Angry Peterhouse students protest May Ball cancellation NEWS

08/11/07 Michaelmas term
Volume 10 Issue 7
Angry Peterhouse students
protest May Ball cancellation
JCR president changes tack
Student anger at college authorities
Further action to be voted on
Catherine Watts
Josh Hardie
Peterhouse students protested with a banner hung from the College Chapel Josh Hardie
The cancellation of the 2008 Peterhouse May Ball – a decision
which attracted national media
coverage – has caused huge controversy amongst the college’s
student body.
Rumours, gossip and speculation are now rife amongst
Petreans, who refuse to accept the
reason they were given by the college authorities – that it was detrimental to the students’ academic
results – as a sufficient explanation for the ruling.
The college has also seen acts
of student protest performed as a
way of giving voice to opinions,
which, it was felt, were not being
heard.
This outrage amongst the college’s student population has led
the JCR President, Ben Fisher,
to declare “a complete change in
policy”.
When it was announced last
week that the May Ball would
be hosted triennially rather than
once every two years, the JCR’s
response was, unanimously, to
“do nothing unless explicitly requested to do so by the undergraduate body”.
But such a request came this
week, as students called for the
Committee to challenge the college’s decision instead of accepting it without dispute.
In an email circulated to
Peterhouse students, Fisher acknowledged that he had “spectac-
NEWS
FEATURES
FASHION
ularly misjudged” the opinion of
the student body, and informed
them of the Committee’s decision
to “reverse its position of not acting, and [that it] will do its utmost
to get the May Ball reinstated”.
He expressed his wish to show
the student body that the JCR
“still has teeth, and can still bite”.
But one student, who anonymously contacted The Cambridge
Student (TCS) under the name of
“Peterhouse Undergrad”, suggested that this turnaround in
policy came as an attempt on
Fisher’s part to appease clamouring Petreans, who, the student
said, were considering a declaration of No Confidence in Fisher
following his initial failure to act
on the decision imposed by the
college authorities.
The cancellation of the May Ball
has certainly provoked a strong
reaction amongst Peterhouse
members – many of whom took
matters into their own hands to
communicate their objection.
On Sunday, a banner with the
message “Save Our May Ball” was
hung from the College Chapel,
along with a string of printed
pages featuring national press
coverage of the decision, which
was tied between two lampposts
in Peterhouse Old Court.
But, Peterhouse Undergrad informed TCS that “Tragically the
efforts of the resistance within
Peterhouse were quickly suppressed by an ever-watchful
establishment”.
In particular students have
criticised the handling of matters
on the part of the college authorities, especially the lack of communication received from them.
Another Petrean who spoke to
TCS said: “You can’t talk to them.
There’s no direct college contact
at all. They’re very good at chasing
up college bills, but when it comes
to this, it’s all quiet”.
A Facebook group dedicated to
the cause, “Save Peterhouse May
Ball 2008”, has provided students
with a forum in which to express
their disillusionment with both
the college authorities and the
JCR.
It has also given rise to much
conjecture on the true motivations of the college authorities
for the cancellation - as some
students refuse to accept that it
is purely a matter of improving
the college’s academic performance, which was the reason cited
for the decision when it was first
announced.
“Most people know that’s not
the real reason,” one Peterhouse
student told TCS. “If you look at
the Tompkins Table, results have
actually been higher when we
have had a May Ball - there is absolutely no correlation between
poor exam results and hosting a
Ball”.
In results dating back to
2000, Peterhouse’s position in
the Tompkins Table in fact improved three out of the four years
in which May Balls were hosted.
“Rumours are circulating
amongst the student body that
some benefactors aren’t funding the college because of poor
exam performance. By cancelling the Ball, the college has taken
headline-grabbing action, which
makes it look like they are tackling the problem of exam results.
Continued on page 2
SPORT
pg.22
UNDERGROUND
OVER
GROUND
Trouble at the Union
Black
is
back
John’s Victorious
pg.18
pg. 39
2 NEWS
NEWS IN BRIEF
Surrey students
head abroad
Students at Surrey University could spend two-thirds of
their degree studying abroad
under plans to transform the
institution into one of the
world’s top universities.
Under the proposals, students will be able to spend
their first year in Surrey, and
their second and third years
in either China or the US. The
plans aim to improve Surrey’s
links with other international
universities and increase the
number of courses available
outside the university’s traditional areas of strength.
The university also hopes to
see its financial turnover increase by more than 150 per
cent to £500m by 2016.
Government
makes more
grants available
The Cambridge Student 08/11/07
Meningitis victims recover
Three sufferers leave hospital, University says cases not linked
Pete Jefferys
Fears of a meningitis epidemic in
the University have been allayed,
as the three Cambridge victims
have been released from hospital.
Two students from St.
Catharine’s College. and one
from Trinity College were admitted to Addenbrooke’s after showing symptoms of the disease.
They have now returned home,
and are well on the way to making
full recoveries before carrying on
at their colleges.
University officials said that
the cases were not thought to be
linked.
The two men and one woman
who contracted the illness were
treated with antibiotics and dis-
charged on Monday, a week after
being admitted to hospital.
There has been some disruption to university life, as a rugby
match between Trinity and Catz.
was cancelled amid fears of an
epidemic.
But a spokesperson for the
University said, “There is no need
to panic and life should go on as
normal”.
“There is no need
to panic and life
should go on as
normal”
Doctors monitored students
who had been in close contact
with the victims and offered antibiotics to help prevent a wider
outbreak; the Health Protection
Agency (HPA) were also kept informed of developments.
A spokesperson for St.
Catherine’s College said “we
are working closely with the
University and the Health
Protection Agency to investigate
links between the two cases and
to identify the small number of
individuals who are likely to have
been in prolonged close contact
with either or both patients.”
A Health Protection Agency
official confirmed that small outbreaks of meningitis are not uncommon amongst students.
“Every year there are one or two
cases at Universities when students go back.
“It’s business as usual. If anyone has any concerns they should
go to their GP”.
On Monday, Midsummer
Common was packed for an
evening of explosive entertainment. The sky was lit with a
colourful display of fireworks,
rockets and mines, followed
by the lighting of a towering
bonfire.
As well as the firework festivities, a fun fair was set up on
the Common. The event was a
resounding success, as crowd
members whizzed and crackled in appreciation.
•About 7% of cases result in death
while around 15% cause severe
disability, including blindness
and paralysis.
•Meningitis is an inflammation
of the meninges, the lining surrounding the brain and can be
spread be prolonged close contact.
•It is caused by bacteria in the
nose and throat which are carried by around 1 in 10 people.
•Symptoms of the disease include
vomiting, aversion to bright
lights, a stiff neck and a small rash
which looks like bruising.
•There is evidence of meningitis being described as early as the
Middle Ages, but the first official
case were in Switzerland in 1805
May Ball cancellation
prompts protest
The government are launching a campaign to raise awareness of the financial support
offered to university students.
This follows the decision to extend the number of people able
to claim financial support.
From September, a third
of all students will be entitled
to an annual non-repayable
grant of £2,835. Families who
earn less than £25,000 will get a
full non-repayable loan.
And families earning over
£60,005 will qualify for partial
non-repayment grants.
The universities secretary,
John Denham said that it
means “100,000 extra students
a year will benefit from some
level of grant support while
they are at university”.
Fireworks on
Midsummer
Common
MENINgItIS FactS
continued from page 1
“It’s easier for them to do this
than to start improving teaching
quality, which is really what they
should be doing”.
A JCR Open
Meeting will take
place on Thursday
evening
The raid was the third of its kind in recent months Cambridge News Ltd.
Another student agreed that
the college was “passing the buck”
by using the May Ball as a scapegoat for poor exam performance.
“If there’s something wrong with
student academic performance,
it’s always the students’ fault,” he
said.
Describing the relationship
between the students and the college, he told TCS that “It’s still
very much a paternal attitude.
They enact decisions without student consultation”.
An Open Meeting scheduled
as a matter of immediate concern will take place this evening
(Thursday), where students will
give voice to their opinions, and
decide on the possible consequences to be effected, should the
college not agree to return to the
biennial May Ball cycle.
When contacted by TCS, both
Ben Fisher and the Peterhouse
authorities declined to provide
further comment.
Broad daylight break-in
Three raid Market Square jewellery store
Katie Spenceley
Market square jewellery store,
Mappin and Webb was left reeling after it was raided in broad
daylight.
At 3.31 on Tuesday afternoon,
onlookers claim that three men
smashed a window and made off
with jewellery before running towards King’s Parade and away
down Trumpington Street.
The men have been described
as between 18 and 19, black, and
wearing hooded tops. One of the
men was wearing top with a greay
and black design. No weapon was
thought to have been used.
The incident marks the third
The three men
smashed a
window and made
off with jewellery
raid on the store in only a matter of months. In September,
three men armed with a handgun used hammers to smash glass
cabinets.
This followed a robbery in July,
where three men, armed with a
claw hammer and a gun made off
with Rolex watches and jewellery
worth around £140,000;.
The police said that they were
investigating the incident that
took place in July as part of a series of high-value jewellery thefts
around the country.
Identical press cuttings appeared in the TCS offices
08/11/07
NEWS 3
The Cambridge Student
Union accused of
misrepresentation
Alex Coke-Woods
Cambridge Union officials have
drafted a radical new constitution
for their society, but according to
20 ex-presidents and vice-presidents of the Union, the way in
which this document came to be
produced has been ‘misrepresented’ to Union members.
According to a statement issued by the Union on Sunday, the
society’s three senior officials - the
steward, senior librarian and senior treasurer – all “stepped aside”
from the Union “to allow changes
[to the constitution] to be driven
by the membership with open
and free discussion.”
But not everyone believes that
these resignations were made so
willingly.
“Their resignation was
misrepresented
A letter, signed by 20 former
senior officers of the Union and
sent to The Cambridge Student
(TCS), claimed: “Their resignation was misrepresented in the
email sent to Union members last
weekend.”
When contacted by TCS, the
senior librarian, Pat Aske, said
that she was not prepared either
to confirm or to deny the reasons
for her resignation.
Similarly, Tim Milner, the
Union steward also declined to
comment.
But Steven Parkinson, Union
president in Lent 2004, said that
he “and a number of other expresidents were concerned that…
[the senior officials] weren’t going
to put their case forward,” and so
had drafted the letter in order to
represent what he claimed were
their views.
Sarah Przybylska, Union secretary and vice-president from
2002-2004, put the case particu-
larly strongly.
“No-one ever resigned… because a new constitution was
going through,” she commented.
“It’s not the case that the senior officers have bravely stepped
aside to allow the junior officers
to get on with what they want to
do.
“[They] have put up with an
awful lot of shit over the years and
have finally felt the need to stand
aside,” she concluded.
Jacky Grainger, who has managed accounts at the Union for
ten years, agreed that the Union
had misrepresented the reason
for the senior officer’s departure
to its members.
“In my opinion, they didn’t
‘step aside’ – they resigned. They
certainly didn’t leave to allow
changes to the constitution,” she
said.
Instead, Grainger pointed to
friction between junior and senior officials within the Union, saying that the senior officers were
“always completely over-ruled at
the standing committee.”
“There was definitely friction
there,” she said, adding: “They
just didn’t seem to work together
anymore – they were like two opposing sides.”
But James Robinson, current
vice-president and secretary of
the Union, was keen to downplay
accusations of friction between
the various layers of Union officialdom, stressing that “there was
no animosity in the room,” when
the senior officers resigned.
What is clear from the new
draft constitution is that, even if
there had been friction between
senior and junior officers in the
past, the new constitution could
alter the balance of power at the
heart of the Union, reducing the
role traditionally played by senior officers.
Under the new proposals, the
presidency and vice-presidency
would become paid, annual offices. No provision is made for a
Editor-in-Chief
steward or senior librarian in the
new document, effectively downgrading two out of three senior
posts and almost certainly shifting power onto what are now
technically junior roles within
the Union.
Currently, senior officers have
to be of an ‘MA standard’ – a condition set in place to ensure that
they bring a certain level of experience and expertise to the
Union.
With this experience, senior
officials have traditionally been
seen as a way to guarantee that essential legal and financial matters
do not get overlooked by officials
elected for just a single term.
The new constitution does envisage a role for a treasurer who
“would not be an undergraduate,”
and who would serve as a “check
and balance” on the power of the
president, according to James
Robinson.
But undergraduates, or recent
graduates, who would be able to
take up the presidency or vicepresidency, would hold two out
of the three most powerful positions within the Union.
“All that’s needed is to get 12
people in a room and nine of them
to vote on it, and it’s done. Boom,”
explained James Robinson.
But rather than pushing
through such far-reaching
changes unilaterally, Union officials have said they are keen for
members to offer up their own
amendments to the proposals.
The Union Standing
Committee wants ordinary
members to form their own constitution before voting on it in a
referendum on November 24th.
“The document is a starting
point,” he continued, adding:
“Any item of it can be removed
by a simple majority of the members voting.”
Members can see the proposed
new constitution and offer their
own amendments to it at the
Union at 5pm, on Friday .
Photo Editor
Twenty former Presidents and Vice-Presidents have accused the Union of misrepresentation
The full letter appears on page 13
News Editor
Illustrator
Features Editor
Put yourself in the Picture
www.tcs.cam.ac.uk/apply
6 NEWS
Diversity
Awards
Introduced
The Cambridge Student 08/11/07
Blood and vomit at Halloween Hall
Alys Brown
Isobel Boyson
Nominations have opened for
two new prizes designed to reward those who work to tackle
racism in the university. Prize
money of £150 is up for grabs for
the two winners as part of CUSU’s Anti-Racism and Black Students’ Campaign.
The awards will go to individuals or organisations who have
used understanding and dialogue to overcome racism within
Cambridge.
Two categories – “Promotion
of Diversity” and “Promotion of
Understanding” – will be added
to the annual CUSU Special
Awards Ceremony.
Junior Penge Juma, the CUSU
Black Students’ Officer, told The
Cambridge Student (TCS) of his
delight at the new awards’ introduction. “These awards are certainly a good thing ... especially as
it can be difficult to recognise the
various bodies in Cambridge that
work to promote equality.
“Cambridge is not a very diverse place, so these awards will
make people aware that there is
a diverse mix of cultures here”,
Juma continued. “We hope that
this will help towards the eradication of prejudice.”
The scheme was also praised by
the CUSU Anti-Racism Officer,
A Alim-Marvasti. “University
is an arena of life where we are
given the rare opportunity to
meet people from different areas
of the globe and become truly acquainted with new cultures that
previously we’d assumed we had
knowledge of”, he told TCS.
“There are individuals and societies at Cambridge dedicated to
increasing understanding of different cultures, ethnicities and
religions and their activities help
to dispel myths and stereotypes”,
Alim-Marvasti said.
“By awarding an annual prize,
we hope people will be encouraged to continue with their dedicated works.
The nominations will be open
through Michaelmas and Lent
term for any appropriate student
or university society. At the end
of Lent term, a shortlist will be
drawn up before the winners are
picked in Easter
Nomination
forms are being
sent out in the
CUSU Bulletin,
and are also
available from
the CUSU
Website, or by
email anti-racism@cusu.
cam.ac.uk.
Fun and games at Halloween formal - but porters had to step in to stop the chaos Anna Croall
Pembroke College authorities
have been on the warpath after
porters had to step in to break
up an out-of-control Halloween
hall.
What started off as “drunken
silliness” quickly turned into
chaos, as one person passed out,
and another smashed her nose
on a table and started bleeding
heavily.
One eyewitness said “at first all
that happened was stuff like people throwing sweets and falling
off chairs.
“Everything was fine at first –
even the catering staff were taking
things pretty well”.
As the night went on, serving
staff got irritated at students getting their way, moving around,
and taking photos with the fellows still in hall, but students were
rude back to the staff when they
were asked to sit down.
Porters eventually had to shepherd students out of the hall to the
Pembroke JCR, where one girl
capped things off by vomiting
everywhere.
Some students were so disgusted at the behaviour of their
peers that they complained to
the senior tutor, who responded
to this and protests from the catering staff by requesting that all
those at the formal come forward
and explain themselves.
Students were afraid that college authorities would put a blanket ban on formals for the rest of
the term.
But Pembroke’s Senior Tutor,
Mark Wormald, has responded
by fining students for their misdeeds. All those who have owned
up have been given a special honesty discount, receiving a £20 fine
instead of the usual £25.
“The college is
definitely going to
be on the hunt”
Pembroke student
When contacted by The
Cambridge Student, Wormald
was quick to praise the maturity
of students who had admitted to
their misdemeanours.
One student, who asked not
to be named, said, “someone I
know was fined £20 for throwing
Smarties, and she owned up to it.
“I don’t know what’s going to
happen to the ones who haven’t
admitted it yet, but college is definitely going to be on the hunt”.
Pembroke’s senior tutor told
TCS that he “is taking appropriate
steps to ensure that we all enjoy a
quieter remainder of term”.
Christ’s College rooms ‘a fire-risk’
Sophie A. Sawicka-Sykes
A damning health and safety
inspection has forced Christ’s
College to take action after accommodation was declared to be
unsafe.
Concerns about the College’s
fire safety arose as a result of
an inspection by the Council
Environmental Services starting
on November 1st.
Staircases P, Q and W did
not comply with the City Fire
Officer’s requirements and as a
result, immediate action had to
be taken.
The Council were so concerned
about the safety of the gyp rooms
on Staircases P and Q that a fire
officer would be able to apply for
a prohibition order unless the
College took immediate action.
This would have meant closing
the building.
Christ’s College Domestic
Bursar, Mr Geoffrey Payne, took
rapid action to resolve the problems. Interim measures involved
fitting battery operated smoke detectors in study rooms, bedrooms
and corridors, and boarding up
glass panels in the gyp rooms and
corridors.
And a Fire Warden was required to patrol Staircase W
constantly until the smoke detectors were fitted the following
afternoon.
Key maintenance work to upgrade to a technically advanced
radio controlled alarm system,
originally scheduled for next
summer, has been brought forward as a result.
“These changes
will make
things better for
everyone”
The maintenance work has disrupted the College’s daily routine.
As a listed building, the College
must get permission from the
English Heritage before a more
permanent fire resistant barrier
is installed, leading to delays.
JCR Vice President, Duncan
Bull, said, “It has created a whole
cycle of problems which are not
the fault of the college. The City
Council is being completely
unreasonable.”
A fundamental change in
health and safety legislation has
meant that Fire Officers now have
the authority to inspect all private
rented properties, including campus accommodation.
Measures are being taken to improve fire safety at Christ’s
Yvonne O’ Donnell from the
Council Environmental Services
commented, “The way properties are inspected has completely
changed.
Under the old act, rented accommodation had to conform to
a set list of requirements. Now,
the assessment is more riskbased and it is down to the Local
Authority to make a decision.”
Yet students in the College
have expressed concern over the
way the measurements were conducted. Duncan Bull argued that
the Council did not give enough
prior warning for the alterations
to be carried out. He said, “To
give a day’s notice to solve the
problems in an old building was
completely ridiculous.
“A more sensible approach
would have been to suggest making the alterations by next term.
The City Council is to blame for
extremist measures – they gave
absolutely no time scale.”
A third year living on Staircase
W also commented, “It’s health
and safety gone mad.”
Despite a blaze breaking out
on Staircase W two years ago,
some residents feel the risk was
over-exaggerated.
Still, the checks highlighted
important safety issues for the
College.
A maintenance worker in
Christ’s commented, “The new
system is more technically advanced and therefore more
efficient.
“The changes will make things
a whole lot better for everyone
concerned.”
8 NEWS
The Cambridge Student 08/11/07
Former envoy: Peace Process does exist
Jonathan Laurence
Lord Levy had laid down a plan for the Middle East A. T. Wood
He was arrested and questioned
by police over his role in the “Cash
for honours” inquiry.
He was widely known as “Lord
Cashpoint” in the media because
of his notorious talent for raising
money.
He was frequently attacked for
working as Blair’s special envoy
to the Middle East while continuing as the Labour Party’s chief
fundraiser.
But in an impressive performance to a packed Union Chamber,
multimillionaire businessman
Lord Levy left few in doubt as to
his talent, energy and charisma.
Levy began by raising a series of questions about the situation in the Middle East, and then
proceeded to attempt to answer
them, speaking mainly from his
own nine years’ experience as
Blair’s special representative in
the region.
His passionate claims that the
peace process does exist, and that
there had been progress in the
troubled area, went largely undisputed by his audience.
Singling out the current
President as particularly blameworthy, he also criticised the failure of the US administration to
capitalise on Clinton’s work in
the area at the end of his second
term.
He slated Bush’s failure to visit
the region once in his two terms in
office, saying “he needs to see with
his own eyes what’s going on. It’s
very different from sitting in the
Whitehouse in Washington”.
But Levy also claimed that the
current leaders of Israel and the
Palestinian authority must battle
against their “weak positions” to
make progress, as they struggle
to “bring their people along with
them”.
He went on to say that this crucial change is something that the
Palestinian people need above all
else, adding that they “face horrendous levels of unemployment.
“They are living in a hellhole
and cannot carry on. Prosperity
will not come from terror”.
When one audience member
tried to downplay the seriousness
of the terror threat in Britain, Levy
responded by saying: “If you, or a
member of your family had been
in New York or here during the
attacks in London, or on a bus
that was bombed, would you not
feel differently about terror?
“To wipe it under the carpet
is naïve…Innocent children are
murdered for no reason for whatsoever than being in the wrong
place at the wrong time”.
And he used the gravity of the
current threat to justify “desperate measures” such as allowing
police to detain terror suspects
for longer.
He said “We have to give police
extended time when dealing with
terrorist issues. But we have to be
extraordinarily careful that these
powers are not abused”.
It was only when he was asked
about the apparent “obstruction”
from Downing Street in the cash
for honours investigation that
Levy’s response faltered.
He stated that he “truly had
no idea what number 10 said or
didn’t say”, and that they did not
know what he had said.
He finished by saying that he
could not answer the question,
but that he had tried “to be honest and open”.
But Levy made the deepest impression when he talked about
the Middle East, and seemed
to justify Tony Blair’s praise of
his “wisdom, compassion and
humanity”.
He also appeared to live up to
his own claim that those involved
in the region have to be eternal
optimists: “Times have moved
on. No-one is going to benefit
from the current situation.
“But no-one believes in a one
state solution. Hamas has spoken about the ’67 solution. In
Khartoum in ’67 they said no to
peace, but now the Arab world
wants stability.”
Manc students in fee protest One must stay at school
Queen advocates raise in age for school-leavers
Josh Hardie
Manchester students mobbed a lecture to protest against top-up fees Ed Rollason
Anna Croall
Angry Manchester undergraduates have stormed into a highprofile university event, forcing
their Vice Chancellor to agree to
meet with them to debate the key
student issue of free higher education.
The student protest, attended
by over 100 undergraduates, was
organised by the Manchester
Student’s Union. The demonstrators were calling the university to
back state-funded university education for all students.
Manchester Vice Chancellor
Professor Alan Gilbert – who
openly wants to remove the £3,000
a year tuition fee cap – promised
a public meeting after the student
demonstration at the University’s
Foundation Lecture.
Held off by security teams,
protestors were barred from en-
tering the event, where political scientist Robert Putnam and
human rights campaigner Irene
Kahn were due to receive honorary degrees. But 30 of these impassioned protesters managed to
find their way in through a back
entrance, storming the room
where the event was being held.
Amid calls of “Fuck Gilbert”
and “Gilbert is a wanker”, the
Vice Chancellor, who announced
that he will not extend his contract when it expires in 2011, took
to the stage to calm the rabble of
students below.
Student Direct quoted his concession to the crowd: “I will give
an absolute undertaking to come
and talk to a public meeting on
one condition, that I am not
shouted down”. Apparently satisfied students left the hall chanting
“Cheers Gilbert” as they went.
The protest comes as a new developmentinalong-runningcam-
paign by Manchester students to
promote the cause of free higher
education. In an open letter written by the Manchester Student’s
Union General Secretary, Tom
Skinner, to the Vice Chancellor in
September, students asked for an
open discussion with him on the
issue. They were using the protest
to try to push Professor Gilbert
into engaging directly with their
campaign.
Andy
Cunningham,
Campaigns Officer at the
Student’s Union, felt the protest
had gone well. He commented
that, “the protest has shown it is
possible to challenge the authorities into action.
“We hope our success will encourage other students to push
for discussion so that we all get a
chance to understand both sides
of the debate on higher education. Now we can really see who
the enemy is”.
Children will have to stay in education until the age of seventeen
by 2013, raised to the age of eighteen by 2015, under new plans for
education policy unveiled in the
Queen’s speech.
Other proposed changes include the sale of student loan
debt and increased access to
apprenticeships.
The Queen set out several new
educational bills as part of the
government’s action plan for
the next year. The Education and
Skills Bill lays down plans to make
sure that young people do not
leave full time education or training until the age of 18 by 2015.
Both local authorities and parents must make sure young people attend education and training
up to this age and education providers will have to notify local
authorities if young people play
truant.
Employers will have to release
young people for one day a week
or an equivalent for training.
As part of the new measures,
the government has promised
to double the number of apprenticeships available to 500,000, to
meet increased demand.
Apprenticeship schemes will
be able to get their hands on
public funding, but will be more
closely watched.
Meanwhile, the government
also revealed that they have been
selling off English student loan
debt to the private sector. The
total debt is expected to rise to
around £6 billion by 2010-11.
NUS President Gemma Tumelty
said in response to the proposals:
“Our primary concern is that….
students and graduates…who
have received loans, will not be affected by these proposals through
changes in terms and conditions
or increased interest rates.”
Questions also remain over
the sustainability of a system
that promotes long-term student
debt. The response to raising
of school leaving age was also
wary - the Guardian commenting that “this raising
of the educational leaving
age will only mean something if it is matched by
better training”.
And the National
Union of Students
(NUS) whilst greeting
the government’s
plans for an expansion of apprenticeships warmly,
was more wary
about other legislation. Beth Walker,
NUS Vice President
for Further Education,
said of the Education and
Skills Bill that “we should remember that some young
people who leave school
at sixteen return to education later on - if we force
them to remain in school
for two more years, they may be
put off education for life.”
10 NEWS
The Cambridge Student 08/11/07
New John Lewis opens
Betony Lloyd
Staff get things just right for the opening Robert Palmer
Grad women earn less
than men
Stephen Brothwell
Young female employees are
earning less than their male colleagues after they graduate, says a
new report from the Higher Education Statistic Agency (HESA).
A report published earlier in the
year by the Equal Opportunities
Commission blamed the general
disparity in pay on women, citing
The gender gap
even affects recent
graduates
their “tendency” to work parttime or in low paid jobs after having children.
But HESA’s report shows that
this analysis is too simplistic, as
the gender pay gap even affects
recently-graduated women in full
time employment.
The report tracked every student possible who had graduated in 2003, the first time such a
large scale investigation was carried out.
Amongst its findings was the
revelation that only a quarter
of female graduates were earning over £25,000 by 2007, compared with over 40% of their male
peers.
Even more concerning is evidence of a pay gap of £1,000 already existing between male and
female graduates in comparable
full-time jobs three years after
leaving university.
Greater cause for concern is
that ethnic origin was found to
be one of the largest factors determining graduate employment
and pay.
The HESA research revealed
that whilst three quarters of
white and Asian graduates found
work within three years, only two
thirds of black graduates were
employed in the same time span.
They were also twice as likely to be
unemployed.
The Minister for Higher
Education, Bill Rammell, has
welcomed the HESA’s investigation, stressing the more positive
aspects that emerged.
“It clearly demonstrates that
graduates perform exceptionally
well in the labour market and the
vast majority (85%) of them are
satisfied with their career so far”
he said.
Cambridge’s vibrant shopping
scene has been further enhanced
by the opening of a new John
Lewis.
The new 28,000 sq ft department store is one of 52 units, restaurants and cafes being unveiled
as part of the new Grand Arcade
complex on St Andrew’s Street.
Along with five floors of fashion, furniture and homewares,
the new store features a top floor
brasserie and espresso bar with a
Ritz-trained chef and stunning
views over Cambridge.
The opening of the new store
is further evidence of the retail
boom transforming Cambridge.
It coincides with the late opening of H and M and the opening
of Zara, both also on St. Andrews
Street, and is evidence of the
growing consumerism of the
city’s more affluent residents.
“Shopping in Cambridge is
much better now with Zara and
H and M - there’s more variety,”
said Esther Jansen and Hannah
Tydeman, both post-graduate
students in marketing at Anglia
Ruskin University.
But there are fears that the
opening of the new stores may
prove detrimental to other areas
of Cambridge, as John Lewis leave
their old site on Burleigh Street
and the new H and M provides
competition for the smaller, sister store firmly established in the
Grafton Centre .
Equally, there are fears that the
city centre retail boom may leave
behind those on lower incomes.
But the store’s Managing
Director claimed that the shop is
good value.
He pointed out that while the
store does stock luxuries such as
a £48.00 Laurent Perrier rose and
a £50,000 flat screen TV availa-
ble on order, a full range of prices
extends down to a 5p button - so
maybe there is something left for
the students after all.
Many students who believe
John Lewis
features an
espresso bar with
stunning views
that shopping in Cambridge can
be too expensive have welcomed
the news.
“[Cambridge is] more for special occasions rather than normal shopping,” said Viki Archer,
a 3rd year management student
at Caius.
But with the new John Lewis,
this could change, she hinted.
“John Lewis will be great Christmas shopping will be just
around the corner .”
The new John Lewis brasserie looks out over Cambridge city centre Robert Palmer
Police clamp down on cyclists
Jonathan Laurence
Cambridge police have stepped
up the fight against cyclists riding
without lights – by handing out
£1500 worth of fines in just two
hours.
Constables gave 51 riders £30
fines, and warned another 20 who
only had one light displayed on
their cycles.
The fining spree came straight
after police said they would
mount a “high-profile enforcement campaign” targeting “extremely dangerous” cyclists who
ride without lights.
PC Steve Hicks, who headed
the operation, said: “We will
Cyclists without lights face police fines of £30 O Ramsay
continue this zero-tolerance approach for no lights and will expand it for the many other cycle
offences, such as ignoring red
traffic lights and going through
no entry signs.
“We need to change the attitude of cyclists who do not see
the danger they are placing themselves in”, he continued. “The
message is clear: light up or face
a lighter pocket.”
The officer also claimed that
bystanders welcomed their tough
new approach. P.C. Hicks said:
“Many members of the public
and other cyclists stopped to say
thank you for our zero tolerance
of offenders riding in the dark
without lights.
“This behaviour causes accidents and in some cases, even
death.
“It is important cyclists understand the need to display lights for
their own safety and that of other
road users.”
Another top police officer said
that cycling without lights was a
matter of serious concern to all
Cambridge residents.
Inspector Jon Hutchinson,
from Parkside station, said:
“Everyone…in Cambridge will
have tales about that cyclist they
nearly hit because they just could
not see them. The bottom line is,
cycling without lights is just incredibly dangerous.”
Every week, a cyclist is either
killed or seriously injured on
Cambridgeshire’s roads and last
year 448 riders were injured while
cycling.
12 COMMENT
The Cambridge Student 08/11/07
America’s Iraq: Wrong war or wrong are?
Ben Goodchild
W
The USA are using the wrong tactics in Iraq Rick Sforza, US Army
hat has long baffled me about the ongoing military campaign in Iraq is the
constant use of the term “insurgent”.
Throughout history the term has referred to a
person fighting the established government in an
attempt to improve living standards. With such
a group, I take no issue. They are pursuing a directed campaign for change – albeit violent and
outside a legal system. But what I have an issue
with is this same term being applied to those who
engage in orgies of civilian massacre. Butchering
those who are the easiest to attack, those beleaguered souls who are attempting to carve out an
existence in the foxhole they used to call home
cannot be regarded as part of a disciplined or targeted insurgency – it is terrorism.
Bizarrely though it is not the ‘terrorists’ of Iraq, as
they should be referred to, who proclaim themselves
with the title ‘insurgent’. It is the media and governments of the world, particularly the United States
of America who take this conscious decision to ensnare every act of violence, no matter how unrelated
to the American led occupation, under the banner of
an anti-American attack. This article is not a tirade
against America or the war in Iraq as has become
fashionable, yet it is impossible to ignore the idiocy
and lack of direction surrounding the response to
the post 9/11 terrorist threat. Indeed the same flaws
in the understanding and appreciation of the terrorist threat that existed before the invasion continue to
pollute judgment today.
Caught up in its own rhetoric the US government believes it is fighting an insurgency in Iraq
and as a result it is not only ineffective but is actually
playing into the hands of the terrorists with whom
they are currently engaged in combat. Far from
being a quasi-military organization as Al-Qaeda
were before the invasion of Afghanistan, terrorist
groups across the Middle East, under the direction
of Osama bin Laden, have evolved into small cells
holding only loose affiliations with one another.
And, as Bin Laden predicted, the West has been
far too slow to react. Indeed US forces in Iraq are
still trying to sweep and clear areas with air strikes
and massive troop surges in an attempt to disrupt
‘an insurgency’, instead of using Special Forces and
counter-terrorism units in small scale, high value
operations to target specific cells.
Moreover, US commanders seem to have an almost infantile fascination with the obliteration of
training camps and ‘regional’ commanders – continually failing to realise that they do not equate to
air bases and generals in conventional wars. In the
case of the former, terrorists have shown great ability
to adapt, with new commanders emerging almost
immediately. And in the latter, have maintained organisational cohesion by switching from large com-
This article is not a tirade
against America as has
become fashionable
plexes to small scale residential zones. Moreover,
due to their inordinate focus on such objectives and
the over use of air power, the US is also losing the
faith of the Iraqi people through mistargeted weapons and accidental misfire. In essence the US is fighting the wrong war against an enemy who is ten steps
ahead.
Instead of creating a huge army to occupy the
world, America and the entire Western World must
reassess its strategy. As a brotherhood of nations,
they must engage in a far broader and more targeted campaign against global terror as it did against
Communism in the last generation. Now as then,
the West will not be victorious through military
power alone, she must also demonstrate to states in
the Middle East the strength of her economic and
cultural systems, engage with nations and leaders
she despises and above all shed the cloak of oppression she has earned through two botched wars. For
policy makers in Washington such words currently
equate with weakness and failure, but only through
a re-examination of the post Iraq world and a swallowing of pride can the West begin to turn the tide
against global terror and emerge victorious.
The fate of post-Apartheid South Africa
Carly Hilts
W
hen we were talking about gap years
in the Upper Sixth, I remember one of
my friends eagerly telling me about her
volunteering placement at a school in South Africa. And I must confess, my immediate reaction
was ‘why?’ I mean, South Africa’s all right, isn’t it?
You don’t hear about famine there, or droughts,
or civil war. Unlike many countries further north
it isn’t a dustbowl; large parts of it are beautiful
and green, rich with natural resources and able
to support bountiful crops. And Sir Bob has certainly never expressed concern. ‘Why don’t you
volunteer in Ethiopia?’ I said. How naïve I was.
I went to South Africa last summer, and although,
post-Apartheid, black and white people now have
the same legal status, socially the chasm still exists.
Go to any city or town and you can guarantee that
any cleaner, toilet attendant or shop assistant you
see will be black.
Buying some stamps from a shop, I asked the
(white) shopkeeper where the post office was so I
could send my cards. “Oh don’t worry about that”,
she smiled, gesturing towards her assistant, a mature
black woman who was sweeping up, “I’ll send my
girl with them later.” Now, I wouldn’t suggest that
was the attitude of all white South Africans. But it
was hard not to notice the huge gap between rich and
poor - and the colour divide that often went with it.
Visit any large settlement and you won’t fail to see
the townships - you’ll have to drive through them
for at least half an hour before reaching the outskirts of the town proper. Flying into Johannesburg
airport you can see the townships sprawling in all
directions, little shacks no bigger (and often worseconstructed) than garden sheds, ankle-deep in water
because they’re built on the floodplain land that nobody else wants. Usually without running water,
sometimes without electricity, they can house as
much as a third of the population of the city.
I couldn’t believe the contrast when I went down
to the Cape region and visited the wine-producing
valley of Stellenbosch. This area is the home almost
exclusively of white, Afrikaans-speaking South
Africans of Dutch descent. And as I looked at the
vast vineyards, at the pristine white mansions, more
reminiscent of ‘Gone with the Wind’ than Africa in
their colonial splendour, I couldn’t have felt further
away from the townships, where black families live
ten to a shack and a toilet block equipped for eight
is shared by 12,000. Meanwhile urban white people
live behind electric fences and high walls, shielded by
barbed wire and huge dogs from the desperate underclass that nearly fifty years of Apartheid created.
Of course, it would be naïve to complain that
South Africa didn’t magically become a utopia immediately after Apartheid ended; the country hasn’t
seen 20 years of freedom yet, and it will probably take
a number of generations before colour no longer
dictates social status.
An important step yet has to do with the welfare
state that we take so much for granted here - no pensions, no benefits, no state-funded healthcare, and
crucially, no free education. Schools are divided
into ‘private’ and ‘government’ schools - but the latter aren’t like state schools. They may be cheaper, but
they’re often over-crowded and short of resources
and equipment.
Go to any city and you can
guarantee that any cleaner
or toilet attendant you see
will be black.
For the poorest families - and all too often, this
means black families - sending their children to
school is simply not an option. To me, this is the
thing that most hinders progress. In a township outside Swellendam, many of the young black people I
spoke to were ambitious and aspirational, but they
were all too aware that they simply didn’t have the
money to fulfil their potential. Black undergraduates
are increasing in number slowly, but are still hugely
outnumbered by their white peers. With their par-
ents unable to send them to a good school - or, in
fact, any school - many children can’t get the qualifications they need to get a well-paid job, and can’t
afford to send their children to school in turn, whole
families trapped in a vicious circle of poverty and lost
opportunities. When access to education is limited,
so is social mobility.
This isn’t to belittle the achievements of Mandela,
the ANC and De Klerk or to ignore the progress that
South Africa has made. The contrast between life
under the Apartheid system, when buses, beaches
and even park benches were segregated, and now,
is unbelievable. Nobody could forget that a few
months ago when Nelson Mandela came to London
to unveil his statue in Parliament Square.
But where strict social laws used to keep people
separated by colour, now financial constraint does
the same. And this is unlikely to change until black
and white children have the same opportunities. In
Britain, where all children have had free access to
education for decades, it’s all too easy to forget just
how important education is as a tool to change society. South Africa has come so far, but it still has such
a long way to go. It’s so easy to become complacent
about countries like South Africa, to pass them by
in favour of more obviously troubled nations like
Zimbabwe or Sudan, and not to give them the attention they deserve. In Britain we take our rights
so much for granted - we mustn’t take their rights
for granted too.
COMMENT 13
08/11/07 The Cambridge Student
Your letters
[email protected]
Dear Sir,
Former Union officials say current
committee misled members
Dear sir,
As former Officers of the Union Society, we were
sorry to hear about the resignation of its Senior
Treasurer, Senior Librarian, and Steward last week.
Those positions are designed to be held by senior members of the University, and exist to ensure
that a society run by student officers on an eightweekly turnover does not neglect essential legal and
financial considerations – and to see that members’
money is spent efficiently and responsibly.
Chris Stevenson, Pat Aske, and Tim Milner performed these roles with great skill and unswerving dedication. Between them, they have given the
Union more than twenty years’ service - with no re-
ward, no glory, and no perks of office. We each feel
privileged to have counted on their support during
our own terms.
We were therefore particularly sorry that their
resignation was misrepresented in the email sent to
Union members last weekend, and that the current
President and Secretary did not take the opportunity to thank Chris, Pat, and Tim for all their hard
work for the Society.
We would like to make good their omission
now. We are all conscious that we are figures from
the Union’s past – we would urge those who are its
present, and who aspire to be its future, to think carefully about how its interests are now best served.
Yours faithfully,
Fr. Rob ert Mackley (Secretary & Vice President, 1997-8; Steward, 1999-2003)
Gaz Weetman, (President, Michaelmas 1997)
Susie Gledhill (President, Easter 1999)
George Bevis (President, Michaelmas 1999)
Alison Newton (President, Easter 2000)
Jeremy Brier (President, Michaelmas 2001)
Michael Lynas (President, Easter 2002)
Sarah Przybylska, (Secretary & Vice President, 2002-4)
Shahpur Kabraji (President, Lent 2003)
Edward Cumming (President, Easter 2003)
Will Gallagher (President, Michaelmas 2003)
Stephen Parkinson (President, Lent 2004)
Katy Goodwin (Secretary & Vice President, 2004-5)
Kate Steadman (President, Easter 2004)
Alasdair Ross (President, Lent 2005)
Richard Sidey (Secretary & Vice President, 2005-6)
Jaffar Khan (President, Easter 2005)
Jenni Scott (President, Michaelmas 2005)
Sarah Pobereskin (President, Lent 2006)
Nicholas Hartman (Secretary & Vice President, 2006-7)
Alyson Thompson (President, Easter 2006)
Current committee responds
Dear Sir,
We apologise for any apparent lack of clarity and
for omitting to thank Timothy Milner, Christopher
Stevenson and Patricia Aske in our original e-mail
to the membership. We unreservedly express our
deepest gratitude to them on behalf of the entire
membership and for their ongoing help during this
transition period. For the record, in the last month
the Society had publicly voted to thank the Senior
Officers at a Members’ Business Meeting. The
Standing Committee voted to reiterate this sentiment and, as has been stated to Varsity, they will
each be proposed for Honorary Membership as persons of distinction.
We maintain that the erstwhile Senior Officers ex-
pressed their intention to cease their official involvement in the Society with absolutely no animosity.
We feel that we represented the nature of this transition to the membership as it had been presented to
the President and Secretary.
This is an important time for the Union and
we would invite all members, including former
Presidents and other Officers, to contribute constructively for the future of the Society. We are
pleased to relate that the Senior Officers have expressed their willingness to aid in this process.
Yours sincerely,
James Robinson
Secretary & Vice-President 2007-8
I myself am from a state sixth form college and
having had first hand experience of the Oxbridge
admissions process, would like to comment on the
inequality highlighted in your paper (vl. 10 is. 6 ,
01/11/07). First and foremost, it is a major disadvantage that many aspects essential to Oxbridge admissions are not widely explained or known throughout
state schools as opposed to the information independent school pupils receive. Expectations sadly
differ in each - an independent school for example,
works on the basis that a handful of pupils will attend
the likes of Oxbridge when they finish their A levels.
However in terms of state comprehensives and sixth
forms I feel that this is not the case.
Speaking on a personal basis, I approached my
sixth form with an array of A*s and As, and when
asked to choose my A levels, the word Oxbridge was
not mentioned once. Instantly, and unaware at the
time, I was subject to a possible ‘blacklist’ of A levels. One more ‘Mickey Mouse’ subject and I would
not be here. But this of course was not explained to
me, and I was freely allowed to choose any subject
I liked – as was any other bright pupil. Why is this
you may ask? Well simply, I feel it was not an expectation. Very few actually went on to Oxbridge at
the end of their A level course, and unfortunately it
was the general attitude of ‘why should that start to
change?’
State schools and sixth form colleges need to start
setting higher expectations. It is granted that not
many will choose to attend university, and I feel it
is true that individuals have strengths in other fields
away from academia. However an expectation of
achieving the full potential of each student, regardless of their background must always be a priority.
Oxbridge or not.
In some cases yes, it is the responsibility of a sixth
form college or comprehensive school with little or
no background of sending pupils to Oxbridge to do
so. Then again one can not take away from the point
that there must be pupils willing to apply. For many,
Oxbridge is a million miles away from state schools
and comprehensives. This is the bridge that must be
built. Oxbridge must not seem impossibility to the
brightest state school pupils. If this goal is achieved
then a pathway to educational equality can be
opened. The answer: Promote, promote, promote.
Emma Harrison
Emmanuel College
Dear Sir,
As one of last year’s CUSU sabbatical officers I
witnessed first hand the “unrepresentative, pythonesque revolutionaries” that Wes Streeting refers to
in ‘Hard left: stop your hypocritical moaning’ (vl. 10
is. 6 , 01/11/07).
It is absolutely true that these small factions
have hugely disproportionate power and influence in the NUS. This clearly leads to anger and
disbelief amongst the moderate majority, and the
kind of image and apathy problems plaguing the
organisation.
I am actually stunned by the arrogance unelected
individuals such as Ed Maltby exhibit in presuming
to speak for students in general, and furthermore,
that his ineffectual campaigning tactics are still
being repeated with pathetic predictability. As far
as Cambridge is concerned, does he not realise that
the University decision makers do not even know
who ENS are?Their rejection of dialogue and en-
gagement in favour of hysterical banner waving will
be a sorry legacy when the history of the 00s student
movements are written. The radicals have failed to
make a positive contribution, their politics have
been exposed for the pathetic egotism that they are,
and the moderate majority have had enough.
I praise the work of Streeting and the NUS leadership, and call on them to continue with their policies
of reform unheeded by the self-serving minority.
Sam Rose
St. John’s College
Dear Sir,
It is with deep regret that Pakistanis all around the
world have come to learn about the state of emergency imposed by General Pervez Musharraf in
Pakistan on November 3rd 2007.
The suspension of the Chief Justice of Pakistan, the
arrest of key opposition leaders and lawyers, the suspension of independent television channels and the
imposition of an illegal ‘Provisional Constitutional
Order’ amongst various other actions carried out by
Musharraf in the last few days, are a crime against
the human rights and civil liberties of Pakistani citizens. Musharraf is trying to make a joke out of our
Constitution and our country.
We the students of Pakistan condemn this state
of emergency that has been forced upon the nation.
We call for free, democratic, transparent elections
and demand that General Pervez Musharraf should
stand down as the Head of State.
We stand firm in our commitment against corruption and condemn any act of violence that puts
the lives of innocent civilians at risk. We condemn
all bombings, and in particular suicide bombings.
The majority of Pakistan is a peaceful, friendly, vibrant nation and we will not let the actions of a few
tarnish the name and image of our beloved nation
and our people.
In relation to this letter, we the students and people of Pakistan do not support any given political
party, but we are united to ensure that all legal political parties and activists and Pakistani citizens are
given their full democratic rights.
We request all Pakistani students and people to
unite and raise their voice against this injustice and
support our views.
Basit Kirmani
President, CU Pakistan Society
Corrections & clarifications
The Cambridge Student endeavours to be as
accurate as possible in its reporting. It is possible for inadvertent errors to creep in and we are
very happy to issue corrections. Please e-mail
us at [email protected].
The lighting designer for ‘The Fall of the House of
Usher’, reviewed last week (01/11/07 Vl. 10 Issue
6) was David Mack, not Ben Sehovic. Apologies
for any confusion caused.
The internship review for the Value Engineers
(‘Summer internships’ 25/10/07 Vl.10 issue 5) was
written by James Wallis, and not Fran Lewis.
14 EDITORIAL
Editorial
The Cambridge Student
08/11/07
[email protected]
Editor [email protected]
Beth Ashbridge
Deputy Editor
Ryan Roark
Robert Palmer
T
his week the cancelling of Peterhouse May
Ball hit the national headlines.What excited the press was the sight of supposedly
rich, and by implication spoilt, Cambridge students, being denied their big party. The Guardian
described May Balls as ‘as the place where toffs
get it off and, at dawn, fall over in a heap on the
lawn’.
This fits in with the national press’ usual approach
to Cambridge. Newspapers such as the Guardian
often portray it as an elitist bastion of privilege,
where those from private schools (or at a push, the
better grammars) swan about in pashminas and pretentiously discuss Kant.
Petreans have had fun over
the last week
However, the real issue is the way in which colleges believe that banning fun will improve academic results. Over this term several colleges have
become increasingly strict over the amount of wine
allowed in formal hall (see The Cambridge Student
Vl.10 issue 3) and St. John’s cancelled their freshers’ week ent.
This attempt to chivvy along students demonstrates the extent to which most college authorities
fail to understand their students. Banning formals
or May Balls almost inevitably leads to protest and
resentment.
Petreans have had fun over the last week: stickers have appeared across college, and a banner was
strung from Peterhouse chapel (although clearly not
by an expert as it fell down within a few hours).
The protesters even managed to infiltrate the offices of The Cambridge Student (TCS). On Sunday
afternoon the TCS news editor arrived to discover
that someone had copied all the press coverage of the
May Ball and laid it out our floor. She briefly wondered whether they were the same people that had
defiled our computers watching pornography over
the Long Vacation.
Senior fellows would be wise to take a lead from
Emmanuel College. Bouncy castles, yoga sessions and a beaming Master wandering the college
grounds, make exam term much more manageable.
And dare we say it, even fun. The Senior Tutor even
sends around a letter to the student body during
Easter Term, reassuring Emmanuelites that exams
are not the be all and end all of undergraduate life.
Despite this, and perhaps indeed because of this
more relaxed attitude, Emma has managed to top
the Tompkins Table for the last two years in a row.
Surely the way to improve results, is to ensure
that colleges have a friendly and relaxed atmosphere. Good relations between the College and the
JCR are essential. However, some Petreans have
blamed poor academic support from the college for
Peterhouse’s embarrassing results.
The Cambridge Student Crossword
Sven Palys [email protected]
Subeditors
Owen Kennedy
Betony Lloyd
News [email protected]
Amy Blackburn, editor
Jonathan Laurence
Alex Coke-Woods
Catherine Watts
Josh Hardie
Stephen Brothwell
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
14
16
17
18
20
22
24
25
DOWN
The French can follow music without one tissue (7)
Saint and bear run for office (5)
Peer boxes up pet for entertainer (9)
How one might find a mammoth steak (4)
For a change, many pets get their dues (8)
Use a wizard to produce picture (5)
Thalidomide, for example, disfigured one target (9)
Confused Intelligent Design creed requires a judge (7)
Ascendancy of kingdom in ancestral parts (9)
Mathematical type foolishly bags unfinished éclair (9)
Call girl with player’s instrument (8)
Aspirant monks must be free from sin (7)
Set many free (7)
Large mammal’s cry heard from two directions (5)
Pay a charge? You have to, in all such islands (5)
Look up at castle (4)
Solutions to this week’s chess puzzle
1. … Rg8+ 2. Kh6 Qxh2+ 3. Rh5
Qd2+ 4. Qxd2 Rg6 mat
Solution to last
week’s Crossword
ACROSS
Forced maids to rip paper used incorrectly (15)
A chap could attend this event, but never does (4,5)
Golden age for ancient city announced I see (5)
Boy that’s second, won’t be allowed in here (6)
To be beaten is an accomplishment indeed! (8)
I’m soaked, that’s odd in some sense (6)
Rank the Queen grants to an outsider (8)
Good at maths? Nature troubles me sometimes (8)
Unlimited bandages prepared on schedule (6)
Terrorist move on US is poisonous (8)
Get worried in boat (6)
Take leave after scam in African country (5)
Hunting animals can be dear sport (9)
Corrupt priestly acolyte behaves as expected (15)
Fashion [email protected]
Erika Blomerus
Lili Sarnyai
Food & Drink [email protected]
Gabriel Byng
Stephen Kosmin
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Ivanka-Lazarevic, European Ladies’ Championship, 1972
Black to play
Apologies for last week’s misprint. Here’s how it
should have gone…
Here White is a rook up, but Black can immediately win it back and this is what indeed happened
in the game. However, there was a much better
option, leading to a wonderful mate. Can you find
it?
IMPACT
Camden Town
Finchley Road
08/11/07
Swiss Cottage
St. John’s Wood
gware
Oxford
Circus
Russell
Square
Sorting through
the mess
All you need for a
good day out in
Queensway
h Street
nsington
Hyde Park
Corner
Sloane
Square
Green Park
Piccadilly
Circus
St. James’s
Park
London
South
Kensington
1
Victoria
p18, 19
Holborn
Barbican
Chancery
Lane
Westminster
Waterloo
Moorgate
St. Paul’s
Tottenham
Court Road
Marble
Arch
Knightsbridge
ucester
Goodge
Street
Farringdon
Euston 200m
swater
Lancaster Bond
Gate Street
Gate
Student
Angel
Euston
Square
Warren Street
Regent’s Park
Marylebone
The Cambridge
King’s
Cross
St. Pancras
Great
Portland Euston
Street
Baker
Street
Edgware
Road
Mornington
Crescent
Covent Garden
Bank
Leicester Square 340m
Cannon Street
Leicester
Square Mansion
House
Charing
Cross
Blackfriars
Temple
Embankment
Charing Cross 100m
Features
16
IMPACT
The Cambridge Student 08/11/07
In Memoriam
Mike Kielty looks beyond the poppy
Lest we forget... ny156uk
T
he eleventh hour of the eleventh day
of the eleventh month. A familiar
scene unfolds before us: the ranks of
grey-haired heroes and their younger comrades march to the Cenotaph, with the memories of distant Sergeant-Majors forcing their
faltering limbs into line. The deep scarlet of
a million poppies provides the only colour
amongst the overwhelming greyness of the
November skies.
Most of us will bow our heads for a pensive two minutes and place an emblematic little flower in our buttonholes. Honour, victory,
sacrifice and, above all, that duty to always remember will presumably be the thoughts that
fill our minds, for a moment that is. “Lest we
forget”, the words on the Cenotaph read, but
even as we watch the veterans march by on our
television, many of us will also feel our concentration pass on to the next story, to whatever
forms the next distraction in a busy modern
life. Next Sunday morning, more of us than we
would care to admit will scarcely notice that it
is Remembrance Day.
Time is unforgiving, and now almost no one
lives who can remember or remind us of the
Great War’s unique terrors. We give two minutes to remember nearly a million British dead
in that conflict, and a horrific additional toll of
servicemen, women and civilians in the Second
World War, and then walk away, back to our
everyday lives. At this moment in history, per-
haps more than any other, war itself has become
detached from most people’s ordinary lives.
It is surprisingly rare to meet any Sandhurst
hopefuls in Cambridge, let alone the squaddies
themselves, the majority of whom are enlisted
in the poorer areas of Britain.
“We” are said to go to war as a nation, but the
snipers and bombs of a hellhole like Basra can
seem as remote as a video game to most of us.
What is more worrying is that you could make
the same conclusion regarding the politicians
who send us to war. Churchill spent two years
in the trenches before becoming arguably the
greatest war leader in our history. The thought
of those brave squaddies following Tony Blair
“over the top”, even before the Iraq debacle,
would be laughable if only we could forget the
171 British men and women who have been
killed (at the time of writing) since the start of
that campaign in March 2003.
Perhaps without the controversial comments
of the broadcaster Jon Snow on “poppy fascism”
last year, the whole event would have passed by
without much mention in our College JCRs as
well as the national press. In a world transfixed
by fleeting media celebrities and the idea of the
‘fifteen minutes of fame’, it almost requires an
enforced closing-down of our libraries, banks,
or shops to make many of us reflect at all on the
lives of soldiers.
According to a recent government report,
the armed forces are said to be to be “running
on empty”, overstretched by the long-running
operations in Iraq and Afghanistan. The Royal
British Legion has recently launched the Broken
Covenant campaign to shame ministers into
improving the treatment of personnel, but it is
as much public apathy that has upset many Iraq
veterans. A “Victory” parade is clearly inappropriate with regard to Iraq, but the least that these
veterans deserve is for us to keep our faith in
Remembrance Day itself.
For the time-honoured ceremonies to retain their vitality with each passing year, critics
argue that they must provide a practical func-
‘The thought
of brave
squaddies
following
Tony Blair
over the top is
laughable’
tion. For that, however, you need look no further than the poppy itself. The Royal British
Legion spends nearly £40 million a year on
supporting retired Service personnel and their
dependants, and half that sum comes from the
annual Poppy Appeal.
In the poppy, remembrance becomes something not abstract or momentary, not an emotion only to be summoned on cold November
mornings or amidst the old war gravestones.
To wear the poppy is to make a moral choice
against this contemporary will to forget, for it
requires the humility to accept how insignificant our own concerns might be in comparison
to the hardships of soldiers past and present. It
forces us to appreciate those who were tested as
we have not been and probably never will be, as
a result of their sacrifice.
For our generation, remembrance should
not be just about Germany but about Iraq and
Afghanistan, both of which are more than
worth some silent reflection this Sunday. We
belong to the same national community as those
grey-haired veterans; we share not just the same
history, but the same future as well. Through
wearing the poppy, we can give thanks to those
who have given their lives from the Somme to
the Sunni Triangle, and provide their living successors with practical aid. Perhaps we can even
find some form of faith in a future for the planet
in the solemn beauty of a small, red flower that
we wear in our buttonholes.
08/11/07 The Cambridge Student
More fun than you can possibly handle, and all a mere hour away Le Turc
S
o Cambridge is good, but surprisingly
enough there’s more to life than Cindies, supervisions and drinking societies. During term-time it seems hard to escape the bubble of uni and it’s all too easy to
forget that the wonders of our fair capital city
lie waiting for us just a hope, skip and a train
ride away. We’re lucky to be near enough to
London to go just for a short while and a daytrip is ridiculously easy plus, if you choose
carefully, it can also be delightfully cheap.
London’s not our capital city for nothing…with the world’s first underground system (where you’re immediately thrust into a
stranger’s armpit), over 6,000 restaurants (some
good, some bad, some failing health and safety)
and more shops than Victoria Beckham could
visit in a lifetime, the city has something to offer
everyone. There are parks, galleries, aquariums,
wine tasting courses, dinosaur bones and the famous West End stage shows, all there to ensure
that you can experience anything in the world
right here in sunny old England. From the
Sloane Rangers on the King’s Road, to Camden
Market Goths and Islington’s Arty-Chic crowd,
each area of London has its own individual
styles which all combine to create a diverse and
vibrant place to visit. Indeed, although the welltrodden tourist-route has a lot to offer, it can be
expensive and full of noisy Americans so instead
try exploring the areas of London which are
slightly off the beaten track. For the shopaholics, try checking out the markets (at Portobello,
Camden and Spitalfields) where up-and-coming designers sell their handmade garments for
next to nothing and as they’re all completely
unique you know there won’t be someone else
wearing the same thing. For culture-vultures, a
day of art galleries and museums is totally free,
allowing you to relax in some of the museum
cafes, all of which have spruced up their act and
now offer surprisingly good food. If you feel the
need to escape the bustle of the city for a while,
take a stroll in one of London’s many parks…
Battersea Park has a zoo, Greenwich Park offers
spectacular views of capital and deer run free in
Regent’s Park so whatever you fancy, you’ll be
able to find it in London.
The train from Cambridge takes you straight
into King’s Cross station, or alternatively
Liverpool Street, where you can hop on a bus or
tube to anywhere you wish to go in our sprawl-
ing metropolis of history, culture and entertainment. Taking the tube is reliable (in theory,
anyway) but a bus journey allows you take in
your surroundings….whether that means a
beautiful building or public urination, it will
definitely offer an alternative to King’s College
Chapel. And that’s what’s so great about
London: you could be a compulsive day-tripper and never get bored. The people are eclectic,
the shops stock real designer brands and you’re
once again reminded that the world won’t stop
turning if your essay is a few hours late.
Melissa St. John
HANDY HINTS
Book train tickets in advance, and so
save yourself money and hassle.
Check for engineering works, which
commonly interfere with Cambridge
trains, especially on weekends.
Get a ‘Bite’ card, which gives you discounts at major food retailers in stations.
Check out ‘Time Out’ online for ideas of
what to do, and in particular cool and
current happenings.
Always ask about student discounts many places, including theatres, offer
substantial ones but are reticent about
advertising the fact.
Plan ahead! Museums, galleries and
similar attractions are prone to closing
on odd days of the week, so the best
thing you can do is some careful research!
Feed the birds, tuppence a bag... spi516
he mind, according to Freud, is layered. Much like trifle. And somewhere deep down, buried in the soggy
sponge of my subconscious is a little useless
nugget of thought, a stray morsel being where
it has no business to be. But, like the pea in the
bed of the princess, from deep down it’s doing damage.
Somewhere, once upon a time in a land far
far away, someone said your lover should be
your best friend. Yep, we’ve all read that kind
of tosh in greetings cards and repulsively fluffy
‘Little Books of Love’. Pearls of wisdom, that’s
what they call such nonsense. But what, after all,
is a pearl? It’s nothing more than a little worm
which found its way into a bed, stayed there for
a while and came out looking a whole lot prettier and more respectable. I’ve known people
who’ve done that, and it certainly didn’t make
them wise and valuable. But through the many
stodgy layers of my pudding brain, this welldisguised nematode has morphed itself into a
highly dangerous instinct - your friend should
be your lover.
I cannot stress enough how foolish this instinct is. ‘Mate’ has two meanings – and they
should remain mutually exclusive. Just because
you both chortle at the same bits of Family Guy
and you feel comfortable enough to face them
in your ravishing pyjama, sweater and socks
combo, doesn’t mean it’s not going to be the
most horrendously awkward moment of your
life when you roll over in the morning and discover what was once a good friend occupying
the other half of your suddenly too small bed.
I need all my fingers and toes and probably
someone else’s too to count the number of good
male friends I’ve had. But I only need one mutilated hand to count the number who’ve never
been more than just friends. And I’m not even
talking about full-blown mistakes, all it takes
is a word, a look, an over-lengthy embrace, a
quick shag (only kidding…sort of) and the seed
of destruction is there, festering. (N.B. That last
phrase sounds considerably more disturbing
than I intended.)
Unless you’re looking to get married, then
friendships and relationships with the opposite
sex should have little in common. From one, you
borrow cooking utensils and get them to carry
heavy things for you. From the other, you borrow items of clothing to sleep in and get them to
carry just about everything for you. (Gentlemen
– this is all from a ladies’ perspective – do not ask
us to carry anything). Friendships are precious
things, and what’s more, they often arise out
of situations which don’t suit an atmosphere
pregnant with shame and embarrassment. For
absolutely no particular personal reason, supervisions spring into my mind.
Why did I, or would anyone, think overstepping the sacred boundaries of friendship
a good idea? (Well actually, I know why I did
it - I’m incorrigible. But other people have no
such excuse.) After all, if the spark wasn’t there
to start with, is it likely to suddenly arise like a
phoenix out of the cooling ashes of your friendship? Unless of course the only reason you became friends in the first place was an undeniable
sexual frisson, and you’ve been waiting months
of mounting desire to cast aside the restrictive
bonds of friendship, in which case you have my
blessing.
To conclude, dear reader, please don’t mate
with your mate. You may need them for platonic purposes some time. Anyway here’s a far
more useful pearl - keep your friends close, but
your enemies much, much closer… The tension
makes for some fabulous sex.
17
Features
London
Calling T
IMPACT
18
IMPACT
The Cambridge Student 08/11/07
Features
Day Trippin’! Here’s a few
Bond Street
Waltz up and down London’s most exclusive shopping street, browsing in the window of Tiffany, Prada and Jimmy Choo….
on a student budget, your wallet might
have to stay closed but its fun to wind up
the shop staff with snooty looks and an air
of indifference that reeks of money.
The Wonder Room
at Selfridges
For the ultimate in decadence, a trip to the
Wonder Room at Selfridges is unrivalled.
Use the wine-jukebox at the Wonder Bar
to serve yourself a lovely vintage red or
request anything, from phoenix eggs to
magic carpets, and they’ll find it for you.
How’s that for service?
Portobello Market
Due to its popularity (greatly increased
by a floppy haired Hugh Grant in the film
Notting Hill), the stallholders at Portobello
have started to wise up and prices continue
to rise. That being said, there are still some
good bargains to be found and many upand-coming designers sell their original
pieces for a reasonable cost. A trip to the
Hummingbird Bakery will provide essential shopping fuel in the form of a beautifully decorated and deliciously sweet
cupcake.
KEY
Posh & Loaded
Lady of Leisure
Weird & Wonderful
Arty Boho
Golden Age of
Couture
The new exhibition celebrates the postwar boom in the world of couture. With
over 100 dresses from designers such as
Dior and Balenciaga, it’s a truly frock-tastic show that’s not to be missed.
Tea at the Ritz
There always comes a point in a hard
day’s sightseeing when you want to sit
back with a cup of tea, and where better in London than the Ritz? Relaxing
amongst potted palms while choosing
from about ten different varieties of elaborate cream cake will certainly make you
feel overindulged. Particularly as you can
eat as much as you want (and you will want
to, considering that it’s a bit of a stretch on
the average student budget.) From £36 pp
book several weeks in advance at www.theritzlondon.com/tea
The Mandarin
Oriental Spa
This award-winning luxury spa in the heart
of London is the perfect place to unwind
and escape the rush of the city. With separate spas for both men and women, everyone can relax with a Thai massage or take a
dip in the Vitality Pool.
Dinner at Nobu
You’ll probably be sitting next to J-Lo or Ms
Beckham whilst tucking into deliciously
overpriced bits of sushi….sunglasses are
a non-negotiable outfit staple and make
sure your driver is waiting for you outside
as parking is a nightmare.
Absolut Ice Bar
If Cambridge isn’t cold enough for you,
here’s the place to go. Swathed in silver
space capes, chill out with appropriately
named cocktails – Absolut Below Zero
and Absolut Aurora Borealis – and admire
the bar, walls, furniture and artwork all
sculpted from, yep, you guessed it, frozen
water. Regent Street.
Dirty Dancing
For the top girly theatrical experience, a
viewing of the hit West End musical Dirty
Dancing is a must. Go to TKTS in London’s
Leicester Square to find discounted tickets
on the day of the performance and have the
time of your life….
Lucky Voice Karaoke
In Soho. (http://www.urbanpath.com/london/cocktail-bars/lucky-voice.htm) - you
can hire a private room for you and your
girlfriends, sing your hearts out and have as
many drinks as you can manage brought to
you on request.
Topshop, Oxford
Circus
For the ultimate high street shopping experience, make for Topshop’s flagship store
and bask in 3 floors of clothes, shoes and accessories. Head to their nail bare for a wellearned manicure and ask a for a personal
shopper…they run around for you fetching clothes you want whilst you sit back
and relax in their private changing room.
Warning: avoid on Saturday afternoons,
for the sake of health and sanity.
Scoop in Covent
THE BEST ICE CREAM IN LONDON.
It’s a proper gelateria, only opened this
year. All organic and locally sourced ingredients, a variety of amazing flavours (I
recommend the hazelnut and pistachio)
and a fun diner-style atmosphere. Even as
the weather gets colder it’s definitely worth
checking out.
Pret-a-Portea at The
Berkley
The perfect edible treat for every fashionista. Bite-sized sandwiches and miniature
crudités sit next to mouth-watering cakes,
all inspired by this season’s catwalk collection. Indulge in a Missoni striped madelaine or an Alexander McQueen silver
boot biscuit…fashion has never tasted so
good.
08/11/07 The Cambridge Student
IMPACT
The Cambridge
Student has gone
underground to
find the weirdest,
wackiest, craziest
& coolest things to
do in a day in the
capital.
Just check out our
guide, hop on the
right line and London
is your Oyster.
Wallace Collection
Roller Disco
This beautiful London townhouse, once
owned by the Wallace family, houses
many treasures from Boucher paintings to
exquisite eighteenth-century French porcelain. Each room is crammed full of visual delights and with a free tour every day,
there’s no excuse not to swot up on your
art history.
Get your skates on and head down to
Canvas, Kings Cross, or the Renaissance
Rooms, Vauxhall, for the most lethal night
in town. The combo of roller skates and
drunken crowds make for an exhilarating,
if somewhat dangerous, night out. Coordination optional, eighties’ sportsgear is
not.
The Design Museum
Tucked away on the riverside almost underneath London Bridge, this collection
of the best in contemporary design is
often overlooked in favour of larger museums like the V&A. A pity, because although tiny, the exhibitions are brilliant.
It only takes half an hour to walk round,
but currently you can see work by fashion designer Matthew Williamson and acclaimed architect Zaha Hadid. And make
sure you don’t miss the shop, which is a
great source of quirky design based gifts
and stationery. £4 student entry (£7 general) www.designmuseum.org
Rivington Place
The new £8 million public centre for visual arts was designed by David Adjave and
shows just how modern our lovely capital can be. Their current exhibition, “London is the place for me” looks at migration
through photography and moving image.
The John Soane
For some architectural inspiration, head to
Sir John Soane’s personal house located in
Lincoln’s Inn Fields. The great British architect’s home and library has been a museum since the early nineteenth century,
upholding Soane’s aims and wishes for the
building ever since.
The National Theatre
The Poetry Cafe
There are poetry readings every night
(with open mic on Tuesdays), good food
and a literary atmosphere, with lots of
writers turning up and scribbling in corners. 22 Betterton Street, Covent Garden.
(http://www.poetrysociety.org.uk/content/cafe/)
Located in the hub of the South Bank, the
National always has several shows on at
once, and it’s often easy to obtain great
on-the-day tickets for as little as £10. The
café and lounge make for good talent
spotting – the cream of British acting talent, that is – whilst enjoying live music
or the frequent ‘platforms’ where directors and actors discuss their work. Check
out the student open day on November
16th.
The V&A Cafe
The best gallery café by far. With an enormous array of organic breads, home-made
soups and light cakes to choose from, it’s a
perfect place to rest weary gallery legs.
Kiss and Tell Cabaret
A night out with a difference, this venue
promises modern lyrical satire with vocals
by Petronella Wyatt and Melinda Hughes.
Songs include “Smoker’s Lament” and
“Carbon Footprint in my Jimmy Choos”.
Madame Tussauds
Hang out with all the celebrities and walk
the red carpet…they might all be made of
wax but at least they won’t suddenly shave
their head or start shoplifting a la Britney
and Winona.
Old Operating
Theatre
The Operating Theatre is found in the roof
space of an English Baroque church and
was closed down before antiseptic surgery
was invented. Today, there’s no health risk
and you can even take part in a surgical
demonstration.
Coffee Cake
and Kink
(www.coffeecakeandkink.com) - a little
café selling good coffee and cake, and bizarre erotic and fetish items too. Definitely a niche market, but visit while you
can as they’re trying to close it down due
to a landlord dispute. It’s certainly NOT
dark and sleazy, but very stylish, and frequented by many of London’s movers and
shakers...
Beachcombing
Yep, bizarre as it sounds, there are frequently beachcombers and even sandcastle builders to be seen on the sandy shores
of the Thames. If you fancy treasure-hunting amongst the usual tideline debris of
beer bottles and driftwood, head on down
to the South Bank to join in the hobo-esque
fun. But be warned – sometimes the tide
comes in.
Features
ideas to get you started...
19
IMPACT
The Cambridge Student 08/11/07
Fashion
22
Back
To
Mono
08/11/07 The Cambridge Student
IMPACT
A
s the darkness falls earlier and the
mists come swirling in from across
the fens, the colleges loom ever more
foreboding under the yellow streetlights. It’s
all doom and gloom and the usual autumnal palette of burnt umbers and ochres looks
totally unappealing, rather like the sodden
earth.
Relenting would be giving in to the season.
Of course considering how far Cambridge lags
behind London in fashion terms (are we really
only an hour away by train?), I doubt any significant adjustment will take place. I’m sure the pashmina-mafia will continue to resemble relics
from village fetes (their frequent re-readings of
Brideshead notwithstanding) and the nu-ravers will continue to be an eyesore, spilling over
from a sartorially uninspiring summer.
But where is the excitement in that? Where is
the thoughtfulness? Surely we, the fashion conscious need to take the streets back from the apathetic and from the night?
What is needed is the fashion of change,
fashion that represents Cambridge as the place
it ought to be: a city of thinkers with their fingers on the pulse of what it means to be alive
and young in boom-era Britain. And the necessary fashion is simply, as it has been throughout history, monochromatic. Though this time
around, playfully so.
Black with white is sharper than a switchblade and crisper than the Cambridge cold. It is
more than a fashion; it is a state of mind. It is her
highness, Patti Smith, on the cover of Horses,
looking as fresh today as she did in 1975, it is
Demeulemeester in the 80s as she blazed her
aesthetic onto the world and re-established
Antwerp as a fashion centre, it is the ever-sexual Dietrich in a top-hat, eyebrows arched
menacingly and it is a Stieglitz shot of Georgia
O’Keeffe, infused with all the love an artist can
give to another.
When the American beatniks walked around
a New York that still had something to say,
when the Parisian students were lost in their
socialist dreams of a better future, they did it in
black and white.
The monochrome of today has all the elements of those fantasies but, to avoid looking
like one of Hedi Slimane’s indie army circa
2004, it is primarily about shape. And that shape
is big. It has all the perverted sexuality of Gareth
Pugh’s bondage wear without being as literal,
and it is progressive and fresh in the way that
Model and article:
Manon Maybe
only Roksanda Ilincic, once an architecture
graduate, can be.
At Maison Martin Margiela, Fall/Winter 07,
monochrome was paired with strong superbowl-esque shoulders, at Moon Young Hee
the deconstruction made the models look like
urban sprites and at Alberta Ferretti there were
some pieces which graduated black to white,
imitating a lo-fi, street style trend towards monochromatic graffiti.
However, the biggest success in my opinion, and the one that kept the essence of monochrome’s nonchalance and crucially, its bite,
was Jens Laugesen. Laugesen of course never
disappoints but this collection exceeded itself. The lines were so sharp that the structures
were rendered almost cartoon-like and the aura
managed to be simultaneously feminine and
androgynous, and simultaneously Victorian
and futuristic. And that’s no mean feat.
Of course there is the problem of nu-grave,
the monochromatic trend (admittedly with
flecks of gold) that has been the staple at the hipper-than-thou Hoxton clubs, which Pugh and
his ilk frequent.
At Boombox’s recent Halloween ‘Doombox’
party, everyone looked like high fashion, subgothica… Goths. Or something. Even when
they were predominantly in white. It is all so
hip that it must rapidly unravel any day now,
surely?
Even Patti Smith, one of the more down-toEarth rock n rollers, is hipper than your average
post-op septuagenarian.
So is black-and-white-but-supersized, functional for Cambridge life? Well does the contrast
of dark and light make a Caravaggio painting?
Will the new black always be black? Will we get
married in one and mourn in the other?
Black and white is so broad a combination
that any semblance of shape will keep it fresh.
And the white keeps the combination more
punky than Goth and significantly softer.
Cambridge has curiosities far more troubling
that an excessively structured shoulder or a
particularly aggressive boot. It has tweed three
pieces and Jack Wills and an entire student body
clad in the contents of one local Topshop.
Surely it is better to think about an outfit
graphically, mathematically even? To maximise the things one can do with monochrome by
experimentation? It’s about time that we got out
the punk cuts and the strong lines and the statement pieces and take back the streets.
Photos:
Erika Blomerus
Fashion
Sciamachy
23
Science
24
IMPACT
The Cambridge Student 08/11/07
Origins of human language
Mico Tatalovic brings together contrasting
theories on why we speak
H
uman language is unique in the animal kingdom. As far as we know, we
are the only animals to use conventional communication system-complex language. Other animals use self-reporting signals which inform the listener of the state,
motivation or future behaviour of the signaller. As such, animal vocalizations have
evolved either because they help the survival
of animals through natural selection or because they help animals to reproduce so they
evolve by means of sexual selection. It is still
not clear whether human language evolved
as a specific adaptation or whether it developed as a by-product of evolution unrelated
to language itself. Although non-adaptationist view of the origins of language are argued
for by influential thinkers such as Chomsky,
most biologists would probably agree with
the alternative view that language evolved
because it conferred a specific advantage to
hominids.
Language only evolved once, in the human
lineage, regardless of the fact that most apes possess cognitive skills and some birds cognitive
and vocal skills needed to produce language.
This suggests that there must have been a period
in our evolutionary history when there was an
unprecedented selection pressure operating on
our species which could best be solved by evolving language. Elaine Morgan, supporter of the
In the world, there are more than 2700 different languages, of which the most spoken is Mandarin Nofrills
aquatic ape hypothesis suggests that such selection pressure could have come by if there was a
period of time when early humans were forced
to live a semi-aquatic life-style. Passing through
this stage, we may have evolved features to deal
with aquatic lifestyle that could have been used
for language later on in our evolution.
Theories for what drove the emergence of
language are plentiful. Grooming hypothesis
professes that when human group size reached
a threshold level where tactile grooming ceased
to be feasible, language evolved as ‘vocal grooming’ that allowed grooming of several friends
at the same time. Mating hypothesis claims
human languages with vocabularies of tens of
thousands of words are excessive and as such
indicate that language evolved as a ‘decoration’, a way of sexually advertising men’s abilities to provide for their partners. Motherese
hypothesis says mothers needed a way of comforting a baby at a distance while collecting
food and so language evolved to calm the babies. Hunting theories suggest coordination of
hunting among men required language. Gossip
hypothesis suggests menstruating women participated in rituals where gossiping benefited
their social lives and so this drove evolution of
language. Mating contract hypothesis says language evolved to facilitate male-female bonds
in human groups that were increasing in size.
The list goes on…
Most of the theories explaining how language evolved focus on its function. However,
the only thing they all have in common is
that they fail to account for the uniqueness of
human language. All of the suggested functions
would also be helpful to other animals and so
we would expect other animals to benefit from
evolution of language as well, yet only humans
evolved language. Different scientists argue for
different theories and there are several books
arguing a single main explanation of why language evolved. The most likely answer however
is that language had many functions, and perhaps most, if not all theories are partially correct. Nevertheless, we still cannot exclude the
possibility that we are missing the main part of
this puzzle; that the keystone of the language origin is still outside the scope of our knowledge.
And while we await answers to many fundamental questions about origins of language we
are already faced with extinction of languages;
with only 4% of the population speaking 96%
of the existing languages some estimates claim
that 90% of the world’s languages are on the
brink of extinction. One of the problems is the
advance of global languages such as English; yet
with worldwide geographical distribution and
millions of speakers, even English itself is now
considered by some to have evolved into several
quite distinct languages.
Helping Extraordinary People
Nikiforos Karamanis explains language technology
Computerised devices can be applied on a daily basis to facilitate our lives and the
lives of those less-abled Dennis Sylvester Hurd
I
nteracting with machines using language
is not science fiction any longer: Language technology is used to support systems which help us find information in the
internet, translate webpages and navigate our
cars in traffic. But it also helps people in much
more extreme circumstances.
Last spring, a blind aviator travelled from
London to Sydney in a 100-horsepower microlight aircraft. Miles Hilton-Barber, who
was accompanied by a different co-pilot in
each half of his trip, covered 13,500 miles in
less than two months, beating tropical storms,
snow blizzards and violent turbulences with
the help of special talking equipment. The
equipment, which was developed by a company that specialises in assistive technologies
for people with disabilities, allowed Miles to
get map coordinates and use several flight instruments including compass, artificial ho-
rizon, altimeter and air speed indicator by
talking to the aircraft’s computer.
Children with severe speech impairments
typically communicate using predetermined
words and phrases uttered for them by the
computer. This limits the scope of the conversations that they can engage in. Researchers
in three Scottish universities developed a
system that generates puns to help disabled
children explore language and expand their
vocabulary. The system generates brief jokes
such as: “What do you call a strange rabbit?
A funny bunny!”. To produce a pun, it uses
knowledge of what words mean, how they
sound and how they can be combined. This
system has delighted eight children with cerebral palsy who were asked to test it. Despite
the poor quality of some of the jokes, in another survey, one of the puns generated by the
system was judged to be funnier than about
250 human jokes. It is expected to be particularly helpful for children with limited communication skills as jokes provide a good way
to bond with other people.
In another recent project in Scotland, researchers are developing a system which will
generate a summary of a baby’s medical history and current condition from electronic
notes. Medical professionals often need to
deal with hundreds of pages of lab results
and medical history in order to decide how
to treat their patient, usually within just a few
minutes. It is hoped that providing doctors
and nurses with a summary of the patient’s
record will improve medical care. Clinical
staff also has to spend a lot of time writing
reports of what has happened on their shift.
Language
technology
can improve
quality of life
tremendously
If this is done automatically, the likelihood
of important events being forgotten can be
avoided and the staff will spend more time
with their patients. Although the project focuses on the treatment of premature newborn
babies, the same technology can in principle
be deployed in other clinical contexts leading
to improved care for adults too.
Developing such systems may take a long
time and can cost a lot of money. But once
this investment is made, people become more
able to deal with extreme situations and their
quality of life is improved tremendously.
08/11/07
The Cambridge Student
IMPACT
Estella Shardlow enjoys a macabre collection of textiles at New Hall
Oh what a tangled web we weave... Beverly Ayling-Smith
Disruption
New Hall Gallery
October 21–November 17
A
The needle, having stitched, moves on
Catherine Dormor
poor life this if, full of care, we have
no time to stand and stare. As W. H.
Davies writes, the luxuries of time for
reflection are often regrettably lacking in our
lives. However, in the New Hall Gallery the
work of two female textile artists, Catherine
Dormor and Beverly Ayling-Smith, shows
them taking a step back to observe the transitory state of the material surface as they explore the impact of touch and decay.
The title of the exhibition, ‘Disruption’, suggests some air of conflict or chaos, which seems
slightly incongruous with the sensitive, reflective approach of these artists and the placid feel
of the exhibition. Theirs is a more subtle interpretation of this theme, concentrating on the
impact of the artist’s touch or stitch upon the
tactile surface.
Ayling-Smith investigates the relationship b
etween cloth and the body through the historical context of Holland linen in 17th-century
burial rituals. The pieces possess a macabre air
resonant of the wider preoccupation with mortality in Reformation Europe, with the popular
memento mori theme in the art of the time.
Textiles help to define our identity in life,
through the clothing we wear, and continue
to do so in death, in the processes of interment
and remembrance. By focusing on the stitch,
Ayling-Smith draws attention to the human
touch interrupting the textile surface, just as the
individual interrupts and alters the world and
people around her. Ayling-Smith’s most exemplary work is Fragments, in which a latticework
of threads over fragments of linen and a melancholy poem (“We come into the world/ Wound
up in that winding sheet/ For we come to seek
our grave...”) demonstrates the tenuous threads
of memory, the layers of experience, and the inevitability of death and decay. The stitches are
like a malign cobweb subsuming our body and
mind: they are time itself.
Meanwhile, Dormor produces digitally
printed photographs on delicate fabrics, detailing a sewing machine or human hand stitching fabric. She is interested in exposing the dual,
‘haptic-scopic’ (touch-sight) nature of human
interaction, by juxtaposing the real tactile surface with the images simulated or projected onto
it. Touch is made implicit with the fingerprints,
hands, needles and scissors depicted, concentrating on the moments in which the fabric is
pierced by these items, whilst a sense of motion
is conveyed by the multiple exposures overlaid
on each image. The prints are arranged verti-
cally down long strips of black fabric in Now
Screening I-III, echoing the continuous, linear
action of the sewing machine. Meanwhile, edging each print with zig-zag stitching shows the
physical output of the machinery in contrast to
the photographic documentation of it.
The combination of these two artists is essential to the success of the exhibition, as their
alternative approaches to a shared theme complement one another. Ayling-Smith’s literal exposure of time-worn materials is set off against
Dormor’s digital magnification of the intrusive touch itself. Similarly, Ayling-Smith’s output seems more evocative and contemplative,
while Dormor’s has a higher degree of technical polish. Their art is displayed along a long,
narrow space in the basement, lit along one
side by the glass walls. This venue is well suited
to the pieces; Dormor’s prints on silk and organza such as Cloth: Screen: Surface are hung
against these windows so that they are illuminated from behind, appearing translucent and
bleached out, as if dissolving into the light. The
tunnel-like setting also enhances that sense of
the passage of time. Entering this subterranean
gallery space one is met with a succinct but macabre exhibition, a submission to the degenerative or manipulative effects of contact—either
physical or temporal—and finds beauty in such
conditions.
An exhibit for the birds
Jess Bowie is not impressed with this eco-friendly display at Kettle’s Yard
Mixed media, or no media at all? Henrik Håkansson
Henrik Håkansson
Kettle’s Yard Gallery
September 29–November 18
T
he current exhibition at Kettles Yard
takes endangered birds as its theme.
I was somewhat apprehensive: I always find art a little difficult when it has an
overt political or , in this case, environmental
message. It’s not that I don’t care about the
environment—don’t we all nowadays? Perhaps it’s just that I like subtlety. Nevertheless,
I went to Henrik Håkansson’s Three Days of
the Condor with an open mind.
The exhibition blurb promises a veritable
orgy of mixed media: film, sound works and
sculptural installations, which combine “scientific systems of observation and communication with a visual language that makes reference
to popular film and music culture”.
The blurb is slightly misleading.
To the right of the entrance is the first ‘installation’: some filing cabinet folders on a rail,
documenting 100 of the most endangered bird
species in the world. Humorously, the piece is
called ‘The Lonely Hearts Club’. (This must be
the reference to popular culture, then.)
Other installations include: a retro cassette
recorder playing bird calls; a stuffed bird in a
glass case, borrowed from the Natural History
Museum (does taxidermy count as sculpture?);
an entire wall covered with endangered birdthemed print-outs from the internet, pinned
onto corkboards, and a couple of maps.
The overwhelming impression one receives
is that there is simply not enough material here
for an exhibition.
Near the door is a mock-up plywood hut,
containing more retro technology. This time,
1960s projectors, which, when they work (most
of them didn’t when I went) show grainy footage of birds. Because of the awkward positioning of the equipment, most people didn’t
understand what they were supposed to be
looking at, and stood in front of the projectors,
marvelling at their own silhouettes. On the plus
side, this room contains stacks of free vinyls for
all you budding ‘dee-jays’ out there. Birdsong
vinyls, but vinyls nonetheless.
I suppose the only thing I knew about condors before the exhibition came from the
Simon and Garfunkel song “El Condor Pasa”
(“they’d rather be a forest than a street. Yes they
would. If they could, they surely would”). After
Three Days of the Condor I now know that the
California Condor is a cousin of the turkey vulture, and its population declined precipitously
during the Gold Rush. There is a sad message
here: at one point in the 1980s there were just
twenty-seven of these birds left in the wild. In
that respect the exhibition is informative. But
is this art?
Håkansson also focuses on the Spix Macaw,
another bird on the brink of extinction. Again,
to quote the accompanying literature: “This
beautiful, heart-breakingly rare bird and its
loss in the natural world reveals the fragility of
its very existence—and of nature itself—not unlike the fragility of great works of art that we expect to last forever”.
Great works of art may not last forever, but
they’ll doubtless live on in the public mind
rather longer than this exhibition.
Arts & Literature
This Mortal Coil
25
26
IMPACT
The Cambridge Student 08/11/07
Listings
Theatre
08
Thu
09
Fri
10
Sat
Film
Music
Catch Albee’s extraordinary
emotionally charged two-hander, The
Zoo Story, at the ADC this week
All of the film times below are for
the Arts Picturehouse, St. Andrew’s
Street, unless stated otherwise
The Victorian English Gentleman’s
Club are supporting Sons and
Daughters? There really is no justice.
An Inspector Calls
Fitzpatrick Theatre, 19:30
Waiting for Godot
Mumford Theatre 19:30, £8/£9.50
Fame ADC Theatre, 19:45
The Zoo Story ADC Theatre
23:00, £4/£5
The Collection
Fitzpatrick Hall, 23:00
Eastern Promises 12:00, 14:15, 18:50,
21:10
Once 12:00, 14:10, 19:00
Sicko 16:30, 21:00
Elizabeth: The Golden Age
(★★)13:00, 15:30, 18:00, 20:30
Lovers of the Arctic Circle 17:00
Amazing Grace 21:00 (John’s)
Vincent Vincent and the Villains /
Ox.Eagle.Lion.Man
The Portland Arms, 8pm, £6.50
Elizabeth: The Golden Age
(★★)13:00, 15:30, 18:00, 20:30
Eastern Promises 14:45, 21:20
Sicko 12:15, 19:00
Once 15:00, 19:00
The Band’s Visit 12:30, 15:00, 21:00
Black Gold 17:00
Gary Moore
Corn Exchange, 7:30pm, £25
An Inspector Calls
Fitzpatrick Theatre, 19:30
Waiting for Godot
Mumford Theatre 19:30, £8/£9.50
Fame ADC Theatre, 19:45
The Zoo Story ADC Theatre
23:00, £4/£5
The Collection
Fitzpatrick Hall, 23:00
Alcock Improv Pembroke, 22:00, £2
An Inspector Calls
Fitzpatrick Theatre, 19:30
Waiting for Godot
Mumford Theatre 19:30, £8/£9.50
Fame ADC Theatre, 19:45
The Zoo Story ADC Theatre
23:00, £4/£5
The Collection
Fitzpatrick Hall, 23:00
Elizabeth: The Golden Age
(★★)13:00, 15:30, 18:00, 20:30
Eastern Promises 20:15, 22:15
Sicko 12:15, 18:00
Once 15:00, 19:00
The Band’s Visit 12:30, 15:00, 21:00
Run, Fat Boy, Run 23:00
Our World in Zanzibar15:00
Do You Remember Dolly Bell? 20:00
(Newnham)
John Power
Barfly (Graduate), 7:30pm, £10
Compsci and the Crumpets
Anastasia House, 3am, Tenners
Other stuff
Get a chance to meet and hear
readings from contemporary poet,
Michael Laskey in CB1 Cafe
Bird’s Eye View - The legacy of Alfred
Wallis Kettle’s Yard, 13:10, free
Whose science is it anyway?, a talk by
Professor Colin Blakemore
Fitzwilliam College Auditorium,
18:00-19:00
‘Consciousness-based Education, for
Academic Excellence and Stress-free
Schools’ with Dr Ashley Deans
Caius College, 11:30-14:30, free
Tonight I’ll get mad
Tomorrow I’ll be glad
‘Cause I’ve got Friday on my mind
An evening of acoustic music with
Jade Rhiannon, Belinda Gillet and
Laura Jane Davies
The Boathouse, 8pm, £4
I got a letter from LBJ
It said this is your lucky day
It’s time to put your khaki trousers on
An informal tour of the Fitzwilliam
Fitzwilliam Museum,
10:30-11:30, free
The discovery and exploitation of
polar wildlife Scott Polar Research
Institute, 17:00, £10
Speed dating The Cambridge Union,
20:00, £4 (£3 for Union members)
11
Sun
Elizabeth: The Golden Age
(★★)13:00, 15:30, 18:00, 20:30
Eastern Promises 17:00, 21:20
Sicko 14:30, 19:00
Once 19:00
The Band’s Visit 12:30, 15:00, 21:00
Run, Fat Boy, Run 23:00
Testament 15:00
This Is England 19:00, 22:00 (John’s)
Southside Johnny and the Asbury
Jukes
The Junction, 6pm, £20
12
Mon
Elizabeth: The Golden Age
(★★)13:00, 15:30, 18:00, 20:30
Eastern Promises 13:15, 20:45
Sicko 15:30
Once 15:00
The Band’s Visit 12:30, 15:00, 21:00
The Birds 18:00
Sons and Daughters / The Victorian
English Gentleman’s Club
Barfly (Graduate). 7:30pm, £8.50
13
Tue
Othello
Corpus Playroom, 19:00, £4/£5.50
Good Phil Hunting - The
Addenbrookes Panto
Mumford Theatre, 19:00, £6/£10
The Visit
ADC Theatre, 19:45, £6/£8
The Triple-Point Revue
ADC Theatre, 23:00 £4/£5
Elizabeth: The Golden Age
(★★)13:00, 15:30, 18:00, 20:30
Eastern Promises 17:00, 21:20
Sicko 19:00
Once 15:00, 19:00
The Band’s Visit 12:30, 15:00, 21:00
Lucie Aubriac 13:30
Oi Va Voi
The Junction, 7:30pm, £12
ArtSpeak
Fitzwilliam Museum, 13:15, free
Ich vill bay aych a kashe freygen,
Zugt mir ver es ken,
Mit vifl tayere farmaygns,
Bensht Gott allamen?
CB1 Poetry with Michael Laskey
Michaelhouse Centre, 20:00, £5/£3
14
Wed
Othello
Corpus Playroom, 19:00, £4/£5.50
Good Phil Hunting - The
Addenbrookes Panto
Mumford Theatre, 19:00, £6/£10
The Visit
ADC Theatre, 19:45, £6/£8
The After-Dinner Joke
ADC Theatre, 23:00, £4/£5
Elizabeth: The Golden Age
(★★)13:00, 15:30, 18:00, 20:30
Eastern Promises 17:00, 21:20
Sicko 12:15, 14:30, 19:00
Once 15:00, 19:00
The Band’s Visit 15:00, 21:00
Status Quo
Corn Exchange, 7:30pm, Sold Out
Scratching the Surface: A Brief
Introduction to Cuneiform Script
Fitzwilliam Museum, 13:15, free
Naked Stage - a performance of new
Cambridge stage writing
CB2 Cafe, 19:30-21:30, £3
Did you hear ‘em talkin’ ‘bout it on the
radio? Did you try to read the writing
on the wall? Did that voice inside you
say I’ve heard it all before?
It’s like Deja Vu all over again
Ruffled Feathers: birds, people and
environment
Kettle’s Yard, 10:00-17:00, £20/£10
Mucus on your collar,
A nail up through the staff chair,
A blade in your soap
and you cry into your pillow
To be finished would be a relief
You look so great,
everytime I see your face
You put me in a state
uh, uh, uh, uh
A state of shock
CUWS presents Chateau Brane
Canternac from Bordeaux
Peterhouse Upper Hall 21:00, £10
Martin Bell
The Cambridge Union, 19:30
08/11/07
FOOD AND DRINK 27
The Cambridge Student
Tasting across the Great Divide
The Usual Suspects?
Taste the Difference?
William Clement
Laura Mountain and Colm Flannigan
H
ily and favourably comparable with provincial food
in France (whatever the French say). Hotpot and
black pudding, for example, both lovely Lancashire
dishes, are any match for French cassoulet or boudin noir.
Here in Cambridge – this is a good bit of trivia
– we can lay claim to the crème brûlée, which came
originally from Trinity College and was called
‘Trinity burnt cream’. There is a point here; and it’s
this. Different regions and different countries all
across Europe have begged, borrowed and stolen
ideas from other regions and made them their own;
there are, therefore, lots of subtle regional variations
in food, that don’t really line up neatly with the cute
English idea of a North-South divide.
ardy northerners and poncey southerners all feel a little bit of quaint pride for
their region and we all think it’s quite
jolly to mock each other about it. The mocking
is always along the same old lines; and the stereotypes apply as much to food and the way we eat
as to anything else.
If you think of a northerner sitting down to eat,
you think of a ruddy-faced Yorkshire farmer tucking into a steaming meat pie; or you think of ‘teatime’; or Mam, Dad and the all the kids sitting in the
car at the seaside on a grey day, eating fish and chips
and mushy peas out of polystyrene trays.
Southerners, on the other
hand, are a bit special: they
flounce around reeking of
garlic, nibbling at Marks and
Spencer’s sushi and panicking
because they’ve really no idea
what to do with that kohlrabi
that came in the organic veg
box. And most of them think
they’re just a bit more continental than Northerners: they
know their terroirs and stinky
cheeses and NEVER have
dinner before about nine
o’clock.
There’s probably a small
amount of truth in these stereotypes, if you go by anecdotes. A Northern friend of
mine thinks it’s perfectly reasonable that his buttery tea is
at 5.45; but it’s a bit early for The Watford Gap: where the north begins? G-Man
me, really. Northerners have
a certain obdurate Northern self-assuredness: they
The other regions – Scotland, Wales, Northern
aren’t afraid to admit that trusty British food is good Ireland – each have their regional dishes as well.
food. Whereas in the South, people don’t have such Northern Ireland has soda bread, the Ulster fry, cola sense of what it is to be Southern; we’re a bit in- cannon; Wales has lava bread, cakes and teabreads
secure and are easily impressed by the Frenchified and Welsh cowl; Scotland, fried Mars bars aside, has
ideas that reach us from across the Channel.
wonderful Angus beef, haggis and game.
But it’s simplistic to chop the country in half and
Immigrant communities in big Northern cities,
say: This half eats this way, that half eats that way. Midland cities, in London – and all over the counThe country isn’t just made up of ‘the North’ and ‘the try – along with Britain’s long history of colonialSouth’, but out of many regions, and out of Scotland ism, make Britain a country full of foodie variety,
and Wales and Northern Ireland, too.
not one easily divisible into a gastronomic North
Maybe you could say that, because it’s a bit colder and South.
and wetter up there, things like good hearty pies
There are, of course, significant divides in the
are bound to be more associated with the North. way different people eat: between the pretentious
But Northerners are no fonder of a good pie than and the hearty, between those who love food and
Southerners; think of steak and kidney pudding those who love microwaves. But for me, the big one
from Sussex, or pasties from Cornwall. So that is the rural-urban divide. It’s the game season now.
doesn’t really work.
At home, in rural Sussex, there are friends turning
In my stereotypes I characterised Northerners as up on the doorstep wielding braces of pheasant and
wary of continental food, and Southerners as aspir- various dead birds. I’m missing that. I’m missing
ing continental gastronomes. But wanting to appear roast pheasant and bread sauce and game pie. You
continental is a middle-class pretentious thing, not get that sort of thing quite easily all over rural Britain,
a North-South divide thing. Traditional provincial in the North and the South, but in a town like this it’s
food in the North and South of Britain is often eas- impossible.
A
ccess leaders parade up and down the
kingdom waxing lyrical about diversity,
equality, and fraternity. At Cambridge,
we were assured, everyone arrives on an equal
footing. Indeed, they were so persuasive that I
truly believed that I was going to discover some
sort of egalitarian utopia, where the ghetto and
the aristocracy mixed in a Dizzee-Rascal-meetsStephen-Fry kind of way. Reading that 54% of
people came from state schools, part of me expected to be labelled, even shunned, as a posh ‘feepaying’ kid. But apparently ‘state-school’ didn’t
mean that Moss Side youths blasting their garage
music from a car stereo were a primary feeder for
the university. Rather, as the world had already
guessed, this ‘majority’ come from the 11+ selection processes, and suburbs where people substitute house prices for fees. Needless to say, the
upshot of this is that I have never felt so badly spoken in my entire life, suffering the pitiful ‘Are you
from the North?’ opener to all freshers’ convos.
I have to say though, this somewhat takes the pressure away from having to say clever things all the
time. Everyone’s so amazed that you can string a
sentence together that by the time you’re done with
the niceties they’re already blown away. Some people
thought accents were reserved only for foreigners.
It’s quite fun to be fascinating. Anyway, everyone’s
so polite all the time that it’s hard to tell whether or
not they are really enchanted at the notion that one
doesn’t always ‘come up to Cambridge’.
At first I thought people were being constantly
sarcastic as they exclaimed ‘thank you so much! ’ to
the least of actions. Genuine or otherwise, they can’t
help it. Positivity is a way of life here, and though it
may be a little harder to make friends you can pretty
who’s your mama, waGamama?
“When you’re good to Mama, Mama’s good to
you.” So begins the best number in Chicago.
Legs kicking, garters hoisted, romance and
passion spread-eagled across chairs and tables.
Wagamama could really not be more different. Clinical eating in close quarters prevents
the Cell block tango. The guaranteed wait to
be seated is just a drag. However, once seated,
things begin to look up. A waitress equipped
with more gizmoes than Inspector Gadget approaches the benches and demands an order.
Numbers please, not words. Something unintelligible is scrawled on your place-mat and
she disappears into the hum of conversation.
Gilbert makes a dash for the loo, leaving Sullivan to pore over the mysterious Wagamama
philosophy, printed on the menus, that rivals
Rice Crispies packets for depth of thought.
much avoid making enemies.
However, there is one major division that I’m
currently finding irreconcilable with my natural climate: healthy eating. Offering me a Nutri-Grain for
dessert really is a step too far. Buying a pre-packed
salad for lunch in Starbucks instead of having a
cookie treat is even worse. Refusing to glance down a
biscuit aisle is approaching the ridiculous. Whereas
a 19 year old male ordering a jacket potato as part of
a pub lunch is truly bad form. On these occasions I
ordered cake, Sainsbury’s own 30p digestives and a
burger .
In the Sunday Times, months ago, I was reading
the food supplement. They discussed how ‘even’
men were beginning to think about their appearance, asking ‘show me a man
who says yes to seconds these
days’. I couldn’t think of one
who would say no. But not
here in Cambridge! Eating
between meals is abhorred:
the right balance of nutrients is Gospel and eating on a
budget (bread and a packet of
biscuits) provokes outrage. It
may not be ideal, but you certainly need your comfort food
at Cambridge.
Such a preoccupation with
eating is an unknown entity
where I’m from. Sure, teenage
girls and teenage magazines
rouse the usual discontents
and eating disorders exist
in the North as elsewhere in
the country, as they always
have done and always will do.
However, this over-analysing of each morsel that passes
one’s lips, and the guilt-trips it
provokes, is yet to be transferred up North. I don’t
think people have the energy.
I’ve not seen one fat person here; currently my eyes
are brimming with pictures of svelte things, young
and old, gallivanting around, glancing disparagingly at my sausage rolls. It’s rather discomforting,
and must take a superhuman amount of effort what
with lovely cakes and bakes from Nadia’s Patisserie.
Not to mention a whole market of savoury-smelling
delicacies and eye-popping sweeties. My blue skin-
Some people think accents
are only for foreigners
nies are growing steadily tighter, as my body finds
itself an extra layer for winter. Perhaps it’s because
everything’s so darned expensive down here.
Having said that Gourmet Burger Kitchen is
doing well. Perhaps if we make common food posh
enough and shove in some pretentious oxymorons,
the South will revert to the heady greed of our wealthy
ancestors and begin piling on the pounds. Although
would the North will stop eating? Fat chance.
Gilbert & sullivan
But soon the food is here. Very soon in fact.
A voluminous pair of ladies had only a few
moments to squeeze themselves next to our
(rather more pert) posteriors before our hyperactive waitress was back, thrusting her steaming receptacles under our noses. Followed by
the food. She smiled briefly and then, like a Ritalin addled children’s TV presenter, was away
again - her even more pert buttocks hovering
suggestively above our fellow diners’ heads.
From one succulent prospect to another: the
Chilli Beef Ramen was spectacular. Beautifully
flavoured, tender meat and spiced to get you
sweating like Richard Gere in court. Sullivan
Zellweger looked like he’d just shot his sister;
Gilbert Zeta Jones like he had married a bad
actor nine times his age. The Ginger Chicken
Udon was a masticatory triumph, the Wagamama Ramen less so. Asian fusion at its liquid
apogee.
36A St Andrew’s Street, Cambridge
CB2 3AX
Tel: 01223 462 354
28 THEATRE
The Cambridge Student 08/11/07
Rising Cambridge stars? Our reviewer checks out Fame
ADC Theatre
Fame - The Musical
November 6 - 10, 19:45 (Sat matinee 14:30)
(£7/£9, £8/£10)
★★★☆☆
A
Some ‘Fame’ performer soar Damian Robertson
lyric from ‘Hard Work’, the second
number in Fame tells us, ‘This ain’t no
movie show’, but the images from the film
of the same name; from the video for Eric Prydz
‘Call On Me’; and even from kindred 80’s films
such as ‘Flashdance’, are the images that this cast
and crew were contending against last night. So
did they beat them? Or join them?
I witnessed a disappointingly clumsy start; the
‘class of ‘84’ were let down by sluggish spot lights,
an intrusive gauze, disappointing costumes, and
the audience’s necessary acceptance that not all of
the American accents were going to be top-drawer.
However, all was quickly forgiven with the velvety
voice of Nick Piazzo (a consummate performance
by Tom Cane, who, coupled with beautifully comic
and sweet Rachel Bagnall as Serena Katz, had the au-
dience convinced from the very beginning).
Moments of note in Act One included ‘Can’t Keep
It Down (sung by a high-octane David Howell) and
some charming characterisation by the teachers.
However, there were blanket problems with audibility. In fact, for a musical about divas, the entire cast
were remarkably softly spoken and wholesome, exceptions to this being a fantastically springy Vonda
Shepard-like Mabel (Vicky Greenhalgh) and a vivacious, scary-spice of a Carman, complete with leopard print (Olivia-Marie Purton) who together gave
the show attitude, and vocally sent suitable shivers
around the auditorium.
Yet there remained a surprising lack of ‘sex’ in the
production. This is not to say that the cast aren’t very
attractive (even Mabel, supposedly ‘the world’s fattest dancer’ is lithe and lovely), but up until the Act
Two number where the fishnets, backwards chairs,
and orgiastic writhing were broken out, I was severely doubting these kids’ capacity to ‘ride’ anyone’s ‘heart til it breaks’. Sarah Wilkinson as Iris, and
James Mawson as Tyrone both managed to ‘let go’
in order to help remedy the production’s slight lack
of ‘fire’, and yet kept their movements perfectly controlled . Mawson, fully fulfilled the most difficult role
to cast in Cambridge (the illiterate, ex street-gang
kid) and it felt something of a privilege to be allowed
to watch him and Wilkinson dance so mesmerisingly together on the cleverly laid out stage.
Legend has it, that when actors used to ask
Kubrick for direction on their character’s motivations, he would reply ‘How should I know? I’m not
RADA.’ This highlights something of what is so great
about ‘Fame’ as a musical itself. It communicates an
idea of show biz success perhaps not understood in
England – ‘Screw RADA, screw Shakespeare, I want
to be on top of a taxi in Times Square, and then I’ll
split-leap off it. It’ll be hot’. This production gets this
across: especially with the finale comprising ‘Bring
On Tomorrow’ and the title song ‘Fame’. These last
fifteen minutes are complete, exuberant gold, as the
young stars have the power to know that they’re indestructible . The choreography is vigorous and brilliant, with plenty of the ‘one-arm-shot-into-the-air’
motion on ‘Fame!’ that everyone knows and loves. A
very strong show, with plenty to recommend it and
moments that make you want to dance on the Park
Street sidewalk on your way home.
JW
Albee’s tale of dehumanisation and despair astounds ADC
ADC Theatre
The Zoo Story
November 7 - 10, 23:00
(£4/£5, £5/£6)
★★★★★
P
eter sits alone on a bench in Central Park
reading, until he is interrupted by Jerry.
Jerry has just been to the zoo and wants to
tell him about it. In fact, Jerry just wants to talk. All
he needs is for someone to listen. Over the course
of their conversation Jerry begins to fall apart, in
the process pulling Peter’s comfortable middleclass existence down with him. We are firmly established in Edward Albee territory.
Albee is well served by the Cambridge dramatic
world; recent years have seen strong productions of
Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf, The Goat (or Who
is Sylvia?), A Delicate Balance, and The American
Dream. James Banton’s production of The Zoo
Story continues this trend. Albee’s first performed
play, The Zoo Story marks the first appearance of
themes that surface throughout his work, of loneliness, dehumanization, and that characteristically
1950s’ concern; the tension between individuality
and conformity.
As a two-hander, The Zoo Story stands or falls
on the performances of its two actors, and fortunately Adam Drew (Peter) and Pablo Navarro
a wonderful production of a
modern American classic
MacLochlainn (Jerry) excel, both individually and
as a double-act. Navarro MacLochlainn in particular looks as though he could have walked straight off
the page, a physically perfect match for Albee’s stage
directions. His performance is pitch perfect, flitting
between intensity and levity in a second, and creating the impression of a man teetering on the edge
of sanity. Moreover he manages to keep the lid on a
character that could easily have spilt over the top. His
energy is perfectly complemented by the restrained
Drew, who manages to do a great deal of work with
few words andvery little movement, his face catching every twist in Jerry’s rant.Crucially both convince with their accents, giving the play an authentic
sense of location.
Banton’s production is stripped down to the most
basic level, with only a pair of benches for set, and fortuitously complemented by the Fame flats depicting
the New York skyline. Banton takes a chance with
the lighting design, opting for subtle shifts reflecting
changes in mood, rather than taking the easy (but
perfectly defensible) route of a single simple naturalistic state. It is a gamble that pays off, effectively
emphasising the hyper-real nature of Albee’s work.
Indeed, this is hard production to find fault with; it
may be simple rather than flashy, but it boasts excellent direction, and strong actors working with a
great script, all of which adds up to a wonderful production of a modern American classic.
Highly recommended.
Edward Rowett
Intense double act Alex Toumazis
BATS bring preachy Priestley to Queens’ Fitzpatrick Hall
Fitzpatrick Hall, Queens’
An Inspector Calls
November 6 - 10, 19:30
(£4/£6, £5/£7)
★★★☆☆
Little too much British reserve James Graveston
J. B. Priestley’s most famous play – an unsubtly political drawing-room drama – is not the most enticing dramatic prospect. A family sit down to dinner.
A stranger arrives, and secrets are revealed. It’s difficult to do much with a play like this, especially given
Priestley’s simple characterisation, but injections of
ambiguity by a solid cast pulled it off.
Emily-Jane Swanson, as Sheila, has an awful part;
plump with repetitive lines articulating just what
Priestley appears to wants the audience to think.
Impressively, she managed most with conviction.
A wider range of emotions would have been preferable but the fault lay, at least partially, with an unvaried script.
Swanson’s chemistry with Patrick Walshe
McBride (Sheila’s brother, Eric) was sweet and nat-
ural. Walshe McBride’s young and petulant Eric was
generally effective, but while his agitated physicality
had a realism to it, on stage it was too much.
Ade O’Brien, as patriarch ‘Arthur’, could also have
allowed himself a broader emotional register before
the interval including greater anger especially. His
exhilaration in Act III was a fantastic sight though,
and he brought a remarkable sensitivity and intelligence to the vicious Arthur, underplaying arrogance
and emphasising his occasional warmth.
The Inspector is a difficult part to balance, especially given the play’s final revelation. Edward
Rowett’s pleasingly and quietly unrelenting performance was most effective during his moments of
greatest passion. He could seem a little too at ease,
however; his pedantry and politicking could have
been more severe.
Peter Wasson as ‘Gerald’, and Tempe Nell, a delightfully haughty ‘Sybil’, presented the fullest emotional development during their interrogations by
the Inspector: Sybil’s brief realization of her guilt was
one of the night’s highlights, and Gerald’s confession was well-observed. However, both slipped out
of character too easily when silent, leading to weaker
physical performances.
Though they never dragged, the first two acts
lacked sustained tension, so that pace failed to build
sufficiently before the dramatic closing act. This
convincing and effective explosion of recrimination
would have made more sense if it had been a little
less sudden. Although cheesy, the denouement did
injections of ambiguity by a
solid cast pulled it off
caused a sustained shiver down my spine. This was
an ensemble piece where actors never fought for attention, though the chemistry between the two couples was weak.
Katherine Upton’s An Inspector Calls deserves
much larger audiences than its current occupation
of Queens’ Fitzpatrick Hall may afford it: its admittedly a mediocre play, but done very well.
Richard Power Sayeed
THEATRE 29
08/11/07 The Cambridge Student
Childish drivel gets critical
Edward Rumpy-Pumpy shares his idle musings
M
y dearest reader!
Theatre!
I find myself struggling to say anything
more. After all, does it not speak for itself, that extraordinary word, ‘theatre’…? Does one not fall flat
and contort in rapturous ecstasies merely when one
espies it spelled in sparkling letters atop a bustling
box office? I know I do. And such - and what a thrilling, erotic word that is! - such will be the main thrust
of my column. My name is Edward Rumpy-Pumpy.
Halloo! I was born some years ago in Richmond, despite popular demand, and I have never quite come
to terms with it. But whatever the fallout from this
unhappy event, it has at least allowed me to make
your acquaintance, dearest reader, and nothing I’m
sure could give me more pleasure!
You know, I always wanted to be a theatre critic.
In my youth I would sit by the fire and imagine myself striding into a crowded auditorium halfway
through a show, my women clinging to my ankles,
and all the thesps on stage would suddenly be struck
dumb with terror! Then I would sit down extravagantly, my women clinging to my ankles, and the
play would resume; but ten minutes later I would
stand up again, very slowly and deliberately, so that
everyone knew I was standing up, and then I would
sweep out grandly, with a short gesture of disdain,
and my women would cling to my ankles. And after
I would stab them repeatedly
in the head with the pointy
nib of Truth
I’d left, the actors would be crushed and depressed,
and eventually they would simply lose heart all-together and shuffle dejectedly off-stage to cry in a
corner.
Ah, what power I would wield! Sometimes directors might send me angry emails or set fire to bags of
poo underneath my window, but I would find out
where they lived and stab them repeatedly in the
head with my pointy nib of Truth, and they would
quail and weep! Sometimes I might go and see a play
and write that I enjoyed myself, but not very often,
because I suffer from terrible piles, and whenever I
sit down anywhere I immediately plunge into an extremely disagreeable mood.
But what a pleasure it is to be disagreeable once
in a while! It is a sad truth that the modern world
often makes quite absurd demands on one’s limited reserves of friendliness. And what more fulfilling arena for being disagreeable than a reviewer’s
column, where one may happily rip Harold Pinter
to shreds, or spit on Berthold Brecht, or pour liquid
manure all over whatever other rubbish might get
performed that week, and never feel a pang of con-
One would always be right:
that’s the extraordinary
thing about being a critic
science! Because one would always be right, you see:
that’s the extraordinary thing about being a critic,
and it must be immensely satisfying.
I was therefore tremendously excited when last
week I received a telephone call from The Cambridge
Student, and a very nice lady told me all about some
inexplicably vacant inches in the Theatre section.
For lack of any better ideas, she had decided to simply fill the space with a few hundred words of tedious, childish drivel, and I seemed the ideal fellow for
the job. “Flattery will get you nowhere!” I replied defiantly; “But I accept.” And so here I am. My contribution to these pages is naturally nearer to drivel
than to criticism, because, after all, this is where my
real talent lies. Yet from the acorn groweth the oak,
as they say. From the bottom groweth up the man.
From the fish groweth the whale (- although this last
is clearly profoundly biologically inaccurate.) One
day I’ll be a proper critic, you know, dear reader one day. And I ask myself often whether a talent for
writing drivel might not even be a boon.
Tom Ovens
Theatrical
Thoughts
Would you believe it; there’s been controversy in the
Cambridge theatre scene this week. Yes, the fluffy
world of student drama has had its feathers ruffled
over star ratings. So what’s in a star?
There are problems in attempting to “rate” a show;
not only is the reviewer’s opinion subjective but the
measuring stick allows for multiple interpretations.
How would you define the 1 to 5 scale? 5 – excellent to 1- awful? Or maybe 5 – blew me away, 4 –
shook me up, 3 – made me think, 2 –left me cold, 1
– zzzzzzzz… Ultimately you can’t convey true “quality” through constellations. A show may succeed in
some ways and fail in others: it may be brilliantly
staged but poorly acted, spectacularly performed but
not dynamic, beautifully danced but tunelessly sung.
How can you come up with stellar generalisations?
Here at TCS Theatre we try to keep to two basic
principles. Firstly, we do not rate shows against one
another. It would be ludicrous to compare a children’s musical to a Shakespeare to a Smoker. Each
show is - if we must use the word - “rated” on its own
terms and bearing in mind its impact on the audience. Secondly, star ratings are aimed at the sort of
reader who will scan the page and make up their
mind over what to see without necessarily reading
the review. They are an indication of “watchability”
– separating must-see shows from those that are best
avoided.
Nevertheless, star ratings are hard to assign, and
clearly disputable. And don’t even get me started on
half stars… Try it yourself – whatever show you see
this week, try and “rate” it from one to five in a justifiable way. You’ll be surprised how difficult it is.
Even better, log onto www.tcs.cam.ac.uk and post
your rating as a comment to the review of that show.
Let’s see if we can get some feathers flying.
Illustration: Anna Trench
Beckett bears his comic side
Mumford Theatre
Waiting for Godot
November 6 - 10, 19:30
(£8/£9.50)
★★★☆☆
Samuel Beckett once declared that his tragicomic
masterpiece, Waiting for Godot, was all about “the
suffering of being”. Not so in Horseshoe Theatre’s
current production, which definitely veers more towards the comic than the tragic. Perhaps it’s because
Stephen Siddall sticks closely to the French original,
rather than the English translation (more obscenities), that this production comprises some of the
least depressing, and most entertaining Beckett to
be seen in recent years.
There was certainly something strangely warm
and fuzzy in the atmosphere on opening night.
There was an endearing air of ‘am-dram’ hovering
over the stage from the very start, from the overly
warm lighting to the DIY gaffa-taped ‘boulder’ over
which various characters (tentatively) draped them-
“
selves. It was evident that the bitter sting of nihilism
was not, on this occasion, going to be driving audience members into troughs of suicidal depression.
Yet when so many Beckett productions today emphasise the grotesque and sinister elements of the
text, it felt distinctly refreshing to emerge into the
foyer with a smile on my face.
Chiefly responsible for this strange phenomenon were Jared Morgan and James Clarkson, as
Estragon and Vladimir respectively. Between them,
they managed to turn the relationship between the
tramps into a comedy double-act – no mean feat, all
things considered. However, on this occasion, there
seemed to be a genuine brotherly love emanating
from the two (who embraced, on my count, what
is surely a record twelve times during the course of
the play).
The verbal sparring was seamless and felt natural; the slapstick physical interplay was similarly
slick. Clarkson in particular had the uncanny ability
to make lines like “Get up till I embrace you!” ring
with an emotional authenticity; even when declaring Estragon’s wound was “beginning to fester” his
tone was unusually affectionate.
The companionable feel between the Vladimir
and Estragon actors was, of course, tested almost to
breaking point when put under the extreme pressure of forced improvisation, when a rather patchy
Act I almost fell apart at the seams. However, while
Rob Hallam’s Pozzo might have been able to claim
“my memory is defective” with absolute veracity,
the cast managed to pull together admirably for a
much-sharpened Act II. In fact, I personally found
Hallam’s portrayal entirely redeemed itself, by virtue of its (slightly incongruous) suggestion of Only
Fools and Horses’ Boycie.
In all, the production could fall foul of Beckett
purists for lacking that brutality and bite which
once made Waiting for Godot a deeply controversial play. However, in a culture desensitized to violence and obscenity on the stage it might be the case
that Beckett’s role is no longer merely to shock; and
judging by audience reactions to Siddall’s fantastically accessible production, the viewing public is
prepared to welcome him as comedian with open
arms.
Clementine Stott
From the start it has been the theatre’s business to entertain people ...
it needs no other passport than fun.
”
Bertolt Brecht
Godot’s unexpected comic duo Sophie Wilson
On the web:
Lizzie Davis’ ribs are tickled by this week’s
Footlights Smoker and
Get the low-down on Pinter’s less known
piece The Collection on at Queens’
COMING NEXT WEEK
Dying for more?
TCS checks out fresh new talent at the ADC
with The Visit and The After-Dinner Joke
We get in the mood for dames, drag and
dubious puns with some thoughts on the
Footlights’ Panto
Careers Service event
Teaching Event
Wednesday 14 November, 6.00 – 8.00 pm
University Centre (Second Floor), Granta Place, Mill Lane
For undergraduates and postgraduates of any degree discipline – all years welcome
Teaching is one of the most rewarding – and challenging – of careers. This event will help
you decide if it’s for you. Find out what makes a good teacher, what the profession offers,
and the different ways to train. Teachers, the Training and Development Agency for Schools
(TDA), and members of Cambridge University Faculty of Education will be taking part.
O
O
O
O
O
Routes to becoming a qualified teacher
Teachers talk about their experiences
Faculty of Education - The Cambridge PGCE
Question Time
Informal Discussion over Refreshments
Organised by the Careers Service and the Training & Development Agency (TDA)
No need to sign up but come on time – prompt start
www.careers.cam.ac.uk
Get there faster.
Start here.
Oliver Wyman is a leading global management consultancy, combining deep
industry knowledge with specialised expertise in strategy, risk management,
organisational transformation, and leadership development.
You can apply to either or both of our distinctive career tracks with one application:
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Application deadlines:
Wednesday 14 November 2007 for late November and December 2007 interviews
Sunday 16 December 2007 for January 2008 interviews
Please apply online at www.oliverwyman.com/careers
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Oliver Wyman is a leading global management consultancy.
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32 FILM
The Cambridge Student 08/11/07
Africa: the lost continent
TCS Film Editor unwittingly exposes her ignorance
T
he Cambridge African Film Festival began
its colourful life very humbly in 2002 in
some Trinity College lecture rooms. Since
then it’s just got bigger and bigger and each year
it has commanded more attention from enthusiasts of film, Africa and presumably both. The films
at this year’s African Film Festival are themed
around the issues of gender, exile, migration, arts
and politics – not an easy bunch of topics – and are
to be found in the form of documentaries, feature
films, shorts and animation.
Joel Cabrita and Julie MacArthur, two of the festival’s co-directors, explain their intentions with
this year’s festivals and its wide-ranging premise:
Soccer Queens Cambridge African Film Festival
“these are all issues and themes that can be found
across the continent but are all being expressed differently.” One of their main goals with the selection
of films for this year’s festival was to show original
diversity, and to make “a concerted effort to show
films from several different countries from across
the continent.”
The primary mandate for the festival since its very
beginning has been to try and explode stereotypes
and myths about Africa. Joel believes that Africa is
often seen only as a continent of “starvation, desperation and disease, and famine”, so they have chosen
films made by African filmmakers and directors that
deliberately challenge any pre-conceived notions
that one might hold.
When it comes to African films I can certainly
think of a few set in or about Africa – ‘Zulu’, ‘Hotel
Rwanda’ and ‘Out Of Africa’ are the first that spring
to mind. But to think of films that are African-produced with African directors and filmmakers and
my mind starts to struggle a bit. Is there even a big
film culture or industry in Africa?
Festival co-director, Julie, explains that there
are in fact parallel industries presently on the rise:
“There are more artsy films being produced, geared
towards the international community – films that
often only get screened at film festivals like ours.
But there is also a very local video culture developing in several countries made famous by Nigeria’s
Nollywood where there are thousands and thousands of films made every year and distributed locally and also across the continent.”
Hollywood films don’t necessarily do so well in
the African countries, with audiences preferring alternatives such as Bollywood and martial arts films.
Like in many countries all over the world there is
rising competition from the bootleg industry coming out of Asia. What makes this growth different
in Africa though, is the lack of a pre-existing longestablished culture of cinema-going, so the bootleg
We don’t know what this is, but it looks cool Cambridge African Film Festival
industry is denying filmmakers these opportunities
before they’ve even had a chance to reach large auditoriums full of eager audiences: “People can get the
films for much, much cheaper than actually going
to the cinema. That alternative is actually hindering more of a theatre going culture in many of the
African countries.”
There is an upside to this trend though as it ultimately creates wider access to films as production
and distribution are cheap. As Julie explains: “That
is what Nollywood and Riverwood are based upon;
local video cultures. This enables African filmmakers to produce these things cheaply and actually distribute them for an affordable price.” This in turn
has been fuelling an imminent explosion in Africanproduced cinema. A lot of new directors are really
yearning for more training and greater access to resources. Many of the directors whose films are in the
Cambridge festival for example, have actually undergone film training abroad to improve and enhance their skills.
Perhaps if these skills can then be transferred back
to the African continent there will be more new and
exciting cinema being produced, that can hopefully break into the international market. For now
though, the best of the current African film scene can
be caught right here in Cambridge for this month
only.
Rebecca Hawketts
For listings of all the films in the festival this week see
page 26 for the TCS Listings page.
Another nail in the coffin of the Britcom
Alec Guinness is spinning in his grave. Just watch The Ladykillers instead
Death At A Funeral
★☆☆☆☆
L
Why, God, why? image.net
adies and Gentlemen, it is my solemn duty
to announce to you the death of British
Comedy. Every aspect of Death At A Funeral is flawed and if there is any justice the cast,
crew, writer and director of this horrible, horrible
film will be brought to justice soon.
The flimsy plot is premised on the kind of ‘hilarious’ coincidences that were looking dated in Terry
and June circa 1985. There’s even a comedy vicar.
I believe that naming and shaming those involved
may prevent future horrors. Dean Craig, for creating one of the worse scripts in movie history, please
take a bow. The feckless screenwriter has tried to emulate Four Weddings and a Funeral, unfortunately
Richard Curtis’ toenail clippings have more talent.
To add insult to injury, it has then occurred to
him that combining this brand of gentle British
comedy with the scatological humour of American
Pie would broaden his script’s appeal. Inevitably this
leaves everything feeling schizophrenic and the film
doesn’t work on either level.
With the Hollywood writers’ strike ongoing, the
rumour is that British writers are being pursued to
produce next year’s blockbusters. I urge studio executives everywhere, for the good of mankind, please
do not allow this gross misjudgement of public tastes
to be repeated and eliminate Mr Craig from your
rolodexes.
The writing is not the only problem though. I
have rarely seen an ensemble cast containing so
many miscast actors. Matthew MacFadyen has previously played a dark and broody spy in the excellent
Spooks and a dark and broody Mr Darcy in Pride
and Prejudice. In Death At A Funeral he is asked to
play a simpering drip of a man unable to stand up
to his wife or mother. At no point is he able to do
this convincingly and he therefore becomes nothing more than a distraction.
I believe that naming and
shaming those involved may
prevent future horrors
Equally unconvincing is Jane Asher as his bitchy
mother. That’s not a printing error. Happy, friendly,
cake baking Jane Asher is asked to convey her character as unfeeling and heartless. She is given some
of the better lines in the script but these are lost in
her witless performance. On the up side the comedy
vicar is well cast.
This brings me to the sad task of criticising one
of my childhood idols. Frank Oz was peerless as the
voice of Fozzie Bear and Yoda. In the late 1980s he
directed Little Shop of Horrors and Dirty Rotten
Scoundrels. Both were high quality popcorn movies
and his career behind the camera looked promising.
Since then he has produced stinker after stinker. His
last movie was The Stepford Wives, a movie so bad it
threatened to derail Nicole Kidman’s career.
Death At A Funeral does not display any signs
of recovery for Oz. Comedic set pieces are bungled
and even the shots of the British countryside are so
dreary that they fail to add any joy to the viewing
experience.
Even the end credits provide a kick in the teeth to
the viewer. They consist of each cast member breaking into laughter during an outtake. The charitable
justification for this is that the studio having witnessed ninety minutes devoid of laughter, felt that
this added some balance.
In reality it feels like the viewing public is being
openly mocked for wasting its valuable time and
money. Please don’t become a victim, avoid at all
costs.
Pete Simmonds
FILM 33
08/11/07 The Cambridge Student
Ooh! Pretty colours!
But not much else unfortunately...
Elizabeth: The Golden Age
★★☆☆☆
E
veryone knows that when Hollywood does
historical drama the English are evil. If
Alan Rickman hasn’t taught us that, Mel
Gibson certainly has. This makes Elizabeth: the
Golden Age something of a surprising film. Covering events in England under Elizabeth I on the
eve of the Spanish Armada, here is a jingoistic historical romp where the English are actually made
out to be heroes.
The best part of a decade after Shekhar Kapur’s
much praised Elizabeth, the film that turned Cate
Blanchett into an international star, the pair have
reunited for another go. Sadly, where the first film
had subtlety this new offering is crass. Preferring action to restraint it revels in a screenplay of cringeworthy cheese. Clive Owen plays Walter Raleigh as
a swashbuckling bodice-ripper offering the queen
a love interest with more in common with Rik
Mayall’s Lord Flashheart from Blackadder than
Joseph Fiennes’ more understated performance in
the 1998 offering.
Where the first film had
subtlety, this offering is crass
Taking up the role of embodiment of villainy are
the Spanish. To a man they are horribly ugly. Philip
II has a mincing walk and suffers from a sweaty fear
of his own people and a disturbing fixation on the
notion of Elizabeth as a virgin whore.
Moreover, the film twists historical events to
make it seem that Mary Queen of Scots was set up
by Phillip, her plot to unseat her cousin intended to
fail so as to force Elizabeth to execute her, thus giving
Spain a just pretext for war. Kapur doesn’t just take
liberties with history, he’s redrawing it in cartoon
stereotypes. It’s as if we’re meant to boo and hiss
whenever a Spaniard is on screen. Understandably
At least they’ll win an Oscar for best costume image.net
Vatican backed historians have complained about
the portrayal of Catholicism – where Protestant
England is portrayed as a tolerant home of free thinking, the Catholic Armada brings the Inquisition and
repression. These themes are perhaps reflective of
contemporary concerns. Where the 1998 film was
steeped in ‘girl power’ this one has fears of religious
extremism at its heart. If only it had handled these
ideas with more subtlety.
The film is strongest when it comes to visuals.
Blanchett’s costumes are sumptuous and the sets
are magnificent. Entertainingly, parts of the film
are familiar, with scenes shot on the river Cam, at
St. John’s and Ely Cathedral. Some of the images
conjured up are particularly striking. Elizabeth in
purple striding across a yellow map of Europe while
planning England’s defence is both pleasing to the
eye and a neat summary of the film’s sensibilities.
Yet frustratingly, even in visual terms the film ultimately comes up short. The climax ought to be the
defeat of the Armada and given the bombastic nature of the film we’re owed at least a stab at a spectacle, but what we get is hugely underwhelming,
looking almost as if it took place in a fish pond. The
whole battle is reduced to Raleigh single-handedly
pulling off victory by lighting the fuse of a fireship
and diving into the sea like a man delivering Milk
Tray. On land, Elizabeth gives a supposedly rousing
speech, choosing not to use her stirring words from
the docks at Tilbury (“I know I have but the body of
a weak and feeble woman; but I have the heart of a
king, and of a king of England, too”), but instead a
cod Braveheart offering made all the more of a damp
squib by seemingly being delivered to two men and
a dog. For a tub-thumping film it’s a hugely anticlimactic ending. This is a silly film. I don’t know why
they released it in November - panto season is at least
a month away.
Rudolf Eliott Lockhart
The Real World : A Scary Place
N
ot all documentaries measure their success simply by box
office receipts. Some succeed by transforming the lives
of the people they feature, others by changing the way we
think or by provoking change in the things they criticise. Above
all else, documentaries are the one genre of film that can genuinely
change the world.
While they had retreated from the public domain and into the preserve of intellectuals for a long time, documentaries are back with a
vengeance. Following the success of the likes of Nick Broomfield and,
of course, the ubiquitous Michael Moore, everything from the career
of U.S. Secretary of Defence Robert McNamara (The Fog of War) to
spelling competitions (Spellbound) has been dutifully recorded on
celluloid.
With Michael Moore back up to his old tricks, using new film Sicko
to attempt to change US healthcare policy, The Cambridge Student
gives you five documentaries that changed the world…
1. The Thin Blue Line (1988)
When Errol Morris started to interview people for a documentary
on death row in Texas he uncovered flaws in the conviction of Randall
Adams for the murder of a policeman. Remarkably, when interviewing
David Harris, the key witness for Adams’ conviction, Morris secured a
confession from Harris that he himself was guilty of the murder. The
film righted a grave wrong and saved an innocent man from the electric
chair. Not that this stopped Adams from suing Morris on his release
from prison – now there’s gratitude for you…
2. An Inconvenient Truth (2006)
Not many films help their star to scoop an Oscar and (more astonishingly) a Nobel Peace Prize, but An Inconvenient Truth has had a far
greater impact than just helping Al Gore to fill his trophy cabinet. This
documentary is seen as so important that the government are sending copies to all secondary schools, although climate change deniers
tried, and failed, to use the courts to block this. It has helped bring the
climate change debate to the fore, changing the attitudes of people all
over the world.
3. The Sorrow and the Pity (1969)
Max Ophüls’ four hour marathon helped change an entire nation’s
attitude towards the war. It exploded the myths of a nation pulling together to bravely resist the Germans and instead showed how many
Frenchmen went along with occupation because it seemed the thing to
do. In doing so, it made the exploits of those who did resist seem all the
more heroic. So incendiary that French broadcasters initially refused
to show it, special security guards were hired to defend cinemas from
right wing demonstrators when they finally did.
4. Olympia (1938)
Leni Riefenstahl’s account of the 1936 Olympics changed filmmaking by setting the rules for capturing sport on camera. She had towers constructed in the stadium and built platforms for tracking shots.
Cameras were attached to balloons and dug into the earth. Newly developed zoom lenses gave the impression of movement and picked out
detail in the crowds. Despite its fascist sensibilities, Olympia’s lyrical
portrayal of the athletic body and the aesthetics of sport remain stunning. The techniques Riefenstahl pioneered are still to be seen whenever we watch any sport on the screen today.
5. Super Size Me (2004)
Corporate America is not an easy thing to change but six weeks
after Morgan Spurlock’s film wowed the audiences at Sundance,
McDonald’s removed the ‘supersize’ option from its menu. They also
introduced a revamped and healthier menu the day before the film was
scheduled to go on general release. It’s hard not to feel that one man on
a shoe string budget had made a documentary that was fun to watch
and helped to change the behemoth of the fast food industry.
Rudolf Eliott Lockhart
34 MUSIC
The Cambridge Student 08/11/07
I sold my soul to rock and roll
An introductory guide to working for the industry
Liz Dodd
W
hen Fran, in that episode of Black Books
where she tries to learn the piano, vents
that ‘I must be musical, I’ve got loads
of CDs!’ I will confess to completely identifying
with the sentiment (except Guitar Hero, at which
I am some kind of incredible child-prodigy). So
if you’re passionate about music but don’t know
your crash cymbal from your cowbell, it’s worth
looking at some of the other paths the industry
has to offer.
Hannah Norbury (band manager, Dash Reflex,
and admittedly musical anyway) spent the majority of her Music BA doing just that: I caught up with
her in Oxford to get some tips for other students
trying to break into band management. ‘Your band
‘Chris Evans came to a
gig and took us out afterwards. We all got wasted on
cocktails’
is a product,’ she emphasises, ‘and you’ve got to be
completely unattached emotionally from the whole
thing in order to see it from a sceptical point of view.
You’ve got to be the bad guy as well as the good guy you have to fire people from the band as well as providing them with a great gig’.
If no one around you strikes you as the next
Radiohead and you can’t persuade your housemates to make the leap from Guitar Hero to, well,
the guitar, Hannah suggests setting up a MySpace
account and going it alone. ‘Put yourself on the
‘Band Management’ network. Go to small gigs and
Your band is a product,’ she
emphasises... you’ve got to
be completely unattached
emotionally
approach bands yourself’. Get your band gigging practice makes perfect, and that’s squashing your
four-piece into a gyp room to rehearse and playing
to a crowd. Contact promoters - see ‘The Unsigned
Guide’- and they’ll do the rest of it for you, although
they may demand you draw a crowd of a certain size.
More and the band make a profit; draw fewer and
you’ll have to cough up the difference - and when
you’re booking your gigs, always remember product
placement. If your band is a jazz fusion outfit, don’t,
however progressive it seems at the time, have them
come on moments after a grindcore set.
Meanwhile, promote mercilessly: ‘anything,’
Hannah advises. ‘One of the band members starting
a riot could get them noticed’ (think Pete Doherty,
then). Build a MySpace profile and add your friends,
Big Issue vendors, your DOS.... Use Facebook to announce gigs, flyer constantly, get listed in local press
and radio. Send out a demo to labels, PR agents and
Press. Keep refining your product – your band needs
The Muse roadshow; conceptualised by the roadie union Jer
an image, be that tortured shoegaze indie scenesters
or progressive ska-punk nu-metal. Get friends with
cameras to take pictures at gigs and aspiring journalists to write your blurb. Crucially, you’ve got to get
more contacts than you’ve had hot Gardies… one
leads to another, so talk to people at gigs and email
PR companies. Contacts are good for life.
‘Band management is a full time job,’ Hannah
warns, and it looks like it. But there are great moments cropping up between the hours spent spamming myspace and gigging to three people and a
cat. ‘We had a contact at Radio 2’, Hannah remem-
bers, ‘Chris Evans came to a gig and took us out afterwards. We all got wasted on cocktails’. Sounds
good?
Over 30 years ago the punk fanzine Sideburns featured diagrams of three chords, captioned ‘This is
a chord, this is another, this is a third. Now form a
band.’ If you’ve got the time and the passion, there’s
something to be said for that - even if your band
ends up vaporising faster than your student
loan. ‘You’re selling a product,’ Hannah points
out. ‘If you don’t believe in it, why should
anyone else care?’
Roundup: The Hoosiers and Grace
Q. What is a Hoosier? A. A native of the state of Indiana
A
The Hoosiers or the Borrowers? David Jones
nybody who, like me, spent the summer
listening to Radio 1 on the way to work will
have already heard several of the tracks on
The Hoosiers’ new album, The Trick To Life. You
may also, like me, have taken several months to
realise that you were hearing more than a single
Hoosiers track. But this isn’t because the tracks
are so musically varied, so intensely different, and
so bereft of similarity that you would never be able
to tell it was the same band behind them. Oh no.
The fact is, as far as my admittedly tone-deaf ears
could tell, they all sounded nearly identical. And
so it is with both good news and bad news that I
bring forward this handy, pocket-sized dissertation of the full album.The good news, as I’m sure
musical connoisseurs will be delighted to hear, is
that the album contains a good deal more variety than Radio 1 seemed willing to play. Indeed,
it seems that they hand-picked tracks which
sounded similar, while leaving the diversity for
the album release.
And this neatly brings us to the bad news. The
truth is, for all my desires over the long summer
months for a bit of change from The Hoosiers, I
think I preferred it when it all sounded the same.
I enjoyed hearing about a man getting concerned
about Ray. I found it difficult to enjoy the “deeper
darker edge” offered up here, and now realise that
all I ever wanted was exactly what I was given over
the summer – the same thing played over and over
with minor variations. That’s why we all listen to the
breakfast show; it’s why we go to lectures, and it’s
why I recommend this album. It may not have much
new, and it might fall over where it tries, but it has a
core of good, solid, musical triumph.
Some more fine music to consider is Detours, the
debut album from Grace. They have been dubbed
by their label as a band who “Everybody with even a
faint interest in music should soon be talking about”.
While I wouldn’t be quite as optimistic as that, it is
difficult to fault this offering. It is remarkably con-
sistent, and I didn’t feel the urge to skip any of the
tracks here.
Furthermore, it is excellent music to work to, and
I find it unlikely that I could have made the deadline
for this review had it not been for the gentle melodies it gave out. But don’t just take my word for it: if
you’re interested in a taster before buying the whole
album, they release Stand Still as a single on the 12th
of November.
Chris Llanwarne
This week @ Club Class BBC Radio 1Xtras Manny Norte!
Entry £3 before 11pm/ £4 After
MUSIC 35
08/11/07The Cambridge Student
Live: Shy Child and The Whip
We risk our dodgy backs and get down with the kids
Soul Tree
Shy Child/The Whip
1st -5th May (£6)
★★★☆☆
T
here’s a certain mystique attached to small
gigs, to the extent that one assumes a Pete
Doherty fan’s ideal show would consist
of just the gig-goer and his idol cramped into a
broom closet together writing poetry. Just as
bands on the rise move inexorably from the toilet
circuit right through to arena shows, the experienced rockshow poseur spends his life doing the
very opposite. It’s hard at times to classify what a
‘small’ gig is, particularly when your first concert
Reach out and steal the
drummer’s Red Stripe and
revel in your utter coolness
was at Wembley Arena. “Ooh, how intimate!” you
murmur excitedly as you brood into the Corn Exchange. “I’m so close to the stage!” you crow on
entry to the Junction. And on it goes until finally,
beautifully, you tap your indie feet into the Soul
Tree.
The Soul Tree as a gig venue is one of Cambridge’s
best-kept secrets, ideal for those who read about
stage invasions in rock band biographies and can’t
Album:
Angels and Airwaves
I-Empire
Geffen
I
f you can’t quote freely from
all of the Star Wars films, or
think it’s a bad idea, you
may find this review both unreadable and unthinkable. Let’s
for a moment suppose that you
can, and that you’ve also seen
the cover art of Angels and Airwaves’ second album “I-Empire”. “Never judge a book by
its cover” is a stagnant cliché
quite connect them to the reality of concert halls
with enormous barriers preventing access to even
the same air the headliners breathe. It’s deliciously
NME; reach out and steal the drummer’s Red Stripe
and revel in your utter coolness.
Arriving not long after 8pm I was dismayed
to find main support The Whip already halfway
through their set; doubling up as a nightclub is a lucrative business. Still, this was the highlight of my
Shoreditch-wannabe dreams: “Look, Hoxton hero,
there’s no barrier!”
Sadly one was installed for Shy Child after a storming rendition of “Trash” concluded The Whip’s set,
dashing the hopes of our prospective stage-invaders. Forty-five minutes later and still we awaited
our headliners: memories of newspaper articles
on Babyshambles no-shows flooded back, and our
hopes of at last having been at a cool gig resurfaced.
But – here they were – “DJ, gimme some more vocal!
DJ, gimme some trigger!” – is this an amusing start
to their first track? No, it’s how they actually speak.
A 14+ night ensured that the Soul Tree was unusually tame, although there was something sadistically satisfying about shoving fourteen-year-old
scenesters into circle pits: “Hahaha mate! Mate,
push me again mate!” Shy Child were decent if repetitive and outwardly ephemeral; it was the venue
that made the night. Better scheduling would have
seen the more interesting The Whip headline, but of
course Shy Child are from New York City, as they
reminded us only nine times between songs. Oh, so
much to learn. They’ll never live in Shoreditch.
Pierre Hyde
and I won’t bother to invoke it
here because, in this case, you
should judge this album by its
cover. Looking like one of the
Star Wars remakes was a bad
idea, and the fact that the new
album is essentially a mash up
of the bits of pop punk people
liked from Blink-182 and a hint
of 30 Seconds to Mars (bassist Matt Wachter) means Tom
DeLonge’s latest incarnation
demonstrates little that is particularly new, or particularly
interesting. As an illustration
as to the danger of alluding to
Star Wars, the rest of this review comprises an imaginary
dialogue between two illusory
figures: Handred “Hegemonius
Temple” Solo, completely nonaffiliated with I-Empire, and
the budding music reviewer,
Bobas.
So tell us about the new
album. First of all, Drew Struzan,
who’s worked with George Lucas
and Stephen Spielberg, did the
cover art.
Is that why it looks like it
should be a poster for a new
Star Wars film? S ort of. Drew
can tell a whole story with a few
brushstrokes.
How did you want this record
to progress? We wanted something exciting, stripped down,
and honest, but with the depth
of Pink Floyd. I think I-Empire
has achieved this, even if Kerrang
only gave us three stars.
What about the leak? Well,
all I can say about that is I hope
people will take 55 minutes out of
their day to listen to the album. As
Tom (DeLonge) says, being honest is, in the end, the only thing
that’s really cool.
Why does your website
have an excerpt from one of
Eisenhower’s speeches on it?
Ah, it’s poignant when he says
“my voice is coming to you from
a satellite circling in outer space...
Through this unique means I
can say to you and to all mankind, America’s wish for peace
on Earth”.
Matt Cottingham
Sly child would be a much better name; check out the veins on this one Akanakel
Singles Roundup:
Bloc Party,
Sean Kingston,
Kaiser Chiefs
W
e love being positive
in this section. We
are always going that
extra mile to give positive notices and to reward talent. People
ask us to stop being so damn
nice; they tell us that critics
are supposed to be critical. We
can’t help it. We love music.
We love people. We’re those
kind of guys. It is thus with a
heavy heart that I must report
that this week there is no single
of the week. I searched everywhere.* (*the BBC website) But
I just couldn’t find anything,
nor could I agree with their
talented pop-pickers. Jo Whiley
went for Hadouken!’s Leap of
Faith; Edith Bowman went with
The Twang’s Push the Ghost. I
went slowly mad.
It might be my fault that I have
no single of the week. I haven’t
been listening to a lot of music
this week because I have a new
dictionary. It’s very distracting.
I thought I knew the difference
between the words “flex” and
“flux.” But it’s a complex game
lexicography…
Flex. n. 1. To bend. 2. To move
by muscular control. 3. Halfassed Dizzee Rascal single.
Flux. n. 1. Constant or frequent
change. 2. The discharge of large
quantities of fluid material from
the body, especially the discharge
of watery faeces from the intestines. 3. Half-assed Bloc Party
single.
I’m not normally one to bang
on about equality and all that
jazz but it strikes me that something is very wrong in a world
where Britney gets pillared for a
potbelly and yet Sean Kingston
can be a pop star. He’s positively
rotund. His new single Me Love
may be as execrable as Beautiful
Girls but at least he has been kept
from “sampling” (murdering)
another soul classic.
And now we move on to that
segment of the singles round-up
that I like to call “What Blur song
does the new Kaiser Chiefs’ single
sound like?” The single is Love’s
Not A Competition (But I’m
Winning) (cringe) and the answer
is Coffee and TV. Surprisingly the
single is relatively inoffensive. No
synth, no silly chorus, so it won’t
sell many. But you can put it on
in the background and almost
forget it’s on save occasional tuning into Ricky Wilson’s bad singing and horrible lyrics. A definite
improvement.
James Garner
We have high hopes
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No wonder CHP ranked among The Sunday Times’ Best Small
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SPORT 37
08/11/07The Cambridge Student
Penthathletes take on Sealions
Solid individual performances at the start of the season
Cat Wilson
Last Saturday five pentathletes
headed to deepest Croyden to
compete in the Sealions modern
pentathlon and tetrathlon competition. Organised by Kate Allenby, who won a bronze medal
for modern pentathlon at the
Sydney Olympics, and assisted by
her new baby, it was held at Whitgift school.
This is the first external competition which members of our club
have competed in this season, the
standard of competitors range
from those who are training compulsively with an aim to compete
at the 2012 Olympics, who are
much younger than us students
and manage to outclass everyone by miles, to those for whom
modern pentathlon is a well enjoyed (but seriously trained for)
university level sport.
The competition kicked off with
the ride at Manor Farm in South
Croyden. The riding format of
modern pentathlon is different
from that of any other competition. An unknown horse is drawn
for the competitor and after a period of 15 minutes to warm it up
with four practise jumps, the pair
enter the ring. The course can be
up to 1.20m in height for the student age group, and will include a
double and a triple. Riding abilities generally vary between those
who came to pentathlon from a
Pony Club background to those
who had never sat on a horse in
their life before they took up the
sport.
The first to ride from
Cambridge was Emma KenneyHerbert who is a member of last
year’s varsity riding team. After
a solid round with a couple of
runouts, Lucy Greenwood was
drawn to ride the same horse
and her experience coupled with
Emma’s helpful advice enabled
her to produce a clear round.
Helen Randell rode next to produce another well executed clear.
Edd Moffett, also did exceptionally well to win the trophy for the
best ride in the men’s section with
a stylish clear round.
Onwards to the fencing phase,
where we fought hard against
their opponents. In this phase of
the Sealions competition there is
no division between age groups,
so you could end up aiming to hit
from a seven or eight year old, and
prevent tears at the same time.
However, as everybody com-
Editor-in-Chief
petes against everyone else the
competition is fairly graded. The
Cambridge team did well, with
Nick England recording a score
of 964 with 17 victories and only
9 defeats to take the lead in the
open mens’ competition, while
Edd Moffett scored 1036 points
in the junior mens’ category.
The shoot was unusually the
last event of the day, and weary
arms found some new strength
to muster up some impressive
scores, with a personal best for
Helen Randell, and good solid
scores for the other members of
the team.
First off for the following
day was the swim. With Nick
England, Emma Kenney- Herbert
and Lucy Greenwood swimming
side by side in their heat it turned
into a closely fought battle with
all three finishing together within
three seconds and helping Lucy
Greenwood to achieve a personal
best score of just under three
minutes, even whilst nursing a
back injury. Helen Randell and
Edd Moffett also managed to improve their former personal best
times quite substantially.
The run took place in the school
grounds and incorporated a hill
the likes of which we don’t often
Deputy Editor
see in Cambridgeshire. In this
final event everybody ran their
best across the board and some
of the fastest times yet this season
were produced. We ended the
competition on a well deserved
high note for all the Cambridge
athletes.
The prize giving ceremony
News Editor
brought deserved rewards for our
Cambridge team. Edd Moffett
earned a beautiful trophy as the
best Junior male rider, coming
second his category of the competition overall. Lucy Greenwood,
who missed the run due to her injury, still managed to achieve second place in the Junior Ladies’
Sports Editor
category with Helen Randell at
her first full external pentathlon
coming in third. Emma KenneyHerbert took fourth place in the
open ladies section and Nick
England was the proud winner of
the Open Mens’ Tetrathlon competition. A very successful start to
the season!
Photo Editor
Put yourself in the Picture
www.tcs.cam.ac.uk/apply
Film Editor
Photographer
Illustrator
Features Editor
Theatre Editor
38 SPORT
The Cambridge Student 08/11/07
RESULTS
MeN’s DIVIsION 1
team
SPORTS SPOTLIGHT
RUGbY
Pl
W
D
l
F
a
Pts
Jesus
5
3
4
1
175
17
17
st John’s
4
2
4
0
71
13
16
Magdalene
5
1
2
2
32
86
12
Girton
5
1
1
4
111
109
8
Downing
4
0
1
2
50
74
8
Homerton
3
0
0
3
15
155
3
MeN’s DIVIsION 2
Pl
W
D
l
F
a
Pts
trinity Hall
team
4
3
1
0
88
46
14
st Catharaine’s
3
3
0
0
90
15
12
trinity
3
2
0
1
77
35
9
Peterhouse
3
1
1
1
57
39
7
Caius
4
0
0
4
24
148
4
Pembroke
3
0
0
3
34
87
3
Leo Parts is captain of the cambridge university basketball
team.
Explain a little about basketball.
Basketball is the among the
most popular sports in the world
- the international basketball association
has more members
than the United
Nations! The
game is played by
2 teams of 5 active
players who try to
score points against
each other by throwing a ball through a hoop. It is
a fast-paced contact sport that
requires speed, coordination,
and teamwork. At Cambridge,
basketball is recognized as a full
Blue sport.
basketball
How did you first become involved and what attracted you
to basketball?
I started playing basketball at
the age of 8 - just because there
was no practices for younger
kids. I’m from Estonia, and it
was the number 1 sport there by
far, thanks to a long tradition of
good players. I’ve had a hoop in
my yard and a ball in my hands
for as long as I can remember.
How long have you been playing for? And did you play at
all before you came to Cambridge?
I have played basketball for 18
years with different town,
county, and university
teams.
What is the best
thing or the best moment you’ve had playing your sport?
Basketball is a team
sport. Tournament victories, close games, and last second game-winning shots are
nice and memorable, but my favourite times have been spent in
practice and travelling with the
team.
How can others get involved?
We have 2 University teams that
play in the BUSA league. If you
believe that you can compete for
a spot, let us know! For the student community, we run a college league with 20 teams in 2
divisions - talk to your college
team captain if you’d like to play.
Finally, we play recreational basketball outside of season, and
have a mailing list for people
who would like to join us.
Email [email protected] or
www.cubbc.org.uk for more information on any of these.
Hare and Hounds prepare for
next months’ varsity match
James Kelly
On a mild November afternoon, the Hare & Hounds travelled south for the Mob Match
and renewed acquaintances with
Thames Hare & Hounds, the
country’s oldest cross-country
club, and the historic Wimbledon
Common, venue for next month’s
first team Varsity Match.
In the absence of a scoring
Thames team, the 4-mile women’s race became an intra-team
competition for Cambridge.
Laura Spence (Wolfson) who
best parlayed her experience over
the course into success, emerging
first from the muddy hills to win
in 24:23.
Spence’s well-judged, wellpaced effort brought her home
with clear ground back to defending Varsity Match Champion
Polly Keen (New Hall), second
placed this time in 25:08. Third
place was claimed by guest runner Claire Day (25:43), last year’s
Club Captain, after a thrilling battle with promising fresher Stella
Deakin (Girton, 25:48).
Thames were able to
assemble a team for the 7.5-mile
men’s race, but failed to provide
much competition for the contingent from Cambridge.
Within the first mile of the race
a pack of three, consisting of defending Varsity Match Champion
Paolo Natali (Christ’s), James
Toga Party November 11th
10pm - 2:30am
£4 Students
Email [email protected] 4 Q Jump!
Hare and Hounds men comfortably stride ahead Chris Morris
Kelly (Jesus) and guest Glen
Watts, had established a lead at
the head of the field. The trio ultimately became a pair as Natali
and Kelly stretched clear over
the second half of the run, easing
through to the top two places.
Natali repeated his win of last
year, crossing the line in 38:09
and ahead of Kelly (38:19). Watts
(38:57) ultimately maintained
position for third place.
Attention now turns to
Cuppers at Wandlebury on 17
November, with the first pieces of
silverware for the season available
to be claimed. College League results to date point to a competitive race as the club will enjoy its
final tuneup before Varsity.
SPORT 39
08/11/07 The Cambridge Student
Caius are left scrmbling as John’s slot yet another one in Matt Doughty
A goal fest at Catz pitches
Defensive errors allow John’s to slice through Caius’ defence
FINAL RESULT
St John’s
Caius
7
2
Anya Perry
The cold chill of winter could
really be felt on the blustery
Wednesday afternoon that found
St Johns College hockey team
stepping up to take on Caius at St
Catz astro.
Johns showed encouraging
form after mixed start to the season, with Caius not really ever
finding their rhythm.
St Johns, after an interesting
start to the season, winning their
first match 2-1 against Cambridge
city, then losing to Corpus and
managing a 3-3 draw with Jesus,
were hoping for a good win
against Caius, and were granted
it convincingly. Caius were only
able to start with ten men, which
gave Johns an advantage from
the start. It didn’t however prevent Caius from putting up a
good fight.
After a Caius push-back to
start the game, Johns’ central
defender Pete Mackenny skilfully disowned the Caius attacker
quickly pushing the ball through
to the midfield as a positive Johns
start that would echo the offensive play of the first half. The reds
were quick to clear any attacking
play from Caius and were never
camped too deeply within their
own half. Johns midfield maintained a quick moving game, as
Caius with one player less in the
centre struggled to keep up to
pace. Dominating their opponents throughout the first half,
captain Jack Yelland shot Johns
ahead in the 8th minute; a powerful run down the right wing left
him free of opponents, and with
just the keeper to dodge he fired
the ball into the Caius goal. It was
to be the first of many. Caius continued to push forward with enthusiasm but could never quite
find the way past the last Johns
defender.
Throughout the first half they
barely had a shot on goal. Twenty
minutes in to the half, swift passing from Johns midfield left Caius
yet again a step behind. As Johns
cleverly switched play in order to
exploit the space out on the far
right, Matt Richardson found
himself unmarked at the top of
the D with time to unleash an
unstoppable shot into the back
netting. Less than a minute later
a wayward ball rescued by the
Johns midfield in their own half
was played to Jack Welland who
fired a powerful shot across goal
from the far right hand corner of
the pitch which flied into the back
of the net, courtesy of fresher
Jamie Innes.
Caius seemed to lose pace and
hope towards the end of the first
half as Weiland once again dispossessed the midfield and took
on the goal himself, comfortably making the scoreline 4-0. The
more ambitious Johns defence
started to push further up the
pitch, leaving Caius more room
to play with, yet unable to exploit
this, the ball was once again manipulated with agility through the
Johns midfield leaving Martin
MacQuarrie open to score a fifth,
minutes before half time.
Caius, now with 11 men, started
the second half positively, yet
within minutes Johns had again
managed to find the back of their
net, dispelling any hope that this
half would be different. It seemed
that every time Caius started to
get back into the game, Johns
would score another, as happened with Matt Richardson’s
third goal, as he was once again
left undefended.
Caius did manage to scrabble a
goal back as a good save from the
Johns keeper six yards off his line
wasn’t cleared quite far enough to
keep it out of his net, with Damon
Fitzgerald on hand to take quick
advantage of the situation.
Moments later at the other end of
the pitch, another clear chance on
goal forced a clearance from the
line from a Caius defender, proving Johns were not finished yet.
Unstoppable Johns midfielder Theo Birks also managed
to clinch a goal, as he dribbled
through the midfield and drove
another ball home from the edge
of the 16 yard box.
Caius fought on despite being
held prominently in their own
half, which paid off with 11 minutes to go. A long ball cut open
the Johns defence and allowed
Caius to claim a second goal from
scorer Phil Bao. Johns were lucky
in the closing minutes of the
game not to concede another as
their keeper was left two on one,
with the defence arriving seconds
behind the Caius attackers. Johns
understandably took their foot
off the gas during the second half,
but nevertheless managed to hold
Caius to a convincing win.
Solid defensive play denies Caius possession Matt Doughty
SPORT 40
08/11/07 The Cambridge Student
John’s see off battling Magdalene
Winning streak continues despite Magdalene pushing hard
melody and rhythm.
But the landlords did strike
again. By the 65th minute
the John’s number 10, Aaron
Sonenfeld, had made various
marauding runs deep into opposition territory and eventually
a penalty try was awarded and
converted. John’s marginally superior fitness began to manifest
itself as Magdalene were compelled, for the first time, to spend
protracted periods of time in
their own half. More smart interplay allowed an opening wide on
the left and Efeotor (who according to the captain Will Mayne enjoyed his “best performance of
the season”) completed his hatrick. The icing on the arguably
flattering score-line was delivered by Sonenfeld, who capped
off a fine individual second half
display when he converted again
to make it 24-0.
Nonetheless, despite the late
pressure Magdalene continued
to show the reasons they had
been promoted and fought hard
to keep a seemingly re-energised
Johnian outfit from scoring again.
Eventually the referee’s whistle put paid to proceedings, and
Mayne - the victorious captain admitted afterwards that the first
half display was “mediocre”. He
went on to say that “building on
our (second half) consistency”
would be the key to game against
Jesus next week.
On the other hand Matt Tighe,
despite the defeat, described his
injury-ravaged side’s performance as “magnificent” and one
which, if replicated, would be certain to keepMagdalene in the top
division. Despite the defeat,
the fans, who rewarded their
team with a ovation, were
more than satisfied with
the persistence and
resolve shown by
every one of
the players.
FINAL RESULT
St John’s
24
Magdalene 0
Ali Jaffer
Last Tuesday afternoon, St
John’s and Magdalene put on an
engaging display of rugby (tinged
with more than a hint of local rivalry) in front of an expectant
and boisterous crowd at John’s
pitches.
Smarting from their heavy defeat by Jesus last week, Magdalene
knew they had to be solid at the
back to keep John’s at bay and,
for the vast majority of the game,
solid they were. The league leaders John’s began brightly, in
search of an early breakthrough;
as early as the 6th minute Tom
Stanton escaped the clutches of
the Magdalene tackles only for
the referee to have judged that
the John’s man had stepped out
of play.
This seemed to spur Matt Tighe
and his players on and immediately afterwards Magdalene came
into their own as they pushed the
strong John’s pack further and
further back. Whilst the John’s
rugby team are renowned for
the strength of their forwards, it
was a combination of successful mauls and last ditch tackling
from the backs that essentially
kept Magdalene from scoring in
the early part of the opening half.
On 21 minutes and against the
run of play, Ovuefe Efeotor managed to force his way through to
score in the corner and give John’s
the advantage. To say the (unconverted) try caused the game to
swing back in favour of the reds
of John’s would be to stretch the
truth, as all it did was to spur the
Magdalene team on further.
A series of successful line outs
re-established Magdalene’s general territorial advantage and
Magdalene
were helpless
to prevent the
winger from
touching down
as such the centres were able to
spread the play wide and essentially dominate the remainder of
the half. Desperate tackling from
the John’s backs enabled them to
go into the break with the single
score lead.
Understandably, despite the
John’s take down Magdalene Rob Golding
score-line, John’s were far less
pleased with their first half display than their opponents and
this was more than evident from
the respective half-time discussions that took place. Even the
John’s faithful would have admitted that they had been a little fortunate to go in five points
to the good.
The second half began as
the first half had ended with
Magdalene- both supporters and
players growing in confidence.
This was exemplified by one scintillating tackle by Matt Jago in the
centre of the field, which buoyed
the Magdalene enthusiasts on the
sidelines. John’s seemed content
to sit back, defend and wait to
strike on the counter-attack.
However, pleasingly for those
clad in red, the tactic proved effective. After first defending
strongly again, then executing
an undeniably useful ruck, followed by some swift interplay
among the backline John’s created the decisive opportunity.
They subsequently, showed why
they were the reigning champions; they completed the move by
spreading the ball wide with such
efficacy and speed that the brave
Magdalene were helpless to prevent the powerful winger, Efeotor
from touching down again in the
55th minute.
Finally the John’s contingent
burst into life at the second try and
the communal repartee on the
sidelines took on a new dimension as the match itself fell into a
lull. Despite their team trailing,
the Magdalene crowd who had
assembled in impressive numbers were not in any way anxious and burst into a chorus
of “I’d rather be at Oxford
than at John’s”. Despite
hearing it ad infinitum, they
seemed rather provoked by
the whole scenario and broke
into their own riposte of “I’d
rather be a landlord than a
tenant” which lacked in both