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Episode 18 — “Getting Healthy, Part 2”
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Leslie
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Laura
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Leslie
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Leslie
Welcome to the Marriage Startup Podcast, Episode 18: Getting Healthy,
Part 2 — “Family Exercise Culture / We Get Our Fit On!” That’s way more
exciting than I intended to say it. In this episode we set our exercise goals.
We discuss the routines we need to start to get healthy, and our very
different approaches to getting healthy.
Of course, being the nerds we are, we talk exercise apps, or at least I do.
As always, we end with what we’re going to do for each other.
I’m Leslie Camacho. I’m an ex-CEO of a software company, founder of
Glimmering, an agency to make web agencies healthier. See how
thematically it fits with this …
I know, that was super clever. I really like that.
I know, I’m really proud of that one. On these parts, I’m known as the chief
espresso officer of the Camacho household.
I’m Laura Camacho.
You’re not going to… [laughter]
[laughter] I didn’t finish writing my notes there.
Well, we’ll blame the time change. It’s the time change’s fault.
Yeah, it says it’s only 9:30, but I’m yawning like it’s 10:30.
Yeah, and it’s still Sunday. We’re going to record Thursday this week.
Oh! Please! That’s what you can do for me this week.
Ah, well that’ll make the end of the show easier.
[laughter]
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© 2014 Marriage Startup Podcast — http://marriagestartup.com
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The baby-sitter will be here … we’re just going to make a commitment on
the show as part of us being healthier to record this Thursday. All right?
Yes, okay.
All right. Okay, let’s start with some community news, and updates,
because we’ve got some nice ones this week.
Yeah.
First, we’ve got two new five star reviews. Thank you guys very much. The
first is from … Oh this is ...
“ErdnapC”
Yeah, “ErdnapC” who said that “Marriage Startup is a challenging,
entertaining and truly enjoyable podcast.” Thank you so much, we
appreciate the kind words. The second one is from Erin Anacker who says,
“It’s rare to hear a couple speak openly about their relationship, the
challenges they face together.” Thank you Erin, that’s actually one of the
reasons that we felt this show needed to exist is because you hear a lot of
advice, but not a lot of how does this actually work in real-life when you
try to live it out [laughter]. We were brave, and foolish enough to do it, so
thank you.
Before we move from that review though, I want to talk a little bit about
Erin because I actually got to meet Erin at the workshop I went to just over
a week ago in San Francisco. What Erin is trying to do, or is no trying, but
she’s doing, is she’s building a community called Betwixt, and you can find
at betwixt.is, and we’ll be sure to link to that in the podcast. But her goal is
to help women in design connect with their people.
I talked to her a little bit about what she means by that, and I think I’m just
going to screw it up if I try to explain it, because Erin and I talked a lot
there, and I don’t want to discuss what her plans were so much as just her
intent. So this is straight from her website.
Betwixt was born out of a love for design, and a passion for people. From
patrons to comrades, we explore the connection between you and your
people, and help you navigate these connections with authenticity, humility
and compassion, and provide a place for you to connect with other kind
plus kindred souls.
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Laura
Wow!
Her foundational premise is such an obvious one, but being a man I don’t
think about these things, is that women connect and network differently,
especially professional women, and there are not a lot of safe places for
women to explore, and get better at those connections. Very little people
experiment with that, and she wants to be one of the people who leads in
that field in helping women professionals get better at that art of network,
especially with each other. Just talking it through with her it sounds
amazing.
That is great.
She’s actively building this out. You can go sign up for her newsletter on
her site. I can vouch for Erin’s character. She’s totally the real deal in terms
of her heart, and where she’s at in trying to do this, and I just wish her all
the success in the world. That’s Erin.
We did not trade sponsorship for a five star review [laughter], I was just
generally excited about what Erin’s doing, and I’m thankful that she likes
the show as well. So that’s that.
Cool. Well I have a big thank you to three of our listeners. First, Andrew
and Nicole, and also Marisa. After the big depression episode where I
really kind of came out about like how awful I was feeling, and what I
needed to do about it, Marisa just showed up one day at our day, like I think
it was … it was right after she listened to the show, I know that. She didn’t
say anything, but she just had a freezer container of soup, and some snacks,
and she gave me a big hug, and a big smile, and she just said, “I just
thought I’d bring this by.” [laughter] It was so precious, and it was so nice
to not have to explain anything. She didn’t ask me how I was. She knew
how I was, and she just brought food, and brought love. I don’t think
there’s like any better thing you can do for someone when they’re in need.
Yeah.
Except, if there is, it’s taking care of their kids for them [laughter], and
that’s what Andrew and Nicole have been doing. Andrew is an avid listener
of the Marriage Startup podcast, and Nicole’s still catching up, but they live
nearby, and their kids are good friends with our kids. Andrew and Nicole
have been very persistent at asking for us to send the girls over to play.
Particularly when you went on your business trip a few weeks ago, Andrew
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was quite adamant that the girls needed to come, and he had them over both
the Saturday, and the Sunday that you were gone.
Had them the whole afternoon. Took them to pizza for supper. It was just
… it’s such a relief to be able to send our kids to people who we know care
for them, with friends that they enjoy, and I just … I’m so grateful for the
way the people in our like face to face community have stepped up to help
us, and really as a direct result of us kind of showing our blood and guts
[laughter].
There have been times when I’ve felt kind of embarrassed about just how
authentic we’ve been on the show like, can I really face friends who I know
listen. But it’s been so worth it because I mean, everyone knows what it’s
like to suffer, and everyone wants to help someone who is suffering.
Yeah, I think … Well first of all you start off by calling them listeners, but
clearly the three wonderful people, Andrew, Nicole and Marisa are our
friends.
Right, yes.
I think that’s a really important distinction to make is that we know that in
real life they weren’t just three strangers showing up at our doorstep
offering to help, because that would be irresponsible on our part [laughter].
But these are people that we’ve known, and because of the way we share
… Isn’t that strange how doing this podcast, and it’s just you and I in my
office talking, and yet it’s brought us closer together because it’s lowered
this barrier where it’s just like, “Oh, we can be real people with them.” So
it was really wonderful to just sit down and eat a meal with Nicole and
Andrew, and actually get to know them.
Yeah, yeah, exactly, because we’ve know them in passing, but they’ve
really been just sort of the parents of our kids’ friends until yesterday when
we all decided to go out together as families. Because the girls were over at
their house, and he asked if they could come to supper with them, and I
said, “Well, how about Leslie and I join you, and we’ll just make it a big
family day?” So Nicole came too, and we all sat around, and chatted, and
that’s where I felt like they really made the transition from listeners to
friends, because they were really just acquaintances before, and I’ve always
liked them, and I want to get to know them better.
It’s totally off the John Hodgman podcast.
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Oh, I know!
[laughter]
We’re going to just…
Put that in the show notes.
Yeah, we really have to put that.
So what were the …?
Yeah, the pre …
Acquaintance level…AL-1.2 [laughter]
Oh people listening, you have no idea what we’re talking about, which you
really need to listen to …
They might.
…this episode of the Judge John Hodgman podcast.
Anyway, thank you to our friends and listeners Andrew and Nicole, and
Marisa. We really appreciate you.
Yeah, and we also had our friends Mark and Janine over too as well. It’s
been really interesting to see maybe podcasts is the way introverts break
down those barriers, because you’ve already had those awkward
discussions before meeting, at least one side of the conversation has. I don’t
know, it feels like if we were PhD students we’d study this.
[laughter]
I did learn in a workshop that I heard that one of the reasons podcasts are
successful, even amateur ones like ours, in connecting with people, is that
of the three major forms of communication being video, audio and written,
audio is the one where people can most differentiate between the truth, and
a lie, and whether it’s authentic or inauthentic.
There has been studies done that show that in controlled tests that if you
see a video showing three different stories, it’s harder to tell if someone is
being a liar, or just ingenuous, because you have all the visual
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communication, so you have all the tools necessary to lie effectively. In
written communication you lack the context of something, so it’s easier to
lie.
But there’s something about audio where there’s just enough information
conveyed in the voice for most people to be able to distinguish more
effectively between something that’s authentic, and something that’s not.
I’m sure that connects to something.
Anyway, this is not something we plan to go off and show [laughter], but
it’s just interesting that this is really building friendships in a way that I
didn’t really expect, and I’m really thankful for that.
All you need to do to build your friendship network is talk about your
marriage, and your sex life, and your health life openly for anyone with an
Internet connection to download and listen to.
Awesome! [laughter]
Maybe that’s not the best way. Okay, let’s get into the main topic here.
Right.
We’ve started a health series because we’re tired of being unhealthy. This
year has been really rough, and dealing with the mental overhead, the
depression, the anxiety on my side, and on your side, family stuff, blah,
blah, blah. Listen to the past 17 episodes [laughter]. One of the results is
that we are not healthy in the way that we have been in the past, and so we
wanted to change that. Last week we kind of set that up, and so this week
we’re going to focus on what we’re actually starting specifically now that
we’re going to test out on your behalf, and invite you guys to join us in that
journey.
Why don’t we start with just the goal part, like I’m not sure how we want
to go through this discussion here, but I’m going to start with my goals.
Okay.
I would really like to lose ten pounds. I think I mentioned in the last show
that 170 is my like line in the sand, and I hit that this week. When I
weighed myself a couple of hours ago I was literally exactly 170.0 pounds,
naked on a scale. There’s your too-much information for you.
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There’s the visual!
Yes, you didn’t have to add that part in, but …
[laughter]
…yes. I’m right at that line, and so I started, and I kept that promise to
myself. I know from my own history that I am most happy in my own skin
at around 160 pounds, and that can be plus or minus three or four pounds
depending on the week, what I am doing etcetera. So anywhere from 158 to
162, or whatever that range may look like. Ten pounds, roughly 160 is
where I want to be.
The other thing I want to do is I want to get back into athlete shape. I’m
still there, and I got back in there for a short period of time when I was
working out with the ex-navy SEALS this summer. That felt really good for
the four weeks that I was able to do that, and then I felt really bad when I
stopped.
The workout I was actually doing with them was not as hard core as saying
ex-navy SEAL may make you think. They were actually pretty good about
it, and they ramped up in intensity but it was really good.
So I want to get back into that athlete shape, and for me athlete shape
simply means at any given moment I can walk out my door, and not worry
about whether I’m in shape enough to do whatever adventure my mind is
set on. Whether that’s taking a hike in the snow, running after my daughters
on the scooter, being able to pull myself up onto a ledge, jump over some
fence. It’s really a low bar in terms of athletics but it’s a real bar.
I don’t want to spend a lot of money. Especially when we were making
CEO dollars, we spent a lot of money on health. We paid for personal
trainers … I mean we’d easily spend $5-6,000 minimum over the course of
the years on different health regimes, and it was totally worth it. So part of
the reason that I don’t want to spend the money, is I feel like I have the
knowledge, I just need to get back into it, and so I kind of know what I’m
looking for I think.
Those are my goals. What about yours?
I have three goals. My first is I need to return to mindful eating. Do you
want me to unpack that more, or are we unpacking later?
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Leslie
Unpack that a little bit.
Laura
Okay. I’m sure that this is the plague of many parents, especially the parent
who prepares most of the meals, but there’s a certain amount of grazing
that occurs when you’re cooking, and then when you have kids and you’re
feeding them, and then they’re like, “Oh, can I have this and what not?”
and you’re up and down, and up and down, and they’re done eating by the
time you even serve yourself. It’s very easy to get into that trap, and I have,
and I would like to not eat while I’m cooking, other than the reasonable
like tasting things to make sure they’re good. I want to serve myself, and sit
down, and not get up until I’m done eating. That’s going to be where you
can help.
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Right.
You already do a lot, especially when you’re not there, like this is where
the mindfulness for me comes in. Like they can wait until I’m done eating
before they get whatever else they’re asking for, or they can get it
themselves, and it’s just a mindset I need to return to.
I want to be mindful about being consistent with meal planning. I want to
follow the primal blueprint food pyramid which we’ll link in the show
notes, but basically … it’s just about the inverse [laughter] of the FDA food
pyramid, but it emphasizes animal protein and vegetables, and healthy fats
are like the foundational parts. Then very low grain, and low carb. I’m still
not eating very much dairy, and anyway I think it’s great. We’ve kind of
done it before. We’ve done various forms of Paleo, and I’ve been on every
elimination diet, I think, because of our kids’ food intolerances. But it’s
very much in line with the way we eat when we’re eating well, and so I
want to use that as the framework for meal planning, and what not. That all
falls under mindfulness.
My next one is … and I know this doesn’t sound like a health goal, but it
really is, and if it really impacts my health. I’m going to be weaning Ethan.
He’s 17 months old. That feels really soon to me because Sophia, our first
born, weaned on … her last nursing was the eve of her third birthday, and
that was the agreement she and I came upon because I was really ready to
be done, she was not. Then Alana kind of self-weaned her on two and a
half.
So it feels like I’m cutting them off early, but I need to. The main reason is
because the Zoloft is almost certainly affecting him negatively. We’ve done
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two trials now with me going off of it, and he has supped better, and been
less irritable throughout the day when I’m not taking it.
I think we need to just clarify that the second night you weren’t on Zoloft
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This weekend, yeah.
This weekend, he slept through the entire night.
Yeah. Which he’s only done once before.
Yeah, and there was much rejoicing.
Yes.
Yay! [laughter]
Anyway, I’m going to start the weaning process. I took my Zoloft again
because I can’t just quit cold turkey like that. I was starting to really feel it,
and I was not going to a happy place being off of it. I’m still going to take
it. We might be rocky on sleep until he’s fully weaned, but what weaning
means for me, and my health is, one it’s going to mean more sleep, which
means all my hormones are going to be a lot better. It’s going to mean the
hormones that are keeping my body in lactation mode are going to change.
That’s going to change my metabolism. I’m not going to be sitting down as
much. I’m going to have to stay on the move so that he doesn’t want to just
snuggle and nurse all the time. Especially in the afternoon I found today,
like I cut him off this afternoon. I said, “We’ll nurse at bedtime,” and he
was so unhappy, and I think I need to be up and moving, or out of the
house, with him in the stroller or something. That may implement more
exercise.
It’s also going to mean less calorie output because I’m not going to be
feeding him with my body, and so I’m going to need to be more aware of
the calorie intake so that I’m not undoing my exercise work.
Are you convinced? Is it a health goal?
Oh yeah, and I’m really glad that you took the time to talk it through,
because I think most men have no concept of how this impacts women.
Whether it’s the work place, or whether at home, or both. Like to me it just
looks like, “Well he’s stopped nursing.” Okay, yeah so what? Not really
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thinking through, “Oh yeah, that would … your body is a food factory, and
now you’re changing its production values,” so of course there’s going to
be some radical changes involved in there that could affect the entire
system in various ways.
As soon as you say it, it becomes like, “Oh yeah, of course that’s going to
happen.” But I think it’s really important to talk that out, just for a better
understanding. We’ve already been off on one tangent. I don’t want to get
too far off on another one, but [laughter] just generally speaking men, even
guys like myself, who I genuinely want a quality in the workplace, and I
actively work towards making sure that any professional experience a
woman is in any endeavor I’m involved with, is a really positive one.
A mistake that we make as men, and I certainly make it, is thinking that equality means
treating a woman like a man, which is ridiculous as soon as you say it out
loud. So I don’t mentally think that, or I don’t consciously think that, but if
we don’t talk that through specifically, and say some of these things out
loud, that’s our default state that we go into, even when we are trying to be
conscious of it. I am very, very thankful that you explained it.
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I mean you’re my wife, and you felt like you had to defend it to me.
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Laura
Yeah.
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How much more so if you’re on the workplace talking to a coworker, or a
boss, or an employee … so the very fact that you felt, even in a marriage
like ours like, “Man is he going to take it seriously?” [laughter]
Yeah, and I can’t really overemphasize the hormonal disruption factor. Not
only just like with the metabolism and stuff, but like emotionally it can be
kind of rough. Let’s make sure we flag that for the next few weeks
[laughter].
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Yeah, most definitely.
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Yes.
Laura
Laura
It’s hard. There’s a lot that goes into it, and a lot of stuff not just
hormonally driven emotions, but sentimental stuff too, he’s our last baby.
This is the last time I’ll be nursing a baby. Okay, my third goal is with
consistency throughout the week, and I haven’t set an exact like how many
days, but at least three days, if not four or five, I want to get on the
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elliptical trainer that is in our basement, and watch a show while I’m
moving on the elliptical trainer. The current show that I’m watching is
White Collar which I have a great affinity for, and it is 42 minutes long, so
that’s how long I’ll be spending on the elliptical trainer [laughter]. I have to
work it out so that Sophia doesn’t interrupt me because she lives down in
the basement, and that’s kind of prime time for her to be dinking around in
her room before bed. Tonight I think I maybe did 10 minutes before she
interrupted, and then there was … I need to manage her expectations for
that time.
Yeah.
I may … I don’t know what I’m going to do, and I don’t need to talk about
it right now, but I’m going to get on the elliptical trainer, and move my
body, and I know that for me, I have to keep my brain entertained, or I will
just get bored and stop. I’ll be like, “Oh, I’m not moving anymore, what
happened?” Exercise in and of itself is not fun, or exiting for me [laughter],
so I’m just going to trick my brain into ignoring the fact that I’m
exercising.
That’s moving at the time.
Yeah.
Yeah, I found this app that as soon as I saw it I thought was wonderful, but
I think that you would hate it. It’s a running app, and it has the best
marathon or jogging courses in the world videoed on it, so that as you run it
will move you through the marathon course. On the video screen that
you’re watching, it’ll be like you’re running … I don’t know, or something
like that.
I think that would be kind of cool actually.
But it’s not entertaining in the same way.
No, no definitely not, but it’s something. It’s better than just staring at a
blank wall.
Yeah. I can’t remember the name of it [laughter]. Anyway, so I left one of
my goals off the list … and now I’m remembering on last week’s episode, I
actually warned myself that I would do this. That I would sabotage my
attempt to cook. Because that was one of my goals, that I stated last week,
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and I already went through my goals, and I left off, “I need to learn to
cook.”
Yeah.
I didn’t do it consciously [laughter], but as you were going through talking
about, “Yeah, we’re going to prepare meals,” I was like, “Oh right, I’m
supposed to be learning that too.” Yeah, I’m going to learn to cook, and I
found an ally in that.
Yes.
A friend listener, transcript sponsor Michael Rog… Rog... I’ll get it right
Michael, I swear!
Poor Michael.
…has volunteered to be my male cooking chef coach/trainer, and I’ve
accepted. I don’t know how that’s going to work just yet, whether we’ll do
that over Skype or hangouts, or something, but I’ve accepted, and we’re
going to work that out somehow. That’s my plan for doing that because if
it’s just me reading a book, it’ll never happen because I’ve already tried
that.
I left out one other thing that was pretty important to me in terms of how I
carry this out. It’s really important to me that the things that I do require as
little decisions as possible, and this is something that goes back to the
business side, especially with the work that I do. I am helping people make
decisions all day, or I’m making decisions about our business all day, and
especially when it comes to eating or exercise, if I’m trying to throw in
another set of decisions into my life, it fatigues me greatly.
So in the things that I’ve chosen to take on … I’m going to talk about here
in a second … in the way that the diet’s set up, and the way that the apps
I’m using help me exercise are all set up. They’re all set up to, at least for
me, reduce the amount of decisions I have to make, and I just need to
measure if I’m actually doing it. Did I count the calories? Did I do the
exercises? Did I … and so then my job is to show up, and do the work.
With that in mind, I want to start with the diet I’m using. I don’t know what
the official name is, because we got it from a trainer, and I’m sure that he
took it from somewhere else, or put it together for himself, and the
company doesn’t exist anymore. But to give credit to where it’s due, this is
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called The Burn Ridge Boot Camp Food Log Diet, except that this
company no longer exists, and even the gym where it’s at has been bought
out, or acquired for some money, so I can’t even link to this somewhere. I
will … I’m just going to …
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Yeah, it’s an incredibly simple diet.
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Things that aren’t food?
Leslie
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We can link to the PDF because I have that in a PDF.
Yeah, it’s great actually.
Yeah, and so it works like this. I’m just going to call it, on our show — I’m
going to acquire this diet now — I’m going to call it, The Unpronounceable
Diet. [laughter] The reason it’s called The Unpronounceable Diet is that for
anything you eat you look at the ingredients list, and if there’s more than
three things you can’t pronounce, you don’t get to eat it. You’ll be surprised
how much that one rule actually eliminates. For all you amazing literary
English people out there that can actually pronounce the horrible, horrible
things in let’s say a Burger King burger, you still get the spirit of it. You
know exactly what I’m talking about. You look at those words, and it’s not
like … yeah, I can’t even make it up on the show, it’s like auto myopia, but
in food form [laughter], or whatever thing it is, and so you look at that
ingredients’ list, if there’s three things you can’t pronounce, and you know
what they are …
Yeah, things that aren’t food. You can’t pronounce them because they’re
not food, exactly, and so you don’t get to eat that.
Can I point out that that’s pretty much how we eat already anyway.
Except when we go out sometimes. I’m just saying it’s an important part of
the diet.
Yes, it is, I agree.
Especially when traveling, it’s really easy to ignore it, or if you’re going
out to eat, or doing something else, or picking up a snack. I’m just saying it
helps get me back in the right frame of mind.
Right.
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The other part of the diet is you’ve got to limit all sugar intake to 20% of
the total carbs, and that’s on a per item basis.
That sounds like fancy math.
Well it’s not too bad. If there’s 100 things of carbs, and 30 things of sugar,
you can’t eat it. That’s too much sugar to carb, and so you’re looking
specifically at how much the sugar contributes to that. It’s not as difficult as
you think, because 20% is usually pretty easy to figure out.
Does that mean no more peanut butter, and honey toast for you in the
morning?
I might make exceptions for that.
Ah ha, and so it begins [laughter].
Well, it’s because honey is an ingredient in the total.
Oh!
Just a little bit of honey to keep that percentage way, way, down.
[laughter]
We’ll see. But it means stuff like fruit juice is out.
Oh, I know what this means. You can’t eat Morning Star Farms’ breakfast
patties anymore.
I think …
Because there’s no way there’s not unpronounceable things in there.
Yeah, I think we let that one slip because at that time we were still
vegetarian. But anyway it’s going to require changes.
Yeah.
Yeah, there’s going to be stuff that I won’t be able to eat that I’m eating
now. Then there’s the drink half my body weight in fluid ounces every day,
so I’ll get that figured out. Then it also wants you to count calories if you’re
actively trying to lose weight, versus just eating … I’m screwing all this up.
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If you’re actually trying to lose weight they want you to stagger calories,
and that means counting calories. Staggering calories means that on
different days you’re eating a different amount, and you’re wanting to
switch between the major macro nutrients that you’re giving your body. So
it should fall right in line with the diet, with the eating plan that you’re
setting up for us.
Just by way of example, on Monday it’s 2,000 calories, Tuesday 1,700,
Wednesday you’re back up to 1,900, and what that does is that it forces
your body to use the calories you’ve already taken before it fully
replenishes for the next stretch. The first three weeks of this are pretty
terrible, but then you see results as your body adjusts, so your body will
adjust and anticipate the food usage, and you will actually be less hungry,
and get more energy out of less calories.
But it does take … I remember last time it took me three weeks for my
body to adjust to this, but I’m really excited about this because again this
reduces decisions on my end. I just need to know that I’m eating 2,000
calories today, 2,000 calories, all right, I did it right. Did I eat 1,700? All
right. Are there three things I can’t pronounce? Okay. It’s safe to eat. So all
these decisions are made for me, and I’m just following the rules, and that’s
super important for me so that it doesn’t take me out of the flow of building
the business, and helping my clients. Because I’ll go down a rabbit hole if I
have to start thinking about these things.
That’s what the food side looks for me in terms of consuming it. Michael
and I are going to have to get together to figure out a strategy for me
making it, that will probably be focused on the next show or two.
On my side, in terms of exercise, I’m using one app for sure, and that’s
called FitStar. I did a lot of research this week on it.
Of course.
Fit Star was the 2013 app of the year.
How many apps did you review this week?
I looked at … Well, I looked at 30.
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Totally. But “look” is reading reviews of other places. Just really quick
reviews, because in my head I started … I have a very specific set of
criteria, and really just the decision fatigue being a huge one, eliminated
almost of them.
Let me explain that a little bit, because it really came down to FitStar and
another few apps. Another one was called Fitocracy, because I really
wanted that personal trainer experience. But what FitStar did better than
any of the finalists I went with was that initial on-boarding experience to
the app. The first time you use FitStar it takes you through a baseline
routine where it gives you some foundational exercises, and it measures …
and then you self-measure your performance. Was that easy? Was that too
difficult? Or was it just right? If you couldn’t complete the entire exercise,
how far did you get? So it sets up this baseline for you, and then it will
tailor the exercises as you build based on that initial performance.
There is a premium version of that that you have to buy. I think it’s $40 for
the whole year, but compared to a personal training session that’s supercheap. The app itself is super high quality, the videos are great, the
personality is great. But back to that on-boarding experience, when I said I
want the stuff to help me with weight loss, instead of giving me 30 options,
it just presented, “Here’s the one you should go with.”
Now there are other options I could navigate to, but like compared to
Fitocracy, when I actually said, “Yeah, I want to lose weight,” it gave me
16, 17 options leaving me with no clue about which one might be best for
me. So suddenly I was just hit with decision fatigue, “Do I really need to
read 17 options, and some of them had equipment requirements, and some
of them didn’t, and pretty soon I was like … it was just no, even though the
app itself was very good.
FitStar also has a social aspect. You can do challenges. It’s got this free
style mode. So overall it hit my criteria points with it, especially since I
want to be able to challenge some of my buddies from the Haywire
Podcast, because they made the mistake of telling me that they want to get
in shape too.
Nice.
I’m not going to let that drop [laughter]. I will be sending them challenges
on FitStar this week, and we’ll see if they actually join in. I’m not going to
make commitments on their behalf. I’m just saying that they expressed
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interest, and I read that as, “Yes, let’s do it.” So we’ll see if that is actually
the case or not.
If you try FitStar out, I’m just going to say it. Please use my referral code.
If you sign up under my referral code, I get a free week of the premium
stuff which would be really nice, because I want to use the premium
version for a number of reasons. The most one I’m interested in is they
have a daily routine that is set up for a weekly goal that’s tied into your
long-term goals, so at the beginning of the week they’ll send you, “Hey,
here’s four sessions you’ve got to do this week,” and then it will remind
you, and it’s all tailored again to what you need, which I really love.
If you want to use my referral code, it’s just marriagestartup.com/fitstar,
and that will automatically credit me using the link there. Again, we’ll put
that link in the show notes there.
The second app that I’m not committed to yet, but I’m seriously
considering, is called Zombies Run! It’s a running app where it combines
you running with an audio drummer, so as you are out jogging, or on your
treadmill jogging, it will record your steps, and at certain distances it will
trigger story points. There’s like multiple chapters, and it’s high quality
cast, narrated with different. I saw some of the reviews, and heard some of
the audio from it, and it just sounds fantastic in that I went in and watched
interviews with the developers about the premise behind it, and I could
really get into something like that.
Yeah. It’s so sad that it’s zombies because that’s pretty much my biggest
fear and …
I know.
I would have nightmares. In fact I can hardly even talk about zombies
without worrying that I’m going to have nightmares about zombies. There’s
no way I could use an app about zombies.
Well, the same …
Especially running away from them.
Well, see there’s actually a game, because as you go, you collect materials
and new goals, and then you come back, and there’s a base, and so you can
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contribute items back to the base. That makes it more fortified, and the
population increases, and then that contributes back to the story. The whole
thing just sounds awesome.
It does.
They have another app called The Walk that is not zombie based, where
you’re walking around England for some reason. It’s like a response to
some terrorist thing [laughter], so it sounds pretty intense too. But if you
wanted the non-zombie version there’s one called The Walk that might be
fun for the treadmill experience.
I’m just going to stick with White Collar thank you [laughter].
Yeah. There are some other apps I’m considering to help me track nutrition
and calorie counting and stuff, but I haven’t made a decision, so I want to
know more about the cooking stuff. Next week I plan to have made a
decision about how I’m going to do all that, and so I’ll report back on those
on Thursday.
Did you ever find another water tracking app?
No, no I haven’t. I will probably just use like a counter app for that instead
of a water specific one.
Okay.
Because there’s like habit tracking apps that I’ve been looking at too to
help with all of this, but I go overboard on the app stuff which is why I
need decisions made for me, because otherwise I just spend too long
thinking about the variables.
You’re like, “Are you going to use any apps?” and I said, “No,” and you
looked at me askance, and I said “I could make myself a star chart.”
Because you’re like, “How will you know if you did it or not?” [laughter]
That’s you question, “How will you know if you actually exercised or
drank your water, ate right on that day?”
Well I think what I actually said is, “I don’t know how people got in shape
before iPhones.”
You said that too.
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Leslie
Yeah, so I think that was my concluding remark on that.
Laura
I’m always looking for ways to not be on my phone, because this is a
serious problem for me, and so I’m not looking for any apps right now.
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I think the way that … Well, is there anything else that you want to talk
about in terms of your strategy and tactics on how you’re going to carry all
this out? He said very business like
No, did you want to commentate on my strategies? [laughter]
Yes, yes actually, because this is how I want to close the main topic,
because we talked about this in prepping for the show.
There was a lot of tension.
Yeah. Well … We have really different approaches to health.
Yes.
Let me back up a step. Our strategy for being healthy is the same, but the
way that we live it out is different. We both want to eat better, we both
agree on the diet, we both agree that we need to be on the cooking, we both
agree on how to talk to the kids about some of the stuff. So in terms of what
we want to accomplish, and the goals that we want to accomplish, we’re
more or less on the same page. But in how we actually want to live it out,
we’re drastically different.
It’s the strategy is the same, but the tactics …
Right.
Are pretty much opposite.
Yes, and this gives me anxiety because if we were a client of mine, one of
the red flags that would be up is that, well, you have two different cultures
that are merging here. Even though it sounds the same on the outside as
you’re actually living these things out, if you’re not communicating openly
about these things, and if you don’t have some sort of agreement going in
about how to handle the pretty major differences, it’s going to lead to
unspoken tension, or unintentional sabotage, or hard feelings.
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It’s one of the reasons that, you know in a business context it’s a lot easier
to work out because usually there’s failure points that you can see, or I
mean the money stops coming in, the client’s unhappy, the team’s unhappy.
Something eventually breaks. But most of the time in a business context,
there is a structure in place, or a management philosophy in place that’s
meant to catch that. Now that’s a Utopian ideal that most businesses don’t
live up to, but I’m just saying, in the business world it’s normal to call
someone out on it, or in a healthy company they deal with those cultural
differences in ways.
But in marriages, this is one of those things where I think in the past these
differences we just haven’t talked about them, or haven’t expressed them
openly, and so it’s created some … we’d had good intentions gone wrong in
that. So specifically for me I like to measure things a lot, and I need a
process I can just plug myself into that’s very defined, that again goes back
to leaves the decisions out.
That’s pretty counter to you. Like you don’t want to set a weight loss goal
for example, and so when you were initially talking to me about your
strategy I was getting stressed out about it, and it was a real stress, I could
feel it building up in my chest. It wasn’t so much that I disagreed with how
you’re doing it, I just wondered like, “Is she going to care about the things
that I need? Is she going to help me count calories even if she doesn’t want
to? If I set exercise goals in this fashion, is she going to develop a routine
that helps me with that? Then conversely, am I going to be able to do the
same for her?”
I just wanted to make sure that that got set out loud. What a healthy team
will do in my opinion, is that once the team have started on something,
which we’re about to do at the end of this show, they make an agreement
that they’re going to support the other person. They’re going to support the
decision even if they have a disagreement with it. Like the time for
disagreement is before the decisions are implemented, and then again after
predetermined times, or some sort of structure.
I don’t want to get all business-y in how we do this, but I do want to just
say that it’s important that we learn why we’re different. It’s not just about
changing your vocabulary or trying to make someone comfortable, it’s
actually about trying to understand … it’s actually about me trying to
understand why it’s important for you to pursue your goals in the way that
you do, so that I can learn to actively help you versus compromise what
I’m doing. The same for you. Why is it important that I need to set goals,
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and then how you can actively help that without compromising what you
need to do.
So when there’s two separate cultures like we have, our goal is to create an
underlying culture of support, and empowerment in a way that doesn’t
compromise our own values, and the things that we need. The way you do
that is just by acknowledging that, and then just having open
communication that is positive reinforcement, and I would say active and
positive reinforcement of what we’re doing.
Yeah, I just wanted to bring that up is that we’ve made an agreement to do
that for each other.
Yeah.
Instead of disagreeing during the process. Is there anything you wanted to
add to that?
I love you. [laughter] I don’t really… All I hear when you talk about that,
and it’s really important stuff, but all I really hear is your underlying
anxiety of failure at this, and me I’m just like, “Something’s going to
happen, if I get on the elliptical trainer every night, and it’s not going to be
gaining weight, so I’ll be happy about that.” I don’t know. I think it’s just,
it’s such a personality difference, but I have no qualms about us not being
supportive of each other, even if we’re different. Like I’ve never felt like
we weren’t supportive of each other before, even if we weren’t really
talking about it quite as explicitly as we are now, but we’ve both done the
calorie counting thing, and I actually kind of enjoyed it, and I might do it
now this time too. I might as well if I’m going to be doing it for helping
you figure it out. I might as well put mine down too, but I never got the
impression you felt like I wasn’t being supportive with the calorie counting
before, so it kind of made me feel sad.
[chuckles] Well, it’s not that you weren’t supportive, it’s that we weren’t
optimized for that, and that goes back to how I run my day, and the things
that are important. I mean that’s a good example, like we talked about
recipes. So in calorie counting you have to know the recipes, and you have
to know the measurements in order to get an accurate count out of your
serving size, but you hate measuring when you cook. I remember the last
time we did it, it would be anywhere from 15 to 20 minutes per meal to try
to get an accurate calorie count out of the meal if you hadn’t written it
down beforehand, or if you weren’t following a recipe, which you’re prone
to not following recipes.
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It became a point of stress for me because there was at least three meals
that we had to go through, and that’s almost an hour a day of lost time over
something that could be solved if you had just written it down as you were
doing it.
No, the clear solution here is that you are going to take over all the
cooking, and then you’ll know exactly what’s going on.
Well, that’s also a solution. I mean that’s a real solution, but this is what
I’m talking about.
No, I understand.
Is that we both had different routines, and those routines we both needed
different things from the routine. You need to not measure, and go more
thematically doing, because measurement isn’t as important to reaching
your goals like mine is. That goes back to the decision fatigue that I talked
about.
Oh, you just described how I cook too. I thought you were talking about
cooking?
Right, yeah.
But you were actually talking about my whole process. But no it’s the same
thing. Thematic … [laughter]
Right.
I’m a thematic cooker.
My theme is process and measurement, like that’s my theme, but the
implementation is different, so what I’m getting at is that is an example of
where our cultures clash. Like we have no intention of sabotaging each
other, and we want to encourage each other, but in your routine you don’t
pay heed to that stuff, and so you don’t do it, and that becomes a point of
tension on my end because I need that information. Then I’m struggling
with the decision, “Do I push this on her in order to get this information
faster so I’m not stressed out about it, so it doesn’t take me out of my
routine? Then when I get back to work how am I going to get back into the
head space there, and I carry that anxiety with me? Or, do I take over the
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cooking, and now that’s a whole another set of things if I’m actually
planning these meals, or cooking for myself.”
So it introduces this whole decision tree that I don’t want any part of. I
would rather have that planned and decided. But then it can work the other
way too. Like if I’m saying, “Well Laura, every meal you’re going to be a
huge disappointment to me if you’re not writing these down carefully down
to the fluid ounce, so that our calorie count is 100% accurate, and I’m
going to quiz us afterwards, then it sucks all the enjoyment out of it on your
end, and that’s a huge point … I mean that’s a necessity for you to really
enjoy it. The more processes thrust upon you, the less you enjoy it.
That’s just one good example of how we’re going to have to figure out a
culture and routine that honors the other person without compromising the
things that are most important to us. If you can’t tell this is what I do for a
living, but we’re usually we’re talking about software development
[laughter], and producing websites, and software.
I hear buzz words [laughter]!
I think it’s important to talk out.
No, it really is. I really value this.
Like this is the equivalent of weaning on my end right?
Yeah.
It’s a real thing, and I think this is one of those points where when you’re
trying to do something of significance with someone it can be these small
things where if you don’t really examine and honor how a person does their
best work, it can be really easy to make unintentional barriers to that. Our
goal is to find how we honor the other person’s best work without
compromising the things that we need, and so hopefully that give and give
relationship, I’m going to give you what you need, you’re going to do the
same for me, and we’re going to work it out, and really … it’s what we say
at the end of the show, it’s kindness. As long as we’re kind to each other
through this whole process, and talking about it, we’re going to be fine.
Yeah.
Now everyone’s experienced my anxiety about this too, [laughter].
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What are you going to do for me this week?
We talked about that at the beginning of the show.
I know, and I can’t remember what it was now.
What was it? Oh no.
My brain is so dead.
Oh we were going to record it on Thursday?
Yes. For this very reason.
Yeah, but that’s … I mean I am going to do that for you this week, but
that’s not…
Oh, okay.
Did you have anything else you wanted to say about [crosstalk]
No, I think that was you ended that so beautifully, I just, I really want to let
it rest now.
All right. In that case, let’s take our break, and then we’ll come back with
what we’re going to do for each other this week. I love you so much.
I love you.
Thank you for letting me talk what’s poetic about culture and teams, stuff
that I love. All right, we’ll be back in a few seconds.
And we’re back with what we’re going to do for each other this week. This
is the part of the show where we actively find ways to make each other’s
lives better. Why don’t you go first?
Okay. What I’m going to do for you this week is make a decision on what
5Krun/walk we’re going to do together as a family.
Oh my.
There’s a turkey trot but their website’s very sketchy, and still contains
some of the 2013 information, so I don’t know whether or not to trust it.
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The one that looks more fun is the Jingle Bell run/walk for arthritis because
there’s an ugly sweater contest, and you get to dress up, and the course
looks a lot more interesting. It starts downtown so we can just walk to it.
It’s a little bit more expensive but it all goes to a good cause. But anyway,
I’m going to make a decision on that, and that’s the thing I want to do like
to train as a family for our 5K.
That does sound exciting. Yes please.
Okay.
I’ve never done a 5K. Running’s always been my weak spot in my …
I’m not planning on running. I dislocated my ankle…
That’s right.
…this weekend, just by sitting on the floor. I feel very, very nervous about
doing any sort of running [laughter].
It’s a worthy goal. We’ll figure it out.
Yes.
This week, I am going to help make sure you have your sit-down meal,
especially at lunch. I think the middle of the day is where I’ve noticed I can
have the biggest impact if I’m actually inside at lunch. Take Ethan, wrangle
the girls for 15, 20 minutes so you can actually sit down and eat. I have
noticed it makes a huge difference in your day.
Yes.
Barring any appointments I’ve already made, which I don’t think I have
any, I’m going to actually eat inside, and try to protect that time for you so
you can actually do that, and have a good start to your food routine this
week.
[yawning] Okay, thank you.
Oh, and there’s the yawn. That’s right, this is actually like 11:30 for us.
Yeah.
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Yeah, for fallback.
Ugh. [laughter]
On that note, let’s wrap up the show.
All right, thank you guys so much for listening. As always we love hearing
from you. You can leave us a review on iTunes, and the easiest way to get
to that is to go to http://marriagestartup.com/itunes, that’ll take you straight
to iTunes where you can leave a wonderful review that we’ll mention on
the show. We mention any review, one star, five star, four star, whatever
stars you want to give us, so long as it’s an honest review, we will say thank
you, and get better about what we do.
We also love hearing from you on Facebook. We have a continually active
group on there, and you can find us at http://facebook.com/marriagestartup.
Our Twitter following’s actually growing a little bit, so we should try and
be more active on Twitter.
Yeah, I don’t do anything with Twitter, sorry.
Hi Twitter friends. We love you too. You can find us at Twitter,
@marriagestartup, and of course our website is http://marriagestartup.com,
and if you want to comment on this particular episode, if there’s some apps
we missed, or you want to find out, give some feedback on any of the apps
that we’ve talked about, or really anything that we’ve talked about, the diet
plan, weaning. We cover a wide range of stuff. You can find that at http://
marriagestartup.com/18, and you can actually do that with any episode that
you listen to. If you want to comment specifically on that episode, just do
‘marriagestartup.com, slash, episode number,’ and you’ll get straight there.
All right, that’s going to do it for this week. As always be kind to each
other, and we’ll see you next week.
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Transcription

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