Page 1 © Copyright 2010 William Bonet

Transcription

© Copyright 2010 William Bonet http://www.WinHerHeartBackSecrets.com
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WIN HER HEART BACK
SECRETS
Good Guys, Bad Boys & the Ugly Truth Behind a Fantastic
Relationship
By William Bonet
©2010 All Rights Reserved
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Introduction
This book is intended to be your reference guide to understanding women.
Everything you need to win back your wife or girlfriend is contained within these
pages.
Read the entire guide from cover to cover at least once and follow the action
steps listed at the end of the take action sections.
If you learn what I’m about to teach you, you will be able to satisfy your wife or
girlfriend’s innate natural desires. It’s easy to do when you know how. She will
automatically respond to you with respect, desire and affection.
Email me your comments, suggestions and complaints. I want to hear what you
have to say.
I wish you all the best!
William Bonet
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Copyright, Legal Notice and Disclaimer:
Note To The Bad Guys: This publication is protected under the US Copyright Act
of 1976 and all other applicable international, federal, state and local laws, and all
rights are reserved, including resale rights: you are not allowed to give or sell this
Guide to anyone else.
Please note that much of this publication is based on personal experience and
anecdotal evidence. Although the author and publisher have made every
reasonable attempt to achieve complete accuracy of the content in this Guide,
they assume no responsibility for errors or omissions. Also, you should use this
information as you see fit, and at your own risk. Your particular situation may not
be exactly suited to the examples illustrated here; in fact, it's likely that they
won't be the same, and you should adjust your use of the information and
recommendations accordingly.
Any trademarks, service marks, product names or named features are assumed to
be the property of their respective owners, and are used only for reference. There
is no implied endorsement if we use one of these terms.
Finally, use your head. Nothing in this Guide is intended to replace common
sense, legal, medical or other professional advice, and is meant to inform and
entertain the reader.
Copyright © 2010 William Bonet. All rights reserved worldwide.
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Table of Contents
Introduction................................................................................................................................................... 3
Preface........................................................................................................................................................... 8
What gets you out of Egypt isn’t what will take you to the promise land. ........................................... 9
Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice ......................................................................................................10
Chapter 1 .....................................................................................................................................................13
Relationship Triage: ..................................................................................................................................... 13
Chapter 2 .....................................................................................................................................................16
Automatically Connect With Your Lover .....................................................................................................16
Logic: The Relationship Killer ..................................................................................................................19
Chapter 3 .....................................................................................................................................................21
What Really Gets a Woman’s Attention......................................................................................................21
#1 Big Mistake You Are Making Right Now .............................................................................................21
Attraction is not a choice for her either. .................................................................................................23
Rock Star Wisdom: The Secrets Rock Stars Know About Women that you don’t… ...............................27
Chapter 4 .....................................................................................................................................................29
How did you get to this painful place anyway? ..........................................................................................29
Woman…1 million years in the making. ..................................................................................................33
Wuss Bags vs. Bad Boys ...........................................................................................................................34
What’s so wrong with being a regular guy? ............................................................................................36
Chapter 5 .....................................................................................................................................................42
What Really Makes a Woman Attracted To You .........................................................................................42
How I Lost My Love Twice .......................................................................................................................44
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What repels women? ..............................................................................................................................47
Wuss Bag Behaviors Explored .................................................................................................................49
Chapter 6 .....................................................................................................................................................54
What Women Really Want… .......................................................................................................................54
Why Women Breakup With Men ............................................................................................................55
Women Are Like Electric Switches ..........................................................................................................56
Getting Kills Wanting ...............................................................................................................................57
The Formula Guaranteed To Get Women Hot & Bothered. ...................................................................58
What attracts a woman to a man… .........................................................................................................60
The Big Three Female Turn Ons…............................................................................................................60
Most guys want to be Good Guys… ........................................................................................................65
Our Relationships With Women Are Like Magnets.................................................................................68
Chapter 7: ....................................................................................................................................................69
Communication & The Art of Body Language: Let Me Hear Your Body Talk .............................................69
How this applies directly to you: .............................................................................................................71
How to communicate attractively ...........................................................................................................72
The Wuss Cure.........................................................................................................................................74
Indifference is the difference that make a difference ............................................................................75
Your Body Never Lies...............................................................................................................................76
How to Exude Confidence Wherever You Go… .......................................................................................77
Posture: ...............................................................................................................................................78
Walking like a stud: .............................................................................................................................79
Standing like an idol: ...........................................................................................................................79
Sitting like a rebel: ...............................................................................................................................79
The Barry White Effect ............................................................................................................................80
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Social Status ............................................................................................................................................81
Make a decision damn it! ....................................................................................................................83
Eye Contact..........................................................................................................................................83
Talking To Other Women ....................................................................................................................84
Confidence looks GREAT on everyone. ...................................................................................................85
How To Give Her Titillating Tension ........................................................................................................86
Flirting Like Young Lovers ........................................................................................................................88
How To Flirt With Your Eyes ................................................................................................................88
Chapter 8: Being a Man ...............................................................................................................................92
The 37 Year Old Teenager .......................................................................................................................93
Conquering Fear ......................................................................................................................................95
How to Pass Your Lover’s Tests ...............................................................................................................96
Me Thinks Thou Does Protest Too Much ................................................................................................97
You’re Not Her Girlfriend ......................................................................................................................100
Know Thy Self ........................................................................................................................................101
Never Ever Let Them See You Sweat ....................................................................................................102
Change Sucks!........................................................................................................................................103
The Billion Dollar Question....................................................................................................................104
The boob tube dilemma ........................................................................................................................105
Put On Your Game Face ........................................................................................................................107
Chapter 9 ...................................................................................................................................................109
Where Do You Go From Here....................................................................................................................109
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Preface
Life’s not fair. Not kind. And not clean.
To put it mildly, you are in a crappy position right now. I’m not going to sugar
coat your situation or tell you everything is going to be alright. Your love is
slipping away from you and if you continue down the path you are on, you’re in
danger of losing her forever.
Fortunately, you have taken the first step and purchased this book. You’ve made
the right decision. I’m going to help you win your wife or girlfriend back.
I guarantee, if you follow the steps outlined in this book, your wife or girlfriend is
going to look at you in a whole new light. She’ll automatically respond to you in
the ways YOU desire and she’ll be sexually attracted to you again.
For you to have taken measures to purchase this book, your relationship with
your wife or girlfriend is a WORLD of pain. You probably feel very frustrated and
hopeless. I know the feeling. I’ve been there brother.
I get emails from guys just like you whose sweet, supportive and sexually
responsive girlfriends and wives have completely changed and turned on them. It
seems the more they try, the more she pushes them away.
Their relationships are no longer fun and exciting.
Their lovers don’t trust them anymore. They argue and fight about the smallest
of things. These men feel totally neglected and disrespected by the women who
say they love them.
Some guys tell me they feel if something doesn’t change soon she is going to
leave them…the sad truth is, they’re right. She will leave, treat you like a stranger
and she won’t look back. In the worst of cases they tell me their girl has begun to
see another guy.
These guys are totally lost and confused as to why this is happening to them. For
some this has happened to them more than once.
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I was a late bloomer when it came to women. Actually, I was a late bloomer
when it came to most things.
Throughout this book I share examples from my own long-term relationship with
Mary. We had a great connection. I managed to lose her two heart wrenching
times over the course of 7 years.
I didn’t understand women or my role as a man in their lives. Looking back I
didn’t even know what it was I didn’t know.
Getting to the point where I can teach you how to save your relationship and then
take it to a whole new level of fulfillment has been a long road and one I’m very
proud to share with you.
Your learning curve is going to be DRAMATICALLY smaller and much of the pain
and frustration I went through will be taken away!
When use the techniques I’m about to show you you’ll avoid much of the
miscommunications you are having with your lover now. And you will gain
priceless insights into why she is doing what she is doing so you can avoid trouble
in the future.
If you learn and use the techniques I’m about to show you, you’ll regain a wife or
girlfriend who appreciates, respects and finds you deeply attractive. She will be
drawn to you again and she will not be able to resist going out of her way to
please, “her man”.
What gets you out of Egypt isn’t what will take you to the promise land.
To get the most from this book and your relationship I need you to open your
mind to new possibilities. I’m going to reveal to you a world that will sound
bizarre and new ways of thinking you WILL find strange.
We’ve been taught that the spark and excitement of a new relationship has to
fade away…that the honeymoon phase of your relationship must vanish.
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All the men I’ve helped are proof that that is not absolutely true. After you read
this book you will know the secrets to a fantastic relationship too.
Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice
When we were kids we were taught girls are made of sugar and spice and
everything nice.
We were encouraged to put women on pedestals and to think of them as angels
and princesses, to treat them with kid gloves because they are so delicate, fragile
and rare.
The reality is women are real life human beings who have problems, issues
insecurities and fears. To label them as flawless isn’t fair…it’s too much of a
burden for them to bear.
Women are biological creatures just like us. They have impulse and instincts that
dictate much of what they do.
Sadly, our early “programming” nearly guarantees our failure with women.
Our moms meant well but they didn’t teach us the truth about what a woman
needs in her life to feel fulfilled and feminine.
Society shows us a mixed up, convoluted and many ways WRONG view of women
too.
Women’s independence is GREAT thing. It took way too long to happen, but in
our quest for equality we have accidentally blurred the lines of our natural roles in
each others’ lives.
This book is going to show you exactly how to regain respect and attraction from
your wife or girlfriend. I’m going to show you how a woman’s mind works and
how it differs from yours. I’m going to show you the deep innate triggers in her
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mind that are causing her to pull away from you and the triggers that will
naturally pull her toward you.
I’m going pull back the curtain and reveal how you can tap into these natural
triggers so they work FOR you not against you.
This book is not made up of theory or psycho-babble.
I wrote this book to be your resource. It’s geared to get you the RESULTS you
want with your love. I combined my real world relationship experiences with
countless other men’s successes and failures with women, culled through
scientific research and dozens of books to reduce my knowledge into this concise
work.
Getting your love’s heart back is now possible in the easiest and shortest most
effective route. You now can benefit from all the trials and effort of the guys
who’ve come before you.
This book is for men who are having a very difficult time with their wives or
girlfriends. If your wife or girlfriend is distant, treats you with little respect, is
reluctant to be intimate with you, treats you like a stranger, or is even finding
another man attractive this book will help you to win her back.
I will show you how to gain the attention of your wife or girlfriend easily and
seemingly like magic.
This book is focused on your relationship with your wife or girlfriend but you will
find your relationships with other women and men improve. People will respect
you more in general. Much of what you learn will have a direct benefit to your
work and your income.
Many guys report that they have gotten raises or client referrals they never would
have gotten without the knowledge and wisdom contained within these pages.
The book is broken down into 9 chapters. Each chapter can be taken on its own
or used together with the other concepts. You will gain the most benefit if you
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start at the beginning and read through the entire book. As you move through
the book you will notice immediate benefits.
The biggest benefits come to those who go through the entire book and follow
through on the exercises.
I’m going to show you real insights into your wife or girlfriend. By the end of this
book you will know exactly why your wife or girlfriend finds that one specific
movie character “soooo attractive.” You’re going to learn the reasons why
women swoon for guys like Brad Pitt and James Bond and why guys like Chandler
from the 90’s TV show Friends repel women.
Your situation is far from hopeless. No matter where your relationship is right
now, she will give you a chance. It’s up to you to seize the opportunity.
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Chapter 1
Relationship Triage:
If your wife or girlfriend has just left you or is seeing another man, your
relationship is in obviously in serious trouble.
There is no tip or trick you can do right now to get the situation immediately
under control. Your love has already made some very tough decisions.
It has taken a long time for your relationship to deteriorate to this point…neither
of you are to blame (you’ll learn more about this later), but only you control the
fate of where things go from here.
Just like in an emergency room, the first priority is to stabilize the patient…we
need to stabilize your relationship…STAT.
This means taking a HUGE step back.
As hard as this may sound, you need to give her (and yourself) space. The harder
you pursue and push right now the more she is going to run away from you and
toward someone else.
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Giving space is especially difficult to do if she is seeing another man. I feel your
pain man…I really do. Trust me; I’ve been right where you are right now. The
thought of her with him is sickening.
At this point the only recourse is to back off. Hours are going to feel like days and
days like months. She is going to do what she is going to do.
Backing away gives her a chance to go through the same torment you are going
through. You both need to miss each other to understand what you mean to
each other.
This seems completely counter intuitive but hold strong…read the rest of this
book and you’ll be prepared for the time when your paths cross again (it will
come sooner than you think).
When you incorporate what I’m going to teach you in this book, your love will be
astonished at the man you have become. You’re going to stir a passion in her that
hasn’t been stirred in a long time.
Here are the 3 action steps to stabilize your relationship and get closer to winning
her heart back.
Step 1: Break all contact with her.
Step 2: Alter your day so you DO NOT “accidentally” run into her…grocery
store, walking the dog or at a party.
Step 3: Continue reading this book and doing the exercises.
Here’s what you do RIGHT NOW to make sure that you set the stage to win her
heart back…Stop seeing her, emailing her, texting her, phoning her and “covertly”
passing the message to her through friends and family how much you love her
and miss her. (Each time you do any of these things her “need space” clock is
reset. This is one clock that can only be reset a couple of times before she REALLY
does moves on.)
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To recap the chapter: If your love has left, your relationship needs to be
stabilized. The only productive way to do this is to give each other space and
time. The sooner you break contact the sooner you can begin rebuilding your
relationship.
NOTE: If you have children and need to see your wife or girlfriend…DO NOT
express how much you miss her, how much you want to see her, how much
you love and adore her, how you can’t think straight without her etc. This
is not the right time for you to say these things and it is even more critical if
you have children because she is going to think you are neglecting the kids
if you are all about yourself and her….stick to the game plan.
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Chapter 2
Automatically Connect With Your Lover
Let’s learn about how to make it so that you do the important things every day so
that your wife or girlfriend AUTOMATICALLY feels a strong connection to you, her
attraction to you automatically increases and you get the respect SHE desperately
wants to give you…and set up your life so she stops being resentful, sexually
distant and no longer treats you like a stranger.
The best way to make sure you do these important things everyday is to make
them HABITUAL…so you don’t have to think about it.
Turns out, many of the things that attract women to men and repel women away
from men are prewired into her body. (Your lover included)
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She has physiological and psychological triggers that tell her if you’re a good or
bad mate, good long term mate, good father for her children etc. I’m going to
show you how you can consciously activate these triggers.
Just about everything you do triggers something inside of her…the trick is to
activate the positive triggers and eliminate negative ones.
Right now, YOU are activating her automatic repel triggers.
When you know exactly what triggers what, you will have a HUGE advantage over
your sexual rivals. (Whether you know it or not, admit it or not…you will always
have sexual rivals.)
Some guys ask, isn’t this manipulation?
The answer is no.
Actually, the things you are doing now are much more manipulative. Buying
flowers, doing chores, tiptoeing on eggshells, buying special dinners, trying to
make her happy and giving her everything she wants is REAL manipulation.
What we are going to do is bring out the REAL you…just like a woman who wears
a dress that accentuates her figure in just the right way to get your attention…we
are going to put you in the best light that gets her attention.
Here’s your action plan to get yourself to do the important things every day so
you can increase her connection to you, her sexual attraction toward you and her
respect for you:
1. Open your mind to a new way of thinking. Mating and relationships are
99% emotion and instinct and 1% logic. (smart logical guys have the hardest
time getting this into their smart oversized brains)
2. Set a time every day – ideally first thing in the morning – to review this
resource and do the exercises, so before long you automatically trigger her
positively.
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Do this routine everyday for 30days…after that it will be set for a long time.
RIGHT NOW: It’s time to ACT so you get this into place in your life…so you start
doing what it takes to get the respect you want and achieve the peace of mind
you crave.
Take out a fresh piece of paper or make a new journal entry…write down what an
ideal AVERAGE day would look like to you, in specific detail.
Start with the time you wake up in the morning and end with the moment you
close your eyes to fall asleep. Here are a few questions to get you started, but
don’t stop at these. Dig deep into what you really want.
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Who’s next to you when you wake up (is anyone next to you?)
How do you feel?
What excites you about the day?
Are you living in the same place? If not where?
What do you eat for breakfast?
Do you have breakfast with anyone?
If your lover is with you, what does she have on?
What do you talk about?
What do you think about?
How do you dress to go to work?
Do you work in your home office?
How do you get to work?
How do people treat you throughout the day?
How do you treat them?
What goes on during the day?
How do you feel when you come home? Who’s there?
Do you have a pet?
What hobbies do you practice?
What kind of music is on the radio?
How is your house kept?
Are your children running around or reading books?
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• Etc etc etc…
REMEMBER this is YOUR Ideal Average Day, not a vacation day or special event
day, just your ideal regular day…it can include (and should include) everything you
really want in life even if it’s not currently in your life now.
Maybe you want to take up music or singing lessons, painting, computer games,
2nd language, gardening, wood-working, or anything else you want.
Also how does your wife or girlfriend respond to you? How do y’all interact?
Remember this is a real ideal everyday not your farfetched sc-fi fantasy world.
Logic: The Relationship Killer
Reasoning is not going to get you to where you want to go.
You know the movie The Matrix, right? Laurence Fishburn’s character, Morpheus
offers Neo a tantalizing choice a la Alice in Wonderland. He holds out his hand
and presents two pills…one red and one blue.
Morpheus explains the red pill leads to a whole new world of truth and the blue
pill sends him back to the world as he knows it.
Either way, there is no turning back.
I’m offering you a red pill or a blue pill. If you choose the blue pill, you can
continue down the same path you are on with your wife or girlfriend. Things will
eventually work out, right? They always do, don’t they? Besides you’re a bright
guy; you can figure things out on your own.
Taking the blue pill is closing this book unread.
Or you can choose the red pill.
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The red pill exposes you to a whole new world…a world that has been playing
itself out around you since you were 13 years old. A world you are not aware of,
but not completely unaware of it either.
I must warn you, the red pill comes with a cost…it’s kind of like a rite-of-passage.
Once you are exposed to the inner workings and true motivations of men and
women, you can’t be unexposed.
I guarantee some of the information you learn in these pages will make you
uncomfortable. Some of it is not what you want to hear. Some of it conflicts with
what you currently believe is real.
But all of it is geared to help lead you to a healthier and happier relationship with
your wife or girlfriend.
So what’s it going to be…
The blue pill and closing the book?
Or
The red pill and turning the page?
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Chapter 3
What Really Gets a Woman’s Attention
Before we get into specific techniques you can use to win her heart back, it’s
important that you know the complex creature your lover is.
When you don’t understand the full nature of women you are doomed to fail…it’s
impossible for you to have influence with your lover and the sexual, emotional
and spiritual closeness you desire. If you persist in ignorance, you’ll continue to
be yanked around, talked down to and be viewed as a wimp in her eyes.
On the other hand when you do understand the nature of women, you will have
great influence over your lover, gain control over your sexual and emotional
closeness and she will see you with strength and respect.
When you know her natural instincts and motivations you gain great insight into
why she’s treated you so badly.
#1 Big Mistake You Are Making Right Now
Smart guys “think” that reasoning and logic will get them to where they want to
go with women.
I made the same mistake; logic is not going take you where you want to go.
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When it comes to sex, dating, long term
relationships and even marriage, instincts and
pre-wiring are the keys.
Let’s take a look at YOU first so you can get
some easy insights.
How are you attracted to a woman?
#1 Big Mistake You Are
Making Right Now
Smart guys “think” that
reasoning and logic will get
them to where they want to
go with women.
Let’s say you see a woman out the corner of
your eye…Do you THINK at all? Or does your body completely take over?
Easy…your body takes over.
In fact your body automatically turns off anything and everything you were
thinking (even if you were in mid sentence) so it can process the situation for you.
You see a flash of a woman out the corner of your eye. In that instant your eyes
see movement, a vague silhouette of a curvy shape, maybe a slight sashay.
Everything you’re doing momentarily shuts down.
You turn to look as a woman passes in front of you…Your eyes see her glossy hair,
smoothness of her skin, her breast size, shape, & bounce. You notice the way she
walks, you look at her face, her eyes, nose and lips. She flashes the slightest of
smiles. You check out her back side, her legs and on a sub subconscious level you
calculate her hip to waist ratio.
Your body has made thousands of observations about this woman’s age, health,
fertility, likeliness to mate with you NOW, whether she’s single or married, crazy
or sane, rich or poor, whore or fine lady…thousands of observations and
assumptions to determine…
It takes nothing but a second for you to FEEL attraction toward her.
Notice any higher reasoning here?
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No thinking if you’re attracted, right? No Contemplating. No formulas to calculate
or anything.
You didn’t think you were attracted and you didn’t choose to be attracted…you
just were.
Your body magically does all this for you.
You are a pre-wired female assessment HOTROD.
Aren’t Women Different…More Sophisticated Somehow?
Actually no.
Attraction is not a choice for her either.
A woman feels attraction just like we do…unconsciously and automatically.
In the span of one minute to one hour a women assesses if a man can keep her
safe, will make a good dad, is a stalker, is going to beat her, and a thousand other
determinations.
Her agenda is to determine whether or not offspring sired by you will prosper.
A man’s agenda is fertility.
With us men, the biggest indicators that invoke attraction are hip to waste ratio
(.07 is ideal), voice tone and youthful appearance (mostly physical stuff)…a
woman’s attraction indicators are movement patterns, social status, self
confidence, and personality (mostly internal stuff that’s not as easily faked).
Men are easily fooled when it comes to attraction. A 37 year old woman can visit
the corner drug store and for less than 10 bucks buy hose, duct tape and rouge
that can visually drop her age 10 years.
She can go from just on the edge of child bearing age to a hot 27 year old at the
peak of fertility.
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Attraction for a woman is 10x more complex because she has 10x more at stake.
She can become pregnant, contract a disease or be shunned socially…sex for her
is a high risk game that her body WANTS her to play “WISELY”.
So you may be thinking…”what does this have to do with me? I’m in long term
relationship with my women. We’re passed this stage in our relationship. We
know we are attracted to each other. We’ve had sex many times.”
Remember dude, this isn’t a logical game your playing…this is high stakes genetic
survival.
The fact that you thought the attraction stage was over is exactly why you’re in
the shitty position you are in now.
Most men love the chase…getting the women to notice them, to like them, to
love them, to bed them.
Once they feel they have accomplished the ultimate commitment, whether that’s
a long term relationship or marriage, they feel the challenge is over. They feel
they have accomplished their goal.
Well my friend, I’m here to tell you to saddle up, because the challenge didn’t end
when she committed to you…the REAL TESTS JUST BEGAN!
To maintain a health long term relationship is tough. Not only are you fighting
your own tendency to relax and become complacent but your lover has a natural
instinct to continually asses if you are a viable mate. (Much more on this later)
95% of what we do is unconscious…we don’t realize we are making our lungs
breath, or our hearts beat. We don’t create hunger, thirst, lust or horniness…it’s
all done for us…hell, many times I arrive at work and don’t remember the drive in.
The majority of the time women and men don’t even know they’re doing the
things they do much less know the reasons behind their actions.
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If you can learn the natural wisdom of rocks stars, you will get the automatic
attraction from your lover you want and avoid her disapproving looks of “You’re
such a looser.”
What Richard Dawkins wrote in his book The Selfish Gene, “Bodies come and go
but genes are forever” sheds a lot of light on what’s going on between you and
your lover.
Said another way…you and your lover are mating machines FIRST and survival
machines second.
We’re wired to reproduce (regardless if you choose to do so or not) and if your
body survives a while afterwards that’s bonus.
Before we get into rock star wisdom, I want to tell you about my friend the
peacock.
You know this bird. He flaunts his elaborate colorful tail feathers so he can attract
and mate with peahens.
This is how it works in the peacock world.
The peacock with the biggest, baddest, most symmetrically colorful display wins
the Jessica Alba of all the peahens.
You may think that peacocks have it easy. All they need is a pretty tail.
Well consider this.
A peacock tail is a DANGEROUS thing to carry around the forest. Tail feathers are
huge, heavy, conspicuous, cumbersome and expensive to maintain (lots of quality
food is needed).
Foxes, bobcats and hungry birds LOVE the taste of peacock…and that tail sure
makes it easier to spot them, catch them and eat them.
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Have you ever tried to run away from an ax murder with three 8 foot long 2x4s
strapped to your back and a big bright red target painted on your chest?
Hmm…that brings us to WHY?
Why would a female peahen find a tail that’s a major handicap, attractive? Aren’t
peahens geared to want her offspring to survive? If she makes chicks with this
colorful dude won’t her peacock chicks have huge elaborate tails too?
This doesn’t add up…doesn’t she want an easy life for her chicks?
To get a clear picture of what’s going on, you have to look at things from her point
of view.
A male who can carry a huge conspicuous tail around, find enough food to
maintain its beauty and manage to avoid being eaten is one hell of a survivor.
Any old camouflaged peacock could survive cowering in the underbrush.
If peacocks were all camouflaged, she won’t be able to distinguish the difference
between a WUSSY peacock that would struggle to survive a cold winter and a
bold, strong and fertile “MANLY” peacock.
A conspicuously colorful peacock passes the first test (of MANY) in her eyes.
He’s a survivor.
He couldn’t lie, cheat or steal his way past this test…he either lived to mating age
or he didn’t.
Being around long enough with that tail proves to her he’s a survivor…and will
probably PRODUCE chicks that survive too.
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Rock Star Wisdom: The Secrets Rock Stars Know About Women that you
don’t…
Rock stars naturally and instinctively live the way of the peacock …they have a
deep evolutionary wisdom.
They completely embrace, cultivate and flaunt ridiculous and conspicuous sexual
ornaments and behaviors.
Just like the bird who’s mating dance includes darting across an open field in plain
view of hawks or the buck with a rack so large he struggles to navigate the forest,
rock stars break social norms, break legal laws and poison their bodies with booze
and drugs yet succeed wildly.
This is a potent display women can’t help but notice.
We’ll get more into bad boys and rock stars, why women love them and simple
things you can do to have the same effect later in the book.
Here’s your action plan for this chapter…it’s crucial and very easy. To assure that
you get your relationship back on track, get the attraction you desire and increase
the respect you get from your lover follow these steps.
1. Reread this chapter at least 3 times over the next week.
2. Drill it in to your brain and subconscious that Attraction is not a logical
choice for you or for your love.
3. Pay attention to how YOU respond to and interact with women around
you…observe yourself.
Right Now: It’s time to act so each night before you get into bed I want you to
write down what you observed about yourself as you watched and interacted
with women during the day. What did you do, what did you say, what were you
thinking, and what were you feeling all in specific detail. Do this every night (4
nights a week minimum) for the next two weeks.
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You are going to do additional work with this exercise later. It’s important that
you write your interaction down. You will understand more about this later.
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Chapter 4
How did you get to this painful place anyway?
The reasons behind why your lover is treating you so badly right now are easily
found. All we have to do is look to see how your relationship began in the first
place and trace the path you’ve taken since then.
Once you learn what I’m about to teach you about our roles as men in
relationships, your wife or girlfriend will automatically see you in a different more
positive light…she will talk to you in a more flirty tone, brag to her girl friends
about you and anxiously have sex with you more often.
If you choose to ignore your past and what I’m about to teach you, things
probably will not go well for you. She will continue to feel frustrated with you,
treat you more and more like a stranger and slip further and further away from
you.
Your wife or girlfriend’s attraction is like a light switch. Your behavior can turn
her attraction on and off.
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She is pre wired to be attracted to some cues and repulsed by others.
Somewhere along the way her attraction for you got switched off more and her
repulsion switch got turned on.
Both CAN be easily fixed.
But before we get to that, you need to know about the different types
(archetypes) of men and women. Actually, you are already very familiar with the
male and female archetypes, you just haven’t thought about them like this
before.
An archetype is simply a reference to an ideal form of personality. Don’t get
tripped up by the terminology…this will make sense in just a moment.
A lot of guys have A-Ha moments after learning what I’m about to show you.
Their whole lives come into focus.
Let’s start with women archetypes; this will give you a foundation to build on.
Generally, men are attracted to and want to be with two main female archetypes,
the Madonna (The saint not the singer) and the Whore. (You may have heard of
the Freudian psychology term Madonna-Whore complex.)
The Madonna archetype represents the dutiful wife or girlfriend. She is nice and
orderly and motherly to husband and children. She is a pillar in society.
The Whore archetype represents the sexual vixen. She is a sexual creature who
knows how to please the more earthly desires of her man. She is a naughty
naughty girl.
A popular male fantasy is to have a Madonna wife or girlfriend to bring home to
mom and dad, be the caregiver for the children and the housewife for the home
and to have a sexually adventurous Whore concubine to satisfy his wild side.
Men report (with frustration) that their women are not both Madonna and
Whore. (We’ll address this later on in this book).
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Few acknowledge it but women have a similar fantasy.
Like men, Women are attracted to and want two main male archetypes, the Lover
and the Provider.
Just like with men, many women feel unfulfilled. They get one or the other, but
not both from the same man.
The key phrase here is “from the same man.” (This is extremely important. I’ll
address this in detail later in this book too)
It’s EXTREEMLY important for you to see the differences between the Provider
and Lover.
The Lover, commonly known as the “Bad Boy”, is adventurous, creative,
manly, masculine, decisive, and confident. At the extreme he can be
destructive, wild and abusive.
The Provider, commonly known as the “Good Guy”, is the type of guy who
buys gifts and dinners and is always available to do favors for his mate. He
is an approval seeker.
Each archetype has two subcategories, dominant and submissive.
The Dominant Lover is the bad boy. He is the rock star, motorcycle rider,
gangster type. Think Pamela Anderson’s on again off again rocker husband
Tommy Lee.
The Submissive Lover is the artist, musician and romantic writer/poet. He
is the seducer. Think Don Juan De Marco or the character Joey from the
90’s TV sitcom Friends.
The Dominant Provider is the guy who is successful in business. He flaunts
his money by buying his love anything and everything to keep her “happy”.
The Submissive Provider is the “regular guy”. These are the “yes dear,
whatever you want” guys. Most men see themselves here. These are the
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ass kissers. The character Chandler Bing from the 90’s sitcom Friends is a
good example of the submissive provider. (Looking back at past
relationships I see myself as the
“In the movies the big guy
submissive provider)
always gets the girl...in real
Rock Stars are a seductively potent
life it’s usually the prick.”-combination of dominant bad boy and
Nick Twisp from the movie
submissive musician.
Youth In Revolt
A lot of guys start out a relationship as the
“Lover” and relax into a beer guzzling, TV watching, video game playing regular
guy.
Women eventually realize they are not getting the deal they thought they were
and start acting anxiously weird.
A woman is prewired to feel INSTANT attraction for a Lover archetype male and
to constantly TEST a Provider archetype male.
The Lover type gets INSTANT attraction because he displays all the cues of a
confident, self assured man. He is aloof and a little reckless. Other women notice
him and want to be around him. He shows all the signs of having beautiful tail
feathers. In her prewired mind this proves he has good genes. Despite his high
risk behavior and lifestyle he’s a SURVIVOR. Jackpot!
Remember the lesson from the peahen…it’s very hard to fake tail feathers.
On the other hand, a woman must test the mettle of a Provider type because
character can be faked and lied about. Just by existing the Lover has proven he is
a survivor…the Provider hasn’t proven anything yet…the last thing she wants is a
fair weather mate. One that will abandon her or die the moment things turn bad.
On another level her instincts tell her there is something manipulative and
suspicious about a male who gives unsolicited gifts and favors.
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A woman is constantly asking herself, “What does this mean? What is the
meaning behind this?”
Why is this man buying me gifts and doing me favors?
A woman must look at the meaning behind gifts to see true character.
In her eyes a guy who buys gifts and does favors (even if the guy is her husband) is
probably compensating for genetic inadequacies. He’s buying his way into favor.
Why else would he do it?
Because she has to test the Provider type to see his true character, the woman by
default has all the power in a relationship. Ironically having the power turns her
off completely…we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves; we’ll save the dynamics
of power in the relationship for later in this book.
Woman…1 million years in the making.
If you ask a woman about all this, she will be completely and utterly insulted by
the notion of automatic attraction, Lover magnetism and uncontrollable testing.
This is understandable.
The common expression is men, “Do their thinking with the wrong head.” No one
says, “Woman think too much with their uteruses.”
I know all of this sounds so strange, almost unbelievable. We are talking about
modern intelligent people being uncontrollably attracted to a man simply because
he takes risks and moves in a certain way.
We are smarter than a peacock, right?
A woman is more than a peahen, isn’t she?
We no longer live in caves or fight saber tooth tigers or hunt wooly mammoths. A
woman doesn’t need a man to be “manly” anymore.
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It is no longer necessary for him to be able to rip the arm off of an intruder and
beat him to death with it.
The thing is…our bodies were built for a very different and dangerous time.
Society and our modern world have changed at lightning speed while our bodies
and brains have remained about the same for the past 250,000 years.
You’re right, women do not “need” a Bad Boy to keep her safe or provide for her
in today’s abundant day and age.
But her body doesn’t know this. It’s still reacting like it’s the year 150,000 B.C.
Wuss Bags vs. Bad Boys
You’ve heard all the crude sayings about provider types…”pussy whipped”,
“mama’s boy”, “tutty”, “wussy” are just a few.
In the movie Youth in Revolt, 16 year old Nick Twisp falls head-over-heels in love
with the young hottie Sheeni Saunders.
Nick is smart, witty, awkward and a total wuss bag. He’s the epitome of the
submissive provider. I can relate to his teenage troubles.
In one of the more pathetic scenes, Sheeni asks Nick to buy her a puppy.
Nick dutifully complies. Shortly after Sheeni coyly explains that she can’t
keep the puppy at her house because her parents hate dogs…Nick
volunteers to smuggle the dog into his own house for her—although his
parents hate dogs too.
Nick is a love struck mess. Despite his bumbling, he somehow manages to
get Sheeni to be his “sort of” girlfriend.
Out of sheer desperation to completely win her heart, Nick creates the
imaginary Bad Boy alter ego François. François is a mustache wearing,
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cigarette smoking badass from France who knows a thing or two about
trouble and seducing women.
François really helps out Nick’s game.
At the “climax” of the movie Nick sneaks into Sheeni’s all girl’s dorm room
to spend the night. Of course he’s relegated to sleeping on the floor with
his friend Vijay.
After some time he composes himself, crawls over to Sheeni and asks the
big question. “It’s kinda cold sleeping on the floor,” Nick explains in his
high pitched squeaky voice, “do you mind if I join you in the bed? We can
cuddle?”
“No. I don’t think so,” She coldly and unapologetically responds as her
roommate’s bed rocks back and forth in the background, “Not with my
roommate in the room,”—Vijay’s getting lucky.
Nick looks over his shoulder in stunned disbelieve at the bouncing bed, “oh,
ok” he says as he retreats to his sleeping bag along.
Nick can’t possibly let this opportunity pass him by. It’s the middle of the
night, he’s in the all girl’s dormitory, and his hot “sort of” girlfriend is inches
away in her night clothes for Pete’s sake…it’s too much!
He summons his courage, François. He has to take a chance.
Nick and his bad boy alter ego François sidle up to his beauties bed. Nick is
as squirmy and as fidgety as you’d expect from a 16 year old virgin in an all
girls dorm room. François is as cool and calm as Don Juan himself.
Nick lets François do all the talking. “Why don’t you show me what you’ve
been hiding under those sheets all this time,” François confidently states in
his bad French accent.
Sheeni’s eyes brighten…teenage antics ensue.
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Go rent the movie…you’ll learn something.
What’s so wrong with being a regular guy?
There isn’t anything wrong with being a “regular guy” submissive provider
archetype (RGSP). In fact it can be quite fun and stress free.
You hang out and watch TV, play computer games, enjoy a hobby or two, cut the
grass and maintain the house, and provide for your family…life’s great.
Predictably, a RGSP runs into trouble when he has a wife or girlfriend.
Like I mentioned in the last chapter, RGSP’s are natural pleasers and approval
seekers. They are not leaders in relationships.
It’s impossible to lead and seek approval simultaneously.
The underlining problem with RGSPs and relationships (And the other archetypes
as well) is women want to be led—following their mate’s lead actually inspires
their femininity and ultimately their fulfillment.
When a man gives the woman power and control in the relationship the natural
order is disrupted. Their roles are in conflict.
This conflict is a MAJOR source of relationship troubles.
When a man falls in love, he has a natural tendency to do anything and everything
for his woman.
It’s similar to what we hear mothers say when they speak about their
children…for a mom to see her kids in pain or unhappy makes her feel like she’s a
bad mother.
Men paint a very similar picture in how they relate to their lovers.
They want their woman to be happy and feel special. Her approval, appreciation
and happiness is his happiness.
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Unfortunately women don’t see it this way. The message gets mixed up and lost
in translation.
When you consistently ask a woman what she wants, desires, prefers or buy her
gifts at every turn (project dominant submissive behavior) she gets the impression
you are asking HER to lead.
She interprets your wanting to make her happy as you not having a mind of your
own. The more she disapproves and reacts unenthusiastically to your “pleasing”
behavior you respond with even more appeasements.
Pretty soon you both are unhappy and totally confused by the others actions and
responses.
It becomes a vicious cycle that’s played out over and over again
Here’s a classic love story…
Gary sees Mellissa…Mellissa is pretty and attractive.
Their relationship begins with Gary being a little aloof and a little unavailable. He
has other female friends, guy friends, hobbies, studies and work that take up a lot
of his time.
They become hot and heavy for each other and begin to spend more and more
time together.
They’re deeply in love and the relationship quickly turns “serious”.
Gary does everything possible to keep Mellissa happy and interested in him. He
plans special nights out, plans special romantic dinners etc.
At first Mellissa is flattered and appreciative. They’re intimate often.
Slowly but surely Gary begins to become the prototypical provider archetype.
Mellissa begins to tests his mettle.
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Gary interprets Mellissa’s tests as unhappiness and disapproval. In an attempt to
make her happy he instinctively defaults to her desires more and more.
Soon Gary begins to do just about anything Mellissa says just to “keep her from
bickering”.
Gary no longer has his hobbies or his buddies. They were cut off long ago so he
could spend more time with Mellissa.
He still has his work though. It gives him time to be alone. (If that’s any
consolation)
Mellissa feels unfulfilled. She walks all over Gary and has little respect for him.
She feels terrible about it. Mellissa begins to view Gary as a manchild/friend/business partner/provider not as a manly lover.
He’s unhappy because she’s unhappy. Gary feels emasculated and knows
Mellissa sees him as a wimp but he doesn’t know what to do about it.
His spirit is broken down.
Arguments, miscommunication and disagreements are common now. Sex is less
and less frequent, if at all.
Eventually one of three things happens.
1. One or both of them find someone else.
2. One or the other decides it’s over, finds someone else and leaves.
3. They both become complacent in their passionless relationship and just
exist day to day.
Of course this is a very simplistic example of a very complex relationship that can
transpire over the course of 3 months or can play out over 30 years. What’s
important is for you to see the dynamics at play.
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A lot of what’s wrong with YOUR relationship isn’t what you are arguing about
and isn’t the things your wife or girlfriend is saying is wrong.
Don’t misunderstand me, your financial issues, in-law conflicts, parenting
differences and all the others are very REAL
issues, BUT if your wife or girlfriend was
If your wife or girlfriend was
sexually attracted to you, you would not be in
sexually attracted to you, you
the situation you are in now. All your BIG
would not be in the situation
problems wouldn’t be so big…and you’d be
you are in now.
working as an intimate team to solve them.
Two wonderful things happen when your wife or girlfriend is attracted to you.
When she is working to gain your approval and attention, trying to please YOU,
initiating sex with YOU...
• Your flaws disappear.
• She doesn’t feel the need to test you.
The key to the whole thing is reactivating your lover’s attraction.
Yes, it’s as simple as that.
Molly: The reappearance of your secret love child may well provide the solution.
Vincent: How?
Molly: He’ll provide a dangerous symbol of your own virility. She’ll be reminded
of all the things that attracted her to you to begin with. You see, the Vincent she
never really knew is the Vincent she secretly wants back.
Vincent: Does that make any sense?
Molly: No. But you know women are emotionally incoherent. It’s our most
defining characteristic.
This is a scene from the motion picture City Island. Andy Garcia’s character
Vincent Rizzo and Molly contemplate how he’s going to tell his wife (who’s
already drifting away from him) about his 23 year old secret love child.
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READ THIS SCENE OVER AGAIN…There is great wisdom in this conversation.
As we move along in the book we’re really going to dive deep into all aspects of
female attraction. You’ll see real life examples and specifics on exactly what to
do.
For now, it’s extremely important for you to discover the patterns that are
causing your wife or girlfriend to pull away from you. Once you see what’s going
on now, you will then be able to control your relationship much more often.
It’s important that you:
1. Pay close attention to who is making the decisions in your relationship.
2. Take note of who is making the majority of the decisions in your personal
life too (directly and indirectly).
3. At least once a day make a clear decision for the relationship.
Now it’s time to ACT! Before you go to bed every night for the next 21 days I
want you to write down in detail who made the majority of the decision in your
relationship that day. Also I want you to write down who made the majority of
the decisions in your personal life. Was it you or your lover (or maybe even the
kids)?
Did you choose the restaurant or did she? Did you pick out the clothes you wore
today or did she? You get the idea.
One more thing, I want you to make ONE decision for the relationship every day.
I want you to make it clear that you made the decision.
No matter how trivial, make a stand…even if it’s as simple as picking whether you
have mashed potatoes or broccoli with dinner.
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So, before you go to bed write down what was the ONE thing you consciously
decided…also write down your wife or girlfriend’s response.
You’ll know you are on the right track when you feel insecure and uneasy. If you
feel yourself wanting to take her preference over yours you are definitely on the
right track! Push through the discomfort and make a stand. Trust me she will
love you for it. She may test your mettle and conviction to see if you are serious
but stand strong. She may say, “Broccoli with pasta sounds awful! You don’t
want that!” (Don’t get frustrated or emotional at her test…just stand strong.)
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Chapter 5
What Really Makes a Woman Attracted To You
When women love us, they forgive us everything, even our crimes; when they do
not love us, they give us credit for nothing, not even our virtues—Honore de
Balzac
Knowing what a woman is naturally attracted to is HUGE. It is very important that
you learn the information in this chapter.
If you learn and use the techniques I’m about to show you, you’ll avoid the
emotional rollercoaster ride you’ve been on. You will end her disapproving looks
and you will avoid her finding another guy to fulfill her needs.
And if you learn and use the techniques I’m about to show you, you’ll get your
wife or girlfriend to responds to you physically and emotionally. She will love the
way she feels when she’s with you and crave you when you are away. You will get
a woman who vies for your attention. You will get your loyal and trusting wife or
girlfriend back.
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To get you to where you want to be you have to look at your situation from a new
perspective.
Here’s an interesting question most men what to know.
What does a woman want in her man?
If you ask a woman she is most likely to smile, pause a moment, tilt her head and
look toward the sky.
She will answer with something like, “I think all women want a nice guy who is
honest and loyal, stable and dependable, a guy who is committed to me and loves
me for who I am, a guy who can make me laugh…I guess I want a man who can
make me happy. Isn’t that what every woman wants?”
You know the standard good girl response we’ve all heard before.
If she’s feeling safe and flirty she may follow her answer with a variation of…
“And Tall, dark and handsome,” said with a smile and giggle. “Oh just kidding”,
she follows with a laugh!
Hmm…very interesting.
Logically a woman thinks she wants a “nice guy”. And I believe she telling the
truth, but her body and 150,000 years of genetic fine tuning are pulling her
toward someone very different.
Supermodels are the most desired women in the entire world. Multiple
magazines publish Top 10 Most Beautiful Women lists every year.
If you survey the top 5 most beautiful women in any given year, you will find 4
coupled with a Rocker.
Hmm…very interesting. Again, something doesn’t add up.
Super Models have the pick of the litter; they can literally have ANY man in the
world.
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They can choose the nicest of the nicest guys in the entire world if they desired
to, after all women say a nice guy is what they want, right?
But they don’t pick the most honest, stable and dependable nice guy in the
universe.
A nice guy is what they THINK they want.
They choose the violent, emotionally unstable, drug addicted Rock Star.
Something else is going on here…They say they want “X”, but they choose “Y”
when given a chance…
Why?
How I Lost My Love Twice
Here’s the history and story of how the amazing insights and techniques in this
book were discovered.
In high school I was shy around just about everyone.
I was particularly shy around girls and even shyer with girls I “liked”. I didn’t know
what to say or do…I figured they wouldn’t like me.
I felt I was so different from the guys who had girlfriends. They seemed to talk,
laugh and flirt with ease.
I was socially awkward and a late bloomer.
The funny thing is, I wasn’t a bad looking guy, maybe a little skinny but nothing
outrageous. I was athletic too.
Somehow what I projected to the girls was a lanky, shy guy who makes a good
friend…not a tall, intelligent, athletic stud.
I dated early in college, but didn’t have a real girlfriend until later.
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She was funny, smart and sarcastic. We had a fantastic physical attraction like
most kids do in their early twenties.
I loved her very much but the relationship faded…It was hard letting her go.
There were other woman along the way, but I didn’t meet someone special until 2
or 3 years later.
Mary was older than me, smart, educated and had a world of experience. We
were together about 2 years when I lost her.
I was heading to Florida for a 2 week business trip. She told me she kissed
someone. He was from Chile or somewhere.
I was wrecked. I didn’t understand what was going on. We had a great
relationship, great report and had a great time together. I had no idea our
relationship was ending.
I went to good ole dad for some fatherly advice. He told me I couldn’t control
what she was going to do…she was going to do what she was going to do. “The
more you fight her on it the worse it’s going to get,” he said.
It was painful advice but good advice. I took what he said to heart.
The morning I was leaving for Florida, I asked her, “You aren’t going to do
anything you regret with this guy are you?”
She meekly replied, “I hope not.” It was like a stake through my heart. I kissed
her goodbye and left for my trip.
I was so nervous to call her. Deep down I knew it wasn’t going to be good.
I instantly knew by her voice and then by her tears that she had done the
incomprehensible.
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She said she didn’t love him, that she was fucked up somehow, that she didn’t
understand herself or why she would hurt me and destroy our relationship. She
said she was confused, mixed up and didn’t deserve a good relationship.
We split up.
I of course couldn’t stay away completely. I was still in love with her.
I became a little bolder and little less shy. About two months later I “happened”
to meet her at a festival. I danced with her in public (which was way out of my
comfort zone at the time).
She began to notice me gain.
Fortunately, I was asked to temporarily move to Atlanta for business. I took the
offer.
The distance helped diminish the love spell she had over me. The way she
handled our breakup didn’t sit well with me. She didn’t take responsibility for
what happened. She almost acted as if it was MY fault. What?
As time went on she began to call me more and more. Write letters more often.
She wanted us back together. I resisted for a long time.
There was no ceremony or definitive day we became a couple again…it just kind
of happened.
My 6 month stint in Atlanta lasted nearly 2 years. When I returned home to New
Orleans I moved in with Mary in her tiny two room apartment.
At the time I didn’t think I learned any great insight or gained any great wisdom
on how or why we were able to get back together. I figured we were meant to be
together, so we were.
We lived together 2 years.
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We began to bicker more often and were intimate less often. I remember the
moment I realized our relationship was in serious trouble.
We were renovating her new house. It was Jazz Fest time so we had it playing
live on the radio as we worked. She was up on the latter painting and I could see
a tiny patch of her skin though a rip, about the size of a quarter, in her jeans.
I couldn’t resist. I flirtatiously poked my finger into the rip and caressed her soft
skin.
There was something about the way she pulled away…something wasn’t right.
Not the reaction I expected at all.
Two days later she told me she had feelings for another man, that nothing had
happened between them but she felt she needed to tell me.
I asked her to move out.
Hurricane Katrina was nothing compared to the news that Mary had taken to
another man again. This time the devastation was much worse. The next 4
months were seer torture.
After the initial shock, depression and anger lessened, I decided I was going to
get this part of my life handled.
I recognized I was doing something or not doing something that was causing the
women in my life to stray.
This book is the culmination of my research, experimentation and much of what I
learned.
What repels women?
Most men “think” they are doing everything possible to make their lovers
happy…and like most men you’re probably doing everything ass backwards (like I
used to do).
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When things turn ugly, men normally resort to an “I’ll do anything for you?”
mindset.
Below are the major male characteristics that cause woman to shut down and
eventually push away from you. How many of these behaviors are you
displaying?
Neediness
Overly apologetic
Giving away your power
Whining/negative
Being indecisive
Buying her gifts*
Taking the feminine role
Approval seeking
Being unsure of yourself
Placing her on a pedestal
Making her the leader
Poor body language
Worrying too much
Low social status
Being clingy
A woman is prewired to be repulsed by these behaviors. His natural impulse to
run away from you when you act like them. Your lover will never say, “Stop being
a wuss bag. I don’t find it attractive.”
9 times out of 10 she is as clueless to what is going on as you are.
Remember she “thinks” she wants you to have these nice guy traits…In many
ways she even encourage you to be a more like them.
This is very confusing for most me.
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Wuss Bag Behaviors Explored
When you learn to minimize wuss bag behaviors your relationship with your wife
or girl friend will instantly improve.
She will stop treating you like a spineless wussy and begin to see you as a real
man.
Read over the description below and strive to eradicate each one from your life.
Neediness is a total turnoff for a woman. When you say you can’t live without
her, when you contact her 3, 4, and 5 times a day (text, cell, email, IM etc); when
you display you want to be with her every second of every day, you are being
needy.
Acting overly apologetic is not flattering. There is a time and a place to
apologize. But some men apologize so much it’s as if they are apologizing for
existing. They feel as if everything they do is an injury or an imposition. Pretty
soon she believes you’re right…”you should be sorry” and leaves.
Whining looks bad on everyone. When you have a negative attitude and/or a
negative outlook on life you are shooting yourself in the foot dude. You’re life
becomes a self fulfilling prophecy of doom and gloom.
Buying her gifts is a tricky one. Surprising her with a little something special and
unexpected is very romantic and great…but continually buying flowers,
chocolates, dinners and jewelry is bad, bad, bad. She may accept your offers and
she may even give you a reward for your gifts but she is resenting your attempts
to buy her love.
Giving her your power is a biggie. It’s a little hard to explain this one. The closest
way I can describe it is when you have the “yes dear, whatever you say” mentality
or you look to her for your identity. In a way you’ve handed over your spirit,
ambition and happiness over to her. You are just a blob of meat that has no
preferences or zest for life. She finds this extremely unappealing.
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Constantly seeking approval is bad news. This is classic wuss bag behavior.
Verbally asking if what you’re doing is ok and looking at her reaction to what you
do are dead giveaways of seeking approval.
Being indecisive is unattractive. A woman has a hard time making up her own
mind. She doesn’t want to make up your mind too. When you hem and haw
notice how she gets impatient and rolls her eyes? She may even aggressively take
the reins and do it herself…not good man not good at all.
Setting her on a pedestal is more of a frame of mind. She is a human being with
quirks, faults and blemishes. Even she doesn’t want to be absolutely perfect in
your eyes. She wants to be appreciated for her individual qualities.
Taking the feminine role is another big no no. If you hear comments like, “she
wears the pants in the family”, this is a dead giveaway you are taking the feminine
role.
Body Language is a tail feather feature. The way you carry yourself is ultra
important. When you have poor posture, feminine seating style and wild gestures
you are communicating that you do not have good masculine genes. Body
language is big (MOSTLY UNCONSCIOUSE) indicator for women.
Being unsure of your self is another one of those mindset issues. You convey this
by talking down about yourself. Projecting the message that you are incompetent
and a looser is unattractive. Men do this as a strategy to get sympathy and
affection from their lover…BAD IDEA!
Projecting low social status is another biggie. Being shy and invisible in public
projects a message that you are the lowliest person on the totem pole. Social
Status is extremely important to women.
Appointing her the leader is a looser move. Women want to be led by their
mates not lead them. A lot of women find it impossible to be attracted to a man
that they lead.
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A constantly worrying man is unattractive for most women. Worry is a feminine
trait. Concern yes. Aware yes. Worried about no. Men of action don’t worry,
they do. They overcome. They conquer. The Woody Allen character is a perfect
example of a worrier.
Clinginess shows insecurity in your connection with your lover. How do you feel
when a friend, child, coworker or pound puppy clings to you? After a short time
you feel suffocated…you push them away or run away fast. Your wife or girlfriend
feels the same way about you.
A lot of guys indulge in wuss bag behavior because they are desperate for
sympathy and affection. They are looking for their lover to be their mom.
As you go through the list ask yourself, “What am I getting out of this behavior?”
An added problem for western men is that women feel pressured to take on a
more masculine role in society. Their masculine role then spills over into their
relationship with their husbands and boyfriends.
The sad irony is women are major contributors to why you’ve lost your masculine
energy…then resent you for being a wuss bag. (WARNING: Don’t propose this to
your lover—she will not see it this way at all…she will see you even more as a
wussy for not keeping your masculine energy for yourself.)
Don’t get me wrong here or misinterpret what I’m proposing about a women’s
role.
Women are extremely strong. They CAN do anything a man can do…I believe
women have the capacity of doing more than men AND do it better.
From everything I’ve researched, read and experienced it appears women are
much more adapted to living and working in society.
Without women our communities would crumble. They are the pillars of
society…that’s the facts.
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So outside in the world (away from the home) a woman can be the boss, be the
leader and be responsible for what other people do.
BUT in her relationship with you, her lover, she doesn’t want that.
Deep down (or not so deep down) she wants “her man” to take care of HER,
protect her and keep her safe.
Here are a couple of real life examples of what I’m talking about. Thinking about
it this way really helped me to understand the complex dynamics of a modern
woman.
You know Cindy Crawford the ex super model, right? She had a super successful
modeling career in the 90’s. She made a ton of money from magazine covers,
runway shows and advertisements.
Her beautiful face and body were plastered everywhere.
Now she has a super successful business career. She designs clothing and
furniture and has her own signature line of both. She has written books and
controls her own charity.
She is a millionaire multiple times over. Money and resources are not an issue for
her.
She can buy anything she needs—from homes to body guards.
So when it comes time for Cindy to select a long term mate who does she choose?
Remember she doesn’t need anything physical. She can buy the best protection,
food and shelter money can buy.
Of course she chooses the nicest of nice guys, right? A guy she can build a deep
friendship with.
Wrong…she marries a multibillionaire with dreams and ambitions larger than her
own.
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It does not matter that she doesn’t need a man to keep her safe, to provide
resources for her children or any of that. She is prewired and programmed to
select a mate that projects higher status than her.
I suspect the fact he has more money is inconsequential…it’s just that most men
find it hard to project (and believe they have) higher social status if they don’t
have wealth.
Her husband projects more social status. He is powerful and he’s the one who
wears the pants in the family.
Here’s another example…
On the other extreme I have a friend named Matt. He’s been married to a
beautiful woman for over 10 years. It appears they have a great relationship.
Martha is a very successful and powerful attorney. Matt doesn’t have a job. He
stays at home all day…he really doesn’t do much.
He loves watching TV and goofing off on the Internet. By no means would I call
him the dutiful stay at home “househusband” type. He doesn’t do much of that
stuff either.
He’s not the best looking guy…in fact he is a little slothful and out of shape.
Despite being a “kept man”, he is able to project confidence and high social
status.
If you saw this couple in public you’d think that he was the provider. He makes
her feel safe and makes her laugh.
She adores him for it.
This brings us to what keeps these women attracted to their men.
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Chapter 6
What Women Really Want…
Female desire has been the subject of poetry for centuries. It seems to be
inexhaustible material.
Even Einstein conceded not to know what women wanted.
To grasp female attraction and desire we must look to art and science to find the
answers.
Ultimately, I think what women want is a moving target.
Women have very distinct cycles. A woman in her twenties wants something a bit
different than a woman in her thirties and a woman in her forties or fifties wants
something different still.
In the mind warping book Sperm Wars, Robin Baker, Ph.D. explains how and why
a woman has a preference for different types of sex partners at the different
stages of her menstrual cycle.
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Women are more likely to have sexual relations with a “bad boy” type of man just
before ovulation. She is also more likely to have an affair during this fertile time
of her month.
I find the science and art of understanding women quite mind blowing and
disturbing, yet wildly fascinating.
No wonder women are so confusing for men. Nature intended it to be that way!
If you learn what I’m going to teach you in this chapter you will diminish the
likelihood that your lover will leave your relationship or look outside of it for
fulfillment.
Also when you learn what I’m about to teach you in this section you will have
more confidence in yourself because you will finally know what a woman is really
looking for from you.
With the knowledge contained in the chapter and the skills you are going to
acquire you will be able to attract your wife back to you. It will seem like magic.
If you ignore what is within these pages you are missing a golden opportunity.
You will not know what your wife or girlfriend is REALLY looking for in a mate and
you’ll continue to make the same mistakes with her.
Why Women Breakup With Men
Not surprising, women need to feel attracted to their mate. When attraction
stops, they begin to see you more as a friend, brother or child than a lover.
When these feelings get extreme she will push you away and look for another
man.
During the breakup you will hear things like “I just don’t feel the same way about
you anymore,” or “It’s not you it’s me.”
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She is just as confused by what’s happening as you are. She still loves you, but
not in the romantic sense. She wants to be near you but not sexually.
As I’ve said before, you will NEVER hear your wife or girlfriend say, “Stop being a
wuss and be more of a man.”
She leaves this up to you to figure out on your own.
To make the problem worse, men respond to her pushing them away by doing
more of what is causing her to push them away in the first place…they get the ”I’ll
do anything for you” attitude or completely withdraw.
This is exactly what she doesn’t want.
Women Are Like Electric Switches
Women are different than men.
They are motivated by different things and they’re turned on by different things.
Some of the information you’re about discover about women you’re not going to
understand or be able to relate to.
For many men it is impossible for them to see “why” or “how” a woman is the
way she is. It’s like hearing a foreign language.
Your job right now is not to completely understand why or how women are the
way they are…your job is to get your wife or girlfriend back.
That means you’re going to have to make a leap of faith and act in the face of not
completely understanding why.
Think of this like electricity.
A five year old can walk into a room, flip a switch and magically create light.
He doesn’t need to know anything about electricity to make it happen.
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In fact he doesn’t even need to know electricity exists to make it happen. He just
needs to know the switch equals light. If he knows these two things he can light
the room.
I’m going to teach you some powerful “switches” that turn on your lover’s
attraction to you.
As you move through this chapter, keep in mind her switches are very different
than yours. What turns you on is entirely different than what turns your wife or
girlfriend on.
Since you are not a woman and can’t experience what she experiences, you’ll
have to make a leap of faith of sorts.
Getting Kills Wanting
Dating Guru David Deangelo has a saying that’s as true for relationships as it is for
dating, “Getting Kills Wanting.”
What women want most is to want to want.
Does this make any sense?
Women crave the FEELING of wanting something.
Let me illustrate this idea for you.
Take a guess. What’s the number one selling book genre in the U.S.?
This genre is the sales leader by a HUGE margin and has been number one for
decades.
Here’s a hint, it’s not action/adventure, literature or self-help.
Its romance novels.
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Yes, the cheesy paperbacks books with the steamy covers of buff shirtless studs in
the midst of ravaging near orgasmic hotties.
And do you know who buys and reads these “silly” books?
Women.
I’m not just talking about women who can’t get dates or mates…I’m taking about
intelligent professional beautiful women. I’m talking about woman just like your
wife or girlfriend.
Don’t believe me? Go to Barn’s and Noble and scope out the romance isle to see
for yourself. (Not so close you scare everyone away)
Here are a few interesting statistics from the romance market leader, Harlequin
Books —The average reader is employed outside her home, with a college
education and a household income well above average.
Here’s another interesting statistic according to a Psychology Today study,
romance novel readers have sex 74% more often than non romance readers.
Hmmm…interesting isn’t it?
The Formula Guaranteed To Get Women Hot & Bothered.
What attracts women to romance novels?
The secret is in the formula.
Evidently the romance novel formula is a big secret. I had to do a little searching
to get it and I’m going to share it with you right now.
Just about every romance novel follows this formula to a T and has every one of
these elements.
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1. A heroine who the reader can see herself aspiring to be, someone who
deserves eventual happiness. In her core there must be a magic spark that
makes the heroine’s eventual happiness just and fair.
2. A hero who is lovable and wonderful. In the end he must be WORTHY of
the gift of her love.
3. Something tangible that twists them together making it impossible for
them to walk away from each other.
4. Impossible adversity…a dramatic obstacle so big it seems insurmountable.
i.e. she’s a human he’s a vampire, he killed her father in battle or he’s
already married to the WRONG woman.
5. A dramatic scene where it’s clear to everyone that there isn’t a chance in
hell of this wonderful relationship of destiny every coming together. She
will never be truly happy.
6. A surprise twist that complicates matters even more.
7. Boy gets girl happy ending.
Award winning romance novelist Stephanie Mittman says women read
romance novels, “…because they offer a safety net stretched tautly
beneath all the excitement and frustration the character encounter
through the course of the novel. They offer a guarantee that despite the
insurmountable obstacle, despite that black moment and that monkey
wrench, all will turn out well in the end. And that ending must be fitting,
right, and satisfying.”
All the answers we’re looking for are in this simple seven step formula.
What’s also important is the interaction between the different steps.
Do you see the push and pull of the tension? How the purpose of all the drama in
the story is to delay the happiness that is ultimately guaranteed?
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Women love the fantasy of a man being their hero, rescuer or artist. They love
the possibility of it all. It’s fun. It’s titillating.
It does not matter to her that the lovers in the story ARE going to be together,
what matters most to her is the adventure along the way and that they deserve to
be together.
She wants the feeling of wanting!
What attracts a woman to a man…
Below are the major qualities that attract a woman to a man.
Learn them. Know them. Live them.
When you display a combination of these traits, you are irresistible to women.
You evoke instant attraction automatically.
Confident
Calm/grounded
Playful
Mystery
Authority
Masculine
Higher Social
Status
Indifferent
Humor/Funny
A Challenge
Safe
Leader/Take
Charge
Trust Worthy
Decisive
Unavailable
Novel
The Big Three Female Turn Ons…
Confidence (along with lack of insecurity)—It’s probably the number 1 trait that
naturally turns her on. It’s hard to consistently fake.
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When you are confident it raises all your other traits to a whole new level of
attraction and when you lack confidence you reveal your lacking in just about
everything…confidence is like the tide that raises and lowers all boats.
Higher Social Status—it is nearly impossible for your wife or girlfriend to be
attracted to a man with lower social status than her. It’s just the way she is wired.
Women naturally have high social status because they are hit on, admired and put
on a pedestal by men ALL DAY LONG. You would be shocked to know how often
your wife or girlfriend is stared at, checked out and approached each and every
day.
Most men are not ogled by women all day long so you’ll have to manufacture
your own social status.
Indifferent –Indifference is the difference that makes the difference.
Women find a man who is disinterested in her or who can exist without her
simply irresistible.
Ever notice when you’re engrossed in a game, book or newspaper your wife or
girlfriend will start jockeying for your attention…asking questions, telling you
stories or even just hovering? And the minute the game is over or you put down
the book or paper she doesn’t seem as urgent for you as she did before?
That’s your indifference needling her…once you give her your attention the
tension is broken and the needling stops.
We’ll talk about how to positively harness indifference later on in this book.
When done right, indifference is a powerful turn on for her, but if done wrong
(like ignoring her while sitting in front of the TV every night with a bowel of BBQ
Chips and a beer) it will have the opposite effect.
With the above list in hand we can see why women are naturally drawn to Bad
Boy types. She’s not necessarily attracted to them because the guy is bad and
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unhealthy but rather because the guy “accidentally” displays the traits she is
wired to be turned on by.
Her attraction switch gets flipped.
In a lot of ways a bad boy is narcissistic and self-centered. Think Marlon Brando’s
character Stanley from the story/movie Street Car Named Desire.
Stanley has a very “ugly” persona… (**spoiler alert**) he eventually rapes his
wife’s sister for Pete’s sake. Yet women to this day swoon when they watch the
film.
When the movie originally ran at the theater, many women were said to have
fainted at the sight of Stanley’s raw manliness.
This is so strange to men because when we see this guy we see a dirty, mean
nasty bully…why on earth would a woman want that?
Bad boys are aggressive (masculine/safety) and aloof (unavailable, indifferent, a
challenge etc.). They display many of the key factors that invoke strong automatic
attraction in a woman.
I had dinner with friends of mine the other night and I asked the ladies what
movie starts represent the epitome of male sexiness? The names came VERY
quickly...James Dean and our bad boy Marlon Brando playing Stanley in A Street
Car Named Desire were universal.
I asked, what was it about these men that’s so sexy? Turns out, James Dean is a
pretty boy/boy bad boy type. They thought of him more as a “boy toy”.
But Stanley was different. I could see the primal attraction inside these married
and committed women as they talked about him. One of my married friends said
with a little grunt, “It’s the way he takes off that shirt.”
I followed with something like, “yeah but the guy is terrible. He rapes his sisterin-law.” Their response was shrugged shoulders, almost as if they didn’t
understand their reaction to him either.
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I think this quote will give you an idea of the effect bad boys have on women.
This is from the Book “Bad Boys: Why We Love Them, How to Live with Them, and
When to Leave Them” by Carol Lieberman and Lisa Collier Cool…
”What is a bad boy? He’s a rebel without a cause, a cool dude in a
motorcycle jacket, a real life Huckleberry Finn who wants to take you on a
wild river ride to adventure.
He’s wounded, moody and misunderstood, a dreamer, a seducer a
daredevil. He’s a man of mystery and a fascinating paradox. He’s both a
lost little boy and a man with a dark side. He breaks your heart with his
wicked ways but whether he’s a wanting wolf or a dangerous desperado he
makes you long to rescue him from his pain.
He’s hurtful, cruel or simply careless and self absorbed, but you can’t resist
jumping on his motorcycle and roaring off into the steamy night with him
and once you’ve given him your heart forever he’s gone with the wind.
He’s someone who sets off throbbing sexual and aggressive passions
within you. Because he is aloof and a challenge, you get caught up in the
excitement of the chase though he is not always someone you would really
want even if you could capture him.
A bad boy may tell you he’s generally right, he’s a frog you hope to turn
into a fairytale prince with the magic of your
kiss.”
A bad boy is someone who
Wow! Do you see how his characteristics
sets off throbbing sexual and
AUTOMATICLY setoff throbbing sexual and
aggressive passions within
aggressive passion within her?
you.
There is no logic here…only reaction. Notice how
she says if she did “capture” him, she wouldn’t want him?
There was a time when I resented women for finding guys like Stanley attractive.
I just didn’t get it. Then I realized it isn’t his abusive side they’re attracted to at
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all…it’s his masculine side. Masculine characteristics are so powerful they
override a woman’s common sense. Women are attracted DESPITE the fact that
he’s a monster.
It’s like how guys can be attracted to a drop dead gorgeous woman despite the
fact that she doesn’t have a stitch of smarts or a humor bone in her body…she
may even be cruel and unloving, but guys can’t help but be drawn to her.
The lowly swordtail fish can help shed some light on what’s going on here…
Swordtails are the colorful little fish you see in pet shop aquariums.
In the swordtail mating world, the male with the longest tail is the most desirable
and sexy of all.
One scientist conducted a dirty little experiment. He made a wooden replica of
an average male swordfish exact in every detail but one.
He made the sword tail of his wooden replica 10 times longer than normal.
This tail had an amazing effect. The females went crazy for the decoy. They
abandoned their LIVE male swordtails to mate with a fake wood replica!
Their automatic attraction switch was turned on.
Here’s the peculiar part.
A tiny swordfish with a 10 inch tail could never survive in nature. It’s a terrible
idea to birth babies with this mutant trait. It almost guarantees offspring will die
young.
Same thing is true with a guy like Stanley. He’d make a horrible husband and
father.
Can you imagine having a son like this asshole?
But this logic doesn’t matter here…a woman’s response is automatically.
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Remember the sad reality, women want good genes and good dads but not
necessarily from the same man…I’ve heard as many as 10 percent of us are
raised by men who don’t know they are not our fathers.
You see, we all have attraction switches that can be turned on and off. You have
them too and I guarantee your wife or girlfriend knows exactly what they are and
how to flip them.
At one point in time, you were able to turn on your wife or girlfriend’s natural
attraction switch too. Otherwise you two wouldn’t be together.
A lot of guys make the HUGE mistake and stop displaying the traits that attracted
their wives and girlfriends in the first place.
At some point you changed or stopped or didn’t adapt and your wife or
girlfriend’s switch got turned off.
Most guys want to be Good Guys…
Most guys feel comfortable with being good guys…
Kind
Empathetic
Sympathetic
Emotional
Understanding
Loving
Supportive
Support human equality etc.
…but are afraid and reluctant to display manly traits:
Heroism
Aggressiveness
Leadership
Assertiveness
Confidence
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“Good guy” traits are great qualities to have and display. They show you make a
great father and a descent husband.
But what women really want is a pirate captain who can be reformed into being a
good dad. She wants a man who shows leadership, heroism and confidence
first.
I know, I know we get bombarded with mixed messages every day.
Good guy traits are in fashion right now. Magazines, TV shows, advertisements
and movies are full of characters with big compassionate hearts.
In the 80’s and 90’s women said they wanted an understanding sensitive man. In
the 2000’s metro-sexual men were all the rage. (Did you see the metro sexual
episode of South Park? Funny stuff!) They say they want men who show emotion
and cry on Oprah.
Since we were little tots our moms, aunts, grandmothers and sisters have told us
we are supposed to be good little boys and support, assist and in many ways
worship the women in our lives.
And that our more boyish manly sexual sides
were somehow bad and unappealing and
should not be openly expressed.
They inadvertently trained us to be “wuss
bags” when it comes to women.
A grown man full of kindness,
sympathy, and loving
understanding, absent
assertiveness, leadership and
confidence equals a wussy in
most women’s eyes.
A grown man full of kindness, sympathy, and
loving understanding, absent assertiveness, leadership and confidence equals a
wussy in most women’s eyes.
Ironically, this is totally confusing for her too because she’s been told her whole
life to want a sweet caring man…all the while her body is telling her something
else.
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Kind, sympathetic and understanding guys make their world all about their wife
or girlfriend and the relationship and not enough about themselves.
Remember the romance novel formula.
Women crave the tension of wanting.
When you are totally focused on her and the relationship she doesn’t get the
tension she NEEDS. You are at her beckon call after all.
Being too focused on the relationship is bad news.
Think of it as a spectrum…you have a total aloof bad boy on one end and total
needy wuss bag on the other.
{---------------------------------<*******>-------------------------------------}
Bad Boy
Ideal
Wuss Bag
The Bad Boy extreme is a guy like Marlon Brando’s Stanley. The Wuss Bag
extreme is a guy like Chandler Bing from Friends.
Brad Pitt is a solid example of the ideal.
Forget for a second that Brad is a super wealthy, good looking celebrity. What
women are drawn to is he’s stable and he’s a family man but also he’s got goals
too…he’s driven in his acting career, rides motorcycles and loves his charity work.
Angelina and the kids are NOT the total center of his universe. He’s got other
things going on too.
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Our Relationships With Women Are Like Magnets
You can think of your relationship with your wife or girlfriend like how magnets
relate to each other.
Just like with magnets, the closer you get to acting like a woman the more you
repel.
Same repels same.
If you want to create throbbing sexual feelings inside of your wife or girlfriend like
a bad boy then follow these steps.
You want to aim for 10% Sweet 90% Masculine ratio.
1. Go through the notes you took outlined in Chapter 3 and mark all the times
your interaction with women was more “good guy” or “masculine” in
nature.
2. Add up the total of each. Then add up the total number of interactions.
3. Find the percentage of Sweet and the percentage of masculine. For
example let’s say week 1 you had 20 sweet interactions and 10 masculine
interactions for a total of 30 interactions. 10/30 = 33% masculine and
20/30 = 66% sweet.
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Chapter 7:
Communication & The Art of Body Language: Let Me Hear Your
Body Talk
Women are super experts when it comes to talking and ninja jujitsu black belts
with it comes to reading, understanding and communicating with their bodies.
With a flick of her hair, a short gaze or the particular position of her arms she can
tell you without a word what she wants.
Some men get it; most men don’t.
Remember when you were a kid and your mom would know your entire situation
despite the fact that you put on your best act to hide it from her?
Or when your wife or girlfriend knows instantly what you are thinking before you
even open your mouth?
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A woman’s body language skills are beyond our complete understanding!
I was flipping through a friend of mine’s old worn out and dog-eared copy of
Woman’s Health magazine last night. It’s an exercise and eat right type magazine
but you wouldn’t believe the extra crap they have in there.
Half the magazine reads like an owner’s manual to men.
One article illustrates in detail how to covertly boost “your” man’s ego, another
shows how to make “your” man’s orgasms more pleasurable by touching and
squeezing just the right spots at just the right time (Well on second thought
maybe these article do relate to women’s health, right?)
In this issue, May 2010, I randomly flip to the page titled “Listen To His Body
Talk.” The article explores men’s gestures, posture and reflexes and what they
say about you. It also gives instruction on how she should respond to get the
most information out of you…It’s like covert relationship interrogation tactics.
Check this out…
He’s Lying—The Clue: He keeps scratching his nose or ears. “When a man
is afraid of being caught in a lie, his heart rate often accelerates and blood
rushes to his nose, ears, and forehead, creating an itchy tingly sensation.”
Your Move: To get the truth out of him, put on your friendliest face. Then
frame your questions in a way that sounds like you’re being curious rather
than accusatory, says Leslie Seppinni, Psy. D a licensed marriage and family
therapist in Los Angeles.
A fibber will rarely plot out the minutiae of his story, so if you listen long
enough he may get tripped up in his convoluted tale and spill the beans.
He Has To Confess Something and It Isn’t Good—The clue: He draws in his
lips. “When a man has to get something off his chest, his mouth will tense
up and he’ll press his lips together as if he can’t decide whether he should
open his mouth and unload the bad news, “ Wood says
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Your Move: When an inquiry sounds sincere, it can relax a suspect—er,
man—into making a confession. Say something like, “You look upset.
Anything you want to tell me?” No matter what, maintain a poker face,
even if what he says upsets you. “The best way to get information from a
guy is to keep a neutral expression while he speaks so he won’t change his
story based on your reaction.” Scott Halzman MD says.
The article goes on to break down other male “tells” and what women can do to
crack the code.
No wonder women know so much about us…they study month after month issue
after issue…and this is a pretty benign magazine, Woman’s Health, imagine what’s
inside hard core woman’s magazines like Cosmopolitan.
Yes, YOUR wife or girlfriend is “secretly” and consistently studying up on how to
sharpen her body language skills too.
What are you doing to join the conversation? (Investing in this book was a great
first step!)
How this applies directly to you:
If you learn and use the techniques I’m about to show you, you’ll avoid the
miscommunications that cause women to push away from you. You’ll avoid the
heartache of a nonresponsive wife or girlfriend who does not like you anymore
and is completely shut down.
If you ignore what’s in this chapter you will continue to communicate the wrong
things to your wife or girlfriend and she will continue to push away from you until
she ultimately leaves you or withdraws so far away neither of you are happy.
You’ll lose your influence with her and you’ll feel less and less like a man.
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If you learn and use the techniques that I’m about to show you, you’ll get your
wife or girlfriend to open up to you. She will begin to trust you more, her
frustration with you will begin to melt away and she’ll begin to really talk to you
again.
If you take what I’m going to teach you and use it you’re going to get a woman
who responds to you the way you want her to.
How to communicate attractively
We’ve talked about what a woman wants, doesn’t want and how what you are
doing is pushing your wife or girlfriend away.
Now we’re moving into the “How To” section of the book.
How do you communicate confidence, leadership, assertiveness and the other
traits that will attract your wife or girlfriend
back to you?
Men frequently ask me, “what do I say to
my wife or girlfriend to smooth things
over?” or “What can I say so get her to
understand I love her?”
Words cannot convey to your wife
or girlfriend you are a confident,
trustworthy and safe mate.
What these guys really want to know is, “My wife or girlfriend doesn’t trust me or
believe I’m right for her, how do I communicate that I’m a fantastic wonderful
husband or boyfriend?”
Words cannot convey to your wife or girlfriend you are a confident, trustworthy
and safe mate.
You see, communication (especially in an intimate relationship) is 90% to 97% non
verbal. Most of what you “say” is told through you body not your words.
This is very difficult for men to get through their thick logical skulls.
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Think of it this way…
Remember the last really beautiful woman you’ve seen. I mean a really drop
dead gorgeous women who had a beautiful face that got your attention. Maybe it
was a woman in the produce section of the grocery store or bank teller or a
customer at work.
Do you see her in your mind? Do you notice how your head turned, how you
checked her out. You probably watched her for about 3 to 7 seconds and then
got back to what you were doing the moment she was gone. You may not have
given her a second thought until I asked you to right now.
Now I want you to remember the last really sexy woman you’ve seen. I mean the
type of woman that just oozed sex appeal. Do you see her in your mind? Do you
feel her magnetism? Do you feel the mischievous smile crossing your face as you
remember? Do you see the way her body moves just so and how her facial
expressions are inviting. Do you see the flirty way she walks and moves her arms?
Do you feel the ‘energy’ pulsing from her?
Do you also notice she isn’t the most beautiful woman? She doesn’t even have
the sexiest body. But something about her is just sexy awesome.
You probably watched this woman for more than 10 seconds. You may have even
taken a second look or even went out of your way to look longer.
Her energy was potent.
Do you see the differences between the beautiful woman and the sexy awesome
woman?
Well my friend, that’s the power of body language. She sent you and everyone
else a POWERFUL message that was delivered without speaking a single word.
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The Wuss Cure
You and your wife or girlfriend are having a rough time.
You love her dearly and you desperately want her attention, approval and love.
You also want her to know just how much you love her and how much she means
to you.
You probably feel like you’ve screwed up in the past (maybe continually) and you
feel compelled to make it up to her somehow.
I know you want to prove your devotion and how much she means to you, but
you are going about it the wrong way.
If you are like most men, in your quest to make her happy you’re actually
suffocating her desire for you. Making yourself too available to her is the major
culprit.
For women, deep love happens more when you are apart than when you are
together.
She needs time to miss you and to think about you. She needs tension and
anticipation to build. She loves to wonder about you and to talk to her friends
about you. The intrigue is titillating to her.
When you are too available, her desire for you naturally wanes.
Remember she wants to want to want. When she knows exactly what you are
doing every moment of the day there is absolutely no titillating tension created.
Phone calls, emails, text messages, throughout the day erode your value as an
attractive mate. As you become more and more available, she becomes more
and more irritable, resentful and distant.
Most guys respond to her growing unhappiness with “understanding”. They think
she is asking for even more access, so they give it to her.
(Pay close attention here…this gets confusing!)
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Your wife or girlfriend may even BE asking or demanding more time with you,
more calls, texts, notes and emails too but this is NOT what she REALLY wants.
This sounds crazy to most men. Why would a person ask for more of something
they don’t want?
I don’t quite understand it myself but I think it has something do to with her
natural wiring for tension. When she asks for more of you she is setting the stage
for tension…on a deep level she wants you NOT to comply or at least to comply in
a creative way.
Unfortunately, guys are wired to avoid drama, tension and stress. Men don’t
tolerate stress very well and do whatever it takes to remove stress from their
relationship.
Most men think, “Ok, if a phone call will make her feel loved, I can do that…it’s
simple.”
Doing this kills the good tension she wants and increases her frustration.
To make matters worse, when you simply bend to her wishes you look more and
more like a wuss…trying to please her makes you look needy.
Indifference is the difference that make a difference
The key to avoiding this whole situation is indifference and unavailability.
Diamonds, titanium and oil are valuable because they are desired but also very
scarce…you are simply too abundant.
You must distance yourself from her just a little bit. See your wife or girlfriend
half as much, call her less during the day and fewer emails and texts too.
This will instantly stop your appearing needy and increase the tension for her.
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This is especially tricky if you are married and/or live together and/or have
children. Don’t let that stop you from taking a few steps back from her.
You are not doing this in a vengeful, spiteful or mean way at all. You are just
giving her attraction room to blossom.
Do not tell her what you are doing or why, if you do it will take the wind out of
the sails…just hold to your plan and touch base with her less often.
There is a bit of an art to it here. Some women can handle a dramatic change
other women need things to happen more slowly. You know your wife or
girlfriend best but don’t be afraid to experiment a little bit.
Choose the route that you feel will work best for your relationship. AND TAKE IT!
Your Body Never Lies
Whether you’re confident, strong and unstoppable or weak, powerless and
insecure your body screams it to the world.
Women are 10x more sensitive to the subtle cues of body language than men are.
Even on your best day of reading people, you are like a kindergartner to the
average woman’s PHD in body language.
Your wife or girlfriend is tapped and intertwined with you emotionally so she is
even more in touch with what your body reveals about your emotional state.
Let’s say you’re talking about your day at work with your wife or girlfriend. It was
a rough day; you feel tired and a little beat up by your boss or best client.
Without knowing it, you project your frustration through your voice tone and
body language. Your shoulders are slumped; your voice has a woe is me tone.
She sees a defeated man.
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Your wife or girlfriend, being connected to you on every level, feels uneasy and
uncomfortable too. Seeing and feeling your defeat make her feel insecure and
unsafe.
Now take the same conversation but present it with confident body language and
voice tone and you will have a completely different effect on her. She will pick up
on your confidence and feel secure and safe regardless of the words.
You had a rough day but you have it handled. Everything is going to be alright.
How to Exude Confidence Wherever You Go…
Confidence is trust and belief in the powers you possess inside you, that you can
handle any situation that comes your way.
It’s very difficult if not impossible for a women’s attraction to sustain very long
when you lack confidence.
Your wife or girlfriends needs you to be the master of your world. She needs this
to feel safe and secure. It’s a total turn on for her to see you as the master of
your world!
When you lack confidence she
When you lack confidence she feels
feels insecure and anxious.
insecure and anxious. She resents that you
She resents that you have
have taken away her basic need of feeling
taken away her basic need of
safe.
feeling safe.
The best ways to show you are a confident
man is through your body language and voice tone.
Controlling the environment around you is a super simple short cut. Below are a
few examples.
1. Causally open her car door for her (without looking for approval).
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2. Adjust the temperature in the room without asking her…noticing that she is
cold or hot and taking action is big turn on for her.
3. Walk on the outside of your wife or girlfriend when walking down the
street (you on her street side).
4. Walk between her and a shady looking character on the street…subtly
guide her into position—woman love to be moved around by their man.
5. When at a restaurant…grab the server’s attention and request another
drink or more water for your wife or girlfriend before her glass is empty.
I know these things seem so minor and insignificant but they are BIG for a
woman. You will have a HUGE impact on her especially when you do them
without seeking approval or a pat on the back. Don’t ruin the gesture by asking
“Did you like it when I opened the door for you?” JUST DO IT!
The second most powerful way to project confidence is the way you carry
yourself. There are many things you can do but posture; walking, sitting and
standing are the big four.
Posture:
You want to be straight and tall with your chest up and your shoulders back and
down. Think of having a string attached to the top of your head and pulling your
spine up.
Look at yourself in a mirror so you can feel what good posture feels like. At first it
will feel strange but with practice you’ll straighten right up and it will feel natural.
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Walking like a stud:
A confident walk starts with great posture. As you walk imagine a string pulling
your chest toward the sky, relax your shoulders and lead with your hips. Push
your arms out to the side slightly (take up a little extra space) and let them swing
naturally, but don’t let them flop around. Same goes for your hands…keep just a
little tension in them to keep them from flopping.
Watch your walk in a full length mirror, make adjustments and get the feel for a
confident walk.
Standing like an idol:
To get a confident stance start with your legs shoulder width apart. While
maintaining your posture turn your left foot outward and let your hips and body
open as you shift nearly all your weight onto your right leg. Let your right arm
hang relaxed at your side and hook your left thumb in your belt or waist band
(your other four fingers should be pointing at your crotch).
Avoid putting your hands in your pockets or behind your back. That shows
insecurity or that you are hiding something.
This is a great stance when talking to people. When you stand with your feet
parallel you come off a little too aggressive…turning one foot outward puts just
enough twist in your shoulders to make you approachable yet very confident.
Practice standing in front of a full length mirror. You can also practice shifting
your weight from one foot to the other.
Sitting like a rebel:
Confident men take up a lot of space and are relaxed about it. When you sit
down, get comfortable. You don’t want to slouch but you don’t want to sit totally
erect either…find what feels (and looks) good to you. Now open up your legs so
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that your crotch is totally open and exposed. Make yourself asymmetrical by
slightly leaning to one side…you can do this by pushing one leg out further than
the other and placing your hand on your thigh.
You don’t want to hide your hands or cover your crotch with your hands…that
defeats the purpose.
Practice sitting…get a good feel for what works best for you.
The Barry White Effect
The sound of your voice is super important to your wife or girlfriend.
The more you try to sooth, make her happy or seek approval the higher your
voice goes. It’s like when you talk to a little kid. You don’t want to scare them off
with your deep manly voice so you kick it up a few octaves…not so good to do
with your mate.
Your wife or girlfriend LOVES your deep masculine voice. It baths her in warmth
and security.
Women respond to a man’s voice that is in the lower base tones. Think Barry
White. His voice is so deep and smooth it literally makes woman’s clothes slide
from their skin and onto the floor.
Every man has a deep masculine voice (it might be hiding, but it’s there). A voice
that emanates from the abdomen sounds rich and reverberates in the chest. Put
your hand on your rib cage. You can feel it vibrating when you hit the low tones.
If you have a tendency to get excited and bring your voice way up and talk really
fast, try slowing your words down. This will have a two pronged benefit.
1. Your new lower voice is authoritative and will sooth your wife or girlfriend.
2. Slowing your speech shows confidence.
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So, you want to aim for a deep voice with a variety of tones, but stay away from
the high tones and slow down a bit.
Social Status
I spent much childhood and young adult hood trying to be invisible. I succeeded
for the most part. I was shy and had a unique learning style that didn’t match
well with school. So instead of being anxious for the teacher to call on me or give
me attention I simple faded into the background. I was very good at it…I still am.
Now I recognize how important social status is in business, friendships and
intimate relationships.
Its human nature to categorize, rank and pigeonhole people into where they fit
within a group…pecking order is social status.
A simple social experiment was done with apes. Photos were taken of all the
member in the group, from the dominant alpha male on down to the bottom of
the totem pole whipping boy.
The apes were given the photos and something interesting happened. Apes of
higher status REFUSED to look at photos of lower status members (unless they
were bribed with food), while lower status members would pay a price in food for
the right to look at photos of higher status members.
The apes knew where they stood. The higher status didn’t want to associate
themselves lower status members and lower status members wanted to see
higher status members, perhaps to emulate them.
You can see this same behavior in people with the popularity of celebrity
magazines like Star, People and Us.
For about 250,000 years our entire social group consisted of maybe 100 people.
Individuals found their social slot and played out their role within the group.
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You knew what everyone’s temperament, what everyone was good at, bad at and
just about everything else. Your rank on the social status latter was very clear.
Having an outsider join the group may have happened only a couple times in a
lifetime.
(You can kind of see this play itself out on the earlier seasons of the reality TV
show Survivor. The contestants quickly assess who the leaders are and who the
outsiders and “freaks” are. Everyone else falls in between.)
Well times have changed. Today social status is not as clear cut. It changes
drastically throughout the day. You may be the leader at your job, but the next
moment just another dude walking down the street.
Because humans have the need to know where you stand in relation to them in
society, it’s very important you know how to control your social status.
What your wife or girlfriend perceives you to be is in great relationship to how
she perceives you socially. One of the quickest fastest ways to gain her respect
and attraction back is to gain the respect of the social groups around you. In
essence raise your social status.
Your wife or girlfriend is calculating your social status unconsciously (or
consciously) in EVERY situation you are in, from grocery store to big social party to
family pick nick.
She wants to know where YOU rank and she wants you to rank near the top (the
higher the better)!
Now this does not mean you have to go out and get a lot of money, fancy car or
high powered job (although, sadly all these WILL help temporarily if presented
properly).
Fortunately, you can do a few simple “tricks” to climb the social status latter until
you fully grasp the dynamics that are playing themselves out around you.
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Make a decision damn it!
For the most part people want to be lead. They don’t want to have to think about
things. They certainly don’t want to risk looking dumb in front of everyone and
have their own social status slide backwards.
In every social situation there comes a time when a decision needs to be made as
a group. Maybe it’s which restaurant to go to or what music to play on the
stereo.
The situation begins with everyone being indecisive, no one wants to step on
anyone’s toes or appear selfish and self centered. You’ll hear, “Oh, I don’t know,
what do you feel like eating?” “I don’t know what were you thinking?” “Well it
doesn’t really matter to me…I’ll eat anything.”
This goes round and round for a few minutes. Sometimes the spontaneity of the
moment passes and dinner is called off.
What the group needs is a leader…YOU. Next time you are in a situation like this
say something like, “Let’s go to Charlie’s, it’s a great place. If we get there and the
vibe isn’t right we can just walk to one of the other restaurants in the area.”
Whenever there is a decision to be made…make it. Leave options open in case
things go wrong. This will make your status instantly rise.
Eye Contact
We know eye contact is important, but most don’t do it confidently. Men find it
especially difficult to hold eye contact for longer than a moment. It feels insanely
confrontational to hold a gaze for longer than a couple of seconds.
Here’s a quick solution. When you’re talking with someone, look into their right
eye. Hold a pleasant thought in your mind about the person. Let them be the
first to look away.
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After they look away, you can take a quick look around the room or at other
people but come back to their right eye and get that pleasant thought about them
in your mind again.
You are subtly sending the message to everyone in the room that you are a high
social status person.
You will be amazed at how different and pleasant your conversations will be.
Your wife or girlfriend will recognize this in you immediately.
Talking To Other Women
Your wife or girlfriend needs to know you are a good mate. Regardless of how
long the two of you have been together, she is continually determining if she has
made a good selection in you.
When her investment looks sour...she gets resentful and distant.
One of the ways she determines you value is by looking at your interactions with
other woman. She wants to know how other women respond to you. If you are
desired by other woman and other women flirt with you in a healthy way this is
HUGE for her. It’s a BIG TIME turn on. It validates everything she has already
invested in you and wants to invest in you in the future.
It’s a good idea to have healthy friendships with women other than your wife or
girlfriend. Now is a good time to have lunch or other activity with one of your
female friends. You are not doing this to make your lover jealous or anything,
you just want to send a reminder that you enjoy the company of a pleasant
woman.
Women don’t readily announce this but they are fiercely competitive and love
challenges. Seeing you enjoy yourself with another woman will remind her of the
challenge to hold onto you.
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You are slowly increasing the sexual tension inside her…exactly what she wants
and needs.
Confidence looks GREAT on everyone.
Fashion is another area I struggle with. Like I was telling you earlier, I spent a big
chunk of life trying to be invisible and excelled at it in a lot of ways. It’s a
challenge for me to put myself out there. I have to work at it a little bit.
The clothing you wear plays a big role in determining your social status. If you are
in a long term relationship your wife or girlfriend has probably been selecting
your clothes for you.
Early in the relationship your wife or girlfriend probably dressed you up
attractively…she shined you up a bit. She wanted everyone to see how great of a
catch you were.
As you committed and the relationship grew closer she probably began to change
your style. She wanted your style to announce, “I’m a TAKEN man…stay away
from me ladies.”
In a lot of ways her strategy works. Woman see a “nice guy”, they certainly do
not see a “bad boy” who invokes automatic throbbing sexual aggression.
The problem with her strategy is it backfires. It has the same effect on her as it
does other women! She is actually killing her own attraction to you by dressing
you up like a nice guy!
This is similar to the insecure man who fattens up his wife the minute he marries
her. He’s afraid of losing her to another man so he makes her unattractive to
other men. Including himself.
Go to a higher end clothing store and buy yourself a couple nice shirts and pairs of
pants. Have the sales clerk help you pick out what you are looking for. Tell her
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you are looking for clothing that makes your body look attractive to women. She
will love the opportunity to dress you up.
Shopping may be painful for you, but your wife or girlfriend will be VERY
impressed with your assertiveness.
You don’t have to spend a lot of money…you can go to a store like Stein Mart and
get designer clothes at discounted prices. Or you can go to a second hand store
just outside of an exclusive neighborhood, like Goodwill, and pick up a whole new
awesome wardrobe for under $100.
How To Give Her Titillating Tension
When you learn the things I’m about to show you, you are going to see a big
difference in the way your wife or girlfriend responds to you. Soon she will be the
one chasing you and offering you sweet gifts.
If you do not learn the things I’m about to show you, you are destined to remain
in the dog house and your wife or girlfriend looking at you more and more like a
good friend.
Remember from an earlier chapter how women want to want to want?
This is a hard concept to grasp. You can think of a woman’s need for tension in
order to feel attraction to you like a child’s kite needs to be tethered to a taught
string in order to fly.
With the kite, as long as the string is held taught the kite will fly high. The
moment you run toward the kite or slack enters the string, the kite languidly
zigzags toward the ground…lifeless.
By alternating between gentle slack and intense tension you can do wonderful
tricks with a kite. You can do spirals, loop to loops and have the kite dance across
the sky.
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The same is true with your wife or girlfriend. Unpredictability, spontaneity and
mystery are your taught string that will help her dance inside.
Aim to be unpredictable with everything (even the small stuff). If you normally
like peas in your mash potatoes have them on the side once in a while. If you
have a regular Friday night date to a restaurant…change restaurants or better yet
take her dancing or invite another couple.
Alternate between short and long phone conversations, be the one to end the call
first and on a high note—after all you are a busy man!
If you’re a funny happy go lucky guy, be serious with her from time to time. Talk
about something that’s meaningful and important to her and show genuine
interest. Show your vulnerable side.
If you are a serious logical guy, loosen up and laugh more often. Let your hair
down and act a fool.
If you are a sensitive emotional dude, show your masculine side more often. Be a
little rough around the edges.
Above all else, be playful just for the enjoyment of being playful. She may resist
and test your motives (more on this later) but just brush off her resistance and
have fun by yourself…or better yet if you are with others have fun with them until
she joins in.
Creating this contrast will make your set routines that much nicer…quite
predictable Sunday mornings together become that much more special to both of
you.
As you do these things you become more and more of a challenge to her. To her
a challenge IS attraction. Pretty soon your wife or girlfriend is going to start using
her feminine wilds to capture you again. Be careful not to become complacent
and fall back into predictability.
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Flirting Like Young Lovers
I hear it from men often that they feel more intimidated and even more
vulnerable flirting with their wife or girlfriend now, than they did when they first
met.
A lot of this has to do with the fact that early in your relationship your wife or
girlfriend was very receptive to you and she flirted back easily.
You don’t want to feel rejected; especially now you are in difficult times. You are
not sure she will be receptive to you. You may have even tried being flirtatious in
the past, she shot you down and now you’re reluctant to try again.
Also, she knows you…you have a role now. You may feel you’re not the “flirt with
your wife kind of guy” or you feel embarrassed because she can read you like a
book. She knows what you are thinking and its sex.
One of the ways to overcome this is to flirt to be playful…not flirt to get
something from her—a la Sex.
After you play around with her a few times and don’t act as if you want sex she
will come to realize you are not manipulating her into bed.
As you implement more and more of what you learn in this book she will begin to
drop her defenses and become more and more receptive. Once she has warmed
to you, she’ll start to feel the tangs of sexual attraction again.
If you learn the lessons in this section you will be able to supercharge the flirty
feelings in both of you.
How To Flirt With Your Eyes
Flirting with your wife or girlfriend is a lot of fun. But it is a little different than
flirting with the “girl” she once was. You both have grown, you’ve become more
sophisticated and you know each other’s secrets.
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Flirting is a little risky and a little scary…that’s what makes it fun, right? You’re
not quite sure how she is going to react.
Now that your wife or girlfriend is warming to you, you can begin to raise the
sexual tension. This is all very subtle stuff, don’t go over the top…you want to
keep her guessing.
Here are 4 ways to flirt with your eyes:
1. When you are talking with her keep good eye contact with her right
eye…try to lineup your right eye to hers. As you look at her think of
something you find attractive about her…her eyes, hair, skin, the way she’s
venting her day, her stance or anything you appreciate about her. Your
appreciation will be written across your face and she will be able to read it
clearly.
2. You’re having a conversation with your wife or girlfriend. Look into her
right eye just like before and holding onto a nice thought about her. This
time begin to move your gaze across her brow to her left eye and then
slowly sweep your gaze down her cheek and onto her mouth and nose.
Watch her lips move as she talks for just a moment and then work your way
up her right cheek to her right eye. You’ll see a little sparkle in her eye of
“what the hell was that? What are you doing?” You can caress her face like
this several slow times. You are building tension.
3. This one is very sexual but again subtle. Look into her right eye during a
regular conversation just like before but this time hold a VERY sexual
thought about her in your mind…something risqué. Have fun with this one.
She will get the message even though you are just having a causal regular
conversation with her.
4. This one is OVER THE TOP sexual. We have all been taught good guys talk
to the eyes not the chest, right? Well you’re going to break some rules
now. When you are having a casual conversation with your wife or
girlfriend (from across the room is best) and you are holding a VERY sexual
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image or movie of her in your mind, sweep your gaze across to her left eye
and caress her face to her mouth and watch her lips move, this time
continue down her neck and onto her chest. Linger here just a bit, watch as
her chest rises and falls with each breath. Now gently return your gaze
back up to her right eye. Continue the conversation like NOTHING is going
on. Do it again this time linger just a little longer. You may get a gesture
like “my eyes are up here buddy” or she may even slightly stubble over her
words. Don’t acknowledge her comment, don’t laugh or smile (a little tiny
smirk is ok!) just continue on with the conversation like normal. You are
building a ton of tension in her!!
Remember you are just subtly flirting right now. You are not saying, “I want to
have sex with you this moment”, you are just admiring her and enjoying the
electric energy.
When the conversation ends (even better if you end it and have to leave the
room) and you don’t EXPECT her to have sex with you, she is getting a very
important message. That you are attracted to her sexually but you don’t expect
sex…this is a mixed message that she is probably not used to getting from
you…it will be maddening for her in a good way!
When you start speaking in body language your wife will automatically respond to
you in a very different way. Here are the 3 action steps to get your wife to stop
walking all over you and start getting her respect.
1. Raise you Social Status
2. Exude Confidence
3. Be Playful and Flirt
Your action step right now is to get yourself emotionally calm and confident.
Strive to be the calmest person in the room no matter what’s going on around
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you... Think James Bond...Gladiator--young Luke Sky Walker vs. Return of the Jedi
Sky Walker...calm cool collected.
This does not mean be emotionless.
When you feel yourself lose control…stop, take a deep breath and reframe the
situation in your mind. Adjust your body language and relax. With practice you
can regain your confidence in seconds.
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Chapter 8: Being a Man
A lot of guys come to me looking for an instant fix to their relationship troubles. I
have given you a combination of the powerful techniques you can use to woo
your wife or girlfriend back into your arms rather quickly.
You’re obviously deeply in love with your lover, why else would you subject
yourself to so much pain, misery and humiliation holding on to her with 3.5 billion
other women in the world.
And since you’ve made it this far into the book you’re very serious about winning
her heart back.
Getting your wife attracted to you again is one thing, if you want to keep your
wife or girlfriend responsive and loving you for the long haul you are going to
have to make some long term changes.
Change sucks, I know, but you are going to be a much more fulfilled person when
you put the lessons in this chapter into your life. Your wife is going to respect you
more and continue to be astounded by your presence and growth. Men will treat
you differently and your family will talk to you differently. Strangers will look to
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you for advice and assurance. And your wife or girlfriend will love and respect
you even more.
If you choose not to grow beyond the techniques your success will probably be
short lived. You will fall into your old routines and she will lose interest in you
once again. Once she loses interest, she becomes resentful, testing and anxious
for someone else.
The choice is yours. What are you going to do?
The 37 Year Old Teenager
Adolescents in African and South American tribes lasts 1 year, from age 12 to age
13. After that you are a man. You choose a wife and your place within society is
set.
These cultures are probably very close to the way all humans lived for hundreds
of thousands of years. In the past couple of hundred years times have changed
dramatically in our culture.
Do you know the average age a child in the U.S. leaves home?
27 years old.
Studies show the adolescent phase of development lasts until the average age of
37 in the U.S.
The source of man’s troubles with women is beginning to become clear, aren’t
they?
A lot of our problems persist because we don’t know how to be men. Masculinity
is out of vogue. We are encouraged not to be manly. Rambunctious boyish
behavior is stifled to the point where playful flirting on the playground is
considered sexual aggressiveness. As we grow older we can’t express attraction
for a woman in the workplace without fear of being ostracized, fired or arrested.
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For several generations, we’ve been raised by overly protective mothers and
grandmothers in environments that are relatively safe. We have plenty of food to
eat, clean water to drink and shelter to sleep.
We’ve lost the face-of-death rites-of-passage.
In tribal communities a 12 year old boy leaves his mother and family and goes
into the wilderness with the men of the tribe. The boy is challenged to do some
sort of ritual that is painful, gruesome and physically and emotionally taxing.
In some cultures its circumcision without flinching, in others it’s placing the boys
hand inside of a basket glove filled with unimaginatively wicked ants. A common
component of a rites-of-passage ritual is surviving in the wilderness alone with no
food, water or shelter for days at a time.
Sometimes the boy does not pass the test…he dies.
The purpose of the rites-of-passage is for the he child to leave a boy and return a
man. Upon his return he has one year to find his wife and his place among the
group.
The boy doesn’t receive a diploma or trophy. He receives the pure confidence
inside him that he has faced horrible circumstances, overcame them and survived.
He knows he is capable of conquering any challenge that comes his way. The
tribe knows what he is made of too…they can trust he’ll have their back in tough
times.
We’ve lost this gift in our culture.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that adolescence ends at 37. When a man reaches
37 he hits middle age. He’s slammed face first into his own mortality. It becomes
very clear to him time is running out…He finally faces death.
It doesn’t matter if you are under or over 37 years old, what’s important is you
understand your mortality. You only have an instant on earth and the moment of
NOW comes around only once.
Page 94
WARNING: The following rites-of-passage exercise is extremely challenging. I am
not a doctor or psychiatrist; if you are depressed or susceptible to depression
please consult your doctor before attempting this exercise.
Here are 2 action steps you can do right now to simulate the benefits of a rites-ofpassage ritual.
1. Get it crystal clear in your mind that you are going to perish. Consciously
become aware that you are going to die. You are going to exist in one breath and
there will not be another. The world will continue on without you in it. Relax into
this thought.
2. Picture in your mind the moments surrounding death…see the world around
you from your eyes. You are alone. Feel life slipping away. You know this is the
moment your life on earth is done. Feel each shallow breath. What thoughts run
through your mind? Feel the feelings as life drains away.
This can be a very powerful exercise. Many men have a hard time relating to it.
They are so disconnected from their own mortality they can’t imagine their final
moments. They intellectually and conceptually know they are going to die…but
they can’t or refuse to personalize it.
The point of the exercise isn’t to get you in a paranoid state about death. It’s to
awaken the confident man within you.
A true confident man is intimately aware of his mortality…this gives him an
enormous source of STREGTH to be in the NOW!
Conquering Fear
Man’s favorite word is “no” because most are too fearful to say yes to the world.
When you say “no” to new experiences and situations your wife or girlfriend’s
sixth sense tells her it’s because you are fearful and insecure. No matter how
Page 95
many logical reasons you give to convince her (and yourself) otherwise, she feels
the incongruence.
Self righteousness and arrogance are symptoms of small world thinking. All this
does is generates pain and negative energy. Some people grow as they age
others stagnate and atrophy. Men who stagnate find it hard to hold onto growing
lovers.
Ask yourself this question and write down your answers. What is the guy, you are
going to be, going to be doing next year?
Travel to France
Go to live music
Learn Russian
Learn to paint landscapes
Learn to cook Cajun/Creole
Try new foods
Learn the violin
Learn mixed martial arts
How to Pass Your Lover’s Tests
A woman is wired to test and challenge you to see if you are a viable mate. She
will continually do this from the moment you meet to the day you part.
This is the way of the world. You and your partner are destined to play out the
roles of her attempting to wrestle power and control away from you and your
role of NEVER letting her do it.
As cruel as it sounds, if you don’t stack, she will be tempted to find someone else
who does. Remember she wants quality genes and a quality provider but not
necessarily from the same man.
When you learn what I’m going to teach you in this section you will be able to
pass her tests and keep her happily by your side.
Page 96
If you fail to learn what I’m going to teach you, you will continue to totally
disappoint and frustrate her. Sooner or later you will not make the grade and
she will run away from you.
Your wife or girlfriend is searching for your true character. She wants to see how
you react when things go wrong.
The stakes are very high for her; if she picks the wrong guy she and her children
are in mortal danger.
To determine what kind of man you are, she challenges your authority,
undermines your power, makes demands, sends mixed messages and all sorts of
others trip-ups.
This may sound strange (and a little insulting) to you because you feel she already
knows you, you’ve been together so long, you’ve been intimate and been through
so much, you’re committed to each other. You may be thinking, “Why would she
STILL need proof of who I am…there’s no need.”
She’s just wired that way, that’s why. It’s just the way it is.
Keep in mind the divorce rate, the number of deadbeat dads out there and how
often men leave their wives to start a families with another woman.
From her perspective the odds are you are going to leave her.
Me Thinks Thou Does Protest Too Much
Your lover wouldn’t test you if she didn’t want you in her life. Think of her tests
as cute and endearing.
Next time she throws you a zinger, just shake your head, smile and don’t engage
her.
Page 97
Think Rhett Butler from Gone With The Wind…he wasn’t going to take any of
Scarlett O’Hara’s crap. They loved each other dearly. She tested him to no end
and he didn’t fall for it.
Up until now you’ve been falling for your wife or girlfriend’s tests. You’ve lost
your power. She has taken control from you
and now she resents you for allowing her to.
She doesn’t want the control
She doesn’t want the control and power in
and power in the relationship
the relationship she just wanted to see how
she just wanted to see how
much resistance you would give before you
much resistance you would
relinquished it. Her deep hope was that you
give before you relinquished
would NEVER relinquish it.
it. Her deep hope was that
you would NEVER relinquish
The moment she seizes control, her
it.
attraction to you drains from her body. She
won’t know how to explain her repulsion.
You know this has happened when you hear her say things like “I love you so
much but not in that way anymore” or “I need time to think” or “It’s not you it’s
me, I need to focus on me for a while.”
Sound familiar?
Here are a couple classic questions you will get from your wife or girlfriend when
you move into a “friendship” relationship.
1. How do I look in my dress?
2. Do you think I look fat?
3. Do these pants make me look fat?
There are lots of reasons and motivations your wife or girlfriend will ask you these
questions. The fact that you are even being asked this question shows you are on
the WRONG path with her.
Page 98
A woman who is attracted to you, who wants your sexual approval and attention
would not ask you to assess her like this (unless she is being playful and knows
good darned well she is super fine in the dress).
She asks friends these types of questions NOT lovers.
Like with all her tests don’t respond directly…get a real pensive look on your face
and slowly check her out…seductively say something like, “Let me think about
that a while…” maybe give her a smirk and walk away.
It’s a looser move to praise her, appease her or to give her testing behavior
approval. When you say things like, “you look fine”, “you don’t look fat at all” or
“that’s great,” you are sending a friendship message.
Before you read this book you were in the frame of mind of “I have to figure out
how to get my wife or girlfriend to love me again (or how to make her happy, or
how to get her to see how much see means to me etc.).”
When you come at the relationship with this frame of mind you give her all the
power and control of what happens next. This is exactly what she does not
want!
You want to move toward the frame of mind “I’m the best thing that has ever
happened to you…if you can’t see it, see you later!” Ultimately you want the
confidence and composure of “If you want me fantastic if not that’s fine too.”
Committed long term relationships and marriage plays mind tricks with men.
Men mistakenly think commitment means the chase is over, along with their job
of courting, wooing and attracting. Worse of all, many men feel they must
surrender their entire being to their lover.
The complete opposite is true…when you committed the challenge
got tougher! Your wife or girlfriend actually turns up the dial on
her testing…it’s as if she’s thinking, “Ok buddy, I’ve risked it all on
you…let’s really see what you are made of.” (This is all on an
Page 99
unconscious level of course.)
Your wife or girlfriend is always watching to see how you react in tough situations.
If you lose your cool over something trivial or surrender your power to “little ole
me” what’s she supposed to think is going to happen when the shit really hits the
fan?
She’s going to EXPECT you to fold like a house of cards. Once she feels you’ll fold
she takes the reins to get it done herself.
There are times when you trip, spill food on your shirt or lay on her hair while you
are being intimate…something unexpected is bound to happen at the worst time.
If you get angry, scream, pout, get all embarrassed, get flustered, act like a victim
or lose your composure in any way you’re in trouble mister.
What you want to do is laugh it off the best you can and confidently fix it.
You’re Not Her Girlfriend
A lot of men make the mistake of becoming just another friend…some to the
point of filling the role of a girlfriend.
You can’t fill the role of girlfriend and lover and maintain sexual attraction in her.
It’s impossible.
When this happens she’ll walk out of your life saying, “I’ve grown to love you
more as a friend than a lover.”
This is an easy mistake for nice guys to fall into (this is the one I have to watch
from falling into too). Oprah, Dr. Phil and other pop psychology tells men to be
sensitive and listen. Be understanding. She is an emotional creature and you
have to handle her with care. This is all fine and good for a friendship, but as
you’ve already seen in this book, your wife or girlfriend needs more than that to
feel sexually attracted to you.
Page 100
Your wife or girlfriend wants a leader. She instinctively wants to be led by her
strong confident man. When she walks into a room she wants to be on the arm of
her powerful man. She has chosen YOU to be her leader.
If you are still of the mindset, “My wife or girlfriend is different” and you need
more proof that YOUR lover is a woman just like all others who is influenced more
by her biology than her logic, intellect and education here’s one more example for
you.
Women have a minstrel cycle that lasts about 28 days. Your wife ovulates and
becomes fertile for approximately 4 days. If she is not impregnated her body
sheds the egg and uterine wall…this is her period. The cycle begins again month
after month.
An interesting thing happens when women are together in close environments.
Their cycles synchronize and coordinate. They ovulate together at approximately
the same time each month and they menstruate together at approximately the
same time each month.
This commonly happens with female roommates, dorm mates and office works.
What makes this even more fascinating is that their cycles sync with the cycle of
the groups dominant woman. On a subconscious hormonal level the women
know where they stand in social status and their bodies follow their group leader.
Know Thy Self
When you continually push your own needs aside women interpret this as
insecure.
Get comfortable in your skin. Figure out what you like and what you don’t like.
Don’t be afraid or timid to express your preferences in a healthy way.
If you are a picky eater, try new foods…if you are strictly a beer drinker…try
different wines and cocktails. If you find you like them learn more about them.
Page 101
Same goes for music, movies, people etc.
There was a nice quote from the movie/play Passing Strange that goes something
like, “At some point I realized I had been living a life that was decided by a sixteen
year old boy.”
Rediscover your adult self.
Never Ever Let Them See You Sweat
Low status men cannot deal with conflict.
One of the most direct routes to high social status, influence and maturity is
mastering inner and outer conflicts.
Pause a second right now and think about all the conflicts you avoid in your life.
Do you avoid your boss on deadline day? Do you avoid your subordinates at work
when you know they have a request of you? Do you not take a client’s call
because you know she’s not happy? Do you avoid thinking about the past
because it causes you too much pain? Do you avoid talking honestly with your
parents, siblings or children? Do you do what your wife or girlfriend says because
don’t want her disapproval or an argument?
Do you do favors for friends and acquaintances even though you feel taken
advantage of? Do you think it’s just easier to do the favor than discuss why not?
Go ahead and write yours down.
When you can face and handle conflict in a confident way your social status will
go through the roof.
Page 102
Change Sucks!
Change is a difficult thing. It requires that we move away from our comfort zone.
You must risk NOT being yourself!
We all want change; we want to be rich, we want to travel or be 20 lbs lighter.
But few people change…for some they are just too lazy and for others it’s simply
too scary.
The fact is we’re engineered to resist change.
My friend was a round faced husky kid. When he was about 12 years old his
mother changed his diet drastically. He was eating healthy and lost a lot of
weight. His face thinned out dramatically. I remember one day he came to me
and said he didn’t like the way he looked in the mirror…”I don’t look like me,” he
said. Soon after he returned to his previous round faced self…he’s now an adult
struggling with his weight.
The nature of changing is sort of like lying. Change means turning into something
you’re not…morphing into an identity that you don’t identify yourself with. The
incongruence causes your mind to go bonkers. You may think, “I’m not a guy who
wares nice clothes. I’m not the guy who mediates conflicts. I’m not the guy who
flirts with his lover with his eyes. That’s not me.”
Get over it buddy! If you want your wife or girlfriend back, a wonderful sex life,
respect and status, you have got to do things
differently and that means change.
The great news is that everything
The great news is that everything you need
you need to become what you want
to become what you want is already inside
is already inside you.
you. You just need to let it float to the
surface. Your manly power has been
suppressed and repressed. You ARE the man your wife or girlfriend wants you
just have not realized it yet!
Page 103
Following the steps outlined in this book will dramatically change your life for the
better. Reframe belief expert, who goes by the name Hypnotica, advises you to
ask yourself these questions to get yourself clear. Write your answers in your
journal.
• Do you want to change?
• Are you ready for the side effects of change? I.e. Other woman giving you
attention etc.
• What will happen if you change?
• What will happen if you don’t change?
• What won’t happen if you change?
• What won’t happen if you don’t change?
The Billion Dollar Question
Many men make their lover and family the absolute center of their existence.
These guys explain to me they feel wrong or guilty if they do things they enjoy
doing outside of their relationship. They feel they are somehow neglecting their
family.
When you suppress your personal desires you become pessimistic, depressed,
checked out and numb.
Do you really think this is what makes a great lover or father?
If you don’t like your reality how do you expect anyone else to like it? No one
wants to be around a sour puss.
This reminds me of non-profit organizations whose mission it is to help struggling
people in the community. They love people so much and want to help so badly
Page 104
they don’t know where to draw the line. They give EVERYTHING they have
away…their supplies, products, time and money.
Very quickly they have nothing left to give. They haven’t held anything back for
growth so they are stuck only helping a few.
They don’t understand you must hold back a supply of seeds for next year’s
harvest. They could help so many more people and have a bigger impact on the
community if only they took a step back and looked at the big picture.
Same goes for you…if you give ALL of you away you soon have nothing left to give.
Your wife wants you to be a happy, growing and energetic leader. The way you
accomplish this is by doing things you like to do.
So pick up a hobby…a few examples might be woodworking, investment club,
kickball, golf, tennis, painting, guitar, fishing, hunting, bowling, wine, cooking,
singing, mixed martial arts, dancing or better yet find a goal bigger than
yourself…you get the idea.
It’s very common for guys who have been in relationships a while to feel as if they
have no interests outside of the home. Take this time to experiment, try
something new, something way out of your comfort zone. You’ll be amazed at
how much a simple dancing class will change your life.
Take a moment right now and answer this very serious question in your journal. If
you were a billionaire what would you do with your time?
The boob tube dilemma
Television is a big problem. It’s too easy to come home from a tough day of work,
flip it on and just vegetate the evening away.
Most guys need a TV watching intervention.
Page 105
Think about it a moment. How much time do you spend in front of the TV? I
want you to calculate it.
1. Take out a sheet of paper and turn it sideways. Across the top write
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesdays, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.
2. Take each day of the week and write down what you watch and how long
the program lasts. If you just surf until you find a movie or something of
interest, write that down too.
3. Add up the times for each day and then add up the times for the week.
Sunday
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday Thursday
Friday
Saturday
Sunday
Morning
2 hours
News 1
hour
News 1
hour
News 1
hour
News 1
hour
News 1
hour
Cartoons
2 hours
Sitcoms 2
hours
Drama 1
hour
American
idol 1 hour
Movie 2
hours
Discover
show 1
hour
1 game 3
hours
2 hours
3 hours
2 Football
games
Total
6 hours
2 hours
8 hours
3 hours
5 hours
25 hours
2 hour
The above example totals 25 hours a week, equivalent to a part time job! Some
households turn the TV on at 6pm during the week and don’t turn it off until they
fall asleep…4 to 6 hours a night.
A while back I was a TV junkie. I found it very relaxing, too relaxing really. I
decided enough was enough, got rid of the cable and shortly after got rid of the
TV too.
It was the best thing I’ve done.
Page 106
It was an adjustment having the extra time on my hands and I did miss it, TV had
become a friend.
If that seems too extreme for you, give yourself a schedule. Pick out one or two
shows you REALLY enjoy and watch them. Discipline yourself to turn the TV off
once they are over.
Another option is to get rid of the cable and sign up for Netflix. For a fraction of
the cost, they deliver movies and TV shows you want to watch directly to your
door.
Regardless of what you chose to do about the family TV, remove the TV from the
bedroom.
Your bedroom is your sanctuary. It is the safest place in your life…you are most
vulnerable when you sleep and most intimate when you make love.
There is no room for murder, mayhem, drama, solicitation and all the other TV
stresses in this part of your life.
If you want to have deeper more frequent and intimate sex with your wife or
girlfriend, get the TV out of the bedroom.
Put On Your Game Face
I always find it ironic when a couple split up they each instantly head for the gym.
They are “back on the market” after all, so they need to get themselves into
dating shape. They work out hard, 3 intense hour and half workouts a week.
They start eating right too, no more fatty food or carbohydrates. They buy new
clothes and get into their skinny jeans.
It’s like a fire had been lit under their feet.
Page 107
If you feel you are out of shape and not eating good-for-you foods…what are you
doing to yourself? Do you feel your wife or girlfriend should love you regardless
of how you treat yourself?
Be honest and ask yourself this simple hypothetical question…”If I was single right
now would I be comfortable approaching hot single women with the way I look
today?”
If your answer is yes—fantastic. If your answer is probably not—then you’ve got
a decision to make whether or not you are going to do what it takes to attract
your lover back. In a lot of ways you have an advantage. When you invest time
and energy getting back into shape you are displaying many of the cues we talked
about in this book that automatically instill attraction in your wife or girlfriend!
Your action will have a HUGE impact on her. She’ll be thinking, “What’s he up
too? Why’s he working out all of a sudden? (Mysterious). You’ll give her the gift
of missing you. You’ll have a goal and masculine hobby. You’ll be decisive—on
work out times, you are committed.
This is the most important chapter in the book. When you become the man
confident assertive that is already inside you, you will stir the automatic attraction
in your wife or girlfriend you want. When she feels attraction and you have your
character together there is absolutely no reason for her to look elsewhere. She
will feel feminine, safe and secure being led by you.
Follow the exercises outlined in this chapter; you will be glad you did!
Page 108
Chapter 9
Where Do You Go From Here
I began this book by saying “life isn’t fair”. I needed you to see I could relate to
the pain you’re going through right now.
The truth is I didn’t complete my thought…Life isn’t fair because I often get more
than my fair share. And you can too.
This is a good time to review your Ideal Average Day exercise from Chapter 2. If
your ideal average day has changed, go ahead and rewrite it now.
Everything you need to win back your lover’s heart is outlined in this book. Use it
as a resource and return to it often. Parts that were not relevant to you today will
be relevant to you tomorrow. My hope is you take the steps necessary to make
Page 109
the changes permanent and that you continually evolve and grow as a man. You
have found a wonderful woman…I wish you all the best.
After reading this book and heading out on the road of self discovery you may
have realized your wife or girlfriend is not the person for you. Or maybe too
much damage has been done to the relationship.
Relationships are like springs. You can stretch them and stretch them and most of
the time they spring right back into shape. But like relationships they have limits.
You can subject them to only so much stress before they lose their shape…they
lose their spring.
Everything you’ve learned in this book will help you in your path on life. When
you decide to find a mate or you meet a woman that is interesting, you’ll be
prepared for an adventure to last a lifetime.
Good luck my friend.
Page 110

Page 1 © Copyright 2010 William Bonet

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