Work and Family Balance Worksheet

People do not see the world as it is;
they see it as they are – or as they
have been conditioned to be
If I do not change within
the next 48 hours then it
is unlikely I am going to
change
DEVELOPING
LEADERSHIP
SKILLS IN
YOUR CHILD
BASIC PRINCIPLES
• Raising righteous, dynamic children is based on the
relationship between the spouses – a fusion of mind, body
and soul
• It is not so much how you see yourself rather how your
children see you i.e. if you want to nurture your children
to become people of significance then you must change as
children become the attributes you give them
• Don’t push your child towards academic achievement
that has no correlation with a happy life or even true
success
• Put your efforts into helping your child become good at
something that will become a passion for them…but
don’t rush them!
• Teach your child good manners and etiquettes to develop
moral character, conduct and social skills
PARENTING TODAY…
• The father does the providing, the mother the
deciding and the children the over-riding
• In wanting to give our children what we did not
have, we have forgotten to give them what we
had…values, ethics, sense of purpose and belonging
• A true friend is that who has concern for the other’s
spiritual development and place in the Hereafter –
but how many of us are really friends of our
children?
EXAMPLES OF NEGATIVE INFLUENCES
• TELEVISION
• ELECTRONIC GAMING
• SOCIAL MEDIA
• ‘FRIENDS’ THAT DON’T ECHO THE QUALITIES
AND VALUES THAT, AS A PARENT, YOU ARE
TRYING TO DEVELOP IN YOUR CHILD
• ENVIRONMENTS FOR LEARNING, PLAY AND
RECREATION THAT IS NOT CONDUCIVE TO A
CHILD’S SPIRTUAL WELLBEING
TWO DEADLY EXAMPLES
TELEVISION
ELECTRONIC GAMING
•
•
Addictive
•
Can make you aggressive
•
Can make you insensitive to other
people’s needs
•
Kills your creativity
•
Stunts socialising skills
•
Can make you too independent
•
Playing a video game triggers the
same violent responses in the brain
as actual aggression
•
•
Every child supposed to walk, talk
and think – diminishes enthusiasm
for reading, self-development and
initiative, creativity
Erodes morality, self-esteem and
empathy
Breeds spectatorship and stunts
imagination – cannot distiguish
between fantasy and reality
•
Slows the body’s metabolic rate
•
Stunts the development of a child’s
brains and social skills
•
Increases the likelihood of children
developing ADHD
•
Causes depression
C o r e F a m i l y Va l u e s
•
What really matters to you as a family?
•
What values govern how you live your life?
•
What values do you want to pass on to your
children?
Successful parenting for leadership (I)
• Be united in discipline and know that it is an educative process
• Understand that your behaviour and emotions affects your child’s
behaviour and emotions i.e. model responsibility
• Focus attention and energy on the positive aspects of behaviour
• Emphasize cooperation, not control
• Teach children to think for themselves and exercise self-control
• Know how to appreciate your children, even when they are
misbehaving i.e. don’t let this stop you from enjoying them
Successful parenting for leadership (II)
• Build self-esteem in your children: A happy, well adjusted child almost
always develops a healthy self-image - the two go hand in hand
• Develop self-confidence and resiliency
• Connect special activities with good behaviour e.g. have plans that
teach the value of completing chores, earning allowances and doing
homework
• Anticipate problems i.e. have a game plan to reduce misbehaviour
through deploying diversionary tactics
GROUP ACTIVITY – DEFINING LEADERSHIP
• Based on previous slides, discuss amongst yourselves:
• What values and qualities do you envisage being
developed in your children?
• Agree and list up to 5 qualities of a good leader
• Assess your child’s progress against each quality
• Write down what more needs to be done to
consolidate each quality in your child
UNLEASH YOUR CHILD’S POTENTIAL
How to B U I L D your child’s self-esteem
 Make your children feel an important part of the family e.g. by giving them tasks to do
at home and letting them help with planning of family activities and outings
 Encourage creativity and developing a talent:
 Praise your children for trying and doing things that you approve of
 Help your children to use their imagination, intelligence and playfulness
 Encourage your children to talk – they need to talk about their feelings and ideas, even if
different from yours. Discussing what motivates them helps consolidate their beliefs also
How to B U I L D your child’s self-esteem
 Make your children feel special and wanted:
 Spend time doing things with your children

Hug and kiss your children

Show that you love them
 Share your feelings and ideas with your children e.g. discuss family and
community issues and events with them
 Encourage and support them in building positive friendships
 Value self-image e.g. looks aren’t everything
How to B U I L D your child’s self-esteem
 Help your children to set goals and discuss with them what they want out of life
 Be consistent in your dealings with them e.g. do not change a rule without discussing it
with your children
 Give your children a chance to make choices so that they understand the consequences
of the choices that they make
The way you talk to your
child teaches them how to
talk to others
Ways to talk so children will listen
Connect before you direct
Speak socially correctly
Address the child
Speak psychologically correctly
Stay brief
Write it
Stay simple
Talk the child down
Ask your child to repeat the request back to
Settle the listener
you
Replay your message
Make an offer the child can't refuse
Let your child complete the thought
Be positive
Use rhyme rules
Begin your directives with "I want.“
Give likable alternatives
"when...then."
Give advance notice
Legs first, mouth second
Open up a closed child
Give choices
Use "when you…I feel…because…"
Speak developmentally correctly
Close the discussion
“Do it for me!”
•
Is your child overly demanding?
•
Does your child appear helpless and unable to complete tasks on their own?
•
Does your child seem entitled?
•
Change the current family dynamic
•
Set expectations for your kids
•
Don’t expect too much
•
Make it fun!
Positive and Effective Parenting
• Appreciate the value of play and make time for family activities
• Talk with and listen to your child and teach them the difference
between right from wrong
• Build your child's brain and body
• Be your child's first source of information
• Learn how children develop, know your unique child and cherish it!
Emotionally coached children…
• Enjoy better physical health
• Perform better academically
• Get along with friends more easily
• Have fewer behaviour problems
• Are more positive and emotionally healthier
• Capable of comforting themselves in difficult circumstances
• Less dependent on others for emotional support
• Quickly recover and resume productive tasks after a crisis i.e. they have a
high degree of resilience
• Emotionally more intelligent
Emotional coaching of children
 A parent who spends time with their child, who knows the
child and who has a close emotional bond with the child, is
in a better position to exert influence over the child
 The trust relationship between parent and child makes
the child receptive to parental guidance and advice, easing
the parent’s task of guiding and motivating them
PARENTING STYLE
Authoritarian
Egalitarian
Permissive
•
Decisive
•
Collaborative
•
Accepting
•
Requiring
•
Team player
•
Supportive
•
Efficient
•
Sharing responsibility
•
Respectful
•
Assertive
•
Decision maker
•
Open
•
Task-oriented
•
Not bossy
•
Agreeable
•
Controlling
•
Ingratiating
•
Assuring
•
Strict
•
Avoiding leadership
•
Conforming
•
Rigid
•
Undisciplined
•
Motivating from behind the scenes
•
Inflexible
•
Reactive
•
Pushing the child on self-goals
•
Domineering
•
Manipulative
•
Relying on internal structure
•
Too lenient
•
Too time-consuming
GROUP ACTIVITY – REVIVALIST CULTURE
• An effective parenting style can have a transformational impact on a child’s
self-esteem, identity and worth. So how can you now make this impact
purposeful? What objective are you seeking?
• For our children to become leaders we want them to be, we have to ensure
our efforts are geared towards a higher purpose. The many social and
spiritual ills are corrupting our society and ultimately the hearts and minds of
our children
• The question is: what makes a Mujaddid – a reviver of the Deen of Allah?
Examples include traits such as having:
• Correct aqidah and mastery of Islamic sciences
• Humblesness, Taqwa, perserverance, focus, truthfulness, modesty,
pragmatism, vision and foresight
• Correct adab and execution of knowledge
• Now what support is needed to propel your children for a righteous cause?
• There is no way to have rich, rewarding family relationships without
real understanding. Relationships can be superficial. They can be
functional. They can be transactional
• But they can’t be transformational – and deeply satisfying – unless
they’re built on a foundation of genuine understanding.
• Families who live with cooperation and care for each other are given
increase in sustenance (rizq) by Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala
• Those who remain divided and are aloof from each other, He then
removes the bounty from their sustenance and their lifespan shortens
even if they are all pious' (in other respects).
A home is judged not on
its outward appearance
and beauty but on the
harmony of relationships
within the home…
Creating harmony in the home
•
Care for yourself and your family through:
•
Creating a connection with each other i.e. mutuality in everything, which leads to a
united front and an inner/outer image of what you stand for
•
Sharing responsibilities in the home
•
Showing respect and being honorable, even in each other’s absence
•
Controlling of the tongue and emotions
•
Accentuating the Positive