on tap Bellingham - Bellingham on Tap

Bellingham
on tap
Your Guide to Over-21 Fun
Sunshine State:
Half a mile of day-drinking delight
Happy Hours
& Bar Specials
Crotch Talk
Crossword
NEW Astrology!
RETURN of
Rag Rap!
June 2014
Bellingham on Tap
Your Guide to Over-21 Fun June 2014
The Back Booth . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3
From the editor
The Sunshine State . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4
Drinking in the great outdoors, by June Hathaway
Happy Hour Listings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8
Tap This: June Event Picks . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12
Weekly Specials & Events . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15
Dear Bellingham . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18
Neill McLaughlin does not appreciate being toyed with
Rag Rap . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19
Summer gear tips with the Bellingham Fashion Club
Astro Chat . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20
Kat Bula helps you navigate Gemini Season
The X Word . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21
Crossword by Kate Parker (solution is on p.23. Shhhhhh).
Crotch Talk . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22
Sex advice from Auntie Crystal
On the Cover: Photo of Hailey Morgan by Sally Wolff.
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
The Back
Booth
A
round mid-June, you will notice
a sense of ease, calm and, well,
maturity in the establishments
you favor. There is a palpable shift in the
air when Western goes on summer break.
(Although said air smells as much, if not
more, of weed.)
For those of us who live in Bellingham
year-round, summer is a dreamy season
of grilling and chilling, showing skin all
day and regretting it as soon as the sun
goes down, and walking right into the
bar and immediately spotting a place to
sit.
As pleasant as this lull is for townies,
it’s rough on businesses. (Like shit ain’t
rough enough as it is, as born out by the
recent spate of business closings downtown.) Those empty booths represent an
empty till.
So, if there’s a cool place where you
always have a good time, but Game of
Thrones is on or some shit, go to that
cool place. Have a good time. You can
torrent that shit later. The only way to
make sure our cool places are there for
us when we feel like going out . . . is to
go out.
Aaaand speaking of supporting
your local whatsits, I want to welcome
Kat Bula and the Bellingham Fashion
Club collective as contributors. I am
really proud that BoT publishes locally
produced content of the sort that most
publications buy from a syndicate -the crossword, fashion, astrology, and
sex advice articles you read in this rag
are organic, artisanal, and 100% local,
cooked up by talented folks right here
in town. Enjoy, and I hope to see ya out
there!
-June Hathaway
Bellingham on Tap
June 2014
Volume 1, Issue 9
Bellingham on Tap is a free monthly nightlife magazine. To pitch
a story, place an ad, get copies delivered to your business, or buy
us a drink, email [email protected].
June Hathaway
Editor and Publisher
June spent decades seeking a job that would marry her twin passions, publishing and bars. Then she gave up and started a magazine. Whoomp, here it is.
Bellingham Fashion Club
Fashion Writers
Bellingham Fashion Club represents people of people and fashion for the sake
of fashion. Ultimate positivity is the aim, no haters, have fun, express yourself,
thanks a bunch, and happy 2014. Txhis summer is going to be great!
Kat Bula
Astrology Writer
Kat Bula is a consulting astrologer, as well as a musician and stuff. She tries
really hard to focus on what you’re saying without simultaneously analyzing
its astrological significance.
Jen Castaldo
Ad Sales
Despite being the hardest working woman in show business, Jen still has time to
sell you an ad. Contact her at [email protected].
Crystal McIntyre
Sex Writer
Crystal has a degree in Human Sexuality and does standup comedy
in Bellingham. In her free time, she is America’s Sweetheart. Reach her at
[email protected].
Neill McLaughlin
Opinion Writer
Writer/Comedian/Actor Extraordinaire/Modest/What Have You/Have At Thee
. . . Are words that may, or may not, describes this man-child with a heart of
gold orphans.
Ryan O’Leary,
Editorial Assistant
Ryan is a local cheapskate, comedian, cynic and opinionated drunk who likes
the sound of his own voice in bars.
Kate Parker
Crossword Queen
Kate likes to cook vegan food and post realistically sloppy photos of it to social
media. Kate’s talents are, as a friend once put it, “less obvious . . .”
Sally Wolff
Photographer
Sally is an eye rolling food snob, whiskey maven, multimedia artist, and air
hockey enthusiast. She yells a lot, but not on purpose.
FOOD AND DRINK
Sunshine State
Enjoying the great outdoors on State Street
Summertime, and the drinking is outside. The nearest lawn, deck, roof, or park is
certainly delightful, but sooner or later you’re gonna want a change of scenery. While
many local establishments have outdoor seating in the summer, the straightest line to
disaster is the half-mile stretch of State Street heading south from Magnolia. With eight
outdoor watering holes going at press time, and two more slated to open this month,
it’s easy to make a day of it with minimal mental or physical exertion.
Copper Hog
The Hog stopped serving lunch a
while back but now, just in time for
you to enjoy their comfy, spacious
beer garden, lunch is back on and
they’re open at 11am. That’s a good
time to start, right?
The Schweinhaus
Can’t say much about this place yet, as they
aren’t open at the time of writing, but it looks
this former coffee stand is being transformed
into a beer and sausage emporium with loads
of picnic table seating.
4
Bellingham on Tap - June 2014
Up and Up
The Up has a gorgeous beer garden, hidden
away from the street, with seating in curvy
booths or at a long community table. There’s no
liquor, but the beer selection covers the crappy-
to-classy spectrum and Rudy’s pizza is available
And you can smoke!
The Shakedown
Best known as a music venue, the Shakedown
nonetheless has an outside seating area that’s
nice and chill in the evening. Enjoy a refreshing
Arnie Fucking Palmer – iced tea, lemonade and
house-infused Irish Breakfast Tea vodka, or a
Laura Palmer, the same but twice the booze.
Rock and Rye Oyster House
Another joint on the brink of opening, R&R
his is the spun-off location of the old Bayou
on Bay Oyster bar.
Bellingham on Tap - June 2014
5
FOOD AND DRINK
Sunshine State, cont’d
Honey Moon Meads
A nice, spacious patio in the alley our
readers named the town’s best in the Best
of Drunk Bellingham survey. The mead is
tasty, but hot summer days call for their
uniquely light and crisp cider.
Redlight
Pro tip: if it’s not happy hour, order a combo – the
Prehistoric Dog; Tecate and a shot of jalapenoinfused tequila for $5, or the Burning Beard, a can
of Crispin or Pabst with ginger bourbon for $6.
You’re basically getting a shot with a free beer. Oh,
wait, you’re not a massive cheapskate? Then try
something delicious off the awesome cocktail menu.
Green Frog
As the readers’ favorite in the Best of Drunk
Bellingham survey, the Frog’s deck is well known
as a spot to grab a beverage and watch the sun
set over the bay. The Frog’s grilled cheese menu is
available year-round, but summertime is barbeque
time, and there’s a smoker right on the deck.;
6
Bellingham on Tap - June 2014
New York Pizza
Bellingham on Tap’s readers voted
this joint the best happy hour spot
in town. They’ve got fruity summer
drinks, a wide selection of small
plates and pizzas, and big orange
umbrellas to keep you cool.
Photo notes: Claire Mannino, Zoe Bronstein and Madeline
Easton at the Up and Up, Ryan O’Leary at Redlight.
Bellingham on Tap - June 2014
7
Happy Hour Guide
Happy hours by neighborhood
DOWNTOWN
20th Century Bowl
1411 N. State, 360-734-5250
Happy hour daily noon-7: 25 cents off
pints and .75 off pitchers (for bowlers
only), bowling discounts noon-5.
Avenue Bread
1313 Railroad, 715.3354
Happy hour daily 4-6: $1 off pints of
local beer.
Bayou on Bay
1300 Bay St., 752-2968
Happy hour Tues-Sun, 4-7: Pints $4,
pitchers $13, wells $4.50, chardonnay
or cabernet $5. Sweet potato fries $3.50,
fried okra or hush puppies $4, andouille
platter or BBQ wings $5, oyster shooters
4/$6 – add $1 for vodka, frog legs $6.50,
fried oysters $9.50. F
The Beaver Inn
115 E Holly St., 733-3460
Happy hour daily 4-8: $3 wells, $1.50
off pitchers, 75 cents off pints (PBR not
discounted).
F = Food specials
? = Trivia
C = Comedy
K = Karoake
Addresses for establishments that
have events but not happy hours
are listed in the happy hours section by neighborhood. All phone
numbers are in area code 360.
8
Bellingham on Tap - June 2014
Bellingham Bar and Grill
1408 Cornwall Ave., 733-2579
Happy hour daily 4-7: $2.75 domestic
pints, $3.25 micro pints, $4 imports,
$2.50 wells. Cheeseburger and fries,
buffalo wings, chicken salad, fish tacos,
chicken strips $6, poppers and cheese
sticks $5, $6 with fries. Calamari steak
$7, steak and prawns $11. F
Bob’s Burgers & Brew
202 E. Holly St., 734-1350
Happy hour daily 3-6 and 8-10 SunThurs: $3 wells, $4 margaritas and house
wine. $5 cheesy jojos, chicken strips and
fries, nachos, etc. $2 burgers 8-10 only.
F
Boundary Bay Brewery
1107 Railroad, 647-5593
Happy hour Sun-Thurs 4-6: BBQ pork
sliders, tacos, and mini mac and cheese
are $2 ea. 5 wings for $3.50. F
Brandywine Kitchen
1317 Commercial St., 734-1071
Happy hour daily 3-6 and 9-10 Mon,
Tues, Thurs, Sun, 9-11 Fri and Sat: Draft
beer or house wine $3.75, cheesy bread
or organic fries $2.95, mac & cheese
$3.95, chicken pot pie $4.95, ancho chili
pork & fries $5.95. F
Cabin Tavern
307 W Holly, 733-9685
Happy hour Mon-Fri 5-7: $2.25 domestic drafts, nightly mixed drink specials.
Café Akroteri
1219 Cornwall, 676-5554
Happy hour 2-6 Mon-Sat, all day on
the patio, 4-9 Sunday: $2.75 wells, $2
Michelob draft, 25% off all appetizers. F
Cap’s Lounge
209 E. Chestnut, 733-0878
Happy hour 4-7 daily: $1 Rolling Rock
cans, $2.50 wells ($2.75 for tequila).
Casa Que Pasa
1415 Railroad, 756-8226
Happy hour Sun-Thurs noon-6 and
9-11: 50 cents off all drinks, half price
appetizers and desserts, potato burrito
with a tall boy $7, or with a margarita
$9. $1 tacos daily after 11pm. F
Chuckanut Brewery
601 W. Holly, 752-3377
Happy hour Sun-Thurs 4-6: $1 off pints
and wine by the glass, appetizer specials.
F
Cliff House Restaurant
331 N. State St., 734-8660
Happy hour daily 4:30-6:30: Appetizers
including oyster shooters, pork belly
sliders and whiskey crab soup, $5-12. F
Copper Hog
1327 N. State St., 927-7888
Happy hour daily 3-6: $3 pickle plates,
$5 fries, curry fries, brussell sprouts,
tuna bruschetta, $6 poutine and corn
dog lollipops, $8 PBALT sliders. F
Five Columns
1301 E. Maple St., 676-9900
Happy hour Tues-Sun 3-6: House wine
$4.95, well $3.95, specialty cocktails
$3.95-$5.95. $5.95 gyro, souvlaki,
dolmades, greek salad, spanakopita &
tiropita, calamari. F
Fiamma Burger
1309 Railroad Ave., 360-733-7374
Happy hour daily 3-6pm and 8pm-close.
$3 for 12-oz craft beers and $2 for
Olympia and Rainier tallboys.
Glow Nightclub
202 E. Holly St., 734-1135
Goat Mountain Pizza
215 W. Holly, 510-6336
Happy hour daily 2-5: Slice or a pint
$3.50, both for $6.50. F
Grand Avenue Ale House
113 Grand Ave., 671-3080
Happy hour daily 4-6 pm: $2.50 wells,
$3.50 micro pints, $1.75 PBR or Rolling
Rock pints.
Green Frog
1015 N. State St., 961-1438
Bacon hour: Get a strip of bacon with
each drink, midnight-1am daily.
Honey Moon
1053 N. State St., 734-0728
Happy hour Tues-Sat 5-7, all day
Monday: $1 off all pours.
Horseshoe/Ranch Room
113 W. Holly, 734-0380
Happy hour Wed-Sun 9am-6pm: Drink
discounts and $5 bar burger all day,
half-price appetizers 6-10. F
Jalapenos Downtown
501 W. Holly St., 671-3099
Happy hour all day Sunday, Mon-Sat
2-5:30 and 9 to close: 20 oz drafts, double wells and small margaritas $4, Big
Mamas $6.50, Mexican bottled beers, 14
oz. drafts, and Alaskan Amber $3, house
wines $3.50, $5 premium tequila shot of
the month. $1 tacos, $4 nachos, quesadillas, mini burritos (add $1 for meat),
$5 jalapeno poppers, dips $2.50/$6 for
three, $12 big nachos. F
McKay’s Taphouse
1118 E. Maple St., 647-3600
Happy hour daily 11am-6pm: $1 off
draft beers.
New York Pizza & Bar
902 N. State St #105, 733-3171
Happy hour daily 2-6 and 9-close:
Micro pints, margaritas and passion
fruit punch $4, double wells, house
wine, raspberry lemonade and mojitos
$5, manhattans and shaker martinis
$6, classic martinis $7. Extensive food
specials including soups, salads, pulled
pork sliders, personal pizzas, sweet
potato fries, and boneless wings, $3-$7.
F
Old World Deli
1228 State St., 738-2090
Happy hour Thurs-Sat 4-6: $3 Wine, $2
off any sandwich, $1 off any beer over
Bellingham on Tap - June 2014
9
HAPPY HOURS
$3.50. F
On Rice Samish
209 N Samish Way, 714-9995
Happy hour 4-6 daily 11-5: $3 wells and
draft beers, $6.50 specialty drinks, $5
shooters, appetizers including spring
rolls, spicy calamary, and salmon salad
$1.99-$5.99. F
Pickford Film Center
1318 Bay St., 647-1300
Movie hotline: 738-0735
Pickford Limelight Cinema
1416 Cornwall
Happy hour Mon-Fri 4-6: $2 beer, $3
wine.
Poppe’s 360
714 Lakeway Dr, 746-6476
Happy hour daily 4-7 and 9-10: drink
specials and $3-7 appetizers, F
Pure Bliss Desserts
1424 Cornwall, 739-1612
Happy hour all day Monday (noon-6),
Tues-Fri 5-7: Craft beer starting at $3,
wine by the glass starting at $3.50, $1 off
slices of cake.
The Real McCoy
114 Prospect St., 392-8051
Happy hour 4-6 daily: $2 off wine and
cocktails on tap, $1 off house wine,
house cocktails and draft beer. $6 lamb
skewers, beef sliders, crab cakes, wild
mushroom tacos, or pan seared feta. F
Redlight
1017 State St.
Happy hour 4-7 daily: $5 off bottles of
wine, $3 wells, $1 off pints and wine by
the glass, $4. micro drafts.
The Royal
208 E. Holly St., 738-3701
Cover waived with a taxi receipt or service industry pay stub.
Rumors Cabaret
1119 Railroad, 671-1849
Happy hour daily 6-9: wells and domestic pints, $2
Shakedown
1212 N. State St., 778-1067
Happy hour daily 4-8: Philly steak
sandwich and a micro pint $10, $9 with
falafel. F
The Star Club
311 E. Holly, 927-1938
Happy hour Mon-Fri 4-6: $1 off all
drinks.
State Street Bar
1315 N. State St., 733-1619
Happy hour daily 4-8: $3 wells, $1.50
off pitchers, 75 cents off pints (PBR not
discounted).
Swillery Whiskey Bar
118 W. Holly, 383-4847
See weekly listings for events.
Temple Bar
306 W. Champion, 676-8660
Bottle from a selection of 4-6 wines and
a little cheese plate or landjaeger $18,
32oz growler of Kulshan beer (rotating
selection) and a little cheese plate or
landjaeger $15, $1 off house cocktails,
$4.50 wells. F
Uisce Irish Pub
1319 Commercial St., 738-7939
Happy hour Mon-Fri 4-7, Sat-Sun 6-7:
$1 off all drinks.
The Underground
211 E Chestnut St., 306-3178
See weekly listings for events.
Vinostrology
120 W. Holly St., 656-6817
Happy hour Mon-Sat 3-6: Bottle of
wine, white bean dip and bread, $14. F
The Waterfront
521 W Holly St., 676-1755
Happy hour daily 8am-2pm and 4-7:
$3.20 wells, $2.50 domestic pounders,
$7.25 domestic pitchers, half price appetizers, pull tab double payout 5-6. Poker
daily, check www.waterfronttavern.com
for details.
Wild Buffalo
208 W Holly St., 746-8733
See weekly listings for events.
HARBOR AREA
Anthony’s Hearthfire Grill
7 Bellwether Way, 527-3473
Happy hour daily 3-6:30: $3.50 draft
beer, wine $5, featured cocktails $5.50.
$5 bar burger, salmon swimmers, spicy
wings, or sausage and pepperoni pizza,
$7 ribs and rings, steak tacos, steak
strips, crab, shrimp and artichoke dip,
or calamari. F
Anthony’s Homeport
25 Bellwether Way, 647-5588
Happy hour daily 3-6:30: All draft beer
$3.50, selection of wine by the glass
$5.50 - $7.50, margaritas, martinis, irish
coffee, and specialty cocktails $5.50. Bar
burger and seafood apps like salmon
sliders, mussels and fries, ahi nachos,
and six-pack oysters and prawns, $5. F
10
Bellingham on Tap - June 2014
HAPPY HOURS
Giuseppe’s Al Porto
1 Bellwether Way, 714-8412
Sunday: Regular rocks margarita $2.99,
jumbo $5.99, $3 wells, $3.50 microbrews. Taquitos, nachos, and quesadillas
$4.99 with drink. F
The Loft at Latitude 48.5
1901 Roeder Ave., 306-5668
Happy hour daily 4-6 and 9-11: All draft
beer and house wine $3. Small plates
including salmon cakes, beef or black
bean burger and fries, and steak tacos
$5. F
Nicki’s Bella Marina
615 S. Harbor Loop Dr., 332-2505
Happy hour Mon-Sat 3-6, all day Sunday:
$2.50 wells.
NORTHSIDE
Applebee’s
1069 E. Sunset Dr., 671-6000
Happy hour daily 3-6 and 9-close: $3
domestic pints, $4 micro pints, wine, long
islands and margaritas, $5 selected martinis. Half price selected appetizers. F
Bob’s Burgers & Brew
955 Newmarket St., 647-3355
Same as downtown location.
Cascade Pizza
2431 Meridian, 671-0999
Happy hour Tues-Sat 11am-6pm: Double
wells $3.75
El Gitano
1125 E. Sunset , 714-1065
Happy hour Mon-Fri 3-6, all day Sunday:
Regular rocks margarita $2.99, jumbo
$5.99, $3 wells, $3.50 microbrews.
Taquitos, nachos, and quesadillas $4.99
with drink. F
Extreme Sports Grill
4156 Meridian St., 647-7066
Happy hour daily 3-6: 50 cents off most
pints, $2.75 Rolling Rock pints, wells
$3.75, house wine $3, personal cheese
pizza, nachos, or potato skins $4, fry
baskets and slider baskets $5. F
Fireside Martini and Wine Bar
416 W. Bakerview, 738-1000
Happy hour Mon-Sat 3-6: $5 martinis,
$4 house wines/wells, $2.50 drafts, $2 off
appetizers. F
Fountain Bistro
1910 Broadway, 778-3671
Happy hour daily 3-6, Tues-Sat 9-close:
$2 off signature cocktails, beer pints and
wine by the glass, small plates, bowl of
soup or fry tornado for $6.
F
Greene’s Corner
5305 Northwest Dr., 306-8137
Happy hour: 3-6 Mon-Fri, all day Sat.Sun. $0.50 off wines by the glass, beer
pints and schooners, no corkage fee for
retail beer and wine. Slice of cheese or
pepperoni pizza and a pint or glass of
house wine, $6. F
Jalapeno’s Barkley
2945 Newmarket Pl., 778-2041
Continued from page 14
Bellingham on Tap - June 2014
11
EVENTS
Tap This
Moveout Day
June 13
Western Campus Dorms
Western’s moveout day is
a dumpster-divers dream
come true. Thousands of
Western students divest
themselves of the material burdens their parents
bought them, creating the
year’s biggest free pile.
Big Gin Punch Off
12
Bellingham on Tap - June 2014
Goonies
June 10, 6-8pm
Temple Bar
June 21
Fairhaven Village Green
Bartenders from Redlight, the
Real McCoy, Rock and Rye
Oyster House, and the Temple
created punch recipes featuring Big Gin from Seattle’s
Captive Spirits. You get to judge
them! Beneift for the Surfrider
Foundation.
The Fairhaven Outdoor
Cinema season kicks off with
a little something for all you
‘80s kids. Music with Odd
Ones out at 8:15, movie when
it’s dark enough. Bring your
blankets and a thermos of
something warm.
June
Happenings
Tummyfest
June 6, 7, 8
Alternative Library and Makeshift
Underbelly Fest
June 13, 14,15
It’s a secret! Check Facebook for locations.
Bellingham giveth and she taketh away. It’s as true of scrappy little music festivals as anything else. We don’t have
Yellingham or Fempowerment to kick around any more, but you can get your indie DIY music fix this month at
Tummy Fest and Underbelly.
Bellingham on Tap - June 2014
13
HAPPY HOURS
Continued from page 11
Same as downtown location. F
Jeckyl & Hyde
709 W. Orchard Dr., 715-9100
794 Kentucky St., 656-5303
Happy hour Mon-Sat 4-7: Half off appetizers, $3.50 craft beers and $2.50 house
wines. F
Kulshan Brewing
2238 James St., 389-5348
See weekly listings for events.
$2.50 pints, $3.50 well drinks, $2 off
appetizers. F
Zen Sushi
3001 Cinema Pl., 734-7888
Happy hour Mon-Thurs 2:30-5 and
9-close; Fri-Sun 9:30-close: $1 off all
rolls with purchase of any drink, including soda. F
FAIRHAVEN
Little Tokyo
2915 Newmarket Pl., 752-2222
Happy hour Mon-Sat 2-5, Wed 2-4:30:
Appetizers starting at $3, sushi rolls
from $2, $2 off house wine or sake, $1
off large beer or bottle of sake. F
AW Asian Bistro
1138 Finnegan Way, 715-3028
Happy hour daily 3-5: $2 Thai iced tea/
coffee and juice, $3 wells, sake and draft
beers, $4 house wine. Appetizers including egg rolls, pot stickers and coconut
prawns $3-5. F
Northside Restaurant
3236 Northwest Ave., 671-1799
Happy hour Mon-Sat 3-7. $3 wells,
$3.50 drafts, $2.50 domestic beer, $1 off
everything else.
Archer Ale House
1212 Tenth St., 647-7002
Happy Hour Mon-Fri 3-6: $1.00 off
pints, imperial pints, wine, and cocktails; half off appetizers. F
On Rice Barkley
2200 Rimland Dr. Suite 100, 738-9995
See Downtown listing. F
Black Cat
1200 Harris, Ste. 310, 733-6136
Happy hour daily 4-6 and 10-close: $5
wine by the glass, $1 off well drinks and
draft beer, appetizer specials. F
Scotty Brown’s
3101 Newmarket St., 306-8823
Happy hour daily 3-6, Fri and Sat 10-12:
$3 off all appetizers, $1 off draft beer,
wine by the glass and Social Sodas/
Palmers, $2 off other cocktails and signature martinis. F
Slo Pitch Sports Grill
3720 Meridian, 733-2255
Happy hour daily 11am-1pm and 4-6,
and 9-10: 1/2 priced select apps, $3
wells, $2.25 domestic drafts. F
Village Inn Pub
3020 Northwest, 734-2490
Happy hour Mon-Wed, Fri & Sun 4-6;
all day Thurs & Sat.: $7.50 pitchers,
14
Bellingham on Tap - June 2014
ribs $6, prime rib dip $10.95. F
Dos Padres
1111 Harris Ave., 733-9900
Happy hour daily 3-6.
Fairhaven Pizza
1307 11th St., 756-7561
Happy hour daily 2-6: $1 off slices and
and beer. F
The Fairhaven Pub
1114 Harris Ave., 778-3400
Happy hour daily 11-6 and 9-11: $3.50
wells, $5 doubles, PBR $1.50 pints/$4
pitchers, $1 off everything else, $2 off
appetizers (no food discount before 4).
F
Fat Pie Pizza
1015 Harris Ave., 366-8090
Happy hour daily 2-6 and 9-close: $2.50
wells, $4 doubles, $3 house wines, $3.50
draft beers, $6 martinis and manhattans, $7 shakers, half price wine bottles,
appetizers including pizza bites, mac
and cheese, and antipasto platter, $3.99$4.99. F
Jalapeno’s Fairhaven
1007 Harris St., 656-6600
Same as downtown location. F
Colophon Cafe
1208 11th St., 647-0092
Happy hour Mon-Fri 3-6: $3.50 appetizers and pints of beer, $2 off wine by the
glass; $5 off bottles. F
Keenan’s
804 10th St., 392-5510
Happy hour 3-6 daily: Small plates
including a blackened fish taco, beef or
spicy lamb sliders, carnitas and chicken
satay, $3-$9. F
Daphne’s
1200 10th St., 733-1311
Happy hour daily 3-6.
On Rice Fairhaven
1224 Harris Ave, 676-9995
See Downtown listing. F
Dirty Dan Harris
1211 11th St., 676-1087
Happy hour daily 5-6:30: $4 house wine,
$3 wells, beer, specialty cocktails $5.
Caesar salad $5, beef sliders, crab swimmers, steak bites, cajun calamari, or dry
Skylark’s
1308 11th St., 715-3642
Happy hour Mon-Thurs 4-6 and
10-close: $3 wells, pints, and wine by
the glass, half price appetizers. F
Weekly Specials and Events
SUNDAY
Archer Ale House: Trivia at 7. ?
Bellingham Bar & Grill: All day happy
hour. F
Bob’s Burger & Brew, downtown: All
day happy hour. F
Boundary Bay Brewery: Trivia at 5:30 ?
Cafe Akroteri: All day happy hour. F
Casa Que Pasa: $4.50 bloody marys,
mimosas and lime rocks margaritas.
Cascade Pizza: Double wells $3.25, 50
cents off beer, wine and top shelf all day.
Cliff House Restaurant: All day happy
hour. F
Copper Hog: Industry night, 20% off
everything with service industry paystub.
Jalapenos – all locations: All day happy
hour. F
Cascade Pizza: Double wells $3.25, 50
cents off beer, wine and top shelf all day.
New York Pizza & Bar: All day happy
hour. F
Chuckanut Brewery: $3 pints 6-close.
Nicki’s Bella Marina: All day happy hour.
Poppe’s 360: Industry night, 15% off for
service industry workers, $9 chicken
dinner. F
Redlight: Top shelf whiskey half off
during happy hour (4-7). Game night –
board and card games, 8pm-midnight.
Scotty Brown’s: $2 caesars and mimosas.
New York Pizza & Bar: $10 burger and a
draft beer. F
Temple Bar: All day happy hour. F
Northside Restaurant: Burger and fries
$5.95. F
The Waterfront: Ladies night - happy
hour 4-close, $4 Fireball shots. F
Greene’s Corner: All day happy hour,
trivia with James Gillies at 5:30 F ?
Horseshoe/Ranch Room: $2 micros,
$1.50 Bud drafts 8-midnight, industry
night 9-close.
Green Frog: $4 margaritas 4-7, live
music at 7, Guffawingham comedy open
mic 9:30.
Swillery Whiskey Bar: Comedy open
mic every other Sunday 8-11. C
El Gitano: All day happy hour. F
Green Frog: Open mic, 8pm.
Grand Avenue Ale House: Industry
night -- happy hour prices for food service workers.
Honey Moon: All day happy hour.
Village Inn Pub: Free pool 1-9; $3.95
burgers 4-8. F
Grand Avenue Ale House: $4 bloody
marys, PBR pitcher, or chili dog, $2.50
wells. F
Dos Padres: $2.75 margaritas.
Shakedown: All day happy hour, Stitch &
Bitch knit and crochet meetup 4-7, Geek
Trivia at 7. ? F
Dos Padres: $4 bloody marys and
caesars.
The Fairhaven Pub: All day happy hour,
all-ages karaoke 3-7. F K
Copper Hog: Pitcher of any $5/pint beer
and small sausage plate, $20. F
MONDAY
Applebee’s: Any burger with fries and a
domestic pint $6, 4-close. F
Kulshan Brewing: Trivia at 7. ?
Poppe’s 360: $6 burgers, $3 Bud Light, $4
Fireball. Trivia at 7. ? F
Pure Bliss Desserts: Happy hour all day.
Redlight: $5 martinis, manhattans,
margaritas, moscow mules, and Makers
Mark whiskey all night, half off top shelf
rum 4-7.
Rumors Cabaret: Karaoke at 10. K
Bellingham Bar and Grill: Karaoke at
10. K
Scotty Brown’s: $2 off mojitos, $5 off
bottles of wine.
Cap’s Lounge: $3 micro pints 7-close.
Shakedown: Tom Waits Night, 9-close.
$3 gimlet or bourbon on the rocks and a
Lucky Strike. Also industry night — $1
off everything over $3 for service industry workers.
Casa Que Pasa: $3 microbrews and $4
nicaraguans.
Bellingham on Tap - June 2014
15
WEEKLY SPECIALS & EVENTS
Slo Pitch Sports Grill: $2.50 burgers, $4
garlic fries from 6-9. F
The Royal: $2 wells and $6 pitchers
9-midnight, karaoke at 10. K
Grand Avenue Ale House: Burger, fries,
and pint of PBR $6, 5-10. F
The Swillery: House band Less Talk.
Rumors Cabaret: $1 wells and $2.25 PBR
pitchers 9-11, $1 High Life 9-close.
Green Frog: $4 well drinks 4-7, Bacon
and Beats with DJ WillDaBeast at 10 .
Scotty Brown’s: $2 off bellinis.
Horseshoe/Ranch Room: $3 Absolut
and Stoli 8-midnight.
Village Inn Pub: $1.95 tacos 4-8. F
Vinostrology: Food and wine trivia at
7. ?
Shakedown: Costume karaoke at 10. K
Slo Pitch: $1 Tacos from 6-9pm. F
TUESDAY
Bob’s Burger and Brew: Trivia at 8. ?
Cabin Tavern: Free bingo at 7.
Swillery Whiskey Bar: Trivia 8-10, video
DJ dance party at 10. ?
Uisce: Trivia at 8. ?
Cap’s Lounge: $4.50 Jameson and
Maker’s Mark 7-close.
The Waterfront: Industry day - $5.00
long islands, $4 fireball shots, plus happy
hour special all day. F
Casa Que Pasa: $6 Tecate and shot of 2
Fingers Gold.
Wild Buffalo: Comedy in the Buff is on
the 2nd Tues. of the month at 9. C
Chuckanut Brewery: $1.50 kolsch
glasses 5-close.
Copper Hog: Rotating taco specials and
$2 Tecate. F
Dos Padres: $7.25 mondo margaritas.
Glow: In Night Out. Retro games and
movies, drink specials, and comedy. C
Grand Avenue Ale House: $3.00 PBR
pitchers, micro pints, well drinks, or fry
basket, 9-midnight. F
WEDNESDAY
Archer Ale House: 20% off all whiskey,
all day.
Bellingham Bar and Grill: Progressive
wells start at 75 cents at 9, go up 50 cents
every half hour.
Honey Moon: Open mic at 8:30, signups
start at 5.
Little Tokyo: Sushi nigiri from $1, 5-7.
McKay’s Taphouse: Trivia at 7:30. ?
New York Pizza: $2 off all whiskey.
Northside Restaurant: Steak night - 7
oz. sirloin, baked potato and green salad
$10.95. F
Poppe’s 360: Music with JP Falcon
Grady, $6 salads and mojitos.
Redlight: Half off top shelf vodka 4-7.
The Royal: Progressive wells starting
from 50 cents at 8, $1 at 9, $2 at 10.
Rumors Cabaret: $1.25 pints and $3.75
Fireball 9-close, $2 wells 10-1.
Scotty Brown’s: $5 off bottles of wine.
Cap’s Lounge: Wednesday: $4 lemon
drops 7-close.
Slo Pitch Sports Grill: Wing night,
wings 29 cents each.
Casa Que Pasa: $5.50 Tarantula margaritas, $5 spider bites.
Shakedown: Heavy Rotation dance party
at 9 – $1 drink specials.
The Local: Cribbage night.
Chuckanut Brewery: Buy a pint, get the
second for $2.25 6-close.
Swillery Whiskey Bar: Karaoke at 9. K
New York Pizza: $8 10” pizza, $5 doubles. F
Copper Hog: Bottle of wine and small
meat, cheese and olive plate, $20. F
Northside Restaurant: Half price appetizers, $3.50 drafts. F
Dos Padres: $2 double-it.
Green Frog: $3 pints all day, Soul Night
with DJ Yogoman at 9:30.
Poppe’s 360: Open mic, $6 pork tacos, $5
margaritas, $1 off all tequila. F
Redlight: Half off top shelf gin 4-7, $3
well shots, $4 well drinks, $5 mojitos, $6
double wells all night.
16
Bellingham on Tap - June 2014
The Fairhaven Pub: All day happy hour,
$7 burger with fries and a small pitcher
of PBR. F
Glow: Whatever’s Clever Variety Show
on the third Wednesday.
The Underground: EDM night, $2 tallboys (rainier, PBR, Olympia and Rolling
Rock) and $3 wells.
Wild Buffalo: Hula hoop happy hour
7:30 – 9:30, $2 Rainier tall boys, $2 wells,
$3 pints. Wild Out Wednesday 9:30-1:30.
THURSDAY
Boundary Bay Brewery: Happy hour
WEEKLY SPECIALS & EVENTS
BBQ with Robert Sarazin Black, 4pm in
the beer garden.
Northside Restaurant: Taco night - 3
tacos/$2, taco salad $6.95, margaritas $3. F
Horseshoe/Ranch Room: $3.50 Server’s
choice.
Cap’s Lounge: El Jimador $4.50,
Hornitos $4 7-close.
Poppe’s 360: DJ LIttle at 9, $6 mac and
cheese, $7 banh mi, $2 off shaker drinks. F
New York Pizza: $6.50 Long Islands.
Casa Que Pasa: $5 Pabst and shot of
Pancho Villa Gold.
Redlight: Half off top shelf tequila 4-7.
The Royal: Ladies night, $3.50 micros
and $2 wells 9-11.
The Royal: $1.50 wells and $3.50 microbrew pounders, 9-midnight.
Rumors Cabaret: $2 tallboys 4-close. $3
Long Island iced teas 9-midnight.
Rumors Cabaret: Throwback Thursday
retro dance hits and old school music
videos, 10-1. $1 wells and $2.25 Rainier
pitchers 9-11, $2 wells 11-1.
Scotty Brown’s: $3 off pitchers of beer.
Copper Hog: $3 wells all day.
The Fairhaven Pub: Karaoke at 8:30. K
Glow: $2 Pabst. $2 wells until 11.
Grand Avenue Ale House: $3 Rolling
Rock pitchers, 9-midnight.
Green Frog: $3 house sangria 4-7.
Horseshoe/Ranch Room: $3.50 Mai
Tais, $1.50 Rainier and Pabst tallboys,
8-midnight.
New York Pizza: Tequila and taco
Thursday - $3 margaritas, taco and quesadilla plates $5-$7 all day. F
Scotty Brown’s: $2 off margaritas.
Shakedown: Showdown at the
Shakedown battle of the bands at 10, late
night happy hour, 12:30-close: $1 off all
drinks.
Swillery Whiskey Bar: Live music with
house band Juniper Stills.
C = Comedy
K = Karoake
Addresses are listed in the happy
hours section by neighborhood.
All phone numbers are in area
code 360.
SATURDAY
Casa Que Pasa: $7 cadillac margaritas.
Dos Padres: $4.50 double driver.
Village Inn Pub: All day happy hour,
trivia at 7. ? F
Glow: $2 Pabst, $5 mystery drinks. $2
wells until 11.
The Waterfront: Progressive well night 7-7:30 $2.50, 7:30-8 $2.75, 8 till close $3,
with appetizer order.
Grand Avenue Ale House: $2.00 off
micro pitchers with 18 wings, 5-10. F
Boundary Bay Brewery: Fish fry in the
beer garden, 4-8.
? = Trivia
Village Inn Pub: Half price appetizers
4-8, karaoke at 9. K F
The Underground: Trivia at 8, beer pong
tournament at 10, $3.50 micros and $3
wells. ?
FRIDAY
F = Food specials
The Underground: $2 tallboys and $3
wells until 11. $5 Long Islands and $5 Sex
on the Beach all night.
Cap’s Lounge: $4.50 Jaeger shots 7-close.
Casa Que Pasa: $6 Hornitos refreshers.
Chuckanut Brewery: $8 liter steins.
El Gitano: Karaoke at 9. K
Glow: $5 mystery drink. $2 wells until 11.
Green Frog: $3 pints 4-7.
El Gitano: Karaoke at 9. K
Horseshoe/Ranch Room: $3.50 Server’s
choice.
Jalapenos Barkley: Karaoke at 10. K
New York Pizza: $6.50 black opals.
Poppe’s 360: $2 off doubles from 4-9.
The Royal: $2 wells 9-11.
Temple Bar: Gypsy jazz with Bar Tabac,
second Saturday of the month.
The Underground: $5 AMFs and $5 jolly
ranchers.
Village Inn Pub: S8 oz. steak with potato
and salad. $11.95 4-8. Happy hour all
day. Comedy open mic is the second and
Bellingham on Tap - June 2014
17
RANT
Dear Bellingham
Dammit, when is summer going to get here?
by Neill McLaughlin
I
’ve recently noticed
you seem to be hesitant about summer.
After the cold winter
and wet hot American
spring cleaning you gave
us, I was sure you were
ready to dust off the sun
dress and hit the beach.
Maybe I was wrong.
I understand you’re
tired due to Vitamin D
deficiency. We all are.
But we need more than
just a fleeting glimpse of
warmth to survive. I’m
getting a little worried. With all the constantly changing
weather patterns, you may be seasonally
depressed and confused.
I understand what it
means to be indecisive.
I fear change myself.
But just like when we’re
in line at Mallard Ice
Cream, we’ve got to
make up our minds and
fast. Our school systems promise a summer
vacation, and we have
to deliver for the sake of
humanity.
Some people are starting to think
you’re bipolar and that this is an abusive
relationship. Some even said we could do
better, but I keep reminding them of your
beauty, and they end up agreeing with me
at the end of the day.
Think about a world
without summer. All
these kids want to do on
a hot & sunny day is to
sit underneath an old oak
tree in the Johnson’s field near the creek
and play Angry Birds with their cyber
friends.
Normally, you would rise and shine
If we take that away from them, they’re
from the top o’ the morn’ to the end o’
likely to stop believing in promises and
dusk. You’d party to the break o’ break
develop a certain disdain for nature. This
o’ dawn . . . but things
causes them to become
changed. Now, you start
(even more) sociopathic
your day gloomy and
By the time everyone’s going home, you show off
and/or nihilistic consumgray, which usually ends
ers, leading to the end of
your magnificent sunset by flashing it to everyone all recycling programs
up with you crying all
over yourself — not
and alternative fuel
and anyone; even blinding us to the fact you seem source ventures, which
to mention everyone
around you.
then spikes our planet’s
to go through the entire emotional
toxicity levels through
At lunch time, you’re
the roof, which then
spectrum almost daily.
likely to be wearing
jump-starts the mutant
shorts, chasing sun
apocalypse a few centubeams in the meadows
ries earlier than expected.
or flocking along the beaches without a
You just have to keep it together and
Then it’s nothing but cannibalism from
care in the world. By the time everyone’s
stay strong in your decisions. One afterhere on out, baby...but I digress.
going home, you show off your magnifnoon you started a water balloon fight on
icent sunset by flashing it to everyone
Railroad Avenue, had a sunbathing conAll we want is what’s best for you.
and anyone, blinding us to the fact you
test on the Sunset strip, and even played
Hopefully, that means being beautiful,
seem to go through the entire emotional
misty for the Meridian commuters with
sunny, and warm. So please, start sumspectrum almost daily.
an overcast that would make Voldemort
mer already!
suicidal. All over the course of 2 hours!
18
Bellingham on Tap - June 2014
FASHION
Rag Rap
. . . and what are we gonna wear when it does?
by the Bellingham Fashion Club
W
hat are the chic-est ways to
keep the sun out of our eyes
as we bask on the patios? Big
floppy hats are back in vogue. The bigger
the brim the better! Whether simple or
embellished with flowers, fake birds,
you name it . . . an oversized floppy brim
hides just enough of your face to give
you an air of mystery and elegance while
also keeping the sun away. And of course,
sunglasses always have and always will be
the staple of coolness. There are so many
styles to choose from, why not get a
variety of cheap ones? Our favorite at the
moment are black frames with interesting
textures and cut-out shapes.
Wanna bring some summer colors to
your wardrobe? Try basing your outfits on your favorite summer foods. Ice
cream colored sundresses and fruit prints
are very in this summer. That soft pink
and kelly green combo with black accents
that brings to mind a juicy slice of watermelon has been showing up everywhere t
from hairdos and accessories to shorts.
Speaking of shorts, the shorter the
better. “Short-shorts” are awesome. If
your junk isn’t falling out then they aren’t
too short. Acid-washed cut off shortshorts are the right kind of trashy that
is totally in right now. Throw on some
high-waisted shorts and you are all set to
rock a crop top. Don’t be afraid to show
off that beer belly you’ve been working
so hard on all winter. Neon crop tops can
really brighten your day or even your
night.
deadheads anymore. Trust us, it’s hip.
If you’re concerned that someone
might see you as too free-spirited, tie-dye
only your most heaviest metal band tees.
Summertime is also an excuse to get
hella-jelly. Plastic sandals, a.k.a. jellies,
are definitely back in style. Remember
those platform shoes that you’ve always
wanted? Well, now they come in jellies!
This is the summer for platform jellies.
It’s true, they actually exist, and they even
come in glittery shades like bubblegum
and lavender.
One of the greatest things about
summer style is how a little DIY can give
those jeans that were starting to fray a
whole new life as cut-offs, or that band
t-shirt that was always a little too long a
second chance as a crop top. Our advice
before you start snipping: trace it out.
Do you have a pair of shorts that are
the perfect length or a tank top that sits
on your shoulders just right? Carefully
lay it on top of what you want to chop
and trace the edges with a piece of chalk
onto the article you’re about to alter.
Then you’ll know exactly where to cut.
Line up the top seams for shirts and the
crotch for pants.
The fabric that most t-shirts are made
of will generally stay where you cut it, but
be prepared for the fact that unfinished
denim edges are bound to lose an inch
or two by the end of the summer, so you
might want to cut a little on the long side.
Another great way to make your outfit
a little more summery is tie-dye. No,
wait, hear me out. Tie-dye is not just for
They’re already black, you say? Bleach
works great for tie-dye. You’ll look killer
on the barbecue circuit in a tie-dye cutoff Black Breath tee.
Are you ready for summer now? Don’t
forget to wear sunscreen!
Bellingham on Tap - June 2014
19
Astro Chat
Watch your mouth — it’s Gemini Season
by Kat Bula
Hot Tip: When you say, “I’m an Aries,”
what you’re really saying is, “my Sun is
in Aries.” You’ll get a hell of a lot more
out of this, or any, astrology article if you
read for your Moon and rising signs, too.
For more info about how to look that up,
check out downtoearthastrology.com/
hot-tip/.
Thai people don’t use chopsticks,
unless they’re Chinese-Thai. Otherwise,
they eat everything with a spoon, using a
fork to push their food into it. I learned
this when I traveled to Thailand a few
years ago.
Whenever I go out for Thai food, and
a friend asks for chopsticks, this factoid
threatens to spill from my mouth. I’m a
freakin’ Gemini, man. I love factoids—
love learning them, love sharing them
with others, and using them as conversation starters. Problem is, announcing this
particular tidbit at the dinner table would
make me look like a total asshole, bent
on gloating about my travel experience,
and making my friends feel ignorant and
inferior. So I’ve learned (the hard way) to
keep my mouth shut.
Hot Tip: When you say, “I’m an Aries,” what you’re really
saying is, “my Sun is in Aries.” You’ll get a hell of a lot more
out of this, or any, astrology article if you read for your Moon
and rising signs, too. For more info about how to look that up,
check out downtoearthastrology.com/hot-tip/.
Why am I telling you about this?
Because:
a) I just got back from lunch at Nok’s, and
b) we’re in Gemini season, and this is the
sort of shit you need to think about in
order to handle it gracefully.
No matter what “sign” is (see “Hot
Tip”, above), this isn’t know-it-all season;
it’s learn-it-all season. It’s a month for
getting super curious about the world
around you, expanding your awareness,
and being an information sponge.
Translation: listen more than you
talk. Do speak your opinions, or spew
random factoids if it’s fun for everyone at
the table. But release any
attachment to appearing
clever.
Aries, Taurus, Cancer,
Leo, Scorpio, Sagittarius,
Capricorn, Aquarius:
Re-examine your opinions this month. What are
you sure of? That your
ex is a lying slut? That no
one will love you until
you lose weight? Political
opinions? Religion?
What if these things were
different than you think?
20
Bellingham on Tap - June 2014
No one’s saying you have to change your
mind. Your conviction is one of your
great qualities. Just challenge yourself this
month to be more curious, and willing
to revise your viewpoint as you gather
evidence. That willingness will make you
more resilient and less deluded. Society
could use more resilient, non-deluded
people.
Gemini, Virgo, Libra, Pisces: I don’t
need to tell you how to be flexible. Your
issues are more likely indecisiveness and
being overwhelmed with all the possibilities. Let go of noncommittal behavior
as a strategy for putting off projects and
relationships that would challenge you to
grow. Assemble the facts, speak clearly,
and take action. Trust your adaptable,
resourceful self to roll with whatever
comes next.
Bartenders, heads up: patrons might
need extra clear communication from
you this month. Neptune, which rules
both drugs and general confusion (go
figure), delivers a nasty punch in this
month’s New Moon chart. This suggests
that the people are especially susceptible
to alcohol and other drugs, and liable to
make drama. The People, for our part,
can help by not being dramatic drunk
idiots.
The X Word
by Kate Parker
1
2
3
4
5
6
17
9
10
18
21
20
23
27
28
24
29
39
40
30
8. Druggies
19
9. Innumerable, or maybe ten
thousand
10. Album that's sold a
million copies
11. Tall tale
31
37
32
51
13. Formerly
18. Mountain sheep
49
53
58
69
70
71
37. Leather for sharpening
razors
41. Having to do with kidneys
64. Porterhouse with less
tenderloin
42. Trash
66. Acid in pee
49. Having luscious locks
67. Poi plant
52. Not rural
68. Puppeteer Lewis
54. Limber, willowy
69. Bounty hunter after Solo
55. Oreo filling
70. Small bills
56. Apple part
44. Weight of the container
71. Hollers
57. Schlong
45. ___ of consent
Down
58. Long ago
46. Getting all up on
1. Hand part
60. Fervor
48. "___ kitty, warm kitty,
little ball of fur..."
2. Duck, in Peter and the
Wolf
61. Middle name of James
Jones and James Ray
50. Kind of tape
3. Overwhelming defeat
62. Slaloms
51. Hawaiian island
4. Type of calendar
53. Reverse knit stitch
5. Them
65. Gas used in racing or
energy drink named after this
55. Old-timey kind of maid
6. ___ Lanka
10. Funeral structure set on
fire
36. Water closets
29. ___-culottes
34. County of eastern
England
63. Dial or pan-
35. Born
26. Comes after Mar.
33. Bangladeshi man's pantssubstitute
40. Individual speech pattern
6. Pond topping
25. Indian garment
30. Neuron parts
59. Has a grand mal
1. Trainspotting sequel
23. Cgs units of energy
62
65
31. Serious name for a
wireless adapter that always
makes me laugh
21. Non-specific fishing
apparatus
61
32. Glimmer
68
20. Forte
27. Source of annoyance
28. "Calm down!"
60
67
19. Crafts mate
26. Longest continental
mountain range
50
59
66
17. Speaking-trumpet
24. Muzzle
54
64
16. Den
12. Ceremonial act
22. Went from liquid to solid
63
15. Pink, like cheeks
34
45
52
57
14. _____ Schmidt
33
38
48
47
7. Frigid
16
44
Across
13
42
43
56
12
22
41
46
11
25
36
35
55
8
15
14
26
7
38. Bantu people
39. The bottleache, gallon
distemper
43. What you might do to the
cops
47. Elvis song In the ____
Bellingham on Tap - June 2014
21
SEX
Crotch Talk
Tomorrow, tomorrow . . .
by Crystal McIntyre
Dear Crotch Talk: I just moved into
a house with four other girls, none of
whom I know very well. They’re all
pretty cool so far except for one of them
has really loud sex with her boyfriend.
Ridiculously loud.
I don’t wanna start shit and cause a
bunch of drama or embarrass the girl
or anything, but it’s really annoying and
gross, and I don’t know how to handle it.
The whole thing makes me uncomfortable. What should I do?
Dear Reader: Have the other roomies
said anything about it? Everyone just
pretends it’s not happening? Fuuucckk
that. Bring that shit up.
Sex noises aren’t bad or yucky in
general. I dig it when dudes make some
noise. But forcing others to listen to it
is rude and inconsiderate. Don’t worry
about embarrassing her, either. She
knows full well everyone can hear her
excursion to pound town.
If it were me, I’d just say something like
“Dude. What’s with the loud fucking?
Super glad you’re getting laid and all,
but you gotta keep it down.” It doesn’t
have to be a whole thing where you call
a dreadful house meeting or some shit.
Just say it.
A million years ago, I had a roommate
who would fuck super loud. I told her
to knock it off with the theatrics, and
she did -- for about two weeks. Then she
started up again. I responded by placing
a boombox outside her door and playing
the “Annie” soundtrack at full volume.
Have you ever tried to cum while an
orphan girl sings about life on the streets?
That’s like jerking off to a Garfield comic.
It’s just...odd. My friend Dan recently told
22
Bellingham on Tap - June 2014
me he once jerked it to a sunset. A god
damn SUN-SET. It made me glad we’re
friends.
Hopefully, she’s cool about the whole
thing, and you and your roomies can
become good friends, and a super rich
bald guy will adopt all of you and you
guys can live in his mansion and sing
songs and do choreographed dances and
bone as loud as you want.
Don’t worry about
embarrassing her,
either. She knows full
well everyone can
hear her excursion
to pound town.
Dear Crotch Talk: I seem to be getting
an increasing amount of urinary tract
infections after sex with my new boyfriend. We use condoms and don’t have
like crazy rough sex or anything, so I
can’t figure out what I can do to stop this
from happening other than taking low
dose antibiotics daily. What can I do?
Dear Reader: Guhhh...I hate the fire
pee. God damn devil’s piss. I used to get
them all the time too. Once I ate a bunch
of mushrooms, and just as I was in that
“okay, I’m officially high” stage, I went to
the can and peed a bunch of blood. After
quickly pondering on how I should start
a metal band called Toilet of Blood, I
proceeded to launch into a horrible trip
where I refused to leave my friends bathroom for hours and kept splashing water
on my face because that’s how people get
sober in the movies.
Three days later I ended up in the
hospital for a week with a kidney infection. There, a nurse gave me a piece of
invaluable advice when I asked her why
I kept getting UTI’s: “Tell your boyfriend
to wash his damn hands.” It seems my
regular dick was transferring bacteria to
my pee hole with his filth mittens.
It seems so obvious, but how often
have you or a partner stopped in the heat
of things and said, “Yo, I’d love to finger
blast you right now, but I was petting the
dog and scratching my ass so I gotta wash
up first”? Probably hasn’t happened. Well,
that can be just as important as putting
on a condom. Make it a regular thing.
Peeing before and after sex helps to
flush out any bacteria that may have
gotten in there. Another thing -- don’t
use condoms with a spermicidal lubricant like nonoxynol-9 in them. That shit
is terrible.
It was touted as the big thing back in the
early 90’s (like rap metal was), but actually
increases the possibility of infection (like
rap metal does). Nonoxynol-9 is a powerful detergent that can cause micro-fissures
in the anal and vaginal walls and increase
the chances of infection.
Many, many women who used condoms with a spermicidal lubricant on
them kept contracting UTI’s and experienced relief as soon as they stopped using
those condoms. So, everybody wash their
hands, go pee, and ditch the spermicidal lubricant condoms. Meanwhile, I’m
gonna work on songs for Toilet of Blood’s
first album “Pee Holes of Doom.”
Where to Find Bellingham on Tap
20th Century Bowl
Checkmate Pawn
Jakes BS
Slo Pitch
360 Music
Chuckanut Brewery
Kulshan Brewing
Studio Galactica
AB Crepes
Copper Hog
Lettered Streets Coffee
The Swillery
Archer Ale House
Cornwall Corner Store Little Tokyo
Temple Bar
Avalon Records
Elizabeth Station
Mallard Ice Cream
Tony’s Coffee
Avellino
Everyday Music
McKay’s Taphouse
Up & Up
Avenue Bread (all
locations)
Fairhaven Pub
Nelson’s Market
Viking Food (delivery)
Bayou on Bay
Fiamma Burger
New York Pizza
Village Books
Film is Truth
Old World Deli
Village Inn Pub
Grand Avenue Ale House
Pepper Sisters
Waterfront Tavern
Green Frog
Pickford Film Center
Holly St. Shell
Redlight
Whatcom Community
College
Honey Moon
Rudy’s Pizza
Jalapeno’s (all locations)
Rumors Cabaret
Horseshoe Cafe
Sabbath Tattoo
JJ’s In n Out (all locations)
The Shakedown
Black Drop Coffee
Boundary Bay Brewery
Brandywine Kitchen
Cabin Tavern
Cafe Akroteri
Cap’s
Casa Que Pasa
Wild Buffalo
X Word Solution
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Bellingham on Tap
Your Guide to Over-21 Fun
November 2013
Thanksgiving
Survival Guide
The Loft
Restaurant
Best of
Drunk
Bellingham
Crotch Talk
Rag Rap
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& Bar Specials
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