American Chevrolet 4742 McHenry Ave. Modesto

8&9 RON POSEY
27 LISA GOMES
35
MIKE CAMPBELL
29 MAYOR OF J STREET
39
DARRIN WISSNER
30 ANGELA GATTONI
42 &43 BRIAN TANNER
32 & 33 CERES DRIVE INN
13 & 14 THE REMINGTON RAIDER
48 ORSON & FLOYD
17 CHEYENNE GOMES
50 THE SAN FRANCISCO TREAT
19 TED MILLS
54 ENTERTAINMENT GUIDE
20 &21 COUSIN LOUIE’S
PIZZA PARLOR & SUSHI BAR
60 ZORCH STUFF
1
2
3
I Forgot
day
4
5
Compliment
your Mirror
Day
11
6
12
13
19
26
National Day Parent’s Day
of the Cowboy
14
15
20
9
10
16
17
Disc Jokey
Day
Be Kind
to Turtles
Day
National
Cow
Ice
Cream
Appreciation
Day
Day
25
8
Tell The
Truth Day
Bikini Debuted
in 1946
Hookey
Pokey Day
18
7
21
22
23
Grandma’s Day
National
Street
Sweeper Day
27
28
24
29
Walks on
Stilts Day
American Chevrolet
4742 McHenry Ave. Modesto,
209.575.1606
www.americanchevrolet.com
30
National Chili
Dog Day
Congratulations to Jenny Nahhas of Escalon, the winner of the slogan contest for the Annual Testicle Festival
held annually in Oakdale and sponsored by the Oakdale
Rotary and Oakdale Cowboy Museum. The event was
held in Oakdale on March 28th. Her winning slogan
was, ‘30 Years and Still Hang’n’; a great slogan and
congratulations again, Jenny. I really thought my slogan had a change of bringing me a little immortality but,
wrong again. If I would have submitted the art work
that I prepared, I think I would have nailed it. My slogan for the Testicle Festival was, ‘Two Hung Low’. I’ll try
again next year.
Dear ZORCH: You guys are the greatest! Beautiful artwork, pretty girls and great stories…keep up the ZORCH
work. One little problem with your last edition; on
the cover it said swim suit edition. For some reason I
couldn’t find anybody in a swim suit. What happened?
Walt Perkins, Westley
Dear Walt: Someone in Westley must have reached the
ZORCH’s before you and made off with the swim suit
pages. So sorry. Sending a ZORCH coffee cup to you
and hoping things will be getting better in Westley.
The Vintage
 I had many memorable nights at the Vintage. One in
particular was when Jim (Dandy) Mangrum of Black
Oak, Arkansas was playing there. I was there to pick up
some paperwork for a show they were sponsoring for
KOSO in the early 80’s. It was a great show and then in
walks Dobie Gray, who had a worldwide hit in the early
70’s with ‘Drift Away’.
Kenny Tinkle aka Kenny Roberts
The Vintage
Back in the day, circa early 1980’s, I had the great
fortune of fronting one of the premiere rock bands ever
to come out of the Central Valley. That band was called
Strayheart. I have fond memorries of playing the Vintage Restaurant and the amazing local support of what
would become (over time) one of the most impressive
local music scenes in the state of California. Jo Jo behind
the bar, packed to the gills with music fans and family. A Strayheart set at the Vintage was nothing short of
magic. Ironically, today I park my car in a downtown garage exactly where the stage used to be at the Vintage.
Spooky and perhaps befitting, good times indeed.
If this is the first time for picking up ZORCH, this could
be a bad mistake on your part. If you have been doing
this for some time, there is a problem…a good problem!
ZORCH is basically a satire with some great art work,
stories and pretty girls. One of our many mottos, ‘There
a lot of stupid out there that hasn’t been used yet, but
we’re trying.’ ZORCH does not take ZORCH too seriously and that’s why we’re ZORCH. Thanks for picking up
ZORCH and remember, (another ZORCH motto) ‘Friends
don’t let friends read ZORCH’.
Orwood Resort has all the
Tuesday action!
by Captain Ron Posey
There’s a lot of party places in the San
Joaquin/Sacramento Delta, most are
accessible by boat so there’s no reason to
be out on the Delta and not be able find a
fun gathering of sun worshippers. Due to
some uncontrolled craziness, places like
Lost Isle, a legend as far as wild parties,
have closed. This just means the party
has to shift to a new location. One of these
places that have taken up the slack is the
Orwood Resort located in the Discovery
Bay area of Brentwood, California.
The Orwood Resort has a lot of amenities so I guess they can call themselves a resort under loose interpretation of
the word Resort. They have a huge boat launch area, docking facilities, RV camping (with and without hookups),
fuel dock, general store, boat storage, marina and the very popular cafe and bar.
The Orwood Resort’s cafe features during lunch and dinner their...let’s use their term...World Famous Okie Taco.
The huge Okie Taco features a shell of fry-bread and it’s a meal in itself at $8 each. You have a choice of eating
inside the cafe or in one of two outdoor patios. Orwood is extremely popular for breakfast. Drawing upon the entire
population of Discovery Bay, which is entirely marine mobile, means the boat docks are packed on the weekends.
This can be a source of entertainment just watching everyone cruising in attempting to dock their boat.
Breakfast features; biscuits and gravy, their Country Morning breakfast which is eggs with all types of meat choices,
a large selection of Omelets (try the Orwood Greek), and if you are really brave...try the Chili Scramble. There is
also breakfast burritos, pancakes, French toast, Huevos Rancheros and the Orwood Slam.
Lunch has a huge assortment of Burgers, Club Sandwiches, lots of fried goodies, a big list of salads and of course
the Famous Okie Taco.
If you want a real treat, put this on your calendar...”Taco Tuesday”. Every Tuesday starting around 4 PM a portable
picket fence is set up in the parking lot, table and chairs set up, portable bar stations are erected and the Taco
Tuesday taco booth is manned by the Orwood Chefs, where in an average afternoon and evening over 1500 tacos
are served. This are nice Big tacos and you get to build them yourself at the condiment bar. Best of all they are
only $2 each. Also at Taco Tuesdays, local car clubs arrive and stage their classics for an impromptu car show.
There’s music, Karaoke, lots of bikini’s and fun times every Tuesday through Labor Day.
Another popular event at the Orwood Resort is the annual Extreme Water & Air Show on Saturday, September
18th. This is a benefit to support Royal Family Kids’ Camps of Concord. This year World Famous Teresa Wallace,
the World’s Fastest Barefoot Woman Water Skier, will be showing her extreme sport techniques. There
will be a demonstration by three time Western US Trick Barefoot Water Skier & current World record holder
Tandem Speed Barefoot Water Skier, Michael Temby. Six time National Champion Barefoot Water Skier
Jerry Kanawyer will be performing. Above all this, will be the Patriot Jet Team Exhibition performing their
high speed aerobatics. Sky Diving, wake board, trick jet ski demos, 100 mph drag boats and a few surprise
appearances will round out this fantastic 4 hour show. And in their tiniest sun worshipping outfits will be the
Oakland Raiderettes.
Now that I have your attention, here’s how you find the Orwood Resort, just West of the main entrance of the
Discovery Bay Shopping Center on Highway 4 take Bixler Road north to the end of the road, turn right on
Orwood Road and in a quarter of a mile you can start your own party. In case you are highway challenged
and are traveling by boat or PWC; the Orwood Resort is located in the town of Brentwood on Werner Cut, just
off the Indian Slough, a few short miles from Discovery Bay.
Above all...drink and party responsibly.
Editorial Creative Director
Bill Slayter
Spiritual Adviser
Carol S Benson
Special Projects
Research Director
Louie Yamaguchi
Senior Account Manager
Set Designer
Amazing Ralph
Audio Specialist
Dorrie Hunkie
Guitar George
Eddie Wilson
Assistant to the President
Sky King
Jimmy Changa
Big Fat Herb
Bad Billy Pratt
Design Director
John H Holliday
True Freshmen
Uncle Jesse
True Freshmen
Remington
Music Director
Associate Editor
Mrs. Robinson
Hall Monitor
Miss Evelin
Informant
Eleanor Rigsby
PO Box 577893 - Modesto, CA 95355
And remember: ZORCH IS THE WORD!
(209) 569-1218
As I didn’t get an invitation to the royal wedding, I decided to get away to the
most lovely spot in the world, the island of Kauai in the Hawaiian Islands. As
it has been a few years since I was here last, there have been a few changes.
No more sugar or pineapple plantations, they’re all coffee plantations now;
however, there are plenty of roosters, hens and little chickens. Doing a little
research with the help of a pina colada with an umbrella in it, I found out the
skinny. The phenom can be traced to when Hurricane Iniki hit Kauai in 1992.
In the 1800’s and early 1900’s plantation laborers brought roosters and hens
to the island for cockfighting. When the hurricane hit in 1992 all the little guys
got away and started multiplying. As they have no enemies, the population just
keeps on a growing. They are everywhere. They are cute, but noisy.
The real highlight of this year’s visit was the luau at Kilohana plantation. The
food was your basic luau, but the show was beyond the average luau, as it
incorporates a theatrical production. They blew one of my little umbrellas away!
It’s the story of the Polynesian’s first journey to Kauai and all the problems they
had. It was earth, wind and fire…all in one production complete with some great
hula dancers and a fire show within the storyline that was breathtaking. If you
are in Kauai, check it out. It takes place every Tuesday and Friday evening.
Another highlight came on the way to the luau. The tour director on the bus that
picked us up in Princeville asked if anyone had any questions to be sure and ask
them. She assured us that she had heard almost every possible stupid question
ever asked and don’t be afraid to ask something. From the front of the bus
came a question from somebody from Arkansas, I believe. “Does the ocean go
all the way around the island?” The tour director answered, “I have now heard
all the stupid questions ever asked”.
17
If You Build It, They Will Come
Four years ago, Castle and Cook Development Company constructed an
addition to the historic mining town of Copperopolis. Within sight of St Hwy
4, a complete town square sprang up and nobody “lived” there. They do now,
thanks to Ruppert Murdoch’s foresight.
An East coast–styled town square sprang up in our foothills, complete with a
round-a-bout, brick pavers and a bandstand set among shops and restaurants.
A grand hotel overlooks all.
I had never explored the new construction so when a band of my intrepid
friends proposed a bicycle trip to Copperopolis to view the Copperopolis Bicycle
Road Races, I was all in.
The day dawned clear and warm, a welcome respite from the crazy winter
weather this year. We set out north from the junction of Sonora Rd., north of
Knights Ferry and 26 Mile Rd. toward Milton. After covering the 11 miles of
rolling terrain, we bore to the east, up Rock Creek Rd. After a nifty climb of
four miles and a gain of 1,300 feet, we were rewarded with the beauty of a
full Salt Creek Reservoir. The surrounding countryside was alive with flora and
fauna.
No wind, high clouds and temps in the mid-60’s made the ride past the lake
where Little House on the Prairie was filmed feel surreal. I was sure I was
going to see Michael Landon out busting some sod.
We finally made our way across Hwy 4 and into Copperopolis. After locating
the new town square, we picked a vantage point close to fresh coffee and the
start/finish line to settle in for the races.
We learned the bicycle races come to town three times a year. Dates and
times can be located at the local Chamber of Commerce website and you can
visit the renowned Saddle Creek Golf Club for great golf, food and lodging.
As far as I am concerned, you don’t need to go see bicycle races to enjoy a
great day trip to Copperopolis. As long as you can enjoy great scenery, local
history, and excellent services from friendly locals, you should be all right.
LA CONTENTA GOLF CLUB
By Pat Kelley
Right around this time every year we seem to experience that lovely valley winter entity known
as fog. We stare at the weather anchors on television as they report a “.2” visibility in your town
and “.2” visibility in the next town up the road. No matter where you have to travel you get
ready to take extra time, hope the maniacs who drive over the regular posted speed limit will
be nowhere near you, and get ready to squint. (I don’t know if that helps, but I seem to do it
anyway). Let’s face it, when there is fog you just want to see the sun. Fortunately, just a short
drive from the valley floor and above the aforementioned fog, lies La Contenta Golf Club just
outside Valley Springs, California. This is where sunshine, great golf and good times await.
I know this may be giving away my vintage but I first played La Contenta the year it opened; I
believe that was sometime in the mid-seventies. What I found was a golf course with a unique
and imaginative design that architect, Richard Bigler carved out of the rolling foothills and valley
meadows. Although going through some changes over the years, that same basic layout has
remained intact. You will find no shortage of water in the form of ponds and lakes. Wildlife
abounds. Almost every hole has a great vista of the golf course and surrounding areas. The
signature hole (and probably my favorite) is Hole #13. For starters, you have 185 yards from
the back tees, followed by a 100 foot drop to an L-shaped green almost completely surrounded
by water. What fun! But if that sounds like a bit much, please don’t be intimidated. La
Contenta Golf Club offers three sets of tees to make your experience memorable no matter what
your skill level. And there is always some type of green fee special that makes it affordable and
one of the best golfing values in the foothills.
But don’t take off right away because if you do, you’ll miss another great part of the La Contenta
experience. A recent complete facility remodel produced a new golf shop, an event center/
banquet facility, the Vista Grille Restaurant and a fully-stocked lounge. For those planning a
wedding, the setting could not be better.
Hardly a year goes by that I do not get to La Contenta at least once. Like me, I know you will
enjoy the golf, the facility, the friendly staff and at this time of year, the sun! You will find La
Contenta Golf Club at 1653 Highway 26 Valley Springs, CA 95252. Call 209-772-1081 to book
your tee time or visit them online at www.lacontentagolf.com. From Modesto, take McHenry
Avenue north as it will turn into Escalon-Bellota Road which will dead end at Highway 26. Turn
right and the course will be 15 miles up Highway 26 on the right. From Stockton, take Highway
26 East off of Highway 99 and follow for 30 miles to the course on the right.
Pat Kelley is a broadcaster and writer and host of The Golf Guys Radio Show heard every
Saturday morning from 7-9am on AM970 ESPN Radio.
27
30
Que Syrah Syrah
By Mike Campbell & George Panigiris
Gnekow Family Winery (pronounced “nee-ko”) was founded upon two essential principles: first,
they wanted handcrafted quality wines that represented exceptional values by applying Old and
New World techniques to the grapes from their distinctive region and second, to create wines that
would be fun and exciting.
The state-of-the-art winery is located in Collegeville, California, about an hour from the Napa
Valley, in the rolling hills between San Francisco and Yosemite, not far from Mondavi-Woodbridge.
Their signature wine, the Campus Oaks “Old Vine” Zinfandel, is selectively chosen from their 8695 year old vineyards and has consistently won Gold Medals every year since its initial harvest in
1997. In 2004 they introduced their Honor Series, which features the graduation of our quality Old
Vine Zinfandels to higher award winning levels, “Cum Laude”, “Magna Cum Laude” and “Summa
Cum Laude”. Their newest production, the Music Series delivers splendid renditions of “AmaZin
Grapes”, “Que Syrah Syrah”, “Life is a Cabernet” and “My Chablis Amour” while demonstrating
their desire to combine value with elegance and sophistication through creativity.
Last year, they produced over 100.000 cases of exciting wines. Their Campus Oaks varietal wines
have received over 100 awards from national and international competitions. They now have Costco
as a major distributor also.
KICKBALL: THE MOST FUN AN ADULT CAN HAVE
WITH THEIR CLOTHES ON :) OMG!
OK Zorch fans, I am giving sports a rest for my latest article. Instead, ZORCH has
allowed me to chat about my new gig; that of……KICKBALL! As we all know, ZORCH
is a happening dude so you can all be happening in kickball.
Adult kickball (21 and over) is coming to Modesto! Happy Hour Kickball, brought to
you Modesto folks by (It’s) Just a Game Events, will be played on Sunday evenings
at Enslen Park in beautiful downtown Modesto!
YES kickball, like what you did in elementary school kicking the big red rubber ball.
This will be hilarious! It is all about the “social” thing! Athletes need not apply,
but of course you are welcomed. Happy Hour kickball will bring the good times
together by picnicking, ‘80’s and ‘90’s music, beverages, Hero’s & Villains night,
Retro night, Beach night, oh…….and some kickball as well!
All you have to do is grab some friends, family, co-workers, or anybody with a pulse
and make a team! The cost is less than $6.00 per player, per week, with 12 players
on your team. In playing Happy Hour kickball, you will be playing two games a
night for only a 5 week long “season”. If you do not want to commit to 5 weeks,
then pay and play for one week! There are options! So ZORCHERS, check it out at
www.JustAGameEvents.com.
Thanks for your time and see you out there!
Delta King
By: Brian Tanner
Delta King
Walking around Old Sacramento, its hard not to notice the Delta King. This 285 foot riverboat is a floating
historical monument nestled on the bank of Old Sacramento. The contrast of the cherry red paddle wheel
against the boat’s white background catches the eye of many passers by, most of who have no idea of what’s in
store.
The Delta King has a rich local history. Built in 1927, the King and its identical twin, the famous Delta Queen,
commuted between San Francisco and Sacramento from 1927 to 1940. King and its identical twin, the famous
Delta Queen, “were christened on May 20, 1927, and began their daily river voyages between San Francisco
and Sacramento in June of that year.”
As the story goes, “at 6:00 p.m. each evening, the grand monarchs of the Delta left their docks for the 10 ½
hour trip that included prohibition era drinking, jazz bands, gambling and fine dining.”
The completion of the Bay Bridge and the start of WWII led to the demise of the commutes. As the war began
the King and Queen were both drafted by the U. S. Navy “to serve on San Francisco Bay as net tenders, floating
barracks, troop transports and hospital ships.”
After the war, the Delta Queen was moved back east beginning a long-storied history on the Mississippi River.
Conversely, the Delta King saw little action, growing increasingly dilapidated and becoming partially submerged
for 15 months in San Francisco Bay.
Aware of its history, the current owners purchased it in 1984 and the restoration began. Five years later, it reopened with an award winning restaurant, a bar, the Delta King Theater, the Murder Mystery Dinner Theater, as
well as venues for weddings and other events. It is also on the National Register of Historic Places.
Pilothouse
Like the rest of the boat, a key characteristic of the Pilothouse Restaurant is its ambience, from the rich dark
wood to the great river view. It was voted by Sacramento Magazine readers as the most romantic restaurant,
best breakfast and best river dinning.
A graduate of the California Culinary Academy in San Francisco, chef Julian Vasquez’s California Cuisine has
received great reviews. His focus on fresh, healthy, local food includes grass-fed beef, local lamb, the fresh
seafood and free range chicken.
Appetizers range from $8 for the Catalan Flatbread – roasted peppers, caramelized onions, cheese, olives – to
$14 for the Artisan Cheese Flight. The Soup du Jour, made fresh daily, is $6 with salads ranging from $6 to $9,
including the Blue Lake Green Bean Salad.
Entrées easier on the wallet include the $17 Mixed Brown Rice with Grilled Vegetables to the $16 Pan Roasted
Half Chicken. Besides the delicious Petite Filet Mignon, the remaining menu ranges from $20 to $26.
For a more relaxed setting, a great place to sit back, sip a drink, and put your feet up is the King’s Delta
Bar and Grill. In addition to beverages, the bar offers great food. While sharing the Pilothouse’s appetizer
and soup/salad menu, it has its own entrée menu. Entrées are more casual than the Pilothouse and more
affordable, ranging from the $9 Pulled Pork Sliders to the $20 New York Steak Salad.
Patrons have the option of enjoying their food or drink inside the ornate indoor area or on the outdoor deck, on
the Sacramento River. Inside the bar, the dark attractive wood sets the mood. The deck is a great option for
enjoying the delta breeze with great views of the Sacramento River, the Tower Bridge, and possibly a firework
show from Raley Field, home of the Sacramento River Cats.
For entertainment, the King offers it own theater stage, which hosts plays by the Capital Theatre group. There
is also the Suspects Mystery Dinner, which combines great food with a live interactive “whodunnit” play. Guests
try to solve the mystery of who the real killer is among themselves and professional actors. Finally, the boat is
a hotel as well, with dozens of rooms.
For more information, visit online at http://www.deltaking.com. It can also be reached at (916) 444-5464, or
1000 Front Street, Sacramento, CA 95814.
By:
son
l
i
W
Eddie
I’ve made many visits to this fine restaurant in the
past, but not too many recently until my new ex-girl
friend, Lady Jean, suggested a visit. Conventionally
located at 1906 Van Ness, The House, as we call it,
has been there since 1949.
The House only serves one thing and that’s prime
rib and they cut it right at your table. You have your
choice of four different cuts. The first one is the City
cut, a relatively small cut. The next is the House
of Prime Rib’s Rib cut, followed by the English cut
and then the King Henry VII cut, my favorite and the
favorite of ex-girlfriend, Lady Jean. Dinner includes
a salad, mashed potatoes or baked potato, Yorkshire
pudding and creamed spinach. Here’s the way new
ex-girlfriend does it; she orders a beer and tells them
to hold everything except for the prime rib.
The motto at the House of Prime Rib..........we do
one dish exceptionally well, prime rib. A darn good
motto and one that ex-girlfriend, Lady Jean likes too!
Open only for dinner, some may say it’s pricey, but
not Lady Jean!
CLASSIFIEDS
Bonanza Books & Comics
2308 McHenry Ave.
Modesto
www.bonanzabooks.net
Open Monday – Saturday, 10a.m.-6p.m.
Modesto Sound, a community
non-profit recording and live sound service, is
now located at Gregori School (3701 Pirrone
Rd, Bldg. B in Modesto off Dale & Kiernan).
We are open school days, 10a.m.-6p.m. and
by appointment. This year at summer camp
we have three programs; Compose and Create ages 8-12, Rock Star ages 13-17, and
Recording Arts ages 16-24. To help support
our many programs, we offer vinyl record to
CD and cassette tape to CD conversion and
duplication services. To find out more, visit us
during office hours, call 573-0533, or check
us out on the web, modestosound.com.
Euphoria Salon and
Skin Care
Specializing in: haircuts and color, extensions, facials, waxing, spray tanning, airbrush
make-up, nails and massage. Located at
1211 J Street, Modesto. Call 492-0262.
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