Denmark 2011: Dangerous or Delightful?

Denmark 2011:
Dangerous or Delightful?
Issue 22
July 2011
Above: Zombies invade the Denmark Civic Centre. Below: Jackie has a good cup of coffee at breakfast.
GALS’ annual trip to the normally sleepy town of Denmark for the Festival of Voice is always guaranteed to
be a whirlwind tour of drama and excitement, and 2011
was no exception - a mixture of danger and delight.
The Denmark danger started before we left with the
Great Scarf War, where the choir was divided into rainbow versus purple scarf teams. A heated battle ensued
with Sharon unleashing her secret Weapon of Mass
Distraction - the white t-shirt argument! Although there
were no fatalities, heavy casualties were incurred by
both teams, with the purple team eventually defeating
the rainbow-scarf lovers.
Once in Denmark, the Civic Centre was beset by zombies and gremlins who played havoc with the lighting.
Evil and possessed keyboards, bursting water bottles,
gas heater problems and people falling out of bed
(although not into a ditch this time) were also amongst
the dangers of Denmark this year.
There were rumours that it was the song Thriller which
cursed our camp with these haunting incidents. Other
rumours suggest that it may have actually been the ghost
of Sweeny Todd behind our bad luck, although some
people considered it a good omen when Sharon almost
swallowed a fly while the choir was singing Sweeny
Todd, but managed to spit it out!
On the other hand, there was a brilliant choir party,
fabulous performances by the choir, breakfasts together,
gorgeous scenery, great company and lots of music, fun
and GALSWA awesomeness.
Debate continues however, as to whether Janette’s public announcement of her virginity qualifies as a ‘danger’
or a ‘delight!’
Page 2
Rhubarb Rhubarb Rhubarb
On the positive side, in his dying
moments, Roland was able to
channel the horse races (we suspect ahead of time) when plugged
into an amp, but before GALS
members could act on this etheric
information and become millionaires by placing judicious bets, Roland’s heart stopped and it seemed
he was dead.
Undaunted however, by this tragic
turn of events, the ever-daring and
decisive Jackie leapt into action
and attempted to revive Roland
with her magic touch. While Jackie
heroically battled to save Roland’s
life, other choir members also
swung into action by googling instructions for curing Roland but to
no avail.
Some choir members offered consolation in the form of useful suggestions for what we could do if
Roland could not be revived. Ideas
included having Adele play the
accompaniment on glasses of water
filled to different degrees, or using
the piano function on iphones and
lining a number of them up to create a full length keyboard. Another
suggestion was that Adele sing the
accompaniment (cleverly harmonizing with herself) or that another
keyboard be kidnapped from a rival choir.
Our 2011 trip to Denmark was
punctuated by sadness as
GALS’ old and faithful keyboard, Roland EP9 finally
passed away.
Roland’s final downhill slide
into oblivion came during our
rehearsal for Saturday night’s
concert. Roland started to exhibit
strange behaviours, operating
only in record mode or playing a
third up or a fifth down. Choir
members initially wondered if
Roland was perhaps possessed or
having a fit. Our resident doctor,
Liz, suggested that it could be the
onset of keyboard dementia.
Whilst incredibly helpful, these
suggestions were not necessary
after all as Jackie suddenly coaxed
Roland back to life. Roland managed to struggle valiantly through
one final performance on Saturday
night before departing this life,
hopefully for keyboard heaven.
GALS bids a fond farewell to their
long-time friend and faithful companion, Roland EP 9.
Issue 22
GALS Hatches Cunning
Plan to Get More Men
Page 3
Candidly Denmark
Our annual trip to Denmark this year was more than a fun
and relaxing weekend at the Festival of Voice. Unbeknown
to the population of Denmark, while Festival participants
frolicked through workshops and concerts, in the cabins
hired by GALSWA, a much more serious conference was
taking place.
The Get More Men Convention was being held in a top
secret location - a convention where devious plans are debated and strategies are schemed. For years, GALS has
been fruitlessly searching for new male members and this
year, they were determined to solve their problem.
Above: The Breakfast Brigade
Discussion was heated and intense as several extremely
practical suggestions were put on the table. Bribery was
seriously considered however it was dropped in favour of
the idea of converting people’s fathers to being gay. Erin
generously volunteered her dad for the experiment at
GALS’ next major concert.
Dissatisfied with waiting for so long however, one of the
choir members snuck from the convention with the intention of getting more immediate results by poaching Spooky
Men and convincing them to join GALS. Confident in her
powers of persuasion, this rogue member used every trick
in the book to lure members of Spooky Men to GALS, but
she too eventually admitted defeat.
After this attempt, the convention decided that a much
more longer-term strategy was needed and they hatched a
very cunning long-term plan which was sure to succeed.
GALS would simply breed males and raise them to become
GALS members. Shown below, young Eli Peter is the first
to be raised under GALS’ new scheme. He can be seen in
the picture engaging in jaw strengthening exercises, already
in training for his future as a male member of GALS!
Above: Secret Meeting at the Get More Men Convention
Above: Liz takes a quiet moment to mourns Roland EP9
Above: Janette comes out as a Denmark Virgin!
That Chronologically-Gifted
Light-Challenged Experience of a
Metaphysical Nature
(A Politically Correct Song)
That chronologically-gifted light-challenged experience of a metaphysical nature has me engaged in a wiccan-style working of etheric energy.
That chronologically-gifted light-challenged experience of a metaphysical nature that you weave so skilfully (which declaration is not intended
to imply that others are less skilful than you, just different).
Those exceedingly heat-impaired digits ascend and descend the length
of my vertebral column.
That equivalent chronologically-gifted wiccan-craft when your ocular
organs meet mine.
That equivalent chronologically-gifted sensation of a tingling nature
which I feel within when the transportation device of an elevatory nature
commences to function.
And I descend and descend again in the circular motion of an organ of a
vascular plant which is held captive by the rise and fall of sea levels
caused by the combined effects of the gravitational forces exerted by the
moon and the sun and the rotation of the Earth.
Hot Tips for
Denmark Trips
1. Make sure your hot water bottle
doesn’t leak.
2. White t-shirts are NOT cool for
GALS concerts. Do not listen to
evil people who try to persuade
you to wear anything other than
black.
3. A miner’s head-lamp torch should
be considered a necessity.
4. Pretending to be a zombie on stage
can be hazardous to your health!
5. Beware of possessed keyboards.
6. Beware of people who suggest
playing ‘spin the bottle’ at parties.
7. If you sleep in on Sunday, you’ll
miss the GALS big breaky.
I am of the humble opinion that I should adjourn to a geographical location which is not current space in which I reside, but although an empowered womyn with a keen intellect, I currently lack ideas as to what
course of action to take.
8. Always remember to tell Saani
anything interesting or embarrassing which happens. She just likes
to know. She assures you it probably won’t be printed.
I use my aural senses to discern your birthright nomenclature, and I find
myself experiencing a pyrotechnic sensation. A pyrotechnic sensation of
environmentally sustainable fuel consuming desire that only facially
conjoining with you could possibly extinguish the fire.
9. Poaching members from other
choirs is acceptable only if you
don’t get caught.
For you are the significant other I have delayed an arrival time for, the
significant other that the purpose of a cosmic plan (with respect for the
religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice
not to practice religious or secular traditions at all) caused me to come
into existence for.
10. Beanies are the height of fashion
in Denmark are appropriate in any
situation.
And every time your orally-framing skin folds merge with mine, significant other whom I have great affection for, I descend and descend again
in the circular motion not unlike spinning.
In this spinning state which I am fully present to and experiencing an
abundance of gratitude and intense liking for, beneath that chronologically-gifted light-challenged experience of a metaphysical nature which
is known as love.
Gay and Lesbian Singers of WA
North Perth Lesser Hall, View Street, North Perth www.galswa.org.au