Women power or women with power

Transcription

PinkPumps
GLOBAL
www.pinkpumpsopen.com
09|12
6 | Sabine Schmelzer
Women power or
women with power
18 | Martin Laschkolnig
Overcoming SelfDoubt– Working Together
To Achieve More
20 | Susanne Mueller
“Walks of Life” - Our
Journey Begins Here”
24 | Birgit Medele
Clear of Clutter
STRONG
WOMEN
„Mental Muscles Massacre“
Let’s face it. Struggles between the sexes take place when the weak participants of
each party meet. I have never met a self-aware man who longs to beat up people in a
pub. Physically strong men, with degenerated mental muscles, are loud and rough.
On the other side, I have never met a woman who was content with her femininity
and at the same time cattily roamed through her office.
”Only people sitting in the dark will continuously refer to the light,” I said a long time
ago, facing a person, who overused the term “purity of soul” to describe herself. I also
often see how people around me complain about their supposed strengths as often
as possible, although this makes their weaknesses even more obvious. I understand
that you don’t dance with your Achilles’ heel in front of a furious Trojan mob, but
to continuously inflate your own mediocrity until it grows to heroism, that is really
unsexy.
I like women, who tell me about their weaknesses.
Let us not forget - a confession like that shows true strength!
Bert Gronewold
Bert Gronewold worked as a policeman, before he went on for a second life as a cartoonist and
illustrator. 2007 the born East Frisian started to blog and discovered the fun of vivisecting human
weaknesses and failures sarcastically. 2010 this became “www.grafikschlampe.blog.de”, which is
decorated with cartoons till today.
* Graphikschlampe is a neologism which means “floozie of illustration”. In Germany we call people “floozie” - leaving gender
aside - who suppress their idealism to earn their living. It is a sarcastic view on Gronewold’s neccessity to earn money with
his artificial talent.
www.grafikschlampe.blog.de
Editorial
Imprint
Publisher:
Gabi Schendl-Gallhofer
Sihlquai 14, CH-8134 Adliswil
[email protected];
0041 (0)78 741 43 72
Editorial: Gabi Schendl-Gallhofer
Layout, Typesetting:
www.werdewelt.info
Image Source:
License for use by Shutterstock.com
Proofreading: Korrekturvertrieb,
www.korrekturvertrieb.de
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“Another magazine for women?” you might be wondering.
Well, in a sense you’re right. The impressive number of
different magazines competing to get your attention at the
newsstand cannot be overseen.
So why should you reach for PinkPumps GLOBAL, of all
things? Because you love pink pumps? Sure, that could be
one of the reasons. But we hope you will also like our content. We hope you want to purchase a magazine that helps
you find yourself, and that supports you in taking the design
of your lifestyle into your own hands.
This is the way PinkPumps GLOBAL responds to the spirit
of the time. Our magazine provides valuable content on
current issues in a crisp manner and with great variety.
The aim of our magazine is to support you in taking the next
step, which is so important for all of us: Men and women
working together, appreciating one another and living in
synergy with their gender-specific and personal strengths.
For only this will enable life in our world to be worthwhile
for generations to come.
The main topic of this issue is: “Strong Women”.
The conclusion of the articles is that women should and can
find their own, individual definition of strength, and that
acknowledging weaknesses is part of being strong.
You might be surprised at the philosophy you will recognise
as your own, and which will help you create your own, individual definition of a “strong woman”. These articles will be a
wonderful aid in this process.
We are happy if we can convince you, that while there are
many magazines for women, there is only one PinkPumps
GLOBAL.
We wish you many inspiring, insightful and entertaining
moments with our magazine.
Your
Gabi Schendl-Gallhofer
PinkPumps GLOBAL - 09|12
3
Inhalt
STRONG WOMEN
Cartoon und Text Mental Muscle Massacre02
Bert Gronewold
Editorial03
Women power or women with power06
Sabine Schmelzer
The Strong Woman: A Short Guide 10
for Men, Life Partners and Husbands
Angela Weinberger
6 There is no doubt that there’s
something called women power.
But what does our relationship to
women with power look like?
Quiet Power with a Great Impact: Eva’s Story22
Sylvia Löhken
A Powerful Woman Knows25
What She Wants – and How to Get It
Daniela Kunath
Rubrik
You have to be a strong independent woman!33
Barbara Valenti
Thoughts on happiness _ The magic of Words08
Sabine Osmanovic
Turning Into a Queen in 7 Steps 14
– a Guideline to Personal Success
20 Welcome to our many walks
together. I am very happy to take
you along on an exciting and stimulating journey, on which you
can imagine and explore a multitude of things. Things can be discovered in many ways, so let me
take you by your hand and let’s go
together. Are you ready?
4
Susanne Blake
“Walks of Life” - Our Journey Begins Here” 20
Susanne Mueller
Clear of Clutter24
Birgit Medele
Inhalt
Current Topics
Once again in a colourful place!12
about Petra Webersik
Oops. I did it again!15
Wolfgang Bönisch
Why are The Others so different and not like US?16
Margaret Jankowsky
18 We all have these moments, in
which we start doubting ourselves
and questioning our value. Confidence becomes a mere word found
in the dictionary.
Overcoming Self-Doubt 18
– Working Together To Achieve More
Martin Laschkolnig
Sikantis, the Society of Esteem: Its Etruscan Origin26
Cecilia Illes
Somewhere Between Deadly and Cute28
Harald Berenfänger
What Does Amazon Know … That Jane’s Husband Doesn’t?30
Elisabeth Heinemann
“Me”34
Kate Hughes
26
Sikantis is the idea of a society based on mutual esteem. This
society doesn’t recognize a hierarchy of values.
5
STRONG WOMEN
6
STRONG WOMEN
Women power or
women with power
There is no doubt that there’s something called women power. But what does our relationship to
women with power look like? It is still unusual to see women in powerful positions, because there are
only a few women in top positions. We should rethink our attitude towards power, and should start to
empower other women.
Can “power” be negative?
In English, the word power does not have a negative connotation as in German. In German it is often used in combination
with the abuse of power. Because of the negative connotation
of the German word “Macht”, German women feel uncomfortable with power and do not want to have “Macht”. For me
power is always connected with the decision to implement
change. In English, the word power has different meanings
and a positive connotation. To have power can also mean to
have energy and strength.
Is power a male thing?
Most of the high-level decision-makers, like CEOs and Prime
Ministers, are men. This gives us the impression that power is
masculine. But this is not true, power is generally neutral. If
we had more women in these kinds of positions, power would
lose its male touch. This change has already begun with women
such as Angela Merkel, Chancellor of Germany, or Julia Gillard,
Prime Minister of Australia. They both have a difficult position
because everyone, especially the media, watches each of their
steps, and if something fails, it is blamed on the fact that they
are women. No one would care if the circumstance would have
happened to a man. Men also make mistakes or behave badly
sometimes. There are a lot of examples of men doing something
wrong, but they are not critised as often as women.
If there were more women in high positions, it would become
normal, and no one would care about the blazers or dresses
these women wear. This was the most popular topic at the beginning of Angela Merkel’s position as Chancellor. Fortunately,
this is no longer a topic.
Empowering other women
And to be honest, we as women are sometimes the most critical persons concerning women who have achieved a higher
position. It is much easier to criticise them, than to appreciate
or support them. We also have to learn that we need more
solidarity among women; we need to support women who
have made it to the top or who are willing to engage in a career.
I am lucky that I go was encouraged by my closest friends several times: “Yes, you are the right person for this position, just
do it!” This empowered me and my last doubts disappeared
with these words. We should all support our colleagues and
friends more often. Sometimes, if you still have your doubts,
only this small missing piece is needed in order to take the
next step forward in your career. And it only takes three words:
“Just do it!”
Sabine Schmelzer
My passion is to empower women. This is due my commitment to BPW Business and Professional
Women since more than 10 years. Diversity means business - this is obvious through lots of research
and studies. In my leadership trainings for women and as a key note speaker, I encourage women
to be proud of their different skills and strengths.
www.diversitymeansbusiness.com | diversitymeansbusiness.com
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STRONG WOMEN
8
STRONG WOMEN
Thoughts on Happiness
– The Magic of Words
“A kind word costs nothing, and yet it is the most beautiful gift of all.”
(Daphne du Maurier)
R
ecently in the supermarket: The queue at the checkout counter seems to be endless. As usual, I have the
feeling that I am in the queue that is the longest and
progress seems to be very, very slow. The lady behind me pushes her cart into my heels; a toddler behind her is crying because
she wants some sweets…
Do you recognise this scene? Well, then you know exactly what
I am talking about. How do you react when you are finally first
in line and the cashier starts to scan your items? Very often I
hear the cashier mumbling „Hi,“ or “Good morning,” while she
takes the first item to scan it. The customers don’t respond at
all, or answer in a similar manner, without even looking at the
cashier. No one looks at one another.
I often wonder how a cashier can stand not being treated as a
human being all day long. Would people mind if some robot
were doing her job instead? Maybe the customers just want to
pay and leave the supermarket as quickly as possible. What a
terrible thought, don’t you agree?
And that is exactly the reason why I treat the cashier with respect and friendliness. To tell the truth, I am not always patient
and there are times when I roll my eyes, because I have the
feeling that the cashier is too slow. On the other hand, how
can I know that the cashier is responsible? And therefore, there
is always a smile on my face when I am the one in front of the
cashier, and I greet her. Sometimes I start a short conversation,
such as: “Hello, seems that today everyone is going shopping at
the same time. I can imagine you’ll be happy when your workday is finished.” In nine out of ten cases the cashier responds
with a warm and friendly smile and a short answer. And that
was exactly my intention, to bring a smile to the cashier’s face.
It is so easy to get someone to smile. Unfortunately, we usually
don’t take the time for this, or we are too shy or think that it
would be inappropriate to start talking to a stranger. Just give it
a try! Start talking to the lady you regularly meet when she goes
for a walk with her dog. Greet your neighbour more warmly
than usual. I am sure you will find more occasions to bring a
smile to someone’s face, once you start looking for them.
You will see, after a while you will get used to it, and it will
be fun. And while you put smiles on the faces of others, you
yourself will also change; because every day you will have some
more pleasant encounters, and therefore you will be more
positive and happy. Start now! – I wish you all the best, and
of course many smiling faces in your life.
Sabine Osmanovic
is an expert for Personal Quality Management. Her trainings involve the topics Communication,
Goal Setting, Motivation and Problem Solving. She coaches individuals as well as teams. Her main
focus is to give her participants as much of a benefit as possible. According to her philosophy, “If
you can dream it, you can do it!” She helps people make their dreams come true.
www.sabine-osmanovic.de
9
STRONG WOMEN
The Strong Woman:
A Short Guide for Men, Life
Partners and Husbands
10
STRONG WOMEN
T
here is a common myth about strong women: That
they are only strong on the outside, but weak on the
inside. But this is basically true for every human being: We all have different internal characters, and sometimes
these are complete opposites. When coaching, we call these
the two forces (male/female, strong/weak, reliable/unreliable,
yin/yang).
So what really makes a woman strong?
From my point of view, it is a combination
of various factors:
1) She really has a strong vision of where she wants to be in
five years.
2) She is assertive, sharp and sexy.
3) She has strong willpower.
4) She constantly works on improving herself.
5) She scares the hell out of men.
In the corporate world, the strong woman has a tough call
and must find the balance between being assertive and being
a bitch. Some strong women come across as men. Personally,
I find it sad when I have to behave like a man to have success;
but I also remember that sometimes this is the only way to
survive, especially in a male-dominated work environment,
such as banking or accounting.
If the strong woman is married, the husband sometimes feels
challenged by her strengths and by the fact that she makes her
own decisions. He has two choices; he either becomes rebellious and they fight a lot, or he becomes helpless and mutates
into a child. In Case 2, the strong woman then takes on even
more responsibility, until the husband decides to leave because
he does not feel man enough anymore. Usually, the husband of
a strong woman will also eventually show signs of impotence,
or frequently he will be sick.
On the other hand, the strong woman in Scenario 1 fights a
lot, but does not feel happy in her relationships, and looks
for someone who provides her with harmony and love. Or in
Scenario 2, she feels overburdened and breaks down or shows
health related issues (back pain for example).
I see strong women everywhere I look. They are not only
successful directors, but also mothers with four children and
a career, and grandmothers who still take care of six grandchildren. Other women have an elderly relative, or even a life
partner that needs their medical care. One of my role models
is my grandmother, who took care of my cousins and cooked
for the whole family, although she was more than 80 years old.
Strong women handle multiple roles, but what they yearn for
are multiple orgasms. As discussed under Scenario 1 and 2,
this is a paradox, because the man, life partner or husband
of the strong woman will either get too annoyed with her or
become impotent, so after a while he will not have sex with
her anymore.
What can you as men, life partners and husbands do?
1) Give the strong woman room to be weak.
2) Support her in her career, but also at home.
3) Give her a break from her multiple roles
and responsibilities.
4) Acknowledge her for what she brings
into the relationship every day.
5) Be romantic once in a while.
The strong woman had a reason to choose you as her life partner or husband. It might have been a sub-conscious one, but
usually the strong woman sees the potential in her partner or
husband. If a couple manages to bring out the best potential
of both partners, then the strong woman has the chance to
be weak once in a while; and without being too optimistic, I
believe there is hope for a Scenario 3.
Angela Weinberger
Has lived in Germany, Switzerland, the UK, India and Australia and recently started her own
company, Global People Transitions GmbH. Here she offers her global mobility expertise, executive
coaching and intercultural training. Angela also offers group coaching for women. You can find her
on Twitter as @angieweinberger.
www.globalpeopletransitions.com
11
Current Topic
12
Current Topic
Once again in a
colourful place!
At age 44 the freelance artist Petra Webersik decided to give her life a new direction. She
terminated her permanent employment contract in public service, to take on the new challenges of
being self-employed.
When Petra Webersik began studying painting and drawing in
October 2005, she had no idea that this undertaking was laying
the first cornerstone to a completely new lifestyle.
Before she finished studying for her Masters in November
2011, she had already made major changes.
Since spring 2006, she studies the historical development of
the bra. Over time she repeatedly encountered extraordinary
women in her studies. By reading the biographies of these
women, Petra realized that nothing in life is impossible. At
this time Petra lived in Nordrhein-Westfalen /Germany and
worked as a technical designer. She was dealing with some
unhappy chapters in her life, and trying to find solutions.
At a young age she had set the goal to one day live on an island
surrounded by mountains. Over the years she finally found
back to her childhood dream.
many to Mecklenburg-Vorpommern. She has lived in Sassnitz
on the island of Ruegen since then, and on a daily basis she
is inspired by the unique colours the island has to offer. The
move to Sassnitz and all these positive life changes influenced
her artwork very much.
Just after New Year’s Eve 2012, Petra began with her search for
an atelier. She was led to her current atelier by the sea, by a man
she had never met before. Today she describes her experience
in this way: If you have a dream, pursue it and always be open
for surprises along the way! When the first steps are taken,
everything else will fall into place according to plan, and you
will have the impression that 1,000 little helpers are with you
at all times!
The studio Petra Webersik is located in Hafenstr. 12, House
F, in 18546 Sassnitz.
Early 2011 she visited the island of Ruegen. It was back then
that she decided to set her sails for Ruegen, and so she immediately started to look for housing. In the beginning this appeared
to be very difficult. One lucky day she met her current landlord,
who offered her a small apartment with a sea view.
Petra returned to Aachen and gradually started all the necessary steps to move to the island of Ruegen. August 2nd, 2011
the moving company was at her doorstep, in order to move all
the belongings of the single mother and her son across Ger-
Petra Webersik
Bra - who will go right into lust?
Petra webersik studies the historical development of the bra and
exceptional WOMEN.
www.petra-webersik.de
13
Turning Into a Queen
Turning Into a Queen
in 7 Steps – a Guideline
to Personal Success
H
ave you ever dreamed of a man behaving like a gentleman towards you? He opens the door for you, treats
you very kindly, invites you to dinner, and is interested in you. And have you ever experienced that? If the answer
to one of these questions is “no”, the following steps could help
you acquire your personal dream. This is the introduction to
our new series of seven articles on “How to turn into a queen
in seven steps”. This guideline will show you how to use your
femininity as a natural part of yourself. By following the steps
you will be going through a transformation process and will
begin to realize how easy and wonderful life as a “woman” can
be. These seven steps will bring forth your feminine authenticity, boost your self-esteem and make you aware of your true
inner values. Men will find you just adorable.
In today’s issue you get a quick guide with three steps for instant use. These three tips have a tremendous effect on men. I
use them every day, and in doing so men just start talking to me.
Step 1 “Use your voice and a smile”
Smile and speak softly. You don´t know how? Just sing or say
“la, la, la, la, la” about 5 times. That is the fastest way to motivate
yourself, and your voice sounds friendlier. Whatever you do,
do it with a smile. A smile opens the door to others’ heart.
You will be surprised by the responses you get by just smiling
at people. Your smile could change everything.
Step 2 “Use the right words”
Use phrases such as “Be my hero” or “Save me” and then ask
for help. For example, you are in the supermarket and you need
someone to carry your groceries to your car. Just say “Could
you be my hero? Please help me.” These simple phrases spur
men to do their best. Just test them, and you will be surprised
by the effect you have on men. It doesn’t matter how old they
are. Try this with an older gentleman, your neighbour or the
waiter in your favourite restaurant.
Finally try it with a person you would like to meet privately.
Just remember: If you don`t ask, you will never find out.
Step 3 “Use your body”
Your posture
Wherever you are, stand or sit upright. You just look more
graceful and have the effect of the former actress “Grace Kelly”.
Men love that.
Practice these steps as often as you can. Next time you will learn
how to change your inner attitude and define your goals. I’m
very interested in learning about your progress. Please write
me your experiences and send an email to:
[email protected].
Good-bye for now and wishing you all the best.
Yours, Susanne Blake
Susanne Blake
Since 1997 Susanne Blake has been working as a consultant and life coach in an international context. With an international business background, she provides training with a practical approach.
Her trainings are also available via telephone and Skype and meet the demands of junior- to
chief-executives. Especially business women profit from her professional coaching.
www.the-individual-touch.com
14
Current Topic
Oops. I did it again!
I
took off my sweater the wrong way. What I mean? Well,
men grab a sweater at the back of the collar and pull it over
their heads with a lot of effort, don’t they? Women hold the
sweater with their arms crossed at the bottom and then pull it
up elegantly. And that’s how I did it again.
So now, according to the classic rhetorical three-step programme, my sex will change from male to female. You know
what I mean: 1. All birds can fly. 2. The ostrich is a bird. 3.
So the ostrich can fly. This technique is used quite often in
negotiations, to prove something that is impossible to prove.
And there is something else to be learned from this example,
because it is really a classic one. It is commonly said that it
proves that there are different communication strategies for
women and for men. But does it?
In my opinion, this is just one of those automated tasks that
make life easier, and it has nothing to do with communication
whatsoever. There may be historical reasons for taking off a
sweater in different ways. It’s probably learned from our parents. And it’s not in the genes.
But it is worthwhile to have a critical look at such automated
tasks or strategies. Is it really useful to do things the same way
you’ve always done? Surprise your surroundings or your counterpart in a negotiation with a different approach and you’ll
get different results.
BTW: I know at least three different ways to take off my
sweater.
Wolfgang Bönisch
The Master of Negotiation Arts. Saved 1 million through Ghost-Negotiation, a costumer successfully
implemented 20% price increase after a negotiation training or a doubling of the daily fee during a
coaching session.He is supporting businesses and entrepreneurs in multiple ways to improve their
negotiation results.
www.wolfgangboenisch.com
15
Current Topic
Why Are the Others
So Different? Why
Aren’t They Like US?
Americans are superficial. Germans are humorless. Irish drink too much. Some parts of culture are
visible.
16
Current Topic
T
he important things, the aspects of your
culture that can cause others to fall into
cultural traps, are unwritten, invisible
and almost impossible to explain. The simple
question, “Why do you do things this way in
your culture?” leads to confusion. Try to describe your culture. That’s not so easy. Why? You
live your culture, you breathe it. You understand
it instinctively. You don´t need to explain it.
My definition of culture is “It´s the way we do
things around here, because we´ve always done
them like this”.
What happens when we need to deal with people
outside of our own cultural framework?
What do you consider, when you think about
working abroad? If you´re fortunate, you will
be sent abroad by your parent company, which
organizes and pays for intercultural communication training before your assignment begins,
as well as training during the first six months
you live in the new culture, in order to clarify
any points causing you trouble, and then finally
training when your assignment is over and you
are back home. This should also include your
family.
But that’s mostly not the way it works. It amazes
me that companies spend so much money to
send employees abroad, and at the same time
forget that these people will need to deal with
people in their cultural context. More than 50% of those sent
to work abroad go home before their contract is up. Why?
The main reason is that they do not feel they understand the
culture, and that they have the impression that they are not
being understood.
Let´s look at a situation close to real life. You are sent abroad to
negotiate a contract. Everything has been organized. You feel
confident. You buy a culture guide at the airport bookstore and
read it on the plane. It´s full of tips and tricks: You learn how
to hand over your business card, etc.
But. You feel uneasy during the negotiations and you don’t
know why. There is too much small talk or not enough. There
is too much emphasis on details or not enough. You aren’t sure
who the decision-maker is. You go back to your home country
and hope the next time your boss will send somebody else.
Or. Everything goes well. You do things the way you always do.
They are so polite. Funny though, you don´t heard from them
again. Strange people, those OTHERS.
How could this happen? After all, you read the guide. You
followed the rules.
But. You started at the wrong place. The right place? YOU.
Step 1: Who am I? What are my cultural rules? How do I see
THEM?
Step 2: Who are THEY? What are their cultural rules? How
do they see ME?
It sounds simple, and it is, if we take the time to think about
what this involves.
Communication, hierarchy, time, etc.
What are we actually talking about here?
Values, not the judgment of values. Values lie at the core of
cultures.
Take “honesty”, for example.
Define “honesty” as it is understood in your own culture. Ask
a person from a different culture to define “honesty”. That´s
where the fun starts. And our series on cultural differences
starts here as well. Join me next month on our journey to find
the answer to my initial question. I look forward to it.
Margaret Jankowsky
has spent her whole life looking for the answer to the question “Why are other cultures so different?”
This has taken her on a journey all over the world. And it isn´t over yet! Margaret loves listening
to others and finding out what makes them tick.
www.wordsconnectworlds.com
17
Current Topic
Overcoming Self-Doubt
Working Together To Achieve More
We all have these moments, in which we start doubting ourselves and questioning our value.
Confidence becomes a mere word found in the dictionary. For some of us these moments last longer,
for others only a short time. But what can we do once self-doubt has surfaced?
D
oes self-doubt rear its ugly face in your life? Maybe
even regularly? Perhaps you are just too critical of
yourself. This happens quite frequently, and you are
not alone. All too often we ourselves stand in our own way.
18
In busy times like these, with a never-ending stream of information and (perceived) demands, we constantly operate under
overload. Do you feel rested and relaxed? Too bad, these days
are long gone.
Current Topic
So it’s only too obvious that new challenges won’t give us goose
bumps of excitement. Maybe they are even the final straw that
breaks our backs.
pear to be a tragedy, when seen from the overall perspective
of what really counts in life, it mostly isn’t. Start creating such
small moments for others, and you will see that you will immediately feel better yourself.
Brian Tracy is quoted as saying: “It is not how low you fall, but
how high you bounce!”
2. Find wings to climb under
What can you actually do to really bounce back up, once you
are down? Certainly no one else can give us worth or self-esteem. That is entirely our own job. Which is bad news, as well
as good news.
When we don’t feel worthy, we often tend to retreat from our
environment, feeling we don’t really have anything of value
to offer. You do. Don’t retreat – but rather become a selective
chooser of whom you associate with.
It is bad news when seen as a mentality of entitlement. Blame
and shame won’t get you out of the pit. The good news is that it
is within your own power to start bouncing up again. However,
it needs to be said that the environment we find ourselves in
plays an important role in deciding how easy it will be for us
to get going again.
We are all social beings, and the validation and affirmation of
others is important to us. Hang out with people who really
support you. Not in order to have a pity party, but to encourage, empower, and accept one another as valuable beings, who
might be having a hard time right now, but who are nevertheless loveable.
Here are some practical strategies that I have found helpful;
personally and professionally:
Make extra effort to be thoughtful and loving in your conversations, and choose to deliberately point out to one another
things that are empowering and nurturing. A little dose of love,
given at the right time, can go a long way. And the funny thing
is, when you share love and appreciation, it comes right back
to you, and is more bountiful than you could imagine.
1. Appreciate small successes
Even if you aren’t able to move mountains right now, and even if
there is a problem to solve at hand, don’t let that stop you from
seeing the many things that go right all the time. Appreciate
the small things and be grateful for them. Notice the wonderful
sunset, the smile of the vendor on the street, or cuddle with
your child and spend that precious time deliberately, living in
the present moment.
We are all capable beings, and each of us has our place in life.
We are much more powerful than we can imagine right now.
Let’s fill this place with love, and shine a light for each other. It
is up to each of us to contribute our share, to make this planet
become the loving and nurturing place we all want it to be.
Let’s do it, so that we have a beautiful world. Do you want to
play? Come along and fly! It’s beautiful out there.
These small moments of appreciation, joy and gratitude, when
practised over time, will accumulate and allow you to develop
the right perspective. And even though something might ap-
Martin Laschkolnig
is an inspiring speaker on self-esteem, motivation and the transformative power of energy psychology. He is the European partner of Jack Canfield (known as the co-author of “Chicken Soup for
the Soul” and as the featured teacher in “The Secret”). Martin represents the International Council
for Self-Esteem in Austria and serves on the board of the German Speakers Association. Connect
with him on Facebook at
www.facebook.com/MLaschkolnig or www.MartinLaschkolnig.com
19
“Walks of Life”
“Our Journey
Begins Here”
20
“Walks of Life”
Welcome to our many walks together. I am very happy to take you along on an exciting and
stimulating journey, on which you can imagine and explore a multitude of things. Things can be
discovered in many ways, so let me take you by your hand and let’s go together. Are you ready?
Y
ou may be thinking: Where are we going? What is
she talking about? Initially, we tend to be a bit critical
to something or somebody new. So then, let me take
you on our first walk together. I have been curious all my life;
hence I picked a delightful and funky title for this column that
might spark your curiosity on life and more.
First, a little bit about me: I was born and raised in Thun in
Switzerland. (Thun is pronounced like cartoon or tuna fish).
It is a beautiful, picturesque, small town on the Lake of Thun,
with a beautiful view of many snow-covered mountains and
castles nestled alongside of the lake. Thun was a special place
to grow up in: In the summer we benefited from the lake, the
river and the wonderful swimming pool, and in the other seasons we were in the mountains, either hiking or skiing. I am
very happy to say that it was a great experience to grow up in
a smaller town. Now I live in New York and I love its size, the
diversity and the craziness. However, growing up in a smaller
town was probably best for me. I started small and always had
room to grow.
Initially, I worked for the airline Swiss Airlines and had the
best time of my life. I was able to travel throughout the world,
almost for free, and worked with people from all different walks
of life. I truly enjoyed the diversity of the people, the joy of
traveling and the very many different cultures. These days, I
am proud to say that I have traveled to 50+ countries and I
won’t stop. All these trips to foreign countries exposed me
to loads of cultures. As Steve Jobs (former Apple CEO) said:
“You only connect the dots in the past, not in the future.” So
while I was eager to travel to many different destinations, I was
not yet aware that in the near future I would make use of my
travels to become a cross-cultural guru, as a workshop designer,
facilitator and coach. Even better, all my travels exposed me to
other cultures and I was totally at ease. I was able to live and
breathe a variety of cultures in person, versus reading about
them in books.
While working for Swiss Airlines, I worked in Zurich in their
Lost and Found office at the airport. This must have been my
free daily cross-cultural seminar that was a good preparation
for life. I could not pick the clients nor could I pick the cultures. On the contrary, the clients and cultures picked me. I
remember one funny incident vividly, when a lady dressed in
a colorful, traditional Nigerian dress came into my office with
her baby. She must have just fed the baby and was ready to
put the baby onto her back again. For a short while she had to
rearrange her dress, so she told me in a very deep voice: “You
keep baby.” Well, I had no choice but to hold that little bundle.
When the baby opened his eyes, the little creature started to
cry incessantly upon seeing me. Was it me or was it the new
environment? Not sure on that, however I was happy when the
mother took the baby back, as I was afraid he would start to
vomit over my uniform. Besides, it probably would have been
high time to change the baby’s diapers, to say the least. So this
was a happy incident, where I had no option but to hold the
crying (smelly) baby. At one point during this brief encounter
I was wondering what I would do if the mother walked away
and I could literally “keep the baby.” This was a cross-cultural
experience in its purest form, which I will never forget.
Are you ready for more? Next time we will take a walk through
my daily life in New York, where I worked full-time and went
to school part-time at night.
Susanne Mueller, MA. – “Walks of life”
Originally from Switzerland, landed in New York working for Swiss Airlines (Sales & Marketing);
BA in Psychology, MA in Organizational Development & Leadership, Coaching Certification.
Currently, she teaches “coaching” at New York University. In her rare spare time she is a running
coach and is completing marathons & Half Ironman races. Her next walk is Mt. Kilimanjaro.
www.susannemueller.biz
21
STRONG WOMEN
Quiet Power WITH Great
Impact: Eva’s Story
22
STRONG WOMEN
Eva has just landed a big promotion: She is now
vice-president of a large international company.
For some colleagues, her promotion came as
a surprise. Eva is an introvert. Can she still be a
powerful leader? Good question!
What is power?
People with power make an impact on their surroundings. Often people associate this impact with words such as “assertive”,
“fast-acting” or “dominant”. However, the kind of power that
comes with dominance has its flaws, no matter how charismatic
and entertaining the person in charge may be.
The (relative) wisdom of group decisions
Take any meeting, for example. Assertive and dominant persons will act quickly and with determination. They will get
more attention and, most importantly, will influence the subsequent discussion. Whatever they say will be perceived as
something to be considered.
However, the impact “first speakers” have comes with a price
tag. The first idea – no matter how convincing and appealing it
may sound – is not always the best one, as recent studies show.
Quieter persons often don’t feel motivated to contribute other
ideas, even if these appear superior (and have been checked,
compared and undergone a thorough internal evaluation!). In
other words: A fast, driven, convincing statement may compromise the quality of the outcome.
The other power
Fortunately, there is a second kind of power that balances the
impulsive kind of dominant power focused on immediate results. I call it “quiet power”. Eva has it.
This less obvious form of influence is connected to other attributes – attributes that may not look impressive, but that are
able to create a positive, long-lasting impact.
Here are five traits that brought Eva into her new
position:
1. Persistence. Eva is able to continue with challenging tasks
longer than others. She keeps trying if she thinks it is worth
it. This may not sound overwhelmingly sexy – but it makes
the crucial difference between a good result and a great result.
2. Absorption. Eva listens and observes closely. She carefully evaluates what she perceives from others. The perspective
she gets is therefore much broader than in persons who are
mostly self-absorbed. Eva is thus able to incorporate valuable
additional information into her planning and her actions. She
looks for the best input, not for the most self-confident input.
3. Empathy. Eva can easily assume the position of others and
identify needs and perspectives different from her own. This
is a crucial advantage when relating to others. Eva has built
invaluable personal relationships in all her previous positions.
4. Independence. Eva constantly strives to gain insights and
to do what she thinks is right – even if she deviates from mainstream opinions. Just as importantly, she gives those who report to her a little leeway when it comes to taking responsibility
and making decisions. She is also able to let others shine. This
makes her a popular boss – especially the ambitious movers
and shakers love to be on Eva’s team.
5. Time alone. Eva is convinced that great achievements are
usually not the outcome of a group decision or brainstorming
process. Whenever she has something really important to decide, she retreats and focuses on her task, with no distractions
and no need to consider mainstream opinions.
The traits that made Eva so successful can be observed in many
introverted leaders. If you are an introvert yourself, do as Dolly
Parton recommends: “Find out who you are – and do it on
purpose!”
Dr. Sylvia C. Löhken
is a speaker, a coach – and an introvert. With a decade of experience in different “intro habitats“(research, science administration, management position in Japan), she helps quiet persons achieve their
goals using their own advantages.
Contact via English website:
www.leise-menschen.com/en/
23
Clear of Clutter
Clear of Clutter
W
hat is clutter? On a physical level it is anything
we do not use or love; on a non-physical level it
is anything unfinished. It keeps us stuck in the
past and prevents good new things from coming into our life.
In average, every one of us owns about 10,000 things. That is
a lot of stuff to handle, quite literally. Chaos theory turns into
reality in our lives; we experience it first hand, every day. “I’m
the only one who hasn’t got a proper filing system in place,”
you might secretly think - but hey, we are all familiar with the
scenario of the desk disappearing under heaps of dodgy bits,
and papers that have developed a life of their own and have
spread into all sorts of funny places...
Do not despair! - Here is some hands-on advice on how to
stay on top of the clutter.
When it comes to clearing spaces, the most difficult step is to
start at all. Try not to be overambitious and kid yourself into
thinking you will sort out an entire wardrobe in one go: “When
I am less busy/find the time/next week…”
»» Top tip: Never tackle more than one small area at a time.
One drawer, one file, half a book shelf.
»» Second: Do not remain vague about the “when”. Make
an appointment with yourself, and show up. It is realistic
and achievable to assign ten minutes to the task of clearing
clutter. And with that success under your belt, you will be
all fired up to move on to the next project.
Clutter Clearing can be regarded as a chore. However, starting
today, you could see it as a means of clearing the energy of the
space around you, so that you come closer to your vision and
goals. How exciting and empowering is that! So, start right
now: out with the old, in with the new!
There are only two days in a year on which you cannot do any
clearing: one was yesterday, the other one is tomorrow.
Happy clearing!
Next topic: Clothes
Birgit Medele
is a London based author, speaker, trainer and declutter expert. Her agency ‘Clear of Clutter‘
inspires clients, readers and audiences internationally to let go of things, thoughts and emotions
that have turned into clutter. This column presents tips and insights on how to unburden yourself
of ballast on all levels.
www.clearofclutter.com
24
STRONG WOMEN
A Powerful
Woman Knows
What She
Wants – and
How to Get It
I am often told that I am powerful. When I ask what it is that makes me powerful, people often have
no answer. I guess that is because they do not have their own definition of the meaning of powerful. I
have mine: I think that powerful means to know what you want and how to get it.
Based on this definition I can say that I am powerful. I always
knew that I wanted to be self-employed; I always knew that I
wanted to earn my money with writing and I always knew that I
wanted to be a mum. Now, at the age of 32, I have it all. But the
word powerful also means to handle all these things achieved,
and to keep them on a good level. So now powerful means to
keep on writing; to keep on earning money in a self-employed
status and especially to help my wonderful child become a
wonderful teenager and later on an even more wonderful adult.
So what do I want to say? For me powerful does not only have
one definition. If you want to be REALLY powerful, then you
have to change your goals and your priorities when necessary;
if they are out of your reach or if you have already achieved
them. You need to compare where you are with where you
want to be. And only if you always have the path to your goal
in mind, and act in a way that enables you to reach it, you can
be really powerful.
I am sure that almost every one of us has the inner power to get
what he or she wants. But only those who periodically rethink
the way to get there will be really successful. And – in my view
– you are only powerful if you are successful.
Daniela Kunath
After several years in tourism, I have finally found my passion in writing. I took the plunge into
self-employment, and now my core competences are articles for tourist companies and clients, in
need of texts for sports, nutrition or fashion items. I love my job and now I also have time to spend
wonderful hours with my wonderful child.
www.daniela-kunath.de
25
Current Topic
Sikantis, the
Society of Esteem:
Its Etruscan Origin
26
Current Topic
Sikantis is the idea of a society based on mutual esteem. This society doesn’t recognize a hierarchy
of values. There is only one value, the same esteem for everyone. Every person in Sikantis is uniquely
different in regard to talents, character and personality. Every person in Sikantis is equal concerning
the giving and receiving of esteem.
I
wish I could say that I personally visited the important
Etruscan fresco that changed my way of viewing society
and humanity at its original location in Italy. Instead, I
discovered it in my apartment in Zurich, while studying a book
on Etruscan Archaeology.
This fresco was one of the determining factors in my ensuing
15-year development of the Society of Esteem that I named
Sikantis.
There aren’t many remnants of the Etruscan culture. Most of
the sparse findings were discovered in burial sites. Archaeologists discovered the previously mentioned fresco, painted on
a tomb wall, showing an extended illustration of an Etruscan
banquet.
The Etruscan culture suddenly appeared in Italy around 1,000
B.C. Researchers say that it seems as if it came “out of nowhere”.
Nobody knows where the Etruscans came from and why their
culture was so much more highly developed than the cultures
of other tribes already living in ancient Italy.
Almost immediately after arriving on the ancient scene, the
Etruscans showed a highly developed civilization and culture.
Among their outstanding cultural achievements were street
construction, floor heating, gold craft, irrigation knowledge
and trading skills.
Now let’s take a closer look at the clues the Etruscans left behind in the fresco that lead me to draw some conclusions on
Etruscan society.
On the right side of the fresco there’s a long, festively decorated table. Etruscan men and women are sitting around the
table, drinking from opulent cups and eating a lavish meal.
A musician playing the flute stands behind the table. On the
other side, two figures approach the table bringing food on
decorative plates.
On the left side of the fresco is a kitchen scene, with citizens
preparing food in large pots. One person is walking from the
kitchen towards the table, carrying another plate with food.
Traditional archaeological interpretation was that the mural
showed a rich majordomo having dinner with his family. The
servants were thought to be his slaves - cooking, serving and
entertaining the family with music.
But when you look at the details more closely, a different picture emerges. All of the participants, whether they’re serving
or being served, wear the same clothing of wealth and good
taste. Each one, the diners, the servants, the musician and the
cooks, are all dressed in finely decorated clothing.
Another conspicuous detail is the fact that there are women,
dressed in beautiful clothing as well, seated among the dinner
guests – unusual for those times.
The new interpretation according to the Society of Esteem is:
The wealthy outfits suggest that there was no difference in
status between the people being served and the people serving
them, or between men and women. Seemingly the cooks, the
musician and the waiters received the same esteem for their
work as the family, which was celebrating.
In the Society of Esteem there is no hierarchy of values depending on the possession of money or power. Everybody
receives the same esteem for his profession, regardless if waiter,
musician, cook or land baron.
Cecilia Illes
Theologian. She developed the idea of the Society of Esteem called Sikantis. Sikantis doesn’t recognize a hierarchy of values and bases its culture on mutual esteem. She has a blog called “Society
of Esteem” and has published a book with the title “Richie und das Geheimnis der Ameisen” (only
available in German) as hardcover and eBook on Amazon.
www.sikantis.org
27
STRONG WOMEN
Somewhere Between
Deadly and Cute
Men’s coach Harald Berenfänger on strong women - and strong men
I love strong women! Women, who have all the works; they
know what they want, they live independently and autonomously, they actively live their lust, desire and sexuality; and
their juicy, feminine outfit and appearance tempts me. Women,
who are able to balance softness and helplessness, surrender
and self-abandonment, self-confidence and arrogance, ease
and life as a princess
28
Strong women can lure the horny hunter or the timid boy out
of me – depending on who is the top dog in my inner team
at that moment. But there is one thing these strong women
cannot do: They cannot leave me cold.
Sometimes they also baffle me: when they suddenly switch
from surrender to destruction mode! Or they shock me, when
STRONG WOMEN
In addition, there are two traits that seem essential to me: sovereignty when faced with mood changes and steadfastness
when the wolf in you is to be tamed. When a man gets involved
with a strong woman, he will be surprised time and again how
fast his beloved can switch from lovely to murderous. The man
who lets a strong woman into his house will always be exposed
to the test of resisting her degrading attempt to educate him.
There is hardly anything that scares strong women away more,
or is more successful in encouraging them to hurt, hate or
destroy than a man’s unforgivable weakness of being licked
or hedged!
Every ideal has its drawbacks. Whoever allows the archetype
of a lover to wither, turns back into a chauvinistic macho or a
sympathetic softy. The same applies to the withering of a female
lover. This results in us shudderin, as we face a man-hating bra
burner or a squeaky Barbie.
Marginal Note: Talking of drawbacks tempts us to lead fruitless discussions, like we recently did when the book „Shades
of Grey“ was published, and everyone argued about whether
women who like SM are emancipated or reactionary. In the
same way, debates about when and how much a good mother
can/may/should work, mostly take place on the same level:
On the level of shades there is only black and white, no colours
that surround everything.
just after they were clear and precise; they suddenly play the
role of the innocent little girl.
As I say - all the works. And so it is clear what men need, in
order to love strong women: We need to have all the works
as well – clarity, self-confidence and the pursuit of liberty; as
well as the qualities of a lover, a hunter, a warrior and a king.
We need to show humour, play and fight, talk and be silent.
A woman is really strong if she succeeds in backing out of that
unpleasant change-your-shade modus and climbs up to the
level of a “lover”. In this process, the “strong man” supports
her with his love, his persistence and his humorous serenity.
Translated from German by Birgit S. Schachner
www.speak4yourself.de
Harald Berenfänger
Harald Berenfänger (46) works as a men’s coach in Cologne and Bonn. He is a philosopher (MA),
certified business coach (SHB), NLP trainer (DVNLP) and belongs to the Coaching Team of
Emotion magazine. For more details please see
www.maennlichkeit-bewegt.com
29
Current Topic
What Does
Amazon Know
That Jane’s
Husband
Doesn’t?
Jane is a close friend of mine. And Mike is Jane’s husband. Actually, they are a pretty good team. Okay, I know, this doesn’t
really sound very romantic. But after 16 years of marriage, the
team aspect is probably just superficial. Mike assured me of this
fact last New Year’s Eve, not quite sober anymore and keeping
a safe distance from Jane. He is a mathematician. And as if
that was not already hard enough for a romantically inclined
wife, he additionally ended up in management, specifically in
controlling, the natural enemy of any kind of romance. But
Jane knew all this beforehand, and married him anyway. Blame
yourself, as I always say. Nevertheless, since then she is constantly trying to awaken the ‘George Clooney of fractions’ in
Mike. And amazingly, she is surprised again and again when
this goes completely down the drain. As on her last birthday:
A few days after this occasion we sit in our favourite pub along
with two wine spritzers, and I ask her exactly the one question I
should have known I would deeply regret just five seconds later.
“Well, and what did Mike give you for your birthday?”
“Concert tickets.” That sounds about as excited as going to the
dentist next week in order to undergo a root canal treatment.
„Oh. But… isn’t that Mike’s favourite rock band?“ Bull’s eye.
Usually empathy really belongs to my virtues, but in this case
my mouth was just quicker than my brain.
“Right. Mike listens to them night and day. In my personal
opinion they are absolutely horrible.” Jane seems as if she might
explode at any moment. “For 364 days I have given him uncountable obvious hints. Regularly. For example when I saw
something nice in a shop window...” She starts mocking herself:
“Oh darling, look, how cute! Aren’t these pink pumps lovely?
Oh honey, look! How wonderful this golden charm would
match my bracelet. Oh my love, look, don’t you think that this
leather skirt would fit me like hell?”
Slowly I get an idea how Michael must have felt.
“I gave him thousands of good ideas and what does he do? He
buys me concert tickets for his, just to say it again, his favourite
rock band; even though he knows perfectly well that I cannot
stand them. And then he wonders why I no longer talk to him
for the rest of the evening.”
I order two more wine spritzers.
“Hey, that sounds great. And for which artist?“ I immediately
recognize that my enthusiasm clearly differs from hers.
“Well, that was certainly not very clever, but I’m sure that he
didn’t want to hurt you intentionally.”
„Grunge Babes“, she hisses towards me, toxic.
30
Current Topic
“You don’t really want to defend him, do you?”
“No, no“, I answer for the sake of our friendship and with great
empathy for the seriousness of the situation. “But in my opinion men have a natural right to extenuating circumstances. It’s
a fact that only a few of their species are able to understand
women’s signals.” Jane nods. I really feel sorry for her. Beyond
any doubt, Mike screwed the thing with the birthday present.
“Do you know what bugs me the most?” Jane sets down her
wine spritzer. “That Amazon knows me much better than my
own husband does.”
“What? How do you get that idea?”
“Amazon always knows how to make me happy. When I log
in, there are very often things I would love to have. And that I
could really use, like a new food processor or a red handbag.
In its recent newsletter, Amazon suggested exactly the same
charms for my charm bracelet that would just amazingly fit my
other ones. And also regarding the reading recommendations,
they quite often know my taste. Unlike Mike!”
“That’s really no wonder, my dear,” I reply. “Mike certainly isn’t
as intensely concerned with collecting relevant information,
providing him with a detailed ‘what-could-Jane-like-profile’
as Amazon is.”
book written by Mr. Miller, then she might want to read his
second one, too.’ To the point – there’s a lot of cross-calculation
behind it, but basically it all comes down to a single goal: To
entice you to shop. All offers are personalized, based on your
previous purchasing behaviour and your interests. That’s nice.
But it also means that you potentially get lots of pimp-yoursex-life-suggestions, only because you once ordered a dildo for
your little sister’s birthday.”
Jane is obviously considering this. “And what about those virtual suggestions of other customers?”
“You mean this `Customers who had sex with Mike also dated
Charles, Stephan and Thomas` thing?”
Jane snorts the last sip of wine spritzer number two on the
table. “Yes, that’s exactly what I’m talking about.”
“Well, that’s almost the same. You click on a product and because Amazon records who already clicked on it as well, and
which other items this person already bought, it thinks that
you and the other person could have the same taste. Then it
compares your age, your profession and all the data you have
given Amazon when filling in your account profile, and now
they have everything they need to give you interesting suggestions. Maybe one or the other is a direct hit.” I order two
more wine spritzers.
“Oh, and how does Amazon do that?”
“Every time you log in to Amazon, they save where you’re
surfing and they track each of your clicks. The fact that you
look at bracelet charms will be saved, as well as your search
for pink pumps. Maybe you even added them to your wish
list. And if you come back and log in again, Amazon offers
you exactly the things, or at least similar ones, that obviously
already awakened your interest. And because all books are
categorized by authors, keywords, topics, and so on, the clever
online retailer of your trust supposes: ‘Well, if she likes books
by Mrs. Smith, then maybe she will also love books by Mr.
Doe on the same topic. And if she was interested in the first
“Oh my goodness. And all that effort, just to find stuff that I
might like?” Jane is clearly thoughtful.
“Exactly. But not so much to please you, but primarily to generate revenue.”
“I don’t care at all – let them earn money. At least they think so
hard about what I might like.” Sometimes I envy Jane for her
simple logic. She looks at me with a grin. “Could you please
have this little talk with Mike once again? Maybe then my next
birthday won’t end with my banishing him and his Grunge
Babes pillow from our bedroom.”
Elisabeth Heinemann
is a professor for computer science, a keynote speaker, a cabaret artist and a book author. Since
2000, she supports people in developing their personal skills (www.effactory.com). And because
there is so much left to discover between “Bits & Bytes”, the lady professor started being on stage
with her first cabaret programme in 2012.
www.frau-professor.com
31
Current Topic
32
Current Topic
F
“Me”
or nearly two decades in Australia I worked to establish
myself and my identity, first as a career woman and then,
years later, as a mother and juggler of work and babies.
Then, one day, my partner and I decided to relocate to the
other side of the globe, and almost overnight all that changed.
receptionist and I shared no common language, working out
that I was meant to weigh my vegetables before I got to the
check-out, and so on. I went from being someone who could
walk into a room and easily start a conversation to hardly being
able to leave the house for fear of having to speak.
I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I was convinced it was going
to be an adventure and that we would all grow from the experience. That’s why the decision for us to move seemed so easy.
While I knew there would be bumps along the way, I thought I
had considered all the ‘big ticket items’ and implications of, for
example, moving to a place where I didn’t speak the language,
leaving family and friends – my ‘village’ – behind, as well as
knowing nothing about the place or culture of my new home.
The feeling of losing one’s identity – however it happens – can
come hand in hand with a loss of confidence, a sense of having
lost control over your life, and becoming very inwardly focused.
For me, my international move meant that all the usually manageable duties associated with being The Wife and/or The
Mother became almost impossibly difficult, and it took at least
six months before the fog started to lift, and I learned that I
needed to make changes; to embrace who I am, and establish
a ‘village’ for myself.
Indeed, it wasn’t until we arrived – with two small kids in tow
– that the implications of our move became reality, and I was
faced with a whole heap of challenges I hadn’t anticipated. The
biggest – and one I was totally unprepared for – was being faced
with the loss of my identity, of who I thought I was.
Back home in Australia, I could do daily tasks without thinking. In Zurich, I was baffled by even the most basic tasks, like
translating and paying our bills, driving on the right-hand side
of the road, trying to make doctor’s appointments when the
Over the past five years I have come to know many inspiring
women and men who have made a move like ours and carved
out new lives for themselves. I consider these people to be
powerful. They are people who are able to change, and are able
to accomplish things they wouldn’t have before. These are people who have used their situation to challenge themselves and
others to embrace the experience and not lose their identity
but add to it – and to the lives of those around them. A very
powerful thing indeed.
Kate Hughes
Kate is an expert executive coach, facilitator and human resources consultant. In 2008, she set
up Latitude Organisational Consulting where she provides expert facilitation, coaching and high
level advice to executives and senior managers within organisations. In 2009 she was a founding
member of The Powerhouse, a professional network for women in Zurich.
www.consultlatitude.com
www.powerhousecollective.com
33
STRONG WOMEN
34
STRONG WOMEN
YOU HAVE TO BE A STRONG
INDEPENDENT WOMAN!
M
e? Yes, you! More and more often we read, hear and
see that women have to be more independent and
strong! Am I weak? What do I do wrong?
This week I stumbled across Bronnie Ware’s list of the five unfilled wishes most people had before they died. One of them
was: “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not
the life others expected of me.” This sentence really struck me!
Have you come across situations like “Oops! That is not what
I want!” But without even realizing it, you still do it?! “Do
you need my support? Of course I will be there for you, even
though I feel completely overloaded!” “Every time I am with
X I feel exhausted. But I will still meet X for dinner on Friday.”
Ten years ago, these situations added up for me and I got really sick. I felt so weak for months that I had to change my
approach to life. At that time I didn’t have the strength to do
anything. So more and more I began asking myself the following questions: “Do I really want this? Is my relationship with
this person balanced? Do I still have the strength to do this?
Do I need a break?”
In the beginning, asking these questions was really strange.
Many times I forgot to ask them. But by taking these small
steps, and by being patient and generous with myself, it became
easier and easier to practice this ritual. Eventually I was ready
for the next level. I began asking myself: “Do I enjoy this?”
If the answer was a NO, then I tried to spend as little time as
possible doing it.
Asking myself these questions changed my life a lot! It took
me a long time to get to the point I am at now. Sometimes I
look back and see myself doing too much for others or things
that didn’t matter. But now, after some reflection, I realize that
I am responsible for my own life. I no longer expect others to
be responsible for my life’s happiness.
I want to share two exercises with you that supported me on my
journey learning NOT to forget who and what is good for me.
Exercise 1: Find something you really enjoy and do it on a
daily basis! This can be going for a walk, cooking, reading,
dancing, yoga, painting, laying on the earth and/or just letting
go, meditating, watching animals, etc… Plan some time for
at least one thing you like doing every day!
Exercise 2: Review your relationships. Create your people
energy-up/energy-down list. It is important to do this in written form. Write down the name of the person. Ask yourself
this question: Is your relationship with this person balanced?
Does this person lift your energy up or down? If you have
“energy-down” people at work, surround yourself even more
with “energy-up” people in your leisure time. Stay in balance!
Spend more time with energy-up people!
These two exercises can help you stick with things and people
you like! Trust your needs and care for them. Above all, allow
yourself to choose. Be the woman you want to be!
Barbara Valenti
is a business facilitator for international projects and change management. She uses strength oriented
and participative methods to help keep people and their organizations in balance. The core areas of
her work are personal growth, Work-Life-Management and working in an international context. She
is Austrian, currently living in Germany, and has more than 18 years of international experience.
www.teamplus1.de
35
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Women power or women with power

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