville, you’ll have a
good pun in your mind.
By the time you return to Skunk
Hell, it looks like the show is ending.
You run up to one foreigner. “Hey,
where’s Verville?”
“Who?” he asks, leering at you.
“Uh, Verv.”
“Oh yeah, he just left,” he says.
He points down the street, where you
can see Verville staggering drunkenly
away.
What are you going to do?
I’ll take him back to the abandoned
neighbourhood. Go to page 17
I’ll follow him. Go to page 18
Target:
Jacob Verville
15
Kuwait, nothing and lots of it
Paul Brickey
March 12 2009
Sorry for the horrible spelling/
grammar.puncuation.
I landed in Ireland. It was our first
stop since leaving Fort hood Texas in
the dead of night. I was to learn that
we always travel at night to conceal
our movement. The flight was straight
to Ireland. No stops since the 1st Cavarly Band played as we marched to
the plane sitting on the tarmac. A general shook our hands as we walked up
the ladder to the plane. I wished HIM
luck. We landed in Ireland at dusk and
I had kissed my wife goodbye dusk in
Texas. I prefer the Texas sunset.
The flight was short, I spent most
of it dipping Skoal Wintergreen and
watching Family Guy on my iPod.
We must have looked like cavemen
coming off the plane. The cultured
hip men and stylish women of Europe
didn’t even usually make eye contact.
A US Army Soldier in an American
airport has everyone bending over
backwards to show their appreciation
for... I’ll get to that in a minute.
The flight to Kuwait was less short
but I occupied myself in a similar
fashion that I did between Texas and
Ireland. It was now 24 hours since I
last step foot in Texas. We immidiately boarded a bus and my head was
spinning. I don’t know how but almost everyone else on the bus was
sleeping. I was glued to the window
and let the exotic Middle-Eastern
landscape roll past me. I didn’t know
the plants or trees that I saw leaving
Kuwait City. The cars and trucks
were also foriegn to me. I don’t know
how anyone slept. Kuwait City faded
into endless desert as far as I could
see. Stretched before me, broken only
by sky where not even a jut of rocks
or a clump of bush would break the
landscape was sickly looking yellow
sand. Just sand, trash, dead discarded
animals and twisted rust covered
beams that may have once been a machine of war in the numerous conflicts
that have rolled across that landscape
in the past decade.
The bus ride was about 4 hours
long before we pulled in to our new
temporary home, Camp Beuhering,
formerly Udari Airfield. We got off
the bus and in typical military fashion were breifed but I caught none of
it. I couldn’t even tell you what was
said to me. I was still reeling from
the shock of the new clime and landscape. I had grown to love the sprawling anchient Live Oaks dripping with
spanish moss and mesquite trees that
make up a large portion of the Texas
skyline.
My platoon, 17 soliders ranging
from 19-37, slept in an area about 10
meters long and 3 meters wide. Our
platoon Sgt, SFC Barker is a soft
spoken Iowa man. He looks to me
like a child grown large. Whenever
he catches my eye he smiles. Private
Langkau is a good friend of mine.
We live about 4 blocks away from
Target:
Jacob Verville
16
each other in Texas. He and his wife
had dinner with my wife and I at my
house. We know each other pretty
well. He’s a good old Wisconsin
cheese-head with the accent to prove
it. Private Sterling is a young 20 year
old kid from Oklahoma. He was a virgin until a week before we left when
while drinking a few of the other
guys bought him a hooker they found
online. He’s our most innocent soldier and often finds himself the butt
of jokes although he’s a good sport
about it. He later admitted he ate out
the hooker. Very unaquanted with the
ways of the world. I could write about
everyone but I won’t right now.
Kuwait felt more like a field traning
event than anything else. We had some
last minute training. I participated as
much as I could but most of it felt
rushed and hasty with no one really
learning anything. I taught some basic
first aid. If you get hit in the femoral
artery how long do you have before
you will bleed out? Between 20-40
seconds if no one can stop the bleeding. What if the poor soul has taken
a bullet to the thigh and at the same
time has stopped breathing, what do
you do first? Return fire. In Baghdad
Proper, how long will it usually take to
get from firefight to Combat Support
Hospital? About 1 hour. Once you are
airborne on the Blackhawk what are
your survival odds? About 97%.
The time came around for us to
leave Kuwait. We weren’t told when,
again, security. One night we had all
a good game of Empire Earth going
and the Platoon Sgt yells “Pack your
shit, we leave in 1 hour”. Of course
it was nighttime and we would miss
another night of sleep.
We got on another bus to take another long ride to another airfield.
This one was on the Iraqi border. We
were all dog tired and did our best to
catch snatches of sleep anytime we
could. There were others there who
were even more tired. Lined paranoid
faces etched with terror that was only
days old passed back and forth to
show us what we would look like in a
few more weeks. These were the weary faces of the others going home.
After the most uncomfortable flight I
have ever taken we landed at some airbase in Iraq whose name escapes me.
We got something to eat and slept on
the sidewalk outside because of lack of
space. Journalist went back and forth
with other things on their minds than
the soldiers sleeping on the sidewalks
at their feet. Busniess men profiting
from our sleeplessness, our pain, our
home sickness, the thoughts and memories that we would carry for a lifetime
walked briskly along the sidewalk,
not daring to meet our glance in their
suits and ties and breif cases wearing
the superior body armour rejected to
be issued to the soldiers for reasons
of cost. I would like to hope that they
faithfully pay taxes which pay us and
buy us the steel, kevlar and gunpowder
which can bring us all home safely but
I know better.
You, the professionally trained assassin, he, the potbellied ESL writer.
But it’s choose your own adventure,
so what do I care?
Before he can do anything, you retreat, hurrying back down the stairs.
Something hard explodes next to your
feet. He’s dropping bricks on you!
The next one catches you in the
forehead. You fall over and tumble
off the edge of the stairs, landing below in a pile of twisted gridiron and
concrete. Man, did that suck.
You check for broken bones. Yep,
several. Struggling to your feet, you
limp your way out of this pile of
trash, each step sending a thunderclap of pain through your skeletal
structure.
Behind, you can hear his boots
crunching on the smashed glass, and
you crawl into the nearest building.
You try to control your breathing and
wait for him to pass. It really wasn’t
a good idea to try and outmanoeuvre
him in here.
Suddenly he leaps around the corner and pushes you down the basement stairs. You land at the bottom,
hitting your head against the wall and
That night, again, we boarded Chinook helicopters. Cramped in there I
saw Iraq pass below me as the rear
ramp gunner scanned the lights below for incoming rounds. If any came
I had no doubt that the following rain
of 7.62mm copper and lead would
make a swift end to it. Fortunaly none
came and we landed at Camp Taji
Iraq without incident. Again on a bus
and again unpacking. Taji was once
home to Saddam’s chemical weapons
research program and headquarters of
his massive artillary batteries. They
all rust out in the stinking fetid mud
that lined either side of the road to our
new temporay home.
That first night came the reminders of where we were. At about 10pm
or so mortor rounds began to come
in the camp. I slept though it. We
woudl hear it almost every night, usually outgoing but incoming now and
again. After about a week not even
the rounds incoming would cause us
to even pause in the sentance.
In Taji we waited and got our vehicles ready for action. I stocked
my vehicle for casualties while the
other’s stocked their’s to create them.
We loaded the tanks with enough
main gun rounds to turn Sadr City to
rubble and enough Coax to put two
in the chest of a large stadium full
of people. I collected body bags for
our vehicles. I bought about 21 down
from our medical supply. They came
in a plastic case which I have yet to
remove and hope that I never have
to.
We left Taji in our MRAPs. MRAP
stands for Mine Resistant... something else, I don’t remember. I was
in the back so I could only catch
snatches of the view outside. I would
see some men standing in a circle on
a corner. Children waving and mother
clad in black headdresses shooing the
children back away from the vehicles.
I listened to the radio traffic.
“Diablo 4 this is Danger 2 be advised there’s a man running away
from us at a good clip, watch for trigger men and IED’s up ahead”
“Danger2 Diablo 4 Charile Mike,
out.”
We passed farms and slums. Ghettos that looked like an atomic bomb
had been dropped on them and sent
the area back to the stone age. Trash
was everywhere. This broke to middle class housing and in the middle,
our FOB, our new home.
Our FOB, I shouldn’y say the name
or much about it, is actually much
nicer than I pictured. Maybe after this
all is over I can go into more detail. I
was very happy to learn that there are
some very friendly dogs around here.
The big yellow one’s name is Sabot. I
spent most of the first morning sitting
in the dirt petting him. It’s been quiet
around here which is good. We are on
the outskirts of Sadr City so that is
subject to change.
It’s been roughly a month now.
Only 11-14 more to go.
feeling it crack open.
The last thing you see as life fades
from your body is your opponent
crouching over you, photographing
your mangled body in artful ways.
Your assassination days are over. And
there really isn’t a much more embarrassing way to go out.
THE END
Sadr City Hospitalty
Paul Brickey
March 19 2009
We began our patrols a few days
ago. Everything out there looks like a
bomb. Every bit of trash or gap in the
wall might hide an IED.
We dismount from our vehicles and
start to do the patrol. The LT will talk
through the terp to the local adults
and find out what info he can. The
kids run up to us to try out the scraps
of English they have learned from
other dismounts and to ask for candy
or pens, anything. I usually have a
little candy for them but it sucks getting hounded all the time. Everything
from the local leaders seems to be
that it’s been safer than ever recently.
I wave and smile to men that pass by.
They smile and wave back. Sometimes they’ll give us fruit or a drink.
The local food looks so good compared to what we have waiting for us
when our patrol is over.
Some of the slums still have re-
mains of the street to street fighting
that made Sadr City famous the last
time that 2/5 rolled though. 1/12 did
their fair share and it is still a stronghold for the now inactive Mahdi
Army. But now everything is quiet.
Night Ops get interesting. We’ll
hole up on a roof all night looking
for people planting IEDs. It sucks
because I can’t smoke so I just dip
like a mad man. You hear bursts of
gunfire out in the distance and sometimes you’ll see an illumination flare
cast it’s light down on a target a few
blocks down the route. After about
9pm everyone is off the streets for the
most part.
We escort a lot of VIPs around.
That’s nice because we usually have
a layover at a nicer base where I can
pick up Meds and we all grab as many
sodas and as much food as we can.
It’s the little things, it really is.
Like petting a dog. That dog, Sabot, was killed. The Commander was
Popping Cherries
Paul Brickey
March 29th
We watch roads all night and then
patrol during the days. The inside
of a tank is not a very comfortable
place to spend 6 hours a night every
night but it’s at least safe. Surrounded
in that steel, C4, and kevlar vehicle
you feel like nothing can touch you.
We watch the roads all night just for
someone to plant an IED along a well
traveled 8 lane highway. There’s not
much nightlife so there’s not much
but for bad guys out at night.
One night, just like any other, we
watched the roads just like many
other nights. After spending a few
hours hunched over in a hot stiffeling tank you just want to get out.
This night we were heading in. The
driver noticed a box in the road that
wasn’t there on the way out. It’s
against good judgement to drive back
the same way you drove out and to
do it the same exact time each night
but we had no other choice. The tanks
can travel down few routes so we are
very predictable. The box was just
a cardboard box, about the size of a
shoebox laying about a meter away
from the sidewalk. I looked though
my thermal scope. The dirt around it
had been dug up, possibly to hide the
command wire leading to the trigger
man’s position. But something wasn’t
right... this was too easy. They wanted
us to see this one. It was too obvious,
in the middle of the road, something
that big and no attempt to hide it. This
was bait. We decided to drive on so
we did. I have to admit, as we lurched
forward I was bracing myself inside
the 72 ton behemoth.
The smallish IED hit us but did
little damage. We drove on and saw
little and superfical damage to the
tank from the outside.
We are on cycles. 4 days on guard,
4 days on patrol, 4 days on Quick
Reaction Force, 4 days on patrol. A
fews nights ago we step up shop on
a rooftop at night. I love these missions. We roll out quiet and then get
out and find a good roof where we
watch routes for IED implacers and
snipers. The snipers don’t use roofs
as much, they roll around in sliding
door vans to quickly hit their target
and then make a fast getaway.
We broke into a residential building and made our way up the stairs.
As we all poured on to the roof at
around midnight a young woman was
hanging clothes to dry. I took up my
place by the door in case anyone came
up after us. She was terrified. She said
very clearly and quietly “I want to go
now” and I backed off the doorway
to accomidate her. I felt bad for her,
she had done nothing wrong and we
must have scared the fuck out of her.
These people are just living their lives
and we are trying to hunt down some
other people doing the exact same
thing only they feel obligated to kill
American soldiers.
Being a medic I don’t do any of the
actual watching. I stay back with the
“Hey Verv,” you call, “wanna see
something cool?”
“Okay,” says Verville, following
after you without even asking what
it could be.
“We have to hurry,” you say. “Your
friend Jon is waiting for you.”
You lead him back to the abandoned neighbourhood and bring him
onto the same roof.
“So what is this cool thing that you
are going to show me?” Verville asks
you.
Just as you pull the switchblade
out of your pocket, you hear a distant,
weak cough.
Over at the edge of the roof, you
see Jon pull himself up. “Verv, it’s a
trap!” he yells. “He’s really an assassin sent to kill you!”
“Oh shit!” Verville exclaims.
Before you know what hit you,
Verville pounds your face with his
heavy fists, messing you up good.
When you wake up, you are tied to a
pipe in an abandoned room.
“Why did you want to kill me?”
Verville asks you.
“Sorry, it’s just a job,” you reply.
“Personally, I think you’re kind of
cool.”
“Well, we’re getting out of here,”
Jon tells you. “And by the way, if
you live, tell the Secret International
League of Atheists that they just lost
a member.”
They leave you behind in the abandoned building.
THE END
not happy with the dog here, it being
against regs and all, so he attempted to
get rid of them all. They shot an adult
female and her puppies and Sabot ran
away. A few grunts took Sabot outside
with an axe and attempted to behead
him. They merely smashed his face
and broke his jaw. Understandably he
ran away but returned a few hours later. They chased him with claw hammers and finally someone shot him. It
was a foul shot, it hit him just in front
of his hind legs. Again he ran away
and a few days went by with no word.
We assumed he had surcome to his injuries. Then today he shows up and it
took 9 bullets to finally kill him. After
all that he still tried to return. Now
his smoudlering remains make the air
sticky and sickly smelling with dog
fur and the contents of his digestive
system, of which he dragged along
the ground for hours before finally
expirering.
interpreter and watch the door. We
talked about Iraq and he told me he
had 4 wives. His wives believed that
he was working for a French company, being an Iraqi working with
the Americans can spell death for
his family. We were carrying on and
bullshiting when suddenly a burst of
7.62 startled me. I hit the ground and
strained my ears for return fire. I could
tell that the shots were in our general
direction and about 200 meters away.
Everyone had hit the deck. I could see
the helmeted heads, only exposing as
much as nessacary scanning the local
rooftops and balconys. Another burst,
maybe 5-7 rounds. Then a single shot.
The local Iraqi Police caught him and
put a an end to him.
I grew up around guns and I have
some now. My wife and I go shooting
on free weekends. I know the sound
of a gun firing. The sound of someone
shooting at you is much different.
I asked my platoon sergant if my
medical skills were required for the
shooter. “Doc, the IP got him. Even
if he had only been wounded he’ll be
executed on the spot”.
Being a medic I don’t want to
work. I remember almost coming to
blows with a fellow medic because he
said he wanted to get some “experience”. Experience? What like this is
a fucking video game and you get to
level up or something? That experince
is at the expense of one of your Joes
getting hit. To fucking want that is far
beyond me. No, I don’t want to work.
Me working means people are hurting. Call it cowardace, call it liberal,
call it fucking treason for all I care.
If I never hear “MEDIC!” I’ll call
it a good fucking tour.
Target:
Jacob Verville
17
Cool Games
That Doctors Play
Verv
31 December 2008
Hey!,
I was doing some recent work for
a surgeon in the Army, driving him
around, and he told me all about some
really interesting games that doctors
play when they are “in surgery” or
just “fucking around.”
Here are some of the better ones:
Chinese Penis Drills is a game
where when a major, multiple hour
surgery is occurring in a trauma ward
a doctor cuts off the penis of one of
the patients and appears in the Doctor’s lounge and yells, “CHINESE
PENIS DRILL!” while shaking the
member at everyone. All of the Doctors now have to go to their patient
and cut off his penis and wait in the
doctor’s lounge. The last one to show
up has to lick their penis and occasionally put on a small puppet show,
usually putting a pre-constructed
miniature hat on the penis and makng
it do the Michigan J. Frog Hello my
baby, Hello my darling routine.
The Whistlin’ Dixie is a maneuver
that if a patient is breathing with their
mouth open during surgery different
male nurses will place their penny
purses (NOTE: penny purse is slang
for scrotum or testicles) in the patients mouth and see what obscene
sounds they can get them to make.
Some have found that if they have
thinner penises laying it across an
open mouth sideways can sometimes
cause a sound similar to Verv anally
desecrating your mother.
The ‘How Low Can You Go’ game
is a classic -- it involves raping the
most pathetic person you can. Whomever has committed the most disgusting and bestial rape to a patient who
is under anasthesea gets a free lunch
once a month from everyone at the
office until someone goes worst.
Usually it takes decades to dethrone guys who have raped the bejesus out of immigrant orphan children
dying of cancer.
The Barack Obama game, is a
recent one though it has had many
forms. It is a game where you promise
full recovery with all confidence and
talk about their situation as if it is not
dire at all, just merely requires some
hard work and some healing. There
are competitions to see how long you
can get someone to believe that things
will actually be allright before they or
their loved one dies.
The No One Cares About Old
People & Neither Do I game is just
a running tally that they have in most
hospitals concerning who has put
down the most old people like a vet
puts down a dog. Rarely, if a doctor si
very arrogant about their number, do
they get turned into the police.
The $5 Foot Long game is a game
18
Legendary Creature Verv
Has A Good Weekend
where doctors put foot long objects
up people’s anuses and after providing proof the office owes them a $5
foot long sub from... Subway.
The other $5 Foot Long game was
famous in the Chicago area because
of a doctor named Stewart J. Dickerman that actually had a full 12” penis
when erect. He changed the name of
the game from “the longest finger
prostate exam” to the other $5 foot
long game so he could start eating
subway sandwiches for free whenever he wanted.
Corpse Re-Animator is another
doctor game where after a person has
died they keep shocking them with
the paddles to make the body jump
and twitch uncomfortably. Rarely do
they get patients who wake up slightly sometimes, and then at this time
the game can go on for hours. Most
of the time they prefer to tell jokes
word by word to the re-animated
corpses and then the nurse will make
a funny laughing noise while making
the corpse’s mouth open and closed
like the man “died laughing.”
Pray To Jesus game is a game that
whenever there is a small chance of
hope for survival, asking the family
to pray to Jesus and say that you as
well sincerely believe this will secure
total recovery for the patient. Talk
about how you have “seen miracles
in the operating room before” and
“request” that we all “pray together
to Jesus.”
Usually during this game the surgeon purposefully botches the surgery (often by playing whistlin’ dixie
at very opportune times, or anally
raping the patient) and the family
is devestated that God doesn’t help
them in their time of need.
Target:
Jacob Verville
The Stillborn game AKA the musical babies game happens every time the
doctors want to play a really cool joke;
sometimes they do not hit the baby
hard enough to get it breathing, or they
simply look at the baby and say “Code
IV, code IV, get this baby to emergency
operation!” and they all rush out of the
room to operate ont he child.
Hours and hours later the doctor
will return and sadly announce the
baby was a stillborn.
In reality, the baby was not a stillborn, it was merely a way to ‘fuck
with people.’
then the baby who actually lived
will be swapped out with other babies that get code IV’d for days on
end until finally part two of the game
occurs:
The Miracle Baby game is when a
stillborn child is replaced with a real,
living baby after a code IV occurs.
The family will never know that in
reality their baby died in the operating room but will go on believing a
miracle happened.
Often times the doctor will give a
speech about miracles in the operating room.
Some people use the last part to
justify the ‘stillborn baby’ game.
Saying it is a community service and
‘changes people’s bad luck.’
Often times, poorer babies are
“stillborned” and given to richer
babies because doctors, like most
people, believe that the feelings
and well-being of the impoverished
should rank below that of the rich as
the impoverished give nothing back
to society.
I hope you enjoyed these doctor’s
games and maybe know a few of your
own.
You catch up with Verville as he
heads away. “Hey, where are you going?” you ask him.
“I am going to Roots Time to meet
my friends the Nation of Polska,” he
answers.
“Mind if I tag along?” you ask.
Verv
11 January 2009
I do not know what it is but every
single Sunday evening I want to drive
somewhere far away... Just get into a
car, drive all night long, listening to
good tunes; viewing the therapeutic
darkness that shrouds the Earth in
mystery.
There is something so awesome
about traveling somewhere in a motor vehicle... The light sound of
your music; the endless countryside;
other, solitary cars passing you; favorite songs. Turn the sound off for
a while... Listen to the tire meeting
pavement. Think about your life and
your friends and find something new
and interesting in the darkness.
I went to a bar and spent 40,000
won paying Uzbek hostesses to sit
and chit chat. One was generally
happy and satisfied with life, smiling
on through it. Another was searching
for a husband. She was perky and
funny behind her drape of sadness.
Adam pointed out that “stuff must
be pretty bad if you go to Uzbekistan
to find a new life...” pointing out the
fact that the sad one was a KoreanUzbek.
She called me ‘my husband’ and
told me to come back. She said it in
a way that only sad people can say it.
She said it in a way that made nobody
laugh and only made people wonder,
“Wow, so this is what it comes to,
Sveta? Some bald American guy that
drinks too much and tells jokes? LOL
OK.”
The Russian language is fun
sounding; it has a cleaner sound than
Polish.
We went to a hockey game and I
cheered my ass off, drunkenly, having
fun; yelling and screaming and chanting and cheering and feeling like the
whole world was just 12 guys on the
ice, skating around, and a lot of people having fun watching them.
I broke a soju bottle at one point
and people were shocked and laughing and some people were even mad
at me.
On Friday some Korean ladies
came to our table and pissed me off.
I was trying to get my fill of Mihao
in our last moments and there was a
general sense of depression that we
eventually passed by consuming alcohol in mass quantities. The Korean
girls were rude at first and then they
were mellow and looking at us with
angst-ridden eyes.
There was even softcore porn on
the TV at the bar; we had the remote
and subjected the entire bar to hard,
fake breasts bouncing up and down
stiffly.
Someone said, “These girls are just
here to get fucked,” but they weren’t.
They were there to not be bored and
to be touched by someone emotionally and physically, I guess, and I went
to their apartment and made out with
the pretty one for a long time (though
it is never long enough).
I remember putting my mouth to
her neck and hearing her little whimpers. How sweet!What treasure is in
women! There is nothing better than
the feelingof them curling up and
tensely and then releasing themselves
onto your body, rubbing your bald
head; this is the sort of passion we
all need in life. This is what I want
daily.
I think all the best memories I have
of these moments is the reactions of
the women. My passion is their passion. Their whimpers and sighs are
my gold.
It makes me feel like I have worth
in my life.
We ended it there and slept next to
each other like brother and sister.
I didn’t bother to get her phone
number and left in the morning before
she woke up.
I wonder if she was hurt by that.
I later felt a little hurt by that, but
then I didn’t, because I realized that
cheap joys in life can come easily. It
builds me up and makes me feel good
to know that we will end our time together as a strange memory left rotting in our cerebellums.
40 years form now we can think
about 2009 and think about “yeah, I
was there, and I had a good time.”
Here’s to the good times and our
friends.
“Knock yourself out,” he replies
indifferently.
Roots Time turns out to be a tiny
basement place with loud reggae music. Verville brings over two bottles of
soju. “Have a drink, my new friend,”
he says.
Well, should you drink? It’s a kind
offer, but not very professional for
you to drink on the job.
Sure, I can handle my liquor. Go to
page 11
No, I better not. Go to page 19
Drunk Poetry
TATTOO IT TO MY NECK
Verv
17 February 2009
Ren Xiao Yao.
Follow the wind, carefree.
ALCOHOL IS MY GIRLFRIEND
Butterflies in spiderwebs,
ancient Chinese philosophers smiling at nothing, talking to no one;
dead ghosts in old lands, forgotten and wandering.
Looking for animals that will be their friends
and humans that will hear their whispers in the wind.
She’s young and she’s old,
brewed a million times in a million places -sometimes she smells sweet and sometimes she smells strong as sex;
sometimes she gives it to me smooth and sometimes rough.
She knocks me off my feet and makes me puke;
she makes me stagger and curl my toes;
she makes me slur my speech and laugh as I cry.
Cruel nature consuming the ruins of a past era.
Ancient wisdom lost beneath the Modern Lies -bureaucrats crushing the living,
the living yearning for the dead.
She inspires me to write and to sing like nothing else matters.
She is there for me when the other girls go home.
She is there for me when the world turns off the lights.
My mind is a tiger stalking your ruins.
PAGAN ANCESTOR
She massages my shoulders and takes away my aches and pains;
she flashes me virginal smiles that warm my heart to its very core.
If I could live 1,000 years the way I want to live 1,000 years,
I would need 1,000 livers and her holding my hand each step of the way.
When I’m older and wiser and married to some girl and have no time for her,
I will wait for those quiet weekends where there is nothing to do and I will find her in a secret hiding place;
I will kiss her and consume her the way I used to and the way that I want.
And she will cheer me on when I go to my maiden.
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
It’s you, somewhere, my Father of Fathers;
Blond, wind swept hair;
strong, Nordic features;
long face, arched nose, thin lips;
old wounds riddling your body.
Your ribs stick out and your mouth is missing teeth;
your beard is braided and you look at me and offer me a grunt and a laugh.
You speak in a tongue I do not know but you say something I understand.
TENDER FLESH, BURNING HEART
Oh, you! Oh, you!
The inspiration for my life.
The barbarian in my Blood, the Wild North in my Heart.
Her stoic face transforms into a world of smiles;
her black hair frames her perfectly.
Her hand is smooth and small in my own.
My heart is off, breaking already, in some future whore house,
imagining her body beneath mine,
consuming her kisses like a fire, burning them inside of myself into the ashes of an eternal pain.
Her little voice happy to hear my own.
The cold air, the water flowing through the fjord,
the smell of a fire somewhere.
If I could go to you, now,
I would live with you and never come back.
BURY ME IN THE DMZ
A Thai Restaurant.
June, 2008,
hickies from someone else on her neck and tears in her eyes,
telling me it is over for good,
from now until eternity.
When I die drag my corpse through the checkpoints and up the mountains,
where the old Confucianists rest beneath large stone statues;
SGT Vecchio,
take your Entrenching Tool and dig me a pit to warm me in my slumber.
Let me hear your laugh one last time as you pile the dirt high.
Bury me in the DMZ.
I walked for 1 hour South of the restaurant,
lost in a world of spinning thoughts and soul shattering sadness.
DEAD SOLDIER GRIMACING AT THE FUTURE THAT WILL NOT COME
PLAY YOUR PUNK GUITAR
Hey you, old man,
can you remember your youth?
When you were on the stages, drunk already,
pissing off the audience with out-of-tune interpretations of anarchy;
but there were us, the drunks, who just liked the way you made the room Boom, Blur and Dive
away from this world of Shit.
In the tormenting coldness of a forgotten battlefield
a young man lays on his back, stretched out awkwardly;
lifeless eyes stair into the endless sky, looking for stars that no longer shine on his world;
your guitar made flowers blossom in my peripherial visionl;
your guitar made me fall in love every Friday and Saturday.
your guitar blasted every problem in my life a million miles away with a brick wall of sound.
A thousand lost dreams and a family full of broken hearts;
mothers weeping for you and looking at the books you bought that will never be read,
the records you will never play again;
pictures of old girls who will never know your touch.
You made me shout, dance and howl mockery at the cruel Earth;
you made me a dumb, fucking drunk tattoo’d to his wrists,
a slave to my youth, a slave to your sound.
You only pretend to drink, so you
can keep your nerves about you.
Excusing yourself to go to the washroom, you dump the soju out in the
toilet and replace it with water.
Then you can pound them back
with Verville without any risk of los-
ing consciousness.
“You are my good friend,” he says.
You buy him another round, and
then another. “The Nation of Polska will meet me,” he mumbles, then
lowers his head and closes his eyes.
Is he out? You could inject him
skin turning to leather,
body left for carrion beasts.
Dead Soldier,
Grimacing at a future that will not come.
with poison right now and nobody
would ever know it was murder. But
maybe you should wait a little bit in
case he wakes up.
I better wait. Go to page 20
No, I’ll do it now. Go to page 27
Target:
Jacob Verville
19
Stormfront vs ESL Cafe
Jon Twitch
One’s an online community where
narrow-minded idiots go to express
their ethnocentric views—the other is
arguably the world’s largest website
for white supremacists. The question
is: can you tell the difference between
an ESL teacher in Korea and a Klansman? Let’s find out. What follows are
quotations lifted from ESL Cafe and
Stormfront.
In no way do I intend to poke fun
at Stormfront here; while researching this feature, I respected how well
they moderate themselves. But make
no mistake—if many of them came
to Korea they would end up cultureshocked and blubbering like a typical
ESL Cafe member.
1 1the reason blacks in that age group
have more HIV-AIDS is because
they’re more promiscuous than any
other ethnic/racial group. Now, dearie, I know that’s not PC to say, but
someone needs to nudge you back to
reality. Why do you suppose blacks
have the highest number of out-ofwedlock births and the lowest number
of father figure households?
(SF) / (ESL)
2 I don’t like Korean men....simple as
that. When I meet them, I judge them
right away as being jerks.
(SF) / (ESL)
3While I have met many Koreans
whom I didn’t care for, lumping them
all as bad is rather ignorant. For example, I have a coworker who is half
Korean and she’s one of the nicest,
good hearted people I know. Of course
I wouldn’t consider her as a possible
mate for obvious reasons, and if the
time came for segregation I would bid
her farewell, but I most certainly do
not wish for her to be exterminated, I
mean Jesus Christ people.....
(SF) / (ESL)
4 i have nothing against oriental people at all.however,call them asian and
that undermines tem as that includes
muslims.
(SF) / (ESL)
5 Whites are cold and logical and
masters of weaponry. That’s why they
rule -- ask D1ck Cheney.
(SF) / (ESL)
6 While I certainly don’t think anyone
has a right to commit violence against
a particular group or to incite others to commit violence, I can see no
logical reason why the government of
Canada should be allowed to determine who I can or can’t hate.
(SF) / (ESL)
7 Some big black arse tryed to peel a
big one on me so I splet Taiwan, foound some stub at Man-toMen here,
tells me he’s Canadian born. Say,
“Hey, buddy, think this is America”
So he slgus me one, in the gut, I
didn’t know he’s able to underatand.
(SF) / (ESL)
8 Truthfuly I love asian people.. well,
atleast more then hispanics an ALLOT more then blacks an arabs. I like
to go to chinese places an talk with
them an eat their food, international
district kicks ass!
(SF) / (ESL)
9 Here’s an example of my kind of racism: I love to see black folk succeed,
as I like to see all people succeed,
but I tend to consider crossing the
street when I see a group of 10 of em
dressed like they’re in a 50 cent video.
But hey, if I saw 10 white or yellow
dudes dressed like they were in a 50
cent video I’d probably.... scratch that.
I guess I’d just laugh at them.
(SF) / (ESL)
10 Anyone else find it interesting that
a Communist North Korean general
cares about racial purity?
(SF) / (ESL)
11 I’ve had an African American tell
me that she didn’t want to live in a
black neighborhood because they
don’t respect each other and can’t
clean up their messes!
(SF) / (ESL)
12 Hines Ward is a “hero” to the white
males, black males, mixed-races, and
Korean female race-mixers in South
Korea, and that’s about it.
(SF) / (ESL)
13 Both North and South Korea are
enemy combatant nations that would
just as soon wipe every single one of
us off the face of the earth...
(SF) / (ESL)
14 South Koreans are a hateful people, they consider Americans ‘lazy’
and simply have a contempt for our
culture and ideology, they have a sycophantic somewhat jewish approach
when it comes to dealing with ‘superiors’, and are for the most part are
completely allien...
(SF) / (ESL)
15 The biggest employer in the US is
the US Fed Gov’t. The Fed gov’t is
17% African American while the African American population as a whole
is 13%. Thats a whacked message.
(SF) / (ESL)
16 Why is it ok for there to be Asian
pride, black pride, native american
pride but not white pride? Why is it ok
for minority based scholarships to exist but not for a scholarship for whites?
Oh, poor whites is ok but everyone
can apply for those-so long as they’re
poor... Aren’t quotas for college admissions based on race, racist?
(SF) / (ESL)
17 The Taliban a well known gangster army of the cult of Islam has just
mudered its first victim. The Cult of
Islam was founded by the pedophile
Mohammed.
(SF) / (ESL)
18 We should care only in the fact
that we could learn a few things from
people like the Japanese who refuse to
become multicultural and cherish their
heritage. We, on the whole, are throwing it away in the name of some egalitarian leftist vision called muticulturalism which in the end could turn the
USA, Canada and Australia into giant
versions of the Dominican Republic.
As for Europe, they are slowly turning
into an Islamic wasteland , just which
may beeven worse culturally.
(SF) / (ESL)
19 Some of the most narrow-minded,
bigoted people I’ve met are American
black men. They love to seek out white
trophy girls and brag about it to the
homeys but if they catch a sista with a
white guy, they can’t deal with it.
(SF) / (ESL)
20 I think Asians( except maybe for
the japanese) are the sneakiest, most
unsanitary and bizarre creatures i ever
encountered, oh and they are terrible
drivers.
(SF) / (ESL)
21 For radical Zionists such as the
Ash-ke-NAZIS, the ends always justify the means
(SF) / (ESL)
22 And historically, the Nazi’s didn’t
“100%” suck. They were masters of
military and industrial innovation. If
it wasn’t for the Nazi’s, the Soviet
Union would have owned Europe.
And it is indisputable that Stalin was
far, far more evil than Hitler.
(SF) / (ESL)
23 Bringing a mixed race child into
this world is the cruelest thing that
can be done by the most selfish people. The child has no sense of cultural
24 According to the evidence outlined
in “Final Judgment” the Zionists ordered and covered up the assassination. These would be the people that
control our government to this day.
(SF) / (ESL)
bars and making all Nazi’s (or those
with distant Nazi blood) wear giant
yellow stars. Then we could round up
all of the Nazi’s or people that we just
don’t like and put them into camps
and make them slaves in support of
our anti-Nazi efforts. After all, it was
the Nazi’s that created racism and all
that is wrong with the world.
(SF) / (ESL)
25 I like the symbol it looks awesome.
I don’t like what Nazi scum stand for
though, even though I would never
trust most Jewish people. I think we
all have prejudices and intolerance.
There is nothing wrong with thinking
this way as long as we don’t act on
these thoughts and hurt other people.
(SF) / (ESL)
33 I’ve met a few Japanese and Koreans and they all have been very respectful and well educated. They also
have a high sense of honour and self
respect, something almost totally lost
within White people nowadays. But
as much as I respect them, they do
not belong in White nations.
(SF) / (ESL)
26 And as I have already mentioned,
you are breaking board guidelines by
advocating genocide. Do you have no
respect for the owner of this board
and his rules?
(SF) / (ESL)
34 Recently my brother had married
his Filipino girlfriend of five years...
much to my family’s dismay since nonintimate relations with people who are
not white are only tolerated, dating is
like exile (we are still in shock).
(SF) / (ESL)
identity, and is actively shunned by
both cultures.
(SF) / (ESL)
27 No one likes to believe that racism
exists in America (and elsewhere)
however it is a fact of life. Those of
us that ignore racism at all levels are
being racist by omission.
(SF) / (ESL)
28 And yes, Korea like Japan is almost completely one group, and yes I
wish we had the same percentage. All
this aside, this is an assinine thread
and only idiots want to destroy whole
nations because of a few individuals!
(SF) / (ESL)
29 several posters said that asians
hate all white people and are not creative. i have dated a korean girl in the
past. she certainly wasnt with me for
money, i am poor as ****. we had a
great relationship.
(SF) / (ESL)
30 koreatown is a *beep* where all
the young korean american thug wannabe’s drink and drive, bars and clubs
let you smoke inside, there are tons of
underpaid immigrant laborers, a huge
amount of luxury cars rolling around
all the time.
(SF) / (ESL)
31 Everyone has their crosses to bear.
There are now 35,000 mixed race
people in South Korea.
(SF) / (ESL)
32 I should start a rabid anti-Nazi
crusade. We could get a giant watermelon as our symbol and go around
kicking scooters and burning Nazi
35 So, to say it briefly: my vision
on Asians is that you have 2 kinds
of Asians: the civilised Asians, with
whom I do not really have a problem,
and the thugs, who ARE a problem.
Still, the Asian world is a threat for
the position of the West in the world
both economically and politically.
(SF) / (ESL)
36 I’m racist(if you quantify it that
way), I think that Japanese men are
cruel, childlike and obnoxious. I also
think that black men are aggressive,
mentally deficient and criminals by
nature. I happen to be not alone with
these thoughts.
(SF) / (ESL)
37 Al Sharpton would do the world,
and his familt, a big favour if he were
to cut himself long and deep.
(SF) / (ESL)
38 Okay, what the **** is wrong with
you people? Since when is it wrong to
want to exterminate a people who hate
us? I’d rather nuke Norks though.
(SF) / (ESL)
39 Don’t spit on the sidewalk you
animals.
(SF) / (ESL)
40 Finally, let me ask you a question - have you ever stepped up and
defended white people like you defended asians here? They are after all
YOUR people.
(SF) / (ESL)
BrokeInKorea.com coming soon
For online content that is simultaneously more and less retarded than Dave’s ESL Cafe
Target:
Jacob Verville
20
You wait a little longer, and Verville seems to be in deep sleep. Just
as you get your syringe out, a group
of white people come down the stairs
and come over to you and Verville.
“Hey Verv, want to go to anma?”
one of them asks in a heavy Eastern
European accent.
Verville immediately leaps up. “Is
sexy time!” he exclaims in a not bad
impression of Borat.
Hey, you’re a huge fan of Sacha
Baron Cohen! Imagine that!
“Is nice!” you remark as Verville
thunders out of Roots Time.
You do all you can to keep up as he
leads the way to the swankest, sleaziest rub-n-tug place around. “It is on
me!” he announces as you are scanning the expensive list of services
provided.
You gladly follow a Russian girl
into a room with a massage table,
where she gives you the full treatment. You shriek with ecstasy at the
finishing manual release. In the next
room over, you hear someone else
finish off in similar manner. Was that
Verville? He sure sounded happy,
whoever he was.
They let you stay the night, and
in the morning when you wake up,
Verville is gone. Not that you care
anymore. It was worth betraying your
clients for such an awesome night.
Hopefully you’ll see Verville again,
and next time it will not be to kill
him!
THE END
Jon took the “Where should you
live?” quiz and the result is:
up your ass
You belong up your ass. You like
nothing more than hot weather, and
a damp and warm place to relax. You
may be isolated from the rest of the
world, but you’re in paradise here!
What more do you want: a social
networking website through which to
spread shallow memes that say nothing about who you are as a person.
The Sausage
RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc.
on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get
your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME
DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Annoy people and make them hate you by making them read it.
5. Everyone who has been annoyed by this should
to do the same thing.
6. Waste three columns of a page!
IF SOMEONE SAYS ‘ARE YOU OKAY’ YOU SAY?
“Throw Me Corn” - Winston Shand
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
“I Can’t Hide” - Specials (Ken Parker)
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
“Spread Your Bed” - Versatiles
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
“Ease Me Up Officer” - Winston Jarrett
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
“Hope and Glory” - Class Assassins
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
“The Devil went down to Scunthorpe” - Toy Dolls
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
“San Quentin” - Emscherkurve 77 (Johnny Cash)
WHAT’S YOUR MOTTO?
“Merci Bonsoir” - Manu Chao
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
“Drunken Skinhead” - Prowlers
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
“You’re Tearin’ Me Apart” - Teenage Head
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
“Rub Up Push Up” - Justin Hinds
WHAT IS 2 + 2?
“10 Skinheads” - Booted Cocks
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
“Hooligans” - Valkyrians (Wailers)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
“Hiding All Away” - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
“Mano Negra” - Mano Negra
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE
PERSON YOU LIKE?
“Come into My Parlour” - Skin Deep (Bleechers)
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
“Clockwork Punks” - more Hellking
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
“Skinhead Train” - Charmers
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
“”Beer, Blood, and Boots” - Attacking Forces
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
“Back Door Santa” - Clarence Carter
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
“One Eyed Giant” - Baba Brooks
WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
“Media Control” - The Emergency
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
“Lie Down Here (And Be My Girl)” - Nick Cave
and the Bad Seeds
WHAT DO YOU SAY WHEN YOU PICK UP
THE PHONE?
“Another Wasted Night” - Wednesday Night Heroes
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS TELL YOU TO DO?
“I Chase the Devil” - Madness (Max Romeo)
WHAT DID YOU DO YESTERDAY?
“Penis Friend” - Dirty Small Town
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
“The Sausage” - Baldhead Growler
Jon picked their (5) for “Best countries in the world”. What are yours?
Sealand - Other World Kingdom - Republic of Moroc-Songhrati Meads - Conch Republic - Northern Forest Archipelago
5 weeks ago · Comment · LikeUnlike · Pick your five · Create your own
Which punk rock star are you?
You really love punk rock
music and even if punk
musicians cannot be your
‘idols’ you treat them as
legends - dead or alive.
So finaly you can find out
which punk rock star you
have inside!
#1.You’re favourite color is:
(a) white (b) purple (c) grey
(d) blond (e) black
#2.You’re favourite musical
genre is:
a) anti-Christian folk metal
b) country and western
c) bbongjjak
d) grind, noise
e) rockabilly, psychobilly
#3 When you’re hangin’ out
with your friends you go:
a) to a massage parlour
b) fishin’
c) somewhere cultural
d) wander the streets until
sunrise
e) to Koreatown
#4.You think, that the governement:
a) should be stronger (unless
you didn’t vote for them)
b) sucks but you’re willing
to die for them
c) could learn a thing or two
from you
d) should be held in check
by a monarch
e) sucks because people suck
#5.If you’re animal, you’d be:
(a) octopus (b) pit bull (c)
dalmatian (d) otter (e) cat
#6.Your close are:
a) boots, bomber jacket,
shirts with anti-multicultural
slogans
b) rags and clothes that are
ready to fall apart
c) grey suit and sunglasses
regardless of climate or time
of day
d) shorts and a T-shirt
You get the dagger out of your
pocket and hold it close to your body.
Verville barrels toward you, limbs
flailing, and you prepare to strike.
Then suddenly, someone smacks you
right in the head. The dagger falls out
of your hand and clatters away on the
floor.
It’s the lead singer of the band! At
first you think he saw the dagger and
regardless of season
e) leather jacket and nothing else
#7.You’re addicted to
a) bukkake and soju
b) hunting and fishing
c) perfection
d) absolutely nothing
e) recording solo albums
#8.What do you prefer to eat?
a) meat and vagina
b) fish and game I caught
myself
c) fusion cuisine
d) soybeans and rice
e) cow and cow projects
#
9.What do you want be
when you grow up?
a) an alcoholic
b) a lean mean killing
machine
c) a world traveler
d) a human spider who
climbs buildings
e) a one-man band
tried to stop you, but he charges past,
flailing like an epileptic at a disco.
That was a close call, but you’re
not letting this insult go. You’re a hitman, for fuck’s sake.
The song ends, and you walk over
to him. “Hey jerk,” you say.
“Pardon?” he asks, looking at you
with his lizard eyes.
“Back when you were playing, you
#10.What attracts you in the
opposite sex?
a) price
b) curves
c) intelligence
d) ability to bear children
e) ability to get you green card
If you answered mostly A, the
result is Verv (Pornotarium)
You’re all about sex with women
of negotiable virtue, and you don’t
care who knows it. You want to
live fast, die young, and leave a
bloated corpse. Your lifestyle inspires equal amounts of repulsion
and admiration. Long after you’ve
passed, you’ll be remembered in
song. Whether that song will be
religious gospel or viking metal
remains to be seen.
If you answered mostly B, the
result is Paul (Suck Stuff, Rux)
You’re the kind of guy with no
roots, so you’ve had the chance
to pick and choose. You’ve
moved around a lot and lived a
lot of lives. You show, that punk
rock exist beyond sex, drugs and
alcohol. But you still know how
jumped into the crowd and hit me,”
you say, fists balled.
“Oh, I did? I’m terribly sorry,” he
answers through a thick Welsh accent.
“Yeah, well I’ll make you eat those
words,” you retort.
“Leave him alone!” someone
shouts at you.
“Yeah, come on!” chimes in some-
to rock. Good for you.
If you answered mostly C, the
result is Burke (MR27)
You’re really not afraid to say
exactly what you think. Art and
independence are the most important things to you. Every word
of yours sounds like a poem or a
song. You know how to rock, but
in a very special, artistic way.
If you answered mostly D, the
result is Tel (Chadburger)
You look like a nice, quiet, unassuming guy, but when you cut
loose, everybody better watch the
fuck out. People should be very
careful around you. And if anyone
will call you a ‘sweet blondie’, he
will never say it again.
If you answered mostly E, the
result is Hellking (Hellking)
You’re a strong person, but
people judge you by appearance.
But you really know how to use
it. sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll
- that’s the way you live your
life. And, seriously, do you like
blonde, stupid groupies and
prostitutes under 21?
one else.
You hurry out before something
serious happens.
Well, that obviously wasn’t a good
idea.
What now?
I’ll sneak back in. Go to page 22
I’ll wait for Verville and ambush
him somewhere else. Go to page 23
25 things...
...I will kill you with
if you send me
irritating, pointless notes.
1. Homemade flamethrower. Apparently
they are legal to possess in the US.
2. Car bomb
3. Good old fashioned knife
4. Keys held between my fingers sort of like
brass knuckles, but sharper
5. Descending silently from the ceiling by rope,
and snapping your neck between my thighs
6. Guns (probably the most effective way)
7. Poisoning (probably the least gruesome
way; would you like to try some cake I
baked especially for you?)
8. Runnng you over with a truck
9. Dropping a bridge on you
10. Setting up a scenario in which the only
way for you to save lives is to sacrifice your
own, by going into a chemical- or radiationflooded chamber to turn a pointlessly placed
shutoff valve.
11. Spreading lies that you’re the Hwaseong
serial killer
12. Tying you to a hook and slowly lowering you into a tank of piranhas
13. Throwing you out of an airplane, but
you manage to grab a parachute, so I dive
after you and we have a gun battle in freefall over the only parachute as we plummet
to the ground. I win.
14. Staple a flag to your ass and mail you to Iran
15. Meet you atop a bridge, where I will
have two ropes--one tied to your girlfriend,
and one tied to a busload of kids. Which one
will you save?
16. Throw you in an active volcano
17. Throw you in an inactive volcano, but
one that’s really really high up
18. Cement shoes, and throw you in the river
19. Strip you naked and drop you off at the
North Pole
20. Put you in a theatre Clockwork-Orangestyle and make you watch Battlefield Earth
on repeat
21. Put you on a rocket and launch it into
the sun
22. Tie you up, slather you in Campbell’s
chicken noodle soup, and let cats lick you to
death (my cats love that stuff)
23. Flamethrower. Twice just to make sure.
24. Anthrax in the mail. Did you ever receive the anthrax vaccine? I kind of need
to know.
25. Getting you banned from Facebook.
From what I know, Facebook is your life,
and it will absolutely crush you.
*Note: all of this is satire and should not be
taken more seriously than all those zombie,
vampire, and gangster invitations I get. If I
really were going to kill you, you wouldn’t
see it coming. Either that or you’d hear a
crash outside your window, and look out to
see me lying on the ground below, stunned
from the fall.
Target:
21
Jacob Verville
Broke Crossword The Bimonthly Bootfuck Don’t Quit
by Jon Twitch
Dedicated to Jeff and Trash
(written while on the way to their wedding)
ACROSS
1 Add
5 Female bassist
10 5 Across’s husband
14 Misplace
15 Decay
16 Inactive
17 Mind ___ matter
18 Different
19 Charities
20 In spite of
22 Opposite of exorcise
24 Fugazi genre
25 Rocket 88 musician
26 Artillery guns
30 Psychic
34 Emanate
35 Town in Surrey, UK
37 ___ and kin
38 Rookie ___ Staz
39 Monty Python starting
word
40 Golf spike
41 Charitable contributions
43 Actress Witherspoon
45 These ___ are Snakes
46 Stretched
48 Himalayan mountain
50 Short-lived Korean
skinhead label
51 Head orifice
52 Cybernetic Verhoeven
movie
56 Signal receiver
60 Anti-social kid in UK
61 Mesopotamian
63 One large quantity
64 Shopping center
65 Repeated TV show
66 Wife of 25 Across
67 Colony insects
68 Wedge
69 Hongdae arts/concert
venue
22
DOWN
1 UK slang for cops
2 Skinhead ___ Affair
3 Utilises
4 Limbless reptile
5 Second-wave ska
6 Rank
7 Cinder
8 Stair
9 Courage
10 Skasucks singer
11 Straight-___
12 Florences
13 ___ up
21 Opinionated Internet
slang
23 Travel downhill
26 Aromatic wood
27
Whack-___-___
(2
words)
28 Riddler’s last name
29 Peeped
30 Gang
31 KNO3
32 Things
33 Bust
36 Sault ___ Marie
42 /pwns
43 Pierre-Auguste and
Jean
44 Dusk
45 Takes into custody
47 Ad ___
49 Consume
52 Sci-fi novel “Rendezvous with ___”
53 US airbase in Songtan
54 Korean pop-punk band
55 Snobby school
56 Awful “Barbie Girl”
band
57 Navy TV show
58 Itaewon bar
59 First man
Target:
Jacob Verville
Your Day Job
Hmm, I wonder what’s going on in
Daegu this weekend. I’ll just go look
up the Club Heavy website. Okay,
http://cafe.daum.net/clubheavy96...
And there it is. Okay, there’s the link
to their shows. Huh, there sure are a
lot of shows going on. I’ll click on
this one. Hey, wait a minute! It says
I have to log in! What in the balls? I
just wanted to see what time the show
starts, for fuck’s sake! Well, how do
I sign up? Dear god, so many steps.
Does that say I have to submit to a
DNA test? Aw hell, all I wanted to do
was look at one little message. Wait,
which Korea are we in again?
In case you haven’t heard, I fucking hate the major Korean Internet
portals. Korea may have some of the
most sophisticated Internet hookups
in the world, but their websites are
like some kind of yuppie gated community. With Hitler as the gatekeeper.
And Vladimir Putin with his ear to
every door. The Internet should be for
free information, not locked down. If
you want to so much as comment on
an online video or predict doom for
the global economy, you have to go
through a lengthy registration process previously only used for vetting
vice-presidential candidates. Fuck
sites like Naver, Daum, Hanmail, and
CyWorld, and leave them in a burlap
sack on the highway. Oh wait, this article is about boot-fucking, not plain
old heterosexual sex.
This is all part of some retarded
real name law, intended to civilise
the wild frontier of the Internet by
forcing everybody to wear nametags
and have a big arrow hovering over
their home for all to see. That way,
you’ll be held accountable for what
you say online. That’s great, nothing
on the Internet ever gets taken out of
context or misunderstood by others
and showered in hate-mail. That only
happens if you’re anonymous. People
are saying this is a threat to freedom
of speech, but I see it as something far
worse: a threat to freedom of privacy.
And now they’ve gotten to YouTube.
When they told Google that YouTube
had to conform to this fucked up law,
Google decided to wash their hands of
the country and ban all comments and
videos from Korea.
And the lamest thing is, you can get
past this YouTube bullshit simply by
changing your settings to say you’re
in another more progressive, more
freedom-loving country, say, Poland.
Don’t worry, everybody’s doing it,
even the Cheong Wa Dae YouTube
Channel. That’s right, even the government decided their own law was
too stupid to obey. After all, this law
is to discourage and catch online dissenters and critics of the government,
not create a minor inconvenience for
the government. Might I add a big
fuck you to the good people of the
Lee Myungbag administration, Korea’s shittiest democratically-elected
leader since Roh Taewoo.
The Korean Internet is way too
centrally controlled, content-wise,
and membership-wise. While in other
countries they’re saying the Internet
is wild, untameable, in Korea they’ve
already cut its balls off. I think it’s
high time we give them the ol’ bootfuck; the problem is I have no idea
who gets it first.
Oh wait, I just decided: every fool
who voted for that guy despite the
fact this sort of shit was obviously
ahead. Are you ready, boots? Start
fucking!
Perry Sepuku
Aight, I’m going to start this article
off by saying
I am a Juggalo, a down ass Juggalo, for L-I-F-E.
Now, the reason I’m posting this
is because society wants to be blind,
stupid, arrogant and ignorant to what
it is that is around them. And, because
the last issue of Broke kind of pissed
me off in my drunken stupor at Skunk
Hell. People ask me, on a daily basis,
what a Juggalo is, or why am I a Juggalo, or why I listen to such “shitty”
music. If you are one of the people
who think a Juggalo is just a person
who listens to the Insane Clown Posse, well here’s a big FUCK YOU.
A Juggalo is a person who belongs
to the ‘Dark Carnival Family’ (When
I say Dark Carnival, I’m not speaking
of some Satanic, ritualistic, cultualistic, freak religion. The Dark Carnival
is just a name, just like Punk, Goth,
Wigger, Gangster, Prep, ect.) A Juggalo is a person who doesn’t know
where to fit in because of how they
look, act, dress, talk, ect. Everyday
people make fun of Juggalos because
they ‘take it too far’. Because we
paint our faces, wear ICP/Twiztid/
Blaze/ABK/Dark Lotus shirts all the
time, and wear rather baggy clothing. Then people attack us because
we come after them when they are
talking bullshit about us. A Juggalo is
the type of person who will say what
they want to who they want, when
ever they want. If they don’t like your
shirt, they’ll tell you. But just because
we say we don’t like something about
you or someone else, doesn’t mean
we ‘hate’ it. It’s just something we
wouldn’t do or wear.
Now, back to the ‘taking it too
far’ portion. Not all Juggalos will
paint their faces all the time or wear
Psychopathic Records clothing at all
times. There are some Juggalos that
will do this though, and they are extremist. Extremists can be found in
any and every clique across the world.
Here’s a few examples: The Taliban/
suicide bombers = Extremists of the
Muslim religion. The kids who wear
studs on everything they own, spike
their hair three feet high, and have a
billion piercings = Extremists of the
Punk clique. So, yes, there are those
Juggalos who will ‘take it too far’,
but thats just who we are.
A Juggalo will do what ever he
wants. He doesn’t follow trends or
try to be in style. Some people try
and say being a Juggalo would be following a trend. But, do you really see
preps putting blue, black, and white
face paint on and going to the mall,
acting cool? No, it’s not a fucking
trend. There are some kids who act
like a Juggalo by becoming an extremist. These are what we Juggalos
call ‘Juffalos’, or fakes.
A Juggalo is part of a family, a
family where anyone can belong. If a
Juggalo sees another person wearing
some Psychopathic Records clothing, he’ll walk up to him and be like
‘Whattup Juggalo/Ninja/Killa’ and if
that person is a true Juggalo, they will
talk and act as if they’ve known each
other from day one. If they are fake,
then that Juggalo will just be like,
‘Aight peace man’. Tell me any other
clique where you see a person wearing clothing from that group, you
can just walk up and talk like you’re
brothers. You can’t. Simple as that,
there’s nothing out there that is close
to being part of the Dark Carnival.
You wait a few minutes, then head
back up toward Skunk Hell. Verville
is somewhere inside, but you’re
stopped at the ticket counter by a
gang of foreigners.
“Aren’t you the dick who we just
chased away?” one of them asks.
“Out of my way, maggots,” you retort, trying to push past them.
Someone smashes a bottle over
your head, and you land on the floor.
You wake up several weeks later
in a Korean hospital. Fortunately you
had no ID, and the Korean doctors
haven’t figured out your identity. By
now your clients will know that you
failed in your mission and there will
be a contract on your head. All you
can do is change your name and find
some quiet part of the world to hide.
Well, now that you’re here, maybe
you could give ESL teaching a try.
After all, how hard would it be for
a professional hitman to get a job
teaching English in Korea?
Last issue, we looked at the day
jobs of many Korean bands. Answers
were solicited via MySpace. And then
after publication, I received two more
responses. As revenge for their late
responses, I called their employers
and got them all fired. Here’s what
they were doing before that.
Explode
Chansung: working holyday in
Austrailia (picking fruit on a farm)
Sungmin: student
Minju: day by day worker
Wonho: day by day worker
Hangpal: tattooist
Ninesin
Two members are in university
and looking for a job. They might go
overseas to study. The others have
regular jobs working for companies
to make ends meet. “Everyone knows
you can’t make ends meet just by being in a band, especially if you’re an
indie band or underground.
The reason we still don’t give up our
music in spite of all the hard work in
the daytime is flames of life. We have
regrets and joys for wrong choices in
life like suicide and adultery, but we
only get joy out of music.”
“음악으로는 생계를 유지할수
없다는 것은 누구나 다 압니다,. 그
것도 인디밴드에서..언더씬에서..
그러나 그 힘든 직장생활 가운데
서 음악을 하는이유는 삶의 불꽃
이기때문입니다. 자살, 외도, 불륜
등 그러한 잘못된 길에서 즐거움
과 후회를 느끼지만 저희는 음악
을 통해서 후회없는 즐거움을 느
낍니다.”
In Defence of Juggalos
THE END
The Vervrodome
Nevin didn’t get his articles in on time, so I had some space to fill. And what will I fill it with? How
about the nastiest, vilest Verv writing known to Internet? Don’t miss deadlines, kids.
The AIDS Victim Things Your Mother
He was skinny and he looked sick.
His skin was really bad and he shit diarrhea all the time out of his ass.
He was an africa homosexualian visiting
prostitutes who stood over fires to dry their
cunts out for bloody sexual stimulation.
He was once hearty but he grew thin,
the outline of his jaw was clear and he
could never open his mouth wide enough to
nut mumble.
He was so weak he made emo seem like
hardcore.
The AIDS victim cried at first but then he
waited for the end straining himself out of
bed to go outside and find the well.
Near the end he couldn’t get up often so
he smelt like shit due to lack of baths.
He died in Kenya in 2006 holding his
pillow to his chest and his dignity in his
left hand.
----------------
STUDENT WRITES TERM PAPERS
Fucking stupid kids on internets looking
up facts to record.
A bullshit answer. A bullshit practice. A
bullshit education system only serving as
a continuance of babysitting for parents of
children not qualified to get jobs but still in
need of daycare.
Teaching. Preening over sophistry previously unimagined by Che Guevara shit
wearers.
Write your term paper you cunt it is the
end of the term and you are still so stupid.
-----------
AIDS VICTIM IN A BIB
BEING FED BY A NURSE
There once was an aids victim in a bib
being fed by a nurse wo thought
‘whats the use, whats the use?’
The man dies before her eyes and she
feeds him like he has worth.
Even his offspring would be cursed,
cursed.
Baby food. Diarrhea. Outlines of dried
tears on pillow cases. Go die in your village
like a man or a woman.
-----------
MY DICK IN A BIB
BEING FED BY A NURSE
Milky breasts, Hispanic woman mature
and like wine,
tits that appeal to the eyes and as soft as
as a Llama skin rug.
Stick fingers in my ass (or crayons) Oh
nurse,
put your tit feeders on my dicks and let
my morality rot between your montagna.
I will cheer for El Salvador in the next
world cup, my queen virgin.
Promise not to laugh but I think I came.
----------------
WHY AM I DRUNK
Why am I drunk again on a wednesday
night,
so fucking stupid and fucking stupid and
fucking dumb writing regrets in boxes for
entering texts.
Why am I so drunk again, so drunk
again,
farting in my chair and drinking tea from
Yunan, China,
chewing tobacco from Gotesberg, Sweden;
drinking wine from Chateau Leblanc,
France.
So stupid. So stupid. Not enough foreign
drinks in the world can justify irresponsibility.
As the Gods speak I listen and know my
wrong.
---the person with AIDS who si a victim of
AIDS infected me in September of 2007.
I did not know I had it until I received a
test in June of 2008.
Although I never died of it it prevented
me from legalized sexual interactions and
spurred me towards a facial tattoo.
I spent my last days in regret.
i shit on your possessions
Verv
6 Apr 2008
I went to your house while you were
at work and I took your television remote
control and inserted it sideways in my rectal
cavity. it hurt but it was worth it.
I masturbated in your socks.
I touched the sperm to your bathroom
towels.
i squatted down and touched the tip of
my bung hole on the vegetables in your
fridge.
i pressed the raw meet against my taint.
I fucked your pillows with my dick -- i
slipped the dick between the pillow cover
and the pillow, and i fucked it until there
was physical pain and red sores on my dick
shaft.
I didn’;t even come. I saved that for your
milk. Because they are the same color.
I probably urinated roughly 10 ounces
of urination on your CLEAN CLOTHES
YOU HAD JUST TAKEN FROM THE
LAUNDRY.
I then went to your bathroom and took
your razor. I SHAVED MY DICK HAIRS
OFF and put them in a sandwich in your
fridge that you labeled “TOMORROW
LUNCH TIME!”
I slapped my dick off into your BOTTLES OF PILLS that were marked “important pills I take every day three times a
day”
I laughed to myself while your cats
looked curiously into my anal cavity while
your tooth pastes were regurgitated back
into their package from my ass.
I read your favorite magazine while
listening to the RAMONES, and as I sang
along with the songs I fantasized about sex
with your significant other THAT I HAD
LAST NIGHT and fucked the shit out of the
cushions on your couch.
I sighed long and hrd while reading your
mail because it was so stupid and you were
so pathetic.
then I skeeted on the TV SCREEN and
whiuped it off with one of your socks.
So in short: I basically shit on all of your
possessions because you are stupid and I
hate you.
You wait outside around the corner
for Verville, your dagger concealed
inside your sleeve.
After a long wait, he comes out
alone, a nearly empty soju bottle in
hand.
“Hey Verv!” you call out to him in
a friendly voice.
“Do I know you?” he asks, some-
what pissily.
“Yeah, don’t you remember me?”
you ask. “We met at Skunk Hell tonight.”
“Uh...” he mumbles, still walking
past you.
He doesn’t seem to know who you
are! You were going to stab him in
cold blood out on the street, but may-
Tantalizingly Hinted At
Verv
26 January 2008
Your mother did many absolutely
disgusting sexual acts upon my body,
acts that if were repeated would be
enough to have me arrested in any
Arab country and lynched en masse.
If she did anything more than these
disgusting acts it involved hinting at
sexual acts.
Our trips to the supermarket were
infinite and extensive. During these
trips it wass often implied that vvarious fruits and sauces would be placed
on my body and fuckings would be
made onto my whole self.
Any object in remote semblance of
the male dick was conceived of to be
put into my anus.
Any object which looked slimy
was one who that was implied to be
something licked off of my bodice.
Or to be put into her vajeen and shot
onto me as a projectile of hostility.
More on this were really cool:
rodeos were experimental times
when we would try to conceive of
new clown costumes for me to dress
in while trying to tame this bull.
Story about
“The Bull” was your mothers
vajeen with a special insertive vajeen
piece which had cow horns attached,
making it look like “long horns style
vajeen, militant and attacking,”
I did not mind because an attacking
vajeen sounds really superior and really over the top.
sometimes my dick was talked
about if it were pierced or added to
the charisma of it, but these piercings
never came about. But it was tantalizing hints.
It’s great.
Once the mother of you, who
birhted you from vajeen, made actual
implication that you would be ready
and willig as the son to engage in incestuous relationship with the tongue
on my ass and hers during sex.
i did not consent but was tantalized.
mother implied: “Dicks would be
made into a photographic blog,” she
never followed through.
“she implied also that there would
be bukkake parties,” but it never happened and it made me feel so stupid.
More on this later.
Cool New Name
For A Prostitute
Verv
28 November 2008
“Vagina Merchant.”
“Pussy Peddler”
“Penis Pleasing Servicer”
“Sperm Receptacle”
“Does-not-do-threesomes-because-itis-immoral stupid version of a vagina
merchant.”
The Geeks
Need Your Scalp
Verv
25 Sept 2008
Kiseok sent me an email and noted
that they are changing their sound
from less of the traditional hardcore
to more of the ‘pow wow’ style of
hardcore.
They intend to switch over to
pow wow-core and dress like native
Americans; they will abandon all of
their instruments but keep the drums
which they will all now play ,while
dancing in their moccasins...
The band will also now expand to
include the entirety of the audience
who will walk in a circle whooping
and shouting, occasionally doing
dances in the center.
For this, though, they intend to
scalp people and need volunteers.
I will be doing it and am currently
growing my hair out so they have a
better flap of head.
Thanks in advance for the help.
YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER
Verv
6 Apr 2008
I was at a party like LAST WEEKEND
and I saw a person I sort of recognized.
They were hot but I knew they were TAKEN, as in, they were YOUR SIGNIFICANT
OTHER, but I am too cool so I didn’t care.
Since they were HOT I went up and I
said “Hey, what’s up?”
And they said, “Oh yeah I am just trying
to get some fresh air because MY LOVER
IS TOO PUSHY AND OVERBEARING,
so I wanted to come out and hang out with
some cool dudes and chicks, OK?”
“OK, that’s cool,” I said. I felt really good.
I felt like I was getting somewhere.”So, do
you come here often?” I asked.
“Yeah, like every week when I get FREE
TIME AWAY FROM MY LOVER, I mean,
they are pushy and I just like to have sex
with other people and not tell them to spite
them,”
“Oh?”
“Yeah I pretty much like to habitually CHEAT ON MY LOVER and SLEEP
WITH OTHER PEOPLE” said your significant other.
“Oh wow that is really bold to say.” I was
shocked, honestly, and I swallowed hard.
“You know Verv, you are kind of a sexy
guy with a really great figure! and you are
probably the most sexually ferocious person
be you can still follow after him and
do this more cleanly.
Or do you just want to get it over
with as quick as possible?
Let’s do it the clean way. Go to
page 18
Just shank him and be fucking
done with it. Go to page 24
next to Peter North or Ron Jeremy.”
I WAS SIMPLY BLOWN AWAY BY
THIS COMMENT SO I BIT MY LIP
AND MADE A POUTY EXPRESSION AT
THEM. They continued:
“I hear your dick is pretty fabulous.
I heard your sexual skills are cultivated.
You’ve been referred to as “the DA VINCI”
of SEXUAL EXPERTISE AND KNOWHOW. I heard that your cumshots taste
like something cooked on the hit television show IRON CHEF. Chairman KAGA
EVEN FANTASIZES ABOUT YOUR
CUMSHOTS WHEN HE EATS FOODS
ON THE HIT SHOW! You’re really a pretty
solid guy, Verv.”
So I bit my lip harder and pointed my
toes together and shrugged my shoulders.
Your lover delicately put a hand on my
shoulder and seduced me with their eyes.
“So I really want to have sex with your
dick and your ass tonight, is that OK with
you?” and I didn’t know what to say because I was SEDUCED, I didn’t want to
fuck your lover but they forced me to with
their eyes and their kind compliments.
Your lover practically DRAGGED ME
TO A TAXI CAB and ordered a taxi to
a hotel and then when we got ot the hotel
they UNDRESSED ME AND MADE ME
TAKE A SHOWER while they watched and
took pictures of my dick and my ass on their
Target:
Jacob Verville
cell phone.
then they told me to be quiet and they
touched my dick and my ass with their
hand, and then they even gently inserted
their fingers in my assholes and BLOWED
MY DICK WITH THEIR MOUTH and I
got an erection and I fucked your significant
other for like, three hours.
I got off really quick the first time and
then they had to suck my dick for like
twenty minutes to get an erection and I was
bored so I just watched TV while they rode
my dicks for like 2 hours.
they came really hard and moaned loudly
and it woke up other people and they later
commented that the sex was the most fulfilling thing they had done in the last 10
YEARS, they said my sex was as good as
CHRISTMAS and when we were done having ADULTEROUS SEX they even went to
a HOLIDAY THEME STORE and bought
christmas lights, green and red glitter and
decorated in my DICK AND MY ASS in
a CHRISTMAS THEME and took EVEN
MORE PICTURES ON THEIR CELL
PHONE.
In short, i twas the best sexual experience anyone has had since Cleopatra fucked
Julius Caesar.
You should feel CHEATED ON and I really just feel like a WINNER.
FIN.
23
CD Reviews
Johnny Royal
Louder than Words
Vanguard Music
Jon Twitch
I’ll be honest, the only song I know
by Johnny Royal is “Homeless.”
Aside from that one song, their songs
sound the same. It’s great when you’re
in concert, because they deliver each
song with uniform fury. Recorded, it
loses some of the flash.
This album is clearly a step toward
a more mass-marketable sound. And I
don’t have a real problem with that; this
is beatdown music without the dickish attitude, hardcore with all the right
tattoos, off-center baseball caps, and
brass-knuckle necklaces, and a glazing of rap without the K-pop trappings.
This album seems more like a commercial for the band intended to drag in new
audiences, and I think it will work.
I started to like the second half of
the album a bit more than the first,
particularly the songs “You Can’t
Stop Me” and “Believe & Go.” The
next song, “Anthem,” starts with what
sounds like a ripoff of Samchung’s
“Rest in Peace,” but quickly goes off
in its own direction. Also, I wasn’t
particularly impressed with their closing Beastie Boys cover “Egg Raid on
Mojo.” The thing about Johnny Royal
is they have a lot of sounds happening
at once--multiple vocalists, lots of instruments, but they sound best when
they find a way to alternate rather
than firing all guns at once. Unfortunately on this album the instruments
are more omnipresent and a little less
hard than past songs.
Burn My Bridges
Die Hard
Townhall Records
Jon Twitch
I would’ve enjoyed this CD a lot
more if they’d put a significantly
lower amount of effort into it. First,
I really didn’t need the lyrics to be
totally in English. I’d rather hear
them in a language they know well
than hearing them sputter and spray
through. Seriously, listening to the
lyrics makes my jaw hurt. Secondly,
the entire recording sounded just
a little too clean for me. It really
needed to be more raw, more lo-fi.
For that reason, I preferred the last
song, “One Step Forward” to the
previous songs, which had a bit of a
harder sound.
My favourite part of the album is
the liner notes. The front cover depicts a large number of people running across a rope bridge suspended
over an impossibly high chasm toward a large, naked red demon. Then
you open it up and it shows the same
scene, only the people are gone and
all that remains of the demon are
bones. Did they kill the demon? If so,
why? For food or because they were
offended by the sight of his demon
wang? And what’s happening on the
back cover? It looks like they’re running back the way they came, and
from the side you can see that the demon is just a cardboard cutout, possibly intended to scare people away.
Yet where did the bones come from?
I could write a whole doctoral thesis
on that artwork.
Chadburger
Finds the Spot
Chadburger / Find the Spot Split
Townhall Records
Chris Hellking
Kyusuck of Townhall Records has
been keeping himself very busy lately
and for good reason. Album releases,
splits, and shows from the various
hardcore groups in Korea have proved
that there is an interesting wave of
old-school hardcore rising around the
scene. This release from Seoul hardcore band Find the Spot and furious
thrash punk newcomers Chadburger
will showcase just that by giving you
a musical beat down of sheer aggression and a blast of hardcore tunes that
will leave your ears ringing and you
begging for more.
The split starts off with a flurry
of distorted noise that can only be
created by Seoul’s latest sensation
Chadburger. Known for their chaotic
frontman and energetic live shows,
they hold true to their frenetic live
sound and energy with an unrelenting speed attack carried non-stop
24
through five spastic tracks. For fans
of thrash-core and powerviolence,
stand out tracks include “Explode”
and “Change Yourself.” Note that
these songs are not for the faint of
heart.
We then get to Find the Spot’s portion of the split. Their songs take us
back to the ‘80s when the US had a
former actor for president and the
American hardcore scene was emerging. Staying true to the old school
sounds of the LA and DC scenes,
Find the Spot shows that good hardcore isn’t a thing of the past and that it
is alive and well in the Korean scene.
For fans of early DC, LA, and NY
hardcore, stand out tracks include the
songs “Masturbation” and “Clench
Your Fist.”
So whether you’re new to the Korean scene and want to see what the
hardcore bands of Korea are made of
or already know that these bands kick
ass, definitely pick up a copy of this
split and you won’t be disappointed.
Target:
Jacob Verville
Sweet Guerillaz
Follow the Rainbow
GMC Records
Jon Twitch
GMC always has a few surprises
lying around, and this is one pop-punk
surprise out of Cheongju. These guys
have been around since late 2006, and
they’ve hopped from the now defunct
MF Crew into GMC Records, one of
their few token emo/pop-punk bands,
alongside the Apop.
I’m a little disturbed by the whole
“Follow the Rainbow” motif in the
album, possibly the gayest song
since Oi Broker performed their nonironic cover of “Somewhere Over the
Rainbow.” What’s the deal with all
the rainbows? There must be a rule
somewhere saying “You must be at
least this sissy in order to be a token
emo band on GMC Records.”
I can’t say the album is entirely
memorable, though aside from the
whole rainbow thing they don’t really do anything wrong. They have
a few notable guest vocalists to lend
credibility, including Trash from BB
Lucky Town, Dokyo13 from 13 Steps,
and some guy from Japan I admit I
haven’t heard of before. This album
stays firmly planted in the pop-punk
genre, with simple melodies and inoffensive lyrics like the best of them.
I’m not entirely sure what the
Sweet Guerillaz can get out of a hardcore label and what GMC can get out
of a pop-punk band, but it probably
means they’ll be around for a few
more albums. At least until they find
a bigger label that suits them better.
Devil Worship
A GoGo70 Film Review
Ah, finally a CD I don’t have to
feel bad about not liking. It shouldn’t
take more than 60 seconds of listening before you realise that this is the
freshest album to come out of Korea
in ages. Recorded on the down low,
the production values are rough in
an absolutely perfect way. The final
track was recorded at 801studio, as
well as all the drum tracks, but the
rest was recorded outside the studio.
It comes together perfectly. Stand-out
tracks are 1, 5, and 7. Unfortunately
I can’t tell you their names, because
the album lists them as “.”, “.....”, and
“.......”. Each of these tracks showcase
the band’s high energy combined with
equally matching vocals. These guys
get their influence from Sanwoolim,
an old Korean rock band, and track
seven seems to be at least partially
a cover of their song “Don’t Go,”
despite the fact that the liner notes
clearly state “all lyrics/ composed by
Stretching Journey.” I’m going to give
them the benefit of the doubt that this
is an honest mistake that they haven’t
realised yet; they’re just that good
that they deserve it. Either way, this
label-less album deserves repeated
listening. If these guys aren’t as well
known as Galaxy Express by the end
of the year, I’ll be very surprised.
Chris Hellking
Go back to a simpler time with
the Korean War being just a passing memory to the rest of the world.
With the new Cold War in full swing,
Korea had been all but forgotten by
everyone else except the Koreans
and the Americans stationed there.
In the wake of army bases sprouting across Korea, many bars and red
light districts flourished anywhere
there were Americans. Prostitution
ran rampant in these areas with GIs
looking for a cheap thrill and a war
torn people trying to find a way to
make a living. In this dismal setting
our movie begins with Sang-kyu
(Cho Seung-Woo) playing music for
the US soldiers. Tired of playing for
no pay for people that couldn’t care
less, he decides to take his group to
see a rival band led by Man-sik (Cha
Seung-Woo) and see why that band
was building hype. The band was
playing music that no other band was
playing at the time, soul and R&B,
and became a hit amongst the African-American soldiers even though
Man-sik was a terrible singer. Seeing the potential of Man-sik’s guitar
playing and the soul sound, Sangkyu approaches the other band and
suggests a merging of the bands
in order to make it big. And thus,
the Devils were formed in the late
1960’s, during the height of a military autocratic regime and the start
of a musical revolution that swept
across the nation.
The movie is an interesting bandpic much in the style of “Walk the
Line” and “The Doors,” following
the rise of the Devils and the Go-Go
culture that sprang up in Korea, along
with the rapid decline of the rock
music scene due to the outlawing of
such music by the military dictatorship at the time, of which the effects
are still felt today. Though there are
some inaccuracies in the story and
a lot of integral bands and events of
the time were left out, it does a great
job in showing how the band was
received, the hardships they went
through, along with how the culture
of the time reacted to the new style
of music. The soundtrack is excellent with old songs re-recorded with
Cho Seung-Woo and actors from the
movie. Cho Seung-Woo’s father being a well known singer back in the
day, it’s only fitting that he takes on
the lead role because of the great
voice he inherited. He gives a powerful vocal delivery over the masterful
guitar work of Cha Seung-Woo who
is the front man and guitarist of the
Moonshiners. Also from the Moonshiners is Gyeong Ho-Son who plays
the role of the drummer. While the
song selection was good, fans of the
band will be disappointed by the fact
that more originals weren’t used and
that other bands of the day weren’t included in the soundtrack. Other than
that, this movie will definitely be a
worthy watch for anyone into Korean
culture, Korean rock and psychedelic
bands of the day, movies about bands,
or if you’re wondering why the Korean music scene is so weak compared
to other countries today. It’ll make
you want to go online and find some
Korean rock and psychedelic bands
of the day, get your dancing shoes on
and go-go dance all night long.
“Hey Verv, I got a message for
you!” you shout, coming at him with
the dagger.
He twists around and knocks the
dagger out of your hand.
You have to dodge as he launches
a series of vicious punches at your
head. This guy is a one-man wrecking crew! You need to act decisively
and fast, or he’ll pummel you into
bukkake.
You take a step back, and he stum-
bles. Momentarily, you have a chance
to act. What will you do?
Stretching Journey
self titled
independent
Jon Twitch
I’ll put a sleeper hold on him. Go
to page 25
I’ll kick him in the junk. Go to page 26
Verv’s Music Reviews
외국인!
Verv
Today I opted to boringly drink
at a bar just to insure that my small
intestine remains healthy. If it goes
a single day without alcohol it will
wither and die.
I did not associate with the ladies
at the bars and I decided not to go to J
bar and see Gogo and Sinae and drink
their Camus on the rocks.
I got a slight buzz... Went home...
Leveled on Age of Conan really
nicely. An old, old AoC buddy was
on and she and I kicked some major
ass; finished a lot of quests; got two
new items that improved my character. Found a new encampment. I was
more than satisfied.
I am irresponsible. This should be
my day to sleep in but instead I figure
that this will be enough sleep.
I came up with a good, general plot
for LoK inspired by cousin Aliona.
Kamyar and I are going to plot an
assassination amidst the backdrop. It
will start developing a little in Ch. 3
which I may start on tonight depending on a few factors.
I have precisely 3 large work related events transpiring within 4
hours of each other and no time and
no understanding from my superiors.
One of them is a scheduling conflict I
produced without thinking. I deserve
to be fucked, killed and eaten. By Jeffrey Dahmer. And his friends.
I hate uniform inspections. They
make me feel less than heterosexual. I
hate giving driver’s exams. Someone
always nearlydestroys the side-mirrors on a lamp post or a large truck. I
get to yell “Whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop!
Stop! Stop!” and throw up my hands.
I am a great driving coach.
My major problem is chronic absent-mindedness when it comes to
things I deem unimportant, e.g. work.
Surely my ways will change.
I am able to daydream for hours
about LoK and dwarves and humans
and elves and Pornotarium and I am
able to laugh gently to myself for
hours about a million events.
But I know where I will be on Friday. That is nice. It will be nice.
I also know where I will be Saturday:
Tear jerk’s first show at DGBD. Should
be excellent. I have high expectations of
Cain’s project. The only issue is that I
have a 24 hour shift on Sunday. I hope I
can catch a sub home -- no more 30,000
won cab fares, please.
I am getting thinner, it appears. I
might be able to do something with this.
It is a “positive development” though I
doubt a “lasting development.”
I have roughly 10-15 really awesome shirts, including Fred Perrys
and Ben Shermans and a Combat
84 shirt and a Last Resort shirt and a
‘Strength Thru Oi’ shirt + more. They
haven’t been worn in ages. I was close
to giving them away. But no one likes
Combat 84. I guess I am lucky.
Some music reviews that are very
short and only created so I could
avoid bedtime.
You should have not heard of any
of these bands with the exception of
‘Toy Dolls.’ If you have heard of any
of these other bands pat yourself on
the back. Many of these never, ever
came to fame or fortune even in their
shitty genres of music, and never will
You manoeuvre around behind
him and put him in a sleeper hold. He
flails at you, trying to knock you off
his back. Then he rams up against a
wall, knocking you against it repeatedly until you let go and fall to the
ground. At which point he quite literally feeds you his boots.
What kind of chump assassin are
you? Getting killed by your own
target. Oh wait, I forgot, you’re just
some loser reading a choose-your-
own-adventure story in a cheap photocopied zine. Take my advice: don’t
quit your day job. You’re not cut out
to be a fantasy assassin. Chump.
THE END
see the light of day. Though Lifelover
should get significantly bigger.
Lethal Aggression: It’s OK if you
like thrash metal. Nothing sticks out.
Leviathan: It’s OK if you like black
metal. The lead singer’s side project
“Lurker Of Chalice” is considerably
more boring, though, so consider this
good in comparison.
That’s an improvement.
Lifelover: It’s pretty
good if you like black
metal, OK if you like
any general sort of rock
music as it is really diverse and musically inspired (e.g. thoroughly
watered down for the
masses). It can get tedious as some
songs seem to progress into nothing.
Second half of the album ‘Erotik’
is great. Check out Besatt.
It works well as an ambient album.
And it’s Norwegian or Swedish or
something so I am sure it has something for everyone.
And it’s Ironic, get it? Because it’s
sad and depressing and emo-esque
black metal (or really, just blackened
emotional metal)...
They even have pianos and actual singing and lots of audioclips in some sealsounding Nordic language. “Ja sveardon
staveska skor... ampti gloom fekterlaaand...
Ik tuus naa varrs gah maaal...Haleraalll la
huuugg naaah laaaah allli.”
They actually do not like life.
(do not worry, ladies; the guys are
generally thin and attractive in their
depressing, dark self-images so as to
not deter from their love lifes; they are
not the overweight and hideous beast
from Silencer; I like the gas mask and
chain. So cryptic. So haunting. Like...
WWI meets the medieval ages. Black
and white photos are so haunting. So
is blood. So cool.)
Toxic Holocaust: They are good if
you like this shit they call “blackened
thrash metal.” Or, what I call, “thrash
metal with harder, faster rifts and dark
themes that is actually just homeless
when it comes to genres of music.”
Really good ambient music for
leveling on Age of Conan. Aggressive
and... Destructive. Many a Vanir fell
at my hand during these tracks.
Last Years Youth: Best punk band
of the last 5 years or something. Totally terrific music. I love half of the
20-some songs and ‘really like’ the
other ones. Sounds like it was recorded in 1991 and was trying to imitate
1977 but with better guitar sound. But
it was recorded in 2004. I think.
If you do not like this music you
can only be my friend if you agree
that this issue is unimportant. If you
insist they suck I will kick you in the
face. Everything about this is the sort
of punk I like.
Kill Baby, Kill! : at first it is mediocre but has really funny sound clips
throughout it and it grows on you.
Very offensive music, too, so that
makes it funner (or more fun for you
English teachers). Offensive everything. You should not let your mom
know you have this album. It’s more
offensive than NWA.
Really thick sounding and the vo-
Target:
Jacob Verville
cals are kind of garbled throughout it
but it is good what you can make out.
If the songs were only 2 minutes long
it would be WICKED.
The Dick Spikie: I met the guy
who produced their international release and he was awesome and I was
excited because... Before I met him I
loved this album. I do
not think you will like
it unless you like really
punked out shit with
hardcore
undertones
though totally keeping
punk tempo and riffs.
In fact. I do not think
many people would like
it but you might find a
few songs more than catchy.
The vocals are more than garbled.
It sounds like a retarded senior citizen
is singing.
Black Army Jacket: Grindcore that
was uninspiring.
Kill Your Boyfriend: really interesting Italian hardcore that used some
interesting vocal techniques and had
good change-ups throughout the
songs; obviously very musically talented. Requires another listen.
Seigneur Voland: Very demonic lofi black metal from France that was
conceived of while the lead singer
was in prison for desecrating churches. It sounds like how it is... Interesting, slightly cool and slightly good.
But really... At the end of the day it
was conceived by a guy who was in
prison for burning churches.
Slavland: Polish pagan metal /
black metal / “the sort of metal that
is against God, definitely, and for Pagan gods, definitely, but cannot make
up its mind on what to do” / Pagan
Black Metal.
This one-man project was really good
and did a lot musically with little and
had chainsaw sounding guitars making
melodies with flutes and sharp vocals.
It was good and worth me to listen to
again and review more thoroughly with
“more words” and “more hype.”
Lion Of Judah: Shit or something
like it “hardcore.”
Scattergun: French female-fronted
punk rock true to a sort of 90s style.
Really good songs here and there. I
approve. However, some of it is too
long and too predictable. Some of it
seems pointless. The song “girl like
me” is really beautiful and has been
on my mind. Check it out.
7Teen: Very cool Russian punk
worthy of more words than this but
I have none. “Brand new day” is an
amazing song. Both versions (the
lo-fi and the hi-fi). Worthy of your
respect and interest.
They have sort of talky-talk vocals
and it is amusing.
Old Wainds: Black metal that was
good and solid and I am sure it is hiding more gems. The album ‘religion
of spiritual violence’ was mediocre.
But I have heard tidbits of other albums that are more promising.
Toy Dolls: Funny, sometimes good;
often annoying music. You should probably skip this if you are not a big punk fan
and a big ‘shitty British comedy’ fan.
Carry on.
25
Legends of Kamelot
Chapter 3 —YouTube Videos & Jorge’s House & Democracy
Fiction Corner
Verv
27 December 2008
That morning. I laughed about it.
I fucked the prostitute a last time. I
ate eggs. I woke up. OK, we went
and we got drunk and talked shit all
night about everything from music to
weather to fighting to movies to anything. It was really cool.
My really great friend Jan. He did
something so awesome for me that
I will never forget as long as I live.
He shared a part of himself with me
that was very personal and open. He
played for me a great Polish hip hop
song and translated it for me. It was
a really mysterious song about “she,”
and “her,” and about just some woman
who is absolutely everything to the
rapper. But the woman is never named.
She is like a mystery throughout the
song that gives so much meaning to
the rapper’s life, but is unnamed, and
left for us to speculate on.
“Maybe it is his mother,” at first I
speculated naively. He nodded. And
then I said “maybe it is the Virgin
Mary.” I do not even know why I said
that. He was rightfully unimpressed.
Then I said the answer I thought towards the end of the song. “No, no,
it’s Democracy.”
Jan nodded. He agreed. It made
sense now.
I will always remember that. Jan’s
song about this woman who gives
everything to the person, and sometimes people do not respect her and
think ill of her, and sometimes it’s not
all good, but at the end of the day it is
love and hope. It’s freedom that each
person needs the way that we need
fresh air and open places. The way
that we need to be able to say who we
are and what we are.
And when I thought about that democracy that is so precious to everyone, Jan and the rapper and myself,
I realized what I had to do with my
life in a sense. It was like machines
clicking together, making something,
making me, like I am some product.
Some product of thought.
Then I thought about my cousin,
Aliona Yermakova. I thought about
our relationship together as great
cousins. I knew a life in America she
never had -- one where I could say
anything I wanted and the worst result was being called an idiot. And for
her it was being arrested. Even bands
she liked, like 5izza, were banned by
the government for doing nothing
more than singing their souls. How
could I live without singing my soul?
How could I live if I could not push
boundaries to their proper ends?
I am still nodding, even now, in my
brain, about democracy and how it
is the right way and about how fascism is the wrong. We all deserve our
opinions and to never be silenced by
anyone. And we all deserve someone
to listen to us with an open heart and
even if they do not agree, someone
who can hear us out. Even if we are
26
terrible people. Even if we are racists
or sexists or anything. I really think
that. And I really want, right now, to
hear out the people of the world and
all of the troubles they have at once
and carry the burden of democracy to
make a society where people are free
even if they do not like each other.
Maybe we can all just have some
respect. Maybe we can agree on that.
To come together and share something special. Historically, we cannot
do that. I want to change it, suddenly,
and to make everything all right and
to wash away sins like Jesus Christ
on a bloody crucifix. I want to wash
away everything that existed. Every
preconceived notion and every sour
opinion and just ask the world for
once to respect the right of another to
say how they feel without being punished. No matter what.
After Jan played the song for me
I almost felt dizzy and then I played
him one of my favorite songs that I
am sure paled in comparison because
I do not even know what they were
saying. They’re singing in Swedish
about something sad. That was all I
could offer. But Jan made me think.
That morning everyone went home
and I tugged on Yolanta’s hand and
we got off at a different stop than everyone. It was Christmas day.
We walked for a while until I found
Jorge’s house in Apgujeong because I
knew it was a safe place to stay and
neither of us would feel uncomfortable. We were just what we were and
it was not some isolated place where
there were pressures of the moment,
pressures of the attraction, but rather
I was able to preserve both of our
dignities by not jeopardizing our relationship and putting us in the isolation that called for something sexual.
I do not want anything sexual. I want
something real. An emotion. A bond.
It was the first time I felt that way
about a girl. I did not want anything
physical. I wanted to present something spiritual. Something about what
is inside of me. Not something about
a base physical expression.
I do not want to have sex with a girl
I like so much because I want to be
sure that I love her and I want to save
it for the day that I present myself as
an adequate husband. That is thinking
far away. Especially for a bad person.
That is chasing dreams. Especially
for a bad person.
Jorge was dead asleep and barely
could answer the door at six AM on
Christmas. Jorge’s jet black hair and
Greek features looked so welcoming even in his sleepiness. Jorge is
probably one of the best guys alive
in the year 2008. He opens his house
to me at any hour because he knows
who I am and he knows things that
I want to do and he wants to protect
me from sin. Jorge struggles between
atheism and Orthodox Christianity
and has a profound respect for my
religious faith that I think others do
not understand. Jorge has given to me
Target:
Jacob Verville
some very happy moments that later
brought sorrow in my sin.
I remember hopelessly forgetting
where Jorge lived last August and
I nearly cried. He didn’t answer the
phone and the temptation of Satan
was upon me like I could not believe
and I knew Jorge would open his
door if only I came. And I couldn’t
find his home though I was so close.
And I tried so hard. God knows I tried
so hard until all else had failed and
I went to a prostitute that day and I
cried when it was over because I am
a sinner and a shame to my family
and friends. I do not want to go back
there again and I do not want to do it
ever but I did it yesterday and I still
contemplate killing myself just to see
other people cry and to show them
how grave the situation is. But if I did
it they wouldn’t know how grave the
situation is and I could never fix it.
Problems do not become solved in
death. They just become completed
as problems forever. Problems that
will haunt you. I will spend eternity
in purgatory lusting for everything
but bound to the floors of the Earth,
crying out for freedom, but never able
to get it. Full of desire I cannot flush
out and just asking Jesus to cure me
but it is never that simple.
But today I wasn’t unsure of where
Jorge lived. And his jet black hair and
his sleepy, brown eyes welcomed
Yolanta and I to his house and I felt
so happy as we entered and Jorge
shuffled about, making us at home.
“Hi Yolanta, I am Jorge. I have
heard a lot about you.” Yolanta
blushed slightly though her face was
already red from alcohol.
“Hi... I have heard a lot about you,
too.” Yolanta was not lying because I
did talk about how much she had to
meet Jorge but Jorge was so tied up
with his girlfriend and I understood. I
told her all about how Jorge was practically a historian, a hardcore guy, a
pure guy who didn’t smoke, drink
or do drugs or have sex casually and
was a man of high virtue. Jorge is my
priest, I told her. My atheist Priest.
“The bathroom’s over there... You
can sleep on my floor...” Jorge was
forthcoming and everything I expected from a man who knew hospitality
at six AM on Christmas. I asked Jorge
to use his computer and he agreed
even though he was sleeping right in
that room. I laugh about it, now.
I gently held Yolanta’s hand even as
she took off her shoes. I sat on Jorge’s
floor and Yolanta fiddled with my boots
for nearly five minutes, trying to get
them off, finally succeeding with a
whimper as she pulled off the last one.
I held Yolanta’s hand and we sat in
front of his computer with my keyboard
and mouse on the floor with me.
We surfed YouTube videos. I wanted to show her what I liked.
We watched Nazi Skinhead music
videos for 30 minutes and she liked
them like how I liked them. It was not
right and not proper but it was excit-
ing. It stirred something primordial
in us. I think. I hope. And then we
watched fight videos for an hour.
The last two videos we watched
were about skinheads in jail. One was
warning the young British skins not to
jeopardize their lives to go to jail and
that even though it was fun to drink, to
be with the guys, to be with the girls,
etc. it was not worth it if it resulted in
crime. I thought he was a lamer and I
gripped Yolanta’s hand tightly.
“He is wrong. Every moment we
have in the company of exceptional
people is worth any consequence.”
That’s what I said and Yolanta was
tired and she nodded and squeezed
my hand and looked at me and maybe
I fell in love. I do not know because
every time I want to fall in love there
is an intestinal jerk backwards that rips
me from the scene of the emotions.
We watched another video of an 18
year old skinhead with facial tattoos of
a spider in a web and something on his
forehead about “crazed.” I thought his
tattoos were cool and Yolanta rubbed
my forehead lightly and agreed.
The tattoo artist who was putting something on his arm said something nice:
“There are people who come to get
tattoos because they want to see themselves in a different light and because
they want to be seen in a different
light, a different image. And then there
are people who come and get tattoos
because they are already a part of
themselves. They treat it as themselves
already.” What beautiful words. I was
the latter. I hope Yolanta is, too. I hope
everyone has a tattoo that they want to
get and they want to wear proudly forever. But not proud like Satan. Proud
like a person is when they have something to show someone else that means
something to them.
When the video ended we held
hands tightly a bit and I looked at her
with endearing eyes and I said,
“I want a tattoo on the front part
of my neck... The Chinese characters
Ren Xiao Yao... And two butterflies
on each side caught in spider webs...
Like, you know, Japanese butterflies cought in an American web.
The Chinese means... ‘Dutifully,’ or,
something like, ‘must be,’ ‘happy and
carefree.’ Literally, ‘dutifully following the wind.’ It is an old idea from
the Taoist philosopher Chuang-tze.” I
vaguely regret saying that and sharing
such a personal thing with others but
I figure if I do tattoo this I might have
to explain it a lot. So whatevs.
She nodded and said it was a good
idea and that I should do it and then
I fell in love maybe, and my internal
organs did not jerk back. Is that love?
Well, then I love my family very
much because they understand. And I
love my friends. Because I know they
understand. And maybe Yolanta is a
friend but I was holding her hand and
I like her.
I added these words to the situation:
“I want a tattoo on my forehead that
says ‘Seule Contre Tous.’ It is French
for ‘alone against everything.’ But I
do not know if I want it that badly because I am unsure if I am alone.”
“I do not think you are alone.” She
responded. She sighed a little bit and
we looked in each others eyes like we
loved each other and maybe we did
love each other. I am not sure about any
of that and I still do not know if I could
get that tattoo or not. Maybe she was
just sighing because I was so corny that
it hurt even the strong willed.
“I think Jesus might be with me, no
matter what,” I responded, breaking a
moment of romance, I guess.
“Yeah, Jesus is with you. And I do
not know. Other people, too.”
“Yeah, like all my great friends
and... You are there, too.”
“Yeah, I’m here. I followed you
here.” We laughed a little.
I smiled, then, because Jorge never
drinks a drop of liquor but stores some
of my purchased liquor in his fridge.
“Be right back!” I said, excitedly,
my face in a sudden smile to end
all smiles. I let go of Yolanta’s hand
and gave her the keyboard and ran to
Jorge’s fridge just out the door and
down the hall in his tiny apartment
and found two nearly full bottles of
soju and a half empty orange juice. I
brought them back quickly and saw
Yolanta looking at another video, taking the initiative.
It was Lifelover. I showed her the
video in an email before about one
of my favorite songs. Lifelover’s
“Vardagsnytt.” The singer is dancing
crazily and has blood everywhere on
his shirt.
“I like it a lot,” she smiled and
beamed at me like a fucking sun.
“I do, too, hahahaha, he is covered in blood and it is so sad but he
seems so... Happy.” I LOLed. Yolanta
LOLed, too.
At that moment he broke out into
his high voice and sang the second
verse, that guy who is the singer in
Lifelover.
I held her hand some more and we
drank a lot of soju until like, 8 AM,
and then we slept on the floor without
covers using our jackets as pillows
and I held her hand and thought of
Lifelover and face tattoos and democracy.
I dreamed about fighting for democracy and dying and Yolanta was
sad, and crying, and so were all of my
friends and family. Devastated. Crying their eyes out like idiots.
I loved the image and I knew why
Kamyar came to Korea and I knew
why everyone comes to Korea, and
I knew why I was born and I knew
that I would fight for democracy
somewhere. Anywhere. In Aliona’s
country or something. And I smiled
because it was going to happen.
I thought of a new tattoo when I
woke up and had the urge to have sex
or masturbate.
I wanted the tattoo,
“Until the day you die, you will
always be shit.”
You kick him in the junk, and he
goes straight to the ground.
You wait a few seconds to see if
he’ll get up, but he’s out cold. Perfect.
You pick him up in a fireman’s
carry and take him to the nearest love
motel. The guy behind the desk barely gives you a second look as you pay
for a room and carry Verville up to it.
There, you leisurely undress him,
ease a plunger into his rectum, and
impale him on it in the bathtub. Classic assassin’s trick. Everyone will
think he died attempting to sodomize
himself.
Your employers are impressed.
They pay you in full and give you a
hefty bonus.
THE END
Blog Flog
Crossword
Answers
ACROSS
1 PLUS
5 TRASH
10 JEFF
14 LOSE
15 WASTE
16 IDLE
17 OVER
18 OTHER
19 NGOS
20 DESPITE
22 POSSESS
24 EMO
25 IKE
26 CANNONS
30 PSIONIC
34 EMIT
35 EPSOM
37 KITH
38 DOG
39 ITS
40 TEE
41 ALMS
43 REESE
45 ARMS
46 REACHED
48 EVEREST
50 HON
51 EAR
52 ROBOCOP
56 ANTENNA
60 ASBO
61 IRAQI
63 SCAD
64 MALL
65 RERUN
66 TINA
67 ANTS
68 SPRAG
69 SSAM
(Note: The views expressed in this
review are not endorsed by Broke in
Korea editors. We think all blogs are
retarded.)
Shield Maiden
Since the beginning of time, men
have blogged their impotence. Here
are a choice nine:
The Marmot’s Hole: Fat jerk takes
great photos of old buildings and hates
progressive politics. This blog has
been covering everything you didn’t
need to know about the Republic and
its citizens since 2003. The eminence
grise of the k-blogosphere, except not
very secret (because he’s fat).
Brian in Jeollanam-do: A clearinghouse of social and cultural ephemera, delivered with a sneer and spittleflecked invective. Full of superficial
twatalizing masquerading as opinion,
this one still has the zeitgeist as it approaches 300 000 hits. Old before its
time.
The Western Confucian: Half
crazed from a decade in the ESL
trenches, this blog is an exhilarating combination of weird old-world
Catholicism and anti-war, anti-state
Libertarianism. Also firmly against
‘’sodomite marriage’’, which is hilarious. Shitting out baffling contradictions since 2006, this is the car
wreck of k-blogs. You may begin to
feel nauseous once you’ve realized
that he’s serious, but you’ll feel too
compelled to look away. A winner.
ROKdrop: Former GI presents the
best military info and hardware porn,
hideously reactionary political opinion and absolutely unqualified social
commentary. Loathsome and unappealing, but worthwhile for an insidethe-base perspective unavailable anywhere else. Awful but necessary.
Idle Wordship: A bottom-feeder
at once content heavy and completely vacuous, this scumbag punishes the reader with the worst kind
of lame, shallow humour and pithy
commentary. So bad, it’s worth a
look just to wonder at its mediocrity. Offensive.
Korean Rum Diary: Pathetic Koreaphobe rapes Hunter S. Thompson’s
literary style to hate boringly on everything offensive in a frightening
world that he doesn’t understand.
Poster-brute for angry and ignorant
ESL hacks all over the peninsula, this
Scotsman sucks true balls. A Thompson tribute as pitiful farce, only included here for its sheer brazen shittiness. Wretched.
Paul Ajosshi: A delicious tour
through the culinary alleys and gutters of Seoul, with frequent sub-titled
Korean cinema updates. Dull and
pleasant in an unmistakably British
way.
Scribblings of the Metropolitician:
Better before he found a girlfriend
and stopped bitching about everything all the time. Hyper-intelligent
and thoughtful, check out his archives
for some occasionally bat-shit crazy
but epic social criticism and analysis.
Gusts of Popular Feeling: Best Kblog ever, may actually be best blog
in the world. An insightful study of
Korean society, politics and history.
Essential.
Okay, he’s totally incapacitated
himself, and now’s your perfect
chance.
You glance around to see if anyone
else is looking, but the only other
customers in the place are a group of
loud foreigners sitting at the farthest
DOWN
1 PLOD
2 LOVE
3 USES
4 SERPENT
5 TWOTONE
6 RATE
7 ASH
8 STEP
9 HEROISM
10 JINSEOK
11 EDGE
12 FLOS
13 FESS
21 IMO
23 SKI
26 CEDAR
27 AMOLE
28 NIGMA
29 SPIED
30 POSSE
31 NITRE
32 ITEMS
33 CHEST
36 STE
42 SCHOOLS
43 RENOIRS
44 EVENING
45 ARRESTS
47 HOC
49 EAT
52 RAMA
53 OSAN
54 BBLT
55 PREP
56 AQUA
57 NCIS
58 NANA
59 ADAM
SF vs
ESL
1 ESL
2 ESL
3 SF
4 SF
5 ESL
6 SF
7 ESL
8 SF
9 ESL
10 SF
11 ESL
12 SF
13 SF
14 SF
15 ESL
16 ESL
17 ESL
18 SF
19 ESL
20 SF
21 ESL
22 ESL
23 SF
24 ESL
25 ESL
26 SF
27 ESL
28 SF
29 SF
30 ESL
31 SF
32 ESL
33 SF
34 SF
35 SF
36 ESL
37 ESL
38 SF
39 ESL
40 SF
The Greatest Story Ever Optioned
Dave Hat
‘The Gospel’ ... One of the most
influential, endearing stories ever
committed to celluloid. The picture
that made a household name out of its
star, the then-unknown Jesse Horatio Christopher, better known by his
show business pseudonym, Jesus H.
Christ. The film that inspired numerous remakes, influenced countless directors, and shaped the movie industry
forever. Tonight, on The Reel Deal,
esteemed film critic James Zebedee
Agee takes us inside ‘The Gospel’,
according to Mark, and examines its
encompassing cinematic legacy.
“Mark was a little-known director
of independent arthouse films before
the breakthrough of ‘The Gospel’”,
recounts Agee. “In fact, he had a very
difficult time securing finances for it.
The problem was that his vision was
so grand, and the technological limits
for what he wanted to achieve were so
daunting that he couldn’t seem to persuade any major studio to back it. The
issue became even more contentious
when he had settled on casting stage
magician Jesse Christopher as his lead,
as no studio was willing to throw such
exorbitant sums behind an unknown.”
The gambit paid off for both Mark
and Jesse, who by this time had adopted the showbiz name of his character from the film, Jesus Christ, and
also for RKO Studios, who agreed to
distribute the film, although they were
reportedly frantically nervous about
its chances. ‘The Gospel’ premiered at
Grauman’s Chinese Theatre in 65 AD
and opened to rave reviews and enthusiastic accolades. During the course of
its 8-week run, the film took in a total
worldwide box office gross of $2 US,
which, adjusted for inflation, equals
roughly $973,550,697,881.48 US, and
made the world sit up and take notice
of its director, Mark.
“Mark was approached by every
major studio after that”, notes Agee,
“but he was never able to recapture
his phenomenal success. He really
kind of squandered the public’s trust
with his follow-up, the universallypanned ‘The Essenes Are A Touchy
Bunch’, which, of course, was re-
made centuries later as the slightly
more popular, ‘Ishtar’.”
Over the next forty years, ‘The Gospel’ would be remade four more times,
each starring Christ, whose nascent
career had suddenly taken off, by such
venerated directors as Matthew, Luke,
and John. Incredibly, the original proved
so popular that even the remakes raked
in major profits. However, unexpected
obstacles were encountered when
playwright and up-and-coming director Judas Iscariot Odets announced his
own intentions for a remake, as Agee is
quick to point out.
“By then, every director had to have
their own ‘Gospel’. The movie-going
public was getting weary, which was
one hurdle. For another, Christ shot to
super-stardom simply by appearing in
only the remakes, which pushed his
stock value through the roof. He had
absolutely no concerns whatsoever
about being typecast. If he was to be
identified as the Messiah for the rest
of his career, that was cool by him.”
But that was the least of Odets’
concerns.
“The finished product was more
of a self-aggrandizing promotion for
Odets than it was for Christ. Critics
in attendance for the pre-screening
labeled it self-indulgent and a vanity
project. To add to Odets’ woes, the
head of RKO at the time, Simon Peter
Hearst, was none too flattered by his
portrayal in the film, and made several attempts to block its distribution
before finally shelving the project in
130 AD, which pushed Odets over the
edge, professionally and personally.”
Odets spent the next decade battling
alcoholism and Percodan addiction before he was subpoenaed to testify before Pontius Pilate McCarthy and the
House of Un-Roman Activities.
“The McCarthy era was a turbulent
time to be working in the film industry.
Not even a director of such minor distinction as Odets could slip out from
under McCarthy’s radar. Odets could
ill afford to damage his own career, so
he ended up naming names in a bid to
salvage his reputation. The next day,
I remember vividly, was when Jesus
Christ was called before the House,
table.
You take out your needle, and stick
it in the webbing between his fingers.
You inject him with enough poison to
kill an elephant. Then, you get up and
leave him there to die alone at a table
in Roots Time. He twitches a little,
and then vomits into his own mouth,
dying slowly as the vomit leaks out
of his mouth and down the collar of
his shirt.
Mission accomplished.
THE END
visibly shaken and betrayed, which
was the straw that broke the camel’s
back for Odets, who overdosed on
smack that very night.”
Despite Odets’ harrowing misfortune, a copy of his finished film was
discovered in the 1970’s and given a
limited release.
“Thankfully”, exclaims Agee, “the
days of the McCarthy Sadducee-hunt
are a relic of the past.”
‘The Gospel’ and its remakes,
meanwhile, continued to endure, inspiring later projects including the
‘Crusades’ film franchise and ‘The
Inquisition’ and its foreign remakes,
as well as leaving its indelible imprint
on such directors as Pope Urban VIII,
Charlemagne, Martin Scorsese, and
Mel Gibson. Such was the sphere
of its influence that king of England
and film buff James I, who enjoyed
the films so immensely, had them all
digitally remastered with added CGI
effects, recorded his own audio commentary, and repackaged them as “The
King James Special Edition”, which
proved controversial for ‘The Gospel’
Quadrilogy Fan Club of England.
“That didn’t sit well with Guy
Fawkes, who thought King James presumptuous for tampering with the classics he and other like-minded cineastes
grew up with. Granted, the Gunpowder Plot against Parliament Pictures
was thwarted, but it demonstrated the
vociferous following this formative
film series had. Indeed, Fawkes himself, mere moments before he was to
be hung, could be heard attempting to
incite the crowd by shouting, ‘King
James raped my childhood!’”
From then on, ‘The Gospel’ and its
remakes lay dormant, although they
continued to cast a large shadow over
Hollywood. The films continued to
be rereleased over the years in such
formats as papyrus scrolls, hardcover
tomes, VHS, and DVD. Jesus Christ
retired from acting following the Odets
fiasco, leaving Hollywood to return to
Heaven and care for his father, who had
been hospitalized for severe bipolar
disorder. Upon his father’s discharge
and return to work, Christ continued to
make appearances at Cannes and Sun-
Target:
Jacob Verville
dance, and became romantically linked
to several high profile starlets, including Queen Elizabeth, Bettie Page, Amy
Grant, and Jessica Simpson, providing
fodder for numerous tabloids. Despite
all of the publicity, Christ expressed little desire to return to acting. Until, that
is, 20th Century Fox beckoned.
“Christ, as I understand it”, proclaims Agee, “has gotten the word
from on high, that is, the casting
directors of 20th Century Fox, in
association with Good News Entertainment, with a multi-million dollar
offer to star in a brand new, specialeffects laden, big-budget Gospel. And
rumour also has it that it is in serious
contention of being included in most,
if not all, box sets as the fifth official
entry in the ‘Gospel’ series!”
‘The Gospel’, according to Michael
Bay (with Brett Ratner having negotiated a co-according-to credit), is set to
hit theatres on Memorial Day weekend,
2009, to coincide with the rerelease of
the originals on Blu-Ray. Several scenes
from the film have already been leaked
on the Internet, including Christ tearing
across the Sea of Galilee on a HarleyDavidson, and Christ and Barabbas
orchestrating a prison breakout amid
fiery explosions to the backdrop of the
music of 50 Cent, who is featured on
the film’s soundtrack. The reviews so
far have been almost overwhelmingly,
universally positive. “A heart-stopping,
pulse-pounding adrenaline rush that
will leave you on the edge of your seat
and clamouring for more!”, declares
Gene Shalit of The Today Show, while
Pope Benedict XVI of The Vatican Tribunal raves, “Jesus Christ and Nicole
Kidman ignite the screen with sizzling
sexual chemistry.”
“The timing of Jesse Christopher’s
return to the big screen”, says Harry
Knowles of Ain’t It Cool News, “is
absolutely perfect, and the prospect of
seeing him in action once again, after so
many years out of the limelight, is giving everybody here at AICN the biggest
geekgasms the likes of which we haven’t
experienced since Heath Ledger’s performance in ‘The Dark Knight’. Will we
be there to witness Christ’s resurrection?
You better believe it!”
27
Pornotarium
more information at www.spacebeam.net
www.daehanmindecline.com/UEseoul