Discussion: Men in Crisis

1 BunchOBlokes Discussion Guide: Men In Crisis
Discussion Guide
Men In Crisis
The Goal:
The ultimate goal of BunchOBlokes is that men will discover, accept and celebrate their
individual uniqueness and personal value and will encourage one another to be transformed to
live a full and satisfying life.
For this goal to be realised, men need to clearly understand why we feel the way we do and to
know that however we feel and whatever our circumstances are, that there is hope for us, our
families and our communities, provided we use the tools and opportunities available to us.
What we need most of all at this moment is each other. Not because any one of us has the
answer, but because together we can see clearly what went wrong and what we need to do to
feel that we matter and that the task is achievable.
Men in Crisis
Australian men are facing a crisis of
identity. Perhaps for the first time in
history, large numbers of men,
regardless of their age and situation in
life, are encountering significant
problems just being men. Some of the
traditional roles of men and women
no longer apply and many attempts to
redefine these roles seem to have
failed. There is a deep confusion for
many of us about where we fit, not
just in society, but even within our
© Copyright 2015 bunchOblokes: Men Building Men www.bunchOblokes.org Revision date: 25/05/2015
BunchOBlokes leaders exercise humility and patience, recognising that we have as much to receive as to impart. We do not seek to
control, but treat everyone as we would like to be treated, being quick to listen and slow to speak with a strong mind and a light heart,
knowing that the grace we have received is the grace we have to give. Extract from the BOB Goals and Values statement .
2 BunchOBlokes Discussion Guide: Men In Crisis
own families. The result is that it can be very hard for us to feel good about ourselves and our
future prospects. Even in times of war we knew what to do. It’s the same with bushfires,
droughts and floods when there are things we can do to help someone in need, but now...
sometimes we are not so sure we can even help ourselves.
So many of these necessary changes for the benefit of women have crept up on us and we did
not see them coming. But now the genie is out of the bottle, and it cannot be put back in. For
example, the possibility of women not needing men to do anything, other than to provide
sperm, is no longer a joke as it gets closer to reality each day. We have been told that “all men
are bastards” so often, that we are now starting to believe that we are.
It is true that many men need to improve their relationships and attitudes in areas where they
are not involved to any great degree, such as in the care for children, but the pendulum has
swung too far for many of us, and we don’t know what to do to restore the balance as society
continues to break along gender lines, in particular.
what he does.
Loss of Foundations
This is the result of many factors within our culture that many of us feel we are powerless to
address.
Even before Australia became a colony, the foundation of Western society has been changing
slowly with the rise of science and technology, and the decline of traditional wisdom within
philosophy and academia, that eventually filters down into the popular mind. During the past
100 years, the effect of two world wars has further destabilised our established certainties, which
we saw gather pace with the Baby Boomers and their adoption of sex, drugs and rock and roll in
the 1960’s until today.
So much of what has happened has left us without a foundation that we can rely upon,
© Copyright 2015 bunchOblokes: Men Building Men www.bunchOblokes.org Revision date: 25/05/2015
BunchOBlokes leaders exercise humility and patience, recognising that we have as much to receive as to impart. We do not seek to
control, but treat everyone as we would like to be treated, being quick to listen and slow to speak with a strong mind and a light heart,
knowing that the grace we have received is the grace we have to give. Extract from the BOB Goals and Values statement .
3 BunchOBlokes Discussion Guide: Men In Crisis
especially as religious faith is increasingly under attack and becomes less significant in society.
The alternatives of philosophy, chemistry, technology and the information age are all very well,
as are our pre-occupations with business and sport. But what happened to faith, hope and love
which we seem to have lost along the way. Are they no longer applicable or available?
Nihilistic Despair
In many ways our culture is facing
despair. Having abandoned its
foundations, we are left with the
claims of the “enlightenment”; the
teachings and dogmatic certainties of
science and philosophy in preference
to the uncertainties of faith and
religion, whose dogmas belong to a
time that has past, or so they say.
In its denial of faith, hope and love,
our culture is not offering a glorious
future. It is today, filled with anxiety and uncertainty based on the very things that have made us
what we are as we rage against the machinery of progress, fearful of and for the economy and
the future of democracy, cursing the darkness of religious extremism, pornography, drug
addiction and the exploitation of children and women.
This is the despair of nihilism. The belief in nothing as past ideologies and values are abandoned
for reasons even the philosophers themselves do not share as they claim “God is dead” and
there is no basis for hope. Not for today. Not for tomorrow and certainly not for eternity.
Time for Courage
Having abandoned hope, the nihilists and “Neo Atheists” have turned to reason for their
salvation. This was doomed to fail because reason also has no soul and no spirit beyond it own
smug certainties.
If we are to have hope for ourselves and for our families, we must also have courage. Not in a
return to the past with its violence and improper use of power, but in the quiet, humble and
meek, yes meek assurance that all is not lost. Courage is required when you know the risks are
high, but you go ahead with a plan because the best you have to give is what you know, or at
least hope, still works. This is the confidence that things are in fact, still as they were. God is not
dead nor has he abandoned us as he waits patiently for us to hear his still, small voice.
© Copyright 2015 bunchOblokes: Men Building Men www.bunchOblokes.org Revision date: 25/05/2015
BunchOBlokes leaders exercise humility and patience, recognising that we have as much to receive as to impart. We do not seek to
control, but treat everyone as we would like to be treated, being quick to listen and slow to speak with a strong mind and a light heart,
knowing that the grace we have received is the grace we have to give. Extract from the BOB Goals and Values statement .
4 BunchOBlokes Discussion Guide: Men In Crisis
Culture Wars
It is a mistake to think that the surrounding culture is just what other people believe in and
think about. Culture is not just ideas and beliefs. It is what we do as a result of what we believe
that counts. Culture has a substance about it. It has a shape and a form as it influences us
powerfully, just as the Internet and social media has become such a strong force, even if we
don’t participate ourselves we cannot resist its force. Not that culture is necessarily good or bad,
but how we relate to culture is very important. If we know what we want, and go after what we
think is good and worth fighting for, then we have to take the surrounding culture into
consideration in our quest.
It follows then, that we need to be careful about what we think is important. Every day we have
an unimaginable range of options available to us and we choose those things that are most
attractive, that we think are most beneficial. Often, because we are creatures of habit, when we
start doing something for the first time that we think is a good idea, it can become hard to
change back to the way things were because the pictures in our minds have changed, often
without us knowing.
If we do want to reclaim that which is most satisfying and life giving, we cannot do it by just
criticising the alternatives. But what we can do, is to be aware of how popular culture infiltrates
our minds and to make sure that what we think about and believe in, is what we think is actually
good, and be prepared not just to talk about it, but to go after it with everything we have within
us.
© Copyright 2015 bunchOblokes: Men Building Men www.bunchOblokes.org Revision date: 25/05/2015
BunchOBlokes leaders exercise humility and patience, recognising that we have as much to receive as to impart. We do not seek to
control, but treat everyone as we would like to be treated, being quick to listen and slow to speak with a strong mind and a light heart,
knowing that the grace we have received is the grace we have to give. Extract from the BOB Goals and Values statement .
5 BunchOBlokes Discussion Guide: Men In Crisis
What is the Highest Good?
It is natural to be selfish and greedy. The survival instinct of fight or flight is obvious, but there is
a difference between what is natural and what is good. The law of the survival of the fittest may
be right in the jungle, but thousands of years of civilisation, education and wisdom has left us
with many examples of both what is good for us, and what is not good, which we ignore at our
peril.
Has history and the reality of our own lives not taught us that the highest good is to love and to
be loved? But this is not necessarily a natural instinct. It is a considered passionate choice that
combines both the passionate heart and the sound mind in a proper balance.
So what happens when we contradict nature? And in any case, is what we call human nature
really all that human or natural? Looking back, we can easily see the mistakes made by Adolf
Hitler and Josef Stalin both of whom had their own ideas about the nature of reality and both of
whom eliminated opposing voices to become masters of their destiny, to the regret of many
millions of people during the last 100 years. In our case unrestrained human instinct is likely to
be the cause of failed relationships, loss of trust, or just the dull, low-grade lack of satisfaction
with what we have otherwise accomplished.
What have we learned from history? If we can see the errors of each preceding generation so
clearly, who is to say that we are not making the same mistakes at this present moment? It is up
to us, not just to curse the darkness, but to be our own example of bringing light into darkness
by pursuing what we think is good that we hope will still be life giving.
The indications are that one of the effects of nihilistic despair is the emergence of a false hope in
© Copyright 2015 bunchOblokes: Men Building Men www.bunchOblokes.org Revision date: 25/05/2015
BunchOBlokes leaders exercise humility and patience, recognising that we have as much to receive as to impart. We do not seek to
control, but treat everyone as we would like to be treated, being quick to listen and slow to speak with a strong mind and a light heart,
knowing that the grace we have received is the grace we have to give. Extract from the BOB Goals and Values statement .
6 BunchOBlokes Discussion Guide: Men In Crisis
ourselves: that we can be our own saviours. This misplaced vanity has resulted in a form of
selfishness and greed from which we have developed a narcissistic self image that paves the way
for many other forms of poor human behaviour that is essentially disconnected from
relationship to others. We have lost the definition of love as being to “will the best for another at
some risk to ourselves”. If this is true, whether it is a cause or an effect of our dissatisfaction, we
have a problem that we must grapple with and must solve if our kids and grandkids are to have
the future we would want for ourselves and them. When we do stuff that we are ashamed of, it
leaves an imprint on our soul, especially, if we are the only ones that know.
This is what happens when the substance of our souls is shallow, self gratifying, self indulgent
and lacking self restraint, we become lost, like many of us are, right now.
Reclaiming Our Souls
Of all the things we can do to reclaim our identity, the most important is to distinguish between
our egos and our souls. This is important because it helps us to identify the source of our
motivation. Our egos are rational and defensive and at times, aggressive. In the worst case, they
are narcissistic and objectionable. Our souls are passionate, wanting to love and to be loved. If
our egos predominate our character, we are in a dangerous place because our egos allow us to
deceive ourselves about our motivations and how we relate to others.
To meet this challenge, we need to look into our own motivations to see how the values of our
culture infiltrate our character, and prevent us from being who we would otherwise like to be.
This is the time for the weakness of faith, hope and love to overcome the strength of despair,
© Copyright 2015 bunchOblokes: Men Building Men www.bunchOblokes.org Revision date: 25/05/2015
BunchOBlokes leaders exercise humility and patience, recognising that we have as much to receive as to impart. We do not seek to
control, but treat everyone as we would like to be treated, being quick to listen and slow to speak with a strong mind and a light heart,
knowing that the grace we have received is the grace we have to give. Extract from the BOB Goals and Values statement .
7 BunchOBlokes Discussion Guide: Men In Crisis
violence and death.
Discussion: Men in Crisis
Q. What do you think about the status of men? Have you experienced the sort
of crisis and despair that we are talking about?
Q. Do you agree that men need to have a strong foundation to establish their
role within society?
Q. What are the best principles that are available to guide us in our defining
our roles?
Q. In what way does the surrounding culture influence your thinking that you
see as harmful?
Q. What do you take away from this discussion? What do you think will
enhance your soul that you could do tomorrow? What do you think you could
be more aware of, that harms your soul?
Written by Warren Mills
Related BOB Discussion Guides
The Golden Rule Parts 1, 2, 3
Further reading
Crystal Clear Communication by Kris Cole
Servant Leadership by Robert Greenleaf © Copyright 2015 bunchOblokes: Men Building Men www.bunchOblokes.org Revision date: 25/05/2015
BunchOBlokes leaders exercise humility and patience, recognising that we have as much to receive as to impart. We do not seek to
control, but treat everyone as we would like to be treated, being quick to listen and slow to speak with a strong mind and a light heart,
knowing that the grace we have received is the grace we have to give. Extract from the BOB Goals and Values statement .
8 BunchOBlokes Discussion Guide: Men In Crisis
Feedback for Men In Crisis Discussion Guide
Leaders, please get a response to the following questions from your group and
post your summary along with your comments and suggestions on the
BunchOBlokes website.
Relevance
This topic was relevant to me. (100 means very much, 50 means OK, neither good nor bad, below
50 means that the topic was a waste of time)
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Discussion
The discussion on this subject was useful to me.
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Problems
We encountered the following problems with this topic:
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Suggestions for Improvement
The following suggestions would improve this subject or the discussion:
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© Copyright 2015 bunchOblokes: Men Building Men www.bunchOblokes.org Revision date: 25/05/2015
BunchOBlokes leaders exercise humility and patience, recognising that we have as much to receive as to impart. We do not seek to
control, but treat everyone as we would like to be treated, being quick to listen and slow to speak with a strong mind and a light heart,
knowing that the grace we have received is the grace we have to give. Extract from the BOB Goals and Values statement .
9 BunchOBlokes Discussion Guide: Men In Crisis
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© Copyright 2015 bunchOblokes: Men Building Men www.bunchOblokes.org Revision date: 25/05/2015
BunchOBlokes leaders exercise humility and patience, recognising that we have as much to receive as to impart. We do not seek to
control, but treat everyone as we would like to be treated, being quick to listen and slow to speak with a strong mind and a light heart,
knowing that the grace we have received is the grace we have to give. Extract from the BOB Goals and Values statement .