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Vic Darkwood
Victor Darkwood was born in a small hovel on the Wirral Peninsular and, despite his father's
occupation as lowly cordwainer, showed early gentlemanly flair by choosing to buff up his ragamuffin
bare feet with oxblood boot polish, so that they resembled brogues. After gaining a degree in
Obfuscational Studies from the University of North Acton, he went on to a life of complete lassitude.
If it weren't for a chance encounter with his future literary agent in a Limehouse bordello, things
could have turned out very differently. Prone to leaning decoratively against classical architecture at
an angle of 15 degrees to the perpendicular and strumming a lyre, Mr Darkwood is currently working
on a guide to assist the modern traveller.
Books:
The Lost Art of Travel
Book agent: Susan Smith
Publisher: John Murray
Published date: November 2006
Book category: Non-Fiction
Rights sold: US: Thomas Dunne Books / St Martin's Press
A brief glance around the travel section of today's bookshops will convince the reader that there is a
paucity of literature dealing with the true nitty-gritty of the voyager's art. It is quite plain that the
majority of today's travellers are still not doing it right. Blundering off on a jaunt ill-prepared, and
blithely pooh-poohing the lessons of precedent, a young buck is setting himself up for a fall. In all
likelihood he will eventually find himself in a merry pickle, locked up in the slammer or attempting to
survive solely on a diet of twigs. Older voyagers, with their luncheon boxes and tick lists, might just
as profitably stay at home, and spend their final years playing bingo or watching the televisual
exploits of Mr Michael Palin. Now, for the first time, a compendium of information drawn from the
travel writers of the 19th and early 20th centuries, is available for the enlightenment of the modern
traveller. This illustrated guide will provide you with all you need to know about “Revolting food that
may save the lives of starving men”; “Calculating the rush of an enraged animal”; and “Hunting
elephants and hippos with a javelin” - as well as providing highly entertaining advice on how to deal
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with overseas hoteliers and the importance of packing two pairs of flannel pyjamas for travel in
Central and Northern Japan.
Chap Manifesto: Revolutionary Etiquette for the Modern Gentleman
Book agent: Susan Smith
Publisher: Fourth Estate
Published date: October 2001
Book category: Non-Fiction
Including a celebration of the epitomes of the chap - from Montesquiou to Terry-Thomas - and
revealing the the subtle nuances of a gentleman's semiotics of smoking and trouser semaphore, this
book is a rallying point for the classic bloke beleaguered in postmodern confusion, a "cri de coeur"
from the manly bosom, a hail-well-met to gentlemen of all pinstripes. Being a gentleman is not just
about motoring, smoking and gambling, but it's important to master those basics before moving on
to consumptive cosmetics and enemas for pleasure. Topped off by the full range of implements
required by the anarcho-dandy tool kit, the book - racily illustrated throughout - even contains a little
something for the ladies. In the tradition of Mao's "Red Book", Marx's "Manifesto for the Communist
Party", the book is a rallying cry: Gentlemen of the world unite - you have exquisite manners to
maintain!
Around the World in 80 Martinis
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Book agent: Susan Smith
Publisher: Fourth Estate
Published date: October 2003
Book category: Non-Fiction
This title is a spoof of the Jules Verne classic and a "Rough Guide to the World" for "Chaps"
everywhere. nOn a wet November evening, in the refined surroundings of the Sheridan Club on
London's St James's Street, Messrs Temple and Darkwood entered into a wager: Is it possible to
travel the entire world, crossing all five continents, using a different method of transport for every
leg of the journey? This is the story of their remarkable attempt. nIt is an adventure that takes the
"Chaps" into territory previously unchartered by gentlemen, such as three-star hotels and standard
class railway carriages, and involves some of the more curious forms of travel, including balloon,
yak, elephant, Kon-Tiki raft and a sperm whale. Along the way they have to negotiate the
unpalatable cuisine of North America; cross the entire Congo jungle in a sedan chair; and resort to
selling their internal organs after a disastrous night spent at a seedy casino in Bangkok. nTheir
journey is eased by the indispensable "Trubshawe's Handbook for the Gentleman Traveller" and by
Ahmed, their quick witted Moroccan boyservant, who can always be relied upon to locate the nearest
opium den or baccarat table. Principally though, it is an adventure fuelled by dry Martinis - the only
food stuff that Messrs Temple and Darkwood feel they can trust at every corner of the globe.
Chap Almanac: An Esoterick Yearbook for the Decadent Gentleman
Book agent: Susan Smith
Publisher: Fourth Estate
Published date: October 2002
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Book category: Non-Fiction
From the authors of "The Chap Manifesto" comes a yearbook for the sleek of trouser and loose of
moral. Sartorius, Epicurus, Libido ...these are the signs of the Chap zodiac. If the manifesto was a call
to arms - gentlemen of the world unite, you have exquisite manners to maintain! - then the almanac
is a practical guide on how to uphold these standards through the year. In the tradition of "Old
Moore's Almanac", this title is packed full of handy hits for chaps everywhere, from "Do It Yossouf:
How to Get your Moroccan Manservant to Do your DIY" to "How to Keep your Skin Pale" whilst on
summer holiday. Each month is accompanied by a "Chapist" sign of the zodiac including; Libido
(February), "The Fellow who Devotes the Entire Month to Lascivious Pursuits"; and Antiquarius
(October), "The Collector of Dusty Tomes who Settles Down to a Winter of Literary Pursuits".
nElsewhere, Gustav Temple, Vic Darkwood and their team of writers guide us through the potentially
tricky dates of the year, such as March 16th, the anniversary of the first FA Cup Final of 1872, with
advice on "How to Deflect Conversations About Football", as well as dates to take advantage of,
including February 29th, "How to Encourage a Lady to Propose to You During a Leap Year".
The Best of the Chap
Book agent: Susan Smith
Publisher: Boxtree
Published date: October 2005
Book category: Non-Fiction
Whatever happened to the English gentleman? Wasn't his doctrine of good manners, elegant dress
and chivalry towards the ladies once the yardstick by which all human behaviour was measured?
How could "road rage" have become the social norm in a country where simply not raising one's hat
was once considered an act of aggression?
When did men stop wearing cravats, shaking hands with each other and allowing ladies to take the
most comfortable seats?And why?
The Chap is the long-running magazine with a mission to revive gentlemanly behaviour and sartorial
elegance. From the beauty of a tweed jacket to the simple pleasure derived from smoking a pipe, the
renaissance of dandyism is celebrated here in the finest articles selected from The Chap, with all the
panache one would expect from the splendid fellows behind The Chap Manifesto and The Chap
Almanac.
From the Philosophy of Grooming to the Semiotics of Eyewear, from Stephen Fry's thoughts on being
made Pipe Smoker of the Year to the abiding horror of the ready-to-wear suit, The Best of the Chap is
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for all those who prefer a trilby to a baseball cap, and a brogue to a trainer. So sink into your deepest
armchair, pour yourself a gin and tonic, fire up your briar and prepare to join the sophisticated world
of The Chap.
The Gentleman's Guide to Motoring
Book agent: Susan Smith
Publisher: AA Publishing
Published date: 1 June 2012
Book category: Non-Fiction
If you’ve ever sat in a fifteen mile tailback on the M25, or contemplated the frightening
geometries of certain roundabouts outside Swindon, you might have concluded that the
romance of motoring belongs to yesteryear. But it doesn’t have to be like this. With an independent
frame of mind, poetry in your soul and vim in your trousers, you can reclaim the adventure of
motoring as the sanctified mission of the gentleman.
This radical redrafting of the code of the highway ranks style and etiquette on an equal footing with
the rules and regulations of the road. From delegating the tiresome
maintenance of your vehicle, to sartorial advice for the finest motoring get-up, Vic Darkwood
unleashes his new manifesto for gentlemanly driving on an unsuspecting public.
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